#but then kevin literally says exy sucks

[foxstens]

what's worse than au's without exy? au's where exy exists but they play another sport

[plutoslvr]

Okay so in my last Kevin post, I mentioned I have analysis' on how Kevin isn't a coward and how his trauma still affects him and you guys wanted to read it so here!

Why Kevin Day Isn’t a Coward: 

Essentially this comes down to 3 specific points in the fandom and even in the books since people are very adamant about the whole coward thing. The two things that people (in book and fandom-wise) use to argue that Kevin is a coward are: 

Kevin is still afraid/ doesn’t stand up to Riko 

That he left Jean behind in the nest.

Starting off with the first point. Kevin is still afraid and doesn’t stand up to Riko for the majority of the books. Firstly, we need to understand that Kevin has been abused from an extremely young age in the Nest and was conditioned into thinking that kind of behaviour was normal. And by that I mean specifically Riko’s abuse but before that, it was Coach Moriyama that abused both of them. 

He was stuck in the Nest for over a decade where his only role was “property” the entire time. That was all he would ever be to them and additionally to that, he wasn’t even allowed to be better than Riko. His entire life from the very start has been about exy but it was only after his mothers death where it became life or death. 

During tfc when Neil finds out how Kevin’s hand really broke Wymack says “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."

He wasn’t raised to have anything else, exy is quite literally his everything, and without it, he has nothing and nobody. In this same scene, Wymack says, “Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away.”

We never find out in detail what exactly happened to Kevin in the Nest but in TRK when Neil goes there we can see how deluded and obsessed Riko is with Kevin.

Neil moved up alongside him and regretted it almost immediately. Postcards of faraway cities both foreign and domestic were taped to the walls. Beneath each one were scraps of paper. Kevin's now-familiar scrawl listed dates and explanations for the travels. Most of them were games. Some indicated photo shoots and interviews. Books lined the shelves built into the headboard and Neil knew from skimming the spines they were Kevin's. Kevin was majoring in history for reasons Neil couldn't understand; these dry titles were the sorts of things he would find fascinating. It gave Neil chills to see his space preserved like this. It was like Kevin had gone out on an errand, not that he'd transferred to another team entirely.

Riko is so sure that Kevin is going to come back to him because he’s instituted such fear into him, he doesn’t think Kevin has the strength to stand up to him. Which he does, but people don’t seem to realise you can’t undo over a decade's worth of trauma overnight. 

Anyway, during Neil’s time in the Nest, he’s treated very similarly to how Kevin would be considering he was in his place but also not as harsh because they had to send Neil back to the Foxes inevitably.

"I am going to love hurting you," Riko said, "like I loved hurting Kevin."

What follows this is Riko tying Neil down and torturing him with a switchblade. By the time Neil leaves the Nest he doesn’t remember anything from the experience- he was so traumatised by it that he doesn’t remember it at all. (It also kinda sucks how Neil gets more sympathy for being in the nest for 2 weeks than Kev did for being there for over a decade.)

Putting this into perspective, Kevin went through that for so much longer and doesn’t get nearly enough of the same sympathy Neil did. Neil returned and Kevin got punched for letting him go even though he tried persuading Neil not to. Kevin has always had Neil’s best interest at heart. 

Kevin shook his head and bulled on when Neil started to argue. "The master wants to salvage you. He's going to sign you to the Raven lineup in spring. So long as you keep quiet and keep your head down he won't tell the main family he's found you." "I'm not a Raven," Neil said. "I never will be." "Then run," Kevin insisted, low and frantic. "It's the only way you'll survive."

Kevin was willing to sacrifice the only chance he had to prove his autonomy to the Moriyamas if it meant Neil would be safe. Without Neil, they wouldn’t have enough players to qualify and they wouldn’t be able to play at all. (Again: “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it.")

Not to mention the whole “Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court." It was barely a whisper, but it cut Neil to the bone. It was a resentful goodbye to the bright future Kevin had wanted for Neil. Kevin recruited Neil because he believed in Neil's potential. He brought him to the Foxes intending to make a star athlete out of him. Despite his condescending attitude and his dismissals of Neil's best efforts Kevin honestly expected Neil to make the national team after graduation.

And even after that, he promised to teach Neil, because at the end of the day, Neil was still Neil and he never gave up on him once.

And Neil understood that being on the run for 8 years was more preferable to the Nest. 

“But all Neil had to do was look at Kevin to know he would have hated that life 

too.”

Sorry I kinda went off track there anyway we can also see how much Riko’s presence still affects Kevin especially in scenes like the Kathy Ferdinand show. 

“Any animosity Neil felt toward Kevin for forcing him onto this show evaporated. He couldn't be angry when Riko was here, not when Riko was to Kevin what Neil's father was to him. Petty anger had nothing on this full-fledged terror.”

Obviously, we all know what a dickhead Neil’s dad was to him so Neil comparing the fear of his father being similar to Kevin’s fear of Riko is so important because it just puts into perspective how afraid Kevin is here face-to-face with his abuser the first time since said abuser permanently disabled him.

But what I don’t think is that Kevin has been standing upto Riko since the start because right after this when they were backstage, Kevin physically stopped Riko from hurting Neil even if it meant getting hurt by Riko again.

A black look twisted Riko's expression into something ugly and unrecognizable. He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm to stop him. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin's face without missing a beat.

This scene is probably the best to describe how downright afraid Kevin is of Riko but there are others when Kevin has multiple panic attacks at just the thought of Riko or being in the same vicinity as him and rightfully so! Riko abused him, manipulated him and then took away the only thing he had. And Kevin was just forced to think this was okay. 

And a lot of characters and fans see his fear as cowardice instead of a normal trauma response. This is also because Neil tends to speak out more against Riko than Kevin (You know I get it…) but unlike Neil, Kevin has had direct repercussions towards him for the “mistake” of talking back to Riko which of course makes him hesitant. 

He knows the Moriyamas could drag him back at any moment and he's terrified of that happening.

Which leads to the second bit of “Kevin doesn’t stand up to Riko.” when many times, he has.

The most prominent example is in TRK, just after the foxes lost their first match to the ravens.

“You have fallen so far, Kevin. You should have stayed down and saved us the trouble of forcing you back to your knees." "I'm satisfied," Kevin said. It was the last response any of the Foxes expected from him. They forgot about Riko in favor of gaping at Kevin. "Not with their score or performance, but with their spirit. I was right. There's more than enough here for me to work with."

Kevin chose the foxes over the ravens- over Riko. He doesn’t allow their loss to become something Riko can use against him but instead something to affirm his current standing with them. This is also the first game Andrew played without his meds meaning he’s crashed by the end of it.

Kevin distracted the Ravens from Andrew's unsteadiness by facing them.

Kevin willingly turned to talk to his ex-abuser and his team if it meant Andrew wouldn’t be under fire. Most people only see Kevin and Andrew as Andrew protecting Kevin but Kevin protected Andrew just as much.

And of course we have the whole tattoo removal and the last exy match against the foxes but I need everyone to understand that those are so so so important. Kevin spent the entire series save the last quarter of the last book viewing himself as Riko’s property. Riko refers to him as such and even without Riko near him, his control is still strong over Kevin.

So Kevin removing his tattoo and replacing it with something with a higher hierarchical structure than Riko’s status as king is so detrimental, it’s a turning point for him because he’s viewing himself as his own person now. And Kevin scoring the winning goal brings us full circle because the last time he did that with Riko, he ended up disabled and shunned.

This brings me to my second point about Kevin running away from the nest. Alot of people see Kevin escpaing from the nest and leaving behind Jean as an act of cowardice. This bit gets a bit complicated because in no way shape or form am I trying to compare trauma’s or anything like that.

But to continue on. The ravens had a very strict policy that we got to see during Neil's experience one of which being that no matter how injured they were, they were still expected to show up to practice. The more mistakes they made the more punishment they'd find themselves in. Not showing was practically a death wish.

Now Kevin having his hand fucking broken would mean thay either he doesn't practise and get punished or practise with his fucked up hand and further damage it. If he stayed I wholeheartedly believe he would've died.

He ran away to save his life and that will never be cowardice not once. He didn't go to Wymack immediately when he found out because he knew what kind of target he'd paint on Wymacks back.

"He was trying to protect him," Neil said. "If Coach knew Kevin was his son, he'd have tried to take him from Edgar Allan." Nicky grimaced. "They'd have never let Kevin go." 

He only left when he had no other option. He had nothing left, the one thing he did have was taken away from him, he had no purpose and for once Riko didn't care enough about him to pay attention. And he used that to run.

Leaving Jean behind was something he always regretted, but it was a game of survival. Jean was a gift to the Moriyamas, he was also property to them and couldn't leave. And if the roles were reversed I strongly believe Jean would've done the same thing.

Also Kevin finds a place for him layer with the trojans because he knew that being a fox wouldn't be good for him.

"He isn't safe with us," Kevin said. "I won't give him false hope."

Staying in the nest would've been suicide for Kevin. He's one of the biggest victims in the series but nobody talks about it enough I fear and there's so much to learn about him via context clues etc.

And the saddest thing in my opinion is that Kevin knew was it was like to be loved, he was raised by his mother for a few years before going to the Moriyamas. 

ANYWAY to conclude, I suck at essays and I hope I've worded everything well and what I'm trying to say gets across. Kevin is not a coward, never has been a coward and never will be. He's survived through such a damaging and abusive environment only to get moved to a separate environment where everyone just ridicules his defense tactics and he has no real sense of support. 

His reasons for what he does always stems from the fact the he doesn't want to go back to being under Riko and Coach Moriyamas "care" and that he's afraid. And most of the time it's things he can't shake from the nest.

Like when he pushes the foxes its so they're always at their best and so none of them get hurt or punished for mistakes. He pushed himself the hardest because he doesn't want to directly affect his teammates. 

Or the celebrity persona he was forced to develop.

Or how he makes sure everyone is staying healthy and that they don't force themselves to play when sick or injured because he knows what it's like to be forced to play like that day after day. 

AND IVE GONE OFF COURSE AGAIN yeah I kinda mashed together both analysis' of how Kevin's trauma from the nest affects him and how he's not a coward into one thing AND THIS IS SUPER LONG so if ur still here thank you very much for reading I really hope this makes sense

[stabbyfoxandrew]

oh that sucks :( take care of yourself <3

I'd like to request either Mafia restaurant or vamp drew this week, whatever you feel like sharing most <3

WIP Wednesday (10/16) | Mafia Front Restaurant AU (Part 234)

"You have nothing to worry about." He says with a soft smile, trying his best to reassure. But Kevin doesn't look comforted at all, he looks like he's considering handcuffing them both to the radiator. Jean resists the urge to laugh at that image and starts to smooth out the worry lines on Kevin's face.

