#that he couldnt make it any better or any worse. and now i think

[2024skin]

August 14

PSA about dick-poisoning: it's real 😔 stay safe sisters

[yeonjisstuff]

Husband!Nanami who worked just for you, who dedicated every hour of work and every penny he earned to you and your relationship. He had a lot of plans for the both of you in the future, and he desperately wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, hell, maybe even start a family with you once his savings hit the milestone.

But work could be so. fucking. draining.

He would often come home, too exhausted to even shower or take off his clothes, slumping on the sofa as soon as he stepped foot into the living room.

And today could honestly not get any worse for Nanami. Not only was he forced to stay an hour overtime, but he was forced to work on a project that he had little to no interest in. On top of that, nobody from his work group were cooperating, and his boss wasn't answering his emails about it. He swore he'd open his own fucking business one day so he wouldn't have to deal with shit like this.

|Kento❤️: Honey, i'm sorry, but i think i'll be late tonight. You can eat dinner without me.

|You: Alright, Kento. Don't push yourself too hard. I love you.

|Kento❤️: I'll try. I love you too.

But even if he worked too hard from time to time, you were so understanding.

You never complained, not even the slightest, and you never asked him anything. Nothing but his love, and that was, without a doubt, one of the many reasons why he loved you so much.

He came home expecting that you were asleep, that the house was dark, considering the fact that it was 11 pm, but instead, he was welcomed by the smell of lovely food, and a warm, dim, light illuminating the house. Out of pure curiosity, he peeked his head into the kitchen, the smell of garlic filling the room. Nanami loved garlic fried food.

He watched as you assembled a plate, merely one big portion of chicken-garlic alfredo pasta, along with some crispy garlic bread, taking the plate as you headed for the dining room.

You jumped a bit when you saw Nanami, but the slight shock on your expression was replaced by a soft smile, before you spoke in a calm tone.

"Oh, Kento! You're just on time. I made you dinner!"

You cheered as you walked to the dining table, placing the plate and some utensils on the wooden surface, even filling a glass of ice cold water up for him.

Nanami hadn't felt such relief, love, and gratitude in ages. Ofcourse he felt those things with you often, but this specific day... this was just what he needed, and he couldnt be more grateful.

Or maybe, he could.

He could definitely be more grateful, which was maybe why he was now laying on his stomach, big arms wrapped around your thighs as his tongue practically made love to your pussy.

He was moaning against your core like a starved man, almost as if your slick could make him more satisfied and full than the delicious pasta and bread he had just gulped down

"K-Kento..! P-please, mngh... right there!"

You cried out, feeling his tongue pressing flat against your clit, his pace only increasing the more you pleaded. You were practically in heaven at this point, and just as you thought it couldn't get better, you gushed around his tongue, letting out the most sinful sounds as you tugged at his hair, feeling him lightly kissing your pussy to soothe your orgasm.

Your breath hitched as you felt him crawl up to you, his body hovering over you as he looked at you. He nuzzled his face into the crook of you neck, his breath sending tingles down your spine as he whispered

"Just one more... Please, baby? 'wanna feel you cum around my cock.."

a/n: i deadass cant get myself to write my upcoming fic.. I'M TRYING I SWEAR😭😭😭

Divider credits on my pinned!!!

[overlyspecific]

Part 8 of Merlin Hood AU

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

The room is dark, lit only by a sliver of sun peaking through a hole in the wall when Merlin comes too. A breeze through the dark dank cave causes Merlin to shutter. His wrists ache from being chained in cold iron above his head and the sound of water dripping echoing through the chamber pulls a sorrowful longing sound from Merlin’s scratchy throat.

Merlin: *whispering to himself* Well this couldnt get any worse…

Merlin looks quickly around him for the witchfinder to approach. From Merlin’s experience they usually can’t resist the urge to say something witty like ‘Oh, but it can’ or ‘I was hoping you would say that.’ If Gwaine was there they’d probably bet on which one it would be. Man, he missed Gwaine and Lancelot and Gwen and Arthur. Wait, Arthur! He was in the woods and he was looking for Merlin! Merlin smiled to himself sadly, it was nice to have people who cared about him…even if one of them was a clotpole.

The Witchfinder (Aredian): Oh my boy, there’s nothing to smile about.

Merlin: *sighing* I liked my options better. Why are we even here? Don’t you just want to deliver me to the king and get paid?

Aredian: But wheres the fun in that? Besides the king has some questions for you that he knows I can get answers for.

Merlin: If its about how I manage to look this good when I’ve been living in a forest for years, the answer manages to escape me too.

A bucket of cold water is thrown at Merlin, irritating his wounds. Merlin typically doesnt like the idea of killing anyone, but for Aredian he could make an exception. A small bit of magic sparks itself in Merlin’s abdomen, comforting him before diminishing once again. Merlin groans it frustration.

Aredian: What? No more quips? Did I get the fearsome Merlin to finally shut his trap?

Merlin: *gritting through his teeth* Not likely.

Aredian throws his head back in a laugh and Merlin watches as he brandishes a dagger.

Aredian: Good. The fun is just beginning.

Meanwhile, Lancelot, Gwen and Gwaine are thinking of plans to rescue Merlin at the hideout.

Gwaine: All I’m saying is if you have enough chickens-

Lancelot and Gwen: *monotone because they have heard Gwaine pitch this four times now* -they make for a good diversion.

Gwaine pouts a bit.

Lancelot: Gwaine, we don’t even know where they took him. Merlin has made it pretty clear that he can break out of almost every dungeon and cell they keep him in so I doubt they’ve taken him to the castle.

Gwen: Plus, if he was at the castle, the king would be showing him off to everyone as an example and we haven’t heard anything like that yet.

Lancelot: Gwen, why don’t I escourt you back to the castle so you can try to gather more information. Gwaine can scavenge the woods for anywhere they might be keeping Merlin.

Gwen takes off in the direction of the castle leaving Lancelot with Gwaine for a moment.

Lancelot: We’ve been through these woods a thousand times, there’s only a few places that he could be hidden.

Gwaine: Right. I’ll scavenge the areas and you can send word if Gwen hears anything.

Lancelot: Be careful, Gwaine.

Gwaine: *smirking* When am I not?

Gwaine takes off in the other direction and Lancelot sighs. He really needs more friends that don’t attract trouble like it’s their job. But they are all he’s got and he’ll do anything for them. After a moment, Lancelot takes off after Gwen.

In another area of the forest, Arthur wakes up to in a bed of flowers. The sun is shining high above his head and his chainmail is laid out against the grass next to him, leaving him in his tunic and breeches. Birds are chirping near by and Arthur rubs at his eyes. He feels at peace, but something is wrong. He was supposed to do something or be somewhere. He knows it.

Rustling in a bush catches Arthur’s attention and he gets up quickly to draw his sword. A hooded figure approaches Arthur and raises out their hand.

Hooded figure: Arthur Pendragon.

Arthur: Who are you? Where is this place?

Hooded figure: I have many names but for our purposes you can call me Pirerymus.

Arthur: Pyramus? Like the tragic love story?

Pirerymus: *softly chuckles* No, but it this case it might work just as well. As for your where you are, I’m surprised you don’t recognize this place. It means a lot for your future and your destiny. Tell me, what does it feel like to you.

Arthur: Peaceful, warm, protecting. It feels sort of like it’s watching over me, like if I fell asleep again right here I would safe.

Pirerymus: and when have you felt that before?

