#castration mention

[lokiinmediasideblog]

So some months ago, I was minding my own business and encountered the following joke:

"Do not destroy that twink I have needs for his conniving eunuch ways."

I was like "this is loki-coded " and tagged it as loki. And then it kept haunting me...

as of now, I'm having unbidden thoughts that are all a variation of "Loki is a prince whose kingdom thinks of as a royal advisor rather than a heir." Lots of people in fandom that think of the brodinsons as platonic speculate and are even convinced that Loki was meant to be Thor's advisor after Thor took the throne. The following excerpt is from the Thor (2011) script. Why are they counting on their spare/supposedly younger son to reign in the heir to the throne? Why do they act like he'll always be at Thor's beck and call to provide advice? (It's also why I vehemently disagree with parentified!Thor HCs, but this is not the place for that rant...)

What's interesting is that it's a very common position/occupation for queer-coded villains in fantasy/monarchy settings. The royal advisor role is often associated with eunuchs who came from poor backgrounds and were coerced/forced into being mutilated and this dynamic is present with loki in a rather subtle way that is framed as merciful (loki was from a ravaged realm and his birthright was to die; he was found in a war zone).

Additionally, there is quite a lot of fic(some of rather questionable taste) that focuses on Loki's unusual alien "parts". Sometimes his alien parts in fic resemble intersex conditions or he happens to have both perfectly functioning and proportional sets of binary genitalia simultaneously. Regardless, in both of these cases, his genitals don't fall under the typical binary.

There's also fic where Odin changes Loki into an Asgardian form with genitalia that conform to the binary, but Loki discovers this was not the case in his Jotun form... Doesn't this have implications of intersexist medical sexual abuse?

not to mention, there is cannon genital torture in the series… and i went like "huh, this is surprisingly myth-accurate. what an odd choice..."

Genital injury(but it was Loki's idea; were they attempting to improvise an orchidectomy or did they not care bc shapeshifting heals them and or their balls are ridiculously durable?) is also present in the myths when Loki attaches their testes goat's beard to make Skadi laugh... It's noted as one of the events in which Loki "loses status" due to the emasculation they showcased in front of the rest of the Aesir.

I went in detail in the MCU!Sif=Sif + Skadi post I made some time ago where I cite Lindow mentioning that in for the Norse castration was a punishment associated with slaves...

I'm not saying that he is a eunuch, but there is coding. Probably because a lot of queer-coding may be based on perceptions (unfair) of eunuchs in royal courts.

[horrorvillaintourney]

HORROR'S NEXT TOP GENDER, ROUND ONE MATCH TWENTY-THREE: Eli (Let the Right One In) vs. Gervatter Todd (Godfather Death [folktale])

PROPAGANDA FOR ELI:

"Canonically AMAB and castrated as a child, presents as a girl but seems to identify as agender or something similar. Being a vampire and also eternally a child probably also affects their relationship to gender. Anyway in theory not great trans representation perhaps but I like them and hope they went on to have a happy un-life. I liked when they murdered all those bullies"

PROPAGANDA FOR TODD:

"This is literally death. There’s several different versions of the story even by the Grimm brothers. In one version he kills his godson for cheating him but in the other it’s unclear if he was truly trying to spite his godson or trying to help him. The whole fairytale has an oddness to it that kinda feels haunting. Here he is straightforward a true believer in looking on everyone equally and it’s unknown if he truly cares about mortals or is just a passive participant in the lives of mortals. I’m not sure if this counts as horror as the story still predates it and other Grimm tales are actively scarier (Bluebeard the youth who went fourth to learn what fear wasor robber bridegroom and the one ghost story for example) but it’s got a very odd feeling to it that leans more towards horror than anything it’s like a page and a half long though so you may deem that for yourself"

[arathergrimreaper]

Things I did not expect to be researching today:

The structure of Mandarin naming patterns

Wolf collars

The colonization of Australia and the earliest settlers' relationships with the original peoples.

