#dear god this story is gonna be a long one

[astrangergivingthestrangewelcome]

Me thinking about Garak as a character and his traits and qualities: I think we can all agree that his journey is fundamentally compelling, but is he redeemable? Clearly from his actions in Our Man Bashir and Broken Link he hasn't changed that much and while I do stan him we should be smart about how we engage with his past fascist support and the Occupation

Me, thinking about Garak after watching Dukat do anything:

[evandore]

telling ppl im a writer and try telling them about my stories and im just like >_< forgot some topics are not socially accepted to talk about in a casual conversation

[belphieslilcow]

how would the brothers tell Mc that theyre close, or that theyre about to yknow. bust. and could we get a bonus part for simeon, too? if thats alright /heart hearts

anon you have me DEEPEST apologies for taking god knows how long to start writing this, i feel nothing but SHAME and TORMENT (i don't) but i hope it's good for you!! =w=

-

🔞 Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good

(aka how the demon bros + simeon act when they're about to cum)

Lucifer

i don't imagine him as the type to very verbally say hes cumming, more so in his behaviors like his breath quickening and his grip tightening on them, he'll still say it but he's not as vulgar as some of the rest

"I'm close... Mc.... " followed by a deep moan is what it's like!!

Mammon

oh he's VERY vocal about it!! they'll know he's cumming for sure... as well as everyone in the house

he's very whiny when he cums, his o face is like kinda scrunchy too

he basically very loudly exclaims, "I'M CUMMING!! I'M CUM- HAAAHHH....."

Leviathan

i think levi has trouble letting them know tbh

like he gets so caught up in the pleasure and his moaning that he kinda forgets so it's like a surprise cumshot (or two if you're a chad and believe in hemipenis levi)

when he does say anything, it's very much like a hentai "Uwahh!! I-I'm gonna... ahh!! You're gonna make me c-cum!!~"

Satan

he wants to be like his romance novels soooo bad, but he pants and blushes too hard to think about trying to keep an appearance

i think he's pretty normal about it, moans out that he's gonna cum, but physically he looks like a mess and that's the best part <3

Asmodeus

oh so overdramatic about it, not even to try and play up anything, he's just genuinely getting fucked silly, one of the only guys to be able to pull off an ahegao face fr

"Mc!! You're making me feel sooo good... mhmnn~ at thi- this rate you're gonna make me cum too soon~"

Beelzebub

another one that's pretty quiet most of the time!! he tries to not make much noise during sex stuff, mainly grunts and groans and some quiet lil "i love you" near their ear, pretty simple when he cums, just kinda lets out a low groan as he tells them he's cumming

heh but notice how i said MOST of the time =w=

when he knows they have the house to themselves and he let's himself get lost in the pleasure? oh he can get Loud and that extends to him gripping the sheets for dear life as he thrusts with reckless abandon (either in mc or in the air/on the bed whatever they're doin)

Belphegor

belphie doesn't care about his volume during sex, but when he's cumming it's a different story, he'll try and muffle himself the best he can, usually by smushing his face in a pillow or mc's shoulder, he'll also use his famous iron grip to squeeze and cling to them if the position allows it

Simeon

he's kinda similar to levi in that he can get lose in the pleasure and kinda Forget that it's polite to warn your partner, he's SO sorry afterwards when he forgets

otherwise when he remembers to he's like levi in that he'll be kinda dramatic about it, but his is less about being a pervert who watched and reads hentai and more he's the girl getting her brains blown out

[joels6string]

dear santa,

i mean, dear kate* 🫣

can i wish a very spicy joel miller story? as if the ones you wrote weren’t spicy and perfect enough… BUT! maybe something like enemies to lovers?

i actually have no idea what i’m asking. you’re the mastermind here. anything joel related, i want it on my desk 😮‍💨🫶

Merry Angst-mas for this one. I swear the other prompts are very lighthearted and happy. Like, Joel ice skating, and modern AU snowstorm hero... don't give up on me 😂

Damned If I Do

Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You hate him, he hates you. It's as simple as that, right?

Rating: E

Word Count: 3.1k

Content: Enemies to lovers. The two main food groups: Smut and Sad. Creator has chosen to not give content warnings, read at your own risk.

“You give a shit about me, Miller?” you asked, trying to taunt but only sounding as desperate as he did. Despite his words over the months you’d known him, his actions had certainly always told a different story, one he was trying to keep from pouring free right now. “Tryin’ not to.” “Why’s that?” “Lovin’ me’s a curse.”

The mood was somber, even more so than usual. It was December, the frigid winter air whipping through the Boston quarantine zone, the dilapidated building you were currently holed up in doing little to keep you from its stinging bite.

“You gonna be a god damn liability again this time?” The voice made your skin crawl.

“Merry Christmas to you too,” you grumbled under your breath, it was no use arguing with him.

Tess had gone ahead to negotiate the terms of your impending deal, leaving you and Joel to wait for the upcoming weapons haul pickup that had been looming over your head for days. You’d chosen Christmas Eve in hopes that the military personnel surrounding every wall of the zone would be scarce, on holiday leave, doing something other than their damn worthless jobs for once. Not that there was shit to celebrate anyway.

“I asked you a question,” he barked in response to your muttering, his face severe when you dared a peek at it.

“I don’t know, Miller,” you sneered, “Just let them take me out this time and put us both out of our fucking misery, huh?”

“I’d never hear the end of it.”

Tess would give him an earful. Sometimes you thought the threat of Tess’ wrath was the only thing keeping you alive, this was doing enough to prove that to be true. When the woman in question returned to you and him on opposite sides of the room facing your respective walls, she sternly reminded you both that lives were on the line. Now wasn’t the time for bickering and your heads belonged in the game, not your asses. You both begrudgingly agreed.

When it came down to it, it was your turn to put a bullet between the eyes of someone that had Joel by the throat long enough to make his vision blacken at the fringe, the ice beneath his cheek brutal and sharp as he fell to the ground with a huff.

“You’re welcome,” you snapped, stepping over his gasping body without so much as a glance down, his furious snarl still audible over the winds.

It had been a setup, of course, hunters almost picking the three of you off when you got to the abandoned drop zone.

“Thought you negotiated this shit, Tess!?” Joel barked, throwing his bloodied baseball bat onto the ground with a heavy thud, “We come out here just for a quick shoot out and frostbite or you got somethin’ else up those sleeves of yours?”

“I thought it was sound!” she snapped back, guilt heavy in her voice as she accepted her error in ways Joel could never.

“Yeah, Merry fuckin’ Christmas–”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Joel,” you interjected, exasperated, cold, and perturbed beyond a reasonable limit, “You wouldn’t have done any fucking better–”

“I would have made damn sure I wasn’t bringin’ either of you to a god damn ambush! That’s what I woulda done!”

“Well, you were a great help tonight–”

Your words were cut short by a hand clamping over your mouth, the frozen sharp tip of a knife knicking into the soft skin of your throat. The ice scattered throughout the cracked pavement made it impossible to get your footing as you were dragged backward, your heart pounding as you watched Joel’s eyes widen in panic, his revolver drawn and aimed, his gaze begging for a clear shot. Looks like he’d get his Christmas wish after all.

There was no use in fighting it, if anything having the warmth of a body pressed behind you would have you one less step from miserable as you took your last breaths. You hoped he made it quick, you weren’t in the damn mood for games or semantics. Joel wouldn’t trade a dirty sock for your life, but that look in his eyes before you were pulled from his sight had certainly been unexpected. 

He and Tess had probably run off, who knew who else was coming, this man couldn’t be alone. They were smart to do so. Ammo was running low, stamina even lower, and even at their best, they couldn’t take out another squadron of hunters. You’d made it 15 years in this God-forsaken world, it was a lot more than most could boast. Somehow dying at the filthy hands of this human felt worse than getting infected, at least those monsters didn’t know any better.

Even through the thick canvas of your jacket, you felt the burn of the pavement scraping your elbows, your hiss of discomfort pulling a sneering smile.

“Don’t move,” he ordered, and you curled your lip as your eyes rolled, Joel's voice echoing in your head, ‘Don’t gimme that sass.”

Had it been an hour? Maybe two? You couldn’t tell. The darkness was unforgiving and unwavering, the cold setting into your bones as you shivered knees to your chest in an attempt to preserve your body heat. You’d be dead by morning from hypothermia alone. Gunshots rang out, screams and cries, yelps, glass shattering. What the fuck? What kind of hell zone was this? Crawling to peer around the old metal shipping container you’d been stashed in, your curious gaze was met with the sight of Joel Miller bashing at your captor’s head with a brick, blood splattered across his face, eyes alight with rage. 

“Joel…” you gasped through numbed lips, you’d never been happier to see that sour face in your life, his expression softening as the man in his grasp fell to the ground in a gory heap.

“There you are,” you sighed, “Let’s go. Can you walk?”

His heavy coat he’d slipped over your shoulders swallowed you whole as you led you through the still hunter-infested maze. Ducking behind crates and in abandoned buildings, he had the exact route mapped to have you free and clear within minutes, the walls of Boston greeting you just as the feeling had returned to the tips of your toes. He was silent on the route back, his eyes flicking over his shoulder to ensure you were safely behind him periodically, the sphere emanating from your flashlight highlighting the silver hairs streaking through the black on the back of his head. 

“Stop,” he instructed, tanks driving by as a new congregation of troops gathered right outside the final building that led to safety, “Shit. This might be as far as we get til dawn.”

“Great,” you scoffed.

“Let’s go up, keep eyes on ‘em.”

With enemies so close, a fire was out of the question, your chattering teeth and tensed muscles hard to ignore as you stared at the hulking form staring out the shattered window.

“Joel…” you finally sounded, his head ticking towards you the only acknowledgment you received, “Why’d you come back?”

“If anyone’s gonna kill ya, it’s gonna be me,” he teased, a puff of breath glowing in the moonlight leaking in around him, “and now we’re even.”

“We’re even…”

Of course it was about evening the score. You’d saved his life, he’d saved yours, though you were almost positive you were still deep in his debt. It wasn’t often Joel needed a helping hand. He was as formidable as he was cold, that stony expression rarely breaking. Except it had, tonight. You hadn’t forgotten.

“Joel…” you called again, his body turning now to face you pathetically shivering in the corner. You hoped he didn’t make you ask, it was already mortifying insinuating it.

“I got you,” he cooed, leaving his post and gesturing for you to lean forward as he approached, nestling in behind you, legs on either side caging you in, his arms wrapping around your middle as you nestled back against him.

Even in nothing but a worn-out flannel, he was warm, your sigh of relief drawing a muted chuckle from his chest as you melted in his hold. Bygones could be bygones, the chill you swore would be permanent dissipating with each deep breath you were now able to take. It had been years since you’d been this close to another human in a non-threatening manner, the first time someone cradled you against them, allowing you a moment of solace and safety. You’d never expected to find that safety here, in these arms.

“You can sleep,” he permitted, your body immediately accepting the offer and drifting off, your head lolling beneath his chin as his thick beard caught on your hair.

Gray light filled the dingy room as your eyes fluttered open. You were sweating now, your neck straining beneath a heavy weight settled on your head, heavy breaths echoing in your ear. Joel. He was asleep behind you, his cheek resting on you from where you’d spent your night pressed into him, his arms still tightly wrapped around you even passed out cold. At the first twitch of your head, he was rousing, grunting as he became alert once again.

Shifting enough to peer up at him, you watched his hazel eyes wake in the eerie glow of dawn before they locked with yours, the stone chipped away just enough to reveal a glimmer of vulnerability.

“Why you lookin’ at me like that?” he asked softly, keeping the proximity you’d woken in instead of pulling away like you’d expected him to.

All you could muster was a shrug, his plush lips too close for you to concentrate.

“I can’t do this…” he whimpered, his tone stabbing you right in the chest, “Stop making me give a shit about you.”

“You give a shit about me, Miller?” you asked, trying to taunt but only sounding as desperate as he did. Despite his words over the months you’d known him, his actions had certainly always told a different story, one he was trying to keep from pouring free right now.

“Tryin’ not to.”

“Why’s that?”

“Lovin’ me’s a curse.”

