#but still....its just depressing to see what I cAN do and what life CAN be

[rxttenfish]

as wwdits rounds out its final season, i cant help but think about how the movie ended. as in, the first movie, the one that started this, before the tv show, the one that put forth the idea to have a tv show for it.

which is, if you know how wwdits the movie ends, you know it ends disappointingly. viago reunites with his lover, yes, and transforms her into a vampire, but this is also the only real closure or straightforward happiness we get. vladislav got back together with his ex in a relationship that was unrewarding and harmful to both of them, the ex-familiar immediately makes her husband her new familiar, petyr is dead for good, and what we see of the werewolves is still tense, still clearly not the best situation nor what stu wanted, who went through something traumatic without a lot of closure. its a point being made about cycles repeating, about the disappointment of eternal life and being unable to escape all the same problems that you had as a human, about vampires never changing.

and i kind of worry, because i feel like this kind of disappointing "let down" ending is the kind of thing that would also be appropriate for wwdits the show. the vampires dont change. they try, and they attempt to break the cycle that theyve been following ever since they were made vampires, but they just cant. in essence, they all feel deeply depressed in a way that they cant actually name and refuse to acknowledge, and everything weve seen suggests that vampires will do everything they can to REFUSE to acknowledge that.

but its also the ending that i think people will hate. i think people want them to be happy and they want nandermo to be happy and a couple, they want everything to work out, but i dont think it will. and i dont think the show is any worse if it doesnt work out, if it doesnt end happily, if it continues the cycle of dissatisfaction, if it feels like theyre all just treading the same water. it doesnt make it any less impactful queer media, it doesnt undo the pride parade episode, it doesnt make what its done go away, it doesnt take away anything it already has.

i dont know. i worry a lot about people feeling like they are owed happy endings in media thats fundamentally disinterested in there being a happy ending.

[cuyberpunk]

--

[nomairuins]

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[phagodyke]

tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

[caffeinatedopossum]

When I had that panic attack the other day, my girlfriend really put some things into perspective... I don't know, I think I feel bad because this is the best my life has ever been and I'm still depressed and anxious. It feels like I can't do anything for myself and the things I can do, I don't.

But she said that she would feel the same in my position. That actually, when she was the most depressed, she *was* in my position. She said she'd go crazy from not being able to do anything all the time and for some reason that helped a lot. Like, just to hear that its not wrong to feel like this and that I really am doing everything I can.

It feels so greedy and selfish to look at my life being the best it's ever been and to still ask for more but I guess it's normal.

[6mayhem]

prev post will be my defense if i ever do get cancelled for incest shipping. buddy i think i'm allowed to write all sorts of fucked up sibling shit after the childhood i've had ‼️

[diabeticdelight]

..

[burnthybread]

>tried to be ultimate good friend by never talking to ky friends abt my issues because they were too extreme

>now have no one who cares

[thatdemiboymess]

Both my computers have given up on life and I am so sad and so very bored. Couldn't even do my full Gaia dailies, today. 😞

[sadacon]

Ehhh tag rant, tw for emotional neglect? I think.

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

i did lots of laundry today and i am changing my sheets and i would like a little bit of gentleness from the universe

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

is anybody else upset that instead of authors' unions and the development of labor power, every ounce of discourse and effort towards writers making a living wage is geared towards digital intellectual property rights and digital theft protection. like i don't know about anybody else but I am actually not excited for major publishing companies to be algorithmically searching for and DMCA striking books that are "similar enough" to their copyright. I don't trust AI to be able to tell when something is adulterated metadata vs when something is just very similar. I fucking hate DRM already. I hate buying a book and either being restricted in use of my property or taking it through multiple complicated steps to remove it for an epub file compatible with calibre, where I can file and tag it appropriately.

and i don't think we're going to find any kind of salvation for writers and writing this way. I think we're going to launch another digital arms race (like with removing DRM) while continuously empowering the already wealthy to consolidate power and crush meaningful change through slap suits and the like.

and this is because digital theft is the only problem that the publishing industry is willing to address. because strengthening intellectual property protections doesn't protect art or artists, it allows the big players to better control the playing field and force it to benefit themselves.

Okay, this may prove useful.

[phagodyke]

venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍

haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(