#sorry its just i cant imagine anything worse.

[kaddos]

being insane and sentimental is fun until you cant stop crying on public transit thinking about time loops

[apathyfairy]

my whole life ive been thinking im an old soul bc everyone would tell me i was bc i was “serious” and quiet and shy as a kid and riddled with social anxiety so i was like ok. i must be then. and now im realizing im not lmao like honestly as stupid as it sounds i think that was putting pressure on me to know how to live my life and what to do all the time but now im like oh im new no wonder im afraid of absolutely everything and i cant function and everything disappoints me it’s bc i dont know whats going on. im new in town. and im incorporating that into my belief system now

[hecksupremechips]

Starfire teen titans my best friend Starfire id burn alive for you

[administer-distractions]

.

[wasabikitcat]

Sleep Mode

[strniohoeee]

Salacious

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader 🦢

Synopsis: Y/N is sexually deprived, and Matt offers a helping hand 😉. This is for the request I got🫶🏽

Warnings⚠️: THIS IS SMUTTY SMUT SMUT SO MINORS BACK OFF.

Song for the imagine: Some Way- NAV, The Weeknd

⚠️This is a 18+ story, so minors do not interact!!⚠️

I think your girl, think your girl fell in love with me

She say my fuck, and my tongue game a remedy

To say I wasn’t yearning for some good, dirty and sweaty sex I’d be lying. I was so sexually deprived, and agitated. I was currently under the longest dry spell of my life.

I haven’t had sex in a fucking year, but before that I was always getting my rocks off with whoever. But as I got older, and craved that deeper connection I was lacking in the sex department.

I realized that in order for sex to be enjoyable I had to be compatible with my partner. Because I would just grab any hot guy when I was a little younger I didn’t care. But every guy I tried to fuck I simply couldn’t.

It was painful, boring and I faked every single time, so I just stopped. I would just masturbate instead, and it was good of course, but man I’m a fucking human and our bodies crave sex.

I was at my worst when ovulation week started. I was a fucking feral animal who should be chained to my bed. Anything with a dick just set me off. I needed them!

Currently I was ovulating, and every guy I laid eyes on I wanted to tear apart. What made it worse was I was hanging around my friends Chris, Matt and Nick. What didn’t help was that they were all extremely attractive, and my mind was just thinking SEX SEX SEX

I had been a bit crabby leading up to ovulation because I was so deprived, and everytime I masturbated it just didn’t feel that good. My orgasms were not as good as they should have been

Currently I was with the triplets, and we were walking around Target just shopping. As we were in an aisle a guy walked down the same aisle, and I swear I almost passed out.

As he walked by my eyes followed his every move just googly eyes.

“What the fuck was that?” Nick asked laughing m

“He was so fucking hot” I said to him

“Y/N….he was the most average looking man in the word, and I’m a gay man” Nick said

“No that man was so fucking hot” I said still flushed

“Control yourself! You’re like an animal” Chris said

“Sorry” I said shaking the feeling off

We got to the car, and Matt was driving, Chris in the passenger seat, and Nick and I in the back.

I was looking at Matt driving, and I swore I was drooling….why did he look so hot driving??

And then Chris asked me a question, turning around to look at me, and he smirked, flashing his teeth, and I felt my breathing get shallow??

Finally I looked over at Nick, and his hands? His hands looked so good….big and muscular and strong… HES GAY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! I internally yelled at myself

I needed to be sedated or fucked. This was too much for me.

As we were driving home. My eyes kept darting between the three of them, and disgusting thoughts were playing in my head.

“You guys are so fine” I just blurted out

“Y/N WHAT THE FUCK CALM DOWN” Chris said looking at me

“IM SORRY, I CANT HELP IT” I said back to him

“I’m about to get a spray bottle what the fuck is wrong with you” Matt said laughing and his laugh almost made me moan???

“Sorry yall I’m ovulating” I said back to them

“The fuck is that?” Chris asked

“Right before women get their period we go through ovulation, and that causes us to become to sexually aroused we literally will fuck anything” I told him

“MY EARS” Nick said covering his ears

“ITS THE TRUTH! I’m in ovulation, and then yall are so good looking and then combine that with not having sex in a year….im about to burst” I said kind of laughing

“Literally go fuck something then” Matt said

“Mmm it’s hard” I said to him

The rest of the ride we were just laughing about everything, and Nick was scrolling through social media trying to find me potential candidates

I was spending the night at the triplets house, and I always stood with Matt, so I was chilling in his room when he finally came in to prepare for bed

“Yoo” he said as he shut his door

“Heyyy” I said putting my phone down and sitting up

He came in with a pink shirt on and grey sweats that hung low…real low, and my eyes followed his every move

“What you thinking?” He asked me

“Im thinking I need to fuck someone very soon” I said looking him up and down

“Jesus how down bad are you” he said laughing

“Matt it’s torture” I told him also laughing

“It’s just hard for me to fuck anyone now a days. It never works out” I told him as he sat down on the bed

“Want to fuck?” He asked, looking at me. That immediately sent a shiver down my spine

“Me fuck you?” I asked genuinely shocked

“I mean I’m down to fuck. No strings attached. Just fuck buddies” he said shrugging his shoulders

I mean I knew him, he was attractive and we were very compatible

“Fuck it I’m down” I said crawling over to him

Matt had bit his lip before smashing his lips into mine. Immediately starting a make out session. He had pushed us back, so that I was laying down and he was hovering over me.

He pulled away from the kiss

“I’m going to take good care of you baby” he said rubbing his hands up and down my body

“Please” I said sighing

Matt had removed his shirt, and then mine. Started to kiss me again. Going down to my neck and then to my breasts. He immediately removed my bar, grabbing one breast in his hand massaging while sucking on the other one

“Oh fuck Matt” I said moaning and running my hands through his hair. His kissing and sucking had me dripping. This feeling was what I’d been looking for all along.

