#but yeah. i cant do it man...or at the least i dont want to do it anymore
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think im gonna make a substack where i can just post as frequently or infrequently as i want ... like i think all social media has some percentage of good and bad in it but honestly thinking about trying to use it in the same way i have been for like, ten years or whatever makes me wanna hurlll
#personal#its gonna be free to be clear. i literally just wanna have somewhere i can throw things 😭#and keep ppl updated. for the not tumblr users in my life#like the notion that any ''success'' or whatever ive had as an illustrator#is like 95% locked to being on *nst*gr*m and tw*tt*r...GET ME OUTTA HEREEEE#of course the posting on here will continue. i like it here#but yeah. i cant do it man...or at the least i dont want to do it anymore#but also i do LIKE sharing my work and hearing what other people think about it#(and seeing other peoples work! and engaging with it!)#so yeah. idk. everybody make newsletters or whatever#and also ive been finding myself more drawn to words than#making images lately so. having something that can be both#sounds nice
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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I think an underlooked part of what shaped jin’s mindset was how even back in Torna, he was considered “property”. He and Lora spent their whole lives avoiding the authorities of Torna because they believed would straight up execute Lora to get Jin back, and no one ever denies it. and this has seemingly been a fear since Lora was a child. Jin had to hide his face everywhere he went. Maybe Torna wouldn’t have been cruel enough to execute a child, especially since the king seemed decent(?) enough, if not a bit distant. But the fact it was even a fear at all for Lora since she was so young is just awful to think about.
According to his past self’s journals, Jin and his old driver fought in a war of independence for Torna, perhaps what made him a hero to begin with. and because he’s a war hero for deeds he doesn’t even remember, the kingdom considers him owned by them. Which is on the nose in two different ways ngl. Both in how the Blades are seen and a wider metaphor of soldiers/state. idk it’s just very sad to think about
#I think a lot of people (esp people who dont really interact with the actual story of 2) boil jins motives down to lora too often#like yes her death sent him spiraling but his actual motives dont like. actually have much to do with her directly. it contributed to his#bad mental state that allowed him to get to that point but he still has plenty of reasons to hate how blades are treated and hes right!#its also why 'lora wouldn't have wanted this' doesnt really matter to him. yeah she wouldnt have. she's also been dead for ages so what does#it matter? like hes definitely not coping healthily mans is constantly retraumatizing himself by keeping her body around but like#he knows she's dead hes accepted it so hes doing better than N at least! jin hates being immortal but he stays alive to keep Loras memory#alive. but the longer he lives the more and more awful shit he sees and the more it breaks him. but he cant die bc then the only person left#who really knew lora would be gone (Minoth is alive too but he knew her for like several weeks at most alsfjakfjljfsa) and thats the curse#xenoblade#xenoblade chronicles#jin#siren says
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Bro i just saw an iNSANE post about adler... like... WHHAT?
#like people can have all the fun they want with the character#but painting him as the villain because others are putting him in a ship-#that you dont like how the counter parnter was treated?#if its too hard for you to understand im talking about bell and adler#bell was a war criminal to *say the goddamn least*#yeah i dislike that ship too#but for other reasons#because i understand that adler would NOT do that because its unethical in his books#and he could care less about bell after his job was done#but to hate on adler becaue people put him with bell and he (quot) abused (unquote) bell#bro! they arent that close to call it abuse!#he just *USED* bell as a tool for war#which happens more often than you think when literally millions of peoples lives are on the goddamn line#i could care less if you hate adler but dont make up shit out of fake fairy dust just to justify your hate for him#i dislike the ship too but i dont care enough to lowkey call out some people#but this post really annoyed me#edit#call me an asshole but bell was a terrorist and a right hand man of another war criminal#you cant call someone a victim when they was literally about to launch nukes in europe if he wasnt shot and left for dead#and dragged by black ops team to be brain washed#i added more this shit because i reread the shit and the 'definition of evil' actually pissed me off#this isnt a vague post this is a full on rant#about that post#jay rant
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starting to think this website is bad for my mental health.....
