#but that means it gets put on us SO we had both sets of grandparents and my moms sister her daughter (my cousin)

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Night

[katsukikitten]

Handing Katsuki father's day cards that are for his own dad or yours and he needs to "read and sign it" but as he's reading it his brow starts to furrows.

"Sweetheart, ya got the wrong cards." He's reading it for the third time now.

"I got the right ones." You're trying not to giggle before he's rolling his eyes and reading the card aloud.

"You're not just an amazing father," he flips it open, "You're going to be an amazing grandfather too."

"Yea baby that's the right card." You hum, stepping into the kitchen to get the final card and present.

"Baby, it isn't. We don't have kids. Unless ya mean our cats but then they've been grandparents." He tosses the card down, rising to help you find the backups he's assuming you're looking for. This wasn't the first year you'd accidently gotten the wrong card or one that was just slightly off, he thinks nothing of the message.

Barely had any caffeine as the two of you rose early to get ready to host his parents and yours.

"Katsuki, it is the right card." You say, pressing another card into his hands, no envelope or anything. Just thick white card stock with black letters and an image of white new balance shoes.

"It's almost time for these bad boys." He scoffs, looking at what the world has deemed the official dad shoe, he looks up to see a box in your hands, "Sweetheart, what the fuck? I hate these ugly ass shoes. Ya know that."

He's got this smile to his face the one where he thinks you're being too playful and silly, every now and again you two get each other gag gifts. You're surprised he hadn't caught on yet especially since you always joked that the second you knew, you'd be getting him "those ugly ass dad shoes."

"I know." You both share a laugh, you pressing the shoe box into hands, "Just open it. They'll be fun to wear today, goes with the theme."

"What's the fuckin theme? Dads?" He opens the box and sees the shoes but something is taped to the top of the box. A grainy picture in black and white, a blob in the circle and when he lets his eyes focus as best they can without his glasses perched on his nose, he thinks he sees a very specific shape.

He rips it from the box, bringing the film closer and yes he can see a nose and his face morphs into complete surprise. You giggle as you watch him figure it out, which you swore you wouldn't be able to get this far without him figuring out why you'd been feeling so sick lately.

"No fuckin way." It's low and for a split second you think he isn't excited, then he locks eyes with you and he gives you that look. The one where he's smiling but his brows furrow up and his eyes aglow with unshed tears like you are his world, like you're giving him the world, and he's putting the shoes down to gently pick you up and twirl you around.

"A baby. We're having a fucking baby." He's pressing kisses to your cheeks when he sets you on your feet, if you thought you were spoiled before you'd be rotten by the time this pregnancy was done.

"A baby." You repeat back to him, your own excited tears clinging to your lashes, ones Katsuki gently kisses away.

"How long?"

"Three months. It was really hard to keep a secret but I really wanted to do that shoe thing I teased you about. I've got the receipt so we can return them I'll-"

"Nah I've got the perfect idea for 'em."

An hour later after a shared shower and rapid fire questions, Bakugou is coming down the stairs, he's got some ugly ass jean jorts you gifted him as a gag for his birthday two years ago before giving him his real gift and one of his dad's old white tees he tucked into the waist band of the shorts and of course his new white new balance shoes.

"You look ridiculous." You giggle in your sundress, somehow he made the outfit a little hot. You were sure Bakugou could make anything look hot and here was living proof.

"Better get used to it Sweetheart, this is how I'm gonna look when I put another one in ya." He puffs his chest out, smoothing his big palms over his shirt as you roll your eyes.

"I've made a monster." The door bell rings, when you go to rise, Katsuki gently presses you back into the couch by your shoulder as he gets the door for his parents. He opens the door with a sense of pride that comes with being the cocky pro hero, looking much larger than life.

His mother is unphased.

"Oi, I brought that stuff you- Why are you dressed like a fuckin dad from the 90s?" Mitsuki makes a face before she processes what he's wearing, "Oh my fucking GOD OH MY FUCKING GOD MASARU! WE'RE GONNA BE GRANDPARENTS. YER GONNA BE A GRANDPA! RIGHT RIGHT?"

She pushes past her son, a quick squeeze to his forearm before she's honing in on the daughter in law she already adored and now even more.

Masaru quirks his brow and Katsuki nods.

"I'm so happy for you son." He hugs Katsuki the way men do, a quick tight squeeze before a clap on the back, Masaru tries not to let the tears slip past his eyes as Katsuki's life plays on fast forward in Masaru's mind. He remembers how Mitsuki told him they were expecting, remembers holding him for the first time and thought his whole world view shattered and changed. Remembers his first words and steps. Remembers his first mishap with his quirk and how Katsuki had blown the coffee table sky high. He remembers him growing taller and taller, going to UA, figuring out how to be a better person as he grew in size. How Katsuki called him and his ma in the middle of the night the first time he hit the top ten rankings. And again when he was number one.

How he took his dad out to lunch, wiping his palms on his pants like he did when he was nervous to ask his dad how he asked Mitsuki to marry him. He smiles, tears slip past anyway as he stares at his broad shouldered son adding one final comment that makes Katsuki's throat close up in the best way.

"I can't wait to watch them grow up to be as great as their parents and more."

[diazsdimples]

Wasn’t sure how mean I was gonna be today but I can’t resist Alfie do lots of Alfie sentences please and thank you 😘💜

👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼 👨‍🍼

And one more for luck:

👨‍🍼

Here’s the old Alfie art for motivation 💜

39 Alfie sentences!!! Your wish is, as always, my command. And I LOVE the Alfie art, thank you so much 🥺 you get two bonus sentences for that 😊

“Anyways!” he interjects before either of them can come up with another reason to roast him. “Tommy and I actually had reason behind coming and finding you.” “Ah, are you looking for sage advice from your elder? What can I help you two with?” Bobby sets down the tea towel he’d been holding and places both hands on the counter, an expectant but friendly look on his face. “Well actually, we more wanted to ask something of you,” Tommy explains. “Or, Evan did.” Bobby’s gaze settles on Buck, and he swallows thickly. It really shouldn’t be this nerve-wracking to ask this of Bobby, considering everything they’ve been though together, but in all of these years, neither of them have ever put words to this dynamic between. Everyone else in the station has been happy to – muttering “father and son” at least once a week – but it’s not something either Buck or Bobby have openly acknowledged. Until now, at least. “Tommy and I, uh, we realised the other day that Alfie doesn’t really have any grandparents near him. I’m not really in contact with Mom and Dad these days, and Tommy obviously hasn’t spoken to his parents in years.” Buck watches as Bobby’s expression changes, initially his brows furrowed inquisitively before smoothing out as a look of understanding passes over him. Like he knows where this is going. Buck takes a step back, searching for Tommy’s hand. As their fingers lace together, he feels his anxiety seep from him, strength taken from his husband’s presence. “S-so we were – we were hoping that maybe – if it’s okay with you guys of course – th-that you and Athena could be like his grandparents? If you’d be comfortable with that?” The words are barely out of Buck’s mouth before Bobby’s arms are around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He can feel Bobby’s fingers digging into the meat of his shoulders as he clutches Buck to him, as though he’s afraid he’ll disappear. He’s released almost as quickly, but Bobby keeps a hand on his shoulder. There are tears in his eyes, mirroring the ones threatening to spill in Buck’s own, and Bobby reaches up to wipe them away before speaking. “I would be honoured to. Honestly, you two have no idea how much that means to me, and how much I’m sure it’ll mean to Athena. We both love that little boy so much, and you two as well. It means the world that you asked.” “Well we figured, what with all the jokes about you being like Evan’s father, that we’d make you officially Alfie’s grandpa. Seems like the least we could do to repay everything you’ve done for us,” Tommy says, his hand settling on the small of Buck’s back. Bobby laughs wetly, taking another swipe at his eyes. “Yeah well, someone had to parent that kid. You should have seen him back then, Tommy.” “Oh, I’ve heard the stories.” Tommy smirks and he presses a cheeky kiss to Buck’s temple. Buck curls into Tommy, resting his head against Tommy’s shoulder. He feels light and floaty, the relief that had surged through him after Bobby’s response akin to helium. He’s about to open his mouth to thank Bobby when Jee comes barrelling into the kitchen, all limbs and pre-schooler excitement. “UNCLE BUCK!” she yells, launching herself at him, and he catches her around the middle, hoisting her up into his arms. “Daddy says to tell you guys to get your lazy asses into the lounge so we can open presents!” “That is not what I said!” Chimney yells from the lounge, and Jee covers her mouth with her hand, letting out a little giggle. “Yes it is,” she whispers conspiratorially in Buck’s ear. “But he told me to say it nicer.”

obligatory @hippolotamus tag

Make Me Write!!!

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

So I saw the video of ending an argument with boobs… which I fully admit to doing on petty/silly arguments with my bf.

But I have to ask Honey and Little One? How well would it work? Do Steve or Curtis try to keep the argument going? Are they instantly derailed? Do they keep it playful as their respective women laugh and giggle at their reactions?

I love these two stories and appreciate you sharing them with us!!

Oh I saw a video similar to this and laughed at the reactions so much. And thank you so much for reading both of their stories. It means so much to me that you do, these two have been my comfort characters for so long now. Getting asks like this really means so much to me.

"We don't book shame in this house!" Curtis stood with his hands on his hips, a dark brow arched in challenge as you flipped through the most boring book on his shelf.

A How-To guide to setting up a stero system. From 1960's. Obviously this had to be his grandparents, but you couldn't help but poke a little bit of fun at it. "Do you even have this stereo system?" You asked, making a point of glancing around the livingroom.

He shrugged, hiding a bit of a grin to make himself go stone faced once more, narrowing his sharp blue eyes at you, playing at being mad. "So what if I did? Maybe its in the upstairs in Ella's old room."

He was bluffing, you knew he was cause the two of you were just in that room the other day, debating about what he wanted to keep.

"Funny, I don't remember seeing it up there." You shrugged while flipping to a random page and squinting at the page. You tossed the book on the nearby couch. Waiting to see what he was gonna do, he opened his mouth to retort when you suddenly tug your shirt up.

Curtis snapped his mouth shut as his eyes went wide staring at your breasts. No bra since technically you were already wearing his stretched out tee shirt and shorts for bed. "What was that Curtis, I didn't hear you." You teased, one of your hands dropping to cup your breast, giving it a squeeze.

You could already see whatever thought he had was fizzled away as he honed in on you, giving a deep rumbling groan of appreciation. "You're playing dirty Pretty Girl."

You let the shirt pull off over your head and fall to the floor. "You want me to put the shirt back on?" you giggled, making like you were gonna bend down to pick it back up but Curtis was faster, sweeping down to snatch it away, tucking it in his back pocket.

"Hell no." He rumbled, his large hard body crowding against yours, making you back up till your bareback pressed against the old built in book shelves and his arm shot out to brace near your head, blocking you in. Now you really were giggling, heat building till you could feel it all over, wetness pooling between your legs, making your thighs squeeze even tighter together. "You wanna play dirty, I can too."

His hand traced down your throat, squeezing just enough to make you gasp heatedly and then down your sternum. Somehow this turned against you, your head going empty as you stared pleading up into Curtis's intense gaze.

It was a stare down between the two of you, his hands on his hips in a stance you've seen many times. This was his Alpha stance, the one where he was taking charge.

As if, your Little Wolf yipped excitedly, zooming through your mind as you mimicked his stance, smirking. "You know it doesn't work on me Steve."

He huffed out, his head dropping for a moment to stare at the floor for a moment, but you saw the glitter in his gaze, looking up at you. Your lips twitched, hiding a smile.

But Steve doubled down, his head tilting in that way that always made you distracted, his hair flopping just a bit that made you want to run your fingers through it, sweep it back in place, or perhaps tug on it and bring your Alpha to his knees to worship you in that way he does oh so good.

<Don't get distracted!>

I'm not, much... okay a little. Your mind buzzed with the need to do something, anything to tip the scales in your favor. Then a wicked smile curved your lips as Steve started to stalk closer to you, making you back up a step. "Little One, you can't just-"

Your hands yanked up your shirt, making your Alpha pause his stalking, his gaze flowing down your face and to your breasts, his tongue darting out to trace his bottom lip. His nostrils flared, dragging in your warm scent while his eyes so intimately traced you. A growl rose from him and if you didn't know that was your Alpha loosing some control over his desires, you would be running. In fact, that felt like a good idea.

Twisting on your toes, you go to bolt, racing down the hallway to try to get into the bedroom, but a muscled forearm captured you, pulling you back into a firm chest and making you giggle and squeal at the sensation. Steve twisted you to put you over his shoulder, keeping you tightly in place with a palm coming down on your ass. "Think you're cute, huh?"

