#composing a life

[protoslacker]

"Before you can have a revision, you have to have a vision," Kiese tells me. "[We're] talking about the things we don't want to be replicated, but a vision is equally interested in what we do want to be replicated. Part of revision for me is just actually sitting in some of the harm I've done. But also you can drown in that, too. So that's why it's really important to think about who you want to be, as opposed to, like, who you don't want to be. I don't want to be harmful, but the harder question for me, Rodney, is who do I want to be out in the world?"

Kiese Laymon quoted in an adaptation of a podcast episode at Louder Than A Riot by Rodney Carmichael at NPR. 'He gon' get these beats 'n' rhymes'

A 'Louder' host reflects on hip-hop masculinity after fatherhood

There's so much wisdom in Carmichael's essay I went to listen to the Podcast episode and it's really very beautiful. If I understand things right the next episode with be the final one for the year. The whole season of episodes looks great:

Season 2 of Louder Than A Riot examines who hip-hop marginalizes, and how misogynoir — the specific racist misogyny against Black women — is embedded into the fabric of the culture that we love.

[ziyingchenczy]

[arcane-gold]

hey, little songbird, look all around you. see how the vipers and vultures surround you? they’ll take you down, they’ll pick you clean

ganymede belongs to @quortknee ☀️♥️

[fintrafeatherfall]

these two have flirting competitions once they are close enough n comfortable enough I think. it’s like their races but instead of racing on foot it’s seeing who can get the other flustered the fastesf

[randomalistic]

Cool awesome reminder that you don’t need amazing technical skill to be a good artist/storyteller

[mozartbachtoven]

[thesunnys1deup]

"Pretty face. Have you ever thought of starring in a movie?"

[shiraoyagi]

sometimes i wish saki's disability was more involved in her present life rather than being largely relegated as her main traumatic backstory element

[lynzishell]

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Transcript below the cut:

Spencer: Mom! Can I sleepover at Amy’s on Saturday night? Iris: Did her parents say it’s okay? Spencer: They said it’s okay if you say it’s okay. Iris: That’s fine with me. Just remember we have Aspen’s birthday party on Sunday, so I’ll pick you up at ten am sharp.

Spencer: Yay! Thanks mom! Iris: Hold on, come back here and give me a hug, I’m leaving. Spencer: Where are you going? Iris: I told you; I’m going out with a friend tonight. Spencer: When will you be home?

Iris: Late, probably after you’ve gone to sleep, but I’ll be here when you wake up in the morning. Spencer. Okay. Iris: Be good for grandma, and no tablet until you’ve done your homework and practiced your violin. Spencer: I know. Iris: Alright. Hug?

Iris: Love you. Spencer: Love you too.

Iris: I’m heading out. Megan: Bye sweetie, have fun! Alexander: Iris, will you send your brother in on your way out? Iris: Sure.

Iris: Hey, dad wants you inside. Asher: ‘kay. Where are you going? Iris: Out.

Asher: Ezra again? Iris: Yeah. Asher: Must be going well. Iris: It is. But I haven’t told anyone else about him yet, so keep your mouth shut, okay?

Asher: Relax. I’m not gonna say anything. Iris: Okay. I have to run. I’ll see you later. Asher: See ya.

Asher: This is beautiful, what is it? Alexander: You like it? Asher: I love it. Alexander: Good. It’s yours. Asher: Wha- Really? Alexander: Yep.

Asher: Atlas, c’mere. Are you hearing this? Atlas: What is it? Asher: It’s the score for our game.

[omegalomania]

people bitching and moaning about fob "turning mainstream" as if that was never the entire point of fall out boy. that's In the goddamn dna of the band, it's baked into the ethos of why the band started in the first damn place. to be accessible to kids and especially to girls, who were often ridiculed and shunted out of the hardcore community. to be a gateway to bands that aren't as mainstream. to comment on the society they live in, as they live in it. people act like fall out boy "turning mainstream" was some kind of "betrayal" when from the start they were seizing on the trends of the time, putting their unique, unhinged fall out boy spin on them, and shooting them back out as a funhouse mirror. take this to your grave capitalized on the pop-punk zeitgeist that was big in the late 90s and early aughts and put their own spin on it: enmeshed catchy choruses with high-dexterity lyrical & linguistic skewerwork. infinity on high was basically a massive critique of the scene they were in - this ain't a scene it's a goddamn arm's race is a fucking thesis statement on what it is to be catapulted into fame in an industry that wants nothing more than a thousand cookie-cutter copycat acts of a successful formula, and fall out boy WAS the formula everyone desperately wanted to emulate. american beauty / american psycho blended sampling and modern hip-hop stylings with polished pop-rock and pointed those songs back at the snapshot of the 2010s we all lived in: commenting on racial injustice and the freeze-frame nature of relevancy. but even then they weren't doing it quite right - because fall out boy never does things quite right, they're never quite conventional, whether it's wentz's darkly confessional lyrics double-bagged in metaphor or stump's distinctive clear tenor or trohman's inescapable rock 'n roll edge or hurley's thunderous hardcore-punk-rock soul.