Arthur thinks back and has a hard time placing it. He feels safe at Camelot but he’s always a little on edge waiting for the next person to try to kill him or for his father’s disapproving words. The only time he has really felt at ease is when he is with…

Arthur: Merlin.

Pirerymus: He’s your protector and your destiny, but the same applies to you. You must protect him as well.

Arthur: How am I supposed to protect the most powerful sorceror ever? What can I do that he can’t?

Pirerymus: He may be very powerful but he is not a warrior. Not like you.

Arthur: Well, I don’t know how much good that’s going to do now. I don’t even know where he is and I still don’t know where I am or how it connects to our destiny.

Pirerymus: Oh, but you do. He told you exactly where he was.

Arthur: The light.

Pirerymus: Yes. You need to learn how to understand what he is telling you, otherwise you two will never unite the land and bring about the golden age of Albion.

Arthur: I don’t have time for this. He’s in trouble.

Pirerymus: Emrys’s own well-being is not my main concern. You will find in time that he can handle a lot. However, if he loses control the safety of everyone and everything around him is at risk.

Arthur: Merlin would never hurt anyone.

Pirerymus: That may be the case, but if any outside forces got control of even a sliver of his true power they could do a great deal of damage.

Arthur: So, I’m supposed to keep people from stealing his magic?

Pirerymus: You are to protect him when he cannot protect himself just as he does for you. But you will need to work together this to work. Emrys has already opened up to you. Now, you must do the same. Follow me.

Pirerymus leads Arthur through the wildflowers until they get to a small lake and they stop at the water’s edge.

Pirerymus: Tell me, Arthur, what do you feel now?

Arthur: *pauses for a moment to take in his surroundings* There’s something in there. Something calling to me.

Pirerymus: Yes, I would guess so. After all, it was made for you.

Arthur looks back to the field of flowers. Most wildflowers have a cacophony of colors, but Arthur only sees here a very harmonious blue and golden yellow. Arthur closes his eyes for a minute and the calling from the lake grows. He wades into the lake.

[ravers8fantasy]

Sick day headcanons for the silliest most goober boxers ever? I’m not talking deathly ill but like a bad enough cold that causes them to change their whole day because of it.

-Elias

Anotha sick one lets gooo!! Apologies for any typos or mistakes in the later half of these, it got pretty late at night when I finished this😭😭

Boxers breaking it down, mild viral infection edition:

Glass Joe

Hates it when he get's sick, because whenever he does he genuinly thinks he will pass away even if its just a little cold

He does kinda enjoy sick days (despite feeling like shit) It gives him an excuse to relax on his sofa with a baguette and hot cup of coffee, he might even feel a lil cheeky and help himself to a cig who knows

Von Kaiser:

He is very strict about his routine so he absolutely HATES sickdays because it means he actually has to rest, was also raised to believe that 'colds arent real' so that explains why bless him

tried to get up to clean, but got a massive head ache and accidentally took a huge nap on his kitchen floor. When he woke up he was PISSED.

Disco Kid

Hates sick days because he hates having a blocked nose 24/7, whenever he tries dance he has to take breaks because his nose gets so stuffy. Also hates having to cancel on people which makes him feel worse.

Probably would go on a walk for some fresh air with some music at some poiny before going to rest by chilling on his sofa with a duvet. He binge watches those really dramatic reality TV shows.

King hippo:

Has quite a good immune system but when he gets sick its like the end of the world to him even though its just a little cold.

Munches on EVERYTHING because he gets weak, its like he gets munchies but x10 and its all from having a mild cold😭

Piston Hondo:

Since bro's training is rigourous I think he gets sick pretty often due to over exertion, so he takes it slow when he has to change routine

If he gets so sick to the point where he has to change his routine, he will probably spend the day by mediating or eating good soup

Bear Hugger:

Has the strongest immune system because he literally lives with a wild beae and squirell in the middle of no where. But of course that doesnt mean he is safe from a lil cold

If he cant do anything else in his routine he will just sleep until he gets better, he will literally hibernate like a bear for days

Great tiger:

If he gets sick to the point where he has to cancel everything, you KNOW he is getting up to some silly things in his free time

Got bored so he put up a tent in the middle of his living room and pretended he was camping since he couldnt properly teleport. He uses it as a decoration now since he cant be asked putting it back

Don flamenco:

Hates being sick but at least Carmen is there to make him feel abit better since they are long distance. Like Disco he would force himself to go get some fresh air, it also makes up for his cancelled training sessions.

He sits around watching spanish operas and cries. I think he has idk hightened emotional vunerability when sick or smth💀

Aran ryan:

tries to raw dog it, (im talking about the cold ok.) bro doesnt believe colds are real and thinks it will go away on its own eventually. He ends up making it worser usually.

I think he would be one of those people who get energetic bursts when they are sick, so his routine for the day involves him switching from going apeshit to sleeping.

soda popinski:

Lets be real, as soon as he realises he is sick to the point of having to cancel anything bro is grabbing the bottle with HASTE

Honestly im not sure what Soda would do if he was sick💀 he might just do some pull ups, drink, rest repeat

Bald bull:

Unlike Kaiser, Bull manages to pull of his usual routine by doing it in little bits during the day instead of rushing through it (obviously excluding the gym)

Once done with the broken down ver of his routine I think he might try some meditating since he is away from paparazzi and finally has some quiet

Super macho man:

Well, he definitely still posts his daily thirst traps life updates for his 'fans' to ler them know how he is doing, in this case its like "bros the grinds on halt im mega sick rn so not cool"

Fakes online that he is still doing his regular routine and pushing through the mild af cold, when in reality he is either redoing his fake tan or reblowing his nose every 5 mins

Sandman

The only boxer who properly changes his routine to balance both gym and rest, spends around 2 hours doing light exercise and rests for the rest of the day.

Sleeps. bro takes the most luxurious naps, also he might do some reading just to pass time quietly.

*:..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*`..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*:..o♬*

okok thats all!! Hope you enjoyed!!

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

Hi! Just wanna say real quick before i get to the point that i really love ur blog! Its been REALLY COOL to be able to scroll through and learn so much! Especially because you post a fair amount about western hognoses and garter snakes, wich are both some of my absolute favorites!

Uh, to the actial point of this ask though, i have a desision i need to make, and i know you cant/shouldnt make it for me, but i would really apreciate some advice if you can offer any.

See, my mum, brother, and I just bred our garter snakes for the first time, and while most of the babies were healthy, one of them has quite a few kinks in her spine. At first we only saw a couple, but as she got bigger we noticed more - at this point i think its about eleven kinks.

Even still though, she eats great, she does struggle to move around a bit but ive never seen her get somewhere she couldnt get out of, she's one of the bigger members of her clutter, she moves perhaps slightly less than the others and doesnt climb often if ever, but she does move around the tank throughout the day and at least occasionally climbs into the shallow water dish. Also, we know for a fact that she is passing food, as we put her in a seperate enclosure for about a week, and she definetly didnt seem to have any trouble with bowel movements.

Tbh i guess im not really asking for help to make a choice - honestly i probably made it a couple months ago - so much as your - an outsider's - opinion as to wether it was a good one, and wether or not we should stick to it.

Also uuhhhh hes a picture of her (my lil brother named her Ruby)

Thank you!

She's very cute, and from this picture, her body condition looks very good.

When it comes to snakes with spinal kinks, especially in cases like this where it looks like she's got a lot of relatively mild ones, the biggest thing is making consistent and honest quality of life checks. I've met snakes who look just like her who've lived long and happy lives; I've met snakes like her who started having a lot of pain a couple years in. As long as she's eating, passing waste, and can get around without pain, her quality of life is good.

