#caregiver dependent relationship

[mental-mona]

How to have a happy (Jewish) caregiver/dependent marriage - part 3

Early in our marriage, my chronic illnesses got so bad that DH was stuck as my caregiver for many months despite his fibromyalgia, and he still does the vast majority of the housework. We have always been happy, and people always asked us how we did it. This is a part of an essay I wrote to explain it and to advise those who might find themselves in similar situations. It incorporates all of my thoughts, some of DH's thoughts, and some suggestions from others. This piece discusses specifically religious Jewish marriages more than the previous two. Part 1, for the dependent, is here. Part 2, for the caregiver, is here.

Part 3 - for both partners:

Let’s talk about food for a while. You don’t realize how huge a part of life food is until you have issues cooking it, your tummy is rumbling, and a lot of easy-prep processed food has ingredients one of you can’t eat. Fortunately, there are ways to feed yourselves no matter what kind of shape you’re in.

First off, don't worry about eating something different every night; make double batches of things and plan your meals such that one dish or set of dishes will last you for several meals. You can always freeze leftovers if it seems that you have more than you can eat before they go bad. Though this is not always possible, ideally every week you would cook for a few hours on Sunday and have food through Thursday night, then cook for however long on Thursday or Friday and have food for Shabbat. I've been told that if you get really good at this and you two have the energy and freezer space, you can plan a whole month's worth of meals at once, spend a day or two cooking them, freeze them, and just thaw and reheat them as you need them.

Speaking of freezing, make sure that your freezer is stocked with meals that can just be popped in the microwave/oven/toaster to make them ready to eat. It doesn't matter whether these are TV dinners, frozen leftovers, or dishes you specifically cooked for this purpose; the point is that if you don't have anything filling in the fridge and you are both too tired to cook dinner, there should be something there for you. However, you really do need your pantry and fridge to be stocked as well as your freezer because lunches can also be problematic, and even for supper you don’t always want to wait for frozen stuff to thaw and reheat. Make sure that you always have relatively healthy food which requires little to no preparation; things like yogurt, fruit, cereal, cheese, cold cuts, and even trail mix are good. So are leftovers in the fridge which just need to be reheated, unless the dependent generally has so little energy that the extra step involved there is too much. If one of you has issues with nausea, make sure to stock up on whatever food they can reliably keep down.

I will also note that there is no problem with having "his and hers" food in the house, especially if you're both on special diets. If you can afford it, occasionally allow one of you to treat themselves to restaurant food which the other can't eat, or conversely the expensive thing which is the only restaurant food one of you can eat. Treats can be sanity savers.

On an equally practical but less happy note, understand that occasionally you will need to swap roles because the caregiver got a nasty infection or is having a terrible day with their own chronic illness. Sometimes it's a question of "ok, who's more functional at this moment?" than it is caregiver/dependent, and if you're both completely down for the count and calling a friend or relative is either not an option or wouldn't be helpful, then chores won't get done and dinner will be whatever snack food or other no-prep food you feel like eating which your stomachs will accept. It happens, and it's not the end of the world.

Now that we’re done with your joint efforts to feed yourselves, let’s discuss a bit of joint emotional effort. A really, REALLY good ritual to get into is that after you sing “Eishet Chayil” on Friday night, you take turns listing a few things which you're grateful that the other did that week. (If you don’t sing “Eishet Chayil,” pick another set time for this weekly ritual.) It can be something as minor as one of you genuinely listening to the other about something or as major as one of you spending the night at the other's side in the hospital; the point is to recognize that you're both bringing something into the marriage. Try to vary it a bit from week to week. This contributes immensely to shalom bayit (home harmony) as it forces you two to both think about what good things the other has done for you that week and realize that something which seemed minor to one of you when you did it was actually a big deal to the other. I have found this ritual to be marital glue whenever my husband and I have a particularly rough week together.

Of course, a happy marriage takes more than weekly gratitude check-ins. The absolute best thing you can do for yourselves is learn to regularly communicate your feelings and needs in nice, constructive ways. You want to be upfront but polite with each other if you're upset about something, and use “I statements” rather than “you statements.” The goal is to express how you feel and what you need from each other without blame, e.g. “I’m annoyed that I’m washing four bowls every day when I only used one. Could you please either use fewer dishes or wash what you use?” (For more on this subject, see pretty much anything by renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman.) Sometimes a simple “I’d appreciate it if you…” is all you need. Other times, a chat along the lines of “I think we have different definitions of ‘easy’ here; can we please discuss that so we can get back on the same wavelength?” is helpful. As long as you’re fixing misunderstandings and expressing your needs nicely, you’re doing well.

Let’s take a short but vital detour: You may both think you know what you’re signing up for before you get married, but more issues may pop up later for either of you, either because of medication side effects which are virtually indistinguishable from chronic illness or because for whatever reason one of you actually has a known condition get dramatically worse or has a whole new one pop up. Preferably before you get married, you two need to discuss what you’ll do should more issues pop up before anything actually goes wrong. The more the dependent deteriorates, the harder it’s going to get, and that could easily make the caregiver resentful or simply burn out, leading to fights. You’ll both be amazed at what you can and are willing to do for love, but love will only take you so far. To the caregiver, I meant what I said earlier in your section about periodically checking in with yourself.

Getting back to our original subject but relevant to the detour: so far we’ve mostly been looking at what you two can do by yourselves, but no caregiver/dependent couple can care for themselves in every way even most of the time. Don't be afraid to ask for outside help, whatever that looks like for you. It might be a home health aide if one of you requires help with absolutely everything. It might be friends and relatives to cook meals to stock your freezer and maybe feed you if both of you are done in, or someone to come over and help the dependent out for a few hours so the caregiver gets a break, or people to drive the dependent to doctor appointments. It might simply be a separate sympathetic ear for each of you. Whatever it is that you need, if your friends and family can't do it, there are probably religious, volunteer, social, and/or professional organizations that can. Take advantage of them.

[no-i-will-not-shut-up]

turning the mad dog into a gentleman understands the appeal of the healer

[magic-astro-fae]

Aspects to Venus

Depending on whether the Venus aspects are challenging or beneficial will determine one’s relationship w the themes found below

Venus/ ASC: Physical beauty, charismatic, sociable, inviting, warm, pleasantries, comfortable home, emphasis on fashion/ hair/ skin care, social chameleon, comforting, inclusive

Venus/ Sun: Attractive personality, strong sense of self, individualized style, complimentary, relationship oriented, energized thru socialization, interests in fashion/ makeup/ beauty

Venus/ Moon: Beautiful home, clean/ hygienic, comforting food, healthy meals and lifestyle, beauty routines, retail therapy, creature comforts, caring for loved ones needs, caregiving, nurturing

Venus/ Mercury: Attractive speaking/ singing voice, empathetic communication, art/ literature, intellectually inclined, diverse friends, inclusivity, community oriented, reading/ writing

Venus/ Mars: Balance, achievers, articulate, practical abilities, romantic, relationship oriented, sexually inclined, physical attractiveness, hard workers, money makers, active and social

Venus/ Jupiter: Welcoming, bubbly, humorous, large features (eyes/ breasts/ thighs/ etc) prominent speaking voice, unique laughs, family oriented, diverse social circles, spirituality

Venus/ Saturn: Hard workers, money making/ saving, consistency, reliability, introverted, responsible in love, respectful, long term planning, strives for security, refined tastes

Venus/ Uranus: Unconventional lifestyles, unique style, individualized beauty routines, inclusivity, diverse friendships, fights for love, tough love, mysterious aura, social chameleon, intelligent

Venus/ Neptune: Dreamers, romantics, spiritual, accepting of others, caregivers, empathetic towards others, introverted, fantasies of love, romantic, physical beauty, mystery

Venus/ Pluto: Loyalty, intense relationships, diverse friendships, unconventional lifestyles, unique self expression/ style, routine, beauty regiments, personal success/ money makers

[astrojulia]

Moon in the Houses: How Your Emotional Needs Shape Your Love Life

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Moon in the 1st House

Your emotions are front and center in your love life. You’re super open about your feelings, which makes it easy to connect with your partner. But watch out—your emotional transparency can also make you a little vulnerable. You might react intensely to things, which can shake up the relationship. You’re all about emotional security and need a partner who gets you on a deep level. You’re not clingy, but you do want someone who can nurture your emotional side. Just be careful not to get too attached or let fears of abandonment creep in. Oh, and you’ve got a protective streak! You love taking care of your partner, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Balance is key.

