#do i do these kind of things too often?
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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Welcome one and all to my version of the party's loopified designs, featuring my many broken bones and blood stains I especially put into Odile who I tackled second unlike the alphabetical order that I have presented here! I'll have in-depth discussions on each designs and matching practice portraits under the cut but before that-
Siffrin 'barely taller than a preteen' no middle name no last name Loop is still barely taller than a preteen but now that preteen can claim fire to their height!
Alphabetical order GO!
Bonnie, who I've been calling Bonfire (which if that ends up being their name I can imagine Bonnie calling them 'Fire' while they call Bonnie 'Face' to match), was the last of my designs because frankly I knew from the start what their design was going to take influence from and also knew I was going to draw fire :P They were based on bonfires (of course) and also specifically the Burning Man effigies just for a humanoid figure, plus being a chef cooker and a campfire and also a very heated expressive person.
Their flames are hot but not actual wood burning so the Favour Tree (and Mirabelle in the height chart) are not at risk of combusting, they're just incredibly bright-
Isabeau my first design, with influences from @basilpaste 's Lock (with a dressform body) and @nullapophenia 's original version of Husk (the faceless identityless sketch), I have combined them both to make a mannequin it/its loopified design that finally gets to be capital T Tall all for the low low price of being Changed against its will and suffering another bout of body dysphoria that it can't fix anymore :) :) :) When I was referencing mannequins I actually noticed how long their legs actually were let alone how they were perma-stuck in that Barbie-like highheel pose and thought why don't I just curse Isa with something he previously wanted :P
Something something Isabeau actively Changed not only his body but his personality to become someone he wouldn't be ashamed of, yada yada Loopsabeau is back to hating itself and has started to become a person it despises to match (also like a mannequin it's head and arms are technically painlessly removeable :P)
Third in order and third in design is Mirabelle, who technically is the only loopified design with technically hair and clothes, but the hair are the tangled roots of the Favour Tree and the clothes are like the carved hardstone statues of religious figures :P Initially my Idea for Mirabelle was to make her kinda like her statue, with the wonky expression of someone who made it without much mastery over details, not to pit anything against Mira, no, no. Thought about maybe abstract statue design but I couldn't find a version I liked but I did always imagine her statue being weathered in some way, there was a reason why I saved her for third I couldn't pick what I wanted. But then I remembered the broken Change God statues, thought about the 'blessing' that ended up being a curse, and then thought about overgrown weathering and gave her the roots.
I actually looked up Black hairstyles and mostly wondered what specific hair texture Mirabelle had (she wears it in a fro of course, but she has flyaways that aren't coils, but she described her own hair as kinky and :P) so that if I were to mimic hair with tree roots I can get an appropriate matching hairstyle (settled on megatwists). Hah, if Mira has 4C hair, considering how long her hair actually looks, if she to wear her hair in twists she might actually have elbow length hair :P
I spent 8 non-consecutive hours on Odile can you tell? Can you see my hands bleeding my wrist breaking my eyes drooping? Yeah so Odile was again, my second design and it took me a week to recover, and she's a combination of gem and mirror suit with all the little fragments floating around her the 'diamonds' that represent all her family members party plus the ones she originally had in sets of 2. I also put geodes where parts of her body have broken off (inspired by how when the King strikes she can't move, plus also being a glass canon) where when I was actually drawing those geodes that they kinda use the Change symbol?