#⚠️#personal#everytime i come on here and read a post thats discourse its like entering a boss battle against my ocd#like fuck! not again!!#i dont know the answer and my brains yelling at me if i dont reblog fast enough im a bad person and i cant scroll by either causr thatll#make me a bad person whos ignoring what seems to be an obvious problem and now im FUCKED!!!#yeah maybe i could just unfollow discourse people but theyre half the people i follow and also some of my mutuals and like#its not like i dont care about issues its just hard to engage with anything on here when my own mind keeps yelling at me im a horrible#person for not reblogging whatever new queer discourse post has appeared on my dash#its exhausting!#i wish spaces online were more ocd friendly! but they never will be! cause social media thrives off reactionary aggressive shit like#''reblog this or youre a TERRIBLE PERSON'' and even when the op isnt saying that and is like calmly explaining things or at least from what#i can gather from their tone over the internet which is hard to judge that voice is still in my head like people on here will label you a#shitty person for not reblogging certain posts and that scares me and my ocd so bad!#i do care its just hard to want to engage with anything when everyones so angry all the time#yeah people can be justified in that anger but still for people like me who struggle with moral ocd its hard#ive been considering jsut not reblogging discourse but i want to show solidarity with people this discourse is about#i want to show i care cause i do its just hard like#i feel like half the shit i reblog on here is a compulsion#yeah maybe i should spend less time on here but even when im trying to do that i still scroll on my dash for maybe like 5 minutes and ive#already been hit with like 20 different discourse posts#i jsut came on here for gotham fan content idk man
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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Nothing brings me closer to the edge of "huh maybe I do have a touch of the autism" than shopping
#anne speaks#as in i fucking DESPISE it unless it's specifically catered to me#i need to be warned about it in advance. i need to know what time we're going. ideally i need to know what time we're done#i have to mentally prepare myself and dedicate a specific amount of energy for the act in advance#and so help me gods if i bring my mum i will full on rage quit within two hours#she's one for 'oh this piece of clothing might be good for you' then holds up the least me thing in the world#or goes all 'uhh i dont know...' concerned if it either shows too much cleavage or is not neat and feminine enough#and then on top of that is like#okay but that costs money so how about we go to an extra store that you werent prepared for to see if they have the same thing but cheaper#you CANNOT add to my mental list of what im expecting im running FAST out of my prepped energy and i WILL start snapping at u#she asked what i would like for my bday and i was like 'well okay i do wanna refresh my wardrobe a little'#she asked what im thinking of style wise but like a) how do i say mum you cant buy me clothes without me feeling like a silicon valley wife#and b) how do i say 'i want butch i want gender i want playful i miss my theatre days i want artist i want boho'#anyway. i have now been convinced to go shopping with my sister who is a lot more tolerable bc she's young and hip and less scared to play#but im still like 'okay what time? okay give me a second to think if i want to go? i need to mentally adjust'#and my mum kept saying 'oh you can go then and after youll come back together' THATS NOT A TIME MOTHER#i need to know! when im going!! so i know how much time i have to mentally prepare#anyway. this is my essay on why shopping makes me autistic#there is Very Little that does this to me. usually i embrace chaos#but oh man. yeah no thanks#anyway fingers crossed everyone that i come back from town looking artsy and gender
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theres a course i really want to do sem2 next year (its an aen course. who wouldve guessed) but it has a latn prerequisite in sem1, except my other degree cores are all in sem1. so the only option is to overload and make it out of there alive, which, is. erm. up till now ive taken 4 units a sem and one of them is always this unserious unit. and i have a lot more work next year too.
#sem2 is just gonna be an entire sem of electives#it would be nice to go on exchange or something but i have units i need to complete onshore#im planning 2 latn units in sem2 and one research unit. not sure what to take for the last space..#either way its gonna be a hectic sem1 and such a chill sem 2 (i underestimate how much work latn is#also i keep forgetting i cant go on long term exchange for that long because i cant ditch my students#also lowkey considering dropping my fourth year (idk why its there in the first place) and do honours instead#my friend is begging me to do postgrad med which is a funny thought. ive never taken biology ever. i actually considered this at one point#i guess it will boil down to how much do i actually enjoy labwork. am i cut out for research? typa shit.#ill find out after my project is over early next year i guess. but like#at that point. ive gotten funded to do this reaearch project. like at that point why not just keep going#my academic host told me he has another student with the same funding#which is wild considering its only 4 a year#and hes said before hes had two previous applicants who didnt make it through#guys ego must be theough the roof right now. how does it feel to understand your research changes the world?#thats sort of the feeling ive always wanted to experience i think#but its disheartening to say the least when i see so much content online about the corruption in academia#and i get it. yeah. i dont know i dont know man. i dont know. i need to take a nap. i didnt plan to live this long to actually plan futures
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if i had a nickel for every time i had a 5cream oc who was an absolutely 100% fruity girl who kept hitting on white boy wes w ZERO intention of actually following through on anything i’d have TWO nickels. which isn’t a lot but its weird that its happened twice right.
