#dick grayson makes dad jokes

[squishykitty825]

Dick: What gets covered in dirt but somehow always stays clean?

Jason: A body in a coffin

Dick: …

Jason: …

Dick: Soap. It was soap.

[magicpiano]

I have seen a few DCxMarvel dimension travel fics, and quite a few of them are of them are Peter Parker post-blip. Which gives me a crack fic idea: everyone who got snapped ended up in the DC universe. Yes, all of them.

The current world population is around eight billion, so half of that would be 4 billion... Yeah that would cause so so so many problems. But the DC universe is used to crazy shit.

Obviously there would be a sudden influx of "new" heroes and villains but with absolutely no context it is hard to figure out who is who.

Batman immediately trying to make contingency plans for all these new heroes and villains as well as figure out their civilian identities but this is very difficult because literally no records exist yet.

Magic users from both worlds team up, but I think they were still unable to fix it, the infinity stones were just too powerful. Also I think Dr. Strange and Constantine can't stand each other.

While I am at it, Wonder Woman and Loki would probably hate each other too. DC is more Greek but it has had their own version of Norse mythology, so maybe they are the same and have beef?

They would struggle to feed and house that many new people, but getting them jobs and integrating them into society would be hard too. And good luck proving anything anyone says. "You swear you have a law degree from Harvard? Okay I guess."

Do doubles exist? Yeah a lot of people probably don't have an alternate universe double, but it stands to reason some do. How do you deal with having a new kind-of twin? Or a dead friend or relative coming back, but different? Or even someone you never knew/doesn't exist in this world insisting they are family.

Some au double ideas I have seen people toss around are: Dick Grayson as Richard Parker, Kara Danvers as Carol Danvers, Steve Trevor as Steve Rogers, and Slade Wilson as/being somehow related to Wade Wilson, but I am sure there are other fun ideas out there too.

The snap didn't just affect humans/earth! So other planets are having the same problems.

Then randomly, five years later, just when people were getting used to the change, they all disappear again without warning. This causes as many problems as the original appearance did.

[hallieticket]

Thanksgiving at the Waynes:

Dick- has come home for the holidays, has brought every single piece of clothing he owns for Alfred to wash, is the person in the family that makes everyone go around and say what they’re thankful for,decides halfway through the meal to stand on the table, tries to start a sing along, ends the night swinging from the chandelier for “old times sakes”

Jason- Refuses to come until Alfred plays the “I need help in the kitchen” card, yells at Dick for trying to steal food while he’s cooking it, “I need a whiskey to get through this dinner,” was told to leave his weapons at the door and takes twenty minutes to de-armor, he still has two guns on his person even after that, sneaks off after the meal to read in the library, somehow ends up surrounded by the entire family, stress bakes the night before and provides enough desserts to feed a family of ten

Tim- is “not working” but ends up taking three different business calls throughout the day, nurses a glass of wine all day long and leaves with only half of it drunk, somehow ends up sitting next to Damian and gets all of his silverware confiscated except for his spoon by the time they get to the main course, “TIM HOW MANY COFFEES HAVE YOU HAD TODAY?,” uses eggnog as creamer, somehow they end up playing poker and he absolutely smokes them

Damian- spends the entire day with some kind of animal perched on his shoulder (first Alfred the cat and then a bird: nobody knows where the bird came from), is thankful for his swords (they’re all secretly named after his brothers, he’ll die before he admits that), tries multiple times to sneak different kinds of alcohol, fails.

Bruce- Starts the day with at least one of his children jumping on his bed, tries to sneak out at least twice to patrol before Alfred stops him, has at least two bruised ribs, falls asleep on the couch after dinner, is forced to sit at the head of the table and nods off twice during dinner

Cassandra- unabashedly watches the thanksgiving day parade, is the only one that ends up patrolling after dinner, the only successful one that can steal food, smokes everyone but Tim in all their card games, helps Damian sneak alcohol without getting caught

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

[bitimdrake]

For the blorbo bleebus: dick grayson?

dick is the most aspirational character ever in that we should all be exactly like him, and also the worst anti-aspirational character in that no one should ever be anything remotely like him at all, hope this helps

[bamboozled-distress]

shoutout to dick and Barbara for choosing their original costumes for the sole purpose of taking the piss at Batman and to just absolutely enrage their father and sticking to their shit ass costumes for years on end because no matter what happens they are committed to the fucking bit.

[quiidam]

I think that all of the Batkids get a different version of Bruce as father. But I think part of what makes his relationship with Dick so unique is that he was almost like a teen dad when he raised him. Yes, he was well into his late twenties early thirties but this man had never had a pet let alone been responsible for another life when he started raising Dick. He knew nothing about children. So of course he let Dick drink coffee and pull all nighters with him, started teaching him how to drive at eight years old, let him bulk up on protein shakes instead of eating regular meals and read any kind of book he could get his hands on. He vents about his life to Dick, no real boundary of parent and child. He’s the reason Dick climbs and jumps from every high point in the Manor— he’s a flying Grayson, he can handle himself. Until Alfred steps in starts explaining to Bruce that children need boundaries, that children are fragile. Dick still jokes about some of the things he was allowed to do as a child, Bruce still cringes.

[rin-may-1103]

Just a Bite.

Master Post | Next

Danny stared out at the busy street from behind his dumpster.

or well, not his dumpster, but it might as well be his considering how many nights he's spent sitting behind it like some rabid raccoon.

Two months ago, he would have been sleeping in his own bed. His glow-in-the-dark stars vaguely lighting up his room in soft luminescent colors. The sound of Jazz snoring in her sleep just a room over, his parents still milling around in the basement.

he would have just finished fighting the box ghost and collapsed onto his bed, the sound of his home lulling him to sleep.

Oh, how things can change in a blink of an eye.

