#but yeah thank you trans guys
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thank you trans men
#genuinely most of the strongest and funniest guys I know are trans men#seeing masculinity embraced in a non toxic way is so incredibly refreshing and wonderful to see#especially seeing how the patriarchy pressures men to fit into very specific molds and how yall completely shatter them#like yeah keep pushing against the patriarchy kings go off#I know multiple cis guys who have been able to explore masculinity in a variety of different ways#all bc trans men showed them that they could while still being a man#but yeah thank you trans guys#I love you all <3
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so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.
full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.
oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.
i'm starting off with the things i liked
the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.
combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less
the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.
your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.
the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.
speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.
bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.
varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.
the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).
rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.
and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately
the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.
tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???
there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.
i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.
that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.
for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol
in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.
the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.
this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.
when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.
morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.
dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.
on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.
really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.
for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.
rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.
speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.
the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything
#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#oh wow i hit a limit typing this#anyway to tie this up a bit: the good and bad to the environmental design being that well-known architecture like minrathous and dwarven#ruins look fire and remind me a lot of the previous games#but newly added locations are very... generic... very bland#i was very excited for rivain. i thought we'd get to see ships. not a bunch of ruins and a fighting pit and that's it#and why did i say to ignore a certain guy's review? bro because he was complaining about taash being ace and that taking up their screentim#and them being too up in your face about their identity. he did all this while she/her'ing them constantly#but my man they're trans. nb. not ace.#y'all need to be careful about bad reviews. they're coming from people who are upset about gender identity being handled as a topic in this#game. meanwhile they have no clue what they're even talking about. i don't think matty knows the difference between ace and trans#and neither do the hundreds of people who are one star rating this game currently#i liked this game. it's not top tier. it's not something i'll sink hours and hours and hours of my life into#it has tonal issues and it's moving away from what made dragon age stand out for me#but i do think that it's a genuinely fun play and people who are very invested in dragon age will squeeze joy out of it wherever they can#i had a hard time warming up to the new characters (taash and lucanis being the exception because they have an older bioware air about them#but solas's and varric's story (and don't get me wrong that's what veilguard is about) is GOOD. that is how bioware used to be.#and i wish they'd given us that energy all over the game. that direness. that grit. serious and mature writing.#that consistency is lacking#and whether you're gonna enjoy this game or not is entirely dependant on what you came here for and how well the game delivers on it#i think their weakest points are ironically the thing they advertised the most: the new companions and their writing#you won't find nuanced and good enemies here (i already reblogged something about this. you can go scroll around a bit and catch up on that#really the only thing that had me super invested and emotional was the main quest.#so make of that what you will. ultimately i was more frustrated with the game than i got enjoyment out of it. i was close to just put it#aside for now... until i went to minrathous to end ghila'nain's and elgar'nan's ritual. that all blew me away. still on a high off of it.#anyway yeah that review got cut short by the character limit maybe i'll add more to it tomorrow but rn... i am heading to bed#thanks for coming to my ted talk. also i'm sorry. zevran REALLY isn't in this.#dragon age
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#all that tdmm hate that still lingers is some of whitest shit i've ever witnessed td.dks really went all out with the yt gay/yt feminism jfc#like shouto and momo are so obviously japanese in every way(i also hc shouto as part bangladeshi and momo as a blasian dominican-mexican)#i deffo agree they're both queer-coded shouto is transmasc genderfluid and momo is transfem softgirlgender but as poc not white at all#like idc about gay shouto and lesbian momo you can hc what you want but what you guys call 'concrete proof' is just japanese/asian culture#as a homecountry raised poc they're both more trans and autistic-coded than any orientation and their dynamic is so such a poc4poc fantasy#t4t autistic4autistic poc4poc fantasy specifically!!!their characters and story are NOT white western at all and the perfect teen m/f ship#but bnha is so popular with we.ebs who know jackshit about easterners and poc in general tbh they hate todomomo for not being yt bread gays#and think it's a morality thing when it's the most harmless fucking ship AND they ship DABI with a blonde cop.HIS GOTH/CPUNK ASS????????????#PLEASE my afrolatina ass has never been able to take them seriously especially because dadbi/s'mores siblings makes way more sense#but yeah i've talked enough.if you hate todomomo you're probs mad that they're a genuinely unconventional m/f ship instead of palpability#todomomo#t4t todomomo#todomomo protection squad#todoroki shouto#momo yaoyorozu#half bangladeshi rei agenda#blasian latina momo#trans todoroki#trans momo yaoyorozu#goth punk todoroki shouto#pastel punk momo yaoyorozu#partially blind todoroki#chubby momo yaoyorozu#bnha geekery#our hero academia#tea blend crew#team dual#momo is also adhd anxious and ocd along with being autistic thanks#summeredits#summerposting
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your ocs!!!!! please ramble about them!!!!
