#but yeah their relative pasts are soooo interesting to me
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one of the whole interesting rebelcaptain things to me is the whole question of the personal social mores and wider social codes of 70′s-futuristic space-soldiers like. i think they might be the inverse of the famous Sharing a Bed trope and have (relatively) little problem fucking each other in a Comradely fashion (no feelings, obviously, just comrades helping comrades etc) but absolute hard no on the physical intimacy of being around someone else asleep at your most vulnerable. there’s a lot of personal history that might make either of them very flinty about the idea of public barracks but also the early rebellion might rely on public barracks and through limitations on space and supplies have a system of cosleeping where nothing sexual is assumed. there’s just! a lot of interesting human interaction and worldbuilding to unpack here
#but yeah their relative pasts are soooo interesting to me#there's this interesting parabola of intimacy where they're interestingly immediately in close physical contact and proximity to one another#and mesh on very certain emotional levels in ways that also cause friction#but also have these speciifc kinds of emotional reserve and self-isolation that just lead to so many He Would Not Fucking Say That Moments i#in fic where they just... Fucking Say That.#hmmm i'm diving back into fic. thinking about unwinding threads here#rebelcaptain#love andor for making it canon that cassian fucks and then with a yellow marker pen highlighting multiple#segments of fandom wierdos who for various reasons couldn't behave like normal adults about this#but also i strongly hold jyn fucks too and the only reason we don't know about this was the limitations of a#large screen hollywood film and u know her supplementary material being a ya novel and some kids' cartoons
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Hey hey, first off, very excited to see someone writing for Aphmau characters!! It’s been a while since I watched my street but I will never forget how upset I was when Laurence disappeared (Goodnight sweet Prince)
As for fanfic request stuff, could you do a friends to lovers with a reader who’s super confident in everything except love? Like, knows they’re cool and look good but they’ve never really been confessed to, just something real fluffy. Not necessarily shy just not willing to risk confessing even if they know the other person feels the same (preferably fem reader)
For the character(s), if you take requests for multiple people then Cole Ninjago and Laurence MyStreet (separate) and if not then just Laurence will do :))
Any format works too, headcanons, one shot, go wild
thanks so much for the ask! this is such an interesting scenario and i had a loooooong time writing this ehe TuT
however, since the characters you requested are from different fandoms- i think i'll write the other pairing on a different post (hope u understand TmT) . also i'm soooo sorry in advance if laurence is ooc, i haven't really thought about him in a while...
anyway, likes and reblogs are appreciated! i hope you enjoy ✩
pairing: mystreet laurance x fem!reader
will include: fluff, friends to lovers
"You know what's the craziest part in all this?" Katelyn points out, drawing a circle with her index toward you.
"What?" You raise a brow, placing your hands on top of each other on your crossed leg.
"That I still don't get how you haven't confessed to Laurence." She answers quickly, and you react by immediately uncrossing your legs and throwing your hands in the air.
"It's not that easy!" You exclaim.
"How? You're the most confident person ever!" Aphmau points out from her side of the couch. "Second to Laurence, of course." She adds, which receives a collective 'yeah's and 'that's true's from the other girls.
You sigh as you slump in your chair.
It's another girls night, which means another night for updates on your crush on your close friend, Laurence. Only the girls, who are Aphmau, Katelyn, Kawaii~Chan, and Lucinda, know your crush on him.
"Seriously, you're so confident when it comes to other guys. I never thought I'd see Travis of all guys stutter when you flirted with him for a dare." Lucinda chuckles from the other end of Aphmau's couch, swirling her glass of juice.
"Because, Laurence is different..." You pause for a second before sighing again and combing a hand through your hair. "I've never felt this type of connection with anyone else, and I'm scared that if I do confess, it'll ruin the friendship I have with him." You frown as you intertwine your hands together. "I don't wanna lose him if it ends out like that."
"What happened to "don't be afraid to try new things" because you said being confident is all about being secure with yourself enough that new things don't scare you as much?" Katelyn asks, bending at the waist and propping her elbows on her thighs.
"I agree! You always say that and that's how you helped Kawaii~Chan start her maid cafe!" Kawaii~Chan smiles at you. You spare a smile before looking down to your fiddling hands again.
"Love is an entirely different department of confidence. My past relationships didn't end well, and," You bite your lip for a second, "I'm scared." Your eyes glance up to look around the room, which was filled with surprised faces from your girl friends. "I'm scared that if Laurence and I do become a... thing, that the universe is going to wreck it somehow and he'll cut me out of his life." You confess.
Aphmau gets up from her seat and ushers Lucinda to scooch to the other side before taking her seat. She places her hands on top of yours and your head moves up to meet her eyes. Her lips curl into a smile as her hand squeezes yours, giving your reassurance not only with her gaze.
"You're not going to lose him. I know Laurence is a relatively silly guy, but when it's something serious, he doesn't play around." She says softly. "He's a mature guy when he needs to be, and I can never imagine him actually hurting any woman's feelings on purpose." She adds with a light chuckle before exhaling deeply. "Otherwise, if he did, I'd have his head by now."
You comically blink at her last sentence before breaking into a laugh. The weight of the situation gets lighter, even for just this moment, and you give Aphmau a smile. "Thanks, Aph." You nod in her direction. "Thanks for being so supportive about this, girls." You turn to the other three in the living room.
"Of course, no problem!" "No biggie." "Kawaii~Chan can't wait for her ship to sail!"
Everyone turns to Kawaii~Chan with concerned looks, which she replies with a shrug. "What? Kawaii~Chan thinks they're end game!" She exclaims nonchalantly. Your cheeks flush as you try to change the topic for the night.
It was pouring down heavily today. You were outside early before the sun came up for a quick jog around the town, as you usually did. However, on your way back, you felt droplets of rain fall down on you and dismissed it for a light shower.
Now, you're stuck under a random bus stop. Turns out, you were jogging on a completely different street on the way back home. You guess you absentmindedly took one wrong turn on the way back, too busy listening to your music.
You were pretty soaked in your attire and you were started to get cold. Your phone dinged in your pocket and you brought it out, curling your hand across the top of the screen to stop the rain from straying onto your phone.
It was Laurence. He texted asking you how you were against the rain, and followed it with a picture of a flooded basement. He said his room got flooded and you snickered, typing a reply back on how only he would get stuck in a situation like that.
He replies with a few laughing emojis and you think for a while before opening your camera, taking a selfie of yourself. Your hair was wet and clinging to your skin, your clothes were also wet (even your socks), and you were pretty sure you would get sick after this.
You sent the selfie to Laurence, telling him how you're stuck outside in the rain while you were in the middle of jogging back home. He didn't reply after that and you thought it up to how he had his own problems to handle, which was his flooded basement.
You hugged yourself as you sat inside the bus stop, hoping the rain would stop. You didn't want to risk jogging back home either because you were on a street you didn't know and you were pretty sure you'd get even more lost in such weather.
You don't know how long you waited but it felt like hours.
Then, you heard your name in the distance. You turned to the direction of the voice and saw a figure far away. You squinted your eyes to get a good look on who it was, and you gasped.
It was Laurence. Running in your direction and holding up an umbrella above his head.
You can't explain how relieved you were to see him. You watched as he ran up to you and as he panted for a few minutes to catch his breath. You hoped he thought that your red cheeks were some indication of a starting fever, instead of you blushing because he was here.
"Laurence?" You whisper his name and he inhales deeply, pushing himself up from his knees.
"Are you okay!?" He exclaims, stepping closer inside the bus stop to you. "Oh my Irene, I'm so glad I found you. Come on, let's get you home." He offers his hand out and you slowly reach out for it.
Once your hand was in his, he gripped you tightly and pulled you under the umbrella. "How'd you find me?" You ask softly as you begin to follow Laurence's lead.
"Your selfie showed the bus stop map. I just had to zoom in to see which one you were at, and I came running to find you." Laurence says, like it was no big deal. Yet, you could hear your heart beating loudly in your ears as your cheeks grow redder.
"... Thank you, Laurence." You say softly, smiling towards him. He glances his eyes to you, and he smiles back.
"Don't mention it." He replies, and you almost just notice how he squeezes your hand just a bit tighter.
Laurence led you back to your house in gentleman-like fashion. You were screaming in your head the whole time the way back, but deep down you were happy. Extremely happy.
On the way home, Laurence explained that Zane somehow managed to drain the water from the basement and that's when he immediately left the house to get you.
You felt so cared for. On the way home, you would look down and stare at your intertwined hands. You couldn't believe someone would go out in the windy, strong rain just to fetch you and bring you home- and you couldn't believe it more when you remember it's Laurence who did that.
... You're almost brought to tears when you remind yourself that he's doing all of this as your friend as you come down the stairs.
When you don't notice Laurence in the living room, those thoughts are immediately reinforced. Of course, he did his job in bringing you back to your house, so what other reason would he have to stay?
"You done showering? I made some chicken soup!" A familiar voice yells from the kitchen. You hurriedly make your way there in disbelief, to see Laurence about to carry two hot bowls of soup.
"Laurence," you pause, "you're still here." You sound like you're out of breath.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Laurence comes up to you with a sided smile, nodding his head to your dining table to indicate to take a seat. "Someone's gotta take care of you once you inevitably get a fever after being out in the rain for so long." He subtle scolds you and you pout.
"I thought I could wait it out..." You murmur, taking your seat.
"Yeah, for a day, sure." He sets your bowl down in front of you before taking a seat next to you, while pressing the back of his palm on your forehead.
You quickly pull away to look down to your bowl and immediately pick up the spoon. So, you could hide your blush (obviously). "I don't have a fever, Laurence." You tell him, taking a scoop of the soup and bringing it to your lips.
Only, of course, to burn your tongue and slam the spoon back down on the table. "Hey, hey, slow down!" Laurence gets up from his seat to quickly pour you some water. "Are you okay?" He asks while you basically chug the water.
You nod your head while drinking before setting the glass down. "Uh, thank you... again." You avert your eyes nervously.
"Are you sure you don't have a fever?" He raises a brow as he returns to his chair.
"Y-Yeah! Yeah, I'm sure." You slide a hand behind your neck out of habit.
Laurence's eyes furrow and he leans in towards you. "You're lying."
"What?"
"You're lying?"
"No, I'm not." You chuckle.
"Yes, you are. You put your hand behind your neck when you lie." He states, like a matter of fact.
You blink at him with awe and disbelief. He notices the small stuff about you too.
Your mind passes to the thoughts of your feelings towards the brunette. The fact he ran in the middle of practically a storm today just to get you, the fact he remembered your small habits, and the fact that he's here. He's here and he's taking care of you.
It makes you feel warmer than the soup he made. He's always made you feel like. It's like a cozy fireplace whenever you're next to him, like you're rocking on a chair with a knitted wool blanket while holding your favorite drink.
You're at the height of your emotions and it overtakes your rationality. You inhale and blurt,
"Laurence, I like you." He blinks at your words. You clear your throat and look down, intertwining your hands to keep them busy. "I've liked you for a while, actually. A few months after we met, I developed feelings for you. I... I never told you because I was scared of losing you." You close your eyes when you feel the tears begin to well in your eyes. "I know how dumb it sounds especially because of how confident I am, but when it comes to you, I am so scared because the bond we have is so special to me a-"
You were cut off by a kiss. You open your tear-filled eyes and see Laurence's face. His eyes are squeezed shut and his cheeks were slightly tinted if you paid enough attention, and you did. He pulls away.
Apparently, he had lifted your head with his hands on your cheek and pulled you in for a cheek. "I..." He smiles as his thumb wipes the tears away from your cheek. "I like you too. For a while, now." He confesses softly. "You caught my eye the day Aphmau introduced you to us because you were so confident with yourself." He glances down to your lips before looking at you again. "At first, it was because you were beautiful," he pauses, "I still do."
You chuckle and he does too, before pulling your focus back on him.
"Then as we got closer, I thought about how much I wanted to keep seeing you... be confident." He says. "And wanted to be the one that makes you confident too." He adds, nodding his head to the side. "Of course, only if you'd let me."
You sniffle and nod your head frantically. You laugh lightly as you begin to chuckle. "Yes!" You whisper. "Yes, Laurence, I-"
He cuts you off with another kiss. Only this time, you kiss him back.
#✩ starraywrites#aphmau mystreet#aphmau mystreet story#aphmau laurence#aphmau laurence x reader#laurence zvahl#mystreet laurance#x reader#i miss him#he was one of my favorites#sorry if he's ooc!
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Wondered if you wanted to rant a bit about Merrill x Solas? Honestly never thought of the pairing before and I would like to hear your thoughts if you wanted? You'd don't think they'd argue?
oh! hi anon! yes i would love to rant about these two :')
it's a relatively new idea for me, too, and i do think they'd argue at first - solas is soooo condescending about the dalish and that would really bother merrill. but at the same time, she's a bit of a pariah within clan sabrae and would imo understand better the mixed feelings ppl could have about the dalish. not to say she'd roll over and accept his insults, but she'd consider his pov more than others might before arguing it, and i think that consideration would throw him off his stride a bit
and nicely, her use of blood magic would be a total non-issue, which i think would be kinda an amazing experience for her? to have another mage, another elf, even a non-dalish, accept her type of magic without blinking an eye or saying she's doomed to be possessed or whatever would be comforting. she doesn't need anyone's approval and has gone for a long time without it, but to get it, at least on that front? yeah, it'd be a pleasant surprise
and solas' disdain for the dalish tapers off when he realizes a dalish inky is willing to listen to his pov. he still holds them in some contempt but he's no longer as hostile about it, so i think if they could get past that initial rocky stage, and i imagine they could, then they'd find a lot to be interested in with each other.
merrill is extraordinarily powerful. within canon her immense skill is kinda undermined by the other character's perception of her, including the perception of her own keeper, but the truth is that merrill restored a blighted eluvian from a single shard. if solas learned about that? he'd be hella impressed and would question her all about it, but in an interested, engaged way rather than a condescending one. and i think she'd open up a lot when she realizes she can have a Mage Friend who is non-judgmental about her methods
imo a relationship btwn them would be something she pursues, bc he's still hung up on everything, same as he is with a dalish inky. and i honestly don't even think merrill would be upset that he's fen'harel? upset that he didn't tell her, yes, but not upset that he's the trickster/deceiver/etc. - she's very dalish, but like i said earlier, she's also somewhat removed from the dalish, a pariah amongst her own people who's had to forge her own path in many ways. and living among the city elves for so long would have broadened her perspectives on what it meant to be an elf. she wouldn't have painted him as a villain immediately or rejected him out of hand, but she would press him for the truth, bc just like him she wants to learn everything
nerds in love, frankly, is their dynamic in my head :')
#merrill#solas#merrill/solas#solas/merrill#solarrill?#merrilas?#idk#anyway! ty for the ask! love gushing about these two ;u;
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I just finished yan brother and im dying at imagining precious baby sis getting into the memes again somehow on her cheap ass burner and now she's snapping at big bro calling him "submissive and breedable". Also Bunny was so !?!??! Amazing???? Ngl i dont trust a pretty man AT ALL and i dont trust no smooth mf who gets touchy on the first date like he knows me or sumn. reader needs to watch her back heheh!!! Also him 'guessing' her name jdkskls what the HECK bro, mans is a walking 🚩🚩🚩 (just the way we like em 😳) im trying to decide my fave oc of yours but its tough 😮💨. I looooove your writing though! Also pls make sure you take breaks, ur posting soooo much so frequently so pls also make sure ur taking care of urself!!! Happy holidays 💞💞💞 (can i be 🐰 anon pls? I promise it doesnt have to do with Bunny, its just my thing jdskks)
Hi bunny emoji anon i just got around to answering this ask cause i had a stroke of luck where i had some inspiration to work onthe 3rd yan bro installment
I also workineg on the next part of Bunny the pretty boy, just veryz busy these days prepping with uni and all, and rhe fact that not a lot of people seem to be interested in my Bunny fic kinda like made me "eughhhh..." And i go on to greener pastures like Language Barrier
Not saying attention and praise is all im writing for, cause yan brother is extremely popular like hell , i got around 120 asks rn and at least 100 of them are asking me to update yan bro p3 in one form or the other.
I think its cause yan bro was made when i was in a dark place to cope, thats why its extra tasty, Bunny was made when i was relatively okay so its less yummy and less popular with the readers... So Bunny doesn't have that flavourful spice to it, pretty unseasoned and I gotta admit that too, hard to keep going when im not strongly comforted by Leveret
But anyways, pretty sure big bro will thoroughly investigate why you're calling him that, leading him to find your burner phone and leaving you gadgetless. Though, at times he kind of found it endearing ONLY if you're past 18 though. Younger than that? Yeah no, you're grounded and getting lectured
Ah yes Leveret the man who simply refuses to elaborate further after dropping an acid bomb, rabbit man my beloved, i kinda do have like a point in that story where i wanted to go, but its going to take a while before that happens
Damn i am gobbling up ur essay asks they r so good, they ere some lovely motivation generators. I really gotta thank u for reading my crap ❤️💕 i appreciate it <3
#bunny emoji anon#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere oc#yandere brother#tw incest#yandere male oc x reader#male yandere#male yandere x reader
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Chapter Three: "Fuck The Police"
*trigger warning: police brutality, smoking, death of a loved one*
Months had passed and it was April, it was so hot and Ethan decided to take our father's credit card so KelHani, RaeLynn, Rosa, and I could have some fun. He and Rylyn drove us to the store, “alright, kiddos. Get out, grab a cart and throw some snacks, soda, new swimsuits, and whatever else you want. Then meet us at the registers, Ry and I are gonna… do our own thing,” Ethan told us as we got out of the card.
“Ok, Ethan,” I said, holding KelHani’s hand as the four of us walked into the store. We grabbed a cart and KelHani pushed it While RaeLynn and Rosa rode in the cart and I was walking on the side, tossing candy and things into the cart as they were pointed and called out.
“We are gonna be soooo sick later,” RaeLynn giggled as she texted on her phone a bit, she had been doing that a lot. In the past, I'd been jealous of whoever was getting her attention but since KelHani and I had started going out, I hadn't been jealous of whoever was captivating enough to get RaeLynn’s attention.
“Is that Danyol?” KelHani asked in a teasing manner, eliciting the most flustered squeak that ever squeaked from RaeLynn.
“It is, they've been texting and calling nonstop for days. He's been out of town for some family thing and RaeLynn is so head over heels in love with the rich boy,” Rosa said, nudging RaeLynn.
“Shut it, Rosa!” RaeLynn said, blushing as she buried herself in the cart. She immediately went back to texting Danyol, “or I’ll tell them about what you did with Drake earlier!” She said as a devious smile appeared on her face.
KelHani Smiled, “What did Ro do with Drake Williamson?” she asked, her interest being piqued.
“She kissed Drake with tongue while skipping class yesterday,” RaeLynn said in a whispered voice, giggling a bit.
I blinked, feeling shocked by what I was hearing, “you did what?” I asked.
Rosa smiled proudly, “yup, these lips are no longer virgin!” She said as she pointed to a case of Buster Energy Drinks.
KelHani smiled and grabbed the case, putting it at the bottom of the cart, “V's lips haven't been virgin since August,” she bragged, being forever proud to be my first kiss.
RaeLynn gasped, “wait, really? Who was her first kiss??” she asked, being as oblivious as ever to the fact that KelHani and I had been holding each other’s hands the entire time we’ve been in the store.
KelHani smiled and gestured to herself, “yours truly,” she said as she pulled our entwined hands to her lips then kissed my knuckles sweetly.
RaeLynn blinked as her smile faded, “wait, what? You guys are… Gay?” she asked, her gaze fixed on our entwined hands as she seemed conflicted.
“Yeah, is that a problem?” KelHani asked, sounding confused, “you do know my aunt’s a lesbian too, right? She’s dating Britteny…”
“I-i know, it’s not a problem. Just didn’t expect that Val would be gay, I mean her dad would kill her,” RaeLynn said, sounding worried.
I rolled my eyes, “my dad can suck a fat one,” I muttered as we continued our shopping then met with Rylyn and Ethan.
Ethan purchased everything in the card and we went to my house, my parents had been out of town for months on business so the house had been relatively quiet.
I went upstairs to change into my new swimsuit, looking at myself in the mirror as I put my long, black hair up. I always hated how I looked so much like my mother, she was so cruel and bitter and part of me wondered if I would be that way when I was an adult. I walked downstairs, blinking as I saw KelHani downstairs in her swimsuit. Her black, dread-locked hair was swooped over her shoulder and she honestly looked like a goddess sent from above. I smiled, feeling so lucky to say that I was her girlfriend.
RaeLynn walked out as well, wearing her swimsuit top but a pair of Ethan’s swim trunks instead of the swimsuit bottoms. I was confused but decided not to question it, “Val, can you help me put my hair up?” She asked as she looked at me.
“Yeah, sure” I said, braiding her hair into a nice braid that’d stay out of her face while we were running around and playing in the pool with our new water guns.
Rosa was already outside and relaxing in the pool on a pool float while Ethan and Rylyn each had a beer and a cigarette. The three of us walked outside and I grabbed a water balloon from the bucket that Rylyn had set out, throwing at KelHani before I ran as she started chasing me while we both laughed.
We were running around and giggling, at one point KelHani grabbed a water gun and started spraying me with water while I squealed. Rylyn was recording this with a video camera that she always had with her, she loved recording these memories so her and RaeLynn could look back on these days later in life. Fuck am I glad she was recording this…
RaeLynn, KelHani and I had been running around for a while, RaeLynn and KelHani had teamed up to take me down so I was running away from them. I ran to the front yard with the following when…
BANG!!
BANG!!
The sound rang out, it was so loud that it made my ears ring as I froze, My hands shaking as I felt too terrified to turn around. The more the ringing in my ears subsided, the clearer RaeLynn’s sobs became behind me, “OH MY GOD!!! “ she screamed in horror as I finally found the courage to turn around and see the scene.
KelHani was on the ground, bleeding from her shoulder and abdomen. She had two bullet wounds that were gushing with blood, Ethan and Rylyn had already run over. Ethan dropped to his knees and started using his shirt to apply pressure to the wounds while Rylyn was calling for an ambulance and screaming at someone. I looked at who Rylyn was screaming at and saw an older, white police officer and a younger, latino officer running over with a first aid kit.
“I am Officer Lopez, I am so sorry for my training officer,” the younger officer said before he grabbed his radio and spoke into it, “1141, we have a 13-year-old African-American civilian with two GSWs…” he put his hand on KelHani’s pulse, “conscious and breathing, please dispatch a supervisor to my location,” he continued before started helping Ethan apply pressure to KelHani’s wounds.
“Why the fuck did you shoot her!? She didn't do anything wrong!!” Rylyn was still screaming at the older officer.
“She had a gun! She was shootin’ the Puerto Rican!” the older officer said.
I kneeled down to KelHani, holding her hand, “stay awake, Kel. Talk to me,” I said as I started tearing up.
KelHani’s hand squeezed mine, “I'm gonna be ok, V. I promise. I'll be fine,” she told me, trying to also reassure herself while hiding the fear in her voice.
Tears ran down my face as I tried to believe her, sniffling as the ambulance arrived as well as the Watch Commander. I went with KelHani to the hospital as I held her hand, being left in the waiting room as she was taken back for surgery. I was shaking as I sat down, my breath was heavy and shallow.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, Dyamond arrived and he was with his aunt. I could see the looks of fear in their eyes which shattered my heart more, “where is she? Is she still in surgery?” Kyren asked as she saw the blood on Ethan’s hands, “is that… is that her blood?” She choked in her words.
Ethan nodded, his hands shaking as he stayed silent. I knew he was probably having some flashbacks since he had lost his mother a year before Rosa and I were born, that was the last time he was in a hospital for hours, waiting for news on a loved one.
Officer Lopez was sitting with us, looking guilty as he was holding a rosary and silently praying.
“Please, God, let KelHani survive. Please grace her with your protection and let her survive this,” I heard RaeLynn and Rylyn muttering, they were also praying quietly.
Finally, the doctor emerged and walked over to us, “are you the family of KelHani Thompson?” She asked.
I jumped up as Dyamond and Kyren nodded, feeling relieved as she gave us the news.
“Ms. Thompson had significant damage to her shoulder blade but was able to remove the bullet. She will need physical therapy to regain movement in her left arm. The second bullet was a bit trickier, it had hit her liver. I was able to fix the damage, but we will need to monitor her to make sure that she doesn't start bleeding internally,” the doctor explained, “we are unsure if she will make a full recovery…” she added.
I was glad she was at least alive, but I knew that her future was still foggy. I was the first one into her room when she was ready for visitors, “Kel! Baby!” I said, pulling a chair up and holding her hand. My eyes scanned the machines that were hooked up to her, she had a heart monitor and a breathing cannula.
KelHani looked at me, smiling as she spoke, “heyy, baby…” she said, being high from pain medication, “y’know… your hair has always reminded me of crow feathers. You're like a pretty Crow…” she told me, her voice was hoarse as she reached out to touch my hair.
I giggled, “maybe that should be my nickname…” I said, kissing the palm of her hand.
Almost a month passed and KelHani was out of the hospital. She had started calling me her “Pretty Crow” ever since the incident which I really liked.
I was in the car with KelHani and Dyamond on the way to her physical therapy appointment, “what kinda things do you do at physical therapy?” I asked, feeling curious.
“we do exercises to help me regain feeling and movement in my arm, like flexing my arm and squeezing a stress ball to get basic movement back,” KelHani explained as she started opening and closing her fist, “today I’m going to work on relearning how to hold a pen and write.” she smiled.
