#dating hell

[the-most-humble-blog]

Can I Get Cancelled Because You Didn’t Get Off?

🚨 Welcome to The Age of Professional Annihilation

In today’s world, you don’t need to actually do anything wrong to be cancelled. Your biggest crime? Breathing while male and fucking someone who later decided they regret it.

So let’s get real about how easy it is to get cancelled for someone else’s fragile ego, self-inflicted delusions, or an orgasm that never happened.

Step 1: The Flimsy Road to Cancellation

Not all cancellations are made equal, but here are some of the most absurd, yet completely irrefutable ways a man can have his entire existence obliterated:

💔 You Raw Dogged Her, Then Handed Her Uber Money – She was fine with it until she remembered she had standards two weeks later. Now you’re a soulless, misogynistic villain because she didn’t get breakfast in bed and a heartfelt "good morning" text.

🎭 You Slept with Her, She Didn’t Get the Promotion, Role, or Career Opportunity She Hoped For – Congratulations! Your dick has now been reclassified as a contract she didn’t read carefully enough. And now? You “pressured” her into it.

🕵️ She Was Embarrassed Someone Found Out & Needed an Excuse – What’s the best way to not look like an attention-starved opportunist? Call it "non-consensual." Now it’s a feminist victory.

😡 She’s Pissed That All Men Want Is Sex – Turns out, you just wanted to fuck instead of writing poetry about the universe inside her eyes. Misogyny confirmed. Time for her to go nuclear and start the mass un-aliving of your career.

🚨 A Friend Told Her She Should Feel Violated – SHE wasn’t uncomfortable, but her best friend with a minor in feminist theory convinced her that she should be. Your sex life has now been posthumously reclassified as predatory.

Step 2: Assess Your Cancellation Risk Level

Are you breathing? Do you have a penis? Then you’re already fucked. But let’s be specific:Risk LevelWhat You Did WrongLow RiskYou’re a virgin. No one cares.Moderate RiskYou had consensual sex, but the orgasm disparity was too great.High RiskYou didn’t pretend to love her after.Immediate CancellationYou exist, and someone needs a cause today.

Step 3: Preemptive Damage Control

If you think you might be on the chopping block, here’s what you should do immediately:

✅ Only sleep with notarized consent forms. (Bonus points if it’s live-streamed.) ✅ Never leave an unsatisfied woman alive. Ghosting isn’t safe anymore. ✅ Stay celibate, join a monastery, let the species die out. ✅ If she says “I’m fine” in a weird tone, IMMEDIATELY FLEE THE COUNTRY. ✅ Save money for a defamation lawsuit. You’re gonna need it.

Step 4: How To Fight Back When The Cancellation Hits

Let’s say you’re already the main character of a Twitter mob’s wet dream. Here’s your damage control strategy:

💀 Own It. – Be unbothered, double down. Nothing infuriates these people more than a man who refuses to grovel.

📢 Sue for Defamation. – Women are getting sued left and right for false accusations. Time to let the courts do the canceling.

🤡 Make a Bigger Scandal. – If you’re gonna go down, take the whole fucking building with you.

📜 Call Out The Bullshit. – Be the guy who tells it like it is—they’ll hate you more, but you’ll expose the entire grift.

Final Thoughts: The Only Way To Win? Stop Giving a Fuck.

Look, you can’t stop someone from rewriting history to fit their new victim narrative. The best thing you can do is laugh, keep living your life, and never give these people the satisfaction of watching you beg.

Because at the end of the day? They were fine with it until they weren’t.

🚀 Stay unbothered. Stay unapologetic. And never, EVER let them think you owe them shit.

🚨REBLOG if You Agree and Want More!

[honeyjynxxed]

Ok this will probably cause me to age like cheese but wtf is a situationship??? A talking phase???? W h a t? You go on dates with someone to get to know them, either you like their presence or not, you either date or you don't, wtf is all this new fangled terminology??

I swear I feel like a geriatric who was handed a brand new iphone as I navigate the minefield that is new age dating. I see cute person, I go on date with cute person, why is there so much more to it now???

[lesbianinthesea]

Why does every girl I match with never want to give what they want to take?

I want Romance are you willing to be romantic?

I want to be adored are you willing to adore?

I want to be spoiled are you willing to spoil someone else?

I want to give, but I’ve learned my lesson about giving too much of myself to people who won’t return the sentiment 

[wut-a-duckie]

i made a cheese pun while chatting with a guy on hinge and he immediately unmatched me. i am offended

[piece-of-mined]

Well would you look at that, it’s literally me.

