#just another Day In The Life of someone who sees a lot of garbage takes and gets tired

[rustyironskillet]

Day 12: Time Travel

“Sooooo Phantom, do ya have any siblings?” Kid Flash asked as he tried to make small talk with the newest recruit to the team.

A few days ago, Young Justice was called to a meeting by Batman where he introduced their new team mate, Phantom. Phantom was a tough looking dude, he was jacked and towered over them all, even Conner!

Batman didn’t give them much information about the guy but apparently John Constentine was the one who suggested him for the team since he needed “community service hours”.

The dude was currently drinking some soda next to the computer as Red Robin searched for any new info on their latest mission. He turned his attention away from the can, and stared at Wally, his red eyes piercing into his soul.

“Why?” 

“Well we are all about to go on a mission together and none of us really know you so I think it’d be best if we all got to know you better,” that was half true. Mostly Wally was just being nosey, but the dude really did make everyone nervous since he was this really tough dude with blood red eyes and apparently was here because John Constentine said he needed community service hours???? Constentine typically say some wild shit, but what the fuck do you mean by community service? Wally knows you can’t use those for school, he’s tried, and what else gave you community service? Juvie and prison!!

Phantom stared at him hard for a few seconds, his eyes searing into the back of Wally’s skull before saying, “Okay fine”.

The answer surprised everyone in the room, I mean the guy had barely even spoken the last few days and had rejected every question about his personal life.

“Depending on how you see it, I have 2 to 4 siblings”

“Is your father a serial adopter too?” Tim joked.

“Yes and no”

“Huh?” 

“It’s pretty complicated,” Phantom shrugged, seemingly deciding to end the conversation there and taking another swig of his drink.

However, Tim, out of annoyances of every attempt to get to know this jerk being thwarted and a bit of confidence his family was more complicated, decided to challenge Phantom’s statement.

“Ehh, it probably isn’t as complicated as my family, we got about 50 more siblings adopted each month, all with lots much trauma”

At this, Phantom narrowed his eyes at Tim.

“I see what your doing, your trying to get me to talk tell you guy more about my family by acting like yours are more insane”

“Am I?” Tim asked, trying to hide the shivers going down his spine from the way Phantom was staring at him.

Phantom to a huge swig of his soda, emptying it and throwing it into the garbage, before fully turning to Tim.  

“You’re lucky I am always good for competitions, now sit down this is going to take a bit”

Tim gladly obliged and soon everyone sat around Phantom as if it were storytime in kindergarten.

“Okay, so at first I only had an older sister and my parents” Phantom began, “but then they died because of a mistake I made and I had to move in with my evil godfather”

Megan raised her hand and asked, “Isn’t a godfather someone who is very close to the family? Why would your parents choose an evil person?”

“‘Cause my dad was oblivious to this and though they were good friends even though the dudes tried to kill him multiple times”

“I see,” Megan lowered her hand, no less confused.

“There I went mad with grief and had him remove my humanity and tried to kill all of humanity”

“I think that was a bit of an overreaction,” Wally joked.

“You tried to kill all of humanity? Why weren’t we told of this when it happened?” Kaldur'ahm asked.

“That was in a different timeline, I was a big enough problem that they gods tried to kill the younger version of me to stop me, so to avoid dying, my younger version decide to try to defeat me and the only reason he did was cause I was underestimating him,” Phantom emphasized the last part because he had to stress he didn’t not lose to a 15 year old boy because he was weaker than him.

“What happened next?,” Artemis asked, completely inraptured in the story.

“I was then imprisoned for sometime before escaping, causing problems and then realizing that causing younger mean the same pain I experienced won't bring my loved ones back,” Phantom continued to explain, “so I am now going to therapy, doing community service, and got the majority of my powers taken away”.

“Is your therapist open to seeing new patients?” Konner asked.

“No, but this timelines version of my sister is and she has a lot of experience so I can give you her number instead”

“Sure, that’ll work”

“Okay,” Phantom said before writing her number down and handing it to Konner, “The thing is I can’t go back to living with my real parents because they don’t know that I am Phantom so I have to go back to living this timelines version of my godfather”

“You gotta be kidding me” Tim groans.

“Exactly what I said!!” Phantom put his arm up defensively, “Fortunately, this version is a little better, he is no longer tiring to kill my dad and has stopped chasing after my mom, he did clone the other of me and now there is a genderbent version of him but my godfather treats her like a princess and will not stop spoiling her, which I am also guilty of”

Phantoms continues to explain more and in the back of Tim's mind he remembers he was supposed to be doing something but honestly this conversation was too good to care.

“Anyways that's how I technically have 2 to 4 siblings, Jazz and Elle are permanently my sisters and I love them so much, and even though the other Jazz is technically the same as this Jazz, I still think of her as someone else, someone I miss dearly. Also if I considered this Jazz my sister, I guess I’d have to considered the other me as my brother”

“Damn bitch your family is crazy” Wally said, happy he finally managed to get through Phantom’s tough skin.

As they finished up their storytime, the Zeta-tubes activated and Red Tornado and an upset looking Batman walked to the group.

“You all were supposed to leave thirty minutes ago”

[mockingkatniss]

NEED A RIDE? - drug dealer!Coriolanus Snow

18+ | nswf | mdni

warnings and tags: swearing, mention of drug dealing, smut, sloppy making out, multiple orgasms, blowjob, mention of gagging, body fluids, use of words like “wh0re” or “slu7”, specific body descriptions. BUZZCUT CORYO (little bit of a jump-scare for some of y’all) MODERN!AU, p in v sex, reader is just soft but not innocent, intese sex, porn without plot. (If I missed anything lmk).

(not proof read because I was tired, I will fix eventual errors <3)

summary: one particularly hot summer evening coryo sees you riding your bike while he’s driving he’s car around mindlessly and he ask you if you need a ride.

words count: 3.109k

Wanted to thank so so much @swiftiekisses because the drug dealer!coryo au it’s hers but she inspired me a lot and I also love so much her writing that I wanted to contribute with this fic! Also a big thanks to @euphemiaamillais because I’m literally addicted to what she writes and for inspirations for the drug dealer! au too! <3

enjoy and support me with a comment or a tiny heart! 💗🎀

coriolanus was driving by the quiet and deserted road of his god forsaken forgotten little town.

he hoped almost every morning to just wake up and found his rotten little city was torn down by some natural catastrophe.

he thought that dreams or ambitions couldn’t come true here. since his family lost everything due to his father's poor life choices, he was now stuck with poverty at 18 years and a cousin and grandmother to look after. more correctly just grandmother, since tigris left for college just the year prior.

to round some money he worked at the gas station, a literal hell hole in summer and plus coryo was sure he left part of his soul here, and sold some drugs to younger kids or kids his age at school or at parties but most of the times they directly came to the gas station.

if a drug had a name it was mostly probable that coryo had it to sell

that summer was cruel, sweat sticking to clothes and the asphalt so hot it could melt shoe soles, so cruel that coryo decided just two days ago to buzz his beautiful platinum curls off. the super short hair gave him a totally new appearance, he noticed that at the last party he went to sell, that mostly girls bought from him, stucking dollar bills inside his front jeans pocket and sometimes begging for a kiss or some good old make out. he accomplished and accepted that he was just extremely hot.

his car moaned underneath him as he drove, that old piece of garbage was still going on but coryo feared that someday he would be left walking.

it was 7:35 pm, his shift at the gas station over since sejanus plinth took his place for the night shift. sejanus was a nice kid, he was rich but decided to take another path just having shitty jobs during the summer like most teens even though for him it wasn't necessary having one. he didn’t sell drugs but he covered coryo so many times at school or at work so he was ok.

coryo had a small joint hanging from his lips as he drove, just one hand on the steering wheel and both the car’s windows opened since his ac was (obviously) broken, but even the air was heavy and warm that night.

miraculously the bluetooth radio was still working so he was listening to some trap rap music on his cracked up phone, the screen broken from everytime he made it fall while running away from cops or simply on the floor on a daily basis. as the music went on he thought about how the suggestion to listen to that genre of music came from clemensia e arachne at school, but it was nice for once not only listening to metal or punk rock.

while he took another hit from his joint something caught his eye on the road. it was a bike, someone was riding it and he probably knew who it could be.

the bike was faded pink with old stickers on it and you were riding it tiredly, legs sore and sweat sticking to your skin.

your tiny tight skirt was riding up a little showing some more of your thighs and coryo swore to god that he saw a glimpse of your pink panties.

sometimes you bought from him some weed and nothing more. you were a literal sunshine and at school you talked to everyone, being friendly and helpful. coryo still remembers how you helped him with physics the first year of highschool. you both were still young but nature obviously blessed you donating you such a sexy body.

he instantly felt his cock gently twitch into his jeans and he made the smoke from the joint exiting his nostrils in annoyance. don’t you get coryo wrong, he had sex and sure plenty of it but since the hot sticky summer he wasn’t feeling like it to just screw some girl even though he just needed to say the words. it was peculiar how his cock woke up just by seeing you.

he drove nearby you slowly to keep up with your velocity and you looked over to acknowledge the presence of a car and as you recognized the driver you smiled throughout puffed breaths from hotness and the riding.

coryo made a small smirk while pulling the joint away from his lips to talk. “hey bunny, need a ride?”. you slowly stopped your bike, tippy toes of your pink vans scratching on the asphalt. coryo stopped the car too and since the streets were dead he just got off his vehicle to look at you while positioning the almost finished joint on the car roof.

you panted lightly as you talked as you examined his presence. “it would be so nice coryo, I think I’m about to faint because of the heat”. he nodded understandingly with his head to the car behind him. “get on, I’ll get the bike” coryo thought he was going crazy when you got off the bike seat revealing more of your thighs. you collected your backpack and lifted yourself up on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek, strawberry lip gloss scent evident on his skin too now. “thank you coryo you’re my savior” you said before going to the opposite back of the car.

once the bike was fixed in the back he turned the car back on, securing his joint back around his lips once again while grabbing his lighter inside his jeans front pocket.

“where am I taking you?” he asked while lighting the joint to take a long drag before passing it to you. “I’m going to my dads house, it’s near the football field, 32nd house” you explained as coryo nodded knowing where it was since he spent much more time driving around in his free time than anything else. you also accepted the joint starting to smoke with relaxed muscles.

coryo looked over at you while driving, there was a peaceful silence. his elbow leaned outside the car’s window as his slim fingers tapped the steering wheel gently while driving. you noticed his rings decorating his fingers and his new buzz cut hair made his features even more sharp. you took three puffs from the joint handing him it back while caressing your naked thighs trying to pull down the miniskirt.

coryo savored till the last minute your lucid lips around the filter that he made, somehow the sweat made your skin warm and inviting, the blonde felt his cock twitch again and he fixed himself on the seat while trusting with his hips forward. he coughed a bit taking the last puff while tossing the dead joint outside the car. “how's it going in general?” you asked softly feeling already your head light but not too much, it was pleasant. “mh it’s ok, it’s too hot to work or to do anything else, I just want winter back” coryo explained briefly, voice slightly rough from smoking. you chuckled while leaning over to him to pinch his cheek softly. “awww snow wants his snow back doesn’t he?” coryo smiled while looking over to her, instinctively he turned over his face to scratch your fingers with his teeth playfully as you kept messing with him. “by the way, you look good today, bunny, but riding that bike with just this tiny skirt? a little bit dangerous don’t you think?” he asked while gripping the steering wheel with both hands. “how is it dangerous? riding my bike won’t stop me” you felt like wanting to touch him so much, so you placed your hand on his thigh. coryo was one of the hottest boys at school and his reputation made him even hotter and you were a total slut for bad boys.

at your gesture he stiffened a bit looking down at you delicately manicured hand and you kept caressing him going higher and higher but stopping just before his crotch. “can’t keep your hands to yourself now?” he tried to be ironic but just your presence had made him incredibly hard and it was difficult to not stop the car and fuck you in the back seats, your pretty head pressed into the plush of the seats. “maybe I don’t want to keep them to myself” you shrugged while pulling away your hand as he stopped the car in front of your dads house.

he exited the car while trying to hide his hard on while pulling his jeans around to crotch to fix the situation but nothing was effective. coryo pulled your bike outside the back of his car and you thanked him again while kissing his cheek but making the kiss longer. he sighed with a smirk while placing his big warm hand on your hips. you caressed his chest while looking up at him, a small pout on your lips. “you’re busy?” you asked, your long lashes batting at him inviting. “mmh no bunny, i’ll probably just go home, smoke again and collapse on my bed” his thumbs caressed your exposed skin just a little bit above your skirt. “why don’t you come inside? my dads busy he won’t be home till tomorrow noon” you swayed your hips a bit with pleading eyes. “fuck bunny you’re truly tempting but-“ you interrupted him while taking his hand, pulling him towards the house. coryo gave in, closing the car with his keys by distance and following you inside. you were making him feral with your temptations and soft eyes.

thank god the house had an ac so it was cooler inside. you tossed your shoes away together with your backpack and went to the kitchen to collect some water for you both and coryo looked around noticing how the house was elegant and well kept.

he slipped off his beaten up black combat boots and just sat on the big couch. he almost sunk inside it, noticing it was a water couch and smirked as dirty thoughts filled his head.

