#AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. who was also a tutor and MORE INCOMPETENT

[ragnars-tooth]

I should not have been taught so badly for 3 years that i genuinely have to google how to find job postings in my field. "Get a degree!! Get a degree!!" for why. To be laughed at by out of touch tutors and not taught anything? It's certainly not going to help me get a job because i CANT FIND THEM. "People will see you went here and that will give you credibility." Will it roderick. Because I now know not to trust a motherfucker who went here 💀

[badassbutterfly1987]

How ACIAG Should Have Ended

Since there's a big chance A Child is a Gift is a dead fic (unless the next book manages to rejuvenate my interest) I figured I should clarify certain behind the scenes stuff and what the final story was going to be. I feel kinda bad that it died just as the tension and mystery was ramping up.

So, proceed if you don't mind spoilers and are curious about what was going to happen next:

Backstory: Lord Raith had a sister Andrea, who had a son named Gideon. Since she had no interest in motherhood, she basically tossed him to LR's care. Gideon grew up and was increasingly not suited for the White Court, especially as a budding practitioner. He decided to run away to a distant small village, fell in love, and had a son. LR responded in his typical manner: the wife was killed and Gideon + baby son were dragged back, son held as hostage to make Gideon behave. That worked for a few years until the son died of a presumed childhood illness; Gideon blamed LR and the fallout was so explosive that the Keepers mutually agreed that what happened would be buried. All the later generations knew was a sort of We Don't Talk About Bruno situation, there was a problem child named Gideon of an unknown house who broke WC rules and was now used as a warning to behave.

But because of incompetence/bad luck/LR's hesitance to kill one of his own kids for the first time, Gideon didn't die and went into hiding. Over the next 1500 years Gideon occasionally popped up to cause problems between periods of trying to settle down and find happiness but couldn't with the memory of the life LR had ruined. Then one day he noticed the sudden decrease in a handful of living sons of various quality to just one living boy, and the gears start turning. The he hears about that last son Thomas being kicked out of the court for an attempted coup only to be welcomed back into the family for good behavior a mere five years later, strange for Lord Raith to kill most of his male relatives only to be lenient with this one. So he has Serafina, a Malvora practitioner he's taken under his wing, to keep an eye on Thomas. And what do you know, Thomas and his thrall girlfriend are taking care of a toddler together, isn't that interesting?

So he makes contact under the false name Jameson, relying on the fact that the WC have purposefully forgotten him, and presents himself as an ally outside the court. Does Thomas want a similar outcast to bond with? Does he want to be tutored in magic? Maybe taught how to create a healing bracelet for his sick girlfriend? Jameson can do that!

Then begins the next phase of the 1500+ year long chess game. He's prepared to either manipulate Thomas onto his side if possible, gather any info on what's going on with LR, and if the magic transference bracelet happens to help Justine while also weakening Thomas' Hunger, well he can use that if he has to. Thomas knows none of this backstory but is reasonably wary of Jameson, continuing the contact partly to keep an eye on this potential threat to Lara. LR has caught on to some of the oddities of how Thomas has been behaving (because Natalia has been reporting back) and is sure Gideon's involved, but because Thomas isn't being open about it even when pressed, has decided to let it play out with Thomas as the unknowing pawn.

And that's the recap! Now for what was going to happen...

Keeper visit: Galatea and Blair stop by and the conversation is rather messy because Galatea and Lord Raith immediately get in a personal argument (if you've read Cras es Noster, you can guess how intense it can get). They have a proper talk behind closed doors that the others are left out of; they agree that Gideon needs to be dealt with and come to an interesting conclusion.

My memory's a bit fuzzy around this part but things escalate pretty quickly: Thomas, Natalia, and Theo are away from the estate and Gideon (and maybe Serafina, more on that later); Thomas is taken out of the fight early because his Hunger has been slowly weakened by the magic bracelet; Natalia tries to fight him but Gideon is a powerful and experienced practitioner, so she dies :( Thomas and Theo are kidnapped by Gideon.

This is where the backstory lore dump would be. Thomas' reaction would basically be "I get why you want Lord Raith dead and I don't even disagree with you, but you killed my sister and kidnapped my child. you don't get to do that and call yourself the hero." While Gideon is real mad that Thomas is seemingly allowed to have a wife and child while Lord Raith denied him both. (I am so sad I never got to this conversation, Thomas and Gideon make for fascinating foils). Basically Gideon wants Thomas to help him kill LR and is not above using a child as blackmail to force his hand (no, he does not recognize the irony of repeating LR's actions with his son). He may or may not magically mess with Thomas' head to 'encourage' an assassination attempt. He promises to return Theo once Lord Raith is dead.

Serafina, either because she just realized how in over her head she was or because she's been a double agent in contact with Lord Raith, calls in the rest of House Raith. So this is where it gets as convoluted as you would expect from a White Court political play. Thomas is released and sent back to the family; he may or may not try to murder LR here, I hadn't decided; there is a lot of talking and arguing on what to do because everyone has an opinion and I don't really remember all the perspectives and how it reached the result. Also debated whether or not to drag Harry in here.

End result: there is a rescue attempt in which they use LR as bait (he's weirdly okay with it), it goes a little wonky. Gideon is definitely dangerous but he's also rattled just by being near Lord Raith (they're all walking bundles of trauma) and he eventually dies. LR is badly injured and his Hunger is too starved to heal it; Thomas kills him (there would've been a lot going through his head at that point and LR might've been egging him on). Theo is rescued.

aftermath: LR's death was partly planned on Galatea's part; she knew he was bound to die soon enough and figured a death at Gideon's hands was a decent send off (even if Thomas did it, the public blame would be on the mad warlock). Yes she did kinda manipulate her nephew/adopted son into a suicide mission, that is messed up even if he agreed to it. So Gideon is dead, LR went out on a respectable enough note/his death was suitably avenged, Thomas and Theo are alive and make for an intact legacy (as well as room for future children), so overall a victory.

Lara's still mad about it since Galatea went over her head to arrange it and Thomas acted without her approval, she hadn't planned for LR to die quite yet even if she is ready to officially be Queen. While Thomas ends up in a weird mental space for a bit because he was being used as a catspaw by his father, great-aunt, and cousin; would end on a positive note with a hint that child #2 Shiloh was right around the corner.

[nevertem]

Mahad is actually the only priest who comes from common heritage.

Priest Seto has Akhenaden keeping him from being derided of course.

Isis and Shada are relatives of the old priests, Seth is Iry-Pat at the suggestion of Akhenaden (but his mom was noble anyway) and Karim is an overseer official's son.

Mahad comes from tombkeeper lineage himself at Dier El Medina. That's why he's usually stuck with gravekeeper duties.

Except Shimon who designs them of course

He's the second youngest to become priest. Seth is a year younger than him. Hence why Seth bullies him as he's got a lot to prove.

Mana is a nobles daughter

A lot of bullying also comes from the fact that Mahad wasn't TECHNICALLY ready to become High Magician or a master. He was promoted by necessity when his master died. He didn't go through the inheritance ritual. The Ring was just put on him and he was told to get to work.

He also didn't go through the selection process with the Items. The Ring had to have someone holding it though so here you go, kid, have the demon Item.

