#but still....its just depressing to see what I cAN do and what life CAN be

[princesssmars]

better leave your man at home!

mini stories of vi, sevika, abby, and ellie showing you your true worth.

wc : 7.306

contains : sfw and nsfw. fxf. fem!reader. cheating on the men's part until ellie's part lol. ellie’s is a modern!au the rest are in canon. mentions of violence and alcohol. silco but he's chill. owen but he's not chill. reader can be interpreted as bi or comphet i think!

a/n : ladies if you're reading this...cheat on him. or cheat back. yknow what just leave him.

VIOLET ꨄ

ʚɞ ever since getting out of prison and restarting her life, vi had been looking for a new purpose.

ʚɞ she had found a solid job, managed to reconnect with wither last siblings left alive, and started to build up a life for herself, but still, she felt...aimless. she longed for a deeper connection than the ones she had, someone she could yet again.

ʚɞ and then she meets you, a sweet little store owner with a voice that sounds like a symphony and an attitude as sweet as cookies. the first time she even met you she bumped into you on the street outside your bakery, knocking you supplies for your treats all over the ground. she's expecting that usual zaunite 'watch where you're going!' but instead you tell her not to worry, that you were carrying too many things anyway.

ʚɞ it was almost instinct for her to assure you she was at fault, downright demanding she help you carry everything that dropped inside and that it was the least she could do. you call her a sweetheart and tell her if she does you'll send her home with a plate of her favorite dessert. how could she say no?

ʚɞ she cant help but to quickly hang out with you whenever she can. after her shifts she stops by to help you close up, telling you its the least she could do for someone who was oh-so sweet. you seem to welcome her affections, whispering one late night when making some extra batter that you always appreciate when she stops by. she goes home on a high that night.

ʚɞ but then the worst thing ever happens. you get a boyfriend.

ʚɞ apparently he's some old family friend who moved back to the city when he found a small fortune overseas and was ready to come back to 'win you over like he tried years ago'. you told the story with a slightly wistful voice but all vi could do was nod along with wide eyes and a shut mouth.

ʚɞ eventually, she meets the guy, a tall and rather weasly looking guy who was waiting impatiently outside the store. she gave him a simple greeting and all he could do was tilt his head in recognition that she was there, apparently. she passed him and went to the back of the store and asked you what he was doing standing outside looking all suspicious. her eyes nearly bulged out of her head when you told her he was waiting to take you out but had to stand outside because he couldn't stand the smell of bread.

ʚɞ yeah, this definitely wasn't gonna last long. she’d just have to get you to see that.

ʚɞ sadly, she didn't have to do much work. ton a sunny day when the two of you were walking through the upper city levels together you stopped in your tracks, a talking vi whose arm was wrapped with yours questioning what made you stop before following your eyesight to see your boyfriend in the arms of another woman, way too close for comfort. vi wanted nothing more in that moment than to go and knock the bastard's lights out, but she had to prioritize you first.

ʚɞ you go into a depression for a week, your shop closed and your apartment locked as you skulk and cry in your home. but thankfully you gave vi a key not too long into your friendship, and she wakes you up one afternoon and demands you go and clean yourself up while she takes care of your chores.

ʚɞ you come out of the shower feeling rejuvenated and refreshed, your mood only lifting higher at the smell of cookies in the air. you pad out to the kitchen and cant help but smile when you see vi standing with a tray of perfectly made chocolate chip cookies on the island counter.

ʚɞ you sit up on your counter and moan at the taste of the cookies, vi accepting your praise of her baking skills with pride as she rubs over your bare thighs. eventually the topic steers to your recent heartbreak and vi makes sure you can complain and vent to her all you want.

ʚɞ but the last thing she wants to hear is you blaming yourself, teary-eyed and mumbling about how maybe you were too overbearing in your affections. she gently but sternly brings your attention to her, making sure you look her in the eyes when she goes on about how you’re the nicest and most soft-natured person she’s ever known and he was a fool to not see what an amazing woman he had in front of him.

ʚɞ and you cant help but feel even worse at the clear effect her affection has on you, unconsciously biting her lip at her praise and closeness. her eyes dart down to your lips and back to your eyes, slowly inching her head forward for permission. as soon as you slightly nod your head she’s kissing you with months of pent-up adoration, warmth, and lust.

ʚɞ a small part of you feels guilty for moving on to your close friend only a week after you broke up with your boyfriend, but when her fingers are drifting down to your cunt and making you cry as you cum over and over again, you can't find it in you to care.

ʚɞ “he was an idiot to give up on someone as sweet as you. but down worry muffin, i’m not gonna take that chance.”

SEVIKA ꨄ

ʚɞ sevika had made a promise to herself years ago: don't mess with married women.

ʚɞ she could give herself some grace, she was young and dumb, and the woman was incredibly gorgeous. and when a woman with legs that could bring any person woman or man to their knees comes up to you and asks you your plans for the night, you cant exactly pass up the opportunity. though she wishes she did after her partner caught them together in bed and she got in one of the worst fights of her life.

ʚɞ but she had to admit things in her life were getting a bit…stale, to say the least. her schedule was a steady routine of doing tasks for silco, reeling in jinx, and keeping the last drop working like a well-oiled machine. she didn't want anything drastic that would screw up their plans to happen, just…something.

ʚɞ and oh, does she get it. some out of towner got too rowdy in the bar and started a bar fight and before she could come in and get things under control theirams leg gets broken. so now she’s tasked with finding a good enough replacement to cover him for the few months it gets healed since he for some reason couldn't just take a shimmer dose and get back on his feet in no time.

