#marriage advice

[hotwife-affairs]

[gifmovie]

[alwaysbewoke]

this year i learned that there's a thing called "permanent alimony" (support paid to the lesser-earning spouse until the death of the payor, the death of the recipient, or the remarriage of the recipient). that alone is reason to NOT get married. nahhhh.

[thepastisalreadywritten]

•

Princess Diana Made Secret Tapes For The Future Bride of Prince William. ❤️

“Cherish my grandchildren. They carry my heart.”

Before her tragic, untimely death in a Paris car crash at 36 years old, Princess Diana thought she might die young and may never be able to meet the future wife of her son, Prince William, according to a friend of the late Princess of Wales.

Though she didn’t know her name then, Diana recorded an audio diary for Princess Catherine, a young girl living in Berkshire.

According to OK!, the friend — who asked to remain anonymous — said Diana got the idea after recording tapes for what would become Andrew Morton’s groundbreaking Diana: Her True Story (1992).

Even after the book was published, Diana continued talking into her little Sony cassette recorder, off and on, from 1992 until she died in 1997.

On the tapes, Diana offers motherly advice and reveals her hopes for the future of William and his respective family.

"As incredible as it seems, she told me she made the tapes for the day if she wouldn’t be around to help guide William.”

Diana asked for the tapes to be played at key points in her son’s future.

“That way, she could continue to be a part of their lives, even after she was gone,” the friend said.

“She thought it was quite clever — and loved the idea of being what she called a nagging mum from beyond the grave. She found it quite amusing.”

“This particular one was for William’s future wife,” the friend said.

“He was about 13 or 14 at the time, just discovering girls. Diana was fascinated by the idea that he’d marry and one day have his children. She was sure he’d be a wonderful husband and warm, caring father—more like her."

The friend said that Diana wanted William and his future wife to avoid divorce. This particular tape lasted about two or three minutes.

“What struck me was her honesty,” the friend said. “She was so sincere. You could hear it in her voice. She spoke straight from her heart.”

“It was so very moving,” the friend continued.

“I remember bits of it quite well, even after all this time. I was surprised she played it for me. And when it was done, we talked about the kind of girl William would marry.

She thought his bride would be beautiful, smart and independent. And, amazingly, she was right. Kate is all that and more.”

The tape shared memories of William’s childhood and Diana’s dreams of always wanting a daughter. Diana seemed to speak directly to Catherine when she said:

“Brace yourself for a one-way chat. We haven’t met, though I want you to know that I certainly wish we had.

I know I’d adore you, and we’d be fast friends. You have to be someone exceptional. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be my William’s wife.”

She gave marriage advice, specifically surrounding marriage as a future queen, saying:

“For your marriage to survive the public glare and the private pressures of royal life, it will take patience, compromise, understanding, trust, loyalty, and, of course, love,” Diana reportedly said.

“But you both must work at it. Daily. I’m sure you know my failings and those of William’s father. Learn from these mistakes. Build a relationship that endures. You deserve it. And so do your children.”

Diana then shared that her fondest dream for her and William was to have a life filled with love and joy and to raise happy, healthy children free of divorce, which both William and Diana had to endure.

“Family is the most important thing in life,” she said. “Cherish your children for me. They carry my heart. Let them know I love them and will always watch over them.”

The friend said she ended the tapes with a kiss and told William she loved him.

Though the friend wasn’t sure how many tapes Diana made or who was entrusted with making sure the recordings made it to William, the friend is confident that Princess Catherine had heard the tapes.

💙🥹🤍

[conscious-love]

Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt.

Michelle Obama

[puppetmaker40]

I love my husband with all my heart. He is the piece that completes me in so many ways. Separate we both had amazing adventures on our own. When we got together, we had splendid adventures, amazing conversations, and so much more.

This does not mean our path was smooth. Believe me we worked hard to stay married. There were disagreements and hands tossed up in the air with frustration. There were the decisions to find behavior that drove us crazy as quaint or cute. We knew we weren’t going to change each other but we changed our behavior to each other.

Never did we think divorce. That word is just isn’t in our vocabulary.