Matt slid my pants down, and then removed his pants leaving us in just our underwear

He started to kiss down my stomach to my pelvic bone. He got up, and slid my underwear down. My cunt was soaked full of my arousal

“So fucking wet” he said licking his lips

“All for you. I want this so badly” I told him looking up at him

He got back down, and grabbed my thighs, spreading my legs open, and placing them over his shoulders.

He immediately attached his mouth to my clit, and I nearly flew off the bed

“MATT” I practically yelled. He started his attack on my pussy. Sucking my clit, and licking from my entrance up to my clit. Lapping at me like there was no tomorrow

“MATT MATT MATT UH UH UH UH” I said, barely able to form sentences. Pulling at his hair causing him to moan into my pussy. My heels were for sure digging into his back

This didn’t stop him though. He reached his hand up and started grabbing my boob as he ate my cunt. Licking me up and down. Causing the most disgusting sounds to come from my pussy

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum” I said pulling his hair harder and starting to tremble

“FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK” I screamed as I came all over his face. He pulled away, and came up to me. His face covered in my cum

Smashing his lips to mine as we sloppily made out

“Matt I wanna fuck so bad right now” I said after pulling away from the kiss

“Okay baby” he said. He reached over to his night stand and pulled out a condom. Immediately slipping it on

He grabbed my ankles and pulled me to the end of the bed

“How do you want it?” He asked as he rubbed his cock up and down on my pussy

“I want it hard. I want to be fucked so hard I can’t remember anything” I told him

“Like a dirty slut” he said and I nodded my head

Slowly Matt slid into me allowing me to adjust to his size

“Okay Matt I’m ready” I said throwing my head back

Without a second thought his hips start smacking into me. Pounding me relentlessly.

“Fuckkkkk” I said rolling my eyes to the back of my head

“Fuck Y/N…you feel so fucking good” he said breathing heavy

Matt was slamming into me at such a delicious pace. I was speechless. My mouth just hung open as my eyes stood shut

Matt picked up one leg and put it over his shoulder allowing him to fuck me at a new angle

“SHITTTTTT” I said clenching my eyes shut harder

“So so good to me” he said as he pounded into me

He then pushed that same leg backwards. Holding it up as he fucked me ruthlessly

The headboard banging into the wall

“HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK” I screamed out clenching on Matt’s cock

“can I ride” I asked in between moans, and Matt nodded immediately flipping us around, so I could straddle him

I leaned over him as I started to grind down against him

“Fuckkkk Y/N” he moaned throwing his head back

I kept on riding him hard and fast. He gripped my ass, and started to suck on one of my nipples

“MATTTTTT” I moaned out loudly, throwing my head back

“Keep going baby, keep going” he said biting his lip and looking up at me

“I’m gonna cum” I said as I started to grind on him faster

“I wanna see your pretty face when you come” he said waiting for me to look down at him

“Okay yes anything for you” I told him out of breath

I shuddered, and then came as I looked into his eyes with a slack jaw. And soon after he came too moaning my name with a slack jaw.

This interaction became normal. I’d jump on him every night I stood with them. Having him fuck the shit out of me. On every piece of furniture, in every position, in the shower, against the shower sink. EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

But slowly I started to realize that I really enjoyed our sex because I really fucking liked Matt.

This sex went on for two weeks, until finally after one night of fucking I decided to tell him how I feel.

“Matt I really fucking like you, and the sex is great, but I can’t be friends with benefits when I’m falling in love with you” I told him running my hands through his hair

“I thought I was the only one. Y/N I like you so fucking much, and I think I’ve liked you since I’ve met you” he said looking into my eyes

“Are you wanting to be more than just a FWB?” i asked him

“Yes. I would love to be your boyfriend” he said, leaning in and kissing me.

The End

I hope that you guys liked this one! And whoever requested this I hope I didn’t disappoint🥹❤️. Im almost done finishing up all these requests, but the rest will be up tomorrow💋

-J💅🏽

[opal-owl-flight]

Ooh boy, so, how do all the agents feel about the 70mil quota? And the fact it's at 90 mil last I checked....

Also, agents favorite grizzco weapons?

(They dont have fave grizzco weapons bc they dont want to associate with this sleazeball corporation KWJWKJ

More stuff abt the feelings below, though!)

Watching the decimation happening before her, Neo3 can only lay on the ground and cry. Thats everyone. Everything shes done. Shes known. Stolen away in a single night. All her power is nothing before the might of the eternal hunger of this banal evil.

What else can be done?

Her captain comes over, carrying a single egg. She starts, theyre not supposed to be on the field.

Is...it over?

They held the egg close, their voice, barely above a whisper. An apology.

"Im sorry."

She smells the devastation in their scent. Their mask hid nothing. And at that moment, they didnt even try. The marks of dried tears glowed on their face. Their voice is hoarse. Their form slumped, exhausted.

She knows theyve been trying to negotiate peace between the surrounding nations for several years, at this point. Alongside everything else.

Theyre fighting her fight.

What a dishonorable salmonid she is. Laying herself down like this, sneaking around - but she knew better than to do anything rash, now. She knew that will get her killed, or captured, or worse. She cant...she cant risk her captain getting injured again. They just got better.

"Really, I am."

At their soft words, she moves closer to them. Gentle, yet calloused hands, pick her up into a gentle hug. In this hug she can smell their guilt. In this hug she can smell their despair, their powerlessness. And yet...the scent of quiet fury simmers beneath.

They were just like her, in ways she didnt know yet. They too, ran away from their clan, after believing themself a dishonor to them. To save themself. They too, were dragged into a war their ancestors waged. Forced to carry the hopes and dreams of an age long gone.