ʚɞ she goes through dozens of recruits, all either too disobedient or downright atrocious behind a bar. she’s just about to give up and force one of the goons to do it when you come through the door. you’re rather unassuming, and at first she things you’re joking until you travel behind the bar and instruct her to give you any drink and you can make it. after ten different drinks she’s more than convinced.

ʚɞ she doesn't talk to you much at first, you’re just another cog in the machine that keeps the enterprise running smoothly. obviously she’s noticed that you’re attractive, surrounded by a stern but easy-going aura that makes most customers sit and want to talk to you for hours on end. it amused her when she watched how you convinced three different patrons to buy some more drinks so you’d continue telling them a wild story of some adventure you apparently had in bilgewater years back.

ʚɞ she can't help but ask you if its true later when the bar is closing and you’re wiping everything down, rolling her eyes when you call her out for listening to your conversations. you reveal that all your stories of adventure and excitement are true, but that you gave that life up when you decided to settle down after you get married.

ʚɞ she scoffs that the woman you married must be a hell of a catch to get you to leave behind such an exciting life, and she sees your eyes drop when you reveal that life with your husband is a nice and quiet alternative to your days of danger. sevika’s always had a good poker face, and she’s really glad she has it now after hearing you gave up all of that for a guy. and that her gaydar was apparently wrong, which never happens.

ʚɞ but its almost like this is the challenge her mind has been looking for, because after that conversation she keeps having late-night talks with you when no one else is around. you’re disarmingly easy to talk to, able to show a compassion and understanding that isn’t common for the folks down here. its only a few hours after she gets a bit too tipsy and accidentally lets slip a story about her upbringing that she lays in bed and slaps her human hand to her forehead in frustration when instead of being embarrassed all she can think about is your soft hand gently rubbing her shoulder as she poured her heart out.

ʚɞ she is so screwed.

ʚɞ eventually, you draw silco’s attention. mostly because the profits from the bar have nearly doubled since you started working, partly because he can tell a certain someone is distracting sevika. he gave her a list of tasks one day that he could tell she hated doing and she went off with a nod and without a word, and she either had a new woman in her life or she was about to snap. he made sure to find out about you a few minutes later, and asked/demanded to know more about your life. in particular, any outside connections you had.

ʚɞ sevika doesn't know whether she wants to thank silco or kill him when you’re given a more permanent position at the bar and finally introduce the crew to your husband, a man who silco has apparently given a job in his booking department. when sevika pulls him aside later to ask why he would od something like that, he just. shrugs. silco never just shrugs.

ʚɞ now that you’ve basically part of their little crime family it's even easier for sevika to spend more time with you. unfortunately for you jinx has taken a liking to you, but you handle it well and always make sure to give the girl her favorite drink in her favorite cup whenever she stops in the bar to babble on about some new weapon of mayhem she’s decided to make.

ʚɞ but after a few weeks she notices your mood start to sour, how you start getting snippy with some of the more rowdy drunks who stumble through the bar. she catches you a few hours after closing sat behind the bar with a half drunken bottle in your hand and mascara running down your cheeks. normally if this was anyone else she’d scoff to herself and quickly make her exit but instead she plops herself down next to you and demands you tell her what's wrong. through hiccups and tears, you tell her that you’re pretty sure your husband is lying to you. about a lot. in particular about where he spends his nights and comes back grumbling about ‘unfair bets’ and losing cash.

ʚɞ sevika assures you she’ll get to the bottom of it, and it only takes her a few hours of trailing thee guy to find out the problem. it seems your betrothed has been gambling your money away in seedy gambling circles, with some guys she swore she told to cut it out months ago when it came to rigging their dice when playing with tourists. but the amounts he’s using are definitely more than what either of you are making on a salary.

ʚɞ she tries not to smile when she picks the excuse of a man up by the back of his neck with her mech hand, reveling in the horrified look on his face as he makes up excuse after excuse for why he’s been stealing money from you and the boss, that he swears he’ll make it back up to silco-

ʚɞ you come in the next day as confused as ever, whispering that your husband packed up his things in the middle of the night and disappeared. sevika sits you down and explains that your husband was a thief, stealing hundreds from silco rather sloppily under his nose, and was dealt with in a timely manner. but she assures you that you won't be affected by any debts he may have had, she’ll make sure of it and make sure none of those gamblers come after you.

ʚɞ you only grow closer and closer after that night, and its no surprise you start to catch feelings for the gorgeous woman who constantly makes sure you’re safe and protected. its on one of the bars rather more exciting nights that you relent and play a drinking game with some members of the crew, and in a moment of weakness accidentally admit that since your husband left you haven't been laid in weeks, and in an additional moment of weakness admit that the first person you’d like to rock your world would be none other than silco’s second hand.

ʚɞ it was just your luck that the woman was walking by when the words left your lips, and fueled by her own dose of liquid courage came up behind you and whispered that she was free at that moment.

ʚɞ you expected many things when you settled down in zaun, and getting bent in half for hours on end by the second in command to the rule of the underground was not one of them. but when sevika groans in your ear and moans about how you have the tightest pussy she’s ever had the pleasure of taking, you’re really glad it happened to you.

ʚɞ “god, i’m really not gonna be able to stay away from you now. promise that the next time you get married you’re not gonna have to worry about being disappointed ever again.”

ʚɞ (when sevika walks in the next morning with a rare smile on her face silco does admit that he hired your husband knowing he’d be an idiot that she’d have to get rid of. you’re welcome.)

ABBY ꨄ

ʚɞ abby never saw herself as a jealous person. she’d only been in one relationship before, and even though it ended rather sourly she knew it was only natural that they’d both eventually move on. but when she sees you, a new wlf recruit walking and smiling side by side with owen, she feels…weird. really weird.

