#qsmp transcript

[kiwioala]

federation employee handbook that foolish found in the fed breakroom! (transcript)

Federation Employee Handbook (12th edition) Index: I Introduction - Federation Mission and Values II About the Federation: - Locations and Contact Information III Policies - Code of Conduct - Dress Code - Workplace Safety - Violence Prevention - Whistleblower Policy and Reporting Violations IV Employee Benefits V Termination and Resignation

I Introduction: Welcome to The Federation! We are delighted to have you join our team. At the Federation our employees are the lifeblood of our organization. The cogs in the machine, all working together! We are committed to creating an inclusive and supportive environment for our employees. This handbook is designed to provide you with important and essential information about the Federation, rights and responsibilities of our employees, and policies Our Missions and Values: Our mission is to provide a quality of life for residents on Quesadilla Island.

Core Values: - Integrity: Upholding ethical standards in all our actions. - Excellence: In everything we do. - Teamwork: Collaborating, respecting diversity, and valuing the contributions of employees and residents alike.

II About the Federation: We as a Census Bureau strive to create a perfect island for residents. Marinating order, enforcing rules and regulations and creating wonderful memories. Our organization strives to create absolute perfection. We achieve this by maintaining order, enforcing rules, and creating wonderful memories and experiences.

Location and Contact Information: - Census Bureau Agent While the Census Bureau Agent is not an employee and is very busy, it is not easy to get a hold of them. Please reach out to your supervisor instead if you have any questions. - President Forever: Located at the Federation Tower - Vice President Cellbit: Located at the Federation Tower. -Please refer to your facility-specific contact sheets for other contacts. Ranks: Please refer to our Employee Report on ranks for details.

III Policies: Code of Conduct: At The Federation we expect all employees to conduct themselves with both professionalism and integrity. Our key elements: - Transparency and honesty - Respect for colleagues - Data protection and confidentiality - Order with regulations and laws - Avoiding conflicts Dress Code: Employees must wear their assigned uniform on and off working hours. Please have your work badge on hand at all times. This is designed to ensure both a professional and safe work environment for all employees.

Workplace Safety: We are committed to providing safe and healthy workplaces for all employees. The following policies outline procedures to follow in case of emergencies. Violence Prevention: The Federation has a strict zero-tolerance policy towards threats and violence's in the workplace. We are committed to maintain order and secure environments for not only employees but residents as well. Regarding threats and violence from residents, please refer to your supervisor for further information.

Whistleblower Policy and Report Violations: We highly encourage our employees to report any concerns relating to illegal activities from both employees and residents. This policy information regarding whistleblowers. Reports will be shared anonymously. You may reach out to your supervisor for further information on our policies.

IV Employee Benefits: - Free, On-site residency, bring your family here too with all expenses paid! - 24/7 monitoring to maintain perfect safety, never feel unsafe within Federation facilities! - Steady pay* with company stores to spend at! - Company healthcare - Growth opportunities within the company! Rise up the ranks and gain more privileges within the Federation. * in form of Official Federation Duck Coins.

V Termination and Registration: Please contact Cucurucho if you wish to resign your position.

We would like to congratulate our new hires, you were chosen for a reason. Welcome to Federation! We hope you enjoy the Island! :)

[royalarchivist]

Phil: I have something to show you first, hold on... you might want to stand back for this, Cellbit.

Phil:

[acutecoral]

Transcript for Quackity's recent stream

[Quackity start talking around 1:03 in, but before he speaks you can hear him breathe and sniffle a little]

Quackity: Hello everyone, uh…uh, I'm just waiting for enough people to get here. This is a very important stream. So I'm just going to wait a little bit.

Quackity: Um…[sharp intake of breath] Hello! I hope everyone is having a good night. I'm doing an urgent stream. Only to keep everyone updated on everything that's happening.

Quackity: I wanna apologise for this scuffed stream. I'm not on any of my set-ups right now, I wasn't expecting to stream right now so I don't even have a camera. But I wanna to let everyone know, that I've been out and I'm catching up on a lot of matters right now…

Quackity: Including a statement, that was just now, made without my approval.

Quackity: I've been notified, about an ongoing situation regarding Quackity Studios and I want to address it. Please bear with me as I'm barely catching up on a lot of these matters.

[He sniffles again]

Quackity: One gathering is that volunteers for Quackity Studios: are not being paid and are being given too many hours of activities.

Quackity: I wanna let everyone know that I was aware of a voluntary position, and I was under the assumption that there was a process volunteers would go through, to integrate themselves to the team with a fully paying job. What I was not aware of, is to what extent and conditions were being required from the volunteers.

Quackity: And I wanna thank everyone who brought this to my attention, because it is very clear to me that I need a much deeper involvement in the administrative part of my team. Something I have not been very involved with recently.

Quackity: I'm gonna perform a deep investigation, personally, on this matter as to see exactly what's happening. But one thing is very clear to me.

Quackity: There are going to be very drastic changes in QSMP moving forward. From the administrative perspective, and from the creative perspective as well.

Quackity: My responsibility relies on knowing what is happening in the project I am running. And for not being more involved? I want to deeply apologise. This should have never happened, and I am extremely disappointed.