The dream has changed, but they fight on, all the same.

She hugs them back, feeling the scars under their gear, the oldness of their body. Theyve been fighting longer than she has. With what she can only imagine is a spirit that can rival an elder survivor.

Shes a survivor, too, even if her means were more dishonorable than she wants it to be -- this over-reliance on others to fight her fights instead of doing it all herself, especially an elder survivor -- Has she stooped that low? Elders were meant to stay back, to watch over everyone. This one can barely fight for long anymore. What kind of salmon is she? (Just like 3, shes yet to fully realize the value of accepting help.)

And yet theyre here.

A squid who smelled of yearning, haunted by a past that they drag the dead weight of, ever forward.

Haunted by the specter of what they couldve been. Haunted by their mistakes. Yearning to be a squid that theyre not, anymore. To take the harm their entire nation has done and carry its consequences, all on their own. Be that hero, just like before.

...

And despite all that, their painful joints and trembling form, memories that drown them in yearning, theyre here. Still here. Fighting for their future. Her future. Everyones future.

"...Rest...now." they whisper. "Even one...saved...is still a life."

Their hands trembled, too. Maybe thats why theyre not signing. She held the egg they saved, gingerly, in her hands.

It reflected her face. It reflected her captain.

Its so fragile. All of it.

[kisses4suna]

can you please give me some really soft suna bf headcannons !!!! i love ur works btw ur my fav suna writerr ahh

SUNA RINTAROU BF HEADCANNONS !

☆ featuring. suna rintarou

☆ a/n. OMFG. anon im so sorry this took me so fkn long to answer. im slowly starting to finish requests people have sent in months ago. i love this idea sm tho!! im so sorry again; i literally deleted tumblr and finally got it backk ill be finishing more requests soon and posting drafts, then during the summer ill post WAY MORE FREQUENTLY. (so be prepared for sm more suna content guys ;))

ps. i might make a p2 for post timeskip suna too so lmk if you’d want that !!

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

PRE-TIMESKIP BF SUNA

- suna mfing rintarou will raise your standards to heaven bro. even if he’s only in highschool

- his face will be so deadpanned and neutral but the minute he sees you he grows that small smile that he hopes nobody sees

- he talks about you like crazy to his sister but doesn’t even realize it

- “did you see her new insta post? shes so pretty bro how tf did i pull her”

- “i miss my gf rn”

- “hey do you think y/n would want something like this?”

- his sister loves you, but is so tired of her brother constantly talking about you

- he would choose you over anybody, and anything. even over his airpods. which says a lot for suna

- will literally do anything to spend time with you. he will drop as much as he could on his schedule for you. he just genuinely wants you to be with him all the time. (he’s so clingy its cute but he hates admitting how attached he is to you hes like a lil koala bear hanging onto his branch)

- without you even knowing he signed you up to be a manager for his volleyball team just so you could spend time with him at his practice

- this mf so obsessed with you he got hit in the face with a volleyball because he was too busy looking at you instead of paying attention to the actual practice

- he will ‘go to the bathroom’ during practice just to sneak off underneath the bleachers to give you a quick kiss and talk to you.

- suna isn’t dumb he’s actually really smart just very lazy, so if you were in advanced classes he would literally get his grade up, request a transfer to your advanced classes, just so he could spend more time with you there

- plus he loves seeing you seem so smart and focused he thinks you look so cute like that ^^

- he unfollowed every girl on his socials besides you and his sister

- he has a whole instagram highlight dedicated for you and its filled with over 20 stories of you and him together or sometimes just pictures of how beautiful you are.

- his insta bio has your initial with a heart, and says “i love my gf” just for fan girls to back off

- his photo album is way worse. he organized his whole camera roll and has a full album of you which takes up half his storage, but who cares, he doesn’t mind having to delete games he downloaded cause he was bored ( especially if its for you )

- in his notes app he has every little detail about you written down, not in a creepy way, just to remember important stuff about you. like what you hate in people, your fav stuff, etc.

- he dedicates every long song to you.

- also hes like very touchy in private, i mean in public he is too, BUT IN PRIVATE. oh my. he is not afraid to cling onto you.. you will literally have to claw him off you if you have to use the bathroom while your cuddling

- he’s only like that because he loves you so much and he’s so attached to you, he just wants to stay with you forever because he cant imagine losing you

- he asks his mom if he can sleep over at your house as much as he could, the days he can’t, you either go to him, or he facetimes you and you both end up falling asleep on the phone.

- everytime he goes to the mall with his friends or something, he will ask them every 3 seconds “do you think y/n would want this ?” he really just wants to spoil you to show you how much he loves and appreciates you

- sometimes he sleeps late at night rewatching his volleyball games and analyzing his plays, so he bought you a sleeing mask and earplugs so you could fall asleep without the sound or light of the tv bothering your slumber

- he loves being in between your thighs, your fingers tangled in his hair while you both watch tv.

- but at night he loves burrying his face in the crook of your neck with one armed wrapped around your waist and the other placed diagonally on your back while his hand covers the back of your head, almost looking like hes protecting it.

- you’ve genuinely helped him become a better version of himself, when he’s with you he’s at his best, which is probably why he loves you so much. because when he’s with you it feels like he’s just at peace, he just falls in love with you even more everyday.

- he hates thinking your love is puppy love and it wouldn’t last, and some nights when he’s not with you, he’ll overthink like crazy, really just wondering why someone as perfect as you hasn’t left him yet, or why are you even with him in the first place ?

- little does he know, he means as much as you mean to him, and you don’t plan on leaving him anytime soon.

[fueioekjfisks]

Im so sorry im losing my absolute mind but please hear me out for a second.

