#could be a nightmare to schedule
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do you still play dnd?
i do, I am currently in TWO games with my girlfriends. the first one is one Im dming (homebrew), and the second one crystal is dming. Shes doing curse of strahd for us. we switch off every other week (or we're supposed to recently we've just been hangin) we're p close to the end w my game i think (ab 60-70 percent there) and batthews been thinking ab dming next so I'm excited for that.
I also have a new game in the works in my brain. Batthew and crystal will be involved but I also want to maybe bring a 3rd or 4th person. Not sure who that could be yet or even If i will bring in someone new. Just thinking about it.
#shut up page#anon ask#i love the both of them so much#so like#im down for whatever#ive been a little anxious but theyve been so so SO patient with me#seeing them in feb#as for bringing in someone new#iddkkk#could be a nightmare to schedule#most likely gonna keep it just us
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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i think he looks nice in pink.....
#scribbles#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#i took my melatonin.... ive completely locked in a solid sleep schedule over the course of probably almost 2 months now#and melatonin is helping a lot.... who knew meds would do something#i think its been doing a lot for me... i think#i started taking it to see if i could use it to combat my nightmares and how they would keep scaring me awake#so i guess it wasnt 2 months straight but y know#for the most part#anyway back to fiddleford
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actually while I'm thinking about All The Ways School Wrongs You. fuck the whole seven classes shit they make you do in like what. middle school?. do you know how many times i cried bc I couldn't find a room number. how many nightmares i had about that same scenario
#i was one of them low income families so i got free lunch ✌️ fucking hated having to run to the cafeteria so i had a chance to eat at all#bc my class before it was too far away for me to just Walk#& then in highschool when it was just four classes it was the same shit. a lot of panicking &crying every quarter when we got new schedules#STILL had nightmares abt not being able to find my classes#only saving grace schedule wise was theatre class it was right next to the cafeteria and turned out to be very fun#only other saving grace everithing-else wise was that my friends were there i miss them i wish we could hang out again#words from the monarch
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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Hmm. Do we think that New Age Nightmare could pull others into his shadows? (For transport, hiding, etc.) Because I think of it more as a sort of 'opening a rift into the dark itself and creating a very fast hallway the leads to the next rift' but it *looks* like Nightmare is melting because the corruption lags behind the force of his soul when he enters.
Of course, then, the next logical step is to think: If he *can* then how does it feel? Are Killer and Horror less bothered because their magical sensitivity is low to begin with? Are Dust and Cross overwhelmed with a barrage of information the second they enter the rift because the invasive magic is just too dense + strong for them to process? Would it kill a person if Night dragged them inside then left without them? (<- Would he run into their corpse later by accident in the rift or would the magic dump it elsewhere? Or consume it?)
Just a fun thought that's irrelevant when the magic fades. But there is 7 years worth of pre-fade where he's learning this!
#new age au#just thinking outloud lmao-#i like the idea that the others could have the magic +power of night shared with them in ways Night feels are almost mundane#like how he's unaffected by the rifts so he takes Killer through (he's just a bit dizzy)#but finds that taking both Killer and Dust results in Dust landing on the ground when they get through and coughing up#a lil marrow because On God that magic was trying to suffocate him. and Night being very overprotective and guilty of doing that#to Dust by mistake.#and Night forbidding Cross + Horror from trying it until they both volenteer so Night has a grasp on who reacts to what#and it's Cross who's obliterated this time. not as badly as Dust but it's pretty obvious...#just... these guys :] helping Night learn through trial and error cuz they're sturdy and also getting to see Nightmare in all#his glory + godlike power#Error never got a ride thru the rift. and Ccino wasn't very affected just like Killer so of course he was surprised w/ Dust's reaction.#spot q#<- dropping this in the schedule so I don't firget to post it
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im so close to outright fuckin beggin my mom to get a divorce at this rate i cant deal with my fathers narcissistic asshole behavior anymore
#we're both fucking exhausted but here he is calling us at 10:30 at night despite knowing for 30 years my mom goes to bed at 9#talking to him is a cyclical fucking nightmare and his demands are insane#btw i know that narcissistic people arent inherently abusive#and that its pathologized yadayadayada. no hes one of the narcisisstic abusers. like every fucking bill#and yes its bc of fear but i dont fucking care. im afraid and angry all the time and you still dont see me treating my loved ones like dirt#everything is about him and he can do nothing wrong and he knows everything and if you dont adhere to h8s schedule#he calls you a dramatic bab#y#but then will fly into a screaming rage and call you a motherfucker and a waste of space and a lazy piece of shit if u dont cater to him#or get anything wrong#vent#also his demands are fucking insane like no im not getting another fucking dishrack for my roommates to be seperate#ik you keep your towels seperate from everyone elses but no im not doing that#bc im not a goddamn fucking pansy who lets my ocd control me like you you fucking freak#god i wish i could kill you just so you can never make my mom upset ever again
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I had such a weirldy realistic-feeling nightmare that I'm not sure what I actually dreamt and what was real and it's weirding me out
#especially because I had the bestest of best days yesterday so...idk what happened that could have provoked it...?#this day feels. weird too.#well. won't stop me from enjoying it tho. I like weird. I AM weird#I feel like I might have angered all the gods ever with my statement yesterday or idk lmao#pofazing#nightmares#eeehh I'll schedule this I'm too. anxious
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things have been rough lately… tale as old as time