That didn’t matter. You’d danced with the devil already, what was one more tango? His hair was softer than you thought it would be when your fingers weaved into the strands on the back of his head, pulling his lips to yours in a daring risk of affection. You weren’t sure what shocked you more, your bravery or the fact that he greedily accepted your kiss, one large palm splaying across your stomach that was currently churning with something you hadn’t felt in over a decade.

It was all teeth and pressure, tongues wrestling as you tugged him closer by the hold on his hair, his body turning to face yours and press you down onto the cold wood of the floor, one hand cupping the back of your head to save it from the splintering surface. Your hands started on his belt first, your mouths still devouring the other as months of pent-up tension and hidden desires spilled over, your lungs selfishly inhaling his carnal groan as you gripped his cock as it sprang free and dragged your fist along his impressive length. Control was forgotten as you leaned up and captured his bottom lip again, his mind unable to focus on both your mouth and your hand as you continued to tug, his reciprocating kiss always slightly too late as his hips began to rock into your hold.  

“Turn,” he commanded, his voice giving no room for objection, “S’too cold for any other way.”

As much as you wanted to argue, he was right. You obeyed, presenting yourself to him on all fours before your jeans were pulled just past the swell of your ass, his hands squeezing at your searing globes voraciously. You wished you could see his face. Slick fingers swiped over your pulsing hole, swirling spit around to ease his plunge into your waiting depths. You were quivering with anticipation, a stark contrast from last night as every inch of you burned now even in the subzero December temperatures. 

Even if you wanted to stop it, you wouldn’t have been able to contain the lewd cry that erupted as you stretched around him. The feeling of his shaft slowly slipping inside of you made you realize just how soaked you were, his path unhindered on its way into the deepest parts of your body. You knew he could feel it, too, his hands shaking where they held you in place around your waist, breaths audibly ragged as he bottomed out.

“Shush now, darlin’,” he soothed, once again stroking over the plushness of your hips, “I can’t kill a man in this state.”

If that was intended to calm you down, he’d failed. Your cunt clenched around him so tightly he chuckled gruffly, pulling out and snapping his hips back against your ass just hard enough to have you jerking forward and keening, your teeth sinking into the sleeve of his jacket still loosely hanging on your much smaller frame. It didn’t take long for his pace to regulate, hard and fast just as you expected him to be, your arousal leaking down your inner thighs as he pinpointed the velvety patch decorating your inner wall, his precision just as accurate as he was with a rifle.

The limitations were agonizing. You wanted more. You wanted to marvel at the way his lips were parted and the hazel of his eyes swallowed by blackened lust, grip his chest and his neck, swallow his muted whines, and whisper how fucking good he felt into the soft, scarred skin of his neck. Pressure was building immeasurably quick, his rough fingers now rubbing circles over your clit leaving you nothing but a boneless heap in his hands. He was holding you upright now, your body limp for him to use as he saw fit, but the only thing he chased was your release.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he urged, “just let it go for me.”

Who were you to deny him anything? You clamped down around him as the elastic band in your belly finally snapped, shockwaves electrifying every nerve from the tips of your toes to the top of your skull, your eyes rolling back in your head as you chanted his name like a prayer. He followed not long after, pulling out with a roar and emptying onto an old rag he’d grabbed from the floor, his chest heaving as he moaned in relief. You wanted to scramble over to him, kiss his cheek, temple, eye, forehead, anything you could reach as he finished in the absence of your warmth, but you were too spent, too delirious, too thoroughly fucked to move quickly enough.

“Joel…” you whimpered, searching for him in the still-dim space, your hand reaching up and waiting for his fingers to intertwine with, “Joel…”

“I’m right here,” he answered as he gave you what you were searching for, his lips pressing to the back of your palm as he pulled you back into his chest, “We need to go. Tess’ll be worried.”

When you returned, you didn’t need to tell Tess what had transpired, she could tell. But even with her deduced knowledge, she kept her lips sealed. Maybe she knew Joel would tuck and run the moment he was caught, or that he’d recognize what a liability this was in a world such as this. A liability he’d come to terms with faster than he would have liked.

Two months later as February began to slide into March, a hoard of infected was an unexpected addition to your supply run. It was just you and him, it was meant to be simple, and it was, or so he thought.

“Let’s go,” he panted, “More’ll come. We can go another day without.”

“Joel…” you mewled, tears welling in your eyes as he continued to scout the area, “Joel!”

“What? Sweetheart, we gotta go.”

“You gotta go.”

“What the hell are you talk–”

Part of you wished you’d never told him. That you’d run off into the woods and let the last image you had of him be with his revolver in one hand and a machete in the other, doing what he did best with his brute strength and unmatched finesse. Because now, now you’d die with the snapshot of his horror-stricken face staring down at your outstretched palm, frozen, in denial, and forlorn.

“The hell is that?” he asked as if you’d have another explanation.

“You know what it is,” you replied, swallowing your own sorrow, he needed you to be strong now. 

“No. No. No, that’s…that’s somethin’ else.”

“Stop–”

“Tell me it’s somethin’ else.”

“Joel, please!”

The way he muttered Jesus fucking Christ under his breath as he turned was the final swing on your shattering resolve, a hand dragging down his face as the other dropped to his hip, his blade plummeting to the pavement with a shrill clang as he let it fall from his grip. You stood still as a statue, watching him come to terms with those teeth marks pierced into the hand that had cupped his jaw so tenderly this morning as he’d kissed you awake. 

“I warned you,” he finally said, turning to reveal his soaked cheeks and reddening eyes, “I told you I was a curse.”

“That really what you want to talk about right now?” you pressed, your chest burning as you fought the sobs clawing to get free. 

“What do you want me to do?”

Your final wish. It wasn’t hard to decipher what he meant, one of you had to do it. 

“I can do it,” you assured, puffing your chest out in a masquerade of bravery and strength, he could see right through it, his brow furrowing as he shook his head.

“No you can’t,” he resigned after clearing his throat and repressing the rage and grief already surging through him, pulling his pistol from the back of his waistband, “Lay down, I can’t watch you fall.”

“Joel, I can–”

“Just…do it.”

The grass was cool against your cheek, its soft caresses weren’t the worst things to feel with your final breaths. Your tears decorated the blades like the dew drops not due for another few months, your heart thudding between your chest and the ground, Joel’s footsteps somehow in tune with every slam of it against your sternum. 

Where you expected the muzzle of a pistol, you felt his large palm stroking gently over the back of your head, his lips pressing to your hair one last time and lingering as the wound on your hand pulsed like a warning beacon. You knew you still had time, but the urgency had begun to eat you alive with every dragging second.

“Get on with it, Miller,” you pushed, refusing to give him your eyes, he’d hesitate. You knew that. “Waiting won’t make it any easier.”

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, he was crying again, “I’m sorry…” and that was the last thing you heard before the click of a trigger.

Joel Miller Masterlist

[fuckmymunson]

🧸𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀: Send me a kink/specific smut scenario + character! [example: Sirius & Knife kink] Dbf! or Prof!James potter + size kink :)))

Thank you for the ask Aarshibby💛. // 18+, age gap.

🤍Join the celebration!🖤

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" Your pretty eyes scan his figure unashamedly, the way his legs are spread out, large hands on each thigh, and that mouthwatering bulge he carries. He notices it, although it's not like you made a single effort to hide your true intentions. "I deserve an A+, not an A–"

You have heard the stories, the usual gossip scattered around school, little rats running through the halls, whispering and giggling.

Professor James Potter has a big dick.

And the uncertainty was killing you.

Professor James pretended to give it a thought, even if he can read you like an open book.

"There might be… another way." He said, pushing his circular glasses over his nose, and for dear God you can't hold the longing stare at his long, slim fingers, the veins of the back of his hand, which made you bite your lip in eagerness.

Once the door of his classroom is locked, those same large hands tug at the end of your uniform tie. You gasped for air, coughing loudly.

"Go on, earn your grade." Professor James encouraged you, mockingly. "If you can't do it just say it, don't waste my time."

"I can do it." You pouted, lips and chin smudged by your saliva and his precum. "You are just so big, professor."

James' big, fat cock twitched at your words, and you choke a moan when he let out the most delicious sound once you wrapped your hand around his dick, fingertips barely brushing each others.

As your hand slides up and down, you place one of his heavy, soft balls in your mouth, which earns you another loud groan. "Yeah—" He choked, rocking his hips gently. "Fuck, good girl, mouth so full." He rubbed your cheek, smiling softly. "Working so hard to earn her grade."

You almost kicked your feet in the air at the excitement, there was something so endearing about professor James' calling you a good girl while you gargled around his balls. Your mouth struggled to fit his cock, he was just so big, so thick. You pushed the skin a bit down, swirling your tongue over the slit.

"Fuck, yes, yes—yes." James urged you, yanking your tie and forcing his big cock into your throat. "Choke on it, darling, go on, you are gonna get a fucking A++ if you can swallow it all."

[theemporium]

[REQUESTS OPEN—requested by anonymous]

[2.7k] or, when band gigs and numerous shots mean you have to pick up a drunk, clingy steve after a night out.

.

It was meant to be a quiet night in.

Or at least, that was the plan when you had trudged in through the front door, heels in hand and a heavy bag full of documents that made you want to rip your own eyeballs out. 

You knew you were lucky to get the internship, it was an opportunity of a lifetime for someone like yourself in a small town like Hawkins, Indiana. The blood, sweat and tears paid off when you landed the job and there was no one prouder than yourself for bagging it (although Steve was a close second). 

But it was kicking your ass, big time. 

Every night you dragged yourself back home, feeling frazzled and exhausted and seconds away from just collapsing on your bed before you could even consider dinner. It wasn’t healthy, Steve had scolded you on it many times. He even went as far as waking you up closer to 11pm just so he could get you to eat something.

Your work was rewarding, but it drained you. 

And you wouldn’t change it for the world, despite the fact sometimes your incomptent coworkers made you want to scream and rip your hair out. 

But that was exactly why you were looking forward to this.

The firm was taking the long weekend off, leaving you free from corporate’s reigns for four long glorious days, and you could not wait to just sit back and do nothing with your favourite person. It was a long deserved break and you needed it before your brain melted into numbers and symbols and jammed papers in the printer. 

So, what you weren’t expecting when you were already reaching for the phone to order some greasy takeout was for the appliance to start ringing. 

And you certainly weren’t expecting the voice on the other side. 

“H-Heeeeeey, Mrs Harrington!”

Your brows furrowed together as you made out the voice amongst the thumping music and vigorous chatter in the background. Your eyes found the clock mounted on the wall next to the phone before you replied. 

“Eddie?” 

“YOU REMEMBER ME!” 

You couldn’t hold back your laugh. “Yeah, I remember you, Munson. Kinda hard not to when I stared at the back of your head for two years.” 

“I was your favourite part about Ms O’Donnel’s class, don’t lie to me, sweetheart.” 

“Yeah, but I am gonna take a wild guess and say that’s not why you phoned,” you murmured, your lips tugging down into a confused frown. “Or how you are even calling me right now…and from where.”

“Soooo funny story—” 

“Oh dear god.” 

You wracked your brain around for a moment, a vague memory of Steve telling you that he had been invited by Eddie and his band to watch them play one night at The Hideout. You knew they had been bagging extra gigs and whilst you had been ecstatic for them, you hadn’t had the chance to show your support because of work.

Steve, on the other hand, had gotten the early shift this morning, meaning he had the rest of the day and the long weekend to do whatever he wanted. You knew he had been excited about hanging out with some guys his own age, and despite how much he loved Dustin and the other kids, this was what he needed. Just some time to hang out with people his own age. 

It had slipped your mind that the next gig had been tonight and that Steve would be out. 

“I think you might have to come and pick up loverboy before he hurts himself.”

“I don’t wanna drink water, I wanna see my girl!” 

It had also slipped your mind just how much of a social drinker your boyfriend was, and just how much of a lightweight he was too.

You attempted to bite back your smile as you heard Eddie try to hush Steve, muffled words being thrown back and forth that you strained to hear but couldn’t seem to. There sounded to be a little struggle before eventually you heard Eddie let out a high-pitched shriek and another voice fill your ears. 

“Baby!” 

Despite the exhaustion settled deep in your bones, you couldn’t deny the way your whole body lit up at the sound of his voice. “Hiya Stevie.” 

“Where are you? I wanna hug you.” 

“I’m at home, baby,” you told him in a soft, assuring voice as though you were talking to a child. But with drunk Steve you might as well be. 