“the water couch is amazing isn’t it?” you giggled while handing him a glass of water while bouncing next to him making the couch move in small waves. “yeah pretty comfortable” he said as he leaned the glass to his lips not looking away from you for any second.

you then smiled mischievously while slipping down the couch, your knees sinking in the soft fluffy carpet. you positioned yourself between his legs while going for the zipper of his pants pulling it down with pure eyes. coryo almost choked on his water as he looked at you with pleased eyes and a big smirk on his lips. “what the fuck are you doing bunny?” he breathed out a laugh as you tried to pull down his pants together with his boxers. “I want to suck you off so bad so lift up your butt now” your tone was playful and demanding and he did as you said making you able to pull his jeans and boxers down making his pink cock sprung to life. it leaned against his tummy perfectly. “what did I do to deserve something like this without even asking?” he placed his hands behind his head pushing his hips up so he could sink more into the water couch. “nothing special but you’re fucking hot and I can’t wait anymore,” you paused to spit on his tip gently while pushing some curls behind your ears. “and I just know you’re good at selling as you’re good at fucking” you giggled while finally gripping his base. “I knew you were big, shit” you were already fantasizing about taking him deep and hard inside your cunt. “you knew?” coryo laughed again but his breath was getting ragged slightly.

you just didn’t respond, kitten licking his tip and collecting precum as you looked up at him. he bit his bottom lip harshly to just concentrate not to burst his cum all over your pretty glittery makeup and long lashes.

you kissed his length till the base then licking a long stripe back up till you swallowed half his cock allowing space with your tongue and cheek. you started to suck and lick and the moans he was making were pornographic.

after a while saliva was dripping down your chin mostly when you decided to deepthroat him with a fluid movement making the water couch sway gently. “ah fuck bunny, you’re so fucking good” coryo moaned, lust clouding his blue eyes as he gripped your curls to buck into your throat just two times just to hear you gag shamelessly around his cock.

you smiled through teary lashes and bubbles of saliva and lifted your head to just suck at his tip harshly.

“shit- I’m gonna come bunny” coryo announced as you jerked off the rest of his cock while concentrating on the tip. at his words you pulled away standing up and his angry cock just leaned against his tummy as he bucked into air. “are you completely mad you fucking slut?” he said impulsively, the ruined orgasm hitting something into his mind profoundly.

you just smirked while slipping off your crop top and miniskirt. “what did you just call me coryo?” you asked while undoing your bra and slipping off your soaked pink panties. his mouth was slightly agape at your naked body, eyes obsessed. “I said you’re a whore, a slut” he said slowly and challengingly, lips mimicking each final letter. “oh yeah? let this slut show you how much of a whore she is.” you walked on the couch standing above him both of your feet planted on each side of his legs making the water couch giggle.

he was completely transfixed as you opened your legs leaning one of your knees on the headset of the couch. you grabbed his head from behind pushing his mouth on your dripping core.

coryo thought about cumming just from that, just from the smell of your juices and the taste of it.

it was so intense, his tongue lapping at your folds once in a while stopping to suck on your lips or clit while humming. his big hands gripped your ass squishing the plush meat here to push his face further into you.

you were a complete mess as you scratched his head and moaned shamelessly and loudly, hips bucking as you trusted him keeping you up to not let you fall.

“fuck coryo! fuck I’m coming!” you chanted as you gripped his head, legs quivering as your juices splashed into his face. coryo felt on cloud nine as he gripped your hips to not let you fall as he lapped at your juice like the starving dog he was. dying by suffocation from your pussy seemed the only best thing he could think of at the moment.

you came down from your high slipping down as you sat on his lap, grabbing his neck to kiss him sloppily to taste yourself in his mouth. you sucked his tongue, licked the roof of his mouth and even licked his teeth while he playfully rubbed your clit. “mh! I’m sensitive-“ you lamented while pushing his hand away, your lips glistening with his saliva. “I need you inside now coryo” you gently kissed his jawline and neck while rubbing your pussy onto his still angry cock. “your wish is my demand bunny but you’re not gonna come again sooner or later” as he said so with his low voice he pushed his cock inside of your thigh pussy helping himself with his fingers and you laughed a moan while arching and sitting fully on his hard member. he immediately hit your cervix so good you felt helpless.

it was the most passionate and sloppiest sex of your entire life. you rode him like your entire existence depended on it, you knees sunk into the water couch as you bounced on his cock helped by the gentle waves. his hands were placed right on top of your ribs as your hips were too quick to control anyways. you pushed your head so hard against his that your noses squished together as your forehead and your moans and shouts tangled together. both mouths opened, eyebrows furrowed.

coryo didn’t even remember his name anymore when you clenched hard around him signaling somehow that you were close. “stupid bunny thought she could come yeah?” he murmured around a moan as he gripped hard your ass to stop your intense riding. “what the fuck coryo? don’t stop please, fuck!” you lamented but when he pushed your back into the couch your eyes rolled in the back of your skull. coryo fucked into you helplessly, his orgasm close. your back arched and he massaged your breasts cupping them harshly. “shit fuck! I’m coming” he moaned, eyes fluttering close for a minute. to make you pay he pulled out, cum splashing on your tummy and even on your breasts from the intensity of it and you cried out loud from the loss of his cock inside of you. you even laughed a bit through cries because of where his cum landed but then you gripped his ear angrily. “make me come coryo, make me fucking come” she arched rubbing her pussy against his worked out cock. coryo panted a laugh and gripped your jaw with his hand tightly before leaning over to bit and pull your lower lip. he massaged your clit with all of his hand opened while looking at you. “look at your fucked out face, you’re completely drunk on my cock” he laughed again mischievously just to degrade you. he rubbed your entire pussy quickly, slapping your clit once in a while. “now you’re gonna come and admit that only my cock can make you this fucked up mh?” you nodded, eyes rolling once in a while. “yes, yes coryo, only you, only want your cock” he chuckled again while his hand kept going. “that’s what I wanted to hear bunny” at his last words you came, the orgasm making your entire skeleton tremble in pure bliss. you cried his name with your mouth wide open.

when you calmed down a bit he was just caressing your thighs while admiring your body painted with his cum and you smiled while stretching out a bit. “next time you’re gonna come inside coryo” you said it so naturally with a small smile and a yawn and coryo playfully slapped your sensitive clit with two fingers making you whine a bit. “I'm looking forward to the next time in like, 10 minutes, bunny.”

[in1-nutshell]

Hi, could you write a story about the version of Susan Farmfield from the TMNT 2012 universe?

Susan goes to the same school as April and Casey.

She's known throughout the school as a weird conspiracy theorist.(Which is why she is being bullied)

She's running around New York City at night with a camera trying to capture something strange and post it on her blog.

She lives with her parents, who are not the most pleasant people.

TMNT 2012 Version of Susan? Lets do this!

Hope you enjoy!

TMNT 2012 Version of Susan Farmfield

SFW, Platonic, Slight Angst, Human reader

TMNT 2012

It wasn’t strange for April and Casey to rant about school life.

The turtles sometimes got invested in the stories.

But there seemed to be one reoccurring figure in the pair’s stories.

Susan Farmfield.

The school’s renown conspiracy theorist.

The person who in charge of the ‘incident’ in the lab that made it smell like graham crackers and pine cones for an entire month.

And the pairs unofficial shadow.

April was nice enough to let Susan stick around, despite Casey’s dismay.

Sure, the girl would go on deep rambles and had that annoying camera around her neck, but she wasn’t hurting anyone…

…Besides the eardrums.

Casey had no problem asking the girl to leave when she got too chatty.

…Until the pity set in…

April and Casey are walking out of school when they hear something in one of the dumpsters by the building. They go to investigate. The lid pops open revealing a smelly Susan gasping for air, garbage juices and a banana peel on her head. April: “Susan?” Susan looks over and perks up waving. Susan: “Hey April! Hey Casey!” She struggles to get out of the garbage bin, landing on her back. Susan: “Ow…” Casey: “That’s gotta hurt.” Susan sits up and smiles at them. Susan: “How was your day?” April helps Susan onto her feet. April: “I think we should be asking you that. Why where you in the garbage bin?” Casey: “To find big foot in the dump?” Susan gets rid of the peel on her hair. Susan: “Nah, that’s next week. I just got dumped in, that’s all.” April: “Wait, someone tossed you in?” Susan: “Actually it was four people—no six if you’re counting the other two who dumped the extra trash on me. But hey, just another Tuesday am I right?” Casey: “Umm…” April: “Have you talked to your parents about this? A teacher? Any other friends?” Susan rubs the back of her neck a bit embarrassed. Susan: “Yeah, mom and dad aren’t in town right now, teachers kinda don’t trust to me after the lab incident and, well, you guys know now.” April and Casey: “…” April takes Susan’s hand. April: “Lets get you cleaned up. Casey grab her bag.” Casey: “but we were going to go—” He shuts up seeing April’s glare. He sighs and grabs Susan’s bag. Susan is just glad her only friends are hanging out with her after school.

Casey didn’t label Susan as a friend, really.

She was just another person they knew from school that hung around them a lot.

The three of them hadn’t had any sort of adventure or talks that weren’t related to school or a sighting of a pigeon.

The turtles were all for hearing Susan’s latest theories at first.

That was until some of her photos she had shown to April and Casey were starting to hit a little too close to home.

Just last week, Susan had shown April a photo of a blurry picture of Pigeon Pete on her blog.

Her blog was dedicated to showing mutant conspiracies in a safe space.

Susan did not tolerate any bad mouthing on her blog.

April had tried to get Susan to gently stop doing her search, but that only made the girl go out for longer periods of time.

As much as Casey found Susan annoying, he had to respect her passion for searching for the ‘truth’.

The turtles are warned about Susan potentially showing up on their patrol routes.

On a roof top… The turtle brothers are resting a bit on a roof top. And by resting, it means Leo and Raph are fighting again while Donnie and Mikey try to stay a lookout. Raph: “Maybe if you’d had acted earlier, maybe they wouldn’t have gotten away!” Mikey: “Guys—" Leo: “Oh, so it’s all my fault!” Mikey: “Dudes—” Donnie: “Just let them be Mikey.” Mikey: “But—” Raph: “Of course its your fault! What kind of leader tells his team to retreat like that!? We had ‘em!” Mikey: “Dudes—” Leo: “Well, if you hadn’t—” Mikey: “Dudes!” Leo, Raph, and Donnie: “What!?” Mikey: “I was gonna say that there was someone on that rooftop over there, but now they’re gone.” Donnie: “Wait! You saw someone watching us and you didn’t say anything!?” Mikey: “You kept on interrupting me! Anyways, you think that’s Susan?” Meanwhile with Susan… Susan was watching the entire fight and just backed away slowly after realizing the one day she found proof of mutants, her camera was dead. Susan: “I just saw some mutant Shrek… no, maybe frogs… no turtles. Yeah turtles have shells…April and Casey are never gonna believe this…”

[bigassmoonchild]

(Slides a 20 into the ask box)

How do the boys react to dealing with a stubborn S/O who will deliberately do things if they have asked multiple times just to get the other hand

Rubbish need taking out already did it

Washing up need do already drying

Like real petty

( not based on real life events of today .......)

god, i love this. i will always take a 20, but my writing will be free for today <3 (this may not be based on things i've had to deal with as well, woopsies. i'm also absolutely having a stroke trying to type this, i can't spell today??)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley:

he tried his best. you couldn't put it past him, he really did try a lot. you were just also incredibly petty, but sometimes he really did lack in these types of things.

'si, can you wash up the dishes for me?' you asked one night, slipping away to take a shower after he gave a sound of acknowledgement. he hadn't really been paying much attention, focused on the little puzzle you had brought for him from your family.

it was 500 pieces, so you really couldn't blame him. you had your own fixations, and god forbid someone try to take those from you when you were in the middle of it.

half an hour later, you came back out. 'simon, please don't forget the dishes,' you called out to him and disappeared for some time. he wasn't sure how much time had passed before he rubbed his face with his hands, trying to wipe away the frustration of not being able to get the pieces to fit together.

he finally stood up to stretch and go to do the dishes. when he walked in, the sink and counter were spotless, the dishes sitting in their drying racks. his brows furrowed, a little confused.

he glanced in the bedroom, seeing you sitting there while reading. 'lovie, did you wash the dishes?' he asked, watching as you gave him a faint nod. he hummed, getting ready for bed and not entirely thinking about it.

when he left for his run before you woke up, he made a note to himself to put the dishes away. he unlocked the door, sliding his running shoes off and taking a quick shower before coming back out to the kitchen.

there you stood, the dishes all put away and his tea being made, your coffee cooling down on the counter. he gave another little hum, giving you a quick kiss on the temple as he finished off his own tea.

you glanced at the kitchen, squinting a little at the rubbish. 'si, could you take out the rubbish for me?' you asked and he nodded at you, watching as you stood and took your own shower. you came out and went to the garbage, pulling it up out of the bin.

simon stood, grabbing the bag out of your hands. 'lovie, you asked me to do this. I'm going to get to it,' he whispered and pecked your lips, tying it up and taking it out. when he came back, he washed his hands. 'you just need to give me a little more time to do these things,' he told you and you nodded.

'i'm just so used to exes not ever really doing them. it's easier for me to do them and make sure they get done,' you whispered to him. he pulled you into a hug, resting his chin on your head.

the two of your sighed deeply, your arms finding their way around his back. 'it's okay, sweetheart,' he whispered. 'i'll try to get them done when you ask, but i just need time to get things done,' he kissed the top of your head. 'when i'm home, i can take time to get things done. it's nice for me,' he added. you nodded carefully.

Captain John Price:

honestly? he was probably the best about getting things done when you asked. sometimes, though, especially right after a mission he would lack at it. you tried to understand, but it was getting tiring.

'john, i really need you to clean the cats littler today. rubbish gets picked up tomorrow,' you said to him and he glanced up at you from the couch.

'i've got it, honey,' he told you and you nodded, bidding him goodbye for your work day. john had just come home from a three month mission, and found himself drifting on the couch as he watched shit tv.

hearing his phone buzz, he checked it to see a text from you. litter needs to b edone! we might need to get some more before cleaning it. he responded with a simple 'of course, honey'.

drifting once more, he briefly heard the door open and close, felt your lips press against his head and the blanket lay over him. when he woke up fully, he saw you walking back into the room and going into the kitchen. the water ran and he heard you turn it off. probably washing your hands.

he stood up fully, placing the blanket on the back of the couch and going into the bathroom where the litter was. it was clean, and the cat (mr. muffins you'd lovingly named him, but he rather liked to call him dipshit) was blinking up at john.

walking out to the kitchen where you were standing, he wrapped him arms around you. 'i would've done the litter, just fell asleep a bit too long,' he whispered and you hummed to him. he helped cook dinner, choppign some of the vegetables and adding them to the pan when you'd needed.

he made sure to wash everything he'd used, placing them on the rack to dry. he served himself a plate and yours as well, placing them down to ensure you had the warmer food. the two of you ate, quietly talking about things that had happened during the day. 'i think dipshit took another tumble off the bookshelf,' john told you and you laughed long and loud.

shooing you off to take a nice, long shower, john washed the dishes and put them off to the side to dry. he crawled into bed with you, holding you close to him while you drifted off.

he woke up late the next morning, finding you in the kitchen sipping on some coffee. the dishes were put away, and you gave him a little smile.

cupping your face, he pressed a kiss against your lips and looked you in the eye. 'if i start something, i'm going to finish it,' he whispered and you nodded softly.

Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick:

'kyle, there's some clothes in the wash. i need you to move them over to the dryer in an hour!' you called out while walking out. it was the day you'd go out with your sister and enjoy yourselves. take some time away from everything and just relax.

he called back to you, 'i've got it, lovely!' and you left. you called him, explaining that today was going to run a little longer than normal. you also double checked to make sure that he was going to swap the loads over, and he gave you a little confirmation.

he didn't have it. to be completely honest, he forgot all about it until well after you'd been home. 'how was tonight, sweetheart?' he asked and you told him all about what your sister had said. some new information about the latest guy she was dating, something about her friend having a kid.

'oh! did you swap the load over? have you got it up here already?' you asked and his eyes widened. 'kyle, seriously?' you asked, sounding exhausted. 'it was one thing i asked of you today,' and he sighed deeply.

shaking his head, he looked down at you. 'i'm sorry. i forgot all about it, and that's my mistake,' he moved around you to go do it himself.

'no,' you huffed, placing your bags down. 'i'm going to go do it, it'll probably need to be rewashed because it might smell bad,' and you disappeared into the laundry room. he was annoyed, he understood that it sucked to try and have a relaxing day just to come home to more things to do, but you really needed to give him some leeway.

he was going to fix it, but you had to jump in and do that. neither of you talked that night, just going to sleep in silence. it felt wrong, to go to bed somewhat angry, but he wasn't sure what to say.

the next morning, you both sat at the table, drinking your drinks in silence. 'i'm sorry,' he spoke up finally. you just gave him a little grunt, not looking up at him. 'seriously, i'm genuinely sorry. i really just forgot, i didn't mean to give you more work,' he told you and you sighed deeply.

'i'm just really tired of picking up the slack where people forget or don't realize. i don't find it difficult to realize what needs to be done around the house, i juts need you to try harder,' you told him. he nodded, not promising to be perfect but promising to try. 'that's all i need,' you whispered.

Johnny 'Soap' McTavish:

when you walked in the door, he pulled you into a tight hug. 'hi, baby,' he whispered into your hair and pressed a kiss against it. you gave him a little greeting, allowing him to pull you over to the table. he'd set up a little after work snack for you, knowing you'd be hungry.

you gave him a little kiss, thanking him for the food. 'if you go for a run, can you bring the rubbish out?' you asked, giving him another kiss as he nodded and went into your shared room.

he put away the few clothes he'd still had left to put away from his mission, coming back out to see you putting the dishes away. for some time, the two of you sat together watching one of the shows you'd been watching together.

after the episode ended, you turned to johnny. 'don't forget about the rubbish,' you hummed to him and hopped into the shower. he took his time getting ready for the run, sitting on the bed with his clothes set out while he waited for you to be done.

you walked out and he pecked your cheek. 'needed to piss a river,' he whispered to you, briefly hearing you mention the rubbish once more as you walked away to your shared office. he knew you'd be doing an art project, one he wasn't allowed to look at.

quickly leaving the apartment, he took his time on the run. it was something he did to clear his head, something he did to relax. he spent a good thirty minutes on the run, looping around the different blocks of the area you lived.

when he came back around to the apartment, he found you outside tossing out the rubbish. 'oh, forgot all about that. woulda done it after the run,' and you shook your head, sighing deeply.

'i reminded you three times, johhny,' you whispered to him, walking back to your shared apartment in silence. it was quiet for a little while, the two of you just sitting there. he felt bad, of course he did, but he never meant for him to forget.

'i'm sorry, baby,' he said to you, hand reaching out for yours before you pulled away. johnny sighed deeply, groaning harshly. 'really? the silent treatment?' you groaned as well, standing up.

turning to look at him, you shook your head. 'i asked you three times. i just needed the one thing done, that's it,' you told him. he pulled you in for a hug.

pressing a kiss against your head, he rocked the two of your side to side. 'i really didn't mean to forget,'

[magnificentsapcaddy]

There's that post I think of a lot about what the different fantasy races' TV shows would be like, and I kind of want to do that for my fantasy world. Because I'm trying to defy the classic fantasy stereotypes and this seems like a fun exercise.

DWARVES

The notion of a dwarvish television show is kind of like the idea of a human television show - they're so far spread that it's hard to pin it down to just one thing, but in Bant, the main continent where my books take place, it's all sooo self-serious. They're putting out soap operas with the pomp and gravity of a funeral. They're also broadcasting 19-hour-long operas and antiquing shows where they tell you why everything is garbage.

ORCS

Think of the most harrowing episode of television you've seen in your life. We're talking major character death. We're talking people dying for NOTHING, real "not Penny's boat" type shit. Like, Romeo committing suicide and then Juliet committing suicide immediately afterwards. Tonally speaking, this is to orcish TV what the "let's go to a hot spring!" episode of a shonen anime is.

PLATYDONTS

So, as a bit of backstory, the platydonts used to be humans but then had an Atlantis happen to them and were stuck in a ~2,000 mile wide time bubble for hundreds of thousands of years. So they're like, fish/seal guys. And I think they're doing soap operas too, but in the dwarvish soap operas, you can't even get to be a background character without an acting degree, and in a platydont soap opera, you can just walk on the set and someone's like, "Yeah, gimme a second, I'll write you in." BIG theater kid vibes from them. Dwarvish TV is serious and orcish TV is brutal, but platydont TV is 18-year-olds wailing and ripping their shirts off over a corpse who is trying to slyly check their phone.

ELVES

I don't expect anyone reading this to know what A Prairie Home Companion is, and truth be told I've never even listened to it either, but I feel like it's all just that. Just some guy in a rocking chair in a plain white studio, "Saw a ladybug the other... you used to see a lot of them in the summer." Bob Ross shows for growing bonsai trees and shaping stalactites. Panel shows where there's even less of a point to the game and it's just four elves like, "You remember how they used to make flour out of acorns in 2749 BA? That was nice. Can't get them like that any more."

PIXIES

Pixies, unlike most of the other sentient species of Tor, were formed from clay and, despite standing about three inches tall, can take a hell of a lot more of a beating than humans. They're making police procedurals where they're shooting at one another with real guns for real and they're fine. Tonight on Pixie Jackass, Merry Brightberry is going to fell a 95-foot-tall oak tree directly on Gorgeous Sunset's head and then cast a spell to make the tree explode, levelling the forest for 500 yards around it. Gorgeous Sunset comes out rubbing his jaw, "Oh, you fuckin' rascal!"

GNOMES

I think gnomes are mostly against television as a concept, but if you gave a gnome a camcorder, you're getting, like, Worker and Parasite back. They're watching Un Chien Andalou and laughing and clapping at some parts and getting pissed off and storming out of the theater at others, and there's no apparent context as for why. Everything is in five-hundred layers of innuendo and metaphor. Peeling back all the layers usually reveals an unfortunately conservative moral, but even then, it's like, "It is a man's RIGHT to stew a pumpkin for three days and three nights under the mullberry bush. And the woke left DOESN'T want you to know."

[raysources]

𝐈𝐍 & 𝐎𝐔𝐓  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒     —     a collection of one - liners taken from the 1997 film , in & out.   slightly edited for clarity.   change pronouns as necessary.   happy pride! 🏳️‍🌈

was he really cute?

he was an iguana.

nice try, you moron. you loser, get out of here.

you look exquisite.

isn't she a knockout?

it's going to be the happiest day of my life.

we spent the whole year reciting romeo and juliet to each other.

he looks like a troll doll.

basically, to me, awards are meaningless.

(i love you.) wait. do you love me as a friend, or in another way?

i mean, he killed people.

— and he's gay.

i'm not gay!

i am outraged! i may sue!

you're my son, and i'll always love you.

we're getting married!

do you have a boyfriend?

shall i compare thee to a summer's gay?

did you wanna stick a grenade in your mouth?

you're kinda prissy.

of course he thinks you're gay!

he likes dick, [ name ] !

no more interviews.

leave me alone, you smut peddler!

i'll kill you.

you are pure television.

lay some adult video on me.

i thought you were a stud. i guess i thought wrong.

it's all ancient history.

do i look like a homosexual?

friends don't threaten.

i have a friend who's catholic, and he's busy.

who's gay now, huh?

i'm under a lot of pressure.

i'm very fragile!

i'm not okay. i've never been so not okay in my entire life.

i want my life back!

i haven't changed! one little word, and everybody changes. i'm still the same person. why doesn't anyone believe me?

i am not a sound byte!

why am i talking to you?

[name], i'm gay.

i'm gay. i came out.

one day, i just snapped. i got tired of switching pronouns, and lowering my voice.

i couldn't take lying to the people that i love.

but you're so tall.

everyone surprised me, once i let them.

sometimes the worst thing you think can happen turns out to be the best thing.

you kissed me!

(you kissed me!) you noticed!

people don't kiss here?

this is my ... [ name ] . my friend, [ name ] .

i hope you come to the wedding!

excuse me, are we a little teapot?

you hate this, don't you?

"dance", the demon whispers.

everyone else is dancing.

you're everything i've ever dreamed of.

do you have an attorney?

my mom says it won't last.

i'm gay.

i'm horrible, and you have every right to hate me.

you should hate me. i want you to.

i'm scum, i'm garbage, i'm vermin.

thank god my parents are dead, this would've killed them!

are you really gay?

i loved you, and believed you ...

i thought you were the most wonderful man who ever lived.

i'm so proud of you. congratulations!

i just destroyed [ name ] 's life!

i'll give you your headline.

i hated the bridges of madison county.

are you still gay?

you're that guy. what are you doing here?

i had a bad day ... a very, very bad day.

i hate men.

i love you. you're nice.

will you sleep with me?

you married? seeing someone? i don't care!

is everybody gay?!

hi, will you marry me?

i need a heterosexual, code red!

i swore i'd become someone else!

you were so beautiful. you still are. you always were.

[ name ] is lucky to have you.

excuse me, i'm gay!

exactly my point, a young life corrupted.

oh my god, i'm gay!

i'm gay. i'm a homo. i like guys.

i still do it with chicks every chance i get, and i'm totally good at it ... but i hate it, and i'm gay.

uh oh, i must be gay!

i'm ... i'm a lesbian!

[ name ] has perfect taste. so do i, so ... i'm gay!

it's a wedding. i want everything to be perfect.

i'm not filming this.

there are some things more important than show biz.

[realclemhours]

Hi alright take another ramble because I watched the newest episode of the Game Grumps Danganronpa V3 playthrough and this is more of just an introspective dive into my feelings about this trial since I read through some comments and I wanna get my feelings out there.

Idk spoilers for V3 trial one under the cut

Okay so as I said above I both read the comments for the latest episode of the Grumps Playthrough and watched their reactions, and that made me realize that this trial is pretty polarizing and I 100% get why.

The clues leading up to the twist and the murder itself are sloppy and kind of confusing. It’s such a left turn because after you play for this character, who is the first mainline girl Danganronpa protag btw, for only one chapter with seemingly no indication she is now suddenly the murderer you guys have been looking for the whole time. To add insult to injury, the new protagonist is now the guy sidekick, so yeah not great.

However- despite all it’s misses, despite how I know this trial is objectively sloppy, I still really get into Chapter 1 of V3. Even knowing what was coming and seeing Dan and Arin’s rightful confusion in live time, I still felt dread leading up to the reveal. I felt genuine dread and sadness to a sloppy twist I knew was coming, and I think that’s because despite all of V3’s many many many flaws I’m invested in Kaede and Shuichi as characters.

I’m invested in watching a protagonist slowly being lead into the very game she swore against out of desperation to save everyone. I’m invested in Shuichi’s trauma and him slowly picking up on the fact the Kaede did it, but being unable to say anything for the longest time due to how much he cares about her and his trauma. I’m invested in how despite Kaede going into a death march she still has a class trial in one last attempt to save everyone and how she uses her final moments to build up Shuichi’s confidence for his own sake and for the sake of the survival of everyone else. I’m invested in them both breaking down crying blaming themselves. I’m invested in how Kaede in her final moments pushes on her will to save everyone onto Shuichi, not realizing how intense a final wish like that could be and how he struggles with it for the rest of the game. And I’m invested in that final goodbye in Kaede’s lab, with Claire De Lune playing in the back as he mourns the loss of someone who, despite only knowing her for a few days, changed his life.

V3 trial 1 has a very strong emotional core. I think it’s the strongest one out of the whole franchise tbh (that doesn’t equal best btw I think V3 trial 4 or 5 are objectively better), but a lot of that gets muddied with an upsetting twist and a confusing murder, so I get why a lot of people don’t like this trial. However, I really love this trial even after all these years and going through the Danganronpa series again and realizing I find a lot of it mid.

That’s kinda how I feel about V3 as a whole honestly. It’s an objectively bad game with sloppy writing, a lot of filler dialogue, and some gross problematic stuff. I would never recommend this game to anyone in a million years, yet under layers and layers and layers and layers of hot garbage, there’s some moments that really do shine to me. Not for everyone, but for me they do.

That’s why I love V3 Chapter 1 and V3 as a whole so much, despite everything. It made me captivated with a handful of characters and moments even if the overall quality was bad. Growing up is realizing that not everything you like is of good quality and that’s okay. “My Class Trial Our Class Trial”, and by extension V3 as a whole, just so happened to be the media to make me realize that.

[moviemunchies]

GOSH it’s been a week, am I right? We had an election, the results of which were… uh, yeah, we elected a megalomaniacal senior citizen who tries flushing classified documents down his toilet. I’m going to let off some steam.

