#cant imagine anything worse personally
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i like how i claim to be anti j*gulus when my second favorite marauders fanfic ever written literally is…. a j*gulus fic…..
#i am anti jegulus tho sorry❤️#i used to like them and i have some fics i still adore but the ship itself does absolutely nothing for me sorry<3#they’re just very uninteresting to me like a ya y/n type beat#however i will read mt friends jegulus fics bc i love everything they do#i dont HATE jegulus i just in general dont care for them#i want regulus as far away from the marauders as possible#i want him surrounded with his own friends and a partner that reg doesnt have to adjust how he talks about his brother#love me a black brother redemption…..keep jegulus out of it………let reg thrive on his own and not with. his brothers friends……#cant imagine anything worse personally
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I've seen some of the things people have cited as marks of character growth in the norse games, but honestly I don't think all of them are. I mean, yeah sure Kratos definitely was a lot more willing to be open with other people and accept help from others, but the willingness to show mercy to someone he's fighting, not wanting to kill someone unless they threaten somebody he cares about, shrugging off personal insults and and threats to himself, showing compassion to someone going through something awful, those are all pretty standard parts of his personality
He's actually consistently a pretty calm person, given the circumstances. It's also not that surprising to see him readily accept Thrud and Angrboda as Atreus' friends, since he's got a bit of a soft spot for kids
#text post tag#god of war#kratos#he is - at the end of the day - a dilf#you cant have a dilf character that doesnt like kids#but like???? the seething anger directed towards the greek pantheon aside‚ he's a pretty calm person#with an insane amount of self restraint#the main character development was him getting over his tendancy to just keep everything bottled up and never share anything or accept help#which is a classic symptom of someone who was severely abused growing up#which he explicitly was - normal real life sparta was shit‚ i cant imagine how much worse the gow sparta was
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right but like the thing is forgiveness =/= continued association. i can forgive AND 'forget' (not dwell on it) and move on like bye bye ur not for me no more. in fact i think that's almost the only way *to* truly get over someone lol. like u cant flat out leave someone in the dust unless u rly accept what they did, accept their remorse, and put it behind both of u. idk if im in love w the whole attitude of like no some ppl shouldnt be forgiven ever >:C like wat good does it rly do to hold that bitterness within u?
#and that doesnt mean the trust isnt broken or that bad behavior doesnt have consequences it just means#that u rly dont know what the future holds and u cant write off the possibility of someone changing or rebuilding that trust in time#and ultimately i think that showing someone mercy while still acknowledging their wrongs affects more change than like#reinforcing this bizarre ideation that mistakes are permanent and no one can regret what theyve done and grow#idk personally i think.. none of us are perfect? and all of us are hurt.. and hurt others in turn.#+ it's harder for ppl like me who havent been as badly hurt to rly empathize w someone acting selfishly and making big mistakes#bc i cant imagine myself acting in that way and cant rly understand how they can#but i still realize that.. if things had gone differently n i was dealt a worse hand in life.. ofc i would have it in me to do that.#and it's precisely that attitude of bitterness and unforgiveness that CAUSES u to hurt others in reaction so#ur just perpetuating that cycle of hate and evil by not acknowledging both their ability to change and (inherently) ur own#[ok but disclaimer all of this is assuming that they are actually remorseful and regret what they did and acknowledge it and apologize]#[bc forgiveness is only available w apology obviously if they dont think theres anything to forgive u cant forgive them of it]#[and they will never change if they dont think its something that needs to be changed]
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some day i will actually finish all my half finished cover projects instead of getting distracted and starting a new one., some day .
(propose by naisho no pierced, svp made from the midi they provided lol)
#vocal synth wip#synthv#genbu lite#sorry i like. inexplicably fell head over heels for genbu both his fucked up lite and his actual bank#how do i explain that i love genbu Because i think he kinda sucks without pissing off both genbu fans and genbu haters#actually thats not fair his full bank seems decent and out of the volor voices hes not That Bad#he sounds a little worse quality than eleanor (who is personally not my taste but shes solid despite that)#but hes not quite renri level or anything (and i say that will all the love in my heart for synthv renri <3 <3 <3)#(although shes free so i cant get too mad either way LOL)#(but genbu was also the first male bank we got for synthv so i cant get too mad at him either <3 hes an old man)#but like. he sounds like a decent but slightly glitchy utau bank. and his lite sounds like a REALLY glitchy utau bank HJKDSHKds#listen. i havent been able to use utau in forever because i had gotten a new computer a few years back#and i didnt wanna break anything by switching locales so i havent been able to install it orz#and im still struggling to wrap my head around openutau.....i'll get there. i'll get there someday#but genbu and especially his fucked up lite is kinda scratching that itch you know#like his lite is apparently based off his higher range and not his mid range? so thats why hes always fucking YELLING#thats so so funny to me i love that he sounds so odd. fucked up little robot man who screams and whispers randomly#lemme tell u working with his lite specifically. i imagine this isnt a problem on his full because u have all the ranges#but the lite since its one range you have to FIGHT HIM to get him to either stop yelling or speak up HGKDHJds#its wonderful. i love a project
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I'm so ridiculous, the doctor asked for me to squeeze her hands just so she could test my strength and as soon as she leaves to get the heart monitor I wipe my hands on the hospital bedsheets. I hate the feeling of anyone else touching my hands that isn't her.
