#chilhood abuse

[esmealux]

Just wanted to add that CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and that it's a relatively new diagnosis and only found in the ICD-11 (WHO's classification of diseases, released 2018, came into action 2022), and not in the DSM-5 (the American Psychological Association's classification of mental disorders).

For anyone interested, these are the core features of complex PTSD listed in the ICD-11:

The onset of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms can occur across the lifespan, typically after exposure to chronic, repeated traumatic events and/or victimization that have continued for a period of months or years at a time.

Symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder are generally more severe and persistent in comparison to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Exposure to repeated traumas, especially in early development, is associated with a greater risk of developing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder rather than Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

And here are some other facts from an article by Maercker et al. (2022):

"Complex PTSD is characterised by three core post-traumatic symptom clusters, along with chronic and pervasive disturbances in emotion regulation, identity, and relationships. Complex PTSD has been adopted as a new diagnosis in the ICD-11. Individuals with complex PTSD typically have sustained or multiple exposures to trauma, such as childhood abuse and domestic or community violence. The disorder has a 1–8% population prevalence and up to 50% prevalence in mental health facilities."

They also write that, "ICD-11 introduced complex PTSD as a diagnosis distinct from PTSD to recognise the effect that chronic or repeated trauma can have on self-organisation-related mechanisms."

[emphasis added]

So, yeah, it's a relatively new diagnosis that isn't found in the DSM-5 (mainly used in the US and in a lot of research), but there's substantial evidence for its validity (according to that same article and one other I read but now can't find). Personally, I think it's crucial to recognise the effect of sustained and repeated trauma, and hopefully the CPTSD diagnosis contributes to a broader understanding of trauma reactions.

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[gor3sigil]

I've been going through an awful, distressing time lately. When september hits and school starts again for kids and teenagers, I always deal with symptoms that are PTSD related because, for most of my life, this time of year was awful. But this year, my GOD, it's bad, but in a different way. I've been dealing with age regression, and also an aching longing to be a teenager again.

My teenage years were fucking awful and traumatizing as shit, so I always said that you couldn't pay me to relive them, but now I'm dealing with a part of me that is so so so angry about being an adult, that longs to have the typical teenage life (going to school, seeing friends, homework etc) so bad I’ve been getting more and more depressed about it. And I feel so fucking embarrassed about it I can’t bring myself to talk about it with my therapist, because that’s so ridiculous.

And yet, the highschool memories are flooding back, half my brain is stuck reliving them (note that when I was in HS I'd go to school early to hang out there because my home life was hellish, it was kind of a safe heaven as I wasn't bullied anymore and loved my friends and teachers), I feel trapped in my mind and in the present day, my fear of growing up/getting old is debilitating to a point where I have [redacted] thoughts because I can't go back, and it's like my brain is fighting against itself, always blasting out the fun times in HS while reminding itself that I was awfully depressed too at this time and had little to no self esteem. And it's been like that for a month now. I'm struggling so fucking bad.

[atclouds]

There's a beast in my past and it scares me

This hungry, hungry wolf that i do not approach

Wolves travel in packs, I keep inviting them over

I was trying to run away, as many of my stories start

There are so many escape routes, but so many wolves

Its different but just one the same, that same wolf in the background

The others band together as they haunt me

But you

You're a solitary creature, you do not hunt you stalk, you do not claw you just demand of me pain

And pain i bled, for you from wounds you did not claw and flesh you did not tear

Not you, never you, its unbecoming, you say that but you lie often

I dont remember your face anymore, or who you used to be before you became this big bad wolf

What did i see in you over the ever present dread of loneliness

Im scared of being alone, the sole ordeal of the hunt, a pack of wild beasts on your trail

Makes you a part of something bigger

Maybe thats why i invited so many wolves, its in their nature to hunt, and for me to run

I wonder if you'd be pleased of what i made of you, a monster to fear

You where a scared, spiteful little sadistic thing

You'd enjoy it, haunting me so

Nobody could hurt me quite as sharp, efficiently afflicted

I made a game of it a jest

Id put you on a nightgown and me in a red hood, id make of it a tragedy, id make of you a tale

So many times over told, overtold, overtalked, that you took a second life, a second set of teeth, an overcoat of fur

A black dog is an omen of death, a carrier of doom, but you simple creature you, are not a dog

I made of you an omen, i made of you a reverence of self destruction, i painted you red like wonderland white roses

I'm cursed, you cursed me. You made of me this fool

I dont think ill ever stop running

There is this big bad wolf, who uses to be a girl, not particularly big but exceptionally bad

There's this old ghost in my breast pocket, it hears my heart beat accelerate, and it feeds, with every broken sharp intake.

