#captain awkward

[hatchan]

If we value consent, then we have to accept the possibility that people will decide to leave and not come back. We must be allowed to leave relationships and situations that harm us or no longer serve us, and therefore we must allow others the same freedom to weigh whatever they’ll gain in peace against what they might lose in connection and then do what they think is best for themselves. If they are being unfair or making an error in leaving, that’s still their mistake to make, and it’s up to them to come back and correct it. We get to decide if we’re willing to leave a door open and hear them out someday, because everybody gets to set conditions around who is allowed in their lives. But once someone goes, there is nothing we can do to hasten their return. So do nothing. People left behind often interpret being cut off as a punishment, and I’ve read enough letters from the people who leave that I can’t say 100% that it isn’t intended that way, at least at first. A good sign that leaving was meant to teach a lesson is if they keep popping back up to see if you’ve learned yours yet. But if somebody goes away and stays gone? The simplest and best explanation is that they wanted freedom more than they wanted anything else. Freedom from you, from the institutions you might represent, from the situation that brought them to that point, from painful reminders, from minor annoyances, from pressure or obligation to make the situation be any different. Freedom goes both ways, so when somebody hits that block button or tells you outright not to contact them anymore, they are telling you that there is nothing whatsoever you can do to fix whatever this is, and now you get to be free of it. Breaking up means that you don’t have to work on the relationship anymore. It’s done. Your work here is done. Grieve for what you lost. Then? Be free.

When you're on the receiving end of No Contact, by Captain Awkward

[summer-fruits-and-cream]

saving some good captain awkward letters

[sexymurderlobster]

I'm going to a Big Family Event this weekend. This is the first one since I came out as trans, and most of my family (to my knowledge) will not be cool or supportive. So I've been re-reading old Captain Awkward, and I found one quote that basically sums it up.

There are doubtless pockets of infection below the scar tissue that should be drained for real healing to occur, but I don’t want to cut myself to shreds on these particular people any more. I don’t want to figure out what makes them tick or why it happened. I just want to sit down to dinner or a game of rummy a few times a year and have the feeling of having parents.

[theformerastronomer]

This is a *holy shitshow*, but this is a thing of such transcendent beauty it deserved to be shared:

"The problem is that every single part of your plan on its own is the worst plan I’ve ever heard, and together they form a bullshit Voltron worthy of its own wing in the International Shitshow Museum."

[tawghasa]

Captain Awkward #1416: “Help with mass-produced holiday photo cards of smug fake victories?”

January 5, 2024

I love to nurse an entertaining low-stakes grudge as much if not more than the next person, but at some point I realized I could either construct a persona around performatively hating stuff and lecturing people about completely optional shit to prove how smart and cool I was and make them feel defensive and shitty, or I could classify whole categories of things as "Hrmmm, I'm not the audience for that, but clearly someone is!" and set us all free.

I honestly cannot recommend this enough as a way to instantly become at least 75 percent less exhausted and exhausting to be around.

What other self-improvement project can claim results like that?

[cynosurus]

I think Captain Awkward's defence of selfies from a recent post is beautiful:

For most of the last several hundred years, my face would have disappeared from history unless a man with the right skills and tools happened along and decided it was worth immortalizing. I think there are worse historical and cultural developments out there than whatever lets each of us decide that for ourselves.

[lilithsaintcrow]

“It is possible to have compassion and empathy for someone’s suffering without excusing or normalizing unacceptable behavior.”

[gettheworkdone]

Dealing with family, politics, and holidays. STELLAR work from the captain as always!

Choice quotes:

“This whole blog is an exercise in practicing non-compliance with harmful expectations and people in personal and social spheres. What does compliance about this specific thing get you? What does it cost you? In the short-term, where is your line? In the long-term, how bad would it have to get before you made a different decision?

Conversely, if there is a version of celebration that feels good to you, like planning a solo holiday or spending time with affirming friends and family, or because the religious elements hold meaning for you, then do that. If going home for holidays or hosting gives you a sense of joy and normalcy during tough times, then please eke out what joy and comfort you can and deck the fucking halls while you still can. Righteously denying yourself the things you love isn’t going to save a single person that needs saving.”

…….

“…you’ll notice that these articles about “how to coexist peacefully at holidays despite contrasting politics” are always about the concessions and compassion we owe them, and never about the basic human fucking decency they owe us.

Which is why I recommend that whatever you decide to do this year about the problem of “holidays,” “family,” and the precise dread:fury ratio you’re rocking, make it about taking care of yourself and the people who are closest to your heart.”