Korean court eunuchs and their longevity compared to their uncastrated peers

Biggie Smalls

Tell me, fellow writers, what strange collections have y'all amassed today?

[100frogsinatrenchcoat]

If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off.

Version without text below the cut

[legobenkenobi]

the thing about codywan’s lightsaber scenes that absolutely guts me is that in tcw arc about keeping another’s saber (where they directly say it’s used in a romantic connotation) is that for the other couple, it’s a purposeful demonstration. it’s used to PROVE something. it’s used because that feeling of trust isn’t being properly portrayed in their relationship, so this is their proof. this is their display of that.

but, for codywan, it’s completely natural. there isn’t any extensive thought put into it. it just… happens.

the reason Obi-Wan throws his lightsaber to Cody specifically is because both he and Cody feel that deep, steady trust organically. it’s not something that needs to be said in words. they live that trust out, every day. it developed over time, much like their appreciation for each other. there’s no need to prove it. it just… exists. it’s not a show of anything. it just happens. and it’s so natural that it happens twice.

they trust each other, wholly and completely, and it’s never something shown through big gestures. it’s just the little things, because they don’t Need big things. they know exactly how they feel for one another on their own. and i really, really like that.

[thehecklingmouse]

unity is going to challenge god

[knuckleblaster]

[softgrungeprophet]

Peter Parker swearing:

"Holy @$#%%" - ("Holy shit") (Amazing Spider-Man #597)

—

"@☆xxx%#@ bureaucrats!" - ("Goddamn/Fucking bureaucrats!") (Amazing Spider-Man #244)

—

"#$%& me" - ("Fuck me.") (Amazing Spider-Man #798)

—

"#^&$!&!! Johnny Storm and then %#^@$#$&@! his %@#$^!!" - (your guess is as good as mine) (FF vol 1 #17)

—

"Insulate the hell out of it." (bonus dirty talking his own suit, with his tits out) (Sensational Spider-Man vol 2 #27)

—

"Aw, #$%&." ("Aw, shit," knowing Slott's Whedon-esque dialogue patterns, but I'm choosing to read it as "Aw, fuck" instead) (Spider-Man vol 4 #10)

—

Will add more as I come across them.

I'm trying to amass a collection... literally no reason other than "for funsies" lol — so on the off chance anyone wants to send me any other scenes of Peter swearing or saying questionably inappropriate things, feel free! i just ask you to keep it to 616 comics peter/spidey only, preferably, and please include the issue number 🙏

(also don't send me the panel of Ben cussing out a news reporter (iirc), or panels of Kaine. I'm not putting them in this post cause that doesn't count as Peter; they're different people.)

[dailydemonspotlight]

Attis - Day 57

Race: Kishin

Arcana: Hanged Man

Alignment: Light-Neutral

June 18th, 2024

It's odd that this is the first figure from Greek Mythology I'm covering, given how widespread it is throughout the series, honestly, but I'm not complaining. Something that I have to give SMT a lot of props for is how it goes into far more obscure things from mythology- sure, you've got your Thoth's, your Odin's, your Shiva's, and your Baphomets, but something this series does a lot that I adore is that it creates demons for some of the most obscure figures out there. Sure, it makes researching them difficult (a la Porewit) but the spotlights (heh) that this series shines on otherwise obscure figures is fantastic. Case in point, today's Demon of the Day, Attis.

While everyone knows the Greek pantheon, there are so many lesser gods in the sprawling labyrinth of Greek mythology, gods worshipped by obscure cults or left in the tradewinds of history. Attis, of course, was one of these gods, but he also had another reason- he was from a completely different mythological origin. In Phrygian myth, the archetypical 'Mother Nature' was a character named 'Cybele,' who has her own tonnes of myths to tell. However, when the Greeks began to subsume into the rest of the Phrygian people, she was met with a mixed response. Some took her to become a new form of Gaia, the Greek goddess of nature, while others took off and painted her as an exotic goddess whose meaning couldn't be known. Now, what does this have to do with Attis? He was her consort.