"I think Im fucking adorable." You taunted, squealing when you felt his bite on your ass cheek, knowing his mark would be there for a few days, making you chirp happily at your Alpha. He finished bringing you to the bedroom, easing you into the nest and quickly following in it to pin you in place to keep you from running off again.

"Mmhh you are Little One and all mine." His large hands captured yours above your head while his head dipped to tease a nipple into his mouth, teasing you with his flicking tongue, making you buck.

The problem with your plan, Steve knew your weaknesses just as much as you knew his. You bucked your hips under him as he continued his sweet torture on your breasts. "Steeve" You whined, trying to twist your hands free, starting to pant with desire. "Need more."

"More Little Wild One? I thought you wanted to go down to the lake... for a late autumnal swim in the freezing cold water?" He teased, blowing cool air across your sensitive nipples, making them harden even more.

You arched up once more, pushing hard against him till he rolled so you straddled him, looming over him with your now free hands tugging at his shirt. "Changed my mind..." He helped you get it off him till you could run your hands down your Alpha's chest, grinding against him. "There is always tomorrow to convince you."

[adaptacy]

How do you think Johnny would do with a s/o who has a big family and they all seem kinda off? Like they all seem weird and seem like the type to have bodies in their basement while reader is all smiles and jokes :0

ooo this is very interesting. im not sure if you meant that reader doesn't know how weird their family is, or if they do and they're just a really good actor, but i'll write a little something for both instances!

For reader who knows that they're being weird, i'll include a ~ before the passage.

For reader who doesn't understand, I'll include two ~~

Johnny OBVIOUSLY has experience with weird family members and weird family member hobbies. he is, yknow, a kidnapper, serial killer, cannibal after all. (we love him for it tho)

He's also really not sure about your proposal for him to meet your family. but, also. he does.. well, you propose for him to meet your parents, and he just wants to propose. something he NEVER imagined he would be thinking of.

and it is the southern way to get the dad's blessing. he wouldn't even consider meeting your parents otherwise. But, after like a month and a half of you pleading with him, he finally agrees. he goes over for the fourth of July, and he's expecting it to just be your parents, maybe a younger sibling or two, but oh, oh no.

Its your parents, two sets of grandparents, three younger siblings, two aunts, one uncle, four nephews and two nieces.

He. is. lost. Overwhelmed. He thought he came from a large family, but no, nononono, you absolutely had him beat. You didn't even attempt to warn him! You were used to this, and didn't even think that maybe that's a lot of pressure for a guy who lowkey wants to marry you, and therefore be on good terms with your family.

The thing is, they hardly seem like your family. the reason Johnny was so intrigued by you, and attached to you, in the first place was because you were just so goddamn optimistic. PAINFULLY so. like, it was annoying how he could hear you nonstop encouraging the other victims when he'd first captured you.

You are talkative, and sunny, and annoying, to an extent. he loves you, of course, but he remembers being so irritated with you when he first brought you back to the house. he got used to it over time, and now he finds it adorable, but your family is so...

Stare-y. And whisper-y. And... creepy? He doesn't want to be mean, and he definitely feels like something is wrong. he reassures himself that its just because he's new, and he's probably just being paranoid. but he remembers how his family acted when he brought you around-- or, more so how Drayton and nubbins acted, and he is seeing quite the resemblance between them and your family.

Meanwhile, you're still as vibrant and giddy as ever, clearly excited at the opportunity. at what a big moment this is. and Johnny puts on a (clearly nervous) smile for you, casually greeting people and being met with short introductions and stiff, cold handshakes.

When he meets your parents, they look at him like he's the prey. and that is NOT a feeling he is used to, or one that he enjoys. His palms are sweaty, and it is not due to the heat. he feels like he's meeting mafia bosses, but you run up and hug them like its nothing. like they aren't literal final bosses.

Johnny is terrified, frankly, but he proceeds. he greets them, thanks them for having him, shakes their hands, introduces himself, etc. and they ask questions. he's still anxious, but he doesn't mind answering. they ask sort of... weird questions.

Like, the kind of questions that might come up in casual conversation, but not the kind that you ask right after meeting someone. Does he drink? Does he have his own car? Has he ever been out of the country? What's his blood type?

"Okay! That's enough," you laugh, cutting into his conversation with them, awkwardly dragging him aside. Once you're out in the hallway, you clear your throat.

~ "Sorry about them, they're just worried," you'd chuckle, placing a hand on his shoulder to reassure him, your trademark smile on your face. "My sister's been wanting to meet you for a while now. Follow me."

~~ "I'm sure they just wanna know who the guy is that I've been gushing about to them for so long," you'd laugh nervously, gulping right after. "Hey, how about we go meet my sister? She's been asking nonstop about you!"

He'd follow, not really having much of a choice if he wants to stay by your side, and he definitely does not want to be alone right now. When you eventually do find your sister, she looks him up and down, sizing him up. Without addressing him, she asks "That's the one?" with an almost snarky tone.

Johnny, trying his best to win over your family still, steps forward and addresses her, introducing himself to her directly. She looks a little disgusted by this, and doesn't shake his hand.

"How long are you guys gonna be here?" She'd ask, still talking to you.

~ "He's here for the fireworks," you'd grin.

~~ "Sis, please. You're being rude," you'd gently remind, nudging her shoulder.

She replied with an eyeroll, waving her hand. "Whatever."

Once she'd walked away, Johnny looked over at you, a small frown. "Did I do something wrong?" he'd ask, glancing around the backyard full of people. Immediately, you reassured him, letting him know that they were just really not used to visitors, and he didn't want to pry.

You'd ask him if he would prefer to leave early, but he immediately denied. He didn't want to back down, didn't wanna seem weak. He wanted to show your family he wasn't going to be scared off. that he was actually very committed to you.

It was embarrassing for him to admit to himself, but he supposed it was worth it. When the time came for dinner, everyone gathered outside, surrounding a barbeque that cast out an alluring scent of burgers. A little after dinner was served, Johnny asked where the bathroom was, and you gave him directions. You offered to show him, but he said he'd be fine.

Everyone was outside, which meant he wouldn't need to worry about being killed, or interrogated, or yelled at if he left your side. there was no telling what was going to happen.

When he got inside, he had a bit of trouble finding it, and he walked past the kitchen, catching a very... very familiar scent. He sniffed again, following his nose over to a sink, where he found an entire goddamn femur.

Any normal person would have gagged, or maybe just straight up vomited, screamed, something-

but Johnny smirked, and then scoffed. He stood there for a moment before finally turning around and managing to find the bathroom. When he returned to your side, he nudged you, whispering, "You didn't tell me your family was the same."

You'd look at him, giving him an almost blank stare. Your eyes slightly narrowed, your brows a little furrowed, your lips barely parted. "Johnny..?" You'd ask.

"What?"

"We... literally killed someone last Tuesday," you'd remind, your words coming out slowly, trying to spark his memory like you were talking to an amnesiac turtle.

"Well, yeah, but you didn't tell me your family was that way too," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "No wonder they were so hesitant. Do they know?"

"I- I think so. I mean, I didn't explicitly tell them, but I kinda figured they'd assume since we've been together for so long and you're still alive," you mumbled, giving a half-hearted shrug. Locating your dad a few feet away, you dragged Johnny over towards him, poking your father on the arm. "Dad?"

He looked Johnny up and down, and then looked to you. "What is it?"

"You do realize he's like us, right?"

He looked surprised, and you immediately let out a sigh, feeling awful and incredibly awkward. "Man, I figured you'd figured it out. Yeah, he eats people too."

"I thought you were bringing us back dinner," your dad laughed, outstretching a hand and shaking Johnny's again. Johnny let out a tense chuckle, shaking the older man's hand.

"Sorry for the confusion, sir," Johnny spoke, doing his best to hide his southern accent. It wasn't a great attempt, but it was certainly an attempt.

"In that case, welcome to the family, son."

[pedroshotwifey]

Christmas Countdown Day 15 - Presents

The A-Team

Pairing: Frankie Morales x afab!reader

Word count: 1.5k

Tags/Warnings: no use of y/n, Frankie and reader were in the military, Frankie and reader have kids, established relationship (husband and wife), breeding kink if you squint, oral sex (f), piv sex, fluff, smut, Frankie being both a menace and a pussy eating king, kids are unnamed, no age is mentioned so reader could be any age you want, stuff im forgetting

Summary: Frankie distracts you from wrapping gifts--not that you're complaining

A/N: Hey, y'all. I'm tired out of my mind, and I hope y'all enjoy this :') Tmw's prompt involves Dieter Bravo, so if you have any ideas for that, feel free to send them in <3

***

You’re finally in your zone. 

The kids are at their grandparents, Frankie’s in the shower, and you’re sitting in the middle of the living room with a stack of presents waiting to be wrapped. It’s not every day that you get a chance to get something like this done without the interruption of your kids, no matter how much you love them. 

You have the coffee table shoved off to the side so you are able to spread your supplies out across the expanse of the room. There’s Christmas music playing lowly from a radio in the kitchen. You hum along as you attempt to wrap a mini Barbie dreamhouse that your daughter had been begging for. 

It’s one of those boxes where you just can’t seem to get the perfect amount of paper to cover it. 

You sigh in frustration as you attempt to pull the ends together, straining the paper on the sides. Of course you’re about an inch short. Giving up for now, you pull the box away from the paper and reach for a slightly smaller one. 

This one contains a lego kit for your youngest son. You remember picking it up in the store and discreetly showing Frankie. Your son had been with you, thankfully distracted by your phone as Frankie quickly snagged it and snuck away to purchase it while you continued shopping. 

When he came back to your side from putting it under a blanket in the car, neither of you had enough composure to cover your smiles. You still get such a giddy feeling when the two of you complete ‘heists’ every now and again. It reminds you that, even three kids later, the A-team’s still got it. 

Of course, once you had gotten pregnant with your eldest, you had left that line of work, and Frankie along with you. You miss it every now and again, and you can tell that he does too, but neither of you would trade your life now for anything. Your husband and children make you feel like the luckiest woman in the world. 

Just then, Frankie walks into the living room, finding you smiling and staring off into space as your thoughts distract you. 

“What’s got you so happy, hermosa?” he asks as he walks to you and bends down to plant a kiss on your head. You snap out of your trance and snag his collar as he tries to straighten back up, instead pulling him to your lips for a quick kiss. 

He smiles at you when you let go of him and takes a seat on the sofa you’re sitting in front of. You set the lego box back down and lean your back between Frankie’s legs. 

“Just thinking about us,” you tell him dreamily. 

“Oh?” Frankie says with a slight chuckle. “What about us?” This time his tone holds more of a suggestive quality as he reaches a hand down to tuck a fallen bit of hair behind your ear. 

You roll your eyes and swat his leg. 

“Not like that, you horndog,” you tease, laughing all the same. “Thinking about how good we used to be.”

“What do you mean, baby? We’re fucking awesome,” Frankie says without a hint of sarcasm. You laugh at him. 

“Yeah,” you agree. “I guess we are.” 

You suddenly pull yourself up, standing in front of your husband. He puts his hands on your waist as you gaze into each other's lust-full eyes. He gives your hip a slight squeeze, and you straddle his lap, immediately wrapping your arms around his neck and slotting your lips against his. 

Frankie wraps his strong arms around you as he moans into your mouth, still insatiable for you even after all these years. His lips are soft as they glide effortlessly against yours. 

You can feel the way he hardens beneath you, and you grind into the prominent bulge presented. Frankie whimpers at the friction, hardening further. 

“Fuck, need to be inside you, baby,” Frankie says, near breathless when he pulls away from your kiss. You nod at him, jumping up and tugging him after you. You both strip as you make your way to a spot that’s not covered by wrapping paper. 

Frankie nods at the space, and you quickly lay down. You can feel the heat coming from the fireplace lit beside you, the half of your body further from it erupting with goosebumps. Shivering slightly, you watch your husband descend to his knees in front of you, situating himself between your thighs. 

He backs down, keeping eye contact until his face is level with your cunt. Your breathing is heavy as you watch in anticipation until he puts his mouth on you, immediately enveloping your clit. You moan loudly, suddenly extremely thankful that the house is empty tonight. 

Frankie’s tongue gets to work, quickly flicking over your clit and then moving lower to dip inside your dripping hole. He alternates speeds and techniques, speeding up and slowing in rapid succession as he moves his face up and down and left to right. 

He knows your body almost better than you do, hitting all of your favorite spots without effort. You jump each time he does so, your hand flying to tug at his thick waves after a particularly pleasurable spark erupts. 

Frankie groans as you tug him further into you by his hair, the sharp sting on his scalp making his hips rut down into nothing.

He jolts his arms out to secure you by your waist, pulling you further to him now. Your legs kick out as your head falls back with the added pressure, your grip in his hair tightening. 

“Fuck, Frankie!” you half yell, half moan. The intense pleasure quickly builds your orgasm, bringing you to the edge before you even realize you had been approaching. 