[bisonomy]

Corollary: If you read this and were afeared, this recent Captain Awkward Advice column is for you

the real danger of spending too much time with friends is you stumble out of ten days of happiness and good food like oh my god THAT was real life. my job means NOTHING

[landunderthewave]

While the Captain mixed up "comfort" with "confront" in the newest post, it sure sucks to have everyone of the "mutual friends" in your flat go to the same Thanksgiving dinner and nobody even mentioning it to you.

https://captainawkward.com/2023/12/06/1414-how-do-you-have-a-relationship-conversation-with-someone-who-says-you-havent-broken-up-but-is-acting-like-you-have/

[tawghasa]

The problem here isn't that it's "in his mind it's way too soon to bring up such a crazy idea." 

The problem is that every single part of your plan on its own is the worst plan I've ever heard, and together they form a bullshit Voltron worthy of its own wing in the International Shitshow Museum. 

Captain Awkward #1418: “Need to convince my ex-husband to have my babies.” (emphasis added)

[writing-jellyfish]

Adding to this post

Poly!141, short dabble, 18+ mdni

Warnings: Tied up, sub!fem!reader, fingers in v (lmk if anything else needs to be added)

It's well known to the three other men that you're Ghost's pet. Look but don't touch. That is until one night when Ghost had a hip injury and was recovering, he couldn't give you the pleasure you needed so of course he had to treat his girl to something good.

He had you all dressed up for the company that would be arriving soon, wearing black baby doll lingerie with your wrists already tied behind your back with ribbon and a collar around your neck. It was a present to his teammates, a one-time chance to ravish you like the wolves they are.

As the door unlocked and footsteps filled the flat, the bedroom door creaked open and the hallway light flooded into the dimly lit bedroom where you sat on the middle of the bed and Ghost sat in a nearby chair from the dining room.

The men worked agonizingly slow, hardly undressing you. Soap's hands held your hips as he sucked on your nipples through the lace of your lingerie as Price's tongue worked between your legs. Gaz kept his mouth occupied on your neck and lips under Ghost's order to not leave any marks. You were his of course and the men would respect that.

Ghost sat in the corner of the room, tugging on himself as his head rolled back. He wasn't going to allow his men to put themselves in you, no, not yet at least. He wasn't ready to give you to them fully but watching the way you choked on your gasps as Price pushed in two of his fingers as if you've never taken a big cock before had his head spinning and wanting to see the way your face would scrunch up in pleasure as your eyes gloss over with tears after being pounded into by three men.

If you're good enough, maybe you could have all of them at once.

[misstoodles-doodles]

Safe & Sound 💙

I just really wanted someone to give Echo a blanket so why not let it be Rex

Closeups T-T:

Bonus Doodle:

[bixels]

They're the same character.

[pavilion-of-butterflies]

New Captain Awkward! I will now be incorporating "the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this man" into casual conversation.

[mikichko]

john price is a man incredibly high up in the chain of command of your company. he does a little walking tour of the buildings during crew appreciation weeks. helps humble down his image and he gets to have some meaningful conversations. sometimes even gets to meet particularly wonderful people.

he spots you, the sole person whose eyes are glued to their computer screen, in a sea of employees who are gawking at him. can hear the steady typing from your mechanical keyboard, your eyes flittering across the screen. he pauses a little too long, prompting laswell to repeat herself to the group before they move along.

but he makes sure not to be too far away, keeping you in his peripheral. notices how you don't even bother to spare a look in his direction. even when talking to team members that would place john directly in your sight, your eyes only focus on them. not him.

you were damn good at your job. the color-coded whiteboard behind you, filled with deadlines and application information, confirms it. funny too, if the little bouts of laughter that escape your team's cluster are anything to go by. he wonders what pitch your voice carries, just out of reach for it to bless his ears. wonders what it'd take for you to look and grant him a smile.

he doesn't have to wait long. your mouth splits into a bright smile and for a second john wonders if you're glowing. but the smile's not for him. it's directed at a coworker, who, for john's sake, is anything but quiet. he can hear just how thick he lays the praise for a job well done.

john watches the transformation that takes place as his words land. your soft easy-going smile widening, pushing your cheeks further up. you immediately perk up, back straightening, shoulders pushed back, and leaning forward in the direction of your coworker.

oh. oh.

john can feel something warm beginning to pool at the bottom of his stomach. he cracks a knuckle before shoving his fists into his pockets, lest he does something that lands him in HR.

he'll keep this tidbit with him for the next time he sees you. just so he can let you know how much of a good job you're doing.

maybe even get a reward.

a/n: silly little idea that came to my head while I was at work of course :') still trying to get out of my head when im writing but we're making progress