The tales surrounding Attis are, and I cannot stress this enough, insane. Everything happens in them from weird amounts of hatred towards an intersex prophetic child, to a cycle of life and rebirth, and I'm a bit scared of going into it, but... okay. Let's do this. Recanted in Catullus 63, the first recorded tale of Attis begins with, and I'm not kidding, him castrating himself. Right off the bat. Yup, this is one of those stories. And I quote,

Over the vast main borne by swift-sailing ship, Attis, as with hasty hurried foot he reached the Phrygian wood and gained the tree-girt gloomy sanctuary of the Goddess, there roused by rabid rage and mind astray, with sharp-edged flint downwards dashed his burden of virility. Then as he felt his limbs were left without their manhood, and the fresh-spilt blood staining the soil, [text]

We just got here! Okay, okay, I'll continue. The story goes on to describe the aftereffects, and the motivation for this sudden castration, that being a fanatical obsession with the nature goddess, Cybele. After he awakens in likely the world's first (and worst) hangover, he looks out and bemoans his fate, having been left behind by his companions who had already run to pursue the goddess. However, from what I can tell of this story, given the confusing wording, the goddess grants the man permission to drive one of her nuns to 'his allegiance.' I can assume this means someone in his home kingdom, but I'm not very sure? It might be referring to the goddess herself. My lack of knowledge in ye olden terms has made this a headache and a half. Later in the story, after his self-mutilation led to his death, he would later be revived by Cybele, becoming her consort.

A later addition expands on this, giving light to Attis' birth- in the story regarding it, it begins with, as always, Zeus being Zeus. In the tale, he fell in love with Cybele, who didn't return his advances, but... of course, with him being himself, he forced himself on her. Her child would later be reared, a deity called Agdistis who was notable for being a hermaphrodite, essentially 'male and female.' For whatever reason, the gods got terrified of how particularly powerful they were, and proceeded to... castrate Agdistis. What the fuck is with the castration?! Jesus Christ! From the blood left behind, an almond tree spurted forth, and a nearby woman named Nana would decide to take an almond and put it in her bosom. Okay. This led to her getting pregnant. Okay. Later on, she would give birth to the newborn Attis, before promptly throwing the kid out into the nature, to which he was soon raised by a goat. Oh kay.

A lot of stuff relating to Attis has been lost to time, especially given that he was only really worshipped in, you guessed it, cults. Originally, separated from the Greek mythology he would later be co-opted into, a cult formed surrounding him in 1250 BCE, in-and-around an area of modern-day Turkey called, and I kid you not, Dindymon. Originally worshipped as a semi-deity in the area, he would later become slowly integrated into Greek mythology as several Greek cults began to form surrounding Attis around the fourth century BCE. In Phrygian culture, later adapted into Greek, Attis was a deity who represented vegetation and the cycle of fruits- particularly, the castration story (yes, again) represented the idea of fruits dying in the winter then coming back in the spring; the date of Attis's revival, that being the spring equinox, is no coincidence. Frankly, though, as pretty as this concept is, the absurd amount of castration in his stories is just... Why? Why are you like this, Greek Mythology?

Okay, now with all of that over with, how is he portrayed in the series? I honestly really like his design. The bandages and the blade make him look rather unique, and I really do enjoy just how bizarre he looks. Wait, but is the reason why his legs are separated from his body...

No.

You have got to be fucking KIDDING ME.

IT'S CASTRATION AGAI

[mitragynines]

I'm against the death penalty except for rapists of little kids. They should be publicly hung during medieval-style community celebrations

[lokiinmediasideblog]

Sif + Skadi=Marvel!Sif

Because I promised I'd elaborate on that last post. This is part 1/3.

Marvel’s Sif similarities to Sif are quite few and mostly based around Loki cutting her hair. Sif is very gender conforming in the original mythology, unlike her MCU counterpart.

