#i cant. for so goddamn long.
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Shut the fuck up for once. Maybe.
#negative#/negative#I'm so close to killing myself I'm not fucking around.#I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!#i cant. for so goddamn long.#it's not really that long considering I'm young but too fucking long. still.#can you imagine. this stupid society. where you're fucking 11 and your parents are urging you to get better with your studies#because fuck you better get into a good highschool. get good UPSR marks. and that happens at the end of the year when you're 12.#youre fucking 12 and you already have pressure on your back. then you get to secondary school. form 1 and 2 aren't better#you get low ass scores. and it builds up more#and your low point gets lower and lower throughout the years.#i cannot state this enough when you're fucking 12 they do want you to study hard for the end of year exam that determines#if you're getting in a fancy pantsy enough secondary school that could get you more. credit.#but whatever. I'm lowest in class. i personally can't care. but my mom! oh she does!#yknow someone *has* to be at the bottom. eventually. someone will. someone will just not get it#is it so hard to believe it's your kid?#would you rather some other parent scold their kid and threaten worse because they couldnt keep up?#why are you doing this? this isnt helping anything. you see that. it is in fact a problem with me but you dont see how you're affecting me.#i swear to Allah I am not fucking gonna take this shit anymore#I am so close to losing it. I've already reached the end of the threads that hold my sanity together. i can't.#i don't hate you. but i can't live with your thorns digging into my flesh anymore#i can't fucking take it
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welcome back to our regularly scheduled monkies for pride everyone
bonuses of MK being tired of their bullshit;
#Monkie Kid#monkie kid spoilers#lmk spoilers#lmk s5 spoilers#shadowpeach#i literally cant even do every screenshot of them together in a scene like is usual cause there was just so goddamn much#the post would be too long#...also its late and im tired and i dont have screenshots of the other scenes right now
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"الخيل و الليل و البيداء تعرفني ... والسيف و الرمح و القرطاس و القلم" ، المتنبي
Translation: "the stallions, the night and the wasteland know me ... and the sword, the arrow, the parchment, and the pen", Al-Mutanabbi
A tribute of sorts to a man of many attributes.
#someone send me an ask about all the goddamn symbolism i put into this#i dont think ppl read my long ass tags so one of you has to bear it lest i explode or smth#also this is no way the end of my fanart of this guy oh ho no#its just something i wanted to do for a while#also don't mind the bilingualism i just cant help it#this beast took approx 55hrs over the course of the entire pomegranate season#i wasn't dead for the past 2 months no i was dealing with uh chronic illness and also finals#peace and love hope yall like it or I'll cry#my art#cwilbur#dsmp#dsmp fanart#no glasses here cus i had to draw his freckles it had to be done#fennec.art
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Bucky Barnes | Rebellion Series | Caution
Part one of the Rebellion Series
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Plot: By some miracle, you get saved from the consequences of your own actions. You’re reluctant to join a supposedly good cause. What happens when the good cause is not so legal? And what - or who - is your soft spot?
Warnings: Angst, fluff (?) and mentions of sex.
Words: 34OO
You have started shaking again. With every tremble of your body, the restraints around your legs and arms seem to tighten and you shudder even more at the awful memory of that feeling. It took weeks for the shaking to stop. Weeks of being locked up into this modern dungeon until you were nothing but silence and numbness.
You knew the rebellion could end in death, knew the consequences would be catastrophic, but at least you’d stood for something, fought for something. And you would choose death any day over the endless silence of this prison. You know for a fact that you’re surrounded by an ocean, but no matter how hard you listen, you cannot hear the wild sea crash. Can only hear the low hum of the air being circulated through your metal cell.
And today, approximately three months after the start of your sentence in the most secured prison on the planet, you have started shaking again. It can hardly be because today of all days, your brain has decided to make you go completely insane. That would be too random. Which means–
Your head snaps to the window, spotting the other cells. Empty. This floor is reserved just for you alone. Because apparently you’re too dangerous to interact with anyone. They even got machines bringing you your daily sustenance. An empty floor like every other day, yet something seems different. Something’s off.
A metal door flies through the middle of the circular space connecting all of the cells and you stiffen. You look at the ground again, keeping completely still. Maybe they don’t know that you’re here. Oh God, oh God, oh God. No, they can’t get to you. Not again.
The destruction clangs through your body and you tremble violently, curling up as much as you can and staring hard at the floor. The cold metal ground blurs with images of the rebellion. The things you gave up, the energy your summoned and wasted, the people you lost. The blood, and pain, and screams and– and– and…
“She’s in there. Grab her and then we get out of here.”