[deadbutterflycollective]

I won't promise comics every week but I have some frustrations to get out.

[computer-boy]

the ordeal of being known is in fact mortifying

[the-cactusclique]

I was never big on dating and now that I've been single like 4 (?) years people keep suggesting I "get back out there" and I am trying but gods would I rather not.

Yesterday I blocked a guy being into race play and today someone is angry about how corporate acknowledges Christian holidays instead of Jewish ones (I was saying I wish I had this week off, and also I'm an atheist so I don't actually care why I'm off tbh)

Personally my aspiration is to fuck musicians because they're cool. Not even famous ones.

[andylynpyaneblogs1]

My c0ck really trying to get out and jizz all over you🔥🥵

Telegram: andylynnpyane

All this sexy just waiting on YOU🥵

[somnoir]

How to pull a Batman by J. Constantine

John Constantine wouldn't say he was quite fond of children. He's not fatherly by any means so he knows that he's not suitable for raising children. It's just that he somehow ends up with a young girl at his front door (how she found the house of mystery, he's not sure). The little girl looked normal but she felt off. Too drenched in death to be a run-of-the-mill child. Her red hair seemed to turn into flames at the tips, and her eyes were eerily teal and glowed. Everything about her seemed wrong.

"Hello." She murmured, "Clockwork told me to come find you."

And she was just blinking, looking utterly uncanny as John reluctantly welcomed her into the house. "Master of Time?" He hesitated, knowing that amongst the many powerful beings he'd met the ancient of time had been one of them. A mirthful entity who seemed amused by the chaos and order of the multiverse. 

"He told me to give you this!" The girl fished out a glowing green paper from... y'know, he's not sure. 

And in mocking calligraphy the words:

"You owe me :). p.s. there's more."

was directed at John like a fucking signal. 

Great... Being indebted to the cosmic entity of time has made him a father.

He thought it'd happen one time. Just once. Little Jasmine was adept at the occult and got along well with ghosts, often playing peacemaker when one of them tried bothering Constantine. She was concerningly liminal for a twelve-year-old child, but she brushed it of for the fact that her siblings were either halfas or very liminal. Was he concerned, admittedly yes. 

It wasn't until there was a pounding at the door again did he start praying to any god willing to listen. But no. The sentient house practically dragged him through the halls and led him to where Jazz was eagerly waiting, a grin on her face. 

"My baby brothers are here!" She excitedly says, eyes practically sparkling as she grabs him by the hand. 

"Slow down, darlin'. They won't bloody leave if we slow down." He sighed in exasperation, before pulling the door open. Two pairs of eyes stared into his very soul, making his breath hitch.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the hell was Clockwork sending him?!

"Danny! Dan" Jazz squealed, dragging the two halfas into the house. One with green eyes and another with red. 

"Clockie wasn't kidding when he said he's a sad guy in a trench coat." The one with green eyes muttered, still floating and staying close to Jazz and his twin. 

"Clockwork slept with that?" The red-eyed one unabashedly judged. "Another fruitloop..." The boy snarled.

John Constantine could already predict the future at this point.

Daniel and Dante take to the house immediately, haunting it to their hearts content.

In the course of four years, the hellblazer drowns in the depths of fatherhood, making sure that no one could find out about his children. No. Not even Batman.

He'd be damned (even more) than let anyone involve the best parts of his life in contingency plans and whatnot. 

His kids grow up to be a rowdy and peculiar bunch.

His eldest, Jazz, was turning out to be one hell of a magician. Especially in necromantic arts that he's tried not to touch many times.

The twins, Danny and Dante were little hellions that made him want to tear his hair out. Its later on when Clockwork comes to visit their children (because its joint custody now) that he's informed that one is the crown prince of the realms and to be king upon the expiration of his mortality, and the other was an alternate version of him and was dubbed the world destroyer. 

His fourth child and second daughter had come in the form of Sam, who had popped up in the house and was decorating it with plants he from different dimensions. Also, she was apparently a green witch that now had the powers of the spirit known as undergrowth. The house was green.

His fifth child came in the form of a boy with a red hat and a laptop clutched against his chest. Tucker had seemed so harmless and sweet compared to his older siblings... until John found him performing ancient egyptian rituals and casually hacking into the Pentagon for fun. 

His last (Thank god) daughter was a zoomie toddler. Little Elle had arrived three years after Jazz did. A five year old with such intense wanderlust that he was tempted to buy one of those harness leash thingies parents had their children wear. Also, like the twins in which she was the clone of, she was one hell of a child being directly connected to the speed force.