Moon in the 2nd House

You’re all about stability and security in love. You want a partner who makes you feel safe and supported, both emotionally and materially. But don’t confuse emotional connection with material stuff—true love isn’t about what you own. You’re super loyal and value relationships that reflect your personal beliefs. Just be careful not to set sky-high expectations—it’s easy to get disappointed if your partner doesn’t meet them. You show love through actions, like giving gifts or creating a cozy vibe. Just make sure your partner’s on the same page, or it could lead to misunderstandings.

Moon in the 3rd House

Communication is everything in your relationships. You’re drawn to partners who can hold a deep conversation and really get you. But don’t mistake small talk for a real connection—you need more than that. You’re great at expressing your feelings through words, but don’t overdo it. Sometimes, just being present is enough. And remember, listening is just as important as talking. You might also find love in your social circle or through shared interests. Just don’t let outside opinions sway your feelings—trust your own heart.

Moon in the 4th House

You’re all about emotional security and creating a cozy, loving home. You want a partner who shares your values and makes you feel safe. But don’t get so caught up in creating the “perfect” home that you forget to let the relationship grow. Your past and family play a big role in your love life, and you might feel most comfortable with someone who understands your roots. Just don’t let old patterns hold you back—it’s okay to grow and change. You’re a natural caregiver, but don’t lose yourself in taking care of your partner. Make sure your own needs are met too.

Moon in the 5th House

You’re all about fun, passion, and creativity in love. You want a relationship that feels like an adventure, full of joy and excitement. But don’t let the thrill of new experiences keep you from building something deeper. You’re playful and romantic, and you love partners who can keep up with your energy. Just be careful not to avoid commitment—sometimes, love takes work. You show love through creative gestures and surprises! But make sure your partner values your emotional side too.

Moon in the 6th House

You find emotional stability in the little things—daily routines, shared habits, and taking care of each other. You’re all about creating a balanced, harmonious relationship. But don’t get so caught up in the details that you lose sight of the big picture. You’re a natural caregiver, and you love making your partner feel supported. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Relationships are about give and take. And hey, don’t stress too much about perfection. Love isn’t about having everything figured out—it’s about connection.

Moon in the 7th House

Relationships are everything to you. You crave emotional security and harmony with your partner. But be careful—this can sometimes lead to dependency or insecurity if things aren’t going well. You’re drawn to partners who make you feel understood and accepted. But don’t let your need for connection make you ignore your own needs. A healthy relationship is about balance. Commitment is your thing, and you feel most secure in a serious relationship. Just make sure you’re not losing yourself in the process.

Moon in the 8th House

You’re all about deep, intense connections. You want a love that’s transformative and soul-deep. But this intensity can sometimes lead to possessiveness or jealousy if you’re not careful. You’re not afraid of emotional challenges—in fact, you thrive on them. But don’t let past issues weigh you down. Use them as opportunities to grow and heal. You’ve got killer intuition when it comes to your partner’s emotions. Just don’t let their feelings overshadow your own. Balance is everything.

Moon in the 9th House

You’re all about growth and exploration in love. You want a partner who shares your thirst for knowledge and adventure. But don’t let your love of new experiences keep you from building something lasting. You’re drawn to people who share your beliefs and values, which can create a strong foundation. But be open to differences—they can make your relationship even stronger. Travel and new experiences are your love language. Just make sure you’re not always chasing the next big thing—sometimes, love is about staying still and growing together.

Moon in the 10th House

Your emotions are tied to your ambitions and career. You want a partner who supports your goals and understands your drive. But don’t let your career take over your love life—balance is key. You might be attracted to successful, ambitious people, which can inspire you. But don’t compare yourself to your partner—you’re amazing just as you are. And hey, don’t forget to let your guard down sometimes. Love isn’t about achievements—it’s about connection.

Moon in the 11th House

Friendships and social connections are super important in your love life. You want a partner who’s also your best friend. But don’t let your need for connection keep you from building emotional intimacy. You value freedom and independence in relationships, which is great! Just make sure your partner understands your need for space. You’re drawn to people who share your passions and ideals. But don’t forget to carve out time for just the two of you—love needs nurturing too.

Moon in the 12th House

You’ve got a deep, complex emotional world. You might struggle to express your feelings openly, which can make your partner feel a little lost. But your intuition is chef’s kiss—you just get people. You’re drawn to deep, spiritual connections and might dream of an idealized love. But don’t let your fantasies keep you from building something real. You need time alone to recharge, which is totally okay. Just make sure you’re also making space for intimacy with your partner.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[astrow1zar6]

Venus in the houses Observations 1-7

Venus in the 1st house: I feel like this placement is very lucky & unlucky at the same time. It bestows you with beauty, and financial security and a charming personality but I feel like these people have a hard time appreciating it. They can be very harsh critics on themselves especially when it comes to their looks. These are the girls you always see looking at their reflection thru everything to make sure nothings messed up but in your head you think “this girls perfect how can she be so anxious about her looks”. Looks are very big to them which is why many people consider them superficial. They tend to like to surround themselves with attractive people or people with a lot of clout, they despise ugly. I also notice they can be very envious of others who attract more attention then them they love attractive people but can also be threatened by other attractive people its odd.

Venus in 2nd house: I’ve seen a lot that have amazing artistic ability’s. They usually make the most money when they are being creative or making something beautiful such as ceramics, jewelry, drawings, sculptures ect. They have very charming business personalities when can make them earn a lot faster than most. They tend to have very smooth voices as well. They can convince you to do anything just by using their voice. (Which is why this is considered a sugar baby placement, it’s hard for people to say no to them). This placement is in its home in the 2nd house so these people generally have it pretty easy. They may find love a little later in life tho however when they are financially stable but they are usually patient enough to wait for the right one. On the flip side if afflicted they tend to spend their money as quickly as they got it usually on stupid shit like Grubhub (they are big foodies) or shopping. They can also be very greedy with their money and possessions and become jealous of others who have more money/ are more attractive than themselves. But overall these people give Princess vibes.

Venus in 3rd house: people with this placement remind me of fairies. They are so chatty and fun loving they can make any conversation interesting easily. They have this lightness about them that puts people at ease. In relationships they tend to have partners that are like their best friend ( maybe a little too much like best friends). Sometimes I’ve seen their relationships lack seriousness and depth which can cause their partner to feel like they are just dating a buddy. But on a good note they are usually able to share everything with their partners and their relationships are usually very fun. When afflicted they can be prone to gossiping and being overly chatty which can become obnoxious. They can also be overly flirtatious while single and in a relationship. ESPECIALLY drunk these people will flirt with everyone breathing when they are intoxicated lol.

Venus in 4th house: I’ve noticed try to find partners that give them a feeling of home. I haven’t met a lot of people with this placement but what I’ve noticed in the ones I have met was that they give this big mommy energy. They crave to take care of someone and also for someone to take care of them. However these people can get really clingy and dependent when they are comfortable. It usually takes them a long time however to trust someone enough to be with them. But once they feel safe enough they are extremely loyal. They love the idea of starting a family and long for children. They usually make great mothers. Their mother could’ve been the ultimate caregiver growing up & grew up with many precious family traditions (unless afflicted) the traits of the mother rubbed off a lot on the native. I also notice they tend to look more like their mothers than fathers.

Venus in the 5th house: when I hear this placement I think of Cupid and Valentine’s Day lol no really tho these people love the art of love and seduction. They live for it. These people can get a little too carried away in love however which can cause them to have multiple crushes and talk to multiple people at once. This isn’t considered the most loyal placement (unless something in their chart says other wise). These people have amazing rizz which I’ve stated in other posts but it’s true a lot of people get jealous by how easy it is for them to woo people. I notice they can be love addicts and can’t be without someone to boost their ego. These people can also have very pretty children or they can have a lot of girls. (If one of your parents has this placement your probably blessed in the looks department) people with this placement are usually very physically attractive themselves.