No, instead of sleeping on his bed with his cartoon ghost sheets and NASA poster covered room, he's out here in some random dirty city, sleeping behind dumpsters.

dirty, grimy, rusty dumpsters.

"did you hear?" some lady dressed in a light blue summer dress asked, turning to look at her friend as they started to walk past. "Mr. Wayne donated another lump sum to that charity." she huffed, shaking her head like she had just said the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard.

her friend stopped in the middle of the alley opening, her graying hair splaying in an ark as she twisted to face the other women. "my word! again? what the hell is that man thinking?"

the woman huffed, then smirked in amusement. "it's like he's shouting for the world to hear how desperate he is for attention. he thinks if he donates enough money to those scoudrails they'll love him or something. With how he's acting lately, it's like he wants all the street rats to barge into his home asking for money, food, and clothes."

her friend clicked her tongue in disgust, "I'd believe it. he has so many kids now, it's like he's running an orphanage. someone, anyone really, with black hair and some tragic story could walk right in and not even be noticed. they'd blend right in with the others."

"I heard it's genetic, his father was the same way before he met Martha. Bruce's blood son, Damian I believe, acts just like his father. the boy's been spotted taking stray cats and dogs inside. It wouldn't surprise me if the paper posted about him convincing his father for another sibling at some point."

the women then turned and started to walk away, their conversation slowly bleeding into the surrounding city ruckus.

Danny leaned back, resting his head against the crumbling brick behind him.

walk right in and not be noticed? wouldn't that be grand. He had heard of Mr. wayne and his gaggle of black-haired children. What were their names again? he could have sworn Sam told him before, in one of her rants about rich society.

Richard Grayson was the first, Danny remembered because Tucker had been making none stop dick jokes for a few hours. Danny didn't understand why the man would willingly go by Dick, but then again, who was he to question someone's name when he fights ghosts like Skulker and Technis on a daily basis?

Next was... Jason? Sam had mentioned there was a whole conspiracy theory of how his death was a cover-up. how all the unsolved crime community swore it was Bruce who killed the kid, that or the kid had some terminal illness that Bruce didn't want the media to know about.

thennnnnn-

Danny glanced around, trying to dig through his memories of Sam's rant. Dick: the orphaned circus act taken in the night his parents died. he's romanie? maybe, Danny wasn't too sure on that one. Jason: taken off the streets, one of his parents was out of the picture and the other one died of a drug overdose.

and then there was..... Tim! Right, Tim, the one who was Mr. Wayne's neighbor before his mother died and his dad went into a coma, then died later on. right, right. he was the known tech genius, the one who took over the company while Mr. Wayne stepped back for a while.

there were others? like, four others? Damian, the lady said he was the blood son sooo, that would imply he was the only bio kid.

who else was there? hmmmm.

well, either way, Danny's tired brain agreed with the women. someone, anyone, who looked vaguely like the other kids could walk right into the house and no one would notice.

it was a bad idea. a terrible one really. but. Danny was hungry.

he's been sleeping behind dumpsters for a few weeks now, he hadn't had anything good to eat in forever, and he was tired. (not as exhausted as he was back home, but still tired. who would have guessed he'd sleep more while homeless?)

he wasn't going to steal from people, his core wouldn't allow him to. and well, he's pretty sure Dan would have stolen already, so there was no way Danny was going to. not unless his life was at risk, and well? it wasn't right now, so no stealing.

but this? walking right into a house and blatantly taking food? right in front of them?

it wouldn't be stealing if he just flat-out didn't try to hide it. they'd be able to stop him and send him away. heck, he doubted he'd even make it past the front gate before they turned him away.

...

was he really going to do this?

...

yes, yes he was.

standing up, Danny started making his way out of the alleyway and over to the tall building with Wayne's name on it. It was a good place to start, maybe he could even find one of the kids and walk with them. or, even better, he could find Mr. Wayne and walk with him. he liked that better than following some kid around.

suddenly, a car honked right next to him, the window rolling down to reveal a tired and disheveled man behind the wheel. glancing up, Danny made eye contact with the taxi driver.

the man yawned and gestured for him to get in, already speaking before Danny could decline. "Mr. Wayne! Your father," yawn, "Father already paid for me to take you home. just hop in."

Danny blinked then glanced around, looking to see if the Wayne the man was talking about was around. nope. turning back, Danny spotted a green sticky note on the back seat.

well, alright then. guess he was getting into the taxi and doing this after all. Clockwork obviously approved if he messed with the timing of things.

Next

[incorrectbatfam]

The batkids (and their partners/crushes/friends) with pride month hcs?

Tim: Lady. Gentleman. Bart. You are about to meet my boyfriend. Now remember, he doesn't know I'm Robin, so you need to act like human people. Can you do that?

Kon, Cassie, and Bart: Yes sir!

Bernard, entering: Hey, it's nice to meet you guys. I'm so glad we're going to Pride together.

Cassie: *lasso immediately falls out of her bag*

Kon: *lasers the ground at Bernard's feet*

Bart: Hi, I'm Impulse.

Tim: *facepalm*

Bart: What? We didn't give away YOUR identity.

———————

Steph, running a food truck: Pride snacks! Get your Pride snacks hot 'n ready! Get two-for-one on the bi-rria tacos!

Margie: I bet you don't have anything for straight pride. You know, the rest of us normal people.

Steph: Yo Cass, one cishet sizzler!

Cass: *throws coffee in Margie's face*

Steph: That'll be $19.99.

Steph: *turns the screen around for tips*

———————

Selina: *wears a shirt saying Free Mom Hugs*

Bruce: *wears a shirt saying Inclusive Dad Jokes*

Alfred: *wears a shirt saying Weird Grandpa Stories*

Kate: *wears a shirt saying I'm Just Gonna Tell You To Dump Them*

———————

Harper: Since this is your first Pride, we're gonna show you the ropes.