The few similarities are:

1. Loki cuts her hair.

-In the myths, Sif has long blonde hair like wheat fields (she is a harvest goddess). Loki cuts it while she slept, bringing Thor’s wrath upon him. Under threat, Loki is forced to replace her hair and does so by procuring magic golden hair from the dwarves.

-In the comics, Sif was originally blonde. Loki cuts her hair for a variety of reasons/circumstances depending on the comic run/series. Loki is then forced to replace her hair, but he refuses to pay the dwarves. So to spite him, the dwarves curse the magical golden hair to turn permanently black upon placement. Dark hair is played as a tragedy that would have marred Sif’s beauty, and Thor is portrayed as such a good person to still be infatuated with Sif! (*ugh* thanks I hate it).

-In the MCU, according to the composer Natalie Holt (so take it with a grain of salt as it’s technically an “outside source”), Loki slept with Sif and then cut her hair as a prank. Her hair didn’t change colors and Loki did not replace it but Sif got her vengeance by kicking Loki in the crotch. Notice that Thor had no part in demanding restitution from Loki, unlike the other two occasions mentioned above.

2. Sif is important to Thor.

-In the myths, Sif is Thor’s wife. Thor threatens Loki to get them to replace Sif’s hair.

-In the comics, Sif is Thor’s childhood sweetheart and lover but not the endgame love interest. She’s also in his close group of warrior friends. Thor threatens Loki to replace Sif’s hair.

-In the MCU, she is one of Thor’s close friends. There seemed to be no romantic overtones. This is the one time Loki is not threatened into replacing her hair.

Brief overview on Skadi: Skadi is the Goddess of Winter, Vengeance, Hunting, and Skiing. Her origin is speculated to be associated with the Sámi people (Davidson, 1993). Skadi’s name is associated with “scathe” and “injury.” She is speculated to be associated with Loki’s punishment. There’s a theory she is associated with Ullr, another god of skiing and may be a female counterpart to him. Another theory states that she might have been a male deity at first (Davidson, 1993). Her father, Thiazi, threatened Loki into making an oath to get Idunn and her golden apples for him. The whole scheme resulted in Loki having to rescue Idunn, and Thiazi being killed by the Aesir upon her rescue by burning him with a massive bonfire as he chased Loki and Idunn. A furious Skadi seeks revenge upon the Aesir. The Aesir decide to give her some recompense for her father’s slaying which include (I)Thiazi’s eyes being yeeted into the sky and turned to stars. (II) Allowing her to pick a husband from amongst the Aesir (with stipulations ). (III) Skadi asks to be made to laugh. The last task falls to Loki, naturally.

Skadi's rather unusual in the following ways:

-Skadi is given an unusual amount of authority to placate her for Thiazi’s death despite being a Jotnar and a woman. A furious Skadi seeks revenge upon the Aesir, armored for battle. The Aesir decide to give her some recompense for her father’s slaying rather than just siccing Thor on her like they usually do (it's mentioned they didn't want to spill blood within Asgard, so I guess she got lucky?).

-One of the restitutions is that Skadi is allowed to pick a husband from the Aesir with stipulations. She wants Balder, the fairest of the Gods (who's already married). But, she can only select her potential husband by looking at their feet. She picks the nicest feet thinking they most be Balder's but they're actually the sea god Njord's sand-exfoliated feet from walking on the beach. They eventually divorce.

-Someone will make Skadi laugh. Loki was tasked with this and the way Loki accomplished this was through his own emasculation.

-Compare her agency to the other goddesses who generally find themselves in danger of being traded away to giants in exchange for goods and services despite being warriors and sorceresses themselves (*poor Freyja*). She's not the only warrior goddess, as Freyja is a war deity in charge of the Valkyries, but she is never in danger of being traded away.

-She is one of two Jotnar women that married into the Vanir. But Gerdr has little agency or dialogue within the Poetic Edda compared to Skadi.