Venus in 6th house: I’ve only met one person with this placement so my description may not be as detailed as the others but I’ve seen it gives a very workaholic vibe to the person. Most of their social interactions and romantic interactions usually happen in the workplace. These people can be extremely timid in social matters however which can make others kinda look over them☹️ they aren’t the most romantic but they are very sensual and the types where if they love you they will spend every day with you. They can also be extremely helpful to their partners (they are big on acts of service) and can usually remain loyal to the same person for a long time. Theirs a certain modesty and naturalness about them that’s very mesmerizing. In the early years they could’ve struggled a lot romantically. Could’ve had a lot of one sided loves. This also can make the native not notice their beauty they could dress down or overly modest because they aren’t comfortable with being seen as “sexy” or “attractive”. This placement is generally a rough spot for Venus to be in but it worked thru it can be fulfilling it just takes a lot of self love training.

Venus in the 7th house: LOVE romantic attention. Even for people they aren’t into like that (similar to Venus in 5th) they get a big ego boost when they find out others have a crush on them. These are the types to believe everyone is in love with them.. and lowkey… they’re right lol. Venus is at home in the 7th house as well so it usually makes them very attractive to the opposite sex naturally. A lot of men really want to commit to these women even if they aren’t seen as conventionally attractive they usually have a “wifey” type of vibe that makes men weak. It’s incredible really how magnetic these people are. They can have good luck in marriage and usually attract very wealthy attractive spouses. If afflicted however they will go through a lot of unstable relationships until they learn how to love themselves properly. This can also cause someone to be very codependent on others. They have a hard time living alone and can act really dysfunctional when they don’t have love in their lives. They need to learn to be more independent and self assured. ( if they have their Venus in Aries or Aquarius they can be more independent).

[astroyongie]

♡₊˚ What Your Venus Says About You・₊✧

Note: Another post to celebrate the February month, aka valentines and love month! I hope you guys enjoy this post <33

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𝚅𝚎𝚗𝚞𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝙴𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚂𝚒𝚐𝚗

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♀️Aries: People with venus in Aries they are usually bold and passionate in love, as they do enjoy the thrill of the chase. They are natural flirts but in a way that is very natural so it doesn't feel forced and often their way of flirting is seen as being dominants or showing how secure they are. They are good lovers, the type to make you feel desired and wanted. They can't keep their hands to themselves as their love goes a lot through their facial expression and their need to grasp their love ones

♀️Taurus: People with venus in Taurus are usually very sensual and they are physically attractive to a lot of people. They are equally loyal, it's a placement that values loyalty and values stability in their relationship. They can have a hard time falling in love due to their expectations but when they love it's quite deep. They are romantics as well and physical pleasure is the main way for them to show their love of affection. Neck kisses and cuddles are such an important thing. Depending on the mars placement, they are people with high libidos, who need physical affection and interaction to be happy.

♀️Gemini: People with venus in Gemini are playful and curious lovers, they use jokes and humor to seduce and they are the type to put a lot of interest in their partner's likings and ways of living. They need and love intellectual stimulation in relationships, so there's the need to have arguments, debates, communication and sharing teas and secrets to keep people with this placement stimulated. They love kissing and holding hands for sure.

♀️Cancer: People with venus in Cancer are honestly very nurturing and sentimental with their partner and depending on the placement they can either take the role of the caregiver or they expected to have a caregiver in their life so they can feel the plenitude of love. these people seek deep emotional connections with their partners, as their love need to be soul like links, they need to feel like fated in order to work

♀️Leo: People with venus in Leo, believe or not but they are true romantics and expressives with their love. Some people see them as egocentric lovers and although some other placement can favorite that, Leo venus are also loyal and they will fight blood and bones for their love ones. They enjoy grand gestures of love., they need to feel appreciated and love, and if you are able to make them feel like you worship the ground they walk on, they will put you up in the highest pedestal

♀️Virgo: People with venus in Virgo are known to be practical lovers as the type of providing for their partner and only getting in a relationship if they feel like the relationship truly Is meaningful. Virgos are also devoted when they are in love, it's the "ride or die" type of energy. They show love through acts of service as they are usually very bad with affection and words, so they try the best they can with other ways

♀️Libra: People with venus in Libra are another ones who are just so gorgeous and a talent to attract people. they are charming and diplomatic, with a flirt capacity of seduction while also not being too much. So they make people want to chase them, want to own them and libra venus know how to play that in their favor. they thrive in harmonious relationships, where their partner isn't into intensities, they want something stable and organized so they can just lay back and be cared for

♀️Scorpio: People with venus in Scorpio are without a doubt and surprise intense and magnetic individuals, the type that you are attracted to them but wouldn't dare to come close. their energy is strong, and when it comes to love they crave deep, transformative love. the type that will change them and their life, the time that will fix their heart, that is deep and almost like a soul connection. a partner for life whom they can pour all their devotion on

♀️Sagittarius: People with venus in Sagittarius are the typical adventurous lover, the on who is never content with what they have and they need constant stimulation in their relationship. due to their free spirited self, they need a love that is full of excitement and freedom, a love where they don't feel trapped in the relationship and where they can be themselves. Don't trap them, you gotta love them the way they are without trying to cage them into ideals

♀️Capricorn: People with venus in Capricorn are reserved people, they have huge commitment issues that because when they do commit it's usually because they are serious about the relationship. they value loyalty and long term security, as they don't have time to waste in relationships that won't take them to something stable and true. They are scared of not being enough as well, so they are careful who they allow in their heart

♀️Aquarius: People with venus in Aquarius are often attracted to relationships that are unconventional (eg, divorced, age gap, different social backgrounds or cultures, ect) and because of their independent nature they can also have some commitment issues. aquarius loves with a sense of detachment, because they often try to protect themselves for the cruelty of life, yet they still have a particular type of love to give

♀️Pisces: People with venus in Pisces are the typical dreamy and compassionate lovers, they have very high expectations and ideals which often is what keeps them to be happy in relationships or find the right person for them. they seek soul deep romantic connections, they crave love in such a deep way, it's more than physical or soul like, it's almost existential, they want to be loved like a love song loves.

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𝚅𝚎𝚗𝚞𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝙴𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎

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♀️1st House: Having venus in your 1st house makes your naturally charming and attractive. So physically you are someone very beautiful and attractive to others and you also possess some flirting insights that easily make people fall into your web. people with this placement they are also very influenceable, love influences identity. the typical "ah you changed" the moment they get in a relationship or are in love

♀️2nd House: Having venus in the 2nd house usually shows that you value luxury and security. They are the typical people who enjoys to be a "stay home" partner while they are being provided for their needs. these people also enjoy sensual pleasures, they have high libidos and they show their affection through physical contact and intimacy.

♀️3rd House: Having venus in the 3rd house makes people be the type who love to communicative and thus share thoughts and overexplain things in their relationship and especially to solve their arguments in the spot. they can also be quite witty in love as they do enjoy flirting and conversation. This can also show outside the relationship, so they enjoy to talk and flirt with others even when there isnt intention behind their words

♀️4th House: Having venus in the 4th house makes people to be emotionally invested in home and family. Often they are people who have a close relationship with their parents and siblings and they also have a strong desire to create and have their own family. Some people with this placement marry and have kids rather young in their life. their love feels like comfort as they are very nurturing and the type to really take care of their home and provide for their family

♀️5th House: Having venus in the 5th house shows a lot of romantism, and honestly yes they are the type to always surprise you with their gesture and how romantic they can be. Most people with this placement have an artistic side to them that they can use to show their affection toward their love one. they enjoy love in all their aspect, but some of them can even struggle with love affairs

♀️6th House: Having venus in the 6th house usually makes people devoted and helpful partners as they are the type to put their partners need before their own, even if it means hurting by the end of it. they show care through small gestures as often physical affection or words aren't their best take. They are honest with their love but often seen as not making enough efforts

♀️7th House: Having venus in the 7th house is a nice placement, they are people who truly live for love. depending on other placements, they are people who fall in love quickly or who had several crushes/loves/or partners throughout their life. they are drawn to partnerships, thriving in balanced, loving relationships with people

♀️8th House: Having venus in the 8th house is such an intense thing, because they are very passionate and intense in the way they show their love (either with their words, affection or even physically/intimately). they are the type to seek deep emotional and physical bonds with others. they have high libidos and sex is an important part of the way they show love and desire to the other

♀️9th House: Having venus in the 9th house can be quite a challenge. they are usually attracted to loves that are slightly different, and their love life can be quite adventurous with a lot of movement. They are known to have a lot of come and go relationships, never really settling. Other than that, they are known to be philosophical partners, who thrive with the thought of growth in love.