#personal#txt#i had another anaphylactic shock that was much worse and now i just sit here on the porch and stare at the sky#i dont know what to do ive been trying to move out but i cant imagine what would've happened if i was alone#i feel like im burdening my best friend too he just has to sit there and watch my body jerk around on the way to the hospital#i probably make his anxiety even worse and he cant do anything but just sit there and watch people inject things into me#i cant put that weight on someone#i cant even look at my family group msgs cuz how am i supposed to explain im trying so hard#and if by any chance she wanted to be with me shed think i wouldn't want to deal with her bcuz i already have so much to deal with#but thinking that is ridiculous cuz this stupid world isnt perfect
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being insane and sentimental is fun until you cant stop crying on public transit thinking about time loops
#sorry its just. you have to imagine that every day leads to a way out for another version of you#which means every person in there is a real person who will remember it#so every day you live no consequences all your loved ones will have to pay for it#sorry its just i cant imagine anything worse.#more isolating sad and unending but you have to believe everything matters. in case every version of every person you meet has to live with#some way you blew up on the same day. and even if someone believed you its like. theyll never really be able to be there for you through it#sorry. just sounds awful. hope no ones trapped out there#my post
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August 14
PSA about dick-poisoning: it's real 😔 stay safe sisters
#my posts#i was so miserable in my last relationship i wish i realized then that love isnt supposed to feel that way#i had never been in love with a man before i thought it was just supposed to be different from how i felt with my girlfriends#and at the time i didnt realize that ''different'' in my head was code for miserable#i was so sickly depressed but i thought it had nothing to do with the guy fucking me and living in my house while also#telling everybody we knew that we werent dating and we weren't together. i thought because it started before i knew him#that he couldnt make it any better or any worse. and now i think#he really could've made it better but he didnt love me the way i thought he did and he didnt want to make that effort with me#and underneath it all he just didnt know what to say about it. he didnt have anything to say about it even when he was looking right at#i cant imagine my current bf acting that way he was the first person ever to be like 'what is that what do these say'#and he checks up on me so much i dont have to ask or anything he just misses me and worries about me#if my last boyfriend had cared about me that much i think he wouldve said Something. at least 'i wish you would stop'#i just felt so unwanted in my last relationship (i literally was) and the guy im with now makes me feel so different#like he wants me around all the time and not just when the rest of his life isnt working out as intended#all those tags and literally not once did i write out the words self harm or cutting or Anything contextual lmfao#'it' is the cutting babes sorry i cant articulate right
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im in a bad mood.
#i say it a lot but i dont know what i like about drawing its just the thing i do. i do LIKE the idea of drawing. sometimes i want to do it#and everything. i spend hours on it. i sit down and spend time on it. it is a hobby of mine. its my creative outlet besides... talking to#myself. and now ai i guess. and on the topic i do feel like im like a fake artist because if i could imagine an image and have it made in#seconds. i would. does that make me not an artist.#i dont enjoy learning. i dont like learning. i dont want to learn things and i dont want to put in effort. does that just#make me a lazy asshole waiting until i can just imagine things and be happy. i dunno#i dont know if i would stop drawing if that was possible. i think im just depressed. as per usual. but i feel bad#and i feel bad that im not drawing so im not getting attention so i feel worse#not that drawing gives me attention. if it wasnt for the part of me that desperately wants to believe that if i just keep trying ill blow u#and people will like me and care about my work id delete my stupid social media accounts. i post here so much and beg beg beg beg beg for#likes to no avail. nobody owes me anything. if i want to succeed i have to try harder. i have to keep trying. it doesnt matter if it never#ever works. if i keep trying ill get something to show for it. if i try hard and like a work maybe one day someone else will like it too#not today. or tommorow. or next year. or the year after that or any decades in my lifetime but one day#i dont even believe i do try that hard. i cant i dont have the energy. makes it easier to blame myself. i used to post every day and did#better. i used to draw fanart and did better. i used to be more social and did better. and i stopped and now i did worse for what. for my#mental health? for my personal want? its not helping#simons spouting
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Shut the fuck up for once. Maybe.
#negative#/negative#I'm so close to killing myself I'm not fucking around.#I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!#i cant. for so goddamn long.#it's not really that long considering I'm young but too fucking long. still.#can you imagine. this stupid society. where you're fucking 11 and your parents are urging you to get better with your studies#because fuck you better get into a good highschool. get good UPSR marks. and that happens at the end of the year when you're 12.#youre fucking 12 and you already have pressure on your back. then you get to secondary school. form 1 and 2 aren't better#you get low ass scores. and it builds up more#and your low point gets lower and lower throughout the years.#i cannot state this enough when you're fucking 12 they do want you to study hard for the end of year exam that determines#if you're getting in a fancy pantsy enough secondary school that could get you more. credit.#but whatever. I'm lowest in class. i personally can't care. but my mom! oh she does!#yknow someone *has* to be at the bottom. eventually. someone will. someone will just not get it#is it so hard to believe it's your kid?#would you rather some other parent scold their kid and threaten worse because they couldnt keep up?#why are you doing this? this isnt helping anything. you see that. it is in fact a problem with me but you dont see how you're affecting me.#i swear to Allah I am not fucking gonna take this shit anymore#I am so close to losing it. I've already reached the end of the threads that hold my sanity together. i can't.#i don't hate you. but i can't live with your thorns digging into my flesh anymore#i can't fucking take it
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can you even bring yourself to see things from my perspective? can you even bring yourself to imagine i didn’t do anything? can you even bring yourself to imagine im innocent??
or does everything come collapsing down when you try?