Mild tw for implied SA - NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED PEOPLE JUST THINK IT HAPPENED

You know the common misunderstanding au in the danny phandom rn about vlad being a creep and people thinking hes like a CREEPY CREEP and not just a supervillain creep?

Well imagine danny is going on break or something and his dad wants to bring the whole family up to vlads castle for whatever reason.

Danny, obviously, does not want to waste his ONE FREAKING CHANCE of getting some god damn sleep being tormented by vlad and his stupid birds. Plus, vlad will probably plan some big murder plot for his dad and danny CAN. NOT. HANDLE. THAT. RIGHT. NOW.

So danny decides to make a PowerPoint presentation about why he doesnt want to go.

Obviously he cant reveal vlad or his own halfa status so its mostly just really jumbled information about vlad being creepy.

He gets backup from sam, tucker, jazz, and even val. He also knows his mom already dislikes vlad and knows hes a total creep so all he really needs to do is convince his dad.

But??? As hes compiling evidence??? And rehearsing his presentation with hes friends??? He realizes that it sounds super fucked up???

And like, it’s mostly just bad without all the context. But he realizes that Vlad is actually kinda sick in the head. Danny knows he would never actually do something that terrible, but its supper concering how similar his actions are to like, actual bad people.

Danny isnt mad about it or anything, he’s actually just worried about it Vlad.

Danny is not perfect by any means. But Vlad is the only other member of his species besides, like, his fucking clone (which holy shit Vlad what the fuck) or maybe dan who is also fucked up.

Danny knew that Vlads death definitely messed him up, but he never really thought about Vlads actions beyond “obsessive fruitloop, at it again :/“ and is just now realizing that vlad might need psychological help. Which he feels pretty (REALLY) bad about.

Danny has no idea what to do, and no idea who to go to.

So he sneaks out, doesnt even go ghost as he takes the powerpoint to vlad who obviously freaks tf out because holy shit thats SO MUCH WORSE THAN ANYTHING HE COULD HAVE POSSIBLY IMAGINED. What if he had actually hurt daniel? What if he had hurt his precious Madeline?? He needs help like yesterday! How did he ever get so bad???!

So Vlad freaks, trashes his own house, apologizes to danny, and books it through the portal to find the far frozen or somewhere else he can get help.

Danny is somewhat shellshocked about the whole situation. It doesnt get better when people start investigating Vlads disappearance.

The state of the manor indicates foul play and the police look into it further. Find security tapes. They see danny, frazzled and paranoid, enter Vlads property, everything goes to static, and only danny leaves.

Hes arrested of course, and he and his friends/family are interrogated.

Everybody vehemently denies that Danny would ever do such a thing, but when they are asked if danny has potential motives everyone (except for jack) gets all squeamish.

Its practically common knowledge in Amity Park that the mayor and the weird Fenton child had beef. People just were unsure why.

I think it would be really cool to focus a story around the polices pov of the investigation/ random Amity Parkers interpretation of the events.

Danny being kinda creepy after the accident (because death) could totally make people assume he did it and that would be awesome.

We can also add in de-aged Dani/Ellie and or Dan for that extra spice.

Imagine the fentons finding out about Dannys supposed kids in the context that they are MOTIVES FOR THEIR SON TO MURDER THEIR COLLAGE FRIEND ( AND DANNYS OWN GODFATHER) WHO APPARENTLY GROOMED HIM???!? AND THEY DIDNT EVEN NOTICE??!?

This could totally be a crossover too. Lucifer tv show. Batman. Supernatural. All are good.

Anyway, thought this could be kinda interesting

Please continue if you want

[floofeh-purpi]

Getting Isekai'd?! (Part 4)

Sagau! Genshin Fatui x Gn! Reader (ft. Your bsf)

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜』

@justmare @mc-cos-charm

YEY NEW FLUFFBALL, HIII!!!

☆

Sidenote: CUS ITS BEEN RAINING IN MAINLA HINDI KABA NILALAMIG?! (Song reference lol) 😫

Warnings: Cursing, grammatical/spelling errors, my delulu-ahh brain forgot to write english isnt my first language and im too lazy to edit the other warnings again, me probably switching the povs alot because... yeah, filipino reader maybe speaking tagalog and bisaya, mentions of you having a wound on one of your feet, blood, author's shitty attempts at making you laugh.

【Part 3】

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

You eventually woke up from your nap coma with a sore ass throat and a somehow still fully batteried phone. "Ok, how the fuck is my phone still 100%?! 😰 But atleast I dont have to wait 2 hours to charge my phone lmao." You mused out inside your head cus you'd say it out loud ur throat would even more sore than it already fucking is.

"I should've bought a water bottle with me earlier... ☹" You thought as you putted your phone inside one of the pockets of your pajamas and slowly went downstairs and went to the kitchen.

You sneaked into the kitchen undetected by guests. Because all you wanted to do right now was sleep again rest. Anygays, you gobbled the entire glass of water within one go and putted the glass into the sink. "Nah, y/b/f/n's gonna wash them dishes today lmao." You thought before you plugged your earphones into your phone and listened to your playlist while humming softly to the song before going upstairs.

☆

The harbingers heard someone humming in where they assumed is the kitchen before someone passed by the living room still humming and with a tiny-ahh smile going upstairs. "Oh my~ Who was that beautiful person~?" Asked the Damselette. Its true though, you were the prettiest person y/b/f/n met. "That was Y/n. :)" The harbingers and the Tsaritsa's eyes widened at that name. But are still in denial because they need to confirm just one more thing. Denial, denial, denial IS a river in Eygpt 💀🙌

☆

You eeked mentally when your playlist started playing 'Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse' (Recommend listening to it 10000/10) since you dont have spotify premium and you ran out of skips. 😔

You sat down on the chair infront of your desk, which was messier than dogshit. "Omfg im too lazy to clean it up rn 😭🙌" you thought before you grabbed some paper that you totally didnt rip out from y/b/f/n's notebook like 2 days ago before yall were isekai'd and started drawing basically a city. Aka the city you lived in before this fiasco happened.