ʚɞ she does feel bad that as soon as he introduces you all to the group at a small party thrown by some of the soldiers all she can manage is tight-lipped smile and a small wave. you visibly deflate and smile it off, immediately pulled away by nora and leah to grab some drinks. manny butts her shoulder with his, giving her that ‘what the hell?’ look he loves to do. she defensively apologizes, because how should she react? her ex-boyfriend clearly has a thing for you, is she supposed to be all buddy buddy with you?

ʚɞ it doesn't help that its clear to everyone that you’re pretty. like, weirdly pretty for someone in the middle of an apocalyptic setting. crystal clear skin, smooth lips, and eyes of a beautiful shade. she caught herself staring once in the gym as you laughed with one of the trainers and had to quickly get herself together.

ʚɞ isaac must be playing a sick game because you then get assigned to go with her on patrol. she initially resented, questioning why you were tagging along when you mostly worked with the medics and mel was already trailing along. he said that apparently you had asked for the chance to get some more field practice and left it at that, dismissing her with a wave.

ʚɞ she was quiet for most of the ride to the patrol spot, hands tight on the steering wheel as you sat in the back of the truck with the others in the group and laughed at some story one the guys was talking about.

ʚɞ god, even your laugh is cute, she thinks as she carefully maneuvers the truck around a downed tree. youre like if a dream girl was placed down in this wasteland to torture her, a giant sign to tell her of course owen went after you, you were perfect. more perfect than she could be.

ʚɞ it isnt helpful that shes left partnered with you as you clear out the abandoned store in the strip mall they've all been sent to check and re-clear the spaces if necessary. she finds herself frustrated when you very reasonably and very smartly stick to her side the whole time. she swears she almost trips over an overgrown branch when she catches a whiff of your soap and she doesnt know where the hell you managed to snag vanilla flavored anything.

ʚɞ everything is fine for a while. you both remain vigilant as you walk through the barely lit aisles of the department store, the only action when a clicker jumps up out of nowhere and nearly tackled you before she’s roughly pushing you out of the way and kicking out its knees before bashing in its head with her boot. she’s panting and catching her breath before roughly asking if you were alright and reminding you to stay vigilant, taking your wide eyed stare for shock at a close encounter to what would be a rather painful death.

ʚɞ but despite her rather abrasive attitude you try your best to be friendly with her. you reveal that owen did confide about their past relationship, and as awkward as the situation sometimes was you wouldn’t let it drive a wedge between you, that you in fact wanted to be friends with abby. you had heard a great many things about her, how she was a loyal friend, a courageous leader, clearly an incredibly strong soldier-

ʚɞ her brain. short circuits a bit. the way you called her strong, like it was fact that was so obvious that she’d already proven it to you just by being out here. sure she’d pushed you of out the trajectory of that clicker but that was normal, anyone should and would do the same. she realizes you wouldn’t get the chance to see any displays of strength like that back in the base save for the visits to the gym, and a foreign voice in her head laments what a shame that is.

ʚɞ she doesn’t realize until a day later just how screwed she is.

ʚɞ whatever weird…feelings she has for you don’t even get a chance to go away or settle, just fester and multiply with your constant presence. where abby is her friends are close by, and that now includes you. at small get togethers, shared gym workouts, breakfast lunch and dinner hangouts, you’re always there with a bright smile and a warm greeting for her. she thinks she’s hiding whatever it is she’s hiding pretty well until nora pulls her to the side and asks why she just keeps staring at you whenever you’re around, that she understand there might be some lingering feelings of jealousy and resentment towards owen but that’s no reason to treat you rudely.

ʚɞ abby stumbles over her words, insisting that she’s not treating you rudely, that’s the last thing she would want to do. who would ever do that to someone as nice and sweet and gorgeous as you? she ends her mini explanation with a stiff chuckle and looks at nora who’s now staring at her with an open mouth and a flabbergasted look on her face.

ʚɞ so it’s clear that abby likes you. she doesn’t know how to grapple with the fact, and decides its best to just deal with it privately and wait for it to just pass as most things do. the only person who knows is nora, who after not talking to her for a few hours after their last encounter came back to abby’s room to apologize for walking out on her in a moment where they so clearly needed to talk more about what was just revealed. she assures abby that she’ll help her through this but it’s very confusing to herself as well. it’s not every day you have to deal with your best friend falling in love with her boyfriends new girlfriend.

ʚɞ she doesn’t agree with abby’s method, frequently telling her that dealing with this in private will only have the opposite effect. and just like normally she’s right, abby’s increased attempt at distance from you only peaks your worry and drives you to constantly check in on her to make sure she’s okay. one day you come by her room after one of your workouts, and the sight of you covered in a thin sheen of sweat in shorts and a tank asking her sweetly if she’s feeling okay and if she’d like to join you for lunch let’s her know for sure that she really can’t do this for much longer.

ʚɞ so she’s tries her best to try a different approach : exposure therapy. as bad as it sounds, she’s sure once she starts spending more time with you she’ll realize you aren’t some mythical girl of of her dreams and are just a normal person who’s dating her ex and who she can totally just be normal friends with. she comes up to you in the halls a few days later and asks if you’d like her to help you train for more field work and you beam up at her before wrapping your arms around her neck and thanking her a multitude of times before composing yourself. you go one about how you were so eager to prove yourself and you’d do no better than to have the abby anderson teaching you the basics. she zoned out as soon as she felt your skin against the back of her neck, nodding along to all of your words with a doe-eyed blank look.