“Steve, I–”
“And hurry up, we don’t have much time!”
Two combat boots step into your vision and the stomps echo in your head, booming you back to reality. But not quite. Your eyes vibrate with fear and you swallow the nails in your throat. Then a pair of knees appear in front of you and a black gloved hand reaches forward. It hesitates, then retreats. As if choosing not to touch you. Wise choice.
“Hey.” The voice is low. And smooth as liquor.
But you don’t look up, focusing on trying not to tremble more and taking the firm contraptions wrapped around your shins and forearms as the protection they now are. Maybe this is another nightmare. It’s different from the ones you usually have, but black gloves… They had black gloves, too. And those firm boots. They may have kicked you in the stomach with those boots once. You don’t remember.
“I’m here to get you out,” the voice speaks again and you can only listen to the tone of voice, the way it sends a shockwave through your body and lessens the violent trembles. “Look up for me.”
You ignore him and focus on your breathing.
“Is she coming?” That first voice. Impatient. Panting.
The male before you turns to the centre of the floor and gives a frustrated sigh, “She’s pretty out of it.”
Before waiting for the other man to respond, he turns back to you and studies you. Even though you don’t see him, his stare burns right through the flimsy clothes they put on you. He lets out a soft sigh and flips out a knife from the holster at his waist, still kneeling before you. You stiffen, preparing yourself for the sting at your throat as they finally decide to get rid of you, but he tries his best not to touch any bare skin as he saws through the materials binding you together.
The relief of pressure from your skin make you feel so uneasy, you nearly throw up, but a gentle hand covers your arm and you finally look up. Warm, dark blue eyes connect with yours. Below heavy brows and above the faintest cluster of freckles. His mouth is soft and pillowy and his bone structure is otherworldly symmetrical.
“It’s okay,” he tells you gently and offers you a smile that you can tell doesn’t come to him naturally. “Can you walk?”
He pulls you to a stand with a firm, but comfortable grip and you instantly stumble on your feet at the weight suddenly put on them. One arm flies around your waist and hoists you into his side as he catches your fall.
“Okay, okay,” he grunts with a gentle laugh. “I got you. Let’s get the fuck out of here, alright?”
Your throat feels like sandpaper as you hobble along with the wall of a male dragging you along, “Who are you?”
He spares you a brief glance and smiles once more, following ‘Steve’ out of the building and onto an air craft that is way too loud. “Bucky. We’re here to help you. Or I suppose you’re here to help us, little rebel.”
…
Steve gives Bucky a knowing glare, only breaking it by daring a glance at your bedroom door which you have been effectively hiding behind for weeks now. “You know I can’t go in there, Bucky.”
“You know I won’t let you,” Bucky answers drily with a shrug. As opposed to his best friend, Bucky hasn’t stopped staring at your door.
“You’re not even hiding your possessiveness when it comes to her,” Steve breathes through a laugh. That makes Bucky finally look at his friend.
“I’m not possessive,” he says matter-of-factly. He’s not even offended, just practical. “I’m protective. The last thing she needs is all of the nosy people in this tower swirling around her when she doesn’t trust a single soul.”
“Has she started to trust you?”
Bucky has to keep from wincing at Steve’s question, and he clears his throat. “Sure,” he lies.
If Steve caught the lie, he didn’t let on. It was as much of a dismissal as he was going to get. After watching his best friend walk off to do captain things, Bucky braces himself to step into your room. He has no hope that his interaction with you will be any different than the previous ones.
“Another day of convincing me to be your weapon?” you nearly snarl when he walks into your room.
If Bucky is entirely honest, he thought you would have turned into this damaged girl that would morph into a wild animal as you worked through what had been done to you. He didn’t really expect this perseverance and defiance from the woman he saved from that prison. But he supposes he should have seen that question coming. It wasn’t his best work; starting that day he saved you with all of the things you could be doing for them. Why they had saved you. Simply for their own gain. Or that is how you understood it, at least…
He has never been good with words. That has always been Steve’s thing. Bucky was reliable physically and he paid attention. He never had to use many words to make his point. Yet you keep asking these questions – rhetorical, he thinks – and you keep giving him this penetrating stare until he answers. Which is a sure way to make him fuck up, because how do people do that? Bring sensible thoughts into words and make it make sense?
Especially when the woman asking said questions is so damned… pretty.
“It’s time for you to get out of this room,” he tells you plainly. It seems the tactic of ignoring your questions is effective. It only took him six days to figure that one out.