I nodded, smiling as I held her good hand, “that's so interesting…” I said, kissing her cheek.
We arrived at her physical therapy appointment and I sat in the corner, watching her as she worked on her exercises.
“so, what are you guys goin’ to over the summer break?” the physical therapist asked as he helped KelHani.
“Well, V and her brother are taking me to Cuba for a month. We're going to visit some of their family,” KelHani said as she struggled to write her name.
I nodded, “this weekend is also mine and my twin’s fourteenth birthday party. We're having a pool party!” I said, smiling happily.
“Fun,” the therapist said then looked at the time, “alright, KelHani, you did great today. If you need to, feel free to use the bathroom while I write some notes about today's session,” he told KelHani, who nodded and walked to the bathroom.
I waited for her, but after a while I started getting nervous, “hasn't Kel been gone awhile?” I asked as I noticed that she had been gone for twenty minutes.
The physical therapist nodded and walked to the bathroom, knocking on the door, “KelHani, are you ok in there?” he asked but got no answer which worried both of us. “I'm going to call for a nurse, stay here.”
I nodded, waiting for a bit but I got impatient and walked into the bathroom to see KelHani was on the floor with blood filling her mouth. She was unconscious and I couldn't tell if she was breathing so I kneeled down and felt her pulse, realizing it was fading so I started doing compressions like Ethan had taught me to do.
The therapist came back with a nurse who took over compressions while she shouted, “code blue!! We need to get her to a room!!” she said as a doctor joined her, the two of them taking KelHani to a room where they disappeared into for a while. I watched from the window as they switched between compressions and the defibrillator, gasping as they stopped and shook their heads. I saw the doctor look at his watch then he said something I couldn't hear through the glass, but I didn't need to hear because I knew what he was saying.
I felt tears running down my cheeks as I started hyperventilating, backing into a wall as it sunk in. KelHani was dead, she died right in front of me. It felt like everything was spinning around me as I screamed. I didn't even realize the scream was coming from me until it turned into sobs of pain.
Dyamond ran over to me, hugging as he was also crying, “I know, Val. I know,” he said to me through his own tears before he looked at the doctor, “what happened?”
The doctor explained something about a blood clot and it hitting her lung but I didn't hear it, everything was a blur as I just sobbed. I knew this wasn't the doctor's fault, this wasn't my fault either. It was the officer's fault, the old white police officer who shot her a month ago. I felt so angry and sad as I decided then and there that I hated the police.
The following weekend was Rosa and I’s birthday, I knew I should’ve felt happy. I was turning fourteen but I just couldn’t smile, it felt like I was numb. Like every bit of emotion had been drained from me. I wanted to forget the pain, the sadness.
I got up from my seat and went to Ethan’s room, hiding in his closet as I thought. That’s when I noticed his cigarettes and lighter on the floor, grabbing them as I wondered what it was like to smoke. I took a cigarette out and held it in my mouth, lighting it like I had watched Ethan do thousands of times in the past. I inhaled the smoke and felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders, releasing the smoke as I looked at the cigarette and knew that this would become a habit of mine.
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i can take you there but baby you won’t make it back
character: dabi | todoroki touya
notes: stepcest (kind of—ur parents aren’t married yet) with dabi-as-touya x a very naïve and inexperienced reader, normal!AU (no quirks, dabi also has tattoos over his scarred + fully healed skin), university!reader, implied yakuza!dabi, excessive use of the words niichan and good, praise kink, fingering, face fucking, title credit = save that shit by lil peep lmao uhhhh yeah i hc dabi as a very intelligent and perceptive individual soooo i feel like he’d be a master at reading a person & their emotions and then adapting his manipulation techniques
warnings: 18+, pseudo-incest (stepcest), noncon/dubcon, slight somnophilia, emotional manipulation, toxic relationship, size difference, slight degradation, mentions of drug use
words: 7.1k
part 2.1 | part 2.2
synopsis:
“You want to be good for me, don’t you, sweetheart?”
“Of course,” you respond instantly. Later, when you lay awake in your bed, you’ll feel ashamed by your actions, by how readily captivated you were with him, by how easily he was able to manipulate you with those sapphire eyes and that rough voice—
But in that moment, you’ll do anything to pull that little smile from him, anything to hear him tell you you’re good. You just want to be good.
Something dark and primal flashes in those gorgeous eyes as they gaze down at you, a small grin spreading across his face. “Of course,” he repeats softly.
✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰
Your dad’s been dating Rei for a while—nearly a year, now—when things begin to get serious, and he proposes to her.
She accepts, so it’s not exactly a surprise when she suggests you guys move in with her—she’s got more than enough space, she tells you, it’s just her and her son in that big old house—and your dad seems pretty thrilled about it. This was the next step before marriage, after all.
You like Rei well enough, she’s always been nothing but sweet to you, and anyway, your father’s relationship really isn’t any of your business or concern.
It isn’t that you don’t want to move in with her—her house is in a better part of the neighborhood, a standard detached upper-middle class home, and just a short walk from a bus stop that’ll take you directly to university, which you start in a week.
It’s just…You’re a little apprehensive.
You know she has kids. She mentions them in passing every once in a while, but you can’t for the life of you remember their names, or their ages, or how many of them there are. You know they don’t all live with her, that her relationship with her ex-husband is complicated and rocky at best.
But you’re still surprised to hear that only one of them, her eldest, lives with her. She tells you he’s five years older than you are, that he’s a clever, smart boy, going off on a tangent about how disappointed she is that he didn’t go to university, because ‘he would’ve done so well—he could’ve shone so brightly.’ Something about the way she says that, the way her voice sounds almost sad, makes anxiety turn to lead in your stomach. She talks about him as if he’s already a lost cause, but he’s only in his mid-twenties, isn’t he?
You understand the moment you see him. The man standing in front of you as you shift from foot to foot unsurely in the foyer of this unfamiliar house is about as far from what you anticipated as he could possibly be.
He’s tall, skin pale as moonlight, with jet black hair and the most stunning blue eyes you’ve ever seen. But that isn’t what captivates you. It isn’t the lip ring curled around his bottom lip snuggly, and it isn’t the tongue piercing you’re about to find out he’s hiding in his mouth, either.
Every inch of the exposed skin of his arms is covered in intricate, seamlessly flowing tattoos—or, for a moment, you thought it was tattoos, plural. Upon closer inspection, you realize that each arm is actually covered in one giant tattoo, giving a new definition to the term ‘sleeve’. It’s all black ink, not a splash of colour anywhere, depicting an extremely detailed and anatomically correct mechanical arm, complete with what would’ve been joints, ligaments and bones in the form of wires and steel.
The tattoos extend onto the tops of his hands, made to look as if surgical staples are peeling his skin back to reveal the robot beneath. This same tattoo continues up his neck, along his jaw and onto his cheeks, all the way to his bottom lip, spreading across his entire face and disappearing into his hairline and onto his ears. Finally, there’s a small portion of the tattoo underneath his eyes, the surgical staples lining the edges of the face tattoos, too.
It startles you—you’re not necessarily scared, you just…weren’t expecting that. But there’s no denying the rush of breath that involuntarily escapes your lips as your eyes search his face, raking over his body in a brazen way that should make you feel shameful, travelling back up to find him smirking smugly at you, raising an eyebrow as your eyes meet again.
The look in his eyes tells you he knows, knows what you’re thinking about, knows how undeniably attracted you are to him, and scalding heat floods your cheeks.
He chuckles a little, which does nothing but add insult to injury, and sharp anger slices through your chest at the way that you stomach absolutely drops at his gravelly voice. You can’t believe yourself, can’t believe your body is reacting and responding so readily to this man—this stranger.
He introduces himself as Touya, in that rough, deep voice that forces a jolt of electricity to run through your veins. You idly wonder what your name would sound like on his tongue, how it might sound if his voice dropped to a growl, find yourself stuck thinking about this for the rest of the night.
✰ ✰ ✰
To your disappointment, and as much as you are unabashedly interested in him, you don’t interact much with Touya for your first few weeks in the house—in fact, you barely see him at all.
This only piques your curiosity about him more, finding that you’re unable to tear your eyes from him on the rare occasion that you are in a room together. He catches you staring every single time, and he has the audacity to chuckle to himself and shake his head when his gaze meets yours, your eyes quickly darting away and cheeks burning at his laugh.
You begin gathering little tidbits of information about him, purely sourced from interactions you witness in the house, desperately praying for something that’ll give you an opportunity to start a conversation with him.
Your efforts prove fruitless when, almost a month and a half since you moved in, you’ve still only spoken a handful of words to him. You do learn a bit about him through observing, though.
You discover that he’s a smoker, which really doesn’t come as a shock at all. Marlboro’s are his favourite, and he’s always got a pack in his back pocket or rolled up in the short sleeve of his t-shirt. He must have them imported—Marlboro’s are incredibly rare to find all the way in Japan.
Touya must have a lot of things imported.
You find out that every other Thursday, Touya discreetly stuffs an absurdly large wad of cash—all composed of ten-thousand-yen bills—into his mom’s hands, forcing her fingers to curl around it. She fights him on it, every time, but he’s firm and adamant that she take it. It always ends with Rei giving him a small, watery smile, Touya pressing a kiss against the side of her head and murmuring that he loves her.
After you witness this interaction for the first time, you begin to notice that, while the house looks relatively normal on the outside, it is stuffed full of luxury on the inside. Flat-screen TVs each complete with full entertainment systems, state of the art appliances that are somehow up to date with all of the latest trends (including a smart fridge—absolutely ridiculous), custom made furniture, ornate rugs, a housekeeper that drops by every Sunday…
You have no idea what he does for work, but you think you’ve got at least some sort of idea when you catch him one night, just past 2AM, exiting his room and using a thumb to brush excess white powder off his nose. His eyes catch yours, pupils blown and shining in the low light, and he smiles darkly at you, winking once as he walks away.
You don’t ask—no one ever does.
You don’t ask about the crimson splattered on the toe of his boot, or why he sometimes smells metallic, like copper, the strong scent wafting after him and invading the halls as he stalks leisurely toward the bathroom. You don’t ask why he leaves the house at odd hours in the night, and you definitely don’t ask about the soft clinking and clicking you hear through the thin walls every so often while he cleans his gun at 3AM.
You’re not sure if it’s really any of your business, anyway. So you stay quiet, and continue to wait.
The opportunity finally comes one Wednesday in October, two weeks before Halloween, when you’re in the kitchen after school busy fixing yourself an afternoon snack. Touya comes home uncharacteristically early—you rarely see him before 10PM, so his entrance scares you, and you jump a little.
“Sorry,” he murmurs as he passes by behind you, just an inch too close, just enough so you can feel his body heat radiating off of him.
“It’s fine,” you say quietly, shaking your head a little and trying in vain to stop your hands from trembling as you spread peanut butter across a piece of bread.
You can feel his eyes on you, and it makes you nervous, makes your skin crawl in a way you’ve never felt before. He laughs a little at your struggling, leaning against the counter next to you and crossing his arms over his chest.
“You don’t have to be so nervous around me, y’know,” he says with a smirk, eyes glittering at the way your lips part in surprise, your breath stuttering a little. “I’m your niichan after all, aren’t I?”
You hadn’t even considered using the honorific until he himself uses it.
Your hands freeze, hovering over your plate, and you look over at him slowly. “You…Want me to call you that?”
“You can, if you’d like,” he says smoothly, nonchalantly, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. It makes no difference to him, he tells you, but when he finally looks back at you, you think you can see it in his eyes—a sharp, small glimmer of…of something. Something that makes your stomach twist in a way you can’t decide if you like or not.
But this is it, you think, this is your opening to finally begin talking to him.
So you do. And the smirk he gives you the first time you address him by the honorific, voice quivering slightly as you ask him where Rei normally keeps the blender, is nothing short of predatory.
“It’s on the top shelf. It’s too high for you, though,” he says, voice so sickly sweet it almost sounds mocking. “Let niichan get it for you,”
It isn’t, but you let him get it for you anyway.
And he knows—knows he’s got you the moment you gasp at the honorific leaving his lips, trying to hide it behind your hand, nodding quickly and squeaking out a thank you.
It starts after that. He begins playing with you; a sick, perverse game of cat and mouse, hunter and hunted, and you play your part perfectly.
You’d be lying if you said you didn’t love it, if you said it didn’t send wicked sparks of excitement shooting up your spine and an intense fluttering in your stomach.
And it starts slow. It starts with gentle pet names—honey, sweetheart, princess—and fingertips trailing down your arm as he passes you. It starts with a large hand placed on the small of your back, guiding you—out of the house and into his car, out of the kitchen and into the living room, out of the hallway and into his bedroom—and with little pecks on your lips stolen when no one’s watching, quick kisses that leave you feeling exhilarated despite their chastity.
Suddenly, he’s home a hell of a lot more. He’s sitting too close to you on the couch while you curl up with a textbook, his thigh pressed against you and flesh burning hot through his black jeans. He’s joining the family dinner a few times a week, idly hooking and unhooking his ankle with yours beneath the table while smirking at you from across it.
Suddenly, he’s asking you if you need a ride to school, or if you need someone to pick you up. You don’t, you tell him, the bus is just fine, but he insists. It’s what niichans do, he says. He wants to take care of you, he says.
Who are you to deny him that, really?
✰ ✰ ✰
The first time you experience Touya angry is about a month after the inciting incident, when he catches you walking home with a few of your university friends.
He had texted you earlier that day, telling you that he—very regretfully, he said—would be unable to pick you up from school this afternoon because ‘something had come up’.
You didn’t question what it was—you knew he’d lie even if you did. So you accepted it obediently, reassured him that it was fine, that you’d find another way home.
You’re pretty sure if you had told him that you didn’t have any extra change on you for the bus suddenly whatever important thing that had ‘come up’ which so desperately needed his attention wouldn’t be so urgent anymore. But you didn’t want to be a bother, or inconvenience him, so you say nothing.
Two friends decide they’ll accompany you on your walk home, so you aren’t lonely, they claim. Normally, the walk from campus to your house is about thirty minutes, but that day it takes you nearly an hour, wasting time goofing around and walking slowly as you talk idly.
Touya’s already pissed that it’s taken you so long to arrive home, that you’ve ignored all of his extremely considerate texts asking if you’re alright, but when he sees you squished between two boys, giggling as the three of you stumble up your driveway—he’s fucking fuming.
“Where the fuck have you been?” he asks, voice calm and monotonous, leaning casually against the doorframe.
Your head snaps up—you swear he wasn’t there just a second ago—blood running cold.
His stance is relaxed, arms crossed loosely over his chest, lazily raising an eyebrow as your wide eyes meet his. Technically, the only indication that he’s furious is the blazing blue fire in his eyes, but your friends can read the tension in the air surrounding him, shuffling a little closer to you. This minuscule action does not go unnoticed by Touya, sharp jaw clenching once.
“You had niichan worried,”
You’re frozen a few feet away from the porch, unable to find your voice, to move your legs, to breathe at all.
“I didn’t know you had an older brother,”
Your eyes do not leave Touya’s as you speak, the words hoarse. “Oh, we’re—”
“Yeah,” Touya bites, irritation finally bleeding into his voice. “She does,” his eyes float back to yours. “Come here, princess,”
Your body snaps into action, moving automatically before you can even comprehend it, allowing Touya to tuck you into his side the moment you reach him.
Your hands are shaking, but you have no control over them as your fingers curl in his white t-shirt, clinging to him. To your surprise, the arm around your shoulders hugs you closer in response, thumb caressing you.
“Thanks for making sure she got home safely,” he tosses over his shoulder, managing to make the simple sentence sound like an insult, tone bordering on patronizing, while he turns on his heel, marching you both inside.
“I-I’m so sorry,” you’re rushing to say the moment the front door shuts behind you two, Touya’s arm still wrapped firmly around you.
He looks down at you coldly. “Don’t you dare pull shit like that again,” he tells you, eerily calm voice forcing spikes of icy dread up your spine. He pauses for a moment, letting his words sink in as his eyes bore into yours. “You had me worried sick,” he breathes out then, squeezing you again. You’re surprised in the sudden change of tone, feeling your chest swell at the thought of him fretting over you, a small smile gracing your lips.
“I…I did?”
Touya’s eyebrows furrow, as if he’s offended at your questioning, mood morphing in the span of a second. “Of course you fucking did,” he spits like you’re stupid, arm dropping. “Do you ever check your phone?”
“Wh-What?”
Touya rolls his eyes. “Check your phone,” he calls out airily as he begins walking into the kitchen, shaking his head a little, disappointment rolling off him in waves.
Hastily fishing your phone out of your bag, you’re astonished to see eight texts from him and three missed calls. You scroll through the texts quickly, each one making you feel more nauseous than the next. ‘Is everything okay? You should’ve been home by now’; ‘Please answer me, princess, you’re making your niichan nervous’; ‘Where are you? Answer my fucking calls already’. Guilt turns sour in your mouth and you hurry after him.
“I-I really am s-so sorry,” you force the words out, unsure as to why there are suddenly tears stinging your eyes. He isn’t even doing anything—his back is facing you as he nonchalantly begins brewing a pot of coffee.
But the thought of him being upset with you, of losing his approval, sends a sharp pain searing through your chest.
“Are you?” he asks, and although his voice holds no malice in it, it causes your whole body to stutter with a harsh breath.
“Yes,” you whimper out, latching onto his arm and tugging in an attempt to draw his eyes to yours, to see how regretful you are, the remorse written across your face. “I should’ve…That was so careless and inconsiderate of me,”
“It was,” he agrees simply, voice still light, as if he’s discussing something as mundane as the weather. “But you’ll never do it again, right?”
“Right,” you agree readily, breathing out the word before you even realize what you’re agreeing to.
“Tell niichan you’ll never worry him like that again,” he finally looks over at you.
“I-I’ll never worry you like that again, niichan, I pr-promise,”
His eyes hold yours for what feels like eons, before he finally twists his arm out of your grasp, instead wrapping it around you and tugging you against his body. You stay staring up at him, eyes wide and obedient, breath bated as you wait for your next order, so pliant and ready to serve him.
“Good,” he whispers, eyes finally softening, and you feel like you can breathe properly again. His free hand cups your face, thumb running along your lips, then your chin, then your jaw. “You want to be good for me, don’t you, sweetheart?”
“Of course,” you respond instantly. Later, you’ll lay awake in your bed, feeling ashamed by your actions, by how readily captivated you were with him, by how easily he was able to manipulate you with those sapphire eyes and that rough voice—
But in that moment, you’ll do anything to pull that little smile from him, anything to hear him tell you you’re good. You just want to be good.
Something dark and primal flashes in those gorgeous eyes as they gaze down at you, a small grin spreading across his face. “Of course,” he repeats softly.
✰ ✰ ✰
He begins to trust you more. You meet his friends, each one terrifying in their own right. Jin is alright, although his brain is fried from drugs, and he talks to and contradicts himself a lot, earning the nickname Twice from Tomura.
Tomura horrifies you to your very core—a tall, lanky man with sunken red eyes and sickly pale skin who looks like he’s one bad day away from death—and Touya tells you very sternly to stay away from him.
A university student not unlike yourself, Keigo is your favourite. Keigo is the most normal, with his wild blonde hair and enticing gold eyes that always look like they’re playfully holding the secrets of the universe just out of your grasp.
Keigo’s brain is always going a hundred miles a minute, although you’d never guess it with his trademark lazy drawl, speaking as if he hasn’t got a care in the world. But he can always keep a conversation going, knows exactly what to say to avoid awkward silences or lulls in the discussion, and you appreciate that. You think he’s so cool—he has so much knowledge about the oddest things, everything and anything, ‘a walking encyclopedia’, Tomura calls it, and it fascinates you to no end.
It’s the speed, Touya tells you one night while you’re laying on the couch, your body on top of his, the pads of his fingers dragging down your back in rhythmic strokes. Speed is Keigo’s drug of choice, you find out. Speed is the reason why Keigo knows as much as he does.
“Sometimes he doesn’t sleep for days,” Touya says. “That’s how he has all the time to memorize everything he knows—though that big overactive brain of his plays a part in it, too,”
The thought inexplicably makes your heart sink in your chest, and you don’t say anything else. If Touya notices your shift in mood, he doesn’t mention it. You idly wonder what Touya’s drug of choice is, but you’re too scared of the answer to ask.
✰ ✰ ✰
It’s only a few nights later when you wake with a violent jolt, breathing laboured as you absentmindedly press your palm to your chest, trying in vain to calm your racing heart.
A nightmare.
You sit in silence for a moment, listening to the sound of your own harsh breaths echoing off the walls and debating what to do next. A minute later, you swing your legs over the side of the bed, wincing when your bare feet touch the cold hardwood, and pad down the hallway.
You try to trick yourself into believing that you aren’t using this purely as an excuse to spend the night with him. It really was so scary, you reason with yourself, it really has made you all shaken up…
Who are you kidding? You didn’t even attempt to go back to sleep.
You’ve been in his room plenty of times now—sitting daintily on his bed as he introduces you to new music, new movies, new books. Stuff that reminds him of you, he says, stuff that he thought you might be interested in. You’re grateful for it; there are so many things you’ve learned in the short time you’ve known him.
That isn’t all, though. There’s no denying the warmth that spreads through your body, that tiny excited flutter in your chest, when he calls your name and interlaces your fingers, leading you toward his room and telling you he’s got something to show you.
Yes, you’ve been in his room plenty of times now. But this is the first time you spend the night in his bed.
He’s still up, soft golden light leaking from under his closed bedroom door. Your hand quivers a little as you lift it to rap your knuckles against the wood. He appears in the doorway a moment later, leaning against the frame in a black t-shirt that looks like it’s a size or two too small for him, riding up to reveal a teasing sliver of milky skin, tips of his hipbones jutting out from the waistband of his plaid pajama pants.
“Princess? What is it?”
You didn’t realize you were staring, and you jump a little at his gravelly voice.
“Oh. I, um—Well, I just…had a nightmare a-and I can’t sleep,”
You can barely look him in the eyes as you say it, your cheeks burning. You both know it’s a lie.
But he plays along.
“Aw, baby,” he coos, drawing you into his arms, into his room, into his bed.
“You’re trembling,” he murmurs as he turns on his side to face you, propping his head up with a hand. “Poor thing. Was it a bad one?”
Your mouth feels like its been stuffed with cotton, rendering you incapable of speech, tongue dry and sluggish. You nod in response, heat seeping into your cheeks again at just how loudly your heart is thumping while you roll onto your side. There’s only a few inches of space between your bodies now, his hot breath fanning across your face as he speaks again.
“Do you want niichan to help you forget about it?”
The question hangs heavy in the air, and you suck your bottom lip into your mouth, eyes searching his. Your thighs squeeze together at the way his voice has dropped an octave, low and husky, familiar heat pooling in the depths of your belly. He waits patiently, lifting a hand to caress your cheek, then runs his fingertips down your bare arm, goosebumps following.
Finally, you nod. You think you see the corners of his lips quirk up into the slightest hint of a smirk, but you blink, and it’s gone.
“Here,” he whispers, hooking an arm around your waist and pulling you against him. Hand cupping your jaw, he tilts your face up and slots his mouth against yours.
You’ve kissed before, of course—in his bed, in yours, on the living room couch, on the kitchen counter with his hips shoved between your thighs—but this…this feels different.
These are kisses with intent, with purpose, with a goal in mind. These are kisses that keep you distracted—slow, soft, messy with saliva—as his hand slips down your body and between your thighs.
Your gasp breaks the kiss, wide eyes blinking up at him then fluttering shut as he brushes a knuckle against your clit. He hushes you, nimble fingers spreading your folds before he drags them up your slit, huffing out a laugh at how wet you already are.
“Were you thinking about something naughty before?” he gasps mockingly, sliding the pads of his fingers back down as he speaks.
His hand withdraws from your shorts and he orders you to lift your hips, tugging the waistband down your thighs. You squirm a little, forcing them further down your legs until you free yourself of them completely, eyes gazing up at him again, awaiting your next command.
Legs part dutifully as his hand travels back down to the apex of your thighs, pushing a finger into your soaking pussy.
It’s slow at first, thrusting leisurely with his middle finger a few times and loosening you up a little before adding his ring finger. Sapphire eyes watch his motions, captivated by how your eager little cunt sucks his fingers in selfishly.
“Look at that, huh?” he breathes, looking down at you. “Such a pretty little pussy you’ve got,”
You open your bleary eyes to peer at yourself, mesmerized by the way his fingers are pumping in and out of you, glistening in the dim light of his bedroom. He curls his fingers and you inhale sharply, hips twitching toward his palm.
“Oh?” he chuckles darkly, knuckles nudging the spot again. “Did niichan find something, baby?”
You don’t know, you’re not sure, you try to tell him, but all you can seem to manage is pathetic little whines while you nod your head.
“Have you ever touched yourself?” he’s asking as the pads of his fingers tap against that spot, your entire body jolting.
“Y-Yes,” you whimper out, a little breathlessly. “But it’s never felt like this,”
“Aw, baby,” he coos, and it’s so condescending. “Then you weren’t doing it right, sweetheart,”
He quickens his pace, chuckles at the way you try to desperately fuck yourself on his fingers at such an awkward angle.
“Poor little thing, can’t even get herself off properly,” he tsks. “You need your niichan to do it for you, don’t you?”
Soft whines spill from your throat as you nod eagerly, your stomach coiling tightly.