“How can I hug you if you’re home?” 

His confusion was almost adorable. 

“You can’t,” you said to him, only to hear a small huff of annoyance on the other side. 

“But I wanna hug you now!” 

His whiny voice was so clear through the phone, you could almost envision the sight in front of you. Steve, glossy eyes and blushing cheeks, huddled at the booth with the phone beside his ear, his lips drawn in a pout and his hair sticking in so many directions it would give sober Steve a heart attack. He would have probably lost a few items of clothing over the night, you would be surprised if he still had a shirt. And he most certainly would not admit he was drunk, because he was insufferably stubborn when he was wasted.

“Baby, give Eddie the phone for me, yeah?” 

“Eddie died eight years ago. You can only talk to me now.” 

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend’s theatrics, knowing very well Eddie was probably standing right behind him trying to snatch the phone back from him. You also knew that Eddie was probably halfway to being smashed himself, and you weren’t sure you were ready to deal with two man-children tonight. 

“Give Eddie the phone or no sex this weekend,” you dropped on him so casually that it was an effort to keep your laughs back when you heard the noise of the phone dropping, Steve scrambling back and Eddie yelling ‘fuck, my foot!’ all at once. 

“Mrs Harrington, your boyfriend is insufferable.” 

“You know I have an actual name, right?” you retorted. 

“And? Doesn’t change the fact your boyfriend is practically crawling on me to announce to the world he has a girlfriend.” 

You tried to hold back your snickers as you heard a muffled yell coming from Steve, only picking up the words ‘my girl’ and ‘pretty’. 

“He is insanely clingy too. Insufferable and clingy.”

“I know,” you sighed lovingly before you grabbed the keys from the kitchen counter. “I’ll be there in fifteen, make sure he doesn’t run off anywhere. And try to get him to drink some water, please.”

“Have you met him?! How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” 

“I don’t know, blackmail him or something, Munson, that’s what I do!” you suggested, but it was half-assed and barely helpful when your attention was focused more so on shrugging into the pair of old sneakers you left by the door.

“I don’t think Harrington will care if I tell him I’m dropping head privileges until further notice.” 

“Never know until you find out, Munson,” you teased and smiled when you heard his cackling laughter on the other side of the phone. 

“See you soon, sweetheart.” 

“Hey, she’s my sweetheart, not yours!” 

“Pipe down, loverboy.” 

“Back off my girl, bat boy.” 

“Please. Hurry up.” 

You snorted as you quickly put the phone down, not bothering to grab your jacket as you made a beeline towards your car. The desire to shove yourself head first into your pillow was put on hold, your body buzzing and on edge as you made the fifteen minute drive to The Hideout in ten. 

It wasn’t hard to notice them the second you stepped out of the car. Despite the line of people hovering outside the bar and the small clunk of smokers off to the side, Eddie and Steve sat pretty proudly on the sidewalk, the former looking thoroughly amused at whatever was coming out of your boyfriend’s mouth. 

“Good show?” you called out when you noticed the sheen layer of sweat on Eddie’s skin, his hair tucked back into a low-bun and a few odd lipstick marks adorning his skin. He only looked partially sheepish. 

“Should’ve been there,” Eddie retorted, grinning up at you from his spot. 

“Next time,” you promised and you meant it. 

It seemed as though Steve had finally heard your voice, lifting his head off Eddie’s shoulder and narrowing his eyes at you slightly. 

“Hey, you look just like my girlfriend!” he exclaimed with a disbelieving look plastered on his face. 

Oh, he was wasted. 

“Oh yeah? She pretty?” you asked and watched in amusement as he quickly nodded. 

“Yeah but she’s prettier than you,” Steve stated. 

“Is that so?” 

“Mhmmm, soooo much prettier,” he said as he swayed in his spot, snickering a little at himself as he nudged Eddie’s shoulder. 

“That is your girlfriend, doofus,” Eddie whispered loudly, watching as Steve’s eyes widened comically. 

“Baby!” Steve grinned as he pushed himself to stand up, stumbling a little as he moved towards you and grabbed your face in his hands. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, Steve,” you smiled as your hands found his wrists, giving them a soft squeeze. You glanced over his shoulder towards Eddie and flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks for looking after him.” 

“Oh trust me, you’re doing me a favour here,” Eddie commented with a feline smile on his lips. “Harrington hasn’t shut up about you since his third shot.” 

“I’m irresistible,” you shrugged. 

“THIS IS MY UPTOWN GIRL!” Steve suddenly called out to a group of twenty-something year olds as they walked past, his arm thrown over your shoulder and a proud smile on his face. 

“Your uptown girl?” you questioned, eyebrows raised when Steve only shrugged and kissed your cheek. You turned to Eddie but he looked just as clueless as you. 

“I don’t know, the dude is the only person I know who’d walk into a metal bar and request Billy Joel,” Eddie snorted. 

“That’s my man,” you murmured with a laugh as Steve began to hum the song in your ear, horribly out of tune but so irrevocably Steve that you loved it. 

“Need any help getting him to the car?” Eddie asked, a glimpse of concern in his eyes. 

“I’ll be fine, he can be quite obedient when I want him to be,” you joked lightly, whilst the boy in question wasted no time in wrapping his arms around you and plastering you to his chest. 

“Suit yourself,” Eddie shrugged. “Have fun dealing with loverboy for the rest of the night.” 

“Have fun with your groupies,” you retorted as you waved him off, your focus finally solely directed on Steve. 

“Hi,” he whispered as he lifted his head, his nose brushing against yours which only made him giggle. “You’re like…really, really pretty.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know, big boy,” you grinned as you patted his side, already taking a step back towards your parked car. “C’mon, lets get you home.” 

“Nooooo,” Steve groaned as his grip tightened. “Don’t go!” 

“Steve, we are leaving together, baby,” you stated. 

“Oh,” he paused for a moment before grinning. “Let’s go home, baby!” 

“What a brilliant idea,” you deadpanned but the sarcasm was lost on him as you made your way towards your car. 

It took all of five minutes to explain to Steve that you both couldn’t sit in the driver’s seat. It took another two minutes to explain you could hold his hand after you shifted gears. And it took an unreasonable amount of stops of Steve leaning over the console to kiss your cheek or fiddle with the strands of your hair that had fallen out your ponytail before you finally made it home. 

“And now she’s looking for a downtown man!” Steve sang as you both stumbled into your apartment, his hands in yours as he moved them back and forth like some odd type of interpretative dancing. “That’s what I aaaaaaam!” 

“Steve, honey, I hate to break it to you but I don’t think you count as a downtown man when you grew up in a mansion,” you murmured, pressing your lips together to contain your laughter when you saw him pause. 

His face scrunched up in confusion, looking a bit like a scolded puppy as he started down at your joined hands. “But it’s such a fun song.” 

“I know, baby,” you squeezed his hands. 

“I wanted it to be our song,” Steve pouted. 

“It can be, promise,” you assured him, watching the way his face instantly lit up. 

“Gonna sera—” His eyebrows furrowed together. “Seranana…serana…” He quickly shook his head and turned back to you. “Gonna sing it for you one day, sweetheart, gonna blow your socks off.”

You snorted. “Really? Think you’re that good, Harrington?” 

Steve puffed his chest out. “It’s gonna be the best damn thing you’ve ever heard.” 

“I’m sure it will be,” you murmured as you leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on his lips. “Now let’s get to bed.” 

“Already want me in the bed, huh?” Steve giggled, lamely attempting to wiggle his eyebrows but it just resulted in him pulling a few funny faces. 

“Hold your horses, big boy, don’t get too excited,” you said as you began guiding him towards the bedroom. You tried to get him to settle down on the bed so you could grab some spare clothes for him, but the second you turned around he was up again. 

You barely had seconds to process before you felt Steve’s arms wrap around you from behind, his face nuzzled into your back. He pulled you closer to him, pressing your bodies together so close that you could feel his hair tickling the skin on the back of your neck. 

“Baby, gotta let me go so we can get ready for bed,” you told him, hand on his arm as you gently squeezed. 

“Nooo,” he whined out and shook his head against your back. “Let’s just stay like this.” 

You shook your head. “We can’t stay like this forever.” 

“Yes, we can.” 

“No, we can’t.” 

“Yes, we can.” 

“No, we can’t.” 

“Yes, we can.” 

You let out a defeated sigh as Steve placed a sloppy kiss to the side of your neck, not once loosening his grip as you grabbed a few items of clothing from your drawers. You then somehow managed to shuffle in his grip, turning around in his arms so you were now facing him. 

“Baby,” you cooed softly to grab his attention. It was hard to hold back your smile when he lifted his head. His face broke out into a sleepy smile, his eyes hooded and his cheeks flushed and he looked at you like you had just hung the fucking moon.

“You’re like…the prettiest person I know,” he whispered loudly, as though he was sharing a secret with you. As though he hadn’t been repeating the same phrase to you all night.

“You’re really pretty too,” you whispered back and his smile only grew. 

Steve looked bashful. “You think I’m pretty?” 

“The prettiest,” you murmured and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. “C’mon, promise we can cuddle after we get ready for bed.” 

With the leverage hanging over his head, it was easier to get Steve to cooperate. He was still unbelievably clingy, always having to be touching you in some way. His hands on your waist as you took your makeup off and washed your face. His head on your shoulder as you brushed your teeth. His lips on your neck as you tried to change (that one took much longer than expected). 

You were laying in bed when he settled on top of you, his head on your chest and his arms around your middle and no signs of moving anytime soon. His hands settled under your shirt, warm hands pressed against your skin as he drunkenly murmured about the show and his day. And you laid there, fingers tangled in his hair, listening to every word he says until they eventually slurred together as he fought to not fall asleep.

“Tell me in the morning, baby,” you murmured and pressed a kiss to the crown of his bed.

Steve let out a long sigh, giving into his fate and settling himself on your chest. “I love you.”

You smiled, even if he couldn’t see it. “I love you too.”

.

[callsign-jinx]

Seeing Red | Ch. 27: Jake's secret ✍️📲

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: A N G S T, Jake's past, death, guns, dirty money, mentions of war... idk guys, this one has almost everything you can imagine.

A/N: IT'S FUCKING 04:30 AM I SAID I'LL PUBLISH IT TODAY AND HERE IT IS. THIS IS THE SECRET, BUT WE STILL HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF US, BABES.

MASTERLIST ON PINNED

“I think I should start the story by telling you that Seresin isn’t my real surname.” 

“Holy shit, what a way to start.” You mumble, grabbing a cushion to embrace while he tells you the story. 

“Seresin is my mom’s maiden name. I was born as Jacob St. James.” 

You hug the cushion tighter. “St. James. Sounds like a rich surname.” 

Jake swallows, playing with the edge of his t-shirt. “Have you heard of the St. James Armament Corporation?” 

"Of course, they're the ones who provide the Na-" You realize what he just said, the connection he’s implying. “You gotta be kidding me.”

“I wish I was.” 

“Jake. SJAC is the biggest armament company in the States.” You state, as if he didn’t know already. 

“And I’m their 17-year-old son that disappeared almost 20 years ago.” He confesses, his hands trembling. 

You grab his hands, moving closer to him. “It’s okay. I’m here, okay? You’re not alone.” 

He nods, and takes a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“You think you can go on? We can stop.” A part of you feels bad now. This is bigger than you have thought, and somehow it feels like it has just started. 

He shakes his head, brings your hand to his lips, and kisses your knuckles. “I’m okay. I’m just… gonna pour it all out, and you interrupt me when you need it, okay?” You nod, and he presses his lips into a thin line. 

It’s now or never. 

Jacob St. James was born into a rich family. He had more money than he could ever spend. As the only child of Gregory St. James, Jake was supposed to become the perfect heir. His childhood wasn’t a normal one. 

Normal children have crayons and coloring books. Jake had math books and private teachers. 

Normal children play football with their friends. Jake’s only friend was his grandpa, James Seresin, a veteran. He had been a naval aviator all his life. Jake’s dream was to become like him, fly in the sky with his teammates, and help the world become a better place. But it was an impossible dream. 

Normal children go to birthday parties. Jake was a prisoner in his own castle of glass. 

Normal children get a car for their 16th birthday. Jake discovered that his father not only supplied weapons to the United States military branches, but also sold them to their enemies, who had been killing innocent people for years. 