“Oh, f-fuck! I-” you’re cut off by your orgasm, your body shaking and going warm as Frankie pushes his tongue into your cunt. He laps up your cum as quickly as it spills out of you, moaning the entire time. 

As soon as you’ve ridden out your high, Frankie’s on top of you again, desperately locking his lips with yours as he notches himself at your entrance and pushes in with one thrust. The force of it punches a good bit of air out of you, and you have to pull away from him to catch your breath. 

“So fucking good, hermosa,” Frankie begings to ramble once his mouth is free, already pussy-drunk. “Wet and tight and warm, pulling me in so good like you’re scared to lose this cock. You won’t; ‘s all yours, baby.”

You whimper and moan at his dirty words, already feeling that fiery sensation burning low in your belly as he thrusts into your cervix with a delicate precision. He’s somewhere between fucking you and making love; almost like he wants to take his time to savor you, but he’s so addicted that he can’t allow himself to do that. 

“Feel so good, Francisco,” you tell him, kissing his stubbly jaw. “Want you to f-fill me up, baby.” 

“I know, I know. Gonna pump you so fuckin’ full of me you’ll be dripping my cum for days,” Frankie doesn’t miss a beat, his hips stuttering lightly at the thought he conjured. 

“Oh–please,” you beg, unsure what for at this point. 

“I got you, honey, I got you.” 

Frankie kisses every sliver of skin on your face as he pushes deeper and deeper into you. He only separates himself once to push his thumb into your mouth, allowing you to coat it in your saliva before bringing it over your sensitive clit. 

He begins to rub slow circles, and it pushes you past your peak, your hips bucking up as you moan loudly. Frankie makes a choking sound as you squeeze around his thick cock, triggering his own orgasm. 

He groans into your neck as he releases his cum into you, your pussy milking every drop. You’re both covered in a thin sheen of sweat, your skin almost glittering in the firelight. 

When you both settle down, Frankie still nestled inside you despite his cock softening, you simply watch each other. He lays his head down on your steadily rising and falling chest, observing your beauty as the flames flicker and make your skin shine. 

As badly as you want to close your eyes and go to sleep right now, you sigh deeply and accept the fact that it’s smarter for you to finish your task. You might now have another opportunity to wrap gifts outside of your cramped bedroom floor other than tonight. 

“Alright, baby,” you say with a gentle finality that makes Frankie sigh as well. “I need to finish wrapping the presents. You’re welcome to join me.” 

You look down at him, raising your eyebrows in a way that makes your last quip more of an unskippable task than an invitation. Frankie juts his lips out, looking at you with a pointed stare. 

“Only if we can do it naked,” he bargains. You bite your lip to suppress the smile threatening to spread across your face. 

“Frankie!” you gasp, trying to conceal your laughter.

“What?” he asks with feigned innocence.  

“You’re ridiculous,” you giggle, feeling like a child all over again.

***

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[paganwitchisis]

Elven Judgement Chapter 6

Chapter Six Title: Argument

Rating: E for Explicit

Summary: Set after the events in Baldur’s Gate 3, Tav and spawn Astarion are expecting a new bundle of joy when Astarion reconnects with his parents. Things don’t go as planned with the soon to be grandparents! Expect drama, suspense, fluff, smut and an overly protective Astarion!

Word Count:

Pairing: AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Warnings: Smut, pregnancy, oral, anal, PinV smut, creampie, breeding (kink), hurtful parents, mental abuse, violence (bandits), blood drinking, blood (wounds), protective/soft Astarion, adult language.  

Thank you @alyssac9 for proofreading :) You're a blessing!

AO3 link here!

Story:

After getting cleaned up and changing their sheets, Astarion lay in bed, still bare of clothes and holding his equally nude lover.

“We still need to talk about this, my love.”

“This?”

“My parents.”

Tav turned her body and laid on Astarion’s chest as she gazed up at him. “What would you like to do?”

“While you were asleep, I gave them one more chance, but I’m worried about how Silwen and Folas will treat you.”

“Folas?” Tav asked as Astarion drew the covers up and around them both closer.

“Oh, I forgot to mention. That’s apparently my father’s name. He keeps throwing his weight around and forgets I’m a vampire. I assume he forgot because otherwise, he is a bigger fool than I give him credit for.”

“He is your son’s grandparent,” Tav tried to rationalize.

“The bear, Halsin, would be a better grandparent than him.”

Tav snuggled into Astarion some more and kissed him fondly before replying.

“I’m surprised you gave them another chance.” Tav was astonished and moved to the side so she could sit up.

“I did it for you. I remembered our conversation as we left the woods and offered the proverbial olive branch. She did apologize, but how much did she really mean, or was it because she was afraid of losing me after what she put you through?”

Tav slid out of bed and began to get dressed, which surprised Astarion. “What’s going on?”

“Regardless of her intentions, we should still ask Halsin to look her over.” Tav went to the dresser while still half-naked and grabbed a few clothes for Astarion. “As much as it is a crime to not see you in your full portfolio, we should get dressed and ask before it gets too late. Maybe share the news about our engagement as well? We can go tomorrow to High Hall and register there.”

“As much as I rather not get out of bed, I do like sharing that news.” Astarion joked as he got dressed and playfully smacked Tav’s ass. Once the pair were dressed, Tav held Astarion’s hand and left the room with him in tow. In the companion room, they gathered Gale and Halsin and filled them in on the details about what was going on, rather than letting them piece together the details on their own. Gale seemed shocked a mother could act like that, but Astarion was quick to remind Gale that not everyone had the kind of relationship that Gale had with his mother. Meanwhile, Tav was detailing to Halsin what little they knew about Silwen’s heart condition.

“Do you think you could help her?”

“Possibly, I’d have to examine her first. Bring her to me the next time you see her, and I’ll see what I can do.” Halsin gave a warm smile and patted Tav on the back.

“Should we tell them?” Tav asked Astarion regarding their news. He smirked and nodded.

“After you, my sweet.”

Tav looked at her two friends and excitedly announced, “I’m engaged! We’re due to wed tomorrow! I’d like to celebrate with my friends, but I know that may be difficult. Karlach is with Wyll in Avernus, Lae’zel is still fighting against Vlaakith, and I believe Jaheira and Minsc are on a mission for the Duke.”

“Don’t forget that Shadowheart is off purging a Sharran Sanctuary.” Astarion interrupted to remind his beloved about Shadowheart’s predicament in Neverwinter.

“Now, who else does that leave me with?”

Halsin laughed deeply and replied, “With us three.”

“I guess it is up to us to celebrate enough for everyone else who will not be in attendance,” Gale concluded. Tav just smiled. She was happy she would have some friends to be around and celebrate her marriage to the man she loved dearly. She leaned up and kissed Astarion’s cheek, who did not shy away from public displays of affection.

“Now, if I remember correctly, I asked that she be put on bed rest,” Halsin gently reminded the couple.

Astarion smiled and picked up Tav who yelped in surprise.

“You heard the druid. I guess I gotta come up with ways to keep you in bed.” Astarion whispered and made Tav blush.

“Oak Father, preserve me,” Tav whispered back as a joke and giggled at her humor.

Astarion brought Tav back to their room and was about to lock the door after putting her back into bed when a knock came at the door.

It was Silwen and Folas.

Astarion took a breath to steady himself and he greeted his parents with an obvious mask. The mask was obvious because he dared not try to hide it. He was upset over his mother’s actions still, even if he had given her another chance.

“Hello, son. We heard the news.” Silwen commented, as Folas looked upset.

“News?” Astarion moved aside so they could see Tav sitting up in bed, still wearing her under-armor clothes she had on before when she went to speak to Halsin and Gale.

“A young wizard told us that your lover had woken up.”

Astarion shook his head and Tav giggled. This seemed to agitate the older elven man, but Astarion refused to let his agitation be a problem for him. Whatever it was, was Folas’s problem now.

“She isn’t my lover... well... not just my lover. Not anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Silwen asked curiously.

“We mean, that this time tomorrow, she will be my wife.” Astarion crossed his arms and warily watched Folas. When the news broke, Silwen had a look of surprise but not Folas.

Folas looked incensed.

“You stupid, stupid fool! Do you have any idea how much we sacrificed, for you to throw it all away and marry a common human?”

“Folas!” Silwen intervened. “That isn’t appropriate. Can’t you see they love each other?”

“A man can love a dog; that doesn’t mean you marry it,” Folas snapped, and Astarion had heard enough.

“Get the fuck out and never come back!” Astarion glanced back at his soon-to-be wife and saw the look on her face, and it broke his heart. “She may be a human, but she is better than any elf! She is the Hero of Baldur’s Gate, and she saved this city and you all from the Absolute. You should be grateful to her, but instead, you think you’re superior because your ears have a point? Ha!” Astarion pointed at the door and then at Folas. “You will leave and forget you ever had a son. I see why I turned out to be a prick when I was alive.”

“Why you! I’ll summon the guard you pompous little…”

“Do that, and I will cleave your head from your shoulders.” Gale, of all companions, had overheard the commotion and came to investigate. When he saw an angry yet tearful Tav on the bed and a pissed off vampire, he had thought enough was enough.

"What are you going to do, wizard? You’re human too! You can’t…”

“I know a great many things. Like for example, I have you held in position with a Hold Person spell. I also know Power, Word Kill, and Dominate. Do not tempt a wizard, my friend, or you will lose every time, and I am very pissed. Astarion and I may butt heads once in a while, but we agree on one thing, her.”

“I don’t agree with him, Astarion,” Silwen pleaded. “Please don’t lump me in with him!”

“He is an Ancunin and will behave like one,” Folas seethed, venom dripping off his tongue over the race of Astarion’s betrothed.

“I guess we’re starting new traditions, my love, because I want nothing to do with him.” Astarion kissed Tav’s hand and pulled out his daggers. “You’re too dangerous to leave alive.” Astarion went to stalk the man, who was frozen in place, but Silwen dropped to her knees in front of him and pleaded.

“Please don’t kill him. He is a fool, and I want nothing to do with him, but please don’t…” Silwen began to sob and Tav pulled on Astarion’s wrist. When he looked back at her, she shook her head no and murmured low, but loud enough, all in the room could hear.

“One word from us to Duke Ravengard and he would be hunted. Let’s just leave him be, and if he causes trouble, then we strike, but for now, I’d appreciate not having to get more blood off our clothing.”

Gale nodded and put his hands down as he was maintaining the spell and Folas looked around the room and shuddered. Astarion bared his fangs, Gale had his prowess, and Tav had her hand near her blade against the side of the bed. All these people were formidable on their own but together? Folas didn’t have a chance.

“Tsk, fine. Come on, Silwen”

“No.”

“Excuse me? First the whelp and now you?” Folas stared into Silwen and held his angry stare. “We have no son. Let’s go.”

“I refuse! Just because you lost our son doesn’t mean I have to! You stick to such antiquated thinking and think I will follow you? I made a mistake when I first showed up for the same reason, but this girl is part of our family now, whether you like it or not. She will be an Ancunin, and I want to live long enough to see my grandchild!”

Astarion held Tav’s hand but said nothing as he watched Folas throw up his hands and leave them alone.

“That is assuming you will let me stay in your life.” Silwen looked at Astarion, asking for his mercy. Astarion turned to look at Tav, but she gave him a supporting smile before speaking.

“It’s your decision, honey. I support you no matter what you choose, though.”

Astarion thought for a moment, then two, and finally spoke up.

“I’ll give you one chance but know this. I will not accept any disrespect to my future wife, and you will not be present for our wedding. No one will. It will be intimate and between the two of us. You may join our celebration after but that is all. I don’t give out chances. This is Tavaria’s influence.” Astarion crossed his arms and leaned against the headrest of the bed. Tav was next to him as usual, her place forever by his side.

“Thank you!” Silwen stood up from her place at Astarion’s feet, where she groveled and thanked him for not judging her based on her husband’s viewpoint. Before Silwen left for the evening, Gale gave her a sending stone so she would know when the celebration was. Astarion and Tav wished Gale their thanks and finally kicked everyone else out of their room.

Finally, when the door was locked, Tav allowed her mask to slip, and she began to cry. This was overwhelming, and a lot had gone on, but Astarion and Gale had stood up for her. She felt the pain Astarion was going through, and she desperately tried to pull herself together, but it was difficult.

“Shh, it’s okay, my love. I’m here for you.”

“But I should be here for you!”

“Tav, you’ve been strong for so long. It’s okay to need help right now.” Astarion held Tav in a tight hug until her sobs became whimpers, and soon, her whimpers calmed down into sniffles. She kept on holding him in their embrace as he needed the support as well.

The couple got a bath and retired to bed, looking forward to finally being bound to each other, officially, the next day. Astarion was happy that there was no ceremony and that it would be a simple visit, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t important to him.