“One day,” he breathes, curling his fingers with a vengeance this time, your hips rolling up off the mattress. “When we have the time, I’ll teach you how to make yourself feel so good,”
He’s talking too much. You want to tell him this, tell him to shut the hell up, but every time you try to speak he presses the heel of his palm to your clit and grinds against it, effectively scattering all of your thoughts, soft mewls of niichan the only sound escaping your lips.
Can’t deny his voice is fucking hot though, a form of foreplay all on its own.
And he knows this, can read you like a goddamn book, especially when he’s got his fingers two knuckles deep inside of you. He can feel it, he tells you. You don’t even need to speak; he can feel your thoughts when his voice drops an octave and your cute little hole flutters, when he chuckles and your pussy clenches around his fingers—a slut for his voice, aren’t you?
“Pretty baby, you can’t do anything but nod dumbly, can you? Been fucked stupid by my fingers alone, huh?”
Your head barely moves, lost all control of your body by this point, only able to whimper in response.
“Gonna come all over my fingers, pretty girl?” the knuckle of his thumb begins grazing your clit in quick strokes. “C’mon, make a mess for niichan,”
And it’s pathetic, how quickly your body obeys. Your pussy squeezes once, twice, three times and you’re gushing all over his fingers, juices collecting in his palm, running down his wrist. You’re embarrassed—you’ve never cum that much before, have you?
Breathing still ragged, you nuzzle into his sheets, partially hiding your face from him. Nothing could hide the involuntary grin that forms on your lips, though. Arms snake under your boneless body, tugging a bit.
“Oh no, baby, we aren’t done yet,” Touya’s saying while he hoists you up, letting you lean heavily against him.
Head tilting in confusion, your glazed eyes find his. “Wh-What?”
He looks down at his lap and your gaze follows, a tiny whimper slipping past your lips at the bulge straining against his pants. “Doesn’t niichan deserve a nice reward for helping you forget that scary dream?”
Eyes darting back to his, you nod slowly, whispering out, “Yes. But—But…” But you’re hesitant; you’ve never done anything like this before. Shaking hands reach for the waistband of his pants, beginning to pull them down but freezing when the head of his cock peeks out.
Touya sighs. “Come on, you wanna be a good girl for niichan, don’t you?”
Of course. Of courses you do.
Then he wants you to touch him, he says. He’ll help you; he promises.
“But you gotta get it wet first,”
You ask how, and he laughs at you. “With your tongue, stupid,” he tells you.
He instructs you to kneel on the floor and you comply immediately, trembling legs folding beneath your body as you situate yourself between his knees. He inches forward on the bed a little, shuffling himself to the edge and caging you between his thighs. Bringing his cock close to your mouth, he taps the head against your closed lips.
They part instantly, obediently, his eyes flashing with something sinister as you take the head into your mouth and suck hesitantly, big eyes staring up at him waiting for approval.
He curses, his hips twitching ever so slightly, skin stretched taut over bony knuckles as a hand forms a fist in the sheets. Starting with kitten licks at first, the tip of your tongue barely touches him, tracing veins, then begins to gain more confidence as he groans a little, telling you what to you, that you’re doing good, so good for him.
Watching him through thick lashes, you have the audacity to look bashful as your tongue laves around the shaft, drenching it in saliva. A hand tangles in your hair and yanks, pulling you off his cock when he decides it’s sufficiently wet enough. Long fingers encircle your wrist, bringing your hand to form a fist around him.
“Like this,” he says, jerking your hand up and down.
You’re terrible at it, movements awkward and uncoordinated, but in that moment he doesn’t really care. He’s irritated a little, wondering out loud how anyone can be bad at handjobs while a large hand wraps around yours and forces you to speed up. Bad? Your heart sinks at the small three letter word, a hard lump forming in your throat, looking as though you may start crying.
But he cums quickly after that, ropes of searing hot white painting your cheeks and face. You watch him the entire time, panting a little, lips parted slightly and your tongue darts out to lick them, tasting him.
He laughs at your bitter reaction, and it’s such a patronizing sound.
“Don’t worry,” he says, collecting the cum off your face and forcing his fingers into your mouth. “Someday I’ll stuff your throat full of it.”
✰ ✰ ✰
You can no longer mention needing—no, wanting—anything around him anymore, because within the next few days it’s sitting pretty and perfect on your bed, propped up against your lace trimmed pillows.
He’s so good to you; you should be grateful you have such a generous niichan, one who eats you out and spoils you with gifts. You’re so spoiled.
And he tells you this, in the dead of night when you wake to find him shoving his cock into you, snarling a little at your soft whines of protest.
“Don’t be a brat,” he warns. Just be a good girl and take his cock. He does so much for you, can’t you be good for him?
Yes, yes, you want to be good for him, you want to be the best for him.
By this point you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve woken up in the middle of the night with his head between your thighs, prepping you to take him.
“Stay sleeping, baby,” he’ll tell you, words whispered into your hair as his cockhead nudges against your hole.
As if you could ever stay sleeping when only a few minutes later he’s pounding you into oblivion, large hand clasped over your mouth so tightly his blunt nails are digging into your cheek, so hard that it’s yanking your head back, neck beginning to ache.
He tells you to be quiet, “You don’t want anyone to hear, do you? Then we’d have to stop, and you don’t want that, right, sweetheart?”
You don’t, you whimper. Of course you don’t—you want whatever he wants, you want to be his perfect little baby, you want to be told how good you take his cock, the praise mumbled against your skin in a low, strained voice right before he fills you with cum.
✰ ✰ ✰
He disappears for a few days near the end of December. You have no idea where, Touya answering your curious texts with playful quips at first before he grows tired of it and tells you to stop fucking asking.
But eventually, he returns.
The front door slams shut and your body flinches with a jolt of excitement. Adrenaline spikes your blood when you hear his heavy boots colliding with the hardwood, getting louder, louder, louder…
He passes right by you, not glancing at you at all. Moments later, the sound of water hitting the tiled shower wall echoes down the hallway.
And you wait. Patiently, you wait, like the good little girl you are, not daring to move a muscle. Eventually he re-emerges, hair still damp, a few strands sticking to his neck.
With a groan, he collapses on the couch next to you, flopping his head into your lap and gazing up at you with glazed, blown sapphire eyes.
“You’re high,” you say softly, not accusatory, just an observation. He giggles a little.
“So what if I am?”
“What did you take?”
“Oh,” he gasps mockingly. “Oh no, baby, I can’t tell you that,”
Why? The question is burning on the tip of your tongue, and you can tell that he’s anticipating that to be your next response, but you bite down on your bottom lip, holding it in. You know his answer already, can practically hear his patronizing voice—Because good baby sisters aren’t supposed to know about stuff like this.
“Can I try some?” you ask instead.
All of the mirth fades from his eyes in an instant, and he moves in a flash despite his inebriated state, so quick you can barely tell what’s happening. His large hand wraps around your bicep in a bruising grasp, pulling you towards him as he sits up, his face an inch away from yours.
“Absolutely fucking not,” he spits, cobalt eyes blazing and voice rumbling against your chest. “And if I so much as catch wind that you’re using, have a mere feeling that you’ve tried it—even just once—I’ll slaughter you and the fucker you got it from. Do you understand me?”
Surprised tears spring into your eyes and you nod jerkily, body beginning to tremble as your breath gets caught in your throat. You want to tell him that you didn’t mean it, honest, you promise!; that you were just kidding around, you swear!, but you can’t, voice mangling itself with the hitched little breaths on the back of your tongue.
He growls at your silence, his grip around your arm tightening and you cry out, terrified that he might actually crush the bone with his bare hand.
“Say, yes Touya, I understand,”
“Y-Yes Touya, I understand,” you manage to stutter out, voice returning only at the command of a direct order, tears spilling over and rolling down your cheeks in pairs. His eyes search your face for a moment, his features contorted in fury, before he sneers at you, squeezing your arm once then roughly letting go, shoving you away from him.
You fall backward against the arm of the couch, heart thumping so vigorously you’re sure he can hear it. He groans, throwing his head back and closing his eyes, exasperated.
“Fuck,” he sighs, eyes opening to glare at the ceiling. “You’ve ruined my high,”
You stare at him, breath coming out in uneven huffs, clinging to the couch.
“I-I’m sorry,” you whisper, terrified to move lest you upset him more.
He’s silent for a moment, still staring up, until he lolls his head to the side, glancing at you through the corner of his eye. A small smirk spreads across his face.
“C’mere,” he says, nodding his head a little in indication.
“Wh-What?”
“C’mere,” he repeats. “Come make it up to me,”
Your body’s moving before you’ve given it permission to, crawling into his lap obediently, thighs on either side of his hips. His smirk widens, and you love it—you love how much control he has over you without even trying, you love the way a quiet whimper slips through your lips as his large hands begin kneading your flesh, running up your legs and grabbing your ass.
Lips trail up the column of your neck, and you tilt your head back, a silent plea for more. You can feel the way his lips curl into a grin against your skin, nipping at it a second later.
“So, how you gonna make it up to me? Huh?” he shifts his hips under you, pressing his hard cock into your clothed core. You whine a little, grinding against him.
“I’ve got a few ideas,” you breathe out while sharp teeth mar your collarbone.
“The hell you waiting for? Show me,”
You begin sliding down his body and he pushes on your shoulders, forcing you to your knees between his spread thighs. He watches you through half-lidded eyes, gaping pupils outlined by a thin ring of blue.
Holding his gaze, you lean forward with your pretty little tongue hanging out and begin licking along the straining bulge, tracing it slowly, the denim rough against your sensitive muscle. You relent though, lapping at his clothed cock in slow, long strokes, and his jeans are just thin enough for you to feel him pulse in response.
A giggle bubbles up past your lips, muffled by the denim, already beginning to feel heady as you pull simple reactions from him. Your mouth forms a cute little ‘o’ and you suck on him the best you can through his jeans, drooling all over his lap and soaking through the material.
The hand in your hair tightens into a fist, yanking hard and pulling your mouth away. “Stop fucking teasing,” he warns, a hint of something ominous in his voice.
You obey, because you always obey, tiny fingers working to quickly unbuckle his belt, pop the button, yank down the zipper. He aids you, lifting his hips and allowing you to tug his jeans down his thighs enough for his cock to spring out.
His own hand wraps around the shaft, you pausing mid-action as you reach for it.
“Open,” he demands, your dutiful lips parting immediately, letting him push his cock into the warm, wet cavern.
He sets a brutal, punishing pace from the start, refusing to give you a single moment to adjust. His other hand fists in your hair, forcing you to stay still as he rams his cock down your throat.
Reflexive tears burn your eyes, blurring your vision. You blink quickly to clear them, desperate to watch him, to catalogue all of his micro-expressions and the sound of his voice as he grunts out your name, to burn it into your mind, etch it into your very soul.
Touya’s head falls back against the couch, Adams apple bobbling with his rough whimpers, long neck and sharp collarbone on full display. If your mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied, you’d love to lick up his smooth skin, to trace the dips of his collarbone with your tongue and sign your name in brilliant splotches of blue and purple.
You’re gagging around his cock now, starting to feel lightheaded and struggling to inhale enough oxygen. The ache in your jaw is beginning to spread, but you ignore it, stretching your mouth open wider, to take more, to be good for him, to make him proud. It’s worth it for the hoarse, throaty moans you’re pulling from him, to hear your name shuddered out, followed by a breathy, “Fuck,”
He forces hot cum down your throat a moment later, and you choke on it, sputtering around his cock, throat spasming as it tries to force the foreign object out. He won’t let it, though. He holds your head in place, nose pressed against his pubic bone, and you can do nothing but take it, like a good little girl, like he tells you to.
But it’s all worth it. It’s all worth it, to hear his broken whines like that, to have him look down at you and pull your hair and tell you you’re good, so good for him.
And you’re sobbing by the end of it, gasping for air the moment he lets go of you, wheezing violently as your head collapses against his thigh.
“Did I—” you cough, voice raspy from having your throat fucked raw, “—Did I make it up to you, niichan?” you gaze up at him, eyelashes spiky with residual water. You’re the perfect picture of obedience, strands of hair stuck to your face where your salty tears have dried and swollen lips gleaming with saliva as you watch him with glittering eyes, waiting desperately for his praise.
He looks down at you, eyes devious and diabolical, chest heaving a little. “Of course you did,” he tells you, corners of his lips tugging up into a sharp smirk as you melt into him. “You always do, don’t you?”
#todoroki touya x reader#todoroki touya#dabi x reader#dabi smut#touya x reader#dabi may be a scumbag but he loves his momma#tomura baby i’m so sorry#promise u don’t horrify me at all oof#pls come horrify me more#christ if dabi isn’t touya we’re all gonna look like goddamn fools#a buncha clowns#anyway this is my first time posting something like this#n i haven’t written smut in an extremely long time#so pls be nice#actually u should always be nice#so pls be extra nice#no one beta’d this so there’s a good chance i’ll come back to it n revise it or whatever idk i’m just sick of looking at it rn#the ‘he talks too much’ is inspired by ch 271 w hawks where he’s all ‘he’ll keep talking’#dabi shut the fuck up challenge#prone to monologuing this boy is#also sorry abt the crazy sentences with a thousand commas#apparently now i’m oscar wilde w these run on sentences#idk i still kinda like em tho#i like oscar#tw pseudo-incest#tw noncon#tw dubcon#tw emotional manipulation#tw somnophilia#tw drugs
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kisses and cuddles
wooooooooo time for some more fluffy shit yall i loved making this so much this sorta relted to my weed garden fic but you dont need to read it (be cool tho)
Ruby was sitting in the cafeteria with Oscar and penny she was too tired to pay attention to what the two were talking about penny sitting across from her and Oscar was excitedly talking about something while Oscar liens looking interested she’s unsure how he’s so put together they were both up late hanging out dreading comics and it’s only 7 am she leaned on Oscar and closed her eyes hoping to get a little more sleep before She had to do missions she had a relatively short one today only a search and destroy so maybe she could get home fast and take a nap Oscar nudged her shoulder and she lifted her head “hey don’t fall asleep if you don’t eat you’ll be grumpy” he says she fakes a pout and starts eating the gross cafeteria food she assumed that atlas food would be good sense it’s so many rich folks but no she’s actually had better tasting mres or maybe she was just getting spoiled eating Oscar and rens cooking “ruby why are you so tired did you have trouble sleeping” penny says drawing circles on the table with her finger “no me and Oscar were up late last night and I only slept like three hours“ penny frowns “while I am happy you and Oscar are spending time together you require at least 6 hours of sleep for maximum field efficiency” ruby just nods “so why don’t you seem tired Oscar you couldn’t of slept anymore than I did” she says with a yawn he shrugs and says “I guess I’m used to it I had to wake up early back home so I always didn’t get a bunch of sleep” penny raises a finger “actually according to my scans Oscars brain is only running at 89% efficiency and his hear rate is faster from his normal 48 beats per minute to to 51 it is likely that he simply better at hiding his tiredness” Oscar slumps “penny do have everyone’s heart rates memorized” he says exasperated “yes I also have all of your medical charts on file and criminal records why” he raises a brow “criminal record?” Penny nods “yes several of your team have criminal records qrow having the longest with 22 counts of public intoxication as well as 3 of public indecency and” ruby raises her hands “trust me you don’t wanna know the rest they had to make a new law for one of the things he did but who else has charges?” she tries to wake herself with conversation and it sorta works she also learns some new and unsettling things about her friends but eventually breakfast ends and she starts to get her gear ready she’s loading rounds into one of crescent roses magazine when someone knocks on the door to her locker room “it’s open” she calls out and incomes Oscar he’s holding a small Tupperware box and a small metal tumbler “hey I wanted to give this to you before you go” he says with a sheepish grin he sets the box next to her and hands her the tumbler it’s warm and smells good “it’s coffee, don’t worry I added way too much sugar for you and the other thing is a surprise you said you don’t eat a lot on missions so I made it for you it’s a bit of an experiment so tell me if it’s bad” she’s grinning ear to ear and stands up from her weapon bench and hugs him “you are the best and I’m sure it’ll be great” she gives him a kiss on the cheek she’s been slowly trying to work her way up to kissing him on the lips but nose and cheek kisses were enough for her he smiles and his cheeks get all rosey and he hugs her back and says “be careful ok sorry I know you can take care of yourself but just you know“ she squeezes him a little “yeah don’t worry I know I’ll be careful and when I get back we are so taking a nap mister I’m not that tired” he giggles and looks up at her with a smile “you won’t hear me complain and uh before you go could I uh kiss you like um on the lips” he says nervously she leans down pressing her forehead to his and smiles she smells his breath it smells like chocolate and coffee she feels her cheeks heat up to match his and says “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now are you sure you want to ” he nods his head wordlessly she takes his hand and gently presses her lips to his its short and maybe a little clumsy but it makes her heart soar when she breaks the kiss Oscars breath shakes slightly and a little panic starts to fill her did she mess it up did he hate it and then he smiles and it all fades away “that was really nice” he says rubbing her knuckle with his thumb then there’s a knock on the door frame she looks up and weiss and Blake are standing there weiss looks annoyed and Blake is grinning “time to go ruby morning Oscar” wiess says already turning to walk away ruby quickly gathers crescent rose and Oscars gifts and says “bye Oscar I’ll be careful byeee” and dashed out the door behind the others Blake nudges her shoulder “your lucky I made weiss wait ,god you two are adorable” ruby squeaks “will you stop spying on us” “we weren’t spying you two dolts left the door open” weiss says annoyed
The mission was boring as she thought it was gonna be how normal soldiers couldn’t handle this she’ll never know on the airship ride home she opens the box Oscar gave to her a note on top says “have a great day and stay safe” she smiles at the note and sticks it in her ammo pocket it looks like a brownie is some kind and yang leans over and says “where did you get that”
“Oscar made it for me” she says taking it out of the container it smells like a peanut butter protein bar “ooo come on share with me pleassss” yang says putting her hands together “ugh your lucky I’m a good sister” she breaks off a small piece and hands it to yang and takes a bite of her own and it’s amazing it Taste like a peanut butter brownie but somehow better it’s somehow not dried out or crumbly yang seems to have a similar opinion “god if you don’t marry Oscar i will his food is too good”yang says with a laugh she kicks yang in the leg “I know right I can barely eat the cafeteria food anymore” her and yang chat a bit about food until they finally land Oscar is standing on the landing pad waiting for her she bounce on her heels excitedly despite how tired she is when the door finally opens she rushes out to hug him “how did it go” he asks wrapping his arms around her shoulders “oh it was easy but soooo boring I don’t know why they asked us to do it” she says leaning into him he chuckles “well I’m glad it wasn’t dangerous at least did you like it” he asks sheepishly she puts her head on his “yeees brothers it was great what was it” he unwraps his arms and looks at her “there’s no name for it yet but it’s kinda like a protein brownie was it too grainy or anything what about the after taste” he asks “I didn't even realize it was supposed to be healthy” she puts her hands on his shoulders “Oscar I’m gonna need more of that” he smiles “happy to make some more tonight” he says proudly yang walks past and ruffles his hair “make sure to make enough for me too kiddo” and walks off “how about that nap ruby my teams still on mission so we should have some time” he says taking her hand “yes please”
They walk back to team alpns dorm room after ruby changes into something more casual Oscar was already wearing his normal clothing he sits on his bed and smiles “I’m gonna get to have two naps today” she sits down next to him and throws her arm around him "you and your team sure like your naps huh" he smiles as they lie back on his bed "honestly who doesn't like naps I never use to be a huge cuddler but it’s nice to have someone close to you, you know” they lie back Oscar resting his head on rubies shoulder “well I do wish my team took naps together sometimes yang is a big cuddler too but Weiss doesn’t like being warm and Blake can’t sit still even so less than you” he snorts as he takes her hand running his thumbs along her knuckles “well I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind you joining our naps if have to ask but i'll warn you ren sits up in his sleep Jaune snores and i talk in my sleep” she raises an eyebrow “you didn't last time” she says “that's cause we were smoking but if i take a nap or if im really tired you can actually talk and I'll talk back” she grins “well what do you talk about” he rests his head on her chest “usually about my aunt or all yall but Nora has told me i say lots of stuff about you if i'm asked” he says his cheeks getting just a tiny bit rosy she grins and plants a kiss on his nose “well i hope i get the chance to ask but i'll probably fall asleep first im super tired” she rolls over and wraps herself around him oscar adjusting to lay on her arm pulling a blanket over them "well if you can get me to talk I'll answer any question just nothing to embarrassing please" he says “i would like to know what you have to say tho so maybe i'll try to hold out just a bit longer” she says closing her eyes as oscar lets out his relaxed sigh about half of Oscars communication was nonverbal she liked to mentally catalog the things he does when he relaxes he lets out a long almost high pitched sigh it makes her happy to hear that and it helps her relax her thoughts starts to get fuzzy as sleep takes her she wakes up a few hours later laying on her back oscar laying on top of her them both having wrapped around each other she hears quiet murmurs coming from him to quiet to understand "Oscar are you still asleep" she whispers no response "Oscar are you comfy" he nods his head "of course I'm comfy I'm cuddling with ruby" she snickers he was definitely still asleep "who's the coolest person you know" she she's "ruby for sure she's so good at fighting and everyone trusts her I wish I was more like her" she runs her hand through his hair "how do you feel about ruby " she asked "I'm in love with her she makes me feel strong and weak at the same time when she's with me I feel like I'm safe and that we could do anything together i want to be with her forever" she's crying now "oh shit I didn't expect him to be that honest" she thinks as tears run down her face "I love you too Oscar" she kisses the top of his head “you know i never used to want like romantic stuff and all the fluffy garbage i just wanted to be a huntress and fight grim stuff like that but you make me want that stuff i wanna take you on dates and like hold your hand and stuff there are a bunch of things i wanna do like” she pauses resting her head on his “i forgot you were asleep for a second i'm starting to embarrass myself i do love you tho i dont know when your supposed to say that we've only been i guess dating for what 2 and a half weeks my dad always joked that huntsmen relationships move really fast nothing like holy shit we might die to move a relationship forward right but you make me feel like i don't know amazing and I love being with you you make all my worries disappear even if it's only for a little bit and i'm rambling and your not talking back” oscar lifts his head “its cause im awake and i love it when you ramble” she feels her face light on fire “w-what when did you wake up” he hums happily “around we might die i think it was nice that stuff you said you can ramble longer if you want what that new gun you saw in that magazine” she smiles “it's a roller delayed blowback sniper rifle its a smaller caliber than crescent rose but it has a longer effective range because of the way the bore is shaped i prefer bolt actions to semi automatics for a long range rifle semi autos have there merits and stuff it's a lot lighter than crescent rose as well on account of it not also being a giant scythe you know i was thinking about carrying a pistol too crescent rose is great but shes heavy and she's also really hard to conceal even when shes folded speaking of i need to clean her gears a bunch of dust got in them today you said you wanted to learn weapon maintenance i could teach you today if you want” “sure i can learn there's a lot of things oz knows but it's like a big library without a librarian its all jumbled up” she scratches the back of his neck “well i do not understand the dewey decimal system but i'm happy to help” they both giggle at her joke ruby keeps rambling until the rest of team alpn return
Oscar is walking ruby back to her dorm they come to her door and they turn to face each other and oscar rubs his hands together “so ruby uh I got permission with ironwood to leave school grounds as long as someone's with me so I was wondering if you’d like to maybe go out like on a date” she smiles and puts her arms around his shoulders “sounds amazing sweetie I’m free this weekend where do you want to go” he blushes and says “well I actually have something in mind but I wanna keep it a surprise if that’s ok” she kisses him on the cheek “of course casual clothes or should i dress nice” he shakes his head “i mean it's really up to you but were not going somewhere fancy just a place I think you'll like" she smiles and kisses his nose and he leans up a little so there lips are level "can i kiss you again" he asks just above a whisper her pressing her lips gently against his is her answer they hold the kiss for a few moments Oscars hands drifting to ruby's waist when they separate she says "i think we're getting pretty good at that" Oscar smiles avoiding her eyes "yeah um It's certainly enjoyable" they break the hug "I'll see you in the morning I'll make that stuff you like ok" he says "yes awesome you're the best Oscar good night" she says as she slips into her from her teammates giving her knowing smirks
#rwby#rosegarden#ruby rose#oscar pine#there simps your honor#im a sucker for this shit so yall get to read my self indulgent word vomit#weedgarden#expanded universe#am i a good writer no can i write fluffy shit yes#after weed garden ive wrote like three seperate fics#next one will have angst#but it gets fluffy dont worry#im not evil
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new javid au?? you bet!!
hi ok so i thought of an au. basically a stereotypical hallmark movie but make it javid. this au featuures: jack “i was raised on a farm and practice saying important conversations to my cows” kelly and david “i went to college in a big city because i’m built different” jacobs
i might eventually write this out into a fic !! soooo,,
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:
the jacobs family lives in a small town in a southwestern state.
david jacobs is, of course, a bit of an outsider in the town. he's not interested in farming or country things, he's more into the Big Outside World and wants to study something that isn't very "traditional" for his area (i'm thinking comparative literature or journalism (with a minor in queer studies that he Does Not Talk About because Hello, Small Town!)
anyways he has a devoted friendgroup that he spends a lot of time with:
sarah (david's twin sister, who isn't afraid to get into trouble and has never been very 'ladylike'; plays softball and runs track with tony)
jack (latino farm boy with a heart of gold, a shitty father and a hidden artistic talent; basically the glue that holds the group together)
katherine (a girl who constantly feels trapped in a close-minded small town and wants to get out; also into journalism)
tony (who they call racetrack because he's an all-state cross country runner; biggest dumbass but can solve any math problem ever)
sean (he's basically a god on the football field; extremely intelligent, can play at least 6 instruments; called 'spot' bc Freckles)
charlie (Literally The Best Human Ever; student council president, National Honor Society president, also in drama)
and albert (probably a stoner but he's chill and legitimately the funniest person; troublemaker but also a literal golden retriever)
there's more of them that float between friend groups, but, of course, Davey, Sarah, Jack, Katherine, Tony, Sean, Charlie, and Albert are the "core" friends.
but. surprise: davey is the only one who goes out of state for college.
the rest split up, but stay in state. Jack goes to a trade school (he takes welding courses at the local vo-tech), Tony and Sean end up going to a community college together about 30 minutes away from home, albert goes straight into the workforce under a relative's wing, and charlie, kath, and sarah all go to a big university about 3 hours away from home.
but not davey. no, davey goes to a school in new york, just because he needs to get away from everything.
because davey goes to school on the other side of the country, he rarely gets the chance to come home. this, of course, means that he slowly drifts away from all of his high school friends- aside from sarah, obviously, because he still sees family a lot, but he doesn't talk to anyone else that often... especially jack.
now, jack and david were never a "thing," but there was always some underlying tension. longing stares, late night talks on the roof of jack's barn, hangouts at the diner in town. they were inseperable, pretty much. by far the closest friends out of the group... until jack and katherine started dating. and, yeah, david is happy for them. he's so happy for them- he jumps up and down and screams and shouts when kath and jack show up to school one day holding hands- because jack and katherine have been his closest friends for YEARS. they’re their own little subgroup- Jack, Kath, and Davey- and they go pretty much everywhere together. sometimes sarah tags along too, so david isn't third wheeling, but most of the time it's just the three of them.
but it hurts so much, because david likes jack. but jack is apparently straight. so david goes away. goes to a school across the country instead of, yknow, facing his feelings.
