#captain awkward

[summer-fruits-and-cream]

saving some good captain awkward letters

[sexymurderlobster]

I'm going to a Big Family Event this weekend. This is the first one since I came out as trans, and most of my family (to my knowledge) will not be cool or supportive. So I've been re-reading old Captain Awkward, and I found one quote that basically sums it up.

There are doubtless pockets of infection below the scar tissue that should be drained for real healing to occur, but I don’t want to cut myself to shreds on these particular people any more. I don’t want to figure out what makes them tick or why it happened. I just want to sit down to dinner or a game of rummy a few times a year and have the feeling of having parents.

[theformerastronomer]

This is a *holy shitshow*, but this is a thing of such transcendent beauty it deserved to be shared:

"The problem is that every single part of your plan on its own is the worst plan I’ve ever heard, and together they form a bullshit Voltron worthy of its own wing in the International Shitshow Museum."

[tawghasa]

Captain Awkward #1416: “Help with mass-produced holiday photo cards of smug fake victories?”

January 5, 2024

I love to nurse an entertaining low-stakes grudge as much if not more than the next person, but at some point I realized I could either construct a persona around performatively hating stuff and lecturing people about completely optional shit to prove how smart and cool I was and make them feel defensive and shitty, or I could classify whole categories of things as "Hrmmm, I'm not the audience for that, but clearly someone is!" and set us all free.

I honestly cannot recommend this enough as a way to instantly become at least 75 percent less exhausted and exhausting to be around.

What other self-improvement project can claim results like that?

[cynosurus]

I think Captain Awkward's defence of selfies from a recent post is beautiful:

For most of the last several hundred years, my face would have disappeared from history unless a man with the right skills and tools happened along and decided it was worth immortalizing. I think there are worse historical and cultural developments out there than whatever lets each of us decide that for ourselves.

[lilithsaintcrow]

“It is possible to have compassion and empathy for someone’s suffering without excusing or normalizing unacceptable behavior.”

[bisonomy]

Corollary: If you read this and were afeared, this recent Captain Awkward Advice column is for you

the real danger of spending too much time with friends is you stumble out of ten days of happiness and good food like oh my god THAT was real life. my job means NOTHING

[landunderthewave]

While the Captain mixed up "comfort" with "confront" in the newest post, it sure sucks to have everyone of the "mutual friends" in your flat go to the same Thanksgiving dinner and nobody even mentioning it to you.

https://captainawkward.com/2023/12/06/1414-how-do-you-have-a-relationship-conversation-with-someone-who-says-you-havent-broken-up-but-is-acting-like-you-have/

[writing-jellyfish]

Adding to this post

Poly!141, short dabble, 18+ mdni

Warnings: Tied up, sub!fem!reader, fingers in v (lmk if anything else needs to be added)

It's well known to the three other men that you're Ghost's pet. Look but don't touch. That is until one night when Ghost had a hip injury and was recovering, he couldn't give you the pleasure you needed so of course he had to treat his girl to something good.

He had you all dressed up for the company that would be arriving soon, wearing black baby doll lingerie with your wrists already tied behind your back with ribbon and a collar around your neck. It was a present to his teammates, a one-time chance to ravish you like the wolves they are.

As the door unlocked and footsteps filled the flat, the bedroom door creaked open and the hallway light flooded into the dimly lit bedroom where you sat on the middle of the bed and Ghost sat in a nearby chair from the dining room.

The men worked agonizingly slow, hardly undressing you. Soap's hands held your hips as he sucked on your nipples through the lace of your lingerie as Price's tongue worked between your legs. Gaz kept his mouth occupied on your neck and lips under Ghost's order to not leave any marks. You were his of course and the men would respect that.

Ghost sat in the corner of the room, tugging on himself as his head rolled back. He wasn't going to allow his men to put themselves in you, no, not yet at least. He wasn't ready to give you to them fully but watching the way you choked on your gasps as Price pushed in two of his fingers as if you've never taken a big cock before had his head spinning and wanting to see the way your face would scrunch up in pleasure as your eyes gloss over with tears after being pounded into by three men.