*Insert your drawing here cus I cant find anything that was close to my imagination 🥲*

After you finished drawing, you gave your arms a very well needed stretch you desperately needed that shit after sitting down with a posture looking like a fucking shrimp if you looked at what you looked like in the side for 3 fucking hours while your earphones were still playing music, "Finally done, im tired again lmao" you thought before you slept on your chair like when its math class 💔 because you were too fucking sleepy to even get out of your chair its comfier that those damned armchairs you'd sleep on during math class. 💀

But then, your foot accidentally hitted the leg of the table so fucking hard, that it caused the sleepiness in you to go *poof* "PUTANG INA NING LAMESA 👹" (Fuck this table) you yelled loud enough for only yourself to hear you held back your tendency to scream out filipino curses loud enough for the entire damn universe to hear you because... well, the people downstairs... Are downstairs...—

You felt your atoms and dna coursing inside you still shaking at the collision of your foot and the table, whats even worse is that the foot was the one that was wounded, which made the pain all the fucking worse.

"Bandages be damned. I need to fucking change these little shits. Bweshet nih. 😔" You cursed out loud as your throat wasnt as sore as earlier we call it mineral water for a reason /jk, you made your way into your bathroom while not walking normally.

♤

You were just drinking some water in kitchen peacefully, and of course your clumsy ass hand somewhat slipped and you accidentally dropped it onto the floor... and your foot. You winced at shards of bloodied glass digging into the flesh of your foot as sat on the nearest chair while y/b/f/n tended to your wound/s OHMIGASH KILIG NAKO AYIEEEEEEE!!!!!

♤ (End of flashback)

You got some bandages which were fortunately on the sink from the last time you changed your bandages and forgetting to put it back to its original place AGAIN, but you didnt give a shit rn. But as soon as you unwrapped your bandages, instead of the crimson blood you were expecting to see on your wound, the blood was... golden.

"...What the fuck?"

☆

YEY FINISHED PART 4!!! My hands are tired from holding the phone but its ok ❤

Filipino readers where u at? 😭

【Part 5】

Published: June 30 2024. 10:38pm.

[sukiipjs]

✮ BLONDIE : PT 1

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader

↳ words - 2239

↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.

↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]

↳ song - blondie by current joys

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.

of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.

the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…

okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.

but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.

i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

nick 🫶

| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd

| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good

| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?

| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀

i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.

i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.

fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?

all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.

…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.

if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…

i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.

i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.

soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.

every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.

the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.

as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.

“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.

he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.

“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.

“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.

“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.

“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.

i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.

i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.

i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.

i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.

i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.

i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.

₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊

after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.

nick 🫶

| are you ignoring me?

| like did i do something or what?

| are you okay?

| can we just talk or hang out please?

| y/n?

| okay sorry actually, never mind

my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.

i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.

i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.

they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.

my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy

[factual-fantasy]

27 ASK :)))))🍤🍤🍤

I do not.. but man I really need to give them names. I intend to name my FNAF au before drawing Moon Malfunction 2.0. And my Deltarune AU... ehhh.. idk, I'll just see if anything comes to me <XD (I'm open to suggestions! :0 )

@eggswastaken

Thank you! But sorry, no fanart rule. I wouldn't like for anyone to draw my AUs Asgore.. Thank you for asking first though <:) A lot of people would have just drawn it and not have cared to ask.

:DD Thank you so much!! :}}}

@luna-purple454

AAA THANK YOU FELLOW ASGORE ENJOYER! XDD

As for his backstory I don't really have any new ideas.. but as for the future?

I have ideas of Asgore seeing other versions of people he used to know. And it really hurts him. Like maybe they pass by and AU where he sees a Toriel. And his heart just aches. Or he sees a Gerson or Gaster, and he just longs for those people. He misses them and it kills him that he cant ever go back home.

Imagine if he met a Toriel that hated Asgore, post murdering kids. And she understands that he's a different Asgore but she cant help but be cold towards him. That might hurt worse than just missing his family. Someone with his wife's face being indirectly disappointed in him. Ashamed of him, angry at him. He never did those things that her Asgore did. But she still glares at him out of habit. And that kills him more than anything. And don't even get me started when he hears about the horrible fates this AUs Asriel and Chara suffered.

I can imagine that like Grillby, his body becomes more unstable the more emotional he is. Maybe they walk through an AU where Asgore meets that Toriel. And by the time they're ready to leave Asgore is wrecked. Seeing all these people broke his spirit. His body has significantly dissolved and he can no longer walk. All he does is hang his head low and weep. Saying he cant move.. and he wants to go home..

Jevil might be able to take the whole group to another AU, despite Asgore's state. But likely they'd just camp out for an extra day or so until Asgore can pull himself back together..

Aw, I'm sorry you're sick, that's no fun. <:( But I'm glad my artwork is helping you feel a bit better :}}}

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

Positively giddy my dear fellow

@elegysonnet

I haven't seen it yet, but it looks good and I plan to watch it! :0

@pinkbomb08

:D Thank you! Even if you have nothing to ask, I don't mind a nice message! :}}

@veeneeyyyy

Thank you! And hey man. Being down on yourself about your artwork is just gonna make you feel worse and slowly chip away at your confidence. Trust me, I've been there.

Try your best to always say something positive about the art that you make. No matter how much you think/believe that its bad. And never follow it up with anything bad either, "the face came out nice... but this hand looks terrible-" No. None of that. Actively force yourself to never say anything negative about your art out loud and always search for things that you like in the piece. If you seriously cant find a single thing to be positive about, then say "well I did my best. And I improved a little at art because I drew this."