ʚɞ it’s really nice bonding with you over the course of a few short weeks. you quickly pick up on the things she teaches you, and whatever you don’t she’s more than eager to help you learn. she hates to admit it but her conscious cheered a little bit when you told her you needed help aiming one of the bigger rifles, and it nearly screamed when she got to place herself behind you and helped you aim at the target practice. maybe she’s a bit delusional at this point but she swears she felt your body relax into hers, felt your breath stutter just a bit when her chest met your back.

ʚɞ and she knows it’s serious when she trusts you enough to share her space in the library. it’s a night when manny has a girl over so she’s in her usual cozy spot surrounded by the book shelves when she shears your gentle footsteps and call of her name, remarking that you initially went to the room out of loneliness about owen being gone for the night but came here when a breathless and shirtless manny told you her usual sleepover spot. she invites you to settle in with her in her heap of old blankets surrounded by dusty novels, trying her best to remain calm when you lean your head on her shoulders and insisted she keep reading her current book aloud.

ʚɞ she wakes up to the early morning light with her head rested on top of yours, snuggled up to battle the chill of the stadium air and your hand clamped around her arm. when she looks down at your face and wishes she could see you like this every day she realizes that she is really, really screwed.

ʚɞ luckily she doesn’t have to wait long to see you like that again. well, the circumstances are rather horrid. yet another soldier was having small secret party ok one of the larger stadium dorms and you were glued to abby’s side. everyone besides nora was confused but happy that the two of you seemed to be getting along so well, and nora herself kept giving abby looks that were a mixture between pity, worry, and just a bit of ‘you need to just get this off of your chest to anyone else but me’ annoyance.

ʚɞ abby was your designated drink manager, constantly making sure you weren’t too drunk and were drinking enough water to stave off any of the negative effects of the smuggled in alcohol they brought in for the party. you’re both sitting on one of the couches and observing the party when you make an off handed comment about not seeing owen for a while and abby decides to sit you down snuggly on the couch while she goes to look for him to appease your tipsy haze. her search leads her down the hallway, and it’s only when she hears an object drop in a nearby maintenance closet does she find out the truth.

ʚɞ she whips open the door to see owen and mel in a rather…well, let’s just say a really lewd position. in the midst of being disgusted and infuriated she finds a bit of amusement at mousy mel of all people doing a drunken hookup in a dingy closet. owen hurriedly tries to fix himself and his pants, insisting to abby that it’s not what it looks like, and suddenly his eyes lock on an object behind her and she turns around to see you, teary eyed and clearly betrayed before you silently stoop off to the direction of your own room.

ʚɞ abby is normally a calm person. as a soldier she isn’t afforded the luxury to let her emotions get the better of her in moments of stress. but seeing you with tears in your eyes and a wobbly lip makes her wish she broke owen’s nose on the spot. collecting all of her composure, she slaws the closet door in his face and quickly runs after you.

ʚɞ she quickly chases after you, making her way down the stadium halls until she finds your bedroom door agape, quickly knocking and entering when she hears your quiet cry demanding owen leave. she makes sure to announce who she is once she settles in beside you on your bed, gently extending her hands to make sure shes allowed to physically comfort you before pulling you into a tight hug once you let her know it’s okay.

ʚɞ she had again struggles to keep her composure when you cry into her shoulder, not minding the tears staining her t-shirt when she hears you weep about what a fool you wer, how you were such an idiot to believe that someone like him could truly care about you.

ʚɞ in the morning, she can blame the weeks of pent up feelings, or maybe the cup of beer she had an hour before, but she can’t stop herself from grabbing your shoulders and turning you towards her, commanding your attention before she reveals that should’ve warned you about owen earlier, that she should’ve known he would take advantage of someone with as sweet a nature as you. She’s always known he was a fool, but to ruin his chances of someone like you is the dumbest thing he ever could’ve done.

ʚɞ when you sniffle and look up at her with those shiny eyes and puffy lips and ask her if that’s true she feels her composed facade slipping, hands shaky as she reaches up to wipe your tears away before letting her palm letting her fingers trail down your face, biting her lip when she sees your eyelids flutter closer when her hands start to ghost down your neck.

ʚɞ she doesn’t feel sorry when she watches you take off your top, doesn’t feel guilt when she pushes you down to the bed and lets her lips bite and kiss from your neck to her chest and draw out all manners of whines and gasps from your throat. and when she feels your hips lift up and grind into her crotch, when her hands attach themselves to your hips and forces you to bring yourself to an orgasm in your pants, she doesn’t give a shit how it’ll seem when she parades you around the stadium tomorrow.

ʚɞ manny and nora are open mouthed and shocked when you walk hand in hand into the cafeteria the next morning, both starry eyed and covered in love bites as you sit together nearly attached at the hip. when owen walks in a few minutes later and quickly storms out after seeing the two of you, abby can’t help but shrug when manny asked her what the hell is going on.

ʚɞ “owen had his chance, and he should learn that jealously is a monster.”

ELLIE ꨄ

ʚɞ in moments like these ellie remembers laughing at how her fellow lesbians would fall for their straight friends in middle and high school and end up with broken hearts and broken friendships. and now as she sits across from you and listens to you lament about your boyfriend, she realizes that karma is real and she is totally a bitch.

ʚɞ truly, she has no one to blame, but herself the moment she saw you walk into the record store she worked at she knew that this would only lead to trouble for herself. It was obvious to Dina, who lightly pushed his shoulder and told her to stop drooling and to focus on her work and not fall into another relationship so soon after her catastrophic breakup with cat. she had rolled her eyes at the brunette and assured her nothing would happen, that she’d politely introduce herself, help you buy a product, and never think about or see you again.