#imagine. you just turned 18. you start talking to a queer person you met once before and become friend with them and their friends.#they encourage you to transition. for once in your life you actually thought you might belong somewhere. but then you become isolated with#that one person. and you become dependent on their validation. since no one else every validated you and saw you- but this person#seemed to. but now you cant leave. bc who else will see you for you? who else will PRETEND to see you as you? probably the whole time#only seeing you for your body? and then it happens- they do something to you without your consent in spite of you thinking you could#trust this person. in spite of for some reason thinking queer ppl are inherently more trustworthy.#you try to bring it up. they gaslight you and pretend they have no idea what you're talking about. you go insane. they start crazy making u#and demonizing you to everyone they previously flaunted you infront of.#you finally got to be yourself. you finally got to be a person. and then you realize you have chains on your wrists#and that it was all tied to that person. and whether or not they liked you enough to keep validating you#or if they wanted to rip you away from yourself and pick off the shiny bits they like for themselves#and it all depends on how you behave. it all depends on conditions whether or not they validate you like they used to.#and now- it seems like the whole internet is agianst you as far as you're concerned.#because they needed to use you. get what they wanted. and toss you aside.#you were just a step for them to their goal. nothing more. and feeling like absolutely nothing again. but worse.#your first queer friend group. and they all turned on you bc of one persons word.#even though you know some of the ppl in that friend group... SHOULD fucking know that the shit i said they did isnt at all out of the realm#of possibility for the kind of shit they do. but since some of those friend groups have plenty of similar skeletons they just brush it#under the rug and defend them till their death.#anything than to be honest with any of your fucking selves.
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fun wednesday night activity: thinking about all the ppl who left me and how much better their lives are because of doing so
#like damn. i really am a person that only makes ppls lives worse!!#every single person thats stopped being my friend is so so much happier than they ever were being my friend!!!#nobody fucking misses me or thinks of me or regrets anything!!! im a problem and a burden and a causer of harm!!!#i like to imagine ppl that used to talk to me read this blog bc they want to know whats going on in my life and miss me too#but ultimately i know that isnt true like if they follow me they might see a few posts but no one is looking at all of them#i stopped telling ppl what was happening in my life and they stopped caring. bc probably they did not care in the first place tbh#i still follow all these fucking girls from hs on social media and keep track of whats going on in their lives#they havent thought of me in years i guarantee it#and im still sitting here at age 23 thinking about how much better my life would be if i hadnt been so awful at 17 and lost all my friends#anyway sorry for this annoying dramatic post im just like. so tired of not feeling loved no matter what i do and how hard i try#no one will ever care about me the way i care about them and it will never be good for anyone to have me in their life#and im so fucking tired of being this fucking intolerable and awful of a person#i just sit here every day trying to convince myself i dont need to talk to anyone or have friends to survive#but like thats not true lmao i am so lonely i miss talking to ppl so much but everyones moved on#everyone saw what a bad person i am and how much i hurt ppl and cut me off and moved on again#and this is just going to keep happening to me every time i make friends or try to not be alone bc who i am is the problem and i cant fix i#anyway sdlfkjsd sorry i know i sound pathetic and ridiculous jdskf i just need to put thoughts somewhere#and this stupid blog is the only place i have to say anything bc im so completely fucking alone
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Men popularize ideas like "Fatherless behavior" as if the father isn't the person in the house most likely to abuse the females in it, like they are so fucking inflated that they cant Imagine anything worse than their own absence.
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patrick hive to the rescue because im thinking, as i often do, about friends to lovers with patrick where you're kind of upset because he and art have gotten around and you're still struggling on the dating scene, maybe you're shy, probably you just have standards, and its really just all starting to bug you because you're worked up!!!!! imagine hanging out with patrick during the summer - the room is sticky with humidity, despite the air conditioning being on full blast. you're hot and irritated and sexually frustrated. patrick being half clothed isn't helping, either - you can see the gleam of sweat on his bare chest - the dusking of hair on his thick thighs as he lounges back with a cigarette. you're going mad, it feels like you could detonate at any second your clit is so on fire - throbbing and achey and everytime you press you sweat slick thighs together it makes it worse.
patrick is looking at his phone - so you take the chane - just a small touch - just for some relief. you're on the bed, there's a plushi blocking his view - it cant hurt just to slide a sneaky hand down the band of your shorts and panties. just to stroke your swollen slit. surely he wont noitce if you just...... rub yourself a little. while you sneak glances at his toned body - just peeks, really. if you're very quiet (you do realize the sticky squelch of your cunt can be heard across the room, right? you dont) you might even be able to cum undetected
GODDDDD FUCK!!!! This was supposed to be a chill, normal, short response. Instead I ignored 2 work calls bc it’s that serious.
Rating: E (18+)
Warnings: SMUT (exibitionism/voyeurism, f!masturbation, not fingering but a secret third adjacent thing, extreme levels of horniness)
A/N: Patrick Hive we Linked and Built <3
Patrick thought it was so sweet that you invited him to visit your home for the summer. Apparently you’d sung nothing but his praises to your parents, because even though you were both eighteen, they let him sleep on the floor of your room on a blow up mattress, trusting him that much.
Which was annoying. You weren’t fucking Patrick (not for lack of wanting to), but they could’ve at least given you the benefit of the doubt and assumed that you might have some sort of sexual urges. It made your stupid fucking celibacy that much more embarrassing.