Duke: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Harper: Over there we have the Batgirls food truck. Over there is Cullen's evil mafia boyfriend selling Uno cards. And over there is the Justice League in Justice League themed drag.

Cullen: And over there is the porta potty.

Duke: Only one?

Cullen: We ran over budget. But it's gender-neutral.

———————

Renee: Kate's busy telling people to dump their partners. Mind if I hang out here?

Harley: Not a problem! Want a bi-rria taco?

Renee: Nah, but I'll take the les-beans if you don't want them.

Ivy: We were just about to start a game of Gay Uno.

Renee: Gay Uno?

Harley: It's like regular Uno except when you put down a +4 you have to kiss.

Renee: Deal me in.

———————

Jason: You take the Main Street entrance. I'll cover Atlantic up to Washington. Rendezvous here in an hour.

Roy: And then we make out?

Jason, sighing: Sure.

Roy: Sloppy style?

Jason: This is a PG-13 post, Roy.

———————

Dick: Of course I make people question their sexuality with a face like this.

Wally: Sure, your face...

Wally: *glances down*

Donna: You guys are exhausting. I'm joining Roy on patrol.

———————

Barbara: Welcome to the annual conference of Sapphics Who Used To Date Dick Grayson. Helena, what's the first item on our agenda?

Helena: Discussing forming a polycule over dinner.

Bette: I already made a reservation.

Kory: I call braiding everyone's hair.

———————

Luke: Thanks for giving me a hand with the fireworks.

Carrie: Of course. By the way, I have something to tell you. You're the first person I've told.

Luke: I accept you.

Carrie: Thanks, but I was actually gonna say that I scratched your car in the parking lot.

Luke: WHAT?!

Carrie: Also I go by she/they.

———————

Lois: How on Earth did you burn your cape at a Pride festival?

Jon: Well...

[earlier]

Damian and Jon: *watching the fireworks*

Damian: I like that flower one.

Jon: *shoots into the sky to grab it*

Damian: *facepalm*

Tim, sitting nearby: You and me both.

[martiniluvr]

I need Dick Grayson with a breeding kink so bad. Hed see you with some kids at some wayne family event and the moment your hone hes jumping you. Whimpering about how bad he needs to fill you up 🙏🙏

started levitating and speaking in tongues when I read this…..it’s like ur inside my head🧎🏽‍♀️

holy spirit took over so it’s longer than anticipated oops hope y’all enjoy 🫶

18+ minors dni

warnings: breeding kink, mentions of pregnancy, dick grayson going feral

★・・・★・・・★・・・★

you and dick grayson had just attended a wayne foundation fundraiser for the development of a local school, where he had witnessed for the first time how you interact with children. he watched as you chatted with the little guests of honour and laughed at their silly jokes, and how one of the smallest girls in the group shyly approached you to ask about your princess dress, as she called it. you engaged with each of the kids so naturally that his mind instinctively wandered to what it would be like to see you with his children someday.

he brought the idea up on the car ride home to gauge your reaction. “I mean, think about it,” he said. “a mini-me. or a mini-you—teaching them to ride a bike, or something. going to recitals. I don’t know.” a fond smile ghosted over him.

you laughed, surprised by his words. “that’s sweet, grayson,” you said. “I think you’d make a great dad.” he glanced at you expectantly.

“but…?”

“but,” you continued, “we’d have to make the kids first, you know. it takes time.” hearing that made him pause for a moment.

“oh, yeah. right,” he murmured. he hadn’t thought about that part—the process of getting you pregnant. you didn’t notice the way his jaw tensed, or how his knuckles whitened around the the steering wheel, or even the sudden tightness in his suit pants. the engine roared as he sped up, his sole focus on getting you home.

★・・・★・・・★・・・★

you can barely recall what happened between him parking the car and you ending up on his bed. all you know is that your gala clothes are strewn across the floor, your legs are being pressed open against you, and dick’s starving mouth is on your soaking pussy, sucking desperately. his ministrations are impatient and disorganised, not at all like the dick you’re used to. what’s gotten into him?

beneath him, his cock aches as he ruts against the mattress, precum leaking onto his stomach. he’s already worked you to two generous orgasms despite his state of desperation. unable to wait any longer, he crawls his way back up your body until his cock is flush against your wet folds, his strong hands keeping your thighs wide open and pressed back so he has a full view of your sex.

your jaw falls slack as he gradually plunges into you until his length disappears in your walls. he’s deeper than usual, and your hand lurches to push him back. he intercepts your wrist instantly, pinning it down next to you.

“c’mon, baby, you can take it,” he coos hoarsely, his breathing ragged as his eyes travel your body. “feel that, baby. feel how deep I’m going. it’s intense, huh?” he leans down closer to you, pressing his body onto the back of your thighs as he fucks you slowly. “try to relax, pretty girl. this is the best way for me to fill you up, okay?” realisation hits you as he says the words. so that’s what this is about.

his thrusts speed up, and he feels you tighten with each intrusion. “fuck…you trying to squeeze it out of me? that’s how bad you want it, huh?” his smirk is arrogant, but it wavers as your walls spasm around him again, a lewd whine slipping through your lips. dick watches as your needy pussy grips his length and pulls him back in, practically begging to be filled. his moans grow louder as he drills into you, the pressure in his lower abdomen building quickly.

you’re taken by the primal way he’s is fucking you tonight. you’ve never experienced this side of him—messy, greedy, filthy—and it’s truly a sight to behold. the way his sweat-sheened muscles strain with each thrust sends another rush of wetness through you, and you feel it pooling around dick’s length.