i love your art so much
(GRABS YOU) H. CAN DO BOSS.
So ! My ocs. I guess I'll do an overall explainer for the overall groups. If you check out my Toyhouse (LINK!) there's a bunch of folders up top that are how I categorise them. It's primarily by universe except for the folders that are just "misc."
So folder 1: Blatant favouritism:
These are silly little guys that don't fit in any specific wider universe, but I really really like. So I'll spotlight the two important ones before i get real in the weeds with my main universe.
In here are notably, my Fursona (self explanatory), Ali and Pittsburgh Cincinnati. There's also Hauntkit and Clearpelt who are warriorcats ocs that *is dragged away by airport security*
... So, Pittsburgh, lovingly sometimes called pissbug, is a weird little Thing who I made as like, an homage to characters like happy bunny and Sweetypuss. She (and her weird dog) exist to stand next to strange and offputting captions. I love her. No further context. She's just silly. and violent.
Now. Ali.
Ali Alighieri has thoroughly stolen the show, and also ties into the next folder along, Making Your MK.
With over a hundred extra images compared to second place (Sorry, Tabitha). Ali is my fucked up little scrunkly. My little baby guy. They're a shared character of mine and @samhainian's, and is from their Creature Feature setting (A modern fantasy setting wherein Cryptids and Magic are real but in our modern world.) They are as such, a modern human young adult... Who is also a demon + magic user.
Strange little pansexual altersex genderqueer poetry-nerd that they are... The modern setting also means they are literally just a tumblr user. A fellow countryman, so to speak.
HOWEVER.... Ali's true origin was in *Purrgatorio*, a scrapped visual novel of mine set in the MYMK universe! They were simply retrofitted into CF as the joke with Purrgatorio was that a regular human had mysteriously just shown up in MYMK's pure-furry setting.... And then when we scrapped the project we got all attatched to our little not-so-blank-slate protagonist. But I'll put a pin in Purrgatorio for later.
Making Your MK.
(Guest of honour: My super unfinished website <3)
Okay so here's the big one. The setting with.... (looks at spreadsheet) 109 characters not including so-called incidentals. At time of writing.
MYMK is home to... Multiple stories. As you would hope when a setting has 100+ characters. I'd wager each story has about 10-20 relevant characters tops but with a big shared universe like this there gets to be overlap between casts!!! Yay !!! 😊😊😊
MYMK is the name of the main story in the setting. Pronounced "Making your Mark", it is centered around Markus Felidae (The purple one) and their family. It's very action-adventure-y. It's also the plot I'm most secretive about the backend of since I WILL!!!!! Turn it into a nice prose story with pictures SOMEDAY!!!!! But for now tee hee hee secrets secrets. Markus' family is strange and ragtag and is keeping something from them... I can't ramble on too long here unless further prompted in asks about specifics but!!! Everyone in the MYMK folder has a fully furbished little profile with a blurb about them. So if you're curious....