Quackity: From here on out, I wanna make one thing clear: Everybody involved in Quackity Studios will be paid. And if at any point my own funds are not sufficient enough to pay workers or maintain the project? Then the QSMP cannot continue and it will close down. That's how committed I am to this project.

Quackity: So I wanted to make that extremely, extremely clear as to where I stand on this.

[Quackity in the next line sounds choked up]

Quackity: And this…n-next topic is very difficult for me to process, and it's an extremely sensitive thing, and I was waiting for the correct time for me but…that can wait, no longer. And I need to let everyone know that Wilbur is no longer a part of the QSMP.

Quackity: Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their patience. This…year…has been very turbulent…for me. And I'm going to be very open; it's been one of the saddest years of my life.

Quackity: I'm trying to move forward and give everyone the best version of myself, and I'm very, very sorry if I've disappointed you.

Quackity: But…nonetheless, I gotta keep moving forward and I'm gonna keep working hard and I'm going to do what's right. And I wanna make this very clear.

Quackity: So thank you everyone. And um, yeah, I hope everyone has a good night. Thank you.

[toobbolive]

Fit: Dude my voice cracked until I was like 25 so like, don't sweat it Tubbo: Wait, I thought you were 24 Fit: What? Tubbo: Wait, how old are you? Fit: Tubbo I'm 33 Tubbo: What, that's not a bit? Fit: No it's not a bit!

[hepbaestus]

lullah wrote Phil a book and then asked if Phil could adopt her "for real" this time

[Start ID: A Five page Minecraft book written by Lullah to Philza and a purple adoption certificate on the QSMP Minecraft server that says:

Papa, you know how I love to ramble and I could write several pages long about how I feel. But this time I want to be straight to the point. A lot of people saw me as an extension of someone who's no longer part of my life, despite them being.

important at some point. With the reset taken into account, I had the liberty to start from zero and dettach myself... give myself the opportunity to be more ME without relying on someone else. Like I mentioned, ever since you adopted me back in July...

it made me be happier and accepted. You know me like the back of your hand (which I don't know if that's terrifying or endearing) but that's ok! Because that means we've spent enough time together to actually create a bond and share trauman :D

Anyway, thank you for being YOU and for being the best dad I could ask for. Even if I was not assigned to you on the first place, I am grateful for everything you've done for me.

I guarantee I am trying to also be the best daughter out there^^ Love you mucho (Spanish for a lot) tu niña (Spanish for your daughter) Lullah.

The adoption certificate is purple with a purple sunflower in the corner and says "Certificate of Adoption. Egg Name: Tallulah has been officially adopted by: Philza and Missa. Congratulations! /EndID]

[echotunes]

Hugo, two hours after joining QSMP, being so immersed in the qlobal translator's existence that he tried to use it irl to thank his McDonald's deliveryperson

Hugo: Ich hab... Ich hab grade zum Lieferanten "dankeschön" gesagt weil ich dacht'—ich hab mich so dran gewöhnt Deutsch zu reden, weil das automatisch übersetzt wird in QSMP, dass ich dachte, dass—dass meinem Lieferant das dann auch übersetzt wird. Bro! [cut] Digga das—ich erklär's nochmal ganz kurz. Also ich wohn' ja auf Madeira. Und die reden ja hier kein Deutsch. Digga, 'n Lieferant kommt hier hin, ich sag so "hello", ne, da hab—da wusst' ich irgendwie noch ok, Englisch. Bruder auf einmal sie gibt mir ne Tüte und ich sag "danke!" Weil ich— weil ich mit QSMP dachte dass das automatisch übersetzt wird—wird. Ich wa—ich—digga, das is' halt, das triggert dein Gehirn halt komplett.

(translation: I just... I just said "dankeschön" ("thank you" in German) to the deliveryperson because I thought—I'm so used to speaking German, because it's automatically translated in QSMP, that I thought that it would be automatically translated to my deliveryperson. Bro!

[cut] Bro that—I'm gonna explain it again for a sec. So I live in Madeira. And they don't speak German here. Bro, a deliveryperson comes here, I said "hello", like, at that point I still knew okay, English. And brother suddenly they give me a bag and I say "danke!" Because I—because with QSMP I thought it would be automatically translated. I—bro, that's just, that just fully triggers your brain.)

[elkyralt]

LMAOO THE TUBBO GHOST INCIDENT, ALL THE POVs WERE SO FUCKING FUNNY.

CONTEXT: Tubbo was bugged and no one could see OR hear him, so he thought everyone was just playing a prank. Etoiles gets there and he's apparently the only person who can see him LMAOO

TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT

Fit: Yeah are you okay?

Tubbo (in the background): Anyone? Hello?

Philza: Is Toby messaging you terrible things?

Etoiles: still laughing

Philza: I think he just left in rage because he saw, like, create pipes

Tubbo: CAN YOU SEE ME? WHAT? GUYS? HELLO?

Etoiles: Out of breath laughing

Tubbo (in the background): WAIT IS THIS FOR REAL?

Philza: Etoiles speak to me dude, what's going on?

Fit: Yeah do you need help?