Marvel!Sif's similarities with Skadi:

-Skadi is the most masculine goddess of the Norse pantheon role-wise and authority-wise as mentioned previously. Marvel's Sif is GNC by Asgard's standards as a shield maiden.

-Mutual dislike with Loki:

(i) Loki caused her father’s (Thiazi) death indirectly though the Aesir were the ones that killed him. Loki achieves making her laugh through his own emasculation.

(ii) In Marvel it's because Loki cut Sif's hair.

(iii) Skadi places the serpent that drips venom upon a bound Loki.

-Loki is humiliated in some way involving his genitals to make up for the affronts Loki committed.

(i) In the myths, Loki is tasked with making Skadi laugh and ties his genitals to a goat’s beard and play a game of tug-of-war to make Skadi laugh. The rope breaks, he falls upon Skadi’s lap, and she laughs her ass off.

(ii) In the MCU, Loki was kicked in the crotch by an angry Sif after he cut her hair. While MCU!Sif is more benign to MCU!Loki than Skadi is to Loki, it is interesting that she was used by the TVA to punish MCU!Loki through a Time Loop of beatings. Don't get mad at me, but the realization came from making "Can't believe Mobius gave Loki CBT #FunWithAcronyms" jokes and realizing the myths also had Loki making up for his trespasses through CBT. Don't google it if you don't know what it is.

-Skadi's name is associated with the word "scathe" and "injury." She is believed to have an association with punishing Loki, as Skadi places the serpent that drips burning venom upon bound Loki (Lindow, 2001). By having the TVA USE Sif to punish Loki, they made MCU!Sif associated with punishing Loki.

-Skadi and Loki are mirrors in some ways in terms of their gender nonconformity. Skadi exercises an unusual amount of agency for a goddess, to the point where it's theorized Skadi might have originally been a male deity (Davidson, 1993). Whereas Loki is often portrayed as losing status due to activities that are considered "emasculating." Loki is also speculated to be associated with the Sámi people (Laidoner, 2012). It is also speculated the way Loki makes her laugh is based on a castration ritual (Lindow, 2001).

Davidson, D.H.E., & Davidson, H.E. (1993). The Lost Beliefs of Northern Europe (1st ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203408506

Laidoner, Triin. (2012) The Flying Noaidi of the North: Sámi Tradition Reflected in the Figure Loki Laufeyjarson in Old Norse Mythology. SCRIPTA ISLANDICA.

Lindow, J. (2001). Norse mythology a guide to the gods, heroes, rituals, and beliefs. Oxford University Press.

I also cite Jackson Crawford's video on Skadi.

[theprogrockbstheorist]

My 1st Impression Thoughts on The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway: Incredibly Weird and Weirdly Incredible

TW: mentions of death, male genitalia, castration, sexuality

Well, that was certainly one of the experiences of all time! If you’re unfamiliar, The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway is a rock opera by Genesis, released in 1974. The line-up consisted of Peter Gabriel (lead vocals, flute), Tony Banks (piano, keys), Steve Hackett (guitars), Mike Rutherford (bass, guitars), and Phil Collins (drums and vocals). It was the final album of this line-up before Gabriel left to form a solo career, and this was also primarily Gabriel’s project.  I have a whole list of my first reactions that I took down as notes as I was listening to the album, if anyone’s interested, by the way!

The plot is not exactly simple, per se, and everything about this album seems slightly confusing: Rael is introduced as a tough city kid living in New York City, with the opening song depicting him walking down Broadway. He then encounters a lamb lying down on Broadway, and shortly after sees a “wall of death” approaching him, after which is thrown into another world, awakening in a cocoon. He goes back to sleep, and awakes again in a stalactite/stalagmite cage, in which he sees his brother, John, standing outside the cage, and then receives visions of other people interconnected in cages like his. He then awakes to “The Great Parade of Lifeless Packaging”, which appears to be some otherworldly company responsible for making people and maintaining some universal cosmic balance. The next part of the plot is unclear on whether he actually goes back to NYC, or simply receives visions of his life, but it describes his life in NYC outside this other realm, in which he describes himself as being tough and a criminal. He also receives a vision of him trying to make a move on a woman, using a manual he bought in the song “Counting Out Time”. Needless to say, Rael fails, and somehow he ends up in the area of the “Carpet Crawlers”, which he has to move past. After passing the carpet crawlers, he encounters some sort of banquet and a spiral staircase, which he ascends into a chamber with 32 doors, and encounters a pale, blind woman (“Lilywhite Lilith”), who offers to help him out.