[croque-melpomene]

Entzug | poetry

after you split my mother in half she gave birth to me * the abuse of my mother has always been a part of my own body * and it was through your soul that pain entered my body * what happened to you when I separated my body from your hands * I am the result of your violence My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2023 | Instagram: croque_melpomene

[ruminate88]

Treat People LIKE PEOPLE, Not Pawns:

12/09/24 Being Objectified 

It starts in the atmosphere you were born in. Was it a toxic atmosphere? That most likely determines how you grow up to see the world and people around you. I do believe you can even be influenced throughout your life by others you come in contact with. Let me share my story: 

School labeled me by the second grade and made me feel less than… I never felt smart in school and the kids weren’t always very nice to me so, I started to form this opinion at a young age that the world is very cruel and cold. I already felt misunderstood greatly. At home, I felt pretty safe for the most part. My dad could be tough on me at times but I still felt like my parents loved me even if they didn’t understand me either. I felt so stupid and not good enough! I slowly formed the opinion that I needed to protect other people who felt the way I did …

When I dated my exes and they’re telling me they’re not good enough OR they’re telling me they have mental struggles, I relate to them and feel protective over them!! I wanted them to feel better about themselves and so I tried really hard to show them a safe space to show them love… I’m not sure anyone else has shown them that kind of love but it seems to me, that, those who have had childhood trauma have not been loved correctly and they’ve grown up seeing people as “well, everybody does what they have to to get their way in life or to be successful. It’s a dog eat dog world.” (Which I sorta agree a little) they have been controlled in childhood and or they’ve been sooo hurt, now they too are controlling.

Some parents will use their children to make them look good or to get their way on things and that child feels that they have to please their parents and they’re not allowed to even really have their own opinions!!! That’s sad.. I could imagine if my parents tried to force me to have the same opinions as them all the time, that I would probably push them away because I’m a very stubborn and strong willed person!!! It’s also why I found myself in so many toxic relationships is because that’s attractive to a controlling person evidently. 

It’s clear to me now, that my exes saw me as a toy the way they praised my body and the pictures I would send them. They would tell me how beautiful I am, but they would never respect me or feel sorry for me when they’re hurting my feelings. My last relationship said “if I’m hurting you so much, then just stop caring about me. Why do you care about somebody who only hurts you?” That was obviously his way of being defensive towards me, but also not taking accountability, putting it all back onto me to make me look bad instead and he lacks empathy possibly so he can’t feel sorry that he’s made me cry and that he’s made me so upset. When sadly, if it was the other way around and I had made him cry, I would be on my knees telling him how much I apologize and I would try to take those tears away…. 

All I ever wanted was to relate to my exes and to let them know that they’re not alone!! I’ve struggled all my life to feel. “good enough“ that’s why every time my ex Andrew said he wasn’t good enough for me, it ALWAYS crushed me because I knew how that felt all my life and I never wanted him to feel that… I was trying so hard to protect him and keep him safe, but he was only hurting me the whole time because he only sees me as a person to use and possibly because he too was being used all his life by his family.. 💔 I could be wrong and judging his situation wrongly and if I am, I pray he forgives me, but this is just what I’ve seen from the outside looking in. The way he looked sooooo successful and even told me he didn’t feel good enough for his parents but yet got defensive when I found his mom’s Facebook and saw his baby photos… Why you so upset by that if there’s no issues there??? 

If you’ve never been treated like a person yourself, then you obviously will not know how to treat others and that’s just the hard facts . then on the other aspect of it all, if you’ve grown up in a family that teaches you have to love others and put others first, then you almost always find yourself being taken advantage of and walked on. That’s why you have to find that healthy balance of still loving and respecting others, but respecting yourself too, and not letting people always run you into the ground. I did that one relationship after the other, I let them use and abuse me and it made me cold and it made me disconnected from myself and the ones that I love that’s not good!