Etoiles: To explain to you, Toby is bugged since 5 minutes and I disconnect, reconnect so I see him, but no one sees Toby and Toby is crying since 20 minutes saying "CAN SOMEONE SEE ME?"

Tubbo (overlapping): HELLO??? HELLO??? HELLO???

Philza, Fit and Bad: start laughing

Tubbo: GUYS???

Philza: I CAN HEAR HIM SCREAM THROUGH YOUR MIC

Bad: Wait what?

Tubbo: WHAT?? "THIS IS A DREAM TUBBO WAKE UP?"

Bad: Is he like right here and we just can't see him?

Philza: Yeah he's here apparently

Bad: That's crazy!

Fit: What??

Tubbo: THE SERVER HAS VANISHED ME

Philza: Nobody can see him apart from Etoiles

Fit: That's crazy

[cellberry]

Dear Cellbit, you must have finished the Mickey Mouse club by now. I told you that you would get 1000 coins, but I didn't say which one, it's Ratackity coins, that are worth 0.0001 in dollars. But I understand that you worked hard, so I got you a loan, I will give it to you tomorrow. I cannot believe that we are neighbors now! I made a grownup man work for me, this is unbelievable, Ratackity!

[splatattackz]

clip of qfit coming out (the best he can) to ramon / in-character confirmation of qfit being mlm

[Transcript:

Ramon: would you rather a dad or a mom

Fit: Uh- I- no one! No one! [breaks the signs]

Fit: Lets um- Lets get over the Felps' Square, Ramon. Umm- wait- eh- wait, Ramon.

Fit: If I had to choose between the two it'd be a dad.

Fit: Alright lets go, lets go- Lets go, Felps' Square. Felps' Square.

/ End Transcript]

Bonus: Ramons later reaction!

"wait you can keep going, am still processing the info.

omg. so happy."

[thepenguisalive7]

You’re so real Roier, that guy has not showered in months 🤢 clip

[letsfluxshitup]

this is true cinema

[Video ID: A clip from Slimecicle's stream on April 5th, about 58min in. Charlie is performing a rap lullaby for Juanaflippa, while Phil stands outside. Throughout the clip there is an instrumental in the background that Charlie described as a gunshot inspired trap beat.]

transcript: Charlie, rapping: Its bedtime now so what do we say? Charlie, now talking: Woah woah woahwoahwoah! Dude! Phil: I was given permission by God to kill you. Charlie: Well- hey- Ok. Tell you what- Phil: Juanaflippa I'm sorry- Charlie: Juanaflippa! Fucking take him down! Yeah! You bitch! Here's the bridge! Charlie, rapping: You fucked with Juanaflippa so you got the Glock! Now it's time to fuck! You fucked up! You fucked up, my dude! You shouldn't've given Juanaflipa that 'tude! Yeaaah! Let's go! Let's go, Juanaflippa, you already know! Charlie, talking: Fuck yes, Juanaflippa! That was beautiful!

[kiwioala]

Fit: Pac! Tubbo: That was like a sitcom entrance! Pac: Hello! Quackity: Woah, you are looking smooth Pac, what the fuck. Pac: Thank you, thank you so much! You know I'm- I'm looking nice today because today is an important day. Oh, and by the way Fit, [Places down robes] you forgot this yesterday in my house. Quackity: [laughing] What?! Fit: Oh, thank you so much! Quackity: What the fuck, what the fuck? There is no fucking way, there is no fucking way bro, there is no fucking way. Oh my god, there is no fucking way. Fit: You're so good to me Pac, you're so good, you're so good. Quackity: There is no fucking way, there is no fucking way. Are you joking? Are you fucking joking? There's no way this is real, there's no fucking way- and you dry cleaned it??? You fucking dry cleaned it? [Everyone laughing]

[royalarchivist]

Tubbo: What was wrong with the timing?!

Pac: You did it in the worst possible timing! Everything was–

Bagi: I think we ruined the kiss.

Everyone:

Pac: It– it wasn't the kiss, more– you know? It was– *mumbles*

Tubbo: IT WAS MORE?! IT WAS MORE?! ON THE FIRST DATE?!

Bagi: WE DON'T NEED THE DETAILS!

Fit: That's not what he meant!

[friendzenn]

Pac seeing dapper’s 74-page guide

Pac: “Richarlyson, por que o seu irmão construiu uma bíblia?”

trans: Richarlyson, why did your brother build a bible?

[toobbolive]

Tubbo: What does he mean he's worried about Max, motherfucker blew up in a nuclear blast, he is eviscerated, there is no atom of him that exists, what do you mean missing? What, are you going to try find his millions and billions of atoms? Like, bro, what part of him is missing, he as a person does not exist! No corpse, no body, dust, not even dust, atomized, literally smaller than dust, he is nothing, he is carbon atoms! Fit: Wow, that's kind of rude to say about someone, don't you think Tubbo? Tubbo: How am i going to offend him, he's fucking atoms!

[geluckgk]

Quel drole d'interaction...

Transcript in English :

Opcrotte : Hello little bee, sting me with you dart

(long silence)

Antoine : What a strange interaction we just had ladies and gentlemen. It's quite strange...