You’re home alone with him and the power’s out— a stupid, heat-induced rolling blackout. The open window only seems to usher in more hot summer air, so you’re both down to as few layers as would be appropriate. You, were down to a thin T-shirt and your panties. Patrick was only in a pair of grey nylon shorts. Sweat was beading down his bare chest, which was so fucking unfair.
Because it was Patrick, whose chest hair and happy trail made your mouth fill with drool any time you were treated to the sight of it. It was summer, and he was frequently shirtless, and you still hadn’t gotten used to the sight. Any sane person would want to lave their tongue along his chest, tasting the sweat and salt of his skin. That was… so totally normal to think about.
Patrick fucked your neighbor— the cute one who was going to a state school so she could be a kindergarten teacher. You didn’t know, but you were pretty sure. You’d been swimming in the pool during a cul-de-sac cookout, and they’d disappeared after a while. Patrick didn’t say anything that night, probably to protect your delicate sensibilities, but you could just kind of sense it.
God, it was unfair. All of the guys your age had girlfriends, or something. And the single ones were cute, but Patrick always seemed to fuck things up for you, either actively, or because you would always wind up talking about him. And because your parents thought it was totally fine for him to sleep in your room, you were surviving off of weak, rushed orgasms in the shower.
It was supposed to be a fun, sexy summer before you went off to college, and Patrick was totally ruining it. How was it fair that he got to fuck around and get his rocks off while you spent your summer feeling like you were wearing a fucking chastity belt?
And you were so wet it was uncomfortable, sticky between your thighs with absolutely no relief. Patrick was sitting on the fucking Air mattress, propped up by your cute, pink pillows and plushies that he’d stolen, watching a rerun of The Hills on MTV. His hand dangled out the open bedroom window so the smell of smoke wouldn’t get stuck in your innocent little bedroom.
He stretched, and you watched with an open mouth as he blew the cigarette smoke out the window. Pretty fucking lips, his muscles all taut as he turned. He looked back at the TV, and you exhaled a shaky breath. Fuck, you were so turned on you wanted to scream. Your pussy was just drooling into your panties, clit throbbing and aching for attention, your entire body felt empty, desperate to be filled up.
You were practically buried in your stuffed animal collection, which was embarrassing on any other day (Patrick had nearly laughed at the sight, but you’d insisted that you couldn’t just throw all of them away… they were nostalgic), but you’d never been more grateful until that moment.
You were already pretty well covered, thanks to the near life size bear sitting beside you— the perfect safety net. Your pulse was thundering in your chest, making you feel a little dizzy with anxiety or arousal, or a strange new mix of both.
You were burning hot between your thighs— throbbing and soaked all sticky and slick. Your legs twitched instinctively as your fingertips dipped into your core, where a pool of your arousal awaited. A shaky gasp escaped you as you moved your slick fingers up to your neglected clit, and you quickly muffled the noise into your pillow
It was like you’d never really touched yourself before. The level of need and desperation within you was completely unknown until that point. Your eyes rolled back as you began grinding up against your fingers. Your teeth dug into your lip to stay quiet as you played with your clit as discreetly as you could.
Patrick shifted to get more comfortable. Flexing his thighs just slightly, rubbing sweaty palms against the muscles there. He ashed his cigarette with his gaze locked on the TV. “This shit is so boring,” he muttered.
And fuck, his voice. You considered arguing with him, just so he’d get louder, and his voice would get more intense, and you’d be able to fuck yourself to completion to the sound of him speaking.
Your poor, neglected pussy clenched around absolutely nothing, begging to be filled by his dick, his fingers, your fingers, a toy, a hairbrush, fucking anything. Your panties were absolutely sodden— drenched to the point of forming a transparent little spot right above your cunt.
If Patrick had looked over, or, if he had unfocused his eyes just right and peered into the reflection of the TV screen, he would’ve been able to make out the sight of your fingers, moving steadily, desperately against your clit. If he had done that.
Your toes curled just slightly, thighs closing around your hand as you got closer and closer. It was loud— just how much you were moving. You needed— god, you needed so much in that moment. You grabbed a random plushie— a pink rabbit that you probably got with that years’ Easter basket— and held it over your lap. Yeah, that worked. Super casual, perfect way to hide the way your hand was working your clit.
And the pressure. Jesus Christ, the pressure of the warm stuffed animal over your cunt was too nice to resist. You’d have to throw it away after, you knew, but you couldn’t help but grind yourself up against it. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine it was his lap, or his thigh, or something warm and soft and hard for you to rut against.
But you couldn’t close your eyes, because you had to watch Patrick. To make sure he didn’t know what you were doing. An arm slung behind his head, the muscles highlighted by the shiny sheen of sweat there. You whimpered pathetically, muffled into the pillows. He probably heard, he pretended he didn’t. It was that level of feigned ignorance that let you keep going.
He probably knew, you could pretend he didn’t. The razor’s edge between you and a much needed, earth-shattering orgasm hinged on that level of ignorance.
So you pathetically humped against your fingers, and the stuffed rabbit, and chased at the bliss that was so fucking close you could taste it like metal on your tongue. Your thighs squeezed around the rabbit as you came, soaking through and making even more of a mess of your panties, and the rabbit, and your sheets, and your fingers.
You hadn’t realized how loud you were breathing. It was like someone had been holding you underwater and you could only just now hear the world with a shocking sense of clarity. Your body felt hot all over, your legs felt like jelly. You hid the stuffed rabbit beneath a discarded blanket, a problem for later. Legs crossed so you could hide the soaked mess between your legs.