We prop each other up. We are each other’s cheering section. We held each other when we were overwhelmed. We believe in good times and bad, in sickness and health.

To make it work enjoy the good times and provide a united front in the bad times.

But what it gives is worth more than money or power.

Marriage is a series of give and takes. And it takes two (or more) to make it through.

And don’t worry about time. Peter and I married in my late thirties and his mid forties. A year and a bit later we welcomed our child Caroline into the world. We have a good but chaotic life and I would have it no other way.

[gibrancruz]

MARRIAGE is hard if one side isn't protecting the other. It's one of the most fundamental aspects of marriage. You need to be on each other's side.

[novelconcepts]

not fic related but you and your wife seem so happy! any advice for a couple of newly married queer ladies?

Hey, I love any excuse to talk about being gay and happy! Congrats on being newly married! I dunno, my advice is always really straightforward. Like. Keep prioritizing communication, keep talking to each other about your day, your headspace, the stuff you love, the stuff that freaks you out. Keep that line open no matter how long you're together, because I really do think marriages fall apart when you start just assuming you can read one another's minds. My wife and I are always really careful to be honest with one another; for example, in the event that one of us is having a bad day and the other person's jokes aren't landing, 'cuz we're just sensitive that day, we talk about it. it soothes hurt feelings before they can really take root.

And find ways of making your own fun. Try new foods together, travel if you're into that, remind yourself that intimacy (if that's your bag) is an excuse to just play with one another and learn about the other person. Cherish the comfort of knowing your person is there for you no matter what, make sure you're on equal footing together, make sure you're allowing each other the space to change and grow and learn. And just take as much joy as you can out of being in love. It's not an easy thing, living in the world right now, but love makes it a damn sight more bearable. Queer love is awesome, queer joy is awesome. I wish you all the best, friend.

[mental-mona]

Sex in an Orthodox Jewish Caregiver/Dependent Marriage

This is an essay I wrote years ago as an adjunct to a larger essay on making a caregiver/dependent marriage work. It's based on my and DH's experience as well as some outside advice, and addresses something important for those of us Orthodox Jewish spoonies whose spouses are as much caregiver as lover. I haven't seen the issue of nidah and chronic illness/disability discussed much anywhere, so I'm sharing this here as I originally wrote it in the hope that someone else can benefit from it. It's long and a little spicy, but not so spicy that I feel like I need to tag it as mature.

  I want to discuss something critical to any marriage which can be especially difficult in a caregiver/dependent marriage: sex. Yes, I know it’s uncomfortable to talk about, especially when you’ve been raised never to discuss such things. However, the very practice of taharat hamishpachah is essentially centered around sex, and ignoring or glossing over issues in the bedroom won’t make them go away. So, let’s get to it.

  First off, lower your expectations for mikvah night. Ladies, if your husband had to drive you to the mikvah and wait somewhere near enough for you to find his car easily but far enough away that it wouldn't be creepy to other ladies using the mikvah, it's hard for him to feel like reconnecting and pampering you more than usual, even if that's what you want. If he's exhausted from taking care of you or he's the one who's chronically ill, sex may not be on the table. Gentlemen, if your wife is chronically ill and finds mikvah prep exhausting or you're chronically ill and she spent all day taking care of you before she even started prepping for mikvah, she may not be interested in sex. Just cuddle in each other's arms for a while and call it a night. All of that goes double if one of you has a condition which makes sex physically uncomfortable and/or difficult.

  While we’re talking about mikvah, let’s talk about nidah. If the wife has a gynecological problem that makes her bleed endlessly and/or ridiculously frequently, you may be sexually frustrated for weeks on end. Ladies, I don't care if you've been nidah for four weeks and now you expect a real period again in two days; for the love of everything holy, if you’ve counted 7 clean days then go to mikvah and spend some time reconnecting with your husband. It's worth it, and your body might surprise you and not bleed again for a week. Unless one of you is asexual, you both need sex and touch and reconnection. However you practice nidah, even if it's just stopping sex and nothing else, you'll be frustrated and your stupid little fights won't get resolved as well as you'd like because you won't be able to have makeup sex. If you don't touch each other during nidah and you’re stuck with nidah for too long, you may find yourselves showing signs of clinical depression; humans need touch to thrive. I find that in that kind of situation, getting all the hugs you can from relatives and same-sex friends really helps. It's not the same as your spouse's touch, but it'll at least help keep you functional.

