#disappointing results

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #221

M and J went out today sometime after J got back from a faraway place called Great Barrington. I had requested time by myself in the house so I could do the recording for the song I'm trying to make for you. I suppose, then, it was a "mandated man-date"????? Hahaha…

…Yeah, it wasn't that funny, I know. But maybe it got a small smile out of you nonetheless, and I'll count that as a victory for today!

But before J returned home, it was just M and I in the house for a while. We passed the time with J away by going to this awesome momo place for lunch. And... given that you speak Japanese, your first thought might be about peaches, but this kind of momo is not a peach - it is a dumpling!!

It was a Nepalese place, and... the food there looked kind of like a halfway point between Indian food and Chinese food. And I know you don't have places called China or India on Gaia (that's what your planet is called, right?), so... dumplings and noodles feature pretty strongly in Chinese cuisine, and then in Indian cuisine, they use yogurt and tomatoes and lots of different kinds of spices, and... I guess what you get when you mix these, at least in the place we went to, was lots of different kinds of dumplings in broths that resemble tikka masala. Here:

...I also took pictures of the menu; I wonder if maybe you've seen food like this before during your travels:

Along the way, M and I met a kindly gentleman who was wandering around with a cardboard sign, offering a song, a joke, or a bit of advice for a dollar. He says he used to be a mental health counselor, and... I can't help but wonder what happened such that he is wandering around carrying a cardboard sign. But it is no business of mine; similarly, the $20 we gave him will help him, and what he does with it is his own business; he's gotta live his life his own way, and if we can help even a little, it is good.

Given that he was a mental health counselor, he said he is good at advice, and I am always wanting to learn about others' perspectives, so I asked for his thoughts. He then proceeded to show me one of his tattoos; I took these photos and am sharing them with his permission, do not worry:

...It says, "Collect the broken things and let their jagged edges fit into yours."

...You know. I think in one of my letters to you, I might have written something like this. Something about doing our best to love the broken things, I think it was. And other things about turning our jagged pieces into something wholesome and beautiful.

It's a beautiful piece of advice. And.. it's what I try to do with my life in general. We can take the broken things by the hand and lead them to perhaps a better outcome than they might have been able to imagine before. It's part of why I write these letters; every day, I try to lead those who are lost in the dark, or caught in their pain and fear, back into the light where they belong. Every day, I try to weave part of the roadmap that works for me, in hopes that it might work for someone else.

This kindly gentleman told me a very little bit about his story. I hope he can find safety and peace. I hope that what little I was able to do for him today helps him to find whatever he's looking for.

Once M and I returned home, we played some more Grounded. I like building networks of ziplines, and so our version of The Yard has a pretty intricate zipline system; I'm really liking how it's turning out! One of the obstacles involved with planning ziplines, though, is that if your character's body brushes against a blade of grass, they fall from the zipline.

The only solution I've found is to put the ziplines in very high places, where there's no risk of colliding with grass or other plant life. And the only way to get up to the high places (like the top of the birdbath near the hedges, or the top of the little pagoda in the pond, or the top of the huge logs in the upper yard, or the picnic table benches...) is by building lots and lots and lots of stairs.

Fortunately, though, I am autistic; I am well-suited for repetitive, pattern-based work. I have lots and lots of patience for it. I can forage for the supplies for stairs and then build stairs all damn day. It's one of my better superpowers.

M and J went to go see a movie called Inside-Out 2. I stayed home to record.

...I recorded for a long time. I repeated the song many times. I am not satisfied with how any of the recordings turned out.

...I used to have so much better control over my voice than this. But the rib injury messes with the muscles of my throat, and so my voice is harder to control than it used to be. I can show you a little bit of what I used to be capable of:

...I feel like anything I do now is... kind of pale by comparison.

I have a rough draft. I'll show it to you, but only if you promise not to hate it so much that you are motivated to crush my skull into the floor just to get me to shut up:

...I have to re-do the vocals. I used to be able to do so much better than this... and I'm gonna hafta do so much better than this if I want to be able to move anyone to having compassion for you.

...If I want to move you into having compassion for yourself enough to turn around...

...Well. I guess the thing to do is try again tomorrow. Suppose we'll see what happens then...

I think I'll end today's letter here. I'm maybe a bit dysregulated from thinking about all the things I can't do as easily anymore, and I don't wanna get weird.

I love you. And I'll write again tomorrow, so please stay safe...