Compound that with the new Pharaoh's obvious favoritism to his friend over the technically more qualified Priests to be the fan-bearer of the King's Right Hand, and you get a lot of accusations of incompetence and nepotism.

Priest Seto more or less sees Mahad as a slap to the face for his hard work, utterly oblivious to the favors and personal tutoring he gets because of his father.

Karim, Shada, and Isis are all like 19-25 by the time of the events of Memory World. They were all only teenagers at most during Kul-Elna. It's ridiculously tragic that literally nobody in the court was there except Akhenaden. Something about bad people dying without facing consequences.

Shada genuinely considers Seto his friend. Nobody knows how he can stand him. Shada is just genuinely a patient and kind person.

The one who gets into the Royal Beer Storage and asks for the pretty girl entertainers? Isis. When you see everything all the time sometimes you need some cute girls and booze.

Isis has more than three girlfriends at all times. Yes they smoke blue lotus.

Karim is down with the people most often as the construction overseer, and is thus kind of the face people think of the most. He also just kind of doesn't bother him with pomp and circumstance. He's busy. Go away. He doesn't want the palanquin. He can walk.

He's just kind of a straightforward guy.

Seto can't fucking stand him because he just doesn't rise to provoking.

He just kind of says "k"

Besides Mahad, Karim is Atem's favorite because he's got such a dry sense of humor.

"I believe they call that back on his bullshit, sire."

"Rest assured Seto, it will be recorded how mad you are that you lost this Diaha."

All with the most flat expression possible.

Shada is constantly trying to get people to be nice to Seto.

Shada just thinks we should all be friends.

[dcnativegal]

Day 55 of Pandemic, & I’m sick

Monday, May 4, 2020. Day 55 of the global pandemic (declared by World Health Organization on March 11th.) We as a planet hit 3,500,000 cases today, and 250,000 deaths. There are many more than that, but the planet doesn’t have enough tests.  But then, there was this announcement:

So obviously we’re in good hands. [Sarcasm alert.]

 The entire planet has slowed down, such that seismologists can detect the quieting of the earth: less shuddering of industry, cars, construction. Check out the drop in electricity usage:

Here’s a bit of perspective from Instagram:

The Lesbians of Paisley have been fertile ground for viruses. Valerie is nearly recovered from the viral pneumonia she was diagnosed with on March 26 at the emergency room at Lake District Hospital. She’d begun to feel feverish and achy, with violent coughing on March 15th, 2 days after what turned into my last day in my office at the hospital’s primary care clinic, and a day and a half after we’d dined with our friends Toni, Al, Bonnie and Bruce in person, sans masks. We began 100% isolation from the outside world the minute she felt sick. She recounted the ER adventure to a friend thusly: We drove in and they have organized a system that resembles getting on a [military] base after 9-11. We sat in the pickup at the checkpoint until a somebody in protective attire had taken my temp and saturation levels and asked a bunch of questions. Then they slapped a red sticker on the dash, told us to park in the ER lot and "don't get out of the pickup." Five hours later I had donated blood and been CAT scanned. I had two pneumonia shots that were current and two flu shots, also current. They checked the blood against 14 different virus strains and came up blank. The chest showed white lungs and my saturation levels were iffy. So they used one of the tests they had been sent, gave me antibiotics (just in case) and sent me home. Took me three days to sleep off all that fun.”

Me and Griffey the poodle waited in the pickup for her. At every sound, he got up from the passenger’s seat and looked at the ER entrance where she’d disappeared. No Valerie? Back to sleep. I walked him 3 times.      Hope, her RN daughter, told us that her flow through the ER was great practice in maintaining distance and perfect hygienic process through the CT scan, taking blood, even pushing her food on a tray to her. Lake Health District Hospital is prepared, and still, technically speaking, zero cases in the county.

I was so anxious about her health, her ability to breathe, that I gave up all thought of working from home. I listened to her breathing and coughing, brought her tea, and finally, asked her to write out her last will and testament. She did, and put it away. I figured, her kids are wonderful and won’t fight about stuff but, better for her to express her wishes, even if the paper wouldn’t be legally binding.

Apparently, I get the FrankenDodge (the pickup which has hit one too many deer and who’s grill is sewn together by wire). I’ll take it but I’d much rather have her.

We waited 10 days for the nasal swab results. While we waited, she got better. Never had that cytokine storm, nor that respiratory crash. Storms and crashes; pretty apt words for the medical horror of end stage COVID-19. Once her test came back negative, despite the warning of her PCP who says that nasal swabs miss between 30 and 47% of positive cases, I was able to go to town on the 10th of April, get some software downloaded onto the computer so I could work from home, and hit Safeway while wearing a mask. I also dropped off one of Valerie’s homemade masks to a friend, along with some toilet paper illustrated with Trump’s kissy face. The moment of levity was greatly appreciated.

I started feeling lousy six days after my jaunt to Lakeview (April 16th). Cough and release of gook high up in my chest. Headache. No fever. Who knows if I have COVID-19. We listen to a British gentleman, Dr. Campbell, daily, as he reviews what’s going on globally, and he interviewed a woman who had exactly my illness course, before she moved on to fever and gastrointestinal symptoms. She never got tested. Too much hassle. Which is so ridiculous, criminal really, and in the USA, a direct result of American hubris and incompetence. Fine. Anyone with any symptoms of any illness is isolated until we have a vaccine and treatment, is my prediction. I’m still feeling shitty, though better. Started taking antibiotics just in case and in the hopes of recovering SOMEDAY.

 My son Jonah and his girlfriend June escaped just in time the terrible plight of New York’s COVID19 deluge of infections and hospitalizations. They’ve been in Baltimore at June’s mother’s beautiful home. He spent his 26th birthday in the basement because they were still in quarantine. See adorable picture, below. Now they’re allowed upstairs, enjoying the quiet. Apparently, writing and directing music videos is not an essential service during a pandemic, but he’s writing pitches and living off the most recent lucrative gig with Kesha, thank goodness.

One of the most moving things that is happening in the USA during this time is the 7pm clapping ritual for medical workers and first responders in New York City, in all the boroughs:

There’s a firefighter in DC who’s going to hospitals and nursing homes to play the bagpipe.

That’s where my daughter Clara lives, in DC, but right now she’s staying with a friend in Laurel, MD, since her group house dynamics are stressful and had a symptomatic guest at last report. She’s working from home to make sure the Latinx school children are getting the tutoring they need now more than ever. We worry about her husband Jose and his country, Guatemala, since there are COVID-19 cases down there, and refugees seeking asylum are being dumped there, with and without the virus. Over 700 cases in Guatemala as of today. We hope he will get to the USA this year. However, Trump referred to it as a shithole country, which doesn’t bode well.

My sister and her husband are well, thankfully. They work fulltime from home in the company of Pepper the cat and Darcy the chocolate lab. Yuuki, 25, stays there, too, mostly in their room; they are out of work and applying for unemployment. Kohji, age 28, works from home in DC and makes more money as a web designer than I ever will after 34 years as a social worker, but who’s counting. (I remember well the admonition of a field instructor back in 1987: don’t go into social work for Power, Pay or Prestige.) His girlfriend is probably out of work; she works for a nonprofit that plants trees in DC. Probably not essential work right this very minute. Makoto, 23, is out of quarantine and looking for something to do; he’ll be a senior at the University of Delaware this fall. As far as I hear on Facebook and email, the rest of the folks with whom I share DNA are well. So that’s good. I worry about my Aunt Mary Lee who is 87. But she says not to:  she’s fine and her ritzy retirement community in McLean, VA is on “lockdown.”

