#SIMPLY because it’s tumblr and sometimes people are very passionate in their stances

[bioswear]

I’ll say it once: I think Israel needs to fuck off, Palestine should be free, America needs to stop sticking its dick where it doesn’t belong

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

So here’s a thing that happened, tumblr.

Many moons ago, I was in the Neuro ICU for a while. I was actually in there twice--for a week at first, then out, then in again for about two weeks. In between: “Nothing’s wrong! It’s resolved!” As you might imagine, given the spoiler there about how I went to the Neuro ICU twice: in fact, Something was wrong, and it was not resolved (then).

(it is resolved now, thank you)

This post is not actually ABOUT that, but we must start there, out of order.

This is a post about art and rivers and boys in cars. But we start in the Neuro ICU.

I don’t like talking about this time in my life. I would have been skittish and mysterious ANYWAY--I was raised like that--but I’m extra skittish and vague about my timeline because I don’t want to talk about it, you know? I survived something I had no business surviving. I had to relearn how to walk. That took months and that was the easy part. Because I am a big tiddy goth girl, and because I was very young then, people love to assume that the problem was drugs, and I did it to myself, as if that somehow makes anything less tragic.

I was 23 years old with a brain bleed due to a congenital defect, and even at the time, I had to defend myself: no, I’m not on drugs, I don’t do drugs, I didn’t do coke, I’ve never done coke.

I am also Colombian, which, I suppose, might play into their calculus about the coke, but WHO KNOWS. I was busy gibbering and almost dying at the time, which left little energy for noticing potential microaggressions.

Is it a microaggression, I guess, when you’re dying? Who knows.

I have never even been drunk, tumblr. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t snort. I never have. This is mostly because I’m a paranoid loon with an off again, on again anorexia, ya know, thing, so occasionally I get really hung up on irrational concepts of bodily purity. People think it’s a flex when I try to explain this, that I’m relishing in some kind of moral superiority. I’m not. I admitting to SEVERAL defects (“quirks”) of personality there. The eating disorder. The deep distrust: I will not be vulnerable in the presence of others, I will not dull my senses, I will not allow myself to be weak. A certain perfectionism. A certain tendency towards slow burn self harm. Grand ideas made of nothing that sometimes take hold.

My point is that this big disruptive thing happened.

I survived, which is AWESOME. And yeah, I had to relearn how to walk, and some other things, but you guys know that I do yoga and aerial silks and lyra and ran off to Thailand to train kickboxing for a summer on fighter street and I STILL do not shut the fuck up about it.

So, cool, cool cool cool cool.

And I don’t even want to talk about that part, the medical drama, the body horror, the institutional whatever. My neurosurgeon was fantastic and like a week after my discharge I was high as SHIT on prescribed painkillers my caregivers insisted I take and wrote him a gushing effusive letter about how he was MY HERO because I was ALIVE and anyway that basically makes you BATMAN, DOCTOR LEWIS, I FUCKING LOVE BATMAN.

Again: high as fuck, ok.

 My point is: I hate talking about this.

Because once you’re a survivor in people’s minds, that’s all you are. You are reduced to this one event that had very little to do with you. You are defined by this thing that happened to you.

And this isn’t even the weirdest thing that’s happened TO me! But still. Happened TO me. Not something I did. Not my action. Barely even my reaction.

But again, personality flaws. What does it say about me that I look at social norms about comfort and inwardly I snarl that I want no one’s pity?

Except I’m not actually that mean. I don’t snarl.

I just withdraw.

This is a tactic that has served me well in life a BUNCH of times. Is it always the answer? No. Is it often worth a shot? Listen. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Sometimes you flee an abusive home life because that’s the only option, and you don’t want to die. Hypothetically speaking: sometimes all you can do is run.

But sometimes you flee people with mostly good intentions, maybe.

This is all very high minded but what’s prompting me to write this isn’t exactly the upcoming (many year) anniversary of the event. It’s something way more mundane and dumb.

I have not logged into my facebook account since this happened. I never bothered deleting the account(s), either. I presume they still exist. I have no idea HOW to log back onto them, and, more importantly, no desire.

“So what?”

So, okay, back when I had my first stint in the Neuro ICU? Like, totally out of nowhere, I just disappeared from people’s feeds. (you all know I do this) Somehow part of the story got out and SOMEHOW, I have no idea how, a small group of my friends managed to independently track down the hospital I was at. And this is on next to no info, across state lines, like--I have no idea how the fuck they did it.

I also don’t fucking know who they were.

I was told, at the time. I have a vague idea of who two out of (I think) four were, or might have been. I was kind of busy at the time, with the dying.

And when I say I don’t like talking about this time: I don’t like even THINKING about it. I avoid it.

Fleeing. See?

So I don’t have a memory of the names. I don’t have memories of the memory.

“So what?”

So, I know from groups other than this one, groups less dedicated than this one, that people actually get REALLY fucking mad at you for not accepting their get better soon wishes. And like, I get it! You were very worried and I did nothing to reassure you.

I WAS BUSY.

I was busy dying. Almost dying. Not dying. I was busy sleeping 20 hrs a day. I was busy being unable to walk. I was busy re-learning to walk. I was busy relearning how to write with pen and paper and for months I COULD NOT DO IT, do you have any idea how that feels to someone who is and has always been and has always wanted to be a writer? Fuck it. Fuck you.