“Who do you mean by ‘enemies’?” You question, not liking where this is going. 

“Anyone you can think of: Afghanistan, Iraq, Russia, mafias all around the world… He was the main supplier.” 

“Iraq… as in Operation Iraqi Freedom?”

Jake nods. “I know your dad died there, sweets. I don’t know if it was one of my father’s weapons but…” 

“Whatever your father did, it isn’t your fault.” You reassure him, running your fingers through his hair. “What did you do when you found out about this?” 

“I tried to confront my him. I told him that I didn’t want to become the heir of a company that was behind so many murders. Innocent people were dying because of him. Men and women like my grandpa, people who fought to save this country and so many others, were dying because of him.” 

“I’m sure he didn’t like it.” 

Jake shakes his head and looks down. “That’s when it all became scary.” 

Jake’s father only laughed at his words. You will do as you are told, he said. If I say ‘jump’, you’ll ask ‘how high?’, he said. You’re only a puppet, controlled by me, he said. 

I’ll run away and I’ll become a pilot, like grandpa. I’ll help to save all the people you’re killing. I don’t want to live surrounded by dirty money.

Jake’s grandpa died in a mysterious car accident the next day. 

“Oh dear god. How old were you?” You hug him close, as close as you can. 

He wipes his tears with his free hand, the only one bringing you impossibly closer. “Seventeen.” 

“You were just a kid…” 

“And my father killed my grandpa as a warning. ‘You want to become something you’re not? That’s what happens’. He never said those words to me, but the message was clear.” 

“Where was your mom?” 

“My mom…” Jake takes a shaky breath in. Seeing him in such a state breaks your soul. “She blamed herself for everything bad that happened to me throughout my life. It took her a while to realize that my father didn’t marry her because he loved her; he married her because of her dad’s connections. My grandpa’s contacts with the Navy would help his armament company.” 

“That’s horrible, Jake.” 

“There’s nothing pretty in this story.” 

Jake took months to figure out how to get out of his house and run away. But eventually, he got help from where he least expected it: his grandpa. He had been collecting information for years: guard shift changes, where the keys were, where the money was hidden, who could help him once he was out, how to get a car, everything he needed. 

“He wanted you to be free.” You speak softly, playing with the collar of his shirt. 

“He even left me his wings.”

“I’m sure he was an amazing man.” 

Jake smiles. “I know he would have loved you.” 

“Of course, I’m pretty lovable.”

Jake looks at you, his eyes glistening with unshed tears and love. “Yeah, you are.” 

You clear your throat, looking away. “Did you manage to run away?” 

“My mom distracted my father long enough for me to escape. I changed my name, joined the Navy, and never contacted my family again. I received a letter once a year, on my birthday. Mom used them to tell me everything was okay. But… if she knew where I was…”

“So did your father.” You finish the sentence for him, feeling that this is when you come into the scene. 

“I didn’t realize until much, much later.” 

Everything was good for a while. He became a hell of an aviator, began to live his own life, and started to do things that he never thought he could. He went to parties, got drunk, and became a player—all the things one is supposed to do in their adolescent years, the ones that were stolen from him. Somewhere along the way, he found you. 

“This is gonna sound ridiculous, but you were the first person I fell in love with." Jake explains, scratching the back of his neck. “Nobody ever explained to me why love was how you’re supposed to feel when it happens, not even my mom." 

“That’s why you stayed around even though we weren’t actually together.” You recall how he agreed to that friends with benefits relationship right away. 

“I thought that maybe, if I tried hard enough, you’d fall for me, too.” He chuckles. “And you did.” 

“Yeah, I did.” You look at the streetlight outside the house, “They found me, right?” 

“I made a mistake. I sent a photo of our wedding to my mom. And he found it. My mom sent a letter back, and I knew something was wrong because I got two letters from her in the same year.” Jake sighs, his head resting on the back of the sofa, and you find yourself hypnotized by the movement of his Adam's apple when he speaks. “She said that he was looking after me. I got a random message one morning, it said: ‘You don’t deserve to be happy’. I knew it was him. And I got so fucking scared that you could end up like my grandpa that I just made everyone believe that our marriage had ended.” 

You close your eyes, tears running down your face. This is it. This is the truth. He had a good reason. He was protecting you. He has always been protecting you. 

“He allowed me to be an aviator, but not to be happy.”

"And you went through this alone." He runs his fingers through your face, trying to get rid of the tears. "I'm sorry, Jake, this is… T-this is crazy."

"I know. But I need you to know that if I had known that I was leaving you and a little kid behind, I would have fought to keep you at my side." He pats his chest before opening his right front pocket and getting his wedding band from the inside. He carries it around? "I've seen your dog tags, sweets." 

You pulled them out. The rings, separated three years ago, are reunited again. "I thought you would wear it with your dog tags as well." 

"It would have led to unnecessary questions. But now…" He opens the chain of his dog tags, sliding the ring before closing it. "I can do this." 

You chuckle, trying to assimilate everything. "This is a lot." 

"I know… I've been preparing myself for a month. But you… it has to be overwhelming." 

"Is it safe for me and Liam to be here?" 

Jake nods. "Mav called an old NCIS friend. Is helping me prove that my father killed my grandpa. This friend has shown every guard at the base the faces of the people who cannot enter the base under any circumstances. As long as we're here, we're safe." 

Yeah, that's true. This is probably the safest place you could be right now. 

"So that's why you're trying to get Liam everything he wants? Because you didn't have anything?" 

He sighs, playing with the engagement ring in your dog tags. Liam has the same face when he plays with them. Like father, like son. "I lived in a castle of glass that had everything and nothing at the same time." 

You grab his chin, forcing him to look at you. "Jake you're not your father, you know. You just came back from the ER with me because he had an ear infection." 

"I know I'm not like him, Red. But I missed a lot of things" He softly moves your hand from his face. 

"That's not true. You want to see his first steps? Hear his first words? I have videos. I recorded everything I could." You tell him, getting up and turning a light on so you can search your laptop. 

"Why? I mean, I guess it was to have memories of that, right?" 

"I recorded everything for you, Jake. In case you came back." You sheepishly admit, sitting down next to him.

You open your laptop and search for a folder named 'Liam'. There's almost a hundred videos, if not more. From his very first days, to last month's beach day. You play the first video, pushing the laptop in front of Jake. 

And now he knows how it feels to see his kid take his first steps. How excited he was on his first birthday. How he loves to play with Lady. How his first word was 'baba' and his second 'dada'. Red must have talked about him every single day for him to be his second word. He sees Liam's face covered in chocolate the first time he eats ice cream. How he loved the sea and the sand. How much he loves his mom—a brilliant smile on his face every time she says something to him. 

And he also sees that same feeling in your eyes. Devotion. Pure love and devotion. 

"Thank you, Red. For showing me this, for raising him alone… You're the best mother ever." Red hands him a box of tissues, and he chuckles but takes a few and cleans his face. "I'm a crybaby."

"I think you're allowed to cry, cowboy. I used to say to Liam that his dad was a superhero who had to stay away from his wife and son to protect them, and that’s literally what you did. You protected us." 

He looks at you. You're practically sitting in his lap. Your puffy eyes look at him with a familiar glint in them. The one you had the first time he said that he loved you. The same glimpse of devotion that he has seen in those videos. Maybe not everything is lost. 

"I'm going to sound like an idiot, but I need you to go home." You mention closing the laptop. 

He blinks a few times. "Wait, what? You want me to leave?" 

"Yeah, because right now I could kiss you, and I don't trust myself when I'm around you." You mutter, getting up from the couch and moving to the door. 

"Okay, but… now that you know that I didn't want to leave you, would you consider giving me another chance?" 

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" 

He takes out his phone, looks at the time, and shows it to you. "It's already tomorrow."

You frown. "Is that a picture of me and Liam?" 

He nods. "There are a few of them; they change each time I unlock it." 

You can't fight anymore. Grabbing the collar of his shirt, you pull him close to you, kissing him like you've been wanting for the last month. For the last three years. It becomes desperate, with your whole body curving into his. His hands fly to your hips, pulling you even closer if it's possible. He bites your lip, making you gasp and moan at the same time, and before he can explore the insides of your mouth with his tongue, you pull away. 

"You still need to go, Jake." 

He nods. "Okay. I'll come back tomorrow morning." 

"Goodnight, Jake," you say as you open the door for him. 

"Goodnight, sweets." He stays there until you close the door, then walks to his car. He smiles like an idiot all the time. Once he is inside, he gets a text.

Tag list: @purplevortexx @shrimping-for-all @caitsymichelle13 @callmemana @abaker74 @starkleila @topgunmenbefinebruh @blue-aconite @tayrae515 @alexxavicry @xoxabs88xox @mercurio23 @smells-like-perfect-senses @dempy @djs8891 @indynerdgirl @countryclubswifey @lauenderhaze @avaleineandafryingpan @poppyalice2001 @emorychase @wildxwidow @agentrose17 @shanimallina87 @khaylin27 @fudosl @rhirhikingston @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @ducks118 @teacupsandtopgun @impossiblebaglecowboyfreak @marissat1998 @blairfox04 @phoenix1388 @potato-girl99981 @sarahjoestewy-blog @phantomxoxo @milestellerwife @dumb-fawkin-bitch @twsssmlmaa @teti-menchon0604 @yanna-banana @multiversalwh0re @hollandorks

[strangeshoepatrolbandit]

Really excited for how your brotherly love series will go. And I just love how you included Tim and Jason because they’re my faves.

Can’t wait to read about some bonding between Jason and the reader

Sorry this is gonna be a long ass ask because there’s just a lot of things I want to comment on and ask.

There’s so many avenues you can explore. I’m kind of surprised only Damian is the only one who decides to take up crime fighting while the twin is fine with staying behind and exploring the mansion. One question I have is does the reader ever feel as if they’re living in Damian’s shadow? Like especially since Bruce bonds with Damian since Damian has taken up the mantle of Robin, then I’m gonna assume that Dick and Tim also spend time training their successor. Between training, vigilante duties, and time running Wayne Enterprises, that doesn’t leave a lot of free time. Does the reader ever feel left out/ignored or that Damian is the favorite? Or in other words, since the reader hasn’t thrown a tantrum that they’re stuck at the manor and they mainly seem to keep to themselves, do Bruce, Dick, and Tim seem to think Damian is a higher flight risk/the twin that is more reckless and needs more attention?

Poor reader. It hit a little close to home on the insecurities of being irritating/a nuisance to those your love.

Two, I think it’s so sweet that the reader was able to open up to Alfred that Damian yelled at them. I love how at least one of the Wayne’s is able to be open and express their emotions in a healthy way.

Three, you know how DCAU’s Batman vs Robin, Damian has a hard time getting past the security system. Idk but especially since Damian is the one who took up the mantle of Robin and it seems as if his primary focus is on training, I think it’d be such a funny thing to see him frustrated that his twin can bypass the security system with ease when the last time they picked up a sword or did any kind of conditioning was months ago before they lived with Bruce. And even Bruce, Dick, and Tim are scratching their heads since they thought you were the more well behaved and quiet one they didn’t have to worry about.

Damian: *fuming* I trained 18 hours every day for the past two months and couldn’t bypass the electric fence. How were you able to get pass the security system and then travel all the way to another country without any one detecting you until you got back?

Reader: *shrugs* don’t know. Maybe you’re rusty.

Next point, I mean especially since you mentioned that Jason’s eyes were an unnatural shade of green and he has that white streak in his hair, you can have the reader get inspired after hearing Jason’s story. They sneak away from the manor and try to (or successfully??) revive Ra’s by digging up their grandparents corpse and dunking it in the Lazarus pit.

That would be such an interesting parenting moment between Bruce and the reader. Poor Bruce can’t catch a break. He has to sit one kid down to explain why murder is not justice and then talk to the other kid that death is a natural part of life and it is not normal and somewhat questionably unethical to sneak out of the house to dig up your grandfather’s corpse and dip them in a magical lake to bring them back to life

Bruce: *sitting across from the reader rubbing his temples* so hypothetically if your hamster died, would you dunk it in a Lazarus pit because you missed them

Reader: I don’t know. I’ve never had a hamster.