But yeah, I tend to think of the MYMK setting more in terms of its Locations than its Casts, due to the overlapping nature of them all. The Malbranche may be the villains of the main plot, but they're also major players in relation to The Palsgrave who are the antagonists of Moraine, etc etc,
The country everything in MYMK is set in is called New Orphidian, Southern hemisphere little thing, here's a very cartoony map of it.
Um. Cliffside!
Since it's the best map I have... Here's an exclusive sneak peek of a Zine I'll be getting back to once the fandom brain cools down a bit.... :3c
(... I REALLY NEED TO DO A TOUR AROUND THE MINECRAFT CLIFFSIDE SAM AND I BUILT..... IT'S SO CUTE....)
Cliffside is situated on a big ol' Cliff.
A tiny hamlet of a place, it used to have reason to exist, and now does not. It's not even a good tourist locale, as the cliff is much too dangerous compared to the nicer tourist spot of Welkin just a little north. Not to mention nearby Moraine's allure as a tax haven with no labour laws place where a bunch of TV and Movies are filmed!
It's where most of MYMK's main cast reside (except the antagonists from the Big City Varmonte), and is as such a location I have a lot of tiny little worldbuilding thoughts about :)
I won't go into the other locations here just because then this post will SUPER get away from me but... I think most importantly for Cliffside right now...
Is that it's where Purrgatorio is set. Yes, that VN I said got scrapped. It's not dead. It is in fact serving it's original intended purpose as "A (mostly) noncanon exploration of character voice and setting"
It's back and its prose babeyyyyyyy!!! (A BUNCH OF THE EARLY STUFF IS ME BEING SUPER RUSTY ... BE WARNED)
Purrgatorio is currently the most publicly available coherent work I have out of my ocs! It's very low-stakes and serves mostly to bash my toys together and see what character dynamics come out, but you can look if you want to!
(There's also a whole THING on the meta of its Canonicity... It's not canon, but it's also not NOT canon. But if I talk about Metanarrative Timeline Collapse in my normal mundane non-magic setting im gonna sound bonkers ✌)
Ali's dynamics with the MYMK cast are so goddamn funny to me. Like I literally just handed my OCs some ET shit but ET is a sexually repressed tumblr user with a mood disorder.
But yeah I don't think I can coherently string together much more about MYMK without just actually explaining THE WHOLE PLOT.... Though I will absolutely elaborate on any given character's Whole Deal if i'm prompted. (OH MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN TALK ABOUT CHROME AND TABITHA. WAIT. OKAY THERE'S. OK NO IF I TALKED ABOUT THEM IT'D JUST END UP AN ESSAY ,SORRY..)
So here's some bonafide classic images for the road.
(IF TUMBLR BREAKS THE FORMATTING AND JUST PUTS THESE ONE AFTER THE OTHER INSTEAD OF IN A GRID IM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO)
... And as for the other folders on my toyhouse!
Misc and Fandom are what they sound like. Self explanatory,
Then, Ysden is @samhainian's fantasy setting. It's where our DnD games happen to be set but it's also a general fantasy setting :)
and Monster of the Week... Is currently being revamped! It used to be a modern world setting with hidden magic, now it's going to be more... Adventure Time-y. Fantasy world get iphone. Yknow. It has a lower Age Rating than MYMK's "anything goes", as it started as a Pitch Bible Project in my animation class. They're a little neglected but I still love them :) The revamp is extemely recent and not reflected in any of the art/writing yet but I'm workin on it. It still doesn't have a proper title..... OTL
So yeah!! Uh. This wasn't as comprehensive as I was hoping but it turns out I have way, WAY too many thoughts on my guys. And no idea what to do when im actually asked about them so !!!! This was not a very coherent ramble but it was a ramble !
There's things like essays on Chrome and Tabitha (Link) and also The Queer Gender Identities Of The Whole Cast (Link) hiding around on my toyhouse, and once again, Purrgatorio (Link) serves as my sandbox for playing with how these characters act in situations.
But..... ! I did try to make my toyhouse approachable for the average layman. Every character in the MYMK folder (Link) has a *blurb* of information, rather than a giant wall of text explaining everything about them. I want people to be able to understand their general vibe at a glance rather than be overwhelmed.