FAST FORWARD TO ABOUT TEN YEARS LATER!!!
david is a successful 28 year old. after graduating from college (where he ended up double majoring in english and journalism, with a minor in queer studies), he works for a publishing company and has a pretty cushy job as an editor or something, idk yet, and he's doing really, really well for himself- until one day, he gets a call from his mom, Esther, and finds out that his father is sick. sicker than he should be, really, and they're just now convincing him to get checked out.
of course, after hearing the news, David is torn. his family is from a small town, so job opportunities are hard to come by... but regardless, within a little over a week, David has moved back home to help take care of things.
pretty soon, david has a job. thanks to his background knowledge in journalism and his writing ability, he's able to score a job from Joseph Pulitzer, who runs a few newspapers in their town and others in the surrounding area. he feels like he's gotten a whole new start from the past he disliked so much, until it all comes back to bite him in the ass when he runs into Jack Kelly at the co-op.
"Davey?"
"Wha-- Oh! Jack?"
"Good to see ya, man! What are ya doin' back?"
"I moved back a few weeks ago. Missed home, you know?"
"Just couldn't stay away, could ya?"
"Guess not."
they talk for a few minutes, but eventually have to split apart- jack has to get his feed back to the farm before his girls, aka: his cows, get angry, and davey has to get the chicken scratch back home before esther maims him. they exchange numbers, though, and promise to catch up sometime soon.
after that encounter, Jack Kelly ends up showing up a lot more often. davey sees him all the time without meaning to. in line at the grocery store, at the co-op, stopped next to him at the one stoplight in the middle of town- everywhere. they're never able to talk, though; not until one evening, davey gets a call from jack.
at first, conversation is a bit tense- but only because it's been so long since they've talked. once the ball gets rolling, though, they're laughing and carrying on like they never stopped talking. when the conversation calms down a bit, jack asks davey if he'd like to come over.
"i'd love to, if your wife doesn't mind having a guest, of course."
"i... actually don't have a wife."
"oh-- oh, i'm sorry, i just assumed-"
"nah, it ain't nothin' to twist yourself up about. you know where i live, yeah? swing by 'round seven."
"sounds like a plan."
and that's how davey finds out that jack owns the land that his father's farm was on. the house, though, is different- and he soon realizes that jack has completely remodeled. the porch isn't rotting anymore, and the yard is green and trimmed, and the pond out in the back yard doesn't look god-awful anymore, much to davey's delight.
dinner goes off without a hitch. everything goes right, just like old times. they swap college stories. jack tells davey about inheriting the farm and making it his own (likely to scrub every piece of his father out of his life), while davey tells jack about the big city and how different it is being home. it's nice. comfortable. familiar.
jack and davey try to meet up as often as they can after that night, which is difficult considering their schedules, but they somehow make it work. they make it really work, in fact- they have dinner twice a week (usually with some old friends), they fish together (read: jack fishes while david sits on the back of his truck and talks to him), and they even go to rodeos and football games together (to look back on they're youth, of course).
one night, about a week before jack's 29th birthday, they meet up at the bar in town and spend hours drinking beer and whiskey and talking about life. once they make it back to jack's house, they continue talking on the couch, but talking turns into cuddling ("just for old time's sake") and cuddling turns into confessions ("i only dated those girls because i thought it would help me get over you") and confessions turn into tears ("when he found out, he kicked me out of the house") and tears turn into promises ("i loved you then, jack, and i'll love you now") and promises turn into more.
eventually, more turns a knee on a ground and a ring on a hand. eventually, a ring on a hand turns into a wedding. eventually, a wedding turns into memories, years down the line, while sitting on an old porch swing and watching grandchildren play in the front lawn.
the end !!!!
#FUCK i love this#like. i love this#i had so much fun writing this#i love THEM!!!!#pls reblog i spent so much time on this#Newsies#Javid#david jacobs#davey jacobs#jack kelly#newsies musical#newsies broadway#livesies#jac writes#jac txt.
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Ancient History Chapter 5
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes
Warning: Period Homophobia, nothing major but just putting this here for you.
A/N: This is chapter 5 of “Ancient History” for @the-marvel-horniest-book-club and the rest of the HBC’s sister blogs “Week of Love”. I combined last nights and today’s prompts though I did change last nights prompt of “First sleep over” to moving in, because Peter and Steve are close but not that close. Anyway, I loved writing this and can’t wait for tomorrow’s final chapter.
“Oh my God! It’s official! Move over Pony! Stucky is the official ship of the Avengers! Your story is too cute! And this is before Steve turns into those red, white, and blue popsicles, and Bucky becomes a murderous carebear! That’s it, I’m going to run for president, just so I can declassify all of this! This is so much more interesting than what they teach us now. No offense to Peggy, she seems like an amazing person, it’s just your love story is soooo boring. It’s like they just took Romeo and Juliet and changed it. Which, now that I think about it, that’s exactly what they did. Two dimensional growth. Anyway, what happens next?!”
Steve looks at Bucky, confused. “Don’t look at me popsicle, I’m a murderous care bear.”
“Geez, Petey, thanks, I guess. Don’t know if I should be offended or grateful. What happens next, well it's equal parts happiness and terror. Besides a few times in the war, this has been one of my most fearful experiences.”
This gets Peter a little bit too excited. “Yes! Finally! No offense this has been absolute tooth rotting fluff. Or at least that’s what the tag would be on this story.”
Steve and Bucky stare Peter down, because yikes, someone’s a little too happy for some angst. This causes Peter to blush, turning beet red from embarrassment.
“Uhm… That’s not what I mean. I know that this is your guys life and it’s wrong of me to wish bad stuff on you guys it’s just… Like everything was going smooth. Like that doesn’t even happen in my own life with powers. So it’s nice to see that you’re normal too and that…”
“Spidey, we get it. Just you were a little too excited. But you’re right. We do look at the past with these rose colored glasses. But I now know what Steve’s thinking of, and he’s right. It was a scary experience for us Peter. You have to remember when we lived. And as we tell you this that this whole story could have ended a lot worse. But relax kid, and sit back. You’re safe from this murderous care bear, for now.
----- Walking back home to Steve’s apartment, Bucky is exploding with excitement. He literally can’t wait to tell Steve the good news. A few months back at work, there was an accident at the docks and one of the higher up workers had to leave his position. Of course all of the workers felt terrible for this man, but they were also realistic. They were in the middle of a depression, and this accident opened up a possibility for one of them to be promoted to a better paying job. And Bucky he wanted, no needed, this job. Just a few months ago, Sarah passed away. Steve says he’s fine living by himself, but Bucky wants to be there for Steve. He wants their own place where they can make their own memories together. Be a couple and do couple things without fear of someone reporting them. Bucky was determined to get that promotion. He worked his ass off, staying longer, doing more. Trying to do anything so his boss would see him. It strained his relationship with Steve (he wanted to keep all of this a secret. He didn’t want to get Steve’s hopes up over nothing. That’d be worse for his heart. Though thankfully, Bucky got that promotion and was on his way to talk to Steve. He already put in an application for an apartment that the both of them liked, they just didn’t have the money then, but now, they did.
“Stevie? You here?” Bucky calls out as he hangs his jacket on the coat rack as he goes to find Steve.
“Yeah, in here, drawing!” Steve calls out from his art room, which was a closet they were able to convert. Mainly because of how small Steve was.
“Hey, punk. What’re you working on?”
Steve sets down his brush and stretches, “O’Leary wants some art done on his windows for Christmas. He’s paying 25 whole dollars for it!”
Bucky whistles, “good hell Stevie! You keep drawing like that, we’ll be in a mansion in no time.”
Steve chuckles, “well, don’t go buying no mansions quite yet. Anyway why are you home early?”
Bucky holds his hand, and leads Steve to the couch. “Well, I’m glad that you asked. You remember that apartment we looked at?”
“Yes, and I also remember we don’t have the money for it.”
Bucky squeezes his hand. “Well, you remember that accident we had at work. I got the promotion! I applied for that apartment and we got it too! We’re going to have our own place honey!”
Leaning in Steve kisses him. “So proud of you Buck. All the hard work you do. Now, use some of that work and help me start packing.”
The move in went great. Neither of the boys had too much stuff, and George, Bucky’s dad, was able to find a pickup truck and take over their boxes. The apartment was a 2 bedroom, so to his family, Steve was a roommate to help with bills.
Once they finally had everything settled in, Bucky and Steve decided to invite Becca, Bucky’s sister, over for some dinner. It’d be a great way to “break-in” their apartment. Bucky was making his special depression soup. The ingredients were relatively cheap, but he somehow worked his Bucky magic to make it taste great. He’s adding his finishing touches as he listens to Becca tell Steve all about her day. Luckily her job survived the depression so she still had some form of income. Wiping his hands with a kitchen towel, Bucky made his way over to Steve, plopping down next to him.
“Dinner’s just finishing up. Should be done here soon.” Bucky says as Steve leans in and kisses Bucky on the cheek. Something they’ve done so many times it’s a habit. But as Steve realizes what he’s done. They both freeze. Sure, Becca is family, but they’ve read the news. Stories about how a person’s own parents report them, thinking jail and hard labor is going to save their child.
They’re petrified due to their fear. Bucky stutters, trying to salvage their safety.
“Becs, it’s not what it looks like. We’re-”
Becca chuckles as she grabs Bucky’s hand.
“What, you think I’m going to turn you in? We’ve known since you were 16. Hell, even Sarah knew. She’d come and talk to Ma and they both would fret over you two. Your secret is safe with me. I’m just glad that the both of you are happy.”
Steve chokes up a little, “My ma, she knew?”
Becca smiles softly as she holds Steve’s hand. “Of course she did. And from what I heard, she was so proud of you. Saying it’s a damn shame you can’t get married. That’s all she ever wanted, you know. Was for you to be happy.”
This brought an odd sense of closure to Steve, one that Bucky was happy he got. The timer went off, loudly in the quiet room, scaring all of them.
Bucky jumps up and makes his way to the kitchen.
“Well, now that little scare is over, time to eat!”
#the hbc#hbc week of love#stucky#steve rogers x bucky barnes#bucky fluff#stucky fluff#idiots in love
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So you know what it’s wednesday you’re getting an infodump on Desden’s blindness.
Beware. I’m a biologist. I’m a nerd. And I’m a teacher. You know what’s coming, right ?
I just reblogged an extremely interesting and great post about writing blind characters that I advise you to go and read now (I haven't finished yet) because it's just full of info and contrary to usual posts like that it's not guilt tripping or anything. I love this post and OP for this. However I've noticed there's a bunch of advices I don't follow myself and I felt like I could expand and why and how I think it's not a bad thing. Here's the first one : don’t make your character blind through an accident. Because drama.
So yeah. Desden lost his sight due to some kind of accident. Which is thoroughly described by a mysterious bystander’s flashback in chap.3. So that’s not a spoiler. But how can a brick through the head make you blind ?
Brain. Brains are evil. You know I got a PhD in biology : I am sad to admit I couldn’t go through with my love of neurology because it was competing with my love for bacteria and parasites that can kill you and happily live everywhere. Life’s though. No neuro for me, welcome to viral ecology (viruses are obligatory parasites, sue me). But not only can’t I help being a nerd... I have an uncle in my family who lost part of his vision from a brain haematoma (not due to trauma, but the result and how it works is the same). Who’s also a nerd. (And a PhD in physics cause like that’s what nerds do, right ?) And he explained in details how he lost his vision (and gained back some of it over time) to us.
If you cut blood supply to parts of the brain for long enough, this part will die. Logic. Head trauma can do that and more. So, what happened is that Desden’s visual cortex got cut from blood supply for a relatively long amount of time (he can thank the extremely cold weather of the day it happened, which makes your body turn into “low survival mode”, when the “accident” happened for 1) being still alive and 2) not losing more than most of his sight, some balance, and a bunch of memories). But the brain is a funny little thing and some times it does stuff (not going into the haematoma part, I’m not a doc, it’s long and not very relevant, but it has to be taken into account cause it’s what can make part of the lost sight reappear). So Desden was totally blind for a while, then his brain managed to get some of his sight back. Very little.
But what and how does he see ?
See, the brain is constructed so that the visual cortex’s position reflects the visual field you have, except in reverse. Sorry. I’m a teacher. I’m going to add a schema. But in French because I actually work with this (well. Nope. They changed the program but I have old program lessons lying around just in case) and I’m lazy today. Just look at the pretty colours. It shows you what I just explained very badly because I’m used to use schemas, but here’s what you need to understand.
SOOOO. Basically make most of the colour disappear except for a very small part of blue at the far right of the visual cortex. Meaning that in the end, what Desden can see is an extremely reduced part of peripheral vision. Try to fix your eyes on a point in front of you and describe what is at the far corner of your left eye. Good luck. (and let me tell you I know I have extremely good peripheral vision myself, it’s still composed by what your brain KNOWS is around. From seeing it with the other parts of your field of vision. Because your brain is constantly MAKING UP what you’re seeing from a lot of information including past ones when you didn’t even think about it but your eyes brushed that part. Your senses are fucked up. Deal with it. Your brain is playing tricks on you right now.)
This is why, btw, he’s often described tilting his head on the right. He doesn’t have much control on his eye movement so he tries to get some info on people (mostly light and colours but since his visual memory is fucked up, it’s not very useful)
His eyes move. He just doesn’t really control them. In fact they’re often if not constantly moving because head trauma is often linked to the apparition of a nystagmus, which is a rapid eye movement to the side or up and down - my brother has that, vertical, did you know it existed ? well I do. A friend of my parents has a horizontal one that is a lot more visible. Constantly. She’s not blind, her brain compensates this. Brains are both evil and awesome. Deal with it.
Oh and his eyes are perfectly normal. Even quite pretty, as he describes them himself. He still wears sunglasses because his brain doesn’t like strong light which give him migraines, because it has a hard time processing visual info.
His eyes also work perfectly (well as perfectly as they did before his accident, which is okay but a little nearsighted) which leads to the only thing that sounds like a superpower that isn’t one : blindsight. If you research it you’ll learn about people who can do absolutely crazy things like catch stuff that’s thrown at them or avoid most obstacles on a path while being totally blind, because BRAINS, AGAIN. Your brain doesn’t only process visual cues through the visual cortex; there’s a slight part in the “primitive brain” or “lizard brain” that does, too. So basically Desden’s body can see stuff but he’s not aware of it consciously. He’s NOT using it and he’s NOT as good as the people I cited above. But for example he has insights he souldn’t have on people’s moods, because his lizard brain picks their faces up. Not always, and it’s often more when someone’s in a VERY bad mood that SHOWS. And since he’s not aware of it he takes that as hints from his other senses. It’s NOT compensating for his blindness - if anything, it’s a silly trick. BUT I AM A NERD, REMEMBER ?
Anyway. Now you know. Desden still lost his vision through an accident which, as said in the reference post i’m refering to (haha) would be bad if it was used for drama but, in fact, I try to avoid most of it because apart from the accident, which is witnessed by someone else who is important to the later plot, nothing from Desden’s life before or after it is described in details. My novel starts 9 years after the accident. He’s got time to get used to being blind.
*I* know everything that happened in his life, or most of the important things anyway, that lead to the opening of the book, but you will only get scraps of it because it’s not what’s relevant. It’s important for the construction of the character, but what I want to show here is not Desden’s journey through being used to being blind. It’s his journey through accepting his family heritage, which has nothing to do with being blind, and sharing it with the rest of his family while it stayed hidden to them until then because the person who kept this before him was an arsehole. There are a lot of plot points that are linked to Desden’s blindness, including said arsehole arseholery (I be good with words), but it’s not the point of the book.
Y’all know I’m a Daredevil fan. That’s where I got the idea of a blind character (not only), but now erase that from your mind. Desden doesn’t have any superpower that compensate his blindness. He’s got pretty good hearing because he’s used to use it a lot more than when he was sighted. It’s not better. He loves music, but he’s absolutely tone deaf so forget the blind piano tuner/musician cliché (this is a joke in one of my AUs, in fact)(explanation : in France, which is the country I research for because I’m French and my story takes place in France, the most prominent school for the blind used to primarily teach people to become piano tuners during the 20th century). He’s got a very good nose, but that’s just how it is, and since I’m using my own experience of rediscovering my sense of smell after years of living with smoking people (don’t smoke) (yeah, even you, Desden) I know it’s not superhuman. In fact my own nose is pretty shitty compared to my mom’s. Who is a fucking hunting hound. Anwyay I digress.
Desden often chases any comment that restrict him to being “the blind guy” by stating stuff he does or likes to do, like “I’m also a good tarot player but no one ever mentions that” or “my brownies are the best ones and I don’t even need to add pot to it”. This is how he feels about it. He’s blind. It’s okay, it’s part of him. But it’s not his sole characteristic.
I think I’m done here. I haven’t touched on other people’s reaction to him that much, and if you’re interested you can ask questions. Basically remember he’s a 1,98m guy, with broad shoulders, and that’s the first thing you see from him. Also there’s his guide dog Kalinka.
Lot more things to talk about, not that much time. So if you’re interested in knowing more, poke me, and I might write more about my character.
Lastly and more importantly : if you see things that you can correct in this post, please do so. As I said, I’m a nerd, but I’m not a neurologist. I’m going the vulgarized version. And I like to be taught things. So if you see mistakes, tell me.
Peace !
#original character#blind character#desden#long post#very long post#also i'm writing as ideas come so hum bear with me
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Superposition
a college roommate deancas AU :)
Chapter 9 is up on AO3! Chapter-by-chapter masterlist here.
CW: alcoholism, smoking
note: this chapter is again wayyy too long for me to go through and italicize everything the way it should be, soooo AO3 is the place to go if you want the best experience:))
Doing the Right Thing
Present
It was still pitch-dark outside when Dean woke up. He checked the time. 5:22 a.m. He groaned. A product, he guessed, of getting nearly fourteen hours of sleep the day before. He almost tried to go back to bed, but it was useless. He was awake. Gingerly, he applied some pressure to his stitches. Pain bloomed beneath his fingers, but it remained localized. That was encouraging. Dean sat up slowly. He felt the blood rush from his head, and the room spun a little more than usual, but the spikes of pain of the days before were gone. Maybe he’d be fully healed by Monday, and he’d be able to get Cas back on the road sooner than he’d thought.
Dean pulled on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and made his way to the kitchen, doing his best to not disturb Sam, who was still passed out in the living room. He grabbed his keys off the counter and stuffed his feet into an old pair of sneakers before quietly exiting the apartment.
He could have brewed a pot of coffee, but he needed some fresh air. The argument with Sam was still echoing in his mind. Dean pulled his hood up against the bitter Kansas wind and made in the direction of the closest 7-Eleven.
The roads were Saturday-morning quiet. Dean relished the silence and the sting of the cold air on his face. He usually tried to wait until after breakfast, but he took out his lighter and lit a cigarette, anyway. The burn in his throat was a welcome familiarity. Dean sighed against the nicotine buzz. It had been a few days.
He remembered the look on Cas’s face the day before, when he’d mentioned a cigarette. He’d gone cold turkey sometime around the Christmas before his dad died. Cas acted like it was the most impressive thing anyone had ever done. But, then… Well. Then he’d gone from near-alcoholic to stone-cold sober. He wasn’t proud of it, but he needed something to take the edge off those first few months. The habit was harder to kick the second time around.
Dean reached the 7-Eleven and discarded the cigarette in the ashtray on top of the trashcan. He made a beeline for the coffee machine. Dean grabbed the largest cup he saw, filled it to the brim with steaming coffee. He had just taken the glorious first sip when —
“Dean!”
Dean turned around at the sound of a woman’s voice. He grinned wide when he saw the owner was Sheriff Jody Mills.
“Hey, Jody,” he said, setting the cup down. She pulled him into a tight hug. In the past three years, Jody had become family.
“How ya doin’, kiddo?” She asked when they parted. Dean shrugged. “Bobby told me about your head.”
“Old man can’t keep his mouth shut,” Dean grumbled, garnering a laugh from Jody. “I’m fine. It wasn’t a big deal.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “Stitches say otherwise.”
He waved a hand at her. “Nah. How are you, Jody?”
Jody sighed. “Same old. Bunch of the force is off for Christmas already. I pulled the short straw, had to work the graveyard shift last night. ”
“Anything interesting happen?”
Jody gave him a look. “No, nothing ‘interesting.’ Although we did have a mugging.”
Dean took another sip of coffee. “Where?”
“Down at that bar on 14th, sometime around midnight. A couple of college kids jumped this poor guy on his way to an Uber. He got a little banged up, and they took his wallet, gave him a good scare.” Jody sighed. “I felt bad for him. Said he was from outta town, just passing through on his way to Kansas City.” She snorted. “Makes Lawrence look real nice, huh? You’re here for a couple of days, and you get mugged.”
Dean froze. “Kansas City? Did you happen to get his name?”
“We did, but… God, I can’t remember it.” She eyed him suspiciously. “Why?”
“No reason. Did he, uh, did he mention where he was staying?”
“Uh… I think he said the Days Inn.”
“The one right by KU?” Dean asked.
Jody shrugged. “Probably. I didn’t ask for specifics. Dean, what’s going on?”
Dean grabbed a lid and put it on his cup. “It’s nothing, Jody, I promise. I’ll see you around.”
As he made his way to the cashier, Jody let out an exasperated sigh. “Good to see you too!” She called after him.
He paid for his coffee and all but ran back to his apartment. Upon reaching the parking lot, he hurriedly unlocked the Impala and slid into the driver’s seat. Dean’s movements slowed before he could turn the key in the ignition.
What was he doing, exactly? What was his plan here? He had Cas’s phone number. He could easily call him, ask if he was okay, if that was him who got mugged. Would Cas even tell him the truth if it really was him Jody was talking about? The man didn’t owe Dean a damn thing, he’d made that perfectly clear.
And yet… Dean had to know. Despite everything, all of his anger and grudge-holding, he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else until he knew. With a pang, Dean remembered waking up in the hospital, Cas sitting next to him. He quite literally hasn’t left your side. The least Dean could do now was check up on him.
“Days Inn,” he muttered to himself as he started the car, trying to remember how to get to KU from the apartment. He almost stopped and turned around more than once. Seeing Cas on a normal day was bad enough, but seeing him bruised and bloodied… Dean tried not to think about it. Just making sure he’s okay, he told himself. He’d do the same for me.
Finally, he reached the motel. It was still relatively dark out. He parked the Impala at the back of the building, triple-checking that he had locked it, before making his way to the front desk.
“Mornin’,” he greeted the woman behind the counter. “I was wonderin’...” He paused mid-sentence as something caught his eye from the breakfast seating area. A man, nursing a cup of coffee and reading a newspaper, his dark hair sticking up in twelve different directions.
“Nevermind,” Dean said. He made his way to the table.
“You look like shit,” Dean said by way of a greeting. Cas jumped, nearly toppling his cup. He took a deep breath as Dean sat across from him, folding his arms across his chest.
He really did look awful. Under the guise of concern, he let himself look at Cas, really look at him. Dean took stock of the black eye and complementary swollen cheek, but his eyes lingered on the full lips and stubbled jaw. Still the same. Maddeningly beautiful.
“Dean,” Cas grumbled, and he sounded like shit, too. “What are you doing here?”
“I was in the area,” he said, aiming for blasé. Cas sipped his coffee. Dean leaned back in his chair and asked, “So, were you gonna tell me you got mugged?”
Cas cleared his throat. “What?”
“Saw the sheriff this morning. She told me some poor travelin’ dude got mugged outside of a bar.” Dean raised his eyebrows. “Sound familiar?”
Cas sighed and folded his hands together. “Yes,” he said. “It was rather unfortunate.”
Dean studied him for a moment, flipping between anger and concern. Cas had texted him after the incident, hadn’t bothered to mention it. “You okay?” He said finally, deciding it was too early to get mad.
