#but when i try to help her she blocks it... unless she wants to complain

[irritablepoe]

they are terrible for this you have a problem and told them and they make fun of you? that is mean as fuck people who are supposed to care about you should want you to not feel horrible but maybe the friends feel badly for you with that look? like sympathetic?

yeah, but i'm... well not okay with this exactly, but i'm glad that they're respecting these boundaries at least. i'm used to being made fun of though lol, i'll take that then ig

and yeah my friends definitely feel sympathetic towards me, though probably don't know how to react bc they don't quite understand? which again is fair, these thoughts are irrational after all (at least the feeling dirty and scratching/hitting part, though this has probably resulted bc of me not establishing boundaries much earlier where i started to feel uncomfortable with it, which is a valid thing to feel ofc but didn't realise at the time)

[cranberryjuice-posts]

I would like to request a oneshot of clarisse x fem reader where they are rivals, but during one of Dionísio's children's parties, a small "slip" occurs (kissing and making out sessions fr) and reader ends up waking up in the morning in clarisse's bed and reader doesn't remember anything.

If you don't want to do this that's fine!

- mistakes were made -

Pairings - Clarisse La Rue x Fem! Reader

An - i do Write every request fun-fact except for a select few but yeah it’s normally in order unless I get Like such a good one I have to write it right then and there BUT! It’s almost always in order of request 😻😻‼️ anyways request more I’m loving them all

An Pt 2 - im having writers block ☹️

Did you think you were going to be here.. no. But we’re you complaining. Also no..

You were sitting off the edge of a cliff with clarisse while capture the flag happened behind you. Her hands on your hip while yours were pinned by her waist helping you both lean on one another.

Just exchanging soft slow kisses neither saying a word. You pulled away only slightly hiding your face in her neck embarrassed. Since you first arrived at camp you both had this un-natural rivalry, from athletics to academics and beyond.

However after a month ago you both haven’t been able to keep your hands off one another. Finding every excuse or situation to be alone, though nobody knew about your secret makeouts, and no one would.

Some ares kids in the distant started shouting for clarisse bringing you both back to earth. With a heavy sigh she pulled away from you. Standing up she started to grab her spear and helmet.

Following her lead and grabbing your weapons you had started to zone out once again thinking about what you were doing. Jumping some clarisses arms snakes around your waist. “Your gonna be at the party tonight right?” She asked kissing your cheek softly.

“Yeah, im showing up with silena” you closed your eyes and leaned back slightly into her. Clarisse Just hummed in Response. “Great… I’ll see you then” she let you go but not without slapping your ass one good time. Before you could yell at her she was already running off to catch up with her siblings.

••

Standing around near a tree the party quickly got more and more chaotic. Chiron was long gone not really caring as to how or why he left, Mr. D the man who the party was for also had left most likely due to not liking being around all the campers.

With the littles away and in bed the Hermes cabin quickly broke into the dispensary and spiked the punch. One thing you knew was demigods and alcohol don’t mix well.

Your friends all gone and left with some guy or girl into the woods to do what only the gods could judge them for. Finally having enough of being alone you walked past the bonfire, grazing against clarisses shoulder as you did before heading towards the table.

Taking a seat towards the end of the table you swung your legs back and forth just trying to find something to enjoy.

“It’s improper to sit on a table” clarisse spoke making you jump as you hadn’t seen her follow you. Sarcastically sighing you pushed her back by hitting her arm.

“Shut up I’m resting my legs” you chuckled, the effects of the alcohol causing you to be more favorable towards her. After a moment you brought your head up watching as clarisse just leaned on the table beside you watching the kids around. “What are You doing?”

“People watching” she nonchalantly shrugged. “Him, Chris how much you want to bet he has a crush on the new Athena kid” clarisse moved closer to you trying hard to be sly though you saw right through her act, but you played along and leaned into her as well.

“Maybe” You Hummed. “What about Luke who do you think he likes” looking up you admired her gentle eyes, even if clarisse wanted to deny it when her face was calm she looked ethereally beautiful.

“Nobody im telling you that man would rather die than let anyone hit” she rolled her eyes with a smile, turning her head to look down at you she didn’t bother hiding her sarcastic grin.

“Well I guess I’m glad your not like him” everything in the background went semi silent as the small gap between you both closed.

Your lips softly touched one another’s. The first kiss was slow and gentle, your lips barley grazing over one another. Though it only lasted a moment before clarisse placed her hand on the side of your face deepening the kiss. The faint taste of alcohol on her lips, contrasting her subtle cologne. Pulling apart from her you quickly noticed campers looking over whispering and running off most likely to tell their friends, clarisse noticed aswell.

“Fuck.. let’s just get out of here” she muttered helping you off the table and walking towards the cabin. Your hands laced together as she dragged you through the woods, the occasional her yelling at one of her siblings that seemed to be going in the same direction.

Once in the cabin everything happened in small blurs that you could only semi remember. You sitting onto Clarisses bed, her Kissing you, You on her lap, your shirt on the ground and lastly where you currently were heavily making out with the daughter of ares while she grabbed at every inch of skin that she could.

Tangling your fingers into her curls you tilted your head, pressing your body closer if you could. Her tongue finding its self into your mouth while she helped shift you on her lap by your thighs.

Breaking away for a breath of air you kept your face close to hers. “Wanna like, hangout or something” she breathlessly panted.

“Sure” You mumbled quickly kissing her again.

••

Sitting up you rubbed your forehead, the after affects from the alcohol last night hitting you like a hurricane. Running a hand through your hair it took only a moment for you to realize that you in-fact were not in your bed.

Actually you weren’t even in your cabin. Looking around frantically you soon realized you were in the ares cabin, bringing your eyes down you saw clarisse peacefully sleeping with an arm on your waist.

With a slight frown you laid back letting out a deep sigh. Turning your head to the side you just watched as the normally angry girl was calm for once.

Not remembering exactly what happened last night bothered you some. But cuddling with clarisse was a worth it bargain.

[ghostykapi]

but you can’t touch me (if you love me)

misamo & fem!reader // filth so minors dni

“you know better than to move sweet girl, now stay still”

when you agree to your girlfriends to a bet, you knew better than to push it to the limits. you knew that your girlfriends are the competitive kind, the one that can leave you wondering what dormant devil lies underneath them

you still however lost the bet, and that’s why when one of them enters the room, you wonder if this is where they will start getting their reward.

“good morning my princess!” sana smiles, her energy always unmatched in the morning “i brought you some coffee down the block to start this friday morning”

“thank you sweetheart” you don’t argue when she sits on your lap, and starts kissing you, giggling in between the kisses “don’t you have to go to a photo shoot soon?”

“i do” sana’s hands grab the back of your neck to connect her into a more messy kiss “but my turn is still later this afternoon. i want to have fun with you first”

you work from home, staying cozy in your own makeshift office room, giving her a surge of confidence of what she wants to do. she moves her hands to unbutton your blouse before running them on your chest and tummy, lightly scratching her way down and going back up to do it again and again.

“so cute” sana is a meanie when it comes to teasing you, always managing to turn any of you into a stuttering mess “so fucking cute. gosh i love messing you up”

“sweetie” you’re head is spinning, but it’s still work hours and you’re pretty sure she might be late to work “sweetheart i have a meeting in 10”

“fine i’ll let you go” sana gives you another kiss and fixes your blouse, her hands tracing your fading marks on your neck and collarbone “but i expect good pictures later”

even if sana left to go to work, her teasing comes in form of texts that render your brain into mush in between those zoom meetings.

i miss you princess

i miss making you messy n all worked up for me :((

sweetheart you would be good girl and wait for us right?

you can only sigh and continue to work, as you weren’t allowed to touch yourself or do anything that will help you unless one of them is there

it was after your lunch break that you finally got what you needed

momo is one of the more, generous ones when it comes to bed. just let her hands roam everywhere on your body as she fucks you then it’s all good

“hi baby” you kiss her when she’s behind you, letting you tend to your work on your computer screen “how was work”

“missed you” she pouts, tugging you to your shared bedroom and unto the bed “do you have do some work?”

before you can even reply, she’s already kissing you, pinning you down and effectively trapping you there

“baby i still have to finish something” you try to complain but it falls on deaf ears as momo turns the kisses into a messy make out session

“don’t care” she mumbles while kissing you, her hands already disregarding both of your clothes “got to have you now”

you let her have you, in all ways that makes her happy and makes you feel good. her mouth everywhere on your body as you grip the sheets to keep yourself grounded. her hands playing with your clit, sending you shivering and moaning at the pleasure. her strap, her fucking goddamn strap, is ready and on her. so fucking ready to fuck you deep

“baby” you call out, thighs shaking as she plunges her fingers into you, preparing for what is about to come next “baby come on please”

“please what?” momo circles her tougne around your clit before sucking it, making you scream out in pleasure

“fuck! please just fuck me with your strap mommy!” you give in, already throwing out the rest of your dignity out the window

“that’s what i wanted to hear” momo pulls out her fingers before lining up the strap unto your pussy. she lets you grind unto it before slowly pushing it in

“you look so pretty like this” momo moans as she sinks down, the strap effectively stretching you out “you look so good being stretched out for me”

“mommy” you moan out, letting her hands play with your breasts as you bottom out on her strap “fuck mommy you feel so good”

“yeah?” momo grunts, starting out slowly to help you adjust with the feeling “feel so full don’t you pretty girl? so full of my cock”

that immediately goes straight to your brain as she starts to move a bit faster, her hips starting to gain a sense of rhythm that makes you melt against the sheets

“hngg–ugh–fuck!” you feel your hands twitch against you, seemingly wishing to grab onto momo. she notices it before you can even move

“nuh-uh baby” momo taunts, grabbing both of your hands and pinning it above you head “no touching remember?”

right, the whole reason why you lost the bet is because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself

“please” you beg as you begin to feel your thighs shake, your back arch, your “please mommy let me cum”

momo grins and starts to move at her fastest and hardest, slipping one of her hands to rub on your clit that sends you screaming

you let go loudly, sure that whoever your neighbors are, they can hear you and will probably file a complaint tomorrow. it takes you a full minute to even regain your focus on momo, who’s diligent to help you clean up and do some aftercare

“good job baby you did so good” momo coos and helps you come down from your high, rubbing her hands on your sides to help you calm down “so proud of you baby for taking me so well”

“thank you” you gasp, the amount of energy taken from you already showing its signs as your eyes start to close “cuddle with me at least?”

“always baby” momo wraps your arms around you, whispering soft nothings as you drift off into sleep

though it doesn’t take long for you to wake up again, when mina’s having the time of her life eating you out

“hmmph–m-mina” you call out, her eyes drinking you up as she sucks on your clit “hngg-oh g-gods why are you so–hng-fuck!–so good at that”

“hello my love” mina sing songs, inserting two fingers to replace her mouth “i think i’ll take my reward right now so be a good slut and take what i’ll give you”

mina is a lot of things and maybe that’s why she loves to make you feel a lot of things. first making you orgasm on her fingers, then on her thigh, then on her face and then now she’s pounding you down on the bed with her own strap.

so yeah she likes making you feel a lot of things, that’s why whenever you are with her, overstimulation is bound to happen.