The initial disappearance. I am not to blame.

But then doing nothing to reach out to anybody for YEARS and YEARS--

Okay, maybe a dick move on my part.

“So what?”

So I think one of the people who managed to track me down in the hospital was my best friend from high school, a terribly sweet Brazilian boy who mostly called me not by my name, but simply: The Devil.

I dig it. Always did.

And it’s high school, right. Everybody is thirsty as fuck for their friends, one way or another. We never dated--we were both always dating or pursuing other people--but we had the typical high school bestie unresolved romantic tension deal going on.

This is important so remember it for later: the problem was not attraction. The problem was not one sided unresolved sexual tension. I had a particular thing for how he looked while driving, shades on, one arm slung over the wheel in that terribly and typically male lounging driving pose that’s probably a safety hazard.

We spent a lot of time in his car.

I didn’t drive, at the time, because my mother didn’t allow me to learn, and I got kicked out of my house and disowned when I was 17. This dude spent a LOT of time driving me places. Boys in cars is practically a genre of erotic poetry, thanks to Richard Siken. This is because boys look Cool driving cars, wearing sunglasses, pretending they’re not paying attention to you while you know they are.

So he was fun.

More importantly, I guess, the fact that he picked my ass up at like 6 AM over and over and over again for a big chunk of my senior year is one of the few reasons I managed to graduate despite being technically homeless.

He was not a morning person. I am not a morning person. He did it anyway.

Why didn’t we date, I wondered, years later, for a fraction of a second, and then I forgot about it.

“SO WHAT?!”

So I’m grown up and happy and fulfilled and in a lovely long term relationship (remember! we’re buying a house!), so it’s not about “what if?” It’s that I’m happy and grown up and I write books sometimes.

But there it is.

I write books sometimes.

Artists are constantly stealing ideas from everywhere and this is good. Artists also steal from themselves, grubby little hands on secret parts of our hearts.

So I’m writing this book, right. My Great Work. My Break Out Novel. My SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS book. My “this is the thing I’ve worked the hardest on in my whole entire LIFE” book.

And in this book there is a male love interest. He is a political statement. I’m writing him as sexy and heroic as possible. I want this to be the MOST attractive man I’ve ever written.

Latino. Sexy as fuck. Not a criminal. Overly responsible. Action ready, and terribly nurturing.

Hot Single Dad and Reluctant Necromancer is my masterpiece. A passionate statement and stance against the depiction of Latino men in media. A war cry to examine our own subconscious biases. A weapon raised against an unjust system.

I stole parts of him from Frank Castle. I stole parts of him from Geralt. I stole (MANY) parts of him from this one IRL hot dad former Army Ranger guy, Mexican American with a tattoo on his arm of a jack o lantern one of his kids drew. I stole parts of him from this cute Marine in my DMs who gave me story advice about guns and gear. I stole parts of him from indigenous leaders from centuries ago, from the peoples he is descended from. I stole parts of him from every man I’ve met who worked in dog rescue. I stole parts of him from myself, hiding secret parts of my heart in the male character so that no one will know.

Lovely. All good so far.

I got like two whole drafts in before I was thumbing through some printed out pages, idly thinking: how funny that I don’t have any real life, personal to me models for this guy.

All my prior male love interests, you see, are based on someone. In the werewolf trilogy, they’re BOTH based on someone--different someones. The villain, too, is jokingly referred to as the “evil werewolf ex boyfriend” for a reason.

Everybody is someone.

So how funny, I thought, that necromancer hot dad lacks any references from my own--

OH, wait, fuck--

Overly responsible brown dude with sad dog eyes drives the female lead/occult specialist around while good naturedly complaining that she’s weird as shit.

Oh, damn.

And suddenly a bunch of teensy little backstory details made sense.

Cool.

“So what?”

Bonus round of self realization: my own understanding of this time in my life radically shifted, turning, lurching, sickly rotating on a new axis.

Why didn’t we date?

Somewhere between then and now, post ICU but pre novel writing time--

This one time I overheard somebody talking to somebody else and it had nothing to do with me but sight unseen, on the other side of the stacks in a used bookstore, one dude said to another: “you know that if you were lighter, you’d have a chance with her, right?”

How terrible, I thought, and I forgot about it.

Why didn’t we date?

Because my mother told me, when I was very young, that boys from Brazil were all very wild, and I should avoid them. And she told me this so early and so plainly that I never thought to question it. When I was older she took harder stances that I easily ignored because I knew they were wrong--don’t you dare bring a black boy into this house. You’re dating a Jew? I can’t believe you did this to me. What are you going to do next, kiss a girl?

WELL, Ma, as it turns out, I mean, not til college, but yes.

But the smaller, more mild statement was so much more insidious.

I wonder if he knew. I don’t think he did. I wonder if he figured it out later. I have no idea, because we were friends when we were still essentially children, and now we are grown. Not everybody thinks about this kind of thing, and I don’t blame them.

How much damage did I do?

Does it matter?

Does he know?

I know.

I know, now, that my rallying cry against a system’s unfairness is also a cry wrenched wetly from my own subconscious depths. YOUR biases against? Yes. But more accurately: my biases against.

“So what?”