He strides over to cross the room, not sparing you another glance in your chair in the corner, and rips open the curtains. The cat-like hiss coming from you has Bucky nearly biting back a smile. He turns and watches you stand from your chair, stalking over to him with your chin high and a scowl on your face. He raises an eyebrow with amused intrigue.
“And what, exactly, will I be doing outside of my room?” you ask.
He dips down slightly, but you keep the proximity. “Whatever you want. I don’t care.”
“If you don’t care, why hunt me out of my room?”
He shrugs, “Captain’s orders.” He isn’t entirely lying.
“Why isn’t the captain telling me himself?”
Bucky smirks and leans even closer, making you feel his minty breath fan over your face. “Because I’m the only one who isn’t scared of you.”
You snort at that and roll your eyes before breaking away from him. “I’ll get dressed.”
Bucky tries his hardest not to look too stunned as you retreat into the bathroom. A deep sigh leaves his lips as he paces through your room in wait for you to get ready. It takes a whole lot of effort to muster a smirk when it comes to his interactions with you.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” he asks quietly.
Just as quietly, the house responds, “Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”
“Has she asked for anything from you? To contact friends or family, or other information?”
“No, she hasn’t.”
“Does she have anyone left?” he tries, chewing his lip as he dreads the answer.
“Not that we’re aware. Mr. Stark had me run a background check, but she seems alone. No sign of anyone missing or deceased. No sign of a network at all.”
Bucky doesn’t know why that feels worse in his chest and he swallows. “Alright, thank you.”
A few moments later, you step out of the shower and find Bucky lounging in the chair he found you in, leafing through one of your books. Just as you’re about to check whether he has gotten his hands on one of your smuttier books, your eyes snag on the clothes laid out for you on the bed.
You pause long enough to make Bucky look up from the book. “Did you… Did you seriously pick out this underwear for me?”
Bucky eyes the lace panties dangling from your fingers and shrugs with a smirk. A smirk had never looked so enticing, but you sharpen your stare on him. “Do you prefer the grey, cotton ones in the back of the closet?”
You grit your teeth and scowl at him again, before morphing your mouth into a vindictive smile. “Why? Don’t you?”
His eyes dance at that. “Wouldn’t make a difference to me.”
And it’s the way he said it, with so much casual amusement and… promise. Heat rises to your face and you duck your head down. Snatching the clothes from the bed, you retreat back into the bathroom to get dressed.
…
The rest of your conversations had been purely functional as Bucky lead you down into the building where Steve was waiting. Bucky rolled his eyes at his friend’s horrible attempt at hiding his surprise. Steve hadn’t seen you since the day they came to save you, he must have never expected Bucky to be successful in his retrieval.
Bucky also hadn’t missed the meaningful look Steve then gave him that indicated he tucked away some valuable information. The information being that if they ever needed to get you to do something, Bucky is the way to get you to do it. Why? Steve seemed to have his theories and Bucky didn’t like it one bit.
However, for now he doesn’t care. Instead, he sticks by you after you reluctantly agreed to join Steve on a walk.
Strolling down the path through the surrounding woods, Bucky catches himself bracing for a fight every time Steve gets a little too close to you. He doesn’t like it. The last time he was this sensitive to proximity, he had just ran from Hydra. He’s seen other traumatised people before, but this feels different. And instead of listening to your and Steve’s conversation, he tries to figure out what it is. He supposes it’s because you have no survival instinct. In the few videos he’s seen of your rebellion and the encounters he has had with you the past weeks, you see danger or conflict and run straight toward it. Nothing scared or cautious about you. It sets his nerves on edge.
Bucky is well aware of what Steve is telling you and he has to refrain from rolling his eyes at the careful way Steve tries to coax you into their plan, when earlier that week they had not been nearly as careful as they calculated how to get you involved. But even Bucky had to admit that they needed you – specifically, everyone who would follow you into the grave. When Stark had shown him the videos, he was perplexed as to how you got such a huge following when what you fought for was so terribly dangerous. But one look at those sharp eyes and one deep command from you, and Bucky had seen it. That unwavering will and that brilliant brain that was always calculating. Steve could learn a few tricks from you on being a strong leader. And considering Bucky wildly admires his old friend, that is saying something.
They need you. Bucky knows it, too. They need not just someone with great leadership skills and a loyal following, but someone that does it out of empathy for the people mistreated by the system. Because that is who they’re going to be fighting – the system.
Again.