"You have nothing to worry about," he repeats. "Neil and I have each other. We watch each other's backs, always have."

"I know you do, but..." Kevin bites his lip and closes his eyes, dropping his forehead onto Jean's chest. "I don't want you to go. This shit scares me."

"I know," Jean whispers into Kevin's hair. "But Neil and I were born for this. Literally. Born for this. To play exy or to be soldiers. And exy's off the table, love."

"I wanna put it back on." Kevin mumbles.

"Hey, I thought of something for you to do.” Jean says, making Kevin look up. Jean drops his voice to a whisper. “You could tidy up the apartment with no clothes on."

It makes Kevin laugh, which was the desired effect. "That's ridiculous. You won't even be here to see it."

"But I'll be thinking about it.” Jean winks, making Kevin huff another laugh. He hugs him tight, then kisses him. "I love you."

"I love you." Kevin says. "Be safe. Please."

"We will," says a voice behind them. Jean turns to see Nathaniel standing there dressed like a reaper. All black from his head to his toes. Anyone else might think he was headed to a funeral. But Jean knows Mary Hatford's pistol is tucked away somewhere, along with a pair of the Butcher's knives. Just in case. Nathaniel gestures to the two of them. "You gonna let us leave?"

[rsuuna]

theres sm tags i am SO not going back and rereading them 🙁

one of my favorite parts of the aftg fandom is that around once a week we have newbies on the tag like "omg i just finished the series i need something similar pls recommend". like, sorry bestie so do we. there's no moving on.

[youknow-igetit]

heres the thing

like, baltimore happened. right? right.

but like, absolutely none of the foxes believe that andrew and neil are together. like romantically. (it’s mildly plausible that they could have sexual relations with one another but it’s literally only allison that thinks that, and even she’s doubtful.)

(renee is the only outlier here but she doesn’t comment on any of it because she doesnt have a death wish because she’s andrew’s friend)

(maybe also aaron but he thinks they just fuck)

what with neil’s insistence on not swinging and andrews... andrewness, it makes no sense that they’d actually be together

they never touch whatsoever. no kissing (no evidence of kissing), no hugging, no hand-holding, nothing. not even an accidental bumping of knees between the two of them.

kevin refuses to talk to them about the topic, but nicky is a very talkative person. “I live in the same dorm as them. but i’ve never seen anything even slightly coupley.”

even allison is beginning to doubt herself.

by their second year most of the foxes have come to the conclusion that they just said it to get the foxes out of neil’s love life and to make them tolerate andrew at least a little more

like, of course they think that neil and andrew are friends, at least, no one could get that close to the little knife-wielding maniac andrew and not have some sort of connection

also they talk to each other a lot. andrew hardly talks to anyone else. the foxes interpret that as they 

but they kind of just brush it aside until it’s new year’s eve and all of the original foxes are there (because they’re not letting neil leave them again)

andrew and neil are off smoking and nicky’s like “okay guys a new bet.”

so nicky thinks that they’re together, full stop (because he’s lived with andrew for years he knows that he shows his affection differently). 

aaron thinks they’re just fucking and so does allison (one of the few times they have ever agreed on anything)

matt, dan, and kevin all think that they’re just close friends (because kevin is probably thinking about their exy careers and also the internalized homophobia that the nest drilled into him for years is still there)

renee isn’t a part of it (obviously)

and so the bet finally begins

neil and andrew probably know about it, but they also have no idea who thinks what and they also don’t really care. they know. that’s all that matters. they’re a very private people.

none of the freshman even know that andrew and neil are together in the first place, so they definitely don’t know about the bet

so the foxes start watch andrew and neil just a little bit more closely but they’re still not seeing anything different than how they acted before they were ‘out’

it isn’t until the next october that they get anything

they’re all in the girl’s suite (now only dan and allison, renee graduated the year before)

it’s all of the foxes, the new freshmen and the now-sophomores (bonding exercise, dan told neil. you’re all gonna be there) and all of the original ones

they’re all hanging out and some people are chatting but it’s kinda lame

so allison’s like “fuck it, we’re all playing never have i ever.”

they establish things such as if you feel uncomfortable revealing anything you don’t have to, no singling people out, etc

so the game begins and there’s the usual tame questions like “never have i ever skateboarded” and such

but it slowly delves into the more revealing things, like “never have i ever broken the law” (and nearly all of the foxes drink because they’re foxes)

but jack, the asshole, goes “never have i ever sucked dick”

nicky, obviously take a big gulp. and allison, dan, matt (”what?? i was experimental in high school”), andrew, kevin (everyone kinda knows about the hookup culture that the nest had, so whatever), and many of the freshmen and sophomores drink as well. and, astoundingly, so does neil

nicky literally gasps, allison coughs on her drink, the rest of the original foxes simply gape (except for kevin, who swears loudly) because there was no one that neil would give a blowjob to besides andrew

neil, completely unblushingly, goes “what?” at all of his speechless friends (except for kevin, who is still swearing. it was only twenty dollars that he lost, but still). andrew, next to him, has the same bored expression

so matt, kevin, and dan have already lost the bet, even if it’s still going strong

but eventually they’re all like okay yeah, whatever, they’re fucking, but that’s it

except nicky

so it basically all of the foxes trying to get neil (not andrew, andrew’s scary) that it’s a fwb thing without explicitly asking outright

but every time matt asks how his thing with andrew is going he just kinda shrugs and goes back to what he was doing because it hasn’t really changed much except they trust each other a lot more, both emotionally and physically but neil’s not gonna tell anyone that

so allison’s like “got any dick recently?” and neil’s like”???? yeah?? i guess???”

but suddenly it’s andrew’s fifth year and nearly all of the original foxes have graduated and the bet is still there, obviously, but it’s come to the point that if they stay together after andrew graduates then nicky’s right and he wins the bet

but it’s before that that shit goes down

so it’s spring break, and they’re all at the cabin that they went to that first time (i like to think that it becomes a tradition and no matter what, all the foxes are there every year)

so  it’s the third night and things are... tense

it’s not that andrew and neil are being quiet, since they usually don’t talk a lot, but the air around them seems charged, like a bomb about to go off

they’re all gathered around, sitting on assorted furniture or the floor, and their all conversing quietly and dan gets up, grabs an assorted but large selection of alcohols, and sets them on the coffee table, declaring that they’re going to play drinking games and absolutely no one can sit out (glaring pointedly at neil, who looks ready to bolt. he hasn’t had that expression on his face for years. they all hate it.)

it is, again, during a game of never have i ever, when things come to a crescendo

they’re all mildly tipsy at this point of the night, and neil and andrew are sitting on the same loveseat, but nearly as far away from each other as possible (they’re still playing, since dan insisted, and despite her having not been their captain for two years, she is still mentally their captain)

allison, because she felt emotional or it’s just the alcohol, goes “never have i ever been in love”

and dan and matt share dopey smiles as they both drink, aaron drinks, nicky stares off into space while drinking, thinking only of erik, and kevin takes a hesitant sip from his

its silent for a full second before neil, with a determined look on his face, looks andrew in the eye and takes a huge mouthful of the alcohol and swallows

no one says anything either from knowing better than to say anything or being physically incapable of speech

neil and andrew maintain eye contact before andrew, andrew, picks up his own drink and drains his glass

as if rehearsed, they both get up at the same time and storm outside onto the deck, slamming the door and shaking the paintings on the walls

it’s a terse silence as they hear faint voices arguing but it isn’t until they fall silent that kevin gets up to investigate but then immediately goes to sit back down after one glance out of the window

he picks up a bottle of vodka and drinks directly from it before going “they’re fine”

“how do you know?” matt asks tentatively

“because they’re making out”

the room is silent again, surprise coloring the air

and then

“pay up, bitches”

Nicky is very pleased upon knowing that his cousin actually does have someone to love and so does neil his adopted son but also that he won six hundred dollars (”I never should have fucking bet that much” allison muttered later)

and for the rest of their vacation everyone’s happy and fine and dandy and they all ignore those hickeys on andrew’s neck

[kazzyboy]

Andriel As Gamers (Kinda)

Andrew (@HolierThnThou03)

- Personal channel, separate from his team/exy life, so he can post whatever the fuck he wants

- And what does that mean?

- Chaos. Pure, unbridled chaos.

(Like the notes I made for this spontaneously at five this morning)

- Either shows up to stream in a complete, put-together outfit, carefully-done messy eyeliner, fresh out of the Maserati; or shows up in sweats and one of Neil’s old Jurassic Park shirts. He has three of his piercings in. One of his socks is missing. There is no in between

- Barely responds to chat, except when someone’s being fucking annoying (and not in normal fan sense, in horrible person sense) to publicly pause his game, stare directly at the screen, and psychologically demolish them for ten straight minutes. The mods (Typically Renee, Nicky, and Robin) calm everyone down and give the user a warning. If they say something horrible like that again, they’ll be kicked and blocked. No one ever gets to the second bit.

- Stares directly into the camera when he dies like he’s in The Office

- Mostly horror games, occasionally aesthetically-driven Minecraft builds

- Sort of stiffens and goes wide-eyed when he’s well and truly scared

- More often than not does story-oriented games

- Gets cancelled for saying shit like,”Disgusting. Horrible. Kill yourself.” When he gets nervous while playing horror games (except nearly everyone reacts like “he can’t be cancelled!!!” Which he can’t, because he was telling the game to kill itself, which his poor mods had to explain for several months after the initial pandemic.)

- Sarcastic, poetically-driven commentary. Gets memed for it, constantly (“Humor be like-“ picture of Andrew, blank-faced, while someone gets swallowed whole by an alien on camera,”the inner workings of my mind are an enigma”)

- Leaves randomly, midstream, for snacks. Doesn’t even pause the game. His chat goes insane every time

- Guest stars include Renee, Robin, King, Kevin, and occasionally Nicky and Aaron

- @/BetsyTheBee shows up in chat sometimes and no one knows who the fuck it is, but he thinks it’s funny so he waits till people start asking if they’re dating to tell them she is literally his therapist and basically his mother.

- Streams and posts lengthy, unedited content (bc he’s lazy, but he says it’s because his editor sucks. No one knows who it is. It’s Neil. Neil did not sign up for this responsibility.)

- Rock music constantly in the background

- Occasionally does a crime podcast with various Foxes, called Gravedigger -The High Road To No One

- Constantly the victim of copyright strikes, thanks to his posters, music, and shirts, and he wins every time. Constantly claims it’s the reason he chose to major in Criminal Law (or whatever it was, cheeky little shit)

- He purposely holds his controller weird when he uses one to piss people off

- Coffee. Just, so much coffee.

