#modern dating

[the-sapphic-painter]

Can you

feel

… me too.

“Typing…”

oil on canvas

ORIGINAL AVAILABLE

to inquire about original: email inquiries@halietorris.com 📧

Halie Torris Fine Art

PRINTS AVAILABLE:

giclee paper or canvas

[kristingelatin]

[feeldco]

[asshole-rebel-psycho]

The older I get the more I realize these things about dating.

I have been trying to have deep connections and stimulating conversations for some time.

This doesn't seem to work. Especially on dating apps for I guess obvious reasons.

But as an observant, shy, lonely and somewhat intelligent person ( who happens to be gay) I have unfortunately never found love or relationships myself.. I have only seen it through other people

It's pretty apparent that dating is for simple people. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but a majority of individuals seem to not take the question asking part of dating seriously. Idk if this is due to them not being attracted, busy, simple minded or a more narcissistic culture but it is apparent to me that the closer these people are to my location, the less they are willing to learn more about me.

I wonder why that is? 🤔 I've had plenty of engaging online, non dating app conversations with people all over the world.

So part of me thinks that this is due to our new emotionless, soulless culture. Because this problem only exists when I engage with potential matches that can turn into reality.

The need for connection is still there. Fear is holding us back.

Why are people so afraid of reality? What are they running from? Themselves? Other people? Is the world in such a bad place right now that we feel like if we make a connection we know it will probably end up broken like the society we live in? 💔

The more I observe dating and other people's love lives the more it is apparent to me that deep, intellectual, stimulating conversations are not a part of the game AT ALL.

( take it as a grain of salt but from my observations dating goes like this)

One, attraction is the 1# thing! Because if you don't have it there is no fuel to get anything going. The car won't even get out of the lot. Especially off apps.

Secondly, the man usually takes action by getting the girl on the date as fast as possible..he has to woo her by showing her a fun, spontaneous, adventurous, humorous, and flirtatious time.

It is usually filled with banter, funny nostalgic stories, flirting and none of that would even matter if the two ( especially the man who usually carries the convo) was not attracted.

You can seriously make anything work with mutual sexual attraction. I've seen two plain and boring people talk for hours about nothing but because they had those saucer eyes for eachother it just worked! They definitely don't talk about work or deep concepts.

So the man drains his ( or if hes in his 20s) his daddy's resources on the girl to have a "fun" time..meanwhile his sexual motivation is keeping it going because she obviously has many other options.

The girl then looks pretty and vets if he is worthy for a LTR.

If so, she gets brought into this new, advantageous, silly, successful man's life and uses him as a tool to get away from her boring and domesticated life. She uses him for fun, community, hobbies and eventually family.

She uses his resources as a way to post on tiktok, fb and ig to show off to all of her friends " look at the amazing, good looking and successful guy I am able to get" mostly to show status as a woman and to make her friends jealous..because they were mean to her in the past.

None of her *connection* to her man has pretty much anything to do with conversation. ( sounds harsh I know but hear me out)

If you doubt this why do men and women immediately separate at Christmas parties and work events?

Have you ever observed a straight guy talking to a straight girl before? At any age?

It's usually a girl talking with her friends about things that doesn't interest him and his eyes roll over astrology and the girl eye rolling about video games or sports banter. Exc...

It's pretty obvious how for 95% of the population..male and female worlds have NOTHING to do with eachother. And want NOTHING to do with eachother except for what each gender lacks...

Emotional support from the woman and financial stability from the man. What binds them is sex and what keeps them together is family.

This is why my nerdy lesbian ass has such a hard time with dating. Lol

In the typical female way I am relying too much on talking, not much action. And in a very unfair lesbian way I can't seem to find my opposite.

I am trying to find an intellectual match when I should just be finding my feminine opposite. I'm treating dating like lunch dates with friends, Like men discussing politics on the Titanic while smoking cigars.

Unless I want to talk to a mirror long conversation isn't the way to go.

Because it never was to begin with. This is the code I finally cracked. Lol 😆

I'll leave the cerebral banter and philosophical insights to the lonely, individualistic writer side of me..the side of many great minds in history...But even a great writer will drop his work like a hot potato as soon as he finds a woman he is undeniably in love with. 🥰

My point is to find my opposite not my reflection. And my opposite might surprise me with what they can give or know...even if it's not deep or extremely interesting to me. This goes for any gender. Love doesn't work that way.

[girltalkcollectives]

Your Love Story Doesn’t Need to Be a Fairytale

Let’s talk about love. Not the Hollywood version with perfectly timed rain kisses and dramatic airport chases. Not the TikTok version with carefully curated couple challenges and matching outfits. Let’s talk about real love — the kind that doesn’t always make for a good movie but makes for a good life.

Here’s the truth we need to stop running from: The Notebook lied to us. So did Pretty Woman, Twilight, and every other romance that made us think love needs to be extraordinary to be worthwhile.