“I wanna fuck a baby into you, pretty girl,” he keens, more to himself than to you; “wanna see you take it all.” his eyes screw shut in pleasure, feeling the way your walls contract around him; you’re almost delirious from the sensation of him pounding into you, and it’s driving him over the edge. his breathing is irregular when he speaks; “I’m gonna fill this little pussy up—that’s what you want, huh, baby? you want me to cum inside you?”

“yeah—yes,” you gasp, your voice barely above a squeak, “cum inside me, dick, please!”

as you say the words, you feel his cock twitch, and his strokes grow sloppy; he whines into you when he climaxes, burying his face into the crook of your neck as his hips buck. you hear him moan your name as he finishes, and his movements slowly come to a halt. breathlessly, you hold him in place, your arms clinging to his shoulders in an attempt to preserve the feeling of him buried inside you like this, with his breath fanning across your neck.

after a moment, dick sits back up and pulls out of you slowly, his length ringed in both your fluids. his face is frozen in admiration as he watches his load dripping out of you and sliding down your ass. he reaches down and smears the liquid over your folds before pushing it back into your sensitive entrance with his thumb, not intending to waste a drop.

“fuck…you take it so well, baby,” he breathes as he leans back down to kiss you feverishly. he then holds his thumb to your mouth, and you suck it clean, staring up into his blue eyes through your lashes. a loving expression settles on his features as he runs the pad of his thumb along your jaw, and your belly tenses at the feeling of him still dripping out of you while your legs relax by his sides.

“y’know,” he says after a beat, a teasing smile on his lips. “I hear it takes a while for this kind of thing to stick. we’re probably gonna have to do this a few more times.”

“alright, grayson,” you laugh, your fingers absently running through his hair. “but you’re washing the sheets.” he cracks a playful grin and rests his forehead against yours.

“deal,” he murmurs, kissing you again.

[midnightorchids]

Hellloooo- the only thing I wanted to say about Jason Todd is that he is probably actually really playful and fun to be around. Like it's not too much because homeboy is traumatized but is still one of the most playful in the batfam

Like even in his evil voiceless as red hood there were still some playfulness in his tone,I sincerely believe he is more laid back and chill then dick Grayson.

No because this is so true, Jason is definitely super fun and playful!!

Also, this just inspired me to make a little list of silly!Jason headcanons, I hope you like them! Enjoy!

- jason is a pretty serious guy when you first meet him, but he’s actually really funny! i think his humour is very dead pan and sarcasm heavy, but he laughs at most things lol

- sometimes, he makes dad jokes and they’re honestly so bad that they��re kinda funny

- i’ve said this before, but i’ll say it again! he definitely uses humour to cope and he makes a lot of death jokes or he just simply says “kill me again” at every minor inconvenience (real)

- he’s really easy to get along with because he’s super laid back and chill

- he also has nicknames for most people (and things) and they’re really dumb, when he uses people’s actual names they’re like oh shit because that means he’s angry

- he has a really contagious laugh, it’s deep and attractive

- BUT sometimes it’s so stupid, like he’s giggling so hard, clutching his sides and hitting people (im guilty of this) and it’s like bro is it really that funny LMAO

- also when he does this type of laugh it’s usually funnier than the joke

- oh and he definitely struggles to get out a joke if he thinks it’s funny, he’s laughing so hard before getting to the punchline and you’re just staring at him like man finish the sentence please

- i genuinely think he makes commentary when he’s fighting someone on patrol

- he’s very chatty once you get know him

- his voice gets a little higher pitched when he talks to kids and animals, he baby talks to cats (but only when no one is around)

- also cat memes.

[riotlain]

Hi! Could you please do Batboys (sepretly) with a younger brother reader? Basically hcs of the reader copying and looking up to their brother, and he accidentally calls them dad (it's his first word)

Ty, have a great day or night!<33

im back in my fanfic era guys

didn't include duke bc i blanked when jt came to him😭😭

Dick Grayson

The minute you starts copying him he's over the moon and everyone else in the manor freaks out

No, you can't hang on the chandelier like he used to

He teaches you fun tricks though

You have your own little bō staff like his

Yes he has dressed you up in a Nightwing costume for halloween

Carries you around with one of those chest baby carrier things

If you were to ever call him dad as a first word his heart would stop

Like he's happy you said your first word but like he will make sure you don't call him dad around Bruce😭😭

Will crush the old man's heart (joke)

Jason Todd

Probably the last one to meet you since he's hardly ever in the manor

When he does see you though, he's immediately protective over you

Whenever you started copying him, he'd think its funny

How you cross your arms whenever he crosses his or sighs whenever he does it

He feels a wonderful kinship

Then you call him dad and he is immediately gone (mentally)

^^ His reaction

He is hardly ready to enter a relationship, much less be a dad

Even if you just see him once every blue moon

He just sorta picks you up and brings you to Bruce

"Thats your dada."

Tim Drake

Probably the second best brother to mimic out of them all since he's like pretty normalish

He has you sit on his lap while he works

You probably turned into an ipad baby cause of him

Also the type to carry you around with the chest baby carrier

You 2 nap together

When he you call him dad he just freezes up and stares at you for a moment

Then he panics and tries to get you to call Bruce dad instead

Damian Wayne

The first brother to meet you and of course he begins training you like how he was trained

Minute you began walking it was training time

Of course, you didn't really care but you had fun

Damian doesn't carry you around or anything but he holds your hand when you guys are in public

Especially at balls. He talks shit with you even though you hardly know any words

"Look at that woman over there flirting with father. How could she even think she has a chance with him?"

You:

If you were to call him dad, he would then lecture you with pictures about how Bruce is your dad and is very cool and how Batman is cool

Like a chump

[fictitious-obsession]

BigBro Dick Grayson with Little Sibling Vigilante Reader Headcanons

I have not done a sibling relationship one yet and really wanted to. Hope you enjoy! Here is my masterlist for more. ~ Anya

When you were brought in by Bruce into the Batfam, he immediately had a soft spot for you.