Sure, you could play that off.
“You could’ve asked me to leave,” Patrick said around his cigarette. There was a twist to his lips, a sense of amusement. “Nah, you probably didn’t want me to. Too busy eye fucking me while you defiled that poor little bunny.”
He stood, noticeably hard in his shorts, which you weren’t looking at weren’t looking at weren’t looking at. He grabbed your ankles and pulled your legs apart, all while wearing the smug sort of expression that got you to this position in the first place. Really, it was all his fault. His eyes trailed up your legs, to the glistening mess coating your upper thighs, and the sheer mess of your panties.
“Huh.” His hands moved up your thighs and you exhaled shakily, parting them more to accommodate him, whatever he wanted, whatever he was thinking. You could come a thousand more times just for him, at his every whim. But that was the repression talking, not just because of him.
Your breath caught as his fingers hooked into the waistband of your panties and he peeled them down. His expression held the same sort of concentration that you saw him exhibit on the court. Focused on you, it made your heart pound.
“No wonder you were so loud, huh?” He teased, fingers gliding through your slit. It was embarrassing how wet you were, coating his fingers and palm in your arousal. Each light brush against your clit made your thighs twitch, made a desperate keen escape you. “I could hear it the second you started, by the way. But even before that, I could fucking smell how turned on you were. You could’ve said something, you know. I would’ve taken care of you, made it real nice.”
You moaned softly, eyes wide as you peered up at him. When he removed his hands from your pussy you fucking whined— pouting as he held his fingers up to the light and grinned at the glistening mess left behind. You watched those fingers disappear between plush lips, tongue sweeping out to clean them up. His cock jumped behind the shorts he wore from want.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” you insisted, sitting up to rub him through the fabric. “It’s hot, we’re both horny and bored. Just use me. It’ll feel nice.”
He didn’t take much convincing. He’d been rubbing his dick raw on that stupid fucking inflatable mattress every night when you were asleep anyway. How could he not? You were just too adorable.
@poppy-metal your mind amazes me no words no thoughts just this <3 thank youuuuuu for this in my inbox it truly kept me fed
#i wrote this on the clock hashtag girlboss#patrick zweig#patrick zweig x reader#patrick zweig fanfic#patrick zweig smut#challengers fanfic#challengers x reader
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Every time I think about Peri and Timmy a part of me breaks apart. I saw a fanart and some description about Peri and Timmy being like you wake up one day and your best friend is gone and it broke me cause actually imagine that.
You have been born because of a wish, something no child has done in thousands of years. He was beside the bed you were born in, Eyes filled with wonder. You would grab his finger while he cradles you in his arms, listening to him talk to you, looking at you as if you were his entire world. He would say the words I love you over and over, and you believed him. He was your first word, for a while. He was the only person you wanted to call out too, to reach out, and he was delighted to be there for you anytime you said his name. He would rush to your side and do whatever you needed. he helped teach you how to ride a bike, even if it was a human activity, you could fly with him anyway. you still wanted to do it with him though, cause it was Timmy!. he snuck you out late at night just to get you an extra sweet, and even if you could wish for it, you still wanted to do it with him. he picked you up from school with your mom and dad, talking to you about all the wacky antics and adventures he had with mom and dad. he helped you beat the last round of video games, teaching you the controls and secret hacks to beat the bosses properly. he hugged you when you felt like you had no one else. when you were the only kid fairy in a long, long time, he reminded you he would be there for you every single day. Every single birthday he was there to celebrate- make a cake with his bare hands and decorate his house just for you, it was always bliss with him.
Until you were 8. You were 8 years old when it was your older brothers birhday- 18. You were warned as the days came, but it felt so far, so impossible, that he had to go. he had to leave, and he could never see you again. He tried to find any- any loophole that could let him stay, Cosmo and Wanda looked everywhere in da rules, they hopped dimensions talked with other planets, had a case that could prove he was meant to be with his fairies forever, but he couldn't. No human could ever remember fairys, there were consequences that would affect everything outside of his family, he had to accept it. He could never say your name with such kindness again, He could never bring you to the ends of the galaxy again, he would never remember anything at all. You cry. You cry and cry and cry and think how cruel it is that you can never see your best friend again. You can never see your older brother ever again. He wouldn't remember carrying you, hugging you, tucking you before bed, he wouldn't remember birthdays, holidays, vacations, he wouldn't remember you. It felt worse then anything you've ever experienced, you barley could handle it at the time and still cant now. The only proof that he was in your life was your mere existence, your whole life was proof that Timmy Turner was your older brother, that he was Cosmo's and Wanda's godkid, and you would never forget that, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how many godkids go though the same cycle, you would always remember Timmy Turner.
#fairly oddparents#timmy turner#fairly odd parents#fop#cosmo#wanda#peri fairly oddparents#fairly odd parents a new wish
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𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖔𝖘𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖈𝖙
TW: some graphic descriptions of pain and just result of overblot violence?? idrk how else to phrase it
hurt/comfort
wc: 2.2k
first person pov; reader is yuu
vil schoenheit x reader; takes place after book 5
also on Ao3 -> read here
"To be loved is to be changed" is a saying I heard rather often back in my world, but hadn't quite grasped the meaning of until recently.
I mean, just how can some half baked gestures of affection and an possibly faked fondness truly change a person?
Or at least that's what I used to think.