“Yes,” Cas said again. “I suppose they were just sober enough to land a punch.” He gestured at his eye. “I believe they just wanted cash, and I’m sure the ID of a twenty-two year old was desirable as well.” He sighed once more. “I’m just glad they didn’t take my phone.”
“What were you doin’ down there, anyway?” Dean asked.
Cas gave him a look. “I think, based on my current state, that you can infer the nature of my outing.”
And, yeah, he looked horribly hungover, in addition to everything else. Dean rolled his eyes. “Sure. I mean, why were you getting sloshed at, like, the worst college bar in town?”
Cas laughed, but it was mirthless. “It is not of import.”
“Wh —” Dean interrupted himself with a frustrated sigh. “Okay.” He was tapping the table with two fingers. This was a bad idea. He shouldn’t have come. “Why are you staying here, anyway?” He asked, just to have something to say. “This place sucks.”
“Because you told me that I would be in Lawrence for upwards of two weeks,” Cas explained. “The rooms are inexpensive.”
Dean just stared at him. Of course Cas would find the cheapest shithole in town. A wave of guilt rushed over him. What was wrong with him? He and Bobby were the ones who wouldn’t be able to fix Cas’s car until after Christmas. Cas was stuck here because of them, because of him, and Dean couldn’t just give up his couch for a week? If he had just done that in the first place, Cas probably wouldn’t have a black eye.
Logically, Dean knew this train of thought made next to no sense. The rational side of him knew he was placing undue blame on himself for situations beyond his control.
That knowledge didn’t make the pain in his chest subside.
Dean couldn’t just leave Cas in that hotel lobby, hungover and nursing a black eye, no driver’s license, no money. He considered his options for a moment. He could send him to Bobby’s. But, no, that would invite raised eyebrows and lots of questions. Bobby was out. He could pay for Cas to stay at a better hotel, one closer to the shop. A quick estimation told him that was a thousand-dollar choice. Not happening. Dean groaned internally. He was the world’s biggest idiot.
“Come on, you’re checking out,” he said gruffly, standing up.
“What?” Cas stayed resolutely in his seat. “Dean, I’m not going to waste money on accommodations, this is fine.”
“Oh yeah, it’s great, I can tell,” Dean said, the words dripping with sarcasm. “You’re staying at my place.”
Cas looked at Dean like he’d just grown a third head. “You’ve been consistently upset at me since the moment you saw me. I don’t think cohabiting is wise.”
Dean cringed. “Choice of words, Cas,” he mumbled. He yanked Cas up by the arm. “Look, man, I owe you one, anyway. Just…” He didn’t finish his sentence. Cas shifted out of Dean’s grasp.
“You owe me for… What, exactly?” Cas said, eyes searching Dean’s face. Dean tugged at the collar of his sweatshirt.
“You drove me to the hospital,” he muttered.
“Bobby said he’d fix my car for free if I did.”
Of course he did. “Yeah, well, you stayed until I woke up.”
Cas narrowed his eyes. “Because I felt responsible for your concussion.”
Dean tilted his head back, begging the ceiling for strength. “Look, man, I’m just trying to be nice.”
“What a pleasant change in demeanor,” Cas deadpanned.
“You’re being a fucking idiot,” Dean said, exasperated.
“Charming,” Cas said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re selling your invitation beautifully.”
Dean glared at him. “Are you coming, or not?”
“All right,” Cas relented, but sounded reluctant.
Dean let out a sigh of relief. Cas retrieved his bags and checked out at the front desk as Dean waited impatiently at the Impala. The sun had just begun to rise when the two pulled out of the parking lot.
“I’d make Sam take the couch,” Dean said as he drove, “But he’s a giant. Sorry. It’s probably still better than that crappy motel.”
Cas kept his gaze out the passenger window. “Your brother is here?”
It occurred to Dean that the last time Sam and Cas had talked, it was under very different circumstances. He’d almost forgotten Cas’s Christmas in Lawrence. Dean berated himself silently once more. Hadn’t he just gotten into an argument with Sam about the man sitting in his passenger seat? What was he supposed to tell him? Hey, remember when I told you to never speak of my old roommate again? He’s staying with us.
If Dean was honest, he couldn’t even justify the situation to himself. He’d spent months broken over Cas, then years pissed at him. Maybe he was some kind of masochist.
Dean sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah. He’s home from school for the holidays.”
Cas murmured in understanding. “He’s attending college?”
“University of Texas,” Dean said, and he couldn’t keep the pride from his voice.
“I look forward to seeing him again,” Cas said. “It’s been a long time.”
Maybe it was the implication behind the words, or the way Cas said them. Dean felt a pang in his chest for the friendship they’d once had. In the early morning light, with Cas in his passenger seat, he could almost believe they’d never lost it. He could almost convince himself that Cas had just moved away. That they saw each other sometimes, grabbed a cup of coffee, reminisced about the old days. No bad blood, just fond memories. The kind of friendship that sits in the back of the sock drawer, a pleasant surprise when it’s found.
Almost.
Dean tightened his grip on the steering wheel. That wasn’t reality, he reminded himself. They had lost that friendship, and there was plenty of bad blood. Dean had made his choices. Cas had made his. Pretending otherwise didn’t do him any good.
The rest of the drive was quiet. Dean turned on the stereo, and “Whole Lotta Love” played softly through the speakers. The drive that had earlier felt like an eternity now seemed all too fast. Dean was not looking forward to explaining to Sam why Castiel Novak was their new roommate for the foreseeable future.
Dean pulled into the parking lot. He rubbed his face with one hand, tried to remind himself that this was the nice thing to do, that this was what he would do for anyone else, and so he should do it for Cas. Even if Cas made him feel like he’d put his life back together with dollar store glitter glue, and it was about to fall apart at one misplaced breath.
Seeming to sense Dean’s discomfort, Cas said, “Dean, you don’t have to do this.” His voice was measured, but it had a near-pleading tone. “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Dude, no, you’re not,” Dean replied, and he felt like screaming. Couldn’t he do one nice thing, just one?
Cas rolled his eyes, a full-body movement. “Like I said, I know you’re angry at me. I also know you don’t wish to talk about it,” he added, seeing Dean open his mouth to say just that. “And I don’t wish to cause you strife every time you decide to use your kitchen or watch television.” Cas sighed, a heavy thing. “I appreciate the gesture.”
Dean closed his eyes. Counted to five. Breathed out. “Cas,” he said. He was doing his best to keep his tone neutral, but Cas was being stubborn, and he didn’t have the energy for that. “Just… Let me do this. Let’s just go inside. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll kick your ass back to the friggin’ Days Inn.”
Cas eyed him for a moment, as if attempting to discover the meaning behind his sudden kindness. Dean told himself he was doing what he would do for anyone. The gesture was devoid of feeling. He was going through the motions of being a good person.
Finally, Cas relented. He opened the door and moved to the trunk to retrieve his luggage. Dean rolled his shoulders and followed suit.
“You mind hanging out here for a sec?” Dean asked. “I gotta talk to Sam.”
Cas just nodded, shifting awkwardly on his feet. Dean locked his car and made the ascent to his door.
Dean got to work on a pot of coffee. He almost hoped that Sam wouldn’t wake from the noise, that he could put off the coming conversation as long as possible. But, of course, Sam woke up almost the moment the machine finished brewing.
“Mornin’, sunshine,” Dean said as Sam sat up. “Coffee?”
Sam nodded groggily. “Morning.”
Dean brought him a cup and sat on the couch across from the air mattress. “How’d you sleep?” He asked, stalling.
Sam gave him a curious look. “Uh… Fine, actually. This thing isn’t as uncomfortable as I thought.”
“Good,” Dean said. He was bouncing his leg, trying to figure out what to say. “Um.” Great start.
Sam raised his eyebrows. “What?” He said.
“Nothing,” Dean said. Then, “I just wanted to, uh. Well. Look, sorry for being a dick last night.”
Sam’s eyes widened at him over his mug. “Are you okay?” He asked.
“What?” Dean replied. “I’m fine, dude, why?”
“Well, it’s just…” Sam trailed off and took another sip. “We don’t really do the whole ‘apologizing after arguments’ thing.” He gave Dean a look. “No chick flick moments and all that.”
“Right,” Dean said. “Yeah, no, I know, I just. I felt kinda bad. You didn’t mean to, uh… Anyway.”
Sam gave a little laugh. “Okay,” he said slowly.
“So.” Dean cleared his throat. He should just say it. “Cas is staying here for a while.”
Sam choked on his coffee. After a fit of coughing, he looked at Dean with wide eyes. “What? When — did you — What?”
“He got mugged last night at some bar,” Dean said, looking resolutely at the ground. “So I, uh, I picked him up. I owe him one, you know, for drivin’ me to the hospital and all that.”
Sam eyed him with a mixture of shock and suspicion. “I thought you were pissed at him.” He sat up a little straighter. “Actually, if I remember this right, you’ve been so pissed at him for the last three years that I haven’t been allowed to talk about him.”
Dean clasped his hands together and hung his head. “Look, man, I felt bad, okay? I was being dumb not offering in the first place. The dude’s gonna be here at least until the end of next week.” He finally looked up at Sam and gave a shrug, aiming for nonchalance and missing it by about three miles. “It’s the right thing to do.”
Sam looked unconvinced. “Where’s he gonna sleep?”
“Couch.”
“Right. And you’re gonna be totally cool with him around?” Dean didn’t answer. “That’s what I thought.” He sighed. “What the hell are you doing, man?”
“I told you,” Dean grumbled. “The right thing.”
Sam looked at him with so much pity that it made Dean squirm. “You want me to send him back?” He almost hoped Sam would say yes, give him an excuse to be the total asshole he was.
“No!” Sam said quickly. “No, I’m excited to see Cas. Damn, it’s been a while. I just… Confused. Last night —”
“He’s outside,” Dean interrupted quietly.
“What?” Sam exclaimed. He jumped up from the air mattress. “Cas is here? Right now?”
“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?” Dean grumbled.
Sam rolled his eyes and made for the front door. He threw it open, and Dean followed behind him, rolling his eyes at the dramatics.
They descended the single flight of stairs. Cas was leaning against the Impala, his small suitcase leaning at his right. Dean felt a smile tug at his lips. The guy hadn’t accumulated much since he’d last seen him, apparently. Seeing Cas smile at Sam, standing next to the Impala, Dean felt that same feeling. Like nothing had changed. He pushed it away.
“Cas!” Sam said, all happiness. “Dude, it’s so great to see you.” He wrapped the other man into a hug. Cas hugged him back with a small smile, like he couldn’t believe this was happening. Dean stood a ways back, his arms crossed.
“Sam,” he said once they’d parted. “It’s very good to see you, too.”
“How have you been? Where have you been? You graduated already?”
Dean spoke up at that. “Sam, enough questions, the dude just got the shit beat out of him, like, eight hours ago.”
Cas gave him a hard look. “I didn’t get the ‘shit beat out of me,’” he grumbled, punctuating the phrase with air quotes. Dean rolled his eyes.
“Damn, Cas,” Sam said, squinting at the black eye, as if he’d just realized it. “That looks like it hurts.”
“It’s fine,” Cas said.
Sam let out a huff of laughter. Dean raised an eyebrow and shoved him in the back. “What’s so funny?”
“Sorry, sorry,” Sam said, regaining his composure. “It’s just… Maybe you two are bad luck together.” He gestured at Dean, “First, you get concussed—” and then at Cas, “—and you get a black eye.” He shrugged. “Kinda funny.”
Dean glared at him. Cas gave him a smile that said in bright neon letters, “this is me, humoring you.”
“Whatever,” Dean said. “Are y’all hungry? I’m gonna make breakfast.”
Sam grinned. “Yes!” He turned to Cas. “Dean makes the best breakfast.”
Cas gave him a small, sad smile. “I know.”
Sam’s grin faltered at that, and Dean was already regretting this whole altruistic move. He just turned and made his way back up to the apartment, Sam and Cas close behind him.
Dean tried to focus on the sizzling of the frying pan instead of Sam’s animated conversation with Cas about how he’d gotten into UT with a scholarship and was studying political science on the pre-law track. His ears betrayed him when Sam asked Cas about his last three years.
“Well, I… I finished that first year at Wichita State, off-campus. I transferred to the University of Oklahoma for the last five semesters. They have an excellent accounting program,” he added, as if that explained everything. Dean could feel his eyes on him, could practically taste the trepidation in his voice. “I was fortunate enough to intern at a firm in Kansas City last summer.”
“That’s where you’re headed?” Sam asked. Cas nodded.
“Hold on,” Sam said. “You said you finished your first year at WSU? So you were in Wichita until —”
Dean coughed loudly. He wished he could have chosen something louder for breakfast, like a smoothie. He plated up the eggs and bacon and offered a dish to Sam and Cas.
“Thank you,” Cas said, all-too earnestly. Sam just rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
“‘S no problem,” Dean said. He grabbed his own plate and shoveled the food into his mouth, despite his appetite having abruptly left him at the revelation that Cas had been in Wichita far longer than he’d thought.
The three of them ate in relative silence, broken occasionally by Sam’s attempts at small-talk. Dean got up and poured the rest of the coffee into a mug, silently setting it down before Cas. When he was met with raised eyebrows, Dean only shrugged.
Dean saw more of Lawrence that weekend than he had in the past three years. He tagged along with Sam to the outlet mall, then dragged his brother to his favorite burger place and the local pie shop downtown. He left the apartment at eight on Sunday to take the Impala to the do-it-yourself car wash. He spent four hours detailing the car, in and out, top to bottom. Once that was finished, he voluntarily went into the shop to finish billing paperwork that Bobby hadn’t gotten to. When the stacks of paper were no more, he even drove all the way across town to one of his old bartending spots to catch up with his former coworkers.
It turned out, living with Cas was easy if Dean never saw him.
Dean knew his avoidance scheme was obvious, but what else could he do? Being in the same room as Cas for more than ten minutes made his head pound, and he was ninety percent sure it wasn’t his concussion. So Sam could raise his eyebrows all he wanted, Dean would still find all manner of errands to run and things to do.
On Monday, he went back to see Dr. Barnes. She checked him over and determined that his stitches could be removed.
“Thank god,” Dean muttered as she updated his chart. “Does that mean I can go back to work?”
She gave him a look. “How are your concussion symptoms?”
“Nonexistent,” he said, and that was mostly true. He still tried to avoid sudden changes of elevation, and he wasn’t about to start blaring music again, but no more pulsing headaches or light sensitivity.
“I suppose you can get back in the shop, as long as you’re careful,” Dr. Barnes replied. “You don’t work on Christmas, do you?”
Dean shook his head.
“Well, it definitely wouldn’t hurt to take the whole week off and go back after the holiday,” she pointed out.
“But I could go back. If my boss needed me,” Dean said.
Dr. Barnes smiled. “Yes.”
Dean let out a sigh of relief. Maybe he could get Cas’s car done earlier than he thought.
After his stitches were out, he thanked Dr. Barnes and made his way back to the Impala. He was almost smiling as he made his way to the shop. No stitches, no concussion, and soon, no Cas living in his apartment. His life was going back to normal.
Dean walked into the office, and Bobby looked at him with murder on his face.
“You idjit, you’re not —”
Dean waved a paper at him. “Doctor said I’m cleared for work,” he said smugly.
Bobby narrowed his eyes and gestured for the paper. Dean handed it to him, and he scrutinized its contents intently. With a grunt, he returned the paper to Dean and crossed his arms.
“How much you pay her to say that?” He said.
Dean smirked. “C’mon Bobby, I wouldn’t do that.” Bobby scoffed in disbelief. “You looked at Cas’s car yet?”
Bobby sighed. “Not yet. Bunch of oil changes with holiday travel and shit. I’ll pull it into a bay if you wanna have a look.”
Dean nodded eagerly.
Once Cas’s ninety-something Honda Civic was parked, Dean lifted the hood and started diagnostics. Apparently, the car had just stopped in the middle of the road. There was gas in the tank, Dean noted with relief. Some people ran down to empty and then got confused why the engine died. He checked the alternator, no problems there. He had Bobby turn the ignition while he listened to the fuel pump, but it was working, too.
He sighed as he reached for a compression gauge. If Bobby had been right, and the valves really were bent, he was going to have a fit.
Sure enough, half of the valves wouldn’t hold pressure. Dean groaned. He would have to replace the timing belt, too, then. Bobby was going to regret that promise of a free fix. More than that, though, Dean was regretting his promise of free lodging. Fixing Cas’s car, even if it was the only one he had to deal with, would take at least three full days. But he and Bobby really were packed with maintenance appointments, and they always had dinky little repair jobs around the holidays. Cas was stuck in Lawrence for at least another week. He’d be there for Christmas.
Dean relayed the news to Bobby, who just shrugged and grumbled about how Dean’s concussion was about to cost him three grand between labor and parts. Dean spent the rest of the day changing oil and air filters, performing alignments, rotating tires. It felt good to be back in the shop.
He called Sam on his way home, and his brother insisted that Dean make burgers for dinner. Dean had forgotten he’d be cooking for three until Sam started talking about his second day spent with Cas. Apparently, in Dean’s absence, they had become great buddies, talking about all kinds of nerd stuff Dean didn’t bother to commit to memory.
“Hold on,” Sam said while Dean was in Wal-Mart getting dinner materials. Dean heard a door open and close on the other line before Sam began speaking again.
“Are you gonna get his car done before Christmas?” He asked.
“Definitely not,” Dean said, throwing two pounds of ground beef into his basket. “The valves are bent, which means the timing belt’s fucked too. He’s stuck here until Monday, best case scenario.”
“You should invite him to Bobby’s, then.”
Dean almost dropped the buns in his hand. “I should what?”
“Come on, Dean, the poor guy’s gonna have to spend Christmas alone, otherwise,” Sam whined.
“Dude, not happening.”
“You’re being an idiot.”
“Sam, you have no idea what you’re asking,” Dean argued as he made his way to the self-checkout. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to avoid Cas, not induct him into the family.”
Sam huffed on the other line. “You’re right, I don’t know what I’m asking, but that’s only because you refuse to tell me what happened.”
“It’s really not that complicated,” Dean grumbled. “He didn’t want a damn thing to do with me. Ask him.”
“I already did, and he wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“What?” Dean was doing his best to keep from shouting in the middle of the busy store. “Why would you do that?”
“You just told me I should!” Sam retorted.
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have done it without asking me first!” Dean hissed. He yanked his credit card from the machine and waited impatiently for his receipt to print.
Sam groaned. “Look, that’s not the point —” “What’s the point, Sam?” Dean demanded. The frigid December air was welcome against his face, hot with frustration. “I don’t need you playing Dr. Phil for me and Cas, okay? I can handle my own bullshit.”
“Whatever,” Sam muttered.
Dean took a deep breath as he got into the car. “I’m leaving Wal-Mart now. I’ll see you at home, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Sam was uncharacteristically silent as Dean prepared the meal. He had some documentary playing on the TV. Cas was sitting in the armchair, reading a book. When the burgers were done, Dean delivered a plate to each of them.
“I’m gonna FaceTime Eileen,” Sam announced, getting up to leave the room.
“While you’re eating?” Dean wrinkled his nose in disgust.
Sam rolled his eyes and closed Dean’s bedroom door behind him. Dean shook his head.
An awkward silence settled over the living room as Dean and Cas ate their burgers. It was the first time they’d been alone since Dean had picked him up from the motel.
“This is very good,” Cas said at the same moment Dean said, “I looked at your car.”
Dean blushed at the compliment. “Sorry,” he said. “Uh, glad you like it.”
Cas gave a single nod. “You looked at my car?”
“Yeah, uh, bad news,” Dean said, taking a sip of his beer. “Half of your valves are fucked.” At Cas’s vacant stare, he elaborated, “My guess is your timing belt is banged up. It’s causing the pistons to fire out of time, so they hit the valves wrong. The cylinders can’t keep pressure if the valves don’t work. That’s why your engine died.”
Cas furrowed his brow. “What should I do to keep that from happening?”
“Not much you can do ‘sides replace the belt every hundred thousand miles or so. They just kind of break.”
“How long will the repair take?”
Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s the bad news. You’re stuck here for at least another week. Sorry, man, it’s just… Christmas, and all that.”
Cas gave a weak smile. “No apology necessary.” He took a sip of water. “How’s your head?”
“All better,” Dean said. “Doc took the stitches out today.”
“I noticed.”
“Said it would still probably scar, but at least I’m back in the shop.”
Cas gave a polite nod but didn’t say anything more. Dean took both their plates to the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher. Dean got to work cleaning up the burger mess.
“What did you end up majoring in?” Cas asked, and the abrupt sound of his voice made Dean jump. He scrubbed the frying pan intently.
“Never did figure that out,” Dean replied gruffly.
“What?” Cas asked, confused. “Didn’t you finish at WSU?”
Dean put the pan on his drying rack and paused, gripping the edges of the counter, his head hanging low to his chest. He took a breath. Here it was, the conversation he hated having. The one that tattooed “I’m a massive failure” in block letters on his forehead.
“Nope,” he said. He turned around, a scowl on his face. The last person he needed to take shit from was Cas. “Do you think I’d be living in this dump if I had a degree?”
Cas’s brows knit together. “Your apartment is quite nice,” he said. “Why didn’t you finish?”
Dean shrugged, playing at nonchalance. “It was too hard,” he said, the same answer he gave everyone, because it was the most believable. It was the easiest. He could handle everyone thinking he was a grade-A idiot with a GED and a mechanic certification. He couldn’t handle the pity that came with admitting that he simply couldn’t put himself back together after his father died.
Cas looked doubtful. “Right,” he said after a moment.
Dean felt trapped under Cas’s scrutinous gaze. He cleared his throat, selecting the least exhausting of his many questions to push attention back to Cas.
“I’m still surprised you’re not some big-shot writer already,” he said, turning back to the kitchen. He set about wiping down the stovetop. “It always seemed like you were really into that stuff.” As a memory tickled the edges of his brain, he added, “Good at it, too.”
“Yes, well,” Cas said, letting out a slow breath. “By the spring of my freshman year, it became evident that my priorities were misplaced. I spent too much time writing, not enough time working on my accounting classes.” Cas paused as Dean replaced his cleaning supplies to their places under the sink. When he stood back up, Cas was giving him a meaningful look.
“And sometimes,” he said, deliberately, “Sometimes, the things we love can be bad for us, in the end. Despite how happy they might make us in the moment.”
Dean snorted. He knew Cas was trying to make some bigger point, but he wasn’t willing to follow him there. “I dunno,” he said. “Pretty much everything I love is always awesome.”
“Really,” Cas deadpanned.
“Yup,” Dean said with a nod. “Sam, Bobby, the rest of my family… Hell, they’re always good, always there when I need ‘em. I’ve always loved working on cars, and now that pays the bills. Pie. Obviously.” He held up his hands.
“Well, I’m elated that everything you’re passionate about has worked out for you,” Cas said, his tone caustic. “I suppose not everyone is so lucky.”
They held each other’s gaze for a moment. Tension was rolling off Cas in waves. This was good, Dean could work with this. Cas looking at him with some unknown emotion, trying to talk about what happened… The thought alone gave him a headache. But Cas looking at him like he was doing his best not to murder him, like he was insufferable and ridiculous, that, he could face.
A week. He could do this for one week.
But Cas was rearranging his expression into something gentler, breathing deeply through the anger Dean was provoking.
“I know I’ve hurt you,” Cas said with a sigh. “And I know the last thing you want to do is talk about it,” he added, as Dean opened his mouth to say just that. Dean crossed his arms, his jaw set.
“I won’t bring it up again, I promise,” Cas said in earnest. “But you have to know, I only… It wasn’t intentional.” A pause. “I only left because you told me to go.”
Dean felt something cave in his chest. Everything went slack. “What?” He hissed.
Cas cocked his head, eyes narrowed. “Do you not remember?”
“Cas,” Dean said, his voice a poor attempt at measured, “What are you talking about?”
Cas just stared at him, confused and piteous. Before he could speak, Sam emerged from Dean’s room with his dirty plate.
“Thanks for dinner, Dean,” Sam said. He seemed to have calmed down from their earlier argument. “You wanna watch A New Hope tonight?”
Dean was still staring at Cas, who was studying the ground with great intensity. He barely heard Sam’s question.
“Yo,” Sam said, waving a hand in front of his face. “You hear me?”
Dean blinked. “Yeah. Yeah, sorry,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m beat, honestly,” he said. “I think I’m gonna hit the hay.”
Sam smirked at him. “You’re old, dude.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “Night, Sammy,”
“Sleep well, old man,” Sam joked.
Dean turned and made his way to his room. He could vaguely hear Sam asking Cas what he wanted to watch, but his brain was swimming.
Thinking that maybe, probably, everything had been his fault, that was one thing. To hear it, straight from the source, from Cas…
I only left because you told me to go.
Dean closed his bedroom door behind him and grabbed the bottle of scotch from inside his desk. As he poured a generous glass, he sifted through his final memories with Cas, trying to find something that would make those words make sense. He might have spent the better part of that spring in a haze, but he was sure he would have remembered telling Cas to leave. All he could remember was waking up on the floor of their room one morning, his clothes reeking of whiskey, one half of the room empty.
That was a bad day. He’d completely blacked out the night before, and still felt pretty drunk when he’d woken up. He remembered calling Cas over and over again. Eventually, the calls stopped ringing out and started going straight to voicemail. Dean hadn’t left the room that day, despite having a full day of classes. He didn’t shower. He simply remained in the same spot, feeling more and more hopeless as the minutes went by. In his desperation, he’d even called Meg. She told him that Cas had left and that he should delete both their numbers. She called him a fuck-up. She spoke with so much hatred that Dean couldn’t even get a word in before she hung up on him.