In any case ???? Uh. Fun game for everyone: If you know your homestuck classpect, every single MYMK character has a classpect and lunar sway. and a birthday. Try and find your andrew-hussie assigned kin! As a Prospitian Witch of Heart, I share my classpect and lunar sway with Chrome. No I don't know what this means. It worries me honestly he's kind of an asshole.
#oh my god this is so long and not coherent at all anon i love you thank you so much for asking but this is unintelligable from me LOL#long post#EVEN LONGER IF TUMBLR BREAKS THE FORMATTING WHICH IM SUPER SCARED IT WILL DO#but yeah. BURSTS INTO TEARS. I LOVE MY LITTLE GUYS THERES LIKE 10 YEARS UPCOMING OF DEV ON THEM ITS UNWEILDY#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING AUGH.... SORRY THIS IS MOSTLY JUST SAYING TO LOOK AT MY TOYHOUSE LOLLL#but if anyone catches your eye dear reader feel free to ask about them in specifics? even if they seem niche or under-drawn...#i will have had a lot of thoughts on them. no matter what.#also my toyhouse doesnt make it clear whos trans gender because i only list pronouns and not gender identity but . theres a bunch.#i have so many goddamn nonbinary characters who use binary pronouns too its . i realise i make it hard to tell LOL#anyway the classpect assigned kinnie thing is my fav thing to do. everyone should do this with their ocs#lucabytetalks#LUCABYTETALKS LIKE. A LOT. THIS TIME. THIS IS SO DISORGANISED GOOD LIRD.....
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You ever get lulled into a false sense of security during the first two thirds of a kid's movie that's good with a serious plot but mostly a pretty fun time, only to have the entire final third tear your heart out, chew it up and spit it out, crush it into even finer paste beneath its heel, and add the fine powder your ribs have been turned into by the sledgehammer it whammed you with as a seasoning?
Anyway Nimona was great, 10/10 would recommend, I was crying on and off for what probably totaled 20 minutes of tears.
#hopeful rambling#nimona#cw graphic#i think that's probably the right tag for that description#anyway yes im a little late to the train but i was waiting until i could watch it with my dearest#my takeaway is that they should put a content warning on it for trans people especially bc you will feel punched in the face#that allegory sure can trans.#i think i related to it in a different way than most people#bc being genderqueer yeah nimona going im not a girl im just myself hit home but im not *trans*#so i think i actually ended up projecting onto balistar as someone who deeply loves a trans person (different ways obviously)#being told 'yes you can rejoin the society you betrayed you aren't like *her* you arent a monster everything can go back to what it was#you can be one of the good guys if you reject the freaks'#but they betrayed you first and the good guys aren't good and how things were is worse actually than saying i love you i see you im with you#to the freaks and the monsters who will accept who you are unlike the society that never will always keeping you to an impossible standard#of never being yourself#so yeah the religious/societal prejudice trauma was very felt at some points#and i grieved for nimona not because she was me but because she was my dearest and she was a friend#and she was a thousand people i will never know who decided it was better to die as yourself than be killed as someone you aren't#and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you.#anyway. yeah im still crying. altered my brain chemistry is mild i think it rearranged my organs punched a hole in my chest and i thanked it#nimona spoilers
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??”#“why are you together??????????”#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body”#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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I want Luis Serras gender
#fun fact Luis made me realise oh yeah I am a Man im a trans guy I’m fully a Dude#up until then I identified as non binary mainly out of convinience????? like I thought it would be easier for others to swallow??????#nope past self you are a dude!!!!!!!!! and you should be proud of how far you’ve come!!#everyone say thank you Luis for fully transing my gender
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just realised a transphobe was following me, blocked now. 👍 but I mention this because their follow list was public and it was a complete 50/50 split between terf blogs and minecraft youtuber blogs which is the funniest combination I have seen in my life because how the fuck can you be transphobic in mcytblr what. everyone here is either trans or the biggest ally ever. it wasn’t a hatefollow thing either they were following a bunch of popular mcyt blogs, some CCs and xb themed blogs (like this one) which seems like a pretty normal selection. just losing my mind over the fucking transphobic xb fan out there. like what transphobe has a blorbo with pronouns in his yt bio and is a man that enjoys being called princess. a good chunk of the blogs they are following are openly trans too. how does this even happen. what