Psychologically, in the experience of quarantine and ‘social distancing’, there’s me, and then there are my clients.

My moods go up and down, but a little further down than usual. The terror that Valerie might die of COVID-19 has passed, but I figure I will always need therapy.  I have “Facebook messenger” video chats with my therapist, Darcy of Bend, every other week now, which helps. Having ‘Generalized Anxiety Disorder’ and a tendency toward major depression, I find therapy to be a corrective. A bimonthly tune up. Without it, I naturally veer toward negativity and neurosis, and a hypervigilance that served me well when I was a child, but is exhausting, overwrought and over-thought as an adult.

Psychologically, Valerie is always fine. Seriously. She was once told as a young woman by a therapist who’d tested her with the MMPI (the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) that she was outrageously and puzzlingly normal. Now that she’s feeling mostly well again from the pneumonia, she’s been tearing up the joint, fixing the sump pump that apparently keeps this little house from drifting down main street on the wetlands it’s built on. Digging out the leaves from our irrigation ditch, chopping and clearing the wood from our front yard.

The BEFORE picture:

The AFTER Picture.

 And this happened one morning in March. Just a cattle drive past our front door.

Valerie’s planning a garden at her daughter’s place, which has a deer-proof fence and lots of sun up on the hill above us. A delivery of horse manure is scheduled, and the garden bed has been rototilled. Val’s granddaughter Jessica and her husband Alan are living up there now, working from home for their Portland-based gigs. They’re almost finished the 14-day quarantine since they moved down here. The new normal: anytime anyone leaves one locale for another, they disappear into strictest quarantine, not to leave their abode. Groceries are delivered to the doorstep. A recent day turned out to be Jess’ 25th birthday: I’d bought a canvas bag with a picture of a pug on it, like her dog Archie, and Valerie found something gluten free flour mix with fresh jam to give her. Birthday gatherings are suspect at the moment.

Here’s a lovely idea for quarantined birthday celebrations:

What a kind and generous offer.

Even in isolation, Val and I do socialize, on zoom. The one pictured below is church.

We ‘visit’ with our fellow parishioners from St. Luke’s on Sunday evenings. Then we say Compline together, from the Book of Common Prayer. My favorite prayer of all time is this one from that service.

Yes, shield the joyous. Because joy is fleeting.

Our writers’ group, Easy Writers, ‘meets’ on zoom every Monday now. I wrote this bit about my yarn for the prompt, ‘write something in your home that means a lot to you.’

I am doing a great deal of crochet and a little knitting.

Yarn is my comfort and my joy. It is the raw material I create blankets and scarves and hats with. My tools are hooks and needles made from wood and plastic and metal. My fingers are also my tools.

Some of the yarn is like cotton candy: spun mohair from a goat is said to have a ‘halo’ or ‘aura’ because of the gentle cloud of color you can see an inch or two away from the spun thread. Some yarn is like twine: you can see every string of ply. My favorite is merino wool and single ply. A unity of color that will not split. All for one and one for all, the fuzzy stuff is twisted and bound into a single string of strength…

My clients are stressed out. The pandemic adds a layer to the stress they were already experiencing. I listen and knit, from within the cocoon of the yarn room which my folks can see behind me.  One of my clients wanders about with her phone in her hand while I get slightly dizzy. I like this kind of counseling since I get a glimpse of my clients’ homes. Reminds me a little bit of being a geriatric care manager. You can tell a lot about a person from their home. From my home you can tell that I have a lot of yarn, and I work multiple projects at a time because there are piles of them alongside my recliner.  

One of the sad weights of being present for my clients is their level of estrangement for most if not all social connections, especially people with whom they share DNA. And every single one has what is called in the mental health world “complex PTSD” from multiple traumatic experiences.  I sit with them, on the phone or via video. I hope to model for them what Carl Rogers called ‘unconditional positive regard.’ I breathe deeply to release my own distress at their sadness. We explore one tiny step toward reducing their isolation, the sense of trust. All during a pandemic where other people could be carrying a potentially deadly virus.

It’s no wonder I’m pawing mohair out of screen for my own comfort.

Sometimes I email clients links or articles on how to keep their spirits up, or about good things that are happening instead of the dire predictions they’re listening to or watching. There is much to share that is hopeful.  I sent one to a client on creative ways to care for everyone and she shot back:

“I believe this is Liberal rhetoric. 

Esp the paragraph below:

 This current emergency provides the possibility for a new emergence—the birthing of a truly civil civilization dedicated to the well-being of all people and the living Earth. “

Oh well. We can’t have a truly civil civilization dedicated to the well-being of all people, now can we?

Sigh.

 Brilliant writing is being penned right now, since the entire planet’s human inhabitants are barely one degree of separation away from this virus, which is apparently ‘barely alive’ and therefore hard to kill, as it spreads onward to make millions miserable and hundreds of thousands die.

I’m saving articles from The Atlantic, The NY Times, and the Washington Post, and following a historian named Heather Cox Richardson who writes a daily blog called Letters from an American. In a recent post she writes:

“The big news … has been the ‘protests’ of state governors’ stay-at-home orders and mandatory business closings to try to contain the novel coronavirus …These protests are a classic example of trying to control politics by controlling the national narrative. The protests are backed by the same conservative groups that are working for Trump’s reelection. …These are not spontaneous, grassroots protests. They are political operations designed to divert attention from the Trump administration’s poor response to the pandemic. Even more, though, they are designed to keep the American public divided so that we do not protest the extraordinary economic inequality the pandemic has highlighted.

These protests have diverted the national conversation by turning a national crisis into partisan division along the lines the Republican Party has developed since the 1980s... The change of subject protects not just Trump but also the ideology at the heart of his Republican Party. Since 1981, Republicans have argued that the economy depends on wealthy businessmen who know best how to arrange the economy—the makers-- and that it is vital to protect their interests. Under their policies, wealth in America has moved upward. The pandemic has highlighted how these policies have removed economic security for ordinary people. They cannot pay their bills, and they might well turn against an ideology that uses our tax dollars to bail out corporations while they must risk their lives to pay their rent.”  [Emphasis mine]

I am so glad someone smarter than me can reveal the interconnections of what’s going on politically.

There is food for thought on Facebook and Instagram: in the guise of a rewrite of Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese, this poem.