♀️10th House: Having venus in the 10th house usually makes relationships a little complicated, as these people are mostly focused on their career area more than their love situations. Yet they are also able to attract powerful partners, and people with high status and good financial backgrounds. yet some comittment issues are common due to the Capricorn energy

♀️11th House: Having venus in the 11th house is honestly such a lively placement, people with this house have social love, idealistic love and values friendship in relationships. This means that they often find love through social settings, friendships and they need their partner to be a friend and a confident more than just someone to love.

♀️12th House: Having venus in the 12th house is honestly complicated in my point of view. many with these placements are often stuck in secretive relationships which is paradoxical because they crave soulful and spiritual bonds with their love ones. They are the type that could die for their love ones and their love life will impact their life and their health a lot

[cozy-cg]

𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐅𝐨𝐫 ⚠︎︎

NSFW, k!nk or dualcom DNI.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞.. ミ★

-> Dealing with threats and manipulation. This is not normal! If you set a boundary or go offline and have to manage threats, whether this be about something extreme like suicide or relapsing, or more mild like “if you go away then I guess I just won’t reply either.” This is unhealthy and a red flag.

-> Indirect vents to guilt trip you. If you find yourself seeing them posting things to social media or adjusting their statuses to things such as “I don’t think they even care about me..” or threats of suicide/relapses, this is a guilt trip and not a healthy form of communication.

-> Excessive attachment. Being unable to leave your phone for an hour or two without returning to a span of messages depending you reply is unhealthy! To be clear, messaging to say they miss you and spamming cute things isn’t unhealthy. But if you genuinely get worried not being able to reply to them for an hour or so, this isn’t healthy.

-> Using you as a therapist. If all your conversations are just them venting, this is a very big red flag! If you’re never asked about yourself, and all the conversations are revolving about their feelings and problems, this is not a healthy, caring dynamic to have.

-> Weaponizing regression. Regressing to manipulate you not into leaving them, or to manipulate you out of feeling comfortable setting a boundary is very much still toxic. If everytime you try to set boundaries or have serious conversations they’re regressing to get out of it, or regressing to force you to caretake when you needed a break, this is unhealthy!

-> Disrespect of boundaries. Needing a break from caregiving, setting limits on what you’re comfortable with, etc, is okay! You deserve to feel safe and comfortable. If you’re receiving anger or guilt trips as a response to this, that’s unhealthy behavior.

Caregivers- you deserve a safe relationship with your little! People may try and take advantage of your kindness and care- for this reason, stay safe and stay aware. Your health matters too. ♡︎

[maplebellsmods]

Expanded Storytelling Relationship Bits Mod: 2

Ok..more storytelling and relationship options for your sims! 

(Really tried my best to push this out before the end of Jan) 😮‍💨

If you want more info about the mod check this page out: Expanded Storytelling Relationship Bits Mod 

This time around created more relationship bits. Here they are

I wanted to try something new this time, which is why it took me so much time. I'll get into it later.

But there are a few new things I have added and changed from the previous one. First off, there are more interactions available: social interactions, phone interactions, and rabbit hole interactions.

Each one of these interactions corresponds to a specific relationship bit.

Healing Touch: 'Plan Relaxing Activities Together,' 'Offer Comfort through Hugs and Physical Touch.'

Wisdom Seekers: 'Ask Questions about the Universe.'

Unbreakable Connection: 'Celebrate Anniversary of Enduring Connection,' 'Promise Everlasting Friendship' (Only available pre-promise).

I do need to note that, just like the other mod, many of these are cosmetic and don't have a full effect yet. (Emphasis on 'yet,' as I will slowly but surely make these more functional.)

If your Sims have the Wisdom Seeker, Tech-Savvy Partners, or Night Owl Companions relationship bits, some interactions will unlock on the phone:

Wisdom Seeker: Study Together at the Library 

Tech-Savvy Partners: Send Tech News 

Night Owl Companions: Night Time Activities Menu 

(Regarding nighttime activities, I haven't found a workaround for this issue yet. However, here's a temporary solution: When selecting an activity for the two Sims who have the rabbit, choose the Sim you want to go with first, and then select yourself again using the same option. I'm not sure why this happens, but it can be a bit inconvenient. I'll work on making the process more streamlined in the future, but for now, this is how you can get them to go to the same activity.)

The new feature I've been working on, which I'm quite excited about, involves social interactions. I've always felt that many social interactions lacked depth and context. So, what I'm currently working on is creating social interactions to fill that gap

One of these interactions is 'Provide Emotional Support,' which is available for Sims with the 'Healing Touch' relationship.

In this interaction, your Sim will be presented with several options when they are feeling sad. Your Sim can choose from these options to express why they are feeling sad. Once they make a selection, the other Sim will ask for more context, leading to the exchange of contextual advice and reassurance.

I've also developed another social interaction, 'Try to Confess Feelings,' which is available for Sims experiencing 'Unrequited Love.

Attempting to confess your feelings will lead to various outcomes depending on the option you choose. In this interaction, the Sim who hears the confession will have several response options available.

The choice made by the listening Sim will have an impact on their relationship, both romantically and platonically. Some response options may harm the relationship more than others.

The way the Sim responds through the animation doesn't affect the outcome. I've designed it this way to leave the choice entirely in the player's hands. However, unless both Sims are in a flirty mood and have a high friendship level, the Sim who hears the confession will always use the rejection animation. Nevertheless, this animation choice doesn't alter the outcome.

The social interaction 'Forbid Relationship With' can be used either before or after designating two Sims as star-crossed lovers. Some of the options will even add the 'star-crossed lovers' relationship bit to the two Sims (if they didn't have it), while others will remove it (if they did have it).

The interaction can be found under the Mean -- Arguments Pie Menu Category. Only a parent, grandparent, uncle, or caregiver can trigger the interaction. 

Depending on the chosen options, the relationship can either suffer a negative or experience a positive impact. While all of the options will influence the relationship, certain responses will have a significantly greater effect on it than others.

These are all the main points! I hope you all enjoy this new feature because I'm eager to create more! There will be additional interactions and other things I'll be adding to this mod. I'm constantly learning new things, and it's truly enjoyable to implement them!

Download Here

Public Feb 24

[mental-mona]

How to have a happy caregiver/dependent marriage - part 2

Early in our marriage, my chronic illnesses got so bad that DH was stuck as my caregiver for many months despite his fibromyalgia, and he still does the vast majority of the housework. We have always been happy, and people always asked us how we did it. This is a part of an essay I wrote to explain it and to advice those who might find themselves in similar situations. It incorporates all of my thoughts, some of DH's thoughts, and some suggestions from others. Part 1, for the dependents, is here.

Part 2 - for the caregiver:

Recognize that your spouse is probably just as frustrated by their illness(es) as you are. They might try to do something that goes against doctor's orders and/or their actual abilities, and in doing so risk problems much greater than the inconveniences of ordinary caring for them. If this happens, gently but firmly remind them that you'd much rather bring them things in the bedroom than take a trip to the ER because they fell trying to walk around with horrible vertigo. Your spouse's frustration might also cause them to lash out at you or cry to you about how horrible it is to be dependent on you. If they do that, try to refrain from snapping back or reminding them how difficult it is for you to care for them, (trust me, they almost certainly know,) and instead acknowledge that they’re upset but ask them to vent their feelings to someone else if you can't handle them.

If you're annoyed or angry about a caregiving situation rather than your spouse's actual behavior, make it very clear to your spouse that you're not annoyed at them. Making your spouse feel like they’re the cause of your aggravation only makes them feel bad, and may cause the above behaviors. Nobody likes to feel like a burden, and putting the blame on the situation rather than the person takes some of the pressure off.

However, if you find yourself resenting something your spouse does which is within their control, bring it up ASAP and work it out with them. It's better for both of you if your spouse knows that you would prefer advance notice about their doctor appointments so that you're not blindsided with an "oh by the way I might need you to drive me to x doctor tomorrow;" not saying anything when it's on your mind but snapping at them every time it happens just leaves you annoyed and your spouse feeling bad that they’re always inconveniencing you. Don't expect your spouse to take a hint about anything; they may be too brain-fogged and/or wrapped up in their pain to do so. If you have an issue, just say it straight. Remember, you're a caregiver, not a martyr.