So in conclusion, John Constantine was the father of three children on the verge of becoming Ancients, a highly intelligent girl with a very deep connection to death, the successor of fucking Undergrowth, and a boy who could effortlessly hack into government systems whilst being a pharao-in-training. 

Batman must never know.

In the far future, John Constantine battles it out with Bruce Wayne, who's children thought it was a good idea to start flirting with his hellions.

Constantine: TO HELL WITH YOU IF YOU THINK IM LETTING MY PERFECT JAZZY PANTS DATE YOUR FLIPPY SON!

Bruce: SHE'S GOOD FOR HIM!

Constantine: YEAH WILL IS HE GOOD FOR HER?!

And then it gets worse once John catches the Red Hood displaying some ghostly courting behaviour towards Dan. And he's just.

Constantine: Tell your children to back off.

Bruce: You think I haven't tried???

Then comes Danny and Tim with their unhinged behavior. Constantine isn't even mad about the fact that his son is dating one of the Bats. He's just concerned about the chaos with these two.

Bruce: okay, that one is not allowed. How do we get them to break up?

Constantine who's already witnessed Danny making plans to brutally murder Ra's for some spleen: Yeah, no. Good luck with that one.

By the time it's just Sam, Tucked, and Elle, he's praying it's not one of the Bats.

He really is.

Tucked is emmersed in his work but that didn't stop him from befriending Bart Allen and the current Kid Flash. Time travel is the one they usually discuss. (Dante and Constantine were very much on the same page when it came to keeping them just friends.)

And then Sam somehow ends up catching the attention of a daughter of Zeus. By this point, Constantine was preparing to fight god again and would have to ask his ex for a favor.

He's just so happy his precious princess Elle was being a sweet fifteen years old and wasn't daring crazy people.

(Damian was being rather suspicious...)

[engelakiko]

[xxplastic-cubexx]

[right to left]

finally finished This Wip from Ever ago and so now i ask you ever look into another dudes eyes and suddenly want to do whatever he wants

[technically-human]

Valentine's Day!!

The boys finally get a happy moment after going through the canon events

This was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are so thank them for the cuteness!

The bonus is completely my fault though:

[lesbianinthesea]

Tired of intentionally dating I’ve been met with ghosts, people with bad intentions and no intentions. Doesn’t mean there won’t be that longing but I’m far too tired to be pressed about other people time to focus on me.

[azu1as]

thinking of a disciple-era qijiu au where the cang qiong sect leader doesn't allow shen jiu into the sect despite yue qi's efforts to convince him.

so shen jiu makes use of a ploy he's seen being used by a woman to avoid being sent away by her family in an arranged marriage.

"he defiled me," shen jiu lies confidently, ignoring the way said boy's head snaps towards him in shock. "yue qi defiled me and has promised to take responsibility."

in his peripheral, shen jiu can see the way yue qi's eyes were wide open, his pupils trembling.

serves him right, shen jiu internally mocks. if yue qi thinks protect his reputation by making the cang qiong sect take him in, then shen jiu will make sure that he pulls his head down from the skies and back to the mud in which they both sprouted from.

yue qi doesn't deny shen jiu's words, much to the sect leader's visible consternation.

"yue qi," the sect leader calls out. "look at me and tell me the truth."

ah. maybe shen jiu made a mistake. if yue qi reveals his lie here then not only will he have wiped himself clean of shen jiu and their shared past, but also make it so that shen jiu's reputation may be further ruined.

before shen jiu could resign himself to pulling apart the lie himself, steel and conviction enters yue qi's eyes. "it's true," he answers. "i have greatly wronged xiao jiu and would like to make ammends by marrying him."

shen jiu blinks, too surprised to respond to yue qi's declaration. it seems that cang qiong has managed to teach yue qi to lie better...

the sect leader takes a moment to study yue qi's face and what he finds makes him let out a deeply aggrieved sigh.

"very well," the sect leader concedes. relief washes over shen jiu. "i trust that you can make the arrangements yourself."

yue qi perks up and tosses a quick excited look towards shen jiu before bowing deeply towards the elder, shen jiu belatedly following suit. "thank you, shizun. i'll handle everything."

shen jiu's heart thuds in his chest. doesn't this mean he'll become a part of cang qiong sect now?

[piece-of-mined]

Every reaction I have to men showing an interest in me is a reminder of why I’ll never be happily married with kids and why I should just fucking kill myself.