Circle within a circle within a circle, regardless of how wiggly it is, and at the centre is a cluster of crystals. That was an accidental reference to Odile's mixed heritage but hoo boy what a connection! Her missing pieces are a combination of 'being too old for this' fragility and also 'i didn't want to render more mirrors sue me'
Anyway I am going to put my wrist in a cast and imagine loopified party members with their pre-wish counterparts :P
#bonnie#bonnie isat#isabeau#isabeau isat#mirabelle#mirabelle chevalier#mirabelle isat#odile#odile isat#loop#loop isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#fanart#i saw someone mention in the tags of my previous isat post talking about the mirabelle chevalier tag#as soon as my grubby little broken mitts grab hold of either a physical or digital copy of the isat artbook#which as has been said by insertdisc5 include the last names of the characters (at least the ones that remember them)#i will not only continue using chevalier but also everyone else's last names in tags#replacing... one of the other character tags#a lot of my thoughts on the designs have been already said#but me and the same isat friends have some thoughts on how the loopified versions interact with their old selves#mirabelle is the nicest but may snap every so often in a 'arent you tired of being kind dont you want to go apeshit' kinda way#isabeau is a bitter jealous asshole who's regressed to being unkind thanks to not having the body it worked so hard to make once#odile is a little cold when talking to herself since pleasantries take too much time plus her 'i will do awful things [for da fam]' ways#and bonnie is bonnie so they're angry and pissed and sad they won't see their nille again but also they and bonnie are friends in the loop#speaking as someone who at bonnie's age didn't really have friends um whether or not i'm projecting i think fire and face can be besties#please enjoy these designs my kitten scratched me so hard i needed a bandaid for the price of angst and i think that's fitting#do i have an attached au to these designs? no. do i want one? maybe maybe i guess there's only so many ways to have an [x] loops au
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when im writing them, i often find myself thinking about the difference between jiang cheng and wei wuxian's anger. im not sure how to put it into words, but the way they both express anger is so interesting to me bc like... for jiang cheng, it tends to be his first response. he's confronted with something unpleasant and the safest response is to be angry and lash out, because then that protects the vulnerability hidden beneath whatever has upset him. his anger tends to be explosive, with shouting and violence, until eventually it ebbs away and the vulnerable emotion underneath is revealed. wei wuxian, however, tends to let it simmer until it eventually boils over. I think about the confrontation with jin zixun about the wens a lot, and how you can see him trying to keep a lid on the anger at first, and how that makes him cold and sharp (which is made all the more striking by how warm he is under better circumstances) until finally he can't keep a lid on it anymore and the anger boils over, which is the point at which you should probably aim to leave his general vicinity because an angry wei wuxian is very, very scary
#mdzs#idk i just find wwx's anger so interesting#especially contrasted with the person he is when he's in better circumstances#wei wuxian at his best is warm and friendly and kind#but at his worst he is cold and dangerous#and that contrast is so compelling to me#meanwhile there's jiang cheng who's like. the Angry One™#but so often that anger is a way to mask other more vulnerable emotions#like grief or love#he cares so deeply but he can't show that weakness too freely#so it's covered up with anger#the people who know him best know this#like jin ling (because i think he learned to do the same thing from him)#idk. this has gotten long. i have twin heroes brainrot as always
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Tomothy Selleck for my drawing classssss sketchbook woohoo
#my autism superpowers made this#I don't understand#but i kind of love how I make like. really good portraits maybe once every two years#Like Emma come on you are sleeping on your abilities here#unfortunately I have just enough adhd to hate doing the same thing for a milisecond too long#so my autism superpowers don’t get used v often#I do need to do more portraiture though like my own style always improves whenever I do#maybe one day ill do the 100 head challenge or smth#anyway im rambling hahahaha
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I think the Amanda Arasha combination is especially effective because they do have differing opinions on a number of things, but Arasha is also largely unafraid to actually disagree/pushback on things (in a very good natured, thoughtful, usually well articulated way) without taking it personally. Which, I think is especially fun/good with Amanda, who tends to have strong opinions and expresses them very. powerfully. And I love her for it, but the discussion definitely gets even better when someone like Arasha is willing to push back or call out the comedy of certain personal opinions/subjective viewpoints, and still have a good time overall.
