#modern dating

[the-sapphic-painter]

Can you

feel

… me too.

“Typing…”

oil on canvas

ORIGINAL AVAILABLE

to inquire about original: email inquiries@halietorris.com 📧

Halie Torris Fine Art

PRINTS AVAILABLE:

giclee paper or canvas

[kristingelatin]

[feeldco]

[asshole-rebel-psycho]

The older I get the more I realize these things about dating.

I have been trying to have deep connections and stimulating conversations for some time.

This doesn't seem to work. Especially on dating apps for I guess obvious reasons.

But as an observant, shy, lonely and somewhat intelligent person ( who happens to be gay) I have unfortunately never found love or relationships myself.. I have only seen it through other people

It's pretty apparent that dating is for simple people. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but a majority of individuals seem to not take the question asking part of dating seriously. Idk if this is due to them not being attracted, busy, simple minded or a more narcissistic culture but it is apparent to me that the closer these people are to my location, the less they are willing to learn more about me.

I wonder why that is? 🤔 I've had plenty of engaging online, non dating app conversations with people all over the world.

So part of me thinks that this is due to our new emotionless, soulless culture. Because this problem only exists when I engage with potential matches that can turn into reality.

The need for connection is still there. Fear is holding us back.

Why are people so afraid of reality? What are they running from? Themselves? Other people? Is the world in such a bad place right now that we feel like if we make a connection we know it will probably end up broken like the society we live in? 💔

The more I observe dating and other people's love lives the more it is apparent to me that deep, intellectual, stimulating conversations are not a part of the game AT ALL.

( take it as a grain of salt but from my observations dating goes like this)

One, attraction is the 1# thing! Because if you don't have it there is no fuel to get anything going. The car won't even get out of the lot. Especially off apps.

Secondly, the man usually takes action by getting the girl on the date as fast as possible..he has to woo her by showing her a fun, spontaneous, adventurous, humorous, and flirtatious time.

It is usually filled with banter, funny nostalgic stories, flirting and none of that would even matter if the two ( especially the man who usually carries the convo) was not attracted.

You can seriously make anything work with mutual sexual attraction. I've seen two plain and boring people talk for hours about nothing but because they had those saucer eyes for eachother it just worked! They definitely don't talk about work or deep concepts.

So the man drains his ( or if hes in his 20s) his daddy's resources on the girl to have a "fun" time..meanwhile his sexual motivation is keeping it going because she obviously has many other options.

The girl then looks pretty and vets if he is worthy for a LTR.

If so, she gets brought into this new, advantageous, silly, successful man's life and uses him as a tool to get away from her boring and domesticated life. She uses him for fun, community, hobbies and eventually family.

She uses his resources as a way to post on tiktok, fb and ig to show off to all of her friends " look at the amazing, good looking and successful guy I am able to get" mostly to show status as a woman and to make her friends jealous..because they were mean to her in the past.

None of her *connection* to her man has pretty much anything to do with conversation. ( sounds harsh I know but hear me out)

If you doubt this why do men and women immediately separate at Christmas parties and work events?

Have you ever observed a straight guy talking to a straight girl before? At any age?

It's usually a girl talking with her friends about things that doesn't interest him and his eyes roll over astrology and the girl eye rolling about video games or sports banter. Exc...

It's pretty obvious how for 95% of the population..male and female worlds have NOTHING to do with eachother. And want NOTHING to do with eachother except for what each gender lacks...

Emotional support from the woman and financial stability from the man. What binds them is sex and what keeps them together is family.

This is why my nerdy lesbian ass has such a hard time with dating. Lol

In the typical female way I am relying too much on talking, not much action. And in a very unfair lesbian way I can't seem to find my opposite.

I am trying to find an intellectual match when I should just be finding my feminine opposite. I'm treating dating like lunch dates with friends, Like men discussing politics on the Titanic while smoking cigars.

Unless I want to talk to a mirror long conversation isn't the way to go.

Because it never was to begin with. This is the code I finally cracked. Lol 😆

I'll leave the cerebral banter and philosophical insights to the lonely, individualistic writer side of me..the side of many great minds in history...But even a great writer will drop his work like a hot potato as soon as he finds a woman he is undeniably in love with. 🥰

My point is to find my opposite not my reflection. And my opposite might surprise me with what they can give or know...even if it's not deep or extremely interesting to me. This goes for any gender. Love doesn't work that way.

[howifeltabouthim]

He didn't answer texts? Not acceptable. This guy should be howling at your door . . .

Susan Minot, from Why I Don't Write and Other Stories

[guavagyal]

I'm at a point in my life where romantic and smutty fanfictions make more sense than dating people.

in fanfictions, I don't have to deal with some grown ass adult making me feel bad for me wanting to spend time with them, humbling me, projecting their insecurities onto, or being pushy about sex. it's honestly sad that I haven't experienced real love & intimacy with anyone I've dated but I can experience that in a fanfiction.