So this kind of epiphany shit leaves you breathless about it and you wanna scream. You wanna SHARE it. You must infect others with this knowledge.

But you can’t out of nowhere foist this apology on someone. That’s selfish. That’s about redeeming yourself in your own eyes AND asking someone else to confront unpleasant emotions on your behalf, even though they’re the wronged party. Selfish. Tell me I’m not a bad person, baby. Tell me I never hurt you, not even a little. Forgive me if I did. Wade through this pile of astral shit for me just to make me feel better. Reassure me. Hurt yourself for me in the here and now.

So I’m not going to do that, obviously.

“So what?”

But there’s that other part of it, right? Not the apology. The surge of emotion. The realization that all those morning drives back then added up to something deep within me, something so foundational to my concept of care and maybe even the start of something like love--the knowledge that this person gently carved some ideals for you, so long ago, so subtly that you never questioned it, never even realized, because it felt so natural, because something about it is so inherently good and right.

Despite everything--despite society, propaganda, colonialism, the prejudice of my upbringing, my own unexamined complicity, ALL of it--

Despite everything, this person taught me something so deeply about love and the shape of it, something so foundational that I built all my art on it and didn’t even see the beams of it until halfway through my most ambitious and soul bearing undertaking.

This is how you care for another, went the lesson, and I wrote pragmatic actions over words romantic male leads all the way down.

This is what love might look like, and in my own life, ever ambitious, I chose a poet talented with words and actions and good fight choreography, because I think that’s sexy and dichotomies are mostly bullshit, or at least things that happen to other people.

But I didn’t learn what love looked like from my childhood home life, obviously. How could I?

Without you, though, without you and your mirror sunglasses at 6 AM and your exasperated teasing, devil, witch, bruja, without any of those, where would I have learned? How long would it take me, to find someone who would teach me a wholesome lesson?

I’m small and cute and predators love a victim with a lack of context. I give myself and my wit some credit, but what’s pattern recognition worth if you never get any good data points?

Deep lessons.

Again: this kind of epiphany makes you wanna scream. Who to infect, with all this new knowledge?

Maybe no one. Probably no one.

But maybe, just a little, you wonder--

How would that conversation even go?

Hey, so I wrote this book--no, it’s my fifth, not my first, but thanks--so I wrote this book, and there’s this character, right, and he’s--well, hahah, I mean, he’s not exactly--I just--funny story, really--no, god, no, you don’t have to read it--it’s just--he’s just--I mean, no, you, you’re just--forget it, actually, just--

Like, what the fuck is there to say?

“I couldn’t have written this without you.”

And

“Did you check on me? When you thought I was dead?”

and

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice, at the time, that I meant anything to you.”

or is it really

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize until now that you meant something to me.”

What to do with all this emotion? Or more accurately--like rivers carve out gorges, here is the shape of something that once was. This shape will always be here. Even without a single drop of water ever again: we see the river.

What to do with the shape of all this emotion?

I consult the great Richard Siken via a feat of bibliomancy. Advise me, O Oracle. The oracle is War of the Foxes (2015), turned over blindly in my hands, opened randomly to The Worm King’s Lullaby, pg 45, verse 1:

The holes in this story are not lamps, they are not wheels. I walked and walked, grew a beard so I could drag it in the dirt, into a forest that wasn’t there. I want to give you more but not everything. You don’t need everything.

This advice is too good. I close the book.

The advice does not tell me what to do, but it’s too good. The verse reaches into my chest and carves out my heart, slices it open. Inside my heart: pomegranate seeds. Tiny jewels, fit for a dragon, snacking on garnets and rubies, and the apple of Eden wasn’t an apple, because it was the desert, wasn’t it? It was a pomegranate. Something with scales, maybe snakes. The serpent, the devil.

What to do with all this love?

I swallow the pomegranate seeds. I buy myself some time. I want to give you more, but not everything. Do you need everything? I don’t know. I don’t have it to give to you, in any case. Does it matter?

Why are you doing this, me?

Because art is messy. Art is cutting yourself open over and over again. You clean up most of the mess, try to bottle the fluids and label them nicely or deliberately misleadingly, fit for someone else’s consumption, but either way, you’re bleeding.

Maybe this urge is bleed with me or maybe it is oh, you already did.

I swallow the seeds. I buy some time.

I’m not done yet. I’m not.

Maybe all this adds up to nothing.

Maybe if I do this right, it adds up to a lot.

Maybe if I do this right it will feel real, maybe what I want is to gift the shape of these rivers to somebody else, all emotionally intimately with strangers. This is a shape that love can be. This is a silhouette you may recognize.

Maybe that’s a tribute, or a tributary.

But it’s not about you, not really, so don’t get too big headed about it. This is about Art and something like Justice. Big things. This is a book about big things, about history and dogs, history and gods, crimes and lies, slaughter and slander.

Right, yeah.

An act of faith, an act of will.

I swallow the pomegranate seeds. I buy myself some time.

It’s not harvest season yet. Not yet, not now, not yet.

If not now, then when?

When it’s ready.

There is no ready. Perfection is an illusion.

Yeah, sure, but page count is REAL.

You’re evading. That’s another word for fleeing. Do you know that?

Yes. I do.

How long will you run?

Just a little bit more. Just a little. I promise.