 “Lilywhite Lilith” does indeed lead him out, however takes him to see the “Supernatural Anesthetist”, aka Death. After his encounter with Death, he notices a smell which leads him to meet the Lamia, which are snakes with the heads and breasts of women. These snakes mate with Rael, and then they die. When they die, Rael decides to fuckin eat them, for some reason. I don’t know man, I didn’t write this album. Anyway, after consuming the Lamia, he finds the colony of Slippermen, which have all been deformed due to their encounters with the Lamia. Rael also finds his brother John there, and they visit Doktor Dyper to treat the source of their illness: their genitals. In order to treat this, Doktor Dyper must castrate them. 

Yeah. 

Before this, I thought the weirdest plot line in all of prog was “Hemispheres”, but at least no one gets fuckin castrated in “Hemispheres”. Digression aside, they are given their members in a tube, which a raven promptly steals from Rael. Rael implores his brother to help him catch his phallus in a tube (honestly, this whole thing feels like a Greek myth), and upon chasing after the raven, ends up on an embankment, overlooking a ravine. He notices a way out of this other world, but the portal is slowly closing, and then he sees what appears to be his brother drowning in the ravine. He goes after his brother, risking staying in this other world instead of returning to New York, and upon rescuing his brother, it is revealed that it was not his brother at all, but rather a reflection of himself. The album basically ends on this note. 

Did you get all that? Yeah, me neither. The whole album feels like some unholy mix of a r/NoSleep story and The Who’s Tommy. It’s incredible, it’s weird, and it’s definitely incredibly weird. It’s definitely a Level Three Concept Album, and a bizarre one at that. Now, of course, this begs the question: what does all this mean? 

To be honest, I’m not sure if there’s just one answer to that, or if there is an answer at all. To me, Rael is not meant to represent reality at all: he’s meant to represent illusion and fantasy, and the world he finds himself in is reflective of that. His brother, John, who leaves and reappears several times, is actually supposed to represent reality. John’s transformation into Rael at the end is meant to show how often reality and fiction blur, and how one can be trapped inside the subconscious. None of the places that Rael visits, including Broadway, are “real”. Broadway itself is home to actors, which intentionally blurs the lines of reality, “The Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging” represents how people are shaped by external forces, the “Carpet Crawlers” sequence is some kind of critique of religion, “The Lamia” sequence has to do with sexual fantasy, whereas “The Colony of the Slipperman” is the consequences of that sexual fantasy, and the castration sequence is symbolic of repressing one’s desires in favor of maturity. 

However, that’s just my interpretation of it from listening to it for the first time, and I think the biggest part of the Lamb is that it can really be interpreted anyway you’d like. I don’t think it has a set meaning, except for the various transformations that Rael and the other characters undergo. Rael’s journey can be symbolic of a struggle with mental illness, or even a trans allegory. As stated in the liner notes, “This lamb has nothing to with Rael, or any other lamb— it just lies down on Broadway.” This could suggest that all the symbolism present isn’t really symbolic of anything at all except whatever the listener thinks it means, and to me, that’s part of its charm. 