ʚɞ god, what an idiot she was.

ʚɞ as soon as she introduced herself, you complemented her tattoo, mention that you had wanted one but were too indecisive about a design and placement. before she can even think of what she wants to say she’s telling you that wouldn’t mind hooking you up with her tattoo artist who could help you decide what you wanted. hell, she wouldn’t mind helping you decide what kind of vibe you were going for when it came to the body art and where exactly on your body would be best to showcase it.

ʚɞ you’re beaming up at her and thanking her, telling her that she really is just too kind. she’s even kinder when she continues to talk to you as she helps you look through the store, helping you decide which record would be best for your collection.

ʚɞ and helping you pick out another record as a gift. for your boyfriend. she can hear dina snicker at the counter all the way from three aisles away, passing it off as allergies when you turn to look at her.

ʚɞ but it’s not like she’s gonna fall for you. she gives you her number, but that’s because she already promised she’d help you with the tattoo stuff. and sure she talks with you for hours the following week and even goes with you to the parlor for moral support, but that’s because she’s a good person! and you even told her she’s a great friend for helping you with this! she’s just being friendly.

ʚɞ soon enough she basically becomes your new best friend. she doesn’t know how it happened really, somewhere between helping you when your car broke down in the middle of the road and having dinner with your parents when they demand to meet the person who’s been taking up an extra chunk of their daughters time. it’s frightening how easy it is to just be with you, to talk to you about any and everything. she remembers it took dina pestering her at work for weeks for them to become friends, and here she is laughing with your dad over roasted chicken after a month.

ʚɞ dina and jesse call her delusional. when the former shows the latter a picture of you on the instagram account you have to ellie he folds over in laughter and tells ellie oh so eloquently that she’s definitely going to fall for you, it’s only inevitable. but she remains vigilant that she wouldn’t do something so dumb. i mean yeah you’re basically exactly her type, like a deity went into one of her wet dreams and plucked the woman she manifested and placed you in the real world, but she was strong. there were plenty of fish in the sea. plenty of gay fish, to be exact.

ʚɞ she tries to go on dates, scrolls through tinder and likes every other attractive viable woman she sees. she even manages to have a few hookups. its really just a coincidence that they have some of your similar characteristics, truly. she’s not actually looking for you in any of these girls, that’d just be weird.

ʚɞ but then it happens. she has a girl over, her leg thrown over her shoulder as she grinds herself into the pretty girl’s cunt. she’s lost in a high after the blunt they’d shared earlier and her heads thrown back as she’s letting out expletive after expletive, and then she does it. she moans your name. she pauses, the girl pauses, and its silent as they remove their entangled limbs from each other and rigidly lay in bed side by side. it hurts even worse than the embarrassment when the girl pats her shoulder with a smile after she’s put her clothes back on, wishing her luck with whatever’s goin on between the two of you.

ʚɞ there’s no point in denying it then. she doesn't even get the chance to keep it to herself, the next day when she’s watching a movie on your couch you poke and prod at her until she reveals what’s got her in such a sour mood. she doesn't tell you the full story, of course, just that something absolutely mortifying happened last night when she was riding some girl. she groans that she didn't even get to finish and that was way worse then what she said, hoping the joke will ease some of the embarrassment she has telling the story and the guilt about passively lying to you.

ʚɞ she doesn't notice how you hips shift in your seat, how your teeth bite at the skin of your lip. she does notice when you question what she meant by riding a girl. she cant help but think about how adorable you are before explaining the position in the nicest way possible. you hum and turn your attention back to the movie and she thinks that's the end of the conversation. but only seconds later you’re asking her to show you.

ʚɞ she thinks she's dreaming. no, she knows she's dreaming. its happened before, weird dreams she has after a strong high where she swears her dreams become all the more vivid and lifelike. it was super annoying the second time it happened, she woke up to a world where she in fact did not win the lottery and get to make out with her celebrity crush. but this is just cruel, she didn't know her brain could be so masochistic. but no, the feel of your hand shaking her shoulder and shyly asking if you’ve made her uncomfortable is real, your big eyes flitting to anywhere but hers is real.

ʚɞ she stutters over her words, asking if you really mean it. and you say yeah, you’d been curious about this anyway. it wouldn't hurt to do it with ellie, you were friends, right? and god what an idiot she was because she’s nodding along like of course, this couldn’t make your friendship weird at all, right? so she gets to work, not doing anything too lewd except for gently pushing you to lie on your back as she maneuvers her body over yours, placing her crotch over yours until she can feel the heat of you through her jeans. she tries not to show a reaction to the sight of you looking up at her, curious and flushed as your hand briefly comes up to rest on her hip. its only when your hips delicately press up into hers that she abruptly removes herself from on top of you, stiffly chuckling before recommending you get back to the movie.

ʚɞ neither of you bring it up again.

ʚɞ it’s so much more difficult to be around you now. before she was resolute in the fact that she was alone in whatever weird feelings she had towards you, but eventually she might move on. but with only a few actions you threw that whole viewpoint out the window. now it was clear that you were interested. maybe not in ellie but in sex with another woman. a small part of her is upset at the fact it might not be her. its only cliche that if you started having these feelings you’d fall for your gay best friend, who the hell else were you thinking about? whatever, that wasn't important.

ʚɞ what was important was what occurred over the next few weeks. it happens slowly but surely, your complaints about your intimate troubles with your boyfriend. now ellie had met the guy before, and it made her feel slightly better that she had a valid reason right from the start not to like him. the man was clearly an ass, looking her up and down the first time they met and giving her a ‘yeah you’re weird’ look that he apparently didn’t think she’d recognize. luckily she didn’t have to see him often, only seeing him in passing when she spent time with you at yours or picked you up to go hang out.