But judging by your tone, I assume you want me to answer no..? You told Damian it was wrong to kill Deathstroke to take revenge for killing grandfather. Hypothetically, if if a very very very bad parakeet killed your hamster—

Bruce: dear god you’ve spent way too much with Jason

Anyways sorry to bug you with the long ass ramble. Hope some of it made sense. Bottom line, I’m looking forward to what comes next and if you ever need a beta reader or just want to spitball/brainstorm with anyone I’m all ears

You were not bugging me at all, I'm so glad that you enjoyed my story!!<333.

(I hope I make sense in this I have issues explaining things so bear with me)

To go over some of your topics, I feel that Damian is more career driven and felt comfortable being Robin because his life was spent being trained to be an assassin. I feel as if the reader is taking a break from the life they were forced to have by trying to live a "normal" life at the Manor. I will now go more into the topics of reader's insecurities, as we know they feel like they are annoying the people they are around, after a while they start to see how everyone is treating Damian like a normal person, whilst they are being treated like a child(even though they are), and they start to think that since Damian has been proving himself they just like him more. Everyone in the Manor does love them though, it's just Damian has hobbies in common with them so they feel that they have more to talk about(Wayne enterprises/Vigilante work), plus reader just stopped hanging out with everyone so how can people get to know them?

Yes, I wanted the reader to be able to have a healthy coping mechanism such as talking, literally all of the batfam has bad issues with talking except for Jason because homeboy goes to therapy(he too is an ex emotionally constipated person). Also yes reader does just have that magic touch, they are an Al-Ghul/Wayne, everyone knows reader was trained the exact same as Damian so it's a little bizarre that they are so good at something after being away from their training.

The reader is much aware of Ra's dips in the Lazarus pit and how it's kept him alive all these years, but I think that they understand that there is no help for Ra's, just like Talia said "the pit can't help a body that far gone"(or something), the reader is a little upset that after Jason had been beaten and put in a building with a bomb that the Lazarus pit still had a way to revive him(Reader and Damian both love animals and have definitely been in trouble for reviving random animals with dips in the pit LMAO). Reader, Damian, and Talia all share the same hatred for Deathstroke and all want him gone, whilst Damian and Talia are attempting to find and kill Deathstroke, reader just sits back because they know Talia has it handled. After spending time with Jason and sympathizing with him about his death, Bruce realizes that reader is all for getting revenge on people, they never did anything about Deathstroke but fully agree and understand Jason's reasoning behind wanting the Joker dead.

This actually meant so much, I'm sososososo glad you enjoyed Pt.1 of Brotherly Love!!! I have had a terrible night and this made it better!!!<33

( I definitely projected in this story, does anyone else have sibling issues?)

....Much love, Strangeshoepatrolbandit....

[kondensaduhhh]

but like imagine if somehow, there was someone Izzy used to be dedicated to, if not more, before Ed?? perhaps a first love? or a childhood friend he had to left behind? and they greet Izzy as “Basilica”, and Stede is like “?! oh! Izzy’s friend!! oh we simply must invite him to the ship! it’d be rude not to! he is your friend after all :)))”

Izzy’s of course, against it, though reluctantly, almost like he does want to spend more time with said friend, but would rather carve his own tongue than admit that.

and once the friend is on the ship, he tells stories of “Basilica” and how little has changed of him yet still so different from how he’s known as to the crew, how he’s always been a pissy lil fucker, passionate and dedicated and oh so stubborn, with Izzy close beside him, fully making physical contact actually, scoffing and stifling smiles, while his friend is just smiling brightly up at him with a smug and cocky yet so sweet grin. everyone is baffled and freaked out with how Izzy is acting because is he— oh my god Izzy’s smiling.

Stede is ecstatic that their first mate is enjoying himself, Ed is… happy? he is! he’s happy that Izzy is enjoying this man’s company too, yet his eyes keep lingering on where Izzy and his friend’s hips are touching and how is Izzy not protesting? Izzy hates unnecessary physical contact, thinks it’s weak, or how Izzy is just letting this man throw an arm over his shoulders and Izzy doesn’t sigh or roll his eyes.

and of course Stede offers the man to stay for longer, maybe even stay the night bc of some trading shit idk. eventually, the man does stay the night, even with Izzy’s too obvious fake protests. the whole night, it was like Ed and Stede don’t even exist to Izzy, the entire night, Izzy and this guy were practically (well as close as Izzy lets himself to be) attached to the hip.

Stede is happy that Izzy seems so relaxed and at home with this guy, but he’s so confused that he’s getting suspicious and slightly irritated, like how he was with Calico Jack, but unlike Jack, this bloke is actually nice, and seems to be a good influence on Izzy, Stede feels like he should like this guy, but he can’t stomach him for some reason, though he is still The Gentleman Pirate, and will be treating his guests with respect.

, Ed mostly has his shit together, up until Ed asks him to do something simple and mundane, and the guy goes “oh im sure you guys can do that without Baz, yeah?” and Ed nearly flips his shit bc its Izzy, not fucking Baz, but Izzy answers still “ yeah, boss, im sure you’ll manage without me this time,” and Ed starts counting backwards from ten in his head as Izzy gets very willingly dragged out of his sight, like some puppy, a very grumpy looking yet love sick nonetheless puppy.

its story night, but since the guy has so much stories about Izzy could he please please lead storytime just this one time please, captain? of course Stede yields, laughing and sits besides Ed, watching this guy animatedly recall a story of him and Izzy got chased halfway across town bc they decided that it was a good idea to piss off a bull, he tells the story about the ring snug on Izzy’s cravat and that he ‘didn’t think Baz would keep the thing for so long since i gave it to him when he turned 13’ and Ed is just reeled back by how little he actually knows about his Izzy,

then one thing led to another, this fucking guy sees Frenchie’s lute and asks him if he can borrow, of course Frenchie says yes bc he’s simply is a dear, isnt he? “aw man, hey Baz, you still remember that fucking song we made when we were 14?” and Izzy gives him a look that resembles the way he looks at Ed, the eyes that say ‘ i would do anything you ask of me’ but… softer, more sweet, Izzy scoffs and says “‘course i do,” with roll of his eyes,

the crew is in disbelief, Olu and Jim share a look of “ooh shit is he actually gonna do it?” at each other, Pete and Lucius are holding onto each other, “are you seeing what im seeing, babe?” “yeah, babe, i am” and Ed scoffs inwardly, thinking ‘psh Iz would rather throw himself overboard than to sing-‘

but he starts strumming the lute, and Izzy is failing to look annoyed at him, and he starts fucking singing, the crew cheers, and then they start motherfucking duetting. Ed’s annoyance at the guy and his fondness of Izzy singing and smiling are battling within is ribcage. Stede is confused/frustrated bc this guys is nice, but Stede is also nice! why isn’t Izzy like this with him?

the night continues with Izzy following this guy, with the enthusiasm of Ed and the niceness of Stede, around happily, none of that rigidity he has around his captains, and Edward and Stede just aches but they can’t pin point why?

[wednesdaynott]

Draco Malfoy Broke The Baby

“Granger.” Draco Malfoy shook the his wife frantically. “Granger, wake up!”

After a three-day labor, Hermione Granger awoke with a start, convinced something horrible had happened.

“Granger,” Draco’s voice was now a whisper. “I broke the baby.”

Wandlessly, she added more light to the room where she saw her husband holding their newborn son, Scorpius, with a nervousness she’d never seen from him before.

He placed the baby in her arms where she saw that little Scorpius appeared to be breathing just fine with all his fingers and toes. As she watched the newborn’s tiny belly move up and down, she once again found herself in awe that this beautiful creature could have come from her and her husband.

After a moment where she was utterly unable to identify anything that could be amiss with her child, she felt an intense annoyance bubbling inside her. Did her husband, by all accounts a bright man, not realize that roughly 72 hours of labor had left her worn completely out?

“Draco, did you hit your head?”

“No!” He was completely exasperated now. “Watch more closely this time!”

It was hard to tell because of the tuft of hair Scorpius claimed as his own was so fine but when Draco picked him up, his hair definitely lightened to a pale blonde to match his father. Then, when he set the baby back in her arms, his hair darkened to match hers.

Chopping it up to her exhaustion and a trick of the light, she sighed and handed the baby back to his father. “Draco, I’m exhausted. The Healers looked him over nearly a dozen times because you were so convinced something was wrong.”

“It did take a long time for him to finally pop out.”

“And yet, none of those with years and years of Healer training were concerned. No, the only one with any concerns was the one with a Potions mastery.”

His nostrils flared in anger. “Hey! I worked hard for that and you know it.”

“Yes,” she said while closing her eyes. “But it doesn’t qualify you to determine if the baby is healthy.”

“So they said,” he mumbled under his breath before shaking his head and remembering what he’d woken her up for. “Granger, listen! His hair changes to blonde when I pick him up! And then it’s darker when you hold him.”

“We can ask the Healers about it when you no doubt call them for a non-emergency,” she said without bothering to open her eyes.

Off in his own world now, Draco began to rant, “I didn’t charm him, I swear! I don’t understand how I broke him. Maybe he got into my Potions stock? I mean, I baby proofed it a week after you told me we were gonna have a baby, but maybe I missed something? But no, that doesn’t make sense since I was holding him the entire time. But you know, kids can be little troublemakers. I wasn’t because, I mean, you met my dad, but I’ve heard your school stories. I should have guessed that our children would be prodigies at trouble making. Maybe you should be in charge of him because you obviously think like him. I’m so sorry that I’ve already failed at parenthood. I knew I would struggle with fatherhood but I thought I’d make it longer than a day before…”

Hermione impatiently interrupted him. “Merlin, Morgana, and all the other gods, you are the most dramatic human to ever walk the earth.”

“Wow,” Draco mouthed as she picked up a piece of parchment and a quill.

“I’m going to write to Andromeda and get her to visit us soon. This sounds like what Remus described when Teddy was born.”

Draco paled. “You think he might…”

“Yes, I think it’s entirely possible that something in your gene pool causes metamorphmagi.”

“So it is my fault!” Draco moaned as he sat down in the plush armchair next to her bed.

She picked up the quill and began furiously scratching out a note she also dictated,

“Dear Andromeda,

If you could please visit Malfoy Manor at your earliest convenience, Draco and I would appreciate it greatly.

I have no doubt that Narcissa has already informed you that Scorpius James Malfoy arrived this morning after an arduous labor and we’d love it if you could take a look at him. When Teddy was born, I recall Remus saying that his hair changed colors within hours of his birth and that Nymohadora did the same thing. It appears that our sweet child may have the same qualities.

If you could pop in to confirm our suspicions and impart some of the wisdom you no doubt have, we would appreciate it greatly.

Oh, and I’m sure little Teddy would love to meet his baby cousin.

Hoping to see you soon,

Hermione

P.S. If you speak to Draco before you get to me, ignore him. Childbirth appears to have made him hysterical.”

“Hey!” He cried with a light laugh at the last line. “I am not hysterical!”

“Well, something is definitely wrong with you,” Hermione snapped before she handed him the letter, “Send this to your aunt immediately. And Draco?”

“Yes?” He asked frantically, clearly noticing that she was prepping to go back to sleep and leave him alone with the baby again.

“You are and will be a great father. I’ve believed this for a long time.”

“But Granger, how could you ever say that? Even my mum says my dad was awful and I didn’t have any other examples. My godfather was Severus Snape, for Salazar’s sake!”

“Hush,” the finality in her tone shut him up at once. “You are a great father who cares very deeply and I love that about you. But even great fathers need guidance sometimes, that’s why there’s mothers. So I’m here to tell you what great fathers do.”

“What’s that?”

“They let the mother of their child sleep after labor.” Her face softened into a small smile. “No, really. You’ll be fine. He’s not broken at all and we both love you very much.”

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ��� ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567�� ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[michu-writes]

🐉 K, so...... I never played Omori, but I wanna give you something to write, so how about just general dating headcanons with Hero and Kel? You can do them separately or as a poly ship, either way, is fine. Hope that satisfies you and you'll have fun writing this. Love you! <3

A/N: I KNOW YOU HAVENT PLAYED OMORI AND HAVE LITTLE TO NO KNOWLEDGE ABT IT BUT THIS MADE ME CACKLE

Kel and Hero are brothers so- no poly headcanons ofc BUT SEPERATELY I WILL DO!!! Thank you for requesting dear anon <3

Hero

Malewife? Manwhore? You're lucky to have him as a boyfriend. He's one of the (only) most respectful cis men out there, no joke /j.