#idk maybe i should have kept them unblocked and just posted transfem hypno stuff and converted them to the good side#but then again im not even trans and it grosses me out to think about a bigot following me. horrible. and its not my duty to#fix other peoples problems#anyways thank you tumblr user hyp xb whose fanfic i was about to reblog and then saw you respond to this guy in notes#<- username spaced apart because i dont want to mess up my tag search#transphobia#cw transphobia#sorry for the heavier post this is just insane to me#this is the first time i have seen a hardcore bigot in the mcyt community. like people with subconscious biases yeah#but full on transphobic anti-surgery shit. no
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had the craziest nightmare today. hit every nightmare genre and added a new one just for me
#timothy's txts.#late getting off my break at work for my worst manager BUT at the worst place i worked#walked into my manager in a meeting with EVERY head person in our district and they all chided me for being late and told me to hurry and#then i couldn’t find my apron#and then the street turned into a riot with cars being targeted by rockets and pedestrians being. also hit by rockets ?#this lady and i were by each other and we were like well normally we wouldn’t steal these motorbikes (they were hot pink though and swag as#hell) and then we started trying to escape but my seat was too high so i couldn’t drive safely#eventually we made it to her house with a small group of my coworkers / friends#and then a coworker i really liked got targeted and killed bc of me and the killers were shouting my name and hunting me down#so i go inside this lady’s house and it’s huge and honestly really nice#and i’m like hey do you have a toolbox PLEASE i need an alan wrench to lower the seat so i can drive safely and get away#and she was like yeah second floor#i asked which room? give me a landmark of the room so i don’t search every one#and she said it’s directly on the landing you can’t miss it#i go upstairs (the people hunting me in a red minivan have pulled up to her house and are suspiciously pulling all around it and backing up#and looking in the windows and i don’t know if this lady would sell me out) and ITS A TOY HOUSE. ???!??? not a toolbox…#so i’m searching but the people come in so i’m running through rooms and being quiet and make my way down to the basement that connects to#the garage and look desperately for a fucking alan wrench and they’re getting closer and i go through a small closet and there’s a trap door#and i go in there where there’s another hidden door and i finally get to the garage#and i find a tool box and decide to write the lady a note thanking her and telling her why i left so quickly#but all the papers i find are filled with scary notes and i’m wondering why they make me so uneasy#until i realize they’re notes that were written to Me from. a guy who really fucked me up#and one of them says ‘trans hot’ and i literally go :( i don’t want to be trans hot…#<- specifically from him because of the issues.#and then i realize that he’s the one hunting me down to Get me (the red van was irl his family’s car lmao)#and i’m panicking in an increasing amount and i won’t be able to get to the motorbike and escape with my coworkers and friends#and then my sibling woke me up asking if i wanted a breakfast sandwich or pancakes. so. crazy dream to have at nine in the morning#ask to tag
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I like you! (not pretending)
I m gonna cri
#thank you#punk gets mail#I just feel soooo lame#like compared to other punk people like what do I have going for me fr#like I can see why nonpunk people would see me and be like oh cool look trans punk guy#but other trans punk people I feel so lame in comparison#like hi sorry to bother you with my lame presence#obviously that’s something I need to work on because having shitty self esteem isn’t hot so#but yeah
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few things feel weirder than being the one transgender person in a small classroom when the (well-meaning) cis man teacher realizes he forgot to ask everyone their pronouns