Training sessions with him are calculated, but not as grueling as with some of the others.  He lets you pick what to work on, but does try to make it more fun.

After training snack stops are a MUST.  Anything from ice cream to sweets to chips to smoothies. He’ll take you after a good workout or training

Patrols can be both fun and frustrating. He will be overprotective, but try to crack jokes on a boring night.

He is responsible as much as he is fun, so when he sees you focused on the patrols or missions, he takes pride in that.

He is well aware that you can fight and kick ass on your own and won’t cut in to take that from you. He really only gets in the way if he feels like you are in danger or at a high risk.

If you get into an argument or fight with one of the other Batfam members, he lends an ear and tries to calm you down.

He knows your body language well and goes out of his way to check if you are okay or give you your favorite things to cheer you up.

He definitely builds blanket forts for him, you, and the other siblings. Full of lights, pillows, and lo-fi music.

When he moves to Blüdhaven, you are welcome to stay with him whenever you want. He is a phone call away, no matter what.

For major events in your life, he is there for you. From a prom night, to your 21st birthday, to bringing your partner over for the first time, he is there as your hype man.

When it comes to romantic advice, he’s a bit of an over-sharer, but he wants you to be happy and not be heartbroken by some jerk. He’ll give you his perspective and red and green flags.

In addition to relationship chats, he loves to hear about your crushes and/or partner.  Seeing you so passionate about someone is adorable and raw to him. He also takes it as a sign of trust.

When you get sick, he goes full mother-hen mode with Bruce and Alfred to take care of you. He will overreact, but it’s out of love

Same goes for if you are injured while on patrol. He goes into first aid mode and fusses over getting everything for you.

He is the dad of the group when it comes to snacks and feeding you. You will not go hungry with him around.

But he isn’t always fun and games. If you are getting too rowdy or rough, he will make sure to let you know.

When a plan of attack is in motion, he watches over you to be sure you do it right and safely.

He does not tolerate separating from the core values of the Batfam, but will not be as harsh as some of the other members.

If you are one of the vigilantes that takes more to violence or killing, he will show disapproval, but not hold it against you outside of the costume.

Overall, he cares for you a lot and will look after you, while still respecting your space and choices. A good big bro.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hope you liked it. :) Feel free to read more or make requests. ~ Anya

[anothertimdrakestan]

Jealous Jason Todd Headcanon

~loooong requested hope you enjoy some brotherly competition~

- jason had no idea he wanted you until dick called "dibs" the first night he met jason's mysterious "friend" and newest bat-recruit

- at first, jason didn't care. like at all. but that never stopped him from being an asshole

- "my brother y/n really? what's there to like? i didn't see you as a musical theatre and dad-joke enjoyer" he'd scoff anytime dick tried to make a move

- that didn't stop richard fucking grayson.

- "hey! y/n! fancy seeing you here!" .. "it's the batcave dick i work here" .. "oh, well are you working all night? maybe we can grab some big belly burger after?" .. "we have patrol together you dork"

- honestly, it was endearing being adored, worshipped even. from handwritten poems, to a little mini batarang necklace, and all the weapons your heart could desire

- and for all his dork-tendencies, dick knew a thing or too about hand placement...

- "put me down richard" .. "you literally fell into my arms" .. "i would've landed on my feet" .. "sure princess, but aren't my arms a little better?" he'd tease, sweeping you bridal style out the back door of the gala you two had just rescued

- it was somewhere in between the gift giving, rooftop dates, and stolen glances that jason realized he might want -slightly, just a tiny bit- more.

- okay; he wanted you all to himself.

- but he's always been shit at explaining it

- where dick was obvious and flirtatious, jason started subtle: always inching closer to you, keeping a longing gaze set on your every move-even if it meant tripping himself up in battles- you noticed he would sooner get shot than let you catch a scrape

- and just like dick's coddling, it got annoying

- "jace i've been on the team for months, i think i can watch out for myself" .. "i know, i protect the people i care about" his response was almost a whisper, and before you could pry further, he disappeared, replaced with a familiar cheesy grin "hi y/n! wanna catch a movie tonight?" .. "uh, one sec dick! i need to check on jace"

- but jason was never anywhere to be found. every time he let you in, he disappeared just as quick.

- when you started toying with new weaponry jason was there, you still got butterflies remembering the way he pressed himself against you while fixing your form, his calloused fingertips lighting fires as he subtly adjusted your grip on your gun

- "jay is this right?" .. "mhm your grip is perfect, but the recoil will get you, slide your leg backwards to brace for the impact of firing" .. the minute his hand touched your thigh a shiver ran across your body, against your shaking will .. "oh, sorry i didn't mean to-" .. you cut him off "no it's good, you're good" but before you could turn around to unpack the cloud of tension in the room, jason cleared his throat and gruffly said "fire" ruining any chance of an emotional conversation. three perfect shots to the targets, and with a satisfying nod he was gone once again

- so when dick asked you out on a real date, to a restaurant whose menu alone gave you anxiety at the thought of ordering, you realized you had to give jason the ultimatum

- but for once in his (second) life, jason was way ahead of you.

- "you said yes to dick?" jason was sitting at your desk when you entered your own room, overly dramatic but it was jason todd after all.

- "do i have a reason to say no?"

- "you hate fancy restaurants. you need like a week to plan what you'll order otherwise you'll just be stressed the whole time"

- you rolled your eyes, but jason wasn't finished: "and you hate movies, sitting in one place watching a film you probably haven't heard of, pretending to enjoy the nuance"

- he wasn't wrong. "whatever jace, that doesn't-" .. "i can tell you what's gonna happen. he'll order a wine too sweet for your taste, and talk to the waiter enough to make you want to crawl under the table. then after a perfectly lovely dinner he'll take you to a rooftop to 'show you the sights' and you'll have your first kiss. but you hate the city skyline, it reminds you you're far from home. you like the sound of the ocean and the rusting of the forest. you like something real."