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

Rationalism: Pros & Cons

I’ve been toying with both adding “rationalist adjacent” to my Tumblr bio, and attending an IRL meeting – but I’m feeling very two-minded. The pros are so powerful and important – but so are the cons, and I’d venture to say the cons are actually worse.

I think it would be good to come up with a new label for a certain sort of Rationalism. The diaspora is very big, and like many social movements, has a lot of different splinters. I’d like to use a new term for “the bit of the diaspora I like”, because there is so much here I don’t want to be associated with. And so much I do.

I really like what Rationalism means on Tumblr, and how I understand it from participating here. We could call it Handmedown Rationalism, 2nd Generation Rationalism, or maybe there is a term for it that I've not encountered. Maybe the term is "Tumblr Rationalism", although I am not positive that using "Tumblr" as a prefix will communicate kindness and gentility well. "Kelseyan Rationalism", perhaps.

You get a radically different vision of what Rationalism means depending on...

You mostly read EY and Less Wrong

You mostly read r/ssc

You mostly read theunitofcaring

You actually live in San Francisco, and these people are in your social structure, not merely your news feed

It's very important to me to communicate "I believe in a kinder world, and want to be part of making it happen". Rather than "statistically, white people are better, and consent isn't evolutionarily sound" or "The biggest issue of our time is a hypothetical technology's hypothetical behaviour, and if you don't sign your children up for cryogenic freezing you are a lousy parent".

I've been researching and reading for months now, and I don't think I can use the term because there's such an huge iceberg of esoteric ideas below the surface, and too many of them are silly, terrifying or wrong. But I think most people who've encountered Rationalism through Tumblr are in a similar place about what they want to communicate when they say "Rationalist", and what they think "Rationalist" means - or want it to mean.

Is there another word? Can we make one?

Under the cut, long post of my “pros and cons” of adopting the label…

Nice things about Rationalism

1) Discourse norms which make me feel comfortable and supported to participate in discussions. The only people I feel entirely safe around on Tumblr. Both: people I always feel safe commenting on or reblogging, and people who rarely if ever put distressing content or behaviour in my newsfeed. The sorts of complex conversations and big ideas Social Justice promised - but no one is yelling at me or weaponising social shame.

2) Evidence-based reasoning, and a call to be open criticism, change your mind, listen to those you disagree with, and back up your positions.

3) Optimism that we can change the world – much needed, in the face of cynicism and apathy. Beautiful traditions like celebrating the eradiction of smallpox.

4) Social structures offering alternatives to the traditional role of religion: whenever core Rationalist bloggers write about their lives, I am deeply envious. Co-living, people who are united by shared values and vision, social norms favouring neuro-atypical people, etc. I would like this in my life.

5) I really like the idea of stepping away from the “Culture War”, because it generates “much heat but no light”. There’s an important kernel of truth there, about focusing on facts and productive work over clickbait and quick wins.

6) Some of their low-level issues are salient for me. This includes – attempting to have a more generous approach to men as a group, a general fear of Social Justice norms, and a belief in experimental self-care/improvement regimens.

7) I really grok Rationalists. I'm on the same wavelength. They're people I want to spend time with. Rationalism makes people happy and gives them purpose; that's always a good.

I think most tumblr people who use rationalist/rationalist adjacent are primarily communicating 1 & 7. They have discomfort with social justice norms: they want the discussion, politics and tolerance, without the shouting and death threats. And they intuitively see Rationalists and think "ah! my people!"

Unsettling things about Rationalism

Pretty much everything in this category boils down to “it is most rational to act effectively to achieve a stated goal. Too many Rationalist community tropes encourage extremely inefficient approaches.”

1) Missing the wood for the trees. Or focusing so hard on the wood you walk into a tree.

Like: politely playing footsie with fascists. There is such thing as too much civility. It’s good to be open minded and question your assumptions – but life is short. I’m OK with calling scientific racism a settled conversation so we can move on to something more important and productive. Like: a lot of the background noise about women, relationships, and consent. Sometimes things can’t be explained from a pure rational stance, and it’s uncomfortable to watch people try. How comfortable am I being associated with a group which includes Robin Hanson…? His writings about rape are - simply awful.

I do not for one moment wish to be mistaken for a person who agrees with those articles, or believes racism deserves a fair hearing when repackaged to sound sciency.

Every group is like this, right? But it's an odds game. I'm OK with identifying as a feminist, because I know our fringe crazies are safely on the fringe and small in number. With Rationalism...the fringe is putting the best ideas into practice effectively, while the core writings and influential figures are so far out the Overton Window they've actually hit the ground and started walking.

2) There’s nothing more stupid than a man who believes he is very clever.

“My idea is more logical than yours” functions a bit like “I’m more oppressed than you” in Social Justice spaces. If the space holds the value that “the most logical argument is king” or “the most oppressed person is prioritised”, then you don’t actually get rational debate or equality. You get a stick everyone tries to use to get ahead. Too many people presenting themselves as clever, not enough actual humility or uncertainty. When more status is granted for Writing Clever Worldbreaking Things, it encourages overconfident pseudoscience instead of authentic, accurate doubt.  

Also: factoring in emotions, impulsivity, and irrationality is a vital part of getting the right answer when it comes to human beings.