- Cries at the end of Rrdr2

Neil (@TheFoxSaysNJos10)

- Semi-professional channel, in which it was supposed to be professional but the PR managers had to fight Neil’s loud mouth and lost

- Constantly argues with chat (His mods, Allison, Matt, Dan, and occasionally Andrew ((undercover)), have to block so many people bc they actually try and start shit over his jokes. Not because Neil cared that they were insulting him, but because if they mentioned the Foxes he’d fucking kill them. And get away with it.)

- Professional exy player for Pro Palmetto State Foxes, Coached by Dan and Captained by Kevin Day (you can’t @ me I’ll die on this hill)

- Promotes stuff for the team by wearing/using it on stream/in interviews/events. To this day, it’s a mystery how no one realizes he wore Andrew’s hoodie three consecutive interviews in a row, his sweatpants in another, and Andrew’s stuff is literally all over his apartment (from random visits, made up of broken traffic laws and horrific gas prices)

- His poor, poor PR managers. ManagerS. There’s more than one. The trauma is too powerful

- Clips from exy games, interviews, and practice (Him and the Foxes sometimes react to compilations, from fails, funnies, and fights)

- Every time someone asks about his scars his story gets more ridiculous. He got smacked in the face with a flying jellyfish at the zoo when he was seven. He became self-aware before he was born and took a chunk out of god’s hand, so he was cursed. He tripped on a crack and broke his mother’s back. Neil what the fuck

- Collabs with Kevin’s conspiracy channel, posted at three in the morning somehow everywhere? There are a million mugs on the desk. Are they in a news station? A single light is on? What are they trying to summon???

- When he does post gaming videos, they have like a millions cuts thanks to all of his cursing, to the point that people think they’re actually just clips of him playing the same game

- He does randomly stream, which is beyond the power of professionalism

- He normally plays shooter games, and is deathly attached to Halo.

- No one wants to play multiplayer with him, though, even online strangers, because his insults are unnervingly accurate. How did you know I have forty eight tea cans on my desk. Lurking. Jail

- Sir!! He once devotes an entire three hour stream to playing games with Sir, to the point that he occasionally does Sir Sundays

- Plays random games out of nowhere (Wobbledogs, puzzle games, literal board games that he drags others into)

- Neil doesn’t get a mic on his headphones bc he’s too loud.

- Their fans constantly ask for Andrew and Neil to collab, thinking it’ll be a total bomb show, since they haven’t talked since college and they hated each other

- Because they are completely unaware of the fact that Andrew and Neil have been married since their third year of professional exy, thanks to one too many unauthorized hospital visits

- And no one knows that they’re waiting for Andrew’s five-year contract with the New York Lions to expire so he can move in with Neil back in Columbia and become a co-coach for the professional Foxes

- All the while, Andrew is helping Renee with a Shelter For Homeless And Troubled Youth, called The Fox Den.

[darlingbudsofrae]

Nicky Hemmick Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

It’s time for Nicky Hemmick appreciation hours!

I think out of the foxes, I really don’t like the way Nora developed, or lack thereof, Nicky’s character.

He was one of the few POC/LGBTQIAP+ characters in the books and the way he was written just wasn’t it, y’know?

I think out of all the changes we could have, I wish Nora developed him better because his character could’ve gone to so many potentials. 

But let’s get with what we have-

First off, I just want to say I appreciate Nicky’s relationship with Erik so much.

They’re adorable. 

Now, let’s get to the sad and dark stuff-

Nicky’s past is one of the most messed-up backstories I’ve ever read in my entire life. And I read a LOT of sad books.

Dude literally went to a gay conversion camp (the fact that this shit exists is proof that hell is just a place on earth) for a year and had to repress his sexuality his entire life because his parents were homophobic shitholes.

Repressing his sexuality also led to depression. He had freaking suicidal thoughts and he took the first way out of his problems and saved himself by taking the first chance to leave, aka Germany.

I’m not sure if anyone remembers but to get to that- he had to pretend he was something he was not. He had to play the “perfect son” role because he couldn’t afford to be himself in a place where his existence was deemed wrong.

Also, the fact that he had the capacity to do this- to maintain that role until that Germany ticket landed in his hands while combatting suicidal and other morbid thoughts-

Kid, that sucks. Nicky Hemmick needs a hug.

Also, taking note of this fact makes me appreciate his reactions towards his teammates’ tragedies more.

Like at first I was constantly surprised because I thought it’s such an overreaction to feel sad and almost cry as a reflex to other’s misfortunes (lowkey exposing myself here) 

But to realize he went through such a traumatic experience and can still empathize + sympathize deeply with his teammates-

it just makes me really appreciate that aspect of him- to be able to still be that person and have that sense of humanity despite of the horrific things he went though, that’s amazing.

Let’s talk about the fact that Nicky could’ve just live his entire life in Germany with the love of his life and cut off entirely his connections with his family because he had every right to detoxify his life and live happily for himself.

Nicky was about 19-20ish when he learned that Tilda had died and how he reacted to this by going back because he doesn’t want the twins to be raised by the same people who gave him hell- because he knows the twins deserves better- that’s incredible.

He had absolutely no obligation to, he wasn’t even that old to have that responsibility but he took it.

He came back and fought for the rights to become a guardian for the twins (against his own parents), like that takes so much time and effort and the fact that he did it at like a considerably young age is just so mind-blowing.

I’m not going to act like he’s the best guardian. But let’s not discredit where credit is due.

Despite everything- he gave Aaron and Andrew a home. Provided a roof over their heads, helped them at school (he taught them to speak German), worked jobs to provide for their basic necessities, and assuming Andrew spent all that insurance money on the car, someone has to be working to pay the tuition and bills, right?

And that someone was Nicky. 

(He also got Andrew and Aaron gigs at where he worked at).

Like no one talks about this enough but Nicky lowkey raised the twins. Like, he actually raised the twins.

There is not enough words in this world to describe how overwhelming and amazing that is. 

He had no obligation whatsoever to these two who probably gave him a hard time because as much as I love the Twinyards- they were assholes (I mean they were kind of mean to him for crying out loud, and that’s just on the books- imagine how much more he got back when the twins were probably so distrustful of him) and really, they weren’t Nicky’s obligation because most people forget that Nicky wasn’t that old. 

He was pretty young too. 

And by going back, he’s associating himself with the things that lowkey broke him but he still went and stayed anyway even when he could’ve easily just be happy and cut it all off because despite of everything, he wanted to provide the twins with an at least better option than his horrible parents.

He wanted the twins to have a good life- literally wished for them to heal and be okay and succeed and that amount of love- it’s just amazing. Like, I said that a lot by now but it’s just really amazing.

Nicky Hemmick is amazing.

He was also supposedly only going to stay until the twins finished high school but then Coach Wymack happened and with Erik’s support and his hopes of the twins being happy, he stayed.

I’m not sure about Nicky’s exy abilities, I think he got scolded a lot by Kevin but I like to think that he wasn’t that bad. I really wish we got more exy contents, that one time I got invested in a sport and there wasn’t even a lot of it. 

I also like to believe that he’s more mature than he lets on. Like, he actually knows all that adulting shit.

Also, when Neil noticed that Nicky is just playing his energy levels up to compensate for the Twinyards’ walls because despite everything, he wants to be friends with everyone but can’t because he’s with the monsters and that honestly sucks.

But it’s also commendable that he really tries. 

Ignoring the Eden incident aside, he was actually really great to Neil.

Like, he’s one of the few in the foxes that was friendly to him at the start. 

He also taught him a lot of things (like social cues and all) and did whatever he can to help him.

He’s actually a pretty good friend. 

Also, I lowkey feel for him that despite everything, he still wanted his parents’ validation and approval.

I saw a decent amount of people hate Nicky for this because it was what led to the thanksgiving incident, but I just find it sad.

Because at the end of the day, Nicky was just a son who loved his parents even if they couldn’t love everything he was and the things he stands for, and it’s just sad because even if it was kind of obvious, he just wanted to believe that everything could still mend.

He still wanted to be accepted by them.

Some people don’t deserve to have kids.

But when he realized that it wasn’t going to happen and this brought harm to the twins, he was very apologetic over it and guilty even if it wasn’t his fault, and he chose the twins.

He will always choose the twins. 

"It's about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we choose. This one. The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about."

Overall, it’s just really amazing that despite everything, he can look for the positive and enjoy life even if it’s really shitty.

Just ✨Nicholas Esteban Hemmick✨ dude.

[pocketsedition]

aftg as cliche high school au

i got bored and was wondering how the foxes would work in american high school stereotypes and now i’m here so. yeah ignore it if it sucks <3

neil would of course be the popular-kid-who-doesn’t-wanna-be-popular

depending on who you are he could either be really nice to you or the biggest fucking asshole

he’s on the cross country team as well as soccer w kevin (duh)

he mainly hangs out w other ‘popular kids’ like matt allison seth dan and occasionally the vixens but like only because his group knows them

he also vibes with renee occasionally

andrew would be the quiet kid who’s actually an asshole especially to teachers and reads during class is that a stereotype? i think so

he’s also probably a gamer kid and he wears a bunch of rings yes youll see

i’ll get more about him later

aaron is that kid in biology who’s got an A+ throughout the whole class and it annoys the shit out of everyone because that shouldn’t be possible

kevin is a jock. yes he is

he plays soccer and does cross country (can you do those both at the same time) (i’m not a sports person)

(let’s say yes for the sake of this)

he’s also one of those history nerd kids 

you know who i’m talking about

nicky is a theater kid and he can actually sing really well

he just never stops

he knows he’s good at singing but it’s annoying walking out of math every day hearing a random song

seth and matt are both jocks and best friends (besides neil) but there are significant differences about them

yes they both were highlighters during middle school but that’s besides the point

seth is one of those kids who during gym is always like “dOnT bE a sOrE LoSeR” whenever your team loses but when his team loses he’s a pissbaby talking about how you cheated and just e w 

he also has pot brownies in the middle of class

he probably asks you for answers for the homework too

matt just vibes and probably accidentally hits the volleyball too hard but everyone loves him anyway

he absolutely sucks at most classes and will absolutely be like “ohHHH thank youu :D” when you help him like literally the puppy eyes give you no choice but to help him

allison is the regina. fuckin george of school

but like if you guys end up sitting together during chemistry and you aren’t a complete dickhead to her she’ll probably give you candy or just whatever she has on her

renee is quiet girl whos actually got good grades and popular girl (allison) highkey has a crush on her

dan is like middle ground like shes a sports girl

but shell willingly hang out with both quiet kids and popular kids

overall really nice

OKAYOKAY NOW

neil ended up getting set up with one of the vixens marisa

(i think that was that girl who neil took to the banquet and was like "why do i need your number" to ?)