Your friend, Lumine

[imblocking-you]

You're getting too careless again, why are you letting yourself slip down that road again?

[uncanny-tranny]

To any disabled person undergoing tests to find What's Wrong: I hope your results come back the way you hope and that you receive the help you need. I hope you are not denied care, I hope you are taken seriously even after this, and I hope that you will be taken care of compassionately

[deconstructthesoup]

I love how "send your kids to camp" has become Dimension 20 slang for "i need to borrow everyone's dice for a damage roll"

I'm officially incorporating that and "honor the cock" into my campaigns

[thornescratch]

There is so much going on here. Ovi and Miro's apparent extreme talent for Oreo rolling vs. every other Cap's lack of talent for Oreo rolling. Stromer's little flinch when it goes off the table, and his disappointment when it DOESN'T land in the ranch dip. Lappy HAPPILY eating the mustard Oreo. Chychrun's complete lack of comprehension for the game. These utter weirdos, I want them to be doing this shit all the time.

[hikaruchen]

It won’t give up It wants me dead Goddamn this noise inside my head

— The Becoming by Nine Inch Nails

Also here comes two chibi trents

[dancingthrghthemusic]

Homelander stans, how do we feel about S5 after Trump’s win? I fear that now they are gonna double down on all the MAGA/Trump mirroring, despite the fact that the scripts are already done. Like it could be even WORSE than S4. It’s genuinely so fucking sad that my favourite show AND character depend on elections and are used as a way to pour out hate Kripke has for republicans. I can’t even use it as a temporary escape from shitty reality we live in. And mind you, I’m not even American, but Trump will have a great impact on my country and its future

[xamaxenta]

lovewings

[justaz]

merlin who stands against the wall while uther reprimands arthur, who stands behind arthur at dinners where uther’s disapproval and disappointment is apparent, who has been there when arthur is quiet and despondent after private meetings with his father, who has watched for years the sting of uther’s words and sometimes hands against his own son, who has bit his tongue and followed arthur with gentle hands and softer words as he puts the pieces back together of the man he knows and loves.

merlin watching uther lose his temper over arthur going against him for their people and watching arthur crawl into himself and shove his feelings down to be the emotionless prince his father expects of him. once uther’s rage has quelled somewhat, he dismisses arthur without another look and arthur leaves, his back ramrod straight and his chin held high despite the glazed look in his eyes, his last shot at keeping his composure. and merlin breaks, he glares at uther and waits until the doors shut to speak, in case arthur was close enough to hear.

merlin rants and raves at uther, calls him out on his bs, and tells him to be there for his son. ofc uther isn’t having any of it and yells back at merlin but merlin isn’t deterred and keeps going on and on about how much of a disappointment uther is as a father and how much better arthur deserves. uther steps in close and raises his hand as if to backhand merlin but he doesn’t. the two stare at each other, heated glare meeting heated glare, and finally uther mutters that he should have merlin flogged for speaking like that to him. merlin doesn’t waver as he welcomes uther too but he couldn’t just stand by and watch uther tear arthur apart anymore.

uther slowly lowers his hand and turns his back on merlin but he hasn’t given in to merlin’s argument so he switches tactics. he asks how uther expects arthur to be the sure, determined, and just king he is meant to be if uther won’t let him grow into his power and autonomy, let him learn his lessons and apply them as king. uther finally lowers his shoulders at merlin’s argument which just irks him more as uther clearly cares more for arthur as a future king rather than a son but he doesn’t point that out.

uther turns to stare at merlin and asks if he really just disrespected the king so horribly just for arthur, merlin nods once without hesitation and echoes “for arthur”. uther’s lips twitch despite himself and he nods and says how he is glad arthur has someone like merlin looking out for him. merlin tests his luck once more and responds that arthur could have more than just him, he could have a dad, not just a father.

merlin watches as arthur reports back to his father the next week about an expedition they had gone on to protect one of camelot’s outlying villages from raiders and uther grins wide and pulls arthur into an awkward side hug that’s more a complicated pat on his shoulder but at least it’s something. uther says openly how he’s proud and that camelot should feel lucky to have a prince who is looking out for her.

arthur is stunned and manages a slight bow to his father as he leaves (merlin and uther exchanging a glance and nod as he passes). merlin watches arthur as the room empties and a wide, proud smile stretches across his face. merlin feels warm and fuzzy at the sight and chuckles as arthur spins and pulls merlin into a similar side hug while laughing loudly. the two of them have the most fun that day, spending the rest of the daylight goofing off and running around with no particular goal in mind other than enjoying the day. it’s the happiest merlin has seen arthur be for such a long period of time.

