#but i hashtag love venting

[heartboreo]

[catamations]

*i inflict soul crushing pain onto the positive character yet again* <- he cannot keep getting away with this

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

thinkin abt him,, thinkin abt me beating his head in with an aluminum bat,, <3<3<3

[emberglowfox]

cool that all the advice things about intrusive thoughts are like “let the thought pass…. meditate…. accept that this is not you….” i am aware it is not me however i feel like i’m sitting inside a dog kennel while all the dogs are barking and screaming 24/7, is more my issue

[punk-o-ween]

i wish i could keep friends, this is such a womp womp for me bro 😕😕

[quartzitess]

I was feeling unwell and doodled as a coping mechanism.

[instantpansies]

and honestly, can i even call myself an artist? or a musician? when i have never had the passion or the dedication to work until ive mastered the techniques and honed my eyes and ears and connected with the paper and the piano? i dont want to do this forever. my art is only sometimes meaningful, my music is only sometimes moving. i am stranded in the space between obsession and apathy. if i think about what i will become i get nauseous. i'm no performer not really, the talent the teachers and relatives all pointed to is good, certainly, but not juilliard good. not concert pianist good. not international gallery good. and that's okay, you know? i don't need to be the best there's ever been. but i want to at least be good at something. jack of all trades master of none better than a master of one but i don't know, sometimes it would be nice to say i want to be a master of this. i want to devote my life to this. i won't get tired of this and grow to hate it. will i teach children piano in five years? will i spark in them an unwavering drive for music if i never felt it myself? how can i call myself a professional, how can i identify with my field of study, when i can't even promise to love it? and when my mentors say you have to be willing to devote yourself to the study, you have to be able to work at one small piece one tiny detail until it's beautiful, you have to become part of your instrument and never practice in front of people, never perform like you don't know what you're doing, never call your work good enough before you have wrung every drop of artistry out of it. when they say all that, i feel nothing but guilt. not motivation, not passion for the study. just another thing i can see in my future, another job i'll like enough but only be adequate at, another field i'll have proficiency in--but not mastery, never mastery. jack of all trades master of none better than a master of one but when they ask me what do you live for i cannot tell them

[kapusto]

I found my vent doodles from last year. They are beautiful, so look at them

[cybervamp1re]

i really really love my bf sometimes i worry that he’ll get tired of me cuz he’s truly so wonderful and i worry i’m not enough cuz he’s just so awesome and i always preach self love and improvement to others but truthfully i am pretty pathetic and see myself as kinda lame. but he always reassures me and tells me how much he loves me and i’m so thankful i hope we stay together foreeverrrrrrrrr and everrrrrrrrr

[greenunc0mmonly]

sometimes i’m like “how and why did i even end up with abandonment/attachment issues? i think i just made all of it up.” and then i remember that my father exists

[1o1percentmilk]

it's some combination of disliking having to meet high expectations by setting them for myself, not knowing how to return affection, a history of being ultra-suicidal but not wanting to harm people by taking away someone they love = i must get to a state where i am so universally hated that killing myself would be a net good, and degradation kink

[brainrot-stitch]

aAAJDOSJDHSJDHAJSHDGGS

[acetheta]

so true beth latimer no one will mourn u when u die

[aeroblast-radius]

spirit riding free really did just completely erase the message of the original movie and spit in its face in the medium of meaningless self-contained episodic slop didn't it

[menshusband]

This is fine

[chiistarri]

gyus i think im a ltite wacky ☝️🤓