- your heart was in your throat. but you needed something more: "say it jason. don't tell me the future with dick. fucking say it."

- jason stood up, closing the distance between you, eyes now desperate and wild: "say what? that i've loved you since the minute i lost you? that i feel like ive known you forever? that i don't need to learn to love you like he does, i was built for it? that i feel like i was made for you? how do i put it in a few useless words"

- "you just did jay." you whispered, letting him lock his lips in yours with a smile.

- "please go break richard's fucking heart and come home to me." he grumbled, to which you agreed, letting dick down softly and promising to set him up with one of your friends in return for his kindness- a deal which he wouldn't let you forget

- years later, it was more of a household joke, dick claiming he was the catalyst to your and jason's lovestory. to which jason wholly despised, but you never minded giving dick a little credit

[celaenaeiln]

Okay but you can’t just say “I'm not going to get into their brother relationship because that involves how Alfred treats Dick as a son rather than a grandson and is opening a whole new mansion of stuff so I'm going to wrap this up here” and not follow up with another post because that’s just cruel 😔😞 (aka this is me saying I really like & enjoy reading your interpretations and I need more of them HEHE)

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Thank you!!!! <3333

I love thinking about how Alfred treats Dick more of a son than a grandson because their relationship is different from Alfred's relationship with the other kids. Furthermore, it also explains a bunch of his actions.

First of, I know when everyone saw that Alfred had left Dick his entire inheritance they went "What the fuck." There were a bunch of jokes and questioning about why Alfred would do that and a lot of people have wrote it off as Tom Taylor's writing. But here's the thing. Tom Taylor has done a lot of stupid stuff in terms of characterization but he's done quite a few things right and one of them was adequately explaining Dick and Alfred's relationship.

I don't know how many people can read cursive but it says, "I invested much of this wisely and ethically...In fact, I planned to come to you for advice. Like Bruce, your mind is astonishing. You are a problem-solver and the world is full of problems." (There's actually panel during one of Dick and Slade's fight I have saved so lemme know if you or anyone is interested in Dick's innovativeness and how it makes his a terrifying opponent.)

Let me pause right there. This is Alfred's life savings. It's every piece of penny he's saved and every minute of his life is in that money. On top of what he says about Dick's intellect-and I agree and can prove it-he must've loved and trusted Dick an extraordinary amount to do this.

Alfred goes on to say, "I couldn't think of better hands to leave this fortune in. I believe you will see this, not as a personal gain, but as an opportunity. Because I believe in Dick Grayson."

He continues praising him and- HERE IT IS- "I am so very proud to call you my son."

DICK IS ALFRED'S SON.

This is the cleanest, clearest panel where he explicitly says it.

Hold on-this is the cleanest panel that says it? Wait a minute, let me retract that:

"Master Bruce was my son for a while. And then there was you."

THIS MOMENT HAS BEEN BUILDING UP ON US FOR YEARS. Tom Taylor wasn't doing lip service, he was just writing the inevitable!

I swear there's a panel where Dick refers to Alfred as his dad...

*Record scratch* WHAT DID ALFRED CALL DICK? WHAT DID DICK CALL ALFRED?

THIS IS WHY I LOVE THEM!!! THEY ARE GLORIOUS, BRILLIANT, UNDERRATED, AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE FULL EXTENT OF EITHER OF THEIR ABILITIES, LOVE, OR DEPTH OF EMOTIONS.

THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL.

Take the Ric Grayson arc for another example.

Background context: Dick-Ric-was sleeping on the counter and all of a sudden he was startled out of a nightmare thus accidentally ending up bumping into the guy next to him who was drinking. Of course the guy doesn't mind only because it's Dick but anyways, here Alfred makes his entrance. Another thing I love about about this interaction is this is one of the few times Alfred has ever admitted to being in the military. The only other time I can think of him openly saying that is when he's slapping Bruce around.

The worry in the man's eyes for his wayward son...when Bea is snarking with Dick about his tab Alfred decides to pay for him instead.

LOOK AT HIS EYES AS HE SAYS GOOD NIGHT! THE AMOUNT OF EMOTION HE HAS IN THEM IS PURE PERFECTION. THE MAN JUST WANTS HIS SON TO COME BACK.

Not to mention, Alfred adores Dick in a way he didn't even with Bruce.

"For a long time I would dread coming down to this dark hellhole. But the advent of young Grayson has forced an alteration in my attitude. The masters have made much progress in these few short months. I was opposed initially to the recruitment of the lad in Master Bruce's self-appointed 'War on Crime.' But I am prepared to admit my error. Master Richard has mad a difference for the better to our lives."

This is HUGE. Coming from Alfred, this is massive because Alfred LOATHES Bruce's "War on Crime." How much?

So much that he slapped Bruce bloody for it.

The pseudo-father and son beat each other to pieces over it. So after years of Alfred hating Bruce for what he's done, for him to say he only accepts it because of Dick-because of Dick's personality-is enormous praise and accomplishment.

Alfred loves Dick in a way he doesn't love anyone else. And before I get flamed by people for suggesting Alfred loves Dick more than Bruce, I want to say he loves Dick as much as Bruce but in a different manner. He doesn't see Dick as a grandchild who needs to be coddled and softened, he sees Dick as a son he can spoil and cherish.

Him paying off the tab was not only an act of kindness, but it mimicks the way a rich father gives everything to his youngest son. Bruce was the first born he raised but Dick was the baby of their family. This also ties in with how Bruce doesn't see Dick as just him son like he does with the others. To Bruce, they are just as much brothers as anything else.