If I were you, I'd just keep a close eye on her and keep a journal of her QoL. Be on the lookout for any signs of pain, like not wanting to move or holding herself funny. Sometimes kinks get better or worse with age - with snakes like her, I always say to just live in the now and be happy with the time you get together right now.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend?

I (32F) broke up with my boyfriend Jack (30M) a few months ago over a couple Issues I've been dealing with: I found out I have a degenerative issue with my eyes and will be going blind, and his dad hates me for being as he quotes "fat, uneducated, and bad with jobs". Note: I am infact obese, I do not have a college degree, and had lost my job 3 times in a row in 6mos before I hit the stable job I'm at now, due to mental breakdowns at work.

Jack has lived with his parents his whole life, and revers them greatly. However I can tell he's going through the same thing I did with my parents- Where they prioritized him getting good grades over his mental health, he constantly apologizes and thinks I will hate and abandon him over very simple things, he rather delve in games than face his problems, because he thinks he is comfortable when it's very much making him feel worse.

I cut contact with my parents 3 years ago for these exact same reasons- They were overbearing, abusive, and without another way to say it: extremely catholic. Because I was financially dependent on them and didn't know any better, I thought I could live with them as an adult because of how expensive housing is where we live.

Eventually I had to start getting therapy because I would have meltdowns so often in school, and found out it was the way that my parents treated me when I was younger, and that I have AuDHD- something my parents denied as me being too stupid and lazy to do anything after high school.I got on medication and though my ADHD improved, i had to continue therapy due to my Autism now having more time to focus and overwhelm me and having to learn to unmask. I've been told my personality did a 180 over this from peers that hadn't seen me pre-pandemic, but I'm happier now, and eventually found a way to move away from my parents and living with my Uncle instead, who instead of belittling me is encouraging my therapy.

I am explaining this, because Jack does the same things I do- he's almost the exact same as I was with my parentls. He has constant meltdowns and spirals, he thinks he's worthless because of the way his Mom and Dad treats him, yet he keeps putting his parents on a pedestal. It's because we seemed to grow up in the same kinds of environment that we bonded and eventually started dating last year.

Us openly dating did not last long, though, because when he introduced me to his parents they immedietely did not like me. They did not like that I wanted to help with dinner, or refuse eating chicken, because Jack is severely allergic to it. They also did not like that I wanted to clean the table and kept sidelooking at me whever we talked.

Because of this simple lunch, for months, they pressured him to break up with me but he wouldn't. He said he loves me as I am, and his parents are just stupid. We even had to start keeping the relationship secret, because his parents would harass him for coming to just pick me up, or meet me at a tennis court so we would play a game or two. His parents can track him through his car, so they always knew where he was.

I told him what I had to do to leave my parents house, but he said it's too hard to do that. My Uncle was sympathetic about this and even discussed with him to move into our house, but he refused that too.

Last month, I went to a vision doctor due to headaches and blurrier than usual vision, and found out that I would be losing my eyesight due to something going on within my eyes. Its extremely stressful for me, and dealing with that, and the constant harassment from Jacks parents, I got very tired. it was getting to the point where he couldnt go out without his parents yelling at him about me for something, we only hung out for once day per month. I didn't want to give them something else to yell about me at him, and I felt it would ease his stress because they would stop bothering him. And, though it seems weird, I hoped it make him uncomfortable enough to do something for himself. So I ended up breaking up with him.

It has really hurt to do this to him- He's someone I love dearly, and he's taken it way harder than I thought. He won't listen to me, But. He does listen to his friends- it's how he asked me out, and at least try out therapy, his friends hyped him up about it so he did it. I feel if his friends help him realize what he needs to do, he'll be more inclined to help himself than me just telling him. And if not, his friends are still there to back him up than me staying near him and having his parents harass him about it.

His friends are mad at me though, and told me I should have just put up with his parents, because in the end I am in love with him and that I actually made the whole situation worse, because he has loss motivation. Even though I am still talking to him and still there for him alongside his friends- I just make myself scarce so his parents don't know we talk. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[hearts4violett]

dead man

tw: r4pe (not done by/to fez or ash), abusive bf, murder, and the rest is just sweet

(i was r4ped 3 days ago so this is kinda my way of coping, also this is my first time writing on here so im sorry if it sucks lol)

why did this have to happen to me? thats all that you could think as you stumbled your way to the house you always go to in times like these, fezcos house. this time was different. usually you would go there after you and your boyfriend had an argument which would result in him hitting you. fez and ash had always told you to leave the guy. they hated him more than anything in this world. you had feelings for fez and he had feelings for you, but your boyfriend was in issue. ash had seen you as a mother. he loved you to death and would do anything for you, both of them would.

this time though was worse than you couldve imagined. your boyfriend came home drunk as he usually does and was in the mood. you said no and he didnt like that, he took it as a challenge. he had forced himself in you and left you when he was finished. hes probably out drinking again. you finally make your way to fezcos house and knock on the door softly, having no energy from walking and what your boyfriend had done to you. Ash opens the door and sees you, blood running down your legs, mascara and tears smeared down your face, and your hair going every which way. ashs face drops and its then that you see fezco come from out of his room.

they took you in instantly. fez sat you on the couch as ash went and got a blanket. "Did he do this to you?" Fez wasnt stupid, he knew what he had done and so do ash even though you hadnt told them. As i stare off blankly, i slowly nod, the words not coming out. Ash wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and walked to the other room. I knew what he was going to do.

Ash walked back in and tossed a gun into fezcos lap, ash having one of his own. "Lets go fucking kill him." I turn to look at ash and then to fezco who was shaking with rage. How could someone do this to someone like you? you were kind and gentle and you didnt deserve any of this. Fez turned to you "You want me to kill him for you? I'll do it, ill kill that motherfucker, just say the word." He said as he reached out and held my hand. Again, all i could do was nod. He was a dead man.

Me nodding my head was all fez and ash needed before getting up and walking to the door. Fez looked back at me and mouthed the words I love you before leaving. i sighed, as if i knew the one thing in my life that made me want to die, was going to be gone soon. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to shower. I could feel his hands still lingering on me and i couldnt stand how dirty i felt.

While stripping off my clothes, i noticed the marks he had left on me. He had left hand prints on my neck and bruises littered my body. I wanted to cry at the sight of them, but at this moment, i couldnt. my body couldnt produce a single tear. I wish it would though.

After getting out, i felt better in a way. less dirty. i went to fezcos room and stole a tshirt and some boxers. Fez always told me i was more than welcome to wear his clothes when i stayed here. As i had finished putting on my clothes and brushing my hair and teeth, i heard the door open. I peeked out and there stood ash and fez, covered in blood. He was finally gone.

Now my tears started to work. I let out a small sob and ran over to them, hugging them tightly. "Thank you" i whispered out. They hugged me tightly, as if i would disappear if they let me go. Fez rubbed circles on my back and caressed my hair. Ash had walked away to clean up. "Hes gone, baby, its ok" fez says quietly. I was finally free.

I took my head away from the side of his neck to look at him, i wanted nothing more than to be with fez forever. I finally could and i knew he would take care of me and do anything for me.

