#ur stuck w him now. obviously. there’s nobody else to turn to and u still love him despite the atrocities

[yarrow-leaf]

A kindling of a swordless bloodshed,

The creaking of a voiceless door —

Another piece inspired by something @mincemeat-the-warforged said that absolutely altered my brain chemistry (the same 1 am conversation that sparked this in fact!)

[chiiquititamoved]

ep 1 of bbc dracula - observations

beginning looks very creepy. am i down? not sure. 

there’s a cool nun! i’m getting some very good badass vibes 

wHEw, okay, i was expecting some queerbait-y type stuff from this show but literally before even the intro, this (AMAZING) nun just goes “mr harker. have you had sexual intercourse with dracula?” 

just. right out of the gate

we’ve established that this nun doesn’t have any faith in god

okay now we’re getting into the castle stuff. (this is right after the intro) 

aw mina (from her letter) seems like a sweetheart so far 

this is very beauty and the beast so far. like when belle’s dad goes into the castle and there’s no one there 

oooh we just met dracula. he’s very wrinkly and old 

“they [people of transylvania] are without... flavour.” “perhaps you mean character?” “ahahahaa.”

i feel like i should clarify that harker is staying in a convent, being cared for by nuns while he’s sick. he’s telling his story to badass nun and this other nun and the viewer is seeing what happened through cuts or whatever 

okay you know just some book stuff is happening - dracula’s being a weirdo, johnny harker notices some odd goings on, etc.

so, this has always struck me - in the book as well - why is dracula always climbing up walls like a fucking lizard? why? first of all, he can turn in to a bat, so if he needs to get OVER the wall then he can fucking FLY. if he doesn’t need to get over the wall then wtf is he doing? harker is going to see or hear him - i mean, god knows he’s acted weirdly/suspiciously enough for harker to be scared/nervous around him - like??? dracula really is an idiot psychopath bisexual  

harker’s having an *ehem* mildly i n n a p r o p r i a t e dream. he and mina are having sex but then mina turns into wrinkly old dracula. yucky yuck. 

now harker sees ‘help us’ written on his window

it’s in english! very convenient for mr harker - so our wonderful nun points out: “you are an englishman: a combination of presumptions beyond compare.” (no hate to englishmen)

harker starts to explore the castle. uh oh. 

he gets lost + dracula finds him

our man dracula is wining and dining johnny!

Dracula looks younger now. :| this is suspicious

dracula is EVEN YOUNGER! glow up!!!!

harker is starting notice there’s NO STAFF IN THE CASTLE... and his health is deteriorating 

wow johnny is actually being very brave!! i must say i am proud

johnny is finding a bunch of old pictures in a wooden bin somewhere in the castle. are these dracula’s previous victims?? WHO KNOWS

FUCK there’s a fucking dead lady in the wooden bin. yuckkk i do not approve 

she just chased him down this tunnel, and now dracula’s there and harker passes out

badass nun (agatha) is telling us about the UNDEAD. explains a lot

drac says he found johnny asleep on the floor in the basement, all the while looking SUSPICIOUSLY young. 

HEY drac is calling him johnny! that’s my thing >:(

now johnny doesn’t recognize mina’s picture! what’s going on?

he’s making johnny write three letters to mina: one saying he’s almost leaving the castle, one saying he’s leaving the next day, and one saying he’s left safely, etc. 

john’s hallucinating that a baby’s crying in the distance. OR IS HE?

harker is willing to sacrifice himself for a baby he doesn’t even know exists. i’m actually proud of how brave he is :’(

AGATHA!! i love her

so harker is starting to plot an escape - he looks for a map to the castle. he knows that drac said that it doesn’t exist but his reasoning is that the architect was an artist and would have wanted his art preserved. he finds the map in a painting of the architect’s dead wife (because she’s the sunlight of his life and he built this place to escape the actual sunlight when she died?? i think?? Sorry that was confusing)

so, the architect made hidden passages through the maze of the castle 

harker finds a passage! yay

okay the passage led to a room, and in the room there’s a lady in a wooden box thing eating rats. she comes out of the box, she’s a vampire, and johnny’s talking to her. she left the message on the window earlier? maybe? this is unclear. 

she bites john

harker askes nun agatha why she’s got no “faith” and she says “I have looked for god everywhere in this world and never found him.” “Then why are you here?” “Well, like many women of my age, I am trapped in a loveless marriage, maintaining appearances for the sake of a roof over my head.” GOD I LOVE THIS WOMAN

eww there’s a deadish baby in the box thing

drac kills the lady in the castle

harker: “you’re a monster!” drac: “and you’re a lawyer. nobody’s perfect.”

okay drac and harker have a suspenseful chat, bla bla bla. drac is trying to REPRODUCE? 