ʚɞ but now his weirdness is apparently front and center. she nearly chokes on her chipotle when you tell her that he questioned why the two of you were spending so much time together, feeling like ellie was going to make a move on you.

ʚɞ and yeah, it was offensive. just because she was a lesbian didn’t mean she wanted to jump the bones of every woman she met. unfortunately that didn’t apply here because she very much did want to jump your bones. not like he knew that. hopefully.

ʚɞ but she doesn’t want to get in the way of your relationship, begrudgingly recommending that maybe the two of you should spend some time apart so he can chill out and realize he’s being paranoid. she’s very happy to hear your quick rebuttal, remarking how you’d rather dump him then spend any more time away from her.

ʚɞ god you are making this so confusing. and it only reaches a head the next time she sees you. you’d texted her to ask if she could come over late at night and obviously she said she would, along with a bag of your favorite drinks and snacks just in case you got peckish. so she’s sitting on the couch as you both eat some shareable m&ms when the topic becomes a bit more…intimate.

ʚɞ she notices your rigid shoulders as you sit stark straight on the couch and laughs about how pent up you must be. your following laugh is awkward as you agree that you have been a bit stressed lately. so she tells a joke, that your boyfriend isn’t up to par in bed. she expects you to laugh and hit her shoulder but you nod your head.

ʚɞ you…nod your head. and then you turn to her, and she’s getting flashbacks to the last time you were this close on your couch. her face is hot as whisper that the past few times you’ve tried to sleep with your boyfriend he, as you eloquently put it, ‘just pumps and dumps’, and brushes you off whenever you bring up the fact that you haven’t had a release. that as much as it ashamed you to say it, once he falls asleep next to you you sometimes find your hand trailing under your shorts and thinking back to her stories of the hookups she told you about, wishing she could show you how all of that felt.

ʚɞ ellie has always liked your bedroom. its soft and sweet, with vines of fake ivy hanging across the ceiling and a large canopy hanging over the bed. you even have an adorable collection of stuffed animals, a few of them gifted to you by her throughout the months of your friendship. all of the little guys have been shoved to the floor now, and for a fleeting moment she things they’re really just going to have to understand before her mind is consumed again with you, how you’re pretty flushed face is staring and moaning up at her as her wrist nearly cramps with how fast her fingers are pistoning into your wet cunt.

ʚɞ you haven’t even touched her and she’s already on cloud nine. your confession nearly made her pass out, and she swore she had died and gone to heaven when you asked her to help you with your problem and grabbed her hand to lead her to your bed. it was like her horniest dream come true to see you undress, to feel over your skin, to lower her head to your pussy and try her best to suck out your soul in the most loving way possible.

ʚɞ she feels her boxers get soaked when you cum around her fingers again, legs wrapping around her waist and head raising to muffle your sounds in her shoulder. she swore she nearly came when you bit into her shoulders, already knowing she was going to look into the mirror later to look at the mark your teeth left on her with a smile. but she didn’t predict for you to be so insatiable, for as soon as she pulls her fingers out of your cunt you’re whining and grinding your hips up into hers, whispering little *‘please, el, need more’*s

ʚɞ “don’t worry, baby, i’ll give you whatever you want. swear once i’m done you’re never even gonna think of that stupid boyfriend of yours again.”

[rizzoreads88]

I just want to tell you even though I have never shipped elriel its so nice to see at there are some elriels out there who love Lucien.one thing I can stand about most elriel shippers is they try to villianize Lucien all the time.

Hi anon,

Ohh man is this going to be a loooonngg response ….There are a lot of Elriels who still like Lucien. However I can understand what your saying too as I think at times certain shippers from both sides tend to try and paint Lucien/Azriel in a bad light depending upon who they ship…

Some E/uciens say Azriel is incel who feels entitled to woman and only cares about sex while some Elriels say Lucien is a coward and didn’t help Feyre enough. While neither are perfect( because no one is )none of this is true about either. I think both sides of these arguments contradict each other.

⭐️Lets start with the “Lucien didn’t do enough to help feyre” and he’s a coward argument

Do we forget Lucien was putting his life on the line UTM to help her whenever he could? He was also thrown into the second trial and almost died for being her friend… in Acomaf when everything was going wrong between her and Tamlin Lucien did try to help them both. And neither listened. (I don’t see how anyone can blame anything on Lucien seeing as he wasn’t in that relationship and Feyre was a grown ass woman but I digress). Then in acowar Feyre uses him as a pawn to try and make Tamlin jealous not even caring the repercussions it could have for Lucien. After all this when Feyre was escaping the spring court to go back to the night court Lucien was willing to die by the weird Hybern twins so she could escape…Lucien has helped Feyre in many ways. She would have never gotten back to the Nc without him or survived the trials UTM without him. He also did try to help her AND tamlin and neither listened… “well all he did was talk to them that’s not enough” What are you supposed to do when two grown ass adults are in the throes of PTSD and depression and in a consenting relationship if they won’t listen to anyone? Not to mention while this is going on Lucien is busy trying to protect the spring court citizens, gets attacked and injured by amaranthas beast, is trying to help Tamlin rebuild the spring court and dealing w his own mental health issues too. He’s being put in the middle of Tamlin and Feyre and tries to help them both and they don’t listen but “he didn’t do enough”? I’m sorry what a senseless argument that is…