…
“You haven’t said anything about what Steve told you,” Bucky says on your walk back to your room. The offer to escort you back to your room hadn’t been entirely selfless.
“I need to think about it,” you murmur, deep in thought.
Bucky suppresses his sigh of sympathy. They are asking you to join a cause you were so passionate about, and that after failing so miserably last time. He can barely imagine the things you must have witnessed and endured with your last upraise. How you had gotten so influential that the government decided to treat you like you were a super-human and punished you accordingly. You had been put in the same prison as Wanda. Wanda. That is how powerful you were.
“It can’t be easy to revisit everything after all that’s happened,” he resigns and you blink from your thoughts to raise your eyes to his face. You study him and it takes all of Bucky’s might not to shift under your assessing gaze.
Then you speak up, “I’ve always done the right thing. Steve knows I can’t walk away from it…”
Bucky smiles at that. “Just like him.”
Your eyes narrow at that comment, but Bucky finds no venom in the look. You continue, “Sacrificing my life for the cause was never an issue. But to lead others into that same fate again?” The guilt had eaten you alive. All those people that had gotten arrested, split up from loved ones, hurt– worse…
Bucky interrupts your thoughts before they get a hold on you by clearing his throat. “Tonight, we have dinner with everyone. You’re welcome to join if you’d like.” Your heavy stare on him makes him quickly add, “Don’t give me that look. There will be no talk of overthrowing the government. Just dress fancy.”
The snort of a laugh that comes from you feels lighter to Bucky than he’d like to admit. And to ease the tension, he forces another smirk to his face. You narrow your eyes again warily, “What.”
He shrugs, turning to leave you alone at your door. Then he winks. “Let me know if you need me to pick out some underwear for you.” And then he’s gone.
Bucky hangs onto that cockiness all the way until dinner, where the entire group has showed up. Even Thor said he’d show up for a drink. Barton flew in from his family home to join the group as well. He remembers a time when he’d felt more than uncomfortable around this group of people. But so much has changed. They all saw him as a great asset to the team and even relied on him more and more to supervise the missions. He’s at home with them now. Heart swelling with affection, he listens to his friends – his family – laugh in the kitchen while they pour the drinks.
And then all of their faces turn into one direction, some of them pulling taut, few of them giving warm, comforting smiles. Bucky follows their gaze and it is like someone punched him in the gut, air whooshing out of his body. He doesn’t really know why – other than the obvious fact that you look ravishing of course. But he looks at you and clears his throat to welcome you to the group.
Natasha beats him to it though and it has Bucky’s hackles rising. She shoots him a knowing smile and then he backs off. His pride wounded like a cat booped on the nose. Natasha is good at it, charming people until they feel comfortable. Or take their pants off. But there’s an easy smile on your face – one Bucky knows is at least slightly forced – and you blend in with the crowd easily.
Suddenly, Sam’s at his side. “I know what you’re thinking,” he grumbles with his eyes on you and Natasha, followed by a swig of his beer bottle. “Those two together can only mean trouble.”
Bucky can only grunt in agreement.
…
“What on Earth are you talking about?” Natasha drawls with a guilty smile.
Barton shakes his head. “The poor schmuck didn’t stand a chance. There is no way you could have taken him if you hadn’t slept with him the night before.”
Natasha shrugs. “Look, a girl has her needs. He met them and the next day he met his fate.”
“Really, Nat?” Steve nearly cringes and Bucky reins in his laugh. “The guy’s moral compass was straight from hell and you decided to sleep with him?”
Natasha barely manages to open her mouth before you decide to pitch in, raising a glass to her. “I get it. Terrible morals do add a little spice in the bedroom.”
Nat clinks her glass with yours and mutters a ‘she gets it’, but Bucky’s eyes are searing through your skin. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised at such outrageous claims coming out of your mouth. There is nothing innocent about you. Good, yes. Innocent? No. Yet perhaps it isn’t ‘surprise’ that is warming his body from the inside out.
Conversation flows easily between the Avengers and the food Tony had made easily beats the Brooklyn comfort food Bucky usually seeks out. Cheeks turn rosy from the drinks, voices get louder, lights get dimmer. Bucky has to really look to be sure what he’s seeing. You, relaxed and happy. Such a stark contrast to the woman he found in the prison. No wonder you’re so good with people. People make you good.
He can barely manage his smirk however, when he notices the strain in your body to keep from looking at him. Why you are so adamant to avoid him, he can’t really tell. But this is now your weak spot, so he cannot help but tuck the info away for later.