In addition, your spouse may complain a lot about how much pain they’re in and such like. Sympathize to the extent that you can, but if you're feeling overwhelmed by their needs and/or life in general, it's fine to ask them to take their feelings to a friend instead. Try to remember that even if you have a chronic illness of your own, even if it's the exact same illness as your spouse, your spouse's symptoms may not be as well-controlled as yours, they may have a lower pain tolerance, or they may have a whole different set of symptoms which you don't.

Remember, emotional care of your spouse is not just about minimizing the negatives. It’s vital to make it clear to your spouse that you love them and appreciate them even though it's hard taking care of them. A random "I love you" is always nice, as are reminders of what you see in them that makes you love them so much and thanks for doing whatever chores they’re able to do.

Now, let’s discuss the practical side of caregiving. First off, prioritize chores and general life. Honest, the house doesn't need to be spotless; it's much more important that food be prepared, clothes be laundered, your career be on track, and that you have both together time and "me time." As long as you're not living in filth, you're fine.

If you really need your spouse's help with something or it would just be better for both of you if they did a particular chore, check in with them on whether they’re capable of doing it, and try to arrange things so that they’re doing that necessary thing if at all possible while you handle other chores. For example, if you're having guests over and your spouse’s stuff is strewn all over the living room, obviously you want them to clean that up rather than you. However, if you plan to ask them to clean up the living room the day before the guests are coming or worse yet the day of, there's a good chance that they won't be able to help. Ask them at least a few days in advance so that they know that if they’re having a good day or even a good few hours, cleaning up the living room should be their priority.

Speaking of needing your spouse’s help, don’t forget to help yourself! If you have to care for your partner 24/7, you will burn out very quickly, especially if you have no outlet for your frustrations. Make a point of taking time for yourself at least once a week and preferably every day. This might mean setting up your spouse with everything they'll need for an hour or three and going to another room with the understanding that you are to be left in peace if at all possible, or it might mean having someone else take care of your spouse for that time while you go to a cultural event at the library. You should make sure to use your “me time” wisely; for example, if you're a very social person then you should probably be using it to connect with friends in some way rather than play solo video games, whereas if you just need to let off steam then killing digital monsters might be precisely what you need. If you have a particular hobby or stress-reducing activity you like, do that; bonus points if you can virtually share it with friends.

There are other sanity savers to consider as well. You should make a point of keeping in semi-frequent touch with sympathetic friends, and it would probably be a good idea to join a caregiver support group - online or real life, doesn't matter - if you can find the time. Occasionally, if your budget allows for it, go buy yourself something just because you want to. Again, you are not a martyr to your spouse's needs; you are allowed to go to a concert without them or subscribe to a streaming service or buy something for your hobby just because it will make you feel good. However, make sure that you'll actually use whatever it is you buy or it's not worth it.

Now we come to the toughest part of maintaining your sanity: checking in with yourself periodically to make sure that you're not in over your head, and figuring out what you want to do about it if you are. If the thought of your partner becoming even more disabled makes you appreciate the thought of taking on more of the caregiver role, then you need to get out of martyr mode and figure out what's really behind that thought. If the thought of your spouse becoming more disabled makes you want to walk away, then it's time to figure out where that thought came from and if necessary, reevaluate what you're capable of handling. If that thought is truly coming from a feeling that you're in over your head, either get outside help or, terrible as this sounds, find a way to transition them to another caregiver as you walk away. In any of these situations, getting therapy for yourself would probably be a good idea.

We’ve been talking a lot about maintaining your mental health, but don't neglect your physical health either! You can't care for your spouse properly and your spouse will worry if your digestive tract is all kinds of messed up, so make a doctor appointment or two for yourself to get that checked out. Even if that rash on your chest doesn’t itch, it's still a problem, so when you get the chance go see a dermatologist. The bottom line is that you need to be both mentally and physically healthy to be able to be a good caregiver.

[lemonlover1110]

Hello! I hope you are doing well 😌 you are my fav writer and I just wanted to to throw out this crazy brainrot request to u bc I am SICK over it

So Florence nightingale syndrome right? Toji is like a professional boxer or whatever something athletic bc he's a fucking beast and he gets hurt, like his leg or something, and you become his at home occupational therapist. So you're like taking care of him and he's getting feelings for you while also being a stubborn ass bc u push him constantly so he can get better. and he's super hesitant to accept his feelings bc he's a Playboy of course.

I'm just picturing this one scene where you're helping him up and he's leaning on you and he says something like "are you sure you can handle me princess?" Idk I'm insane I'm sorry 😭😭😭😭

Pairing: boxer!Toji Fushiguro x f!caregiver!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, frustrated Toji, Florence nightingale syndrome, Toji has an injured leg and is a little bitch for a bit

*This was so fun to work on and now I'm having thinking a little too hard about boxer toji (I'm ovulating) sofjsof enjoy!

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Ko-Fi

Toji never really thought he’d be dependent on someone, yet now he can’t even take a shower standing up. After an unlucky boxing match, Toji ended up in a cast and crutches. That’s what he gets for not listening to his son who told him it was around time to retire.

“I’m not a fucking skeleton, I’m good in my field. I can do this for a couple more years.” How he wishes he could swallow his fucking words. He thought that after getting the cast off he’d go back to normal, and he’d have no issue with mobility. He shouldn’t have an issue moving his fucking leg again, he’s been moving it for more than thirty years, why should three months of not moving it change much?

Apparently he can’t do anything, which is why he has someone with him all day every day, helping him so he can get better. Toji’s main issue? He gets frustrated when someone tries to help him. 

“Be careful, it’s hot.” You smile at him as you put his dinner in front of him. He has a scowl on his face as you set it down in front of him. He tried to help make dinner but he couldn’t stand for too long. He’s mad, but not at you. He could never be mad at you. 

Toji wasn’t necessarily fond of you when you started working with him; he hates being dependent on someone else, and he knew that he would have to depend on you for pretty much everything. You try to help him though, and he should be more appreciative of you because of it, but in reality he feels like a fucking baby. He’s grown to like you though… A little too much for his liking. 

You leave him to eat, going to wash the dishes since he can’t do the task yet. Perhaps his own bowl and spoon, but not everything that needs to be cleaned. You watch him from the counter, watching his refusal to pick up the spoon and eat the soup you made him. Earlier he was so prideful, telling you that he would help you every step of the way during dinner, and he couldn’t even finish one third of it. You were proud of him regardless.

“It’s really good, Toji! The potatoes you helped peel really added a touch to it.” You’ve gotten close enough to be on a first name basis. You see each other every day, you stay in the same house, of course you’re close enough to talk to each other so casually. It doesn’t mean you should though. You’ve always managed to keep a very professional relationship with patients, but there’s just something about him that makes it hard for you to be normal around him.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking kid.” He says, pushing the bowl of soup away. He’s not hungry anymore. Toji stands up, his hands holding on to the table to support himself before grabbing his crutches. 

“Toji, if you’re not eating it, can you try to bring it over to me, please?” You ask. You know the soup has cooled down, if he spills it, he’ll be fine.

“If you want it, pick it up yourself.” Toji is clearly mad. You don’t take it to heart though, because you know it’s with himself and not you. 

“How about we go to the park tomorrow? It’s supposed to be a nice day out.” You talk to Toji who tries to watch a documentary. He’s not all that interested in what he put on, caring more about what you have to say. He might not show it, and he tries to deny it, but he has the biggest soft spot for you. “We can also get some ice cream, if you’re in the mood!”

“Hey… I’m sorry about earlier. I was just—” It’s hard to get an apology out of him, but sometimes he knows he’s in the wrong and he feels the need to apologize. He doesn’t want you to be mad at him, even though you’re clearly not upset with him. You’re so understanding and patient with him, he feels like he doesn’t deserve that.

“You’re fine, Toji.” You reassure him with a smile, your hand going over his balled up fist. You feel your heart skip a beat as you touch him. You’ve crossed the line past a professional relationship, and you should set some boundaries within yourself– But his other hand goes on top of your own before he brings it up, softly kissing your knuckles. It’s hard to set boundaries when he feels the same way.

