#but yeah. not doing that again. if im gonna vent it's going to be A VENT not a serious post
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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PLEASEEE BRAIN
Wanna do homework
Not think about little!Zoro
AAAAA
(Some how i ended writting more on the tags about amazing ideas of zoro and sanji agere after wci lol)
#i wann writte fanfic#AGERE FANFIC#i dont wanna keep on doing projects for uni#ES QUE ZORO PEQUEÑO#ES QUE PENSE EN WHAT IF ZORO REGRESSED AFTER WANO#FEARING THAT SANJI IS GONNA LEAVE AGAIN#AND IN LIKE#I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED MARINFORD#AOWSOWMS#SBLAHWLS#I HATE IT HERE#LIKE LIKE#WHAT IF#WHAT IF TANTO SOBRE STRAW HATS AFTER WCI#LIKE#SANJI COULDNT REGRESS IN WCI#BECAUSE FAMILY IS AVUSIVE TOWARDS HIM#LIKE WHAT IF???#LIKE WHAT IF AFTER SANJI COME BACK TO THE SUNNY#HE STRUGGLE ONCE AGAIN WITH MORE#SELF HATRED???#WHAT IFFF#sorry going crazy about it#couldnt contain anymore#Its 6 am and im mixing spanish with english but honestly i have so many great ideas but i dont know enough to make them justice so yeah...#one piece agere#cw abuse#tw vent#a little potato talking
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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*rocking back and forth in a corner* this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass
#lads I’m in the trenches right now ngl#I’ve got so much fucking work to be done with so little time it’s horrific#like honestly for my english essay I’m not even gonna fucking try anymore I just want to submit it on time I don’t fucking care lmao#fashion is like layers of stress I don’t even want to get into#religion can just suck my cock straight up#art feels like dead weight dragging behind me which sucks because I like art but that class is making me HATE it#anyways yeah I’m so glad this is my last year because I can not fucking do this again#im so stressed I can barely eat lmao#anyways I’m gonna tear my fucking hair out or go live in the woods#senioritis is fucking real PLEASE have better time management than me#I’m gonna melt into the floor#vent
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kay em ess
#lol#literally just these two bitches#sat me down#as if it was some really serious intervention#scared the shit out of me#literally about to cry i was so fucking scared#just to tell me i need to be better about putting my fucking DISHES AWAY???#i just want to go homr#apparently they have cued me a bunch of times#like yeah and everytimr u tell me to i always do it#‘u say u will but thry still get left out’ i do it eventually???#like im sorry im in a fucking depressive episode and i barely wanna be alive. bye.#sorry. i gues!#and apparently if it happens again im getting my phone taken away#like what.#its not that fucking deep bruh.#im so fucking sick of this place i wanna go home#im only gonna be here until july 30th (my bday) but#fuck my life omfggg#sui tw#<- just in cade#tw sui ideation#vent
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i'm going to be honest i have no idea what i'm going to do. i messed up my choices for higher education and now i have barely a couple days to pick between a cursus way too difficult for me, a highly specialized cursus with shit outcomes, and a leap of faith into whatever kind of gap year alternative can get me out of my parents' hair for the time being. note how i have no fucking idea what that alternative could be, or what path i'd like to take ideally. fun.
#yeah yeah i know happens to everyone#anyway im. not happy abt the future outcomes rn#on one hand i know if i never choose the path of challenges i'm never gonna get anywhere#on the other hand my mental health is always a dumpster fire and i'm honestly not sure what's the way to fix it#if i have to waste my parents money being their vaguely adequate enough lapdog six more months i'm going to spontaneously die i think#but education costs money and takes efforts and i dont know what to do#i don't know what's my goal#i don't like anything anymore. i don't have any particular skills. i suck at anything actually useful.#please just assign me anything that needs to be done and pay me a living wage#i just don't want to choose#the only thing i think i'd feel alright doing is healthcare but. yknow. huge phobia of anatomy. not a science type.#and the crippling fear of inadequacy doing anything not the EXACT way it's meant to be done#i couldn't switch mid-year i just couldn't i don't fucking want to live that kind of feeling again#broadcasting my misery#vent
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Sometimes you read a fanfic and you're like oh, this was written by someone who has no experience with suicide but is giving it a damn good try and you just stare at the words, mouth fully agape.
