#disappointing results
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #221
M and J went out today sometime after J got back from a faraway place called Great Barrington. I had requested time by myself in the house so I could do the recording for the song I'm trying to make for you. I suppose, then, it was a "mandated man-date"????? Hahaha…
…Yeah, it wasn't that funny, I know. But maybe it got a small smile out of you nonetheless, and I'll count that as a victory for today!
But before J returned home, it was just M and I in the house for a while. We passed the time with J away by going to this awesome momo place for lunch. And... given that you speak Japanese, your first thought might be about peaches, but this kind of momo is not a peach - it is a dumpling!!
It was a Nepalese place, and... the food there looked kind of like a halfway point between Indian food and Chinese food. And I know you don't have places called China or India on Gaia (that's what your planet is called, right?), so... dumplings and noodles feature pretty strongly in Chinese cuisine, and then in Indian cuisine, they use yogurt and tomatoes and lots of different kinds of spices, and... I guess what you get when you mix these, at least in the place we went to, was lots of different kinds of dumplings in broths that resemble tikka masala. Here:
...I also took pictures of the menu; I wonder if maybe you've seen food like this before during your travels:
Along the way, M and I met a kindly gentleman who was wandering around with a cardboard sign, offering a song, a joke, or a bit of advice for a dollar. He says he used to be a mental health counselor, and... I can't help but wonder what happened such that he is wandering around carrying a cardboard sign. But it is no business of mine; similarly, the $20 we gave him will help him, and what he does with it is his own business; he's gotta live his life his own way, and if we can help even a little, it is good.
Given that he was a mental health counselor, he said he is good at advice, and I am always wanting to learn about others' perspectives, so I asked for his thoughts. He then proceeded to show me one of his tattoos; I took these photos and am sharing them with his permission, do not worry:
...It says, "Collect the broken things and let their jagged edges fit into yours."
...You know. I think in one of my letters to you, I might have written something like this. Something about doing our best to love the broken things, I think it was. And other things about turning our jagged pieces into something wholesome and beautiful.
It's a beautiful piece of advice. And.. it's what I try to do with my life in general. We can take the broken things by the hand and lead them to perhaps a better outcome than they might have been able to imagine before. It's part of why I write these letters; every day, I try to lead those who are lost in the dark, or caught in their pain and fear, back into the light where they belong. Every day, I try to weave part of the roadmap that works for me, in hopes that it might work for someone else.
This kindly gentleman told me a very little bit about his story. I hope he can find safety and peace. I hope that what little I was able to do for him today helps him to find whatever he's looking for.
Once M and I returned home, we played some more Grounded. I like building networks of ziplines, and so our version of The Yard has a pretty intricate zipline system; I'm really liking how it's turning out! One of the obstacles involved with planning ziplines, though, is that if your character's body brushes against a blade of grass, they fall from the zipline.
The only solution I've found is to put the ziplines in very high places, where there's no risk of colliding with grass or other plant life. And the only way to get up to the high places (like the top of the birdbath near the hedges, or the top of the little pagoda in the pond, or the top of the huge logs in the upper yard, or the picnic table benches...) is by building lots and lots and lots of stairs.
Fortunately, though, I am autistic; I am well-suited for repetitive, pattern-based work. I have lots and lots of patience for it. I can forage for the supplies for stairs and then build stairs all damn day. It's one of my better superpowers.
M and J went to go see a movie called Inside-Out 2. I stayed home to record.
...I recorded for a long time. I repeated the song many times. I am not satisfied with how any of the recordings turned out.
...I used to have so much better control over my voice than this. But the rib injury messes with the muscles of my throat, and so my voice is harder to control than it used to be. I can show you a little bit of what I used to be capable of:
...I feel like anything I do now is... kind of pale by comparison.
I have a rough draft. I'll show it to you, but only if you promise not to hate it so much that you are motivated to crush my skull into the floor just to get me to shut up:
...I have to re-do the vocals. I used to be able to do so much better than this... and I'm gonna hafta do so much better than this if I want to be able to move anyone to having compassion for you.
...If I want to move you into having compassion for yourself enough to turn around...
...Well. I guess the thing to do is try again tomorrow. Suppose we'll see what happens then...
I think I'll end today's letter here. I'm maybe a bit dysregulated from thinking about all the things I can't do as easily anymore, and I don't wanna get weird.