Astarion was jittery with excitement.

Tomorrow, he’d have a wife.

[atinylittlepain]

Of Saints and Sinners - Chapter 8

Joel Miller x f!reader/f!oc

series masterlist

chapter summary: it continues to be a push and pull between her and Joel. Will they be able to overcome each other's steel?

warnings | 18+ canon-typical violence and gore, references to smut, angst

a/n | happy TLOU night :) I consider this chapter to be sort of a set up for the next leg of plot to this story, but there's plenty of angst to sink your teeth into here

Spring has pulled her verdant arms over Jackson, and Summer is close on her heels. The days are getting longer and brighter. The greenhouses are dizzyingly full of fresh produce. Ellie brings home a bowl of strawberries one day, and the taste makes Joel’s eyes water. But it’s not just the landscape that’s been set in a full thaw. She has all but officially moved in with him, each week a few more of her belongings finding permanent residence in his space. There’s a stack of her books on his nightstand, a folded pile of her clothes in his closet, two toothbrushes sitting in his bathroom. 

While they go their separate ways in the morning, she is always at his place for dinner, talking easily with Ellie, helping in the kitchen. The first couple of times, Joel had found the scene strange, almost absurd in its domesticity. But, perhaps dangerously, he had easily gotten used to it because he liked it so much. She always spends the night, and when they tangle together, it’s like the first time all over again. He’d devour her if he could, that’s how much he wants her. The way she sighs his name when pleasure strokes down her spine, her nails grazing the expanse of his back, the taste of her and the way she preens into his mouth. They fall asleep most nights bare and slick with the salt of pleasure. 

It’s in this position, a tangle of limbs and sighs, that they find themselves in tonight. She rests her cheek on his chest as he grazes his fingers down the length of her arm. His eyes trace the swirls of ink and scar that laces down her back. She no longer hides from him, and he knows it’s no small gift that she has given him. 

“Can I ask you something?” She hums at his question, craning her neck to peer at him. He clears his throat before continuing.

“Will you tell me about these? All this ink?” He’s still careful about how much he pries, though she’s certainly been more willing to talk, he never knows when he might have pushed a bit too far. For a moment, he worries that he just has, but she offers him a small smile and nod. She sits up, kneeling between his legs. He still has to catch his breath seeing her bare body before him. 

“What do you want to know, Joel?” He tentatively reaches a hand out to brush along the birds that sit below her collarbone, tracing down the swirls of ink on her one arm.

“Do they all have meaning?” Her smile brightens and she nods again. She takes both his wrists to guide his palms to splay back over the birds.

“These I got for my mother. Magpies were her favorite birds. Have you seen magpies before?”

“They’re a kind of crow, right?” She snorts, squeezing his wrists.

“They’re way cooler than crows. Bigger, and smarter. And wickedly loud.” She draws his one palm to her shoulder, down along her bicep where a swirling branch is inked.

“Cherry. And plum on the outside of my arm. My grandparents owned an orchard in Bend. We spent most of our summers there.” She twists in his old, her back facing him as Joel sits up. He doesn’t know how he didn’t see it before, but it’s now clear how the branches on her arm twine across her shoulder blades, following into the twisted trunks of trees that span down her spine. For the first time, he wholly takes in the expanse of her back, the twisting, silvery scars that lay under swaths of ink. He traces his fingers down the branches and she shivers under his touch.

“Alex is one hell of an artist.” She huffs out a laugh.

“He’s been working on a new tattoo gun. Putting it together out of scrap parts. Figure I’ll get something over the fresh scar.” His eyes instinctually dart to the puckered skin on her forearm. It’s healed over, but she keeps it bandaged during the day to keep prying eyes out. He draws his attention to her back again, and his eyes catch on a small figure in the one tree.

“Is that a–”

“Squirrel? Yeah, that’s for Jack.” A heavy silence falls after her words. It’s the one thing Joel knows not to ask about, that she’ll tell him scraps in time, when she’s ready. He knows that Jack was her little brother, and he knows she lost him, and that it destroyed her. He doesn’t pry, instead laying his palm over the inked creature.

“What’re you gonna get, when Alex’s gun is ready?” She turns back in his arms, nudging into his lap and drawing her fingers through his hair with a hum.

“Not sure yet. If you have any ideas, let me know.” She presses a chaste kiss to his mouth to seal her words. She seems to be thinking something over, thoughtlessly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Squirrels were his favorite animal.” Joel’s hands still where he had been skating them up her sides, letting them rest at her hips. He tries to keep his expression steady as he searches her face. She won’t quite meet his eyes as she continues.

“I would take him to the park after school and he never wanted to play or run around, he’d just sit and watch the damn squirrels.” She lets out a breathy laugh.

“I was always trying to get a laugh out of him, or just some reaction. So one day, we went to the park and I brought a bag of trail mix and just started throwing nuts and raisins to the squirrels. By the time we left, we had them eating off the toes of our shoes. It was so fucking weird, but it was his favorite thing, I think. We did it all the time afterwards.” She takes a deep breath, her shoulders slumping with the exhale. 

“Anyways, um, yeah, the squirrel is Jack’s.”  Joel knows there’s nothing he can say right now that’d be right. Even as she offers him a small smile, he can see the pain laced through her eyes. He dips his head and lays a kiss to her sternum before pulling her into his embrace. They don’t talk anymore that night.

…

The next morning, Joel is not pleased with what Ellie tells him over breakfast. Her old patrol partner is switching shifts and she’s now been paired up with Roger. He doesn’t miss the way she winces when she hears Ellie say his name.

“He’s not gonna be your partner for long, kid. That boy is an idiot. I’ll talk to Tommy today. Get the partners rearranged.” Ellie just shrugs at Joel, finishing her bowl of oatmeal before hurrying off out the door to get to her shift. Joel glances at her out of the corner of his eye, catching her smirk.

“Roger may be an idiot. But I’ve heard he’s good on patrol. You don’t have to worry about her, Joel.” He huffs, taking another swig of coffee.

“I’m still gonna talk to Tommy, find her a better partner. Would you wanna take shifts with her?” She looks taken aback by his question.

“I mean, do you think that’s a good idea? To have us put together?” Ellie still doesn’t know that she’s immune like her, nor does she know that it had been her immunity that had put her in so much danger previously. Joel hadn’t really even been thinking about that when he posed the idea, but now, remembering that day that Alex rode back by himself, without her, his stomach starts to churn. He shakes his head to clear the thought away.

“No, you’re right. I don’t like that idea at all. What about Alex?” She quirks an eyebrow at him.

“You trying to steal my patrol partner, Miller?” A smug grin settles on his face.

“Well, I may know someone else who’d be happy to fill the position.” That earns him a laugh, a sound that sends a giddy sweep up his spine.

“We did make a pretty good team, huh? Alright, I’ll talk to him about it. Pretty sure he wouldn’t mind.” She slips her palm into his. That’s new, the simple touches that they’re starting to share. Joel thinks it might be better than the sex, or at least a close second. 

“I gotta go. I’m helping Maria with some new security plans. See you tonight?” He nods, watching her stand and clear her plate away. She sweeps back and presses a quick kiss to his lips, rubbing her palm on his chest.

“Be safe, darlin.”

“Bye, Joel.”

…

The sun is starting to set, and Ellie hasn’t come home from her shift yet. Joel is beginning to panic. He’s getting ready to set out looking for her himself when the front door opens, though it’s not Ellie. She looks just as worried as he feels.

“Have you seen Ellie?” “No, I heard that she hasn’t come back though. Joel, it’s getting dark, I think we need to go look for her.” He just nods, grabbing his gun and following her out into the quick darkening evening.

They don’t make it far on horseback before they see a figure cresting over the hill that lays before them. She keeps her gun cocked, but sure enough, it’s Ellie. There’s no sign of Roger. They set off at a gallop towards her, quickly dismounting when they come upon her. Joel’s on her in an instant, cupping her face in his hands and looking her over for injury. She doesn't appear to be hurt, just shaken.

“There was a cluster of them up near the dam. Jesus– they came out of nowhere. Roger’s dead.” Joel thinks to himself that he doesn’t give a fuck about Roger.

“Are you ok?” She just nods, but her eyes flicker down to her leg and Joel sees blood pooling in the ankle of her sock. He knows right away that she must have gotten bit again, trying to hide it in the presence of someone else.

“Ellie, it’s alright, she knows. About you.” Ellie’s eyes go wide and she shoves Joel away, her gaze darting between him and her.

“What the fuck, Joel? You’re the one who told me not to tell anyone. But apparently that doesn’t apply to your lady friend.” 

“Ellie!” She steps forward then, placing a hand on his shoulder before he can bark out anything else, stepping between him and Ellie.

“It’s fine, Joel. Ellie, your secret is safe with me.” The girl scoffs.

“Oh yeah? Why should I believe you?” With that, she’s rolling up her shirt sleeve and unwinding the bandage on her forearm, bearing the still healing bite that wraps around her skin. Ellie is stunned speechless.

“Because I’m like you, kid.” 

…

Ellie is silent the whole ride back. Joel goes to tell Tommy what happened while she hustles the girl home. She grabs their makeshift first aid kit and shuffles her into the bathroom, ordering Ellie to hop onto the counter while she sits on the ground to get a better look at her ankle. She pulls off her boot and sock, rolling up her pant leg, and sure enough, a fresh bite smeared across her calf. She lets out a low whistle.

“Got you good, kid. Let’s clean this up, alright?” She glances up at the girl, still nothing. She sighs and gets to work cleaning the wound. As she’s getting ready to wrap a dressing on the bite, Ellie finally speaks up.

“How did you find out?” She pauses.

“About you?” Ellie shakes her head.

“About yourself, how did you find out you were immune?” She sighs, standing up and pulling the collar of her shirt down to expose the top of her shoulder.

“If you squint you can see it under all that ink.” Ellie’s face draws closer to her shoulder, peering at the skin. She can see it in her face when she finally makes out the scarring, letting out a “woah” under her breath before backing off.

“Is that why you have all those tattoos?” She just nods, sinking back down to the floor to finish wrapping her calf. She considers not saying what she’s about to, but goes ahead anyway.

“You remember a couple months ago when I went missing?” Ellie nods.

“Well, it was because some people found out what I am, what we are. I think you know just as well that we have to be careful about this thing. Ellie, I want you to know that I would never, will never tell anyone, ok?” She smooths out the gauze on Ellie’s leg before standing, patting her knee.

“Now, you keep that clean and covered, and when it’s healed maybe we can see about getting you some ink, if you want.” Ellie grins, and it’s a relief to her.

“Oh, I want. You’re like the coolest person in this town and like forty percent of that is just ‘cause of your tattoos, so, hell yeah. Sign me up.” She snorts at that, squeezing the girl's arm before stepping aside and letting her hop down.

“Are you feeling ok?” Ellie shrugs, eyes settling on her feet.

“I mean, s’never a good day when someone dies on your watch, but I’ll be alright.”

“Hey. It wasn’t on your watch. Your da– Joel was right. Roger was a cocky idiot. He was gonna get himself hurt eventually. I’m just sorry it happened when you were around, kid.” Ellie just huffs, but still offers her a small “thank you” before walking off, headed towards her room in the garage. She feels her shoulders slacken from where they had been pinned up to her ears.

…

When he finally gets home, he finds her sitting at the dining table reading. She cranes her neck around to look at him as he enters.

“Told Tommy. Said he wasn’t surprised that Roger got picked off.” She huffs at that as Joel sits down beside her.

“Well I concur with Tommy. You hungry? I made dinner for Ellie and there’s leftovers.” He just shakes his head, letting out a long exhale.

“Joel? Did something else happen?” He pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a massive headache rushing in.

“He, uh, wants you and Ellie to work patrol together. Sees you both being immune as a strength. I told him to forget it–” he cuts himself off when he looks at her and sees that she doesn’t seem as repulsed by the idea as he is. She shrugs.

“I don’t know, Joel. After today, maybe Tommy’s right?” 

“You’re kidding, right?” She holds his gaze, steadfast.

“I’m serious. I mean, face it, as long as that kid is going out with people that aren’t like her, the chance that she comes back and they don’t is always going to be huge.”

“And just why is that a problem, so long as she’s coming back?” He can feel the frustration rising up in his throat at this conversation, the exhaustion and stress of the day pushing his limit.

“She may have come back this time, but I’m telling you Joel. Everytime she watches someone else die while she gets to live just because of the dumb luck of her immunity, another part of her is gonna get chipped away until she doesn’t come back at all.” He runs a ragged hand across his face, tugging at the roots of his hair. He can’t believe they’re actually having this conversation.

“You speaking from experience?” Her face twists up at that.

“Lose a lot of partners, huh? Had to come back alone?” He knows he’s being taunting, cruel even, but he can’t help it anymore, too lost in his anger.