  Something else to consider during nidah and in general: communication. Since you can't just have makeup sex or depending how you practice even hug it out, the best thing you can possibly do for yourselves is learn to communicate your feelings and needs in nice, constructive ways. You want to use "I statements" and be upfront but polite with each other if you're upset about something. Think about how you'd respond to "I'm annoyed that I keep having to wash four bowls when I only used one that day. Could you please try to either wash what you use or use fewer dishes?" as opposed to "Stop using so many dishes! You keep using three bowls to my one, and I hate having to wash them all." Your marriage in general will benefit as you get better at communicating, but it's especially vital if the wife is endlessly nidah.

  Now we come to the real meat of it: the sex itself. Yes, it’s an awkward thing to negotiate, especially when you’re not used to it. First a caveat, that if you’re unsure if a sexual act you want is permitted, ask your rabbi. Once you’ve done that (if necessary), then in general, try to meet each other halfway in the bedroom. Unless one of you is asexual, you probably both have sexual needs. These can be difficult to meet when one of you is chronically ill. Understand that sometimes one of you will be too tired and/or ill to put out when the other wants sex, and neither of you should take issue with the horny one masturbating under those circumstances. If one of you is not up for penetrative sex but still wants to meet the other's needs, you can always use your hands and/or mouths. Another thing to remember is that you don't both need to have an orgasm every time you do something sexual; sometimes it's purely about satisfying one partner, and the other partner will get theirs another time.

  Turning the awkward factor up yet another notch, I recognize that some of you folks out there are into something kinky, or will suddenly discover a kink down the line. If you're kinky, realize that kinky sex probably won't be a regular thing, and figure out ways to work around any disabilities that would make practicing your kink difficult. You might have to do some research, experiment, and perhaps invest a bit more money than you’d planned to, but you will probably be able to find a way to at least make your kink an occasional treat without causing each other undue physical or emotional pain. Communication is key here too – if something doesn’t feel good physically or emotionally, whichever of you is uncomfortable needs to speak up immediately so you can stop, talk it out, and try something else.

  In short, though sex and nidah are difficult topics to discuss, they are vital to a happy marriage. I hope you two find your way, whatever it looks like, and have fun for as long as you live.

[rorywritessmut]

I made a public joke about stealing peoples wives despite being married to a man.

My husband was mad that I associated that post with him…when I asked him why he said something along the lines of “I don’t want to be associated with that.” When I asked him to clarify he wouldn’t? Just flat out refused?

He’s ashamed to admit he’s married to a queer person and has said so in the past. I’m borderline ready to leave him, I’m just too scared to be alone for the first time.

[alwaysbewoke]

this is why prenups are important because you have to leave her. she's not an adult. she's a child in an adult body who wants this guy to just be a walking, talking atm machine with a dick. she's clearly contributing nothing but wants him to work himself to death so that she can have a social media worthy life. this is why men need to continue asking "what does she bring to the table?" or they will find themselves in this situation.

[conscious-love]

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

C. S. Lewis

[merrybrides]

ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE? - 21 SIGNS

Do you find yourself looking for signs you are ready for marriage? But before you seek an answer to this question, you need to look within yourself and the periphery of your relationship and answer the more pertinent question – are you getting ready for marriage?

But first, what is the difference between a wedding and a marriage?

A wedding is a chance to be a celebrity for the day, to bask in the glow of adoring onlookers, not to mention an opportunity to host an enormous party. Long after the flowers have wilted and your dress is covered in dust, though, you’ll have to live with the realities of married life.

Why is getting married still important?

Though marriage can enrich your life, it can also be a source of immense pain if you marry the wrong person or aren’t ready for a commitment. The negative possibilities can make people afraid of getting married, but marriage is still an important part of life. 

If you choose the right partner with whom you have chemistry and compatibility, you can bring in hope and positive possibilities for your future. It can give you companionship, support and a friend for life!