#fay talks#my puppy had a medical emergency which cost hundreds… i just quit my job and am now frantically job searching… got sick AGAIN#my psychiatrist quit so now i have to find a new one#i hated my new therapist so now i have to find a new one too#i’ve been having a string of nightmares that have fucked my sleep schedule#i had some difficult medical tests done and it turns out they got contaminated/were not correctly done so now i have to go through it again#i just don’t know what else could possibly go wrong at this point#so… yeah. might be MIA for a while again#(thank you to everyone who has been leaving kind comments on AO3/in tags/in reblogs/in asks. kindness is invaluable to me recently 💛)
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i dont fucking know anymore man, i really cant quit but i really want to right about now, i feel like im losing my goddamn mind
#im sorry i complain about this here so often#she gave me tomorrow off so i could come in to one of the worst shifts ive had#and then she asks if i can come in#and she keeps scheduling days ive told her i cant do#screaming nightmare era
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non 24hr sleep cycle is so fucked up i have to stop myself from being productive during the only time im capable of being productive bc its time for bed whatever the fuck that means. only time im capable of sleeping is while my alarm is going off at one million decibels directly next to my skull and everyone in the damn building yelling at me to turn it off boss calling me tellin me get to work rn or im fired 😴😴😴😴😴 i sleep 😴 ruining my life by attempting to not ruin my life forever baybeeee there is no good ending god is dead drugs and alcohol always
#havent slept more than a couple hours a night the past few days please excuse me liveblogging my mental breakdown#im unemployed i could be living on a sleep schedule that actually works for me#but like that is the reason i got fired and i feel so ashamed that i think it would be fucked up to just stop trying#get over ur internalized ableism and stop refusing to accomodate your own damn disability challenge (nightmare difficulty)#rewards for winning this challenge: never succeed at anything else ever but at least not destroy myself in the process!!!!#(gets destroyed by the other reward: no more access to basic resources necessary for survival
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Today's Dread Not page is postponed for next week. As an apology, I posted a speedpaint (speedcolour?) of page 83 on my Youtube! There's a brief explanation in the first minute of so for why today's page isn't done yet.
youtube
As always, thank you for your patience.
#dread not#dreadnot#dread not au#dreadnotau#deltarune au#deltaruneau#undertale au#undertaleau#deltarune#undertale#speedpaint#not comic#i kind of hate that it came to this but hopefully this doesnt wreck my planned upload schedule too bad#for anyone wondering - my allergies are better now. it was nothing severe but it was enough to hinder my progress a big amount#as most things in life are honestly#i swear a fucking fly coming into my room at the wrong time could risk me postponing a page again. my schedule is a fucking nightmare#Youtube
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she had dreams 😪 she had ambitions 😭 she can't stick to a schedule to save her life 🤧
#flexible deadlines are my worst nightmare#this was after rescheduling the uploads twice already#I wanted to and technically could have been done with this part in august schedule wise if my brain didn't hate me#we are so close to the end of part 1 yet here I am with nothing more to post yet#it's not a lack of desire#my motivation to sit and pose is just nonexistent atm#so please bare with me#shut up megan
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First week of July means I can finally take a break from all of my responsibilities!!!
#cleared my entire week even my regularly scheduled activities bc i am EXHAUSTED holy fuck#last two weeks at work have beat the everloving shit out of me#even had a nightmare where i lived in a building for company employees and they could call on you any time to work#got called to do work at midnight and i was like ok! this is totally normal and fine! :)#capitalist dream human nightmare#who is gonna give me a ridiculous amount of wealth so i don’t ever have to work again and can just be a housewife??? :/
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im going 2 have wasted all my money again arent i -_
#egg.txt#i cant go out & buy bigger things so i have to order them to my house.... bc i cant drive...#but literally EVERYWHERE. uses yodel & evri#but i paid extra for delivery for today cuz im gonna be in and tomorrow like i have non refundable tickets#but they havent delivered it today...#and every single other time this has happened theyve no joke thrown shit into my yard without any notification#ive had like several things ruined already and im kind of freaking it because i put in a big order with fragile stuff#and its like last time#this happened i had to spend a whole weekend bussing back and forth to take broken pieces back to the shops#like theyve chucked boxes that have said fragile all over them into my yard and obviously all my stuff smashed#theyve dumped my fucking parcels behind my bins and ive not found them for like a week and theyve been soaked#(those would be second hand items i could not return & were wrecked)#and theres no way to reschedule it eitherrrr ughhhhghgh#its like i feel like such an asshole. i know theyre the cheap option cuz they fucking run their drivers into the ground but#oh my god. i would genuinely pay MORE MONEY to go through a decent delivery service#cuz im gonna spend it anyway recouping all the costs! !#idc if it takes another week so long as it can be scheduled to when im in or a date so i can arrange#but theres no options like literally#AND no warning half the time on all the stores. ALL of the shops use it now its such a nightmare#and im mad too ive waited in the house all day for it#no warning it HAS been rescheduled and yep thats great [redacted] and so and so forth help me GOD
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Had a nightmare last night (yes it was a nightmare) that Stina was voted the number one villain in Kotlc. Not Gisela, not the council, not Vespera- Stina.
Listen, I know I've excluded bad things those parties have done, but I only have so much space; fitting an entire list would be difficult.
Anyway, I'm always fascinated to hear about other people's dreams and nightmares, as I have very few of my own. All hail Stina, our villain <3
#kotlc#quil's queries#ultralazycreatorfan#stina villain arc when#choosing to belief that this is a prophecy and stina's gonna commit horrendous atrocities in book 10#your nightmare is just a little ahead of schedule the vote is justified we just don't know it yet#where are the stina fans I feel like y'all could really do something with this
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