“not enough” mina moans as she brings you up to your knees, and continues to fuck you, her arms helping you stay upright “i need you wailing and squealing for me”

“hngg-uggghhh-fuck!” your mind is nothing but a mess now, her dirty whispers and moans absolutely not helping you at all with this case

“that’s it” mina smirks as you continue you only let out moans and whimpers “that’s what i love to fucking hear”

mina’s thrusts sends you throwing your head back against her, the loud slapping echoing across the room that makes sana and momo drooling by the door

wait

sana and momo drooling by the door?

“fuck look at her” momo can’t take her eyes off the both of you, hypnotized by the way you beg mina to go harder with only broken moans “she’s taking mina so well”

“that’s not mina anymore” sana makes eye contact with mina, who smirks and makes a show of the new fresh marks she put on you “that’s sharon taking over”

“looks like we’ve got an audience” mina’s voice is nothing but mean and seductive that makes you almost weak on the knees “won’t you let them mark you up? hmm? will you be a good slut and let them play with you?”

you can’t even give a response before the other two join in the fun, their once shocked behavior replaced with a hunger of a predator that wants to play with their prey

momo is quick to latch unto your tits, her hands already all over your chest and tummy. sana prefers to messily kiss you, perfectly invading your senses and rendering you weak

“you look so good” sana praises you, even as the combined spit of both of you cover most of your jaw at this point “such a pretty obedient slut for us”

“fuck i can feel you shaking baby” mina pants, her thrusts not stopping even if her abs are burning “we need you to cum ok? just cum for us. make a fucking mess”

you don’t fully register it, but you were sure to give them what they want and more.

“good job sweetheart, you did such a good job” sana is quick to praise you, proud and a little bit shocked that you just squirted “let’s run you a bath hmm?”

“we’ll order some take out” momo kisses you softly, helping you melt in their arms “you did so good for us baby”

“our love deserves to be pampered tonight” mina sighs into your neck, kissing the fresh marks she added “so amazing for us”

[thegreatestsandwich]

Xavier: I'm TRYING okay? fuck my feelings, it's fucked but one thing that I'll always be sure about is my love for you. I fucking love you and i don't fucking know how to act around you. Okay? I--" and then you kissed him to shut him up. AIGHRIGFHERIGHQERG

Kissin’ in the rain (Xavier Thorpe x f!reader)

Masterlist

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x f!reader

Word count: 1.3k

Summary: Nobody knew what you were and there was a breaking point where Xavier just exploded and demanded you to tell him what was happening

Warning: Angst and Fluffiness

A/N: We’re almost finish with all the requests!

Coments, Reblogs and Asks are happily received! I love to read your lovely coments :)

Everyone began noticing there’s something going on between Xavier and you, specially after your failed date on the fair. At first, there’re were murmurs around you, not so kind ones until Xavier force them to shut up, giving you a nod after almost hitting one of the mermaids that was taunting you.

He didn’t talked to you on classes and neither you tired to get closer to him. Yet, both of you began noticing the other more. Xavier’s eyes always drifted to you when you entered a room, when you sat quietly and lonely on the other side of the cafeteria, when you stayed as far as you could from the others when Principal Weems made the announcements.

You began noticing a few things on your own, how he often had smudges of paint or charcoal on his hands and sometimes on his face. How he often covered his mouth when he take a huge bite of something, how he always sat with the same people at lunch, how he tried his hardest to ignore Bianca’s attempt to have a conversation.

But still, neither of you acted out on your discoveries, until that one time after lunch.

Some people thought it would be funny to take away your gloves, so with the help Vinny’s telekinesis, they managed to take your gloves away and put them as higher as they could on a tree. You were at this point hyperventilating outside under the rain, trying to grabbed them before class started.

Everyone was watching you struggle from the windows, a few of them giggling at your attempts but the others just ignored the childish prank.

Xavier entered the classroom and put his backpack on his desk, noticing how there was a multitude of people watching the window with amusement. “What’s going on?” He asked Ajax, who was recoding something on this phone.

“Vinny, Jax and Penelope pranked (L/N), they managed to take her gloves from here! That’s having balls dude.” Ajax laughed, making a close up to your distressed face. Xavier stared at it for a second before leaving the classroom.

“Xavier?” Bianca intercepted him on the corridor, her hand grabbing his arm to stop him. “What are you doing? Class is going to start soon.” She tried to turn him around but he shook her off.

“I have something to do.” He drily told her, trying to pass her but she blocked his path. “Bianca, move, I don’t have the patience to do this.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and arched a brow. “And what could be more important?”

Before Xavier could answer, a happy Enid and a following Wednesday stood at their side. “Don’t you hate rain? Ugh, it always get’s my hair all frizzy.” Enid complained.

“I quite enjoy this day.” Wednesday stated, her hands carrying her bag on the front, her face as emotionless as always. “Class is about to start Bianca unless you finally accepted you will not accomplish anything if you stay there.”

“Rude.” Bianca told her, finally taking her attention from Xavier, but still not getting out of his way. “I’m here simply reminding Xavier to enter the classroom.” She smiled, “Isn’t that right?”

Xavier didn’t answer, looking at the door that would take him to outside. Wednesday noticed.

“I didn’t know you enjoy portraying the maternal role, quite painful to watch.” Wednesday nudge Enid with her elbow.

“Ouch Wednesday! That hurt!” Enid complained but Wednesday only glared at her, she sighed, linking her arm with Bianca. “C’mon, they want to talk about death or something creepy, I still don’t know how you enjoy those things Wednesday.” Enid dragged a complaining Bianca away.

“Thanks.” Xavier murmured, beginning to walk away, only to be stopped by Wednesday. “Don’t have time for this Wednesday.”

“If you are planning to be a creepy hero, at least take an umbrella.” She pushed one hard enough on his chest before walking away.

He stared at it for a moment before finally going outside. He opened the umbrella and walked towards you, who now was sitting under the three accepting the rain. “Hey.” He gently greeted you.

“Please,” You whispered completely broken. “Just go away, please.”

He watched how you hugged your knees closer to your body before he knelt in front, he quietly offered you the umbrella and you stared at it for a moment. “It won’t bite.” He whispered.

“I don’t want to touch you.” You whispered back. “Just leave Xavier, the damage is already done, they are completely destroyed.”

Xavier couldn’t help but sigh, offering once again the umbrella for you to take, you slowly took it, trying so hard to not touch him, once you had it in your hands, he quickly search in his pockets for something, once his fingers felt the plastic material he took it out, a tiny packet of gloves, he offered them.

“Bought them the other day for one of my paintings, they are new.” He told you gently, “Take them.”

“Xavier.” You began.

“Just take them (Y/N).” He placed them on your knees, “It’s not the best material but it’ll do the work.”

You quickly open the packet, letting go of the umbrella but Xavier managed to grab it, you put them on and you felt somehow safe. You stood up and offered a small thank you.

“That’s it?” He called you out. “Just a thank you and you leave?”

“What do you want me to say?” You turned around, distressed. “Just accept it!”

“Accept it.” He huffed a laugh, looking at you in disbelief. “Just accept it?”

“I don’t know what more do you want me to do Xavier.” You brushed away the wet hair from your face. “I can’t touch you or hug you, so what do you want?”

“I’m trying to be nice here (Y/N).” He grunted, taking a step closer to you. “I could just let you out here on your own.”

“Then you should have!” You tried to turn around but he didn’t let you, grabbing the back of your jacket, turning you around. “What do you want from me? You did a good thing, now you are the hero, congratulations.”

He closed his eyes. “I’m trying, okey?” He paused, trying so hard to not lose his cool. “I’m trying! Fuck you, you hear me? Fuck you and fuck my feelings” You stared at him. “It’s fucked up, y’know? Last month I hated you, I hated you so much that I wanted you out of here because your whole presence bothered me!”

“What…?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t get you out of my head you hear me?” He grabbed your shoulders and you tensed, “I don’t fucking know how to act around you, okey? I–“

“You what?” You whispered.

“I don’t know what to do…”

“You’ve done enough.” You gently took a step inside of the umbrella, carefully to not touch him. “You’ve done more than enough, you’ve been kinder than anyone in this school.”

“But that’s not enough.” He whispered. “I don’t want to just be kind, I-I want to hold your hand even if I need to put on gloves, I want to hug you and I don’t care if I have to layer up a thousand of clothes to do so, I want to paint you, eat the weird lunches they serve in the cafeteria, I want to do those things with you.”

He quickly searched his pocket once again and took out another packet of gloves, with so much effort (because they got wet) he managed to put them on, offering you his hand. You stared at it for a few seconds. “C’mon.” He whispered.

You took it and he intertwined your fingers together.

[callmissrogers]

She Thinks I'm Handsome. Steve Rogers x Reader Short Story

Summary: Y/n is terribly tipsy. Having only had one margarita, Nat texted Steve to come take her home. Y/n's tipsiness makes her admit something to Steve. Something she didn't mean to say out loud.

Warnings: mentions alcohol, reader being tipsy, and lots of fluff. Wrote on my phone with little editing.

Word count: 1,034

Inspired by: pin and a scene in the movie New In Town with Rene Zellweger, but I couldn't find it on YouTube.

Y/n couldn't stop giggling at the dinner table. Everything was just hilarious.

"Y/n you only had one margarita.... Are you sure you're ok?" Nat asked, sitting back in her chair, eyes wide with concern.

"I'm mine. I mean time. I MEAN I'm fine." Y/n replied, giggling at her own inability to speak coherently.

"Yeah. Sure you are. I told you this was a terrible idea." Nat whispered to Wanda.

"She told me she wanted to come! Besides, how is it my fault that she's a lightweight?" Wanda argued as if Y/n wasn't sitting right there.

"I am not a lightweight! I'm good." Y/n protested like a child not getting the sweets it wanted.

"Of course you are. You definitely aren't talking like someone who's done 20 wisky shots." Nat answered sarcastically.

"What are we gonna do? My car only has two seats. Unless we tape you to the roof." Wanda asked in a whisper. "I've got an idea." Natasha said conspiratorially, taking her phone out. "Who are you texting?" Wanda asked, an eyebrow rasing. "You know who," Nat said in a sing-song way. "You can not text him!" "Why not? They need a push." "She's about to fall over. " "Good. Let him play knight in shiny armor." "You know this wasn't I meant when I said we should set them up." "Well, it's what we're doing. He already responded and said he's on his way. Way too much of a gentlemen to abandon a maid in distress." "You are having way too much fun with this." Wanda sighed, leaning on her hand.

A few minutes later, y/n was trying to explain something to the girls, grabbing random bits and pieces of information and giving it to them as of it should all make sense.

The door to the cozy little restaurant opened and he walked inside. Spotting them easily and coming over to collect Y/n. Her back was to him so she had no idea of his presence.

Nat and Wanda remained completely silent as he approached giving him knowing and teasing looks. Nat mouthed "get her out" to which he couldn't help but smile.

It wasn't till he placed a gentle hand on y/n's shoulder that she noticed him at all.

"Steve!" She gasped much too loudly and drawing the attention of some of the other guests. "I didn't think you'd be here!" She said wobbling to her feet and throwing her arms around his neck. She'd never done that before. They've never exchanged any sort of hug before. So he shot the other two a look of complet and utter shock as his face turned three shades of pink.