“I can protect her, Joel. In a way that other people can’t. She doesn’t have to come back alone ever again.”

“So what, you’re gonna be some power team, huh? You may be immune, darlin, but you’re sure as shit not invincible. Already learned that the hard way.” It’s harsher than he wanted it to be and he can see the slight fall in her expression, but she steels back up.

“Now you’re just being a dick for the hell of it. I’m going to run patrol with her, Joel. Whether you like it or not.”

“No you’re not! Goddamnit! This isn’t some fucking game, don’t you see that? Quit trying to play the hero, trying to make up for the past. You can’t bring any of them back. You can’t bring him back.” It’s a shot in the dark really, an assumption he makes but it seems to hit the target as her face immediately goes slack.

“You can’t bring Ja–” She’s on him before he can even get the whole name out, her sheer strength taking him by surprise as she hauls him by his shirt collar and shoves him against the wall.

“You don’t fucking say his name. I’m taking patrol with Ellie. But you and I? Whatever this was? It’s over. Go find someone else to boss around.” She shoves him, hard, into the wall before turning heel and stomping out the front door before he can even get a word out. 

Joel keels over for a moment, hands on his knees as he lets out a string of sharp curses and he can’t help thinking that he’s been somewhere very similar in the recent past. He slowly rights himself, dragging both his hands down his face. Before he can think better of it, he’s whipping around and punching his fist straight through the wall she had just slammed him against. 

Everything goes silent for a moment as he studies his bloodied knuckles.

“What the fuck?” He swears he jumps a few feet in the air, finding Ellie staring at him like he’s crazy. He feels like he’s going crazy.

“Don’t ask, kid.”

…

Joel’s done caring. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself. He doesn’t look for her outside the childcare center, doesn’t ask Maria how she’s doing. If he sees Steve or Alex in the bar he heads home, not wanting to risk seeing her there. One day, he went out on patrol in the morning, and when he came home that night, all her books, her clothes, even her toothbrush was gone. He had broken two of his knuckles that night when he stupidly punched clean through the wall, and the pain is a constant reminder to keep his head down and mind his own business. 

For once, Ellie doesn’t bug him about it, seeming to sense how torn up he really is. She does start taking patrol shifts with her, but she won’t tell Joel anything about it. He lets it be, so long as she keeps coming home safe. 

A few weeks pass in this fugue state. His hand finally heals. Ellie keeps coming home in one piece. He’s slowly realized that it’s going to take practice, forgetting about her, and so his days are spent trying to forget. He takes on as many shifts as he can, working from sunup to sun down most days. They even elect him onto the town council with how much he’s been working with Tommy on shoring up security. 

Spring has fully rolled over to summer, and Joel is starting to accept this life of forgetting until he’s forced to remember. Once again, Ellie doesn’t come home from her shift on time. He doesn’t wait around this time, immediately going to Tommy who agrees to go with him up into the mountains to look for her. The long summer days are to their advantage, keeping it light out still into the evening as they set out on horseback. Joel’s trying to swallow down the frantic panic in his chest. Tommy breaks the silence.

“You gonna tell me what happened between you and her?”

“Shut up, Tommy.”

“Easy, brother. I’m just trying to understand is all. It seemed like you two had a good thing going, then all of a sudden you’re avoiding each other like the damn plague. I don’t get it.” “Yeah, well neither do I. So just shut up and ride.” For once, his brother complies.

They’ve just made it up past the foothills of the mountain when they come across a horse. Joel immediately recognizes it as Shimmer, the horse Ellie likes to take out. He feels sick to his stomach. They dismount and start looking around, but there’s no one in sight. Just as Tommy goes to say something, the sound of a gunshot rings out through the trees. Joel doesn’t even think, already slinging his gun off his shoulder and getting it loaded as he starts to jog towards the sound, Tommy close on his heels. Another shot rings out, and Joel can just start to hear the sounds of shouting up ahead.

Before they get any further, something, or someone, is running smack into Joel, knocking them both onto the ground. He quickly rolls them over, pinning the person down, but his grip slackens when he sees that it’s Ellie. There’s blood splattered across her face and she’s gasping for breath.

“Ellie? Are you hurt?” She shakes her head hard.

“S-she told me to run. It’s a bunch of raiders. They would’ve already killed us, but– they s-saw the bite on her arm, w-wanted answers, how the f-fuck she was still alive.” Joel’s head is spinning as Ellie speaks, but just then another round of gunshots resounds through the trees. He quickly hauls Ellie up, barking at Tommy to get her back to town before turning back towards the sound of gunfire. 

There’s a break in the trees, and sure enough, he sees her holding her own against a pair of men, two bodies already dispatched on the forest floor. He puts a bullet through the one man’s head, turning his attention back to her where she’s struggling with the other raider. Joel’s trying to aim for him, but they’re too close together in their fighting and he can’t risk it. She finally gets the upper hand, sending her knife up and into the fleshy softness beneath the man’s ribs, letting him fall to the ground with a gurgling moan. When she finally looks at Joel, it’s as if she’s in a daze. Meanwhile, Joel keeps opening his mouth to say something, anything, but promptly coming up with nothing. The relief he feels seeing her alive scares him into a stunned silence.

But then he sees that she’s bleeding. There are slicing gashes across her forearm where her fresh scar had been. The cuts look deep and he thinks to himself that it looks purposeful and it makes his stomach twist. She follows his gaze down to her arm, lifting it up to look at it in the quick fading light. Her voice is hoarse when she speaks, but still steely cool.

“Guess they wanted to do a little science experiment.” He could drop to his knees, her words make him feel so sick. She glances at him again.

“Is Ellie–”

“Tommy took her back to town. She’s fine, because of you.” She huffs, not acknowledging his last words as she starts gathering knives and guns off the dead bodies. She keeps her gaze down as she moves. Joel swallows hard around the thick pain in his throat.

“Are you ok?” She freezes where she stands. Joel can see the shake in her hands, the weapons she had been collecting clattering to the ground.

When she looks up at him, there’s tears collecting in her eyes. All she manages is a broken whimper of his name before she’s collapsing to her knees in a sob. Joel is on the ground with her in an instant, wrapping her in his arms as she wails into the evening air. Her words crack, punctuated by gasps and shuddering cries.

“I’m so sorry, Joel– I’m so sorry– I–” She can’t even get the rest of what she wants to say out, heaving breaths wracking her body. He pulls back to hold her by her shoulders, dipping his head to catch her watery gaze.

“No sorrys. It’s ok, you’re ok.” She just shakes her head, pressing her clenched fists into her thighs. He pulls her back into a crushing embrace, trying to press stillness into the way her body shakes with each sob until her shudders start to slow. She murmurs into his shoulder that they need to get back to town. He sighs, loosening his grip but keeping his hands wrapped around her arms as he pulls back to look at her. 

“I’m so tired, Joel. I’m so tired.” Something in him shatters at her words, and he takes a sharp inhale to try to keep it together. It has become painfully clear that he was never done caring for her, that he probably would never be done caring for her.

“I know you are, darlin. I’m gonna get you home.”

…

Once again, Joel finds himself in his bathroom taking care of her wounds. She was quiet the whole way back, the occasional shaky exhale all he heard to let him know she was still with him. She won’t meet his gaze, not even when she winces as he cleans the gashes. It’s coming out of his mouth before he can even think better.

“We gotta stop meeting like this, darlin.” There’s a beat of silence, and then she’s letting out an incredulous laugh, finally looking up at him. For a moment, there’s a ghost of a smile on her face.

“We really do.” Her smile quickly fades, a crease settling between her brows as she looks at him.

“Joel, I’m so sorry. For everything. I just– I’m no good. I’ve tried so hard to just keep moving– to not think about– to not think at all. A-and because of it I hurt you and put Ellie in danger and– I’m just so sorry.” She’s clutching his wrist as she speaks, and Joel slides his hand to twine with hers, squeezing hard.

“Stop apologizing. Because of you, Ellie’s asleep in her own bed right now.” There’s a whole lot more he wants to say, but for now he settles with bandaging her forearm. She lets out another sigh before speaking.

“Been trying so hard to leave you be. You don’t deserve to get stuck with all my shit, not when I’ve been so awful to you.” His hands stop.

“You haven’t been awful to me–” “Joel.” “No, I was out of line that night. What I said– I just– the thought of you and Ellie heading out together– everything I– I lost my head. It was wrong, what I said, and I’m sorry. Hell, if someone talked to me like that about Sarah, I’d probably– I’d–”

“Punch a hole through a wall?” There’s a slight smirk tugging on the corner of her mouth, Joel huffs.

“She told you about that, huh?” Her smile cracks a little wider as she shrugs. He squeezes her hand again, letting out a laugh.

“That little shit.” They’re both laughing now and it feels impossibly good. Joel lets out a sigh, finally letting go of her hand to finish wrapping her arm. His voice is a low murmur as he speaks.

“I don’t mind. Being stuck with you. Long as you’re ok being stuck with me. Don’t think I can really help it, to be honest.” He presses his palm into the bandage for good measure before looking at her again. She slides her hand along the scruff of his jaw and feeling her touch like this again is like finally coming up for air after all these weeks.

“I guess we’re just gonna have to be fucked up together, huh?” He smiles, tilting his head to lay a kiss to her palm.

“I guess so, darlin.”

They strip down to nothing before getting into bed, pressing as close as they can and letting their steady heartbeats slow the ebb and flow of their breathing. 

“Joel? Wanna introduce you to someone tomorrow, can I?” She peers up at him from her place on his chest and he nods.

“Who am I meeting?” Her fingers brush down his arm before taking his hand.

“His name is Will. He lives at the childcare center.”

[alyswritings]

could i request a tom and zendaya as parents and one of the parents has to go off for a film job and the baby/toddler is really missing them and the parent with them struggles thank u !

Tom left a few days ago to start filming a new movie, Zendaya and Y/N staying back home.

Ever since Tom left, Y/N hasn't been able to sleep, the goodnights over FaceTime not doing justice to the real thing. She's been sleeping in her parents' bed every night, but still doesn't sleep. Her lack of sleep has also effected Zendaya who doesn't sleep as much since her daughter is up.

Y/N hasn't had to be away from either of her parents for too long since they both reeled back on acting to focus more on their child than their careers. This is only Tom's second project since having Y/N and the first one was filmed close to home so he didn't have to travel anywhere and came home every night.

"I want daddy!" Y/N sobs.

"I know, baby. I know. Your daddy's working." Zendaya says, trying to comfort her child.

"Daddy!" Y/N wails.

"I know, baby. I know. I miss him too." Zendaya says as Y/N crashes into her mom's chest, sobbing into her shirt. Zendaya frowns, placing a soft kiss to her daughter's head. "I know, sweetheart. But we can FaceTime him later."

"No!" Y/N sobs.

Zendaya sadly sighs, hugging her daughter tighter.

A few hours later, Y/N is taking a nap, having exhausted herself from crying, and Zendaya is on the phone with Tom.

"It's, like, the third meltdown this week. She's not used to one of us gone. And this past hour is the most sleep she's gotten in days." Zendaya says.

"Well, what if... what if you guys just came here?" Tom suggests.

"What?" Zendaya asks.

"Yeah. I mean, she's not old enough for school, you're not filming anything there or anything. I don't see what obstacles there really are." Tom says. "Hell, we should've just done this in the first place."

"But what if she gets homesick? Or what if I get homesick?" Zendaya asks.

"We'll use my days off and fly home. Especially cause if she's here for too long, she'll start crying for her uncles and grandparents and all that." Tom chuckles.

"Yeah." Zendaya lightly laughs. "Okay. Okay. Yeah. I will... I will buy the plane tickets, pack."

"Okay. So, I'll see you two soon, then?" Tom says.

"Yep." Zendaya asks.

"Okay. Love you. I gotta go, they're calling me." Tom says. He blows her a kiss and she blows one back. "Kiss Y/N for me."

"You got it." Zendaya softly smiles as the two hang up.

- - -

Zendaya and Y/N walk onto the set, Zendaya holding her daughter's hand.

"Whoa!" Y/N gasps, marveling at the place. Zendaya softly laughs at her reaction.

"This cool?" Zendaya asks and Y/N vehemently nods.

"Hey! There's my two favorite girls!" The familiar British accent cheers.

"Daddy!" Y/N screams, grinning, and running towards him. Tom grins, crouching down and holding his arms out. Y/N crashes into him, her arms wrapping around his neck.

Tom softly groans as he picks her up, tightly hugging her and sways back and forth.

"Oh, hi, my love." Tom greets, kissing her on the head. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you a lot." Y/N states, hugging him tighter.

"Oh, yeah? How much?" Tom asks.

"This much." Y/N holds her arms out to her sides.

"Oh, wow, that's a lot." Tom gasps. "You know how much I missed you?"

"How much?" Y/N asks.