anyways he keeps trying to be like "no." over and over but she simply Wont Have It

and then next thing you know hes running for homecoming king and hes this close to breaking his own arm to get out of it

so now. he has to find an outfit

meanwhile Quiet Goth™ andrew minyard and his twin brother aaron have their dad who has a fashion business (mom died in a catastrophic car crash)

and everyone knows this so theyre always asking for like. help and discounts and shit

he says no to all of them

except neil whos in need of an outfit and

very very pretty

like uhh who gave you the r i g h t to have that awkward smile ???

and those t h i g h s ?

so andrews like "eh whatever sure"

yes yes yes yes

and. they end up getting kind of close ?

it kind of astounds everyone

aaron hates it he has calculus with neil and neil has the audacity to be so good at math and just so happens to be the only person andrew helps ?

seth is confused because andrews the only person he cant beat in a good one v one of exy

but also andrew buys a bunch of pot brownies from him and ???? he doesnt know why bc he doesnt even look high most of the time

he gives them to security guards as bribery so he can keep his knives on him during school

and now neils just friends w him ????

and its going well

"so you don't wanna be popular" "...yeah" "then dont"

neil retorts with:

"so your telling me your dad runs a fashion business and you wear all black"

they go back and forth for like half an hour

andrew starts trying to teach neil how to play videogames

neil fucking sucks but he doesnt really care because andrews nice

and actually helping neil pick out his outfit is a fucking pain because he so pretty picky

andrew dies

anyways

neil starts opening up about how he doesnt actually like marisa and andrews like "tell her"

"i hav she just doesnt. listen >:("

andrew offers to but neil knows about the frog knives (yes the frog knives) and hes like hah nice try

they still have nights on the roof and cigarettes and secrets shared

so everything happens and it finally gets to marisas head that neil doesnt wanna go to homecoming (with her. that is)

its like 4 days before homecoming and he jsut snaps

"yaknow i get it—"

she ends up crying but neil doesnt care at this point shes finally off his back

lets face it he would not care that man has zero morals

and so its homecoming night and neils this close to simply Not Going

but matt and seth are on the football team and they have their game and he spent hours looking for a suit

so he goes to the game and he hangs out with the upperclassmen

deliberately avoids the team because theres ways vixens nearby and he cant deal with marisa rn

so he hangs out

he sees aaron in the stands and asks if andrews around aaron just shrugs

useless

and the games over matts team wins yay !!!

everyones happy

now its time for the dance

neils dreading it

he goes and tries to avoid the general public because Ew People

and he sees andrew hiding from the noise in a hallway with no people

theyre quiet until neil follows andrew out to the back of the school and to the middle of the empty soccer field

"you werent at the game"

andrew shrugs "i didnt care about the game"

"and you care about the dance?"

"aaron doesnt have his own car"

"mhm"

andrew rolls his eyes

its quiet and neils just looking at andrew

he kinda had a realization the other night with matts help

andrew simply stares back

"yes or no"

"yes"

kith :)

the school doesnt notice they’re a thing until andrew shows up to school one day wearing what may or may not be one of those wrist. sweatband thingies

im dumb i forgot what theyre called

and neil always has one of andrews rings on him and hes always fidgeting with it

anyways i might write a fic who knows not me❤️

[palmett-hoes]

so this is another autistic andrew post, about a more specific type of Autistic Experience: Sensory Processing Disorder or SPD, where the brain has difficulty figuring out information coming from the senses and then may make the feelings much stronger or much weaker. it's a condition very very strongly associated with ASD, and pretty much all autistic people have sensory processing issues to some extent (though autistic people are not the only ones who can have SPD).

spd reactions are typically classified as either hypersensitive or hyposensitive, or, over-responsive or under-responsive

i think that andrew has SPD with primarily hyposensitive tactile issues, meaning he has difficulty getting "input from the skin receptors about touch, pressure, temperature, pain, and movement of the hairs on the skin"

these are all taken from the tactile hyposensitive symptoms list:

__ may crave touch, needs to touch everything and everyone one weird thing that andrew is ALWAYS doing is touching people. he's always grabbing people's (especially neil's) faces, but also their arms, shoulders, etc. he manhandles a lot. pretty much, if you're one of his people, he's putting his hands on you constantly. he seems to get a lot of comfort from this too, showing an adamant need to TOUCH after stressful events (aaron after dr**e, neil after baltimore). obviously, this desire for touch doesn't come back around, as andrew doesn't like to BE touched, only to touch. it's really tragic that andrew has so much trauma related to touch, actually, because otherwise it's very easy to imagine him being a cuddly, tactile person who does enjoy being touched

__ is not aware of being touched/bumped unless done with extreme force or intensity now you can definitely argue a hypersensitivity here, but i think that a trauma response and an spd response are slightly different. we cannot ever forget that andrew is a deeply deeply traumatized person and that absolutely affects the way he reacts to things. so what i think is that andrew has worked very very hard to learn body awareness. over time, he can tell when he is touched, but he still can't necessarily tell much about how. so he overcompensates. he can't tell if someone is touching him to hurt or not, he can't even feel the difference, so he's just learned to stop ANY touch. at all.

__ is not bothered by injuries, like cuts and bruises, and shows no distress with shots (may even say they love getting shots!) on multiple occasions andrew shows an extremely pain tolerance as well as a total lack of response to pain. this also seems to be one of the reasons that people find him especially unnerving. in tkm, he threatens kevin that he will break his own hand to get off the court and then punches a wall hard enough to bleed. that should be a LOT of pain to inflict on ONESELF, and he doesn't even seem to notice. similarly, in tfc he punches through a window and cuts his hand very badly, and does not even seem aware of the injury. admittedly, both of these happen when he's on medication, but the medication is described as forcing him to feel MORE, not less. it then shouldn't have a muting affect on his pain tolerance, so I think that he just naturally has a low response to pain. also, in baltimore, when neil notes the injury to andrew's face that was apparently very bad, andrew shows no sign that he actually feels it

__ may not be aware that hands or face are dirty or feel his/her nose running there's not much for this, but when andrew punches the window in tfc and his hand is bleeding, he gets the blood all over and does not appear to notice. additionally, he gets into a shower fully clothed. i undertand his need to be covered but that still doesn't sound.. comfortable to me.

__ may be self-abusive; pinching, biting, or banging his own head andrew has a history of self-harm, to the point of what seems like EXTENSIVE cutting. plus, just in general, is totally self-destructive and willing to injure himself, from getting himself in a car crash to putting himself in the middle of fights to putting his fist through walls and windows when stressed.

__ mouths objects excessively he's a smoker, which can imply some level of oral fixation, and smoking is on the symptom list for adult SPD. also, not to be crude (nsfw text), but he seems to really enjoy sucking dick

__ frequently hurts other children or pets while playing + __ thoroughly enjoys and seeks out messy play (combined two) while we never really see andrew "playing" with anyone, this isn't hard to imagine. it lines up very easily with what we know of his childhood, that he was considered a violent kid. if he had trouble with sensory input he easily could have hurt other kids accidentally, somewhat leading to this reputation, which would have just spiraled out of control once he began hurting others to defend himself. additionally, pretty much the only activity we know he engages in purely for "fun" is sparring with renee, which is apparently vicious and leads to serious bruises and even injuries. also, he's an exy player, which even as a goalie is a gross, sweaty sport

__ repeatedly touches surfaces or objects that are soothing (i.e., blanket) neil. armbands. driving car.

__ has a preference and craving for excessively spicy, sweet, sour, or salty foods what foods do we know andrew likes? ice cream, candy, jalapenos (extra content) hot chocolate, coffee, whiskey. basically any food or drink he actively seeks out is a sensory extreme; sweet, spicy, hot, whatever the fuck sensation alcohol is (burning?) etc. additionally, he's a smoker, which is kinda like breathing fire

not on the list but additional extreme sensory situations that andrew seems to enjoy/seek out consistently:

sound: the times it's mentioned that andrew plays music in the car it's both music that is very loud on its own and he turns it up to an ear-splitting volume

eden's: he likes hanging out in a night club, which can be a sensory nightmare even for neurotypical people. LOUD music, BRIGHT lights. it's like,, the height of sensory overload and it's where andrew goes EVERY chance he gets just to hang out. he goes back even when he isn't drinking much or hooking up with people anymore. he just likes being in a super flashy, super loud environment

anyway i have so many feelings about autistic andrew with this kind of spd it literally makes me so sad

[shouldigoondrphil]

The Foxes best and worst qualities

Preface this with saying that I adore all the characters for their best and worst qualities. They’re so real to me because they all have sucky things about their personalities and also things that are amazing. Ya know like an actual person. A good amount of the “bad qualities” are products of the environment they are in but yea here we go

Neil

Best: smart(dude knows like 3 languages), unashamed, respectful of boundaries, chaotic in the best way, the Riko roast(it’s legendary ok), attitude problem

Worst: idiot, no impulse control, trust issues, daddy issues, repressed sexuality issues, dudes got a lot of issues, selfish(listen guys, he willingly stayed at palmetto knowing he could be putting his teammates at risk), maytr(pretty much directly contradicts last point but we love that ig), attitude problem

Andrew

Best: loyal, trustworthy, this is a dude you want in your corner, observant, smart as hell, killer poker face, short demon, beefy, protective, having gone though all he’s gone through but still having the capacity to let people in, the fact that hes a shortie that grown men fear, actually trying to work through his trauma

Worst: turns to violence first, also has a lot of issues but we’re gonna leave those off these lists now, cold to people( just bc it’s justified doesn’t mean it’s a good quality), Justifies his actions as a means to an ends and doesn’t matter who is hurt because of them(I get it but that’s not a good thing)

Nicky

Best: goofball, super friendly, supportive, he literally threw away his life in Germany to be there for his cousins, has so much room in his heart to love

Worst: lowkey a pervert (the Neil kiss cmon man), pretty suggestible(doesn’t have much of a spine)

Matt

Best: god I love this man, the way he treats Neil even when they first met(their friendship gives me such joy man), lion on the outside but a koala on the inside, mans is soft until you mess with his family, a cinnamon roll(I love him),

Worst: maybe a little gullible, I don’t have much bad about him seriously

Alison

Best: a bad bych, so strong( Ik all the foxes are but she gave up her inheritance to play Exy and get out of the box her parents where trying to shove her in), doesn’t take crap from anyone, blunt