I love you. And I'll write again tomorrow, so please stay safe...
Your friend, Lumine
#sephiroth#ThankYouFFVIIDevs#ThankYouFF7Devs#ThankYouSephiroth#final fantasy vii#final fantasy 7#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii crisis core#final fantasy 7 crisis core#final fantasy crisis core#ffvii crisis core#ff7 crisis core#crisis core#ff7r#final fantasy vii remake#final fantasy 7 remake#ffvii remake#ff7 remake#final fantasy vii rebirth#final fantasy 7 rebirth#ffvii rebirth#ff7 rebirth#final fantasy 7 ever crisis#ffvii ever crisis#ff7 ever crisis#ffvii first soldier#projects#disappointing results#wholesome
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You're getting too careless again, why are you letting yourself slip down that road again?
#what happened to you#// maple#missed assignments#subpar work#disappointing results#multiple absences#not listening or taking down notes in class#spending spending spending#have you learned nothing#you dont have the luxury to do all of this#whats wrong with you#getting ignorant#careless#stupid#whats the matter#too complacent you cant try hard?#you cant catch up?#always looking for excuses?#someone to blame that it ended up like this because of this and that?#you've fallen so hard#at the end of the day youre still this incompetent child#you've proven nothing#people have warned you#multiple times#goodness#when will you grow up
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To any disabled person undergoing tests to find What's Wrong: I hope your results come back the way you hope and that you receive the help you need. I hope you are not denied care, I hope you are taken seriously even after this, and I hope that you will be taken care of compassionately
#disability#currently going through something like this for myself and while i doubt there's anything 'wrong' i still did it#people are always weird about people who are disappointed or devastated about 'normal results' but...#...it's because normal results don't mean much when you still have the issue at hand...#...if my test came back that my back is physically normal that doesn't indicate that i don't have back pain does it?#because i am still in pain so often even if i have a 'physically normal' back...#...just as an example but i don't think a lot of abled people 'get it'#also like... if your tests are coming back 'normal' every time that might give your care providers pause...#...and they might just start infantilizing you or treating you like a hypochondriac...#...'are you SURE [problem] isn't just anxiety?' 'are you SURE you're actually experiencing [x] or are you exaggerating it?'
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I love how "send your kids to camp" has become Dimension 20 slang for "i need to borrow everyone's dice for a damage roll"
I'm officially incorporating that and "honor the cock" into my campaigns
#also fabian rolling for sex sent me#because i too have rolled for sex and gotten a disappointing result#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year
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There is so much going on here. Ovi and Miro's apparent extreme talent for Oreo rolling vs. every other Cap's lack of talent for Oreo rolling. Stromer's little flinch when it goes off the table, and his disappointment when it DOESN'T land in the ranch dip. Lappy HAPPILY eating the mustard Oreo. Chychrun's complete lack of comprehension for the game. These utter weirdos, I want them to be doing this shit all the time.
#THE TRIPLE MUSTARD#I wonder if Chychrun even did it. I feel like the lack of shown result is telling!#Also Protas's little moan of disappointment when he got the hot sauce#Alexander Ovechkin#Ivan Miroshnichenko#Ilya Protas#Dylan Strome#John Carlson#Matt Roy#Hendrix Lapierre#Andrew Mangiapane#Connor McMichael#Martin Fehervary#Jakob Chychrun#Charlie Lindgren#Logan Thompson#Caps Ensemble#Washington Capitals#Caps Media Day
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It won’t give up It wants me dead Goddamn this noise inside my head
— The Becoming by Nine Inch Nails
Also here comes two chibi trents
#ok this was actually done in last january or something but I was a bit disappointed by the result so I never post it#but I just decided to give it a chance#whatever#the becoming is when you find yourself resonate to the lyrics of this whole album more and more over the years#and that’s definitely NOT a good sign and I do not want this lol#nine inch nails#trent reznor#nin#the downward spiral#hikaruchen
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Homelander stans, how do we feel about S5 after Trump’s win? I fear that now they are gonna double down on all the MAGA/Trump mirroring, despite the fact that the scripts are already done. Like it could be even WORSE than S4. It’s genuinely so fucking sad that my favourite show AND character depend on elections and are used as a way to pour out hate Kripke has for republicans. I can’t even use it as a temporary escape from shitty reality we live in. And mind you, I’m not even American, but Trump will have a great impact on my country and its future
#homelander#the boys#the boys season 4#the boys season 5#i feel sick#and so disappointed in Americans#kripke is gonna go insane#and so do i after this election result
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lovewings
#marcoace#my art#marco the phoenix#portgas d ace#ace one piece#marco one piece#one piece#one piece fanart#the concept was Ace stealing him across the grandline hence the shitty map bg lmao#which my gf was laughing at like 😔 ok i thought it was a neat idea but now im just ah..#the light source is really shit btw im sorry#theres stuff i know i shouldve done differently#but i just autopiloted into a safe zone#the safe zone im fighting to get out of bc i hate the end result#anyway enjoy enough pity party from me#this was supposed to be for valentines day but i was late#how to stop feeling disappointed when u finish something id love to know
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merlin who stands against the wall while uther reprimands arthur, who stands behind arthur at dinners where uther’s disapproval and disappointment is apparent, who has been there when arthur is quiet and despondent after private meetings with his father, who has watched for years the sting of uther’s words and sometimes hands against his own son, who has bit his tongue and followed arthur with gentle hands and softer words as he puts the pieces back together of the man he knows and loves.