Healing so I can be a loving and warm person again, but so I can be wiser too and treat people even better, but also treat myself well too no longer will I be somebody’s pawn and I don’t want to be like my exes. I’m terrified to turn into them because there has been moments where they’ve made me so cold and angry at the world that I almost feel like why do I even love people when they treat me this way just treat them the way they treat me but that’s not right. I know I have to still love and respect people and also you have to forgive people. It’s for your own good, it’s nothing to even do with them. They did you wrong you’re not saying what they did was OK you are saying that you are the bigger person and that you don’t wanna hold onto the poison forever. Hope this helps. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[amoebamom]

Dear Journal,

I've been trying to finish this since the last blue moon (in Capricorn). This energy brings assertive, rebellious, innovative, intense/radical, lasting change with unexpected events and dynamic transformation🦋

It reminds me of my last vacation. I came back from😮‍💨

I enjoy traveling, so for my mental health care routine, I will go on a vacation once a year as part of my schedule 📅 (but only manage what u can, of course👍)

When I travel and explore new places/people/things, I gain new perspective 🤌, even the "bad" experiences bring awareness/valuable lesson that's suppose to help you grow as a person (growth through pain)💪

My last trip (visiting family/camping) didn't go as planned and had to be cut short and back to square one. But in the midst of all the negative emotions I was feeling, there was a glimpse of hope/gratitude to gather from all of this🙏

Sometimes things are a blessing in disguise and what's meant for you will be, everything else will have to go.

It may not feel great at the time, but you will figure out why it's better that way🙏

It gave me an opportunity to take my power back, to allow no one to mistreat or disrespect me again, not even family (blood is not always family❣️)

In order to make space for new/different things, you need to get rid of what isn't aligning with you anymore, not for lack of love or care, but because at some point you need to love yourself more and do what's right for you in the end (you deserve happiness too)🫂

For me, it's being able to parent differently than what is "normal"or expected, and break away from generational cycle of abuse/trauma. Survivors of childhood trauma don't get to develop much as a kid since you're too busy trying to survive your family (dysfunctional/toxic) environment. And until you deal with the unresolved trauma, then you'll only be repeating more of that same cycle without you even realizing it.

Even though it's not your fault what happened, you're responsible to fix the damage/pain that was caused.

Setting boundaries and cutting people out sometimes is the only way to be able to heal❤️‍🩹

It may feel lonely/guilty at first but those feelings will change over time and eventually you will be glad you made the choice for yourself🙌

Start inner-child healing, and give yourself what they failed to give you when you needed it. Not aligning with your true authentic path will only leave you feeling unsatisfied/bitter about life.

Figure out what's important to you, what motivates you to keep moving forward, and inspires your creativity.  Once you do, you will attract others who may join you in your quest🤝

* FYI: If you don't know what that is, try getting a natal chart reading. It will help give you better insight into yourself😉

[balestrem]

What I find hard in life is when you try to lead with honesty. It’s mostly hard because you begin to realise how many people are prone to lying.

It’s my mother who asks me to lie for her so she can get out of an event. It’s my boss who asks me to lie to another company about his failures, begging me to take the blame for his faults. It’s my friends who ask me to cover for them and help them with a lie. It’s co-workers who are upset about the fact that, if you’re asked as a witness, to talk about their misbehaviours, who’d prefer you‘d make up a lie.

It’s fascinating how being honest seems to be getting me into a lot of trouble, because all of a sudden their ways of lying no longer work, because one person dared to speak up.

When has life become so filled with lies and false promises? I wonder if we can ever truly be honest without being appalled by honesty.

[cordidy]

Grieving...

The LaDS men helping you after Josephine and Caleb's fake death (cause he definitively is "shady guy" idc).

I took the part of not dating cause I wanted some friendly comfort and since Zayne is a chilhood friend I assumed he would be more present than the others, hence his is longer (😏🤭)

TW : mention of death, funeral

Featuring Zayne, Xavier, Rafayel and Sylus.

English is not my mother tongue.

- Zayne was in surgery when the explosion happened and it's only a couple of hours after you got admitted to Akso's ER, when he got back to his office to relax, that he got the memo as your physician.

- He spends the night by your side, refusing to move until you wake up and holds your hand the next day when the police comfirms they did not find any remains in the rubble of the house.

- The man will be HERE for you all the way down, moving onto your couch the moment he brought you back home. While he can't clear his bussy schedule, his free time will be dedicated to you, making sure you get healthy meals, rest and all the support you need but also leaving you space of needed.

- Zayne is very organized so wether it's the paperwork with the insurance or the funeral organization he will help and will even step up to take decisions when you mentally can't.

- He's madly in love with you but won't try anything innapropriate in your weaken state, going as far as gently push you away when you try to hit on him one night just to feel something else than the despair you've fallen into.

- "Not like this" he will whisper as you try to kiss him before breaking down in his arm. He will hold you while carressing your hair to try and sooth you thou, kissing your forehead gently, lulling you to sleep with sweet words.