“I’m tired.” He tells you, and you stand up to help him get up. Toji usually denies your help, but this time, he has no problem accepting it. You just want the best for him, and there’s some things that he can’t do completely alone. He has to take baby steps. He’s using you for support, and he’s scared that he’s too heavy for you. He asks you, “Are you sure, princess? Can you handle me? I know I’m pretty big.”

“You’re fine. I can handle you.” You reassure him, and you begin to walk to his bedroom. His room was previously on the second floor, but ever since his injury, he’s moved his bedroom to the first floor. You get him to his bedroom, helping him on the bed. You smile at him before saying, “Let me grab your crutches. You left them in the living room, right?”

Before you can walk away, he grabs your sleeve. Toji’s slowly realizing that he can’t fight off the feelings that consume him when you help him, and he’s usually not a fan of them. Toji’s been tied down once before, he certainly doesn’t want that again. But with you, it’s different. He doesn’t mind the idea.

“Will you lay down with me?” He asks, and you suck in your bottom lip between your teeth. You shouldn’t. He caresses your cheek with the back of his hand before he prompts himself up to kiss the corner of your mouth.

“Toji, you know this isn’t something I can do.” You tell him as he looks lovingly into your eyes. “I’m here to help you get better.”

“You can help me get better by laying down next to me.” Toji responds. You grab the hand that so lovingly touches your cheek and kiss it, before bringing your lips down to meet his momentarily. He swears he hears fireworks when your lips meet, even after you pull away.

He’s most definitely in love with you.

“I’ll go get your crutches. Good night, Toji.”

[rainynightmoonlight]

Pancakes, Coffee, And Kisses || Yan Husband x GN Reader

Characters: Julian

Summary: Your Husband is a literal dream! Why is there blood on his coat?

Warnings: Yandere themes, possessiveness, violence

a/n: He has no rival, he's too clingy

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Yan Husband who you met in a coffee shop some time ago. You two bonded over a shared favorite drink which turned into finding out you two had gone to the same school and even shared classes. This just pushes you two into a relationship and a short few years later, he's at the altar with you sharing wedding vows with you.

Yan Husband who made sure your wedding was extravagant. Nothing compares to his love for you so whatever you wanted for your wedding was a must! He had the money and his parents were more than willing to help him out. They adored you and were so happy to have you as a child-in-law. Their son was happier about having you as a spouse.

Yan Husband who plans the honeymoon perfectly. Your dream location. Your dream hotel. Your dream everything! Both the wedding and honeymoon were like dreams for you, and he couldn't have asked for more. Anything to make you happy. And it shows through all the hurtles he was going through for you.

Yan Husband who takes pictures of everything from both the wedding and honeymoon. He just wants to be reminded of the happiest moments of his life. All the pictures have been framed and cover a whole wall of the house you two live in together. The house was bought before you two got married.

Yan Husband who would rather be the working man while you stay home. Oh the image he has in his head. You in a cute little apron baking sweets for him while he comes home from a long day at work, de-stressing with the treats you made and you in his lap while he tells you about his day.

Yan Husband who would respect if you want to keep your job, but he makes it clear that he's jealous of your coworkers. He gets so mad when you come home late claiming you had a business project with someone else. Why can't you two work the same job within the same building?

Yan Husband who secretly wouldn't mind being the house husband. Vocally, he's adamant about being the stay at home caregiver but the thought of taking care of you the way a house husband would make him see hearts. However, he always wants to provide for you.

Yan Husband who pampers you every weekend no matter what. He has to make sure you're happy. When you aren't, he gets so scared. When you aren't happy then he isn't either. You don't realize how dependent he is on you to feel emotions.

Yan Husband who is on the fence about kids. He does want them albeit through pregnancy or adoptions (if you can't have kids), he doesn't care. His issue is that they would take away from the time you two have and consume more of your attention. He needs to be your number one priority.

Yan Husband who doesn't mind pets as much. They're just animals, there's no way you would love pets more than him! And he can stick pets into a room or outside with the excuse that the animal needed it, or they were being too much so he needed time away from them. Since the pet is out of the way for a bit, why don't you two cuddle?

Yan Husband who is a petty little shit whenever you make plans with other people. He pouts when you get home from a friend's night and just tells you to leave. It's clear you don't need him anymore! You have your good friends and drinking buddies.

Yan Husband who holds grudges against the people that take your attention away but controls his urges well because he's married to you! You're not going to cheat on him! You two are bonded till death do you part, and not even death will keep him away from you.

Yan Husband who requires constant reassurance that he's still enough for you. Even when he becomes tired and can't do the usual when he's with you, which is worshiping your entire being, that you still want to stay married to him. Just hold him close in bed and pamper him with affection.

Yan Husband who takes milestones very seriously. Date nights, birthdays, anniversaries, you name it, and it'll be all about you in an enchanting evening. Flowers and treats along with gifts. It's all for celebrating you! The love of his life!

Yan Husband who will spontaneously bring you flowers when he gets home. He always gives you a compliment that's flower related when he gives them to you. You're more lovely than the flowers he brought.

Yan Husband who spoils you with breakfast every morning. It's amazing if you two start your days at the same time and get home around the same time. It's like you two are in sync, and it furthers his belief that you two are soulmates.

Yan Husband who will push your family away from you by taking you to his parents and show how loving his family is with him. See? This is how a family should be! You don't need your family, you have him and your in-laws. You don't need anyone else.

Yan Husband who slowly gives in to his delusions the longer you two are married. He uses the wedding rings as a way to stake his claim on you. His name is engraved in your ring, and he got you a matching necklace. Anyone who walks by will see how loved you are.

Yan Husband who loves when your friends are jealous of him. He relishes in the fact that your friends see him as a loving husband and wish their partners were like him. It further proves that he's treating you so well, and you could have been with some loser.

Yan Husband who keeps tabs on you through your texts. It's a lot less suspicious since you're both married to each other. You trust him enough to go through your phone. In fact, you would think it's cute how he takes selfies of himself with your phone. It's his way of keeping others away when you show people your photos.

Yan Husband who would burn the world for you, his lovely spouse. Nothing is too much for him in his eyes. If it just brings even the smallest of smiles to your face then he'll do it. Anything you ask. Just love him forever, until you're both buried six feet down, and he can guarantee a happy life with you.

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Do not repost or translate without my explicit permission! Reblogs are welcome!

[zebulontheplanet]

I think the people who come onto my posts and ask “well how would you know if you’re visibly autistic” just…don’t get it. Because truly, how do you think we’d know? Surely it’s not the stares, or the looks to our caregivers, or the comments, or the verbal and sometimes even physical altercations/fights, or the isolation, or the segregation, or the baby talking, or the being underestimated, or being put in ABA, or being put in special education/contained classrooms. It surely can’t be that. Right? /sarcasm

I don’t think people REALLY read my posts. They get defensive. Think I’m screaming in their faces about how they’re not autistic enough because they don’t experience the same discrimination as a higher support needs, caregiver dependent, nonverbal/nonspeaking/semispeaking individuals. Because no, that’s totally what I’m doing. /sarcasm.

Discrimination is discrimination. But that doesn’t mean that the discrimination is going to be the same.

I’m totally screaming in your face, telling you you’re not autistic enough, that everyone should experience the discrimination and “horrors” of being higher support needs. That’s totally what I’m doing /sarcasm.

If you’re visibly autistic, it’s not a matter of asking yourself “well how do I know?” Because you don’t ask yourself that. You ALREADY know. It’s been something that’s so integrated into your mind that you’re reminded about it Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Because? You make your parents life difficult. You give your caregiver fatigue. You go hungry because no one has fed you because you can’t cook, or only can cook very basic things. You are constantly under and overstimulated, so you have violent meltdowns that ruin relationships, friendships, etc. You can’t get out of bed without help or prompts, so you just stay in bed all day. Mindlessly watching movies and scrolling social media.

You go outside, have to wear headphones or ear defenders, sunglasses, have chewlery, have to carry a AAC device and a bag with everything you could possibly need to help you from not having a meltdown, you see the stares. The way they look at you as you flap your hands, and laugh inappropriately, and rock, and skip, and run, and walk “weird” and drool, and mouth breathe, and put your fingers in your mouth, etc. and you see it on peoples faces. The way they cross the sidewalk, the way they lower their gaze, the way they do anything to get away from YOU.