merlin watching uther lose his temper over arthur going against him for their people and watching arthur crawl into himself and shove his feelings down to be the emotionless prince his father expects of him. once uther’s rage has quelled somewhat, he dismisses arthur without another look and arthur leaves, his back ramrod straight and his chin held high despite the glazed look in his eyes, his last shot at keeping his composure. and merlin breaks, he glares at uther and waits until the doors shut to speak, in case arthur was close enough to hear.
merlin rants and raves at uther, calls him out on his bs, and tells him to be there for his son. ofc uther isn’t having any of it and yells back at merlin but merlin isn’t deterred and keeps going on and on about how much of a disappointment uther is as a father and how much better arthur deserves. uther steps in close and raises his hand as if to backhand merlin but he doesn’t. the two stare at each other, heated glare meeting heated glare, and finally uther mutters that he should have merlin flogged for speaking like that to him. merlin doesn’t waver as he welcomes uther too but he couldn’t just stand by and watch uther tear arthur apart anymore.
uther slowly lowers his hand and turns his back on merlin but he hasn’t given in to merlin’s argument so he switches tactics. he asks how uther expects arthur to be the sure, determined, and just king he is meant to be if uther won’t let him grow into his power and autonomy, let him learn his lessons and apply them as king. uther finally lowers his shoulders at merlin’s argument which just irks him more as uther clearly cares more for arthur as a future king rather than a son but he doesn’t point that out.
uther turns to stare at merlin and asks if he really just disrespected the king so horribly just for arthur, merlin nods once without hesitation and echoes “for arthur”. uther’s lips twitch despite himself and he nods and says how he is glad arthur has someone like merlin looking out for him. merlin tests his luck once more and responds that arthur could have more than just him, he could have a dad, not just a father.
merlin watches as arthur reports back to his father the next week about an expedition they had gone on to protect one of camelot’s outlying villages from raiders and uther grins wide and pulls arthur into an awkward side hug that’s more a complicated pat on his shoulder but at least it’s something. uther says openly how he’s proud and that camelot should feel lucky to have a prince who is looking out for her.
arthur is stunned and manages a slight bow to his father as he leaves (merlin and uther exchanging a glance and nod as he passes). merlin watches arthur as the room empties and a wide, proud smile stretches across his face. merlin feels warm and fuzzy at the sight and chuckles as arthur spins and pulls merlin into a similar side hug while laughing loudly. the two of them have the most fun that day, spending the rest of the daylight goofing off and running around with no particular goal in mind other than enjoying the day. it’s the happiest merlin has seen arthur be for such a long period of time.