[jesncin]

I didn't want to talk about MAWS Lois' hanbok any more than I already did in the Asian Lois essay, so this is more of a tiny expansion on what I lightly talked about. It's what the character designer said about her hanbok design that doesn't sit right with me:

“I remember feeling strongly about wanting to inject some aspect of her Korean heritage without disrupting her characteristic as a spunky and resourceful intern/reporter.”

I've covered already that this wording poorly implies that "Korean heritage" (like the whole thing I guess) is at odds with Lois’ "spunky" personality but like, I don't think folks realize how racist their line of thinking was. If you're looking at Korean women wearing traditional outfits like this:

and you think these women can't be "spunky" or "resourceful intern/reporter" people, then what does that leave? What do you think of these women? Are these women passive? Obedient? Submissive? Just because they're wearing traditional clothes? I think back to this essay: Thinking outside the rainbow: women of color redefining queer politics and identity (which I recommend reading), and how the many queer Asian women talk about how they're not clocked as queer people because queer culture defaults to white queer culture.

The point being, if you're redesigning a "tomboy" "hanbok-inspired gala outfit" and you come in with the mindset that traditional Asian clothing = a passive woman, then you're coming in with racist and misogynist biases. I'd be more understanding if there was an explicit desire to design a hanbok for action heavy scenes where Lois needs to run around a lot, but then why say it "disrupts" a character's personality? Why bring personality up at all?

Again, I don't think the MAWS crew are racist mustache twirling villains with malicious intent to make racist caricatures of people of color. But this is a crew that wrote in character design notes for Vicki Vale to design her as "Indian-American or Asian American" (implying Indian people are not Asian when they are in fact South Asian), and casted a Filipino actor as Sam Lane (a contextually Korean character, because the crew think Asians are interchangeable), lazily designed a Native American Lois hologram with a feather on her head and ended S1 on Thanksgiving, made an in-show joke at Black Jimmy's expense that he doesn't understand bigotry, and had character designers say Korean Heritage "disrupts" Lois' personality. No, I don't think the MAWS crew are racist. I do think they're woefully ignorant about portraying people of color, and have some internalized biases to think through. All of which rightfully deserve criticism.

[prideprejudce]

the more i think about Oppenheimer the more disappointed i get because at its core it’s such an interesting story to tell. like the whole manhattan project catapulted the entire world into a new atomic era that we could never go back from whether we were ready for it or not. and the fallout from the project not only changed and devastated the lives of hundreds of thousands of people (including of course the victims in hiroshima and nagasaki + the people living in new mexico where they tested the bomb) and the continued generational trauma of the bombs. also just the general mass panic and fear that the Cold War instilled into every citizen in the states who were literally waiting to one day be just annihilated by a nuclear attack. the whole creation of the atomic bomb had so much impact on the world. so doing a deep character study of both oppenheimer and his colleagues on the moral ambiguity of their work in the project and the outcome of it is such a great movie concept. but the film didn’t feel like that at all. instead Nolan gave us the watered down story that he’s best at and spent almost three hours forcing us to watch whether oppenheimer had to lose his disneyland government fast-pass due to his communist ties or not (spoiler: he does) and how strauss doesn’t like him because he got his feewlings hurt once. all the other scientists and physicists were given one or two minutes of screen time and were really just names to a face. the actual bombs creation was given a sidelong glance and trivial explanation at best. and of course to tie it all off the main female side characters were either naked/having sex for 80% of their screen time or was given the character depth of a piece of tissue paper

[ink--theory]

happy tuesday!

as a treat y'all can have something from my scraps folder <3

[knific]

the final 3! And bot

[pinkfey]

remember how in dao there were always like multiple flirty options u could just spring on ur love interest and it wasn't something that was brushed past it would stop a conversation dead in its tracks to have a cute secondary flirty offshoot with small variations dependent on the flirty option u initially chose with a unique course correction to get back on topic after...... yeah.

[cable-salamdr]

Testing smth mmhnnmnmnnmmm *animation noises*

[sanjarka]

i'm gonna start being mean. if you have enough understanding for katniss's depression then how are you calling katniss's mom selfish for her response to her husband's death. you do understand what catatonic depression is right? you understand that she didn't purposely abandon her children?