He'll shower you with kisses and bring food to your bed !!!!! Hero loves cuddling with you too after a long day of studying just to clear his mind. You both would also cook or bake something together!!! Doesn't matter if you're good or bad at it, because you'll always succeed as long as Herj is with you el oh el.

You guys met in Faraway town a few weeks before he was gonna leave for college at the park. You noticed he looked lonely and uneasy in a way, so you decided to talk to him. He stated he just needed some fresh air and so did you!! You guys eventually became friends and found out you were both gonna attend in the same college, so that is great!

Unfortunately, you guys didn't end up in the same dorm but you both still visited each other at anytime you could!! You still saw each other all around the campus but still yeyeyeye. Anyways he had a little hard time opening up to you,,, but he did tell you about Mari eventually. You felt really bad and awful for him, that must be a really really hard thing to go through at such a young age. You told him everything was gonna be fine and she's in a much better place now. After that you both pretty much got closer and the story goes on!!!

After like a year or two of being buds to good buds to best buds, you finally confessed and he surprisingly felt the same way!! Kel and his dad pretty much knew the whole time, but his mom kept denying it and saying "they're just best friends……."

But when you and Hero came back home from college, he asked if you wanted to meet his family face to face (because you have only been able to video chat with them whenever you were hanging out with Hero in your dorms) and you gladly said yeah. Everyone welcomed you as family and was happy for both of you. Kel May or may not have been like "Ew romance" but that's just how he is. His mom though was like "Oh!" and just needed a moment to process because she never thought Hero would get a s/o anytime soon. But she greeted you and was very nice so no worries!!!

One time you were visiting Hero and you both had to babysit Sally because everyone else was away. He was just done making lunch and was about to tell you until he saw you on the couch. He couldn't help but shed a tear of how cute and gentle you were with Sally, he instantly knew you'd be an awesome parent if you wanted to!!!

You were a bit worried about why he was crying but he quickly said you were just adorable when you were all cuddled up with his little sister. Sally was all fast asleep beside you while you snuggled her up close to your chest as you were watching TV with a blanket.

10/10 boyfriend, would recommend.

Kel

This kinda depends of how much energy you got because if you're like leaning more into the calm and relaxed type, you'll just watch him being a complete idiot in awe. He likes it because he knows your don't mind his chaotic nature (most of the time). But if you match his energy, oh god. Everything will go down hill. You'll both at least commit 5 crimes in a day. It might be really fun, but you both need someone to stop you. Like Hero perhaps.

You have known each other for a long time ever since the whole gang even formed. You both were best friends and was the only people who didn't close off which you both can agree were greatful for. You would invite him to do something to keep his mind off of things for a bit after Mari's death, and all the stress and worries about Hero. It helped and he just couldn't stop thanking you. His parents adores you for trying your best. Kel also helps you too in many different ways, you guys have each other.

When Sunny finally left his house to hangout with Kel before he moved away, they both invited you to tag along, in which you gladly agreed on. Sunny noticed the tension between you two and pointed it out. Let's just say you were both a red burning mess after that.

Sunny was kinda the one who egged Kel on to confess to confess to you because of the obvious crush, so thanks to him.

Kel usually asks Hero for relationship advices. He would also ask his dad, but they're always so long and dumb in his opinion.

He !!! Loves !!!!! Going out !!!!!! On dates !!!!!! You guys can also stay inside. His favorite dates are maybe going on a stroll at night or a movie night. During the strolls, you guys just just look at the night sky and admire the stars and moon while holding hands and rant about your favorite things ! During the movie nights, you just lay on the sofa with snacks in the table, a blanket covering the two who was all cuddled up, probably watching some horror or action movie.

Kel loves to creep up on you and scare you when you're not looking, he finds your reaction hilarious.

Will always hold your hand or have his arm around your shoulders. He'll also give you random hugs and kisses anywhere at all (unless you don't like pda which is totally fine). He's so sweet and goofy.

[nymphbunnyys]

Howdy! I hope you're well! I'm new to your blog but I've been thinking away and if you have time I'd love to please put out a request.

Been thinking about dark!Vincent lately. I love me a good soft Vinny but I'd love to see the darker side of him. I headcanon that Vincent has both a superiority complex and is incredibly insecure/has a bad self-image. Their mother certainly praised Vincent over Bo and instilled in him that he was the good child, a gifted artist and prodigy. I just know that man has a massive ego, is incredibly competent in his work and thinks he's top shit. At the same time he's incredibly insecure of his image, being made to wear a mask and having been told his talent made up for "what God took away."

With an s/o I can see him having the mind set that he deserves this. The fact that they chose him over Bo or Lester boosting his ego and making him smug. But at the same time his insecurity makes him jealous and fearful of losing his s/o. I think that mix of ego and insecurity would make him an incredibly possessive partner. They are his, he deserves them, no one else, and outside people are threats.

So anyways, long story short, I'd love to see that dark, possessive, jealous side of Vincent. Perhaps he's jealous of your interactions with Bo or Lester or with a tourist. Could be NSFW (afab or gender neutral). I know it's vague I apologize but I just love the concept.

Thank you so so much, I'm sending you all the love!🖤

you my dear.. you have been sent to me from hell below, I love you dearly and i'm going to eat you right up.

I've been waiting to bring out the dark side of Vincent, that god awful disgusting god complex of his.

I'd like to add that Custer has been on repeat while i wrote this and I've come to the conclusion it's Vincent's anthem when the man decides to be a fucking prick. .. aside from classical music Vinny definitely listens to Slipknot.

Aren't I just a good boy?

TW: Mentions of choking, Slight NSFW, Just overall possessiveness

Your fingers slipped through Vincent's damp black hair, allowing your finger tips to linger against the smooth wax that shielded his face. Vincent's spine retracted upwards to allow him to sit straight, pain bubbling underneath each buckled bone. Your touch was enough to pull him out of his head, looking at you with a loving gaze from behind his masked facade. "I'm gonna go help Bo in the station alright? I'll be back to make dinner." His euphoric gaze soon turned dull, his mind swirling with endless thoughts of insecurities. He never knew a single name could allow him to feel such despair. If it was Lester, Vincent wouldn't have cared.. but Bo was different. "Hey.. did you hear me vinny?"

Your eyes glimmered from behind your long lashes making Vincent swallow back the lump forming in his throat as his chest ached, as if it had been crushed into a million pieces allowing it to expose his heart to pins and needles. He slowly nodded before turning away from your touch, immediately hunching back over his work.

It wasn't long really, if anything Vincent may have been being over dramatic but he knew what was his and if he didn't like you around Bo, something was to be done about it. He'd had enough when it was already past six and you weren't sat back where you were supposed to be, beside him, watching him. His clunky boots pushed his body enough to back himself into the chair, standing and throwing on his overly long black Cardigan. He was about ready to drag you back home and fuck you mercilessly. To show you what was his. Your attention was meant for him only, he only deserved your attention.

His hand twisted the knob to the entrance door, slamming it behind him as he marched his way towards the station.

He deserved your lips, not Bo, He deserved your touch not Bo. He deserved you. Not Bo. What has Bo ever done besides whine his pathetic ass through life, He didn't do all of this, he didn't create such beautifully detailed pieces of art, he wasn't the one who created this shit show of a town. It was Vincent. Why was Bo allowed to have any of your attention?, what did he ever do to deserve it. maybe he has the face Vincent should have been gifted, and maybe he has the voice that Vincent could have had.. and maybe just maybe he could swoon you with the way he may of looked at you.. but that was just it Vincent had so much more he could give you he knew he did, so..why were you wasting your attention on Bo.

Growing up Wasn't exactly what most kids would imagine, but parent wise.. Vincent had it much easier. His mother would bathe her son in loving, melodic compliments. His art was placed all over the house, everything you looked at had Vincent's name on it. And was he ever proud of it. He was mommy's sweet beautiful boy, Mommy's talented boy. Mommy's good boy. Oh how mommy was so proud of Vincent, not a thought of being in the dark ever crossed his mind. He was the good twin. And it stuck, He compared himself to his brother in many ways, whether it had been his comparison on how much better he was then Bo, How much effort he had put in to do this for him. To make mommy oh so proud of Bo, Something Vincent never had to force to achieve. But it may have been overshadowed at times by the fact that he knew what he was..he knew what he looked liked..So knowing that Bo had you by yourself right now struck nerves like withered guitar strings..

Once Vincent made it to the Station his eyes darted from corner to corner finally spotting you, laughing at some remark Bo had made. Don't laugh at him, in fact don't even look at him. Vincent's hands balled into fists, almost sliding his way to the radio, smashing it to turn off the music.

You picked Vincent for many reasons, you picked him over Bo and Lester because you truly Loved Vincent. It's not that Vincent didn't understand that, it's that you chose him and this leaves a crippling fear you could leave him because you'll soon see his image.. but at the same time, it gives him such a rush to know you want him. and only him. So prove that. "Vincent what is going on?!" When you immediately rushed to him, cupping his hands in your arms he wanted nothing more in that moment to be lapping within your tight walls, nothing more then to have you bent over the station's counter. To show you that you were only his, that he only deserved you. But that could wait, what couldn't was taking Bo's shit eating grin off of his face. Vincent lunged forward, his large hands gripping at Bo's neck, shaking him at moments before your hands came to grab onto Vincent, your yelling only going through one ear and out of the other. His look was enough to speak volumes.

It wasn't long before you were both back home, Vincent's breathing unsteady as you sat on the bed, staring at him with sheer disappointment. He hated that look.. how dare you look at him like that, as if he was in the wrong. He wanted to rip everything within the room, make you cry and tremble while you watched. His head fell to his hands, rubbing and slightly pulling at his hair to keep away from your gaze.

"..Were you jealous?"

Why would you think that? and even if he was why would it matter, Was his possessiveness too much? Did he step over the line for doing what he did? Vincent thought for a long moment before letting a small grunt of satisfaction out. No, he hadn't stepped over the line, Bo got what he deserved and nothing could tell Vincent he was wrong, because he was right, if Vincent thought he was right then it was true.

Every burning sensation came at full force, he was immediately up off of the chair, his hands gripping at his leather buckle struggling to take it off. With swift movements you had been on your knees in front of him, your smaller hands pushing his large ones away, allowing him to place them in your hair while you took his belt off, his pants now gone you worked away at palming him.

He deserved this, and he knew you knew that he deserved you, deserved this. You were boosting his ego more and more, praising him, telling him you were only his, telling him how much of a good boy he was. He was finally at peace, allowing his mind to wander at the sensation of you gripping his throbbing cock, listening to your praises. He finally got what he wanted.

'yeah, Aren't I just a good boy'

[bobbyseyesmile]

Pride and Passion | 13

Chapter 13

Warning: Negan being a mean asshole (as usual but he's mean to the reader as well)

A/N: i'm taking a few days (tops) off from the story because i'm on vacation and have to take care of some requests as well. i don't know when chapter 14 will be ready but i'll return as soon as possible :)

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„Not here.“ Negan’s voice was a low growl; he was beyond pissed but tried to keep it together for the people around. Last thing he needed was any unwanted attention from the workers. “Let’s go to my office.”

Simon tried to grab your arm but you shrugged him off. “If you touch me ever again, I’m gonna shoot your dick off.” You hissed and he threw you a hateful look while Negan turned his head to hide is grin.

Sure, he should have said something- Simon was his right hand and had the second highest authority after Negan himself, the people needed to respect him and it wasn’t helping if you tried to underestimate him. One the other hand he had to admit that he liked that fierce side on you and Simon was, in fact, a dramatic person who liked to show off. A little competition wouldn’t hurt.

Negan sat down at the end of the long table so everyone around would face him. He made a small gesture to the seat next to him, signaling you to sit down. You hesitated nervously after he put Lucille on the table in front of him- you hated that stupid bat.

“Sit, darling.” He snarled when you were still standing, eyeing him like a doe in headlights. Negan saw you swallow and decided to put Lucille on his lap. “Better?” You nodded and settled next to him.

“Thanks.” You breathed, only audible for him and he bit his tongue to keep himself from grinning. This was a serious matter and it wouldn’t help if he indicated how whipped he was by you in front of his men.