#amanda i love you but arasha going 'you're MAKING him lame!!!' in a faux scandalized tone is a an excellent and necessary counterweight#smosh#amanda lehan canto#arasha lalani#amarasha#its very fun for me to watch tbh#smosh mouth#its a thing where i think amanda does things sometimes (that i do too) where she gets caught up expressing her opinions so it sounds like#shes stating them as facts. and sometimes (often) its comedic but also i think most cast will kind of go with it#but arasha is very good about like- not even always disagreeing- just being able to understand/acknowledge when certain things are opinions#vs facts. vs when amanda clearly INTENDS something to be a fact vs opinion and conducting the discussion (or doing a bit) from there#i think shayne also does this pretty well but arasha does it in a way that i think is more like. visible.#and so it helps the discussion feel better weighted. if that makes sense#in general its all in good fun so its not like theres an ISSUE here its mostly what i find fun to watch vs VERY fun to watch lol#amanda in general sometimes has opinions i dont agree with (as is reasonable and normal) and for the most part its like 🤷♀️ w/e#but that means its nice sometimes to have arasha on to be like. hey wait. LOL
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Wuh oh (Patreon)
Bonus:
The novel experience of being crushed by a giant rock, a visual metaphor
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Loop#Yaaaay suffering <3 <3 <3#Lol#Starting with a cute practice Sif to get used to drawing them a bit more they're so cute what the heck#He's so shaped I love that for him and about him#Crisp design very nice#Sif really is the embodiment of ''Ignorance is bliss'' and being so maladjusted about it :'D#His memory issues make the me a sad#Ironically I try not to think about it too hard or else I'll get Really sad lol#Memory is the foundation of individual personhood! It's such a tragedy weh#Him brushing things off by falling back into his issues is just so agh Sif no you deserve better!#Some sillies lol I never know if I should give content warnings for these kinds of jokes - I don't make them often!#Loop's line in the Jello streams is So good I couldn't not lol#Happy Wednesday fr btw lol yes I did do that on purpose#The last one agh the red and like - can we talk about Sif (and Loop's and Odile's) specific portraits where their hands do the spark thing??#I always forget how art can be Whatever and that overlapping/removing lineart to imply shapes and movement and just jfdslafd#It's so cool I love it so much it's very inspiring#The bonus is mostly a joke lol - again while watching the Jello streams Lenti was talking about how much she relates to Sif#And I was privately like ''Haha thank goodness I don't relate to him! Couldn't be me!'' And Then#It's fine lol I'm aware of my overlapping issues - I fall more on the Isa side of ''Sounds fake but okay'' but yeah.....yeahhhh lol#As long as I don't get trapped in a time loop about it! Poor Sif haha
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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Um…hello! Your art is like a HUGE inspiration to me how you draw everyone is so unique, I love it! So I just wanted to ask what inspired you and your art to what it is today?
(hopefully I explained that correctly ;w;)
oh my gosh, thank you! :D :D :D I've been feeling pretty down about my art lately, so this was a super nice message to wake up to! one of the easiest traps to fall into is forgetting that other people are seeing your art without all the baggage and hangups that your brain has given it, and sometimes...they might actually like it? hmm. 🤔 (seriously though, that really is incredible to hear, thank you! 💕)
inspiration is really really hard to put into words. so I apologize if none of this makes sense! :') a lot of it comes from looking at things I like, trying to break down what it is that I like about them, and smooshing all those pieces together into some kind of amalgamated homunculus. I'll see something that uses a lot of straights vs curves, go "ooh", and then just start throwing those in there until it is fully absorbed into the gelatinous mess that is Developing An Artstyle. or I'll see some pretty soft-style shading, go "ooh", and then decide I'm not meshing with it and try something else. just, like, being open and trying different things and seeing what sticks, I guess!
overall, I would say I was mostly shaped by the Western media landscape of the early 2000s, when anime was becoming more mainstream and starting to show influence on Western cartoons; I think particular works that influenced me were Sailor Moon, Utena, the works of Takahashi Rumiko, Samurai Jack, Batman Beyond, and Bone. (there's also the French movie Princes et Princesses -- which is itself a homage to The Adventures of Prince Achmed -- which...yeah, you can basically take one look at it and see the effect it had on me.) and there are probably a lot of other things that I didn't consciously realize!
on a more philosophical level, one of my teachers once said to me that "the art that you like to look at isn't necessarily the art that you should be doing". which is something I try to hold onto! I had been trying really hard at the time to be, like, a more realistic traditional-style painter, and was getting really frustrated because that kind of art isn't fun for me to do. it wasn't until I gave myself permission to actually try out different things and not lock myself into what I thought was the kind of art I should be doing, that I realized I actually just like drawing little dudes making weird faces at each other! (I definitely still have some hangups about this, but I am getting better at it! ...I hope!)