Your love story doesn’t need a dramatic beginning. You don’t need to hate each other first. No one needs to climb a Ferris wheel or write 365 letters. You don’t need to be star-crossed, torn apart by fate, or reunited after years of pining. Sometimes, love is just two people who met on a dating app getting coffee, liked each other enough to get a second coffee, and kept choosing each other, day after day.

We’ve been sold this idea that if love isn’t painful, it’s not deep enough. If it’s not complicated, it’s not real enough. If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not strong enough.

What a load of nonsense.

Your partner doesn’t need to be the most interesting person in every room. They don’t need to have a tragic backstory or be mysteriously broken in a way that only your love can fix. They don’t need to write you poetry or plan elaborate surprises or fight their entire family to be with you.

Sometimes, real love looks like:

Someone remembering how you like your coffee

Netflix nights where you both fall asleep fifteen minutes in

Grocery shopping together on a Sunday afternoon

Taking care of each other during stomach flu

Sharing leftovers and splitting bills

Supporting each other’s small wins

Being boring together and completely okay with it

No one’s making movies about couples who spend their Saturday nights doing laundry together. You won’t see viral TikToks about partners who respect each other’s sleep schedules. Instagram isn’t interested in the couple who communicates clearly and resolves conflicts calmly.

But guess what? Those are the relationships that last.

The most beautiful love stories I know aren’t beautiful because they’re extraordinary. They’re beautiful because they’re real. Because both people show up, day after day, choosing each other even when it’s not exciting. Even when it’s not post-worthy. Even when it’s just ordinary life with an ordinary person who makes that ordinary life better.

Your relationship doesn’t need:

A dramatic “how we met” story

Constant butterflies

Grand gestures

Overwhelming passion

Life-changing moments

Picture-perfect dates

Epic declarations of love

What it needs is:

Mutual respect

Open communication

Shared values

Genuine care

Consistent effort

Trust

Growth

Peace

Stop waiting for someone to love you in a way that would make a good movie. Start appreciating someone who loves you in a way that makes a good life.

Because here’s what they don’t show in romantic movies: the real love, the kind that lasts, happens in the quiet moments. In the mundane. In everyday choices to be kind, to be present, to be understanding.

The most romantic thing isn’t someone chasing you through an airport. It’s someone making space for you in their life, consistently and without drama. It’s someone choosing to work through problems instead of creating them for the sake of passion. It’s someone who makes you feel safe instead of excited.

Your love story is valid even if no one would want to watch it in theaters.

Your relationship is real even if it wouldn’t get a million likes on social media.

Your connection matters even if it wouldn’t fill a journal with intense emotions.

So let go of the fairytale.

Let go of The Notebook.

Let go of the idea that epic means better.

Because sometimes the best love stories aren’t the ones that make your heart race — they’re the ones that make your heart feel at home.

And that’s not settling. That’s growing up.

[angelsonthesideline]

Why is courting not still a thing??

A friend said to me that we, as humans, have lost the magic of being adored and going through all the steps of wooing and being wooed. That women no longer understand what it is like to be pursued and men no longer know what it is to be so captivated and work for her attention and time.. That society has made us all disposable and commodities, instead of appreciating how magical we each are… and he’s right. We are magic, and we have forgotten it for instant gratification.

[seasage-phd]

I'm sorry, but.. not everyone you stumble upon will be able to love you the way you wish to be loved. You might have amazing connection with them and while a lot of things click, somethings, although small may not and they are equally valid to be discussed.

Letting go of these sort of people is harder than it seems. In the longer run, it is better to let them go and early at that. Holding on them will only hurt you, it'll bleed you dry and you will never realise why.

I know... I know how you feel. Everything's great, right? But, some itch persists, and you can sort of identify it. You are choosing to ignore it and feeling miserable all the same.

Step back. Take a breather. Rethink about yourself first. Is this harming you? You need to take care of yourself, love. Because no one will. You need to get your own back.

[guavagyal]

instead of dating, I just want to join the Santería equivalent of a coven

[blrrblog]

Breadcrumbs

Do you not feel weary, worn thin by the tides of life?

Used, like a well-read book with dog-eared pages, its spine creased from countless hands that sought solace within its chapters?

Hurt, as if your heart bears the weight of ancient stones, each one etched with memories of joy and sorrow?

Or even remorse, a haunting echo of choices made, the paths taken and those left behind?

Perhaps the most profound love you'll ever know is the love you give, freely and unreservedly.

In the tender moments when you extend your hand, offering warmth to a stranger on a cold day.

Or when you listen, truly listen, to a friend's troubles, your heart a sanctuary for their pain.

Time and time again, you give, like a river flowing ceaselessly, nourishing the soil of human connection.

Just as you falter and stumble upon the uneven ground, it's as if all this time you've been following a trail of breadcrumbs —

Tiny morsels of affection you call "love”.

