#disorders of brain
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My doctor and therapist: now with this autism + ADHD diagnosis you need to learn to unmask because masking all the time will make you burn out again and feel like shit
Other people: well it's just interesting how after getting the diagnosis you suddenly start behaving like that I mean I'm not saying you're faking it's just funny how you suddenly cannot be normal like you were before
#late diagnosed adhd#late diagnosed autistic#actually autism#autism spectrum disorder#actually autistic#autistic adult#autism#asd#adhd things#adhd problems#adhd brain#actually adhd#adhd#actually neurodivergent#neurodivergent
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the devil couldn’t reach me so he made me feel like i dont belong anywhere.
#actually bpd#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#depressing shit#relatable#tw depressing thoughts#tasiblog#bpd#bpd safe#bpd stuff#actually borderline#borderline things#borderline problems#living with borderline#borderline blog#borderline thoughts#borderline personality disorder#bpd triggers#bpd blog#bpd problems#bpd vent#bpd life#bpd is a bitch#bpd issues#bpd struggles#bpd shit#bpd tumblr#bpd emotions#bpd mood#bpd brain
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i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.
as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."
NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING
#this is just me ranting sorry#im very tired and hungry#and i want to sleep but brain go brrrrr#well i used to be nice and smart and now im neither of those or however the song goes#pretty sure he was exaggerating cause looking back. it was good. but some of the wording was a lil wonky#adhd#actually adhd#executive dysfunction#actually neurodiverse#adhd paralysis#adult adhd#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#adhd hacks#academia#neurodivergent#adhd skill regression#confessions of a burnt out gifted kid#<< i guess#former gifted kid#burnt out gifted kid#gifted kid burnout#realizing i sound rly pretentious here sorry -- formal speech patterns i picked up as an autistic child and never put down again haha
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seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now
there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.
please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!
#diary#memory loss#memory disorder#dementia#alzheimers#dissociative disorder#dissociative amnesia#dissociation#dissociative identity disorder#trauma#brain injury#memory#amnesia#actually dissociative#complex dissociative disorder#osddid#osdd system#dissociative system#other specified dissociative disorder#did system
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No no no no no, you don't understand. I can't keep going on like this. It's draining me and I can't take it anymore. No more, please.
#borderline personality disorder#bpd#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#spilled ink#3am thoughts#adhd problems#adhd brain#adhd things#vent blog#bpd triggers#bpd problems#actually borderline#borderline problems#adhd#actually adhd#tw depressing thoughts#spilled thoughts#random thoughts#thoughts#tw depressive#tw depression#tw depressing stuff#depressing shit
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It shocks me how many people don’t realise that the autism spectrum isn’t this:
That is in fact a very outdated and in many ways insulting…
THIS IS WHAT THE SPECTRUM IS:
And it is actually incorrect to say “well everyone is somewhere on the spectrum”
Someone may show traits that are associated with autism but that doesn’t mean they are on the spectrum but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are autistic,
Just like someone who is autistic may show traits of people who are neurotypical.
When I am speaking to friends who may use incorrect language or may have outdated information of what the spectrum is, I explain to them why it is important to change how we view and talk about being neurotypical. None of them are intentionally being offensive and are often happy to get a better understanding. It’s always important to be open to changing how we view something so that everyone is able to feel accepted and understood; therefore if there is any information or something I’ve said that is offensive, incorrect or even if you have a different perspective than me, please let me know as I only want to be respectful of others and am always willing to see other people reasons for their views.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
#autism#actually autistic#autistic things#actually adhd#actually neurodiverse#adhd brain#adhd things#neurodiversity#autistic experiences#autism in girls#autistic community#understanding autism#childhood autism#autism spectrum disorder#autistic spectrum#autistic adult#autism is a spectrum#neurospicy#neurodiverse stuff#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent
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Sometimes I forget that I have no real friends and go on my phone expecting something; I don’t even know what, maybe them texting me first for once? Someone actually caring? Someone being interested in me or my life at least a little?
#bpd#bpd feels#bpd problems#bpd thoughts#bpd stuff#bpd vent#bpd safe#borderline personality disorder#totheoneswhostayupallnight#emotion dysregulation#bpd blog#borderline things#borderline problems#kill my brain#i wanna kms#sillycide
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#actually dissociative#did#dissociation#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative system#osdd#did system#traumagenic did#traumagenic osdd#trauma#mentalheathawareness#mentally fucked#actually mentally ill#mental illness#mental health#actually adhd#adhd problems#adhd brain#adhd things#adhd#autism#actually autistic#autistic things#autistic adult
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#lmao#for anyone who's curious the process went:#send ask to aita official#blog blows up#someone realizes its a chexer fic#i follow them bc they seem cool#i join their rvb server#their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on#i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected#the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury#this leads me to do research into brain injuries#''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder''#think on that for a while#go to the ER for unrelated reasons#remember my theory#bring it up to the doctor#Doctor Immediate Concern#doctors orders a ct scan#''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury''#(i had had several)#''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit''#and now we are here#it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic#and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences#so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself#^ ^ <3#im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here
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As someone who is somewhat of a “veteran” of the online ND community, I’m disappointed in the lack of positivity and love for lesser known diverse cognitive conditions, and the opposing abundance of posts about “cures” or outdated criteria or treatments for those conditions. So, without further ado, I want to say hello to anyone with any of the disorders I’m listing, and give them the love and support that hardly anyone else in our community has… Shoutout to:
People with Down syndrome
People with Fragile X
People with William’s syndrome
People with dyslexia
People with dyspraxia
People with dyscalculia
People with dysgraphia
People with Prader-Willi syndrome
People with PANS or PANDAS
People with aphasia
People with a TBI (traumatic brain injury)
People with chronic/early onset mental illnesses
People with cerebral palsy
People with FASD or were otherwise disabled via other substances in utero
And many, many more I may have forgotten to list (but still support and love, I will add more to my list)
You are all beautiful and wonderful, and you all deserve so more love, appreciation, acceptance and support. You are just as neurodiverse as the rest of us, and your voices deserve to be heard and amplified.