The night carries on and everyone switches places, catching up on endless memories and adventures and being surprisingly considerate to include you in most conversations. Bucky ends up at the head of the table, you on the seat closest to him, both listening to Sam. You listen closely and Bucky can only assume you have some relief from being actively distracted from him. And being the arrogant bastard he knows he can be, he ‘accidentally’ brushes a knuckle over the back of your hand that’s resting on the table. He watches you stiffen and swallow, but like a true rebel, you show no other sign that it affected you.
A few more stunts like that had Bucky pressing his knee to your thigh under the table and it takes everything not to pull away from it. So you gaslight yourself to let the touch ground you. To absorb his warmth and relax even more into the touch. And if you guess it correctly, the way you respond to Bucky’s touch is not what he expected… So you find yourself having the upper hand again.
And if you’re going to join these people in their cause, what’s a little game with your menace of a saviour?
#oh my fucking god#im doing it#im posting a slow burn#with buckys pov for crying out loud#i am terribly sorry for being gone for so goddamn long im a busy woman#BUT quality over quantity amirite?#enjoy my lovelies and please let me know what you think#feedback does genuinely make me post quicker (i cant help it)#rebellion series#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#writing#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes oneshot#series
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally can’t wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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"a dude in Texas legally changed his name to "Literally Anyone Else" and he's attempting to run for President against Biden & Trump" [source]
okay, but putting aside the comedic aspect of this, it is concerning the amount of people who are prompted to vote for candidates just because it's funny. I'm not the biggest fan of how his policy about the boarder sounds [Site], but I do implore anyone who is able to vote in the 2024 US election to please research other candidates.
The media is only going to continue pushing the idea it's inevitably going to be Trump vs Biden 2.0 and we have no other options, that we have to vote for Biden again because of Project 2025. Is that whole thing terrifying?
Yeah, fucking absolutely.
But voting for Biden will not solidify our safety from that. Biden is exactly like the rest of them. He always has been. You can't make the lesser of two evils argument when they're both just plain evil.
You cannot say that Biden is even mildly a better choice than Trump when he is currently directly involved in a genocide. That is not some little fucking thing. That in and of itself disqualifies him as a lesser evil. Biden is just as bad as him and he will not save us because he doesn't fucking care.
Cornel West [Site] is an Independent candidate running for President in the 2024 Election. [Policies]
Claudia De la Cruz and Karina Garcia [Site] are running for President and Vice-President as the candidates of the Party for Socialism and Liberation in the 2024 Election. [Policies]
There are options.
There are people trying to change the corrupt foundation our system is built on, but we have to help amplify them because the mainstream media will not.
#have you looked at what's happening in New York & the subways#There's so many reported shootings and deaths and it just seems to be getting worse.#I just looked up subway shooting ny because I wanted to check before saying something#There's reports from like 3 hours ago about someone getting pushed in front of one of the moving subways & there's so many others#or how about the like thousands of police officers that they've got stationed at subways in ny literally doing fuck all#or how everyone's going through a housing crisis and cant afford rent and cant get medical care because it can cost#$4000 to get a fucking ambulance and that's cheap. That's a ride to the hospital less than 20 minutes away probably.#or the rise in hate crimes and bigotry and all the shit they're now trying to censor with the kosa bill#or how terrifying places like Florida have became for anyone thats not seen as an equel by people who dont view most others as equels.#or how they're pouring billions into wars while we're in the midsts of a homeless crisis#suicide rates are at record levels in the us and it's only going to get worse. theyre pulling telehealth which will take away#life saving medical care for people who dont have the ability to go in person. people's ability to get therapy and meds being taken away#Is going to kill people. or how the Biden administration has fucked up their Covid response so goddamn badly#people are referring to the pandemic in past tense and have lost understanding for others who they'd have understood before#they've lied and they've concealed and its killing millions of people and disabling even more. but they will not take accountability.#long covid is ruining people's lives and they've successfully led the narrative that its not real or not that serious.#they will sit there and they will lie. they will say they've protected women's rights and that its a top priority.#they'll say that healthcare is a top priority but have suggested that they'd veto a healthcare for all bill because of its price tag#but will spend billions and billions and billions on a genocide that the majority is against. the system isn't going to begin collapsing#it already is.#its crumbled and we must demolish the corrupt remains and rebuild a better government that gives a shit about people#ALL people.#they use basic human rights as bargaining chips.#the Democrats and Republicans on a Venn diagram is a circle. wake up.