Mary Oliver for Corona Times (after Wild Geese)

by Adrie Kusserow

You do not have to become totally zen, You do not have to use this isolation to make your marriage better, your body slimmer, your children more creative. You do not have to “maximize its benefits” By using this time to work even more, write the bestselling Corona Diaries, Or preach the gospel of ZOOM. You only have to let the soft animal of your body unlearn everything capitalism has taught you, (That you are nothing if not productive, That consumption equals happiness, That the most important unit is the single self. That you are at your best when you resemble an efficient machine). Tell me about your fictions, the ones you’ve been sold, the ones you sheepishly sell others, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world as we know it is crumbling. Meanwhile the virus is moving over the hills, suburbs, cities, farms and trailer parks. Meanwhile The News barks at you, harsh and addicting, Until the push of the remote leaves a dead quiet behind, a loneliness that hums as the heart anchors. Meanwhile a new paradigm is composing itself in our minds, Could birth at any moment if we clear some space From the same tired hegemonies. Remember, you are allowed to be still as the white birch, Stunned by what you see, Uselessly shedding your coils of paper skins Because it gives you something to do. Meanwhile, on top of everything else you are facing, Do not let capitalism coopt this moment, laying its whistles and train tracks across your weary heart. Even if your life looks nothing like the Sabbath, Your stress boa-constricting your chest. Know that your antsy kids, your terror, your shifting moods, are no less sacred than a yoga class. Whoever you are, no matter how broken, the world still has a place for you, calls to you over and over announcing your place as legit, as forgiven, even if you fail and fail and fail again. remind yourself over and over, all the swells and storms that run through your long tired body all have their place here, now in this world. It is your birthright you be held deeply, warmly, in the family of things, not one cell left in the cold.

-Adrie Kusserow

 Not one cell left out in the cold. Yes.

There is so much to be grateful for. I have a place to live, and even while paying off my bankruptcy debt, I have plenty. Enough that I can make small donations here and there. Here’s one cause I found: supporting foster children who were in college and now have no place to go. (Terrible visuals for the logo: it’s “Together We Rise.”)

Soon, the nights of below freezing temperatures will pass, and both Lesbians of Paisley will be healthy at the same time.  Perhaps I’ll get my Tricycle-for-Grownups serviced and toodle around for exercise. Perhaps the Stitch & Bitch knitting/crochet gatherings will resume, maybe in a park for physical distance and social connection.

And maybe I’ve already had Covid-19, and so has Valerie. Looks like 50-70% of all the people on the planet, not quite 8 billion humans so maybe 4 to 6 billion people, need to catch this thing in order to give our species herd immunity. Or WILL catch it because we have no way to stop it, only to slow the infections so that health care is not overwhelmed. We live and Love in the Time of Coronavirus, to paraphrase Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I maybe a libtard, a snowflake, a lily-livered liberal, who’s heart bleeds. But I agree with this sentiment, found on Facebook, our American ‘commons’:

Love absurdly and abundantly, my people. And wash your hands. 

[yetanotherbuffyblog]

Spike’s Backstory!

I never thought I’d have feels for Spike, but here we are.

This episode is largely a flashback episode explaining the origins and story of William the Bloody, a.k.a. Spike. And it’s surprisingly effective, considering I’ve spent like the last season or so complaining about how useless Spike’s been in the overall Plot.

Buffy goes out and fights a vampire and she gets wounded. It’s not an uber-vampire or anything, it’s really just some vampire guy. This has Buffy wondering about her own mortality, about if she has some sort of weakness that she needs to learn about in order to cover up for it. She decides she’s going to dig into researching how past Slayers died to see if she finds anything, but most of the records are kind of hazy on how they did it.

But wait! They know someone who has seen the deaths of two Slayers! That’s right--Spike, after all, has killed two Slayers, and so Buffy decides that if she wants to know how to overcome her own weaknesses she’s got to ask him. This leads to the flashbacks of Spike’s origin as he tells his story in the Bronze, while Riley goes out of his way to take down the vampire that hurt Buffy earlier.

Spike’s origin goes something like this: in London in 1880 he was William, an English gentleman who got the name “William the Bloody” for his...bloody awful poetry. He was doing his best to write poetry to profess his love for a high society lady, but she rejected him, hating his poetry and saying that he was “beneath her.” In despair, William goes off into the night and runs into Drusilla, who as her usual loopy self sees his future or something and turns him into a vampire.

We next see William, now a vampire, hanging out with Drusilla, Angel (oh right they hung out as vampires, didn’t they?) and...Darla, I think? It’s a blonde vampire so let’s go with that. But Angel thinks Spike draws too much attention to himself, and his interest in the Slayer leads to him becoming obsessed with hunting this boogeyman for boogeymen. So cut to the Boxer Rebellion, in which Spike is dueling a Chinese Slayer and manages to kill her, partly through luck that a nearby explosion threw her off.

That’s also the last time we see him rolling with Angel and Darla, as the next time we see him it’s in New York City in 1977, where on a moving subway car he fights and kills her (and takes her leather jacket, which is the one he wears to this day). Spike goes on to explain that he thinks every Slayer, sooner or later, has a subconscious death wish, as they’re tired of the endless fighting. Buffy’s only held out as long as she has because of her friends, but that’s not going to last forever.

[There’s also this bit where we see his breakup with Drusilla; in South America, she’s just been with some guy with antlers, and she tells Spike that she can only see Buffy in his future. Whether she’s foreseeing that he’s going to fall in love with her, or that he’s already obsessed with her at that point, is unclear, but it’s definitely not what Spike told the others, and Drusilla’s completely understandable in her desire to not be with someone she knows will want to be with another woman.]

This flashback sequence culminates with Spike and Buffy sparring, and when it’s over while they have their tense awkward moment, Spike actually tries to kiss Buffy. Which goes about as well as you’d expect, really; she shoves him to the ground, and tells him that he’s “beneath her.” Spike goes off in a huff, and he goes into his lair and pulls out a gun, deciding that chip or not he’s going to go kill Buffy if it’s the last thing he does.

When Buffy gets home, she finds her mom packing; Joyce is going to the hospital to be watched overnight, because they still don’t know what’s wrong with her and it could be very serious.  Buffy doesn’t take this well, and goes out to her porch to cry, which is when Spike shows up. But instead of trying to kill her, he’s instantly cowed by her emotional state, and asks if he can do anything to help, even if she doesn’t want to talk about what’s wrong. And he awkwardly sits next to her as she cries.

Uh, okay then.

Notes!

-Uh right so Riley saves Buffy after she’s stabbed, and helps bandage her up; then he offers to go patrol while she’s researching and recovering. Buffy urges him to go with Xander, Willow and Anya for backup. But...they’re kind of terrible at it? Look, this is weird because they’ve totally done this before, and when Buffy skipped town they weren’t as good as her, but they were competent. Here they’re loudly chewing and talking and awkwardly standing around, commenting on Riley’s military hand gestures. I get that they’re going for the fact that he’s much more serious than they are, much more military, but this makes them look completely incompetent. Buffy just got injured, and they’re standing around chatting loudly while looking for the vamp that did it? Yeah, no, a bit out-of-character.

-Riley also tells the others when they find the crypt the vampires are hanging out in to go stake them during the day, only to come in by himself and grenade them. I’m not sure the point of this, other than that Riley feels a need to prove himself, and also that was AWESOME, but this also leads to “Where did Riley get a grenade?” Because that doesn’t sound legal. According to a quick Google search, it’s possible that it’s legal in some states, but it sure isn’t easy to come across so it’s practically illegal.

-Slayers get quicker healing. It’s not instantaneous, but it’s faster. Did we know that before? I guess I kind of assumed it, but now we have a confirmation.

-Like, I know given the setup of the story so far, the Slayers in the flashbacks had to die, but they were also a Chinese woman and a black woman, and, uh, this show isn’t very diverse, and it’s kind of weird that every non-white Slayer we see is either killed off (Kendra, Chinese Slayer, New York Slayer) or the First Slayer, who’s treated as being a bestial killing machine that’s hardly even human.