#kai rambles#im just#im not gonna try and gatekeep anything#like that would be ridiculous#but my word#if someone has just attempted suicide#telling them that death is not enough penance for what theyve done and that living is the only punishment they deserve#that is not gonna convince them not to attempt suicide again#you do not try to guilt someone is suicidal#like it might be an honest statement of how you feel about them#but if you want them to not attempt suicide again?#you do not tell them that kind of shit#ah yeah you know what will convince this guy not to attempt suicide again?#telling him that he deserves to suffer more and live through that suffering#my god im just#like i get it. its difficult to know what to say in that moment (and it takes several attempts for it to get any easier)#but jesus fucking christ man#do you really think someone suffering so much they tried to end their own life is gonna be convinced by ''you should suffer more actually''#vent post#this is a vent post#im just.#i cannot#just go with ''i love you'' or ''there are people here who care about you and want you in their lives''
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Work has ruined me i literally cannot enjoy playing yakuza because of my stomachache like fuck you ....
#Yakuza liveplay#real sorry sbout venting about my poor tortured belly but it hurts so bad#‘whats this have to do with work’ it doesnt i just hate work#i want a ps4 controller or im going to start shaking and sobbing and hugging myself#i hate this xbox controller its the worst thing that has ever happened to me#what do you mean hitting ^ will cause me to hit > and < as well cant i just hit one button at a time#stop inputing random things i hate you you little freak#spits on my controller#and on top of that the ones i planned on biying sold like hotcakes and i will never get to lay my hands on a ps4 controller ever again#actually im not mad anymore#im going to play yk2 karaoke#im going to plqy pride from despair one hundred times because i like it so muchchhh#gonna play heartbreak mermaid as well it is one of my favourite songs ...#yk2 karaoke is so fun ... maybe ill play yk1 too ... fuck maybe ill download ps2 yakuza#oh my god yeah then i can finally see the kiryu lying on haruka scene. sleeping on his little baby#that is such a good idea im so happy ..... baby pillow ... sleeping on baby .... kiss her forehead#i hope to get the dub so i can listen to yuya#GOD I SHOULD GET THE DUB IM SO SMARRTTTTTT ILL GET RIGHT ON THAT
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I have discovered many gamer themed euphisms for sex with this one song
#sorry i said i was gonna sleep but i cant#so i got caught up listening to this s3rl song on repeat! its called be my gamerboy. if you wanna hear gamer euphisms#sky screams into the void#also uh. i am wishing i could magically heal and fix things but i cant and it makes me feel powerless#like yeah i can do as much as i can but that doesnt fix it all and it SUCKS!!!!!#this isnt about anyone or anything in particular a lot is going on with me and everyone else#fuck. its 11:48 pm. im gonna log off and try sleeping again#actually now this is more of a#sky vents like amogus
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mfw i try to draw something but it looks like something i wouldve drawn when i was 12 when i havent drawn since i was 12
#i hate it so much but also what did i expect??????#yeah i dont think imma be getting back into actual art ever again lmao#like doing the occasional manga colouring is whatever (not that i post any of those really)#but part of me feels so let down cuz this was the only thing i was good at for so long and people expected me to keep doing it#so ig i just feel like a disappointment#thats not new to me but it feels so much worse now#oh well ig#i have no drive or motivation to improve and trying to draw gets me so frustrated cuz i havent drawn in like 7 years lmao#i dont think im ever gonna bother with this again#feels weird to say that and its kinda like im letting go of the last thing i used to genuinely enjoy#but i genuinely have no reason to try getting back into it#side note#i think im depressed and spiralling again and idk if im gonna try to stop that either at this point#the past month has been shit and idk how much longer i can take it lol#vent post#yoshi talk
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like this is so wildly stupidly unfair I guess that the more I talk about stuff with my therapist the more that everything happening gets to me now. i couldn't even be in the front of the house when my stepdad was about to walk in. I saw him and had to hide in my bedroom and im still hiding because im just sick of being so anxious and having to constantly be aware of where every item in my room is because it is always at risk of being taken or moved or stolen and then i get fussed at after. it's becoming paranoia. it's making my life miserable. it's making it impossible to leave the house without thinking all day about how I might have left a box or a book out or something. nothing is safe or private when your stepdad has a habit of snooping in your room and you don't have the ability to move out yet. and my mom is so fucking useless about it all and refuses to stand up to him ever. it's so stupid. I deserve better than this and I always have but I have just convinced myself that this is how it is and that's just ehat I have to put up with if I don't want to be basically homeless and have no money for school.
