#cutting someone off

[kalcium-yippee]

Breaking off Friends with a Homo/transphobe

I recently had to break connections I had with two close friends of mine due to bigoted beliefs. Though this happened recently I still feel like I have learned a decent amount from it.

For some background info (this will be a little long bear with me, skip to the 'things I learned section if you don't care lol'): (all names used are fake and any correlation to real life is coincidental) We'll call the first friend Cypress, and the other one Ginger. (also recurring friends I'll call Anne and Coin). A few years ago, I was in secondary school, I was decently young and hadn't discovered much or anything about my gender and sexuality, that was when I met Cypress. We got along instantly and stayed friends for years. In my personal life I had been wrestling a lot with my sexuality and then got hit in the face with my gender identity. Sometime in the following year Ginger joined my school and my friend group. This group consisted of me, Ginger, Cypress, Anne, and Coin. This was my first ever friend group. I was later on in my discovery journey, a journey only Anne being queer herself knew of, some red flags started to appear.

Cypress saying she was on the right side of the political spectrum (I don't necessarily discriminate by political views but as a queer leftist, most of them don't like me), that she felt discomforted by trans women sometimes (pulling the argument that she 'knows they are girls but it is just a personal thing'), and a few other mildly bigoted statements against the queer community. I thought to myself that I could just wait it out, she would come to her senses, that it didn't matter. Eventually Ginger started talking about 'not agreeing with the LGBT community but still respecting it'. At this point I was closeted and didn't want my friend group to fall apart, especially considering Coin had a deep relationship with everyone. I ended up coming out to Coin, being that he is queer, that went well. And then I accidentally came out to Ginger, and she responded with 'I don't necessarily agree with it but I will respect you and your identity'. It was kind of exhausting having to constantly correct her on my name and pronouns and knowing that part of me deep down thought she saw me as a girl (I identify as agender and am afab btw). A week later, I decided to text Cypress coming out and saying I preferred He/She pronouns. She immediately asked if she could still call me she/her. I said no obvi and she just said ok. She then said she 'respected my decision'. It was hard.

She didn't respect those pronouns and multiple times felt more comfortable using an old nickname than my name. There were some other things but that is the gist. Despite the fact that I was tired of having to constantly remind people of my identity. But I kept saying that they are my friends, they will come around. They never did. Anne continuously told me that they would never respect my identity, and I agreed but still waited it out. I don't know what I was waiting for.

Then a few days ago, I made a joke about Ben Shapiro of all people, someone you'd think we all would at least agree is a piece of shit on all levels. But my one friend jumped to his defense as if I murdered his child lol. And in this it was revealed by Ginger that she did just see me as a girl and thought it was crazy that anyone could be otherwise. And knowing Cypress shared the same opinions I had all the answers I needed. I wasn't going to come to a middle ground with who I am.

THINGS I LEARNED

I learned in this time that I deserved more than waiting for respect. While being friends with these people for so long was lovely, I just had to think to myself if I wanted to play this game forever. It was hard. You always want to see the best in people, especially people who you know have good hearts. Cypress is such a kind soul, and it sucks to see her with such opinions. Ginger is such a fun loving person, and it breaks my heart to part ways. But I was just tired of having to explain why there is not 'middle ground' to who I am and that my identity is valid. And obviously seeking validation from outside sources isn't the best, inside validation should be all you need, but when it comes to your gender identity, it hits entirely different.

Ultimately, the final straw of just saying 'I can't be around someone who doesn't think my identity is real' was one of the most freeing moments of my life. Just letting go of 'she'll come around' and 'it's just opinions' and having the gall to respect myself. Being openly queer is a statement, politically, personally, respectfully, and disrespectfully, I wasn't gonna let who I am slip through my fingers like sand.

It was about coming to realize who I am personally matters more. I needed to also realize Coin's friendships with them shouldn't get on the way of what's best for me. Ultimately, Coin backed me up through it all, and while he isn't sure what to do with himself and Ginger and Cypress but it's a work in progress. I hope if anyone who was in a similar predicament to me can finally find a way to find freedom. Though preferably not through an argument about Ben Shapiro lol.

I guess this is note to all the people who are in a similar situation as I was, let go of the rope, and heal the cuts and burns caused from holding on for so long.

-Kal x

[inkskinned]

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

News spreads fast.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[loafbud]

Twitter is slowly becoming Miiverse, so I made some Splatoon idols (and bonuses) as "Yeah!" buttons! Feel free to use these wherever y'all want!

[charliexspring]

rugby lads through the seasons

[omaano]

"Congratulations on your new job on Coruscant, Commander"

Fox commission for @whiskygoldwings Thank you so much for letting me run wild with these, I've missed drawing flowers so much! ❤️

Black Dahlia - for betrayal, evil and dishonesty Orange Lilies - for deep hatred, doom, as well as enthusiasm and energy (good as congratulation for a new job or promotion) Poppies - for the dead and Foxgloves - for deceit

[alientoastt]

d'bill. you get it

[the-meme-monarch]

ok these were Again all supposed to be of the secret tapes but i forgot the bowling croquet one wasn't a secret tape and then also that doodle of wally and frank bc i saw it again looking for ref images

[cammy-mcspammy]

I finally drew Fiddlestan (and them for the first time too)

Should I do another part gang...

[wtfforged]

doodle from september that i colored, you guessed it, during dnd. my sanji-is-just-a-bit-taller-than-zoro propaganda also. zoro my beautiful prizewinning tomato plucked fresh from garden

non-loser version bc i think he looks cuties on his own.

[iilmunchkiin]

"Rough Hands"

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.

i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[macksartblock]

no collective thoughts just drawings before i DM tonight

[yarrow-leaf]

A kindling of a swordless bloodshed,

The creaking of a voiceless door —

Another piece inspired by something @mincemeat-the-warforged said that absolutely altered my brain chemistry (the same 1 am conversation that sparked this in fact!)

[kirk]

here is the announcement on gmb of robron winning "most iconic dingle moment" (18 OCT 2024)