Worst: too nosy, insensitive, rude

Dan

Best: my idol (her backstory just wow), doesn’t let the things people say get her down, loyal to a fault, natural leader,

Worst: overprotective, can be overbearing at times, pushy, quick to assume things about people

Renee

Best: the most honest one, has a dark side, her serenity but also capacity to be a badáss, selfless, Joan of Exy

Worst: the scene where she practically sits on Andrew to keep him from getting up during Kathy’s show(I understand why she had to restrain Andrew but I don’t like knowing that Andrew must have felt extremely trapped in that moment in a way he hadn’t fit a long time), lil too peaceful for my chaotic taste

A A Ron

Best: umm he has Andrew’s face next question, ok ok, honestly probably the most normal one out of them all(which sounds weird)(like he has the most realistic reactions as a person outside of the story would have), the way he is around Katelyn(boy is whipped), loyalty of his brother(didn’t think twice before smashing Dr*ke’s head in), the potential chaos he and Neil could create

Worst: homophobic(I don’t see an excuse for this, I get that you grew up with Luther as a role model but your cousin and brother are both gay why do you have a problem with it), hates Neil( I get why I’d probably hate him too in his positions but it’s the principle of the thing. We love Neil even tho he’s an ass period)

Kevin

Best: unapologetic a-hole(literally spends his days telling everyone how much they suck), a mood honestly, strong, persevering(teaches himself how to use his other hand),

Worst: coward(he was guys), self serving and selfish, the Jean abandonment not cool kev

[eponinemylove]

Neil + getting hurt

this is badly written bc it’s just me brainstorming but

alright so this boy has a pretty high tolerance for pain, but he knows when he’s hurt. he knows how to feel for cracks in his ribs or when he’s broken something

he’s pretty used to getting hurt and the foxes all cry at night bc of it

he’s not an idiot when it comes to injuries but he is when it comes to knowing when to stop because of his injuries.

his first reaction to just about any injury is to patch it up and deal with it himself (if he can pry himself away from the courts long enough)

sometimes he’ll bother Andrew if he needs help

but

if Andrew can’t/won’t help, the next person he goes to is Aaron

(he doesn’t go to Kevin because even though Kevin gets it, he would actually hurt Neil if Neil didn’t treat an injury properly right away. Kevin doesn’t play that shit. Go see Abby)

the other foxes might know what to do, but even if they did, they would make him see Abby too so he doesn’t waste his time

anyway so Andrew is out with Renee and Allison one day and Neil goes out for a run. It’s fine until some student wasn’t looking where they were going and crash into Neil as he turns a corner

They’re both fine, but Neil lands hard on his shoulder and the concrete scraped the shit outa him. He finishes his run and gets back to the tower not really thinking anything of it till he goes to shower and realizes his shoulder looks really bad

Aaron is next door studying for a biology test when just. Neil just walks in with literally zero warning and sits down across from him

Neither of them say anything for a minute. Aaron finishes the page he’s taking notes on them looks at Neil like what do you want

Neil’s like “I hurt my shoulder and I can’t reach it to bandage it up.”

Aaron’s goes ???? He’s so done. “whatever let me see it”

and Neil takes off his shirt

a COUPLE OF THINGS TO NOTE HERE

aaron has seen Neil after the nest and after his father. He’s seen Neil beat to shit and looking like hell. He hasn’t seen Neil’s scars though.

and it’s not that Neil’s comfortable showing his scars off because he’s definitely not. He can just barely show them to Abby. But he’s tired and Aaron already looks annoyed that he’s wasting time and whatever, Andrew will be back soon and they have practice tonight and Neil can’t reach so Aaron is gonna have to suck it up and bandage him

His shoulder is a little more than “hurt”

Aaron goes straight into doctor mode. He has to disenfect it and it’s way too much for just a band aid so he gets some gauze and patches that up

They don’t say anything the entire time. Aaron works in silence and Neil is just staring. Aaron can’t tell if he’s focused or not

Neil leaves with a half-assed thanks and Aaron is just. He’s annoyed ok. His brother’s tool of a boyfriend just comes in and interrupts his studying to demand that he kiss his scrape better and then just leaves. Fuck that guy

like exactly 5 minutes later when Aaron gets back to studying he has that “oh shit” moment of realiziation where it hits him that Neil came to him for help and showed him his scars. He appreciates what that means, even if he is still petulantly grumpy at being bothered

this happens just a couple of times but Aaron doesn’t take it for granted. theyre both aware that Neil’s letting himself be vulnerable in that moment, which is really hard for him

Neil also goes to see Abby sometimes. He doesn’t like to because he has to leave the tower but if he’s already out and hurting then he’ll drop by

Abby worries about him all the time and constantly reassures him that it’s ok!! she wants him to see her if he’s injured!! nothing is too small

Abby also starts to load up on Neil’s favorite snacks. He refuses to go easy on her and just give her a grocery list so she has to pull some Sherlock Holmes type shit and piece together what the kid likes on her own. (he drinks water and/or orange juice, he won’t eat anything too sweet, chips are a maybe, fruit is always good)

So, to recap, if he’s not pretending that his injury isn’t serious (which is still the majority of the time), he’s paying a discreet visit to Andrew, Aaron, or Abby

he prefers to handle his shit himself, but this is progress!

there is one (1) time though where Neil gets hurt and demands to go to the hospital

It’s nothing too bad. Nothing life-threatening. The team is actually really happy that they didn’t even have to force Neil to call time and see a doctor, but they don’t quite understand why he’s freaking out so bad

It happens when they’re playing a game. No one sees what happens but Neil goes down and he takes a little too long to get back up. Wymack and Kevin both look ready to drag him off court but he surprises everyone by signaling to the ref and limping off himself

he goes straight to Abby on the bench. Something happened to his leg, he pulled a muscle or something, idk, but it scared the shit out of him

they’re in the last quarter so Neil holds out until they foxes win but then he’s like “Abby. I need to see a doctor, now”

everyone is confused af but they go with it

They get him to a doctor who checks it out. Something’s definitely strained but it’s not too serious and he can play in a few weeks at most

the foxes get ready for Neil to just absolutely ignore that but??? Neil is like ok and actually sits out practice and shit

he doesn’t get back onto the court until Abby clears him

The next day the foxes can’t help it. they have to know

Andrew and Kevin tell them to leave it alone, but. My boys aren’t immune. They wanna know too. They just have a feeling the answer is gonna be bad

it is

After practice everyone just kinda invites themselves over to Wymack’s and Abby cooks. They’re chatting for a while, just fucking around, when someone brings it up

It’s Nicky

“So, not that we’re not all thrilled you’re taking care of yourself, but what happened when you hurt your leg?”

And Neil debates not telling them but he catches Andrew out of the corner of his eye pretending not to be interested and really there’s no reason to hide anything from the team, so

“idk. It’s just, when my father-“

collective wince

“-kidnapped me in Baltimore and he had me in the basement, he was debating how to torture me-“

so yeah this is not great. The foxes are in Instant Regret. Andrew’s fork is bending. Dan looks like her vein might explode. Matt has tears and his eyes and may or may not be actually crying

“-one of the things he said was that he’d cut my hamstrings so I couldn’t run this time. He didn’t, obviously, but...” Neil kinda takes a break there and wow this is hard to admit but it’s them so it’s ok “it just really scared me. I wouldn’t be able to escape. I could never play exy. Everything would’ve been for nothing if I couldn’t run. My career would be over, the Moriyamas—“

ok he stops there

they get the point

Kevin changes the subject bc believe it or not he isn’t useless and has gotten really good at Not Talking about things and redirecting conversation

it takes a while but the night goes on and they’re all fine, it’s in the past, they know that neil is here and he’s okay and his father is dead

any questions of “are you okay” are met with a withering look and yeah that’s fair but neil knows it’s with good intentions

andrew drags neil out of the room when nobody is looking

he kisses him hard and whispers about his father and the moriyamas never being able to get to him again

neil reminds him that andrew doesn’t have to protect him anymore

andrew knows that it isn’t their deal but he wants to okay? he wants to protect neil and keep him safe

170%

everyone goes home eventually

later andrew and neil will be in bed and andrew will kiss his thighs and replace any memories of cold stone floor and axes with soft lips and soft hairs tickling the insides of his legs

[percontaion-points]

King’s Men chapter 16

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 16

"She made it clear he had two choices: he could settle this quietly between us or she'd get all her industry friends to run with news of Evermore's violent hazing.”

Hazing? HAZING?! I'm sorry, but the ravens have literally held people against their will (don't tell me that Neil was the first one) and this shitty excuse for a story is going to reduce what the ravens are doing to childish pranks?

"He was invited to the funeral. Riko wasn't."

Kevin's flinch was full body. "No."

Riko was his father's son in name only; he had been estranged from his father and brother his entire life. Despite that cold shoulder, Riko always believed he could win his father's attention and approval through his successes on the court.

I feel sorry for Riko, because being cut off from your parent and deemed “never good enough” sucks. But lots of people have shitty relationships with their parents and they don't turn into kidnapping, murderous sociopaths.

“With no one there to stay Riko's hand or distract him from his furious grief, Jean hadn't stood a chance.

"Mr. Andritch let me take Jean away when he saw the shape he was in," Renee said. "I left him my number and promised to keep in touch while the school investigates. Abby has also promised to keep them updated on his recovery. Unfortunately—or not—Jean is unwilling to name names or press charges. He is not happy to be in South Carolina. He has already tried leaving twice."

"To go where?" Nicky asked. "Not back to Evermore. Is he crazy?"

"It's self-preservation," Neil said. "If Riko and Tetsuji think he's pointing fingers behind their backs, they'll kill him.”

Right. And remind me again why Jean thinks that Riko wasn't going to kill him even when he was at Evermore?

When the bell sounded at the end of his last class...

I DON'T THINK THAT THE AUTHOR KNOWS WHAT COLLEGE IS.

"My father is dead at my uncle's hands and the FBI is investigating what is left of his ring. I am a loose end that must be dealt with one way or another."

"I could stop it," Ichirou said, and Neil believed him. It didn't matter that the FBI already had boxes full of Neil's stories and names. If Ichirou wanted the story killed and rumors quieted, he could do it with a couple phone calls and enough money.

Maybe he could stop the press from running with the story, but not the investigation. That's not how the police works.

Neil thought about it, but not for long. "Never been better."

Chapter 16 summary: The team does some typical holiday in the mountains stuff. When they get back to the cabin, they talk about how Neil will be benched for the next game while he heals. Neil doesn't like this, but he has to face reality. They all have some more drinks and go to bed.