"How much did y'all let her drink?" He demanded. "Steve. She had one margarita." Wanda deadpanned. Steve looked at Y/N and back to them, his brows raised in amazement. "Just one?" He asked. "One. And it wasn't even that big." Nat replied, lips forming into a smirk. "Wanda only has two seats in her car, and I road with her. So I figured you'd be happy to get Y/n home safely." She continued.

Steve put an arm around Y/n's shoulder in an attempt to steady her, grabbing her coat off the back of the chair, he said "c'mon. Let's get you home." "But I don't wanna!" She complained. "Y/n, you should go with Steve. We're gonna head out too." Wanda assured her. "Fine." She whispered/mumbled letting him guide her out.

Once they were outside the resturant she looked around wildly. "Where's your car?" "It's down the block. I couldn't find a spot here." "Oh. Where's my coat?" "That's right here." He answered holding it up to help her get into it. "Watch your hands. Mr Handys Hands." She slurred. "I'm. I'm not doing anything." Steve said blushing again.

She took a few steps forward and then stumbled into the street some. "Wait, wait, wait. My car isn't over there, " He spoke, quickly pulling her back.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." She assured him, walking along again, taking wobbly but somewhat straight steps.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously and followed after her.

"Ok," He said after they had walked just a little bit further. "My car is right there"

Then she dashed up to a car that somewhat resembled his and started rapidly pulling on the handle causing the car alarm to go off.

"That. That wasn't my car." Steve said sounding embarrassed.

He used his key for, unlocked his car, before softly grabbing her by the arm and getting her seated inside. Taking a deep breath before coming round to get himself. He was gonna get Natasha for this. She had been teasing him about his growing affection for Y/n for months. She was trying to push his hand.

The drive home wasn't as crazy as the walk to the car had been. Y/n sat starring out the window commenting on the pretty city lights, how she liked the outfits of some of the pedestrians they passed, and got very excited when they stopped next to a car which had a Scottish Terrier in it.

He couldn't help smiling he was actually enjoying the drive with her.

When they finally pulled up to her house, he got out and came around to help her out. Not trusting that she'd be able to get out of the car and onto the curb without tripping.

Arm around her shoulder, he helped her to the door. Where she struggled to get the key into the lock. "Here," He said trying to take the key from her. "I got it. I got it." She said trying again to get the key go in. "Let me help." He said gentily taking it from her.

She finally looked up at up him and whispered "Gosh. You're handsome," pausing, her lips forming an O shape. "I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

Steve smiled broadly, "Yes. Yes, you did."

So he helped her inside and made sure she was settled with a glass of water and aspirin for the morning and then went home himself.

Whispering to himself, "She thinks I'm handsome."

(I know I haven't posted the next part in That's My Girl. Got a bit of writers block as to how to finish the chapter. I'll try to have it done by Wednesday. )

[daisyofwaterdeep]

"#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TELL YOU HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS" "#this straight up cured my gale-related brain block" "#my heart is so full and happy and warmmmm"

Then my mission was accomplished! 🫶 Follow your bliss!

Oh! Here are few other things for you to consider for your writing that I hope you might also find helpful (do whatever you want with this information):

•Apparently, Tara can speak regardless of Speak With Animals.

•Tara wears an amulet in-game called Tressym Collar, a very rare magic item, and its item description is, "The gem in this collar's centre is placed as a common courtesy: it allows the tressym's summoner to be identified and complained to in the case of bereaved pet owners or pigeon-masters. This one glows with a Waterdhavian name: Gale Dekarios." and it allows the wearer to cast Telekinesis once per long rest.

•Apparently, Tara can (and will) cast Fireball.

•Tara evidently loves to eat pigeons, but you can also trade fish with her for certain magic items in-game.

Now go! Be free and write to your heart's content! 🤗 (also, what you've already wrote is adorable)

waitwaitwait okay so the Speak With Animals thing....I know that when I meet Tara on the roofs, I can't understand what she's saying. Gale and her can have a convo, but for me, she just meows. If you reload and take a potion, you're then able to understand her. But then, iirc at the epilogue party you don't need one. I had assumed they just did that bc you can't buy items at that point, and they didn't want you to accidentally lock yourself out of the conversation.

so are you telling me that she chooses not to talk to you on the rooftops, unless you put in some effort? If you just waltz up to her, she essentially plays dumb. You have to actually make an effort to communicate with her in order for her to speak with you.

Thinking of it that way, it's almost like a test. "Here's this stranger getting chummy with Mr. Dekarios. Will they treat me like some dumb animal or will they try to talk with me on equal footing?"

Tara's the best omg

[stranger-angel0401]

I Don't Want to Hurt You

Pairing: Soren x Reader

Description: Soren starts a fight he shouldn't, and finds himself against your blade. When he is injured, he begins to question Viren's motives.

WC: 1.2k

No pronouns used for reader, no use of y/n

When Rayla left to defend the fallen dragon, you knew you had to follow her. You couldn’t explain it, but you just knew you had to be there. Something was wrong. Callum had pleaded with you to stay; you didn’t need two people risking their lives for a dragon that might be dead; but you’d gone anyway. When you’d found the clearing the dragon had landed in, that feeling had suddenly made sense.

Standing over the chained dragon were Claudia and..Soren. Your heart ached seeing him again. You hadn’t seen him since you’d abandoned the mission to help Callum, Rayla, and Ezran instead. You’d begged Soren to go with you, but he’d refused. 

“Ugh, this guy again. Of course.”

Rayla finds her words before you do. When Soren looks up, he flashes you a pained look, but it quickly turns to a sick smile.

“A dead dragon AND a dead elf in one day. Everything’s coming up Soren.”

When they lunge at each other, you freeze. It’s not until Soren has Rayla chained up that your brain finds itself again.

“Ooh, yeah. The thing about chains? They’re made of metal. Hard to cut.”

Rayla struggles, and you spring into action. You shock yourself when you draw your sword and lunge at Soren. He stumbles, surprised.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

His eyes hide a sadness, and you almost back down. Almost. Instead, you harden your expression and swallow back a sob.

“That’s what I’m counting on.”

You swing again, shifting so you’re between him and the dragon, as well as Rayla. His sword strikes your own, but he has no intention of striking you. He pushes against you, and your feet slide through the dirt. Your arms ache and strain, but you don’t back down.

Soren looks like he could cry.

“Please, I-”

Claudia interrupts, scolding Soren.

“Try not to kill her, Soren! She can lead us to Callum and Ezran.”

“She doesn’t have to.”

You want to strangle Callum when he appears. You told him over and over to stay put, so did Rayla. 

“I’m right here.”

Claudia gasps, smiling widely.

“Callum! You’re safe! ..what are you doing?”

You take notice of the worm in his hand, and you curse to yourself.

“Callum, please n-”

“Your kind of magic.”

You’re still face to face with Soren, frozen as you watch Callum.

“You don’t want to do this, Callum. It’s really dangerous unless someone shows you how.”

He sighs.

“You already did.”

With that, he crushes the worm and begins chanting. Suddenly, the chains around the dragon turn to snakes and attack the soldiers. You take the chance while Soren is distracted to sweep his legs, which he complains about as he hits the ground. You race to the dragon.

“Get up, you’re free!”

But she doesn’t move. Suddenly, Soren is looming over you, backing you against the cool skin of the dragon. When you look into his eyes, he is still there, but the Soren you know is retreating. He still does not harm you.

“Congratulations. You did everything you could to save a monster that torched a town of innocent people. But it didn’t even matter, you freed a dead dragon.”

Just as you start to wonder if Soren really is willing to hurt you, a soft growl sounds from behind you, and you turn to see the dragon’s eyes snap open. Your world seems to shift to slow motion as the dragon strikes Soren, sending him flying back against a large rock. You hear a loud snapping as he lands, and you want to go to him, but the dragon blocks your path. She is scared and angry, and she is dangerous. You hardly process Zym and Ezran’s appearance, or Claudia attempting to steal Zym. It isn’t until Soren cries out that you snap back to reality.

“Claudia! Help me…”

You nearly sob as you see him, helpless on the ground. But before you can move Rayla has grabbed your arm and dragged you away. You scream and cry, but he has soon faded from your vision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s dark by the time you build up the courage to see him. You’d seen Claudia leave hours ago, crying and distraught. You’re hoping she doesn’t come back before you get the chance to leave. You manage to sneak past the nurses wandering around, and peek into a room. There, Soren lies still. You panic momentarily, until you see his chest slowly rising and falling. You let out a soft sigh of relief, and his head snaps over to you. You nearly fall over and let out a yelp, but regain your composure.

“I- I know you’re probably angry at m-”

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

He motions with his head for you to come in, grimacing as he does. You slowly step into the room,  eyes watering as you take in his state. He’s wrapped in bandages, and you wonder how much pain he’s in. He answers your question quickly.

“It doesn't hurt. It uh- it doesn’t feel like anything…I can’t walk. They don’t think I ever will again.”

His tone is pained, and you find yourself crying for him. You carefully reach down and grab his hand, being gentle despite the fact that he can’t feel it.

“Soren, I- I’m so sorry, this all my fault. If I hadn’t-”

“It’s not your fault. Please don’t blame yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. I- I think…I’m on the wrong side of things.”

Your eyes widen, but before you can speak, he continues.

“I- Before we left, my dad gave me a secret mission. He- he told me that I had to return with..with the terrible news that the princes had died. He said that accidents happen all the time, and I-”

“He wanted you to kill them.”

He looks relieved that you’d put the dots together, that he didn’t have to say it out loud.

“I almost did it. At the moon nexus. And I knew it was wrong, but I- I wanted him to be proud of me, so badly- but now…Now I can’t do anything terrible, because..now I can’t do anything.”

“Soren, I- He’s the bad guy. You know that right? You followed his orders because he’s your dad, and you love him and want him to be proud of you. You aren’t a bad guy, and- And despite everything, you’re still my best friend..even if you hate me now.”

A tear rolls down his cheek and onto his pillow. He wishes he could squeeze your hand.

“I could never hate you.”

You glance outside at the moon, noting that the sun will be rising soon.

“Hey, I- Look, I kind of snuck away from camp but it’s almost morning and I-”

“You have to go. I know.”

You bite back a sob as you lean down, pressing a gentle kiss against his forehead.

“I think- I think I’ll see you again. You’ll wait for me, right? When you get back to Katolis?”

He nods.

“I’ll always wait for you. I’ll always care about you.”

You wipe another tear from his face before turning towards the door. You sneak one last glance at him before leaving, wiping tears from your eyes. And you find yourself praying to the moon and stars that you see him again.

[pigeonwhumps]

🪡 That’s gonna need stitches for Phoenix?

Phoenix slips into their room as soon as they get home and pulls the first aid kit out from under their bed.

They don't think anyone noticed them come in, but it's unlikely they'll care anyway. So long as their chores are done and dinner cooked it doesn't matter.

Which is good, because there's a gash running down their side, jagged and wide and gushing blood. It'd be more of a worry without their healing factor, but even so, they can't do their chores as they are. They skip over the paracetamol and ibuprofen (they won't do much good for a wound this size) and pick up a needle and thread. By the time they've threaded the needle it's slick with blood, but at least it's threaded. Their clothes and the floor are covered in blood already, and they wonder, vaguely, whether they'll ever get it out completely.