Losing his dad, that was one thing. Losing Cas, after everything…
Dean finished his drink and poured another. Downed it in one sip.
If he hadn’t already, Dean had hit rock bottom when Cas left. Long nights bled into longer days. When he eventually realized that, without Cas, no one noticed when he skipped class, or didn’t come home, or didn’t eat, he just stopped. He didn’t open a textbook for the rest of the semester, he crashed on any and every stranger’s couch, he lived off of beer and liquor and the occasional dining hall burger.
Dean stripped off his clothes, the alcoholic haze just beginning to slow his movements. He turned on the shower and got in, the scalding water providing a welcome touch of pain. He stood there, the scotch progressively settling into its neural blockade, but failing to quiet the echoing of Cas’s words.
At first, he had blamed himself. Of course Cas left, because who would have stayed? Dean was a fuck-up, just like Meg said. John had known it, and he’d never let Dean forget it, as if Dean needed any help remembering. He couldn’t protect Sam from John, not all the time. He couldn’t even make it past sixteen without adopting a crippling nicotine addiction. Worst of all, he couldn’t suffer through four more years at home. If he could have done that, if he could have just stayed a little longer, John would have still been alive. Sam wouldn’t have been an orphan at fourteen.
At some point, though, it wasn’t enough to be angry at himself. Because, sure, he was a disaster of a human being, but Cas had known that. He’d seen all of the bullshit, and Cas still… They were still friends. Or, he’d at least let Dean think they were. But how could they have been? The second Dean needed him, really needed him, Cas had bailed.
The shower was spinning. Dean turned off the head and stumbled out, having no idea how long he’d been standing there. He towelled off and haphazardly threw on a pair of underwear before collapsing into his bed.
He laid there for a moment, eyes closed, sinking into the false gyration of the room. Sam and Cas were talking in low voices in the living room, but Dean couldn’t pick out a single word. He opened the drawer in his bedside table, fumbling around for his headphones. His fingers brushed a stack of paper. Dean frowned and pulled it out.
It was nearly fifty pages, front and back. The paper was crumpled all over; stains dappled the text. The first page was blank, save a note written in neat, blue script.
I couldn’t have written this without you. Thank you. Merry Christmas.
-CN
Dean flipped through the pages for what could have been the millionth time. He wasn’t reading the lines of text, only catching a few words here and there.
Dean was staring at the cover page again when a knock sounded at his door.
“Yeah,” Dean said gruffly, setting the papers on his nightstand.
He’d been expecting Sam, but it was Cas who poked his head around the door. “Dean?” He said, “I’m going to use your shower, if that’s all right.”
Dean cleared his throat. “Sure,” he said. “No problem.”
Cas made his way to the bathroom, but stopped dead at the bedside table. He was staring at the papers.
“You kept this?” He said in a strangled voice.
Dean didn’t even look at him, just muttered something incomprehensible in affirmation.
“Dean…” His voice was damn-near pleading. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, willing his mind back to languid blankness.
And maybe it was the scotch, maybe it was the feeling of Cas staring at him, maybe it was the pages filled with Cas’s words that Dean had read so many times he’d almost memorized it. Whatever it was, his head was pounding, and the effort of holding his grudge suddenly seemed worthless. He could avoid and irritate Cas for a week. Or…
“Can we just forget about it?” Dean said.
“What?” Cas replied.
“All of it. Everything,” Dean said, and he knew he wasn’t making sense, but he didn’t care. “Just… Water under the bridge. Start over.”
Cas was quiet for a moment before muttering a tentative, “Sure.”
“Good,” Dean said, and he was suddenly very tired. “G’night.”
“Goodnight, Dean,” Cas said, somewhere between sadness and hope.
------------
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I find reading headcanons fun and a lot of people interested in Lea and Isa who want to stay canon compatible go with the idea of "they were technically apprentices, but they were still used as test subjects." It just goes to show how important those implications were to their story, anyone invested is looking for a way to retcon them back in.
Yeah, I get why people wanna stick close to canon. I like to stay as close to canon as possible too, unless I feel like canon just absolutely dropped the ball, which is relatively rare. But that’s what I feel KH3 did with Lea and Isa. There were just FAR too many implications that they were test subjects to be hand-waved away so easily. I can totally understand why people are looking for a way to retcon those implications back in. They fit soooo perfectly and they were MUCH juicier than the canon backstory, which is really very boring.
Unbeknownst to me, my six apprentices then began collecting a large number of subjects on which to perform dangerous experiments into the “darkness of the heart.”
I wouldn’t even know HOW to write Axel as a former apprentice, without being a former test subject, too. Because it just doesn’t fit him. You have to ignore everything interesting about him and change his whole character. When I first played KH2, I was always interested in the experiments on the darkness of the heart and especially what the organization members were like as humans. We only got to know a little about that. We learned that members I-VI were apprentices of Ansem the Wise, which I thought was very intriguing. I started to speculate about what the other members’ backstories might be.
Are they the people who lost their hearts, or incarnations of darkness? Or something entirely beyond my imagination? All my knowledge has provided no answer. One thing I am sure of is that they are entirely devoid of emotion. Perhaps further study will unlock the mysteries of the heart. Fortunately, there is no shortage of test samples. They are multiplying underground even as I write this report. They still need a name. Those who lack hearts… I will call them the Heartless.
I am not even exaggerating, after reading the KH2 Ansem Reports, my first thought was that Axel was most likely a former test subject, due to the way he slaughtered Zexion and Vexen so mercilessly. He had a side to him that was rather…twisted. And I thought that was so fascinating. No way in hell do I believe he acted like that because he was trying to find some girl. No. He had a HUGE grudge against the organization which was very personal.
The only other organization member I thought might have been a former test subject was Saïx. Number VII. The first one to join after the apprentices.
And the reasons for that were obvious. He was freakish, like a science experiment. He was a werewolf/vampire type character with a large scar on his face. I have talked with people online about Axel’s apprentice backstory who said that they “saw it coming”. It was foreshadowed in advance. And I’m like, “Did we play the same games?” If anyone says that they thought Axel and Saïx made more sense as apprentices than test subjects, I simply do not believe them. I think they are either lying or they are such a fanboy/fangirl that they cannot bring themselves to question canon.
THIS is what always stood out to me about Axel in Days. He said very little about himself. It seems like most of the fandom latched onto Axel as this happy-go-lucky big brother figure who “adopts” Roxas and Xion and that was the extent of his character. Personally, I was always far more interested in Axel’s past. That’s what really made him an interesting character. Without that, he’s a bit flat, honestly.
When I played Days, it seemed to confirm my suspicions that Axel had a dark past.
The way the camera zoomed in on him when he mentioned his past said SO much. It was so subtle, but so dramatic. They obviously were hinting at something.
And it even involved Saïx, too. They really were BOTH test subjects. How fascinating, I thought.
Then I played BBS, and it showed them sneaking into the freaking castle! I was so excited! OBVIOUSLY these kids were experimented on. They were in the right place at the right time. It explains why they became organization members. It explains why Saïx is so…freakish even though when he was a kid he was so cute and normal. I mean, come on!!!! How could anyone not see what they were hinting at here? I was SO SO excited for TEN years to see their backstory.
When I played KH3, I was dumbfounded. Absolutely dumbfounded. Turns out Lea and Isa were connected to the experiments on the darkness of the heart (duh). But they weren’t the test subjects. It was Skuld. Ya know, that random NPC from KHUX? That’s right. Skuld.
…
…
Skuld!? Are you freaking kidding me!? All the spotlight is gonna be on her as the lab rat!? After all the subtle hints that Lea and Isa were experimented on? I felt like I had been led on and betrayed by the series. I was so sad and angry. KH has a lot of, well, bullshit in it. Like Ansem the Wise turning Kingdom Hearts into data and releasing everyone’s hearts. And it has a lot of retcons. It’s a series where “willing suspension of disbelief” is important. But what they did to Lea and Isa’s past? That crossed the line for me. That was unacceptable. And my willing suspension of disbelief was shattered. I simply cannot retroactively view Lea and Isa as apprentices. It just doesn’t fit with what we saw of them. It’s the worst, most ill-fitting backstory I have ever seen.
Lea’s whole character revolved around his mysterious past. And in the end, his whole past was summarized in a two minute cutscene where we were TOLD (not even shown) it. And his past isn’t even about him or his relationship with Isa or their shared pain. It’s all about setting up a plot for a character who, IMO, is supposed to be dead.
Yes, that’s right. Dead. IMO, Skuld and Ephemer and everybody else from the age of fairytales were supposed to be dead. The final world is like limbo where people with lingering regrets cannot move on to the afterlife. Sora wound up there, probably because the spirits drew him there. But he wasn’t dead. He could come back with the power of waking because his body was still alive. Demon Tide doesn’t kill your body.
But yeah, as far as I’m concerned, everyone else from the age of fairy tales is DEAD. KHUX wasn’t supposed to monopolize KH3′s plot the way it did. It wasn’t supposed to be that important. IMO, The main role of KHUX was to provide history to the Keyblade War and MX’s Keyblade. You would have the scene where the Keyblades come to life and take out the Demon Tide. It’s a nice little cameo to people who played KHUX, but nothing essential. Then, the hearts of the dead are finally at peace and they can pass on. The end. Their role is done. They weren’t supposed to come back! It’s stupid! Leave characters like a Ephemer and Skuld in the past where they belong!
Xaldin: It’s an order. Why do you hesitate? You, who has been ruthless towards those who’ve turned their backs on the Organization?
If you take away Axel’s past a former test subject and give it to Skuld, you change the very nature of his character. Look how KH3 downplayed Axel’s dark and ruthless side by making it seem like Saïx was the only one willing to get his hands dirty. Axel was apparently some perfect angel who was just innocently trying to find info on Subject X the whole time. Not, ya know, ruthlessly executing people. No! No, no no!
Don’t pretend like Axel was not a fucked up killer. He was almost as twisted as Saïx was. Not quite. But almost. Of course, I guess I understand why they downplayed this side of him. It really doesn’t make much sense for Axel to spend a decade ruthlessly killing people just to find a complete stranger who may or may not even be alive, does it? It would make a lot more sense if he was doing it because he was experimented on and his best friend was being held hostage by the organization.
But Axel being a fucked up killer was the very foundation of his excellent character arc. Why did he change and join the good side? It wasn’t because he became friends with Roxas or Xion. It’s because he became disgusted with himself. He was disgusted with himself after he killed Vexen and Sora was horrified at how much pleasure he got from it.
He was disgusted with himself when he saw Xion’s face for the first time and saw that she looked just like Namine. He was willing to slaughter Namine without a second thought in Castle Oblivion. But here was a girl who looked just like her, innocently asking to be his friend.
“You didn’t have to use force…”
Axel sighed theatrically and circled his shoulders. “Didn’t I?”
Still gripping Axel’s collar, Roxas shook his head with the emphatic refusal of a little kid. “No, you didn’t…” But he sounded uncertain as he said it, and his voice shrank even more. “We’re supposed to be best friends.”
Axel brushed Roxas’s hands from his collar. “This isn’t about friendship.”
Roxas raised his head. The glare in his blue eyes was sharp as a knife.
Axel had never seen that from him before. His chest twinged, just a bit. He let out another sigh. “Listen, if that’s all, I gotta go.”
Roxas wilted again, and something in his expression weakened Axel’s resolve slightly.
I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.
He turned away from Roxas and made himself walk away.
He was disgusted with himself when he attacked Xion and brought her back to be destroyed. Why was Axel so upset with Saïx at the end of Days? Because he threw his morality away for him! Axel was willing to do anything for him. He was willing to kill innocent kids like Namine and Xion all for his sake. And at the end of the story Axel realized that Saïx didn’t even really love him anymore. Axel was more than happy to kill anyone if he thought Isa still loved him and appreciated the sacrifices he made for him.
He had been using the Organization for his own ends from the start. The only thing that had changed in the meantime was who it was all for. Maybe Saïx would call that a betrayal. But his world had changed.
But Axel realized that Saïx just used him as a murder tool to take out anyone who got in his way. He wasn’t even worried about him when he was at Castle Oblivion nor did he thank him when he returned. He took advantage of Axel’s devotion to him. That’s why Axel changed. It wasn’t like a My Little Pony episode where the power of Roxas and Xion’s magical friendship changed Axel. It was Axel’s own conscience. And yet, Axel still couldn’t bring himself to leave with Roxas at the end of Days. Even after Roxas left him the “Winner” stick. Because he was still attached to Saïx.
Axel: Look at what it’s come to. I’ve been given these icky orders to destroy you—if you refuse to come back with me.
Roxas: We’re…best friends, right?
Axel: Sure…but I’m not getting turned into a Dusk for…Wait a sec! You remember now!?
Roxas: Y…eah.
And Axel being a human test subject also seemed like the most reasonable backstory for him due to the way he seemed so…maladjusted. I was only 16 when I first played KH2. I was the same age as Roxas. And even then, the way Axel related to Roxas made me think that he had a really fucked up childhood. At first, Axel was willing to destroy Roxas, too. His “best friend”. In the original KH2, he seemed like he was just following orders because he was afraid of being turned into a Dusk. Which is still pretty screwed up.
“Say something. Have you even thought that maybe I can’t erase Roxas?” Axel said, in a playful tone, and Saix finally looked up. “It’ll be all right. Cause I’m tough.” Axel puffed out his chest.
“How stupid,” said Saix, and for a moment he smiled. “Let’s hurry up and prepare. Time is limited. The hero will wake up soon, too. I’ll send you in right in front of Roxas.”
“Okay.” Axel stood in front of the sending device. Saix rested his finger on the button. “I’m off the~n!” Waving to Saix, Axel’s figure disappeared.
But in the “Axel 7 Days” novel, you see that IMMEDIATELY before confronting Roxas about destroying him, Axel was looking at the white envelope and then flirted with Saïx. I hate the way the Axel/Roxas relationship was so misunderstood by the fandom. Why did Axel decide not to kill Roxas? IMO, it wasn’t because they were “best friends”.
It was because, once again, Axel was like “WTF am I doing? I’m trying to kill this innocent kid all so I can salvage my relationship with Saïx. I am a selfish piece of shit.” Why did Axel say that Roxas would have a next life, but not him? Because Axel knew what he was capable of and was prepared to do to him. Roxas was innocent. Axel was not. He had a lot of blood on his hands. He was not like Roxas. Roxas’s innocence is why Axel was so attached to him in the first place. But it was exactly why Roxas could never truly understand him. There will always be a part of Axel that he keeps hidden from Roxas.
On the sofa opposite him, Naminé spoke up instead. “Sora and Riku are best friends.”
Axel’s eyes crinkled as he remembered his own best friend—the only friend he’d ever had, in fact.
“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”
“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.
“So you are capable of sincerity,” said Riku.
Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream pop.
Even after he left the organization, Axel was still twisted. He was going to kill Kairi. And notice how it zoomed in on his tear mark. A bit of a hint about the true meaning of the upside down tears. IMO, the tears meant that Axel was willing to do absolutely anything to make his wish come true. And that was to be with his best friend forever. Saïx betrayed him and broke his heart. Axel decided to channel all of that grief and despair into his relationship with Roxas. He was now willing to kill innocent kids for his new best friend in order to forget about the old one. He was still selfish.
He only started to doubt himself when Kairi empathized with him.
And then he felt like shit and was disgusted with himself again. That was the last straw. Axel really doesn’t work as a character without a horrific backstory or being a killer. He just doesn’t. Being a twisted killer was fundamental to his story. And being a test subject was really the only things that could have made Saïx more sympathetic and redeemable.
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“Death & Rebirth” Chapter 2: Rebirth
Chapter 2: Rebirth
-1-
Immediately after getting out of bed, Kagami had invited her high school classmate Misao Kusakabe out to the shopping district and rushed out of the house. Kagami felt guilty leaving her twin sister in the dust so early in the day, but she was in dire need of a confidant who wasn't a family member.
Misao was certainly a loyal friend and made for good company - especially in as much as she probably wouldn't notice how mentally preoccupied Kagami was.
"I mean, ya think about it, it doesn't make any sense!" Misao said, her cute little snaggletooth showing amidst every word out of her mouth.
Kagami didn't know what Misao was talking about, she didn't necessarily care either. She just nodded. Misao was wearing a new shirt and a skirt Kagami had never seen before - which wasn't surprising considering she was just getting used to not seeing her friends in their uniformed colors every day.
She wasn't depressed, just lost in thought. She didn't want to be alone, she didn't know what she would do. She needed to be around someone so she didn't do anything crazy. Which is why she made the decision to call Misao as soon as she had woken up. She didn't want this to get around to her more immediate group of friends. Most especially her sister and loud-mouthed Konata.
Misao on the other hand, it was all the same to her. Kagami assumed she would talk to a wall if another person wasn't around.
She couldn't keep this up forever though. She'd have to face the music at some point.
As beautiful people walked by - regardless of whether they were male or female - Kagami would sexualize them. Sometimes feeling her nipples harden at the excitement of a beautiful woman or the natural smell of a handsome man jogging past. She didn't know how people could do it. How can they walk around like this and pay attention to anything else?
Kagami blushed, lost in her naughty thoughts, and felt a tingling, her panties moistened a little.
"... Right?!" Misao's voice came back into focus, "What do you think, Hiiragi?"
Kagami snapped back into reality.
"Uhh.." Kagami said, "Sure."
"Heyyyy!" Misao observed immediately, switching tracks without a beat and pointing at Kagami "You're all red-faced!"
She blushed brighter red.
"What's the big deal?" Misao was confused. "You sick or somethin' Hiiragi?" "I haven't really felt like myself lately, no," Kagami admitted. Misao took a second to process this, "Soooo... Does that mean your sick?"
Kagami laughed a little, the first small feeling of happiness since last night, "No Misao, I'm not sick."
"Ya sure?" Misao confirmed.
"I'm sure," Kagami said.
"Then is it a boy?" Misao asked.
The blood rushed to Kagami's face again. She wore her emotions right on her sleeve. She'd always known this.
"So is that what all the red faceyness was about?" Misao said, grinning, "Saw something you liked, Hiiragi?"
"No! I mean..." Kagami started.
"I saw some hotties walkin' down these streets." Misao said, "Don't think I didn't catch you turning your head"
Kagami gasped, "You saw that?"
Misao giggled, "Nah, I was yappin' too much to notice stuff like that. You definitely threw yourself under the bus on that one."
Kagami sighed, annoyed, "Thanks for that."
"There's the Hiiragi I know!" Misao said, "Now come on, what boy do you have on your mind? Did he go to school with us? It wasn't 'Sebastian' was it?"
"It's..." Kagami paused, "Complicated."
Misao frowned a little, "Aw, come on Hiiragi. I mean, I know we didn't hang out much outside of school, but I'm tryin' to be a good friend here."
"You're right," Kagami grinned, "Sorry."
Misao looked to their right as they passed by a Taiwanese restaurant, a quaint establishment that had two giant posters in its window. One said, "DAILY SPECIALS!" the other, "BOBA TEA!"
"I know!" She said, stopping right in front of it.
"Huh?" Kagami said, realizing Misao was no longer walking beside her.
"Boba Tea!" Misao said, "Awesome stuff!"
Kagami backtracked a few steps to catch up with Misao "Oh. The Taiwanese bubble tea with the huge tapioca balls at the bottom."
"Um, yeah! The best drink to have deep conversations over!" Misao smiled as she grabbed Kagami by the hand, dragging her into the restaurant.
Kagami slightly resisted but allowed Misao to pull her in. "Aren't you thinking about coffee? Besides, the convo I want to have is a little personal..."
"Nah, coffee sucks," Misao said, walking up to the front counter, "Boba tea is where it's at!"
"Hello! Welcome!" They heard, the clerk calling to them as they walked up to the counter.
"Hi, nice to meet ya!" Misao said, "Just two for the bar please, we're just gonna get some boba tea."
The man nodded, "Boba tea is the reason this place stays open." He smiled and gestured for the girls to come toward him. "Boba tea is a relatively young, but very profitable Taiwanese tradition."
"Young?" Kagami asked as she and Misao followed behind him.
"It's a staple of Taiwanese culture and it hasn't even been around 40 years!" The man said, leading Kagami and Misao to the bar, pulling the tall chairs out for them.
Misao sat down, "Hehe... This is kinda cool. Feel like a big girl sitting on this stool chair." "What kind of boba tea would you girls like?" The man smiled.
"I'll have coconut with passion fruit boba!" Misao said proudly.
"Of course." The man said, "And for you?"
"Um..." Kagami started, "I'll have what she's having."
"Very good." The man said, scurrying away.
"That guy sure was happy about the significance of boba tea," Kagami said.
"Like my Dad says the only way to stay afloat is to love what life deals you." Misao said, "This guy's really invested in his job, but maybe that's because it's all he has."
"Sounds like settling to me," Kagami said dryly, "They pay him so he probably just fakes it."
Misao shook her head, "Always the depressing logic from you, Hiiragi."
Kagami sighed, putting her head on the bar, "I'm just so confused," She whined out loud.
"Oh, that's right!" Misao said, "I got so excited about the boba that I forgot what we were coming in here for. Your boy troubles! Okay, tell me all about it!"
"It's..." Kagami said, "It's not a boy." "Oh?" "It's..." Kagami thought for a second, "It's like..." "Take your time Hiiragi, don't bust a blood vessel. " "I'm just trying to think of how to word it!" Kagami snapped. "Okay, okay!" Misao laughed, "So it's like?" "Well... have you ever been through a life-changing experience?" Kagami asked. "What?" Misao replied, " Like someone dying?"
"Not really..." Kagami said, taking a second to remember how last night felt like the death of her innocence. Who knew death could feel so good.
"Becoming a millionaire?" Misao guessed again, "If you're a millionaire, you should loan me some money."
"No, not a millionaire," Kagami rolled her eyes, "Like... you ever heard of people who find religion? People, who say they're saved?"
"Like those reborn again people?" Misao said, "You a holy roller now? I always knew your family was religious but you never seemed all that bought-in."
"Not that," Kagami said, "But something just as earth-shattering changed who I thought I was..."
Misao, usually full of smiles and always talking fell silent, and in her bright brown eyes you could see immediate worry for her friend.
"Hey, Kagami..." Misao started Kagami felt a slight startle at Misao calling her by her given name. "You know I'm here for ya," Misao said, "Whatever it is, I want to help okay?"
There was a small silence as Kagami decided whether or not to fully confide in Misao. Could she keep such a weird secret? Were they close enough so that she wouldn't be totally creeped out and run away?
Before she could think about it more, the man from earlier returned, with as much gusto as ever, cups and big straws in hand. He sat down their boba teas in front of them.
"Two coconut and passion fruit for the pretty young ladies!" He announced cheerfully, "Enjoy! If you want to order anything the menu is right in front of you."
"Thanks." The girls said, and he walked away leaving them once again to their own devices.
"His happiness definitely seems genuine," Misao said after he had left, "I don't think he's faking or settling."
After a small beat, Kagami finally spoke. "Misao, have you ever had a boyfriend?" Kagami asked.
Misao wasn't expecting that and this time it was her face that flushed a little bit, "Well... I mean... Not, like, anything official or nothin' like that."
"Neither have I." Kagami said, "I think I need one in my life. I'm craving something more lately..."
Misao thought she knew where this was going, "Love?"
Kagami took a deep breath as her heart raced. It was now or never, "Sex."
Misao's big amber-brown eyes widened, her pupils shrinking as the light hit them. "Umm..."
"Please," Kagami immediately said, "Don't hate me or think I'm weird. I swear I just wanted to tell someone and I thought..."
"Hiiragi, it's okay," Misao said recoiling, "Calm down, I don't hate you. And it's not weird that a teenage girl is interested in sex."
"Is it weird that I got off to a hentai anime?" Kagami immediately followed up.
Misao, obviously taken aback again by how much Kagami had to get off her chest, after a few moments said, "Well... I've definitely heard weirder."
That didn't really make Kagami feel much better, but at least Misao wasn't running away.
"I gotta tell you Hiiragi," Misao grinned suggestively, "You're the last person in the world I expected to be a nymphomaniac."
"I'm not a nympho!" She said defensively, "I just have this new feeling and I'm confused." "Confused about?" Kagami blushed, "Wanting...to feel pleasure... I guess." "So you ARE a nympho!" Misao laughed.
"I am NOT!" Kagami shot back. "I'm..." "So you're not sex-starved," Misao said.
"I mean, it's hard to explain," Kagami started, "Konata lent Tsukasa an anime DVD. She didn't have time to watch it, so I asked if I could. She mistakingly lent her a hentai DVD."
"Mistakingly?" Misao asked, "Wouldn't put it past that girl to do it on purpose as some kinda pervy joke."
Kagami hadn't thought about that. She was surprised she hadn't.
"So you watched it and liked it huh?" Misao said.
"More than liked it," Kagami said, "I got... I got really warm and... I mean, so, I like..."
"Did ya diddle yourself, Hiiragi?" Misao said smiling.
"Ya know," Kagami said, annoyance bubbling, "For this being a moment where I spill my darkest secret you're not being very sensitive.
"Darkest secret?" Misao said, more amused, "Hiiragi if all you did was touch yourself..."
Kagami looked around worriedly, "Not so loud! This isn't really the most appropriate place for this conversation."
"I'm no sex researcher scientist person," Misao said, "But I'd say that it's very likely that most every person masturbates at least once."
