#comedic

[ch1ll3d-gr4p3-s0d4]

Late Night Communications

DISCLAIMER: i am not a putin/russian government supporter, i suppport and stand with zelenskyys ukraine 100%. i ALSO obviously do not support the kim dynasty and north korean government. this is purely meant for entertainment and comedic purposes as a satire.

It was a hard day of being president of the greatest nation in the world, Russia. Putin settled down in his plush bedroom, the royal coloured bedspread covering his body in a warm comfort. However, no matter how warm it was, it couldn’t compare to the embrace of his dear lover. His fingers slid over the phone sleepily as he texted him in the dark.

“You up, Jongy?” and pressed send.

He almost dozed off among the luxurious pillows, in his cashmere pajamas and the blankets surrounding him, before he heard the vibration of a text back.

“Hey, hyung, what’s the matter? You should be asleep.” his distant lover, Kim Jong-un messaged.

Vladimir sighed and rolled his eyes, smiling. His Kimmy always wanted the best for him, even if it meant being a little bossy. It kind of turned Vlad on, how Kim was pushy and controlling sometimes, although he wouldn’t admit it without a thorough amount of poking and teasing. He guessed he had got it from controlling every detail of his citizens lives for so many years. Putin chuckled to himself

He messaged him back, fumbling with the phone in the dark.

“I know, I know, I just wanted to talk to you. You’ve been sorely missed in the Kremlin.” The message sounded formal enough, hiding the burning desire behind it.

“Aww, I’ll try to visit soon, darling.” Jong-un texted back.

Even though it was a matter of 5 minutes between each reply, for needy Vlad it felt like a million.

“I wish you were here to hold me.” He texted quickly, not stopping to think how soppy it sounded.

“Don’t talk like that, hyung, we’ll see each other soon enough.”

He could almost feel the warm reassurance from Kim through the screen, embracing him like the warm Korean hands he knew so well.

“Why not now?” he texted, nuzzling sleepily into his silk pillowcase, having now giving up all fear of sounding whiney or needy.

“Too many civil rights to abolish, too much fun to be had from threatening South Korea…” was the message back.

It made sense to Putin. Life was just too busy as a dictator to just drop everything and fly to Saint Petersburg, but he sometimes wished he could literally conjure Kim right in front of him, right there in the master bedroom of the Kremlin palace. But alas, he accepted it. Although, as amusing as it was, Vlad was beggining to grow weary of Jong-uns constant teasing of South Korea. He knew they were sworn enemies, but the obsession seemed like more than just blind war fuelled hatred.

“Sometimes I feel like you care more about South Korea than me…”, he hesitantly sent, his finger hovering over the send button for a moment or two.

“Oh, Vlad-ah, you know that’s not true. I could never love anyone as much as I love you, especially not those scum. I’m merely strategising. South Korea, or anyone, could never get between us.” Kim texted back, the warm words filling Putin with relief.

“Okay, thank you, Jongy. love you.” he messaged back quickly.

“Of course, love you too, see you soon. Get some sleep now, okay baby?” was the sweet but firm reply.

Vlad texted another “Okay goodnight.” before he let his phone slip out of his hands, his head dropping into the warm soft pillows and into a deep, yearning sleep.

thanks for reading and i’m so sorry, let me know if you want more.

[outsideyourhousewithaknife]

Knitting is great it's just a fidget toy and periodically you get a scarf or some shit

[managone16]

Match made in Heaven

Regulus meets James at a party and they start meeting more often. 

Lily meets Pandora at an art gallery and they hit up.

Pandora and Regulus realise what is happening. So, talk about it and they know from the beginning about the flirting, only proceeding knowing the other isn’t getting hurt.

One day, Lily kisses Pandora and soon Regulus kisses James.

Reg and Pandora talk about it and they realise what is happening and they laugh so much.

A small scene that gives the glimpse of James and Lily’s tireful and a uneventfully routined marriage.

One day, during a whole group meetup, they play never have I ever. During this, James and Lily drink when Barty asks that if anyone has cheated on someone.