-Also, where do vampires pick up their martial arts skills to go toe-to-toe with Slayers? They apparently don’t pick up languages as well, because Spike tells the Chinese Slayer he doesn’t speak Chinese.

-Spike also points out to Buffy that Slayers need a weapon to kill a vampire, whether it be stake or blade. Vampires, on the other hand, just have their fangs and their strength, so they are much harder to, uh, disarm I guess.

-Alright how much of a vampire is the person who was turned? The first episode and some comments make it sounds like vampires aren’t really humans; they’re demonic spirits in human vessels, with some powers and the memories of the person whose body it is. But they’re not that person? Or are they? Like, Angel is because he had his soul restored, but is Spike actually William? Or does he just have William’s memories and body?

-Of course Spike went punk in the 70’s.

-OH ANGEL’S WIG THAT IS GLORIOUS

-Also wasn’t Angel Irish? Why does Spike keep the accent but Angel doesn’t? Is it because his actor’s Irish accent is terrible?

-On the one hand, I feel bad for Spike because he’s again dealing with broken heartedness, and the repetition of being “beneath” the object of affection is painful to hear and holy Pope the FEELZ. But at the same time I can’t really blame Buffy for actually rejecting him, nor do I hold it against her, because as far as she knows he’s just a creep vampire who’s moody because he can’t kill people. And she’s absolutely right! Spike is not a good guy! He came to her house with the explicit intention of killing her after all! I think it’s interesting that the show has us sympathize with him, but I don’t think it’s good for us to forget that Buffy’s not in the wrong here.

-Also I’m guessing at this point she’s worked out that Spike likes her? I mean there’s not many other ways you can take a guy trying to kiss you and then sits and awkwardly tries to comfort you when you’re crying. No one’s that thick, right? RIGHT?!?

-In the Bronze Spike asks for chicken wings?? Can vampires eat? How does that work?

-I hate to say it, but William’s poetry...wasn’t very good. “Effulgent”? Really? That’s a terrible word. Not that he deserved to be humiliated at a party, but...he could have done with some good tutoring.

-To be fair to the antlers guy, he apologizes when he realizes that Drusilla was with someone else, and awkwardly leaves when Spike and Drusilla begin arguing. Who is antlers guy? TV Tropes tells me he’s the “chaos demon” Spike caught Drusilla with, but like, antlers are more evocative of nature/hunter spirits like Herne and Cernunnos.

-There is a lot of talk of ‘dancing’ as both fighting and flirting. I like this metaphor.

-Not going to lie, a fight in a moving subway car is one of the coolest things this show has done. More people should film stuff like that.

-TV Tropes also makes a big deal that Spike is there to comfort Buffy while Riley isn’t, which isn’t untrue, but, uh, it’s not like Riley’s doing nothing either; he went and killed the vampire who hurt his girlfriend, which I think should count for something.

-What happens next??? I don’t know, but I better find out soon because these DVDs are due at the library in two days!!!

[all-about-wannaone]

Wanna One as Princes [Part 2]

Once again, I am back with the second part of this series and for some reason, this was a little harder to write. ^^;; I’m not sure what happened, but the ideas did not flow as well so I hope that this does not become an awkward read. D: Nevertheless, I tried my best to capture their characters in real life and put them into my writings, and with that, I wish you guys a happy reading experience from the second part to this request by @theresnowarinbasingse! 

PART 1: Yoon Jisung, Ha Sungwoon, Hwang Minhyun, Ong Seongwoo

Kim Jaehwan:

Another prince who nobody would have guessed either that he was part of the royal bloodline.

Often gets mistaken for a typical government official or a scholar, because he always carries this book around in his hands.

The lowkey prince who is often found in the city centre reading his book (I wonder what) and listens out for the problems in society.

Puts in his input into political conversations while reading and nobody knows who he is, apart from the fact that he’s someone whom they always see at the fountain and is “extremely smart”.

Reads the people’s letters sent to him and combined with whatever he has heard or seen on the street, he gets quick and efficient work done.

The people are relatively happy and peaceful, but they are a little sad that they can never thank the prince himself. (He was right under their noses the entire time)

Not only wise, but extremely talented.

Participates in talent shows that the community organises and everyone knows him as a “Vocal God”

Always gives his winnings to others under an anonymous tag or charity.

Terrible at combat and would probably suit the marching band more but tries his best anyway.

When he likes a girl, he would be THE cheeseball and make use of his vocal talents to express his love for her.

Depending on his mood, he would either set up a stage in the city centre or give her a personal performance when the two are alone.

Probably leads to a quick mutual kiss or just two blushing beings waiting to make the first move.

 Kang Daniel:

Carries a noble aura, so people can suspect that he’s of royal descent.

Is often seen walking with a skip in his steps and a bright smile on his face, occasionally waving to the people of the town.

Everybody knows him as that smiley noble whom they can trust and be comfortable with in sharing their problems and concerns.

Champions for the rights of animals and is always seen with a pouch of food for stray animals. (Probably started an organisation for their protection too)

Effective and efficient solutions to rectify the people’s problems, but it does not go without some effort from society themselves.

Fosters a close-knitted, peaceful, hardworking and resilient society where everyone stands together in the face of adversity.

Another all-rounder; looks exuding charm, great personality, talented in both sports and arts (namely ball games and dance) and obtains scholarly achievements.

Good combatting skills and can handle a range of weapons in practice, and definitely in battle.

Confessions to a girl he likes would probably be the cheesiest, yet cutest thing EVER.

Will not say it openly but will show it through his actions (the way he treats you, buys you random gifts etc.) and also the type to lend you his 60cm wide shoulders to lean on.

Will probably take his girlfriend stargazing to say, “I need the starshine in your heavenly eyes after the day’s great sun.” and would later say, “I like this, don’t you think? I like…. us.”

 Park Jihoon:

Blessed with good genes and a mature aura, everyone knows that this boy has to be a part of the royal family, because there’s no way not to be for his case.

Doesn’t really carry any fixed expression when he walks around town, but it tends to be gentle and a little awkward when people bow and greet him out of respect.

But still bows back awkwardly anyway and pulls off his signature small smile that makes the girls’ hearts flutter.

Older citizens fawn over him and tend to pass him home cooked food whenever they see him around, invites him over for meals and basically treats him like their own son.

They would naturally open up to him and he would take all their concerns to heart, mentally taking notes while his bodyguard also listens in to take them down physically.

Doesn’t speak very much, but provides comfort and security with the people he interacts with.

Will go back to the palace almost immediately with a troubled heart, but a determined mind, to sort out all the troubles that his people face, while comparing notes with his personal bodyguard.

Might seem like a gentle being who can’t kill a fly, but he does not tolerate incompetence when it comes to settling societal issues (has probably fired a few government officials)

A little on the naive side sometimes, explaining the need for a bodyguard to prevent him from making rash decisions.

His community is hardworking, honest, peaceful and grateful towards their rulers.

All in all, he is a gentle and quiet being, serious with his work, has a soft spot for the children and the elderly and always attains top grades with ease.

Is a little clumsy with the sword because of his relatively small stature (and the lack of strength), but has an affinity with the bow & arrow and throwing knives, utilising them with deadly accuracy.