"That much." He points to her extended arms. "And..." He puts her down before holding his arms out. "This much." Y/N giggles, tugging on his hoodie until he picks her up again. "And hello, my adult love." Tom smiles at Zendaya.

"Hi." She quietly says, kissing him, and smiling.

"So... somebody told me you haven't been sleeping lately." Tom says, looking back at his daughter.

"I just missed you." Y/N defends, showing him her puppy dog eyes that always manage to melt his heart.

"Well, then it's a good thing you have me back. Because now you can sleep as long as you're able to." Tom says.

Taglist: @glxwingrxse @venomsvl @wildieflower @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @itsmaneskinbitch

[chelseachilly]

king of my heart - pt 8

i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us so, baby can we dance through an avalanche?

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: ben’s injury begins to take a toll on your relationship warnings: angst & some cursing word count: 1.8k

a/n: sorry for more angst :( it won’t last long, i promise!!

see my masterlist for previous chapters

benchilwell

liked by yourusername, masonmount and others

benchilwell Absolutely gutted to have injured my ACL again so early in the season. I’m going to work hard to return to the pitch as quickly as possible and get back to playing for my club and country. Thanks for all the support. 💙

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

masonmount You’ll come back stronger ❤️

cmpulisic You got this chilly 💙

jackgrealish Speedy recovery mate ❤️

-

It’s an incredibly tough couple of weeks following Ben’s injury - for both of you.

The first few days, he’s in so much pain he can barely move at all, on complete bed rest except for the trip to the hospital to get an MRI.

You see something shatter within him the moment the doctor tells him it’s a complete tear of the ACL and he’s looking at 6-9 months for recovery. The Euros are in nine months, which means he could not only miss the rest of the season with Chelsea, but also be unable to play for his country once again. The possibility of that is too grim for you to take after everything he’s been through in the past.

The surgery is successful, thank goodness, and you take a few days off to devote yourself fully to his care. Ben insists that he can ask his parents to come down or one of his mates, feeling guilty that you have to use your vacation time, but you won’t hear of it. You can’t imagine not being here for him at this time.

The day after his operation, Ben’s parents drive down to London to visit. You’ve actually only met them once before, when they were in town for a visit during the summer. Due to Ben’s busy schedule, he doesn’t get home as much as he would like, but they come to London to see him and watch him play as much as they can.

“Ben, sweetie,” you say gently as you enter the dark bedroom.

The pain meds have made him particularly drowsy, and you want to encourage that rest as much possible, so you got him set up in the main floor guest room for the morning while you cleaned his house to make it presentable for his parents. You’ve been living off takeout since his injury and way too tired to clean up after the both of you after waking up with him throughout the night to get him his pain meds or a fresh ice pack.

Ben stirs slightly as you sit next to him and run your fingers through his hair.

“D’you need to change the bandages again?”

“No, babe, not yet,” you tell him. “Your mum just texted, they’re almost here.”

He nods drowsily and sits up, grimacing as he does so. You help him put on a t-shirt and some comfy basketball shorts and grab his crutches so he can make his way into the living room.

His parents arrive a few minutes later. His mum, Sally, comes prepared with all of Ben’s favourite foods, and his dad, Wayne, suggests they put on a rugby match. You know that watching sports is how he and his dad bond, and you appreciate that he had the sense not to put on a football game - especially since Chelsea is playing today in their first match since the injury.

You make everyone some tea and bring it into the living room along with the biscuits Sally made. While Ben’s parents are happily chatting away and updating him on his sister’s uni application process and how his grandparents are doing, he barely says a word - he just sips his tea and stares down at the thick bandages and brace on his knee, a reminder of how long it will be before he’s back to doing what he loves.

“Ben, do you want some more tea?” you ask after he’s finished his cup, gently placing a hand on his arm.

“No, I’m fine,” he mumbles, not making eye contact with you or reciprocating your touch.

Although he was quite clingy and wanted you as close to him as possible when he was still coming down from the anesthesia, he’s been a bit distant toward you since. You can’t blame him, knowing how much pain he’s in both physically and mentally, but it still hurts a bit. You’ve never seen this side of him before, not even after a tough loss.

“Y/N, would you join me in the kitchen for a moment?” Sally asks with a small smile.

You nod and follow her into the other room, pouring both of you another cup before sitting down at the kitchen island and burying your head in your hands when you think she’s not looking.

When Sally turns around, you try to plaster a fake smile on, but it’s pretty clear that she’s not buying it.

“Are you alright, dear?” she asks you in a motherly tone.

“Yeah,” you say, maybe a bit too quickly to be believable. “It’s just been hard to see him like this.”

Sally nods sympathetically. “I can’t thank you enough for taking such good care of him, Y/N.“

There’s a pause as she comes and sits on the stool next to you.

“He can be…difficult when he’s injured,” Sally continues, lowering her voice. “The last bad one, when he missed the World Cup, that took quite the toll on him.”

You nod, your heart aching for him even more.

“I just wish I could take it away,” you confess. “I hate that anything is standing in the way of his dreams. He’s so talented and he’s such a good person and I just…”

As you trail off, there’s a smile on Sally’s face, and she reaches out to grab and squeeze your hand.

“I can see why my son loves you so much,” she says sincerely. “He’s incredibly lucky to have you, and he knows it. So if he’s ever acting like a bit of a prick, just remember he’s upset with the situation, not with you, alright?”

You nod and blink back the tears that had begun to form in your eyes, smiling back at Ben’s mum.

“Thank you, Sally.”

-

While you try to take Ben’s mother’s words to heart, knowing that you can trust the woman who raised him, things seem to be getting worse as Ben starts to heal.

Although he’s incredibly reliant on you for the first week and a half, needing your help showering and moving upstairs, he starts to become a bit more agile on his crutches as the pain goes from agonizing to bearable.

Since it’s clear that he’s feeling slightly better, and has even begun to see the Chelsea physio, you decide that it might be good for him to socialize a bit. He’s an outgoing guy and he’s used to seeing his mates every day, and lately the only people he sees are you and his medical team.

While you’re driving him home from his three-week checkup, at which he was cleared to start bearing partial weight on his leg as tolerated, you suggest having some of the boys over later.

“They’ve got training,” Ben mutters.

“Not in the evenings,” you point out. “I know Mase wants to see you, and I’m sure Christian and Reece would-“

“I don’t feel like it,” he snaps.

You drop the subject for the remainder of the drive, ignoring his bitter tone and the way he doesn’t say anything else the whole way home.

The next day, you have to go into the office. You’ve been working from home as much as possible to make sure you’re there if Ben needs anything, but you have an important meeting that requires your presence.

When you get home - well, to Ben’s, but you’ve only been to your flat to get some clothes since his injury - you are greeted by Oscar at the door, but are surprised that Ben isn’t at his usual spot on the couch.

Confused and a bit worried, you make your way upstairs and enter the bedroom. When he isn’t in bed either, you feel significantly more worried, calling out his name.

He doesn’t answer, so you try the bathroom, the gaming room, another bedroom - all empty. Finally, you open the door to his home gym, the last place you wanted to find him.

He’s sitting on the floor next to the treadmill, a few weights next to him, sweat on his forehead.

You feel your blood begin to boil with rage, but you try to restrain yourself from yelling at him.

“What are you doing in here?” you demand, putting a hand in your hip.

Finally noticing your presence, Ben takes his earphones out and looks up at you.

“Just a light workout,” he mutters as if he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“A light workout?” you ask incredulously. “Ben, you’re only supposed to be walking a few steps at a time and with assistance. You should not be working out, definitely when I’m not home.”

Ben refuses to look you in the eye, fiddling with the hem of his shorts.

“I’m serious!” you continue, walking closer to him. “You could injure yourself again or at the very least slow down your recovery-“

“Y/N, I’ve gone through injuries before,” Ben retorts. “I’ll be fine. I’m done sitting around doing nothing-“

“You tore your ACL less than a month ago, Ben! You need time to heal.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” he snaps. “Trust me, I’m well aware that my bloody knee is messed up yet again and I’m stuck at home for god knows how long, I don’t need you telling me what to do.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for taking care of you when you’re hurt,” you snap back. “Sorry for trying to prevent you from making your injury worse, for supporting you-“

“By treating me like a fucking child who can’t take care of himself.”

Ben seems to know he crossed a line by the look on your face the moment he said it. Your heart drops in your chest at the cruelty your boyfriend is showing you right now - he’s never said anything nearly this hurtful to you before.

You begin to walk away out of fear that you’ll start crying in front of him, and you can hear him trying to get up behind you.

“Y/N, wait - ow, fuck-“

Despite how angry you are with him, you can’t ignore his grunts of pain as he attempts to stand up, having obviously overdone it today.

You can barely stand to look at him, but you still offer him a hand and help him hobble over to the bench, setting his crutches up on the wall next to him.

“Yeah, you clearly don’t need my help,” you scoff, shaking your head. “I’m going home. Call one of your mates if you need help. Maybe they won’t treat you like a ‘fucking child’.”

Although you can hear him calling out for you, you keep walking, slamming the front door behind you and running to the car as your tears blend with the rain pouring down outside.

tagging: @xjval​  (just let me know if anyone else would like to be tagged in upcoming chapters!)

next chapter 💙

[prismozo]

You Fell First!

☆Warnings: None

☆Genre: Friends to lovers

☆Character(s)/Person: Eijiro Kirishima & Katsuki Bakugo

☆Pls Enjoy!! This is my first time actually writing for a fandom i’m not active in anymore!

—————————————————————————————————————

You never fully understood how you felt towards your friends I mean.. they're your friends? but somewhere in your heart you knew these weren't friendly feelings.. going out of your way to hold Kirishima's hand or purposely annoying Bakugo because you thought the face he made was cute.

You ignored those feeling you had because it didn't make sense?? You didn't like them both, you just loved them a lot like a best friend would.. right?

Even if you ignored those feelings and pushed them away everyone else noticed..

Midoriya noticed the instant smile on your face just hearing their voices or just seeing them around.

Kaminari noticed how you eventually became more touchy and always found a way to be close to them no matter what.

Mina noticed the sparkle in your eyes just at the mention of one of them.. you were oblivious to all these things and so were Kirishima and Bakugo but everyone knew you were in love.

Without realizing it you became concerned with your looks and what you wore around them, even simple movie night had you throwing around clothes and putting on the slightest of make up so you looked presentable.. odd isn't it?

While you were concerned with your own feelings you failed to noticed the change in Kirishima's behavior.. he went out of his way to buy you gifts or to hang out with you, even as far as calling you late at night because he "couldn't sleep without talking to you first".. It was so painfully for everyone involved to watch all three of you be oblivious to your feelings for each other but they still never said anything even though they noticed the big changes especially with Bakugo.

Midoriya immediately noticed the change in Bakugo's behavior, He had a small but apparent smile always sitting on his lips whenever he was around you two. It was almost scary watching him act like this.. he was so gentle when he would mess up your hair or slightly tug on your backpack when you walked in front of him in the hall.

The changes were frightening to everyone on the outside but it seemed like normal Bakugo to you and Kiri.

You three love struck idiots still continued to have slight changes in your behavior around each other all the way up to graduation and into your hero careers. Any sane person would assume you three were dating or something but no.. so even as it got so painfully obvious to all of your friends that you all liked each other no one made a move.

Well till your camping trip, your parents had reached out and mentioned your grandfathers cabin that you used to go to when you were younger which led to you asking if they had any plans to go there.. they said no and sent you the spare key which ended up in you asking your best friends if they could get a couple days off and take a trip with you.

They both were able to get four days off which is surprising especially since they're both in the top 10, either way the trip was set and Kiri called being the driver so it seemed like you and Bakugo would be fighting over the aux until someone fell asleep.

------------------

You sat in the huge king size bed that could fit like six people as Bakugo stood in the doorway "No fuckin way we all have to share a bed" It was right of you and Kiri to assume he was serious but eventually you both found out he wasn't.

Day one of the trip was calm, you all went to the lake and swam around for a while before Bakugo went inside to prepare dinner while you and Kiri got a fire started outside.

Day two was a lot between all the stuff they both wanted to do, you all ended up swimming, catching fish, sailing out on your grandparents boat, and cooking dinner together.

Day three was boring.. for you, the sun for the first two days ended up being a lot for you so you had to sit out and rest on day three so you don't really know what the boys did.

Day four.. it was almost like you were in a movie, you were all super touchy with Kiri like you been the whole trip on the morning hike Bakugo insisted you all did and he just blew a fuse, he went off on a rant of you two making him a third wheel and doing all the touchy stuff behind his back.

"Katsuki wait!" It was raining hard and you could barely see which direction he ran of to down the mountain but he was probably headed for the cabin right? You and Kiri frantically called his name at the top of yours lungs trying to be louder then the pouring rain.