#so sorry to that young man#in YVIES defense wes doesnt take her flirting seriously#esp bc that girl hits on her male friends like theyre chicks shes tryna top. just for a laff x#either that or occasionally the same borderline harassment flirting she hits everyone else (but mindy) with 😭#but yeah no yvie hits on basically everybody#he do not want her and he knows she dont want him either 😭#i mean. i do think she Would. maybe once. out of pity. but shed have to be faded as hell and also shed never talk to him again after 😭#shed feel so bad 😭#tho its not like yvies into dudes in general. but she normally ghosts her hookups so#she can hook up w dudes she dont care abt! but she loves wes as a Lifelong Buddy so shes not doing that!#now i cant make any excuses for melina like ol girl was just lying to him 😭#i mean they only spent three months together and she was his first ever girlfriend#and she had that ‘ur the first guy ive ever dated so im kinda nervous n wanna take it slow 🥺’ locked and LOADED#small mercies bc i mean. she did at least let him get to second base#granted. she was thinking abt amber whenever she had to do sm as kiss him. she was white knuckling her way thru like#letting him feel her up every once in a while. also bc she knew he had zero other experience so that prolly was good as hell for him 😭#but she is kinda lucky that the massacre happened when it did bc otherwise what was she gon do#like if the months dragged on w/o amber taking her back. shed have to KEEP putting anything further off#which i mean not like wes was pushy. that poor sweet boy 😭 but i mean smth was gonna seem Sus EVENTUALLY#but not if he is not alive to question it 🫶🏽 sorry man 😔#at least he aint go without knowing what it felt like to grab a ti-#ok thats foul IM SORRY#ceci speaks#— slasherverse posting.#— ♡ 𝘤𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥'𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦! // melina bates.#— ♡ 𝘭𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵‚ 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 (𝘪 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵) // yvie romero.
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when is somebody gonna care abt me the same way i care abt them🤣🤣🤣🙏🔥icant do this shit anymore
#i shiuld call her probably#why isnt anything like it fucking used to be lmao#like yeah iwas fucking miserable but ive always been fucjing miserable#at least i had somebody#or felt like i had somebody#cuz i havent felt like thst in so long n ijust pushed it down n pushed it down n pushed it down n im never gonna get it back#but i cant just ignore it anymore but i cant not ignore it either#it just hurts either way n i dont know how to fix it#i wanna feel important again or like i matter or Somethjng#wanna feel like skmebody knows me#n im so fucking repressed n terrified n stupid that i dont know how to make it happen#i cant make friends at school or anywhere else n ive tried yk im always fucking trying#n i cant hardly go anywhere else anyway cuz i dont pass#n everybody says its cuz im not trying enough or i dont want it enough but i AM trying n i DO want it#i fucking tear myself apart about it every fucking night and people say im not fucking trying n im dont fucking want it#but they dont fucking know anything cuz why would they#im always trying so fucking hard#n lord knows i'm always fucking wanting#ijust don't hardly talk abt it to anybody cuz it makes them miserable n just cuz i'm miserable doesnt mean anybody else needs to be#im so tired man im so goddamn tired#idont wanna have to try so hard. nobody else has to try so fuckjn hard just to mess it up n get laughed every fuckin day#n people say to just ignore it but theyve never been there they dont know how it feels#n it's so tiring#i don't wanna do this shit anymore idont care how fuckin good it gets#i just wanna be done#n iwant somebody to love me so much it hurts#cuz m always loving people thst much n i never get it back#n im trying to jsut take what i can fucking get but it hurts all the time
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Ok I kind of am glad to have given this Isobu arc a chance. I'm not entirely sold on the Guren and Yuukimaru stuff, but I'm getting to see a lot more of the minor characters I don't usually see. INCLUDING so many female characters!!!!! Started off with Hinata, then Sakura, and now Ino, Shizune, AND Tenten are all here!!! Five female characters active in one arc!!! Practically unheard of for Naruto!!!! Plus Guren makes 6 I guess, though I don't really like how they're like "here's a Ruthless Woman who thinks of nothing except becoming one with Orochimaru!!!! ...except now here's a child, and after just a few days her Motherly Instincts are thawing her heart!!!!!! She's not so ruthless after all!!!!" Like I mean it's sweet, but also it sucks that they're doing this with one of the few female villains. Like why are most of the women reduced to mothers and girlfriends??? In the end, basically all of them get this fate. Or they die. Come on can't we have a woman that just sucks??? Smh.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#i guess in the last filler arc we did have those two female antagonists. except i didnt like them either.#anyways overall i do like this filler arc better. feels like it has actual stakes and plot relevance#plus being able to see more of characters we dont see in action very much.#PLUS. it's not Yet Another widespread attack on konoha.#i swear if they want the konoha attacks to have more weight they cant just be throwing that shit at us in a FILLER arc!!!!!