They work carefully, squeezing Mr Frosty in one hand as they pierce the skin. It's a painful pinch, and it doesn't last long but then they have to do it again, and again, and again, the pain making them want to scream as they drive the thread through. They bite their lip on a sob, vision swimming with tears. They don't often feel lonely, not really, in fact they'd rather not get Abbie and her friends' attention most of the time, but right now... right now, it's painful. They want their sister to help bandage them, their nemesis to make them smile, just someone to tell them it's going to be alright.

But they don't have that, it's been years since they had that, and they need to grow up and stop complaining about it. They can cope. They always do.

They stitch the last of the wound shut and pull the thread tight, tying it off. It hurts, oh it hurts so badly, they want to curl around it and block out the world. But that's not possible. They unfold a bandage and wrap the wound carefully, trying to avoid bending too much. It's not properly clean but they find they're having trouble caring. It's not like it's going to last long anyway.

As if to confirm their thoughts about not being able to stay here, there's a hammering on the door, before it bursts open to reveal Abbie looking impatient. Phoenix's heart pounds. So someone did notice them. They should've expected it, she's too observant for anything else.

"What on earth are you doing in here? There's lots to do, hurry up and stop idling around."

Phoenix shivers but gestures to themself anyway, to their rucked up t-shirt and bloody hands, and the mess of thread and bandages. They're grateful they at least got the wound bandaged first – if Abbie decides to 'test' it, it won't hurt quite so much.

"Unless you, um, you want blood everywhere, I need to, um, finish this first, sir," they say quietly, heart pounding. They're talking back. They're talking back. That's against the rules. And they really, desperately don't want to go in the cupboard again, or lose their powers when they hurt so much already, but it will be their own fault if that happens.

Their throat is tight, filling with unshed tears. They wish Abbie wasn't here so they could let them loose.

"Please, sir," they whisper, begging, pleading. They need more time. They need to finish this bandaging, and change, and clean up a bit so they look halfway respectable. It's not fair, sending them to work so soon after almost dying again. It's not fair.

It is. It is fair. It's not like they can die, it's fine. They're fine. There's no need for special treatment.

But god, it hurts. They'd break down and cry if it wasn't for the fact that they know what Abbie and her friends' reaction will be. Not pretty, that's for sure.

"Please."

Abbie raises an eyebrow. "You remembered your manners this time, that's good. Five minutes. And I expect the room spotless, and you to pay for that time."

"Yes, sir."

That's okay, it's about what they'd expected. It's fine.

Fine.

Abbie nods sharply and slams the door behind her on her way out.

Phoenix pulls Mr Frosty to them. For a moment, they don't care about the damage to the stitches caused by them bending over the stuffed toy. They just need the comfort. That's more important than anything right now.

And then they get to work. They feel like they might faint, or vomit, or both, but they brush that aside. They can't afford to consider that. Not now.

Later, maybe. Later. But certainly not now.

Edit: forgot the taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @whumpinggrounds @painful-pooch

[political-sideblog-dont-at-me]

As we get closer to election day, I'm going to need people to be normal about Palestinians complaining about Kamala Harris.

Don't reply to their posts with "But Trump would be worse!" (They also hate him, criticizing Harris is not an endorsement of Trump [And if they don't name a candidate they want you to vote for it's not an endorsement of anyone]. They're fully aware of how bad Trump is, the thing is that with the, you know, genocide going on they're already going through hell now under someone who's not Trump.)

Don't reply to their posts talking about how hard you hope their lives will be under Trump because they're a minority (I've seen people do this, seriously what is wrong with you? First that's not how you act when you want to convince people. Second many of them are already suffering under the Biden administration. Third, you're just being bigoted when you do that "You're a minority who doesn't agree with me so I hope [Terrible thing] happens to you if my politician doesn't win" is just showing that you don't care about minorities unless they agree with you. You're not "warning" them or whatever you think you're doing, you'rejust being a prick. And you're showing every other member of a minority group that your opinions are worth listening to.)

Don't call them a psyop for having a negative opinion of Harris (Yes there is election interference going on. But that's more "Elon Musk is putting targeted ads on Twitter telling different voting blocks completely opposite things about the same candidate" and not "This one person told me they don't want to vote for Kamala Harris because their [Friend/Family member] died from the Biden administration's actions". Instead of harassing them and telling them that Gaza is a single issue, just let them be.)

Lastly, if Harris loses on Tuesday, we are not blaming Palestinians, got it? Even if the number abstaining or voting 3rd party would have won her the election. Nobody should be forced to vote for an administration that is actively taking part in killing their families, and nobody should be criticized for choosing another option under those circumstances. The Biden administration could've already started an arms embargo on Israel, or even just sent them less money and fewer weapons, or stopped vetoing UN resolutions, or actually used that dock they built for humanitarian aid (Like they pretended they would) instead of sending in more military forces, etc.

They could've actually done something to make Palestinians genuinely want to vote for Harris, but instead the Biden administration has thrown itself full force behind the genocide. Has Harris said better things about Palestine than Trump has? Sure, but those are all words until something actually happens (Technically the Vice President doesn't have much political power, but she is in a position to put pressure on Biden and be more vocally supportive of any policies that would actually make Israel stop. And she hasn't).

Basically, just don't harrass the people who are currently direct victims of genocide. It's incredibly simple and easy, just don't reply to or report their posts.

(Side note: Yes there are articles about some Palestinians either supporting Harris or saying anyone is better than Trump. Try to remember that Palestinians have varying opinions and if you're responding to a Palestinian who's mad at Harris by saying "But this other Palestinian isn't so you shouldn't be!" you are indeed the bad guy. Additionally it seems like in Gaza the current general opinion is "This election doesn't affect us because neither candidate will stop the genocide." That's not an endorsement of Harris, that's telling you you still need to protest after the election. And if Harris does get elected and she continues Biden's policies then you will see me shift to advocating for 3rd party candidates instead of simply telling you to not harrass people over their voting decisions. If she actually helps Palestine I would be pleasantly surprisedbut as of now I don't expect her to do anythingbut uphold the status quo [Which is really bad])

[kichimiangra]

I feel like I'm complaining a lot about my mom this week but it's been a specific breed of week that makes interacting with her difficult...

That said I kinda wanna make a Stardew Valley mod called "Stardew Valley but you live with MY Mom"

Functionally it would just be an npc of my mom living in your house and if you talk to her she drains 15 energy off of you. But if you DON'T talk to her everyday then each day the energy drain is double. If you don't talk to her and let it hit 100 then you'll wake up the next day and she'll be blocking your door so you can't leave the house unless you speak to her, but this triggers an unskippable event where you have to listen to her tell her whole life story and why it's the worst life possible and why she hates her life and there's so much dialogue that if you button spam it'll still take like 6-10 minutes irl to get past all the text. When the event ends you'll be outside your house, it's 1:00am, you lost 100 energy, and you have 1 hour to try and salvage watering your plants and harvesting anything and tending your animals. This event has a Higher chance to just trigger anyway if it's a holiday/festival day (forcing you to miss the festival if you don't reset the day) or if it's the birthday of someone in town (making it harder to give them a gift). The next day though she'll give you an amazingly helpful mod-custom breakfast item even if you don't have a kitchen. The food item may or may not mean the difference between a world record speed run or not.

As well as the above, if you have 5+ hearts with any NPCs, her daily complaint dialogue might be about them and if it is, along with draining the energy points you lose points with that person, because it's hard to stay friends with someone when the person you live with never stops talking negatively about them. (+10 friend points for hanging out, -15 for everytime you have to hear mom complain about them, that kinda mood)

When you add a new animal to the farm she will go out and tend/pet all of your animals (dog/cat included) for 2 days after, so you can theoretically keep her distracted for 2 days at a time, but selling an animal triggers an event that greatly lowers moms exp/hearts. (Her dialogue will change to always be complaining about what you named the most recent animal). In this state interacting only loses 5 points daily.

Mom only has 3 heart events. The first one she tries to join the aerobics class that's held at Caroline and Pierre's house. You catch her leaving the shop and tells you how badly it went, she tells you all the negative opinions everyone has about her as if she can read their minds and throws in her own negative opinions of everyone else before going home saying she will not be coming back. This is the only time you ever see her off your farm property. Caroline exits and asks where mom ran off to, having only nice things to say and how the others found her stories interesting, that she's a very talented woman and would love for her to come back next week.

The Second event happens as your mom is sick for the day. It's mostly similar to the event if she catches you at the door where she hates her life on the farm and wishes she never left the city and how you had a great job in you Joja cubicle. You do get a potential dialogue option to tell her that she used to say she hated the city and your Joja job and wanted to move to the country onto a farm, but if you choose that option she has an adverse reaction it it guarantees 100% that she will meet you at the door the next day, so you can only silently nod and agree to avoid that. Moving her to stardew valley, and her unhappiness, is officially your fault now.

The third event has you head into town and encounter Harvey, who mentions he was talking a walk near your farm and happened to meet your mom at the mailbox having scared her with his unexpected presence. They had gotten to talking and he mentions her odd behavior for how long you've lived in the town. You have 3 dialogue choices where you can confide in Harvey

-Mom had a stroke a few years back, but refuses to acknowledge the side effects.

-Mom was diagnosed with depression she refuses to acknowledge.

-Mom is suspected to possibly be bipolar but refuses to acknowledge it.

No matter what you choose Harvey will sympathize that it must both be hard to live with mom, but also very hard to BE my mom and says if you or Mom ever want to talk to any medical professionals to just call his clinic and he will get you hooked up.

There is never a follow up to this event and life continues on unchanged.

It's not all bad and toxic tho. If you talk to Mom anytime aside from her events and the initial daily drain she has lots of nice things to say, and seemingly is happy sometimes, bringing up ideas for crafting and hobbies she's like to pursue. She can be given gifts and even ones she hates she will accept politely. Inside she's a kind caring considerate person who thinks of others first... but you have to go out of your way to find that dialogue.

I think that would be a very balanced mod that, although adds more negatives than positives would give a rough idea of my day to day living on a hobby farm (something that's been my childhood goal) with my mom sort of making it more mentally taxing than it has to be...

[missywritesfor7]

🌙Moon’s Light | JJK🌙

Synopsis: Luna is a young paralegal trying to maintain her new found independence and enjoy life. Too bad her job sucks and her boss is the worst. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she encounters a vampire named Jungkook who changes her life in more ways than one.

Jungkook is a shield and protector of the vampire kingdom of Korealis. He’s trained his entire life to block out any and all distractions and focus solely on becoming the strongest. While investigating a potential threat to the kingdom, he encounters Luna who turns out to be more than he could have ever imagined. It becomes his job to protect her, but he can’t tell if what he’s feeling is his devotion to the job or perhaps something deeper.

Secrets are uncovered. Lives are on the line. Hearts are tested.

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Fem!OC

Warnings: Violence, character death, eventual smut, tragedy, some angst, strong language, MINORS DNI

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

|| Ch. 4: Blood ||

Jungkook has Luna by the arm as they walk down the street. Since it’s Friday night and lots of people are out later than usual he insisted on taking back roads with less lighting to get to the portal location in the woods.

“Why did you get me the cheapest pair of contacts?” Luna complains rubbing her eye.

“Be glad you only need it for one eye,” Jungkook says unsympathetically. “They were the only red ones in the store.”

“They itch.”