I love you all ❤️
#autism#autistic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#actually neurodiverse#audhd#sensory processing disorder#down syndrome#fragile x#fragile x syndrome#williams syndrome#dyslexia#dyspraxia#dyscalculia#prader willi#aphasia#tbi#traumatic brain injury#chronically ill#chronic mental illness#cerebral palsy#fasd#neurodivergent love#dysgraphia#pans#pandas
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can we talk about the shame that comes along with having ADHD?
the shame that hits you when you walk around your messy, cluttered room, knowing you don’t yet have the motivation or hyperfocus to clean it, even though you want to.
the shame that hits you when you retell a story for the thousandth time and the person you’re talking to gets bored or annoyed or confused by it, cuz you couldn’t remember you had told it before.
the shame that hits you when you ask someone to repeat what they’re saying multiple times because you keep forgetting or you just can’t hear them.
the shame that hits you when you forget something super important after you leave for a trip, and you ask to go back for it.
the shame that hits you when you know you’re overanalyzing something someone said to you, but it still hurts.
the shame that hits you when you snap at people who are just talking to you while you’re hyperfocused.
the shame that hits you when you realize you don’t remember jackshit about your life, you don’t have any memories, and you wonder what it was all like.
the shame that hits you when someone asks you to just shut up or sit still after you were just expressing your emotions, your happiness even, but were just a little too loud about it.
all the shame. over everything. we should talk about that all more.
#actually adhd#adhd problems#adhd#adhd brain#adhd life#adhd post#adhd stuff#adhd things#adhd thoughts#adhdawareness#adhdsupport#living with adhd#undiagnosed adhd#adhd guilt#adhd memory#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#combined type adhd
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How to explain AuDHD things to NTs, by my therapist
"Imagine you're playing chess all day, every day, on a timer, where any wrong move could result in confusion or awkwardness. You are constantly anticipating, strategizing, and analyzing every move."
"Imagine you’re an actor performing a role for 8-12 hours a day, acting as ‘normal.’ You’re following rules you’ve studied your whole life, but one small slip, like showing your interests or being yourself, might make people question you or treat you differently. It’s exhausting because the role never ends and it feels like I’m always one wrong word away from the audience turning on me.”
“Imagine that your phone battery dies by lunchtime every day and the only way to recharge it is by sitting in complete silence for 12 hours. Even then, it only gets to 50%.”
"Imagine trying to use an old laptop with too many tabs open. It lags, freezes and crashes. That’s my brain on a regular workday. No matter how much I try to "push through", the system just shuts down.”
"It’s like sprinting with a permanently broken ankle: it’s possible but it hurts, and it’s not sustainable forever.”
#audhd problems#actually audhd#audhd#audhd things#late diagnosed adhd#adhd things#adhd problems#adhd brain#adhd#actually adhd#actually autism#autism spectrum disorder#actually autistic#autistic adult#autism#autistic things#actually neurodivergent#neurodivergent#masking
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kinda tired fighting for a life i don’t even want
#actually bpd#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#depressing shit#relatable#tw depressing thoughts#tasiblog#bpd#bpd safe#bpd stuff#borderline blog#borderline thoughts#bpd is a bitch#borderline culture is#actually borderline#borderline things#borderline problems#borderline personality disorder#bpd brain#bpd blog#bpd problems#bpd vent#bpd life#bpd things#bpd is bpding#bpd irl#bpd issues#bpd tag#bpd tumblr#bpd triggers
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Fear of abandonment 🤝🏻 The desire to leave before I'll inevitably be left
#it permeates my nightmares and festers inside my heart 😞#my post#softgothbabe#personal#(ish)#thoughts#sad thoughts#sad vibes#fear of abandonment#actually bpd#borderline personality disorder#bpd#i'll be fine#brain demons please leave me be
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This feeling of nothingness is gnawing at my bones again.
#actually bpd#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#spilled ink#3am thoughts#adhd problems#3am things#3 am ramblings#tw 3d vent#vent blog#vent post#vent#ptsd#adhd things#adhd brain#adhd#born to die#actually adhd#bpd brain#bpd triggers#bpd safe#actually borderline#i cant take it anymore
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Society: be yourself!
Me as a child: *be’s myself*
Society: ewww omg what is wrong with you! We said to be yourself not weird! We’re gonna reject you and make you an outsider!
Me: but I followed your rule of being myself? Why don’t you like me? What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone else get the rules that need to be followed but I don’t?
#growing up autistic#autism#actually autistic#autistic things#actually adhd#actually neurodiverse#adhd brain#adhd things#neurodiversity#autistic experiences#adhd memes#autistic things that aren’t talked about#rejection#social rejection#rejection sensitivity#autistic community#autism in girls#understanding autism#childhood autism#autism spectrum disorder#autistic spectrum#autistic adult#neurospicy#neurodiverse stuff#actually neurodivergent#neurodivergent#neurodivergencies#different#growing up different#i’m not normal
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