- The day of the funeral he stands by your side, holding your hand tight to remind you you are not alone, your fingers intertwined being the only thing grounding you.

- On the following weeks he will abuse his prerogative as you physician to check your tension and run tests to make sure you are not letting yourself drown in sorrow. Dropping by you place after work will also become a habit and he won't hide the fact IT IS to check up on you, no shit given at the side eye you give him while he is cooking you dinner instead of instant noodles.

- Xavier finds out when the news reaches the Association.

- He will volunteer to bring you flowers and condoleances on behalf of your coworkers and will offer to drive you home when you get discharged from the hospital since you are neighbors.

- He will find ANY occasion to show up at your door. "I ran out of sugar" "do you have hot water ?" "The delivery guy (he bribed) gave me your package" all of these just to check on you without saying it out loud cause he knows you don't like people seeing you in a weak state.

- He will barely get sleep as he wants to be sure he won't miss your knock on the door when you'll start doing the same just to not be alone with your thoughts.

- It will become a habit for you to fall asleep on his couch whihe watching a movie to try and change your mind since your place, so full of memories, will become unbearable. His place will turn into your sanctuary even when he is at work as he gave you a spare key.

- After the funeral, once you're back to work, he will always offer to train together whenever he sees that look in your eyes, just to keep you busy and will start to do some overtime (mainly in the firm of sleeping at his desk) so he has an excuse to walk home with you.

- Whenever one of your friend come to visit and he knows he had a couple hours he will take the opportunity to turn the N109 zone upside down, looking for intel

- Rafayel heard about the explosion on the news, like everyone else but did not realize you were involved so, when you did not answer his messages for the past 3 days (cause you were at the hospital) he got pretty annoyed at being ignored, spaming your phone with complains.

- One evening, he shows up at your door unannounced, all pouting and whinning, thinking the bruises on your face are from another "stupid mission" and it's the reason you didn't show up to his last exhibition when he "really needed you to protect me from all these snobs !"

- "You obviously don't care about me or your job as a Bodyguard ! I could have died over the past 3 days and you wouldn't care" He complains dramatically, not expecting you to snap at him (very poor choice of words from his part thou !) and break down in tears, telling him how immature he is, that the world doesn't revolve around him and you don't want to see him again before slapping the door to his face.

- Thomas is the one telling him what happened when he reads about the upcoming funeral in the news and Rafayel is mortified. He shows up at your doors with flowers and when you tell him you don't want them he stops you "they are for your family..."

- He will spend all his nights on the phone with you, talking about everything, listening to you cry or just being there and won't hang out until you fall asleep (also answering on the first ring whenever you call him back if you had a nightmare)

- Sylus is not around at that time but that doesn't mean he doesn't know someone is trying to frame his organization and himself for the explosion. He will remain in the shadows thou while trying to find out who did it.

- Not being involved with you yet, it's not really about you but more about "fuck around and find out" to him.

- Luke and Kieran will attend the funeral discretly to keep an eye on the survivor and see if anything suspicious happens.

- You also start noticing strange little trinkets left here and there, a little coin, a shinny rock, a pretty leaf....

[popawritter12]

I loved your yandere rain! Would I be able to request a yandere havik with a male reader?

Author's Notes: Let's not say that I do not paid a lot of attention to Havik during my "stay" in MK1, but after digging a little into his lore, I was very attracted to this idea, I hope you like it!

Yandere! Havik x Male! Reader

Yandere character: Havik From the videogame/anime/manga/movie/serie: Mortal Kombat 1 Case: Kidnapping, chilhood friendship, agression to the reader. Warning: Mention of rape, SA and physical and mental abuse on the reader. Part:1 of 1 Finished:Yes

Where had he gone?

That question, short and simple, that could be answered in two or even a single paragraph, had run through your mind for so long that it seemed like it already knew where each nerve was, where your darkest sorrows were hidden, or where the heart lay. memory of that man whom you admired so much at the time.

Havik was his name; You still had the memory of when you saw him for the first time, someone quite tall, hair that gave off strands that barely followed an order, a stupid smile on his face - which, it should be noted, his lack of emotions when he walked away from you - and acting nervous when talking to you.

That's how he was, as stupid as a king in love, as kind as a vase when manipulating the stems of a flower, and as sweet in simple acts as company was on a fearful afternoon, or help in moments of crisis. .

It was because of that—or perhaps, because of the change of letters on each card—that, when you saw him again, with that mask covering his jaw, there was only one question running through your head.