I’m here to tell you that Twilight of the Gods, despite getting a better reception than a lot of Zack Snyder projects, is hot garbage.

Sigrid is a half-giant, and on her wedding day, Thor comes and kills her family. Blah, blah, revenge quest, gather a group of outcast badasses to fight the Big Bad threat–

Wait, wasn’t the gist of it–the gathering a group of warriors to fight a bigger, institutional tyrannical threat–the same Plot as Rebel Moon? This even has a campfire sequence before the big battle where the heroes talk about the motivations and backstories. Goshdarnit, Zack. I know you’re not the only person working on this, but really?

That aside, the problem with Twilight of the Gods isn’t that the Plot is bad; yeah, it’s thin, but that’s not necessarily bad. You can have a great story with a thin Plot. Look at John Wick. No, the biggest problem I had is that so many of the characters’ actions and development make absolutely no sense. Characters will choose a path that doesn’t add up other than to move the Plot forward. Big things will happen, and revelations will drop, and the people involved do not care.

-There’s an episode where Loki tells Leif that he’s the Scapegoat God–his entire role in the pantheon is to be the douchebag everyone hates and takes the blame when things go wrong, or when people make bad decisions. And he hates it. Loki’s stuck with a role he despises. You would think this would have some reaction from Leif, and affect the interactions between the two in some meaningful way down the line. Nope!

-The dragon Fafnir used to be Andvari’s friend, another dwarf. When they defeat him, Fafnir turns back into a dwarf, and Andvari insists that they spare him. Leif kills Fafnir anyway, because he’s angsting about his lover Sigrid becoming more vicious. Andvari, nor any of the other characters, have any reaction to him killing someone who he wasn’t supposed to on a whim, much less the friend of a friend.

-Speaking of that: Andvari’s backstory with Fafnir and Loki isn’t explained by Andvari, one of the main members of the group, I remind you, but by Egil, summarizing to Leif and Sigrid the next morning being like, “Yeah, so last night he was telling us all about it!” Why didn’t you just show us Andvari telling his own story?!

-Also, Loki kills Andvari when Andvari tries to kill him. Everyone is shocked, and Leif is clearly sad when we see him burying Andvari. And then no one really cares that their ally killed one of their friends

-Hervor at one point wonders aloud if killing Thor will screw up the afterlife or the weather cycle. Hey, geez, maybe that would have been a good thing to ask before you agreed to go kill Thor? Especially as her life goal is apparently to meet up with her already-deceased sons in Valhalla. Hervor’s got no apparent motivation to be on this quest, either, other than friendship with Sigrid–I mean, hey, go kill gods with your friends amirite?

-Thyra, who was raised by the Vanir, is apparently perfectly happy to side with new friends against them when they’re framed for poisoning them. Why? I don’t know, she has a crush on Sigrid, I guess.

-Oh gosh, the Campfire Episode. Shrooms are passed away For Reasons, Thyra has a threesome with Sigrid and Leif which is apparently Oh-So-Magical for her (she swears eternal devotion to them afterwards, basically), and then Odin reveals himself there and the episode ends–and no one gives a damn about Odin appearing to Sigrid and talking to her, given they’re about to go to war with him.

The creators of this series did not care about a coherent story or cast of characters. It’s made up of moments that someone in a writing room said, “Wouldn’t this be awesome?!” (for the reveals, action scenes, and dialogue) or, “Wouldn’t this be hot?!” (for the at-least-once-an-episode sex scenes). That this has gotten a somewhat good reception is astounding to me. Castlevania, for all its flaws, had spectacular fight scenes and animation. This has even less redeeming qualities. I mean, the writers really said, “Hey, what if Jormungandr were actually a hot chick that has sex with Thor?!” and people��� went along with that? And think this is good writing?

I suppose that at the very least, it’s clear that they did a lot of research on Norse mythology for this series, and people appreciate that. Then again, it makes the deviations stand out all the more. Why on Earth is Freya’s brother, king of the Vanir, Tiwaz? The 2018 God of War also made a lot of changes to the mythology, while still clearly having done tons of research as well, so those changes were done in service to the story and characters. Changes here are only there because… I don’t know why. To make it more gruesome?

And I spent the entire series saying, “Hey, I don’t know how any of this works!” We see they take quite a journey to get to Jotunheim, though apparently anywhere else in the Nine Realms is pretty easy to find, if not necessarily to get to. The crew gets god-killing weapons, and kills Vanir and Aesir mooks by the bucketload (how did they all get that good at fighting that they can wipe out gods with ease??), and yet when it comes to Thor himself, sometimes their god-killing weapons go through him, like he’s a boss fight and they have to wear down his first health bar before they can kill him. And Thor kills Sigrid’s family by making them explode with lightning (pretty sure that’s not how lightning works), but when fighting the protagonists he doesn’t do anything nearly as effective, swinging his hammer around wildly. He should be able to kill them at any time, and doesn’t, because Plot.

This is terrible writing. This is terrible character development. The animation’s cool, I guess, and that’s kind of it. There’s so much better fiction about mythology out there, so check that out instead of this.

[sephirthoughts]

Hi! I hope you had a good day today.

For the ask game, what are your thoughts on 5 and 9 for Sephiroth?

I did, thank you! I hope you had a good day, too!

ON TO THE BURNING QUESTIONS

5. Sephiroth is such a wonderful layer-cake of pathologies, it's so fun to dissect the impacts on his personality. He is autistic-spectrum, hyper-intelligent, alienated, deeply insecure, and feels he has no 'place in the world'. Despite his insistence, under Jenova's influence, that he's the chosen one and meant to rule the world, he has rock-bottom self-esteem and almost no sense of self. He knows he's different but he has no idea who he is. Add being raised in a lab, horribly abused, and treated like a weapon rather than a person his whole life, and there's not a lot of Sephiroth left.

This would affect his living space in that it'd be generic, impersonal, highly functional, basically empty, serving its purpose as a place to rest, and nothing else. Has place to lie down, has place to shower, has place to dress=meets criteria. I doubt he'd notice if there were even blankets on the bed. It's a Sephiroth storage container, more than a living space. Which is terribly sad and now I am sad. BOOOO ME

Whether he's messy or not is another question. He honestly strikes me as someone who hates disorder if he ever thinks about it. The problem is, he does not think about it. He has executive function issues (see: his bout of manic hyperfocus in the archives, where he had books just strewn everywhere and didn't eat or sleep or bathe for days), and is generally unaware of anything pertaining to his own self-care, including messiness/dirtiness, unless they become a nuisance that disrupts his current fixation.

When he was being raised in the lab, he was a child, so there were people who cleaned, cooked, washed his clothing, etc., and in SOLDIER they definitely had people to take care of those kind of domestic things, so they could focus on training. Hence, he never learned to clean up after himself.

All of this wouldn't matter much, in a living situation with custodial services, but if left to his own devices, his combined lack of awareness, neglect of his own needs, and inexperience with such things would create a perfect storm. He'd forget to take the garbage out, never pick up after himself, not do the dishes, have takeout boxes everywhere, and have no idea that dusting, mopping, vacuuming, etc. even exist as concepts. I think his living space would be kind of awful. But he wouldn't notice.

That is, until Angeal comes over, has seven simultaneous brain aneurysms, leaves and returns with Zack and cleaning supplies, and they spend the next ten hours deep-cleaning the place, while Sephiroth insists it's not that bad.

9. This accords so nicely with number 5! Because he'd be a terrible roommate.

-He'd be quiet, courteous, and never have parties or eat your food, but he'd leave stupid long silver hairs all over everything (the less said about the bathroom shower drain the better), never clean up after himself, and act confused when asked to do so.

-He is definitely the type to always be forgetting his house key. Like, he may as well not have one.

-He leaves that stupid, ultra-sharp, nine-foot-long sword just LYING AROUND WHEREVER. Someone is going to lose a foot.

-He thinks he's a great cook and likes to share his talent with people, and he's too sweetly sincere and excited about it, so you can't bear to break his heart, and you wind up gritting your teeth and smiling through a plate of sticky, pasty, mushy pasta, with sauce made from frankly baffling ingredients (you put walnuts in the marinara? ohhhh...how…interesting. is this an anchovy?).

-He casually says absolutely horrible, emotionally devastating things, without realizing they're horrible. Example:

person: my mom was so forgetful, she always used to burn the garlic bread and she'd mix up my brother's lunch box and mine half the time

sephiroth: haha yeah, i know what you mean. on several occasions, Hojo forgot to send someone to change my IV, when he left me strapped to an exam table in the basement lab for multiple days, and i nearly died of dehydration and malnutrition

person:

sephiroth: parents, right?

-Lastly, Sephiroth absolutely never wears a shirt and in fact doesn't even own one. This is not an annoying habit, this is the habit that makes all the other ones worth putting up with.

[missmilkie]

Ninja From Another Land

Part Three

Here it is, my most popular fic so far. Thank you for reading~

wc: 1k

The cycle of studying with Sakura and training with Sasuke consumed most of your days. On the weekends, Naruto invited you to hang out a lot too because he lived close by. You knew that Naruto needed a friend. For his entire life up to this point, he had been shunned by the village and was lonely. He needed someone to interact with and care about him. That person was going to be you.

“Naruto, if you cleaned up like once a week, you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed when you clean.” You were going through his apartment with a giant garbage bag. You cleared out a ton of trash.

You did two loads of laundry. One was his bedding and the other was his clothes. While those were going you cleaned his bathroom and vacuumed. Surfaces were wiped down and you organized the fridge and his cabinets. While you made his bed, you made Naruto wash his dishes. When the job was done his apartment looked so much better.

“This was a one time service. I can’t stand messes.” You chirped as you took a seat on his clean bed.

“Thanks, (Y/n).” Naruto said sheepishly. “I’ll do my best to keep it clean.”

“Good. The Hokage should be organized and clean.”

You didn’t really get into trouble as you were too busy learning to be a ninja. You spent countless hours alone in your apartment with books from the library. You were currently working on medical jutsu, so you could heal Naruto after he gets himself in trouble pulling a prank.

Sometimes Naruto would skip school to get up to no good. Which brought you to your current situation. Iruka was called away to help bring Naruto back to school.

Since the class was left unattended, students roamed the room. They talked to their friends, but weren’t super disruptive. You decided to take a quick nap at your desk.

“Mind if I join you? People are being so annoying by my spot.” Shikamaru took Sakura’s spot since she was sitting closer to Sasuke.

“Go ahead. Let this be the sanctuary for all those who wish to nap.” You yawned and settled back into a comfortable position to fall asleep in again.

Shikamaru just watched you with his arms crossed and his face blushing. You weren’t such a drag like a lot of his classmates. You actually did a pretty good job of minding your own business. The Nara boy put his head down on the desk next to you and drifted off. The warmth he radiated made your unconscious self shift closer.

You woke up with your head leaned against Shikamaru’s arm. His head rested on yours, providing protection. He quickly separated from you to go back to his seat. Iruka was back with Naruto and he was pissed.

“Listen, Naruto. You failed the last graduation test and the one before that. This is no time to be goofing off!” Naruto couldn’t care less about Iruka’s rant, and it really pissed your teacher off. “That’s it! We’re going to have a re-test on the Transformation Jutsu! Even those who already passed will have to retake it!” The entire class groaned. This was episode one.

Everyone lined up to take the test.

“Sakura Haruno. Here I go…transform!” With a puff of smoke she looked exactly like Iruka.

“You pass.”

“I did it! Did you see that, Sasuke?”

“Next, Sasuke Uchiha!” Iruka called out.

Sasuke transformed into Iruka with ease. Your teacher became a little uncomfortable with your classmates transforming into him, they really didn’t have to.

“Next, Naruto Uzumaki.”

“This is such a drag.” Shikamaru complained.

“This is your fault, we always have to pay for your screw ups.” Ino grumbled.

“As if I care.” Naruto smirked as he went up to transform.

The smoke cleared revealing a naked girl version of Naruto with her long blond hair in pigtails. Convenient smoke covered her breasts and crotch as Naruto blew a kiss towards Iruka. The teacher got a nosebleed.

“Got ya! I call that the Sexy Jutsu!” Naruto laughed boisterously.

“Naruto!! Quit making up idiotic jutsus!”

Through the months you became friends with Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, and Shino as well as the girls and Naruto. Sasuke didn’t really interact with you much other than the training sessions after school.

When the day of the final exam came you were ready. You put on your konoha fit and showed up ready to pass. Some kids were studying at the last minute while they waited for their turn. You just conserved your chakra for the test.

“We’re about to start the graduation test. When your name is called, proceed to the next classroom. The test is on the Clone Jutsu.” Iruka explained.

Sakura went before you, so you had a mostly one sided conversation with Hinata about her seasonal color analysis because you were going to help her find confidence in herself by helping her control an aspect of her life such as the colors she wears to compliment her appearance. You would not let your home girl walk around without knowing what she looks good in. You were too fabulous to let your friends be unstylish. Not that she was ever unfashionable, you were just giving suggestions. She was totally a soft summer.

Your turn finally arrived, and Hinata wished you luck. You quickly thanked her as you hurried off to the examination room. Once inside, the examiners brought their full attention upon you. You immediately noticed the selection of headbands awaiting those who passed. You were going to get one of those.

You put your hands up in the correct sign and focused your chakra. With a puff of smoke three figures identical to you appeared. You held their existence until Iruka and Mizuki told you that you passed. With their blessing, you took a (color) headband.

You reached a major milestone in your journey. Graduating from the ninja academy was just the beginning. Being tested yet again and being put on a team was the next step, and it would determine how much of the story you would influence.

Once everyone was done testing, them and their parents gathered around the academy. Congratulations were going around and so many parents were proud of their children. Naruto sat alone on the infamous swing.

“Look over there. That’s the boy. I heard he’s the only one who failed.” One lady said to another.

“Good. Imagine what would happen if he became a ninja.” The other replied with contempt.

“Honestly. Don’t you have anything better to do than talk shit about a child?” You glared up at them.

“You- You’re the one who graduated at the top of the class with Sasuke Uchiha!”