Chloe Rosario, 2024

[muiltifandomnerd]

Shit like this is why I’m asexual, this world don’t give a massive shit about men feeling. At this point dating is just a fucking job application. Romantic Love is Bullshit. It’s like women makes up a huge list of “qualifications” and usually end up with abusive men and broken kids. Humanity is fucked

[yash--doshi]

Top 10 Ways to Start a Conversation on Dating Apps: Stand-Out Opening Lines

Let's face it—making the first move on a dating app can be nerve-wracking. Crafting that perfect opening line to catch someone’s interest is crucial, especially in a sea of “Hey, what’s up?” messages. If you’re looking to go beyond the usual small talk and make a lasting first impression, here are ten ways to start a conversation that’ll help you stand out from the crowd. Let’s dive in!

1. Be Observant and Make It Personal

Instead of a generic greeting, take a few seconds to actually read their profile. Find something specific that catches your eye, like a hobby or a favorite travel destination, and reference it in your opener. For example:

“I see you’ve been to Tokyo—how amazing was the food there? Any must-visit spots?”

Personalized openers show that you’re genuinely interested in them and make it easier for them to respond.

2. Use Humor to Break the Ice

Humor is a universal way to connect. A clever joke, a lighthearted pun, or even a funny question can make someone smile and want to reply. Just keep it tasteful and avoid anything too edgy right off the bat.

“If we were both slices of pizza, which toppings would we have to make the perfect pair?”

A bit silly, but it’s memorable—and who doesn’t love pizza?

3. Ask a Thought-Provoking Question

Asking a question that requires a bit of thought can engage them right from the start. It also gives you a deeper insight into their personality.

“If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?”

This type of question leads to interesting conversations and can showcase your curiosity about them.

4. Find Common Ground

One of the easiest ways to start a conversation is by finding something you both have in common. This could be as simple as a shared interest in a book, movie, or sport that you noticed on their profile.

“You love hiking too? Any favorite trails around here?”

People love talking about their passions, and having something in common makes the conversation feel natural.

5. Use Compliments Creatively

Compliments work wonders when they’re genuine and specific. Instead of saying, “You’re cute,” focus on something unique in their photos or profile.

“I have to say, your dog has the best smile I’ve ever seen! What’s their name?”

Complimenting something or someone important to them, like a pet, can often lead to a more enthusiastic response.

6. Playfully Challenge Them

Adding a fun twist to your opener by challenging them to something playful can get a conversation going with a bit of a competitive spirit.

“So, I bet I could guess your favorite ice cream flavor in three tries. Up for the challenge?”

This opener is lighthearted and fun, plus it opens the door for a bit of friendly banter.

7. Get Creative with Hypotheticals

Hypothetical questions are an easy way to jump into a fun, imaginative conversation without any pressure. They’re usually unexpected and can lead to unique and humorous exchanges.

“If you were a character in a movie, would you be the hero, the villain, or the wise sidekick?”

These questions help you both ease into a conversation that’s more memorable than a simple “Hi.”

8. Use Pop Culture References

If they mention a favorite show, movie, or band, use that as a conversation starter. Pop culture references can be funny and relatable, instantly creating common ground.

“I see you’re a Marvel fan. So, who’s the best Avenger, and why is it always Captain America?”

Whether they agree or disagree, you’re setting up a lively discussion.

9. Ask About Their Bucket List

This approach can reveal a lot about someone’s personality, dreams, and sense of adventure. People love talking about their aspirations, and it’s a great way to start a conversation on an optimistic note.

“What’s the number one thing on your bucket list? I’d love to hear about it!”

You’re showing interest in what they want out of life, which can be refreshing and meaningful.

10. Be Direct and Sincere

Sometimes, straightforward honesty is the best route. There’s something refreshing about an opener that’s simple and genuine without any gimmicks.

“I’m not sure if I’m better at funny openers or meaningful conversations, but I’d love to get to know you either way.”

This shows that you’re authentic and interested in them beyond just a clever one-liner.

Final Thoughts

When it comes to dating apps, there’s no magic formula for the perfect opening line. The best advice is to stay true to your personality, be mindful of what catches your interest about the other person, and keep the conversation flowing naturally. Whether you’re starting with a joke, a personal question, or just a simple “hi” with a twist, remember that the goal is to connect, not impress.

Try out these conversation starters and see what works best for you! The more you practice, the easier it will be to start conversations that lead to meaningful connections. Happy swiping!

[kristingelatin]

[asshole-rebel-psycho]

Dating in your 30s

*my sister takes a picture of me for my dating app*

Her: "stop, your eyes are giving desperation"

[howifeltabouthim]

'What do you do?' she asked. He went on a monologue about mutual funds while she made pleasant, smiling exclamations. When he finished, he stared at her, waiting for her to ask him another question about himself.

Laura Hankin, from Happy & You Know It

[shxbh]

i feel like i am better at and happier missing people and longing for them than actually being with them.