Where had he gone? Who was this strange being that had the audacity to invade the body of your loved one? Of all the people in the world, why specifically him? And his face, fearful and even aggressive at the moment your hands appeared between his two cheeks, only showed a feature that you were lucky enough to see at the moment of his departure; the horror.

Whether it be to the unknown, or to how horrific the journey that he was forced to undertake was going to be when he left his hometown, or even to this moment, where the emotions have such an overwhelming size that it is frightening, that it causes such feeling in his heart—which seemed to have turned to stone after so many months away—that softens his soul, but that generates earthquakes in his mind.

He felt rotten, after so much time alone, after so much pain without being shared, and from such burns that it makes one believe that they would never heal, he felt as if throughout the trip, he had suffered a metamorphosis, one such that At this point, it caused everything to go to hell.

He never wanted to allow himself to love, but with you everything was different, with you it always had to be different, perhaps because the gods wanted it that way, or perhaps because fate, always cruel and cold, decided to condemn his soul to this torment. . The torment of seeing you from afar, of knowing that he had become a monster, a strange creature and that he had no place in his town, and, going even further, that he changed both his physical appearance and his soul, as well as his thinking. , like his belief that, even in the darkest moments, there was a way out.

But. that light never seemed to exist, or at least when that witch, so vile and deceitful, ruined all his hopes to nothing, submerged all his innocent thoughts of keeping you safe in an ocean of pain, from which there seemed to be no escape.

So ugly and cruel was the reality that he had to take days to accept that the path was the most difficult, however, that was never mentioned in the letters. The same ones, so sweet and tender they were, that it seemed like he was playing with your mind, that he was tricking your head, that he was writing a fairy tale so that you wouldn't escape from his grasp, much less from the reach of his arms.

However, Havik also learned to be cruel, so cruel that, more than one night, he happily fantasized about destroying those suitors who dared to touch what was his, longing to steal a heart that belonged to him, and seeking to generate in you a feeling of apathy for him.

But, in poetic words he was expert; so many days dedicated just to writing to you, so many spelling mistakes fixed, and so many papers thrown into the trash solely because they did not meet his expectations of expressing his growing and throbbing love in every drop of his blood for you.

Maybe it was his eccentricity to deceive you, or his professionalism when it came to expressing his affection for you in every letter that you fell into the trap of his arms, in the obsessive ties tied to his soul, and in the eccentric loves that decided to torment everyone. and each of your thoughts.

It was exceedingly painful for you to see how different it was when he saw you again; the look in his eyes when he simply saw your figure again in the darkness made you foolishly believe that he was the same as he was when he was gone. However, it was when his arms trapped you in an immovable grip that you noticed something was wrong.

He had that pleasure of wrapping his arms around you, of laying his head against your hair or simply allowing him, so desperate and eager to free people from him, to receive even a token of affection, a small sign that he was doing everything right, a piece of reality, which was that you were with him, that you were there to receive him with a hug, and that, above all, the relationship that for years was seen as tender, continued to lie. same love that they felt for each other, that affection still existed, that energy of showing love, that joy that generates in the heart of the other to be in the presence of the one whom they considered was the destiny of their life.

“They are going to be freed,” he had whispered to you, “finally, the bastards will be gone.” he assures you, as if it were a wish that had finally come true. And as he joyfully intoned and highlighted how far he had come to fulfill his goal of freedom, your happy grimace twisted, protesting and alert to each of his words.

“What bastards?” You asked him “Are you talking about the wizard you had helped or…?”, you tried to continue questioning, but your mind clicked quickly.

You weren't exactly known for being smart, let alone being able to fully understand Havik. Even with all the time of friendship, or all the years of affection and sweet moments that you shared between the two of you, there was something that you always tried to ignore; that black stain which seemed to expand with the passing of the years, that sign of corruption which was only a small sign that maybe, and just maybe, the thoughts that lay on his mind were not as sweet and kind as you. you believed for so many years of stubbornness and lies. And of course, when seeing the reality, it was already too late.

Your screams were heard only by him and by Rain, who was the direct cause of so much blood and corpses scattered across the well-built terrain of your city, your town, your people, your beloved people whose lives had been so important to you how to breathe and release the air from your lungs. Your sobs, useless and exasperating, were the cause of Havik's anger, who seemed not to understand your desperation and anger.

The screams turned to pushing, pulling, and too soon, hitting you to try to subdue you, and it was soon when you ripped the mask from his jaw. His burned face, his angry countenance that could only be noticed by the tilt and expression of his eyebrows and the color that formed around his eyelids, only provoked even more terror in your soul.