“That’s right. Don’t mess with my buddy, Naruto, ya hear?” You fixed them with a glare that could have burned them alive.

To celebrate your graduation, you, Hinata, Sakura, and Ino had a sleepover. Sakura and Ino were passive aggressive towards each other the whole time while Hinata tried to mediate to no avail. You just cracked jokes and ate constantly.

Getting a positively mischievous idea, you requested the attention of your friends.

“Let’s play a game from where I’m from. It’s called truth or dare. We spin a bottle and whoever spins it asks the person it points to ‘truth or dare’. If you pick truth, you have to answer a question truthfully. And if you pick dare then you have to do whatever they dare you to do.”

Ino and Sakura immediately agreed. Hinata became nervous, so you assured her that she wouldn’t have to do anything crazy. With that, you found a glass bottle and placed it in the middle of the circle you sat in on your bed.

“Since I suggested the game, I’ll spin first.” The bottle pointed to Ino. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” She said after a moment of thought.

“I dare you to give your best impression of a person of your choice who isn’t Sakura.” The ending was necessary. Ino faked a yawn before letting a bored expression cross her face.

“This is such a drag.” The way she deepened her voice and made it sound annoyed had you and Sakura doubling over in laughter.

“Sh-Shikamaru?!” Hinata flushed in surprise at the insinuation.

“Alright!! You spin the bottle now.” You brought the attention back to the bottle between you.

“Sakura! Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Sakura chose carefully.

“What would you wear on a date?”

“I’d wear a light colored dress with puffy sleeves and a full skirt that stops just above the knees.” Sakura said dreamily as she imagined it.

“That’s so childish. A full skirt? Really??” Ino snickered.

“Chill Regina George, we’re still like 12.” You pointed out. Even though you weren’t mentally 12, it was nice to have some of your childhood back.

“Who’s that?”

“She’s a mean girl, but like an icon. The it girl of her school.” You explained.

“I can live with that.” Ino shrugged.

The four of you decided to do karaoke after truth or dare. Well, Hinata didn’t really pick anything, she just went with what everyone else wanted to do. Not that she really minded though. All of the songs Sakura and Ino sang were very unfamiliar to you. You thought about your choices for your turn.

Genres:

Rock- Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

Hip Hop/R&B- No Scrubs by TLC

Pop- Die Young by Kesha

Alt- Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High by Arctic Monkeys

“Okay my song is called (your song).” You said before singing. When you finished, the girls stared at you.

If you chose:

Rock

“That song was certainly…interesting.” Ino sweat dropped.

“Kind of weird.” Sakura lied as her inner self actually vibed with it. Hinata looked a little bit intimidated.

Hip Hop/R&B

“I love that! I only want the best man…Sasuke.” Ino squealed.

“Too bad you’ll have to settle for someone else.” Sakura told her.

“Let’s not fight now…” Hinata nervously piped in.

Pop

“That was a good one.” Sakura said cheerfully.

“Makes me wanna dance.” Ino swayed from side to side.

“So fun.” Hinata whispered.

Alt

“That had a nice sound to it.” Hinata commented dreamily.

“Not really my vibe.” Sakura shrugged.

“I liked it.” Ino side-eyed Sakura.

[creepypasta-archive]

Bloody Painter- on the snow (2013)

by Delucat Another side story to the GIGAFRANCHISE that is Bloody Painter, this forgotten prequel to the original story (now labeled as "prologue"... so i guess this is the prologue's prologue). Once again we have the translation credited to WennyRay, Which... let's not mock him for his poor english. He did his best at his young age. While we laugh at the bad grammar, let's not forget in this case we have an actual kid at the helm of it. Laugh with him, not at him. CW// child endangerment, blood, stabbing, murder, bullying, blunt trauma. Click below to read the full unedited story

a story in 1990.

===========

This is Helen, 10 years old. He is a cheerful child who has a lot of friends. Like other children, games and laughter is everything to him.

His best friend, Phil, often goes to Helen's home to play with him. Helen's parents are always busy with work, his father often travels for several months, and his mother always return home at midnight.

Compared to the others, Phil is a rather more mature kid. Both he and Helen enjoy drawing. But Phil's drawing is always negative and creepy graffiti. He said this is a sort of venting, and it makes him feel better.

On a snowy day, Phil, as usual, takes his drawing bag and goes to Helen's home. Helen opened the heating and welcomed him. Although it is winter, the heating in the room makes Phil feel warm. "You're sweating! Take off your coat, I'll hang it somewhere. " Helen says, as he sees Phil sweating everywhere. Phil hesitates for a few seconds. "No,thanks." he shakes his head. Helen rushes forward to pull Phil's coat sleeves, and sees his wrists covered in bruises. "Is it your father? Did he get drunk again?"Helen says. "….." Phil lowers his head, but doesn't respond to Helen's question. "Come to the bathroom. I'll help you apply analgesic cream" Helen says. They entered the bathroom, and Phil took off his coat. His neck and back are full of bruises. Helen's hands rub the salve on his back. Helen cannot imagine how Phil's father treats him.

Phil's father is a drunkard. He was violent to his wife and child. Phil's mother couldn't endure it anymore, so she left the family. After then, his mother remarried, and lived a happy life. Occasionally, she would bring some gift to Phil. His father complained about this. He distorted the truth, pushing all blame to Phil's mother.

"You should stay away from him, he isn't fit to be your father" Helen says. "I know that, but I don't know what to do. We're just children"Phil says. "I just don't want you hurt, brother." "……."Phil goes silent for a few seconds, and replies, "Things will get better…..right?" He smiles bitterly. Helen doesn't understand why Phil doesn't fight back, and why he always pretend nothing happened in front of everyone else, even if it's something severe.

One morning, Phil wakes up before his father does, and prepares to go to Helen's house. He puts on his shoes, walks out, and after walking for a few steps he sees someone waving to him. "Phil, my dear. It's mom" Phil's mother says. Phil rushes to her for her a hug. "Mom bought new clothes for you, it's cold in winter, remember to wear warm clothes" his mother has bags full of new clothes, toys, watercolor and pastel, as well as caring words that came from a lovely mother. Being able to meet his mother is the happiest thing for Phil. After chatting with him for a while, she prepares to leaves. "Mom, can't you stay with me for a little longer?"Phil says. "I'm sorry, dear. My husband is waiting for me in the car." His mother leaves the gifts to Phil , and proceeds to the car where her new husband is.

Phil picks up the gifts, proceeds to the park, and sits on the snow and gaze at the sky; he doesn't know what to do. Once, when he took the gifts back home, his father was very angry with him and he threw the gifts into the fireplace to burn them. He doesn't want this to happen again. Just then,three kids come to him. "You have the bitch's garbage again?" one of the kids says. "What did you say?" Phil looks at him. "We saw your mother, my parents told me, she is a bitch who abandoned her husband and child to live with another man" "NO, SHE ISN'T!" Phil gets angry and shouted at them. "That's the truth, what the hell can you do about it?" He says aggressively. He pushes Phil's shoulder to provoke him, but Phil punches him, which starts the fight.

One of the kids picks up a stone and threw it at Phil's head. The stone as well as the white snow gets dyed with red. Phil falls to the ground, eyes wide, and stops moving. "OH MY GOD!!!! What did you do!!??" "I fear, I just hope he fucking stops… What should we do now???" . . . . .

"Perhaps, we can bury him? "

At the time, Helen waits for Phil. He looks out of the window, and sees nobody coming. He rushes out to look for Phil, as he is worried about him. But he can't find him. He comes to the park, and sits on the bench. But then he sees some unusual colors in the snow…..with some of them being red? He suddenly has a very bad feeling. He takes off his gloves, and digs the snow with his hands. He then sees more and more red. This is not good, he thinks. Next, he thinks he touched something. a nose, then a face - Phil's face. Helen's best friend is buried in the snow. "Oh no…" Helen touches the face and cries. Just then, he heard footsteps, and he sees the three kids standing beside him. They looked at him with a despising manner and ran away without saying a word. Helen doesn't know what's going on, and doesn't understand what it means.

Helen cries for a long time beside the body. Until someone grabbed his shoulder from behind. "Are you Helen Otis?" Helen turns around and sees a police officer and his mother. The three kids framed him as the murderer. Helen doesn't have any evidence to prove what was going. They know, however, Helen threw a stone at Phil's head, killing him, and tried to bury him, according to the three witnesses. After the investigation and interrogation,Helen goes home, enters his room, and sits on the bed, and after a few minutes,his mother comes in, and sits beside him. "Mommy, I didn't kill anyone." Helen's blue eyes shows fear. "I know, but the situation is not good for you." His mother hugs her child as she speaks with a choking voice. There is no clear evidence that Helen killed Phil, but as an accused person, he doesn't have any specific argument to refute, he doesn't even know what happened.

The next day, Helen sees other children playing in the park, and all of them looked at him "Hi, what's up?" "……." "You killed Phil, my parents told me to stay away from you." a kid says. "Dad said you're a killer." "THAT IS NOT TRUE!!" Helen replies. "We can't be sure. Maybe you're lying." one of the children says. Helen knows whatever he says will be in vain. All the friends backed away from him, no one believed him.

Everyone regards him as a murderer.

"Helen, good news!!!" Helen's mother wakes him up in the morning."There was a witness to the whole thing, he is willing to testify for you." Helen is surprised, he can't believe to have someone to have witness the whole thing. He explained everything, and finally let the whole thing end. "Helen, I want to thank them tomorrow, do you want go with me? Maybe you can become friends." Helen's mother prepared some gifts for the witness. "No, I want to stay home to draw." Helen has given up making any friends; he has changed. He has become indifferent, with his drawing full of negative and strange graffiti.

When it comes to the snowy days, he will remember….. those dreadful eyes of the corpse that was in the snow. That memory is what he can't forget even if he wants to. . . . . . . . . . . The witness Vic Steven, three years later he change his name to Tom Steven.

[enbyleighlines]

Ike/Soren, festivals?

Ooooh, nice prompt!

Normally, neither Ike or Soren are one to seek out festivals. They’re both introverted, and don’t really care for the things that festivals offer. However, they are often invited along to festivals, by friends or family members, and while Ike’s initial reaction is to be like “Hmm, sounds like too much trouble,” Soren is actually the one who convinces Ike to go.

And that’s not because Soren wants to go. Rather, he knows that Ike will always end up genuinely enjoying himself.

Ike is a serious man, who tends to take on a lot of responsibility, so he’s not very inclined towards activities like festivals. When he does want to relax, he prefers to stick with quiet, isolated activities, like going hiking, camping, or fishing.

That being said, Ike also really loves people, especially the common folk. He loves both how complex and how simple they are. He loves seeing how diverse humanity can be, and yet how they are bound together by ties of friendship, community, and love. Though excessive social interaction tends to drain him, he enjoys being surrounded by people, watching them, and feeling like a part of something bigger. He especially loves seeing his friends and family enjoying themselves. So while attending a festival is not his preferred means of relaxation, and while he wind up exhausted by the end of it, he does genuinely find the experience fulfilling. It helps to renew his appreciation for life and the people who inhabit the world.

Soren understands all this, which is why he will push Ike to attend all sorts of festivities whenever the opportunity arrises.

Soren himself finds people watching cognitively stimulating, if for very different reasons. It helps him to understand other people better, when they were such a mystery to him before. Additionally, he feels obligated to tag along, because someone needs to keep track of the time, remind people to take much needed water breaks, and dissuade everybody else from spending too much money on overpriced garbage.

So they go, and Ike enjoys himself, and Soren finds satisfaction in Ike’s enjoyment, and they have a good time.

Afterwards, however, comes the burnout. Ike and Soren generally need a full day to recover, restricting social interactions to the bare minimum, even with one another. Thankfully, they require few words in order to understand each other. So they will just hang out, not talking, just existing next to one another while they wait for their social batteries to recharge.

Thanks again for the prompt!! I love my introverted boys.

[alpineshift]

(idk if anon asks with links get eaten by the void so I sent it twice, this time without a link to example)

Not so much a prompt but could you add a version of Jack with his hair tied back? Like cute little half up Dutch braids?

Thanks for all the bullet stories!!!

the ask with the link survived! Adding the braid tutorial here.

I'm sorry I'm not sure what you mean by version 🥲 so I'm gonna yap about a bunch of the prompt fills with a Jack that's finally got access to a hair tie - I hope this works!

First off - already in love with the image of Jack with his hair done up (and since he's already keeping his hair longer IRL - this is perfect). I think it comes down to which Jacks in which universe would find a use for tying his hair back.

The fixer verse - this is a practical look. this is a jack who throws his hair up in a messy man bun while he gets down on the garage floor to service his motorcycle. It's the second love of his life after Nico, so he's often tinkering about. It's just logical at this point to tie his hair up, though he does save a couple of 'messy bun' tutorials on tiktok to follow bc he thinks it'll keep his hair up longer.

Ghost hunters verse - this is the late night editing look. this is the 'I'm a pile of hot garbage and I'm tired of scrubbing footage' look that still somehow works for Nico. This is the Jack that's holed up in one of the editing rooms at the office, finally switching out his contacts for glasses, hair held back with a shitty dollar tree claw clip that's somehow outlasted several pieces of expensive ghost-hunting equipment. Nico has a theory that clip is the one that's haunted...

Secret forest witch!Nico verse - Jack manages to tie up the front of forest cat!Nico's hair into a silly sprout shape and just about kills himself laughing. Then he has to go and do the same hairstyle on himself so a grumpy Nico would talk to him again (they're so in love with each other.)

Post apocalyptic/TLOU verse - there are, unfortunately, not a lot of barbers hanging around after the end of the world. hairstyling is the last thing on anybody's minds, least of all Jack and Nico's. their hair grows long, tangled, and eventually both of them just start tying everything back to keep it out of the way. when the length gets unmanageable (tangles, matted, at risk for getting caught in things or grabbed), they'll cut each other's hair with what's available. there's something quietly intimate about it all, to trust someone at your back and with your hair, that neither take for granted.