Trust me man. From personal experience it will do wonders for your self confidence. Eventually that confidence will become second nature. Fake it till you make it.💪

@nutty-candy-lover

WAAA THANK YOUUUUU HHHGHFIIUSDAFI💖💖💖😭😭

REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I take so much pride in my expressions and angst! I've never really been the best at expressing my stories through dialogue. So I express it through body language instead!

A big chunk of the drawing time is the sketching and the line art. Trying my best to get specific expressions and poses. Like in this post! Most of the line art time was spent making sure that Grillby and Asgore eyes were juuuust right. And that Asgore's hug didn't look too tight or like Grillby couldn't pull away if he needed to. More like he was holding/supporting Grillby with 1 arm, and resting his hand on his back with the other.

I always have this thought process while drawing of "his pose looks a bit stiff, his shoulders aren't drooped down enough. He's grieving, so he needs to look heavier. His eyebrows should be furrowed a bit tighter. No now he looks angry, less furrow, more tears. His tears look too fresh. He needs to look like he's cried a lot recently. Okay thinner tears and marks around the eyes-" things like that.

I enjoy drawing these physical expressions so much and I really try to make them look good. So to hear that you see that effort I put in and you really like it?? wwAAA AWOOOOGOROOG😭😭💖🍤💓💖💘THANK YOU WAAAAAA

@cupcake-kingdom

Sort of..? I think they would have a decent relationship. I imagined him being a cold father but sometimes shows that he cares in his own special way.

Like for example. A comic that I never got around to drawing started with Bowser having a nightmare about Mario. When he wakes up, he proceeds to roam from room to room around his castle. Checking on all of his kids 1 by 1. He could stop by and maybe close their open windows, tuck them back in if their blankets were kicked off. A stuffed animal fell off the bed so he puts it back.

I think I planned for him to make it to JRs room. And instead of just checking and leaving, he goes and scoops JR up and take him back to his room. He also checks on Kamek and the Commander. before going back to bed with JR.

That might be a good way to explain it. He like- he loves his kids, he does. But he's just super weird about showing it and can only be truly tender towards them when something like that nightmare happens.

I don't believe so no. :/

I'm not sure, I haven't seen the Amazing Digital Circus yet <XD

@growing-past-me

Woah woah woah- slow down for a sec, Jevil and Seam are strictly friends through and through.😅 I personally don't support/enjoy ships of any kind. Its just really not my taste. :/

But yes! Which ever story I end up going with, Jevil and Seam escape their AU together and rekindle their friendship. :}

Yes! It is! :DD

Its also a double whammy though because its also meant to parallel Foxy having his mouth tied shut and his hook being removed. 👀👀

I haven't really thought about it too much..

Perhaps they'd feel betrayed? Because Freddy, Foxy and Bonnie all lied to them to keep Gregory a secret? Maybe there would be fighting because Chica and the others think they should call security but Freddy insists that they dont?

Maybe they would think that Freddy is malfunctioning because of how hard he pushing against their protocol? Maybe they'd call security on Freddy because of how he's acting..? Who knows <XD

As for how they acted the night Gregory was there.. man.. they wouldn't know what to say. Some might not even believe it happened, some would be ashamed.. it would be a hard pill to swallow for sure :(

@random-entity-363

XDD he really does use the power of tape to fix things doesn't he? I think he was also just a bit lucky that a lot of the damage on Bonnies body could just be poorly taped back into place.

I supposes that Staff bots could be used to aid Foxy is certain shows of his. But ultimately he is meant to be a 1 man band while preforming in Pirates cove <:/

"Bonnie you have no business being this larg" XDD

I've seen that all over Tumblr in the past few days. I really gotta get around to watching it <XD

@beryl-shade

I suppose its always possible. Although with how I've structured my Vanessa and the "bug", I don't think anyone/anything would make Bonnie do that..

XDD Yeah I can see them freaking out. As would anyone!

Well Bonnie didn't become this way over night. It was a slow process over the span of ten years. Years of constantly being overwhelmed with his performances, interacting with large crowds that he's not designed to process, his friends not giving him space when he really needed it.. He just slowly crumbled more and more until now he's just this cold, angry and rude individual.

However,, when it comes to Vanessa he's not that bad.

Bonnie is designed for interacting with groups of no more then 10 people at a time. He's even better at 1-1 interactions. And that's what Vanessa is. Just 1 person to process. Just 1 child.

And unlike most other kids that Bonnie deals with, she is very shy and quiet. She almost talks less then Bonnie does. That could be why Bonnie was Vanessa's favorite character. She preferred characters who weren't as loud as Monty or as active as Foxy. A slow moving, mellow animatronic is what she was drawn to.

I've imagined them interacting. Bonnie would ask her a question and she would just nod. If she were scared/sad she might not rush to Bonnie for a hug. Rather just sheepishly sit next to him and hold his hand.

What I'm trying to say is, she matches Bonnie's energy pretty well. Bonnie is not scary to her and Vanessa isn't overwhelming for Bonnie. I imagined them camping out in Bonnies room. The darkness makes Vanessa feel hidden, so she actually prefers it. She's shy so she doesn't really say much to Bonnie.. But she feels safe with him.

Maybe she squeaks out a little; "..thank you for helping me.." Bonnie could then turn his head a little and nod. Vanessa could smile and then curl up next to Bonnie. Eventually falling asleep.

They could work, and maybe their bond isn't the same as Freddy and Gregory's, but that doesn't mean it's lesser. Or that they're not as close. I think they're just right for each other. An overwhelmed animatronic mixed with a really quiet kid is a good mix I'd say :0

(Post in question)

I don't have an answer for either <XD

He was just reading "a book" and Kwazii was about to do "a dumb thing"-

@ocinstituterep

I haven't really given their exact ages much thought. Though I kind'a have an age range..? I feel like Barnacles is 40-50 years old. Maybe closer to 40.? Inkling is like in his 60-70s.