Pandora sees them both drink and asks if they are finally telling everything to everyone.

Chaos ensues.

"It’s too fucking funny." "It’s practically an open marriage."

Sirius is just shocked about his baby brother shagging James, his best friend. Evan and Barty knew about it, because Pandora couldn't keep it in. As for Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, Remus, Peter, Emmeline and Sirius, they are all so lost and confused before they realise just how the "match made in heaven" of the group had better matches. They all laugh it off. James and Lily see their marriage crumble, but realise it is for the best.

[the-most-humble-blog]

Salad cheats on you in the fridge. Donuts? They stay loyal. 🍩🥗 #TeamDonut

[gothamsmom]

Title: Dad Mode Activated

It was an unusually quiet day at the Justice League Watchtower. The usual buzz of superhero discussions was muted—mainly because everyone was currently trying to hold back their laughter, which was proving difficult.

In the center of the room stood Bruce Wayne, his usual stoic expression in place. Next to him, with a big, toothy grin and an enthusiastic thumbs-up, was none other than Dick Grayson, the newest (and most unexpected) addition to Bruce’s family.

“Okay, let’s get this straight,” Green Lantern (John Stewart) said, arms crossed, trying to maintain his composure. “You—Bruce Wayne—the guy who can’t stand people touching his stuff, who’s basically married to his Batmobile… you adopted a kid?”

Bruce’s expression didn’t falter. “Yes, I adopted Dick. He needed a home, and I am perfectly capable of providing that.”

“By adopting him?” Wonder Woman asked, looking mildly incredulous as she hovered nearby, adjusting her bracelets. “You, a man of few words, adopting someone who practically never stops talking?”

Dick, standing next to Bruce, winked and immediately launched into a dramatic monologue. “Oh, Diana, you have no idea. This guy has to have a talk with me every single day about something, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard the Bat-speech at least a thousand times about how ‘no one can know who I am, or how to make my own lunch.’” He turned to Bruce with a smirk. “I mean, really, Dad. You could at least let me pick out my own cereal. How many different types of granola do we really need?”

Bruce didn’t even blink. “Granola is a healthy choice. You’ll thank me later.”

“Sure, but can’t we vary the grains a little bit? I’m not saying I’m trying to get all wild—but maybe some chocolate chips once in a while?”

John was rubbing his temples, his voice rising in frustration. “Wait. Chocolate chips in the cereal? What is happening? Bruce, you’re a billionaire! You can buy an entire bakery, and you’re limiting him to granola? You don’t even buy the kid Lucky Charms once in a while?”

Bruce shot him a pointed look. “It’s not about the cereal, John. It’s about responsibility.”

“Dad, can I at least have the funny shaped cereal?” Dick chimed in again, looking at Bruce with big puppy eyes. “You know, the ones with the dinosaurs?”

The entire League collectively groaned, and even Superman, who usually kept his cool, was looking more and more like he needed to step out for some fresh air.

“Bruce, come on,” Flash said, wiping a tear from his eye as he tried to suppress a grin. “You’ve got a kid now. You’re… actually a parent. You’re not just the brooding, mysterious, ‘don’t touch my Batcave’ guy anymore. You’re—well, you’re Dad.” He did air quotes with his fingers. “I mean, look at you. You’re practically the ‘cool dad’ in a sitcom.”

Dick, always one for dramatic flair, threw his arm around Bruce’s shoulders and leaned in close. “That’s right. Dad’s basically Superdad. He does my homework for me. He even fixed my bike—while giving me a lecture on the importance of safety precautions when riding it. I think I might be learning something from him.”

Bruce barely reacted, but there was a subtle twinkle of pride in his eyes.

Green Lantern was not having it. “So, we’ve gone from Bruce Wayne, Bat of Gotham, to Dad of Gotham. This is officially happening. This is real. He actually adopted someone who—oh my gods—doesn’t even know how to do laundry?”

“Oh, I know how to do laundry!” Dick cut in, looking horrified at the idea of his inadequacies being aired out. “I just don’t always follow the rules, okay?”