This wasn't Havik, you repeated over and over in your mind. This is not my man, you screamed at your heart as he punches you in anger. Each spank against your skin was like a direct stab to your feelings. “I did this for us!” he shouted at you, but you couldn't hear him clearly, your sobs of pain and desperate attempts to try to escape him were as useless as a lamb's attempt to escape from a hunting wolf.

Again and again, the blows and expressions extended to reality by his lips caused your soul to tremble in horror. Something had happened to your much-loved man, whom you called the love of your life, the man who you had so claimed that he was going to be yours for eternity, and that you would belong to him until the end of time.

Of course there was a reality in those words; You were going to belong to this cruel man, even with all the horror, the screams and the storm that hit the city and the corpses that lay beneath the depths of the magic-tinged water, along with the screams of horror of the people who were victims. During the dark night where no one could return to their bed and rest as they deserved, you were going to be an object, a small, manipulable and weak object, whose openings caused by so many blows had to be covered by countless bandages.

But before everything escalated, the tan-skinned man's magic forced him away from you with a crash.

Even with all the damage already caused, and all the deaths that occurred during the few minutes that your “punishment” lasted for the futile attempt to make that man understand the mistake he was making, he had quickly reached the state of repentance.

Even with your attempt to speak, it was difficult for the man whose name you didn't know to try to understand your speech, and only Havik's aggressive and understandable reaction reminded Rain how dangerous it was to try to prevent you from being hurt further. The fight, inevitable even at such a crucial moment in the people's “liberation” from the forcibly established order, spread, but it was obvious that it was already useless to try to reason at such an important moment.

It was the first and last time Havik forgave Rain for anything, and it even took him a few hours to realize how much he had gone too far when it came to hitting your face. But at that point, his mind, having the room of rottenness so normalized, just decided to “let it go.”

It was painful to remember that you were about to faint as buildings fell on your friends, where your family searched for you all over the city even on the brink of collapse and so close to death, and knowing that, even if you had tried, you wouldn't have managed to even move a hair on the man who looked so hurt by the experiences he gained after such a long trip, much less knocking down his companion.

The only memory you had after such savage blows was hearing his voice, that voice that had made you crazy with love for so long, and that now only caused terror in your heart.

Days passed until your eyes opened again, and the bed, the worn walls, the sheet that covered your skin and the bandages so poorly fitted that they seemed to have been hastily made were not part of your room, nor of your house, or anywhere in your house. And the rough footsteps in the distance reminded you of that man, no, that monster who had ruined what meant so much to you.

Disgusting, was what you thought when he treated you with all the kindness he could, and your serious expression demonstrated the obviousness of your anger, and even in your crude attempt to pretend that you were just looking to “get used” to your new life, there was only a look of anger on your face.

No, of course Havik was not easy to fool —or at least that was what you believed during your first days in your new home—, much less when he was able to weaken you and generate a trauma in your mind, one such that it could reduce your mind to nothing if he shown even a little cruelty.

It was horrible knowing that you had been deceived, so many hours, days, months dedicating yourself to knowing if he was alive, if he still loved you, if he still planned to return to your arms and whisper in your ear how much he loved you. All thrown down the drain the moment you realized his horrendous cruelty.

For countless nights you planned the escape of your life, but each attempt was worse than the last, and it was even more difficult when he seemed so calm when you simply didn't say anything or beg to be released. Of course, when something was wrong, he had to force himself on you through fear, and obviously, you were too manipulable for him at that point.

Without daily exercise in those four walls you lost your strength, there was no room for magic, much less a measly attempt to stab him. Everything was so useless at that point that it seemed impossible to escape.

But a ray of light crossed your life when the chains managed to soften his overwhelming grip after resisting your struggles for so long, and by then, you managed to escape during that time. Your feet against the twigs on the ground, and your gaze fixed on various animals that crossed your path as you hurriedly fled from that home of terror, everything was even like a fairy tale for you.

But reality hits much harder than it embraces, and in this case, it hit you with Havik's cruelty when he managed to find you. And of course, at the time of the encounter, his anger was so thunderous that he seemed to be unstoppable at this point. Every second in which you were dragged by his powerful arms along with threatening promises of how cruel he would be from now on was overwhelming.