[ganondoodle]

as i was awake in the middle of the night for like 2 hours bc i felt sick i had more somewhat random totk thoughts

one being that i really hate how raurus response to concerned zelda is, after sonia died in that almost funny how little impactful it was way, "im sure you are here for a reason" (actually, i hate how often this sentence is used in general to .. idk i guess its supposed to be inspiritational???)

bc what does that mean actually? him saying that to someone who got there absolutely by accident really just sounds like "i dont care go figure it out yourself bc i dont want to think about anything concerning you or your troubles lol" i guess its meant to sound like OOOOH fate has BROUGHT you here bc you have to furfill a role you dont know yet (spoiler its being a sacrifice girl with no personality) and besides me hating the 'inescapable fate' trope in general (at least the way its usually done in these games, which is not to struggle against it but willingly accept whatever you are told and pretend thats good) its really jsut goddamn boring and is really only an excuse to well .. ignore her and her trouble; shouldnt you, if you were actually such a cool guy like the game wants me to believe so bad, do everything in your power to get zelda back to her own world before shes pulled even further into the war you caused now that her only ""mentor"" that could help her get more use of her pretty much useless sudden powers is gone too?? i know shes basically dead wife sonia replacement (can of worms ugh) but it still grinds my gears whenever i think of that cutscene, bc i cant help but hear it as the lamest excuse in existence to not care about her and just kinda .. see what happens which in this case means leave zelda completely on her her own since both rauru and mineru die as well (honestly shouldnt rauru have thought about like .. any plan to defeat gan besides dying himself, given hes the oh so cool and goodest guy king whos only mistake was not stabbing gan the second he stepped into their kathedral castle thing, like even if you had a plan it can still fail but it seemed like he just kinda went in with a handful of people that didnt seem to know each other at all, never got names or faces -or unique voices for that matter- to fight gan face to face inlcuding the girl that came from a different time and had nothing to do with any of this conflict and couldnt even really control her sudden new powers just seems pretty stupid)

thought 2

how totk really feels like botw but for the people who didnt like shiekah tech, its not a sequel, its botw again, but version of only sonau, its like a pokemon game that had two versions but one has weirdly incoherent story and acts like the other never existed jsut as a whole its like retreading the same points but worse, all shiekah tech that was so integral to the world and had such a long history just vanishing and no one caring about any of it like it never happened, HELL the titans were called divine beasts in english but i guess they werent divine or important enough to keep around LOL champions WHO and isntead a never before seen or even heard of race for that matter showing up and planting their ass in every place the shiekah were before, dare i say it feels weirdly manipulative, like either them or some outside force erasing every fact about the ancient shiekah and replace them with sonau stuff bc they are the hot new shit now

this is a point that just doesnt stop bothering me, how the shiekah tech seemed so carefully designed and integrated into botws world and story, its a difficult to keep balance after all, integrating high tech stuff into a medieval setting, but they made it work! and then totk comes around and throws a bunch modern day tech into it puts some vague greenish stone filter on its exterior and call that even better more ancient tech; why did they even bother to make pottery inspired laser shooting spider legged robots so well integrated when they throw a car and rockets into the next game without a thought and call it a day, what was the fucking point

it feels like someone was dead set on having a set of legos thrown into the game it had no place in, if you want players to build whatever they want make a building game instead!! especially if you are just gonna throw it in with seemingly no consideration how out of place it feels togehter with the fACT THAT YOU ALREADY HAD AND ANCIENT HIGH TECH CIVILIZATION WITH A VERY DISTINCT AESTHETIC THAT WAS ALREADY WELL INTEGRATED INTO THE WORLD YOU ARE PLANNING TO REUSE WITH ALOT OF MYSTERY AND UNKOWN STUFF ABOUT THEM TO EXPLORE FURTHER YOU COULD HAVE USED!! but i guess they just "didnt want to play with you anymore" and that so much so that they went out of their way to erase every trace of it, i dont think the words shiekah tech are ever used in the game, and the purah pad and her towers just drive me more isnane bc they are the same shit but called different and also much worse, liek the purah pad isnt some more developed shiekah stone, no its a glorified camera with a teleport function and thats it

(i know i said this before but i really cant stand how obsessed every single NPC is with sonau shit, you get told to your face every second line of dialog that they are so cool and are so mysterious that it just makes me annoyed of them even more, the game is obsessed with shoving them everywhere and telling you over and over you too should obsess over them, they werent weird like that about the shiekah stuff in botw?? the biggesst talking point in botw was calamity ganon ..... which makes sense and in totk its like ... gan is mentioned what, in a newspaper article??? once???and then not even by name i think???)

aside from that big point which will never let me go, its also just .. its not moving forward anything, it actively walks BACK the progress that was made in botw, call me dumb but i dont really count moving one step up in the social roles of each race as a character development (for the side characters like the champions desc- ahem SAGES) but mainly zelda ... god how dirty she was done, totk pretty explicitely makes her regress any development she made in botw aside from she likes link uwu and some people like her too, but also not enough to notice that that weird zelda being all evil and weird isnt her (INLCUDING THE CHAMP- SAGES WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY FRIENDS WITH??? you dont have to be a genius to pick up on that my god, were you all given the mc dumbo potion or what)

she gets put back to square one, back into the little itty bitty princessy maiden role forced upon her by her royal parentage, this time rauru edition, back into a white little dress, back into the scared puppy eyed teenager, back into a situation she cant handle, back into losing everyone around her (tho honestly botw made me care more about rhoam than totk did about rauru), back into being forced to do a big sacrifice- but worse actually

in botw she went to FIGHT AND HOLD GANON IN THE CASTLE SO LINK HAD TIME TO RECOVER AND IT WOULDNT DESTROY THE LAND!! and you are telling me in totk rauru takes up her botw role and she bascially killed herself to ... restore the mastersword.

......... she ... she did that only to be a glorified version of the stone pedestal in the forest. and then she gets returned to normal itty bitty girly no problem via magic sparkle beam at the end and

DOESNT

EVEN

REMEMBER.

it really is just botw but worse, you even get yet another ghost king of hyrule to guide you around (rhoam did it better fight me ... we dont talk about the questionable choice to make himself darker skinned when posing as just some guy)

i honestly dont think i was ever truly taken aback by anythign that happened in botw, while in totk, the further i played, the more i had to fight with myself to keep the feeling of unease, disappointment and betrayal down

its such a god damn shame, totk should have stayed a DLC, i will forever mournfully dream of a game that explores more of the ancient shiekah, doesnt erase integral parts of the world, developes characters more instead of making them regress back and make them end up even less developed than at the start of the game, dives into buried secrets and mistakes of dark pages of history without giving into a weirldy nationalist(imperalisitc?) narrative and lets characters have some agency for once

if it werent for the yiga i might have actually considered refunding the game, just to be at peace with myself

anyway, aboslutely incoherent word vomit.

[thewertsearch]

TG: i will be your server TG: and past me will stay as roses server TG: which is to say present me will TG: the one in the black suit GG: ohh… GG: i guess that makes sense TG: he can keep managing her for a while TG: until she sorta checks out soon and becomes totally useless

Rose is already detached from the party, following unseen orders in service of an unseen plan - but according to Dave, she's going to get worse.

This, I assume, is the point at which she becomes obscured from Kanaya's viewport. Rose is going to keep digging this hole, right up until she reaches some critical point on her timeline - and then, if I'm reading correctly between the lines, she's going to fall apart.

Final alchemy session, let's go!

Hey, calm down! Just because it's snowing outside doesn't mean it's Christmas just yet.

We're certainly getting close...

STEP OFF. … You decide he can keep the SORD….. though.

Abandoning your best weapon? A poor tactical decision by the Knight.