#the chuunin exams attack was a Big Deal!!! the Pein attack even more so!!!!!!#and you want me to believe these 4 bozos just come up and nearly destroy the hidden leaf??? come on.#their attacks are WAAAAY too powerful. like how come that one guy can just revive hundreds of killed shinobi???#earth jutsu??? what????? since when has a fucking earth jutsu done that?????#plus the 4 revived shinobi who are just like haha we just happen to have this ability where we demolish an entire city between us#with lightning???? why do they have that??? did the guardian shinobi twelve go scorched earth That Much???#and that's not even getting into how little Sora's kyuubi shit makes sense. like. what??? just from chakra?? no way.#at least here Yuukimaru's just got a weird connection. hinted at being related to the sanbi's jinchuuriki#so maybe we r just fucking around in a lake for who knows how long. just because.#but at least Isobu is just. here. hes just like 'who the fuck are all you? get out of my lawn'#and yet theres now 12 konoha shinobi and 7 orochimaru pawns Plus one more kid#just fucking around on the shore. what are they doing?? who knows!!! let's break a kid's mind for it!!!!!#Yuukimaru is still kind of creepy but come on man he's just a kid. fuck U kabuto i hate ur ass. get bent.#anyways yeah what an arc. at least it's entertaining.
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I should not have been taught so badly for 3 years that i genuinely have to google how to find job postings in my field. "Get a degree!! Get a degree!!" for why. To be laughed at by out of touch tutors and not taught anything? It's certainly not going to help me get a job because i CANT FIND THEM. "People will see you went here and that will give you credibility." Will it roderick. Because I now know not to trust a motherfucker who went here 💀
#rangnar rambles#taught by people who have not ever had to get into the industry in this state. dont know how to use computers. and (i cannot stress this#enough) DID NOT TEACH ME ANYTHING#I GET MY 27K PIECE OF PAPER IN 2 WEEKS AND YOU CANT TAKE IT FROM ME. SO CAN I GET SOME CONTACTS OR SM#but no yeah im so normal and glad i spent my time like this#WHAT DID I SPEND THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE DOING#if youre going to study illustration in the uk just go to falmouth. i dont go there but anywheres better than here#if [REDACTED] has no haters i am dead and have been ejected from the universe#if i could go back in time id do maths at a level and become a fucking accountant jesus christ#i had a tutor last year who used to do coke and got paid 15k to sit in front of a camera doing nothing by a mate in LA#the same guy our year got fired for being incompetent and aggressive when you asked for help (like. his fucking job)#AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. who was also a tutor and MORE INCOMPETENT#i had one tutor the whole course who had my back i love you jeremy i hope you finally get to retire and stop having to run FOUR COURSES#only man who actually had us do drawing exercises and taught us (in SECOND YEAR) how to draw perspective#so many people got to final semester and suddenly got failed bc tutors were lying to our faces about the quality of our work and not giving#accurate crit. how humiliating is that for everyone involved??#you dont want to tell us our work is shit until the grades are coming out?? and ur shocked when you havent taught anyone anything?? be so fr#it was like they were always shocked that we wanted direction and advice and our feedback was always met with 'well in the 80s there was a#big push for thia kind of open loosey goosey art course' its not the 80s anymore and students have been complainging for a decade#management would 'take on board' criticism and then bank on us all being gone in 3 years so they wouldnt have to actually do anything#all while taking our money and shutting down the entire humanities section of the uni#*actively wating wires* anyway no yeah im soo glad i spent my time like this at least i got a girlfriend i GUESS
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didn't play any videogames this afternoon again just cried for a couple hours but I knew it was coming. and i still made myself go to the gym at least so theres that 👍
#home and crying again but its okay its not real. if a tree falls innit#nothing to be done. shower and bed. work tomorrow. and ill come home and cry until I sleep again and its fine#bc no one cares so its not real i couldnt stop laughing while i was crying earlier i dont know how much more of this i can do#climb was ok actually i got another v4 but just was rly out of it. i dont feel any achievement rn but ill be proud next time#man. i dont wanna go to work. but when i dont all i do is sit and space out and then break down i cant even enjoy basic hobbies#i just want. shit beyond what im allowed. and i should be grateful for ehat i have but i know im going to lose it itll all fall apart#and its so so scary closing my eyes and thr ground opens up beneath u know the feeling we all know the feeling right ahahah#i dont know!!!!! i dont know what im going to do there isnt anything i can do at least not right now#excepr shower and sleep and then tomorrow#hurts so much i just want a hug please please j cant#its fine. all fine. yeah#.vent
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Mi vida | FC43 x Reader
pairing . . . franco colapinto x rbr!driver!reader
summary . . . What's better than one chaotic F1 driver? Two! And that's the story of how you got together with your boyfriend, Franco
request . . . no!!