Simon and Dwight also took a seat and the first one placed the note in front of their leader, throwing another side glance in your direction. Negan read the note, his thick eyebrows furrowing in anger and it made you almost break out in a cold sweat. You didn’t know what the note said, hell, you didn’t even know that Amber planned to flee- she never suggested anything.

“Darling” Negan’s voice was low but soft spoken. Too soft. “Please explain.”

He slid the note over to you and you started reading. After a few moments you looked up; everyone was staring at you, awaiting an explanation you simply didn’t have.

“Negan-“ you started and swallowed once again “I swear to god, I didn’t know about this.” Your fingers trembled against the dirty piece of paper, generating a faint rustling noise against the dark wooden table in the otherwise silent room.

You had to agree: The note heavily implicated that you were involved in the whole scheme, maybe even being the mastermind behind it. But you weren’t. Your eyes fell on the note, reading the neatly written words once again:

Dear Y/N, thank you so much for everything! I decided to finally do it and to take matters in my own hand. If you’re reading this, Mark and I will be long gone but if you want to, you can always find us- I would be happy to have you around. - Amber

Negan studied every reaction on your panicked face, you seemed sincere but he couldn’t be too sure- maybe you were just scared of being caught, anxiously awaiting the consequences. And, oh, there would be hell of consequences.

“How long has she been gone?” Negan asked, adressing Simon but never stopped looking at you.

“We assume they left at night, the last time any of us saw Mark was at dinner.”

“So, you lost him?” You saw Simon gulp but he quickly adjusted his posture before he spoke:

“Yes, Negan.”

You had to hand it to him- Simon was a lot of things but he sure wasn’t a coward, owning up to his mistakes. Negan nodded his head, finally releasing you from his intense stare when he turned to face Simon. “Did you form a search party?”

“Yes. The men have been out since six in the morning, that’s when Mark’s shift usually start but he never reported to his position. And your wives never saw Amber leave. Or so they say.”

Negan raised his eyebrows. “Are ya suspecting something?”

“Well-” Simon cleared his throat “With all due respect but they stick together, wouldn’t surprise me if they helped her. I mean, for fucks sake, they sleep in the same room, Negan.”

“Hmm…”

“But if you really want answers-“ Negan’s eyes locked onto Simons “You should talk to her mother.”

“Ambers mom?” you blurted out “Isn’t she sick?”

“Cancer.” Negan spoke and you suddenly jumped from your seat. “Let me talk to her!”

“Are you crazy?” Simon laughed “We don’t even know if you’re involved yet!”

“I am not, asshole.”

“Enough!” Negan’s voice roared through the room, silencing everyone immediately. “I will talk to her.”

You pursed your lips; carefully considering if you should say the following sentence. “She won’t talk to you.”

Negan took a deep breath, desperately trying to calm himself down because he was so fucking close from losing it. “And why is that, princess?”

Dwight gave you a Are you crazy?! Look but didn’t say a word. Even Simon had raised his eyebrows, curious what would follow- he may be clinically insane and an asshole, but even he knew when or especially when not to speak if Negan was raging.

You also took a deep breath and adjusted your posture; standing upright with the hands on your hips. You looked exactly like Rick and Negan hated it but silently applauded your balls of steel.

“Because she’s a mother.” You softly explained and were given confused looks.

“So what? They all talk as soon as Lucille’s involved.” Simon spoke but you shook your head.

“No. Not her. Not a mother who’s protecting her child. There isn’t a thing in the world you could threaten her with- she won’t talk.”

Even if he didn’t want to, Negan silently agreed with you. Threats or violence wouldn’t help; also, she was already a dying woman. “And why would you think she would talk to you?”

“Because-“ you shrugged your shoulders, not sure how to explain it. You weren’t a mother, but you were a big sister and kind of a mother figure for your little baby sister. “I too would die for my siblings and absolutely nothing nor anyone could turn me against them. Also, I was friends with Amber and I think that I knew her pretty well even if it was just for a few months. But I dare to say that I knew her better than you did.”

Negan smashed Lucille down on the table creating a bloodcurdling sound. You didn’t flinch in contrast to the other two but you held your breath fearing that you’ve gone too far.

“Fuck!” Negan yelled and angrily ran his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, fuck ,fuck!”

You just stood there, waiting for him to finish his rage. You didn’t like to admit it but right now you were scared shitless of the man in front of you- your mind travelling back to the night of Abrahams murder. If Negan decided to kill you right here, right now, there was nothing you could do and it made your stomach turn. He turned towards you and in two long strides he had you caged against the wall, his other hand firmly gripping your chin.

“I swear to God, Y/N… I will investigate everything and if I find out that you were involved and double crossed me-“ Negan paused and licked his lips “I will beat the living shit out of your Daddy and make you watch every second.”

While he spoke you held your breath, not even noticing that you stopped exhaling. Tears filled your eyes and ran over your cheeks.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes.” You whispered but he didn’t let go yet. “Yes what?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Negan gazed over your face; making sure that you got the message before he finally let go and took a step back. You exhaled and quickly turned away to hide the incoming tears- out of embarrassment and scared that it would anger him even more.

“Good.” His voice was calm again, his demeanor cool and collected. “You will talk to Amber’s mother but I will be there. Hidden of course, don’t want to miss anything she could possibly share with you.”

- - -

Amber’s mother was a middle-aged woman with greyish blonde hair, she seemed small and fragile. Probably because of her illness and the bad food the workers were given. But her eyes, oh, her eyes were young and observant- eyeing you meticulously when you entered the infirmary she was staying in.

“Hi, my name is Y/N.” you spoke but she didn’t answer back. “I need to talk to you; may I sit down?”

It took her a few seconds before she slowly nodded, suspicion never leaving her watchful eyes. “Dolly.” She finally said in a raspy voice.

“Nice to meet you, Dolly.”

“You’re a wife as well?” she asked and you raised your eyebrows in curiosity.  “What gave it away?”

“You’re pretty.” She answered nonchalantly.

“Hm” you hummed in response “Haven’t noticed. Maybe Negan has bad eyesight?”

A smile spread on her lips and you returned it. “You’re her- my daughters friend.”  

“Well, I’d like to believe so.” You answered sincerely.

“She told me about you- told me how nice you were, even defending her in front of Negan. Thank you.”

“She’s a great girl, it’s easy to like her.” Dolly smiled upon hearing your words and nodded weakly.

“My Amber…” she whispered but in a mere second her look turned serious again “I know what you want. I won’t tell you where she is though.”

“Never doubted that for a second.” You explained, watching her relax in response. “I just want to make sure she’s okay, you know? That she's safe out there.”

“She’s with her true love!” Dolly exclaimed “Mark is a good one- he will look after her. I know he will.”

“That’s good.” You smiled again “Have they known each other for a long time?”

Dolly immediately nodded, her eyes beaming. “Oh yes! They’re High School Sweethearts, never been apart. They got engaged when Amber finished school, ready to start college together but then the apocalypse broke out. Still, they had each other.”

“Wow…” you murmured “Yeah, she told me a lot about him. I’m really sorry what happened to them.”

Dolly waved a hand. “Doesn’t matter; they’re together now and he won’t find them!”

You bit the inside of your cheek, well aware that Negan could hear every word but Dolly didn’t seem to care even if she knew that he eavesdropped outside the door.

“Listen, Dolly-“ you sighed “Negan will look for them, I’m sure you know that and I’m sure that Amber knew before she ran away… I’m scared what will happen to her if they get caught.”

“They won’t.” Dolly answered with such certainty that you didn’t dare to argue. Maybe she was sure or maybe she needed to convince herself in order not to lose her mind. “You didn’t know that she was leaving?”

“No.” you exclaimed firmly, hoping that Negan would believe it. “She never told me or implied anything.”

“I’m sure she wanted you safe, that’s why she didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah… but she left a note for me, telling me to come find her.”

“Amber told me a lot about you- what you and your group experienced, she was convinced you’re a fighter and can survive out there. If you ever go after my daughter, please tell that I love her; they didn’t want to leave me behind but what chance would I have out there? Being live bait for the corpses, that’s all. And even if I die in here, by illness or the leader himself- I couldn’t care less, I don’t fear death.”

You squeezed her hand, silently agreeing. A person who wasn’t fearing death, was the most dangerous type for a leader like Negan- there was absolutely nothing he could do and you bet your right arm that it made his blood pressure rise.

“You should get some rest now.” Standing up you gave her hand one last squeeze before turning around and leaving. Dolly closed her eyes as soon as you closed the door behind you.

Negan stood outside; arms crossed in front of his chest and his eyes scanning your tired face looking for some clues on what you might be thinking.

“She’s sick.” You whispered and he raised an eyebrow, curious where this would lead “I know I can’t possible talk you in to letting this slide but… this woman won’t survive another week.”

“What are you trying to say, doll?”

“Maybe we can make up some story on why they’re gone- or admit that they left but were found dead after a few days. No one would question it. No one needs to die.”

“There’s always a person who has to die; who has to pay.” He explained harshly and you shrugged your shoulders.

“You have her in the room behind us- she will die, that’s a fact but you can decide on how it’s going to happen. Tell them you killed her; you withdrew her medication or threw her in a cell and let her starve. It doesn’t matter if she dies of natural cause, you can tell them what you want and they will believe you. They’re always going to be terrified of you, Negan. And as long as you’re going for that look, you can scare them with scary stories as well. I won’t tell a soul.”

- - -

Negan didn’t answer and remained silent when you two walked to his bedroom. He opened the heavy door and walked right to his leather sofa, plopping down with a heavy sigh. You didn’t know if you should leave yet so you closed the door and took a seat next to him. When he finally spoke, it took you by surprise:

“I really didn’t know her, huh?”

You assumed he meant Amber and softly hummed. “I believe she didn’t want you to know her; didn’t want you to give what she gave to Mark. Her true self.”

Negan let out a small grunt. He was pissed beyond imagination but more because he didn’t saw it coming and it made him look like a fool. And that was something he couldn’t fucking accept, ever. “Maybe I’ll let them all go…” he mumbled with his eyes closed, arms behind his head.

“Excuse me?” you asked but his eyes remained closed. “My wives.” He explained but you still didn’t understand what he meant by that.

“I don’t follow-“

Negan opened his eyes and in one swift motion he was on top of you, his hot breath hitting your face, making you blush in response. “Today I learnt something about myself, doll. Ya wanna know what?”

Your eyes dropped to his plump lips before looking up again, meeting his intense gaze. “W-What?”

“I don’t want any of them- I only want you. And in order not to lose you, I fucking need to get to know you.”

A faint “Oh” escaped your lips and you felt his fingers brushing back a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Yeah…” he hummed and his lips ghosted over your jawline “So how about we start right now by you telling me; who the fuck is Shane?”

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[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

Hi Dillo! I’m new to your blog but I’m already obsessed with it <3 would you be able to do some headcanons about the gang with an s/o who travels a lot? Thank you!

A/N: There a little short, but I hope you like them! Thanks for the request and I hope you stick around for a while <3

DARRY CURTIS

I think there’s a part of Darry that wants to travel?

Like at one point, maybe even still, part of him wants to get out of town and go somewhere else for a while

But he knows his place, at the moment at least, is at home in Tulsa with his brothers, he sticks around for them

He’s gonna live vicariously through you y’know? He wants to hear all the stories about your escapades throughout the wide world <3

If you send him postcards or gift him little trinkets from your journey, Darry treats them like they’re made of gold, sticking them up to the fridge and putting them up on the mantle

SODAPOP CURTIS

Sodapop is going to beg and whine and pester Darry into letting him to tag along with your adventures

If he gets to go? You’re in for one of the best trips of your life

He’d be such a good road trip buddy to have, the drives would never be boring and you guys would have the best conversations

If Darry doesn’t let him go, very rare chance guys but he does have a job and Sodapop just can’t take time off all the time, Sodapop will set things up that he can call you

Anytime the phone rings while you’re gone, Sodapop is sprinting to get the phone before anyone else can      

 PONYBOY CURTIS

Pony wants to travel too, I think out of all the gang, he’s going to be the one that gets out and goes somewhere else

I think that’s even more likely if going somewhere else involves you-

You and Ponyboy rarely stay in the same place for a long time, there’s just so much to see and you guys are trying to make the most of it

Pony has a sketchbook full of all the different places that you’ve been, almost all the drawings have you in them

You guys definitely stop by Tulsa every now and then though, you check up on his brothers and the gang 

DALLAS WINSTON

It wouldn’t surprise me that Dally would end up with someone who likes to travel? He’s got a can’t-be-tied-down spirit so I think you guys would vibe well

But if it’s the kind of leaving where Dallas doesn’t go with you, there’s a possibility for a different outcome

If you leave Tulsa, the kind of leaving where Dallas can’t follow, there’s going to be a fight

I won’t lie to you dear friends, Dally doesn’t like the idea of you leaving him behind

He’s gotta really love you, and I mean really love you to do this, but there’s a chance of him sending you off with his ring so that you’ve got part of him still with you    

 JOHNNY CADE

Take Johnny with you!! Please take Johnny with you!!