Meeting the family verse - Nico walks into the living room one day to see Jack chatting with his older siblings; he and Luca going back and forth about hockey regulation while Nina sits behind Jack, working his hair into a short but intricate braid. His sister catches his eye and grins; he's far more patient than you, Nicky, and his brother chimes in he looks better too. Jack blushes and laughs and asks Nico well? does it look nice? and Nico swears his heart has swelled three times its size.

Exes/rockstar AU Jack - this Jack does the full half-up dutch braids. He's in the showbiz, he knows he looks good, and it does actually keep his hair out of the way when he's running around or headbanging on stage. this hairstyle appears more often in older photos or videos before the band skyrocketed to fame; diehard fans often bemoan the fact that he doesn't style his hair that way anymore and jokingly begs bring back the braids! (Truth is, Jack can only ever get one side of the braids right; he's always had Nico to fix the other side before a show, up until he didn't.) A lot of their fans were pretty disappointed Jack couldn't make it to the All Star Festival with his concussion, especially since their next appearance wouldn't be for another few months. But there's an air of excitement when Captains finally rock up as the evening's entertainment at the annual NHL awards, followed by everyone in the pit losing their absolute shit when the stage lights come on and Jack launches into the opening riff for Silver Chalices with his hair tied back in perfect, matching Dutch braids.

[benjaminalphabet]

it's strange how possible it is to still love someone who hurt you so deeply, how almost unavoidable it is sometimes.

a person can rewire your entire brain with the things they do, your instincts, your thought processes, your ability even to love other people and you can still catch yourself in moments of nostalgia for them. you can still find yourself loving them, cherishing the memories you have with them and the time you knew them at the very same time that you're thanking god you made it out alive, that you're hoping you never see them again.

the year i was eighteen was the worst of my life, but i have some of the sweetest memories of my first apartment. i think about that first morning all the time, when i woke up and she was standing at the end of my bed. there was this particular Saturday kind of light coming in from the window, and she was holding a drink carrier with McDonald's iced coffees, she woke up before me and ordered them for us. we hadn't unpacked anything yet, the day before we had moved all of our boxes in and then went to a concert. we eased into it though, we spent the whole morning moving boxes around but not opening any of them. we just wanted to make enough space in the living room so that we could set up our TV and watch Big Mouth like we had talked about doing so many times during the months leading up to finally moving in.

we would sit in this parking lot behind the skatepark in our garbage hometown and pass a bong back and forth (it was shaped like a skull and we had named it Julie, but i don't remember why). she drove this ancient brown truck that was so shitty, the weed smell was so deeply embedded into all of the seats that you could smell it from across a parking lot, eventually she stopped even taking it to campus. every morning we would meet at this apartment building across the street from our school and i would drive us. we would leave her truck there. she would only fill the gas tank a quarter way up, and we had to jump it all the time, and drive down the dirt roads with its flat tires, but it had a huge center console and we would use it like a coffee table, and it was warm throughout the winter, and the seats were big enough to sleep in for all the nights we got drunk on Malibu rum parked behind the skatepark. it snowed a lot that winter and we were dumb and seventeen and all we wanted was to move to Denver, but the truck was warm, and we would watch Big Mouth on one of our phones and talk about how by the summer we would be watching it in our new apartment; it was a fantasy but we were right! that was the best part, we were right.

but we didn't know how much more than just that would happen in that place.

we would get drunk a lot, and her boyfriend would come over all the time, but mine never would because she hated him. so i would lie to her and tell her i was going to spend the night at my grandparents' house, like i was having an affair. sometimes i would be really clever about it and bring home books, or baked goods, or dish towels, and i would have all the evidence of being exactly where i said i was. that was before she started reading my journal and tracking my location, and then there was no point in lying anymore. we would share music, and run errands, and go to concerts. i still think the hardest i've ever laughed in my life was with her. we would talk to each other in silly voices and accents, and secret languages, and we would fight with each other in code words, and writing on the wall, and text messages.

to rival the memory of her holding the coffees at the end of my bed in the morning, i have another one of her standing in my bedroom doorway with a bottle of wine in the middle of the night. that was the night she assaulted me, and then made me talk to the police officers who showed up at our door when she locked herself in the bathroom screaming. i had to tell them everything was okay, i had to tell them she was okay, and so was i. the next morning she was gone when i woke up, and when she got home she told me she had spent the whole day driving around the city looking for drugs. she was violent and pathological. she was my best friend, and i loved her.

on her nineteenth birthday, we drank malt liquor on the living room floor while her boyfriend tried on new clothes in her bedroom. she played this song, Glowing, i'm so sorry to hear that you're going but you'll be happy to know that you're glowing, and she got really close to my face and stared at me really hard. her eyes looked like they were made out of glass and she said, "this song is about you. you're glowing, and you don't even know it, but i need you to know it. you're glowing, you're glowing, you're glowing." it was one of those few fleeting and fragile moments where she loved me too. now that it's over i'm just glad i survived.

and that's the double-sided coin i keep flipping in my mind lately. i worked so hard putting myself back together in the nuclear fallout of our friendship when it was all finally over. it took me a long time to finally feel like myself again. i had to move in with my big brother because no one trusted me to be alone. i have spent the last five years stitching myself back up, icing the bruises she left on my throat, putting scar cream over the places that still hurt - and they do still hurt sometimes, i think maybe they always will. and sometimes, when it's quiet and i'm alone, or i taste Malibu rum, or when i hear one of those songs by one of those bands she loved, or when i become unignorably aware of all the ways she rubbed off me, even though i'm happier now, even though my roses are finally growing back, even though i'm sober now, even after the EMDR and the hospital stays, sometimes it'll hit me that we can never go back; and in some fuzzy and incoherent way, i'll miss it. i'll miss her.

the good and the bad, they don't cancel each other out. they're not equal, not even close. i can still hear the screaming, i can still feel every word she let tear from her throat. i spent more time cleaning up after her than i ever spent with her. i hold everyone at arm's length because of things that happened during that year. she completely restructured how i approach people, and how i avoid them. i have boundaries and fears now that i didn't before, and sometimes on cold nights i'll open my window and the air outside will smell like car exhaust, cinnamon, and ice and i'll hear her music playing from the next room over, i'll feel her weight on the other side of the couch where in my mind we're still sitting, i'll feel that burn in the back of my throat exactly how it was all those years ago.

when those moments come i'm never sure what to make of them. i'm not sure where the pieces of us land when they fall. i have this voice note in my icloud of us talking to each other in the truck and when i listened to it again there were moments when i couldn't tell our voices apart. when you love someone like that, you never really escape them, your love for them will start echoing and stretching, contorting itself, leaking into the love you grow after you lose them. you give pieces of yourself away in order to save room for the pieces of them you're still holding onto. sometimes my new friends will pattern off of me, but the mannerisms they pick up were her's in the beginning. and i'm the only person who will ever know that. when someone you love takes a boxing glove and a loaded gun to all the most tender parts of you, the love doesn't go away. it just bruises. it survives, and it learns to walk with a limp, and so do you, and you heal but it doesn't, and you're forced to find a seat for it at your table, or at least some comfortable box in the attic. it's strange and melancholy, and you have to remember that nostalgia is not famous for its honesty.

i think of her when i catch myself in the act, when i make bad decisions, and i remind myself of all the lessons i've already learned the hard way. she completely changed my life, she's foundational to this person i am, and if i'm lucky she'll never know that. love and pain have become some kind of balancing act that i am always performing. i cannot put either of them down, but in my two hands i now cannot hold anything else.

[pretendfan]

~Nice guys finish last~

~PART ONE~

Lost in the suburbs after a bad date Imogen stumbles upon three idiots on a roof, will they help her out, or will she just end up as a victim of the latest true crime story…

TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!!!

(this story is season 7 vibes)

Blake Henderson x OFC Imogen Harper

(6.5k words)

WARNINGS: 18 plus, lots of swearing, mentions of alcohol and smoking weed, Adam throws up, oral sex, hand stuff, awkwardness personified, Blake is a quick learner, stoner bro humour, like an episode of the show it’s satire, very much on point with the show, these guys are idiots/ adjacent toxic bros, Blake is a babe here, Anders and Adam are basically themselves…its fun!!!

Clearly watching all of those damn horror films from a young age, did absolutely nothing to prepare Imogen Parker because she was surely about to die, lost in the suburbs without a working cell phone or drive by cab nearby.

This right here was such a prime set up because little did Imogen know, she could literally have a masked killer stalking her, or an emotionally stunted ex who couldn’t take the hint neither examples were something that she wanted to see right this second.

Unsure which one was a worse case scenario at this point Imogen stops in her tracks, because the streets all looked the same both dark and creepy, causing her to instantly think of the worst which was a regular occurrence.

That turn Imogen had taken a street back earlier was obviously wrong, it was getting quite late and she was all alone a picture perfect ending to a shitty evening, courtesy of a bad date at some random party which she had quickly left without a backward glance.

Despite the fact that Imogen’s cell had died earlier leaving her high and dry, she was probably mere moments away from getting murdered, which was all her fault for attending the stupid party to begin with.

When instead she could’ve easily hung out at home with her roommate Ellie, the best friend who had set her up on this date in the first place, so if Imogen ever did get out of this alive she would surely need to move as soon as possible.

But first Imogen needed some sign of life because she hadn’t seen a single person, sure houses were still lit up with people inside, but the atmosphere out here was messing with her wildly imaginative mind and it was no good.

Where was her knight in shining armour because this could be her love story right here?

Imogen smirks to herself because her life was pure garbage, and guys were definitely of no use to her right now so she would have to walk back into the city, whilst wearing heels which surely counted as cardio right?

Having only lived in LA for a few months now Imogen still didn’t know her way around, which was oh so apparent right now but she liked to live dangerously, maybe she would finally get her name on the local news posthumously of course.

…fuck Imogen sure hoped that she had deleted all the search history, from her laptop before she left the apartment.

What with Imogen’s date being a total dud in the guest bathroom, where she had given him oral only to be rewarded with a quick pat on the head afterwards, and sore knees to match her pretty sore mood.

It had also been a very bad idea getting out of that cab with the creepy driver, because be it back there with the sketchy guy or right here on someone’s doorstep, Imogen was lost and surely soon was gonna become yet another statistic.

What was wrong with guys these days? Because all Imogen had wanted to do was get back to her apartment, but the driver had been saying about popping to his crib real quick, so she screamed until he stopped the car and got out of his ride real quick.

So now she was here completely in the wrong direction to the city, which was back there behind her Imogen was sure of it, so all she needed in reality was someone to help her out of the burbs.

…absolutely anyone would do at this point.

Tonight had been yet another waste of time hosting a sausage fest of a party, the usual suspects turning up which was cool but Blake Henderson, he desperately wanted to meet a chick and not just troll or scroll through the internet to get his fixes.

Had there been any point actually changing out of his work clothes, because none of the dudes even cared what he wore, they were way more invested in the beer pong games and if the alcohol was still flowing.

Which was why Blake was now stood on the roof of their house, the one which he shared with his two best friends mindlessly overthinking everything, whilst the air felt supercharged around him but surely that was just his imagination getting the better of him.

“I’m the king of the world!” Shouts Adam DeMamp whilst simultaneously, taking yet another leak off the roof that he was currently stood on.

“Dude, I’m not doing that Titanic shit again-“

“But I like to be held bro.” Adam cries cutting off his roommate Blake, who was nodding back slowly with an annoyed look on his face.

“Sure, we would all like to be held by someone.” Begins Blake waving this hands in front of him to empathise his point as he adds “But in this case I would prefer a hot chick and not you sorry dude.”

“I’m not hot?” Adam questions with a quiet outrage which was ever present on his face.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it, I’m currently revisiting Katy Perry at the moment.” Blake admits with a loud burp, that was swiftly followed by a sexy wiggle of his eyebrows.

“I kissed a girl and I liked it!” Adam sing songs with a wiggle of his hips as he asks “Imagine kicking it with two chicks!”

“I’d be happy with just one-“

“Blake that is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard bro.” Adam interjects with a shake of his head.

“I just like to keep shit in perspective dude, but it’s not like any chicks came out to our hang sesh yet again.” Blake reminds Adam with a groan, hesitantly glancing over at their roommate, the sloppy Anders Holmvik who was currently passed out.

“They probably heard your bitching and whining so ran off, you need to get your head in the game man.” Adam states flippantly pointing a finger directly into his friend’s face.

“Well you just lost the game then bro!” Blake counters with a defiant look as he bats Adam hand away.

“Oh no you didn’t!” Retorts Adam with a shocked look on his face, and a quick snap of his fingers on his right hand.

“Game over, man!” Snaps Blake loudly.

“Get away from me, you bitch!” Adam yells pushing Blake in the chest, and he almost falls over Anders in the process.

“Okay, I see what you did there but you can’t just rework quotes to suit-“

“I can do whatever I want bitch, because I’m about to go loco I’m full of the juice!” Adam cuts off Blake with a roar causing his roommate to glare back.

“So you actually wanna go all the way loco then bro?” Blake questions placing his hands up to his face in fake shock announcing “ Let’s go then because I will make you spill your guts!”

“Shouldn’t we be worried though first that Anders could possibly be dead?” Adam questions completely ignoring Blake’s rant, kicking his dude husband’s foot but there is no response.

“Great, Anders is dead so now I’m definitely gonna have to kick your ass!” Blake states whilst fist punching the air, in preparation for the impending beat down.

“Do we really have to get rid of his body-

“Or better yet let’s just give him a good send off, like those dudes do for that weekend at Bernie’s guy!” Blake cuts off Adam excitedly with a wide grin framing his face.

“I’m not dead you morons.” Anders groans sounding a lot like he was moments away taking his last breath.

“You sure sound like-“

Blake chooses this moment to make his first move, sick of hearing Adam talking he punches him directly in the stomach, which sends the guy reeling back as he loses his footing on the roof.

“What the fuck?!” Adam wheezes as he collapses onto his back, knocking empty bottles and cans of alcohol around, sending them off in various directions.

“I just almost knocked you out!” Blake declares triumphantly with a fist pump aimed at the sky but then he quickly adds as an afterthought “ Er, you’re ok though dude right?”