“Shut up,” he says stopping in his tracks between two large trees. “A couple of rules before we go. Don’t talk to anyone unless they talk to you. Don’t wander off anywhere. I can’t help you if you do. And like I said before, do not bleed anywhere! Got it? No one can know that you’re part human. Don’t do anything without me next to you. Ok?”

“Got it,” she nods.

“Now hold on.”

“Hold on to what?”

“Me,” he says taking her arms and wrapping them around his neck. “I’m not responsible for whatever happens to you if you let go during transport.”

He tightly wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close into his chest. His chest that she hadn’t realized was so solid and chiseled. Something about all of this has her barely able to make a sound. All she can do is nod signaling her understanding.

“Close your eyes,” he says softly in her ear.

As soon as she does she can feel a sudden burst of energy surrounding her. It feels as if a gust of wind is hitting her at airplane speeds. She wants to open her eyes to see what’s going on around her, but before she can the force stops and Jungkook loosens his grip around her.

“We’re here,” he says.

She opens her eyes to a dark area that almost looks like a subway terminal. There are no lights aside from small dim bulbs lining the floor just enough for someone to see where they’re going and not much else. She blinks a few times adjusting to the lack of light when she realizes something with her vision is very different.

“You’re not going to pass out again are you?” Jungkook asks trying to read her expression.

“No, I’m just trying to adjust.” She looks around a bit more. “Is this the subway?”

“I guess you can look at it that way,” he says. “It’s where all of the transfer portals are. At least all of the legal and official ones.”

“So you ride a train to the human world?”

“More like riding a brainwave.”

“How does that work? I mean, how were you able to take me on your brain wave.”

“I spent my entire life training as a royal shield. Not as a scientist. I have no idea how it works I just know it does.”

“Jungkook. Small brain. Knows very little. Noted,” she teases.

“Shut up and let’s go,” he huffs. “Now promise you won’t freak out or anything.”

“Promise. Why would I freak out?”

Just then he closes his eyes then opens them to reveal his natural eyes. They’re much larger and a deep red, much deeper than the red in her eye. His fangs which were already small and pointed have grown even longer and sharper. His ears have also grown pointed just barely poking through his dark curls that hang down the sides of his face.

“Oh my god!” She gasps.

“You promised you wouldn’t freak out!”

“But Jungkook, your eyes! They’re so big!”

“Wait wh-“

“You look like a baby deer! Doe eyed Jungkook! That’s so adorable!”

“Are you serious? THATS the part you’re freaking out about?”

“Why do you transform into a bunny instead of a deer?”

“Deer can’t fit in vents! Shut up and come on,” he pouts grabbing her arm. “Now hang on again and shut your face. I have to get you to my quarters without being seen.”

“Your quarters?”

“Shush!”

He pulls her into his chest once again and he begins walking out of the station and on to the street. When he’s sure no one else is around he jumps to the roof, shushing her once again when she dared to gasp at how he made such a jump effortlessly.

He tightens his grip around her again and begins jumping from roof to roof. She looks over his shoulder watching as the eerily dark streets pass below. She blinks a few times and realizes she wasn’t out of her mind back in the station. Her right eye, her red eye, can see far beyond what her other eye can see. She’s always had near perfect vision in that eye, but now she’s sure they’ve already gone 3 miles, yet she can still see the entrance of the station they left from. Even the small “push” sign above the door’s handle.

At the same time she feels hyper aware of everything around her. It’s like being here heightens her senses 10 times over. She’s in awe at the way his skin feels against hers. Her sense of touch is like never before and she can’t seem to determine what the feeling of him is doing to her.

“We’re here,” he says landing in front of a large palace with a grand entrance.

“Is this where the prince lives?”

“No, are you crazy? This little place is where I live. The prince lives in the main palace on the other side of the property.”

“You live here??” She asks in awe that he called this a ‘little place’.

“Yeah, now hush until I get you to my room.” He takes her hand and quickly steps inside.

The entire place is completely covered in darkness but somehow she can still see the beauty in the details. The intricately carved designs on the crown moulding and the patterns in the wallpaper are gorgeous even through the shadows. The entire place looks like something out of a fantasy movie. They arrive at a room at the end of the hall where Jungkook quickly opens the door and shoves her in. He shuts the door behind them and locks it breathing a sigh of relief.

“Is this your room?” She asks looking around at the huge space with a bed, tv, couch, and a weight bench in the corner. There’s even a mini fridge and an en suite bathroom that looks massive.

“Yeah,” he says sitting on the bed.

“This is bigger than my entire apartment! You really live here??”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Sit down.”

“It must be nice to work for royalty,” she says sitting next to him on the bed. “Is the prince nice?”

“Something like that,” he jokes. “He’s cool. Half the time I think he forgets he’s a prince though.”

“Will I get to meet him?”

“No!” He snaps taking her by surprise. “I mean, no not yet at least.”

“Oh,” she says softly.

“Look, I may have broken some rules bringing you here since you’re not fully a vampire. I just need to figure some things out before I go introducing you to the prince of all people.”

“Right,” she nods. “Understood.”

Just then a knock at the door startles them both. Luna can feel her heart pounding out of her chest.

“Jungkookie,” Hoseok’s voice rings from the other side of the door.

“Dammit,” Jungkook whispers. “Stay put.”

He goes up to the door and opens it just barely wide enough to see Hoseok standing there with a bottle of blood as he’s done every night.

“Hey,” Jungkook says trying to remain cool.

“Hey,” Hoseok says looking him over. “You look worse than you did last night. I think you may be overdoing it. You know the human world can suck the life out of you if you’re not careful.”

“I know, hyung. I’m fine though.” He takes the bottle and nods in gratitude. “Thanks for checking in, I’ll just drink this and get some sleep.”

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Hoseok asks trying to peek behind Jungkook.

“Yeah I’m fine,” he answers quickly. “Goodnight, hyung.”

Jungkook quickly shuts the door then turns to walk back to Luna who suddenly looks terrified.

“Are you not going to introduce me to your friend?” Hoseok asks standing right behind Jungkook.

“Dammit hyung!” Jungkook fusses. “You said you would stop going through my walls!”

“I said I would stop if I didn’t feel you were up to something, but you’re obviously up to something.” Hoseok looks at Luna who’s frozen in place. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on or should I interrogate your friend myself?”

“Ugh!” Jungkook pouts. “This is the girl I told you about.”

“The human vampire?!” Hoseok exclaims getting close to Luna’s face.

“Yes. This is LuLuLuna.”

“Wow!” The older sniffs. “She really doesn’t have blood!”

“It’s Luna!” She huffs. “And I do have blood!”

“Don’t be so loud!” Jungkook shouts. “Hyung you can’t say a word to anyone until I figure her out.”

“Jungkookie if she’s part human you could get into a lot of trouble.”

“I know I know. That’s why my favorite Hobi hyung won’t say anything to anyone.”

“Jungkook-“

“She’s a portal, Hoseok.”

“A portal? What? How? She’s human!”

“Stop shouting!” Jungkook says flailing. “I’m serious! I just found out and brought her here just in case someone tries to use her. If SV knows about this it could be bad.”

“Ok….ok…where does her portal lead?”

“I don’t know. See for yourself. It’s a place I’ve never seen before, it’s crazy.”

Hoseok ponders a moment looking between Luna and Jungkook. He isn’t sure about using a portal that leads somewhere he knows nothing about, but he takes Jungkook’s word and vanishes.

Luna could feel something when Hoseok disappeared. It’s like she was hit with an intense wave of goosebumps. She’s trying to make sense of the feeling when it hits her again and Hoseok reappears in front of them.

“Whoa,” Luna says slowly.

“I don’t like that,” Hoseok says looking much more pale than he already was. “I don’t like that at all.”

“I know,” Jungkook says. “What is that place?”

“I don’t know, but my phone couldn’t even find my location!” Hoseok pulls out his phone and shows Jungkook screenshots of the map while he was there. “Look! It was so weird!”

“Whoa!” Luna says perking up. “You guys actually have phones down here?”

“What do you mean by down here!?” Jungkook scoffs. “Do you think we’re in hell or something?!”

“That’s not what I meant,” she giggles.

“I told you not to speak!” Jungkook pouts causing Hoseok to giggle along with Luna. “Focus!”

“Sorry, Jungkookie,” she teases.

“I like her,” Hoseok laughs.

“The portal,” Jungkook groans. “Needs to be protected until we know more. If you like her so much then you can have her.”

“Nope,” Hoseok says quickly. “I’ll keep your secret as long as things don’t get out of hand. Just remember what I said before.”

“I know, I’ll tell you everything. But for now if anyone asks she’s a convert that I’ve taken custody of for questioning.”

“That sounds so harsh,” Luna argues.

“Good luck,” Hoseok laughs heading out the door.

“So now what?” Luna asks once Hoseok clears the room.

“I don’t know,” Jungkook says thinking. “Are you sure you’ve never met another vampire?”

“I think I would remember something like that.”

“What about someone that had a kink for sucking on your flesh? You’ve had boyfriends, right?”

“No!”

“You’ve never had a boyfriend?”

“No! I mean no there hasn’t been anyone sucking on my body. I’ve had boyfriends,” she pouts.

“Hm…what about your boss? Has he gotten close to you?”

“Ew no!”

“You sure you don’t want to quit your job?”

“Find me a new and better one and I’ll think about it.”

“You humans are so difficult.”

“And you vampires are so creepy.”

“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes grabbing her arm. “Come on, I need to take you to the lab.”

“Lab? What are you going to do to me?”

“I just need to scan you.”

He drags her out of his bedroom and down the hall until they run into Jimin. Before Jungkook can react, Jimin has already seen them and is heading their way.

“Where are you headed?” Jimin asks looking Luna over. “Who’s this?”

“She’s a fresh convert,” Jungkook answers. “I’m going to interrogate her, you know, to see what she knows.” He’s not exactly convincing, but Jimin nods anyway accepting his lie.

“Ok,” Jimin says. “Let us know how it goes.”

“Don’t worry I will.”

Jimin smiles at both of them and walks by. Jungkook breathes a silent sigh of relief and continues guiding Luna out the door. Once outside he grabs her around the waist as he did when carrying her here from the station. He looks down at her a moment saying nothing.

“What?” She asks tilting her head.

“Nothing,” he says not breaking eye contact. “Hang on and I’ll take you to the lab.”

She tightens her grip around his neck and nods. He holds her close then as he did before he jumps to the roof then jumps from building to building until they reach the lab.

“Why don’t you ever use the sidewalks?” Luna asks as he guides her inside.

“Less chance of being seen. You’re not supposed to be here, remember?”

“You’re the one who brought me here.”

“Anyway,” he says rolling his eyes. “The scanner is over here. Just stand still.”

“How are you able to just come in here and use this stuff?”

“I work for the prince. No one would dare question me.”

He opens the door to the scanner, which looks more like a cryotherapy chamber, and nods signaling her to go inside. She steps in and looks back at him with a bit of nervousness.

“Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you,” he smiles.

He shuts the door and walks over to the computer on the desk. He taps a few buttons then the machine begins whirring and beeping. It almost feels like getting a CT scan at the hospital. Luna remains standing still looking at Jungkook whose head is poking over the top of the computer screen as he watches on.

It’s weird. She can see his pupils dilate when there’s at least 25 feet and the dirty haze of the scanner door between them. She looks over towards the lab door that has a small rectangle window in it where she realizes she can see clearly beyond that and far down the hall to the front door.