21 signs you are ready for marriage

Before you get married, you need to find the right reasons to get married and ask yourself some key questions. You can ensure a good foundation for your marriage to help you face any unforeseen circumstances together.

Here are some revealing signs you are ready for marriage or not:

1. You want to get married

Marriage takes effort and commitment that is meant to be for a long time, so marry when you are ready for it.

Don’t consider getting married because your partner or parents want you to get married. Don't marry if only for financial security or a parent to help raise your child. Outside circumstances may make you feel like you want to get married, but this is your decision.

A marriage that is based on your desire to be in it is far more important than pleasing others.

2. Financial independence

The first question that getting ready for marriage entails is asking yourself if you are financially independent.

When to get married should be determined by not just the state of your relationship but also your situation in life/career. 

It is advisable to strive for financial independence while getting ready for marriage.

Self-reliance ensures a smooth transition from single to married life and a better marriage financial compatibility.

Especially for very young people, marriage signifies the transition to adulthood. If you’re not already an independent adult, your transition to marital bliss can be a bumpy one. 

3. Healthy relationship

Your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect before you get married, but it should be stable and reasonably healthy. Some signs that you’re trapped in an unhealthy relationship include:

A partner who verbally or physically assaults you

A history of dishonesty or infidelity that has not yet been resolved

History of untreated mental illness or substance abuse

Serious doubts about your partner’s lifestyle or whether you can live together

4. Shared goals and values

Marriage is about more than just romance.

Marriage is a partnership, which means sharing finances, goals, child-rearing styles, and life outlooks.

You don’t have to agree on everything, but you have similar dreams for the future.

Some issues you absolutely must discuss before getting married include:

Whether and when to have children, and how you intend to raise those children

Your religious and ethical values

Your career goals

How you’ll divvy up household chores

How you want to resolve conflicts

How much time you’ll spend with one another, with friends, and with family

5. Positive intimacy

A good marriage is built on a solid foundation of trust and openness.

Many young couples think intimacy refers to sex, but intimacy is more than just sex; it also includes emotional closeness. If you’re not ready for this kind of closeness, you’re not ready to get married. 

Daily experiences of intimacy between couples increase relationship satisfaction and make it more fulfilling for the individual.

6. You don’t walk away

A marriage is forever. It’s not a big party followed by “trying” to stay together.

If you’re not confident you can stick with this person for better or for worse, no matter what, then you’re not ready to get married. 

Marriage is inherently challenging, and if your response to every conflict is to walk away, or if you believe some behaviors should result in an automatic divorce, then marriage isn’t for you.

You will face challenges in your marriage, and if you can’t rise above them, you’ll be little more than another divorce statistic.

7. Healthy personal boundaries

It is one of the true signs you are ready for marriage if you and your partner have healthy personal boundaries that you maintain with the other person. It creates a healthy, respectful dynamic towards what unsettles the other person’s mental peace. 

If you are getting ready for marriage, you need to communicate what are the things that are a problematic limit for you and your partner. Being mindful indicates your respect for your partner’s space and limits.

8. Your loved ones champion the relationship

If you are looking for signs you are ready for marriage, notice how your loved ones react to your relationship with your partner. 

Your friends and family usually know you well and have your best interests at heart. If they support your relationship with your partner and like your partner, you can consider marrying your partner with ease and comfort. 

The vote of confidence from your loved ones should take away any doubts that you have about marrying your partner.

9. You’ve gone through tough times together

When you are getting married or are considering marrying your partner, look back and analyze whether you and your partner have handled tough times together.

Marriage is all about going through good and bad times together. And if you and your partner have weathered bad storms together and have strengthened your relationship through it, you are definitely ready to marry your partner. 

10. Mutual understanding

Do you and your partner complete each other’s sentences? Can you anticipate your partner’s reactions because you understand them so well?

If you and your partner understand each other well, then it is one of the most important signs you are ready for marriage. It indicates that you can combat any possible misunderstandings in your marriage moving forward through mutual understanding.

11. Familiar with personal and partner’s flaws

Are you comfortable revealing your flaws in front of your partner? And are you aware of the flaws that your partner has?