"Have you..." Kagami's voice lowered to a whisper, "Ya know... Did what I did? To yourself?" "Uhh..." Misao stammered, "Well..."
"We're being honest with each other, right?" Kagami said, "Only the two of us have to know anything about this conversation."
"Yeah," Misao looked at the ground as her skin flushed, then looked back to Kagami, finding it hard to keep eye contact, "I have."
Kagami turned in her barstool to face Misao, "Oh, my God really?" Kagami grabbed her hand, "I'm not the only one?"
Misao raised an eyebrow and eased her hand free, "I told ya. Everyone does it at one point."
"What made you do it?" Kagami asked.
"Woah, Hiiragi..." Misao scratched the back of her head, "I knew we were gonna come in here for girl talk but didn't know it was really gonna be, like, girl talk. On second thought this might not be the best place to talk about stuff like that."
Kagami threw her an evil glare, "That's what I heavily alluded to before you decided to sit down in a public place for a drink, Misao."
"Well!" Misao defended, "That was before you wanted to go into detail about how we diddle ourselves."
"Would you stop calling it that?" Kagami pleaded tiredly.
"Okay, how we touch ourselves." Misao corrected
Kagami blushed a slight pink again, "Right. That." She said, looking at the ground embarrassingly.
"Okay, let's drink our boba tea!" Misao said cheerfully, "There's plenty of time for that other stuff later!"
"Right," Kagami said, smiling and feeling much more at ease, "We'll save that subject for later."
Kagami looked down at the drink in front of her, which she had yet to touch. It didn't look very much like any tea she'd ever drunk. It was cold first of all - and it had an off-white color to the liquid. At the bottom were things that looked like bubbles - the signature look of boba tea. The bubbles at the bottom of her cup were orange. Besides that, it was served in a plastic cup with a circular plastic seal covering the top of the cup. Accompanied by the sealed cup was a big, silly- looking straw still in its wrapper.
"How do I drink this thing?" Kagami asked, surveying how excessively big the straw was.
"Oh," Misao said, "Stab the straw through its wrapper to open it, then break the seal with the straw. Thrust the straw in the center of the plastic film on the cup."
Kagami did so. "Now you can drink the tea and suck the balls!" Misao said happily. "Uh..." Kagami said, "Suck the..."
There was a small beat of silence as the girls looked over at each other, noticing the presence of the double entendres. Then silently realizing that it was they who made the connection, making it clear they both were concentrating on the concept of sex.
They stared blankly at their boba teas and straws, taking a second to focus on the giant tapioca balls.
"I'm not really feelin' the boba tea," Kagami said. "Me neither." Misao said, "Still, those are pretty huge balls huh?"
Kagami turned to wave someone down, "Check, please."
-2-
On the way into Misao's home, Kagami had taken a quick glance at the front room of the house. It was pretty cluttered, at least for a Japanese home. It definitely fit Misao's personality. It was very quiet too. She wondered where the rest of Misao's family was.
"Make yourself at home, Hiiragi." Misao said, "Want anything?" "Do you have tea?" Kagami asked, "Not that Boba nonsense. Normal tea?" Misao smiled, "Sure. I was thinking the same thing. One sec."
Misao left the room for a few moments, leaving Kagami by herself in the room. Kagami was glad too, she's needed a few minutes of alone time. Telling someone your deepest darkest secret the day after it had happened was emotionally tiring and she wanted some silent time to recover. Silent time didn't happen with Misao.
She smiled slightly. Misao had definitely come through for her in a very vulnerable period and she knew that Misao would keep her secret. Even if her counseling was a little quirky, she could tell every word was filled with warmth and conviction. She was constantly making Kagami laugh, making up for the dark self-loathing place she had been it for the last day.
She was always laughing too, such a cutie. She was very cute.
Through the day, Kagami definitely felt kinship growing for Misao, sure that they would be closer than they had ever been considering Misao's open-mind and support. She had noticed that Misao looked even cuter when she smiled. That little sharp tooth of hers peaking out of her mouth was oddly endearing today. It gave her the cute and silly character that Kagami knew she could count on. It was clear she had always taken their friendship for granted. But she wouldn't any longer.
Misao returned with two cups of tea on a tray, setting them down on the small table in the center of her room.
"Two cups of normal tea, a la mode!" Misao said cheerfully. "Uh," Kagami said, "You do know that "a la mode" means "served with ice cream" right?"
"Oh," Misao said, sitting on the ground, "Sorry. It sounded cool though right?" She grinned a little embarrassed.
Kagami giggled and shook her head and took a seat next to Misao, "Misao, you're definitely one of a kind."
"Aw, thanks Hiiragi." Misao said, "You too." "I really appreciate you taking me under your wing today," Kagami said, "I was a big mess."
"Nah, don't mention it. And you weren't a big mess, we already established that. Just some tingling in the nether regions that's all."
"Put so eloquently." Kagami said sarcastically, but then noticed how quiet it was, "Hey, where is your family? I noticed it was all dark and cluttered when I came in."
"All off doing something for the summer," Misao said, "Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa went on some sort of lazy boat cruise. Big brother is off traveling with his band of college bro-types."
"And you're alone?" Kagami asked.
"Yeah, just for a couple weeks. I guess they figure I'm graduated now so I'm old enough to fend for myself." Misao said, "But I'm kinda messy so I should probably clean up before they get back. Grandma likes to keep the place all shiny - always on my case about it."
"I'd imagine so." Kagami said nodding, "Well hey, in return for helping me today how about I help you clean up the place before they get back?"
"That'd be cool!" Misao said, "We can make a day of it! Hang out and stuff."
"Sounds like a plan," Kagami smiled. She picked up her tea and took a sip, "Ah, that hits the spot."
"Oh! Speaking of hitting the spot, we still have the stuff to talk about!" Misao declared, "Safe from the judging ears of a public restaurant."
"Right." Kagami's cheeks took on light pink.
"It was the cheerleader squad." Misao casually blurted, sipping her own tea noisily.
"What was?"
"What inspired me to do it." Misao said, "What made me diddle - I mean, you know, touch myself. I saw them practicing after school and I guess the mental image really stuck with me."
"The... Cheerleading squad?"
"I figured if we were being honest with each other," Misao said, "I would tell you something personal. I've never really been that attracted to boys."
"Are you..." Kagami said carefully, "Coming out to me?"
Misao shrugged, "Not particularly. I mean, I think boys are kinda sorta cute, but girls are so much prettier, softer. Not as sweaty ya know? It's just not something I advertise, not like I've actually been with either one."
"And so you saw the cheerleader squad and... Uh, did the thing where you touched yourself." Kagami said.
"Yeah, Hiiragi," Misao rolled her eyes, "I masturbated at home while thinking if the cute little cheerleaders."
"Okay, wow... super embarrassing, but, um... right." Kagami flushed, "Masturbated." "I felt pretty creepy about it. Like a pervy old man." Misao said. "I've been feeling the same way all day," Kagami sighed. "Ya know what I think your solution is, Hiiragi?" Misao asked.
"What's that?" "I think you need to stop hating yourself for what you feel." Misao said, "It's not like you're doing
anything wrong." "It feels incredibly wrong," Kagami frowned.
"That's natural, in most walks of life people are taught to be ashamed of desires," Misao said, her voice now sounding intellectual, channeling her inner college student, "I mean, think about it: have you touched anyone that didn't want to be touched?"
"No..."
"Are you getting off to something that would hurt people or something illegal?"
"No..."
"So it just sounds like you're a normal person discovering herself," Misao smiled, "Like I said, love your life for what it is. It felt good didn't it?"
Kagami blushed more, "Yeah... It did."
Misao shrugged, "Who's to say you shouldn't keep on doing it? Better than sleeping with strangers to quell your appetite."
Kagami finally saw a light at the end of this tunnel. Misao was right. She was feeling excessive pangs of guilt that was a staple of any culture for females - girls who want sex should be ashamed why? Men don't get flack for masturbating... so why should she?
"There's no reason to beat yourself up about it Hiiragi," Misao said warmly, "Here's one girl who'll never judge you. You can trust me with this stuff."
Kagami smiled warmly and scooted herself a little closer to Misao, resting her head on her shoulder, "Life after high school sure is crazy..."
Misao's cheeks started to take on a light shade of pink too, "Yep! Pretty crazy..." She said, laughing and trying to hide her sudden nervousness.
When laughing, Misao exposed her little fang again, causing Kagami to stifle a giggle. "What?" Misao said, "Got something on my face?" "Your tooth." Kagami said, "The little sharp one." "Good Ol' pointy." Misao said, "Always been there."
"I know," Kagami said, "I've always liked it." Misao cocked an eyebrow, "My tooth?" "It fits with your character." Kagami said, "I've always thought it was really cute." "Yeah?" Misao said, a little flattered, "I always thought it made me look weird." Kagami lifted her head from her shoulder to meet Misao face-to-face. "Nope. Total cutie pie."
The girls stared at each other, nose to nose for a couple of seconds. Kagami took on a finger and pressed it underneath Misao's tooth, "It's not that sharp."
"Well," Misao said awkwardly, "Hopefully I don't have to rip apart an animal carcass with my teeth anytime soon."
Kagami, using the hand that was nearest to Misao's face, brushed her brown hair behind her ear, "Too cute." Kagami said, letting her hand linger on her cheek after tucking back Misao's hair.
"Hiiragi..." Misao started, looking up into her eyes.
Kagami's blue eyes locked with Misao's hazel eyes and their faces instinctively drifted towards each other, their eyes closing and lips meeting for a soft, sensual little kiss.
The two girls let their foreheads rest against one another after the kiss. Misao's heart was beating so fast Kagami could hear it.
"You're hearts going pretty fast there," Kagami said playfully.
"What are we doin' Hiiragi?" Misao asked softly, her voice frail.
"Nothing we should be ashamed of, right?" Kagami said, "And no one is here."
"Conveniently." Misao said, "Funny how that always works out, isn't it? Almost like we're in a story."
"Yeah, it really is," Kagami admitted.
There was a beat of silence, which was filled by the beat of Misao's thumping heart.
"Still," Kagami said, "Don't you want to? I mean... go just a bit further?"
"I..." Misao started but was cut off.
"Haven't you even thinking about it all day?" Kagami asked, "Don't you think I'm cute?"
Misao opened her eyes to look at Kagami.
"Always have," Misao said, as Kagami opened her eyes to meet her gaze once again.
Immediately, Misao's eyes darted to the side in embarrassment.
Kagami put a hand on Misao's cheek and caressed it, pulling her face close for a long, passionate kiss - Misao let out a small moan in Kagami's mouth.
"I knew you wanted to." Kagami smiled warmly and kissed Misao quickly again.
"This is a completely different side of you, Hiiragi," Misao said.
"Yeah," Kagami said, "It's different."
"I like it a lot though," Misao said, leaning in for another kiss - this time slowly working her tongue into Kagami's mouth.
Kagami took a cue from this and let her tongue into Misao's mouth continuing to caress her face. The two girls softly swirled their tongues in each other's mouths both letting out small high-pitched sighs every so often as they kissed.
Kagami took her hand and slid it to Misao's back, lifting up her tee-shirt and immediately going for
her bra. "Woah!" Misao exclaimed, "You really don't waste time."
"Take these off." Kagami said softly, still playfully fingering the back of her bra, "I want to see your cute naked body."
Misao blushed, "Well, my boobs are a little small so... I mean, don't expect much."
Kagami rolled her eyes, "Please. You're talking to another girl with a petite body. Take off your bra and your shirt."
"If you say so..." Misao lifted up her shirt over her head, her small breasts encased in her plain white bra.
"Your tits," Kagami said, "So cute..." "Tits." Misao said, giggling "You're a dirty talker too." "Apparently," Kagami said, slipping off one of Misao's bra straps. Misao looked down, feigning surprised, "Hiiragi..."
Kagami reached into Misao's bra and pulled out one of her small breasts and massaged it. It fit perfectly in Kagami's hand and she could feel her nipples, which were small and beautifully natural, harden.
Kagami took one finger and pressed her hard nipple in lightly, it softened but Misao let out a loud pleasurable moan.
"Ah!" Misao sighed quietly, "That feels really good..."
After massaging her breast again for a few more seconds Kagami stopped to get a full view of Misao's budding chest, still holding her hand over the one she was massaging. Kagami looked up at her, "Can I lick it?"
"Sure." Misao's face flushed again.
Kagami took Misao's small breast in her hand again and stared at her puffy little nipple.
"Here I go," Kagami said, and slowly licked Misao's nipple before putting it in her mouth slowly.
"Oh, man!" Misao moaned as she held Kagami's head and pushed it against her chest, "Don't stop, don't stop!"
"You have such beautiful little tits, Misao..." Kagami said, continuing to lick her hardened yet still soft teenage nipples. "I love licking them."
Misao moaned again, "No Hiiragi that's embarrassing!" "What, that you have a sexy little body?" Kagami said, grinning, "it's meant to be a compliment." Misao looked Kagami up and down and her body became warm. "I want I see your body, Hiiragi." Misao said, looking into her eyes, "Kagami-chan."
"Kagami-chan, huh?" Kagami said, "So we're that close now?"
"I think once you're about to get to second base with someone, it's okay to be casual," Misao said.
"Fair enough." Kagami said, giggling, "Misa-chan."
Kagami lifted her shirt, revealing her slightly smaller breasts with her pink bra covering them.
"You've got some cute tits too, Hiiragi," Misao said, "I want to do what you did to me. I wanna lick and suck yours too."
Kagami smiled, "Why don't we go to your bed?"
Kagami got up and walked over to Misao's bed, sitting down, pulling one bra strap off of her shoulder innocently.
"Wow, Hiiragi are you trying to seduce me?" Misao asked. "Not trying." Kagami said matter-of-factly, "Just did." "You think you're smooth, Hiiragi?" Misao said, making her way to the bed to sit next to Kagami. "What happened to Kagami-chan?" Kagami asked. " I'll call ya whatever I want," Misao said bravely. "Haha, that's awful defiant," Kagami said teasingly. "Shut up and get naked, Hiiragi," Misao said turning to face Kagami
Kagami did the same, turning to face Misao as well. They locked lips passionately. Misao took one hand and messaged one of Kagami's breasts, still encased in the pink bra. Kagami began to lean back and Misao took this chance to slightly but somewhat aggressively push her down to lay on the bed.
Misao laid on top of Kagami, kissing upwards from her stomach to her small tits. She kissed around Kagami's cleavage and slightly kissed the outside part of her breast. "Take it off," Misao whispered.
Kagami reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, sliding down her other strap and letting it fall in front of her as she bore her naked chest.
Misao followed suit, unhooking her bra and completely revealing both of her small natural breasts. Misao immediately leaned forward and kissed Kagami's pink nipple.
"Ah..." Kagami sighed.
Misao took her tongue and licked Kagami's nipple using her entire tongue - almost like she was licking an ice cream cone. She continued to lick Kagami's nipples lapping faster and faster.
"Oh God Misao..." Kagami held Misao's head to her chest just as she had done her, "More... More, it feels so good."
Misao took her tongue and gave it a little pressure - using it to push the top of Kagami's nipple inward.
"Haaaaaaaah..." Kagami moaned as relaxing pleasure shot through her upper body, she pushed Misao's head firmer into her chest, feeling the moisture in her panties as Misao continuously licked her breasts softly.
Misao stopped and looked up at Kagami, who was continuing to moan while catching her breath at the same time even after Misao had stopped licking. She was still audible as she sat up to survey the familiar damp spot under her. Even with her panties on.
"Sorry," Kagami said, "That's really embarrassing."
"Don't worry 'bout it," Misao said, ignoring the comment altogether and wrapping her arms around Kagami. She pressed herself against Kagami's body as she gave her another long kiss.
The girls intertwined their tongues once again and Kagami pulled herself closer to Misao and deeper into the kiss. They both felt a light, tingly pleasure as their nipples and breasts pressed against each other.
Misao looked at the wet spot on the bed again, "You're like a river there, Hiiragi." Misao laughed. "Don't laugh," Kagami flushed, "It's so embarrassing." "Just means I'm doin' a good job, that's all!" Misao said proudly. "I want to do good for you too," Kagami said.
"What'd ya have in mind?" Misao asked suggestively.
Kagami put her hand on Misao's bare chest and slid it in between her breasts, softly down her stomach and in between her legs inching up her skirt and softly rubbing against her cotton panties.
Misao sighed surprisingly and let out a light moan, "Kagami..." She said, "I've never... No one's ever, like..."
"Don't forget it's my first time too," Kagami said, "I've done it to myself... I just want to see if it all works the same. And if it makes you feel good, all the better."
"It felt so intense..." Misao said, "And you were just touching on the outside." "Can I keep going?" Kagami asked, inching closer.
A few moments later, Kagami was looking at Misao's cute panties as she slipped off her skirt. Cotton white with a tiny pink bow at the top. There was a long wet spot right in the middle as her juices automatically flowed out Kagami took two fingers and rubbed them against the wet spot.
"Oh my God..." Misao moaned, "Aaaahhhh!" Kagami took her hand rubbing against Misao and worked her way slowly to remove her panties. Misao grabbed Kagami's hand to stop her, "I'm gonna pee! "It just feels that way at first." Kagami soothed her, "Just relax." "You promise?" Misao said, her voice shaking. Kagami put one hand on Misao's face and caressed her cheek, "Misao, it's okay. I promise."
Misao's body relaxed as she accepted that the sensation was an intense pleasure. She decided she was better off basking in it, no matter what the outcome.
Kagami once again lifted the small elastic of Misao's panties and began to slip them off.
"Hiiragi, please... Please be gentle, I'm so scared." Misao said, her voice more helpless and frail than Kagami had ever heard before.
"Tell me if you don't want to," Kagami said worriedly, "I don't want you to feel like you have to because you're in the moment. I might be newly curious but I'm not a rapist."
"I do want to," Misao blurted, "I feel safe with you. But at least give me this, it doesn't matter who your first sexcapade is with... it's still nerve-racking."
"You got a point there," Kagami said, taking her hand and inching under Misao's skirt, stopping just short of her bare pussy.
Misao gasped, her eyes widening. Her mouth was left agape as she processed what was about to happen.
"Should I keep going?" Kagami asked. "Yes, Hiiragi." Misao said, "Touch me down there... Please."
Kagami took her hand and rubbed it slightly against Misao's wet vagina. While rubbing she could already feel Misao's clitoris protruding. It was bigger than hers. Misao let out a high-pitched moan as Kagami's fingers brushed over her clit.
"You thought I was a river?" Kagami smirked. "Shut up!" Misao said, flushing, "Jerk."
Kagami leaned forward for another small kiss as she continued to rub Misao's clitoris. Misao let out another moan into Kagami's mouth.
Kagami leaned back from the kiss and began to kiss down Misao's neck, down her shoulder blades to her petite breasts, and took her left nipple into her mouth, suckling a bit. Misao messaged her own right breast as she did so, intensifying the pleasure in her upper body, she felt more of her juices flow out, almost like a geyser in slow motion.
Kagami continued to kiss and lick down Misao's flat stomach, stopping as she got to her skirt. Misao took the cue and slipped off the skirt, revealing her small shaved vagina. Kagami kissed around it gently.
"You okay?" Kagami said. "Sure." Misao's voice shook slightly. "I'm going to lick you." Kagami said, "Okay?" "Please," Misao said, "It feels so good... I... I don't know where to put all of this pleasure." "Relax," Kagami soothed and slowly took her tongue and lapped it across Misao's clit. "Oh my..." Misao shrieked, "Fuck! Oh my God, Hiiragi lick me more, please lick me more!" Kagami licked up and down Misao's pussy, flicking her clitoris with her tongue. Misao convulsed
and gasped for air as she moaned.
Kagami took one finger and rubbed Misao's clit softly in a circular motion. Misao's body shook as she gyrated slightly, rubbing her juices on the sheets of her bed.
The bed was soaking wet.
Kagami licked up and down Misao's pussy slit for a minute before stopping and speaking softly, "Misao..."
"Kagami it feels so good, don't stop, please don't stop I'll go crazy!" Misao screamed. "I want to try something." Kagami said, "With my finger."
"Whatever you want," Misao said, catching her breath, "Just keep licking my pussy while you do it."
"You sure?" Kagami said. "Oh my God, whatever Hiiragi!" Misao said frustrated, "Fingers, whatever, just keep going!" Misao pushed Kagami's head back in between her legs.
Kagami slowly brought out her tongue again, picking up where she had left off. She started from the bottom of Misao's vagina and licked upwards, finally flicking her clit softly with her tongue over and over when she got to the top. Misao thrust her pelvis once more, sinking Kagami's face into her wet pussy.
Kagami pulled back and took her hand, playfully rubbing up and down Misao's wetness. She rubbed her clit softly before finally making her way down and feeling for a small opening she knew would be there. Rubbing her finger up and down Misao's pussy, she finally found it and lightly pushed her finger in.
"Haaaaaaaaaah!" Misao moaned, feeling a different type of pleasure than when Kagami rubbed her clitoris. Not as intense but somehow more... fulfilling. But it stretched her a little and she worried it might hurt.
"Be gentle, ok?" Misao said, "I think it'll hurt..."
"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you." Kagami said.
"No, I know it'll feel good and I want it," Misao explained, "But it will probably hurt too."
Kagami kissed Misao and this time took her finger and slowly slipped it into Misao's tight pussy, which immediately clamped down upon Kagami's finger.
"Ooooooh my...ahhhh!" Misao moaned, screaming at the same time, "Holy hell!"
Kagami pulled out her finger and reinserted it - a little faster this time. Misao whimpered as Kagami's finger was thrust in and out of her tight entrance.
Kagami continued, now inserting her finger and twirling it around lightly.
Misao quietly moaned in the background, her voice intermittently getting stuck in her throat as pleasure spread from Kagami's gentle fingering throughout her entire body Kagami could feel the texture of Misao's wet vaginal walls go from smooth and slippery to a little
more ruffled - a little stiffer. Misao's moans grew more audible as she felt the texture of the walls harden more and more as she messaged them with her finger - moving her finger in a slight "come here" motion as she messaged the roof of Misao's tight pink walls.
"Does it hurt?" Kagami asked, continuing to finger Misao.
Misao caught her breath to answer, letting out a light moan before she had a chance to speak, "A little, but I definitely want more. I never want this feeling to go away Hiiragi." Kagami kept on, staring at Misao's smooth pussy, "I won't stop this time."
Kagami lowered her head as she continued to lightly finger Misao's tight entrance - now simultaneously using her finger to massage her ripple-textured walls and her tongue to lick her clitoris.
"Hiiragi, it's inside me!" Misao moaned, "Your finger is inside and it feels so good!"
Kagami buried her head in between Misao's legs and sucked on her clit, using her tongue to push it back and forth out of her mouth.
"I'm going to explode!" Misao screamed, "Hiiragi is finger fucking me in my room!" She exclaimed out loud.
"I love making you feel good, Misao.." Kagami said in between licks, thrusting her finger a little faster now, "Your juices keep flowing more and more... Means I'm doing a good job right?"
"Kagami, I'm..." Misao said suddenly. Her entire body shook in sensual tremors, "I don't know what's happening! My pussy is gonna explode!"
"You're coming, Misao," Kagami said, turning herself on with her teacher-esque tone "Let it happen, it feels so good."
"Oh my God, it does!" Misao moaned again, "I'm coming! I'm coming! Oh, my G..." Her pelvis again shot up into the air, Kagami didn't stop as Misao orgasmed into her mouth. "Goddddd!" Misao gasped for air, "Oh my God, oh my God!"
She pulled Kagami's face into her wet vagina one last time as the bottom half of her body hung in mid-air and she let out a scream so high pitched that it was almost inaudible and ended as a whimper.
Her first orgasm was beyond anything she could have comprehended beforehand.
The two teenage girls laid beside each other on top of Misao's now drenched bed sheets, both gasping for air. Misao from the intense nature of her first orgasm... and Kagami from the intense nature of Misao's first orgasm.
"Whew!" Kagami said, wiping her mouth, "Almost suffocated me there." "Sorry." Misao rubbed the back of her head, "It was just..." "I know," Kagami grinned, "I understand."
"Hiiragi, I don't know what to do with myself.." Misao said, "I want to do this again and again with you."
"Preachin' to the choir," Kagami said, looking over again at Misao's sweating, naked body.
"I want to make you come." Misao said, "I just... Would you guide me? Like, tell me what to do?"
Kagami raised an eyebrow, "Ummm... The same exact thing?"
"C'mon, just walk me through it!" Misao pleaded, "Don't you want to come too?"
"I do. But maybe..." Kagami sighed, still catching her breath "We should take a little rest first."
Misao smiled, "Good idea, Hiiragi." Misao turned on her side and gave Kagami another kiss, "Thank you... So much."
"Don't mention it." Kagami said, lowering her voice to a sensual whisper, "I love the way you taste."
Misao blushed, "That's a heck of a thing to say." She said, "This was amazing but definitely super weird. Completely out of character for both of us."
"Believe me," Kagami said, "I've made peace with that."
Misao cuddled against Kagami from behind, letting her breasts push softly on her back.
"I'm glad it was you," Misao said.
"Me too." Kagami said, her eyes getting heavier, "Me too..."
Slowly but surely the girls fell asleep in each other's arms.
Misao didn't get around to helping Kagami finish again that afternoon.
But all the same, Kagami felt more like her normal self than she had since viewing that damn DVD.
As the two girls dozed off, Misao thought to herself, not sure what the future really held with this newfound hobby. She hoped it wouldn't change her friendship with Kagami. But she was also hopeful and full of butterflies. Ultimately, all she knew was that it felt good.