When Bruce fires Dick from Robin after two-face, Alfred couldn't take it lightly. Dick wasn't just the light of Bruce's life, he was the fucking sun to Alfred's.

I started crying when I read this because the emotions and the pain he's feeling is so visceral. A man who has been MI5 and SAS (Special Airforce Service), who has fought wars, who has fought his son, lost his best friends, is breaking down alone at the top of the stairs over not having Dick as Robin.

You might think that's not all that sad. Worse things have happened. You're overreacting.

Tears are literally streaming down my face as I'm writing this review. Rudolph nose and ugly bloodstained eyes complete with it.

Can you ever imagine loving someone so much?

Crying in silence with a steady voice to never let them know your sorrow?

But sure, sure, he's cried when others were killed like this so I'll go into other special things.

Some of his best moments are with Dick:

The pure adoration in his eyes as he watches his young son go 'flap' 'flap' 'flap' with his older brother's too big cloathes.

He's laughing! Do you know the only times he laughs or grins like that?

That's right-with Bruce! With his other son.

With Dick, he laughs, gets angry, and actually shows interest in things not related to people's health. Dick humanizes Alfred.

Who is the only other person Alfred has gotten mad at? Oh yeah. Bruce.

There's another panel where Alfred just sits by his bedside holding his hand.

It's the little things that matter is a lie. When it comes to Dick, Alfred does things in fighter jet air shows level of affection which he learned just for this during his SAS days.

Their shared interests & mutual understanding

People always think Dick and Alfred have nothing in common between them. Dick is excitable, bouncy, and some other adjective while Alfred is calming, stoic, and butler-y. They actually forget that Dick and Alfred canonically bond of plays. Dick, as I said before, is a massive theater nerd. He loves plays. He really wanted to see that shakespeare play and Alfred said he would take him because he knows people there and then went on to complain about how his brother didn't even drop by to see him. I love their interactions because Dick brings out a different side to Alfred.

Das Rheingold was a German musical drama that was performed as a single opera at the National Theatre Munich. This is the link if you're interested in reading a short synopsis of this complicated play by the Metropolitan Opera. It's like a mix of "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Rings of Power."

Also the fact that Alfred is tying his tie like a father would tie his son's.

I know they make a crack out of it by using Bugs Bunny (Bugs Bunny is a fantastic cartoon! I grew up on it!) but Alfred knows that Dick loves opera and theater and is only asking if this particular play will suit his interests. Okay, great, we know Dick likes theater. You've said that and posted about it before. But how do we know Alfred likes it too and not just because he's British and posh and whatnot?

He has preformed at the London Theater, and this is another way he connects to Dick emotionally. When Dick complains about being Batman, Alfred is the one that tells him:

This is something Alfred understands about Dick that absolutely no one in the family does.

The two of them are show people. They know how to play the role they were given, and they know how to play it well. No one suspects Alfred the Butler of ruthlessly using firearms and no one suspects Dick the Light of the Universe to ruthlessly to manipulate allies.

Dick knows this about Alfred too and never presses for any answers. When Alfred's pulling out a bullet from Dick and performing high level medical techniques he should know nothing about, Dick asks him, "Where did you learn all this, Alfred." To which Alfred responds, "You would be amazed at what you can pick up by watching the Discovery Channel." Dick just gives a pained laugh retorts about his wonderful bedside manners.

They know.

What Alfred sees in Dick is a pure goodness that can't be emulated. He loves his son for how absolutely good he is and is devastated when Dick can't be with him. Of everyone, Dick is the one Alfred is closest to. Other members have their moments with him but no one continually seeks out his presence just for the fact they like him aside from Dick. The rest treat him as an important side character, not a parent. And Alfred responds to that devotion with overwhelming love of his own.

Alfred and Bruce's optimism comes bundled up in the form of Dick. It's stunning how it's always Alfred of all people who admits this. Alfred who isn't supposed to show favoritism or bias is the one that consistently acknowledges how important Dick is to the family and him. This solidifies the fact that Dick is Alfred's favorite.

Other moments that differentiate Dick and Alfred's relationship:

We're pretty familiar with this and many of us have laughed it off when Alfred scolded Dick (also Dick looks hot af here). But can you imagine even anyone else playfully mocking Alfred? THIS. BOY. IS. SPECIAL. Alfred doesn't even blink twice at the address, indicating how typical it is for Dick to act that way with him. You only do that to people you're best friends with.

Casual comfort, the two of them.

Dick and Bruce were brothers and how that ties into Alfred:

Adding to my "Light of Bruce's life" Robin Dick canon, Alfred told Dick that Bruce "would have self-distructed if he hadn't met me and learned responsibility. I made him laugh, and he was like the greatest big brother you could ever imagine...it was our town."

Bruce and Dick are so damn codependent.

Bruce would not have survived without Dick. That's all there is to it.

Robin Dick was the light shining through rain clouds, the glitter in the air, the angel with golden wings, the giggling sweetheart to Alfred and Bruce. He was sunshine, love, and joy and the men both adored, thrived, and cherished him for it.

And if Dick and Bruce were brothers then Alfred was Dick's father and he was Alfred's son.