But she can only see through her right eye. Since arriving, it’s almost as her left eye doesn’t even exist. If she closes her right eye there’s nothing but blind darkness, but when she closes her left eye she can see far beyond anything she’s ever seen before. It’s no doubt that being in the vampire world has heightened her senses, but her sight is incredible. If only she had this sight in both of her eyes.

The machine stops and Jungkook only looks at her with no expression. He takes a moment looking at the computer screen then back at her before finally heading over to let her out of the scanner.

“So,” she says stepping out. “What does the scanner show you?”

“It shows where, if anywhere at all, you were bitten and injected with vampire venom.”

“And? What did it show?”

“You weren’t bitten.”

“See!” She says nudging his arm. “I told you I was human.”

“LuLuLuna, you’re not human,” he chuckles in disbelief. “Somehow you were born part vampire.”

“That’s…no. There’s no way. Neither of my parents are vampires.”

“Are you sure they just haven’t been lying to you about it your whole life?”

“Even if they were I can’t think of a single time they exhibited weirdo behavior or tried to stay out of the light.”

“First of all,” he sasses. “If anyone is a weirdo, it’s you, you half breed portal thing. And second, I need some of your blood to confirm.”

“What? You already took my blood!”

“I had a taste, but I need more to test it.”

“What more testing can you do?”

“We’re in a lab, I can do whatever testing I need.”

“I’m not giving you more of my blood.”

“I’m not really giving you a choice,” he says towering over her.

“Don’t make me fight you, doe-boy.”

“Ha! As if you could,” he scoffs grabbing her arm.

“Try me!” She shouts pulling her arm from his grasp. “You told me only one drop before.”

“I know I know, but that was before I discovered all of this other shit about you. I just need like one bag worth.”

“That’s a lot!”

“It’s not you big baby. You humans give more blood away as donations, you’ll be fine.”

“I said no!” She shouts causing Jungkook to fly backwards about 10 feet.

“What the FUCK WAS THAT?!” He shouts getting back in her face. “How the fuck did you do that?!”

“I don’t know. What even happened??” She doesn’t know what she did, but she definitely felt a force leave her body and suddenly he was going backwards. She has no idea how.

“Is that your ability?” He asks looking her over.

“I don’t know. What ability? I’m so confused.”

“Everyone he has an ability,” he says lifting her arm. “Yours must be whatever that was.”

“That’s never happened before. How?”

“It’s because you’re here. It heightened your vampire…ness…” he says with a shrug.

“O…k…” she says reclaiming her arm from his grasp.

“I mean it,” he says staring into her eyes. “Thats why you can see a lot better in your right eye, can’t you?”

“How…how do you know I can see better?”

“How far can you see?” He asks ignoring her question.

“Well…” she says tilting her head. “I can see the guy down the hall checking all of the rooms.”

“What??” He asks startled. “We have to go.”

He runs to the computer and saves the data to a flash drive, then deletes it from the system. He grabs her arm and drags her to the back of the room.

“We have to get out of here before we’re seen,” he whispers looking for a back door.

“I thought you said no one would question you because you work for the prince?”

“They won’t, but it’s still risky with you here.” He sees an exit and drags her over.

He opens the door to the alleyway behind the building. It all seems so crazy to Luna but still he takes her in his arms and jumps to the roof. He runs across a few buildings before stopping on one a few blocks away.

“How are you able to do that?” Luna asks releasing her hold around Jungkook’s neck.

“It’s my ability,” he says.

“Your ability is jumping on buildings?”

“Not exactly,” he chuckles. “Everyone here is very strong, at least compared to humans, but I’m even stronger. My strength, agility, stamina, and overall physical health is greater than 500 vampires combined.”

“Really?”

“And I’m an expert marksman with an incredible sense of smell.”

“How can I unlock my ability? I want special powers,” she pouts.

“You just knocked me back without touching me. It was weak, but it’s definitely a special ability.”

“I’ll show you weak,” she says through her teeth trying to hit his chest. “As soon as I learn how to do it again, I’ll fuck you up.”

“Looking forward to it,” he laughs.

She growls hitting him again but he doesn’t budge. He continues laughing making her more determined to knock him back again.

“Why are you trying so hard?” He asks.

“Because I was normal until you showed up and started stalking me.”

“You weren’t normal at all, you one-eyed freak.”

“Fuck you,” she growls swinging at him again but he moves back causing her to miss.

She grits her teeth trying to hit him again but he continues dodging her. Suddenly the force she felt in the lab returns, but instead of knocking him back, it knocks her back. She falls hard on her back and slides about 5 feet. Her left elbow took most of the hit and begins bleeding from the amount of force that scraped her flesh across the concrete roof.

“Shit,” Jungkook says quickly grabbing her and running as fast as he can back to his quarters.

With his speed it takes no time at all, and thankfully no one is around so they’re able to go into his room without being seen.

“Fucks sake, LuLuLuna,” he sighs looking at her bleeding arm. “I told you not to bleed here!”

[aquanova99]

Hey, I noticed in a lot of your Hcs have Kate kind of resenting being turned and wanting to leave. So could you maybe elaborate on the relationships between the sisters?

I have been waiting on this question 🧎‍♀️

•Kate•

From what we know in canon Kate loved her life, was proud of what she did. The fact of the matter is that Sasha saw Kate said “hmm I could make a sister for Tanya and get another daughter.” Turned her and expected a happy family. But imagine you are with people you consider family, doing a job you love, and someone comes and kills everyone around you. You’ve failed at your job, lost your friends, you’ve been in excruciating pain for days and now some blonde woman is telling you that you have a new mother and sister.

Kate has no one. She’s not like Kachiri who went back and kind her friends and they all agreed to live together. She has no one. No idea why her throat burns. No idea what the rules are. And no one she can complain to because one of them(Sasha) is delusional enough to think Kate would thank her for ruining her life and the other(Tanya) is mad that she wasn’t enough of a daughter and annoyed that Kate’s ungrateful for her new family.

Sasha paints the volturi as monsters, cruel and evil rulers. As much as she would want to leave now she’s even more terrified of the world she’s been brought into. So, she keeps to herself. Not talking to either of the other two women unless absolutely necessary. In my opinion the reason Kate got her gift at all was because she was so guarded against Sasha and Tanya.

Sasha tried to talk to her first, telling her they would get over this as a family but as she rested her hand on Kate’s back, we’ll you guessed it. She was wracked with pain, and her screams of course, brought Tanya in a rush. She’d had enough of Kate’s attitude anyway but as she went to attack her, same thing, Kate grabbed her hand to block her and electricity flowed through the hand she used to grab Tanya and now Tanya was doubled over in pain until Kate released her. Kate, on her end, had no idea how she did that and just told them not to touch her again. When they go hunting Tanya tries to convince Sasha to let Kate leave but Sasha saw Kate as protection. So, at this point any scary stories about the volturi are turned to the max. Sasha tells her how she would either be enslaved or killed due to her power and she should only use it in emergencies. Great, Kate thinks, now I really can’t leave.

She still doesn’t say much. And now that they know what she can do, they don’t push it. Kate starts practicing though or she wants to. Because she realizes she has no idea how to control and now she can barely feel anything emanating from her fingertips. But she’s angry, her human memories are fading and what she does remember is foggy, as if her brain has a protective mist around her past life. So, when she goes hunting she goes at night, more easily hidden. She realizes she can see her powers when she “accidentally” brushed by someone. Great. She can work with this, and she does, she walks with a cloak, trying to blend so she can reach out and see exactly how much she has each time she focuses on shocking somebody. When the humans start to get loud she quickly feeds and moves on. She somewhat hopes Tanya or Sasha try to confront her again, but they know better.

Then Sasha comes across Irina. A short and beautiful peasant girl. Perfect, no attachments. Kate is furious and fully plans to run away with the new vampire but stays quiet. Unfortunately for Kate, Irina had no family. Sasha was the perfect mother, and now she had sisters, perfect sisters she could count on. Irina was more than happy and while Tanya had resented Kate, the young vampires enthusiasm made her grow fond of Irina. Irina tried hard to get everyone to like her and really, Kate couldn’t help likening her either. So, she would talk to the younger girl, doing her hair and asking her what she liked. Tanya and Sasha are shocked she can even speak the same language as they hadn’t really heard her speak in years so they assumed she hadn’t bothered learning the newer language. This of course, makes Tanya all the more resentful of Kate. Unlike her, Kate begins tolerating Tanya’s presence at least for Irina. So they both play nice and after several years are at least indifferent to eachother. Sasha continues her warnings to Irina about the volturi but also states if she’s in trouble, they have Kate. Kate saw her words for what they were, she would be a sacrifice, she would be the one fighting or being taken while the others escaped.

Anyways, years and they all live rather peacefully. But while Irina looks youthful, what Sasha wants is a child, a perfect little child, that would never grow up. So when they’re supposed to go hunting, she steals Vasili and makes the poor baby undergo the worst pain possible. She tells the girls she has to visit a friend, and try as she might she couldn’t control the toddler. And well, you know the rest. The volturi come and they’re just as scary as Sasha said, and Kate…well Kate is so terrified she can’t even think about using her gift she has to protect Irina, so she decides to wait until they try and attack her. And then they, well they don’t. They kill Sasha but honestly she could care less about her, when Aro touches all of them it’s Kate’s mind that convinced him to let them go. Maybe Kate will want to join after a while, but not if they kill Irina. So he comes up with the excuse to let them go, it’s not a lie anyway they really didn’t know, but this way Caius gets to do his thing and now he at least has an ally in Kate (so he thinks).

Irina and Tanya are heartbroken so Kate becomes their pillar. Well she becomes Irinas pillar and Tanya’s emotional punching bag. Tanya thinks she should have helped their mother, Irina is just crying all the time. And frankly Kate is just terrified everything her maker said was true (it’s not) and she’s trying to keep Irina calm. Tanya grieves her own way and they let her, and shortly Irina follows suit. Kate just lured the men in for a meal she couldnt care less about any more emotional attachment.

Until Carmen and Eleazar come, Tanya and Kate are back on barely talking unless Irinas around. Kate follows the diet because Irina begs her to, she felt especially bad about a man she had grown actual feelings for. And whatever, blood is blood. Eleazar is very kind but Carmen is the one who charms them. Carmen and Kate become friends immediately and is actually the one that invites them to join, partly because she’d enjoy more company and partly because Tanya can’t turn them away when they’re so thankful that she’s been so welcoming. Kate has an evil smirk when Tanya glares at her. But honestly it’s for the best, Carmen gets Kate to break down why she’s so hurt about everything. So she forced Tanya and her to basically just air it all out. Tanya feels better to know that she was going to save Irina, and Kate agrees to play nice (she still hurt about her abduction though). After a few weeks they are neutral again and after awhile have the same relationship roommates might have. Still the two to fight the most but most everyone takes that sibling bickering. It’s not.