His bodyguard still tries his best to tutor Jihoon with the sword, and thankfully, he is getting better (as long as he works a little more on his upper body strength).

At this point, he sounds like a tsundere, but he actually does show it when he likes someone with the way he behaves and acts around her.

Would think he’s obvious with his crush and doesn’t feel the need to say it, until friends start commenting why they are not together and the reply is because they have not talked about it.

When he realises this, he would talk to the girl once the two of them are alone to his favourite hilltop, overlooking the scenery of the town and say, “If only I knew that all I needed to do was ask, we would have started dating a long time ago.”

 Park Woojin:

If everyone in the list was mistaken as either a scholar or a noble, Woojin would be none of those.

He would be assumed as a lost and awkward teenager trying to find his place in the world because of his naturally shy behaviour.

Doesn’t really appreciate crowds so he’s not found often in the bustling city centre and is instead found in the outskirts or the quiet side lanes when he wants to find his quiet time out of the palace.

Quite a naive boy, so his personal bodyguard always ensures that he is kept safe and unharmed, especially when he’s accidentally approached by gangsters for trespassing their self proclaimed territory.

Luckily, he knows how to defend himself with hand-to-hand combat (to everyone’s surprise) and can probably handle a group of 5 men on his own.

Hears and learns a lot more by spending his quiet time outside the palace, especially when it comes to the people and writes them down in his handy notebook (before he forgets) and comes up with a plan there and then on how to solve it.

People often see what he has done for them and wonders who is the kind soul; suspects it’s the royal family’s doing but are equally doubtful because they rarely write about their problems and the family is hardly seen out of the palace. 

Woojin will be sitting in a nearby corner, listening to the people reacting to his doings with smiles and shouts of joy, bringing a smile to his face and a sense of relief, before continuing on his way.

Also has a soft spot for children and would often play with them if they follow him around; always has snacks hidden in his outfit and gives it to them.

Is adored by the older community too and receives treatment similar to Jihoon (I mean, he’s a literal bean)

Kind, gentle and shy, but gets things done quickly and efficiently (also to everyone’s surprise); exudes quiet maturity, is well read with the country’s politics, laws and appreciates the finer things in life (especially the Arts)

Extremely skilled in hand-to-hand combat, but hates the use of weapons due to his nature of preferring to avoid conflict using such deadly weapons; is trying to build up on his confidence and courage but finds it extremely difficult at times.

His quiet nature carries on to his love life too, but eventually opens up to show more of his playful side when he knows her well enough and knows that he would not be judged for just being himself.

Leaves subtle hints here and there (plays with her hair, giving compliments, crafting gifts) but these are hard to notice for her, and he eventually gets frustrated.

Thankful for his supportive friends but freaks out and blurts out “I like you.” instead of that entire paragraph that he had prepared beforehand, but the girl won’t mind and if she was exactly like him, the response would either be “I like you too.” or a shy kiss on his cheek.

And once again, that is all for today! :) I know this was posted a little late but it is 2am where I am now and I would just like to apologise for the inconsistencies in lengths. ;; Might do an edit to this list when I can but I hope that it brought a smile to all your faces as you imagined the Wanna One members in royal garments and being all prince-like. ^^ Will hope to post Part 3 tomorrow and that will contain the final members Bae Jinyoung, Lee Daehwi and Lai Guanlin! :)

Requests will still be open for this week so do drop in an ask or a message to see more lists like these! ^^ Hope to see more of you guys there and thank you once again for taking the time to read these! ^^ 

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Tsukigakirei 4 | Kado 4 | Boku no Hero Academia 18 | Grimoire of Zero 4 | Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine 5

Tsukigakirei 4

By the by, episode 5’s title (Kokoro) is a reference to a Natsume Souseki book, just in case you were wondering when we were properly going to get to the Souseki stuff.

That gold dragon case Kotaro has is cool as. I want one…

There’s one scene with a lot of iron poles that I can’t quite decipher in regards to whether it’s CGI or not…(around 4:56 on CR).

Why is it that every time characters do Touristy Things ™, there are slow pans of scenery? It kinda pisses me off ever since it happened in Blue Exorcist…

Selfies are still popular with people, I see. Thought they’d died out already…

Oh gosh. The CGI got so obvious in this, it’s about the same level as cars in Alice to Zouroku (which look hella blocky)!

(when Akane walks out of the store) I know the feel, Akane. I know the feel too well.

Why is getting on the scale such a big deal in Japan? I get it for Akane’s friend who does it here, since girls are conscious about their weight more than boys, and I get it for Atsushi (Boueibu) as Boueibu’s a parody of content targeted at girls, but the scale is in such an obvious place in bath places…

Although the show has passed the Bechdel test already (unlike some of my works…ouch…) I feel that even with the “honesty” thing Tsukigakirei has going, it does kinda fall into a stereotype of “girls talk about boys” if it’s not focussing on the track stuff and that feels kinda disappointing. Girls can be more multifaceted than that, just like boys can.

The girls are eating dango. You can see those in Touken Ranbu all the time.

The CGI people makes this look like (what I know of) Ajin, and that’s bad.

Do you know about that Japanese graffiti where you put two names under an umbrella as a sign of love? Yeah…this is kinda like that.

“I want to talk wih you more” does not equal “I want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend”, kiddos. Remember that.

Kado 4

I’ve noticed between the start of the Sports Festival Arc (BnHA), Kado and Tsukigakirei, I’m yelling “hurry up!” at my screen a lot. Considering how great the latter two are despite their slow pace, I don’t mind those ones being subjected to my yelling, but BnHA is meant to be a fast mover by virtue of its genre. Also, since the three are received in the same 2 day period, it’s inevitable they’ll continue to get comparisons to each other.

29th of what month?

I should’ve known…Shindo would’ve decided to release children and mothers first, because it makes sense. *nods understandingly*

Oh, it’s the 25th of July this stuff started on. Okay. On the subject of Kado, I must say the artstyle of both the adaptional manga and the Railgun one (for after ep 5) don’t do the show any justice. Shindo and Shunina’s faces are too squashed on the Railgun promo image (plus the dot style is weird), while the adaptational manga’s faces for those two don’t look as beautiful as the merch images (exhibit A is the cover page for the linked chapter, the noses don’t look right there). (Then again, I can be very picky about this stuff, considering I am a lover of bishies and I tend to have high standards of “beauty”…)

The manhug was unintentionally suspenseful (when it happened) and funny (after it happened).

I’m not sure if bob girl (forgot her name) should be happy about this, because she sure looks happy.

Why Hanamori, the incompetent one? Then again, there must be a reason why Hanamori hangs around with Shindo and I can understand Shindo’s need for movement.

Wowee, Shindo. I can’t believe you just fired yourself…

They’re focussing on the UN, that’s rare…! I should’ve known it was coming due to Shindo belonging to it, but anime is normally very Japan-centric and never moves from that sphere.

I’ve never been to Haneda (as of this commentary), but what’s up with that dancing girl statue?

It’s quite interesting, not as a fellow person but as a viewer of this show, to note Shindo overworks himself and that he operates off adrenaline. He seems basically superhuman with all his negotiation skills.

A senpai is getting scolded by a kouhai tsundere. Never thought I’d see that in my life. Also, when Saraka thrusts the iPad at Shindo, notice how fluid and fast the motion is. That truly is evidence for how good the CGI is.