TT: Did you do anything on the moon besides rifle through my belongings? TT: Such as remove your shades and turn your gaze Ringward, by any chance? [...] TG: i did TT: What did you see? TG: horrible things [...] TG: when i saw them TG: their voices became clearer TT: What were they saying? TG: i couldnt really focus on anything specific TG: but TG: in totality TG: im pretty sure it was TG: like TT: ? TG: a plea for help

That's a little vague - but then again, they may be so alien to us that they're not able to communicate more clearly. This might be the closest thing to a human-readable message that the Gods can create.

This is probably a good place to put my transcription of the Squiddle song from Jade's nap. Much of it is unintelligible, but the parts we can hear are rather illuminating.

Squiddles are no ordinary friends, they work, and play, and work again. But they have homes, and mommies too; yes, they have mommies just like you.

Firstly, the Squiddles try to explain that they're not completely different from us. They're extraordinary creatures, practically incomprehensible to the Players - and yet, they have a home. They have loved ones. They play.

They repeat this assertion twice, as though they desperately want the Players to understand this.

So let them go to bed right now, so they can rest, and make cute sounds. If they can't rest they won't be strong …and they are really tiny.

They go on to say that they're exhausted. They need to rest, but something is keeping them busy. As a result, they're becoming 'tiny' and weak.

They can't make the 'cute sounds' that they're known for, which I suspect is a metaphor for the advice they normally dispense to Derse Dreamers, but I'm less sure about that.

[Unintelligible] …so let them sleep... …cause they will die if…

At this point, the music begins to fade out - but not before we hear that the Squiddles' lives are in danger. Something out in the depths of space is killing the Noble Circle of Horrorterrors.

Squiddle dee dee, squiddle dee dum. Everyone sing, a Squiddley song. Let's all be friends, And work as a team. Squiddles for you, Squiddles for me.

The final verse is self-explanatory.

It's unclear what, exactly, is happening out in the Furthest Ring, but it's dire enough that the Horrorterrors are reaching out to their neighbors, the Players of Sburb, and asking them to form an alliance.

We're seeing that alliance through Feferi, who has convinced them to blow the Dream Bubbles and link the two sessions. We're also seeing it through Rose, the only human Player willing to listen to the Squiddles' song - but her situation is more murky. I do think I understand her mental state a little better, though.

Rose is acting on Horrorterror advice - which means she's acting on whispers, corrupted images and half-heard fragments of a song. I don't think the Gods are manipulating her so much as they're playing a game of Telephone with her brain. They can't relay direct instructions, so the best they can do is transmit the vibe of what needs to happen, and the Seer has to figure the rest out for herself.

No wonder she's so evasive about her plan - I don't think she understands more than a quarter of it. She isn't nearly as in-control of the situation as she's pretending to be, and if she admits as much to John, she'd probably lose her nerve.

[kcyars99]

The truth about Tim Miller:

A gay man whose world view led him to become a lifelong Republican has the political acumen of a Jewish man who becomes a Nazi.

But it's even worse than that: it's like a Jewish man who helped build the Nazi party. That type of person can never be one of the faces of the Democratic party because he'll never understand it. And honestly, how could he?

To be part of a persecuted minority but find your identity in an alliance with the persecutors? You're unable to grasp any kind of reality that exists outside of whiteness. Whiteness is going to always come first.

And after you spent a decade being Frankenstein, your Republican monster inevitably chased you to the only other game in town: the Democratic party.

Because the GOP never really stood for anything but racism, sexism, and chasing power, and because there's no culture, no values, and no soul, a totally insane lying lunatic was able to swoop in and demagogue his way into ruling the party with an iron fist.

And I get it, you're gay, and now your allies wants to destroy the lives of everyone like you while being happy to use you to further those ends. It's untenable. But instead of putting up a fight and trying to save your party, you go to where the grass is bluer.

One problem: the Democratic party has a soul and it's name is the BLACK VOTER.

Where you wouldn't fight for your party? We will. Where you wouldn't guard your party from demagouges? We do. We don't have the caucasity to assume that we'll be alright. We're not white. It's always existential for us. We can never take our political power for granted.

That's why when you were grooming your party to fall victim to Trump, Bernie Sanders was over here falling flat on his face. Hillary built with us. Biden spent his whole life with us. They have equity. If you want anything over here in Dem land? You need us. Being a former Republican, you have no idea how we work because YOUVE NEVER HAD TO LISTEN TO US.

I'll get to how I know YOU, Tim Miller, have never listened to us in just a second.

That's also why we kill off culture vultures. We're so sensitive to anyone who wants anyone who wants to use us for their gain when we know they'll never get in the trenches with us. And we see it coming a mile away.

That's why we never fall for Trump scams in trying to astroturf black support. Not only does our life depend on us seeing through it, we're disgusted by it.

Now you've abandoned your party. Despite all the money you've made grifting off the party, you have one bad day in your new Democratic life, and now you're trying to rally us to abandon our decades long investment in Joe Biden because he needed a nap, a Joe Biden who beat Trump when you losers couldnt, and you are flumoxed as to why we won't give up like you.

It's because you don't belong here. You have no equity. You haven't built anything with us. You've never been in the trenches. You're not in touch with us. You don't know the community. And more than anything, you don't have the first clue about Black culture.

And in the past 3 days, with endless Black people, specifically Black women, telling you you're wrong, you have no idea what you're talking about, and that you need to LISTEN to Black people, your every response has been the white privileged casually racist response of "I know the Black community better than you."

You don't.

Hell, the idea of representation never even occurred to you until you adopted a Black kid and you're walking through the toy aisle and couldn't find any black dolls. If you couldn't grasp that until it was forced upon you, what makes you think you know us better than we know ourselves? We've been black our whole lives.

And how do I know you'll NEVER have a place in our party?

759.8K

You adopted a little Black girl and still don't even bother to listen to Black women, let one Black people.

In the words of Kendrick Lamar: You're not a colleague. You're a fucking colonizer.

[miss-ery-3]

ughhhh, i don't want my blog to turn into some kind of relationship-crybaby-blog, but i do have a lot to think about atm

i dont really have anyone to talk with about this. all my friends are in happy relationships and dont really seem to take any other stance than "you cannot break up" and that just really isnt helping me

buuuut, if you aren't interested in my personal (non-ed) issues, just scroll on<333 no hard feelings

so, for now, i'll just type this into space and hopefully get some kind of catharsis i guess

it's currently 1 am and i am in my childhood bedroom and i can't sleep. my head feels like it is fucking spinning. every thought in my head is "why do i feel like this? if i feel this bad should i just stay with him? but do i actually feel in love with him anymore? it's not fair to continue being with him, if i don't actually want to. would i miss him? would i regret it?" and then just in a big ol' loop

mixed with thoughts of my friend i talked to all of friday night. his face has popped up in my head constantly since i went home at 7 am from being with him all night. i feel fucking butterflies in my stomach, and get all giggly, and i want to say his name out loud for some strange reason - until i think about what these fucking butterflies mean and then i feel sick to my stomach and want to throw up. every butterfly i feel is like taking a step away from my bf, and i literally cannot control it

i feel like an absolutely horrible person, fuckk,brnfjkgnkmrf

'cause i also keep thinking about all the things my bf have done that hurt me (i guess, to make myself feel better?? but it makes me feel a whole lot fucking worse. both because i feel like a horrible person, and because he's made me fucking sad a lot of times)

like this summer, i got my bachelors degree (a fucking big thing for me - and he knew that), and he knew that i would have my last exam in, like, the end of june. i gave him the date as soon as i could (maybe two/three weeks ahead) and then like a week before i graduate, he remembers that he has plans with his 5 best friends to go drinking

and guess what

he chooses to go drinking with his friends. he celebrates me for like... 1 hour, 2 hours max. as soon as my friends arrived he was like "oops gotta go drinking with my friends that i can see all the time. no time to celebrate my girlfriend getting her bachelors degree, although she will never ever have a day like this again. no no, gotta go get shitfaced. and i am actually not going to apologize"

also at my last birthday, i celebrated it at my parents house for most of the day, and then went home in the evening (like after dinner) to go get drinks with my friends. we had planned that he would come home to my parents with me the day before, and then we could wake up together on my birthday and he could be with me and celebrate and stuff