word count . . . N/A
warnings . . . none! story set few days before monza! cringe-ish (??) dialogue at the end?
faceclaim . . . girls from pin!
alexavia yaps . . . woohoo!! finally wrote a smau again and its for my boy franco!!! kinda short but yeah i made franco and y/n gen z pr nightmares!! hope yall enjoy it <3
yourusername
liked by francolapinto, maxverstappen1, yourbsf and 2.3M others
yourusername look at my driver dawg he's losing this race Tagged: francolapinto
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maxverstappen1 he's in a williams
yourusername and?
maxverstappen1 him losing shouldn't be a surprise
francolapinto 😔
yourusername MAX DONT BULLY HIM
maxverstappen1 ill make sure to tell him sorry when i lap him
francolapinto what did i ever do to you max
maxverstappen1 say lewis is your idol
username1 i live for the rbr teammates and franco fighting
username2 raw. next question
username3 girl went to f1 and became a whole new person (cough franco terroriser cough)
yourusername i need to put him in his place, I AM the one with the redbull seat not him
username3 Y/NRPLIED HOLY SHIT
username4 praying for their pr managers
username5 i just know they made max's life a living hell
username6 i'm shaking for the interviews because i know y/n and franco will be menaces
username7 franco's f2 interviews and y/n's interviews now scream 'i will destroy your life'
username8 woah
username9 y/n please post more y/n
francolapinto who's that handsome man
yourusername me
francolapinto you can't be this beautiful
yourusername wow okay tell that to your next girlfriend because WERE DONE
francolapinto dont break up with me before my first f1 race ill ram you into the wall
yourusername ill crash in fp1
francolapinto noo mi vida youre so sexy pls dont die haha
yourusername forgiven 😊
username10 are we just going to ignore them breaking up in a comment section
username11 that happens like thrice every day just ignore them
username12 man i love them
username13 goats of f1 frrr
username14 theyre so iconic being the first couple in f1
username15 meow
username16 real
username17 screaming crying throwing up
username18 manifesting franco ends up in the points
username19 what about y/n??
username18 queen always ends up in the points
username19 mb mb
username20 franco calling her 'mi vida' MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS SHIT
francolapinto
liked by yourusername, alex_albon, bizarrap and 1.1M others
francolapinto life is hard (p12 in my first race) but at least mi vida got p8! and we did the track walk together 😊🫶 Tagged: yourusername
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username21 i REFUSE to believe franco typed that caption
username22 FRRR like its too innocent and peaceful
username23 their pr managers took over
username24 HOW IS HE SO PRETTYYYY
username25 my kind of love frrr
username26 no.1 couple argument closed
username27 sigh i wish i was a wag
alex_albon photo credits?
yourusername up my ass
francolapinto no mi vida only i can see up your ass
yourusername what he said
alex_albon tmi....
username28 theyre back!!!!
username29 i live for their chaos
username30 got me on my KNEES
username31 what id pay to be her
bizarrap ayyy ¿cuándo vas a hacer que nos veamos? (ayyy when are you going to make us meet?)