“Yahakui zaShunina is hot.” “I love the pattens on the side of Kado.” – *nods* I agree with these people. Two of many reasons why I’m in Kado hell at the moment. However, do note the exact word used for the Kado statement is ステキ, not “love” (suki) but rather “wonderful” (suteki), i.e. “The patterns on the side of Kado are wonderful”, there appears to be an unsubbed statement saying “あれプロジェクションマッピング？” (“Is that projection mapping?”) and the Shunina statement appears to say “Yahakui zaShunina is cool”, rather than saying “he’s hot”, so the “hot” is an implication at best, nonexistent at worst. If you find these words familiar, it’s because I copied them for this post.

Hey, it’s this guy. No wonder the staff needed ep 1.

Google-sensei says plastic is not conductive normally, but since it’s organic, it can be made to be conductive. Hence conductive plastics. Also, NMR appears to be this.

Senbei. After all the big sciency things I’ve noted for this show, senbei is a real laugh.

So basically speaking…it’s kinda like nuclear bombs all over again...

La Luna (White Parasite) was into human stories, and it had a collection of storybooks which gave it inspiration to make the magicians themed after fairytales and itself after a kitsune. The Kado staff applied a similar concept to Shunina and I must say they’ve done it much better than I ever did.

It’s heartbreaking to see the bromance end. Just seeing Hanamori in tears makes me wanna hug him, dangit.

It’s an odd choice to note China was one of the countries highlighted in the explanation of “countries”, as Japan and China don’t have the best relationship in history.

Even if the Japanese fought in self-defence using the JSDF, they wouldn’t be able to fight against international military action…and the Japanese Constitution said they renounced war after World War II…*gulps* (You can really tell I brushed up on 20th century history before getting here, eh?)

Seeing Shunina using a phone is just…*laughs* fabulous! It’s something I never would’ve thought of for La Luna, although I did accidentally stumble across a spoiler for it on Tumblr last week (…so I knew it would happen eventually, but that’s my fault).

What in this dimension and Shunina’s do the government people want with Kanata??? Man, these cliffhangers every week are really getting to me, dangit! (Sidenote: I love, love, love shows that make me want to watch the next ep every week, but simulcasts do give you the unique hell of waiting one week to find out what happens next, assuming you don’t want to get spoiled in the process.)

Boku no Hero Academia 18

“Yaoyorozu’s Creation is too hard to deal with!”

Interesting to note Bakugou only says “Kirishima”. (I noticed it last time but only made a note of it this time.)

I knew this from spoilers already (in fact, Monoma was how I learnt the Japanese word for “to copy” – monomane suru!) but Monoma is a copycat guy. I didn’t know how the Quirk was introduced though, so that was great.

Wowee, Monoma really likes provoking people, eh?

It’s the small things, like the knocks on Kirishima’s head, that make this show a delight to watch.

Small sidenote, but I think Endeavour’s flaming beard is great. As I said, the small things are what makes it a delight to watch…because it’s so unique.

Grimoire of Zero 4

Oh great, this merchant again…

Those apples are so misshapen, I sometimes think they’re pears.

At first I thought the subbers were lazy but then I realised…it’s a montage. D’oh.

“The sky is so blue.” – Yeah, and the rainbows are all rainbowy. (sarcastic)

At least Albus knows where the fish is, LOL.

It’s a bit dizzying to have a sudden cut to a rock, but at least that makes for a unique humour experience. Not ina metaphorical sense, mind you – I almost felt like I was going to be dizzy because of the suddenness of thecut.

I have a bad feeling about Latette, because of what Albus said. It’s kinda like that point in Mulan where they’re singing “A Girl Worth Fighting For” and suddenly, bam! You get my drift?

A burnt doll. See? Mulan de ja vu all over again. The only difference is how the houses are intact this time.

Grimoire of Zero isn’t bad, and I still want to know what happens next in it, but it could aim to be less cliché. The chemistry of the characters really sells it, so maybe the show should learn to focus on that in the future while continuing its worldbuilding and theme exploration (instead of going on about, say, Zero having romantic interest in Mercenary).

Royal Tutor 5

In this one shot of Viktor on a horse, it’s like someone crossed Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure with Napoleon…and that’s funny(!)

Ooh, who’s this guy with the green eyes? He looks a lot like Sebastian (Michaelis, Black Butler) or Pad-kun’s human form (Classicaloid).

Was that green statue CGI? If it was, the CGI was pretty obvious.

I never explained this earlier, but I found the word oushitsu in a Japanese-English dictionary. It means “royal family”, despite the second character meaning “room”.

Ooh. The King. Such pretty, such wow. (I like him.)

Hmph. This sort of plot is what you’d see in something like Masamune-kun’s Revenge. (In fact, I bring that name up because in one of the episodes, a plot like that does indeed happen.) Does this mean this show’s getting sloppy? I hope that’s not the case.

I guess the feeling of defeat setting in means the battle’s over before it’s even begun, eh? So don’t feel down, get motivated, Leonhard…or something like that.

One plus one can equal 11 or window, depending on how you look at it.

Wuh? That’s just your interests, Licht.

Oh! Sachertorte. Didn’t think of that, even though Kai did foreshadow it.

I think all teachers (and then some people who are not teachers, me included) understand that sentiment already, Heine. It’s called the “growth mindset”, to use some buzzwords from a former teacher of mine. (Speaking of “growth mindset”, I got a poster about it from said teacher. That’s why I still remember the concept.)

I think the animators aimed for a determined expression (at “Hurry up and teach me!”) but Leo’s frown makes him look like a sorrowful puppy.

I think this anime would benefit if it had more of that thick line style Leo took on for a second there.

Oh. The palace is CGI in those sky shots. No wonder I thought it was off somehow. The CGI actually makes the palace look realistic. It’s a very Kado way of applying CGI and when Kado is my standard of CGI that I like, that is something this show should be proud of.

Oh! Another foreshadowed loophole I should have seen coming.

There is a strange object in the back that appears to be CGId. It looks like it’s shaped like a fireplace, and it’s a good thing that it follows the Kado application style. (Then again, me noticing weird CGI things is just a habit…)

Well, this is a new interesting development. Hopefully we can get to the truth behind Heine’s past without having the anime be sloppy or cut off in the middle of the developments (like Nanbaka).

[benchgenderstudies]

Freeing Michelle Carter from the Prosecutions Ease of BlameMaking

Dear Ms Herreria,(HUFFPO)   Thank you for covering the Michelle Carter case for it was poorly prosecuted for the needs of the fifth column to stand against medically assisted suicide. Michelle Carter may have responded to Conrad Roy for thousands of times but the foundation of her innocence starts at how her attention initially came to Conrad Roy. Did he find her or did she start talking to him, as minors?  These comments are lengthy but not without due cause. Its as short as it can be with supporting evidence.