Nobody is perfect, and being in denial about your and your partner’s flaws does not take them away. Knowing about individual flaws can help you deal with each other better and find innovative ways to help each other out. This is what will make your marriage ready!

12. Soul-searching individually

A thing that can help you figure out, “are you ready for marriage,” is how much you know yourself.

Only once you know what you want can you tell your partner about it.

Before you get into a marriage, you should ideally spend some time figuring out what you want from life, what you like and what your limits are. Taking time to understand yourself better will help you be a better partner and spouse. 

13. Comfortable around each other

Comfort is a big part of what makes a home, so if you have a tough time looking for signs you are ready for marriage, analyze your comfort level with your partner. 

If you are nervous or anxious around your partner, then you should put your plans for marriage on hold. You should feel at home and comfortable around the one you are marrying as walking on eggshells at home is not one of the signs that you are ready for marriage.

14. You have similar visions for the future

Marriage is a better commitment if you and your partner have a shared vision of the future. 

If you ask yourself, “Am I ready for marriage?” then analyze whether you and your partner have discussed what you want for your future together. Children, home, pets, etc., are issues that you should discuss with your partner before you get married. 

A similar vision for your future together can guarantee conscious steps taken towards a conscious future.

15. A mature relationship

When you first fall in love with someone, you may see a halo around their head, a sheer vision of perfection. 

But nobody and no relationship is perfect!

It is healthier to get married when your relationship is mature enough to deal with marriage’s emotional, physical, familial, and cultural demands. 

Give your relationship time to develop or else you may find it difficult to transform from a relatively new relationship to the demands of marriage. It may lead to conflicts, misunderstandings or much worse.

16. In it for the marriage, not just the wedding

If you want to learn how to know if you’re ready for marriage, try to assess whether you are most looking forward to the wedding or spending the rest of your life with your partner.

Weddings are a blast, but marriage requires work!

Weddings are often a spectacle where the bride and groom get to be the center of attention. It is a celebration that may distract you from the reality of marriage.

One of the vital signs you are ready for marriage is that you are excited about being married to your sweetheart, and the wedding is just a celebration of this.

17. Healthy disagreements

The way couples fight with each other reveals so much about them.

If you and your love have found a healthy way to disagree with each other, then that is one of the definitive signs you’re ready for marriage. 

Agreeing to disagree with each other showcases that you have found a mature way to resolve conflicts that strengthen your respect and understanding for your partner instead of diminishing it.

18. Understand family dynamics

Have you met your partner’s family? Have they explained their family’s dynamics to you?

Relationships can be between two people, but marriages often bring the families into the fold. So, when you are trying to understand how to know if you’re ready for marriage, analyze whether you have a decent understanding of your partner’s family.

Know what you are getting into as you will be a part of your partner’s family after marriage.

19. You love spending time with your partner

Do you really love your partner? Does their presence brighten your day? Do you consider yourself a team that solves things together?

If your partner is someone you love spending time with, that is one of the surefire signs a man is ready for marriage or signs a woman is ready for marriage.

If spending time with your partner exhausts you or you get bored, anxious or livid after spending a couple of hours with them, then marriage may not be for you right now.

20. Understand financial responsibilities

Is your relationship strong enough to handle discussions about finances?

Marriage involves being linked to your spouse’s finances as you have shared expenses and a shared future that you want to make financially secure. 

How to know you are ready for marriage? Analyze whether you know about each other’s financial situation, including income, investments, debts and obligations towards family. Without these, you will not be able to make an informed decision about marriage.

21. Mental health maintenance

Knowing when to get married can be a complex question, but checking one’s mental health can simplify things.

If you are in good mental shape and your relationship contributes to this, you are perfectly placed to marry your partner.

However, if you are not in good mental shape, you may want to take some time instead of making an impulsive decision. You should also assess whether your relationship is contributing or causing you mental distress in a significant manner as that is not a good foundation for marriage. 

In conclusion

Marriage means different things to different people but if you have checked for the signs mentioned in this article, you can make sure that your marriage starts on a healthy and strong note. 

Signs you are ready for marriage can help you address your doubts and remind you if you have more work to do in your relationship before deciding to get married. Or it can reassure you that you and your partner are meant to spend the rest of your lives together in marriage. 