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Have any of you ever had this heart-wrenching experience where you see an amazing fanart of some character, that dies in canon relatively young, but is depicted in their would-have-been old age? Fanart where the character has grey hairs in their head, fanart with expression lines and textured skin, where it is undeniable that the character lived.
I remember the first time when that happened to me with a character I adored and really wished they could have had the opportunity to live and enjoy life, not just survive.
That shit brought me to tears.
#idk how to explain it#but it was heart-breaking and healing at the same time#the first moment of OH oh yes… they would have looked like that…#and BAM#feelings#it’s obvious with the acc im posting from#but having seen a fanart of Severus with greying hair for the first time devestated me#it sent me on a spiral of thinking how many people don’t get the priviledge of growing old#and how old age is such a beautiful thing#especially when having lived a fulfilling life and a life you felt ownership of#AND SEVERUS NEVER GOT THAT AND IT MADE ME SO GODDAMN EMOTIONAL#a character that was a means to an end and did’t get the opportunity to actually live#UGH now i just destroyed my own feelings#this is ehy i cant think about it for too long goddammit#severus#severus snape#pro severus snape
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"Sorry, are you asking my opinion?"
#black sails#silverflint#blacksailsedit#silverflintedit#long post#my stuff#did some mixing and matching with this one#idk it's still a lot of gifs#but LISTEN#john is so goddamn obvious in this scene#he's just so delighted that he gets to talk to flint like this#and then he uses it to find that one gap in flint's armour#and learn one of the most important things about him#of course it's hilarious later when flint turns it around and does the same thing to him#and silver is like wait no stop you cant do that#i love them so much#i cannot
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i am now a board-certified healthcare worker
#technically not yet because i still need to get the signature on my externship hours#but i passed the schooling and did the 180 hours of free labor and passed the national exam. so.#unsure wtf could go wrong now? all i have to do is get the sign off and wait for all the processes to communicate#(which can take up to 3 fucking weeks)#(which means i cant even apply for jobs yet because they need to see my certification first)#(ugh.)#(but im still gonna celebrate because godDAMN that was a long and stressful and difficult process)#excited to get paid at some point for my (if the externship indicates anything) frankly fucking excellent work! please hire me!
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you cannot exhume a soul
— "Either he will rise up in the light of truth, or … perish in hatred, taking vengeance on himself and on everyone else for his having served that in which he does not believe" (The Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky tr. McDuff, p. 837)
#the brothers karamazov#ivan fyodorovich karamazov#alyosha fyodorovich karamazov#aleksey fyodorovich karamazov#first line is a lyric from god is dead? by black sabbath bc if im gonna inflict my art on yall then im also gonna inflict my music taste#sorry i keep drawing ivan sweaty and miserable it will happen again#his w/ill g/raham arc just goes too hard i cant help it#also i hate that alyosha cut his hair short and took off the cassock bc now i have to choose between textual accuracy and his objectively#cooler fit from the beginning of the book#the cassock and long hair solos sorry!!!#anonart#ivan#alyosha#also i bought a copy of c&p bc tbk is the first dostoevsky ive read so expect me to be annoying about that soon probably#also also i want to draw ivan w horns and a tail and alyosha w wings and a halo but im scared of fandomificating them.#plus idk what id draw dmitry with#anyway lmk if u want to see that bc i am incredibly susceptible to peer pressure#GODDAMN I TALK A LOT TAGS OVER SORRY
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my dramatic ass pacing circles in the kitchen like im never writing anything ever again bc nothing feels great anymore it just feels good and apparently i will not apply myself even to my most longterm and beloved passion if i can't feel prodigious at it. fym ur gonna stop trying altogether ur also gonna get ur period in the next few days but im sure there's no correlation
#trying to write and rereading it like the pacing is off the characterisation is stale the dialogue is blocky#and i can't get the concept down the way i want so im perpetually stuck in that 'on the tip of your tongue' feeling#and i cant read things to pass the time not even fics bc im too busy psychoanalysing every single sentence#trying to find some hidden thing that makes this writing better than mine how can this writer get it when i just cant what's wrong with me#and it's all so GODDAMN FRUSTRATING. but aside that im being really calm about it <3#i can't remember the last time i wrote something and felt genuinely proud of it. i always get very intense long periods of writer's block#and i know i'll come out the other end bc i'll find a new obsession and write 20k words of my best work in one night#and feel like i snorted three lines off a toilet seat in berghain. but also What If This Time Im Just Broken#hi im a girl in my twenties who never learnt from my own behaviour!