If this turns into some fucking mpreg fanfiction bullshit i’m suing 

drac goes outside onto a balcony thing in the castle w/ johnny and they lay down (drac in the shade and harker in the sun) and drac asks johnny to describe the sun to him?? cool i guess??

drac, about the sun: “But that’ll burn me to dust.” my man john harker: “Good.” “fair enough.” 

i LOVE how johnny is literally on death’s door, and still manages to snark at the man who put him there

okay so john’s still outside w/ drac, it’s established that he’s either going to die (fully) or be stuck in the castle for the rest of his “life”. harker is shaking, bla bla, and he goes “drac! spare me!” and drac’s like “how, dude?” and then we cut to agatha and harker in the convent and it turns out that harker just wrote pages of shit like “dracula is my master!” “dracula will be obeyed!” “dracula is god!” when he got to the convent and it’s like... whew

turns out he thought he was writing an account of his stay at the castle but he really just wrote like 100 pages of that 

oooookay - now, johnny’s begging drac to let him go and drac’s like “how?” and john says he won’t tell anyone about drac’s plans to move to england and kill everybody so drac’s like “sure,” and harker’s like “wait really,” and drac’s like “oooh i’m going to destroy everyone you love bla bla bla but if you swear you won’t try to stop me i’ll let you go.” UM. 

but now harker gives this impressive last hurrah thing where he kinda like... climbs up dracula’s body? like drac pulls him? and he goes “i swear that if you let me out here alive... I’LL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO STOP YOU!” psych 

and then drac kills him and he falls down 

“SO HOW IS HE ALIVE?”, you ask

“HE’S A VAMPIRE,” i say

oh no! he’s not! my lovely agatha reveals that he’s “undead, but not a vampire,”

aggie: “it’s not something that one anticipates asking: but, what happened after you were murdered?”

okay so now johnny becomes undead and he still has a spirit! johnathan harker has a will, etc and he tries to jump off of the balcony thing. drac’s like hey you should stay w/ me! ur kinda like me u kno and john’s like NOPE

then the sun hits drac’s face and johnny falls from the balcony

now aggie reveals that a river, which john fell into, bore him out to sea and a fisherman found him caught in his net. he was brought to the convent/agatha 

agatha: “i am known to have some expertise in the realm of witchcraft and the occult.” johnny: “You’re a nun.” ag: “We can discuss my imperfectly suppressed fascination with everything dark and evil another time.”

oh!!!!!! so - the sun reflected the cross that harker was wearing onto drac!!!! and that’s why drac fell/was hurt whatever 

so basically like minor vampires and shit don’t fear the cross??? but big guy (drac) does?

agatha’s like “i looked everywhere and finally i found god!!!! yay” and she’s happy 

OH FUCK!!! THE SECOND NUN IN THE ROOM IS MINA!!!

basically aggie found out who he was, traced him back to london, and found mina (she mentions a detective acquaintance - sherlock crossover, anyone?) 

mina: “we are to be married, so who you are will always be my decision.”

they have a really touching “i still love u!!” type scene and then a bunch of fucking bats fly in

turns out drac’s at the convent now

mina got bitten (on her face) by a bat and she’s kinda bloody and harker’s like woooh take this stake so you can stab me if i try to drink that

god agatha has SO MANY good lines!!!

now dracula has turned into a wolf and he’s outside the gates of the convent 

mina hugs johnathan and he licks her blood :(

now he backs her into a corner and tries to drink her blood, but then he stops and tries TO IMPALE HIMSELF ON THE WOODEN STAKE

the wolf has this really gross transformation scene and he turns into dracula as a human

OOKAY so a bunch of nuns come to the gates (i should clarify that that’s where dracula is) and they pull out wooden stakes and agatha’s like drac you’re going down. 

agatha opens the gates of the convent!!! and tells dracula he’s not invited in and he can’t come in

agatha to drac: “I expect a beast to follow rules, I don’t expect it to understand them.”

agatha cuts her hand open and like taunts him w/ the blood 

SHE’S AGATHA VAN HELSING OH MY GOD

THEY REALLY TURNED VAN HELSING INTO A WOMAN!!!!!

drac: “who are you?” agatha: “your every nightmare at once. an educated woman in a crucifix.” !!!!!!!!

OH FUCK!!!! johnathan really is dead!!!!! :((( i thought he wouldn’t be but nvm i guess

mina and aggie have a talk and mina says she’ll never love anybody else :’(

oh shit!!! i was right he isn’t dead! drac does that weird lizard wall climbing thing again and goes into his window and tells johnny that “suicide doesn’t work.” great. 

dracula’s like hey bud i can kill you properly! since it needs another person! all you’ve gotta do is invite me in! :))))))

we cut to the mother superior and she’s giving a nice little lecture about god 

and then dracula comes in and cuts her head off

the nuns are obviously terrified BUT they’ve got their crosses and they push him away, whatever, but then drac calls a bunch of wolves 

“I’m undead, I’m not unreasonable.”

the nuns get attacked by the wolves EXCEPT for agatha and mina, who went to agatha’s workshop to escape

harker comes down to the workshop! (which they surrounded by sacramental bread or something) and they’re arguing over whether they should let him in and mina’s like i’m gonna do it! and she almost does but she sees that harker’s eyes aren’t blue anymore, so she’s like hey what’s up with that and then harker starts PEELING HIS FACE OFF and it’s dracula

THE END OF EPISODE ONE 

phewwwwwww. So this is almost 2000 words? And very incoherent. If you’ve had the courage to read this far, thank you. 

IN CONCLUSION: will i keep watching this show? yes. i’m very squeamish so i’ll probably skip some of the gory stuff later on but other than that i will definitely continue.

did i like this show? YES. i honestly started it with very low expectations but so far it’s really good. to be fair, though, i found that in the book the beginning was the best part and i didn’t love it after, so i guess we’ll see. 

did i like it better than the book? so far, yeah. The book was full of bullshit like “ooh you have a man’s brain and a woman’s heart,” to mina, which :/. (obviously it’s not like i could have expected much better from a male victorian author but still.) i love how they made van helsing a woman! I know agatha is going to be wonderful.