[antvnger]

((This is really interesting, Anon. And I’m sorry this is late. This is definitely one for the books because I had to Google what makes a good father of the bride speech.))

((Check it out below. Hope you enjoy it. Scott cried writing this by the way 😉))

Scott takes a breath before he stands and takes the mic. He pulls some cue cards from his tux pocket, clears his throat, and begins.

“Hi, everyone. It’s good to have you all here. Thanks for coming on this very special day. When I Googled how to write a good father of the bride speech, one of the first things it listed was to introduce yourself. But considering how I’m an Avenger, I wrote a book, and became famous for quite a few awesome heists…” He gives the audience a bit of a cocky look before he tosses the first cue card away, and the audience laughs.

“But seriously, thank you all for joining us and celebrating with us on this pretty awesome day. It’s a day that every dad simultaneously looks forward to and dreads. There’s a lot of pride - so much pride - and a lot of bittersweetness too. But ultimately, there’s a lot of love here today. It’s just bubbling over everywhere. That’s what we’re celebrating, right? Love and life and new chapters. And we’re especially celebrating Cassie and [Significant Other] and the commitment they’ve made - excuse me, are making - to each other.

“The first time Cassie brought [S.O] home to meet me, I saw the look in her eye and thought there was something different this time. [S.O] definitely is different from all the rest and in the best way possible. They’ve proven they can handle all sides and depths of Cassie. Fun Cassie, work Cassie, sad Cassie, happy Cassie, frustrated and stressed Cassie, angry—you get the idea. They can also handle Avenger Cassie, and that’s a big deal too. Not only can they handle it, they want to handle it. They want to be by her side for the whole ride, and I gotta say no one deserves my kid…but [S.O] comes pretty damn close.

“Now the next part Google suggested was of course to talk about the bride, but that’s really dangerous because even with my ADHD I could go on for hours and not tire of talking about her.” The audience chuckles softly with some aaaws thrown in. “But lucky for you I’ve got a time limit.” The chuckles increase for a bit at that. “Ultimately though, she’s my kid. My kid. My pride and joy. My reason for doing so much in my life. The only thing in my life that never ever was or will be a mistake. A bright shining star in my sky. Now, I know it all sounds kinda cheesy, but the thing is it’s true. Cassie is all of that to me and so much more than I could shove into a five-ish minute speech. She’s my Peanut. And for those who know me, you know just how much love and joy and pride…” He pauses. He can’t help it. The lump in his throat forces him to pause. It’s not the first time he’s gotten choked up today. “I give to the person behind the nickname.” He turns to look at Cassie who’s tearing up again as well. “I love you, Peanut. Always have. Always will.” There’s many in the audience tearing up too.

Scott clears his throat and wipes his eyes. “I’m almost done, I promise,” he says quietly, and the audience chuckles, needing the gentle reprieve from the tears. “Lastly, Cassie and [S.O], some advice. Believe me, guys, learn from me, okay? Never stop dating each other. Never stop being friends and keeping that part of your relationship strong. It’s a foundation for a lot of aspects of marriage, and good foundations lead to strong structures. Talk to each other. Communicate, even when you don’t want to. It’s okay to get pissed off with each other. Just be careful what you do when you’re pissed. Work together. Marriage isn’t always equal parts give and take; it’s supporting each other when one can only give 10% for a little while. It’s standing strong when the other just wants to crumble and cry. It’s putting the other before yourself and not really expecting anything back. But you will get it back because the other should put you before themselves too. And it’s okay to not have everything figured out. That’s why you’ve got all of us,” he gestures to the audience. “We’re your support group, and if you need some help or guidance neither of you can offer, we’ve got your back. And finally, choose to love each other every day. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a verb. An action. A choice. Sometimes you’ll look at each other and the feelings won’t be there; that’s okay it’s part of it. But choose to love each other anyway. The feelings will return stronger than ever.

“Cassie and [S.O], we’re all excited for you, and we’re all rooting for you. And we all love you.” Scott raises his glass in a toast, and the audience does the same. “To Cassie and [S.O]!” The audience exuberantly responds before they all take a drink. Then the audience claps and cheers over Scott’s speech, and the cheers only increase when Cassie gets up from her seat and hugs her dad tightly.