In the middle of the night, Renee knocks on Neil's and Andrew's bedroom door and says that Riko's dad died, and she needs to go collect Jean. When she comes back later, she tells them of what happened: she went to the Edgar Alan dean and demanded that he produce Jean. When the dean refused, Renee got her step-mom involved, who threatened to blow the whistle on the shit that the ravens have been doing. Since the school doesn't want egg on their face, they went over, and the dean was so horrified at what he saw in the stadium he just kind of let Renee leave with Jean. Jean was in a bad way following a beating from Riko. Riko is the second son, who was cut out of his father's life because of this, yet turned into an exy machine to earn the family money. Riko wasn't even invited to daddy's funeral, and he took it out on Jean. Neil pointedly tells Kevin that he needs to pull rank on Jean to get him to obey for now. So they pack up and go over to Abby's house, where Jean is under her care.

From there, David talks about how the press is running wild with the story of Neil. Neil and David then go to the university dean's house, where they get on conference call with the school board about the entire situation. However, it basically comes down to how much money that Neil has already made the school by playing exy. David also tells them that Kevin is his son, although he's getting a paternity test done so that it'll be on school file.

The next day, school starts up again. After Neil's classes are over for the day, Neil is grabbed by this Japanese guy and taken to see Riko's brother, Ichirou. Neil talks a lot about how he was supposed to have be groomed to play for Edgar Alan, but then he calls out Riko's shitty behavior instead. He says that he could never, would never, play alongside Riko. Not while he's like this. Ichirou kind of agrees that his brother needs to be pulled back into submission. But then he agrees not to kill Neil in exchange for 80% of Neil's earnings. Neil's and Kevin's and Jean's.

Neil leaves Ichirou then, and goes to get Kevin. Together, they go to Abby's place, and Neil explains this to the two of them. Later, he tells Andrew about this, and Andrew is livid over the entire thing. But his anger mostly seems to stem from the idea that Neil is turning exy into his sole personality.

[andreil-protection-squad]

So I wrote some Kevin x Seth smut and here you have it

Please excuse any grammatical errors, english’s not my first language and I’m still trying to learn how to proper use it in a text lol

Anyway, my second attempt at ever writing smut, please be kind.

__________

“I can’t fucking take this anymore,” Seth mumbles. He mumbles something more, but Kevin can’t quite make it out.

“Don’t be such a bitch,” he replies. “The game starts in about an hour.”

“Not everything is about fucking exy, you fucking maniac,” the other boy answers. “I mean, I really need some pot right now, ‘cuz I am so fucking stressed.” Seth groans loudly, which gathers the attention of his other teammates, but he doesn’t even spare a second glance to them. “Fuck off,” he mumbles in their direction.

Kevin’s face scrunches, as he thinks about high Seth, who is so much more chill than the regular Seth. The red in his eyes is almost calming and the slow movement of his limbs can be described as mesmerizing, if it wasn’t for the fact, that Kevin would always think about all the times, he had the horrible thought, that Seth wouldn’t be able to play exy again after smoking_._ Fortunately, Seth was always able to throw a punch and a ball, no matter how much he smoked, so there really wasn’t any reason to worry about him at all.

“You know what, Day? I’m gonna smoke in the bathroom and you’re gonna cover me.” Seth stands and Kevin raises his eyebrows.

“Why should I do that, Gordon?” he asks. “And why would you rather smoke than watch the report on the team?” Kevin glances at his teammates, who all watch the report, while being busy with doing their usual routine before a game. Nicky texts Erik, Andrew is half-asleep in Neil’s lap and Allison is painting her nails, even though she will have to do it again once the game is finished. But atleast everyone – besides Seth and Andrew – has their attention focused on the right thing: Exy.

“You could also suck my dick, but I guess that won’t happen either”, Seth suggests snarky. “You need to chill the fuck out with your exy bullshit, dude. There are other things in life, too.”

“Like pot?” Kevin asks.

“Like pot”, he agrees. “See, you understand me. So, excuse me, while I go smoke some.”

Before Seth can go, Kevin reaches out and catches his wrist. “You can’t fucking smoke some pot before a game, Gordon. You won’t be able to do shit.”

“Bummer.”

“I mean it, Seth. If you make us loose, then I will shove all of the opposing teams exy racquets up your sorry ass.”

“Jesus”, Seth mumbles and gets his hand free. “You are such a lame fucker, did you know that? Loosen up a bit, will you?”

“I will, if we win this game.” Kevin raises his eyebrows again.

“Fine. Fine, I won’t smoke. But I need to piss.” He walks a step, then stops and turns around again. “Unless you don’t believe me and want to check, that I really am only pissing.”

Kevin growls in defense. “Actually, I need to go to. So yeah, I will keep you company.”

“Great, I can’t even take a piss without you playing my watchdog,” Seth mumbles. As they both begin to leave the waiting room for the Palmetto State Foxes, none teammates even notice it. And even if they would have, it wouldn’t be that uncommon of a sight – Seth and Kevin both leave together for the bathroom several times a month. It’s a natural sight, really. Not even Aaron has the audacity to leave a snarky comment for them, because he doesn’t have to.

The second the bathroom door falls in place behind them, Seth checks all of the stalls to see, if anyone is still in there, then he takes the trashcan and the potted plant in the corner and shoves both of them right in front of the door. “No lock,” he says. “But better than nothing.” He winks at Kevin before he relocates into one of the empty stalls farthest away for the door. “What’re you waitin’ for, Day? Get that ass in here.”

Kevin chuckles and blushes. It’s also nothing new for him and Seth to fool around when they both want to. It’s kind of their thing, like Andrew and Neil have their roof, or how Allison sneaks her hand into Renee’s when she thinks no one’s looking. There is really nothing more to it than some sex. But Kevin would lie, if he didn’t think of it as more. Every time they do it – in an empty bathroom, on his bed in the dorm while the others are out or even in the dark and shadow-y bushes outside of the Foxhole Court – he has this feeling in his chest, that it’s something more, at least for him. He actually and generally likes Seth, even if he would never tell him that because then Seth’s gigantic ego would explode.

Before Seth can grow impatient, Kevin moves in front of him. Seth sits on the closed toilet but is still tall enough, that Kevin doesn’t has to bend down too much to kiss him hard and fierce. Seth’s lips part in an instant and he grasps Kevin’s neck with one hand to pull him even closer to him. A moan hangs between them, like the hot air between their mouths. Kevin smiles as Seth’s mouth begins to wander to his throat, where he slightly bites his skin. Cold shivers run through him, Seth’s finger trace the little hairs on the back of his head and begins to suck on his skin. Kevin throws his head back to let out another groan, then he slips his legs between Seth’s legs to stand even closer to him. He could feel the hard on of the other boy pressing on his thigh.

“Come ‘ere,” Seth mumbles. He presses his finger in Kevin’s neck to pull him closer to him and then they are kissing again, licking each other’s lips, biting them, playing with their tongues. Seth tastes like smoke and mint bubblegum and Kevin enjoys everything about that.

He buries his hand in the other boy’s hair while his own dick just continues to grow. He can feel it itching against his jeans, longing to be freed. Kevin’s free hand begins to wander down Seth’s chest, just past his hard nipples that poke through his shirt. Seth groans again but Kevin just kisses him harder. Just hearing him breath is enough that Kevin grows impatient himself. He wants him and he wants him now.

“Hey.” Seth looks breathless and hot as Kevin stops kissing him, but his brows are tight. “Why’d you stop, Day?”

“Ask again and I won’t continue, you shithead,” Kevin answers while he reaches his destination with his hand. Seth’s dick is hard against his pants and the moment he lays his fingers on the bulge in the other boy’s jeans, Seth moans.

“Fuck,” he whispers.

“Yeah, that’s what’s gonna happen,” he says grinning. Kevin opens Seth’s zipper and Seth start to stand and pulls down his pants and boxer in one go. The many times he now has seen Seth’s dick are enough, that Kevin doesn’t admire the view anymore but gets to work. He strokes the skin before he reaches out to hold its entire length in his hand. Seth groans even more and sits again. He presses one arm against the stall wall while Kevin begins to gently rub his dick up and down, up and down again.

“You fucking,” he begins to mumble but stops and bites his lips the second, Kevin touches the tip of his dick.

Instead of saying something back and ignoring the fact, that several thoughts in his head are screaming about the lack of hygiene on this bathroom floor, he kneels between Seth’s parted legs and begins to blow the other boy. It’s something he’s done many times now, but every time feels like another life where he just begins to experience this side of his sexuality anew. Being with a boy was so much different than being with a girl. Maybe Nicky really had a point and he, Kevin, too needed someone to lean against. Sucking someone’s dick was never really on Kevin’s to-do list when he started to have feelings for other people, but now that he’s done it more and more times, he really can’t tell why he never thought about the fact, that he might be into this. It was always girls when he discussed his sexual preferences and maybe this was all Riko’s fault, who stole his virginity and also his free will to experiment, but whatever it was - it lead to Kevin leaning on a bathroom floor with his teammates just outside the door and licking the tip of Seth’s dick who looks already like he might cum any second.

“I swear to god, if you cum before I even got a chance to get touched, I am going to murder you,” Kevin says as he stops blowing. “Like, seriously. It’s like you can’t hold out for another minute or what?”

“It’s been days since my last shot,” Seth grumbles. “Also, you’re too good at this. You’re making me feel things.”

“What a wonder,” Kevin laughs. “I’m making you feel things while I literally devour your fucking dick. I guess everyone would feel things when I had their cock against my throat.”

“I fucking hate you,” Seth says. He grabs Kevin by the shoulder and forces him up, before he kisses him hard and hot. “Get that pants down,” he mumbles between two breathless kisses.

Kevin does as demanded. His dick springs out as his pants and boxer drop to his feet. The cold air feels good against his skin but even better is the feeling of Seth’s fingers on his cock. Ever since their first time, Seth would give Kevin a hand job whenever he felt like it. He didn’t even care that other people could see them. Whenever Seth was feeling horny enough, he would stick his hand into Kevin’s pants. This time, though, as he was stroking Kevin’s dick with his hand, he pushes himself up, spins them around without ever breaking their lip contact and then forces him away from Kevin’s mouth.

“I will suck you so hard, you won’t be able to remember your own name,” he says before he drops to his own knees.

The sight of Seth swallowing Kevin whole was a real blessing, even though Kevin quickly closes his eyes and throws his head back, as the wet and hot feeling of Seth’s mouth was doing things to his dick. An animalistic groan builds in his throat, but he is able to hold it a bit longer in him. The slurping sound that Seth makes whenever he opens his mouth and takes a breath is just another sharp knife in Kevin’s stomach, twisting with the longing after releasing and more pleasure. He grabs a fistful of Seth’s hair, just to feel this boy even closer to him. He moans loudly.