And all I have to thank for changing my mind is him.
――――
Initially, I couldn't have imagined how life could become any worse. Just how can you top being transported to another universe with no hope of finding a way home? The crushing feeling of despair that comes with the prospects of having to come to terms with such a predicament outright suffocates any figment of positivity you could hope to grasp.
Then the overblots started.
And that was so much worse than anything I could have imagined. I never knew what it was like to choke on the same air you breathe just because the blot in your immediate vicinity was so thick, that it had even started building a layer inside your lungs due to the continued inhalation. I never knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of magic so unrestrained and powerful that I felt its impact on the bones inside my body, even before they were finished breaking. And all I can wish for is to forget those feelings.
I wish I can forget the fear and desperation that controlled my body during Riddle's overblot. I wish I could've done something to actually help. While I couldn't have possibly been expected to be able to deal with the situation, sometimes I still felt guilty about it. First time (and supposedly only) I’d witnessed an overblot and all I could think of was how bad I had felt for riddle. While at the time I didn't quite like him much and we certainly weren't friends, and I had no obligation towards him, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I was complaining at having been a victim of an overblot but couldn't even begin to imagine what sort of pain he’d been in when that thing took over his bodily autonomy. Did he choke on his own blot? Did his bones break and shift as the blot expanded and changed his body? Did he still remember what he did while in that form controlled and erased his will?
After Riddle’s overblot I started to go to Coach Vargas outside of classes in order to learn some basic self defence tehniques.
Then the spelldrive tournament came round. And I went through the worst experience of my life a second time.
I wish I can forget the way in which I lost touch with my senses during Leona's overblot. Despite being more prepared to deal with it that time around I remained virtually useless. I could barely see through the thick cloud of swirling sand. Even though I desperately wish I could forget, I still remember how I could feel the rough sand scratching at the back of my neck as I spoke, hoping to talk Leona down that ledge. Again I had found myself feeling bad for the house warden. I wouldn't say I pitied him, as any student at NRC would be too prideful to do anything but take offence to such a claim, but rather that I felt dismay in his place. I once again felt haunted by questions I shouldn't have been asking myself. How did Leona live with the guilt of almost ending Ruggie's life? Did he even feel such a thing?
After Leona's overblot I started to spend my weekends learning first aid.
Then my idiot friends got wrapped up in Octavinelle's ‘deal with the devil’ sort of crap. And dragged me down with them.
I wish I could forget how suffocation feels. But I cant. Sometimes I wake up feeling like those tentacles are still wrapping around me and squeezing around my neck until my airway closes. Sometimes I still feel as if all it takes is the tiniest of pressure and my bones will break. Seems it didn’t matter to the Great Seven just how desperate I was to forget, I couldn't shake the feeling of drowning in somebody else's blot. Unsurprisingly, I had begun to feel bad for Azul as well. I could empathise with him, which made it all the worse as I could, for once, truly tell just how little I'd help him. The questions followed once again. Seems like my own thoughts would damn me if they could. Seeing as how I ended up almost drowning in his blot; Did Azul breathe through it? Did he, in all three of his (alleged) hearts not hold a shred of guilt for what he'd done to me? And to so many another? Did he know how many potions I had taken to fix my crushed rib cage? And if he did, why did he refuse to address it and pretend as if nothing happened?
After Azul's overblot, I found myself visiting the Octavinelle pool every so often, practising both my swimming and holding my breath. (The offer to access the pool undisturbed was an indirect bribe from Azul to buy my silence about the picture)
Then the winter break rolled around and I had thought I finally got a break. Only I was wrong.
I wish I could forget what it felt like to be stripped of my own free will. My stay in Scarabia was the most terrifying thing I had faced. Living where I had lived, I was terrified of loosing my freedom. It was the only thing money couldn't buy. So when I was controlled so easily and forced to act unlike myself and against my wishes I was stuck inside my own mind accompanied by a terror unlike anything I could've imagined. This was why Jamil was the one with whom I’d struggled the most to patch things up with and why he was the one it took the most time to be open to trust again. Despite all this I still felt bad for him. It was undoubted that life had dealt him a bad hand of cards that he sure wasn't going to win any poker games with. (Unless he's the smartest person at the table and fools everyone with a good bluff; But life isn't poker and the only way you win is by getting a good hand or cheating) I just had to wonder about him too. Did he feel any better when he overblotted? Did it finally grant him the freedom he craved? Could he remember the feeling of finally being the one to hold the power and call all the shots?
After Jamil's overblot I started to research magical artifacts. I worked diligently for months at Sam's shop to finally afford one that would prevent me from being controlled again.
Then the VDC was announced. My initial excitement was squashed like a bug by the fifth and hopefully final overblot.
For once I don't have anything I crave to erase from my memory. Its rather tragic if true, but after a certain ammount of overblots there are some things you just get used to. Which is why I might not outright wish for oblivion. The only question that remains is: Did I get used to the pain, or did I get used to the hopelessness of trying to forget it?
Upon further consideration, it might be that the reason as to why I didn't want to forget Vil's overblot was because of what it did to me. Unlike all my prior experiences, this overblot had actually resulted in a positive outcome albeit in an extremely roundabout way.
Throughout his time living at Ramshackle for VDC prep, Vil and I had formed an unlikely friendship. I would be delusional to claim that we were each other’s confidantes, but that didn't mean we had no concern for one another either. Vil had been a great help to me, and someone whose company I greatly enjoyed. I admired him beyond his looks, I found his drive, ambition and ideals to be inspiring. In the short time we'd gotten to know each other he'd quickly become a person I looked up to. And even if he wouldn't outright say it, I know he started to value my opinions.