Conrad Roy's life is nothing I will misportray to be an expert in. He was disillusioned to the reality that divorces happen. This might stem from kids his age notching 'true love forever' into trees when that only lasts actually 3months more or less. Teens convince each other of romanticized attention and not love. When the girl doesn't want any more of the boys attn, some boys have a difficult time not realizing nothing is forever and definitely not love. On March 19,2013 Elwood Osman arrived at a Lehigh Valley Hospital; Allentown,PA , and shot his wife of 83 years dying of a terminal illness. There are only so many times you can hear 'kill me , kill me' and do nothing. When knowing someone is suffering and the law prolongs it, the law is wrong. Dr Assisted suicide is even rationalized correctly by Michelle Carter, a teen. Michelle Carter did something but I do not smear her as 'trying to perform medicine without a license', or malicious intents. The matter of Conrad RoyIII  confiding in her his life's problems were not her's to bear. The matter of having to feel sad or feel anything for him may have led to his being named ' a boyfriend'. Where did that relationship start?

Michelle Carter is being made a victim for the needs of a prosecutor needing a blame where assisted suicide cannot be validated politically. There is a fifth column that would not credit Conrad Roy III for being capable to determine if suicide was merciful. Carter is being made a victim for the needs of two parents who look at her with blame for a son who couldn't handle the concept of divorce. The weak fall down. Conrad Roy rationalized his credibility had choked when he didn't go through with suicide. Still, he was concluding that suicide was his plan. After so many times determining that it was in the company of Carter, she was desensitized to it.  The obsession of life ending could be concluded to be moral in that she wasn't getting attention of this. There was no give and take of her benefits in life. It was his status of living that was determined loathsome enough to agree with.

Feeling sympathy for someone is not feeling love. Feeling and empathizing can exploit a females beliefs of a relationship. It may not have been. Narcissists pull these tricks. Online predators pull these tricks to cause trust. Conrad broke this trust to not kill himself the first time. He caused further annoyance and doubt of his character in my perception. Online predators want the relationship to continue and even if he had fallen in adoration of Carter for physical and emotional reasons, this was still not love or a relationship. Online predators intending victimization would also back out of killing themselves.. but then they walk away; they'd fake a hospital stay story to tighten the grip on sympathy. Not Conrad..right back at it. The weak fall down and the parents of the weak must accept it. The grounds of the divorce may infact be the confusion. When the reasons love disappears start at being an oops one night stand. The prosecutor is blood thirsty to make someone pay for this teens death. She had texts to put into a neat case. Neat doesn't mean truth. Conrad had sadness and despair to share. Conrad most likely came onto Carter. Conrad most likely spewed and spewed all about his rotten life in hearing only his side of the screen say "Suicide is something that stops this because I don't understand why things aren't perfect". The mentally ill just keep convincing themselves. When Carter had to decide that suicide was a merciful means of ending his ambiguous coping, she had had enough. I'm not speaking for her. I am saying as to suggest her parent would realize, "Hey Conrad, put your parent on the computer your going to need a counselor because too much info." My friends of misery only go downward. Teens like to believe they have the ability to handle everything alone. Their invincibility makes them vulnerable in the worst of ways; independence through secrecy. 

What can Carter do but agree? Its a tendency to nod because saying " no your overreacting " would lead to conflict with an unstable guy. Do we want suicide for this guy or victimized by homicide suicide if he gets pissed off about not getting enough empathy? Adults nod when they don't agree to avoid conflict. After awhile Conrads glaring shortcomings made all the sense in the world to help him. How much more prone to suicide was Michelle Carter because of him?  Insincere males as seen on MTV's Catfish are spinsters. The number of times males have threatened to kill themselves on a breakup have made suicide a utility of coercing feelings. Marriage proposals at baseball and football games in public view are coercion methods. While Michelle Carter might not ever have doubted Conrad Roy, she had a right to. She has a required support by law that her exposure to his uncounseled issues was a problem. After a few months , if she tells tell her parents .. just generally that anything of real oversite happens.. the mentally ill will be angry of their secrecy and trust being broken; kill themselves anyway. Perhaps their was a friendship made but as a friend of misery .. things in common don't pan out to be constructive experiences. I have no expectation what Conrad Roys plans were with Michelle Carter. If he did have a girlfriend that he found or coerced of her then he had better turn around and notice her more. Then her issues come to play; she found the matter of suicide so certain that it had morphed into their common bond. Her help of his wants was made of activity, not feelings. Its not like she drove to Kmart with him for a dual suicide. Whatever the door was , Conrad wasn't strong enough to even commit suicide but the weak fall down and he did. The prosecutor just doesn't want to admit how weak people have become even though John F Kennedy called for mental health awareness. Now we are watching republicans swear to repeal,ACA, an obama administration(DNC) that gutted any chance of single payer, Obama's second flaw in usuing the subprime deal swing that would never regulate healthcare costs and worse.. both parties have an umbrella over all genres of thought. Too bad the prosecutor doesn't have the balls to look at the climate Conrad Roy searched for suicide before meeting Michelle Carter. Incompetence is the federal government and  Prosecutor Maryclare Flynn doesn't have the heart to be a change maker in too big a way. I regard Conrad Roy in the most gutteral of his potential. 

In this last point: Mary Kay Letourneau was made the sex item of a student. He was aggressive upon his teacher/tutor to swing a $20 bet. While they may be parents together right now, Mary Kay Letourneau had her teaching reputation ruined while she was vulnerable for lack of affection. Her husband was seeing other women. As a teacher she barely had time for one romance. A school is no place to easily hookup as a baggage handler has ample options. Michelle Carter is an easy victim to pin Conrad Roy's death on. Carter is an easy victim for Roys parents to blame. He was a broken kid in broken times looking for someone just like Carter to push him through a door he already decided on. But, if he was always full of shit ,, then he was coercing her into a relationship built on empathy and sympathy.. to be mothered into a son mother dynamic of sex with a peer teen the way Letourneau was.. and then he had to account why he didn't kill himself .

It was Roy's masculinity and honor on the line why he wasn't dead. According to his plans, he wasn't feeling like much but he would die a man standing up to suicide finally. He became the antlion that died buried in his own material. So then he did dramatize it. It was a seppuku for his own refusal of his goal setting the first time.But hey, Conrad Roy had the cunning avenue to sack a girl with all the times he couldn't get laid. As with his death ..lacking self confidence, stability there too. I don't know the kid but the motivation exists plenty of other situations. Girls, ignoring the unstable boy who might kill them before himself.   No No , Conrad.. you first.. seriously.. Its courtesy. 

#TheBigPictureIsConradShouldProbablyDieSoTheVictimCountIsntTWO.

Michelle Carter is too easy a victim for the prosecutors list of failed social environment culprits. So I hold her faulty by her narrow gaze for just one, just one teen girl deciding assisted suicide was better than living a mope scowering the internet for motivation. Her defense of being skewed with mood stabilizers somewhat undercut her good sense to value assisted suicide as legitimate. Jack Kevorkian probably would have refused this case. NSA didn't have a very good program to look for phishers and the word suicide. "To protect the american people from threats foreign and domestic."  An expensive useless system not protecting much but government reputation itself.  

Carter has a right to assure her safety, He might be a catfisher who deserves no respect. Police always complain why women don't stand witness on rapists. When its literally about killing a potential online threat, the Prosecutor flips over into savage woman bashing. The kid who hides in his room all day at the computer might need attention from his parents to explain and address the divorce. His avoidance isn't their cover for lack of communication.

Kind regards,

Michael Bench, MEP ,GCERT

Exercise Physiologist

Gender Anthropologist