The cries of pain still terrorize your mind during the first few nights he had the nerve to force himself on you again, but now in the worst way possible. You still tremble as you remember all the nights in which you were barely able to get a little rest; Whether it was because of how cruel he was to your poor, weak body, like the bite marks on your neck and neck, or the pain after the forced acts, or the crying that you were forced to suppress after so much agony, everything was so horrible that to this day is traumatic.

Day in which, even with the hope that those stormy nights were only generated by his temporary anger over your miserable escape, it was only a small beginning of what was to come in the rest of your life, the suffering that was going to twist your life. mind and shatter it only to cause a pleasurable twist in the mind of such a macabre man, and a minimal taste of the pain that awaited you until the end of your days, for the man you once called the love of your life.

[hologramcowboy]

Hey there! I have been a follower of your blog for quite a bit now, as you already noticed, and I like quite a lot as you are pretty upfront with your opinions. My kind of person, it takes guts to say what you really think in a world where you can easily be crushed by criticism. I command the bravery. I make sure im the same. But today I read your post about Jensen's abused and although i didnt come here to tell you youre wrong, Id like to share my opinion, for the sake of discussion, if youre willing. I cant say for sure i know whats happening and if it is abuse (not that delulu to affirm one or the other, im not there, and honestly, i have zero beef in that game) but I have to say that actually, if it is ever confirmed (zero chances of that happening), I wouldnt be surprised at all. There is no box where one can put abuse. Not all victims are the same, but a few things exist in common in most cases. Jensen ticks some of those boxes. 1 - Abuse victims have a warped sense of what a relationship should be. Obviously, because no one in a right mind and a healthy sense of self would stay in any toxic situation, no matter if its abusive or not, no matter the gain. And i think most of the comments Jensen makes proves that. He says it publicly, in a candid way, because he doesnt realize thats not healthy. The comments about Danneel being the one for him because she makes him try to impress her were so unhinged. Well, the very reason he stays if its so toxic proves this point. 2 - Most people in abusive marriages have a history of chilhood abuse. They continue with the familiar. Or they become abusers themselves. This fits into something called generational trauma. And by what I read and hear from him, I wouldnt be surprised if Jensen had been abused by his father, or even by people of more power in his early industry years, as we know thats pretty common. And at that time, he had zero escape, with his mother encouraging him and probably a deep need to please his father. 3 - The fact that he holds the power and has money doesnt mean a lot in an abusive relationship. Abusers are master manipulators and they know how to trap someone, because they lack the empathy. Danneel doesnt have to be a witch, or particularly smart, she just has to be that unhinged. One of the things an abuser does when the victim starts to gain some sort of independence is akin to weaponized incompetence, putting the weight of the world on the victims shoulders and guilt tripping them with all the horrible things that could happen should they leave. D and J have three kids together. Thats not very hard for her to do. I agree, hes not powerless. But the question is... does he realize that? There are many many ways to trap a person. And yes, it takes two to tango. Youre absolutely right. But if one is dancing blindfolded... do they share the same responsibility? Im not one to defend him at all costs, and of course if hes with her for money or power, he is spineless and kinda got into the grave he dig himself. But at this point, where its starting to become obvious even to his AAs that something is not right, when projects fail one after the other, a lawsuit on his back, potentially driving away good friends due to his behaviour.... And you can tell hes not ok. He's not. He's a shady version of his young self and obviously the drinking habits and stress have taken their toll. What would be the purpose of staying if not... fear? Codependence? Again, I dont like affirming things I dont absolutely know. These are my two cents for the sake of discussion. Nothing more, nothing else. Good vibes!

Sending good vibes right back. 🧡

[nordfjording]

not going to post ss of any of the 'dying and coming back and spending days in a coma and eight years on dialysis while being infused with shamanism' because it's just three running pages of the dumbest word salad you can possibly imagine

likewise the recollection of his chilhood reads - if he had given any reason to believe a word of it ofc - a lot like a kid excessively fantasizing as a trauma response to parental abuse. but it also sounds like he's making it up, so 🤷

[wolftattoo]

finally outlpud acknowledged today that i am deeply traumatised from chilhood abuse and it's impacted how i interact with people on a daily basis . who says dogs cant progress in life

[gor3sigil]

Estranged Child of a Broken Family

Last night, I dreamt that my mother killed herself. I was wondering why I didn’t hear from her for a whole week and asked my father to go check on her. He returned, sorry, to tell me that she had slit her wrists. He made me sleep in the room she died and I had to ask him to please get rid of the blood stained bedsheets and to give me clean ones. I didn’t see my mother’s body. There was no funerals. Just me, alone, with my father pressing me with questions about what I was going to do next, will I finish school ? Will I let this incident make me fail ? Because he sure wouldn’t pay for me to do another year, and he wanted to live life, so if I could get the hell out of his house and be independent it’d be great.