#just sort of (waves) general art#i guess#there is definitely some of the Career that leaks into things too#there's a couple of posts where i can point to exactly what project i was on at the time#whoops#tangentially i do think it's kind of funny when people describe my twst fanart as being not anime style#because my stuff in the non-japanese sphere of things often gets described as being anime style#i just think it's funny how relative it is!#two worlds...one family...
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Saw another Shingo Katsurayama photoshoot and... my pen slipped...
Timelapse:
Song: The House in Fata Morgana OST - Cicio
Ah, to draw suggestive Goichi art and then set the timelapse to sentimental FataMoru music, life's simple pleasures~
#kamen rider#kamen rider kuuga#goichi#godai yusuke#ichijo kaoru#art#my post#finally finished one of my longer WIPs#dont often do lineart but this looks kind of ok yayyy#could i have spent more time properly inking and shading yes but i decided im done#this was no drunken mistake or anything my kings wouldn't do that ichijo is just remembering embarrassing moments and drowning in feelings#although I also dont think he would really smoke either#but this is indulgent posting i dont need to justify these things#too many tags woops
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I love the way that, in addition to his origin story with his over-sized sword and the scar on his nose, the flashbacks to Guts's childhood show how much of his insane work ethic and reckless self-endangering abandonment in battle were all kinda ingrained into him by his craving for attention and approval from shitty father figure, Gambino.
Random nice mercenary guy: "Don't overexert yourself, kid. Just do what's needed. 'Cause if you die, you lose everything."
Gambino: "It's your first battle. Work hard!"
Guts: [throws himself into battle so hard he nearly dies multiple times, fixating on pleasing Gambino the entire time]
Gambino: "C'mon, hurry up! Work! Work!"
Guts: [gives Gambino his entire earnings, Gambino tosses him back a single coin]
Guts: [more motivated by this one mild bit of encouragement than anything he's ever experienced before in his life]
#it's difficult to post berserk meta because i feel like the manga is often so well-written and well put together#that every panel is important and it's hard to leave anything out - and i'll end up just reposting the entire chapter instead#like this is leaving out all the stuff before that leading up to this moment#where gambino is either neglectful or cruel to guts almost all the time - giving him the scar on his nose in a rage#yet also now and then tossing him a bone like giving him medicine for his wounds - and as minimal as that 'kindness' is#it's the only caring attention guts actually ever receives and he's so starved for it that it keeps him striving to earn more :(#and how the other members of the band don't like how gambino treats guts yet also do not step up to raise him themselves either#and whisper together about their resentment of him at night when he's left alone to fend for himself#AND then i am also leaving out the bits after that where gambino immediately goes and does the worst thing possible to guts too...#renting him to donavan... yet another awful formative experience for the kid#just constantly reinforcing to guts that he's got nobody but himself and his sword for his sense of protection and value and purpose#but showing that those tiny scraps of kindness and praise were basically keeping him alive and what he really wanted underneath too#it's just extremely well-done and so good at showing exactly why guts is the way that he is later on#and why when griffith started paying attention to him and valuing him as a person#in addition to putting him to work in the ways he was most familiar and comfortable with - it was basically like crack for him as well#berserk#berserk spoilers#p
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"this man, is weird.. CRAZY weird.." "he was always very bright.."