“Such a pussy!” Adam sputters with a shake of his head.

“Why am I being a pussy now?” Blake snaps back briefly wishing that he had hit Adam a little harder.

“You apologise too much for starters.” Adam groans as he gets up onto his knees and states “ No chick is going to dig your constant questions and apologies.”

“Ok, I’m sorry-“

“Can I just put you out of your misery?” Adam questions with a hollow laugh, heartily aimed at Blake who was still staring up at the dark night sky.

Before Blake could answer Adam goes to grab his bro, maybe knock some sense into him as he kicks his feet out, whilst administering a swift albeit messy upper cut to his chin in retaliation to being punched in the goddamn stomach.

“Fuck, dude!” Blake sobs as he tries to sit up on his knees, thankfully not tasting blood because he had managed to bite his tongue when he had been hit in the mouth.

“Nothing but net-“

“You punched me in the mouth!?” Blake snaps with a sudden faint lisp, at the same time that he tastes iron on his tongue, which instantly makes him start to pout.

“Well it finally shut you up!” Adam retorts happily as he bounces on his feet, the alcohol was making him feel invincible right now.

“Fuck you, man!” Snaps Blake with a cough as he goes to reach for a beer, but it looks like they were all out seeing that the red cooler box was practically hanging off the roof.

“Stop being a crybaby Blake and fight me back!” Adam yells ignoring Anders who is telling him to shut the fuck up, but he was too busy flexing his arms to care right now.

“Dude just stop I’m done-“

“When the hell did you actually become such a pussy Blake?” Adam questions with a loud snort aimed at his friend who wasn’t meeting his eye.

“Why do you even care so much?” Blake retorts in frustration, whilst running his long fingers angrily through his hair.

“I need my dudes to be firing on all cylinders but Anders is dead, and Blake you need-“

“Will both of you shut the fuck up!?” Snaps Anders who was clearly still alive, flipping off his dudes from the comfort of the roof which wasn’t very comfortable at all.

Hearing male voices makes Imogen quickly stop again trying to pin point their direction, whoever it was they were making quite the noise so it’s only a minute or so later, that she has found the source and also perhaps her saviours.

Looking right Imogen notices three figures on the roof of what she presumed was their house, one of them lying down whilst the other two were arguing, with sounds of broken glass and some pretty colourful language being exchanged despite the hour.

What the hell?

Imogen pauses from rocking up the driveway to think about this, because all of her quick thinking ideas had lead her to this point, fucking lost and possibly about to be kidnapped or worse.

But with a shake of her head Imogen brushes some hair behind her left ear, deciding that after all this was done she would watch less true crime documentaries, and in the future not take Ellie’s advice to get back out there again.

Seeing that said advice had resulted in Imogen leaving the party with a bad taste in her mouth, not due to her dates negligence in eating pineapples, but instead with a sense that this bullshit had happened all before leaving her feeling particularly salty.

Yet another guy who was treating her like a toy of the moment, until the next biggest thing came along and Imogen would undoubtedly get ditched yet again, toxic dudes were her thing it appeared but something had to fucking give right now.

Additionally the pepper spray which was currently sat on the desk in her room, could’ve come in use right now so Imogen only had her dead cell phone as a weapon, or failing that one of her heels which made more sense if truth be told.

Stepping onto the driveway of the house which looked like it should really be demolished, what with all the junk on the lawn and a large blanket fort that looked like it had been made by children, Imogen smirks despite herself because this was clearly where she was going to die.

Adam squints is brown eyes when he notices someone on their property, unsure if it was a trick of the light but the person looked female shaped, a shape that he definitely appreciated right now looking back at Blake who was slumped down in one of the old lawn chairs.

“What’s wrong-“ Begins Blake but his eyes catch the moving figure, who was quickly approaching the front of the house, with a distinct click of heels against the pavement that makes him sit up straighter in his seat.

Adam widens his eyes as he grins happily at Blake who smirks back cheekily, were they surely hallucinating or had one of them hit their head too hard again, because this was too good to be true he had to be passed the fuck out dreaming of this very moment.

“So you can see the chick as well?” Adam asks Blake who silently nods back, and that pretty much confirms both of their suspicions.

“Yeah, I’m really here but what are you guys doing up there?” Imogen questions looking up to see both dudes staring at her with open mouths, great her first sign of life in ages were two idiots on a roof…plus another one passed out.

“Just working out on the roof no biggie!” Adam answers with a wink, once again flexing his muscles, as he wishes that he had taken off his tee shirt beforehand.

“Come on dude.” Blake scoffs at him causing Adam to look back, mid pose and glare darkly at his bro.

“What, you jealous?” Laughs Adam which quickly stops when he feels a lurch in his stomach, probably because he hadn’t stretched out first.

“Off you? Hardly.” Blake scoffs in a voice that he almost believes himself for once.

“Check this out!” Adam shouts loudly as he moves his arms upwards, but then tries to fight with the tee sleeves so he could show off his guns.

“Dude, stop.” Blake groans but he is very surprised, when his friend actually listens to him, dropping his arms back down to his sides pretty quickly.

“I’m gonna be sick-“ Adam shouts loudly as he turns his back on the chick, and proceeds to projectile straight onto a drowsy Anders who wakes up again as a result of course.

“What the-“

“Oops, my bad!” Adam gargles as he then continues to throw up, making Blake step back as Anders tries to roll away quickly.

“Are you ok?” Imogen questions dubiously noticing the dude being sick whilst waving his hand, spotting another figure sitting up as he proceeds to point at her, complete with a very confused look on his face.

“Yes, I’m here on your front yard-“

“Why did you puke on me Adam?!” Shouts Anders cutting off the hot brunette in front of him, the men were talking right now and he was really pissed.

“Wait right there okay I will be down in a second!” Blake announces quickly seeing an “in” to speak to the chick first, what with Adam making crying noises, and Anders slapping him on the back way harder than necessary.

“What is even happening right now?” Imogen questions to herself quickly glancing away from the roof, maybe she should just make a run for it and let the night decide her fate instead.

Tugging at her dark purple vest top with crossed straps Imogen folds her arms across herself, bravado having abandoned her briefly as she was all alone right now but with a firm couple of words said, she shakes off this lapse in judgement to place the imaginary visor back down once again.

This was good she had finally found signs of life here in the suburbs, even though the guys themselves were currently arguing on the roof this was literally the best that Imogen was going to get, as she briefly daydreams about her unmade bed fondly.

Who ran out of battery on their cells these days weren’t they supposed to last longer? Also Imogen hadn’t bothered with a purse, so she wasn’t ready for this kind of late night shenanigans, all she wanted right now was her laptop and to perhaps check out her private tabs again.

You know the ones that you reference back on when you have a shitty encounter with your date, the kind that leaves you wondering if the guy had actually ever met a women before, the thought has Imogen feeling horny briefly but knows that now wasn’t exactly the right time.

Thanks to her date who had left her high and dry, Imogen was suddenly feeling a warmth spread low across her stomach, the kind that would eventually need attention because her body was betraying her mind which was on serious high alert right this second.

Which was why as soon as she got back to her apartment later she would be hitting those tabs, maybe even video call her asshole date and show him what he could’ve done with his hands but didn’t, because that was exactly why Imogen was feeling this way it had been a hot minute.

…and she was suddenly feeling a little needy.

Only right now she should be more worried about not making it back alive instead, these guys were of course strangers and Imogen had met some creeps in her life, that was a guarantee so why was she suddenly feeling herself what kind of sick joke was this?

Meanwhile Blake is glad that he is currently wearing a pair of protective knee pads, as he stumbles down off the roof rushing round to the front of the house, brushing stray curls from his face as he looks down to notice all the dried beer stains on his white graphic tee shirt.

There was obviously no time to change real quick because his friends would jump in, Blake rarely got a change like this so ripping off the knee pads and chucking them to the ground, he burps loudly checking his tee shirt once more and decides that this was as good as it would get.

Cursing silently Blake is just glad that he isn’t as wasted as his roommates, only buzzing from the weed which was something he could deal with, but spotting the chick near the front door he skids to a comedic halt.

“Hey, there you are!” Blake states in an over enthusiastic voice, which sounds ridiculous even to his own ears as he grins happily at the brunette.

“Yes here I am, but where the fuck am I exactly?” Imogen questions back in a sing song voice, noticing the guy in front of her who was constantly touching his mess of curls.

“Oh, are you lost?” Blake asks removing his hands from his hair, as he places them either side of him trying not to look as awkward as he felt, which he definitely wasn’t sure that he was succeeding with.

“Completely! Can I borrow your phone to call a cab or-“

“Oh it’s too late for a cab this way in Rancho I’m afraid, maybe wait here for a couple of hours with us?” Blake explains with a sidelong glance and smile, that he hopes doesn’t make him look like an idiot.

“Fuck, fine!” Imogen states grudgingly as she then asks the guy in front of her “ You’re not gonna kill me are you?”

“I don’t even talk to hot chicks-“

“Well that’s a red flag right there!” Imogen announces with a roll of her eyes as she proclaims “You see we like to be called women not chicks, and I already know full well that I’m damn hot!”

“Oh you are so hot, move out of the way Blake!” Adam growls appearing from the shadows to reveal that he was covered in sick, causing the chick in front of him to take a step nearer to his roommate.

“Dude, you look gross-“

“Why are you even here right now when I’m not looking my sexiest!” Adam whines pulling a face, as he feels his stomach turn yet again but the moment thankfully passes.

“Am I safe here?” Imogen asks Blake whilst taking another step closer to him, noticing his hand reach out, but then he quickly moves it back to his side instead.

“Sure, we’re harmless-“

“Adam you’ve been eating my goddam bagel bites again!” Anders cuts off Blake shouting as Adam rushes off back inside the house, but the tall guy stops in front of the chick who was surprisingly still here.

“Adam went that way dude.” Blake informs Anders hoping that his friend, would quickly take the hint but the Norwegian held out his left hand instead to the brunette.

“Who is this?” Anders questions with a smug smile aimed at Blake, who stands strong because he currently wasn’t the one that was covered in puke right now.

“I’m Imogen, reasonably new in town, and currently very lost.” Imogen nods trying not to inhale the smell that was coming from the guy in front of her as she adds sarcastically “ I have nowhere else to go right now, so can you both do me a solid and not kill me.”

“Why are you so obsessed about being killed?” Blake asks Imogen who was definitely way out of his league, but surely he stood a chance against Anders at least once in his damn life.

“I’ve had a bad night-“

“Which has now been turned around by meeting me, I’m Anders don’t say my name wrong and we will get along just fine.” Anders states with a wink interrupting the brunette, who was glaring back at him.

“Are you really trying to hit on me right now, when you’re literally covered in your friend’s puke?” Imogen asks him whilst folding her arms across her front, a look of dismay plastered across her face.

“He wasn’t-“

“Dude, I was hitting on her but it appears my time here was wasted.” Anders retorts attempting to save face, as he cuts off a confused looking Blake.

“Zero points for effort there Anders, why don’t you take some tips from Blake here, and act like a normal guy?” Imogen questions with a tip of her chin looking up at Anders who was slowly rolling his eyes.

“News flash I am acting like a dude but it’s clear to see that you don’t get hit on a lot-“

“Only by assholes.” Imogen replies at the same time that Blake lets out a nervous laugh, causing her to grin back at him.

“Walk it off dude-“

“Whatever this chick isn’t worth it, Blake you haven’t got a chance in hell!” Anders cuts off his roommate, who glares at his retreating back as he heads back into the house.

Anders cannot believe the mouth on that chick Imogen who he sees is still talking with Blake, the idiot who had decided to make a blanket fort outside earlier, clearly Ders was out of her league and she wasn’t after someone of his calibre.

Spotting Adam who was now shirtless in the messy kitchen, chugging down some warm orange juice Anders glares back at him also taking off his long sleeve, unable to not flex which his friend clearly notices as he rolls his brown eyes.

“Dude I’m not in the mood for a flex off-“

“Yeah because you are definitely not looking your best right now.” Chuckles Ders with a laugh whilst Adam rolls his eyes right back.

“I can’t believe that chick-“

“Is still talking with Blake does she feel super sorry for the guy or something what’s her deal?” Anders cuts off Adam grumpily but then shakes his head to calm his voice.

“Hey that’s our dude right there, don’t go knocking Blakey down.” Adam states as he steps to his left, noticing his bro still outside but with a very awkward look on his face.

“He is totally gonna mess this up you know dude.” Anders states with an annoyed sigh.

“Well let’s go watch then.” Adam declares with a wicked grin, as the pair quickly go and stand blatantly at the door, waiting to see Blake crash and burn.

Imogen notices Blake’s roommates watching them whilst he was talking literal nonsense, but luckily for him he was kind of cute and she was resisting the urge to play with his hair, so right now she would just protect him from his so called friends.

Clearly none of them had ever been around women much, this was as obvious as the day was long so what would the harm be in helping out Blake, and staying close by him of course only because she didn’t trust the other two at all.

“So what were you guys doing up on the roof then?” Imogen asks Blake with a smile cutting him off from his rambling, as he rewards her with an appreciative grin back.

“Oh we always hang out up there and drink beers-“

“Chicks dig our parties and if they are really good then we show them the roof.” Adam announces cutting off Blake, as he stretches out an arm across the door frame.

“Lucky women.” Imogen snorts back which makes Anders give her a fake grin.

“Purely eights or upwards of that but you like to run your mouth, so that makes you lose some points.” Ders states wishing that he had a mic to drop, but instead he winks at the brunette named Imogen.

“I’d rather fuck myself than have you help me out anytime Anders.” Imogen announces which makes, both Blake and Adam burst out laughing.

“Oh that’s a good burn, a sexy one too!” Adam declares with a childless giggle, poking his tongue out in Imogen’s direction.

“Stay or go, I don’t give a fuck!” Ders snaps back clearly over all of this, as he stalks back inside the house.

“Well you can obviously stay let’s set you up on the couch.” Blake begins with a smile as he elaborates “ I can make you a coffee or find you a beer, a red bull?”