Let’s look at the flip side… if you blame Lucien for not “helping feyre enough” do you blame Azriel for not helping feyre or nesta as well? Azriel had no issue going along with Rhysand taking away feyres bodily autonomy or lying to his high lady… Azriel said nothing when everyone found out Nesta could make made weapons but Amren & Rhysand felt she shouldn’t know about her own body (Rhysand seems to have a pattern of keeping info from women about there own bodies🥴), Azriel said nothing when Amren lied about court laws to manipulate Nesta into the house of wind or when they actually locked her in the HOW. How about in HOFAS when rhysand exploded rooms out of his anger for Nesta and he triggered ember, azriel said nothing to defend Nesta or call Rhys out and azriel had actually been around Bryce and got to know her more then them. You can’t say Lucien is a coward and didn’t help Feyre enough if you don’t hold that same smoke for Azriel in all these situations either. Let’s also not forget Lucien went on a dangerous mission to find their dad and Vassa and helped fight in the war. Lucien is no coward.

⭐️Now let’s move on to Azriel is just a incel who feels he’s entitled to women and only wants sex…

If you truly feel this about Azriel after Acosf and Hofas you don’t understand his character. Sorry not sorry. This man has never once acted entitled to a woman. “ well he literally says in his bonus chapter he feels should get elain because she’s the third sister”. No he doesn’t. He was asking how it’s possible the three of them came into their lives and rhysand and cassian fall in love and are mates to Feyre/ Nesta but he has feelings for Elain and yet can’t be with her. He was questioning fate over Elain. We know this because he then goes on to question his own damn religion over her too when he questions the cauldron over her. Friends let’s be so for real here…. You don’t hang out in the garden until the wee hours of the morning with someone, you don’t risk your life not caring you could die to rescue someone and then carry them while your bleeding out and won’t go get looked at until you know there ok…. You don’t save someone’s gift for a year and look at it every night… you dont lend someone your most prized possession that you never even let your best friends or anyone else touch… if you just feel only lust or entitlement to them. You and I both know Azriel has deep feelings for Elain. The antis know it too no matter how much they try and act like they don’t.

Let’s look at the flip side of this… if you hold this against Azriel do you also hold this against Lucien? Remember when Lucien left with feyre to go to the Nc to see if Elain was worth it? Or how about the first thoughts he had when he saw her at the spring court being “Touch her, smell her, taste her—“ even though he noticed how her depression had made her so thin… “well those are mate instincts” your right they are but that was still one of the first things he thought… so again you can’t act like azriel is a incel who only wants elain for a booty call and is entitled to her when Lucien thinks lustful thoughts about her and doesn’t even know her like Azriel does.

✨At the end of the day BOTH Lucien and Azriel are good men. Let’s not forget Feyre even talks about how good of a man Lucien is to Elain. We all know how the inner circle feels about Azriel as well. It is evident by both of thier actions they both have great hearts. I hate when either sides put either down because of the ships. You can still love a character and ship them with whoever.✨

[creepycranberry]

Orange juice (3)

2

Rafe x sober!reader

Warnings: talk of alcoholism, drug use, grief, depression, pregnancy, rehab, parental issues, spoilers (?),not proofread, let me know if there’s more.

———————————-

Christmas dinner was always a smaller affair at Aunt Marnie’s. Your parents would have a large party, friends and extended family celebrating together.

Aunt Marnie used to go but she hasn’t since they kicked you out.

Aunt Marnie would make waffles and eggs and bacon and you would have dinner late, “to make up for how late we have breakfast in the morning”

Rafe had always liked Aunt Marnie. When he was a kid he would go to your parents Christmas party with his father and Wards ever growing presence would swallow the room whole. And just when his ego had grown two times its original size, he would get to Marnie.

And Marnie looked after Rafe even then, when he was just a kid of a friend of her kid sister's husband. She would see ward and Rafe and Rafe hiding behind ward and she wouldn’t even acknowledge Wards existence. She would focus in on Rafe, straightening his tie and telling his father that he’s been neglecting to take his son to the barber.

And then Ward would be whittled back down to himself again, and suddenly there was room for Rafe to breathe.

Even now she gives Rafe a sense of relief, he doesn’t have to be somebody around her, he just gets to be.

You are quietly, listening to Aunt Marnie ask Rafe about his life and how taking over his fathers company is going.

“And how is school going?” She asks him, taking a bite of her bacon and peering over the newspaper that was in front of her.

“I’m not in school, actually.”

Aunt Marnie stops and looks at him, sighing before setting her glasses on top of her head and looking at him intently, “why the hell not?”

“I uh,” his eyes meet yours for a moment and he scratches the back of his neck, “it just didn’t pan out like that for me.”

“Well why not go to school now? Doesn’t your fathers company still make some kind of money that could pay for an education? Since Sarah isn’t going to college either, with the helping run a business and having a baby?” Marnie argues and Rafe does everything in his power to avoid making eye contact with either of you.

“I didn’t go to school because I was helping my dad out with some… some business stuff and then after he died I was in um, I… took a step back for health reasons.”

“What health reasons? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” You ask him and he hates the answer to that question more right now than he did before. You look so concerned for him and he can’t stand it.

“I was fine, I’m fine now.” He responds.

“Rafe, where did you go for treatment?” Marnie asks, not letting up.

“Clarksons.” He says quietly.

Clarksons was the rehab your parents were going to send you to before they kicked you out. It’s the closest rehab to Kildare.

“What were you on?” You ask almost immediately, concern no longer lacing your words.

“Can we go upstairs to talk about this?” He asks you and you look at Marnie. She shakes her head subtly and you stand up. Rafe listens to your footsteps all the way up the stairs until your bedroom door slams.

“What did you do?” Marnie breathes and Rafe stares at the forgotten food on his plate.