francolapinto pronto pronto (soon soon)
bizarrap dame una fecha exacta hermano (give me an exact date bro)
francolapinto cuando vienes al gran premio (when you come to the grand prix)
bizarrap vale vale (okay okay)
username32 I SEE THE AESTHETIC VISION FRANCO
username33 shes so pretty omgggg
username34 idk if i want to be y/n or franco
username35 holy shit hes gorgeous
username36 came here for franco stayed for y/n
yourusername woah youre so hot
francolapinto youre hotter
yourusername nahhh youre way hotter
francolapinto kiss me if im wrong but im hotter
yourusername then i wont kiss you because youre hotter
francolapinto fuck i didnt think of that
yourusername ill still kiss you just come over to my driver room
francolapinto 🏃🏃
maxverstappen1 should i be worried or....?
yourusername mind your business max
maxverstappen1 i'm the one who's going to here those disgusting noises not you
yourusername too bad
alex_albon i feel like i should be grateful its not happening in williams
francolapinto im here mi vida where are you i cant see you
yourusername im right here in the room??
maxverstappen1 WHAT IS FRANCO DOING IN MY ROOM
francolapinto shit wrong room
yourusername hurry up franco
francolapinto On my way!
maxverstappen1 let me leave the garage first
username37 man i love them
username38 HELP FRANCO GOING TO MAX'S ROOM???
username39 did max just expose them or
username40 i feel like im intruding reading the comments between them
yourusername
liked by francolapinto, maxverstappen1, bizarrap and 2.8M others
yourusername haters wish they were on our level fr Tagged: francolapinto
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username41 if being in a parasocial relationship with them was a crime id be executed
username42 THE PICS??? EXCLUSIVE SUBSCRIPTION??? EXCUSE ME???
username43 how are they both so good looking
username44 the face card is INSANE
username45 I NEED THIS SO BADLY UGHHHHHHH
username46 STOP not the matching glasses
username47 need a boyfriend who will take me on bike rides while i wear my redbull helmet and he wears his williams helmet
francolapinto i dont want to see my beautiful face i want to see YOUR beautiful face
yourusername but youre so pretty how can i not put your face more than mine
francolapinto mi vida your face isnt even on there
yourusername yes it is
francolapinto its covered by that ugly helmet
redbullracing 🤨
francolapinto this one is ugly i like her own customised helmet
yourusername aww amor 🫶 i love your helmet and i love you
francolapinto i love you more
yourusername no i love you more
francolapinto no
alex_albon if you continue with this sappy stuff ill vomit
yourusername okay 'goodmorning baby'
alex_albon SHUT UP
yourusername oi francolapinto we found his weak spot
francolapinto lets get ready to terrorise him
yourusername bet
username48 if they need a third im always available
username49 i want to see mother and father but theyre more like mommy and daddy
username50 erm
username51 if my bf aint like this ion want him
alex_albon ill admit this is actually cute
yourusername thank you!!
francolapinto we're not cute we're hot
yourusername we're both tho
francolapinto true
alex_albon why'd you have to ruin such a beautiful and innocent moment
francolapinto life
yourusername WORDS 🗣️ 💯🙏❗
username52 legit can't decide who's better looking
username53 oh how i need this more than oxygen
maxverstappen1 franco doesn't how to play padel
yourusername he beat me
maxverstappen1 anyone can beat you
francolapinto don't bully her like that
maxverstappen1 or what
francolapinto brazil 2018 pt2
maxverstappen1 DONT YOU DARE
yourusername ok max thats it go stare lovingly at charles or idk
maxverstappen1 ???
francolapinto we all know max dont worry
maxverstappen1 ??????
username54 so um whens the wedding
username55 man i need me a francoyn relationship
username56 did they just confirm lestappen?!?!??!?!
username57 im sighing dreamily at these pictures
bizarrap ah so youre the girlfriend?
yourusername yes yes i am
bizarrap y'know i cheer for you and not franco because you get higher places
yourusername im flattered 😊
francolapinto this is a betrayal you should be cheering for ME only
username58 THE PICS.
username59 giggling blushing and kicking my feet
username60 when will y/n post more y/n sigh
francolapinto how are you so gorgeous
yourusername i should be asking YOU that
francolapinto mi vida you are the prettiest girl i have ever seen in my life and you call ME gorgeous?