[ashen-phoenix]

I'm worried about a lot of things in regards to getting top surgery, I want it, I know it's what's going to be best for me long term. I'm having a lot of thoughts and feelings in regards to my case specifically, but if anyone sees this and has any thoughts, please share.

I think one issue I am having is that I have spent a lot of time learning to love my body, and I do, but I'm worried that this appreciation may be part of what's holding me back, maybe disguising itself as comfort in fleeting moments

I have always struggled with hoarding, I wasn't allowed to have things at one parents house and then was mostly unregulated at the others. I'm finally decluttering, getting rid of things from years and years ago that I don't need, and it's been really hard, but I felt so much better being free of those things months later. I'm worried that my compulsion(?) to keep my breasts may be related to my history with hoarding. When I think about getting top surgery, I often think about how freeing it will be and how much better my life could be, but I also get the same sort of gut wrenching emotional pain as when I was parting with the things I'd hoarded. I'm unsure if this is just some kind of grief?

Is it normal to have an attachment to my breasts and the details of them from learning to love my perceived flaws over time? I worked so hard to love myself and I feel like I'm ruining something I worked so hard for, because what if I get this done and I hate it? I'm never have my body back the way it was, although I know I'm not happy now either

This isn't a high priority for me, but I do wonder about the convenience and security of being able to breast/chest feed if I have children. I don't think I really care about it as a "bonding experience", maybe because I don't really feel connected to that part of me anyway. I'm sure I'm just trying to sabotage myself, but I keep wondering about if I have a baby and there's another formula shortage or something like that, is it selfish to take away that potential safety net for a child I don't/might never have, potentially starving them in this imaginary scenario because I wanted to be comfortable in my body? I know it literally doesn't matter, I know if something happens I'll figure it out.

On a similar note, when I think of breast/chest feeding, I am a bit put off. My body doesn't need to feed a child(who is honestly lucky if it gets made at all). I can hold and feed and bond with a child without making myself suffer, so why do I keep using this as an excuse

I'm worried my husband may not be attracted to me afterwards, he really likes my chest as it is now and was very shocked and seemed uncomfortable when I told him I was considering it and looking for therapists/hrt options/surgeons. He doesn't like hearing about medical procedures, and I think my other (much smaller) surgical scars kind of ick him out (there's more to it, he doesn't say anything bad about them, it's just that thinking about surgery/human insides at all really bothers him)

I'm so afraid my dad is going to see a bill to his insurance for a gender therapist or my top surgery consult and just pull the insurance early. As it is I only have until mid September before my insurance runs out completely. I'm worried my timeline may be impossible, that I've waited so long and one sabotaged myself.

I'm really hoping they'll let me cremate the bits they take off, it's really important to me that I have all my parts, whether they're inside/attached to me or not.

I'm worried about how my body will recover, it generally heals very slowly, I'm so afraid of the surgery itself, and being put under anesthesia, I've never had a surgery this big before and I'm honestly so afraid it might be my last decision, but I'm also afraid that all my fonts not are just cold feet. I got cold feet before my wedding, I still think I should have stood by my decision and waited another year, I think if I had been able to give the time to myself this last year that I had previously given, I would have sorted my gender issues out a lot sooner.

Any advice or support is highly appreciated

[ruminate88]

The Struggle In Marriage 😝

- My Husband Playing Rocket League w/ his headset on

- Me saying something important to him as loud as I can

- My husband only hearing half of what I said and making me frustrated

- Me repeating myself all frustrated at him

- Him getting defensive asking why I’m upset and yelling at him 🙄 and him not understanding he only heard half of what I originally said! Then I’m even more frustrated he won’t pause his game for 2 seconds to talk

Moral of the story: Instead of yelling and getting frustrated at each other, work with each other and make sure you’re both being heard and saying exactly what you mean! If he won’t pause his game, either wait till he’s done playing to talk to him or work to express to him how not pausing his game upsets you. Ultimately you can’t change or force people to do everything you want them to! Treat your spouse how you also want them to treat you♥️