He deserves so much more than Tulsa offers him and I think he would really thrive if you took him traveling with you

Johnny’s never been out of Tulsa before, it’s canon, so I think he’d really enjoy traveling!

Imagine all the memories you guys’ll make together <3 you’ll never have a dull moment when you go somewhere with Johnny

For some reason the mental image of sitting in a bakery with him somewhere in the world, where the only things that matter are you and him is floating around in my mind-

  TWO-BIT MATHEWS

God he wants to go with you, Two-Bit would give anything to go traveling with you

But, like with Darry, Two-Bit’s got a lot that’s keeping him in Tulsa

His mom is almost never home because of how much he works, he’s gotta keep an eye on his sister and make sure she’s taken care of too

When he gets the chance though, Two-Bit does everything he can to go traveling with you

You’re not allowed to drive honey <3 Two-Bit’s mama taught him to be a gentleman which means the two of you can take your car, but you’re gonna be in the passenger seat

STEVE RANDLE

He’s gotta get someone to sub in for him at the DX, but other than that, there’s not really much to keep him in Tulsa

Steve’ll said good-bye to the gang, but he doesn’t care for his parents too much so there’s nothing there

With you, he’s got almost guaranteed happiness, anywhere you go, he’s gonna have a good time

Won’t Let You Drive Because He’s A Gentleman Pt.2

Steve would love those little tourist traps with all the junky things like magnets and t-shirts and those types of things, he’d buy you something from every place you go

TIM SHEPARD

It takes a lot to convince Tim to travel with you, he’s practically a single parent trying to raise Angela and Curly

But I can see him putting the effort forth to make a long-distance relationship work, especially if he really loves you

Phone calls every so often to catch up, Tim’ll sit in the kitchen with the phone, sipping a mug of coffee while he complains about what you’ve missed in Tulsa

These phone calls involve a lot of complaining about whatever Curly and Angela have gotten into

He’s the first one to greet you when you get back to town too, he’s waiting for you to be home

CURLY SHEPARD

Whenever you tell stories of where you’ve been, Curly’s hanging on your every word, waiting to see what’ll happen next

It gets to the point where he asks you to tell them so often, he knows them by heart and call fill in the blanks before you get the chance

One day, Curly wants to travel with you to all the places you consider your favorite

You don’t have to do anything fancy, hell you can sleep in the car and Curly’ll be fine

He just wants to go somewhere else with you, see something with you, just stay with you for a while and explore somewhere new and exciting

[unhappycylinder]

Gonna Be Trouble (Jake Seresin x Fem! Reader) Part 3

Hey!! Sorry for being M.I.A. for like eternity. I’m finally back with part 3, its kinda short but part 4 will be out soon!! Let me know what ya’ll think :)

WC: 2k

Warnings: Swearing & Angst

Part 1 Part 2

---

Jake had gone back to base after dropping you off last night. As much as he wanted to stay and enjoy you more, and as much as you wanted him to keep you company through the night, you both understood that he had to be up at the crack of dawn to prep for the second day of the air show. Before he left he had smothered you in hugs and deep passionate kisses that only left you wanting more, only left you spiraling into heartbreak thinking about what would happen between you after the event was over.

It's not like he was staying in Vegas, and to be fair neither were you. You had a day’s worth of driving back to school ahead of you, and he had a whole F18 to deliver back to California, back to his squadron, his duty. It was foolish of you to think this could actually be something, right? Plus what if he didn't feel the same, what if he wasn't as into you as he let on, what if he was just in it for a quick fuck and didn't feel any emotional connection at all. 

You laid in your bed staring blankly ahead at the ceiling, letting your thoughts spiral and crash into one another, making you question whether you should even bother going today and risk meeting up with Jake and having him break things off with you before they could really even begin. 

No, that was dumb. You came all this way for this show, and you weren't gonna miss it because of some feelings, some really good feelings. Jake was different, you knew that, and hey best case scenario he'd want to work things out with you and make this happen. Worst case you go your separate ways. It'd hurt like hell, but it's what needed to be done. 

You got yourself out of bed and into the bathroom, washing your face and doing your makeup before slipping into a cute but cozy outfit. Hyping yourself up with some music, you paced around your room for a couple minutes before finally opening the door.

The ride to the airshow was quiet today, no people to talk to, no stories to share. That just left you more time to spiral, great, just what you needed. Thinking about Jake only made you more nervous, but it also gave you the most intense butterflies you’d ever had in your life.

Once the bus pulled up, you let everyone else get off first before finally working up the courage to step off, clinging to your phone for dear life. There were more people here today it seemed, maybe that’d give you a chance to blend in and avoid Jake, avoid the consequences of him possibly not feeling the same about you.

His F18 was visible down the tarmac, and so was he, well his back at least. The jet was parked the same as yesterday and the pilot you had gotten to know so intimately looked just as delectable as you remembered in his green flight suit. After just one glance you felt instantly calmed, as if every worry you had about him not feeling the same was washed away. Why had you even been worried about him rejecting you or him disliking you, he was right there and he was everything you’d ever wanted. You needed him.

As quickly as the relief came however, it went away, careening back into your mind as stress and pain took over. Jake tossed his head back in a belly laugh and turned around to reveal a gorgeous woman standing in front of him. She had long curly brown hair and a gorgeous smile, beautiful eyes, and a tight fitting dress. It was nothing you’d wear to an air show, that is unless you were trying to attract the eye of some pilot, which she obviously was by the placement of her manicured hand on his upper arm. As he laughed she leaned in and squeezed his arm tighter, smiling up at him with so much flirtation in her eye it was palpable.

God why wasn’t he stopping her. Why wasn’t he rejecting her.

To make matters worse he lifted his hand and patted her on the shoulder, allowing his hand to linger as he leaned down and spoke softly into her hair, eliciting another deep laugh from her.

Fuck.

Before he could see you raging with jealousy, before he could catch you staring on the brink of tears, you turned your attention to yourself.

Fine. If he’s gonna play that game, so can I.

You glanced around for anyone, any pilot, who you could throw yourself to. And then, like a knight in shining armor, came a tall gorgeous man with a luscious mustache. Of course he was in the same flight suit as Jake and the same aviators, but yeah he’d do.

“You look a little lost there honey” he said

“Yeah sorry I just,” you paused, glancing between the man and Jake, “I kinda have a thing with a guy over there and he looks to be flirting with another woman”

“Oh god which guy,” he said in a tired voice, as if he’d heard this before, and stepped closer to you to get a better look at the crowd.

His eyes landed on Jake, where yours were also resting, and he threw his head back and sighed, “please for the love of God don’t say its Hangman”

You sighed too, “its Hangman”

He chuckled lightly and brought his head down to look at you, you looked up at him, angling yourself to face him.

“Unfortunately for me I have the soul-draining obligation of working with that man, so even more unfortunately I’ve spent enough time with him to know how you can make him jealous”

“Oh really?” Now you were intrigued

“Its the only way to get through that stupidly thick Texan skull of his,” the man leaned down to you, taking his aviators off, “we gotta make him think he doesn’t already have you wrapped around his finger, honey”

You opened your mouth to speak, flabbergasted by the confidence and flirtatiousness of this man, but he cut you off with a sigh as he stood back up to his full height.

“The issue is I have a stunning, perfect, absolutely dropdead gorgeous girlfriend,” he said nonchalantly, “her name’s Gabby, she’s over by that F15 right now,” he gestured to a jet behind him. You glanced around him and indeed there stood a gorgeous woman with long dark brown hair and beautiful bone structure admiring the jet. She glanced over at the man and shot him a million dollar smile.

“Hi honey, we gotta do a little Hangman fixin over here!” He yelled, she blushed and nodded back. They were adorable.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to help out a friend in need,” he said back to you

“A friend?” you asked, “honey, I don’t even know your name”

He chuckled, amused by your use of his nickname, and he stuck out his hand for you.

“Bradley Bradhsaw, callsign Rooster”

“Double Brad, I like it,” you shook his hand and smiled at him.

“Alright so what we gotta do is make him think you’re flirting with me, but that you also know he’s there.” Bradley explained, “so you gotta look at him every once in a while and see if you can catch his eye. Enough of that and he’ll be marching right over here trying to claim his girl.”

“You’ve really got this down don’t you. How many times have you had to do this” you asked

“He and I have a bit of a rivalry thing going on, its par for the course” Bradley nodded

And with that you commenced your flirting with Bradley. Arm touching, his hand around your shoulder while walking past the planes, whispers into each others hair, all the while you were turning to Jake between each move to see if you could catch him looking.

You couldn’t.

He was either too preoccupied talking to some woman, or too preoccupied gawking over his plane with the ex-military dads who came over. Not once did you catch him staring…but that didn’t mean he wasn’t.

After toting around with Bradley for the better part of twenty minutes you decided to call it quits and return him to Gabby. She collected him with open arms and a passionate kiss before turning to you and enveloping you in a hug as well.

“I hear Hangman’s giving you trouble,” she said after pulling away from the hug

“Ugh yeah kinda, sorry to involve you guys in all that its just, Bradley was really sweet in offering to help,” you said

“He’s as kind as he is sexy, my Rooster” she said, looking up at him.

The three of you were sandwiched in between two jets, talking about how Gabby and Bradley met, how long Bradley had been in the Navy, Gabby’s job as an archaeologist, and all that. She even gave you her number so you could chat after the air show or if you ever visited San Diego.

In the middle of laughter between the three of you, stomping footsteps came up behind you and abruptly stopped, drawing Bradley and Gabby’s attention behind you, their faces dropping.

“Y/n” a familiar voice said

You turned around to see Jake standing there in his flight suit, out of breath,

“I need to talk to you,” he said flatly.

—

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing” Jake asked angrily, pacing back and forth in the empty ready room he had led you to on the side of the tarmac. A ceiling fan whirled above you, swirling the miserably stuffy air around the room, making this exchange even more miserable.

“I mean I’m standing by my jet all morning waiting for you to come say hi, come talk to me, and all you can manage to do is prance around with my best friend,” he raised his voice at you, “you’re making me feel like a complete idiot y/n, making me feel like nothing that happened between us mattered,” his voice softened, his eyes finally meeting yours to reveal…pain.

“Jake,” you paused, he was right, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t flirting with the other women who talked to him, “its not like I can’t say the same about you,” you looked away.

“What?” He asked, stabilizing himself on the back of a chair in front of you

“Jake every time I looked over at you another woman had her hands all over you, and you were doing nothing to stop them!”

“y/n,” he looked up at the ceiling shaking his head, “that’s just how it is. I can’t help that women flirt with me”

“Yes you can!”

“Oh and please enlighten me then”

“Maybe you could start by not touching them back, how’s that Jake”

He looked down at his feet, tapping them lightly on the ground, “Y/n what you did was wrong”

“Jake you’re talking to me like I’m a child” you retorted, not about to listen to him talk down to you for doing the exact same thing he did

“Cause you are one,” he yelled, looking up at you and shrugging his shoulders, an annoyance in his eyes like you hadn’t seen before.

“What the fuck?” You asked, hurt and confusion burning inside you

“You’re just an immature fucking kid,” he laughed in that stupid cocky voice of his, stepping closer to you, “and it was stupid of me to expect you to act like anything else”

You were speechless, and Jake liked it that way. He had won, he had ended this with you, and he wasn’t going to give you the time to respond. Within a second he had collected his belongings from the chair and left the room without another word.

—-

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