#obviously uther is a pos and doesnt remain like this for long before falling back into his anger and rage and belittling arthur again#merlin is disappointed but not surprised#he gives up on uther and decides to just be arthur’s support#OR#uther tests it out and makes a deal with merlin that he’ll be more supportive of arthur’s independence#but if he steps too far out of line or grows too arrogant as to stand against him or makes a big mess of things#it will be merlin who suffers the punishment rather than arthur#this results in merlin getting dragged down to the dungeons and getting whipped#uther wanted it to be a public flogging but knew how much merlin meant to him so he decided to do it in private so arthur wouldnt blow up#merlin hides his wounds and uther returns to his shitty ways and takes the bit of confidence arthur acquired#years later established merthur and arthur is tracing merlins scars in bed and asks about the whip marks on his back#merlin hesistates bc he doesnt want to tell arthur the truth and tries to lie but arthur calls him out on it#‘we said no more lies’ and merlin folds and tells him#arthur (guilt ridden) and merlin (protector of pretty prat partner) have sad sex 😔🔥💔💋#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#fanfiction#fanfic#fic#merthur#uther pendragon#cw parental abuse
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I didn't want to talk about MAWS Lois' hanbok any more than I already did in the Asian Lois essay, so this is more of a tiny expansion on what I lightly talked about. It's what the character designer said about her hanbok design that doesn't sit right with me:
“I remember feeling strongly about wanting to inject some aspect of her Korean heritage without disrupting her characteristic as a spunky and resourceful intern/reporter.”
I've covered already that this wording poorly implies that "Korean heritage" (like the whole thing I guess) is at odds with Lois’ "spunky" personality but like, I don't think folks realize how racist their line of thinking was. If you're looking at Korean women wearing traditional outfits like this:
and you think these women can't be "spunky" or "resourceful intern/reporter" people, then what does that leave? What do you think of these women? Are these women passive? Obedient? Submissive? Just because they're wearing traditional clothes? I think back to this essay: Thinking outside the rainbow: women of color redefining queer politics and identity (which I recommend reading), and how the many queer Asian women talk about how they're not clocked as queer people because queer culture defaults to white queer culture.
The point being, if you're redesigning a "tomboy" "hanbok-inspired gala outfit" and you come in with the mindset that traditional Asian clothing = a passive woman, then you're coming in with racist and misogynist biases. I'd be more understanding if there was an explicit desire to design a hanbok for action heavy scenes where Lois needs to run around a lot, but then why say it "disrupts" a character's personality? Why bring personality up at all?
Again, I don't think the MAWS crew are racist mustache twirling villains with malicious intent to make racist caricatures of people of color. But this is a crew that wrote in character design notes for Vicki Vale to design her as "Indian-American or Asian American" (implying Indian people are not Asian when they are in fact South Asian), and casted a Filipino actor as Sam Lane (a contextually Korean character, because the crew think Asians are interchangeable), lazily designed a Native American Lois hologram with a feather on her head and ended S1 on Thanksgiving, made an in-show joke at Black Jimmy's expense that he doesn't understand bigotry, and had character designers say Korean Heritage "disrupts" Lois' personality. No, I don't think the MAWS crew are racist. I do think they're woefully ignorant about portraying people of color, and have some internalized biases to think through. All of which rightfully deserve criticism.
#ramblings#jesncin talks maws#jesncin dc meta#media criticism#obvs I have a lot of Big Feelings on Cultural Nonconformity- putting a lot of thought into designing traditional outfits for queer ppl#Lunar Boy was a big expression of how queerness can look like a lot of things and that it's not antithetical to culture#so when I heard this show was gonna do something similar I was so excited. very disappointed in the end result#i have trans masc/enby friends who wear traditional outfits. asian culture is only limiting if u stereotype it
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the more i think about Oppenheimer the more disappointed i get because at its core it’s such an interesting story to tell. like the whole manhattan project catapulted the entire world into a new atomic era that we could never go back from whether we were ready for it or not. and the fallout from the project not only changed and devastated the lives of hundreds of thousands of people (including of course the victims in hiroshima and nagasaki + the people living in new mexico where they tested the bomb) and the continued generational trauma of the bombs. also just the general mass panic and fear that the Cold War instilled into every citizen in the states who were literally waiting to one day be just annihilated by a nuclear attack. the whole creation of the atomic bomb had so much impact on the world. so doing a deep character study of both oppenheimer and his colleagues on the moral ambiguity of their work in the project and the outcome of it is such a great movie concept. but the film didn’t feel like that at all. instead Nolan gave us the watered down story that he’s best at and spent almost three hours forcing us to watch whether oppenheimer had to lose his disneyland government fast-pass due to his communist ties or not (spoiler: he does) and how strauss doesn’t like him because he got his feewlings hurt once. all the other scientists and physicists were given one or two minutes of screen time and were really just names to a face. the actual bombs creation was given a sidelong glance and trivial explanation at best. and of course to tie it all off the main female side characters were either naked/having sex for 80% of their screen time or was given the character depth of a piece of tissue paper
#oppenheimer#oppenheimer spoilers#oppenheimer negativity#I’ve had all day to think on this and the more i do the sadder i get#i wanted to like this film so much#i thought we were gonna be given a deep dive into this character and the bomb#but the result felt shallow and contrived#the movie focuses so much on fitting as much info as possible in three hours that the story just couldn’t breathe#scenes between characters lasted all of two minutes before we were launched into another scene to two new characters#and oppenheimers personal motivation/desires just felt ambiguous the entire time#like he busts his ass to build this bomb but then all the sudden develops a moral compass when it’s done?#where’s the character depth?? what makes him so passive about some things then suddenly driven for others?#and Florence and Emily Blunt were ripped off and characters were reduced to common tropes#it’s just so disappointing….i waited all year for this movie too
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happy tuesday!