I know I should hold out hope that I will meet someone who can have me feel butterflies & safe around them, but I'm pessimistic with my dating experiences so far.

[blrrblog]

Breadcrumbs

Do you not feel weary, worn thin by the tides of life?

Used, like a well-read book with dog-eared pages, its spine creased from countless hands that sought solace within its chapters?

Hurt, as if your heart bears the weight of ancient stones, each one etched with memories of joy and sorrow?

Or even remorse, a haunting echo of choices made, the paths taken and those left behind?

Perhaps the most profound love you'll ever know is the love you give, freely and unreservedly.

In the tender moments when you extend your hand, offering warmth to a stranger on a cold day.

Or when you listen, truly listen, to a friend's troubles, your heart a sanctuary for their pain.

Time and time again, you give, like a river flowing ceaselessly, nourishing the soil of human connection.

Just as you falter and stumble upon the uneven ground, it's as if all this time you've been following a trail of breadcrumbs —

Tiny morsels of affection you call "love”.

Chloe Rosario, 2024

[seasage-phd]

I'm sorry, but.. not everyone you stumble upon will be able to love you the way you wish to be loved. You might have amazing connection with them and while a lot of things click, somethings, although small may not and they are equally valid to be discussed.

Letting go of these sort of people is harder than it seems. In the longer run, it is better to let them go and early at that. Holding on them will only hurt you, it'll bleed you dry and you will never realise why.

I know... I know how you feel. Everything's great, right? But, some itch persists, and you can sort of identify it. You are choosing to ignore it and feeling miserable all the same.

Step back. Take a breather. Rethink about yourself first. Is this harming you? You need to take care of yourself, love. Because no one will. You need to get your own back.

[kristingelatin]

[the-most-humble-blog]

Can I Get Cancelled Because You Didn’t Get Off?

🚨 Welcome to The Age of Professional Annihilation

In today’s world, you don’t need to actually do anything wrong to be cancelled. Your biggest crime? Breathing while male and fucking someone who later decided they regret it.

So let’s get real about how easy it is to get cancelled for someone else’s fragile ego, self-inflicted delusions, or an orgasm that never happened.

Step 1: The Flimsy Road to Cancellation

Not all cancellations are made equal, but here are some of the most absurd, yet completely irrefutable ways a man can have his entire existence obliterated:

💔 You Raw Dogged Her, Then Handed Her Uber Money – She was fine with it until she remembered she had standards two weeks later. Now you’re a soulless, misogynistic villain because she didn’t get breakfast in bed and a heartfelt "good morning" text.

🎭 You Slept with Her, She Didn’t Get the Promotion, Role, or Career Opportunity She Hoped For – Congratulations! Your dick has now been reclassified as a contract she didn’t read carefully enough. And now? You “pressured” her into it.

🕵️ She Was Embarrassed Someone Found Out & Needed an Excuse – What’s the best way to not look like an attention-starved opportunist? Call it "non-consensual." Now it’s a feminist victory.

😡 She’s Pissed That All Men Want Is Sex – Turns out, you just wanted to fuck instead of writing poetry about the universe inside her eyes. Misogyny confirmed. Time for her to go nuclear and start the mass un-aliving of your career.

🚨 A Friend Told Her She Should Feel Violated – SHE wasn’t uncomfortable, but her best friend with a minor in feminist theory convinced her that she should be. Your sex life has now been posthumously reclassified as predatory.

Step 2: Assess Your Cancellation Risk Level

Are you breathing? Do you have a penis? Then you’re already fucked. But let’s be specific:Risk LevelWhat You Did WrongLow RiskYou’re a virgin. No one cares.Moderate RiskYou had consensual sex, but the orgasm disparity was too great.High RiskYou didn’t pretend to love her after.Immediate CancellationYou exist, and someone needs a cause today.

Step 3: Preemptive Damage Control

If you think you might be on the chopping block, here’s what you should do immediately:

✅ Only sleep with notarized consent forms. (Bonus points if it’s live-streamed.) ✅ Never leave an unsatisfied woman alive. Ghosting isn’t safe anymore. ✅ Stay celibate, join a monastery, let the species die out. ✅ If she says “I’m fine” in a weird tone, IMMEDIATELY FLEE THE COUNTRY. ✅ Save money for a defamation lawsuit. You’re gonna need it.

Step 4: How To Fight Back When The Cancellation Hits

Let’s say you’re already the main character of a Twitter mob’s wet dream. Here’s your damage control strategy:

💀 Own It. – Be unbothered, double down. Nothing infuriates these people more than a man who refuses to grovel.

📢 Sue for Defamation. – Women are getting sued left and right for false accusations. Time to let the courts do the canceling.

🤡 Make a Bigger Scandal. – If you’re gonna go down, take the whole fucking building with you.