#being the only trans person in a room when a cis man goes around to every other cis person like 'oh! i forgot to ask pronouns!'#and then goes to each individual (cis) person to make sure#'guys- oh i forgot to ask pronouns! can you i call you guys? what are your pronouns?'#thank goodness i was exempt from that (<- not a student here)#cuz otherwise it would just feel like some well-meaning but very weird game of 'find the trans person in the room'#like yeah is this a good thing? i think? maybe it would or will be better when i transition the way i want to#or come out of whatever the hell#it is good that it's becoming more socially acceptable to ask people that and that more people are- for whatever reason- making the effort#to respect everyone's wishes for what to be called and being aware etc#that is cool i won't deny#it just feels extremely weird as i am often the only trans person so it's like ah! you 🫵🏼#bluebird.txt
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You should be allowed to kill im so serious
you're so right im gonna go put them down like dying dogs. instead of a peaceful overdose though im gonna hit them with my car
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#theyd be shaking and shivering in their timbers if they so much as glanced at my blog#<- guy who's really out and proud of being trans and literally showed off his top surgery scars This Morning#anyway YEAH THANK YOU YOURE SO RIGHT
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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it's funny that now that i don't really have much about my body to be dysphoric about my brain makes up psychological dysphoria and it's so dumb
#''oohh only people who are attracted to men but are slightly scared of what they deem real men (not you) will be attracted to you''#''or those people AND chasers AND ppl who just see you as a curiosity to test out''#like how do i even unpack the bs my brain is throwing at me#yeah maybe some part of me believes that but the logical part of me knows it's not true#i think what's causing this is that i'm still kinda new at being stealth while passing#like yeah ive been going as leevi for the entire duration of uni and living as a man but passing regularly started happening to me after#i started t#now i only get misgendered the same amount as cis men with shoulder length hair#so like. it's happened once after starting t lmao#i think what's causing this (the psychological warfare from my brain) is the combination of stress#and me actually becoming friends with a co worker i'm not out to#listen ive been trying to hint at being trans but he was born a guy and lives as a guy so hes not very tuned out on this stuff#though his partner is nb and ive met them and they think i'm cis too which i think is hilarious bc i feel like#i'm v easy to clock for trans ppl#though idk im fagging it up quite a bit so it makes me pass extra well so#anyways#im a bit conflicted about the situation#im not going to outright tell him i think but i'm not going to hide it if it comes up#which i know i dont have to do but i want to#we'll probably go swimming together this summer so if that doesnt make him realize it hes a lost case and i dont#need to worry about it lmaoo#also i bought shorts that arent sport shorts and they looked normal on me so im literally unstoppable#but yea thank u for listening to me i just needed to ramble#leevi talks
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someone random guy said to his friend the other day “wow that girl is so tall” about me and like
thanks??? But also.. no.
(I am six foot in the particular shoes I was wearing, in most shoes I think 😁)
#Like thanks for making me feel better about my height#It was a cis (I know he is cis) guy who said it and he’s a little shorter than me and he’s also a bit older than me#So like#yay?#but#not a girl so#Yeah lol#kinda funny ngl#he then said to his friend (a girl maybe they’re dating idk) “good thing you don’t like girls”#lol babes dw I don’t want to steal your girl#I’m an aroacespec trans guy who is way to introverted to hit on her even if I did like her lol#Anyway#i found it funny
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aughh this one guy was rly nice but he just said something Kinda weird so im like ermm .
#different from nuclear engineering sword guy but the topic of sex came up (istg i wasnt like Sooo ex it judt kind of came up organically)#and he was like yeah my ex was trans ftm but recently ive been experimenting with my sexuality since ive never done anything with a guy#before.. and i . cringe . the skull#aughh its kind of getting rly uncomfortable bc now hes like going into detail like. 'ill make you beg' and stuff and hes also exclusively#using voice chats and im like auugfhfufhfjgnf. idk im trying 2 just steer it away without being super obvious thats what im doing#like ik i shiuldnjust block and move on but he was rly nice before this so im like :(#andnalso slgiht ego boost he was like Oh incouldnt tell you were trans. thanks dude 👍👍#mdni
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