“Thanks I will definitely be sticking with you-“

“This guy?!” Adam questions moments away from being bitchy but he stops himself to state that “Blake is a good dude but be gentle with him.”

“Dude!” Blake argues back in a firm voice whilst Adam, tries and fails to look apologetic as he shrugs back.

“Show me this couch then because I’m completely over tonight!” Imogen explains ignoring the two friends, who were currently eyeballing one another hard.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come and check out my bedroom?” Adam asks in what he presumes is a seductive voice, but it has the opposite effect on Imogen who narrows her eyes.

“Definitely not, I’m going to stay with Blake he is the only one I trust-“

“Plus I do have some weed leftover from earlier.” Blake cuts off Imogen with a smile as she grins back with a firm nod.

“That will definitely help me sleep and forget about tonight!” Imogen explains following Blake who heads inside, with Adam moving barely an inch as she has to squeeze past him.

“You are being the opposite of cute right now Adam-“

“Well I don’t care what you think!” Adam cuts off Imogen with a snort as he runs off to his left, hearing a slam of a door signalling he had finally taken the hint.

“And then there were two!” Blake announces then looks away shyly, because he sounded like a dork right now.

“Not quite.” Anders announces reappearing from the kitchen with a nonplussed look on his face.

“Give it up dude.” Imogen rolls her eyes as Anders shrugs, sitting down on the couch next to the window, whilst Blake nudges you towards the other one.

“I just wanna see all this unfold-“

“What sitting here on the couch because nothing else is happening tonight.” Imogen emphasises her point, by cutting off Anders whilst Blake shakes his head glancing quickly down at his hands.

“Oh no it definitely isn’t!” Begins Anders with a laugh as he continues “ Little Blakey here has the least experience with chicks, emphasis on the word little if you know what I mean.”

“That isn’t true, I have the most experience for sure!” Blake states even though he doesn’t sound as convinced himself.

“In your dreams with your left hand.” Splutters Anders with a laugh which no one else reciprocates back.

“Good enough for me.” Imogen shrugs moving closer to Blake on the couch, who looks very shocked but tries to cover it well.

“I seriously don’t get this!” Anders questions as he gets up from the couch, pointing from his roommate to Imogen as he adds “ Dude you’re going to mess this up big time.”

Imogen watches in amusement as Anders storms from the room, glancing at Blake who also has a bemused look on his face, with silence filling the room between them at this rather late hour.

“I can go grab you a blanket-“

“Please don’t leave me here alone.” Imogen asks Blake whilst stifling a yawn because tonight felt like it was never ending.

“I will literally be right back in a sec!” Blake announces with a squeak in his voice, which he hoped that Imogen didn’t hear.

Grabbing an old blanket off his bed Blake notes that Adam’s door is still shut, but his eyes widen when he spots Ders watching him, through the small crack of his door an ugly smirk smothered across his face.

“Don’t forget the coats-“

“Cut it out dude Imogen isn’t here for that I’m just helping here out.” Blake cuts off Anders quickly lowering his voice as he glances back down the hallway.

“Nice guys finish last Blake, always remember that!” Anders announces raising his voice while his roommate rolls his eyes.

“Don’t you think I know that already!” Blake begins with a bite of his bottom lip adding playfully “ But I feel like I have a chance here for something so don’t ruin this for me.”

“Adam’s right bro, you just need to stop being such a pussy.” Anders states with a scoff closing his door loudly, which makes Blake grip the blanket that was in his hand tighter.

He could do this because the last thing that Blake wanted, was his friend to get into his head right now, they were fucking with him sure but he was ready to show them exactly how to get the girl.

…or at least hang out and flirt with because for once he had the place to himself technically.

Imogen was the full package she was hot, funny and told it like it is, something that Blake wasn’t able to do, but he was really excited at the idea of them hanging out on the couch together.

No his mind wouldn’t treat this like an opening to a porn video, sure Blake liked to take things slow but he knew Imogen wasn’t giving off that vibe, the last thing that he was ever gonna do was throw himself at her.

Blake was surprisingly good with social cues or at least sensitive to other people, his roommates fucking mentioned it enough, like it was a bad thing being a beta but he would show them that it was the total opposite.

Imogen feels sleepy on the couch staring at her phone, watching it charge as she had found a cable to fit her iPhone, messaging Ellie to briefly explain her night whilst wishing that Blake would hurry up.

Despite being incredibly awkward but kinda cute with it, Imogen wanted to get a fuller picture of these guys especially Blake, feeling the safest with him even though her intuition wasn’t on point tonight.

Looking up when she spots the guy in question Imogen smiles as he silently hands her the soft blue blanket, crashing back down onto the couch, whilst keeping a little distance between them as he settles into his seat with ease.

“Do you want a coffee or beer-“

“It’s way after two in the morning I need to crash.” Begins Imogen with another yawn tugging down at her vest top as she the adds “Let’s just sit here and relax though first because, I’m pretty sure that you mentioned weed earlier.”

“Good plan.” Blake nods with a grin pulling out a joint from behind his ear, leaning forward to lazily to grab a lighter from their messy coffee table.

Placing the joint between his lips Blake lights the end, taking a slow inhale inquisitive blue eyes firmly fixed on Imogen, who was smirking but watching him pretty closely.

Silently Blake hands Imogen the jay their fingers brushing, making him look away but then quickly back, just in time to watch the brunette lick her bottom lip in anticipation.

Fuck, this was a bad idea because currently Blake was already rocking a semi, even though Imogen had literally just said that nothing would happen, but his body was responding in a very different tone to his brain.

Imogen takes a deep pull of the joint closing her eyes with a smile, as some of the smoke escapes through her nose, opening her eyes with a soft giggle as she catches Blake watching her with his mouth open ajar.

“Did I not do it right?” Questions Imogen with a roll of her eyes, also wondering why he was looking at her like that right now.

“Huh?” Blake returns to the couch noticing the arched eyebrow that Imogen was wearing, because his mind was now betraying him by thinking sexy thoughts about the babe beside him.

“Where did you go-“

“You don’t wanna know.” States Blake cutting off Imogen who smirks back at him playfully.

“Oh, I think I can totally guess where you went.” Imogen begins with a laugh that makes Blake look down at his hands in his lap as she then asks him “Was I any good?”

Blake chokes on his exhale in response coughing deeply, at the very same time that Imogen laughs and watches as he wipes his damp blue eyes, with the back of his left hand noticing long fingers which was obviously important.

“Let’s roll back to that question later.” Imogen informs Blake with a wink as she then explains to him “ I want to know what the deal is with your roommates.”

“Oh, really?” Blake questions with a confused look on his face, until he realises exactly why Imogen was asking him this.

“Yeah, they are idiots how did you meet them and end up here?” Imogen questions feeling the weed she was smoking take effect, the space around her softening at the edges which was both calming and welcoming right now.

“At this house? Well the short version is we met at college, got chucked off campus for many reasons, and then ended up at our hellscape job that is telemarketing needing a place to live and this came up.” Blake explains in one long breath, followed by a slow inhale on the joint sat between his fingers

“I have so many questions.” Imogen replies with a giggle then adds “ Those guys are a little too full on but you, well you’re a nice dude Blake.”

“I get that a lot.” Blake sighs hating himself for imagining a scenario that included Imogen and him as he states “Of course women like the full on guys, us nice guys never finish at all.”

“No way.” Imogen shakes her head with a scoff noticing Blake’s eyes drop as she hastily ask “Because if that was the case then why am I sitting here with you.”

“I’m a loser-“

“Hardly you are a cute nerd at best but no way a loser, believe me I’ve dated some of those.” Imogen snorts whilst twisting round to face Blake better, causing her leg to push against his as he freezes on the spot.

“What idiots-“

“Who?” Imogen questions in confusion whilst her right hand moves to grab the still lit jay, but Blake lifts it up high above his head causing her to lean forward as he moved back grinning lazily.

“Those idiots who let you go but I guess if you weren’t single you wouldn’t be here.” Blake states looking down directly at Imogen, who was still trying to retrieve the joint she disliked not being in charge greatly.

“I’m here because of a shitty night with yet another shitty guy, but you perhaps might be the one redeeming feature about tonight Blake.” Imogen states with a flirty smile that Blake reciprocates, feeling the endorphin boost all the way down to his toes.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Blake smirks as he goes to hand Imogen the joint, his body moving closer to hers as she attempts to grab it again, but instead he places it down onto a small rolling tray.

“You should-“ Before Imogen can finish that sentence Blake has firmly planted his lips on hers, causing her to stop talking and take a moment, to actually wonder what the hell this guy was doing with his tongue.

“What’s wrong?” Blake questions as he quickly moves his mouth away, with the tip of his tongue sticking out between his teeth, when he realises that Imogen isn’t kissing him back.

“Let’s take things a little slower-“

“Ok, well you can have my bed then and I will just stay out here on the couch.” Blake states with a resigning nod, the boost from earlier being replaced with secondhand embarrassment.

“Er, no.” Imogen states with a shake of her head as she elaborates “Kiss me again instead but this time, take it much slower because there is no rush.”

“Sure, I can do that.” Blake nods looking anything but confident, as he moves closer again, with one arm spread along the back of the couch and his right hand placed lightly on Imogen’s hip thumb brushing against bare skin.

“Hey, don’t look so glum.” Imogen informs Blake with a soft smile.

“You’re only gonna hate it again.” Blake scoffs hating the self doubt, that was being awakened inside of him by his anxiety.

“Try me.” Imogen tells him with a grin clocking the look on Blake’s face, the innocent one that told her that this was important for him.

Silently nodding Blake opens his mouth a tiny fraction, then moving closer he meets Imogen once again, their lips dancing together only this time without his tongue vibrating crazily against her teeth.

Instead barely there kisses greeted Imogen that made her almost want to sigh, body responding accordingly to the anticipation moving her left hand to hold onto Blake’s broad shoulder, the motion makes him deepen their connection which finally causes a noise to escape from her lips.

That makes Imogen grab a handful of Blake’s tee shirt as a result pulling him closer, whilst he re introduced his tongue slowly almost teasingly, and then when he hears the noise that comes from Imogen once again it almost undoes him as a result.

“Better?” Questions Blake hesitantly noticing the dazed look, that was gleaming on Imogen’s face as she nods back eagerly.

“Don’t stop!” Huffs Imogen as Blake grins goofily whilst tugging at his tee shirt, pulling it up over his head rather aggressively in one quick move.

Blue eyes meet Imogen’s once more as Blake notices the look she was giving him, unable to resist the urge to flex his pecs which makes a smirk appear on the brunettes face, this pleases him greatly as his good mood is restored back from factory settings.

“You’re looking at me the same way that Adam looks at KFC food.” Blake chuckles especially when he sees a dusting of red, colour Imogen’s cheeks in response making her look all the more cuter.

“So what are you going to do about it then Blake?” Imogen asks with a smile at the quick learner who was seated next to her, the same guy who had just pulled her heartstrings as well as a few other muscles moments ago…

[ecargmura]

Delicious Party Precure Episode 6 Review - A Ridiculous Monster Rumor

While this was another Kokone-focused episode with her trying to get along with her classmates, it was filled with a lot of red herrings. Despite that, it was a really sweet episode.

I’m amazed Kokone was able to make three trays of sandwiches in a short amount of time. Can Yui even eat all of that? Seeing Kokone going all out with sandwich making was hilarious as she brought out a raw ham and sliced it into prosciutto. Like, Kokone, where did you get that ham and where did you get those knife skills? I also like that this episode focused a bit on Kokone trying to get along with her classmates as they still put her on a pedestal. The three girls from their class don’t want her to throw the garbage away as they think it’s not right for a rich girl like her to such a task. Seeing Kokone feel all left out as the three have fun to themselves made me feel sad for her. There was also the case with those three boys that were eating the fried shrimp. They were understanding that Yui would enjoy fried shrimp, but they didn’t think Kokone would eat them as they think she’s too posh for it. She didn’t ask to be put on a pedestal. I’m glad that the barrier between her and her classmates have broken and that she gets along with them as just Kokone and not Lady Fuwa.

I really like how Yui’s never judgmental. Kokone takes out a giant ham? She finds that cool. Kokone brings three trays of sandwiches to school so that they can eat them together? She still digs in. Kokone brings honeydew melon slices with prosciutto wrapped around them? Yui enjoys the taste. She always goes with the flow and never has bias towards anyone or anything. Everyone deserves a friend like Yui in their lives. She loves her friends for who they are and never chides them for their quirks. 

Pam-Pam was also sort of the other star of this episode as she was the one who accidentally caused the monster rumor to happen as she was the kettle “monster”. She was mainly worried about Kokone and she followed her to school to check up on her. It’s cute how she worries about Kokone who is now coming out of her shell. Kokomo’s so blessed to have wonderful friends in her life.

Now for the red herrings, I did mention that the student council president and Gentlu could be the same person and my suspicions were correct as the “monster” rumor was used by the president to make it so that she can occupy the cafeteria and steal the fried shrimp Recipeppi. However, it made it seem like Gentlu’s identity is someone else. I’m 100% sure Gentlu and the president are the same person and the brown-haired classmate who loves food is used as a red herring to believe otherwise. Also, I initially believed Takumi was going to help out with Yui when it came to the Ubauzo, but he didn’t show up. 

Also, I feel like the writing for this episode was a bit asinine? Oh, there’s a monster in the school? Monsters don’t exist yet everyone treats it as if it does. Haven’t they assumed that it could just be a wild animal or a stray cat that got in? However, it does show how fast rumors travel in this day and age as the monster rumors is spread around and everyone makes up their own tale to make it seem bigger than it is. Regardless, other than this jarring aspect, the episode was fine and wholesome. Though, my other gripe is that Rosemary didn’t really do much other than be comic relief towards Kome-Kome who was rolling around; I’m surprised that has been going on for two days.

I’m not convinced that this “Chururin” person is a member of the Bundoru Gang or Gentlu’s pawn. It’s definitely that girl with the yellow cardigan as all the signs point to her. Given she’s in the opening, she’s definitely the third Precure. I can’t wait to watch the next episode, which will be soon. What are your thoughts on this episode?