In the beginning it was merely curiosity. I came from a different world after all. While at first his only interest in my views and beliefs was only fuelled by his own inquisitive desire my insight earned me his respect. He begun to show his appreciation for my contributions in the VDC prep his own way. What to others sounded like a judgemental comment, I knew was a nudge towards bettering myself. And that's how my now most valued relationship started.
What had really brought us together though, was, ironically enough, seeing each other at our most vulnerable.
――――
It was just another ordinary night. The VDC was still a week away and everybody was in high spirits. Except for me that is. It was supposed to be her birthday. My friend's. From back home. My real home, outside of twisted wonderland. Seeing the date in the calendar was only a grim reminder of the life I could never get back. I don't think I had ever missed home as much as I had in that night. The feeling of home sickness was too much to take. All I could do was pity myself and eventually resign to the hopelessness of it all.
Despite having held on to it for so long, my last remaining shred of hope had died that night. I foolishly thought that I could comfort myself, if even temporarily with a familiar sight. Rather than spend my restless night staring at the run down ceiling and slowly spiralling into an even more fragile mental state, I had decided to go outside on Ramshackle’s front porch and watch the stars. It had always used to calm me when I felt poorly back home.
Only when I went outside and really focused on the shining night sky, I couldn't recognise a single star.
It was that realisation that finally broke me. I was alone, and no matter what I’d do or how much I’d hope, home was something I wouldn’t have again. My reactions were outside of my control in that moment, and I felt my eyes start to water as I begun sobbing silently, all my desperation and depression manifesting itself unrestrained for the first time since I had come to Twisted Wonderland.
It was how Vil found me, tears streaming down my face and an overall wreck. He’d initially planned on scolding me for disregarding his rules, similarly to how he’d done with Ace, Deuce and Grim when they went for a midnight snack. Upon noticing the state I was in, that plan had been completely thrown out the window, as instead he’d talk to me and comfort me. Despite what others would think, his efforts were genuine, and while his words didn’t directly convey it, the fact that he’d been willing to stay outside with me a little longer (effectively sacrificing his own valuable time and strict sleeping schedule) before convincing me to return to my room to sleep and rest properly showed just as much.
I noticed that things had started to change after that night. He’d keep a slightly more attentive eye on me, taking an even more direct role in my well-being. While his newfound dedication was subtle, he set me on a path of pursuit of self-improvement.
In return, I had extended him the same curtsy. Following his overblot I’d offered to be a sort of shoulder to cry on. I had confessed to him to just what extent my admiration of him ran. And it ran deep. I’d told Vil how I thought his drive for improvement was inspirational, how his morals were commendable. I’d even followed it up with a sheepish joke about how it would probably serve me well to be at least a bit more like him.
Things started to work themselves out from there. Vil and I had begun to grow closer and spend more time together, eventually becoming romantically involved. Things had finally started to look up for me after all those months in this strange world. When I’d first come to NRC I had been haunted by those memories and feelings. I couldn't escape the doubt and the questions that always lingered in the back of my mind. But Vil had helped me with that. He’d helped me regain hope for my future, and while I still couldn’t find it in me to dream about returning home, I gave myself a chance to hope for a good, successful future free of torment. One where I could finally be truly happy again.
Many people didn’t understand this, but Vil wasn’t obsessed with people being beautiful, but rather with them being the best version of themselves. And despite it all, he was helping me do just that.
cross-crye © 2024.
no reposting, stealing, copying, translating my works or feeding them to AI
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#twst#twst x reader#vil x reader#shrimpnetwrk#twst angst#twst vil#vil schoenheit#vil schoenheit x reader#vilyuu#twst fanfic#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst x reader angst
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Astro Observations/Opinions (Tropical Edition🫶🏾🫶🏾)
Hello Guys! Since I have done a vedic edition observations, I now want to do a tropical astrology one. I apologize if I confused anyone with my vedic one, i’m not too well versed in it buttt I AM WELL VERSED IN tropical astrology though hehe😈
These are my opinions/observations so LOVE IT OR HATE IT😋😗
Anyways let’s get started
1. Scorpio moons at their worst are FUCKING CRAZY. like extremely obsessive, extremely closed and narcissistic and just overall painful to be around. y’all can lowkey suck the life out of everyone lol likeeeeeee no joke. I have met many scorpio moons that are hella abusive but I know that’s not the majority. Other wise y’all are great to be around but baby as a Leo moon I CANT KEEP dealing with moon square moon synastry 🥺
2. Sag moons are sooo fickle and flighty like it’s not even funny. THEY WILL TELL A PERSON OFFFF but sometimes they be fake as hell. Very adventurous and THRILL SEEKING and they honestly put themselves into situations that are harmful just for the thrill of it. Very wise but sometimes their wisdom goes RIGHT out the window when it comes down to it.
3. Aries suns and venus placements can be veryyyy selfish imo. Like they are super independent but bc they are they really care less to think about others when achieving certain things. But are very understanding when you come to them and are very willing to listen. It’s kinda like they want what they want and they will do anything to achieve it despite the cost, and like GIRLIE POP GO OFF but at the same time u gotta be considerate of others. But EXTREMELY LOYALLL to their loved ones absolutely!! I love y’all and love y’all FIESTY energy.