3) Subcultural norm against participating in politics. Political engagement is an important tool for changing the world. It’s not perfect, but it’s what we have – ignoring it is dangerous and daft.

4) Related: subcultural norm for starting from scratch over participating in someone else’s project.

The world is changed by those who do the dishes and take minutes at meetings. Lots of big-scale Rationalist projects attempt to duplicate stuff that already exists, or re-invent the wheel, instead of improving something imperfect and building on work already done. The Libertarian streak encourages this attitude towards government, and the urge to set up parallel agencies and initiatives – instead of working at the grassroots. Which is not glamorous, but it is effective.

5) The wrong goals.

You can change the world at a local level – whether that’s pressuring a local store, supporting local people, writing to councillors, becoming a councillor. Focusing on existential risk is…well, to reuse the phrase, it’s a lot of heat and no light. Masturbation and no money shot. Debates without answers, actions, or measurable outcomes. In short – it’s bad activism. Martin Luther King won by focusing attention on a particular cafeteria protest, a particular bus company.

6) Poor use of power.

Rationalism appeals to some of the smartest and most influential people on the planet – well-paid people in tech, who are ambitious, courageous and motivated. I’m pretty furious and horrified the ideology channels this energy towards AI Risk rather than, say, global warming – something which is definitely happening, hurting people right now, and could absolutely benefit from that passion, innovation, money, and a Libertarian alternative to government dawdling. Tech is – worryingly – powerful in the ways that governments are powerful; if you’ve developed a ideology which connects powerfully with people and makes them believe they can save the world, it’s a crime to then tell them to LARP about with imaginary robots. Like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos farting around with Mars rockets instead of nuking wealth inequality, or setting up top-quality schools in deprived areas, or eliminating HIV, or…

7) Feels like a dodgy pyramid scheme.

“We should pledge to give a percentage of our income in effective ways to change the world” – brilliant! “We define ‘effective altruism’ as ‘AI research done by the founder of our movement’ – even though AI research has minimal impact, and our founder has no credentials.” Hmmm. Also "thank you for donating to our group for teaching Rationalist thinking. We have now decided to change our focus towards the aforementioned AI research. Alas, it's so speculative, don't expect measurable results or accountability for this - just know your money has been well spent, saving the world."

I think it’s very ugly to fill people with beautiful feelings, and then channel them into giving you money.

I think it's unsettling that Rationalism provides community for people who are outsiders, who are disabled, and who have scrupulosity issues - then says "good people in our community donate to our founder. It is the most rational action, and the only way to save the world."

Like, you have a captive audience of people who have - at long last - found their tribe. They're very vulnerable to social pressure which may lead to exclusion from the group. They're motivated by the idea of acting rationally, inspired by purpose you gave them to go out and make a difference - and experience acute distress at thinking they are not doing enough good. Do not. Squeeze these people for money. You asshole.

I don't think it's deliberate - but it's still wrong.

8) I like what the Sequences stand for – but not the Sequences themselves.

Learning how to reason, how the mind works, learning critical thinking, developing flexibility and introspection are all excellent. But I want to learn that from original texts by the best thinkers in the world. That is pretty emphatically not You Know Who.

9) Related: Amateurism.

In theory, I like the idea of teaching individual citizens how to use statistics, analyse scientific papers, how to run experiments, and tailor their own medication etc. In practice, these fields have experts in for a reason. Someone who attempts to use statistics, and does it poorly, is far more dangerous and worse off than someone who does not pretend to know, but trusts a reliable source. Core-Rationalism frequently includes people making definitive statements and presenting themselves as an authority, and being very overconfident about their expertise.

(A lot of this is neurodiverse stuff, right? Setting up your own grandiose project from scratch; being an auto-didact; mistrust of traditional authorities; being very clever etc. I’m too ADHD to function, so I can see where it’s all coming from – but it’s hardly optimised for efficiency or outcomes.)

10) There is no such thing as a safe community, and getting these things right is very difficult.

However, it is discomforting how many people close to the heart of power have credible abuse accusations against them. Also, how one of the key Rationalist organisations responded to an abuse accusation, with an inadequate internal process which concluded everything was fine. They’ve since backtracked. That’s not enough for me, because abuse scandal management reflects your innate understanding, bises, beliefs and background. You can’t backtrack when you realise that it looks bad, because the original misstep continues to reflect your group’s true values.

Also, the wider movement has a lot of beliefs which lay the groundwork for abuse: mistrust of feminism, economic approaches to dating, gender and sex, evolutionary psychology and pseudoscience, key figures arguing that rape is nicer than being cheated on...

11) People who say "I don't like Social Justice", and lowkey mean "I don't like feminism or being nice to transsexuals". Rather than how I mean it: "I don't like being frightened or walking on eggshells, I don't like how rage and shaming are totally OK, I don't like how inflexible and bad faith ideas are, I don't like how I've seen it used in real life as a weapon to gain power and control. I don't like bullies."

We are on the same venn diagram, but not nearly enough of an overlap. (Given the choice between a nasty person who supports my rights, and a kind one who does not, I choose: cutting off contact with humans and never leaving my house again)

12) Rationalism is a mere degree of separation from a lot of online movements and subcultures which are definite problems. The resurgence of polite scientific racism; anti-progressive pushbacks on LGBT rights and feminism; some of the MRA stuff, some of the incel stuff; treating Trump/politics as a dinner party debate rather than an active threat...