“Be a bit louder and everyone can watch in a minute,” Seth complains with wet lips and saliva sticking to his chin. Kevin, throbbing and pulsing and hot, lets out a quick whine, before Seth rolls his eyes and swallows him again. This time, as Seth lets his teeth make some good and honest work on Kevin’s dicks skin without hurting him, he puts a hand over his mouth to contain the next moan that was already escaping him. The feeling of a river pulsing in his skin grows stronger with every lick and touch and hot, wet kiss Seth does to him, so much that Kevin must pull his teammates mouth away from his dick. “So fast?” Seth asks grinning. “And you’re one to complain.”

Seth stands again and wipes his mouth before Kevin can pull him close again. It doesn’t even bother him, that Seth now tastes like his own dick. He just kisses him, licks his lips, grinds his tongue again Seth’s, bites the sensitive skin right next to his lip corner. Seth moans into his mouth. “You got a condom?” Kevin asks.

“Always for you, dear,” Seth replies against his lips before he parts away from him to reach in his jeans pocket on the floor. “Will you do me the honor?”

“Fuck you,” Kevin says but catches condom and rips it open before pulling it over Seth’s throbbing, hard cock.

“No, I think, I’ll rather fuck you,” Seth says with a sly grin.

Kevin turns around and bends over. He feels one of Seth hands on his shoulder, massaging his hot skin, before he feels two of his other fingers entering his hole. Another beastly moan builds in his throat, as Seth begins to widen his ass, entering another finger just a moment later. They didn’t bring any lube, but they did it so often without that Kevin was sure, that it didn’t matter now. He could hear Seth spitting in his hand and then the wet, cold touch of his fingers, rubbing all over his hole. His dick twitches and he uses his other hand to work on himself while Seth was busy preparing him.

Seth’s hand slides down from his shoulder to his lower back and the next thing Kevin knows, is the tip of a dick entering his ass. This moan he couldn’t contain anymore. Beastly, loud and deep it escaped his mouth the second he presses his hand on it. “Fucking be quiet, Day, I know I’m good.”

“Fuck – fuck you, Gordon,” Kevin is able to reply before Seth slides all the way in.

The feeling of a dick entering him was also something Kevin never thought he would experience, but as Seth now slowly began to widen Kevin’s ass by pulling his dick out and entering again, he was sure it was something he wouldn’t want to miss again. A girl could never, he thought as Seth enters again. This was nothing compared to his own fingers or that one dildo Nicky gifted him as a joke a year ago. Feeling Seth inside him was real and raw and just unbelievable hot. He wanted every inch of him and more. Everytime Seth pushes himself in, Kevin loses his mind. His hole itched and tightened around the cock in it, but he knows it was just preparing itself for all the other pounds that were coming. Seth laughs and moans.

“This is better than pot,” he says while pounding again. “Guess you were right, Day.”

Kevin can’t answer. He is too busy with blocking his own mouth from messaging their teammates of their little game in here with a loud and hot moan, that’s already tickling in his throat. His eyes roll back into his skull, while Seth builds up speed and power, pounding faster and harder into him. Seth’s dick inside of him should be enough to make him cum, but Kevin just fastens that process by stroking his own cock with his other hand. Masturbating alongside Seth fucking him is just the best relaxation before an important game and while Kevin feels his cum building up in his balls, he hears Seth’s balls slap against his cheeks with every pound.

“Fuck,” Seth groans. “I could fuck you all day.”

“I would let you,” Kevin can say before he presses his hand against his mouth again. He feels the cum leaving his dick just as a hot feeling runs through his whole body. Anticipation is dead and the new king of his body’s name is pleasure.

“I’m gonna –,” Seth starts, but he cuts himself short.

The next thing Kevin feels, is Seth grabbing a fistful of his hair and pressing his dick as far inside Kevin’s ass as he can. Then there are waves and waves of hotness in him, throbbing feelings and wet salvia against his hole. Seth releases another load into the condom that’s thankfully still on, but even with that Kevin can feel it in him. They both pant and breath for their lives. Seth chuckles as he presses a soft and lazy kiss against Kevin’s shoulder blade.

“Nice one,” he breaths.

“You’re better be relaxed enough now,” Kevin replies breathless. His own skin buzzes. He feels himself in every pore, everything is more colorful. His heart races against his chest and he counts the seconds Seth still remains inside of him.

“I could go for another round,” Seth admit sheepishly.

“Fuck you,” Kevin says. “We don’t have the time.”

“Bummer,” he answers and sighs, before pulling himself out of Kevin. “It was a good ride though.”

“It was,” Kevin agrees. “Maybe,” he starts and turns around to witness Seth pulling the filled condom of his dick, “Maybe we can have round two when were back in Palmetto.”

Seth catches his eye and grins. “You little bitch,” he says. “You’re really starting to enjoy this, huh?”

Kevin growls angrily. “Don’t start_ _with that, Seth. We both know that it’s not really easy to not enjoy this. Also, we’re both really good at doing it. I don’t think I would have this much fun with another guy.”

“I feel loved,” Seth says with a sarcastic grin before he throws the condom into the toilet. “Clean that up,” he then adds and points at the sticky white marks on the ground. With a smirk on his lips, he leans forward and kisses Kevin again, hot and wet but also soft and more affectionate. “Maybe I really enjoy it too, Day.”

Even though Seth is a fucking bitch who wouldn’t say shit to save his own life, he really makes Kevin feel good whenever they kiss and fuck. It’s not even his primordial instinct kicking in, telling him to enjoy the warm body next to his while he can. It’s a feeling deeply buried in his heart that he’s way too afraid to tell without knowing if Seth could even reply to those feelings with enough thought and meaning. Kevin smiles and pushes that thought away. For now, it’s good enough for him that he can have Seth whenever they please. He doesn’t need the conformation that it’s something more for both of them, because he knows it is for him and he knows he is the only one entering Seth’s bed.

They share one last, lazy soft kiss before Seth walks over to the sink and cleans himself up and Kevin admires the muscled, toned back of his – boyfriend? Lover? Something different? It doesn’t matter, he tells himself. He loves that it’s Seth and he loves every second with him, even if they only throw snarky comments at each other before they make out in an empty bathroom stall.

Kevin Day doesn’t have to love Seth Gordon but maybe he just does.

[sinterblackwell]

for the ask game, you know i’m gonna say all for the game

thank you, i literally reblogged that ask game simply so i could talk about aftg 💜

all for the game trilogy by nora sakavic

my favorite female character:

renee; where i connected the most with her is in her understanding that there’s a lot more to notice than what’s on the surface, in both situations and with people. her relationship with andrew is a prime example but now that i think about her and allison, i can see it even more clearly.

i have particularly mixed feelings about allison’s character but when i think of that moment where renee protected her in “the king’s men” after andrew retaliated at allison for slapping aaron (+ another moment in the same book when the foxes are in baltimore and neil notices the bruises that renee and allison share after the riot in binghamton), i understand why so many people love them together. how we see allison is debatable but how renee sees allison means that there’s a connection somewhere, like with andrew; one that you can’t judge upfront.

my favorite male character:

kevin; i talked to you in particular @evxnbuckley about my feelings toward him but to put it short here, i bonded with him during a small period in my life where i was feeling very intensely (and still do) a shame that he as well faced in the books. seeing that shame reflected by aftg fans who defend him with all their heart, reading ao3 fics in where his shame is explored better despite being from another character’s perspective; it was hard to not grow attached to him.

plus there’s so many fun facts about him that i’ve read through those tumblr posts i’ve read; like the headcanons of him being bisexual and how he acts in the history classroom + him being a history major in general; what his love for the trojans means to everyone (when i think trojans, i think of the trojan war thanks to having read “the song of achilles” by madeline miller (despite it being categorized as greek mythology, i still define it as a point in history, hence new headcanon; kevin likes mythology) and how kevin being a history major means that there could be something even way more to why he loves this particular exy team and i love that).

i just love him and the little headcanon i have of him myself where he’s hispanic; i don’t really know, it just feels right to me. it probably doesn’t make sense, but it popped up in my head a while ago and now i can’t stop picturing him as such.

my favorite book/season/etc:

“the foxhole court”, book one; despite having only rated it four stars on goodreads, i greatly enjoyed this wild introduction to all the characters in the aftg trilogy. what i loved even more (which perhaps wasn’t the best decision on my part) is that it started out as a mild curiosity of a trilogy that i briefly recalled a booktuber had ranted about a while ago (i completely forgot said rant, besides something about the misuse of drugs), and yet there was nothing more. i didn’t know too much of what to expect besides what i gleaned from the short summary.

i think it’s having had that curiosity and being surprised with the characters i met, plus diving into something that i didn’t foresee i would fall in love with that makes the first book a favorite. it’s something sentimental to me, now that i think about it. it wasn’t until i read the last chapter that i realized just how deep i would go into this trilogy, especially with how...ominous it felt with andrew + neil’s last conversation (the nature of it, to be more clear) being the closing of the first book. i couldn’t not want to read what happens next for all of the characters.

my favorite episode (if it’s a tv show):

my favorite cast member:

my favorite ship(s):

andrew + neil; nicky + erik; kevin + happiness

nicky and erik’s relationship, in particular, is something more in the background; but when i’m seeing nicky and how much he puts himself forward so much of the time (in times also where it’s inappropriate), how much he cares for the foxes and especially andrew + aaron, i think of how erik must have helped him so much in learning how he could be himself and love who he is for himself. how that path towards self-love directed nicky to want that so much for the foxes, for neil. i wish we could’ve heard more from erik; seeing him in “the king’s men” felt bittersweet because he was always spoken through the other characters and yet this was the one time we could actually hear from him. that one just didn’t feel like enough.

but it’s quite alright, that’s what fanfiction is for.

a character i’d die defending:

kevin; i don’t speak too much about him, i let all those posts i reblog that are centered around him speak for themselves. but i have moments to myself where i think about how some people (who i’ve only ever crossed paths once) dislike him for the things that i’ve connected with. it’s more personal to me when this is a character i created a bond with and some of the things that i read from others is how much people bash him (or at least used to) and it sucks the energy out of me while also fueling me beyond belief; imagine that, imagine a character who you see yourself in, who you see so much potential in, get overlooked or overly judged as if there isn’t much more to them. as if this scene doesn’t exist:

- “the king’s men” by nora sakavic

(+ i feel like only those who actually read aftg will understand this but my point still stands)

exy is something he truly loves, a sport that was forced down his throat but he didn’t grow to hate it, no he loved it; and he was brilliant at it. this was the time he was going to show everyone just how much; just how much he was worth beyond the the ravens and riko. he was going to try with everything that he could and this was his first step. doesn’t that mean anything to you?

a character i just can’t sympathize with:

none; if i wasn’t reading “the unkindness of ravens” by @/crazy_like_a on ao3, my first choice would have been seth. but since i am, and since the author is doing such a monumentally fantastic job with his character by developing him way more than canon could have even had the decency to attempt, my opinion has changed.

to be quite honest, i’ve sympathized with most of all the characters. the only way i can answer this is to say that characters i just don’t care for at all are kengo and tetsuji. their fates in “the king’s men” didn’t matter much to me because they were such faceless characters in the trilogy, only really spoken of or shadowed through the actions of characters like neil, kevin, jean, riko, and even ichirou.

there’s nothing to really sympathize them for, that’s basically it, but this is somewhat my thoughts; if that’s enough.

a character i grew to love:

kevin; my attachment to kevin came not when i was first reading the books, but when i became swept up in aftg fics on ao3 afterwards and found myself reblogging heaps of content about him on this blog. i found myself growing very defensive about him, and was pushed to start seeing myself in him as i got to see his perspective better.

there’s this one scene that kevin has with neil in “the king’s men”, where he questions how neil could be so brave among all the threats that are posed against him. this question is coming from someone who’s spent so much of his life having his voice being told it didn’t matter and it just being:

exyexyexyexyexyexyyou’llalwaysbesecondyou’llalwaysbesecondyou’llalwaysbesecondyou’renothingwithoutmeyou’renothingwithoutmeyou’renothingwithoutmeyou’renothingwithoutmeyouhearme?nothing.

reading that scene and understanding the implications of what kevin was asking neil and the fear and terror he has been holding onto for years, the longing to be someone so much more, it was that first inkling of how much he really meant to me. 

my anti-otp:

kevin + thea; i greatly prefer the former being single and that’s very valid of me.

[nightquills]

happy birthday, neil

once the upperclassmen + nicky begin to comprehend the degree to which neil’s childhood absolutely Sucked, they band together to give him a lot of the stereotypical birthday parties that he missed out on growing up

and let’s be real, none of the other foxes had particularly easy childhoods either. it’s a chance for them all to do the things that they wish they could have when they were younger too

there’s some debate over whether to celebrate on neil’s real birthday, or the one that he chose when he first became neil josten

on one hand, they want to respect the truth that he’s given them about who he really is, and maybe celebrating in january would show their appreciation for that?

but they also know that his real birthday doesn’t have the best associations for neil, and they wonder if it would be better to pick the newer date that doesn’t have those shadows hanging over it 

(and when dan asked neil about it in TKM, he said that they could do something for march 31st)

maybe enough time has passed since last year’s bullshit with riko and neil’s father, though? 

ultimately they decide fuck it—january 19th and march 31st are far enough away that they can justify celebrating both to themselves

bowling party!!!

it should come as no surprise that neil gets super competitive over it and promptly decides he is in it to win it. despite the fact that he has never bowled in his life before 

give the boy an A for effort, but every other ball goes in the gutter

cue the teasing asking if he wants one of those ramp things for children to help him line it up, to which neil pouts very extensively   

renee comes out on top every single game

when asked how she does it, she says that she used to chaperone a lot of the activities for the kids at her church, and bowling was a pretty common one

allison complains about how gross and outdated the bowling shoes are. and honestly? she’s right

andrew tries to subtly flex on everyone by picking one of the heaviest bowling balls, and neil laughs when he notices

there’s something about bowling alley pizza that always slaps, so of course they order pizzas to split between them all

kevin has worn himself out trying to convince everyone to eat more healthy food, so he just orders a pizza with literally every available vegetable on it. he’s the only one that eats any of it, bless his heart

of course the foxes get into the famed debate over whether pineapple is an appropriate pizza topping. it gets very loud 

arcade party!!!

they originally wanted to do chuck-e-cheese but they realize that the complete lack of children in their group rules that out

aaron and andrew do not appreciate the suggestion that they might be short enough to pass for children, thanks, go fuck yourself

they do find another arcade though 

there’s a laser tag room in this one, but they quickly realize that that’s probably not the best idea for a person who has literally been shot at multiple times in the past. so they skip that 

neil and kevin get in a skee ball competition 

kevin tries to lecture neil about proper technique. “you have got to be fucking kidding me,” neil says

matt teaches neil how to do dance dance revolution

matt is very good. neil almost falls on his face because he’s not using the railings at first

allison loves venting her rage via whack-a-mole

dan is the queen of pac-man

andrew and aaron team up against nicky and renee for air hockey

the whole group tries to test their athlete reflexes on that one game where you have to slam the button to stop it as close to the jackpot as possible 

andrew actually does hit the jackpot, and everyone is freaking out as he just stands there and stoically stares at the machine spewing out the tickets 

they pool all the tickets they’ve won together at the end so that neil can pick a prize for himself 

he gets a lava lamp, and he has just enough left over to get a little alien keychain that he promptly moves all of keys over to

build-a-bear party!!!

to the surprise of literally no one, neil chooses the fox

he’s given a hard time when he goes to choose the clothes for it. “neil, you better not dress him as badly as you do yourself” says allison, to widespread agreement from everyone else 

andrew picks a rabbit, to which neil pointedly raises his eyebrow

andrew deadpan says “aesthetic” as he grabs a little leather jacket to dress it

kevin complains about the lack of exy paraphernalia to dress up for his tiger

dan says that maybe he could stop by the school store on campus and get one of the school pride baby t-shirts they sell there

kevin pouts but eventually settles for a pirate look instead

aaron makes a koala in a cheer outfit to give to katelyn 

dan gets a t-rex and dresses it up like a rockstar

matt gets a bernese mountain dog and a boxing outfit

renee gets a frog and puts it in a pastel skirt and shirt combo

allison gets a hippo and a sequin dress with the matching headband 

nicky dresses his bear in a pink rainbow heart hoodie, surprising absolutely no one

imagine all the foxes looking at each other and trying not to crack up as they do the little stuffing/heart ceremony

god bless the poor employee that has to deal with their shit, honestly

karaoke party!!!

nicky is the most excited to do it, but he also takes forever to decide what song to do because there are so many he wants to sing 

eventually he decides that you can’t go wrong with queen or bi-con freddie mercury, so he does “don’t stop me now” 

the girls all decide to sing a song together—allison convinces them to do “how to be a heartbreaker”

matt is literally the personification of the heart eyes emoji as he watches dan sing

matt gets neil to do a duet with him, and they end up doing a very overblown rendition of “don’t go breaking my heart” 

dan makes a joke about feeling jealous, so matt serenades her with “treasure”

she won’t admit it over her laughter, but she’s actually very touched

renee does a lovely rendition of “rhiannon”

aaron sings “time to pretend”

everyone makes fun of kevin’s taste in music when he sings “other side”

he is dubbed “kevin ‘dad rock’ day” from that point on 

andrew flatly refuses to sing and no one is really willing to try and convince him on that one 

though he may not show it, he actually is very much enjoying seeing his teammates make fools of themselves

nicky make little party bags to pass around, including the stereotypical party bag favors 

little temporary tattoos

cue everyone teaming up to make fun of kevin by putting the gaudiest, sparkliest ones on their cheeks to make fun of his chess piece

little containers of bubbles with animals on the lids

imagine andrew getting annoyed with someone and blowing bubbles in their face with the most unimpressed fucking expression on his face until they shut up 

friendship bracelets

they laugh when they see them, but don’t let that fool you—almost everyone puts them on right away

glow stick necklaces

bouncy balls, which are inevitably taken to the next team practice and used to wreak havoc. poor wymack, honestly 

annoying party blowers

neil makes it his mission to sneak up on matt and blow it right in his ear, because matt jumps literally every single time 

a fuckton of candy

andrew would never say it, but he likes the goodie bags just for this fact alone

neil not so sneakily sneaks all of his candy into andrew’s bag

wacky sunglasses, which they promptly use to take a number of increasingly ridiculous group photos

they decide to do cupcakes instead of a real cake so that everyone can get the kind that they want

since neil isn’t a big sweets fan, they always get him one of those little fruit tarts instead 

when neil blows out the candles, his wish is that he’ll have the chance to make more happy memories with his family just like this

neil’s favorite part isn’t actually doing any of the things at his birthday parties; his favorite part is really that his friends were all together and laughing, and he saves every single picture taken

>ao3<

[undonesmoved]

it would be very easy for me to just be like “actually kev never made that shitty, homophobic comment to neil” because on a surface level it does seem out of place and just.. like.. nora being a dumbass (unsurprising considering how she handles literally Everything) but the more i think about it the more i feel like... it does make sense for kevin’s character. because he was raised in such shitty environments, from being “gifted” to riko (and the abuse that came from it) to the “partnership” he has with andrew to the fact that even in a co-ed sport like exy there is absolutely toxic masculinity and the accompanying forms of discrimination because some people just fucking suck. 

kev has little social awareness because he hasn’t been afforded many opportunities to be social; his ‘friendship’ with riko wasn’t friendship, it was ownership; his ‘friendship’ with jean wasn’t friendship, it was just happenstance; his ‘friendship’ with andrew wasn’t friendship, it was just transactional. his proximity to aaron and nicky didn’t mean he was friends with them, and he avoids the upperclassmen because, well, he’s an idiot. the only thing he has is exy and that mindset has shaped so much of his personality; it’s why he’s cold and withdrawn, why he throws himself into practice and does Nothing Else, and yes, it makes perfect sense for him to say “it’s easier for neil to make court if he’s presentable” because discrimination is alive and well and in the sports world especially. a survey done by football v homophobia at the end of the 2017/18 football season found that 63% of the people surveyed (170 supporters) experienced discrimination at games.

but i don’t think kev is homophobic: he’s bisexual himself, heavily closeted, and does have some internalized homophobia going on, but the comment towards neil wasn’t because neil was lgbt; it was because neil was visibly lgbt in a setting where it could harm his chances. that doesn’t make it better, it’s not an excuse, but it’s important to understand the difference. kev doesn’t think it’s wrong or bad to be lgbt; he doesn’t hate nicky for being gay, and he doesn’t hate neil for being gay; the difference in commenting on it is that neil is chasing court while nicky doesn’t have that aspiration. so i’ll be acknowledging he said that because i want kevin to learn. i want him to understand why this mindset he has is so shitty. i want him to unlearn these notions and to come to terms with his own sexuality because it’s such good character growth that nora denied him.