📜 Call Out The Bullshit. – Be the guy who tells it like it is—they’ll hate you more, but you’ll expose the entire grift.

Final Thoughts: The Only Way To Win? Stop Giving a Fuck.

Look, you can’t stop someone from rewriting history to fit their new victim narrative. The best thing you can do is laugh, keep living your life, and never give these people the satisfaction of watching you beg.

Because at the end of the day? They were fine with it until they weren’t.

🚀 Stay unbothered. Stay unapologetic. And never, EVER let them think you owe them shit.

🚨REBLOG if You Agree and Want More!

[humorandwhatnot]

This is SOOO funny!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Can't stop....

Laugh...

ing...

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

Haa, haaa haa haaaaa!

[muiltifandomnerd]

Shit like this is why I’m asexual, this world don’t give a massive shit about men feeling. At this point dating is just a fucking job application. Romantic Love is Bullshit. It’s like women makes up a huge list of “qualifications” and usually end up with abusive men and broken kids. Humanity is fucked

[guavagyal]

I hate the superficiality of dating in Atlanta, and Georgia in general. it's like if you aren't looking like you belong on Love & Basketball/Hip Hop, people just assume

you're only good for sex

you don't deserve a cute, well thought out date

you don't deserve a deep, romantic, long-term relationship

you don't deserve to get gifts from them, not even on your birthday

you don't deserve to be taken on cute trips

you don't deserve to meet their family & friends

sometimes I wish characters in books or video games were real and I could date them. I know it sounds lame, but I can't vibe with the people in my area. they all suck and only want me for sex and to boost their ego.

[blrrblog]

Coffee

We’re a bit too similar

But not too alike

You drink coffee

I, lemon ice

We’re a bit too similar

Yet far from alike

We’re both wrecks

Just different types

I look at you on the subway train

For three nights, it wouldn’t rain

I’d be quick to blame you

But I have my problems too

I can’t commit

Neither can you

Cowards, the both of us

Through and through

Two crappy histories, words unsaid

Sat next to each other, unprepared

Can you imagine the harm we'd bring?

Yet here we are, in this odd fling

Maybe you need a sense of security

But I can be an emotional emergency

It’s a bit painful, but that’s what’s good

We linger despite feeling misunderstood

We’re a bit too similar

A bit too alike

You’re what kept me up

For those three nights

Cowards, makes the both of us

It's a bit painful, but that’s what’s good

Somehow, you still want me around

[leomonwell]

Data Collection, Not Dating

Let’s talk about something real today—mental health, connection, and this thing we call dating. Or rather, let’s reframe it: data collection.

On the latest episode of the Leo MonWell Podcast, I had the pleasure of sitting down with my friend and colleague, Mylika Morton. You might already know her from Love Begins At Home as the Magistrate of Money, but today, we dived deep into her personal journey of healing, self-discovery, and, yes, navigating the dating world with intention.

Mylika shared how back in 2022, during a heart-to-heart conversation, I encouraged her to seek professional help. Not because she was struggling in an obvious way, but because mental health is something we all need to tend to—like a garden. She took the advice, signed up for therapy, and started uncovering the layers of unresolved emotions and past experiences that were still affecting her.

Here’s the thing: a lot of us, especially high achievers, think we can just check a box and be “done” with emotional wounds. But healing doesn’t work like that. Mental wellness is a daily practice. A continuous journey. Just like physical health, it requires maintenance, awareness, and sometimes, professional guidance.

Fast forward to 2024, and Mylika is in a whole new space—dating, but from a healed place. Instead of hoping to be “chosen,” she’s standing in her worth, observing, and most importantly, collecting data. Because that’s what dating should be—a process of learning, assessing compatibility, and making informed decisions about who aligns with your values, energy, and life vision.

We tend to romanticize relationships before we even have enough data to determine if they’re right for us. Think about it: If you were an accountant, you wouldn’t make financial decisions without looking at the books, right? So why do we jump into relationships without truly analyzing patterns, behaviors, and core values?

One of my favorite takeaways from this convo? Each relationship starts as an ember. A little spark. And if nurtured, one of those embers might turn into a full-blown volcano—the one that lasts. But if you put all your energy into a single ember too soon, what happens if it burns out? You’re left in the dark.

This is why dating multiple people (with integrity and transparency) in the early stages isn’t about playing games—it’s about making informed choices. You’re not just “seeing what happens.” You’re collecting data.

So, let’s normalize this mindset shift:

Dating = Data Collection.

Healing = Daily Work.

Attraction = Reflection of Where You Are.

If you’re on your own journey of healing and connection, ask yourself: Am I showing up in relationships as my healthiest self? Am I attracting what I truly deserve?

The answer starts with you.

Let’s keep the conversation going. Drop your thoughts in the comments. Have you ever had to take a step back and reframe how you approach relationships? Let’s talk! Watch the FULL EPISODE: