#creating an employee handbook

[a-vague-yet-menacing-agency]

Old news but the fact that Cody was manager at hot topic is so unexplored in fandom. Like he wasn't some shithead employee he was the boss Entry level retail workers are so rarely promoted to manager nowadays, like, was Cody just that good at selling/managing the store? Also, managers make good money. Okay, haha, it's a hot topic, but store managers make like 70,000$ a year (CAD). They have health insurance. So Cody was actually doing pretty well. It's kinda weird to pretend he was on the same level as his friend with just a standard sales associate position, even if that friend was also full-time. Like the power and responsibility that Cody actually had is kind of impressive especially for 28.

AND then! To become a carnie! Like sick move and also Cody lost all his money anyway but the financial disparity! Was Murph probably thinking of like an assistant manager position which would make more sense with Cody's vibe? Probably. Is it funnier to imagine that Cody had to make sales reports to corporate and design store planograms? Absolutely.

Cody was management.

[fatuismooches]

Every time recruits were assigned to a Harbinger, they were required to give a speech to the new agents. It was simply the way the Fatui worked - everyone must be made aware and dedicate themselves to the Tsaritsa's will through working for the Harbingers. The experience varied from Harbinger to Harbinger - if one were lucky enough to be with the Captain, they'd be filled with a sense of pride and bravery, if they had the misfortune of working for the Balladeer, well... one could guess how that goes.

Dottore's orientations were also anxiety-inducing, no doubt, considering the kind of reputation he had. Most recruits prayed day and night not to be selected to work for him. It was a very popular rumor about how easy it was to end up as a test subject of Dottore's. However, what many recruits quickly realized was that... working for Dottore was not as bad as many claimed.

Sure, some segments were definitely more difficult to work with than others, but it was actually preferable to working for certain other Harbingers. Just continue to produce results, and you'll be fine. Surprisingly, there were a sizeable amount of agents who adored Dottore. They would rave about him at any given opportunity to anyone who was willing to listen, and that didn't even include their signature handbook. It was also said that if you truly impressed him, he wasn't picky about rewarding you. Unfortunately for new recruits, they were still unaware of this and were left to shiver with their hearts in their throats, awaiting their impending doom.

Even worse for those poor souls, was that a habit of the segments was that they were notoriously late to these meetings, diving deep into their research and discarding it until the last minute. You learned this through idle conversation with one such segment, Beta, who especially despised this baptism.

"So... you just stood there and gave a speech to them?" You couldn't help but find the idea very funny, considering the kind of man he was. "What are your speeches like? Are you motivational, Beta?" He scowled at your teasing and focused his frustration on his latest creation.

"I don't have the time to waste on foolish things."

"Isn't it a good thing to encourage your employees?"

"This is the Fatui. They know what's expected of them," Beta scoffed as if he hadn't turned certain agents into flying robots in the past.

"Aww, but it sounds fun! I would wanna talk to them like that," you sighed. Most of the time the agents would bow, stutter, and quickly make themselves scarce when they saw you. Certain ones would just stare at you in awe silently as if they couldn't believe their eyes, and then scribble something in their notepad. You were unsure of their motives.

"There's a reason why Prime has never attended one himself ever since he created his first segment. All of us fill up our schedules to avoid it," the segment grumbled. He was the one stuck with the duty today. You only hummed in amusement.

"So when is the next screening of new recruits?"

"Tomorrow morning. Hmm, Omega's turn this time too. He's best at these things, anyway." You smiled as you had a very good idea.

"I'm going to go!"

"Are you now? Have fun." Beta responded dryly. Now that he thought about it, if you were so eager, perhaps he should have brought you to do most of the speaking.

"I will. I'll get them to be the most motivated Fatui agents there is!"

—

For a small group of people, they were starting their mornings with possibly one of the most frightening experiences of their lives. It was only natural for them to whisper to each other, all huddled up.

"I wonder if the rumors about Lord Dottore are true. Is he going to dissect us if-"

"You know what I wonder? What segment of Lord Dottore we'll get assigned to. I heard-"

"He has segments???"

"Apparently, he cloned himself at different stages of his life, so we'll deal with numerous versions of him."

"... As soon as the time comes, I'm putting in a request to transfer out of here."

"And that will be your biggest mistake. Lord Dottore is far more generous than you lot make him out to be."

"Pardon?"

"Lord Dottore is quite frequently praised by many agents around here. You just haven't heard them yet. Furthermore, he'll always appreciate results, regardless of your actions." The Dottore defender passionately gripped his chest. The group looked unconvinced.

"Are you sure they weren't under duress or something...?"

"Well, I've met his spouse once too! And [Name] was as kind as-" The poor agent was interrupted by laughter.

"Spouse? The sun would sooner shine bright in Snezhnaya than Lord Dottore ever being married."

"Is he even capable of love?"

"It's not a lie. Many agents who work for our Lord know them! In fact, they-"

"Ahem! Attention everyone!" A voice sounded in front of the room, that was... definitely not Dottore's. There stood a person who was... definitely not Dottore either. The room went completely silent as they gazed upon your rather proud form.

"You all were expecting Dottore, but I, [Name], will start this thing off first!" The glint of your wedding ring became all too noticeable for the new recruits as your eyes scanned the crowd. "Oh, hey! You're that guy I gave directions to a while back! You really did transfer over, huh!" You gleefully waved to him as he scratched his head, in both embarrassment and honor, and the agents suddenly had a feeling that the man was not lying about Dottore's marital status.

"Anyway, I'm gonna ask you all the question I know you're all thinking about. You're absolutely terrified of Dottore, aren't you?!" You pointed at them while their throats were dry from the situation. After a few seconds, they glanced at each other before nodding awkwardly. You only chuckled as you puffed out your chest.

"Well, I'm going to erase all those fears right here, right now. As the person who knows him better than anyone, I can assure you he's a great Harbinger to work under! And to do that... I'm going to give you all a crash course on Dottore's segments! So go on, ask me anything and I shall deliver!" Your resounding confidence was met with blank stares, save for the new inductee into the fan club.

"Are they really Lord Dottore's lover?"

"Well, they have to be... no one can just walk around casually claiming to be married to him."

"I mean... if someone like Lord Dottore is able to fall in love, then he can't be too bad, right...? We should listen to them."

One by one the nervous agents asked you a variety of questions - how to deal with them, how to tell them apart, what to do if they were annoyed, a few quirks to look out for, the kind of work efficiency he valued, the kind of sweets they most favored when it came time to pacify them- the more you spoke, the more engaged the new recruits got. You were rather proud of your skills.

"And if that wasn't enough motivation for you, do it for him!" In the end, you pulled out your one and only pet, the strange blue fox creature who blinked at the crowd who was loudly clapping for some reason.

"You know, I feel a lot more confident about working here!"

"I told you all, you just didn't believe me," the one fan said, still over the moon. But even amidst the commotion, a pair of shoes neatly echoed throughout the room, causing everyone to nearly fall silent at his presence.

"Oh... that's Lord Omega, right? His mask is black." Said agent got elbowed by another for speaking, as they all bowed lowly in respect. The segment was more interested in what you were doing here.

"... [Name], what exactly is the meaning of this?" The segment studied you carefully - despite your sweet smile, he didn't exactly have the best feeling about this.

"I gave them a speech of course! You need to motivate them more, you know? For the results you love so much! I just decided to do your job for you." Your lover stared at you and then turned his attention to the group who were standing stiffly.

"Is that so?"

"Y-Yes, Lord Dottore."

"Then you are all dismissed." The group blinked before quickly shuffling out of the room, mostly in awe at how casually you spoke to the Harbinger. You really were married...

"Just trust me Omega, those guys will be some of your most hardworking agents!" Omega looked at you thoughtfully - their demeanor did seem much better than when he spoke. But he still had a lingering thought that bothered him.

"[Name], you didn't tell them anything potentially... inappropriate, did you?"

"Inappropriate? O-Oh, of course not, Omega. I merely boosted their spirits into working for you!" You smiled, ignoring how his gaze was boring into you.

"That's all?"

"Yes, that's all!"

"..."

"..."

"Well, actually, I-I may have told them about the sweets thing again- hey- don't get closer!"

[mintmoth]

Alright I'm gonna ramble about my Bad End AU finally lmao, basically it's a Lusamine Wins/Ultra Beast Fusion style au thing lmao I'll put it under a readmore

Essentially this is a Bad End AU, in the vein of What If Lusamine Won? The main group goes to ultra space but Lusamine wins the battle and the Nihilego descend upon the cast.

I do have Zia managing to try to protect Lillie, though the quick separation of the Nihilego from the host leaves Lillie in a fairy princess like coma for angst reasons sorry Lillie 😔 she gets added to the display of creepy crystalized pokemon. BUT Lusamine herself, Guzma, and Zia are parasitized and essentially fused with Nihilego, making them somewhere between Pokemon and human. They now are full of toxins and have some similar abilities to the Nihilego a la the Lusamine battle, but they also have Standby and Active states aka just when they're more visually human or not. Typically they look more human and are all kind of weirdly emotionally numb due to the overflow of toxins in their bodies, but sometimes will get moments of clarity, like coming out of a long dissociative episode and they're filled with panic at the realization of everything before Nihilego pick up on their heightened emotions and head over to "help" them.

Because I'm taking a page from the manga handbook and Lusamine has taken over Poni island with ultra beasts but also I've added aether paradise to this as the main hub base, with various aether employees who are still loyal to her. Guzma and Zia are also there because something in them feels weirdly loyal to her- same with the Nihilego that just roam the halls, like they have their natural defensive instincts but also pack instincts with each other. REGARDLESS this leaves them at her side as I have affectionately come to refer to them as her guard dogs.

They're both basically left with their worst negative traits heightened, making Guzma more irritable and aggressive, but willing to push himself to the breaking point for praise. He takes on a more active role with Lusamine being approached by various other evil team crap due to how successful she was and Guzma sometimes goes on loan to help when people schmooze up to Lusamine right and need some muscle. This Guzma has definely killed people rip. He has more muscle to him and can use the toxins within him and their natural ability to heighten the host's mood and own abilities to go into an almost berserker state. On the flip side Zia got the Nihilego's ability to look into people's memories and create illusions to make her a more distance based non physical combatant, so she typically stays by Lusamine's side and as such has become this like, weird new surrogate extension of Lusamine's self. Her more negative traits are being very passive and obedient and avoidant because she was raised on the "be seen and not heard" method and that leaves her in a more "you're so well behaved, unlike my unruly children" position with Lusamine.

ON THE FLIP SIDE Hau and Gladion are working together and with the adult cast to try to put an end to Lusamine bringing all this out of control bullshit to Alola and eventually Gladion will be able to at least save Lillie so they can work on figuring out how to wake her up. Honestly I don't have a lot of timeline stuff figured out outside of the premise LMAO

Also to explain the hair color changed real quick- it's another visual signifier for a loss of self as well as just another instance of Lusamine's penchant for prioritizing aesthetics. Zia's hair is naturally white so it's easy to just dye over in more of that weird element of Lusamine regarding her almost like a new well behaved child of hers- while Guzma within all my Zia stuff does have naturally two toned hair that he just dyes and bleaches in spots to make it looks more like an intentional style, so it's easy to dye over in black to unify it, which also shows a loss of his own personality in all this

BUT YEAH it's not super fleshed out but I've been having fun with the idea since it's so different than the normal story for these two

[hellishunicorn]

One thing that has bothered me since the episode 'Attila' was released is how people are reacting to the information we got about a Lutheran pastor preaching about severance and how if you're severed you have two souls that can be judged separately and immediately writing that off as a lie. Like Burt and Fields were lying about the religious reasons Burt got severed. And what these people are basing it on is actual Lutheran theology, that wasn't created in a world with Lumon.

Considering how there are multiple versions of the bible, (one of, at least) the oldest ones condemning paedophilia (man shall not lie with boy, or something along those lines), which later is changed to condemning homosexuality/sodomy( the word that would have been used at the time, most likely) (man shall not lie with another man, or something along those lines), it is not unknown in the real world that religions can and do change. That attitudes regarding various topics can change, and therefore theology can change, slowly over time.

But enough about real world religion, let's take a look at Lumon as a company.

In s1e9 we see a video where Helena is doing promo for the company, where she says: "So one of the things you learn growing up as an Eagan is that the workers are our family. And I remember being confused about that as a kid, because I thought that meant I had a few hundred thousand literal brothers and sisters scattered around the world."

In the same episode, when Mark S. is talking with Devon about them needing to get inspectors, or someone, to look at what's going on at Lumon and she says "I mean, Ricken knows a lot of high end journalists in New York." Mark asks "and you think that's better than the police?" and her reply is "Well, Lumon has their hands in so many pies".

Then in the first 2 episodes of season 2 we know that Mark Wilkins and Gwendolyn Y are from a different branch, branch 5x to be specific, that was shut down, and that Dario Rossi is from a branch "overseas".

So the Lumon building we know is not the only one. It seems like this is where the main headquarters are, but it has many other branches seemingly all over the world, showing how fucking massive Lumon truly is. It also might have connections here and there, considering how Devon is hesitant to involve the police in Lumon business if Lumon is already involved in the police. (this also makes Gretchen seemingly being a police officer (based off her uniform in s2e3) interesting)

We also know the handbook the innies can read are like religious texts, going into Kier's past and his vision for the company. It's already been talked about how innie Irving and innie Burt sound like their reciting scripture when quoting the handbook.

So, are you really telling me that a company working all across the world, possibly connected to the law enforcement, that's already indoctrinating severed employees from the inside, would not bribe the Lutheran church placed in, or at least near the town where the main headquarters are, that is also named after the founder of said company?

[nanowrimo]

A Message from the NaNoWriMo Board of Directors

Dear NaNoWriMo Community Members,

Thank you for reaching out to us with your inquiries about the forums, your support, offers to volunteer, and your legitimate concerns.

Our inbox has been flooded, and we appreciate all of the thoughtful responses from participants and volunteers who genuinely care about NaNoWriMo, our fellow writers, and the community as we do. It is impossible to respond to each message individually, but we wanted to let you all know we are working with purpose and sincerity.

Please see below the breakdown of the work that has been done since we last shared an update with the community. Our intention is to keep you abreast of all we are doing to make NaNoWriMo a better, safer, place:

We’ve overseen a full-scale review of business practices led by former Board Member, Kilby Blades, who has stepped in to assist the organization on an interim basis.  

We’ve begun to implement new procedures around community safety, including:

Full revision and legal review of our employee handbook and codes of conduct.

Full revision and legal review of our Municipal Liaison(ML) agreement.

Development of a formal contract agreement for all (non-ML) Volunteers.

Development of a stricter vetting process for all volunteers (which includes identity verification and background checks, wherever necessary).

Licensing of a digital constituent management system that will enhance volunteer management capabilities.

Comprehensive background checks for all current employees.

Checks and balances to ensure that standards of conduct and ethics are adhered to (e.g., better leadership training, volunteer training, tech mechanisms, and active oversight).

We’ve made staffing changes and revised our staffing plan.

We have rescoped certain roles and initiated some staffing changes. (However, certain employees who left the organization voluntarily are in pursuit of their next opportunities.)

We believe that learning from this moment through addressing skill gaps in the organization is healthy and we will go through a hiring process to fill necessary gaps in open roles.

We’ve listened to other community feedback and are still in listening mode.

We’ve disabled the mechanism on the YWP website that allows users to self-identify as educators for the purpose of creating classrooms, and we are researching mechanisms that will allow us to verify adults as educators.

We’ve revised our technology roadmap to address usability issues and are hoping to introduce new features in 2024.

We are midway through a deep dive on forums and forum moderation; this has included benchmarking with other organizations with similar challenges.

In February, we will hold focus groups for continuing MLs. We are also thinking through the logistics of Town Hall meetings and other gatherings.

We’ve processed dozens of pages of community member feedback and are integrating it into our thinking.

With the staffing changes mentioned above, we are open to hearing from those of you who have reached out with offers to help and/or be a part of the organization’s future. Get notified about future job opportunities at NaNoWriMo.

We are excited about the future, and expect it to be brighter! We hope you feel seen and heard, and that you will stick with us as we continue supporting the writing community and our organization.

Kind regards,

NaNoWriMo Board of Directors

[lizzybeeee]

"'BioWare Magic' exists to serve man, and never to rule over him." Faded words found within the pages of a dust-covered 'BioWare Employee's Handbook'

I think one of the most messed up parts about BioWare is that they renamed crunch to 'BioWare Magic'. Because they did make magic. They made such magical worlds, stories, and characters that managed to captivate so many hearts and minds - that potentially left such a profound mark on the lives of those who experienced those stories. These games were one of the reasons I got into drawing as a hobby! They inspired me so much!

We're they perfect? No. But in some of the darkest times of my life I found an escape - a distraction that gave me some comfort and allowed me to escape the stresses of my life for a little while. Something that gave me a genuine feeling of joy when depression hit me particularly hard. I still hear tunes like the theme for Castle Cousland or the Inquisition menu theme and just get this rush of emotion within me because I have so many happy memories associated with the first three games.

I got to go on adventures -> I made my own character who got to influence change in this lovingly crafted world, and who could be as daring and strong as I wished I was in real life. I got invested in these characters -> they became friends, companions, and fell in love and I was there every step of the way. I got lost in the story and lore of this world in a way that no other fantasy game has managed to grip me.

That is magic.

It's vile that they called crunch - the most toxic and disgustingly prevalent aspect of gaming development 'magic' - it is the complete opposite. Reading about the burn out, the stress leave or a 'stress casualty' when a developer left for good. Getting a job in the industry you love, to create things that you love, only to have that love twisted into this corporate psychological dumpster-fire of a work culture...

A healthy, well-run studio would not have had four iterations of the same game, their core developers hemorrhaging with every new iteration, before being dumped at the finish line with this frankenstein mess of a game.

There is no alternative to Dragon Age - it's the only thing like it. It's just so sad that it ended the way that it did.

[maddymoreau]

The Naughty Ones and the Rebellion explained:

I'm seeing a lot of people still confused on the origins of the naughty ones along with how they (including Sir Dadadoo) ended up trapped inside Queen Bouncelia's pouch. So I thought I'd help explain.

Naughty Ones Orgin:

First the naughty ones were created together by Sir Dadadoo and Queen Bouncelia. We learn this in Case #14 Update #15.

"Given the impressive regenerative properties of Givanium, the expedition team have provided evidence that cases 14 and 18 are using their own genomes to produce cases of their own."

Case #14 being Queen Bouncelia. While Case #18 is Sir Dadadoo.

We know they're Queen Bouncelia's children partially due to a line from Garten of Banban 4:

Queen Bouncelia: "I think I know. A worried parent can spot another worried parent from a mile away."

The Rebellion:

Note: I added to the reports parentheses () to make it easier to understand which case is each.

The Second half to Case #14 Update #15 reveals:

"Although research on subcases (or cases that have two Givanium-based entities as their donors as defined in the employee handbook) has been minimal, experts predict that these subcases will have identical levels of obedience as their genome donors."

"Cases 9 (Toad Sheriff), 14 (Queen Bouncelia), 17 (Bittergiggle), and 18 (Sir Dadadoo) would not have known this to be possible without insider information, and we believe Case 4 (Syringeon) to be the informer. Predictions show that a rebellion is imminent. We await management's instructions on how to proceed."

Syringeon taught them that they could create cases of their own IE children. The naughty ones were created and a rebellion was planned but failed.

This is shown in Case #14 Update #17 -

"As per management's request, cases 4 (Syringeon) (now permanently moved to the lower levels), 9 (Sheriff Toadster), 14 (Queen Bouncelia), and 17 (Bittergiggle) were given 24 hours to decide on whether they will proceed with their malevolent plan or completely destroy any and all feats they have achieved this far,"

They were all given the opportunity to cast aside the rebellion except for Sir Dadadoo.

"unbeknownst to case 18 which appears to be the most in favor of said plan."

Although not explicitly stated we know Sir Dadadoo is Case #18 because of multiple scenes.

Sir Dadadoo: "Consider it part of the payback for what was done to me. Plus I need to make sure history doesn't repeat itself."

Sir Dadadoo: "Together and under my command, we will finish what the queen couldn't."

We also know Case #17 is Bittergiggle because of this exchange:

Bittergiggle: "We had no choice. They were going to destroy us all!"

Sir Dadadoo: "You did have a choice. and you chose wrong."

Due to the fear of death.

"A very violent outcome was hinted at if they had decided to go with the former. As per management's request, we are keeping annihlation of all participanting cases and newly-formed subcases as a last restort, given how financially ruining that option would be."

Behind Sir Dadodoo's back they trapped him and the naughty ones inside Queen Bouncelia's pouch using the scepter to create a temporary peace.

Sir Dadadoo: "So this is where the key to my prison was stored away."

To prevent any future rebellions they're also checked on regularly.

"An expedition will be dispatched bi-weekly from now on to ensure that cases 4 (Syringeon), 9 (Sheriff Toadster), 14 (Queen Bouncelia), 17 (Bittergiggle), and 18 (Sir Dadadoo) are not getting any unwanted thoughts again."

[theholmwoodfoundation]

DOCUMENT A scanned page of The Holmwood Foundation Employee Handbook. June 2024

Dear [Employee Name], Welcome to The Holmwood Foundation. After a lengthy vetting process, and what I am sure has felt like an excessive number of contracts, I am honoured to have you join our cause. Every employee of this Foundation has been recommended or scouted by our most trusted members, chosen for your discretion and expertise in your field - whether this is as a historian, a security officer, or as a scientist. We welcome you. There will be much to learn in the coming weeks, and much I am sure you are eager to ask, but I wish to take a minute to address the heart of The Holmwood Foundation—our core value.  Ever since Dame Harker and Lord Godalming created us, we have pursued a singular purpose: to prevent the reanimation of Count Dracula, and to study the lasting effects of vampirism on the human body. In your time here, everything you do will support this cause. You will find your employee handbook and the rest of your onboarding plan in your welcome packet. I encourage you to contact your new team members and manager with any questions you may have.  As I am sure you are aware, any attempts to spread even the most tentative company information beyond the walls of your central facility, or indeed beyond your personal team, will be met with the highest punitive measure this company can afford. I ask you to contemplate why you may not have heard of your department prior to employment, to remember that we have been active for a long, long time, and to remind yourself that you are but a small, easily-expensed cog in a much larger, well-funded machine. Best wishes, and best of luck, Jonathan Harker, CEO

A welcome message from Jonathan Harker 3rd.

[mykelneedssleep]

I will stand by the belief that the best and funniest thing Jacobi could have done in ep 52 when Minkowski, Lovelace, and Eiffel were asking him about Goddard out of curiosity and in an attempt to get Kepler to lose his Questions Only game with Hera would've been to say they hooked up once because even if it was a complete lie it because Kepler's options for response would have been:

Continue the game without acknowledging it and let the crew believe it's true even if it isn't simply because he didn't comment in the moment even if he tries to later

Admit that it happened and potentially lose if he can't spin it into a question

Lose the game by outright denying

Deny with a cleverly worded question and maybe not outright lose but still sound like a liar even if he's telling the truth and Jacobi was the one to lie about it in the first place because he's a known liar so why wouldn't he lie right now?

Ask a very targeted question to Jacobi about employee fraternization rules such as "do you think I would violate [insert hyper specific rule in the SI-5 handbook about getting with your superior officer that's probably in there because I'm convinced everything is]?" thus keeping himself in the game but still sounding like a liar because why would he know the exact rule to bring up if he hadn't at least thought about it?

Ask a different but still very targeted question to Jacobi such as a "why would you lie about that?" type question and still sound like a liar because you don't tend to ask people directly why they're lying with no proof to back you up and this is now a hearsay argument where the people can choose to believe whoever they want (likely Jacobi because again, Kepler is a known liar and Jacobi's being so honest about everything else right now so why would this be different)

Mentally bluescreen (and lose) because he doesn't know why Jacobi would so openly say that (true or otherwise) and now cannot think of another question to keep the game going

Any of the other options but continue to be psychologically tortured in the future because while the crew may not have ever had the thought before Jacobi put it in their heads so even if they know it's not true and even if Jacobi later says he lied about it in an attempt to make Kepler lose that thought will still be floating around somewhere in the back of everyone's minds kind of all the time

It simply would have created the perfect scenario in which any action Kepler took he would still lose somehow and at this point annoying him was really all Jacobi wanted to do so I just think it would have been a real checkmate move for him

[pixiecaps]

also the admins creating that federation handbook that literally says “At the Federation our employees are the lifeblood of our organization. The cogs in the machine, all working together!” during THIS ARC like yeah okay i see what you’re doing you fuckers i see what you’re saying

[doodle17]

Some DR theories that made me realize they should've hired me to write the Bendy Lore

I'm just gonna dive right in okay? Okay. First things first:

Audrey is not a Drew.

At least her soul isn't. Hear me out, why did all those failed attempts call Joey, her "father" uncle? That's not just some- weird flaw I don't think. Also, it has been proven time and time again that you cannot, I repeat, CAN NOT create a perfect living thing from the machine without a soul. Ink Bendy is a perfect example of that

One of the first things we hear the Ink Demon say is "A voice... A soul..." Why would he say that if Audrey was just made completely out of ink. It doesn't make sense.

Which is why, I think Audrey isn't a Drew. She's a Stein. This will come back later it is crucial to my next theory, I promise, so I'm quickly going to talk about:

"Everyone is just an ink copy"

See that? That's bullshit right there. I've already said you can't make a perfect thing unless it has a soul inside of it, unless you excuse the searchers and lost ones.

I really do think that Henry, Allison, Tom etc. Are all the real people. Henry is an interesting case, however.

I think it's in scraps of paper hidden in the Employee Handbook (the original one) saying something about how an employee was worked to death. Literally, found dead at their desk. Who's to say that wasn't Henry?

Joey could have had plans for an ink clone of Henry but was unable to execute it. So? Use the real Henry's soul for the copy. There ya go. It could possibly explain why some of Henry, and characters like Sammy, have their memories so jumbled up.

Now back to the topic of Audrey, what if Henry had a daughter? Joey always wanted a family, right? Seeing Henry have what he didn't definitely would have pissed him off.

So, if we were to assume that when Joey invited people over, like Allison, he could've totally sacrificed them to the machine. What if he invited Henry's daughter? And with her he could finally get what he's always wanted.

Audrey is Henry's daughter's soul

We learn that once your soul is trapped/bound to your character, you start to lose your memories, and even have false ones replacing who you really are. It happened to Buddy as he slowly forgot who he was, and started becoming more like Boris, until Buddy had seemingly faded away completely.

It could explain why Audrey has no memories of her childhood. Why she doesn't remember where she came from. Because she's not supposed to.

Audrey is really Henry's daughter, but her soul is now inside a different body, and believes she's Joey Drew's daughter instead.

Speaking of Joey, let me bring up my other theory:

Memory Joey was lied to as well

I know people think memory Joey is lying, and, while, yeah he totally could be, what if he doesn't even know he's lying?

Remember that Joey most likely made Memory Joey, and he could have told/made him to believe in everything he tells Audrey. The reason reason he seems so genuine in what he's telling us is because he was made to be that way. BUT remember when I said that you can't make something perfect without a soul? Remember how I said real memories can be replaced by false ones?

That could have happened to Joey. What if with his dying breath he became Memory Joey? He doesn't even remember who he really is or all the terrible things he's done because he designed himself to be the perfect "doesn't murder his coworkers for experiments" kind of boss, who made a few oopsies, but can easily be forgiven.

I hope this doesn't come off as ramble-y and doesn't make sense fam, but I swear this would have been a MUCH better concept

I love Dark Revival, don't get me wrong, but there is no way that none of the people we meet are just copies.

And I know there's a reason all the failed Audrey's called Joey uncle... That wasn't just some minor mistake...

[skemford]

I like talking about bendy characters so it’s time to touch up topic of… Joey Drew himself

Doing it before fade to black release on purpose :)

Here’s my analysis of his behaviour and on the illusion of living philosophy

It’s a huge read and I’ve enjoyed writing it!

(Continuation under the cut)

1. Joey’s family situation was hard on it’s own

Joey doesn’t talk about his parents way too much and mostly focuses on story elements (his father being a shoe maker and how his parents affected his childhood) rather than on his parents as their own people.

They weren’t rich and Joey talks about their family earning a “honest living” but at the same time, he describes how hard it was for his father.

“We weren’t rich. There was an honest living to be earned and Father did that with Mother keeping the books” (TIOL, page 18)

“I definitely saw her (mother) more than I saw Father, who sometimes would only appear briefly at the dinner table, hunched, brow furrowed, silently eating his meal. He’d disappear downstairs right after, and I’d help Mother with the washing up. (TIOL,page 18)

He comments on his father creating fake scenarios (elves helping him to work) to distract from hardship of needing to work a lot to be able to feed their family.

Joey has hard time of understanding ‘why’ he does that and how fantasy can help to work but he wants to believe. He tries to prove to himself that magic can be real.

"I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it” (TIOL, page 19)

“I couldn’t see the elves. They must have been sitting on the table itself, hidden behind Father. I pushed the door open just a little bit and stood taller on my tiptoes.” (TIOL, page 21)

Joey switches between wanting to believe in illusions and not wanting to. He’s scared of not being perceived as normal by others.

He says that it’s not okay to be deep into the fantasy but notes on the fact that he can grasp the concept.

“I knew about make-believe. Played it all the time with my friends. But I didn’t know that adults knew about make-believe too. I nodded. (TIOL, page 23)

After he asks his father directly, he explains his reasoning and says that make-believe helps to feel less lonely (I’ll note on this part, it’ll come in handy later) which changes Joey’s perspective greatly:

"But the make-believe, the little characters, the songs, that changed his reality. What was reality except what we perceive it to be? Elves and magic? Well, why not? (TIOL, page 24)

It’s everything we’ve got to know about his family.

Hard working to earn money for living, using escapism to cope and distant from each other because of their struggles.

This distance likely has continued to grow with years, since for some reason he escaped his home when he was 15 y.o (+ signed up to army); no one seems to actually care and he was left on his own.

1.1 Stage name

Talking about Joey’s distance from his family, he doesn’t use his real family surname or full form of his name.

It’s not something that was explored a lot in Bendy (among all of its content) but we know that he doesn’t like to be referred this way.

'Joey’ was a nickname that he picked up for himself when he was 19 y.o.

"I’m Detective Adam Sinclair. You’re Joseph Drew.” “Joey,” I said. It was a new nickname I was trying out, ever since I moved to the Village. (TIOL, page 88)

Usually he’s referred as 'Joseph’ by his family members or people who are distant to him/don’t know him well.

But "Joey” is not the only one name he gave to himself.

'Drew’ doesn’t look like a real surname. He likely picked it up after getting close with Henry.

Imo Drew is a fun pun name that’s related to Joey owning the studio (and “Joey drew Studios” (literally) in the case of the cycle)

It has never sounded real.

Employees handbook mentions some “Dempsey” person who invests their own costs into the studio:

(Receipts: Investor Deposit, J. Dempsey)

Their initials are “J.D.” which makes it’s obvious who they are.

Joey’s house also doesn’t look rich which would make sense if he put all his earnings into the studio itself.

Bendy devs like to pick names that fit characters & “Dempsey” means “arrogant person” which does fit Joey perfectly.

1.2 Joey is deeply ashamed of the way his family lived.

Everytime someone mentions anything he associates with his past (shoes, for example) he overthinks and creates imaginary conflicts with these people.

His negative thoughts about them take whole paragraphs of text; he tries to make himself believe that he doesn’t care about looking “less” in someone’s eyes. He looks for reasons why they're worse than him constantly.

"Probably trying to figure out my past, and that was none of his business. Then I told myself it didn’t matter because I didn’t care what he thought. I didn’t care much for him in general. He might have been richer than me at the time, but that’s where his superiority ended." ( TIOL, page 26)

He often downplays people because he's deeply insecure and is scared of being outcasted, especially by rich successful guys.

After doing so,he switches toward praising himself and names reasons for why he's better (classic Joey Drew behaviour)

He was a year younger than me, hadn’t fought, hadn’t signed up like I had, hadn’t lied about his age to fight for his country like I had. What could he say to an answer like that?Nothing. Absolutely nothing (TIOL, page 26)

Не believes that they need to feel sorry for this because they have no idea how much he struggled in the past.

2. He's insecure & scared of things he can't control

I could've continues this in previous paragraph but it's a bit different.

You see, while Joey was insecure of his past (things he associated with it acted as "triggers") he still was full of himself.

It was an act but it looked convincing enough; with time it became harder for him to keep it up.

It easily explains his behaviour in batim tapes.

When Joey tries to reassure everyone that he knows what's going on, he actually doesn't. He's as lost as everyone else, he tries to act only when he's forced to do so.

He lies to people and runs away from responsibility because he's scared of abruptness, something out of his control.

Joey shows fear of everything that's unknown to him but he tries to play it off somehow: he tries to be on top and be unpredictable to others.

He treats himself as a human that lives around unpredictable fictional characters that he can't control or read intentions of.

"My father though was a real person. I knew that deep down. But in this moment I saw him not as a son looking at his father but as a viewer looking at a fictional character." (TIOL, page 50)

It's mentioned in the novels that Joey likes theatre and he expresses his thoughts about it to Buddy in dctl.

Theatre operates in "cycles":

Actors play their parts→ the audience applaud→ actors bow→ performance ends→ performance begins and so on.

It's has a pattern and won't introduce anything that will caught you off guard. It's "safe" and as a part of audience,you don't need to perform, you only watch.

Does it remind you of batim's cycle? Outside of holding grudges toward Henry and wanting to run away from everything Joey has performed with GENT, he also searches for control while not being included directly.

HE decides what will happen to the cycle residents. HE writes the story that other people can barely affect. HE blames other people for studio's downfall and makes them suffer for his wrongdoings.

Joey knows that he has failed but he can't process it. He doesn't know what will happen and he's scared of being put into situations he can't predict.

It's really shows how insecure he became with years.

3. Why Henry is important?

Why exactly Joey couldn't replace one man he didn't knew for a really long time? What made Henry so special to him?

We don't get a big insist on their friendship but it can be said that their short-lived bond was strong or at least Joey believed that it was.

Henry seems to be Joey's role model of sort even if Joey doesn't want to acknowledge it.

Joey notes on how Henry changed the course of his life without knowing about this

Henry is a determinated man who went for a career in art because he knew what he wanted & he stayed on this path no matter how hard it was to get any recognition.

Henry's the man who makes decisions and acts when he needs to.

Meanwhile, Joey feels lost his whole life. He searches for answers,purpose or a place with a "soul".

Henry gave him new meaning for life. Creative path with endless possibilities that Joey could build from scratch.

Joey was heartbroken when Henry left, doesn't matter for hard he tries to act like he wasn't.

"His presence was helpful, I can happily admit, but his absence was even more so. Not having him at the studio ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to it" (TIOL, page 138)

For some time his life was revolving around Henry. He knew what to do and what will happen, Henry always pushed him to the right decisions.

He says so directly in batim chapter 5:

"The truth is, you were always so good at pushing, old friend... pushing me to do the right thing"

With loosing Henry, Joey lost his newly gained purpose in life. It wasn't something that he was able to figure out by himself & it made him blind to the road that lies ahead.

He's angry at Henry for being like "other people" that he hates. For leaving him behind when he's scared of being alone.

We don't know about Henry's perspective much but he strikes me as someone who would be supportive of Joey at first.

He made some of Joey's ideas real and left only after a breaking point.

3.1 "Cartoon family"

Joey is deeply attached to main JDS toons that he "mutually" owns with Henry.

Especially, it's noteciable with toon Bendy who was called his child on a couple of occasions:

"Bendy was Joey’s child, and he felt just as strongly about Bendy as I feel about my flesh-and-blood son" © Nathan Arch (TIOL, page 5)

"He was my very first creation—one could even call him my firstborn." (TIOL, page 12)

Joey not only sees Bendy as his child but he also relates to him.

He draws parallels between them both, calls bendy manifestation of "the illusion of living" and shows some of his mannerisms (as he says)

Joey wants to see himself as Bendy.

A character who's loved by kids and adults alike and who always has friends around.

"I tell people that Bendy is the perfect example of my philosophy." (TIOL, page 12)

"To know that I needed a creation so perfect, so accessible to so many people, that it would help me change the way the world saw itself." (TIOL, page 13)

In Joey's apartment the only one picture in frame that he owns is illustration/animation cell of toons drawn by 'Henry Stein':

They're depicted holding hands with Bendy being in the middle of both; it's portrays closeness between them and Bendy's importance in the picture

But was it's actually signed up by Henry or Joey is the one who did it for himself?

We know from batim (and batdr notes) that Joey's signature is "your best pal" which makes this case...a bit complicated

Joey could've wanted to pretend that Henry is still close to him and decided to sign up drawing with his name

Or possibly it was signed up by Henry somewhere in the past. In this case, Joey could've adopted Henry's signature as his own.

Both speculations have place to be real and we can't prove any of them.

Joey's known for pretending (which would fit with the 1st possibility) but he's also stuck in the past and stole a lot of ideas that belong to other people.

Imo it can be interpreted based on the way you see him.

4. Why was Susie fired?

Joey's obsessed with everything that is related to Bendy which can be seen with him being angry about "crooked bendy dolls" or bendy expression sheet in batim ch 2.

We can speculate that Susie Campbell wasn't fired from the role of Alice's voice actress for any valid reason BUT because Joey felt personally offended.

As Norman says in dctl, Alice Angel was really popular for a bit, which possibly could have been unacceptable for Joey.

Bendy is the main character Joey relates to and he wouldn't have wanted to be overshadowed in any way.

Susie being fired and humiliated (for not knowing that she was in fact fired) is the consequence of Joey's insecurity.

Susie claims that "she was absolutely perfect for the role" at first so at some point Joey completely changed his perspective.

Any character getting attention would be good for the studio. Firing a voice actress that helps to get this attention lacks logical reasoning.

After Joey "calms down" he has a conversation with Susie about 'an opportunity' he has for her. This opportunity is Susie being the first (speculated to) human sacrifice. He believed that she'd have been a perfect Alice.

Joey puts Bendy above Boris and Alice (like he does with himself & other people) so him acting pitiful about any other character getting popular does makes sense.

But he still cares about them...to some degree.

"Boris was special, Alice was complicated." (TIOL, page 154)

Joey having complicated feelings with Alice as character is really interesting and it's perfectly reflects what he was thinking about Susie.

She was a perfect voice actress to others but wasn't to him. He thought that she'll be a perfect Alice (after the ink machine was created) but she failed to be.

"She was beautiful. And loved by all. She was perfect...No matter what Joey says." (batim chapter 3, Susie talking about herself in 3rd person)

In dctl he claims that he relates failed experiments to "people not being real enough" or says that they weren't pure.

At the end, Joey basically has decided to pretend that she never was real

Susie is never mentioned in his memoir and she's almost fully erased from studio's history.

In Batdr's studio tour (music department part) "Susie Campbell" was replaced with "Allison Pendle"; meaning that Allison is officially the only one Alice Angel voice actress according to him.

5. The ink demon

It's one of the most interesting parts here and I'm sure that a lot of people have talked about him better that I'll.

The ink demon is a "product" of mistreatment, Joey's unhealthy projecting and capitalism (duh)

Joey saw Bendy as his son

He wanted to be like Bendy, someone who's loved and can always escape from troubles

One of reasons to bring Bendy to life is his marketability. Joey wanted "alive attractions" he can get money from.

The ink demon wasn't able to fullfil any expectations that Joey had.

He was passive and harmless (at first) but to Joey, he's not a cheerful toon that he has always dreamed about.

One of main issues that Joey has with him is that he's off-model:

"Listen Tommy, i know you boys over at Gent are doing your best but I'm paying for living attractions,not walking abominations. Whatever that grinning thing was i saw walking around your office,you better keep it up locked tight! Might scare off investors!..." (batim chapter 5)

"Grinning thing" and "walking abomination." The ink demon is completely dehumanised because he's not marketable.

As it was mentioned earlier, Joey sees Bendy as a perfect being and relates to him

He doesn't want to relate to the ink demon; for this reason, he separates them both.

Joey has hard time with accepting "failures". They either get forgotten, dumped or he tries to change them somehow.

The ink demon is a mistake that Joey and GENT have tried to "fix" for years. "A monster" that has shattered Joey's dreams.

5.1 The ink demon's sense of self

It's Joey character analysis so this point won't be too big.

The ink demon was treated like a mistake for being different:

Closed off, isolated, put in the cycle,tortured.

He was in the place where no one would care because he's not "a perfect bendy". Most of it comes from Joey or is related to him in some way.

Everyone saw him as a monster and he has accepted this role.

We know how it went in batim/batdr.

Worth to mention that unlike Joey, he has never lied in batdr. It's either harsh truth or projecting.

6. Ink Children

Allison was close to Joey and had a good impact on him,as he claims.

Indirectly, she made him want to have a family with the help of the ink machine.

I doubt that this decision has come from the place of jealousy toward Henry (who has a family) unless future content will somehow prove that I'm wrong. Joey can have one good intention while failing everywhere else.

Joey could've wanted to have a family to prove that there's still something good in him.

He was scared of dying alone and being forgotten.

"I hadn’t known that at the time. It gave me chills. The thought of success only after death, now that terrified me. That was not the plan and would never be the plan" (TIOL, page 122)

We don't know how many children have perished until the final, perfect one. And we can't claim what exactly has happened to them.

We don't get much details about the creation process of artificial "almost humans".

The only one we heard (outside of Audrey) is "AD" (name of the file) from batim chapter 5

"Tell me another one,uncle Joey..." ("AD" in batim post credits)

And sadly,you can't say much based on this.

They could've been physically unstable and die on their own terms

(milk packages from Joey's kitchen table in batim chapter 5. All of them were stained with ink)

If they stained object with ink by interacting with them, it could've become worse with time.

Again,with lack of context,it's almost impossible to debate for or against this idea. Was that's a thing for other ink creatures?

Susie does brings up in batim that she was "a shapeless slug" at first.

Joey didn't changed much and dumped imperfect ones

Honestly this part depends on how much you believe that he could grow as a character.

(memo from batdr, GENT building)

The way Joey talks about "other versions" sounds... indifferent.

Which is weird, because he did spend time with "AD" from batim by entertaining her with stories when she has asked him to

Does he tries to justify them being dumped OR he's distracting from the fact that they didn't had a chance to properly exist?

It feels like it was left for interpretation on purpose.

6.1 Audrey Drew

Second and last artificial child after "AD" that we canonically know about.

For Joey, creating something perfect that will outlive him could've been a key to his definition of immortality. He wanted to leave something after his death that people could know about. A piece of "perfect art"

"...Of course, I intend to live forever, so that will never happen! Ha, a joke indeed, but in a way not a joke, for what is art but a doorway into immortality? The greatest Illusion of Living then, living on after we are no longer alive. What is more of an illusion than that?" (TIOL, page 219)

Joey makes jokes about living eternally even before the ink machine's existence.

After it's creation, it's wasn't something that he has planned but he was ready for this fate (for one reason or another)

At the end of his life, Audrey has became a thing he'll live through eternally. And Memory!Joey is here ig

Memory!Joey basically calls Audrey his magnum opus:

"...My Greatest creation" (batdr, final Memory!Joey custscene)

Which further established that Joey is more proud of Audrey than he ever was on the Bendy franshise (it's hard to be proud of the stolen ideas, peoples deaths or the cycle,eh?)

Audrey seems to share adventurous spirit of young Joey (in his early 20s) & determination

They both got dragged into events they didn't asked for:

Joey (when he was 19 y.o) by detective Sinclair who has blamed him for a murder.

Audrey by Wilson Arch who has wanted to murder her.

6.2 Audrey and the ink demon

Similar trauma, different outcomes and treatment.

How present Joey was in Audrey's life? Why did they got separated at one point even before he has died?

Is there's something Memory!Joey hides from Audrey on purpose?

Batdr archives mention that Audrey has repressed her memories but what and why exactly?

In batdr the ink demon interacts a lot with Audrey which holds huge significance on the story.

In his first interaction with her he says "ink speaks to me and whispers your secrets" so the ink machine (who seems to hold some sense of identity) does know too.

The ink demon heavily relates to Audrey through the game. They were both left alone (in different ways) and they share one creator.

"You are without the purpose. Your very existence.. was a terrible lie...you're a mistake. A monster. Just like me." (batdr, the ink demon, last playable segment)

He heavily projects on her through this last interaction. Audrey does has a purpose,she was created to be a daughter Joey did wanted and loved. As much as Joey Drew could love at least, if you see this part as debatable.

But there's one thing he's right about, her existence is a lie.

Joey put burden of "protecting the cycle" on her while she thought that she's an orphan.

Batdr archives also question how much agency she has, which i find interesting.

7. "The illusion of living" (or TL;DR for this analysis)

The art of lying masterfully and manual on how to justice God complex.

Joey describes his life from early childhood (when he was 5 y.o.) and to the point of him being 42-43 y.o., a bit before the ink machine was created.

This book is about a man who couldn't find his purpose in life even with the help of other people and decided to blame everyone for this.

Lies, accusations, insults, distorted information, searching for "a soul" (literally and figuratively) and never ending hidden sadness after he lost Henry.

He tries to replace this empty gap with letting their creations become his whole life but it doesn't end well... (the ink demon,dead employees and the cycle)

He tries to separate himself from this and focused on creating a family.

Artificial daughters are electric boogalo №2 (unexpected direct sequel) which has ended working somehow.

But still,i wouldn't trust this man even a pet rock and the ink demon & Audrey are a proof on 'why.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trivial facts (bendy employees handbook/the illusion of living):

>He loves mac n cheese

>Joey meet Sammy at a theatre when they were teens

>Joey loves throwing peanuts at theatre actors

>In Joey Drew studios you can celebrate only main toons birthday or Joey's birthday. Other birthdays are prohibited.

>Joey stole award that Sammy has earned

> Joey officially is an employee of the month eternally...

> Joey stoles ideas for cartoons from employees and they don't get even a couple of cents for this (woah! How surprising /j)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Special thanks to everyone who interacted with my Audrey analysis earlier!

[stelladoesstuff]

Ok

Okok

Hi hello

Loki episode 5 spoilers below because I have THOUGHTS

This is a lot of theorizing and just straight up rambling but who knows maybe you’ll get something out of it

Help me

The fact that one of the recap scenes TWICE this season has been Kang stating that he controlled every moment leading up to the moment is what’s making me think here. Because think about it- O.B. had to write the time manual in order for Victor Timely to create his temporal loom. And while O.B. stated that his work was based off of the work of Victor Timely, creating the whole chicken and the egg scenario, that first tempad prototype was because Loki gave him the TVA manual that HE wrote. He inspired himself. It’s a loop. Just like Loki pruning himself. Loki had to prune himself in order to go back in time just like O.B. had to write the manual in order to create the TVA.

And yes, he doesn’t remember this. But that’s because all of the TVA’s employee memories are said to be wiped when they entered. By Kang. Kang, who was Victor Timely, who had to read the manual written by O.B. to create the loom. But Kang can’t have O.B. remembering that O.B.’s manual was the basis of the entire TVA, so what does he do?

He makes O.B. believe that O.B.’s manual was based off of Victor Timely’s work. O.B.’s work was NEVER inspired by Timely. He just thinks it was, because that’s what he HAD to think in order for the series of events to proceed as they did. For the entire TVA to proceed as it did.

Also- notice how the room O.B. is in on the timeline is VERY SIMILAR structurally to his room in the TVA. Because that’s where it all originated. That was the foundation point. Kang couldn’t wipe all of O.B.’s memories from when he was on the timeline, because if he did, then O.B. wouldn’t retain the knowledge he had of making the tempad, or anything he read in his own book. O.B. had to retain some of that knowledge in order for everything to work.

So Kang specifically wiped specific memories. Memories that Loki had been the one to hand him the book. Skewed a few things- O.B. wrote a book. He remembers writing a book. So Kang took that knowledge and applied it to the handbook. O.B. remembers writing a book, and handbook states that he is the author, so obviously the memories align and his memories are skewed to apply the memories of writing his sci-fi book to writing the TVA handbook.

But then it’s a paradox. Because O.B. had to see the book to retain skewed memories, and so the book had to be written at some point… but when?

And so we’re back to the chicken and the egg. What came first, the TVA or the manual?

Also. We’re jumping topics.

Loki gathering everyone in one place. If you think about it… why did he have to do that? To figure out how to control the time slipping, sure, but… why did Marvel specifically make him run around on a wild goose chase getting everyone together?

Because he had to. Because it’s part of Kang’s plan.

Bring them all together. In order to do that, the tempad had to be made. The tempad which requires O.B. to read the manual. Which in turn leads to the creation of the TVA. Which means the entire group’s memories are wiped, and they are then TVA employees.

It’s a loop. As demonstrated by the beginning scene. Loki walked in, saw himself reading the manual, jumped back, and then was reading the manual and got called out by himself.

Same idea.

Loki went back in time to give the manual to O.B. In doing so, he sparked the entire creation of the TVA. He brought a group of people together who would become the TVA’s employees. And because he did that, every event of seasons 1 and 2 thus far could occur.

So in a sense, Loki created the TVA.

But still

WHAT CAME FIRST THE CHICKEN OR THE FUCKING EGG-

[lizardonatoadstool]

Oakie the Acorn is the Best Mascot Ever

I don’t even go to this school I just love them. Here’s an interview they did for SUNY Mascot Madness.

Oakie - SUNY ESF

Who are you, where are you originally from, and where do you do your mascot thing? I'm Oakie Acorn (they/them), proud representative of ESF and its Mighty Oaks athletic teams! I was “born” when I fell out of ESF's Robin Hood Oak which means my roots go back to the Major Oak in England's Sherwood Forest. Maybe that's why I'm so merry! While most of my mascot duties have me in Syracuse, I also pop in at our Ranger School in Wanakena and our satellite campuses in the Adirondacks and Thousand Islands.

What's a unique new thing (building, club, activity, employee, etc.) on your campus that you treasure? The newly renovated Marshall Hall is wonderful! Open since 1933, Marshall underwent a major two-year reno re-opening in 2023. We kept the classic features, such as the spiral staircase and auditorium, while updating the building to a state-of-the-art learning center with spaces tailored to the needs of today's students. The building is home to our Landscape Architecture, Environmental Studies, and mathematics programs. Along with great classroom and studio space, there are plenty of study nooks for students to tuck in and do work between classes or meet with friends.

If you could start your own club or major on campus, what would it be? Wow! Difficult question because ESF has so many unique clubs, activities, and majors already! That said, I'd love to start an a capella group – Oak-apella! I don't speak, but I have a song in my heart and would love to hear ESF students sing. Maybe I could do some interpretive dance while they sing.

What's your hidden talent that you haven't told anyone about yet? Anyone on campus at night might have seen me skateboarding. The other day I landed a kickflip over the gap and was pretty stoked. Sadly, no one was around to see it. Flicks or it didn't happen, right? We do have some talented campus artists who have drawn me and my board though.

What campus cheer gets you pumped up and why? (with great enthusiasm)  O-A-K-I-E!  They're our acorn can't you see?  Sprouting strong through day and night  We've got bark and we've got bite!    ESF Orientation Leaders chant this while they lead our newest acorns to convocation. I love hearing it echo off the campus buildings!

What sport would you play if you were a student-athlete? I would join the Bass Fishing team in a heartbeat! I know when you think “acorn,” you think “land-based,” but I'd love to get out on the water and drop a line or two. There's so much more to me than most people know.    I would look awesome in one of the Bass Fishing team jerseys – provided they could get me an XXXXXL.

Read any good books lately? The Climate Optimists Handbook by environmental activist Anne Therese Gennari is a great read. Her book is about empowering people to get excited about changing the narrative on climate change so we act from courage and excitement to co-create a better world. She totally gets the ESF vibe! She was our commencement speaker last May and inspired our graduates and their guests to Improve Our World!    And of course, Braiding Sweetgrass by our own Dr. Robin Wall Kimmerer is always close at hand to read again and again!

Favorite pizza topping? Mushrooms. I love to top my pie with things I've foraged in the woods. Remember, you have to be very careful with mushrooms. I always take along a friend who has taken Dr. Alex Weir's mycology course to ensure I don't eat anything that could make me sick or worse!

If you were SUNY Chancellor for a day, what would you do? I would declare every day Earth Day in SUNY and plant pollinator gardens on every campus. I would also help other campuses set and reach their own Zero-Waste goals. Sustainability is a key component to helping the environment. I would then ask to be Chancellor for a couple more days to visit as many campuses as possible and see all the great things SUNY students are doing.  I don't know how Chancellor King does it all! Does he ever sleep?

How would you celebrate being named SUNY Mascot Madness Champion in 2024? The same way I celebrated in 2017 when I won the title – surrounded by the best students, faculty, and staff ever! We had a party that the whole campus attended. My friend, Victor E. Knight from SUNY Geneseo, was gracious enough to come and present me with the trophy and join the festivities. I think it would be great to host Wolfie on campus this year. 

[kiwioala]

federation employee handbook that foolish found in the fed breakroom! (transcript)

Federation Employee Handbook (12th edition) Index: I Introduction - Federation Mission and Values II About the Federation: - Locations and Contact Information III Policies - Code of Conduct - Dress Code - Workplace Safety - Violence Prevention - Whistleblower Policy and Reporting Violations IV Employee Benefits V Termination and Resignation

I Introduction: Welcome to The Federation! We are delighted to have you join our team. At the Federation our employees are the lifeblood of our organization. The cogs in the machine, all working together! We are committed to creating an inclusive and supportive environment for our employees. This handbook is designed to provide you with important and essential information about the Federation, rights and responsibilities of our employees, and policies Our Missions and Values: Our mission is to provide a quality of life for residents on Quesadilla Island.

Core Values: - Integrity: Upholding ethical standards in all our actions. - Excellence: In everything we do. - Teamwork: Collaborating, respecting diversity, and valuing the contributions of employees and residents alike.

II About the Federation: We as a Census Bureau strive to create a perfect island for residents. Marinating order, enforcing rules and regulations and creating wonderful memories. Our organization strives to create absolute perfection. We achieve this by maintaining order, enforcing rules, and creating wonderful memories and experiences.

Location and Contact Information: - Census Bureau Agent While the Census Bureau Agent is not an employee and is very busy, it is not easy to get a hold of them. Please reach out to your supervisor instead if you have any questions. - President Forever: Located at the Federation Tower - Vice President Cellbit: Located at the Federation Tower. -Please refer to your facility-specific contact sheets for other contacts. Ranks: Please refer to our Employee Report on ranks for details.

III Policies: Code of Conduct: At The Federation we expect all employees to conduct themselves with both professionalism and integrity. Our key elements: - Transparency and honesty - Respect for colleagues - Data protection and confidentiality - Order with regulations and laws - Avoiding conflicts Dress Code: Employees must wear their assigned uniform on and off working hours. Please have your work badge on hand at all times. This is designed to ensure both a professional and safe work environment for all employees.

Workplace Safety: We are committed to providing safe and healthy workplaces for all employees. The following policies outline procedures to follow in case of emergencies. Violence Prevention: The Federation has a strict zero-tolerance policy towards threats and violence's in the workplace. We are committed to maintain order and secure environments for not only employees but residents as well. Regarding threats and violence from residents, please refer to your supervisor for further information.

Whistleblower Policy and Report Violations: We highly encourage our employees to report any concerns relating to illegal activities from both employees and residents. This policy information regarding whistleblowers. Reports will be shared anonymously. You may reach out to your supervisor for further information on our policies.

IV Employee Benefits: - Free, On-site residency, bring your family here too with all expenses paid! - 24/7 monitoring to maintain perfect safety, never feel unsafe within Federation facilities! - Steady pay* with company stores to spend at! - Company healthcare - Growth opportunities within the company! Rise up the ranks and gain more privileges within the Federation. * in form of Official Federation Duck Coins.

V Termination and Registration: Please contact Cucurucho if you wish to resign your position.

We would like to congratulate our new hires, you were chosen for a reason. Welcome to Federation! We hope you enjoy the Island! :)