Can one promote Rationalism, without accidentally building these movements too...? It feels too close, and wilfully blind.

13) I want what the Rationalists I follow have. When I think about attending the local meetup, I imagine an evening spent with reddit users who think racism is very clever, and use phrases like 'not technically rape". How can I even consider adopting a label when I figure the odds are like...70/30 in favour of the rape Nazis? I do not imagine meeting people I would like to leave my child with. I do not think I will find an IRL mirror of for the cool, compassionate, nerdy people I follow online.

If you even have to ask "what percentage of this group are likely to be rape Nazis?", your have your answer.

[calliecat93]

About Me

A little introduction to the blogger (aka me) and the kind of content that you can expect from this blog. Hope you enjoy! Now, lets get this started!

Who Are You?

My internet name is calliecatt93 (I know my Tumblr name has only one t, ignore that), but you can call me Callie~

How Long Have You Been On Tumblr?

It will be officially six years on September 6th. I actually created the account months earlier, but I honestly do not remember the day. But that was the date that I actually began to use the site, so I consider it the official anniversary date.

How Old Are You? What Do You Identify As? What Hogwarts House Are You In?

You can find all of that info in the blog’s description box on the left side of the page. 

How Did You Get Involved On Tumblr?

I had been browsing websites like Deviantart, Livejournal, and various forum sites for years. I stumbled upon Tumblr and it seemed like a fun place to talk about my fandoms. So I created the account, but ended up not using it. I think I honestly just forgot about it. At the time, I was huge into a kids show called WIld Kratts and discovered that there was a pretty good sized fandom for it on here. So I decided to try and get involved, which led me to using the blog mroe for various other kinds of things. It’s been an up and down road, but I’m very happy with my blog and I have overall really enjoyed my time here.

Current Fandoms?

The main ones right now are Red vs Blue, RWBY, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter, Miraculous Ladybug, Wild Kratts, and Disney. Previous major ones have included Sailor Moon and TMNT 2012. This list can shift at anytime, deending on whatever I get into. When it changes, I will update both this and the blog description. But to put it simply, my blog focuses on many fandoms, hence the term panafandom.

Are You Political?

I have political stances, yes. I will talk about/reblog political and social justice issues when I feel that it is necessary to get involved. WI try not to do it too much however because I do want my blog to be a safe space, including for myself. The main thing you need to know is that I hate President Trump. If you can at least respect that, all is good~

Blog Content?

The majority is reblogs of various fandoms and other topics. I also write reviews for shows as they are airing. It works in two phases. There are my Lightning Round Thoughts posts that is pretty much a liveblog in bullet point form about my thoughts as I watch a thing. The second phase is my longer, more concrete review where I go more in depth into what happened, my thoughts about it, and any speculation that I may have. I am also trying to review past seasons/movies as well. The blog is mainly a cartoon blog, as that is where my passion is.

Why Do You Like Cartoons?

I have loved cartoons since I was a young child. I still remember being a three year old and watching my Cinderella VHS tape. People used to tell me that one day, I would outgrow it and that it was for children. But I never did. TO me, animation is more than just some mindless genre that keeps your kids entertained for an hour. Animation is a form of art that allows one to go outside the bounds of reality and do whatever they want. Yeah they can be funny, but they can be adventurous, dramatic, heartbreaking, and even scary. Animation is a medium, not a genre. Many people work incredibly hard to create various animations and it always feels like Hollywood never gives those people the credit that they deserve. Cartoons have always been a major part of my life, from the classic Looney Tunes to the Cartoon Cartoons to newer web animations. It has brought me more comfort and taught me so much mroe than anything else in my life. It’s even inspired me to one day become a voice actress, who I believe are the most talented people in Hollywood. It’s just... incredibly important to em and the more people I can get to respect this medium, the better.

Anime?

Yes, I am a huge fan of anime. My first ever fandom, Sailor Moon, was an anime. I admit that I don’t watch as much as I used to, but I admire Japan for treating animation seriously. Imo, they are the masters of animation.

NSFW/Profanity Policy?

I curse. A lot. And that include the F word. I try not to use it too much, but yes I use naughty words. Blame Rooster Teeth. As far as NSFW goes, at most I reblog some bloody artwork and mild sexual stuff. VERY mild. Whenever I do, I try to give it the appropriate ‘nsfw’ tag. I do have a limit however and overall, I do NOT allow NSFW content on here.

Asks/Submissions/Messaging?

My ask box is always open and has Anon enabled. You are free to open my ask box up and send me any asks whenever you would like. I will do my best to answer them, but I also have the right to not answer them and delete them as I see fit. Submissions are the same deal. You are free to send me anything as long as it isn’t any kind of negative/NSFW content. Only wholeosme content here people. Messaging... here’s the thing with me. I only answer messages of people I have followed/who have followed me for an extensive period of time. This is due to me having a bad case of social anxiety. I get incredibly nervous about talking to new people, especially if I don’t know them. If I don’t respond, it is nothing at all personal and I will try. But if I don’t, it s likely because my nerves were too much. The best way to reach out to me/talk to me so that I feel more comfortable is to use my ask box. 