Dashi, Shellington, Kwazii, Tweak and Peso are all just bunched together between 20 and 40 years old. But Peso could be the youngest of the 5 and Kwazii the oldest maybe..?

The Vegimals are all under 10 I think.

I have not drawn that before no :/

Also that fact list was fun! XDD

[crepuscularious]

mansion

another imagine inspired by a song LMOAFJSOFA

in this, miguel is a ceo of alchemax, ironic isnt it? lol, i couldnt think of anything else

also how come doja is the most problematic artist but could still manage to keep a song stuck in all of our heads?

lastly, thank you!?!?!? i was so surprised my shit is suddenly getting like 100 likes and reblogs, im kinda running out of ideas for songs but yall could req anytime. to the most sweetest fluff as well as the most sluttiest smut! <3 thank you!

ceo!miguel x fem!reader

"baby, can you call me back? i miss you. its so lonely in my mansion"

you had married a man who you hardly even known at first, no lie. you guys met through an app and it just stuck. you went through all kinds of dates and all kinds of sloppy, full of drool kisses. he later revealed to you that he was a rich man who was a ceo. apparently, he never showed his face to the public, he was some kind of lady gaga 2.0

miguel was the sweetest, yes he was protective, and gets mad easily, but he knows his limits, especially towards you. someone hurts you? off with their heads! someone said you werent good enough for him? off with their heads! you get the point

it has been a week since you last saw him, normally he would let you accompany him everywhere, whether its a personal matter or he needs to go overseas for his work. but this time, you had stayed at home

"im sorry, amor. i really want you to let you come with me. but you know how it is at work, i wont be able to spend time with you there anyways" those were the words miguel said before leaving.

now, here you are. waiting for your dear husband, patiently, a little horny, but most of all, lonely. you couldnt help but sleep with his pillow wrapped around your arms and a leg on top of it, pretending youre snuggling up to him at night.

*incoming call from: mi vida ❤️*

miguel looks down at his phone, even if he was in the middle of a very important meeting, he would stop anything for you. what if it was emergency? what if she was bored? or worse, what if she was in the mood for phone sex!?

"hello, amor? whats wrong, mi vida?" miguel asks, holding a finger up to the line of his workers sitting down, as well as the person who was presenting a presentation to him

"i miss you, when are you coming home?" you asked, an obvious pout on face

"mi corazon..." he said in a certain tone, as if he was telling you he already answered this question a thousand times and was tired of hearing your pleas of coming back home.

"im sorry, i know youre busy. i just miss you, i cant sleep at night, you know" you said

"i know, mi vida. please understand, i love you so much. ill come back as soon as possible. okay?"

this scenario happened a few times for a week. he told you he was coming back in two days, but days has passed and hes still no where to be found. not to mention the very small texts he has been sending you

you were so saddened about everything, you missed your husband, very dearly. you just wanted to cuddle and squeeze him to death

*calling: mi guapo <3*

the text on your phone said, but he doesnt answer and it goes to voicemail

"baby, can you call me back? i miss you, its so lonely in our mansion"

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[fabaceous]

do you think jackieshauna could've gotten together eventually if the plane didn't crash/if jackie hadn't died or were they doomed from the start?

hi anon i know this took a while (sorry) but it's because this is one of my favorite cans of worms to open and i had a lot to say. so thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about it ;)

my answer, depending on the day and my mood, ranges from NO to YES, BUT to NO, BUT.

NO, because i think that even on a pure friendship level they are doomed. their flaws were like, designed in a lab (or a writer's room lol) to tear them apart. jackie is insecure and holds on too tightly to shauna. shauna quietly resents jackie for it and fucks around behind her back. as long as they have these traits, their relationship is a ticking time bomb. they will never make it within ten miles of a romantic relationship because even their friendship is doomed.

NO, because even if their friendship doesn't implode, they are both simply too damn repressed to ever make a move. im not even saying this as a cop-out, like, i truly believe in my heart and soul that they both have latent romantic feelings for each other but they tie themselves in all sorts of pretzels to avoid it and i'll go even further and say they are both REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT IT. like more so than most people. given my own experiences denying my (in hindsight incredibly obvious) feelings for girls (and i SUCK at repressing things) i have no doubt at all that they could go the rest of their lives convincing themselves that some girlfriendships are Just Like That. the human mind is a very powerful thing and the human mind on comphet and repression? nearly unstoppable. and even if they dont have some world-shattering blowout, and their friendship just sort of fizzles out for some nebulous and ambiguous (read: gay yearning related) reason, years later they'll still be looking back at their relationship saying Huh. Wasnt That Weird...Well...Nevertheless...I'm Sure It Was Nothing To Worry About...

like, okay, im gonna spend a little more time with this one because i think their repression is so key to their dynamic. jackie is obviously unable to face any aspect of herself that is even remotely imperfect. gay feelings for shauna would definitely fall into that category given what i assume she has internalized from her parents and her peers and it being the 1990s. shauna, while more willing to accept her dark side, cant bear the thought of wanting jackie like that. its the one bridge she cant cross. she'll literally fuck jeff. fucking JEFF!!! before she lets herself act on desire for jackie (at least not in a straightforward/normal way lol)

i think both of them on some level must feel that they have a desire for each other, or else they wouldn't be so desperate to avoid it. but they are SO desperate to avoid it, and i don't really have anything to back this up other than my gut feeling but i just can't imagine them ever overcoming their respective hurdles of repression, and definitely not under normal high-school circumstances. MAYBE in the wilderness they would've had a chance IF THINGS HAD GONE VERY DIFFERENTLY because they would be free from societal expectations or whatever, and maybe a life or death situation could've given them enough of a shock that they'd finally own up to their feelings. but EVEN THEN, personally, i think it's still questionable. i think this is just so deeply rooted that it would be anywhere from incredibly difficult to impossible for both of them to get past it. (it's no good if only one of them overcomes the repression, btw. then you just have unrequited pining (but secretly actually requited but the other person won't admit that they're requiting it so it's effectively unrequited which would be perhaps even worse and more painful. btw. if you even care))

now on to the other options...