3 days before my birthday, he says he doesn't want to go with me to my parents' house to celebrate my birthday, because he has to read for school (it was in a holiday as well, he didn't have school for days). the weekend before my birthday he chose to go drinking with his friends (i was ofc not invited) and couldnt get out of bed for days, but whenever my birthday rolled around he had to be an A fucking student. so he cancels and then we only see each other for the last, like, 4 hours of my birthday, with all of my friends and some family - and then he got annoyed with me for getting sad

he talks over me, he interrupts me and then never asks me what i was saying, he ignores me every time he picks up his phone, he always prioritizes friends, family, work and school over me, he's really good at making me feel small (not in the good way) and stupid. he corrects almost everything i say, also stuff that i dont say, but that he just want to "clear up". he drops plans w me so easily, to be with his friends and he almost never invites me. he insists on touching my belly although i've told him it makes me very uncomfortable, and then gets annoyed when i remove his hand - because 'he likes touching it, and i shouldnt feel bad about my belly'. he often ignores my text messages if he doesnt feel like they matter to him. when i ran my first 10K he ran 11K the next day to show off (he did apologize, but i still cant believe he actually did that shit). whenever ive met his friends and family, they are better at including me in the conversation than he is: he will leave me alone with people i barely know, to go do something else (and he knows that i have some social anxiety). he gets annoyed with me over things that he believes i do on purpose, but i dont (e.g. wake up later than him?? go pee before i make coffee for us?? when i forget socks when i sleep over, and ask to borrow some of his? same w phone charger and other stuff. and he usually ends up with saying "omg its just a joke" but i can feel that it isnt. otherwise he wouldve stopped doing it). sometimes he makes jokes at my expense or is just plain rude, and when i tell him to stop, he will tell me to grow up and accept a joke, and whenever i say he makes me uncomfortable/annoyed he says "i cant take that seriously" or "thats the fun part". he is horrible at picking up after himself, and will get annoyed with me if i do it for him (i cant stand mess, and he knows this.) he wont do the dishes for days on end in HIS OWN apartment, so whenever i come to visit, i usually end up doing them, cause i cant stand mess. and he ALWAYS comes out when theres like 1 spoon left and is like 'oh gosh nooo sweety, you shouldn't have done all that.. awww.. nooo, now i feel bad.. *hug, kiss* oh well' and then go back to laying on the couch).......

ofc he also has good sides, but now that i've mentioned all the crap i have a hard fucking time remembering it. but i know that he does. he gives good hugs, he can give great advice, he usually doesnt judge the stupid things i do. he knows my quirks and he likes cooking me food. he hates rubbing my back, and will get annoyed if i ask him, but he is good at it. he has nice eyes and a cute smile. he knows a lot about the things im interested in (but usually shows off his knowledge in a know-it-all kinda way). hes creative and has good music taste

ugh, i am so sorry for this long ass rant, but i just needed to get this off my chest... if anyone actually read all this, and has some advice or... anything... feel free to send a message or a reply or something idk

i feel horrible

[0oglygoogly]

DOCTOR WHO HAS HAD ME F*CKING CRYING FOR THE LAST HOUR

⚠️DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS ⚠️

HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO ME 😭😭😭

I remember when I put it on to watch I saw the name Rogue as the title and though 'haha what if its abt DnD' you know coz, rogues a class in dnd and then I was like oh they should totally make one abt dnd some time (im a hard-core dnd fan - it's what got me into the stranger things fandom) but... ANYGAYS! I saw rogues ship and i was like omg he listened kylie AND THEN I SAW F*CKING DND DICE!!!!!!!! AND THEY HAD THIS WHOLE CONVO ABT IT AND I WAS JUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

And then the STARTED FLIRTING HXIBYVSVRUSGF E, IT WAS LIKE GHEEPISODE COULDNT GET ANY BETTER, IT HAS DND AND GAYNESS AND HSHSUDUD7DU, AND THEN I WAS LIKE OMG WHAT WOULD THE DOCTORS CLASS BE (Im still trying to work that out) but then they HAD FUCKING COSPLAYERS AND AT THIS POINT I WAS EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THE EPISODE AND ROGUE AND THEG GAD COXPLAYERS AND I WAS LITERALLY JUMPING EVERYWHERE FLAPPING ANDHSUVHBVUEHRHVEHRUGUHERG BUT THEN,

...

THEY KISSED AND I WAS LITERALLY GOING TO EXPLODE I TELLU NOW

And the they had to kill him (sorta)

They

KiLLED

HIM

NÒÓÕŐØÓŒÕ

And it made it even worse the fact he did it for the doctor

I literally have no words for how heartwarming that was

And then I spent the next hour crying abt it

Like, he'll, if I react like this for a character I have only known for under an hour I don't even want to think about if any stranger things character dies. I am too emotionally attached to rogue and have decided to make a memorial for him...

WHYYYYYYY

Anyways, here are some of my fav bits/idk gifs???

THE DICE! THE NAME! THE SCENE! THE SMILE!!!!

My thoughts exactly- right with u here

THE HAND HOLD!!!!!

and then they almost kissed....

The Amount of tension between these 2 was just 🤌

WE LOVE FLUSTERED DOCTOR

AND THE FACT HES A ROGUE IS SO FITTING, ROGUES ARE PRACTICALLY BOUNTY HUNTERS IN A SENSE

Bro fell so hard the only thing he could think to do in a stressful situation was propose 💀

thank u for coming to my Ted talk

[davekat-sucks]

okay so like is it just me or do all versions of canon meenkat suck?

In homestuck the ship is very iffy due to the age gap [and the fact that meenah just got out of a predatory relationship with (vriska)]

But is hs^2 it's somehow worse???? First of all karkat is like 39 I think, AND MEENAH IS STILL 19!! Like holy shit thats an even bigger age gap then in hs. It's made even worse by the patreon posts and that I feel like ppl in this fandom think it's okay to ship now cuz "karkat is an adult now!!" while completely forgetting the age of meenah?

The only that this ship could work is if meenah was brought back to life at the same time karkat was around her age, but the hs^2 writers couldnt do that for some reason.