The rain had lightened up making it easier to find Bakugo, you and Kiri had spilt up to cover more ground and you ended up wondering off the trail only to find him on a bench soaked in rain water "Oh my goodness Katsuki you scared the shit out of us" You walk over the rocks and sit next to him on the bench "Fuck off I don't wanna be bothered" Almost like clock work Kiri found you both before you could call out to him "Jesus man you had us worried what are you doing out here" He's now standing in front of you two causing Bakugo to stand to his feet "I'm heading back to the cabin".

You reach out to grab him but Kiri beats you to it "Before you do I want to say something first" He only mumbles to himself before sitting down "Hurry it up" Your ears perk as Kiri opens his mouth to speak "I'm just going to get straight to the point" You nod as he looks between you both "I'm in love with both of you, I don't know how or why but it started near the end of our first year at UA... I realized that the feelings I thought were friendly weren't and I didn't understand how I could feel the exact same about two people at the same time. I wish I said something earlier because I've been holding this in for so long but I was afraid of how you both would react and I didn't wanna lose the most important people to me" Tears well up in your eyes but it's hard to tell because of you bein soaked in rain but you felt relieved knowing you weren't alone dealing with confusing feelings..

You opened your mouth to reply but nothing came out and before you could even try again Bakugo speaks up "I feel the same.. my feelings started developing around the same time and confused me so much" Smiling like an idiot you rub you eyes before attempting to lighten up the mood "Well mine started developing exactly a month into our friendship in our first year so I win because I fell first!" They both laugh as Bakugo turns to hit you softly in your shoulder "It's not a competition dumbass" Laughing you punch him back before Kiri interrupts "I hate to be a party pooper but we should probably get out this rain before we get sick" You and Bakugo agree and get up to make your way back towards the trail.

Back at the cabin you all sit under the blankets in your dry and warm pajamas "With the rain picking back up along with the wind getting harsher I think it's best if we leave tomorrow" Everyone agrees with your words as you grab your phone to email your sidekick.

___________________

With the extra day because of the weather you all talked through your feelings and how your relationship would be along with other things such as boundaries.

You all felt comfortable with this arrangement so the rest just came naturally so like dates, plans with friends, and even different work schedules were easy to work around as time went on.

You fell first but they fell harder.. but you still won because you fell first duh.

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

Jeez this was a lot i started writing this at 12:38 am and finished at 2:33 am.. i have school but i really wanted to get this out my brain!!

i didn’t proof read this so i apologize for any mistakes!

the whole camping trip is inspired by my favorite Youtube VA Yuzuya!!

if you would like to hear that part of the story told a little differently in a x listener audio

click here ➡︎ Yuzuya Summer Series

Tysm for reading and if you would more Kiribaku x reader from me lmk!! I don’t write much but i will about my fav ship :3!

[theosconfessions]

You are super cool and awesome and neat, yay! Also do you want to share more about growing up in a haunted house? ;)

omg you are the sweetest!! i was just putting in some drafts for the week coming up and i seen this and was like I SURE DO. now my mom has more stories than i do. BUT one that i still have reoccuring dreams about to this dayyyyyyy and im in my 30s.. is the apartment we grew up in when we first moved out here with my mum [ my dad was there too at the time but not really so literally just my mum in this]. so heres the thing. me and my twin never discussed this with my mum and she never discussed it with us until a few years ago . so its like we all validated out own stories and it made sense to her why she kept having experiences in that place. so. when we first moved there me and my sister were super young.and to help paint a picture of the place there was an adjoining closet that connected both rooms. our bedroom and our mums bedroom. this had a wall seperating them but it was technically the same closet. the first night we spent there she told us she woke up to a man in the closet... with a fucked up neck if you get what im saying. i dont want tumblr to get me haha. she told him he wasnt welcome here and to leave [she is a nurse and she was used to seeing shit . especially working night shift so this really didnt make her flinch here] now cut to us dumb ass little girls in our bedroom .. i remember one day seeing a boy come to us. we invited him to play barbies with us. and we named him andrew. and we remember there was something wrong with his neck. even as we grew up and we stopped seeing him physically we sensed shit in that closet and also..there was weekly occurances of what we called 'the radio men' which really sounded like a muffled group of guys talking from the living room. like they were on the radio but really really low. needless to say we spent a good bit of nights in our mums bedroom growing up. i still have dreams either trying to get out of that place or get to it for some reason. and i actually live like a five minute walk from there and often wonder how the people who are there now are doing. i like to think that my grandparents keep me protected from whatever that was now. but it still is pretty strange that now in my 30s im still dreaming about that place. likei said though my mom has stories for DAYS. this is just one. also a super short one... this isnt a ghost story per say because hes not a ghost but we were always close to our grandparents.and at the time we were in middle school they lived in south carolina. we live in pennsylvania. so its a bit of a way. i remember we went to see my grandpa in the hospital about a month before he passed and on our birthday week [me my sister and my grandpa all shared the same bday within like 4 days. his wa son the 11th ours is on the 15th] he seemed GREAT for what he was going through and i see now its because we were there.when i say this man set a prescendence in how a man should treat anyone i mean it. i still hold what he says in me to this day. fr. dont accept any less. so back to the story we were TIGHT with him. ride or die . the day he passed away we had a volleyball game we had no idea he died. i remember looking over my shoulder and seeing him in the stands. i thought hmm.thats weird. hes in south carolina [and also had cancer ] my mum came and got us and when we got home she told us that he passed away. but clear as DAY. i remember seeing my poppop in those stands. the veils always been kinda thin on this end of things. i think i get it from my mom haha. but thats just some of them~ lemme know if you have any!

[fckinwild-kiwi]

Dec. 16th: Islands in the Stream

Day 16: Cute Aggression/Spontaneous Dancing

It’s time for day 16 of @comp-lady’s Domestic December writing challenge! Day 15 was a free day and I used it to travel for Christmas so there will be no fic on the 15th. :) The next ten days of stories will be shorter than I have been writing…this is because I’ll be with family and I’ll have less time for writing each day. Forgive me! <3

Warnings: Swearing, *Slight* Allusions to Smut (This is an 18+ blog, minors dni)  Word Counts: 0.7k+ Words Pairings: Eddie Munson x Reader

You had seen a TikTok earlier today of something called the “Beckham Test.” In this video, the woman began playing “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. As the song began to play, she began to dance and you quickly realize that if the man randomly began dancing with her, regardless of his moves, he ‘passed’ the test. You thought about how funny it would be to see Eddie’s reaction to hearing this song, a song that is very clearly not in his wheelhouse. So you set out to try the challenge discreetly, even if he didn’t dance, the challenge was so ridiculous anyway that it would give you both something to laugh about later.

With your mom and Macy still at your grandparents' until dinner, you had music playing all day as to not draw suspicion from Eddie. In preparation, you set your phone up on the window sill above the kitchen sink. As the music started playing, you started to hum and sing along as best as you could after only hearing the song a handful of times on TikTok. 

“What are you doing in here, baby?” Eddie questioned as he came into the kitchen causing you to turn and look at him. 

“Doing dishes and listening to some music,” You answered, as you turned back towards the sink to put your dishes down. This is the moment, you thought to yourself as you turned back to face Eddie while swaying your hips a little to the beat.

In the background you hear, Islands in the stream, that is what you are, there’s no in-between... and Eddie, your ever-confident and lovable boyfriend, grabs your hips and begins to sway with you. You giggled, knowing this reaction would be the one you’d receive but as you both began to lightly sing the lyrics to each other, your eyes grew misty. 

“You passed,” You whispered, breaking the moment as Eddie looked down at you with a soft smile. A second later he noticed your eyes full to tears and his happy expression faded into one of confusion. 

“What, sweetheart?” He questioned, his hands coming up to your face, thumbs swiping underneath your eyes to catch the tears that were beginning to bubble over your waterline. 

“I saw something this weekend on TikTok about knowing the person you’re with is your person based on how they participate in this test,” You began mumbling, looking up into Eddie’s eyes. “I expected you to dance with me but it just made my heart all mushy.”

“Aw, did my girl get too overwhelmed with looooove,” He said, extending the word love in a way that he knew would make you smile and (hopefully) giggle.

“Shut up,” You said, pushing at his chest with no effort as a smile lit up your face.

“I’m glad I passed the test I didn’t know I was taking,” Eddie said, releasing you from his grasp and doing a ballerina spin toward the sink where your phone was sitting. “How about we get this party started, huh?”

“What do you mean?” You asked, stepping towards him as he began typing into your phone. 

“I mean,” Eddie started as you heard the opening chords to the Black Sabbath song, ‘Paranoid.’ “We’re gonna dance, baby, but it is gonna be metal when we do it.”

Giggling, you began to headband while jumping up and down as Eddie pretended to shred on the guitar. Together, you started screaming the lyrics, your bodies jumping up and down with limbs flailing in all directions. You were so distracted that you didn’t hear the front door open and an excited Macy ran into the room.

“Metal dance party,” She screamed, causing you and Eddie to both stop your dancing, startled by the intrusion. 

“Macy Macy, you’re back!” Eddie shouted, grabbing the little girl and swinging her around. 

“Did you guys miss me?” She asked in between squeals.

“So much, sweet girl,” You said, ruffling her hair before walking over to your mom to greet her.

“What’s going on in here, my sweeties?” She questioned, as you pulled away from the hug. 

“Your daughter was afraid I wasn’t actually her person, so we had a dance party and then a metal dance party to prove it,” Eddie said shrugging, Macy still giggling.

“He’s ridiculous,” You argued, rolling your eyes with a smile on your face. Your annoyance was not believable in the slightest.

“Well?” Your mom said, nudging your hip with hers as you both watched the other two dance around. “Did he prove himself as your person?”

“He sure did.”

[louderfade]

if you decorated your apartment/house/homespace to be beige/grey/off-white/basically a noncolor i automatically do not trust you. why are you afraid of colors. why do you want to live in a realty photograph or a hampton inn. i asked my sister why people do this (she's my go-to for explanations of normies bc she would've been one except she does drugs and was raised by me so got early immunity from full frontal lobe shut down) and she said "people find it calming" like wow really how strange. expressing zero personality/taste calms them down? that shit makes me feel like there could be a threat lurking near. it puts me on edge. it sets off alarms in my instinct center. i feel like a dog who senses an approaching animal has rabies. warning: some shit is deeply wrong with this organism and they pose a threat to your well being. flee without engaging. my grandparents are 90 and conservative and even they had a house with colors and patterns and art they enjoyed. millennial apartments terrify me. our boomer parents were hit or miss with their ticky-tacky suburban houses. some of those houses had a soul but many didn't. "hanging stuff on the walls decreases the property value" and other such statements that prove you're already dead. millennials seem worse though bc they do it to rentals bc they LIKE it. maybe those old women haircuts all the girls had in hs in the 2000s (this is my fav gen z criticism of us millennials bc so fucking true in hs i was like wtf are these middle aged hairstyles how did this become cool everyone looks 35) are responsible for this particular variety of brain damage. from now on i believe in this link. 32 year olds live in light grey horror boxes bc sporting 40 year old hairstyles at age 16 makes you permanently boring and unable to display any taste or personality. these are people who get uncomfortable looking at art or when a friend cries. these are the people who say "i'm sorry for your loss" to a grieving person instead of "life is cruel af my brother no answers come still we must try to survive do you need a fierce hug at this moment or not also i brought you a xanax" like a real human being would. the craziest thing i ever saw my mom do was pay to paint our foyer "eggshell" when the damn walls were already white. this is actual mental illness. not me screaming in the road about how the modern world makes no sense and all the food is microplastic poison. not a single child on earth says their favorite color is light grey or dark white. your soul is sick if beige calms you down. i diagnose you with a severe deficiency of humanity. you need to be hospitalized and forced to discuss philosophy and engage with music until you remember what is valuable about consciousness, which is beautiful as well as cruel, both a gift and curse but it's worth it. i'd rather be awake and have to go to the hospital sometimes when it becomes too much and i end up sobbing drunk in the yard than lobotomized to the point of trading my precious time on earth for money i then spend on beige curtains and a sign that says "caution: caffeinating" to hang in the kitchen proving i am a corpse whose bland heart forgot to stop beating. i mean they shoot horses don't they.

[renee-writer]

Love Comes First Chapter 3

AO3

“Granny and Grandsire!” Leah jumps up and down in excitement at the idea of a visit with her grandparents.

 

“Aye. Hurry and get dressed darling. It is a long drive.” She runs off to do it. They waited until the older children had left for school before telling her. Not wanting any complaints about them not going. They will need to plan a time soon where the whole family can go.

 

They sing hymns and some newer Christian songs on the way down. Neither of her parents have the best singing voice but Leah doesn’t mind. She is to excited to be heading to Lallybroch.

 

They arrive an hour and a half after setting out. Ellen and Brian meet them.