[punkeropercyjackson]

Genuine advice for people who joined the Batfam fandom because of fan content and are too scared to get into actual comics or not sure where to start:Please don't buy a single word 'Fuck canon!' people tell you about ANY Batfam member and i do mean ANY.They're lying to you to get you to sanatize them and deprive you of deserving to know what they're actually like because their peabrains can't process multilayered characters and relathionships in favor of bigoted stereotypes and writing that's insanely insulting to them and if you're a minor especially,they're lying to you about whatever they say about shipping the male members with eachother not being in*cest or ped0 too-Bruce has been Dick's adoptive dad since Dick's debut issue,he legally adopted Jason and Duke too,Damian's his bio kid and with Tim it's a bit more complicated but it's very much canon that they see eachother as father and son and Tim has lived at Wayne Manor at several points in canon and would be brothers regardless of anything else due to this but they also use that exact word to describe their dynamic and so does everybody else

This applies to Cass being their sister too because Bruce adopted her after they formed a dad-daughter bond a while into her being Batgirl but as Stephanie has a mom she lives with and has never seen Bruce as a parental figure nor he her as one of his kids,you're freegame to ship her with Tim or Cass and in fact i highly encourage doing both.Batfanon stans are once again doing mass lying(damn they should get a different hobby)by saying the four male Robins are the 'core' ones.Stephanie has been included in Robin stuff for a long time now and Duke dosen't get the same treatment due to antiblackness so THAT'S an actual 'Fuck canon!' moment so you should make it six Robins and know that the intention with only four is always misogyny and whitewashing(also just saying but those fanarts are always ugly anyway,they make them look like shitty anime boys instead of themselves)

Dick is an almost perfect eldest sibling and the other Batkids deeply appreciate him for it,he was Tim's Robin and him and Cass are his favorite siblings,Duke is Jason's favorite brother and vice versa but he's also extremely close to Cass,none of them make Damian go through 'normal youngest sibling treatment' because none of them are normal so they grew a sense of basic decency and Damian's closest to Dick and Stephanie and Stephanie's a canon csa victim so kindly keep your paws off her with your 'date all of your s/os siblings' jokes because she has self-worth and class,thanks

Ignore the original Red Hood and The Outlaws run and anything to do with Jason and Roy friendship in fandom and read the original Teen Titans run,New Teen Titans,Arsenal 1998,The Titans 1999,Green Arrow 2001 and Outsiders 2003 if you want to understand Roy too or at least ask around blogs centered on him for context.Ignore Tom Taylor's Nightwing run and Teen Titans 2003 and Batgirl of Burnside and anything by Devin Grayson(she's quite literally done irreperable damage to Batman lore and i wish i was kidding).Read Robin 1993,90s Young Justice,Batgirl 2000,Batgirl 2009,Red Robin,Son of Batman and literally everything Duke's in which i can provide a reading list for instead and i'm working on a megapost of all the Jason media that's actually good so new fans don't waste their time.I'm genuinely saying this to be helpful because 'fandom isn't activism' is a puratical priviliged phrase that should've never existed just like Batfanon shouldn't either

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PRELIMINARY ROUND - DC COMICS

PROPAGANDA

Cassandra Cain

1.) essentially her character premise is that shes more or less an unbeatable martial artist due to the way she was raised. in the comics, she's the second batgirl and had a very popular solo series from 2000-2006. However, essentially DC editorial really didn't like that a teenage chinese girl was a better hand-to-hand fighter than batman, and so mandated that she be turned into a extremely random (also remarkably racist, as she was more or less turned in a 'dragon lady' stereotype) villain, which completely derailed and destabilized her character enough for her to almost entirely disappear from comics for the next decade. this is a far more detailed write up if wanted: https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/pdue0e/american_comicsdc_comics_the_saga_of_cassandra/

2.) Following the events of One Year Later, Cass was turned into a homicidal villain who led her own league of assassins and wanted to force Tim Drake into murdering people. This was later retconned as her being drugged, brainwashed, and manipulated by deathstroke.

3.) Literally canonically a better fighter than Batman and probably most of the DC universe. Killed one person once and because of the way she grew up (never taught to speak, learned to communicate by reading body language, in order to make her the ultimate weapon), saw what he experienced as he died and then refused to ever kill again. Had an awesome initial run… And then got hit with "evil mind control" that made her go completely OOC, depopularizing her character so much that a lot of people don't even know she exists.

Barbara Gordon

1.) Was shot as angst value for Bruce and her dad, implied to be sexually assaulted in The Killing Joke with absolutely no respect for her long career as Batgirl. When Alan Moore asked if he could, the editor said "cripple the bitch." She became paralyzed from the waist down. THankfully, an actually good writer picked her up from there and then wrote one of the best stories ever written (Oracle Year One: Born from Hope). Was one of the most iconic disabled characters in comic book history, hell, as Oracle, she was definitely up there as one of the most iconic disabled characters ever as well as a fantastic character, period. There were a few moments where people kept trying to make things out of her disability and had her be shitty to other women for no reason but for the most part, she was awesome. During her time In 2011, Dan Didio and some other misogynistic/ableist comic book writers were responsible for "curing" her disability and forcing her back into Batgirl, despite her having shown absolutely no desire to do so, as part of the New 52. They also made it an editorial mandate that she couldn't have glasses, a cool secret base, and her time as Oracle couldn't be referenced. This was because those writers were nostalgic for the 60s Batman show where Babs was played by an actress they all had the hots for and couldn't accept she'd grown up and moved on. That was bad enough, but over time, she's been increasingly deaged and reduced even further to just Dick Grayson's on and off again girlfriend and a generic girlboss. Batgirl of Burnsides burn in hell.

2.) Famously fridged in 1988, which was so popular with misogynists it became canon. After almost 2 decades of being one of the only disabled characters, was rebooted to a younger, more fun version of herself whose only history is that she was fridged but not disabled by it.

3.) The Killing Joke is one of the biggest comic examples of a female character getting hurt to motivate male characters. Also tbe way different cannons will trade off who her romantic intrest is out of Batfamily is pretty disturbing ranging from Bruce Wayne in Batman the Animated series universe (ew) to Tim Drake in the Arkham games (ew). Not to mention DC now is not letting her grow out of being Batgirl taking away her legacy of other young female heroes taking up her mantle and her getting to mentor them instead forcing her into a Batgirl cycle of purgatory when she was always better as Oracle (Its a little more complicated in the new Batgirl book but its still not solving the issues in a way that feels meaningful enough to make up the damage).