Why Do All Of Your Posts Have Typos?

I have a motor skill disability, and possibly dysgraphia. To put it simply, I have bad dexterity and I can’t write/type as well as most people. I do try to edit all my posts, but sometimes (aka all the time) I end up missing things that I don’t catch until WAAAAY later. I apologize in advance and I do try to fix the errors when I catch them. Please be patient with me in that area.

Other Interests?

Outside of animation/blogging, my main passion is singing. Along with voice acting, my ultimate goal is to become a singer. I also like to write and I am trying to create three original works and I have ideas for a fourth. Whether I’ll ever actually post them, IDK. I also like cuddling with my cats and looking at cute baby animal pictures. Something else that you will see on this blog frequently.

Goal As A Blogger?

As I said, I ultimately want this to be a safe space not just for others who find it, but for myself. This is one of the few places where I feel okay expressing myself, what I love, and my opinions about things. But mainly, I just want the blog to be a fun place for the people who stumble across it.Even fi it’s just to laugh at me and my silly opinions over cartoons, as long as someone is enjoying themselves son here. IDK how well I do with that, but I have fun doing it. In a way, I guess that’s what matters in the end.

Where Else Can I Find You?

Links to my Twitter and Archive Of Our Own profile are in the sidebar. I’m not on Twitter all that much, which I’m trying to do better with, but feel free to follow/message me! I also have a Discord, but I’m weary of giving that away unless I recognize you. Otherwise, here on Tumblr is where I mainly hang out.

Do You Ever Wonder Why We’re Here?

Well, it’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?

This page will be updated whenever either things change or when I think of something else to add. Thank you all for reading and I hope that this answered nay potential questions you may have for me. I hope that you all will enjoy the blog!

[enigmatic-elegance]

Hi I'm super curious but what's the house of nobles and why did it fail? And what was the lesson to learn from that? If you don't wanna answer that's okay, I'm just super curious

Okay, let’s strap in, this is gunna be a long one. Before I begin, there are two quick disclaimers I wanna get put on the record.

1. This is in no way an attack on the members of the House of Nobles or any particular people. In fact, most of the people involved I know to be amazing people OOCly with fantastic ideas and who are genuinely stellar writers and content creators. My intent is to put light on the mistakes that were made, in efforts that they not be made again. It’s to offer perspective from someone who was by and large totally against the HoN from start to finish, and a very vocal critic of it. Understand my critique is just that, critique of the event(s) and the way it/they operated. It does not in any way reflect my personal opinions on those who were involved who for the vast part I respect immensely.

2. I never have and never will advocate or support hate. There is a vast difference between offering genuine negative feedback and simply beating someone down and making them feel like shit. While I do feel the HoN leadership ignored a lot of potentially helpful feedback, I also know they received a share of blatant hatred in tow and that is unfair to anyone.

With that out of the way, let’s begin.

So who were the House of Nobles?

I’ll directly quote from the website and the tumblr, both of which are still up and available to browse.

The Stormwind House of Nobles is a body of players on the server of Wyrmrest Accord in World of Warcraft that role play as members from the Kingdom of Stormwind and it’s allies who form the governing body under the guidance of King Anduin Wrynn.

As the website goes on to explain, it is derived in large part from the Moon Guard project of the same name, with small adjustments made in efforts to better tailor it to the needs and the layout of the WrA community. It was made up of a body of mainly noble RPers, but there were some military and legislative RPers mixed in as well, and this was served with the hope of creating a platform not only to designate more city-based RP and events but also to engage the WrA community at large with passive-centered activity on the day to day life of Stormwind.

It is a lovely idea, but like many ideas there is the plan and then there is the execution. The plan was decent, the execution fell through. But we will get there.

Mind you, the House of Nobles was not a new thing to the WrA community. In fact, it had been attempted once before lead by another guild and GM. This project ultimately fell apart, and the reasons behind that were a little more sticky then I should get into here. Suffice it to say, it left a very bad taste in the mouth of most WrA RPers in regards to any house of noble project. I am not saying the issues of the first HoN should influence the second one when they were run by nearly totally different people, but we can’t deny that the reputation inherent to the name/idea didn’t help people swallow the concept any better.

So why did it fail?

1. People were being forced out of public spaces. And not once, or twice, but many times over the course of a month. The Pig, the barracks, people were being told OOCly to actually go and RP elsewhere because the space ‘belonged to the HoN’. Do that, people will get angry. no one owns any RP spots in this game.

2. The HoN was a popularity contest. Myself and other people on the server watched as people tried to run for positions and were not simply denied..but flat out ignored. People pushed, sent messages, tried to get into the HoN RP and were just brushed off. Those that got in, I noticed, were popular guild members, or those who were in good with the primary guilds. It soured the whole image of HoN.

3. The House of nobles fell into the same trap of ‘opt-in’ events I have made like a dozen posts on. It was not opt in. It created something that was supposed to change the face of the city, placing RPers in positions of real and city-wide power. And to say 'just ignore it’ is not accepting responsibility in any adult sense. Because half the city accepted it, and the other half did not. This meant that half the city of RP was in one storyline, the other half was not. It rifted the whole server, something the HoN never acknowledged even during the whole time being told they were creating massive lore conflict.