I don't think she is still 19 by the time Meenah and Karkat met in Epilogues. Some years have passed since it shown that Harry and Tavros Crocker were around before the reunion. With Tavros Crocker described being so short that he couldn't reach the doorknob. And later it is said that 10 years had gone by since John had talked with Terezi. So by then, Harry and Tavros would be teens by that point. At best, we can assume that Harry and Tavros were 5 years old by the time we were first shown them, since in HSBC, they are 15 years old. So likely somewhere within the extra 5 years before HSBC official starts, Karkat and Meenah met and then spent time together during it to prepare their war against Jane. At best, she would be 20-24 during Epilogues, with 24 being the best estimate of her age by Beyond Canon. Of course, Karkat was 20 years old by the end of the webcomic, so add in 15 years since we got Omega Kids, he would be 35 years old. So yes, the age gap is still present and doesn't help that the team confirmed that the did indeed fucked. And I guess the reason why nobody addresses Karkat being the pedophile now is either: A. Karkat will fuck Dave later on, so his one fling with Meenah won't matter because he will be GAY. Homosexuality erases pedophilia allegations, don't you know? Why else people excused Meenah x Vriska being a thing years back too? It's not because all the characters are fictional and people could ship whatever they wanted or the fandom wanted more lesbians after Rosemary had been canon. B. People think Meenah, a fuchsiablood in power, was bad because hemospectrum. But because Karkat is older than her despite being mutantblood, he has better authority over the person who would have became Sea Hitler in an alternate timeline. C. They assume that now that they are adults, even with the similar big age gap, they are at least consenting adults. So that's why they are fine with a 24 year old fucking with a 35 year old bastard. Whichever the reason is, by the end of Beyond Canon, the age gap thing will never be addressed by any of the main cast, Davekat will happen, and the shitty sequel ends on a disgusting brown note. James Roach and HICU will never address how old Karkat and Meenah are and just make people assume they are the same age because they are now both drawn like adults, so you don't have to worry about their teen sprites doing adult things despite they would still be adults in the sequel and they had only kept the teen sprite looks for stupid familiarity bullshit. Because god forbid if we make eyeless adults for both humans and trolls despite that The Condesce (an adult troll herself) was shown having eyes or at least, eyewear, to make them still stand out and recognizable.

[indescribeable]

Can you write Sam comforting Mika when depressed?

Ok so I have very much so been slacking I know and I'm sorry I just really haven't had any motivation to write anything but I got pinged with this ask today and even though I have like 3 or four other asks in my inbox I decided to try this one (don't worry those who asked me for other scenarios I will get around to doing them eventually I promise but for now here you go I hope you enjoy. TW mentions depression it's not heavy but it is there. Sorry, it's so short but I hope you like it anon <3

It's okay not to be okay.

Title from kdrama of the same name.

Depression unfortunately is never black and white, it takes on many different forms and is often a rollercoaster, never simple, never easy. There may be millions of articles and studies on the subject but no definitive answer or cure. You lose the motivation to do even basic tasks. Mika had experienced what felt like all ends of the spectrum when it came to depression, she had been in some deep and truly dark places throughout her life and managed to get back out somehow but never fully escaped them. It had been quite some time since she had an episode like that, which made her feel worse. She was upset with herself for falling back in, Currently, she was lying in her comfort clothing, baggy grey sweatpants and a hoodie drowning herself in her bed covers staring aimlessly out the large windows leading to the balcony of her room. Rain battered the windows, the room cast in a dark grey shadow fitting for her current mood and state. She had been there for days now barely moving, barely eating and it was safe to say the boys were getting concerned.

They were doing all they could think of to try to make her feel better, James had turned to researching Mika's symptoms trying to figure out what was going on though to his dismay as depression was such a wide and intricate subject he couldn't find what he was looking for, sure there were multiple things you could try but at the end of the day there was no definitive cure and for a lot of the suggested things to work the person dealing with it has to be willing to try like therapy for example sure it would probably help her alot but unless she was willing to try it he couldnt do anything as forcing her into it wouldn’t benefit anybody , Erik tried to help Mika relax through things like playing relaxing piano music, tried helping her through her dreams (with permission of course) but still couldn't make any progress, Matthew made her favourite foods and sweets, tried to get her to play video games with him, he made her a plethora of stuffed animals even simon tabby was trying his best so much so he was behaving for once staying with her snuggled up to try and provide what comfort he could, Damien was there to listen, to talk, it hurt being able to hear all the dark things she was thinking about herself and he tried his best to reassure her but if she didnt believe it herself then not much would come of it. 

Sam on the other hand hadn’t come to see her, it's not that he didn't want to but he was never really good with human emotions, never great at providing comfort, never good with his words. It was eating away at him that she wasn't ok, that he couldn't figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. She had already been through so much with Malix and Diana, her parents and even that jackass Andrew, it angered him to no end that even though those events had long since passed that they all still managed to affect her life. The few days she had been cooped up in her room she hadn't eaten and wasnt taking care of herself, the boys were running out of ideas and had a meeting around half an hour ago the conclusion being to get Sam to go check on her even with his objection, not because he didn't want to but because he didn't know what to do, didn't want to make it worse so he had been pacing outside her door for the last 20 minutes, luckily she couldn't hear his pacing due to the storm outside.

His pacing only came to a halt when he heard sniffles coming from her room. She had been silent as a mouse for the past few days but she had finally broken. The choked sobs and sniffles broke his heart, knowing he couldn't just leave her like that he finally worked up the courage to go inside. Slowly raising his hand he gently knocked on her door.

“Hey, doofus it's me……..can I come in?” 

As soon as he spoke the sobbing stopped and after a few moments he heard a feint “okay” come from the other side of the door, it took him a second to register what she had said as it was so quiet but as soon as he did he gently opened the door stepping inside the room shutting the door behind him. He stood there for a few moments not really sure what to do, she hadn't moved and they both just sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Not being able to take it anymore Sam made his way over to the side of the bed Mika was currently lying on sitting on the edge staring out the windows with her. Again silence fell over the two but it felt less awkward they stayed like that for a while before Sam spoke up turning to face her as he did.

“Doofus look at me” 

It took her a few moments but eventually, she gave in looking up at him. Her eyes were all red, puffy and swollen and she had a permanent frown etched onto her face. Sam's expression softened before he reached over petting her hair as he spoke.

“Look doofus, im not really good at this kind of stuff and I have no idea what you're going through, I know I haven't come to see you before now but I just didn’t know what to do and I didn't want to make it worse for you but I want you to know that im here for you I don't know if that's reassuring or comforting for you but it's all I've got, I’m not like Damien I cant easily figure out what going on in that head of yours but I can say with 100% certainty that nothing is your fault and its ok to let yourself feel sad or angry heck if needed you can come take your anger out on me for all I care I wouldn't doubt that I deserve it but you can't do that if you don’t take care of yourself. Like I said I don’t know what you're going through and I can tell it's hard for you but you do deserve to be happy Mika, you have done so much for me and my brothers not that we really deserve it with the shit storm we've ended up bringing into your life but were all really worried about you……….. I’m really worried about you.” 

Silent tears began flooding from Mika's eyes as she stared into his concerned green ones.

“Im really sorry Sam, all I ever seem to do is worry you guys, I don’t want to feel this way but I can't help it, I feel like im just being dragged further and further into the darkness with no way out and…. I didn’t want to drag you guys down with me.” 

Sam's frown deepened as he gently picked up one of Mika's hands capturing it with both of his larger ones letting out a large sigh before responding. 

“Doofus you are always thinking of everyone else before yourself, don’t worry about us all we want is for you to get better no matter how long it takes, no matter what it takes you should be worrying about yourself, not us.” 

She let out a huffed laugh before responding “You should take your own advice too ya know.” Sam let out a light chuckle at that. 

“You may be right but don't change the subject this is about you, not me, I know that whatever any of us say isn't going to make you instantly better but I wasn't lying im here to talk to whenever you need even if you just need to rant as someone listens.”