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oh captain my captain i didn't know what league of legends game was when i watched arcane. so i thought the plot was alright since i didn't (still don't) know the game lore. if it wasn't basically a prequel story, trying to aim the characters at the way they are in canon, do u think the plot and character arcs would have held up alright? or does that actually make the arcane canon story worse since it wouldn't at least have the existing canon as something it needed to land at eventually as an excuse for any "out of character" decisions? thank u
i wouldnt even call it a prequel story? its like a very elaborate au in a sense, one that feels comfortable changing things to a certain extent- clothes, personality adjustments, motivations, but they still have to hit certain beats. vi has to be an enforcer, jinx has to be a wild card harley quinn type, ekkos time powers ect ect. idk WHAT it is maybe the show needed more time or tighter focus or less characters but i just felt that like, some of the story decisions directly relating to LoL lore werent outright bad but didnt have a lot of time to breathe. the standout example being ekkos time thing, where when i watched that scene i assumed it was both a stylistic representation of a fight and establishing his and jinx's prior relationship (which is kind of too little too late considering they did not fucking speak once as kids pre time skip), and then i had to get a friend to explain to me for SEVERAL MINUTES that he literally died during that fight and it was supposed to be showing his rewind thing. it just wasnt clear at all and his character would not change in the slightest if he didnt have it. but you cant NOT include it so. *
really i have no clue the full extent of the story the writers wanted to tell and how much LoL is binding their hands on story beats. and i REALLY dont want to be inflexible considering i still have a full season coming up that might make me more receptive to certain decisions. but considering how much of the cast i REALLY like just straight up are not in the game, i think they are fully capable of making a solid story completely divorced from league
*someone in the comments told me apparently that Wasnt his time thing and my original read of the scene was correct so im not gonna hold it against the show.
#basically anytime i was like huh thats weird#my friend would lean over and go thats league shit#and then i just kind of sit there. Huh#asks#Anonymous#obviously its a massive step up from league both aesthetics wise and like. as a cohesive narrative#i hate you vi undercut/dreadlocks you are so nasty#but i read like this short except drabble from her bio on the website and. look im sorry#i kind of like that she fucking sucks#it gives her a direction at least#like theyre trying to align arcane violet with the choices of a version of her that seems completely antithetical#but again i cant even get that deep into it we dont know how long her fucking enforcer phase will last!#a month? a year? who knows! we dont even know if she likes it#and LoL vi clearly revels in that kind of violence#idk something about her shittiness made her more engaging#whatever i hope in season two she loses so many fights its important to me actually#like its insane this is going to sound so fucking mean but i like her less bc she wins so goddamn much#i compare her to like. gideon nav obviously but also the protagonist of monkey man#and both of those things kind of emphasize those characters losing Hard. chapter 2 of gtn is her getting her ass beat#it just makes the wins later more satisfying#but idk maybe its supposed to be balanced by her emotional losses but the story feels so. removed from it?#spent like 7 years in prison we see none of it she comes out of there like she wasnt incarcerated in an adult facility since age 15#and now a girl she spent at the LONGEST a week with but probably closer tk 2-3 days is the same level of emotional import as her sister#SHAKING the writers i am not SOLD why is she LIKE THIS#cough. anyway
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Bro the askers treat spamton so much better on that askblog.
While over here we send him drawings of his joints and tell him "go puppet boy go!"
Honestly I love seeing the difference.
LOLLL they do… and maybe a little bit of that is my fault based on the ones i choose because im really picky with the ones i do answer (being nice to him, in this case) because there are SO many people who are trying to make him feel better, but ultimately they always bring up something or other to remind him of the shit he’s gone or is going through..
..Like,, “so you know how youre always failing and you’re uh… maybe alone with the (physical) things you’re going through? Yeah? Well ive failed too. Sometimes. Hope you feel better after i just reminded you!” Kind of stuff. Obviously im very much exaggerating what people say but YIPPPEESS its like they’re trying to get him to cry or something. I appreciate their efforts and how much the care but damn i dont think that they’re thinking about how that’d sound to him, especially since his immediate thought towards things like that is that its ingenuine.
I think less of Loki’s audience wants to see him suffer. A lot of mine do. LMAO. The difference /is/ funny.
