#eddie x buck | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

riotrose8 · 3 days ago

Text

What do you MEAN I don’t get to see if this is cannon until MARCH

MARCH

The party is going great, perfect even.

Too perfect.

Buck Bitter and Benevolent.

Buck had planned out every little detail of Eddie’s going away party. He put all his energy into this as he constantly felt his insides vibrate due to holding something back.

He finally quit denying himself weeks ago. Somewhere between an itch and realizing he found his home. Realizing he found his person. A person that is now leaving him, like everybody else has.

Eddie is leaving for a good reason, he knows that. Chris above everything, something Buck even lived by.

But his entire world has come crashing down around him. First Chris left which was hard enough, a kid who would be his if anything ever happened to Eddie. Then Tommy broke up with him because he wasn’t Buck’s last. Buck is now positive he knows what Tommy was alluding to.

Now Eddie, who somehow through the years of their friendship became Buck’s rock and arguably his everything. He would run into a burning house for him (which would sound more impressive if they weren’t firefighters.) He would dig to the center of the earth for him. He practically already tried.

When Eddie first announced he was moving to everyone, Buck began receiving these sympathetic glances the moment Eddie looked away. Buck didn’t understand why. Sure Eddie was his best friend, but people move all the time. Why would he need sympathy?

Then one day he was helping Eddie pack away some belongings, feeling like death as he did. But his best friend needed assistance so of course he was going to provide it. He came across some loose photos, with a few clustered together of him, Eddie, and Chris. Looking so happy. Like a unit. Like a family.

Then it hit him. Everyone else knew before him. He was in love with his best friend.

He looked over his shoulder at Eddie in the kitchen, plates clanking together as he stacks them into boxes. In the kitchen Buck knows where everything is at. In the house he is not a guest in. With the person he must recognize he built something with. Buck has loved many people before: Abby, Taylor. But the way he loved Eddie, he didn’t recognize it as love because it was so easy. And now that he noticed it, he can’t unsee it.

There are times he wondered if Eddie felt the same. The occasional lingering look that feels like more. He wakes up on Eddie’s couch with a blanket draped over him, one that wasn’t there when he nodded off while they watched a movie. There was a night after a few beers that Eddie rambled about how he was going to miss Buck, reaffirming that Buck is his best friend. Buck wondered if Eddie was going to admit he loved him too. He didn’t. And Buck had to hold back the words from slipping from his lips as he said he’d miss him too.

He then put all that angst and impending doom into making everything perfect for Eddie. He knew a big part of Eddie did not want to move back to Texas. He loved the life he made in L.A., but Chris was there so Buck understood. He did not want this process to be any harder on Eddie than it had to be. Buck can bear it all. He always does. It’s his superpower.

But it was giving out. The party was going along smoothly, but it was solemn. They rented out the backroom at a bar frequented by dispatchers. Streamers hung on the walls, a few unnecessary balloons scattered about, and a table with some pictures of Eddie with friends. Buck intentionally left out any of just him and his best friend. He could not handle another reminder of those pictures they took so easily wouldn’t happen anymore.

He wishes he had not put them out now. The party felt like a funeral.

Buck sits in a back corner by himself, nursing a beer. He is only allowing himself one. Not only for safety in getting home reasons, but because he is scared that if he drinks just a drop too much, he will unravel.

All the energy and distractions he created for himself end tonight. Then he must accept how horrible he feels because he can’t change anything after. Eddie keeps coming around to make small talk with him, that natural pull which defaults to being joined at the hip. Buck feels rude that he can’t contribute much back, but then Eddie is pulled away by people who actually want to talk with him. To Buck’s relief but also his heartache.

The sympathetic glances are becoming too much. He must look like a kicked puppy. His sleep schedule is a mess. Working out extra to relieve the stress. Does he have “in love like an idiot” written on his forehead?

Bobby and Athena step up next to him. They don’t say anything for a moment, whether simply to provide some silent support or waiting for Buck to make the first move. He does not make a sound though.

“It’s okay to be sad,” Athena starts, “Even if it’s for a good reason.”

“I know,” Buck hisses bitterly before pulling back, “Sorry.”

“I hope you know you can talk to us about anything,” Bobby reaffirms, “No judgement. We will always make time for you if we can.”

Buck nods. He still has not said it out loud to anyone yet. He once talked to Maddie about his conflicted emotions regarding Eddie leaving. Her eyes were knowing but she did not press much. The only thing she pushed was he should talk to Eddie about everything he’s feeling.

He can’t though. Eddie already has enough on his plate. Eddie also can’t reciprocate, so what’s even the point? Buck may already be losing their friendship, but he doesn’t want to ruin it by admitting something that will not change anything.

“Maybe after tomorrow,” is all that Buck gives. Bobby gives a nod and squeezes Buck’s shoulder.

“We are about to head out. I have an early shift in the morning,” Athena comments, “Thanks for putting all of this together. It’s been a great party.”

“I scheduled you off tomorrow. See you the day after,” Bobby grins as him and Athena step towards Eddie to say goodbye.

