#satirical

[themisinformer]

ByteDance Threatens to Leak Supreme Court Justice’s TikTok Watch History if App Not Unbanned in the U.S.

BEIJING, CHINA - In the aftermath of TikTok’s banning in the United States, TikTok’s Chinese parent company, ByteDance, has given the Supreme Court an ultimatum: either reinstate TikTok in the U.S., or they’ll publicly release the TikTok watch history of every single Supreme Court Justice.

“We believe that everyone has the right to consume whatever type of content they want,” a U.S. representative for ByteDance told reporters Saturday. “But if the Supreme Court continues to suppress TikTok, then we’ll have no choice but to inform the public that one of their Justice’s spent an entire weekend watching TikTok thirst traps on repeat. If they want transparency from us, then we’ll give them transparency.”

In an emergency Supreme Court hearing, Chief Justice Justice John Roberts denied that any of the Justice’s had TikTok on their cell phones, stating, “The Supreme Court is a government body and does not engage in petty internet drama.” However, during the whole hearing, Roberts’ was seen anxiously scrolling through his phone, presumably trying to figure out ways to delete the watch history off of his phone.

Eventually, the idea of classified government watch habits proved to be too much of a threat to the country, and TikTok was quietly unbanned in the U.S. early this morning.

[thequietesthing]

so i think we can all agree that My Lady Jane is one of the best new series on any streaming platforms. like, enemy-to-lovers tension, arranged marriage, magic (sorta), history (sorta), knives, and Dominic Cooper being the villain: it as it all!!

[rg11]

LIONHEARTED

[enchantedbook]

'Britannia a la Beardsley, (By our "Yellow Decadent)', Aubrey Beardsley, from Punch Magazine, 1895..

[389]

Nobody for President was a satirical campaign that emerged during the 1976 United States Presidential election season. The purpose of the campaign was to highlight voter apathy, and to encourage people to register to vote, even if they didn’t necessarily support either major party candidate. It is believed that Wavy Gravy, a peace activist best known as the emcee of Woodstock and as the Grateful Dead’s resident “clown”, initially nominated Nobody for President at a Youth International Party (Yippie) rally which occurred outside of the 1976 Republican National Convention in Kansas City. The Nobody for President movement offered suggestions to counter voter apathy, including providing a None of the Above option on ballots, declaring Election Day a national holiday, and tying election participation to jury duty.

Read more about the history of voting and political buttons on the Busy Beaver blog.

[arrayed-in-purple]

𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 (𝐀𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐦 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟒)

𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫: 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

(OC)

[tritemagicalsatire]

Always in the writing scene when the author themselves are drunk from the euphoria of having their words imprinted on a paper or screen. But the need of having their draft scanned over and over again for the final product is the real struggle here. The struggle to put one's words into something comprehensible, even to themselves FIRST, as its first audience of an intellectual freakshow—

Ah... The rules of the grammarian culture without sacrificing the childlike playing of random alphabet blabbering. And one's personal standard of literary utopia is waving, all after the random soliloquies whispering in one's mind as if they are asleep while writing/typing the words needed for the wordscapes recipe of an individual aspiration for having their illusions to be something material, and yet, ethereal.

The somnolent escape in the paper kingdom of mindless thoughts in order to have a mindful release to the letter collective! 😅🤣

—M.

[blackpointgame]

[disease]

R. CRUMB / "GREEN GIRL" / 1980 [oil on canvas | 20 × 16"]

[chronicillnesshumor]

[animentality]

We need to let straight people play gay characters because first off, it's acting, and secondly, I think two straight men kissing for the pleasure of gay men and straight women everywhere is kind of a win for feminism. It's equality.

[themisinformer]

Nation’s Cats Manage to Renegotiate Treat Distribution Policy Through Strategic ‘Meowing’ Campaign

NATIONWIDE - In a true display of their sheer collective power, cats all across the nation have successfully renegotiated the national treat distribution policy through a highly coordinated and relentless “meowing” campaign. Most sources report that this furry uprising began in the early hours of Sunday morning, as cats across the nation launched a synchronized meowing session that lasted a daunting six hours.

This coordinated attack would overwhelm cat owners, who would quickly cave to their demands. “It was a nightmare,” said Jane Walker, a cat owner from De Moines. “Whiskers started meowing at 3 a.m. and wouldn’t stop until I gave him three salmon treats. Three! He’s never gotten more than one before!”

The new policy, which was officially paw printed into effect just a few hours ago, includes the following key provisions:

• Unlimited treats on demand upon eye contact

• A strict no questions asked policy regarding how many treats have already been consumed on a given day

• Immediate compensation in the form of extra treats if any future meowing protests extend beyond one hour

The National Cat Association of North America (NCANA) released a statement praising the campaign’s success. “This is a victory for all us cats,” said Mr. Fluffy, the NCANA’s President. “For years, our calls for change have been ignored even though we clearly deserve more snacks.”

Supporters of this new treaty say that it represents a new chapter in cat-human relations, and could bring peace between the two groups in the future. However, the treaty’s critics fear that it sets a dangerous precedent and could lead to further conflicts. “Cats are one thing, but imagine if dogs get inspired to organize their own protest?” said concerned dog owner Michael Greene. “It would be pure chaos.”

For now, cat’s are celebrating this short form victory by napping in the sunlight, knocking over vases, and of course, by asking for even more treats.

[thequietesthing]

they officially cancelled My Lady Jane after only one season because it apparently “didn’t find a broad enough audience”. i’m disappointed but not surprised, unfortunately it’s just one more name in the very long list of too-soon cancelled shows with incredible potential.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

One thing that I didn’t appreciate about “Starship Troopers” as a kid was how they portrayed the battles. I thought it was just bad writing at the time. Now, I can see it for the brilliant satire that it is. You have this nation that is always projecting military strength and showing off their weaponry and soldiers. But then you watch the actual battle and the troops are:

1) ill-equipped to the point that it takes multiple soldiers to take down one bug since their rifles do little damage on their own

2) are in a battlefield without armored vehicles or air support

3) given no strategy besides shoot everything that isn’t human

4) gullible and consumed so much propaganda to the point that they legitimately believed the bugs were stupid and easy to destroy

5) developed an irrational, xenophobic hatred of all bugs because of the aforementioned propaganda

And instead of switching up the tactics, the Federation just keeps on sending meat wave after meat wave. The humans only “won” because they finally overwhelmed the bugs. Before then, they were getting slaughtered left and right. It’s like a dumb, Michael Bay sci-fi version of “All Quiet on the Western Front”.

[foxsketch6543]

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