“And that, my dear Dick,” Batman said with the faintest smirk, “is why I’m going to make you fold your own laundry from now on.”

The room fell silent. Everyone stared at Bruce.

“I have to do what?” Dick asked in disbelief, looking up at his new dad with wide, innocent eyes.

“Folding laundry is part of responsibility, Dick. If you want to be in this family, you’re going to need to learn how to do things like a proper member of society. Start with sorting colors.”

“Ughhh, fine,” Dick grumbled, but there was something endearing about the way he was trying to resist, as though he wanted to be a little more rebellious, but couldn’t help but melt under Bruce’s dad-voice.

“You’re going to love it,” Bruce continued, ever so patiently, as if lecturing on laundry was the most important thing in the world. “It’s simple. It’s organized. It makes sense.”

John Stewart, who had been quietly watching this dynamic, sighed. “This is not what I signed up for. A kid actually listening to Batman? Can we just talk about how you’re training him like a tiny soldier?”

“Well, Dick is very trainable,” Bruce said, the faintest grin tugging at the corner of his lips. “I am the best at teaching responsibility.”

Dick threw his hands up in the air. “Yes, yes, we get it! I’m learning, okay? Can we please just have lunch now? I’m starving. I swear, the only thing you’ve taught me so far is how to eat kale and granola.”

“Granola’s healthy,” Bruce repeated, his voice firm.

“That’s it. I’m going out for pizza. I can’t be part of this,” Flash said, turning on his heel, but there was still a smile tugging at his lips. “Just don’t burn the house down while you’re being ‘Dad,’ Bruce.”

“I won’t burn the house down, Barry. You’ve been watching too many movies,” Bruce replied with an eye roll, but then added, "And Dick, we’re having kale for dinner. Please don’t argue."

Dick groaned dramatically, flopping onto the couch. “You’re the worst parent ever,” he muttered.

“Eat your kale, Dick.”

“Ughhhh!” Dick wailed, burying his face in the cushions.

[canmking]

S t e v e H a r v e y / D L H u g h l e y

B e r n i e M a c / C e d r i c T h e E n t e r t a i n e r

[ogmaddoxtamoke]

Everyone knows that Lucifer loves apples, but few know how deep that love goes. I'll give you a hint: VERY.

This'll be the only sticker this week since, you know, Thanksgiving and all that, but I'll be back on my bullsh-- next week. Got a couple pieces in the works that I would love to show you guys when the time arises. Until then, have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!

[hybriddhthepoet]

Maidenless? By HybridDH

Art thou maidenless? What a shame,

no maidens near to speak thy name!

Who’d have thought, oh poor lost soul,

alone as stone, without a goal.

Oh dear, no fair or gentle dame,

to sigh or pine or fan thy flame?

No loving gaze to melt thy heart—

nay, none to love thee from the start.

A maiden’s kiss? Nay, none for you,

no soft embrace, no heart that’s true.

For thou dost roam, a lonesome breeze,

while others flirt with grace and ease.

What sin hast thou brought to the stars above

to be denied both warmth and love?

For lo, each maiden fair and sweet

hath fled from thine ungainly feet.

Poor wretched soul, of charm bereft,

no ladylove hath e’er been left!

Yet, who’s to blame for lack of cheer?

Perhaps it’s thine own fault, my dear!

For maidens want not looks so pale,

nor men whose wit does seem to fail.

Seek charm, seek grace, a warmer style—

and maybe love will stay awhile.

But as it stands, you’re left alone,

to dream of maidens, all unknown.

Take heart, dear friend, and heed this plea—

for one day, one may pity thee!

[ririwithrice]

[dark-rx]

Nuclear War is Bad for Kittens

[krumpkin]

Art by Jim Unger - Always read the small print 🤔

[outsideyourhousewithaknife]

Therapy intros are wild as hell because it's just somebody with a clipboard going "What's your favorite colour?" "What was the worst thing that happened to you as a kid?" "Do you have any siblings?" "Do you know about a history of generational trauma in your family?"

[gaygunsmoke]