4. They were flat out telling people how to RP at their events. This is just rude, and should never be allowed. If you open an event to public, you can ICly ask for silence and respect. But if you open an event to the public and people RP being angry and yelling, that’s discourse. It’s expected at political events. To then OOCly rudely cast said people down..I got a LOT of whispers and talked to a lot of people who totally wrote off HoN when they were OOCly told to be quiet and stop RPing.

5. And above all this, the biggest issue is they did not once take steps to improve. To this day when I hear some people speak on what happened with the HoN, it is dismissive along the lines of ‘well people just don’t like noble RPers’. There were legit and powerful critiques. I was saying ALL of this as HoN was going on. Telling them these issues that the server was VERY mad at HoN over. And nothing happened. Instead we got posts from a few HoN members and others saying 'We will keep on despite all the haters!

HoN could have been amazing. But like the first HoN, it fell to it’s own trap of making it’s members feel themselves above reproach, and above the server. The server didn’t tolerate it, and what people saw was the reaction.

Now all of this sounds very harsh, and again I need to restate that this is in no way an attack on any of the members who took part in the HoN or enjoyed it. By what I saw, there were a few parts that actually were enjoyable and made for good RP. But I know from experience that we grow the most from negatives then positives. When I do an event, I would rather know more of what went wrong then what went right, because those are the areas we need to improve on. I feel it is vital that we not forget what went wrong, so in the future we can strive for better and better events that serve the community rather then divide it.

So what was the lesson?

I feel there were a few standing lessons to be learned from this, and what we as a community can do across the board.

1. Don’t shun negative feedback. As much as I say I value negative feedback, I too fall into a defensive stance when I receive it. It’s only natural, if we put time and heart into something we want to defend it. But we need to remember at the basis of any anger is hurt. Someone feels slighted or wronged, and while we don’t have to condone the anger, we do ourselves a disservice to discard what could be a very real complaint. Even aggression is a chance to grow, dismissing it as ‘haters’ is only going to show you have no intent to better yourself or your events. Take the negatives, process them, grow from them.

2. Slapping ‘opt in’ before your event does not immediately make it so. If I make an opt-in that I blew up the cathedral in SW, and half the server accepts it and half does not, I’ve just split the server in two. By trying to create inclusive RP I have in fact done the exact opposite. It’s important, when making any opt in, to ask the question ‘how does this affect people who do NOT opt in?’ It’s easy to say ‘just ignore it’ but if you are RPing the major ruling body of the city then you need to understand those not opting in are totally in a different playing space then those who do. A proper opt-in does not at all affect those who do not opt in. Good examples are the Holt’s kidnapping, or even the mermaid RP. Both of these RPs did not at all impact those who did not wish to take part. In fact, most people who were on the server had no goddamn idea they were happening! This means that those who wanted in could engage them, and those that didn’t lost absolutely nothing not being a part of it. Good opt-ins, both of them.

3. Understand this is RP. We have a responsibility to this server that our events and contributions contribute to a creative environment. We need to sometimes make concessions to that endeavor, it’s a collaborative effort. I was speaking to a friend who spoke that if nobles heard you speaking ill of them in the time you’d just be executed or imprisoned. True, that is true, but is it fair to say ‘because of my RP choice, I have rule over your character’s plot, path, and story.’ See, it’s touchy. Because there is a balance to strike between realism and the fact that we are writing with other players who have equal right to their character’s story and path. This is where OOC communication comes into play, but HoN taught us not only the value of that communication but what happens when that communication severs. HoN did not have an open dialogue with the server, yet they played a massive and forceful part of it’s collective story. This was the spark that lit the powder keg and in the end, that lack of dialogue set it up to fall from early on.

4. It is not ‘hopeless’. Often I see things akin to ‘well HoN failed so we can’t do any more RP events ever!’ I think that is unfair to say. Just because one thing fell short does not mean we need to be hopeless. Indeed it’s important if not vital to the server that we learn from where we made mistakes and grow from them. It’s how we better as RPers and as writers. For all my critique, HoN had a few things they did right. I saw in that group a love and passion for what they had created. I saw real effort and genuine care. I saw a lot of people coming together to create. These are beautiful things. And if we learn from where we failed, I know for a fact the server can make things like this in the future that will soar.

Conclusion

WrA is a fickle thing sometimes but it has some amazing and brilliant writers and creators. People who put real time, love, and even tears into their projects. And I am one of them. I feel those who call out the faults of others need make statement of their own failures and I will do so. I’ve failed before, with my guild in fact. The first time I made it, I fell flat, my character was shit and I got like three members before I gave up and deleted it. But I tried again a month later with a new angle and new outlook. I learned from where I went wrong, and the things I could improve on. I even learned from the angry critique others gave me on how I was doing things. And with that feedback, I changed by angle, and now operate the guild I do which is vastly successful and grows daily.

The biggest thing I can say we all should learn from HoN is that we are never going to stop learning. We are never perfect. And all feedback, positive and negative alike, should be taken to heart and used to grow and better ourselves. In this way, we can achieve the brilliance I know everyone on this server to be capable of.

That’s all I got. I hope I helped shed a little light on it. As always, I am only one perspective and there were many. Others may have totally different accounts. I hope if nothing else, the message rings true, and I hope it serves this server as we move forward to amazing things.