yourusername fuck yes
francolapinto i love you
yourusername love you more
williamsracing
liked by francolapinto, yourusername, alex_albon and 1.3M others
williamsracing can you spot the odd one out? Tagged: francolapinto, yourusername
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username61 how to kms no borax no glue
username62 people DIED (i'm people)
username63 they haven't commented yet???
username64 ikk it's so weird
username65 they usually hop on after like 6 secs
username66 its not a want its a NEED
username67 MILF = man i love franco (and y/n)
username68 i just KNOW their kids will be BEAUTIFUL
username69 face card never declined
username70 and never will
redbullracing don't go stealing around our drivers
williamsracing im just the admin 😔
redbullracing me too 😔
username71 driverS????
redbullracing that was typo
username72 IS FRANCO GOING TO REDBULL??????
username73 redbull admin x williams admin
username74 the otp fr
username75 the lack of franco and y/n is concerning
username76 WHERE ARE THEYYYYYY
francolapinto add more photos of mi vida i want to see her beautiful face
yourusername i want to see YOUR beautiful race
francolapinto running
username77 there they are
maxverstappen1 admin why now i have to hear them make out for the next 3 hours
williamsracing sorry?
username78 3 HOURS???
username79 theyre more chaotic than we thought
username80 aww y/n looks so cute
yourusername shit where's franco i want to see his face
williamsracing we want to see YOUR face
yourusername oh...😊 admin you make me blush
francolapinto admin?
williamsracing im sorry pls dont kill me
francolapinto i wont just because you take photos of me for mi vida
williamsracing i love you y/n
yourusername love you too admin
yourusername and you too franco
francolapinto love you more mi vidaaa
francolapinto
liked by yourusername, alex_albon, bizarrap and 1.1M others
francolapinto to mi vida, the love of my life, happy anniversary to us and i love you forever Tagged: yourusername
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username81 deleting all my socials after this
username82 they are SOULMATES vro
username83 this screams 'forever and always'
username84 'mi vida' OKAY BRO BYE IM LEAVING THIS EARTH
username85 legit fairytale vibes
username86 imagine being this in love
bizarrap ¡enhorabuena a los dos! ¡que sean muchos más! (congratulations to you two! here's to many more!)
francolapinto gracias hermano, lo aprecio (thanks bro, i appreciate it)
yourusername gracias!! (thank you)
username87 the caption is from a song i refuse to belive franco wrote it
username88 i am JEALOUS, ENVIOUS, GREEN.
username89 poetry fr
username90 they ARE the main characters
username91 FRR like everyone else is just a side character
username92 alex play 'that should be me' by justin bieber
alex_albon congrats to you two! least favourite couple i know!
francolapinto thank you alex!
yourusername thank you!!!
alex_albon did you just ignore my statement
yourusername yes we chose to ignore it
username93 this is the kind of love ppl write books about
username94 STOP NOT THEM CONGRATULATING EACH OTHER ON THE RADIO IN THE LAST RACE
username95 if they break up then love isnt real
maxverstappen1 you two deserve it! take care of my little sister francito
yourusername MAX STOP
francolapinto will do
yourusername i love my life
francolapinto and i love you
username96 i just know they are each other's ride or dies
username97 where to buy a franco asking for a friend
username98 if i could id just take over one of their bodies to experience this love
username99 im waiting for the fics
username100 straight out of romeo and juliet
yourusername i love you so much, and ive did since forever. you are everything to me, i could never let you go. you deserve everything, mi amor
francolapinto youre my everything too, and im keeping you forever, no takebacks. if I deserve the everything, it’s only because you’re MY everything, mi vida. every star, every light, it all reminds me of you. te amo más de lo que las palabras pueden decir (I love you more than words can say)
yourusername STOP IM GOING TO CRY 🫶🥹 I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH
francolapinto I LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVERYTHING MI VIDA
fin.
taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaa ,, @httpsdana ,, @paucubarsisimp ,, @justaf1girl ,, @awritingtree ,, @freyathehuntress ,, @chilling-seavey (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)
#alexavia writes 🍒#alexavia yaps 🍒#f1#formula 1#formula one#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#x reader#franco colapinto#fc43#franco colapinto fic#smau#fic#fanfic#f1 smau#franco colapinto x reader#franco colapinto smau#f1 social media#f1 fanfic#racing driver#racing#f1 racing#franco colapinto x y/n#social media#social media fic#franco colapinto x you#driver!reader#rbr#oracle red bull racing
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