as a treat y'all can have something from my scraps folder <3
#drew this one like day fucking one of the dlc dropping and getting to the last floor lmao#my agent 32 raddled brain was screaming at me to draw something and this was the end result#I wanted to draw parallels to a previous agent 32 piece I did A WHILE back#but im kinda disappointed in the end result and thus into the scrap folder it goes#splatoon#splatoon 3#side order#side order spoilers#agent 8#agent 4#agent 32#i guess????#my art shit#maybe i'll come back at a later point and redo this piece? idk no promises lol
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the final 3! And bot
#iii 19 spoilers#ii cabby#cabby ii#ii balloon#ii silver spoon#ii mephone4#mephone4#ii trophy#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity invitational#0 art#me trying to make everything aboit trophy#ii bot#i was rooting for balloon but the results did not disappoint#aslo idk why i put bot#they arent even my favourite character infact i really hate bot#but whatever
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Testing smth mmhnnmnmnnmmm *animation noises*
#i will use these tags as an opportunity to ramble abt procreate dreams because it’s just NOT it#as someone who has been used to procreate for like 4 years now when i say i was disappointed at how much they took away in dreams i just#head in hands#of course the actual animation stuff is cool. and bigger canvases layers n all that#but it’s not the same. there’s not even a way to select and move stuff#(at least i haven’t seen it yet)#this has resulted in me still having to do animation on normal procreate which is fine#but yk. i’d love to do animatics n stuff. but i can’t#i know it’s not meant to be the same but the way i saw it being advertised it was literally just procreate#but more specialised on animation#which ig it is but it’s just not close enough to normal procreate for me to be very comfortable with it#anyways yeah animation or smth is. a thing.#let’s hope i can finish this lol#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago lloyd#ninjago arin#tag ramble
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i'm gonna start being mean. if you have enough understanding for katniss's depression then how are you calling katniss's mom selfish for her response to her husband's death. you do understand what catatonic depression is right? you understand that she didn't purposely abandon her children?
#i would also argue that she didn't even abandon katniss after prim's death but was actually protecting her#sometimes it seems like some people genuinely feel like she didn't love katniss as much as prim which is so...#she was afraid and she knew that if she were to return to 12 everything would repeat again#and yes as a mother she should take care of her daughter but she's also just a woman#how can two sick people take care of each other like literally how???#and maybe she should've tried harder and not focused on the fear BUT I AM REPEATING DEPRESSION IS NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST CHOOSE TO HAVE#the only thing she's certain of is that the possibility of disappointing and hurting katniss is to high to risk it#and there are things to criticize her for surely but i just don't see any of her mistakes being a result of not caring for katniss#or not loving her#that's not it#I WILL PROTECT THIS WOMAN UNTILL THE END OF TIME#thg#everlark
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Chickens *insert funny text here*
#Spock is so done#🐔🤨#i should have spent more time to draw the lineart but i was impatient (the result is disappointing but pretend not to notice)#star trek#star trek tos#spock#s'chn t'gai spock#kirk#jim kirk#james t kirk#captain kirk#doctor mccoy is also there#leonard mccoy#spirk#i mean it is there just not exactly evident?#chicken#chickens#art#fanart#traditional art#when I was making this post the 'chicken' tag was trending for some reason#'these are the voyages of the star-chick enterprise'#at this point I think I'll just draw all my favorite characters holding chickens (at least I hope one day I will)
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