this band has always been too clever for its own critics, is the thing. but then, they always knew that. they knew they had a thriving fanbase of largely female fans so they were going to be mocked and belittled and ridiculed. they weren't quite right. they weren't quite so easy to market. pete wentz had to have all his hard edges filed off and cut down to size, skin lightened, literally whitewashed ("i feel like a photo that's been overexposed") to hell and back, even as he was marketed as the pretty boy of the band. and the other three members never even bothered with the spotlight: the soft-spoken vegan straightedge anarchist drummer and the wry, wisecracking, whip-clever guitarist who was more concerned with being the connective tissue than anything and the reticent vocalist who sang the words and wrote an awful lot of music but wasn't really the guy fronting the band. wentz's charisma carried the band, because the rest of them were really just some guys and never aspired to be anything else.

fall out boy is too pop. fall out boy is too mainstream. fall out boy isn't the real poster child of the emo movement. other bands are better. even within fall out boy's own narrative, they are repeatedly ignored, sidelined, and belittled, as though they weren't one of the only acts from the big 00s emo-pop movement to successfully not just survive the transition from the aughts to the '10s, and then later from the '10s to the '20s, but to thrive in it without banking on nostalgia. this band was supposed to be a flash in the pan. they weren't supposed to last and they weren't supposed to get big. they started off in joe's parents' attic because joe and pete were sick of how exclusionary and homophobic the hardcore scene was.

i think it's high time that people acknowledge how fall out boy has repeatedly succeeded where most of their other peers failed. cunning, clever, capable, and hyper-aware of the space they occupy in the culture surrounding them. that they are just as powerful, important, and artistic as any of the other bands in the scene that others might deify at their expense. that they deserve a hell of a lot more respect than they get from critics or hardcore punks who think they sold out. i hope one day they get that recognition. because they've earned it, time and time again, and the more i see people pushing back against that, the more certain i become of its inevitability.

[willyhoos]

metamy is insane. like.

what if i was the hero you loved gone wrong. defeated and destroyed. rebuilt as my own greatest enemy. what if i lost everything. what if i had been reprogrammed to despise all i had once fought for. what if i couldn't even remember why i had fought at all.

and what if you were made of roses. what if you represented every beautiful thing i once died trying to protect. what if you wore flowers in your hair and cared for small creatures and had eyes the color of the forests i used to call my home. what if you were everything i once loved.

those memories are just out of my reach. infuriatingly. maddeningly. but if anyone knows who i am (who i used to be) it's you. if anyone can make me feel like who i used to be (who i really am) it's you. i can't speak, i can't breathe, i can't remember anything (but you).

you are the world i have been ordered to burn. i am the weapon you have chosen to resist. i was (am) the hero that you loved.

you are my only memory.

i will do anything to make you believe me.

[pastadoughie]

does anyone else feel like theyre getting worse, like. that you used to be waayy more likable.

[nenelonomh]

creative routines

many famous creatives have unique routines that help them stay productive and inspired. here are a few examples:

maya angelou: she would rent a hotel room to write, free from distractions. she worked from early morning until about 2 p.m., then spent the rest of the day relaxing and reviewing her work. (i love the sound of this routine).

ludwig van beethoven: he started his day with a precise coffee routine, counting exactly 60 beans per cup. he composed music in the morning and took long walks in the afternoon.

charles dickens: he wrote from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. every day, followed by a long walk through london, which he found essential for his creativity.

honoré de balzac: he had an intense routine, writing from 1 a.m. to 8 a.m., taking a nap, and then continuing to write until 4 p.m., fueled by up to 50 cups of coffee a day.

franz kafka: he worked a day job and wrote at night, often staying up until 3 a.m. his insomnia and vivid dreams influenced his writing style.

[ficandkaboodle]

I fucked up. Thought too hard about what the Papas might’ve pursued if they hadn’t become entangled with the Satanic Church. Besides the very real likelihood that they may not’ve even existed, I mean.

And I thought about how Terzo probably would’ve gone on to make movies. His style is not for everyone, but he has visions he wants to bring to reality because he believes beauty, in its many forms, should exist in this world. Inspiration comes in many bizarre and meaningful forms, and who is he to deny someone story of imagery that might catapult them into what they were made to pursue, the same way watching Metropolis way too young made him discover filmmaking? He’s known for putting up fights with executives and whatnot because he hates having to compromise more than what should be while still maintaining his original vision. Film students love him and he’s active on social media and answers questions and whatnot.

The industry calls him “difficult to work with” — and while those who’ve worked with him admit he tends to be very deadset on his ideas, they all agree: Working with Terzo is amazing because he’s still quite kind and respectful and will go to bat for them if executives or producers try and come in and switch them out with bigger names.

He’s known as the Dark Angel of the film industry.

[aroacepotatoo]

I just realized today that boat boys have the colour scheme of the aromantic flag and I am exploding.

these two are so queer platonic coded to me I just can’t explain it.

Update: ended up making a silly little animatic (the audio just reminded me of them lol)

[worldwidewandress]

"i felt my desolation more than ever..."