 

“Granny!” Leah runs into her arms.

 

“Leah Elizabeth! You have grown.” She lifts her up.

 

“Jamie, Claire. It is so good to see you.” Brian hugs them both.

 

In their own subtle way, his parents reminded him how long it has been since they saw them.

 

“I know. We need to get here more.” Claire says as Brian takes Leah.

 

“You are busy. We understand. You are here now.  Come, I have made fresh biscuits and coffee.”

 

“I don’t drink coffee, granny.”

 

“You don’t,” she grins at her, “well I guess you will have to settle for hot chocolate.”

 

“Yeah!”

 

After more sugar biscuits then she needs and a big mug of the hot chocolate, Leah rests content against her granny. Her parents sit across from them with her grandsire leaning against the fireplace.

 

“James, he says he has found the one. Meet her at the library. We have yet to meet her. Seventeen, it is just…”

 

Brian smiles. “You worry he is to young.”

 

His son nods. “I know I wasn’t much older. Did you think the same?”

 

He shares a look with his wife.

 

“When you first called us and said you meet the lass you would marry, aye we thought the same. Way to young. Barely knew her. Then…”

 

“Then we saw you two together,” Ellen picks up. Then we knew you were right. Like Brian and myself, sometimes it really is love, that soulmate connection immediately. It may be the same with James and…”

 

“Sophia.” Claire says.

 

“That would be extraordinary,” Ellen says, “to find her so young. They could grow up together,” a laugh, “though I know he considers himself grown.”

 

“Aye mam. Another concern.”

 

“You have brought him up well. He should…” recalling the wide eyed presence of his granddaughter, he pivots, “behave in an honorable way.”

 

“We don’t know how she was brought up,” Claire says, “one reason we need to meet her.”

 

“God wouldn’t have led them to each other if they would be unequally yoked.”

 

“What does that mean, grandsire?”

 

He smiles down at her. “It means God leads up to the people that we are supposed to be with. If this lass is supposed to be with your brother, God put them together. If not, it won’t last.”

 

She thinks and then nods. “He is a good guy. He makes James smile.”

 

They all smile at that.

 

“That He is.” Her da says.

 

“Please tell Jamie he needn’t feel guilty at not coming by more. Brian and I know he is busy.” They talk while the lads take Leah out to see the newest foal.

 

“I will. You know we would like to come by more…”

 

Her mother-in-law waves her off.  “With his job and all the weans, you don’t have to explain.”

 

“They are a lot. Faith and Tabby have a secret they have been whispering about since youth group. Peter wants a dog of all things.”

 

“A dog you would end up seeing to, no doubt.”

 

“Exactly. It isn’t that I don’t want him to have what he wants, it is just…”

 

“Mama,” her excited voice reaches them before she does, “guess what we found in the barn?” She holds out a large puppy.  Jamie and Brian follow close behind.

 

“Going to be a big guy by the size of his paws. Was hiding in the hay. Someone probably dropped him off. People think because we are a farm, we can handle any animal.”

 

“Can we keep him mama? I am calling him Rollo cause he is like a big rolly -polly. Please.” Her pleading eyes meet hers. Jamie, she notes, stays out of it. Leah has addressed only her and she realizes that she has already gotten him on board. He lifts his eyebrows and shrugs when she looks his way.

 

A sigh. “Alright. But, you children will be responsible for him. Walks, feeding, cleaning up after him.”

 

“Thank you mama! Thank you.  I will see if he needs to wee now.” She carries him out and Claire turns to her husband.

 

“I know. It will make all the children happy. I couldn’t resist her puppy dog eyes.”

 

She sighs and shakes her head. “You won’t be the one at home, while he is house broken. While he is trained.”

 

“You could have told her no.” Her eyes go from frustrated to angry. “I see. Make me the bad guy.”

 

“No. I didn’t mean… I can tell her I changed my mind.”

 

“No don’t. I’m sorry.” She addresses them all.

 

“Dinna fash,” her father-in-law places his arm around her, “this will be good for Peter. Jamie was right around his age when he got the first horse he was fully responsible for.”

 

“Donas. A black beauty with an attitude.” He recalls.

 

“Aye. If he could handle him, his son can handle that sweet pup.”

 

“You are probably right. It will be a fun surprise for them. The first time we have brought another member of the family home that hasn’t required hours of labor.”

 

Her mother -in-law laughs. “So, you guys are done?”

 

“Five is enough, don’t you think?”

 

“That is up to you and Jamie. Every couple is different. After all, Brian and I just had Jenny and Jamie. Every child is a gift.”

 

“True. Leah will start school next year. In truth, I am looking forward to some quality time alone and with Jamie.”

 

“Careful my darling daughter. That is how you ended up with all the weans.”

 

They laugh together.

[thegoblinwitch]

[tw: talk about death, suicide attempts, mental health issues and general unpleasantness therein]

i've been thinking about suicide a lot lately. which sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is, i promise. thinking about the act itself and my 'relationship' to it, rather than than actually about killing myself. my past's been haunting me much more than usual for some reason this past month and a bit, and putting thoughts to paper (so to speak) and casting it into the void that is this hellhole site seemed like the best idea.

when i say i have a relationship with suicide, i don't so much mean myself as the people around me and how it 'influenced' my life.

the defining factor, the cornerstone, the act that started it all, was the suicide of my maternal grandmother when mother was 16. and the added 'insult to injury' that she tried to convince mother to kill herself with her. i don't remember when i was informed of this, but as far back as i can remember, i've always known about it. it was thrown about regularly both as an accusation and as a justification my whole life. for those of you wondering about a parent or relatives mentioning this to very young kids, i would say that 'age appropriate' has never, ever, been a consideration and i have other examples i could give, but those are a different kettle of fish.

back on track. the death of gramma marguerite kinda set the tone for her kids and their kids, though her husband, the poophead, def had a heavy hand in it too and in additional trauma, but again, different story. mother is the youngest of 3 and was the only one still living at home at the time, and obviously having to be there and having to deal with a mother that wants to take you with her in death is it's own additional trauma on top of a parent killing themselves. that's not to say that it didn't impact her siblings.

my uncle, the eldest, i never knew him well, and i've no idea if he ever tried to kill himself at some point afterwards. from what i knew of him, he was more the type to try and convince other people to kill themselves for their own good, cult leader style (won't go into details, not the point of this post).

my aunt, i knew her better than my uncle, but not that well, we rarely lived in the same country at the same time and then she ended on the other side of the world. i've always known her sad. even when i was a small kid, she never seemed happy. i know for a fact she tried to kill herself several times after the death of her mother and it escalated to the point where she tried again, only this time she tried to emulate her mother and tried to take her son (a couple years younger than me) with her. she didn't manage it, but it resulted in her being permanently drugged up to the gills and all her legal rights removed. it never sat right with me, but that was her husbands prerogative and my thoughts on the matter (and her husband in general) aren't the point.

that leaves mother. i also know for a fact she tried several times to kill herself after her mother's death. i grew up expecting to get to visit her at the hospital, even though i personally knew of only a few before i realised the steps and my grandparents had tried more or less successfully to hide a lot of them in the guise of impromptu stays with family. i grew up to father saying he didn't push for custody because mother threatened to kill herself if he did. which, while a case of he-said-she-said, is plausible, knowing both of them, even if it makes my eyes twitch thinking about a parent not actually fighting harder if in father's place. i grew up knowing mother didn't love me enough to care about how her actions affected anyone but her. i grew up to see a disturbing pattern to her suicide attempts and her brandying about her mother's death. her mother's death was always mentioned when someone would negatively wonder about her mental health. it would always be used by her as a justification for how she was now. which, while not intrinsically wrong, comes off as a useless excuse when it's been more than 20 years and she's done nothing about it except throw it in everyones face when it suits her. the suicide attempts in themselves have always happened when either there was a conflict that she wasn't gonna win or people where looking at her in anything less than shinning innocence or didn't see her as the poor little victim that must be protected at all cost. i still remember vividly my 3rd year of secondary school, where the bullying got so bad i refused to go to school and ended up having to go to see a psychologist every week to approve my absences and the talk of child protective services not being happy with mother and all our acquaintances whispering about bad parenting and weak willed single mothers. then bam. mother tries to kill herself. and all of a sudden it's 'poor dear, having to deal with such a difficult child', 'it's not her fault, maybe the kid is just a bad seed and needs to be in an institution'. she came out smelling of roses and me as the villain of the story, again, and more surprisingly in my opinion, no more talk of cps. i heavily suspect step#2 having had a hand in that tbh.

as i got older, every time i had a notification mother was in the hospital i just got angrier at her and wanting for her to actually manage it for good so i'd be done with the back and forth. the last time it happened while i was still living with her, her friend that let me know was outraged that i wouldn't come visit her. didn't matter that i had been there and done that to no difference or that i had to awkwardly ask grocery money to my then bf's parents, or that i had to make an excuse for her missing a parent-teacher conference and hope they accepted it, it didn't matter, it never did.

then there's me. i was 16 and my morbid curiosity got the better of me. i've always been curious of the occult and the morbid, mother used to say it was because i was a scorpio. obviously death was an ever present subject and mother and her brother were always into new age-y stuff and reincarnations and part lives and near death experiences. we had priests and shamans coming to the house at all hours to perform exorcisms and purifications, etc.. my imaginary friend for years was the ghost of a napoleonic soldier named bartholomew. and my last year of high school i did my final year dissertation on death and how it's treated in different religious traditions with side notes about near death experiences and the taboo of suicide. so i was 16 and decided that i really wanted to see what it was like, to die or be near death. i didn't want to die, it was actually a pretty good period all things considered at the time, but i was ready to accept the consequence. and i always thought i'd die young, so why not see of 16 was it. so i wrote letters to those that mattered in case i died, i packed a bag for the hospital in case i didn't. i made sure the flat was tidy so mother didn't have to worry about that on top of anything else, made sure there was enough left overs to last a few days, dressed nicely so it wouldn't look too bad for mother, then raided her pharmacy box. she's a hypochondriac that had both over the counter and prescriptions pills for everything under the sun, i had ample options to choose from. i took a dozen boxes of different meds and filled a cereal bowl with them. lined the boxes near the head of the bed so that emt could see what meds i took, then proceeded to swallow every last one, no matter how hard it got, before lying down on my bed and waiting. i was ready to withstand the effects of the meds, but then out of nowhere a big push to get up and get the landline to phone for an ambulance. after that, i started to lose time. i just remember some flashes: the emt banging at the door, them trying to get me down the stairs to the ambulance, managing to give them mother's mobile number when asked, the tetanus jab due to the cuts they saw on my arm, the pain of the tube being jammed down my nose to my throat and stomach, waking up vomiting black goo with the beeping machines in the background and the blood pressure cuff pumping intermittently. when i woke up it was to very judgemental nurses and being told that apparently i'd spent the night in the icu and that cps was waiting to talk with mother and me. i was lucky, the doctors said, the cocktail i took should've killed me. in my opinion, i was lucky that i hadn't actually been suicidal at the time, because the experience at the hospital and then after with the police and the mandated psychologist, would have made me want to just try harder asap. so i got to live past my curiosity with only an aversion to swallowing pills that took me years to overcome, though i still have trouble with some of them. and i was of the opinion that 'i came, i saw, i conquered'. and my answer to questions about it was generally always a shrug and an 'it wasn't my time'. i've been lucky that i've never really been suicidal and wanted to actively kill myself. that's not to say i haven't thought about being dead, or dying or simply not existing anymore, but those are more passive suicide ideation.

it took me years to work on my views of suicide and people that try to kill themself and to see it as the last resort and cry for help it is rather than the selfish act my childish expectations saw it as. but in mother case, i can't seem to be able to apply that perspective. suicide attempts where just another weapon in mother's arsenal of manipulations. her attempts are in the (high) double digits, always with medication. statistically, what are the odds that not once would she actually take enough that it would kill her or at least send her to the icu? her lengthy stays were never because of her physical health but because she needed to spend a week or two in the psychiatric ward, since it was a suicide attempt. and though she sometimes had to have her stomach pumped, she was never as bad as i got that one time. but then she's never managed well with pain. it just all seems awfully convenient. maybe i'm just being particularly judgemental and unkind, most probably i'm biased and influenced by all the other shit she put me through, but although i reserve judgment for those attempts when she was younger, in my mind the ones from at least after my birth were all calculated 'risks' rather than genuine call for help. especially considering she never accepted help afterwards and was always at her happiest in the few months after.

i don't know why all this has been plaguing me recently. i haven't spoken to her in nearly a decade and took steps to make sure i didn't get an unexpected email like i used to. maybe because i feel like i'll never be free of her until she's finally 6 feet under, regardless of the distance. i dunno. i'm annoyed at myself even if i can't really control my thoughts. with any luck casting this in the aether will somewhat calm the deluge.