#ignore the rambling aha i just started writing and kept going#but goddamn#some of them are like SUPER long too#and idk what to do with them because like… they dont need to be super long to work#its sweet that they care though#i think my specific choice in which ones get answered in that kind of context have shaped the ones i get#which is nice because i actually have a good few to work with right now#also so glad that at least some of you recognize that the reaction he had was toward the mention of his appearance#not sure if you’ve fully figured it out though#im actually itching to animate him crying his eyes out for no damn reason#because i dont think i have drawn him crying.. im deprived/j#hes like pretty much consistently on the brink of sobbing lmaoo#but he HATES crying in front of anyone so I havent had him do it.. yet….#yet….#theres a lot i really want to do but i cant yet based on the position we’re at
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the mtt are lucky they don't have digestive systems and bladders because then they dont have to go through the absolute EMBARRASSMENT that is trying to pee in a damn cup for the doctors and not being able to pee not once. not twice. but also dropping the goddamn cup into the toilet. they are so,,,,,, SO lucky
#im so pissed at myself for choosing to go before the appointment. like what yhe hell man#DUMBASS!!!! DUMBASS MOVE!!!!!!#new kink just dropped reverse omorashi. the despair of trying to be able to pee but you fucking CANT#idk if ive gotten a bit more sensitive to needles but goddamn i didNOT like getting my blood drawn earlier#it was sooo soooo sooooo gross like dude. thats MY BLOOD. COMING OUT OF MY BODY!!!!!#get that foreign object needle out of my damn arm and leave my blood alone#i dont know which of the mtt would feel like that anyways#maybe killer because seeing the blood would be a bit of a wake up from the dissociation hes always going thru ans thats a nonono#like oh god hes actually here and part of the body and this is happening rn and thats HIS BLOOD#perchance. who knows. im about to down like 3 gallons of water#WORK BLADDER DAMN IT WORK!!!!!!! WORKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!#actually maybe all aspects of doctors appointments are like that for killer#the appointments are solely for caring for his body and all that so hes forced to be aware of all the shit hes got going on#no killer you cant just pretend not to see the several broken bones you have says the doctor#the doctor is horror and he's purposely making the appointment as long and drawn out and shitty as possible#just to see killer squirm and look ever so slightly more uncomfortable than he normally does. horrorkiller i love#dust is outside waiting for killer and when he comes out he looks slightly terrified#killer says man dude your husband is a fucked up doctor#dust says thats your husband too bitchass now shut up we get free healthcare#tricule rant
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first vantacrow of 2024, caw caw
#my art#vantalism#vantacrow bringer#vantacrow#nijisanji en#vtuber fanart#nijisanji en fanart#vantacrow fanart#I CANT BELIEVE TO ACHIEVE THE LINEART LOOK I WANTED WAS FOR ME TO USE THE GODDAMN AIRBRUSH TOOL THE ENTIRE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE#I HATE MYSELF FOR TAKING SO LONG TO REALIZE#SO DONT BE SHOCKED IF THERES A STYLE SWITCH UP IN MY ART!!!!!
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ok but. listen.
(for context this comes up when argent injures a romanced!steel step post villain reveal)
i cant stop thinking about this line. it mustve fucked with argent at least a little bit right?? especially with the line "i need you to have control". like. dude. control is arguably the most important thing to her. weve seen how meticulous she is with it even in the most mundane situations
weve seen what happens when she does lose control of herself
and we know that keeping up with everything is already tiring for her
argent is, out of every other character in the game, the one who needs to be kept under control the most, and the one most aware of that fact too. even if she acts volatile, shes constantly expending her focus to keep everybody around her safe. steel does Not need to add on to the stress of what she already knows. and the line after that, "this wasn't an accident. You went in there with the intent of hurting [them]" doesnt make the situation any better.
argents made mistakes. she absolutely has regrets. again, she doesn't need the reminder. actually, "this wasnt an accident" is worse than saying that, because if some of the thing she implies doing were mistakes, then what could she do when shes being deliberate? and "going in there with the intent of hurting [them]",,, Oof. hows the control of the nanovores worst impulses going for you angie?
i just. i think this line was somebody echoing her worst fears back at her. telling her in the bluntest, most brutal terms that everything shes doing isnt enough. that she needs to put in more effort to be considered safe for others to be with. and that must hit hard for sombody so lonely who already tries so hard every day, yk?
#in conclusion: im shaking her like a rag doll#ive been thinking about this for so long send help#argent is the most dangerous character in the game but shes also trying her goddamn hardest to keep people safe#even when she cant find it in herself to act like a hero she can at least try to be good#those nanovores are fucking her Up but theyre also a part of her and she wouldnt be alive without them and maybe thats-#a reflection of the way she views her own regrets. idk. i think argent is funky and fresh and also a tragedy in the making <3#argent#fhr#pulp speaks
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