#im fucking sick of it. im so tired. nothing changes.#i want out of this fucking house. i want to leave in the dead of the night and never have to come back.#rent a uhaul pack my shit and leave.#im gonna try downsizing on stuff again in a few weeks when the semester ends. hopefully will be able to seperate me#meaningful things versus the things i can toss or store. and hopefully over the next couple of years if i do that enough#l will have an amount of things that can beoved into a camper with bf#and i wont have to live every single day paranoid about getting my room snooped through. and i will be able to wake up to comfort#i want to wake up and not be afraid. i want to go to bed comfortable and happy. i want to spend my days being fulfilled.#i want a life. i want to live. but i dont want to live in this anymore and sometimes that feels like wanting to not wake up anymore.#sui mention#in tags but. yeah.#delete later. i dont want to look at this shit on my blog sorry if it stays up too long.#vent
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insane that i’m the biggest disappointment of a child for smoking weed but the child that’s emotionally abusive is fine
#i??? do not understand my parents#like ok yes it is bad that my room smells of weed and is messy#but!#feels real fucking weird that my mum gets more upset with me about that than my sister being the literal devil incarnate#and not in a fun way#like dinner last night i literally did not say a single word bc me. just speaking. apparently triggers izzy and i think i literally just#acknowledged a joke being made and she started her whole. you need to leave. get out. you’re the problem. everyone hates you. shtick#and my mums response is can you just be nice to each other#???????????#GIRL I DIDNT DO A FUCKING THING#I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE CONFLICT AND THE CONFLICT APpArENtLy ONLY OCCURS WHEN IM PRESENT#(it doesn’t. she’s even worse to my mum but mum never. fucking does anything about it#which yeah i do get bc defending urself or literally just saying or reacting in anyway than what The Devil wants you to ends up a mess)#but maybe use two fucking braincells and realise i’m not the worst one here??#i’m actually gonna go insane#also it’s like. lowkey so funny that mums disappointed bc she thinks i haven’t been smoking for months#which i have!! u just haven’t fuckin realised it bestie!! so maybe the reason i am being depressed and useless rn is related to uhh the#fucking demon that’s living in the house again???#not because weed is so evil and brain rotting??#also like i do completely get how silly of me it is to blame everything on my sister when i am aware that my mum hates me smoking weed and#i shouldn’t get a free pass just because my sister is worse than me#but also.#i would like a free pass:(#basically! i should move out lol#but unfortuately i have spent all of my savings#can’t wait to spend 12 hours in the car with all of them tomorrow!!#ah you know when u look back at the times you were gonna kill urself and wish you just fucking did#vent post
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turns out actions have consequences and i can't just act mentally ill around people five days a week and expect them not to be miffed with me at least a little bit :)
#principal teacher HATES ME holy fuck#they got reprimanded by the school hierarchy bc i didnt clean the puke as well as i thought i did#and now i've destroyed every good sentiment they've ever had towards me#it's cool it's cool to remember that no matter how much effort i put into it i'm literally unable to act normal for extended periods#and im just. actively toxic to be around.#im gonna make the effort to go to the ER again i think#bc it's not just a ''get better'' deal i have to have medical professionals in contact w the shcool#but eh. i don't much believe in that.#is it stupid to just drop out now#i feel like it is#i don't want to ''get better'' it still sucks!! holy shit does it still suck!!#i feel okay sometimes and i tell my friends about it i'm like yeah it's bad but i don't FEEL too sad about it#and they're like. baby you're in denial.#which. i mean. i do never follow through on the improvements i thought of when i feel pretty good.#so ahem. if i accept that those brief moments of enthusiasm are flukes. uh. i'm probably never going to be happy? comfortable? at peace?#what's the fucking point then?#broadcasting my misery#vent#ed tw
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Hey I'm just curious where the info about nile crocodiles possibly going extinct due to the bombings came from because I can't find that information anywhere or even evidence that nile crocodiles live or lived anywhere near the area
Good question! I found a couple articles that talks about it. It seems the Nile croc USED to exist there and no longer does (because of Britain, not Israel). So they have just completely left that area, and have been gone since the 1930's. Still misinformation on my end, I'm sorry.