“The thing is I don’t have anything to say, I can’t even figure out what's wrong with me all I know is I feel really heavy, I don't have the energy to do anything it’s like I have this huge hole where my hearts supposed to be, my mind won't shut up and I can't help but believe everything it’s telling me I don’t want to but I can't help it.” As she continued to speak rogue tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I know that what im thinking isn't true but I can't let myself believe that no matter how hard I try, I’m so sick and tired of fighting with myself, of being exhausted all the damn time, I can't even do something as basic as fucking taking care of myself!” At this point she was sobbing and shaking as she spoke, Sam could feel the rage coming off her though it was only for a short moment as quickly as it arrived it was replaced with sadness. Before he could even register what he was doing Sam had pulled her upright wrapping her in a tight hug, as she buried her face in his shoulder he buried his nose in her hair squeezing as tight as he could while still giving her enough room to breathe. He didn't know much about this kind of thing but he did know that applying enough pressure could help relax her. 

After what felt like an eternity of tears Mika finally ran out and they simply sat there in silence neither of them willing to move out of the embrace. 

“You don’t have to bottle it all up Doofus, take it from me keeping it all to yourself doesn't help anyone and there's no shame in asking for help.” 

After a few moments, she pulled back lifting her head with a small yet truly genuine smile on her face flooding Sam with relief the wave so powerful it almost knocked him down.

She reached up with her small shaking hand gently cupping his cheek before responding “Thank you, Sammy, I really don't know what I would do without you. I can’t promise you anything but im gonna try and you're not as bad at this as you think you are ya know.” 

He couldn't help his cheeks flushing at the nickname and her words but still, he offered her a kind and relieved smile before pulling her into another bear hug. 

“That's all we could ever ask of you, doofus and thank you I don't agree with you on that last bit but thank you.” 

She chuckled in response “It doesn't matter if you don't agree with me it's still true.”

After a few moments of companionable silence, Mika spoke up again raising her head to meet his eyes blushing before speaking. 

“Will you stay with me? I really don’t want to be alone right now.” 

Sam responded with a blush of his own covering his cheeks nodding “Sure doofus.” 

Sam gently released her from his arms letting her settle back down onto the bed before laying next to her facing her and pulling her tight to his chest nuzzling the top of her head with his nose. As both of their eyelids began to feel heavy a thought popped into his head.

“Hey doofus you still haven't eaten anything yet.”

Mika responded quietly slightly slurring her words as she was quickly falling asleep. 

“I’ll eat when we wake up.” Sam let out a soft chuckle before responding.

“You better or I'll throw you over my shoulder and bring you down to the kitchen myself.” 

She let out a light sleepy chuckle in response tickling his chest with her breath.

“I promise I will, as long as you make breakfast.” 

“Are you sure you want that doofus, there's a reason why Matthew and James do all the cooking you know.” 

She chuckled again before responding. “I don’t care im only gonna eat it if you make it.” 

She could feel him smile against the top of her head the feeling giving her a sense of warmth she hadn't felt for days.

“Fine doofus ill make breakfast but even if it tastes like shit your still eating it.” 

“Haha, as long as you're making it I’ll eat it.” 

Finally, they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep in each other's arms the sound of heavy rain fading away as the sky outside cleared and the sun began to set filling the room with an orange glow before fading into comforting darkness. 

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey friend!! i'm just kinda here to rant but i'd LOVE some advice if you have any.

i live in the us, and my parents are trump supporters. i just got into an arguement with my dad, and im currently crying while writing this so sorry if there's any typos, and no matter how much i try to explain that MY LIFE would be in danger, its like he doesn't care?? or doesn't think i should be "worried" about it. but i fucking am. he's a priveledged white man who literally has no fucking clue, and i'm fucking terrified of this upcoming election. like he doesn't fucking get it, and any time i try a different avenue, he focuses on the "well actually it's not one man who writes laws now is it" LIKE THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT.

i'm so tired of it. i'm tired of hearing him say he loves me while actively supporting a man who would take away my rights. i'm his DAUGHTER and he's gambling with my life because he thinks "nothing bad will happen to me". but it could. i've grown up my entire life being taught how to be safe and "don't go to gas stations at night" "check the back of your car" yk things that women are told from a young age to literally survive. it's not a fucking joke. and the fact that he wants to entertain the possibility of "it won't happen to you" until it does happen. and then what's he gonna fucking do.

also he doesn't thing climate change is real because "the climate always changes" and he's pro-is not real (dw not asking for any advice on that just kinda sharing his viewpoints) and i'm just fucking baffled that he can look at me and still think that he's on the right side. it kills me and i hate it. i couldn't even bring myself to make one passive aggressive comment to him before he went to bed because i would feel bad. I COULDNT EVEN DO THAT.

and what's worse is when i just talk to my mom, it's like she's there. she hears what i'm talking about, and idk if she believes it necesssarily (climate change) but she understands and i feel like im close to getting her to SEE it. and then my fucking dad comes in and starts talking about the economy and all these technical terms that i don't fucking understand so i can't even argue against it, and pulls her back in. like at this point i don't fucking care about the economy or fucking taxes. i want my RIGHTS to be fucking secured. this isn't just an election on who's gonna run the economy or whatever the fuck better, it's literally the difference between women having rights. and they don't fucking see that and i'm TIRED.

i'm tired and i'm upset and i shouldn't keep having arguement with him but i can't stop trying to fight for myself, in the event that SOMEHOW they actually consider me as a person.

anyway i'm sorry if any of this makes u uncomfortable

Hi!

Honestly I think these types of conversations are hard because with some people, no matter how hard you try, they're not actually willing to listen. So you just get annoyed and you feel unheard and invalidated and it makes things worse.

I guess my question is- is your dad one of those people? And if so, in the most loving and gentle way, are you wasting your time by trying to talk to him about this? It's really difficult to have to accept that, but maybe you need to focus on your mom right now, because she seems willing to listen and learn.

Sending love!

[juscallmemise]

Mental Health Matters (shirt by Hamp)

Letter to my younger self

Hey little black girl..Naw scratch that..Hey little black Queen because thats what you are even if you don’t know it yet. Its so much i want to say to you we’ve been through soooo much nd what i wouldn’t give to know what i know now looking back at myself. One thing i want to help you understand is that you are enough no matter what people say. I know mommy always told us that words can’t hurt us but the trust is they may not hurt the outside but they do a bang up job on the heart nd thats ok we get through it. If you ask me its the silences nd the numbness that hurts worse, see with words they may hurt your feelings nd sometimes tear your heart but you can heal a broken heart its the silences you cant make since of. I know your young nd theres a lot you dont understand well let me tell you even when you make it to be my age there will still be things that will put your brain in knots, just know baby girl you are your own worst enemy. Don’t get trapped so far in your feelings that you drown cause i’ve made so many mistakes that could have cost us our life. Its gets dark in my thoughts nd sometimes tears nd words dont get it all out nd i felt i couldnt talk any more because i didnt think anyone would understand nd the first time it felt so good it warmed the places that were the coldest nd after i always felt like all the pain was out. It all started with a dark room and pair of scissors that cut through my jeans i never meant to hurt us, i just needed to feel something that would end the numb feeling i was feeling at the time. No one ever noticed the scars until one of your boyfriends felt them in the middle of the night while you were sleeping nd asked you the next morning believing that they were marks left there by another man. After a couple more times of cutting ourself we started writing nd keeping a dump Journal where we say whatever it is we felt throughout the day. The days seemed to get better but the nights still felt ice cold nd you would lay in a bed with a man that you couldnt even look at because in his mind you weren’t nothing but a women that would take whatever it was he throw your way nd the truth is you did you let him think you were weak nd that you couldnt live without him but he must have forgot that i am a child of God nd a very strong believer that whatever God puts you in he can take you out of...pain don’t last forever baby girl nd we are safely working on ourself.

Sincerely,

This is Mise

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