4. I’m sorry but debilitated and fall mars (libra and cancer mars) have wayyy worse anger issues than ur normal scorpio/aries mars. Like they hold shit in and they are very passive so they won’t tell u did something wrong but they will be snarky and passive aggressive as hell to let you know and like BABESSA U CAN TELL ME NO NEED TO BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASFFF. Maybe it’s bc i’m a libra rising and mars in the 1st and 10th are just hella aggressive for no reason sometimes. My ex would randomly yell at people for the wrong reasons (he was a libra mars) and tbh i kinda don’t care for it like. (btw i’m a pisces mars so HEHEHE i can be passive aggressive as well so i def need to learn how to have boundaries but as people can’t handle scorpio or aries anger, i can NEVER deal with a libra or cancer bc imo they blow shit out of proportion all the fucking time) understandable as to why but idk that’s just my experience
5. Saturn in the 3rd house when they are upset with you they can be so demeaning at times. like when you don’t know something they are the types to be so unconsciously demeaning and kind of rude at times. ( like for instance if you were to ask them a question about a topic that they know they willl look at u and respond to u like ur dumb asf like 🥺🥺🥺🥺) they are very smart tho and they sometimes feel like they aren’t but like U ARE BABY DONT LISTEN TO THE OTHERS THAT hate on ur intelligence like y’all are very smart but can also be passive aggressive at times 💀
6. Scorpio Venus or having Pluto in the 7th house YALL ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CLINGY!! I love it tho for others that love it but y’all are veryyyyyyyyyy possessive (like if someone looks at y’all’s partner y’all prob imagining ripping their throat out like LMAO i understand tho). very loyal to their partner and can sometimes unhealthy dedicate all of themselves to them and nglll me don’t care for that but i understand bc y’all become so consumed with them bc of how intense y’all love and I LOVE IT but baby also have a life of ur ownnn lol (most of y’all do but sometimes y’all don’t) but y’all lowkey hypocritical tho sometimes imo
7. Sage and pisces literally are the ONLY ONES (other than scorpio maybe) imo that can do high dosages of drugs and wake up and be okay like ????? IM SO JEALOUSS bc i have virgo in my 12th and when i get high i get really paranoid and anxioussss so but with y’all having either in the 12th or even calm signs like taurus and fire placements imo y’all are built different like LMAO i loveee that for y’all tho
8. Capricorn moons aren’t cold at all lol they are very much crybabies like cancer moons, if a cap moon isn’t being emotional towards u then maybe they don’t feel safe enough yet or maybe they don’t consider you close enough to them (no shade). They are like scorpio moons tho imo when they at their lowest they can be hard to be around but YALL ARE SO MATURE AND i hate that for y’all like be reckless i know saturn may get u karma but sometimes y’all LIMIT yourselves so fucking much like baby you deserve the world. Look at the world in a scarcity mindset (unless it’s money or if they have fire placements ehh they not so scare thinkers)
9. Virgo placements are extremely shamy imo. Like they are very critical at times and they will SHAME u if ur doing something that isn’t “common sense” in their eyes. like baby i know u didn’t have the space to make mistakes without critical advice but at the same time do u really have to be shamey towards everyone else? but tbh they are the true leo’s in disguise and ABSOLUTELY give them their flowers bc acts of service means so much to them and the most mainstream people have virgo placements (attention to detail is so critical which is why they thrive and succeed) but y’all kinda use that as a scapegoat to be very shamey and critical towards others. I have a love and hate relationship with y’all lol 12th synastry 😭😩
10. IN REGARDS TO 12th house synastry, it’s so ass. Like THE PERSON U SHARE IT WITH WILL COME IN UR DREAMS AND BE ON UR MIND FOR NO FUCKING reason and for someone who takes a little while to move on from things (fixed dominant LOL but i’ve gotten a lot better) BABY I DONT NEED YALL TO BE IN MY DREAMS. lowkey i feel like 12th house synastry people lowkey get under ur skin for no reason and if that’s so imo it’s either because they are acting or responding in ways you do as well and is afraid to admit bc y’all mirror each other or it can genuinely be resurfacing things that remind u of things and trigger u (i feel like that’s the 8th house synastry ofc bc 12th house is hidden fears and repression so i’m kinda assuming it would be the same with the 12th lol hmu if you have other opinions😋😋😋🫶🏾)
last one hehehe
11. Libra placements please stop being people pleasers BABY ONCE U CREATE BOUNDARIES FUCKKKKK how others feel bitch bc when u don’t tbh y’all get super resentful and tbh who wouldn’t. libra placements really are only nice to keep the peace and to be likable but either or libra y’all will have haters regardless so instead of fearing it y’all should embrace it more. Remember the saying that if u don’t have haters u ain’t living in ur truth (ITS A 50/50 STATEMENT TBH it’s true but not being used in the sense of being problematic) but y’all can’t please everyone so instead of giving yourselves the headache, let go of the notion that if your liked everything will be okay when it’s not. and wanting to be liked and keep the peace isn’t a serving attitude it’s kinda selfish bc we’re really doing it for ourselves more than others (IM SHADING MYSELF HERE but i know y’all can agree but that doesn’t make us bad people we’re just flawed asf). BUT BABY GROW A BACKBONE ONCE YALL DO OMFAGSGSGSGSGSGS y’all are so fucking unstoppable and serve cunt energy hehehe
That’s it for tropical! Hope y’all like it!
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