There is a difference between being higher support needs and low to medium masking, so every trait is more intense, and being low support needs, high masking but looking a little “odd” or “off putting.” This isn’t an attack on anyone, but there are differences, and I’m tired of acting like people who aren’t higher support needs know what I go through.

This is my reality. This is what being visibly autistic is like. And I hope y’all realize that, cause it ain’t fun.

[magic-astro-fae]

Aspects to the Moon

Depending on whether the Moons aspects are harmonious or challenging will determine one’s relationship w the themes found below

Moon/ ASC: Large eyes, too much crying or not enough, emotional expression, creature comforts, comfortable home/ bed, paranoia, vivid dreams, emphasis on the mother, family oriented

Moon/ Sun: Balance, consciousness, comfort through self expression, self awareness, understanding, communication, emphasis on the home, habitual, harmony of masc/ fem energy)

Moon/ Mercury: Communicating emotions, comfort through knowledge, comfort in travel/ movement, active mind, impulsive emotions, restless, quick thinking, diverse friendships

Moon/ Venus: Physical beauty, emphasis on beauty routines, individualized personal style, femininity, gentleness, approachable, comfort food, therapy shopping, caregiving, empathy

Moon/ Mars: Impulsive emotions, act now think later, assertiveness, comfort in appreciation/ validation, patience/ lack thereof, movement, activity, high energy, exercise, physical body

Moon/ Jupiter: Large emotions, overbearing emotional needs, spiritual, empathetic, diverse friendships, psychology, travel/ movement, emphasis on the grandmother, self expression

Moon/ Saturn: Introverted, restricted emotions, quietness, patience, reserved emotions, practical needs, thinking ahead, emphasis on grandfather, emotional maturity, restricted relationships

Moon/ Uranus: Loud inner mind, active mind, vivid dreams, comfort through knowledge, diverse friendships, comfort through self expression, impulsivity, knowledgeable,

Moon/ Neptune: Vivid dreams, spirituality, empathy, emotional sensitivity, comfort through creative pursuits, crying easily, introverted, interest in art, diversity, friendship/ community

Moon/ Pluto: Introverted, deep thinkers, active mind, paranoia, emotional awareness, impulsivity, manipulation, harsh family dynamics, death in close family, sickness, addiction, creativity

[blitzs-largest-horsiest-dildo]

A take on Octavia I haven't really seen anyone talking about (I mean, maybe people are, I just haven't seen it):

Stolas is safe for her to be angry with.

Think about it, she's still living with her deeply narcissistic mother and uncle. Even if she hadn't known about how terrible they were before, Stella and Andre seem to be completely mask off now. Octavia knows that expressing displeasure or disagreement with their actions will result in swift and harsh social and maybe physical consequences. (Depending on how much Stella has escalated.) It's safer for her to join in the Stolas hate-train than to fight against it.

But Stolas? Stolas isn't physically there. And while she is currently having a lot of big (extremely understandable) feelings, they're still centered around the fact that Stolas was miserable because of how much he prioritized Octavia over himself. He's been the emotional caregiver from day one with her, and very often in parent/child relationships (especially in broken homes) the emotional caregiver is also the emotional punching bag. She knows, on some level, that she can have these negative emotions with him because he won't actually reject her for it.

I think it's also an interesting mirror of her mother. Stella literally likes to torment Stolas, and this all feels a bit like Via taking that behavior pattern and trying it on for a moment.

My last thought on the subject is that it feels like the conversation between Stolas and Via would have gone very very differently if he had been at IMP when she got there. She seemed much more de-escalated and like she wanted to talk. But having the conversation where Andre or Stella could possibly witness it totally changed how she interacted with her feelings

[moetartart]

:*Trigger Warning for Abuse:** An analysis of the nuanced depiction of abuse dynamics in *Baldur's Gate 3*. Please skip if you’re uncomfortable with this topic or you hate long rants <3

**Cazador at the Head of the Table, and His Forced Family, with Astarion as the Scapegoat**

Cazador is one of the best-written abusers in fiction, and Astarion is one of the best depictions of a non perfect survivor. Showcasing how abusers systematically break down their victims in a way that is thoughtful and non-voyeuristic, and how this may effect the victim after.

Astarion often receives criticism for his behavior. Much if it valid. I don’t seek to excuse his actions or speak about him as if he were a real person, But to break down this amazingly written narrative and how his experiences shape his character and a depiction of a non perfect victim. It's great to see actions having consequences in the story and being the driving force in chatecter development and I think it was handled very respectfully

One of the most compelling aspects of Astarion's story is the depiction of the "scapegoat" abuse tactic. Where a caregiver selects one child as the primary target of ridicule and abuse. Astarion says, "He took a special pleasure in my pain. He said my screams sounded sweetest." Often, the scapegoat is the child who most reminds the abuser of themselves when they were most vulnerable, or has similarities to the abuser of the parent or even someone they witnessed being abused when they were a child. The abuser uses this child to demonstrate the consequences of disobedience, and as a way of bonding the other children against the scapegoat, often by forcing the other children to engage in abuse themselves. The parent will inflict the trauma they were exposed to when they were most vulnerable on their child in a twisted way to re-gain their own power and autonomy buy projecting it onto someone elses. Acting out scenarios where they felt weak but now they are the one with all the power.

Cazador's tactics of infantilization are particularly gut-wrenching. He calls Astarion a "stupid little boy" and forces him to call him "father," undermining his belief in his ability to make adult decisions on his own while simultaneously also forcing him into adult work and physical abuse. A way to break down his self esteem and take away his autonomy. This adds another level to Cazador's twisted, intimate abuse.

It's evident when you ask if Astarion called Cazador "master" in the bedroom, and he reacts negatively. It is also implied in the dialogue, "One final thrust... and I'll be rid of you..." as Astarion stands over Cazador, ready to stab him with a phalic symbol and Cazador in a submissive position.

In a Shadowheart playthrough, we see how Astarion seeks someone to follow because he doesn’t know how to think for himself. Auntie Ethel remarks that he misses his chains, and he admits he doesn't know how to make his own decisions. In Astarion's dream, you learn one of Cazador's rules is that Astarion must stay by his side unless told otherwise. We also see that Cazador regularly dined with Astarion, serving him putrid rats. He says "I have spent two centuries with You, and that should be punishment enough," which is quite an intimate insult. In non of these are the other spawn mentioned. He also mentions his sarcasm and jokes, something you wouldn't really think Cazador would permit. This suggesting an intense, twisted co-dependency. A lot of time spent alone together. As what? His child? His slave? His lover? It's sickening. Cazador seemed to want to fill every potential key roll in Astarions life. This is actually pretty common in adults relationships.

The extent of physical abuse is further revealed when Astarion sees the mad doctor in the House of Healing and remarks, "he's just like Cazador." The narrator says, "If you're late, he will flay you... again," and Astarion states, "Sometimes he would have us submit to torture. Other times he would have us torture ourselves."

So, why does Cazador do all this? Beyond sadistic pleasure and rituals off higher power, I believe it's driven by a fear of abandonment. His goal is to strip Astarion of any autonomy so he would return even if freed. When speaking to Cazador alone, he's convinced Astarion will come back because he cannot think for himself. Cazador wants to be the center of Astarion's life, and truly believes he is. A narcissist needing to see himself reflected in others, he required Astarion by his side to validate his awful existence. If Astarion leaves, Cazador feels he's losing an extension of himself. That Astarion is his and his alone to kill.

I also believe he genuinely wants to play house. That he wants a picture perfect family. We don't know much about Cazador before the game, only that he was from a vampire family. That his niece refused to partake. It's quite clear he felt like he was missing something in his family. We know his master committed acts of cruelty far beyond what he did to his own spawn, impaling him for ten years and draining his friend Infront of him. Surly a year of solitude is like being sent to your bedroom without supper compared to that? By Cazadors logic, he's far kinder than he was ever treated. He's been kinder and more loving than his own family. His children should be grateful that he protected them from what he went through. He believes his children are spoiled and if anything he has been to soft. After all, he gave thim his families birth right far above their station, eternal life. He gave them a family that will never abandon them. What more could they want?

And if course, we as plays see this cycle continues with AA, who says he will be a far kinder master he'd never make his dear lover eat rats. They wouldn't be his child, more a pampered pet. Compared to how Astarion was treated, what more could they want?

And how very true to live that an abuser will preach about how much worse they had things and how lucky their victims are. How soft they must be to complain.