If you're good enough, maybe you could have all of them at once.

[misstoodles-doodles]

Safe & Sound 💙

I just really wanted someone to give Echo a blanket so why not let it be Rex

Closeups T-T:

Bonus Doodle:

[bixels]

They're the same character.

[tawghasa]

The problem here isn't that it's "in his mind it's way too soon to bring up such a crazy idea." 

The problem is that every single part of your plan on its own is the worst plan I've ever heard, and together they form a bullshit Voltron worthy of its own wing in the International Shitshow Museum. 

Captain Awkward #1418: “Need to convince my ex-husband to have my babies.” (emphasis added)

[pavilion-of-butterflies]

New Captain Awkward! I will now be incorporating "the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this man" into casual conversation.

[mikichko]

john price is a man incredibly high up in the chain of command of your company. he does a little walking tour of the buildings during crew appreciation weeks. helps humble down his image and he gets to have some meaningful conversations. sometimes even gets to meet particularly wonderful people.

he spots you, the sole person whose eyes are glued to their computer screen, in a sea of employees who are gawking at him. can hear the steady typing from your mechanical keyboard, your eyes flittering across the screen. he pauses a little too long, prompting laswell to repeat herself to the group before they move along.

but he makes sure not to be too far away, keeping you in his peripheral. notices how you don't even bother to spare a look in his direction. even when talking to team members that would place john directly in your sight, your eyes only focus on them. not him.

you were damn good at your job. the color-coded whiteboard behind you, filled with deadlines and application information, confirms it. funny too, if the little bouts of laughter that escape your team's cluster are anything to go by. he wonders what pitch your voice carries, just out of reach for it to bless his ears. wonders what it'd take for you to look and grant him a smile.

he doesn't have to wait long. your mouth splits into a bright smile and for a second john wonders if you're glowing. but the smile's not for him. it's directed at a coworker, who, for john's sake, is anything but quiet. he can hear just how thick he lays the praise for a job well done.

john watches the transformation that takes place as his words land. your soft easy-going smile widening, pushing your cheeks further up. you immediately perk up, back straightening, shoulders pushed back, and leaning forward in the direction of your coworker.

oh. oh.

john can feel something warm beginning to pool at the bottom of his stomach. he cracks a knuckle before shoving his fists into his pockets, lest he does something that lands him in HR.

he'll keep this tidbit with him for the next time he sees you. just so he can let you know how much of a good job you're doing.

maybe even get a reward.

a/n: silly little idea that came to my head while I was at work of course :') still trying to get out of my head when im writing but we're making progress

[puppetwoman17]

I never get over the part in almost every Captain Marvel identity reveal fic where Barry or some other hero(buts it’s usually Barry) is so horrified because he asked Cap to do something not child-rated(or did something not child-rated.

Examples include:

Playing the fuck, marry, kill game

Asking to go out for drinks

Asking about relationships

Smacking Cap’s ass and making several sexual innuendos(a fic without an identity reveal, also it was Hal)

Almost kissed him during a game of truth or dare(a fic without an identity reveal, it was Dinah,)

Just—like even if they only did one thing from this list or something else I’m not remembering, just imagine the embarrassment they would feel. And Billy would be so chill about it because it happened, like, three years ago and it’s something he was creeped out about in the moment, but he laughs thinking about it now.

He’s all “oh it’s fine! None of you knew my age, so I can’t fault you for talking about things that adults regularly talk about!”

And they all feel so bad because he’s such an understanding kid and it’s kinda freaking them out😧

[stellacartography]

"NOT FOR TERRIBLE PORNS, DAD. WE ARE ADULTS AND ADULTS BUY THEIR OWN TERRIBLE PORNS"

I like this. Some great tips on how to make up a list of things you would like, instead of just asking for gift cards.