Another amendment: I put that in my post because I had just seen a Tumblr post about the last croc being mourned by Palestinians, and with everything going on, I thought it was related to the genocide. It wasn't. It was recent art about an event that happened a long time ago. Here's the Reddit version of that post as well.
I should have done more research beforehand. I was frustrated and just reciting information I'd reblogged onto my blog. The crocodile thing was actually what pushed me to make that post in the first place, so that is 100% on me. (And yes, even that post said "1930s", so I don't really have an excuse on that one besides I was tired and frustrated, but yeah. I still am, but y'know.)
Between Extinction and Dispossession: A Rhetorical Historiography of the Last Palestinian Crocodile (1870–1935) by Elisabeth Bentley
On Killing Crocodiles: Colonial Zoology in Late Ottoman Palestine by Elisabeth Bentley
I would like to note that both my sources are from the same person. Bentley appears to be an expert on the topic, and also the only one talking about it. Her essays keep being re-used on different websites over and over again, so it looks like I'm not the only one who can't find any other sources. But her work is well-written, and definitely worth a read.
I'm gonna be more diligent about this going forward.
#dimond speaks#at least bentley isn't being plagiarized over this but it is upsetting that she's the only one focusing on this#idk. the post was a vent that i shouldn't have tried to make it anything more than that#fortunately not many people have found that post so I can take it down#but yeah.#i'm still really fucking upset over it#i just wish i could DO something y'know?#so i thought maybe making a post would be SOMETHING#but i really dropped the ball on that#I'm gonna make another one and this time i'm gonna do some SERIOUS research#i wanna compile everything in one place and keep adding to it as shit goes down#i think that will be MUCH better than the other post.#again sorry for just making that post without doing my own research and just reciting things i'd heard#hearsay is never good especially about stuff like this#this now sounds like a youtuber apology video oh god GFHJDSAK#but yeah. not doing that again. if im gonna vent it's going to be A VENT not a serious post
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tonight has been so fucking weird
#small vent in the tags cause you know i love talking in the tags#aaaaaaahhhhhh#just had the worst panic attack#ive been freaking the fuck out but im doing my best to stay calm and not make shit worse#no matter how bad i feel that would just make things worse for everyone#i dont really know what to do here though#ok im back again editing this after i just finished crying how are we doing#i have to prioritize becoming a better person and i refuse to risk falling into old habits again#so. yeah. im gonna do that 👍#going to sleep now cause im so exhausted goodnight everyone
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it's bullshit that the 3 nearest adhd support groups to me are all for parents struggling to deal with their adhd kids lmao
#the nearest adult one is over an hour away by train + currently indefinitely suspended but when thry start up again ill probs check it out#i think i just need like. a space where i can talk abt this shit with real people and likewise sympathise with them. solidarity#the adhd reddit isnt a terrible space but id rather it was an in person thing..#kind of miss my old flatmates bc one of them had adhd too and while we didnt talk a whole lot we had a couple conversations where i felt-#seen + like we actually had some common ground. bless my current flatmate i love her shes v sweet but i dont think she understands#my mum has adhd and i like talking abt it with her bc she knows a lot of technical stuff from a psychological standpoint#and also sometimes she'll call me just to be like My Head Is Filled With Wet Cement Right Now and im like Yeah ❤️#but I cant talk abt super personal things with her bc shes too closely emotionally involved and gets rly upset if im having a hard time#and i cant afford a therapist and dont think id get much out of it anyway i just want some kind of community !!!!!!#sorry for complaining sooo much today im just not feeling it girls. its ok tho im gonna go get some snacks from lidl#and hopefully i can do even just half an hour more of job apps when i get back and then maybe call it a day#oughf.#.diaries#.vent
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