This gives us a clear picture of Astarion at the start: someone with a fragile sense of self, preferring to see others tortured rather than be the one in the chair, and looking for someone to follow. He'll fake a smile to keep them around. While this doesn't excuse his cruelty, it explains it; Astarion is free for less than a day when you meet him. There are no perfect victims, and unlearning brainwashing takes time. Reducing Astarion to "evil" or "good" overlooks the complexity of a character who could become either an abuser or a liberator.

What I appreciate most is that Astarion's past doesn't vanish when Cazador dies; he still carries the scars, but in a positive playthrough, there is hope. Astarion has the chance to do better, starts making his own choices, and sometimes gets it wrong.

Crucially, the abuse is never voyeuristic. It is always shown from the survivor's perspective, focusing on its effects on their lives. It's always clear when a player choice disrespects his growth and autonomy. Cazador and Astarion are never framed to titillate or as a mind of grousome special to the viewer, unlike in shows like *13 Reasons Why* or Ramsey Bolton in *Game of Thrones*. The game handles the topic with a lot of care. Infact the only time we see Cazador in person is when we have the chance to stop him. We never see Astarion subjected to something we can alter in some way.

Also, we do hear of Astarions bravery in trying to defy his master and save people. Unfortunately as in the game and real life, people don't always have a choice. Still, in a good ending Astarion can choose to try and help others who have been hurt and use what he has learned to make real change.

The reasons why Cazador is the way he is are another rant entirely. But while I hate him as a person, I adore him as an antagonist. How can a character be written to be pathetic and terrifying at once?

**TL;DR:** *Baldur's Gate 3* presents a complex, nuanced abuse narrative, executed beautifully. Many people overlook or disregard Astarion as an excellent depiction of survival in my opinion.

[cripplecharacters]

what are the top 5 things you'd like to see a disabled character do in a story?

Hey! This is a very vast question and a lot of it would depend on the character's actual disability - I have completely different wishlists for what I'd like to see intellectually disabled characters do versus what I'd like to see characters with facial differences do. Different stereotypes and tropes affect different groups of disabled people differently - to work with this fact, the below list will try to account for as large amount of disabled character as I can reasonably think of, but it won't have as much detail as you might want. If you have a specific kind of character in mind, feel free to send another ask.

Not in specific order:

Disabled characters being in love. Disabled x disabled, disabled x abled, disabled x very different kind of disabled, all these variants but including more than 2 characters (since I've yet to see a polyamorous disabled character), all of this.

And I mean in actual relationships, not the pitiful and devoid of actual chemistry thing that we usually get (think "really sad disabled man only becomes happy after an abled woman takes pity on him, but they never kiss or god forbid have sex because that's gross and the disableds surely don't do that anyway").

I want to see an interabled couple going through IVF because they want to have kids, a wife with hemiplegia getting to grow old and wrinkly with her autistic husband, a lesbian with Treacher Collins syndrome moving in with her chronically ill girlfriend after a month of knowing each other, DeafBlind men getting hands on each other in the bathroom of a shitty nightclub, a trans woman with autism asking out a trans man with Down syndrome via her AAC tablet, a neurotypical guy with an obvious crush on his classmate with cerebral palsy.

I want to actually see disabled people being shown as desirable partners, good parents and grandparents, potential crushes, going through some new feelings and going on both good and bad dates, from all walks of life, of all sexualities and genders. Just like abled people.

Disabled characters participating in their community. Especially severely and/or visibly disabled characters. This is obviously a concept as vague as it could possibly be, but a big problem with a lot of disabled characters is that they don't... do anything. Not in the sense that they aren't "active enough", but that they aren't really... characters. They're often reduced to a family member who's at home and maybe the abled character takes care of them sometimes, but that's seemingly all that happens; they have no interests, hobbies, agency, preferences, or an internal thought process. All they do is wait for an abled savior to do something to them, not even with them.

I want to see more disabled characters who have jobs (whether it's a "regular" job, a supported employment workplace, a creative job that maybe they can only do a few hours a week, or self-care as a full-time job kind of thing), participating in hobbies that are accessible and/or modified to their ability level, emailing or sending pigeon letters to their friends, trying out new stuff that they're interested in, having actual complex relationships with their caregivers. Anything to actually make them feel like characters that exist in their setting, not just cardboard cutouts that the author had no ideas for.

Disabled characters who are a part of real-world disability (and adjacent) culture. Obviously also a vast topic. Most disabled characters, regardless of setting, are completely separated from concepts that were made by disabled people for disabled people; usually the connection to disability is their actual medical condition and a sterile mobility aid. This is not incorrect or bad to represent since that describes a lot of people, but I'd like to simply see more variety.

I want to see disabled characters who do parasports, who are excited about tactile art, went to blind/Deaf/SPED schools, call themselves #a babe with a mobility aid, decorate their AAC device, learn about disabled history, experience Feelings when hearing that Neanderthals cared about their disabled children, go to disability-centric events or support groups to meet people similar to them.

Do all disabled people do these? Absolutely not, but I'd like for even 1% of fictional characters to represent those who do.

Yeah I just want more disabled characters doing sports. As in real-life sports that real-life disabled people do, apologies to all the fantasy swordfighting that's out there.

There are so many sports out there we can do, some are adapted, some have a sitting or wheelchair version, while others were made specifically for us. Team sports are such a good opportunity to have your character have a community of people like them, have interesting dynamics, yet the only anything I can think of that's about it is REAL by Takehiko Inoue (wheelchair basketball) and the art by @/gayaest / @/sproutwiki (sitting volleyball). Also some Paralympics documentaries that I can count on a single hand - there's like three of them.

I want to see characters who are starting out and really suck at their sport, ones who are decent, ones with ridiculous sports-anime-level over the top abilities. I want to see all kinds of sports done by all kinds of disabled characters; blind kids learning goalball with their blind parents, quadriplegic guys working their ass off to qualify for national murderball championships, folks using sticker-covered bright-pink ramps in their boccia games, people with POTS playing along with their abled partner on their wheelchair rugby league team, standing fencers becoming disabled and adapting to wheelchair fencing that they love just as much. More disabled people having fun, knowing other disabled people, having interests!

Also, parasports are just cool as fuck and interesting to both watch and read about.

Disabled characters getting to make bad decisions. Disability representation is often extremely black-and-white in terms of morality: the character is either an angel who always does the right thing and talks about being grateful a lot, or the character is comically evil, wanting revenge because of their disability, hating their disability, constantly in grief and anger since not a single mildly ok thing happened to them since they became disabled. Neither of these feel like real people.

Disabled characters should be able to say hurtful things, get mad, lie, and whatever else, without being demonized to hell for it the same way abled characters are. They should be allowed to consciously make a decision that they shouldn't take (also known as "dignity of risk" in context of disability). They should get the same consequences for mistakes as everyone else and need to have the opportunities to actually make them.

In a much shorter way: more complex disabled characters.

These are things that I'd enjoy seeing for disabled characters. But the main thing would probably be that I want more of them. The scope of disabled characters in media is so painfully narrow because there's so few of them + they're usually capped at one per series. More writing featuring multiple disabled people please.

Here is a list of wishes from other mods who wanted me to throw them here:

Disabled characters who act like the author did more than a 10 min google search about their disabilities. [So authors doing actual research.]

More disabled characters of color. A lot of time disabled characters are white because it's only acceptable for them to be one kind of marginalized. In real life that's not how it works. People of color are disabled too!

Characters with comorbidities, characters with physical and mental health and developmental symptoms. Disability doesn't just come with one cut and dry disorder all the time - you can even be diagnosed with some things and undiagnosed with others.

[A character can have 5 comorbidities, or 5 completely unrelated disabilities - both happen. Or, most frequently, a bit of both.]

Characters existing in all parts of their diagnostic journey. [So characters who are yet to be diagnosed, currently investigating their symptoms, ones recently diagnosed, and ones who had their diagnosis for their whole lives - and as mentioned previously, you can be on one stage with disability A, and on another with disability B.]

Characters whose whole life isn't just tragedy/struggle! See this a lot when a story with disabled character is just about how life is hard for them as disabled person. Would love disabled characters being leads in other genres and just existing as people. Not to say disability isn't a struggle, but there is more to life and person than disability.

mod Sasza