I woke up in panic. Looked online for my mother��s social profile. She looks well. She had a flower tattoed on her chest, it seems. She’s alive.

It’s been almost 3 years since the last time I spoke to any of my family members. Almost 10 years, my God, 10 whole years since I left my home town for the other side of the country, with only a suitcase and no place to really go to apart from my at the time girlfriend’s parents home. No plans for the future, getting out by pure instincts, to a place that wouldn’t crush me under traumas, expectations, reputation and generational issues. I hoped that distance would help our relationships, I thought that we’d love each other more if we didn’t have to look at each other’s faces every day.

So I was seeing my parents and siblings only once a year. How come it felt like I never left ? My mom complaining and crying, my dad yelling and abusing, my siblings so stuck in our parents’ drama and using substances to cope. My brother loved booze, my sister loved weed, I was the youngest so I loved both. Mom and dad still tearing me apart for who would see me the most and I knew it was an ego war. In the end, they spent more time yelling at me and complaining that I was never home than actually enjoying our time together.

Then my stepfather got cancer. I don’t even remember when or how I learned about it. Though I still remember the day he died like it was yesterday. I got a text from my mom. When I tried to call, my sister answered and told me to give her time. And I froze. Wasn’t I supposed to be there for her too ? But on the other hand, she must be devastated, so yeah, I gave her time.

Two days later, I open facebook, and I see photos of my stepfather’s wake and funerals. Tears rushing down my face, incapable of containing the pain anymore, I yelled in my pillow. Nobody told me anything. Why ? Why wasn’t I worthy of even knowing when it happened ? They told me to give my mom time but nobody even tried to let me know about the funerals. I wasn’t invited. I wasn’t even aware. And everything from my birth to this day flooded back: the emotional, verbal and physical abuse, the insults, the years spent being held so close I could choke only to be pushed back far away again, the constant abandonement by both my parents and older siblings, the billion times I tried to make amend and make everyone proud only to be made fun of, the fact that they almost left me to die alone in an empty house because they didn’t care, the fact that they played the victims even when I was homeless after escaping domestic abuse.

Everything, years of painful memories I tried to keep at bay came back like a door opened in my mind.

The straw that broke the camel’s back. Being forbidden to grieve.

A few months after that, I blocked everyone. Changed my number. Changed my address. Changed my goddamn forsaken name.

But last night, I had this nightmare: my mother had killed herself. It made me wonder if I’d ever speak to them again, before I read their names in obituaries. If it doesn’t happen, I’ll go visit my parents’ graves. I’d lay on each a white rose. I’ll pray for their peace. I won’t shed a tear. And I won’t turn my back.

I love you. Even when you won’t hear it.

[aquietsystem]

tw hate speech

just got told “we need gas chambers for people like you” on a video of me talking abiut my flashbacks of chilhood abuse. like it didnt hurt me at all but bro??

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

The Collector

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/8I50WkE

by fat_racoon

Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham to discover his chilhood friend (Jonathan Crane) way have some connections to the mafia. His need to protect Crane from Gotham and from himself will leave Batman no other choice to take him under his wing.

Words: 5842, Chapters: 3/5, Language: English

Fandoms: Batman (Movies - Nolan)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Jonathan Crane, Rachel Dawes

Relationships: Jonathan Crane/Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Enemies to Lovers, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Bruce Wayne, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Jonathan Crane Has Issues, Jonathan Crane Needs A Hug, Scarecrow (DCU) Played by Cillian Murphy

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/8I50WkE

[introvert-traveler]

I rediscover every day how damaged I think I am, how much I was affected by the abuse I went through as a child.

Sometimes it’s in the everyday things: like I have to say sorry everytime I think I did something wrong, like feeling sad and actually being sad.

Or saying thank you to someone, but not wanting to be thanked when I do something for someone.

Sometimes it’s in the big things, like feeling I’ll never be enough, that I’m too much, and that I can’t make friends or hold them.

I feel weird around people, so I try too much. I chatter away, and I have a hard time reading them, and then I can’t listen.

I crave things I never got. I see those series and films, of nice and sweet friendships, of loving relationships, and I yearn for them.

I feel broken whenever I realize that I don’t know how to be, because if I am myself, I feel unworthy and like I’m gonna be seen and left behind the moment they figure it out. It being the darkness inside, the price being to high and not worthy enough.