#dnd quote

[dndclassesquotes]

Paladin: Rogue, why are you enlisted on the dark web as an assassin-for-hire? Rogue: LISTEN I CAN EXP- Rogue: ... wait Rogue: why are you looking for assassins on the dark web? Paladin: I- Bard: *two rooms away* because there's none on google!

[lockhinge]

"...Hmm. For our last session, 'gay displacer beast' is the only thing I have written down in my notes."

- DM regrets not taking better notes

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

Player 2: Barovia...? Huh... Me (DM): What? Player 2: What's the name of the fake country from Princess Diaries? Player 1: ...You mean Genovia? Player 2: Oooh, thank you! I kept hearing Barovia and being like, "the place from the Princess Diaries??" Me: Strahd is played by Anne Hathaway, yes.

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Batfam quotes as quotes from my dnd group (part 3) (also including some from my homeland security class because it fits)

Bruce:"Whatever helps you sleep at night" Jason:"I sleep just fine- I have no guilty concensus" Tim:“Is a skateboard considered technology”? Duke:“You are victim blaming rn” Damian:“I am because it's the victim's fault”

Steph:“Not to kink shame- but I felt shame” Dick:“I don't wear socks from April to November” Duke:“As like a rule”? Kon:“Fireball-” Tim:“Actually,Lightning ball-” Bart + Cassie, in unison:“Alleged ball” Jason:“So obviously people have feet fetishes- but I have a foot phobia, they don't belong on a body” Damian:“Did you know every winter they kick all the drones out to freeze to death” Steph:“That's so valid- girlboss moment” Jason:"I'm sorry but if that makes you a white supremacists, you gotta stop the weed"

Steph:“What do you have against sharks”? Cass:“I think we're in mutual competition” Tim:“...Care to elaborate”? Cass:“Well were winning- humankind verse sharks” Steph:“OH I thought you meant You vs the sharks” Dick:“I'll allow you to talk- or I will accept an answer in the form of interpretive dance”

[firnen-the-teragram-teabag]

Things that nobody said until I played D&D part 2

"the pope says 'the most powerful weapon in the world, my son, is the bible gun' and he pulls out the bible gun"

"your racism upsets the stirge so much that it just drops dead"

"explain why we shouldn't kill you right now" "my funky fresh moves"

"wisdom saving throw to not be horny"

"we are distracted by his sweet, sweet nipples"

"you are the Minecraft Alpha to our Minecraft 1.18"

"he's always visually moist"

"can i flirt with the eyes"

"I just casually slip the cake into my hat"

"onwards, to the piss hut!"

[dnd-quotes-partynametbd]

[bean-writes]

Player: “That wouldn’t be the first time we’ve violated the Genova Conventions.”

DM: "And it won’t be the last.”

[nightingale101]

one of the funniest things that has ever been said in my D&D group is the Dragonborn saying "Raw" as a response to a hot Halfling asking how they liked their tea.

[lepusrufus]

The two ends of the dnd related quotes spectrum

[im-a-wizard-dammit]

Annahael: I can’t reach Bismuth, so I’m gonna fly over here and punch Corl in the face.

Jim: Do it! Do what we all want to do.

Beau/X: Punch the child in the face.

[threeroadsmeet]

Even more out of context quotes from a session of Curse of Strahd

*waving arms* "we're in the bone zone"

"We stan undead rights here"

"Is there a spell create blood?" "yeah it's called called a dagger"

*DM cackling gleefully*

The party : "did this dude just turn into an overpowered anime villain"

[dndclassesquotes]

Paladin: What do you think is the height of stupidity? Rogue: I’m not sure, let’s ask him. Paladin: what? Rogue: *shouting across the field* Bard, how tall are you?

[lockhinge]

"He self-defensed three skeletons to death."

- DM describing a monk

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

“Kobolds are like little dragons, but they can’t breathe fire… Or fly… They’re basically the chihuahuas of the dragon world.”

- Me, explaining D&D to my new players

[ladyphlogiston]

Sorcerer: Nat20 for perception!

Dm: for what?

Sorcerer:.....to tell us whatever it is you've been hinting at

[elians-terrarium]

"All we need for our D&D world is 30 frog twinks and their lesbian bodyguard"

-my brother