YES, BUT, even if by some miracle they were able to get past their repression and date each other, i guarantee you all their toxic habits would be not only repeated but MAGNIFIED by being in a romantic relationship. like, ok, the good news is, they would finally be free to be openly obsessed with each other lol. but... imagine jackie gets EVEN MORE insecure about shauna leaving her because now she actually feels like she has a legit claim on shauna being "hers". before, her possessiveness (for lack of a more nuanced term) was tempered by the fact that they are just friends, and shauna should theoretically be allowed to have other friends, even if jackie doesn't like it. but shauna should NOT be having other girlfriends. so jackie would likely be reaching new levels of terrified of shauna leaving her. shauna would still be unable to address conflict directly. rinse and repeat this whooooole vicious cycle until it blows up in their faces like laura le--[gunshot]

finally, NO, BUT, and this one may be controversial & a bit more far fetched than the others, but i do think that under the right circumstances they could kiss or even fuck without it compromising their repression. i actually even think they could have a sort of sneaky situationship while still repressing their bigscaryfeelings for each other. HEAR ME OUT. they are both very careful about compartmentalizing their desire for each other and keeping it hidden FROM THEMSELVES. they often fail and it boils over despite their best efforts, but the more important thing is that they think they're succeeding at keeping their desire from breaching containment. and as long as they have that plausible deniability where they are hiding it from themselves, even if they don't manage to hide it from the rest of us (or even each other), i dont think its impossible for them to act on the desire, like, on pure instinct, but without actually intellectually or emotionally acknowledging the larger implications that that brings. and even if the desire breaches containment, they could still find a way to write it off as just desire in general and not desire for each other specifically. especially when they also still have the excuse of being horny teenagers with no impulse control, they could easily brush it off as, oh, we were just drunk, we were just experimenting. or even, oh, it was just shauna, it's not like i actually LIKE-like her, i just made out with her, but its shauna, so it obviously doesnt mean anything.

and i think they could even do this consistently for weeks months MAYBE up to a year or so, while deluding themselves into thinking this is somehow normal or not a big deal. because they have already proven they are masters of doublethink and repression, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten this far lol. but it would 100% also blow up in their faces. the question is, who would crack first? who would want something real? or who would walk away because it got too real? theres sooo much to ponder with this particular scenario and it's all very juicy and compelling (and GOD would i love to see it unfold with my own two eyeballs, can bart and ashley please write and film an AU of their own tv show?!) but i dont think it would ever lead them anywhere good or healthy.

so long story short (lol. conciseness has never been my strong suit as is probably abundantly clear by now) i personally do not think there is any possibility of a satisfying happy-ending scenario for these two. and i personally am perfectly okay with that because so much about them would have to change in order for them to get a happy ending that at that point, they would no longer be the jackie and shauna that i know and love.

[liquidstar]

my big fat greek wedding is the realest greek rep in mainstream american media, not because its completely accurate- a lot is rooted in lighthearted sort of self-stereotypes, and is overall pretty shallow if youre looking for legitimate emotionally resonate representation of any kind. BUT thats also EXACTLY what makes it vibe w so many greeks anyway because we hardly ever see those very specific little eccentricities even mentioned, letalone be made the focal point, so we kind of love making fun of it in a way thats like "oh my god thats JUST like my thio maki!!! and thats just like thia calliope!!! oh fuck that ones just like me"

all things considered i dont think greek representation is like the most important ever or anything, but its so rare to see greece acknowledged beyond ancient stuff or mythology, or maybe the occasional jab at eastern europe, that its just... fun to see yourself and your family a little bit on the tv. it doesnt really get into the super deep parts of the culture or anything like that but its fine bc its fun. i think most greek families (esp of diaspora) have bonded to this movie because theyre just like us for real. before this, i think the closest thing id seen to actual greek rep on tv was from an episode of the suite life on deck where it was mainly just an eastern europe stereotype 😭 abt being hairy and playing with pig guts as balloons and shit idk. i mean also true but in a way that comes off as more mean spirited lol. but even then i was excited just to see our flag on tv and remember pointing at it to my mom so i cant say it was the worst. but hey!

anyway i like my big fat greek wedding a lot, wanna see the 3rd sometime too but never got around to it. it just vibes and is fun. and again like i said before, greek rep wasnt the most important thing ever growing up (even if it is super cool to see and does make me very happy to have our culture acknowledged outside of ancients!) but it does make me understand why representation is important in a more general way and why it means so much to people. and i also understand that it can mean a whole lot more to people whove been historically treated way worse by media. like, lack of acknowledgement is one thing, but outright malicious stereotypes are another. i do get this with lgbt+ rep too but since i was lucky enough to be born in a time where its becoming the norm i also cant imagine how it must have seen so much worse and then live in a world where every cartoon has 2 girls kissing. its not perfect and often corporate but... also a good sign

sorry this post is super stream of consciousness so its probably all over the place but i think my general thoughts are that ppl who shit on a series for having any kind of representation they dislike (being "too progressive" or something) is not only an awful unsympathetic person but also like. on the flip side will never know the joy of seeing yourself like that. but i do realize it also comes with the tradeoff of not being seen to begin with so its not like its a net positive but... those ppl still wont know! they will not understand the true joys of "[country] mentioned!!!!" when the country is The United States Of America. the end