#i think abt this soo often u have no idea#no one understands them like i do.. sighh..#platonic or romantic idc There is something Happening there#this also implies that sammy doesn't hate norman/displays some form of positive feeling towards him#bc it's shown in canon that he doesn't rlly like many ppl in the studio#and despite sammy's descent into insanity norman still appreciated him for who he was#they way norman talks abt sammy in his first audio log feels so personal too#probably kicked his feet and giggled abt him idk man#like okaayy what u kno abt him pooks... something u wanna tell me.. twirls my hair/..#IM SO ILL OH MY GODDDDDDDD#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#i could go on a full 2 hour youtube rant abt how tragic they are#both together and as separate people#and dont even get me STARTED on the reason for norman's heart obsession while in the cycle and why he collects them#UGGHHHHHHHH KICKS THE WALL PUNCHES THE FLOOR I HATE THE FLOOR#been mentally ill about them since 2017 ❤ we up#at least until my pea sized 8 yr old child brain found out normmy was a thing#finding that shitty ms paint ship art changed my life..#theyre literally my og otp 5eva nothing will top them ever#smushing their faces together like barbies type shit#i do wish they had some kind of interaction actual gameplay wise in batim (or even batdr)#idc what kind i just need to see them in the same room together interacting in some way#batim#bendy and the ink machine#normmy#sammy lawrence#norman polk#norman x sammy#rosey rambles#I LOVE DOOMED YAOI
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spending all hours of the day thinking about rainworld worldbuilding has a side effect where whenever people have headcanons that disagree with mine i start crying and shaking and throwing up
#its kind of unhealthy tbh 😭 i should not care what other people do with their oc worldbuilding#but too often i am like. the ancients would not fucking do things like that!!!!!!!#text#this is not about anyone specific btw! just things ive seen overall in my time in the fanbase
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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i’ve really swung back against remakes this year. i’m really starting to feel hostile to the fact that just by existing they will always functionally replace the original game to the majority of consumers. people like to insist they don’t, but most of these remakes do not have their originals made legally accessible alongside their remake, and it’s just a reality that the majority of consumers will not emulate out of a combination of laziness, being limited by being on iOS, technical incompetence, a fear of legal retaliation, and “lol old games have jank.” just a complete refusal to engage with these games on any genuine level or god forbid find any functional value or meaning in what’s popularly considered ‘jank’ compounded by their remakes inevitably sanding its corners down they don’t have to. you see it with pokemon, sonic, resident evil, harvest moon, even games that do have their original available but are infamously ‘too dated’ like patho— it drives me fucking bonkers. i can’t look up shit about the original mineral town or wonderful life anymore, the latter of which is a damn near unrecognizable game, meme-status hatred of pokemon rby by people who have never played the damn thing is compounded by frlg’s existence, everyone on the goddamn internet says you can just play patho 2 and not 1, don’t get me fucking started on sonic- i can’t take it anymore. i’m sick of the position these things are in. i wish it wasn't like this in a time where it's easier than ever before to re-release older games.
#also i don't say laziness as a judgmental better than thou thing. i am VERY lazy about this kind of shit too. it's just how it is.#after i got to a certain age i'd rather pull my own teeth out than spend 3 business days downloading an iso on my dial up internet#and then also needing to configure or download an emulator#i mean i still do it sometimes it just means i play video games less often in general#switch speaks
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oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock
#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock#if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died#sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior-#kipspeak#she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more ‘shameful’ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not#to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now#this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky#Is just fun for her. it’s fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or they’ll never learn to laugh at themselves#the twins and thancred 🫵 do this thing where they have big emotions but they don’t want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions#so alphy pretends he doesn’t have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is#just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. he’s got enough baggage for a flatbed#anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o#weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot#it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting#she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct#just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close#my brother didn’t learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and he’s#HILARIOUS. Don’t tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasn’t learned when to stop yet#too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed#very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if they’re having fun#and try to stop her if they’re not having fun. case in point ‘what is that supposed to mean?!’ vs ‘alisaie ryne was only trying to help.’#I know they’re twins but that’s such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me#LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya#It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actions—#I’m not done let me s#she and raha are friends now I decree. ‘haha you like me’ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH
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