Now, onto the music! I won’t spend too much time on this, because I was primarily focusing on the lyrics on my first listen, but I was blown away by the musicianship on my first listen. To be honest, I’m guilty of underestimating Genesis when it comes to musicianship, but I certainly won’t be doing that anymore! I was particularly surprised by Banks’ keyboard and piano playing— I often saw him listed in the likes of Emerson and Wakeman, but I never really understood why until now. Furthermore, I was really impressed by Genesis’ ability to play in weird time signatures, but still make it “groove”, which is something that a lot of other major prog bands have a problem doing. I also actually enjoyed the short soundscapes before some of the songs, because I thought they helped set the mood. The transitions on this album were very smooth as well. 

Overall, I have to give it a couple more listens, but this might be my favorite rock opera of all time. It’s at least an 8/10 from my first listen alone. I’m absolutely fascinated by the plot, and I’ll hopefully do a proper analysis or two at some point! 

[bigbobbiehorror]

wwwwwwhait HODL UP

I knew that this would ultimately involve a fight one way or another, but holy shit, i didn't expect that his first 'euphoric episode' went down like that.

Wish someone told him that being non binary was a thing.

[pennycutenice]

Transness, weird signs, pain and becoming a great actor because of it

To me thinking about the following thing no longer triggers emotional reactions, but is probably triggering for some, so be warned and look at the tags please.

I just remembered a weird sign of me being trans going back to puberty ten years ago. I was obsessed with chemical castration. Like, I wanted to be chemically castrated so bad I envied sex criminals that forcefully got the drugs. I tried to find stuff I could get my hands on regularly for many years because having erections was so awful. It frustrated me and made me angry. And since this topic is so taboo I could not talk to anyone about it. So I was just in distress regularly for years until my general bleak outlook on life killed any healthy biological function down there for the most part lol.

Today I am angry at the world. Had I been taught what transness (or autism) is at any point in my life so much pain could have been prevented. Like, I am an obvious case. I wanted girl toys and was mostly friends with girls until puberty and literally wished to wake up as a girl and read gender bending stories und layed awake at night angry about my awful boy body. But nobody noticed my distress. To be fair, I hid it better and better over time. If physical pain patients learn to manage abhorrent pain without looking out of the ordinary after some time that's probably possible for emotional pain aswell.

After getting antidepressants and hormones I was genuinely shocked to realize that I could smile honestly that much. Because I am very good at faking a good mood when I feel like I need to to circumvent social punishment. Only about three times in my adult life was my mental health bad enough for me to be able to fake a great mood.

I'm a kinda good actor because of this. I realized young how hiding my emotional state trained my acting capabilities. I won competitions for being able to believably switch between emotions. I went from a very expressive kid in colorful clothing to a numb pessimistic suicidal depressive adult wearing grey every day over seven years because I was weird and wrong and got bullied for it and had no idea what was going on. It was awful.

Now I know I wasn't wrong. I was trans. I was neurodivergent. But since I never actually knew what that meant I just suffered. So god fucking damn it, I want the kids these days to know. Minimize the pain by telling them about how different people can be and how completely okay it is to be this way. You are good. Being like you is fine. You are on your very own spectrum of awesome, kiddos. Don't you ever forget!!!

Anyway now I'm on hormone replacement therapy and chemically castrated by it lmao.

[joemxcmillan]

.

[iscratchdoors]

i know this is the trans website and im preaching to the choir here but there is something to be said about the medical gatekeeping around transition being largely based on the idea that transitioning medically is the risky, dangerous option, while denying that transition to people actively seeking it is safe and harmless. all the medical professionals i've dealt with so far seem to understand the harm that comes to a cis person who mistakenly transitions and makes irreversible changes to their body, but the idea that that same suffering is also experienced by trans people who have not yet been allowed to transition, to a greater degree even, seems basically non existent. a cis person's ideal gendered appearance is treated as a thing inherently worth protecting and maintaining, while that of a trans person is treated as something they deliberately chose to pursue and don't actually need. the harm that comes to a trans person through putting off any sort of medical (and as a consequence, legal) transition is a thing that does not exist to these people. only the harm that comes to people who regret it is deemed worth considering. that's been my experience anyway