It felt really, really good.
#anime#lucky star#lemon#female homosexuality#female friendship#protagonist female#relationships#misao kusakabe#first lesbian experience
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so I saw Frozen 2 for the fourth time
i have so many questions.
there’s a relatively negative (and very long) review beneath the cut so pls read at your own risk. and, of course, spoilers.
I’ve seen Frozen 2 four times now and yikes. I’d kinda hoped it would get better with each viewing, but it’s somehow worse??? I really loved the first movie; it literally changed my life in an incredibly drastic way (don’t ask) but it had been very important to me over the past six years, and...I’m so disappointed.
My initial reaction was disappointment, and I should’ve stuck with it. Like, wtf was that? But some parts were also really well done? It left me so conflicted lol
PROS
Vuelie was a good way to open the film; I quite liked the nostalgia :’)
The intro scene in general was good; I liked seeing more of their parents, although idk what their father was thinking telling them such a tale before bed lmao seems like some shit my mother would do
All is Found is my favourite non-depressing song in the movie, and it opens it beautifully. ERW has a wonderful voice.
The animation really is beautiful; it looks so realistic. Specifically the clouds and the one scene of the waves crashing over the pine trees. It looked amazing!
The music is good but not great. FTFTIF is my favourite; it’s so catchy and cheery. I really liked TNRT, and SY is perfect, but these songs just weren’t as catchy as the ones in Frozen?? I’m thankful for AURORA tho, that was a lovely gift.
Bruni was absolutely adorable (even tho he was an obvious cash-grab for merch lol), 10/10 love Bruni. Bruni + Elsa = even better.
Anna looked absolutely breathtaking throughout the entire movie; the redesign they did animation-wise really works in her favour, and now she’s rocking those Emilia Clarke eyebrows which is a hell yes from me. Her final look gave me all the feels; I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the dress and hairstyle?? it seemed a bit too not Anna, but at the same time, it showed her growth and maturity and I’m very happy with that.
As dark as it was, the shipwreck scene was beautiful. It was handled beautifully; their reactions were devastating. There is a huge con here, but I’ll save that for later.
The ocean battle was really neat. The water looked so good, and Elsa looks good wet???
The whole scene in Ahtohallan was well done; I liked the memories. I wish Anna had been there; she deserved to see her history, too, and it wasn’t fair that Elsa got that spotlight once again.
Everything after Elsa freezing was absolutely breathtaking as well. Anna’s reactions, the song, the scenery-- it was tragically beautiful.
Kristoff had the two best lines in the ENTIRE movie: “I’m here. What do you need?” and “It’s okay. My love is not fragile.” It’s so rare to see a good, supportive relationship in tv/movies, be it heterosexual or homosexual, it doesn’t happen. It’s so rare. So this was a beautiful break from that; the faith he had in her was amazing. Thank u. the real mvp.
The scene with Anna as she accepts the fate of her future; as she takes in a breath and realises/accepts that her home is gone, and her blood family is gone. Everything about it was perfect. You could feel her emptiness. Poor baby needed a hug :(
I liked that Kristoff also hugged Elsa when she returned; it showed that they were friends, which is really important for Anna tbh
I think that’s it for pros??? Now for the cons.
CONS:
Gonna start this off simple: the plot was weak. This is unfortunately not an unpopular opinion; it made no sense. It was too convoluted to the point where nothing was explained.
The pacing was off, and it was ridiculously anti-climactic. The layout in general seemed a bit weird tbh I could definitely sit here and justify all of it, but I shouldn’t have to.
They gave us no reason to gaf about this voice that Elsa was hearing. How long had she been hearing it for? Why was she so drawn to it? Why didn’t she think she was just hearing things? Or maybe she did at one point and then realised she wasn’t crazy?
There was almost no character development. Elsa was the same as she was in Frozen, but this time, it was just annoying. She never learned or grew. Anna was demoted to a clingy side-character even though she’s the protagonist; I have no words for how frustrating this was to watch. I miss the Kristanna bickering. I liked their dynamic overall; I understand their insecurities and lack of ability to communicate because of it, and I liked how non-toxic they were. Overall, they did love and trust each other; they believed in and supported each other, even though they had a falling out (again and again) and were separated for most of the film (again, wtf?) EA had no development together, and honestly, they were annoying asf as a duo. There was no communication and no understanding. I will say that Anna’s fear and frustration throughout the entire movie was absolutely 100% understandable and sensible; she’d already lost too much before, and wasn’t prepared to lose anything else. I just wish she’d been portrayed a bit differently??? And it would’ve been nice if Elsa had stopped for, like, two minutes to be like, “hey, are you okay, you seem clingy and worried” but instead she just kept running and didn’t gaf.
It was over dramatic for the sake of plot, when it didn’t have to be. Elsa didn’t have to continuously try and push Anna away “for her protection.” They absolutely could’ve done the vast majority of things together. Fuck, they could’ve gone to the dark sea together. Anna could’ve stayed on the beach while Elsa tackled the Nokk. Then when Anna saw that Elsa was perfectly capable of protecting herself, they could’ve parted ways then and done whatever it was they needed to do. Or, Elsa could’ve taken Anna to Ahtohallan?? They may have discovered there that Anna couldn’t enter, but then they’d be given the opportunity to communicate, and Anna would’ve at least been included, since this was her history, too.
If this is a movie about two sisters, why the ever loving fuck is it all about Elsa and her origins? What about Anna’s origins? They were her parents, too. Sure, we ask “why does Elsa have magic,” but why doesn’t Anna have magic? Why was Elsa the “gift”? Why is Anna’s superpower “love”?? And why is that “superpower” only valid when it’s in regards to Elsa? Why is Anna so strong, physically? Emotionally? Personally? Is it just her? Why isn’t she an element, too? What’s with this bridge bullshit? Why the fuckkkk is Elsa the “fifth spirit” when she’s ice and ice is literally just water? I have so many questions.
How the heck was Iduna Northuldra? Did she become “whiter” because she remained inside a castle for twenty years? Or was she always “white passing”? Or was she adopted into the forest? Who are her parents? Did anybody miss her when she ran off to the kingdom? Her scarf was from “one of [their] oldest families” and yet nobody seemed to know who she was? And what do you mean “oldest families”? Are there no remaining members of that family? Nobody who was missing her? Nobody who would’ve recognised her daughters who are literally carbon-copies of her????
The shipwreck scene and the following scene pissed me off soooo much in the theatre lol First, it really was beautiful how they did it, but the interactions felt out of character. Elsa brought up the memories of their parents’ demise without consoling Anna at all. Not only did she just do it without at least a warning, she then proceeded to leave her behind in her own fit. Which, okay, yes, to an extent that makes sense; she was over-ridden by guilt. But those were Anna’s parents too. Elsa was all she had, and Elsa left her behind. I just- AND THEN in this moment of severe grief and horror, as these terrible things were revealed, Anna was pushed away again to be left on her own to deal with things alone. She’d JUST sacrificed her own feelings for Elsa, and Elsa’s response was to shove her away. WHY. I just??? hello??? Like, Elsa does care about Anna, right? That’s canon? So why tf would they write her like this?? jfc
Every single new character was wasted potential. Mattias above all else was very interesting, and should’ve had at least ten minutes more screentime??? I liked the scene of him and Anna discussing whatever, but there should’ve been more. They both cared more about Arendelle than anyone; they were both sworn to protect. There could’ve been more of an on-screen relationship there. (and don’t fucking come at me with your gross-ass ships please, tyvm). Honeymaren and Ryder were there for ??? merchandise? A reason for Elsa to stay behind? Queer-baiting??? I don’t get it. They did,,, nothing. Yelena? Did nothing. Why do these name-characters do nothing?? What’s the point???
This was advertised as a “big adventure” but had hardly any adventure. Frohana was apart for most of the damn movie, the action scenes had little consequences, the “climax” was ??? what, Elsa freezing? Who cares?? It’s obvious she’s going to come back. The wave heading for Arendelle??? Yeah, that would’ve been a good climax if it actually did any damage. But no, I guess Elsa can teleport now? aight. and now she gets to play hero again even though she didn’t do shit
The plot(?) was very predictable, and didnt really have a twist. Old white guy kills innocent POC. Okay. That’s real life, yeah? It’s shit; it happens, but why was this whole movie based around that? Was it a political statement? We don’t really need more political movies these days??? People are aware, and things are shit as is; idk it just felt forced. But this is a v controversial subject so imma shut up lol
THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES. Unless you’re Anna. Then you suffer severely cuz,,, fuck her, right? The entire cave thing (as beautiful and needed as it was) could’ve been prevented entirely if Elsa had just fucking communicated. But instead, Anna had to suffer again in such a severe way. Her feelings DID have consequences; they effected her severely and even influenced wreckless behaviour. But then?? it’s all over. And suddenly, it doesn’t matter. Suddenly, who cares? Elsa returns and is (for some unforeseen reason) magically forgiven. This ISN’T HOW SISTERS ARE. If my sister pulled half the shit Elsa did, the first thing she’d be greeted with is a slap across the face and a very loud “fuck you.” THEN she’d get a hug and some tears. You don’t fuck with people’s emotions like that. And the fact that there were no serious consequences is infuriating.
Anna becomes Queen without context. Did she want to be queen? Did she suggest it? Did Elsa decided “eh fuck it i’m bored, your turn” and just dump it on her? Anna is a free-spirit. Yes, she was absolutely devoted to her kingdom; her people always came first; she was an incredibly loving and selfless princess, but was she truly prepared to give up that freedom to be Queen? I think she fits the role beautifully; she was absolutely born to rule. But is she happy? Or is she yet again cleaning up Elsa’s mess, since that seems to be all she does?
Why did Elsa stay in the forest? Is it because she felt like she belonged with the spirits? With the people? Away from civilisation? All of the above? None of the above? And how did that conversation go with Anna? How did she explain; “hey, I know I died and fucked you up and promised that we’d always stay together, but I’ve decided I’m gonna leave you behind again and stay here with these people I barely know.” Did Anna object, or did she see the positives of being away from someone so toxic???? It makes no senseeeee, they were so good together in the first movie; it all feels so out of character. Both of them feel out of character.
There were few (very few) moments in which they really were like themselves:
The charades scene.
“You think I’m c R A Z Y?”
Head tilts with Bruni.
Anna laughing at Elsa’s braid-stache.
Elsa making toys for children.
The pleasant Kristanna scenes at the beginning.
Anna’s anger scenes.
Even Elsa’s personal drama???
but that’s it? I’ve seen it four times in theatre, and a few times online (though mostly in pieces) so I don’t think I missed anything. Perhaps I’m blinded by the frustration that this film caused. Overall:
The plot was weak.
The animation was beautiful.
Kristanna wasn’t the Kristanna we truly know?
Elsa was dramatic and annoying because she had no development.
Anna was demoted to a clingy side-character and was given a half-assed purpose.
The music was meh.
There was too much and yet somehow not enough.
It was a mess.
Six years. SIX. I-
ugh.
final note: PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS IF I MISSED SOMETHING. I think it’s also important to note that if you went to the theatre for 2 hours of entertainment, that’s great, but not the same as those of us that have dedicated six years of our lives to these characters? So please don’t come @ me if you were just a movie-goer. I also wanna say that there were a lot of parts of this movie that I loved and will hold onto, but overall, the movie as a whole was meh. I LOVED Anna & Elsa in Frozen; they had good development and had reasons for being how they were. They had a good dynamtic and worked well together. I hated their relationship in F2; it was toxic and forced in many ways; they didn’t interact nearly enough, and when they did, they were bitching for the sake of plot, which was very frustrating.
This isn’t a hate post so please don’t come at me lol my opinion is entirely irrelevent in the grand scheme of things, but hey, we’re here to chat and share, right?
sigh.
#frozen 2 spoilers#review#anna and elsa#queen anna#elsa#anna#frozen#frozen 2#frozen 2 review#this is so much longer than i had intended holy shit#i don't necessarily HATE it#but idk if i like it??#and they didn't live up to expectations#and too many things felt forced and unecessary#i'm glad my ship sailed but at the same time it was all over the place?#hm#sad#kristanna#deserves#better#:(
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77: Why am I so hungry?
That subtitle was totally unrelated to this post. I just am. Okay, this is actually the next day, now. It turns out I wasn’t able to complete this post yesterday for some reason or another. Let’s get this show on the road, now. ...
I continue to appreciate the echoing effects of certain phraseologies, reactions, and conversations throughout Paradox Space, even when the same people are not the ones uttering them.
That’s soooo cuuuute!~ (The knitting, not Jane’s behavior. Though I could be sarcastically insulting her by saying as such, that is not what is going on right now.)
This is really all quite beautiful. Though it is a little sad that Kanaya laughs at Karkat’s eligibility, I suppose it is reasonable that she of all people would recognize the difficulty of his fit into the role.
Ohhh gasp! A new character! And one who seems to be born for the role that they’re playing! Very, very interesting~ More importantly: I am glad to see that Hussie is sticking to the idea that the gods influence their universe in some abstract ways following its creation. Though this could also be as a result of her actually being in the world (after all, vectors of influence in a media-savvy, highly developed world can be quite potent, indeed!), I like to think that that is not necessarily the case, at least.
Honestly, that actually sounds quite beautiful. It’s something of a shame that she wants to swiff that way~
Yeah, I can certainly see why watching a bloated monster excrete eggs and bloody rainbow slime might turn one off from the idea. Reminds me of the scene from Alien 4. The one with the Alien Queen that had been altered with Ripley’s DNA. You know what I’m talking about. Bloody disturbing is what that is. Not that I can’t understand why it might be beautiful to trolls. However, the thought of being a mostly sessile organism whose sole purpose is the release of eggs is something I’m sure most human women would not be too fond of, naturally. Not that I’m meaning to kink shame any who happen to find that kind of thing arousing. It’s just, well, realistically... a bit problematic for my tastes.
To be fair, Dave’s always had a desire to be an influencer. That said: his theoretical actions were also aimed as a necessary retaliation to Jane’s own departure from the proper equilibrium. I do not blame Dave for that decision, and honestly think that it’s actually the responsible thing to do. The only thing that might allow evil to prosper in the world when there are people with the capacity to stop it is for those people to let the matter fester and rot everything around it. Those who have the capacity to stop its rise have a responsibility to do so-- or at least to try. To fail to have done so, and simply to have allowed Jane to run unopposed would be nearly as unethical as actively supporting her, knowing that her intention was to perpetrate a campaign of reproductive control and gradual genocide-- or at least that she was likely to do so, given all of the evidence that they had available. As such, I can place no blame on Dave in regard to this.
This is because Dirk is subtle, and thus insidious, as much of the world’s worst evil happens to be. To bring him up is not something so obvious as to question the somewhat flagrant behavior of the one he would pull the strings of.
I think that it is probably good for her to be taking things slow and focusing on the “now” while she recovers, but I do hope she doesn’t reject that greater calling for too long. Worrying about things in general can be a very healthy thing. Particularly for a seer. Her responsibility as a god did not cease when the universe was created.
Rose is right to question that. Just because things have calmed down for a moment doesn’t mean a long-term threat like ambition is going to totally fade. Mind you, it may very well do so, considering Jane’s present desire to break away from things, but they do not know that to be in play. Besides, as I was saying, being gods, they have a very long-term horizon to consider. Honestly, Dave and Jane wanting to be concerned at least to some extent with the flow of the economy might not really be so bad, if neither of them was intent on essentially bending the wills of others to their own desires in order to see the path they had in mind be blazed by their civilization. Unfortunately, the level of interference a god ought to have in a society (especially one so peacefully-developed as this one is) is a matter that is sticky and somewhat difficult to properly establish as a hard-and-fast rule. Even so, 0 interference is something they couldn’t do even if they actively tried.
For one, they aren’t old. I do certainly know the feeling of a young person thinking that they are old right as they cross into adulthood, though, so I won’t begrudge them that. More importantly: Pffft. You think that marriage takes away the need/impulse to be cool? What a silly one you are. It just means the development of more in-jokes and maybe the redirection of where the coolness might have to go. ;3 (I am a very silly person too, yes.) ... What the heck does “Bank’s closed” mean?
Cartoonishness aside, this is all a rather nice scene. I appreciate the little touches like the fact that Rose is hesitant to dip her legs in the muck that Kanaya has already become comfortable with. It’s very interesting to hear that the grubs chew through their own eggs, by the way! Also that the legs are off-beat, which I suppose might mean that the grubs have to get used to walking? Very, very curious stuff!
You mean like grub paste? Man, mulched flesh... that is a weird image. I guess it means like hamburger?
***can’t help but release intermittent giggles because of the incredible dramatic irony factors, here*** On a more serious note, though, it is really interesting to see that trolls having actual ancestors is a relatively rare thing, despite the emphasis that Highbloods put on the idea of everyone having one.
And also the hearts of all who read this in the foreseeable future, I’m sure. Man... the idea of Vriska actually having a chance at a life with responsible and non-abusive parental figures is such a dream come true! And honestly... this particular scenario is a very interesting one, in particular. Not one I would have ever considered possible! Not sure it technically counts, but ‘t’is very interesting+captivating, nonetheless!
Yeeessss!~ Perfection! <3 Though honestly I am still not convinced that Vriska will not be eventually saved via Retcanon-involved dramatic dives and flourishes, but I do in fact believe that she is dead as can be right now, considering Rose’s vision. Despite the fact that the Void of the Green Sun Black Hole should block most Light from penetrating its mysteries and escaping, I think that Rose’s powers would be the ones to be capable of it, if anything in reality can do so.
And I’m sure that shall include when the little child gets up to just the right kind of mischief and messes with their various irons in the fire. X3
#Homestuck Spoilers#Homestuck Epilogue#Homestuck Liveblog#Candy Epilogue#Vriska Serket#Kanaya Maryam#Rose Lalonde#Marriage#Happiness
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Jenny’s Belated Live Blogging - 11th April 2019
- I love Maxine episodes so much. No one is surprised by that at this point but they always work so well and have such nice flow and fit in a lot of the things that I like. When does she get to write every episode?!
- even from the start just getting Eric and David standing outside the B&B while all the ornathologists were running around. That was fun and felt like the old days with random ridiculous things going on in the village. And I loved Bob and Dan running around in their camo trying to take a picture of the bird and getting the wrong one and all the other villagers just being amused. That’s a plot that we would not have gotten this time last year and I’m really happy that kind of stuff is making a comeback because it’s just good lighthearted fun and it’s something that works great with those characters too.
- the Kim/vets stuff was great too. I am so thrilled to see a return to the work related stories. I feel like part of the reason there were so many dumb cheating plots and so many heavy stories in the past couple years, is because a lot of the work drama just got cut out and they had to fill time in other ways. But aside from just the general, I just really like this vets story now that Kim is involved and that’s not something I thought would happen. But her and Rhona together is so good. It brings her down to earth even if she is still scheming. And there’s minimal Graham, which is excellent. I also love that they’re going to continue to build on this relationship by having her get Rhona to help with Jamie, which is a great idea. I’m so happy they’ve managed to turn Kim around now that the Joe Plot is...over?!?
- And Paddy and Vanessa who we can sometimes get annoyed with when they’re in their respective relationships, work so well together in this type of story. I’m so happy Vanessa was finally allowed to go back to work so we could have this content again. That suspension was the worst decision ever. I even loved them both not wanting to tell Chas and Charity about the deal. This kind of content is what will make those relationships work better too because they have each other to bounce this kind of stuff off of. A couple months ago, Paddy and Vanessa sharing a scene was so weird because it had been so long and now it finally feels like it’s supposed to and I’m so glad.
- the Vic/Ellis, Tracy/Billy stuff was also a lot of fun today. I love that Tracy and Billy figured out what Vic was up to straight away and then locked them in but also spent the whole day together anyway so maybe they’ll work on things between them too. Things were thawing anyway. She got a drink with him. And Vic and Ellis singing Cher and drinking champagne together was perfect. They got together so weirdly and we didn’t even realize they’d become anything more so I’m sort of glad they broke up and now we get to see a little of them getting back on the same page. Those early stages are really important for me to enjoy a couple so I’m glad we’re getting that. I just fear for the Big Night Out stuff but for now it’s all lovely and sweet.
- I thought the Liv/Jacob/Maya stuff tonight was great. I’m soooo glad that Jacob said no and broke up with her just so she didn’t have to have sex with him and do something she didn’t want to do even if I was still heartbroken for her.
- I’m so happy Gabby was back with her this week too. I love their friendship and it was so nice seeing her be so supportive with Liv. That hug she gave her was so important too. I adore them when they’re getting along.
- with regards to the ace stuff. I do think it’s kind of time for her to use the word. They really did miss their opportunity when she said she was doing internet research. It’s a bit frustrating because, we all get it and it’s very clear that they did their research because she is saying all the right things. Like the part about ‘sometimes people like me just do it anyway for their partners’ or some variation of that. I just wish they’d stop having her talk around it even if everything she says does ring very true. I still hope she gets to say the word one day.
- that said, my heart broke when she said that she didn’t know how someone was ever going to want someone like her because I feel that so much. And again, I loved that Gabby was there to give her a hug. She needed that and the encouraging words and I’m glad she got them.
- I was also very happy to get to see both Robert and Aaron be there for her tonight. Thank you Maxine. I liked that, you know, we got typical Aaron wanting to kill Jacob and Liv having to talk him down. I loved Robert putting a hand on his shoulder to keep him in his chair. I of course adored the entire conversation with Robert on the bench. Definitely long overdue. I also can imagine them finding the condoms and deciding Robert may be the best one to go have that chat just because Aaron a) doesn’t always do well with that and b) he might get too worked up. In any case, I love Robert and Liv’s relationship and I’m so glad that Maxine loves it too so we get this kind of content. He was so sweet with her and understanding and calm but also so encouraging, telling her she’s brilliant as she is. Plus, I love the added bits of humor in there with the ‘boys are rubbish’ line and the ‘you’re telling me not to get revenge?’ line. Perfection.
- and I liked that that wasn’t it either. I loved that we got Aaron checking in with Robert after the chat and Robert telling him not to worry. I loved that Liv came downstairs and reiterated that nothing happened and that she was okay. They were such good family scenes, the kind we rarely get and the three of them do work well together when given the chance.
- and of course, the surrogacy stuff. There were definitely a few things that could have used more on screen discussion but I was relatively satisfied by what Maxine did manage to get in there within allotted screen time.
- I was happy Aaron questioned Robert’s sudden decision to give him a chance to explain. They were always going to have to do it in the UK for logistics purposes anyway, so I don’t mind his change of heart. I also liked that when he said he didn’t want to make Aaron wait, that Aaron challenged him on that too so he could explain. I don’t know that every writer would do that. I mean, I still wish they would address Aaron’s Seb related issues/motivation. It will forever drive me crazy if they never go back to it and I don’t think they will now but I guess I’ll have to get over it. I at least like that they addressed some of the Robert concerns.
- I also just liked seeing them so excited to be on the same page again and to feel positive after the meeting. Plus, Aaron’s cute little clothing crisis before hand was amazing and I loved Robert telling him he looked great. Also I liked that they managed to get both of their color codes in today. Red and blue earlier and then they changed into their blue and black. Well done.
- even though they’re talking about money still, I like that they’ve moved forward a bit in the process now. We’re no longer stuck completely at square one and that is very needed. Even if this surrogate doesn’t work out, at least they’re at a new stage now.
- I also loved having Liv involved and interested in what was going on and especially that she did it in that sarcastic way. They really felt like a family tonight and it made me very happy.
- with regards to the ‘swimmers’, haha, I do wish they’d had that conversation on screen but I’m glad that they at least said that they’d had a conversation and didn’t just announce that they were going to use Aaron sperm or something. And I know there’s a portion of the fandom that has a massive problem with all of this but like...I don’t think that the characters at least did it in a particularly offensive sort of way. Especially since Maxine consciously had Aaron correct himself and say ‘well it’ll be both of ours obviously’. Plus, I always love Aaron not being able to talk about that sort of thing and his ever popular awkward hand gestures. I love that that’s just his consistent thing. Haha
- and of course the sofa cuddling and giggling at the movie. I’ve waiting ages for them to lay on the sofa like that and I’m so glad it finally happened. Plus the dialogue, talking about their future kid. Again, I loved the family banter with Liv saying Seb was going to be an evil genius and Robert correcting her and saying ‘handsome genius’ was perfect. And of course the comment about Aaron’s eyes. We all use Robert loving Aaron’s eyes so much in fan fic so it was great to get that little moment. And Aaron craning his neck to look up at Robert was lovely. Good content. I am pleased.
- as for the blackmailing. It makes a lot of sense that it was Liv that caught them and that it’s her that’s blackmailing Maya. With anyone else, I feel like it wouldn’t make sense that they would tell but since Liv has been involved this whole time, Maya is able to use that and her alcohol problems to manipulate David to preemptively discredit her and then threaten her with. But I also really liked that Liv brought up Gordon. Yay relevant character history! It’s good that she can take that knowledge and apply it to this situation and see through Maya. But it’s also such a messy situation since Liv was with Jacob and there’s so many hurt feelings on top of everything else. It makes a tough situation even tougher so it all does still feel relatively believable. At least within the context of a soap. And as much as I wouldn’t want robron using pedophile blackmail money to fund their surrogacy, I sort of like that Liv even went there because well...she’s learned from the best living with her brothers. Haha. But yeah...it’s all a mess and I can’t wait for it all to come out so all these kids can start getting help.
- all in all, these were great episodes and again I shall profess my love for Maxine Alderton. She is perfect.
- I hope these thoughts met your expectations @memorieswarm haha
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