Buck’s chest tightens; his heart begins to pound; it’s hard to breathe. They can’t leave. People cannot start leaving. That means the party is coming to an end.

That means Eddie will be leaving soon too.

He can’t do it. Maybe it’s selfish. Maybe it’s selfcare. But Buck cannot be here a moment longer. He can’t watch it end. He can’t watch every goodbye Eddie receives, knowing it is a countdown till his goodbye.

Buck decides to leave.

He first texts Maddie: I have to go. Please clean up when this is done. I’ll babysit three nights no questions asked.

As he grabs his coat from behind his chair, he sees Maddie pull her phone out to read his text. She shoots him a look and waves him over, wanting more clarity or to comfort, but he does not acknowledge her. He hightails it out of the bar.

It is a surprisingly chilly night for L.A. standards. Not like he can see his breath, but there is a nip in the air as he pulls his jacket tightly around his body. He deliberates where he should go. He could go home and cry until he passes out. He could park his car back at his apartment and take an Uber to get blackout drunk at a bar. He could bootycall Tommy to fuck the sadness out of him. Now looking back, Tommy did remind him of Eddie, but in a way that could not truly compare.

“Buck!” He hears Eddie call from behind him. He pretends to not hear as he walks towards his vehicle through the dimly lit parking lot.

“Hey what’s going on!” Eddie trots as fast as he can, grabbing Buck by the shoulder to stop him in his tracks, “The party is perfect. If you think you forgot something: no you didn’t. And if we must, we can have whatever it is delivered here.”

Buck does not respond for a moment. He contemplates what to say back. Is he really going to lie to his best friend? What lie would he even come up with? Food poisoning at a party they don’t have anything but cake and snacks at? He cannot act like he forgot some random plan, as if his life hasn’t revolved around tonight for weeks.

He is too much of a mess to hide. Maybe he can lean into it doesn’t matter in a positive way. Expelling it from his soul so he never has to wonder what if, while already knowing that answer. The last time he lied to Eddie, about the date with Tommy, he felt horrible. It hung over his head until he unraveled to Eddie a day later. He does not want to leave them like that. What’s the worst that could happen? Eddie never talks to him again? It’s practically already happening.

“I didn’t forget anything. I’m going home,” Buck releases.

“What?” Eddie ponders, looking very confused, “I was going to order us a round of shots once Cap left. This night ain’t close to being over.”

“Eddie, I-” Buck is choking on his words. He accepted he should tell Eddie how he is feeling, but where does he even begin? Buck had never given a moment’s thought to actually telling him.

Eddie’s face immediately softens, reading Buck in a way no one else can, “What’s wrong? Come back inside. We can talk just you and me at the bar.”

“No!” Buck does not mean to raise his voice, but everything is heightened: his blood pressure, his heart rate, his emotions splashing over the dam.

Eddie looks taken aback. Buck telling him no? When has that ever happened, “Then tell me here.”

It’s all spilling out, “What do you want me to say? Not to go?!”

That’s when Buck can see it: the gears of Eddie’s mind locking up.

“That I don’t know what I’m going to do without you? That the last time I felt this horrible was-” but he stops himself. Abby.

“But I can’t tell you that. I want you to be with Chris. Chris is and should be the number one priority,” Buck can feel his voice shake and his eyes burn. He is ruining everything.

“I can’t say any of that. So I have to go,” Buck declares with more confidence than he has.

“You don’t… you don’t have to go anywhere,” Eddie mumbles, “I could come with you.”

Buck feels punched in the gut. Of course Eddie would offer to go with him. Of course Eddie will provide unconditional support, just as he would for Eddie. What is Buck going to do without this?

“No, you can’t.” Buck responds, “You have a party inside full of people who love you and want to send you off. And then you need to get home and finish tidying up so you can leave before the morning traffic rush tomorrow.”

Eddie does not respond to that, because it’s not like Buck is wrong. All of those statements are true. Eddie wants Buck to be wrong.

“So, I’m going to go home, and you’re going back inside. Order those shots and take an extra for me. I want you to have a good time tonight,” Buck declares earnestly, “You deserve it.”

There’s another moment of silence before Buck whimpers, “If you don’t want me over in the morning before you go now, I understand, but please let me know when you leave and when you make it to El Paso.”

“I’d want you there.” Eddie quickly affirms, “I don’t know if I could do a goodbye to you in front of everyone anyhow.”

Buck nods, “I’ll see you bright and early. If you can, let me know when you get home tonight? And tomorrow I’ll grab us some coffee on the way over.” He then turns around to continue to this car.

“Why?”

Buck stops.

“Why do you not want me to go?” Eddie questions.

Buck does not turn around. He can’t bring himself to say it. He can’t bear to put his heart on the line like that. Eddie is not rejecting him. If Buck says it, then he would.

“You know why,” Is all Buck responds. Another brief moment of silence before he steps to his Jeep and drives off.

Eddie is left standing there as his entire life recontextualizes.

#buddie #eddie x buck #buck x eddie

69 notes · View notes