This the relationship between the sisters until Irina is triggered by Restingheartrate. Those volturi fears once again resurface. When she’s killed Tanya and Kate do grow closer but now they have nothing bonding them together. Kate found Garrett and soon enough they will leave for at least a few years to get to know eachother. And as much as she loves Carmen, she knows Garrett won’t judge her past. Or her feelings towards her family. She doesn’t have to hide how she didn’t grieve Sasha, how she still can’t fully forgive Tanya for some reason. And for his credit, he doesn’t. Garrett reassures her, let’s her have fun, and I mean actual fun being a vampire, and frankly their energy brings out the best in eachother. Tanya and her are cordial when they see one another but that’s it. They have nothing to connect the two anymore and now Tanya is all alone, she still doesn’t have her own person. She’s puts on a brave face but is bitter that she ended up with no one and nothing Carmen says will change that. I imagine they all live as a coven of five for a few years before she goes on her own to be a nomad.

[bawdybean]

I saw you mention in the comments that you were also banned from the 30+ Fanfic Discord Server without warning or explanation. Would you be willing to share your story?

Sure why not. So I joined the server because I had several friends on there who were enjoying it, and then once I was there, a bunch MORE friends joined. It was nice for a bit, but I noticed quite quickly that there was one mod (Adela) who was... a bit aggressive. A hair trigger for correcting others but often did not follow the rules themselves- and that bothered me a lot due to previous fandom experience.

As an example, I invited a friend, and then left quite quickly because within a single day, Adela had come at them over their opinion on the ability of someone to write from a perspective they don't have (such as writing across genders etc). The mod apologized eventually and said they were very touchy about it because of a friend. Oookay. The flags were there but I chose to keep giving it a try. It is supposed to be a server full of adults (30+ is the whole point) and we were encouraged to act like adults- in the rules. But in practice, any phrase that any member or mod could interpret wrong was worthy of the mods reminding us not to do X Y o r Z because it might be offensive to someone. When I spoke up and asked that also maybe everyone could assume good intent as well? I was shushed and talked down to. I always felt that the mods were trying to "parent" the server. Adela in particular. One mod would tell me one thing and then Adela would come in HOURS later to correct both me and that mod.

Finally fed up with this I messaged the Server Owner Maryberry. I explained that I felt Adela was targeting some members of the server, and that I felt treated like a child, that ill intent was assumed in members actions first, but that Adela herself often did the things she corrected of others, even though they were not within the rules. I further explained that I had had a previous bad experience with a mod in a large server where I was a mod and that Adela bore a striking resemblance in behaviors. So in fairness part of it was me being set off by that. I asked if I was allowed to block a mod, because this is not explicitly stated in the rules but is the advice we/I would have given in much larger servers in case of a mod/member conflict. I also edxplained that several others had complained to me about Adela's behavior, including getting a DM from a server member I did not know, saying Adela was just like this and that Adela had treated her that way too, and she just wanted me to know I wasn't alone. I blacked out the persons name and passed that message along to Maryberry as well, naively thinking that perhaps they were too close to the situation and just not aware that they had a mod making a LOT of people uncomfortable. Maryberry asked if theycould tell Adela I had a problem with her, and i requested she not as I did not see how that would help in any way. They then requested time to think over if I should be allowed to block a mod. They decided I could, but that I would be at risk of missing messages that were important. I pointed out that I had a partner in the server who would relay those if needed, and that there was rarely if ever only a single mod on and proceeded to block Adella. Who continued to ping me with replies, respond to my comments (at times aggressively still), and all that came with that. I decided to stop speaking in the server because so often what I said drew attention from Adela, and with it criticism or unhelpful argument for the sake of argument. They have (had, idk if its still around) a public channel for asking questions and making suggestions for rule changes etc to the server, and one day someone was upset and requested a new rule that we not be allowed to make any jokes about any language we aren't a native speaker of (such as not being able to say: English can't verb, unless we are native English speaker. I chimed in that it might also be helpful to just assume good intent on the part of other server members and talk to them if they say something you feel is offensive since there is no real way to police if a person is a native speaker of a given language or not. And again a rule like that seemed unnecessarily "mommy-ing" of the adults in this server that claims to promote a mature atmosphere. Another mod responded to me, we all chatted in the channel things seemed fine. Adela came in hours later and scoured my ass, with a pinged reply. At this point I did behave poorly. I admit it. I unblocked Adela and DMd them that I had unblocked them specifically to let them know that I did not appreciate their behivior and that I was requesting that they no ping/reply/address me at all. I sent a screen shot of that DM to MaryBerry. I was not cruel, but I was BLUNT, and I did tell Adela that I did not appreciate her response. For transparency here is a shot of what I sent her.

what I then sent to the server owner

and the warning I received in response:

At this point I decided that the only way for me to be able to be present in the server was to be a lurker, watching and enjoying what my friends and partner participated in but not able to share anything myself. But I stayed because it was one server, where a lot of people I knew had congregated and so much easier than DMing 15 people to keep up with them. Then **4 months later** came the bruhaha that was referenced in part one of this blog. Adela broke rules again, it caused a stir and people spoke up, including me about this continuing to be an issue [mods not applying the rules to themselves or their friends] and retaliating against those who spoke up. One mod asked me in honestly in public chat why I stayed in the server if i did not feel i could even speak in it, and I answered honestly, that I stay because i know and am liked by many people here, and its nice to see what they are up to. Another mod suggested that perhaps I should evaluate if the server was a good fit for me since I didn't feel I could participate, and in that context it came off very much as "get out" to the point of other people asking as well in chat. I asked for clarification if I was being asked to leave the server of my own accord, and was told that no, that was a decision for me to make. I chose to stay, and was unceremoniously banned a day or two later without any further interaction from any mod, any notification, or warning. To be clear in the idk 9+ mo I was in the server I received one warning and I accepted it. As shown above. That was MONTHS before I was banned. When several of my friends asked why I was banned in open chat, the mods released their patented "we never ban without communicating why/warning/etc" and said that unfortunately I was banned for reasons "unrelated" to me questioning why the rules did not apply to the mods.

[autisticlee]

almost every time I have met online friends irl, they stop talking to me either immediately after or very soon after, usually after increasingly acting weird or distant towards me. it makes me feel awful. and then i'm afraid to meet anyone irl again.

I feel so silly and stupid that I have a lowkey fear creeping below the surface about going to visit my friend and their gf this summer. what if they end up hating me 🙃 i've thought about mentioning it to my friend, but I don't want to make them feel bad about it!!!!!! it's not their fault I feel this gross fear. they didn't do anything to make it happen. they're super excited and always tell me about it!! i'm the one that is struggling to feel excited because i'm haunted by past experiences that will not stop repeating like i'm stuck in an endless loop of hell!!!!! 😭

I try to remind myself that thos friend also

I seem to give off this bad vibe irl that everyone except me notices and it makes people want to avoid me. I don't know what it is or how to fix it but I wish I could!!!! perhaps i'm just simply not likable 🥲 i've had people want to be roommates and act like best friends meet me irl and suddenly start avoiding me until they straight-up ghost me. I don't understand 😔

i'm very willing to work on myself....if I knew wtf was wrong with me!!!!! but I do not!!

I also fear it's something I can't change and it's something that's part of me, so I literally can't do anything unless I mask and become a fake person. but that's so uncomfortable and lonely in itself and feels pointless. what if it's just normal autism traits and people are assholes???? then I have no choice in the matter.

everyone tells me i'll ~find the right ones~ or whatever. befriend other autistic or ND people. but it never matters. they all end up the same in the end!!!!! fellow autistic and adhd people have hurt me MORE than NTs!!! do you know how many times I thought I did find "the right people," made them promise to not do what the last ones did, promise to respect my needs and boundaries, and promise to be honest and talk everything out, but then a little while down the way they do exactly the same shit they promised not to that everyone else did?!

when the same shit keeps happening over and over, at what point does it stop being "other people are the assholes" and become "im obviously the problem" ??????? i'll have people tell me it's not me that's the problem. it's other people. those same people will become "the other people" themselves. so is it REALLY them that's the problem, or am I too goddamn stupid to know what's wrong with me and what i'm doing wrong ?!

sometimes people will put a blame on me but not tell me why it's me. just a broad statement with no details that point fingers at me. "you're gaslighting me" (after opening up to a close friend group about a difficult thing I had just experienced and that was the response one gave and then completely ghosted with no explanation, leading to the whole group abandoning me)

sometimes people will complain about certain things I can't help. "you ruined my whole day!" (some girl telling me this, a few months later after kicking me out of a group. I needed help navigating nyc subway to the bus station because my phone GPS didn't work there and she said it was ok, she'd gladly help me. then yelled at me about it a while later when she got mad about something else, about how I ruined her day that time by making her help me and being a burden 🙃✌️)

sometimes someone will drop out basically mid conversion, get extremely distant, go from replying with novels to one word replies until not responding at all, then suddenly block me a year later after ignoring me. only to come at me with "you stopped caring about me and haven't messaged me in a year" despite our last messages being me saying I miss them, them saying they've been busy (despite having the time to talk to multiple other people and ppat their message screenshots online every day and be online all the time) and me responding telling them to message me when they aren't busy so we can chat again, but never getting a response!!) only for them to admit they muted me and didn't want to talk to me "for no reason" they literally said that to me lmao wtf. how is there "no reason"

sometimes it IS them that's the problem though. like one girl who accused me of liking her and sabotaged our whole friendship based on these baseless delusions she had. sje decided she was going to "choose" to be straight (she's bi) and decided i'm a "man" (I was trans masc and starting my transition at the time, but am actually nonbinary. it was just required to be trans masc where I live to get treatment. nb people aren't allowed) and she decided guys and girls can't ever be "just friends" she even got very upset at me when I told her she's wrong and not even my type and i'm asexual/probably aromantic. she claims I ~knew saying that would hurt her~ because she apparently told me that kind of thing hurts her before. I did not know this, she never told me this. that's also a weird thing to think/say??? saying it upsets you that someone ISNT attracted to you but also being upset and ruining the friendship if they are??? what the fuck lmao. goofy behavior. I thought she'd be delighted to hear she was wrong about that but nope. she wanted to feel good that someone liked her even if it cost the friendship. haha weird 🙃 she also talked shit about me being autistic at one point lol. fellow ND being a ND hater. sue was all kinds of messed up, but at least I knew it was for sure her that was the problem and not me this one time. but she wasted so much of my time and energy that I can't get back.

it's not always clear why people do what they do, and it drives me insane until I can figure it out. most of the time I cannot. so I go on knowing i'll unknowingly fuck everything up yet again. it feels guaranteed.

I just want a stable and comfortable friendship that's close and secure. one I know will last. one where I can relax and enjoy the time with the other person and not have to be hyperaware of every little detail and look out for potential patterns I recognize that every friendship seems to fall into just like the last, that will lead to the same shit. then force me to have to try harder to save the friendship before it gets worse!!!! but trying seems to make it worse somehow. I don't fuckijg know.

I AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE. i've reached the point where I don't have the energy or willpower to try getting closer with anyone and have to sit here feeling lonely and disconnected from everyone. I don't feel like I have even one single person I can trust or rely on. not one. if I go to anyone, i'll just burden and annoy them. they can say I won't all the want, but that's always a lie. always. last time I trusted a group wo told me that, I got told I was gaslighting them. not told why or how. but apparently losing a thing important to me and confiding in my closest friends about it is "gaslighting" now and is justification to cancel me from our group trip and then not invite me back into the group chat when I switch accounts LOL.

after that shit, I just cannot. I genuinely thought that were "THE ONES" you know, those mythical "the right people" i'm alwaus being told about thar apparently exist. but every time I find them, I am wrong. so I have no fucking clue what to even look for. they seemed so good at first!!!! how do I find better???? and how do I not fuck it up wven thought I can't figure out what the FUCK I did wrong by sharing a very deep, personal, important thing with my closet trusted friends?!

if "the right people" can't even accept me then wtf am I supposed to do??? I feel like I either deserve this, not having friends or anyone to rely on, or I just have to accept that i'll always be alone. maybe I can have little casual surface friendships....but I'll never have anything deeper and closer. i'll never have the type of thing I feel I need that's hard to explain. maybe it's just the trust of knowing something will last and is stable. i've never had that. i've been walking on egg shells my whole life around everyone. and its so uncomfortable and sucks. it makes me feel so goddamn lonely. especially when I see everyone else has their person or people.

and don't get me wrong, i'm fine with being alone by myself. if I lock myself up and don't see or pay attention to others, i'm perfectly fine and don't feel lonely. it's as soon as I see other people being together, and ESPECIALLY when i'm woth other people that I feel this deep and painful sad/loneliness that doesn't go away until i'm away from people for a while again. but even of i'm enjoying my alone time, there's often things I want to do that require others, so I can't do them and it makes me feel bad. my old therapist telling me last time I was avoiding people due to (unknown at the time) autistic burnout, that we are a social species and require interaction with other people, so I NEED to make friends and interact with others always echos in my mind. I wish I DIDNT need others and can lock myself up alone forever. that feel less painful than trying to be with others. seeing and being with others makes me feel awful and alone. being literally alone feels comfortable and not lonely, most of the time. as long as I have a single-person hyperfocus to occupy my entire existence with.

but despite feeling like this, the burnout I hit from losing several important things to me at once about a couple years ago and my friend group ditching me when I needed them most is debilitating and still going strong. I feel like this is my new permanent state of being. I don't have the energy to put any effort into friendhips. if they don't maintain themsleves or the other person doesn't put in most of the effort, I WILL let it die and act like I don't give a fuck (I do, I just don't have the power to stop it). it's all on the other person's shoulders to carry the friendship the way I carried all the ones in my past. it's my turn to be the unresponsive friend who doesn't put in effort and responds with one word. not because I secretly hate the person/friendhipz but because i'm perpetually burnt out and literally can't do much anymore. I just can't.

that doesnt mean I can't keep complaining about how lonely and disconnected I feel!!! just because i'm not trying to fix it doesn't mean my feelings are invalid! "just keep trying" only works for people who have the ability to try. my ability was destroyed and am now unable. I would need a miracle of a person who puts in enough effort and genuinely cares enough about me to nurse me out of burnout hell to the point where I can put full trust and faith into them and call them my best friend.

but I doubt that will happen. I won't believe it until I see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being "positive" and hoping for the best keeps biting me in the ass and makes the fall hurt even more. I do not have the spoons and willpower and energy for that again i'm sorry 😭

wow this was a long ramble. it's taken me 2 hours to write this. I just wrote exactly what my brain was saying and rambled off topic. this was originally supposed to be about how, while I want to be excited to visit my friend and their gf, it's really hard to because all my past experiences make FEAR lurk around every corner.

I expressed an anxiety to my friend about the trip but only said it was about going to the airport and flying for the first time ever. and alone at that. if I tell them about this little hell demon on my shoulder, it may upset them. they're always telling me how they're so excited and I can't ruin that!!!! the more excited they are, the more comfortable/less worried I feel i'm allowed to be about it??? I NEED that energy personally. and I want them to keep that for themsleves as well. especially when it's not that I don't trust THEM. I don't trust myself. I could do any number of things wrong and make a good, fun, exciting trip go bad, or create a bad after-effect that makes it all slowly break down after. my friend expressed even wanting me to move in with them and their gf. be roommates. where have I heard that one before lmao. multiple other times before a seemingly good friendship gets destroyed for unknown reasons 😭

I hate that my brain has to live this way thanks to past traumas. cptsd mixed with autism/adhd is literally hell. but when you basically never know if you're the one fucking everything up accidentally, are afraid to hurt someone important again, don't know what a real/healthy friendhip is meant to look like due to never experiencing one, and don't have the energy to deal with this shit anymore, it's impossible to make your brain chill the fuck out.

there is a chance everything will go well and nothing will change. there is a smaller chance things will even improve. I can only hope, even if I know hoping for things ends up hurting more.

"what's the worst that can happen" i'm always asked, as if the person asking thinks nothing bad can happen. imagine being very far away from home and your trusted best friend you're there with betrays and hurts you for who knows what stupid reason, and you're stranded there, alone and upset, with no one around you who cares or wants to help or comfort you. you're treated like a burden and have no one to turn to. you're trapped and alone, surrounded by strangers in a big scary city. your whole world and everything you knew is falling apart in your hands as you try desperately to patch it badk together, but your once trusted person is purposely pulling out the seams. your supposed-to-be-happy experience is forever tainted and ruined. you get blamed for it all when you're confused and lost as to what even happened! it takes years to put the pieces together and come to a conclusion about what and why it happened. but that experience left deep scars that affect everything that comes after.

I don't want want that to happen again lmao. I cant make my brain not have intrusive flashbacks when faced with a similar scenario. it's literally how trauma works.

i've heard you can heal from trauma. but is that possible when the trauma wound constantly gets reopen every time it even starts to heal? if the same shit that caused you trauma keeps happening over and over and over and over....things replying in your head end up repeating themelves despire your best efforts to go a different direction....how do you heal? how do you convince your brain to not feel like this and think these things when it feels like reality rather than a worry since these things have happened literally 100% of the time!

that's the problem. you can't heal a flesh wound by rubbing dirt and shit and sharp objects on it all the time. I feel like the only way to heal is to be able to have someone I can actually trust and reply on. someone who proves to me that they won't become another source of trauma. the wond needs a clean and stable environment to heal in.

but i'm broken. i'm annoying. i'm incredibly boring and have no personality. my interests are few and very weird. i'm not likable to most people or for very long and do and say the wrong things all the time. etc etc. *throws pity party or whatever that's actually based on facts probably because no one proved them wrong yet and idk the real reason so i'm simply guessing* so how am I supposed to make a person do this lmao since you can't force people to like you and be a good friend. I also can't force myself to like people so the person needs to be someone *I* like and feel comfortable and connected with as well. hitting two birds with one stone is.....not easy. especially when you're as clumsy and uncoordinated as me.

hopefully my trip goes well. hopefully a miracle happens and we get closer. but I can't rely on it. I can't even think about it. I keep making myself focus on other things and nkt think. but sometimes something reminds me and then this now THREE HOUR long rant happens. 😭✌️

[cozypups]

so apparently it isn't going to be a formal type of psych evaluation, but rather similar to the last guy i was seeing........ but this guy doesn't seem to be like the other guy i guess, but i feel like i want to scream, I'm seeing a therapist but it doesn't seem like she understands my situation, i fucking hate it when I'm trying to open up about things and figure other things out and just having someone listen and comfort me and offer a potential solution after they know the proper treatment, but all that has been fucking happening is i slightly touch on my struggles and they say to write a todo list and break it up into blocks, set alarms, make a schedule, but how the hell am i supposed to do that when that's exactly what i struggle with to begin with? like, my family understands mental health i GUESS, but even at times where I'm literally suffering and mentally exhausted out of my mind, I'm expected to push through because that's life, and then my mom brings up that she's tired too, but that she has no choice and then I'm expected to help her when she needs it, and then when I'm on the edge of a meltdown or irritable she reacts as if I'm feeling that way on purpose even though i hate how i feel the majority of the time and always say i hate it when i get that way around people because i don't like hurting others. i don't use anything as an excuse, i never would unless saying it would help someone understand me more, I'm just severely mentally ill with suppressed emotions and i don't even know how i managed to get this far. i wouldn't say I'm in an abusive household, they mean well, but honestly i know I'm capable of so much more but i feel like i should just suck it up and stop complaining because things involve making an effort

[earthtooz]

U WANNA HEAR CHARACTER IDEAS? hold on *scrolls through my 19384567 page document of reo hcs* (i wish that existed)

reo.. reo my luvr. movie nights with him are a NIGHTMARE. my man manspreads over the whole couch like... you can't even call that manspreading anymore. it does NOT matter how big the couch is. he always takes up most of it... almost like a cat. except he doesn't even do it on purpose. will sometimes also fall asleep like this while ur buried underneath him — looks like ur gonna have to sleep on the couch as well, unless you wanna wake him up. oh and, when he's sleeping on the couch, he also snores like a middle aged dad (gets worse once he actually becomes a dad).

ALSO !! talking abt cats... he's actually a dog person. i can definitely see him owning something like a border collie, given his s/o is on board with it and is able to spend time w the dog as well bc i recon he unfortunately doesn't have that much time :(( and i think he'd always wanted a pup when he was younger but that was the one thing his parents never allowed him to get

sorry this got kinda long... i just love reo

DON'T APOLOGISE I LOVE UR IDEAS !!!! I ALWAYS WANT TO HEAR ABT THEM LAY THEM OUT FOR ME ON A TABLE AND I'D SIT DOWN AND LISTEN !!!!

the movie night one is SOOO true :( even if you start upright, on respective sides of the couch, he'll always crawl towards you and lay himself all over you until all you can do is sink underneath him :(( like hey... big man... can you... not? one wrong move and he'll pull you right back, unless you need to pee. at least he's nice enough to let you go momentarily until you come back and he spreads himself all over you again.

oh and his couch is one of those massive 'L' shaped ones so you have more than one option of where to lay whilst watching movies on that gigantic screen of his!!!!

when he rests on the shorter end of the 'L' (i hope u know which part i'm talking abt- the one that sticks out), you know that he's doing that with the intention of fully falling asleep on you because there, he can't even see the damn movie. you have figured out his antics and he knows it but he still gets his way no matter what, even if you coax him.

won't know that you've slipped out of his grasp for a while. i headcanon that reo is one of those sleepers who fall in and out of consciousness, like he just randomly wakes up in the middle of the night and falls asleep breezily again. during these intervals of wakeness, he realises 'what the shit, where did y/n go' and proceed to hunt you down.

the fact he snores is such an endearing ick </3 HELP WHAT IF YOU MOVE AWAY FROM HIM BECAUSE HE SNORES AND THEN YOU TELL HIM ABOUT IT AND HE'S ABSOLUTELY BETRAYED like 'bby... wtf do u mean you don't like my snoring... when you told me you liked everything about me, that must include my snoring'. then you try and justify yourself and just can't without sounding like a hypocrite. you never complain about it again, eventually learning to block out how loud he is, especially whilst next to your ear.

AND THE DOG HC :((( i have a border collie and i love her sm she's the best dog i'll ever have i absolutely adore her :,) ANYWAYS, no i so agree. maybe even a golden retriever or australian shepherd bc they're both such beautiful breeds AHHHHH imagining reo with a small dog doesn't feel right. IMAGINE HIM TAKING IT OUT FOR A RUN OR A HIKE BC IT'S THE ONLY EXTENDED DURATION OF TIME HE CAN SPEND WITH IT :( buys it the most expensive treats too like damn the dog its it up every time!!!

i counter your long ask with an even longer response bc as soon as you enabled me, the floodgates didn't stop.