“I was just going through a lot, I was going through a lot of it alone. My dad was- Sarah was all over the place and dad was so worried about her and I just kept trying to be- to be someone he would worry about.” Rafe says quietly and Marnie sighs deeply.

“Even dead Ward Cameron manages to make a mess of things.” She mutters and begins to clear the table.

Rafe sits at the table awkwardly as Marnie begins to wash the dishes. Eventually he stands up and grabs a rag off the counter and starts to dry the dishes and place them in the drying rack.

“I would go talk to her. The longer you avoid this conversation the worse it’s gonna be for you.” Marnie tells him as she dries her hands and heads towards the living room.

Rafe stands there in front of the sink for a minute more before taking a deep breath and slowly making his way up the stairs. When he got to your door he knocked but you didn’t answer. He knocked again and you didn’t answer.

He curses under his breath and pushes the door open.

You’re sitting in front of the window, knee bouncing as you stare at the lamp lined street below you.

“Listen I-“

“What were you on?” You ask him again, your gaze steely hard to see through.

“I’m b-”

“Rafe.” He looks at you and he can see the visible tears gathering in your waterline.

Instinctively he closes the door behind him and cups your face with his hands, “I’m sorry, I am. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and I feel like shit for cutting contact with you and I missed you like hell so please, please, for the love of god don’t make me leave.”

“You could have talked to me, I would have- I would have been there for you I would’ve helped you get help. For you- I would have done anything, why didn’t that mean enough to you for you to just talk to me?” You back away from his hold and once again he can’t help but think of how delicate you are now.

The old you would have slapped him across the face and called him stupid.

“Because it wasn’t just the addiction, I had- there was a lot of other stuff going on and I did a lot of things I’m not proud of and you’ve always thought the best of me, you’re the only one who’s thought the best of me since- ever. and I didn’t want to ruin that.” He’s pleading with you with a desperation you never thought he was capable of.

“I don’t know if I can hold onto you if you’re just gonna leave me every time you do something that you think would change my perception of you. I can decide how I see you myself.” You insist. You’re still crying and the sight of you so upset makes him want to fling himself out of your window but instead he just steps forward once more and wraps his arms around you in a hold so resolute that you feel like if you tried to get away from him you have to break his arms off of him, as if he was thin plaster.

“I won’t leave you. I won’t. Ever. You’d have to kill me to get me away from you. I mean that.” He reassures you and you nod, enjoying being able to breathe in his air again.

“Can we lay down?” You ask him in a quiet voice and he seems to deflate with relief.

We. You said we. You’re not sending him away or throwing chairs at him. You want him to stay.

he loves how that feels.

[crazylittlejester]

Hi hello do you have anything about how Twi nearly died in your modern au? Like, what happened and how Time reacted and stuff- (free invitation to yap /gen)

hi hello yes i do!! (tw for talk of suicide attempts and sh)

it was an attempt when he was 15, and the only reason he’s still alive is because he kinda snapped out of it after a second and realized he didn’t actually want to be dead (if he hadn’t told anyone he would have died in his room). Time was the only person home with him, so Twi had to go tell him 1. What he did and 2. That he’d already panic called emergency services because he was freaking out and didn’t know what to do and the ranch is decently far away from everything else. Time had had absolutely NO idea Twilight was struggling like that or that he was so unhappy he’d make an attempt on his life and he was so so terrified he was actually going to lose his kid that day, he could hardly speak he was that scared (and unfortunately Twi was a little worried that Time was MAD at him because of his silence). He drove Twi to the emergency room himself, he knew he’d get there faster and he was genuinely worried Twi didn’t have a whole lot of time to wait around for an ambulance

That was the first and only time Twilight has ever seen his dad cry, at first it was just silent tears but the second Time had called Malon to explain what was going on he broke down sobbing and Twilight is genuinely so scarred from just THAT that it’s been one of the things that’s helped him stop hurting himself; he doesn’t ever want to see his dad cry again. he never wants to be the reason his dad cries, he felt so so bad about that he had a whole mental breakdown over it

He’d been struggling with hurting himself since he was thirteen and he’s been struggling with depression and anxiety for as long as he’s been alive, he’d just get so stressed and overwhelmed he’d spiral and then he felt ashamed for being unhappy because he didn’t feel like he had a valid reason to be depressed because he had a wonderful home life and loving family, and he didn’t want them to blame themselves so he didn’t tell them. and then sophomore year of high school it just reached a point where he attempted to end his life and then the fear and anxiety kicked in and he had to tell his dad about EVERYTHING. there was a lot of crying that day, from him AND Time, but Time made sure to make Twilight feel like he wasn’t suddenly going to be treated like he was made of glass or like he was just completely unstable. Time assured him that he wasn’t angry with him and promised to do anything possible to help Twi because he loves him, he made that very very clear

Time and Malon have done their absolute best to support him, they listen to whatever he has to say and they do whatever they can to help him. They got him therapy (which was so so helpful for him) and Twi still sees a therapist, plus he’s on antidepressants which have also helped a lot. Warriors and Sky have also been nothing but supportive and patient, they’ve been friends with him since freshman year and they were pretty close by the time this happened and they were really worried about their friend but were very glad to see him start to do better

Twilight is doing very well now, he’s been sh free for six years. tho he still has bad days or days he gets urges to hurt himself again and its difficult for him to verbally ask for help but everyone in his life has figured out what it means when he silently comes to just sit by them. They know not to ask questions and to just treat him normally, or give him a hug if he initiates it, and they’ll do anything they can to help him. The tattoos on his left arm cover up a LOT of scars, they don’t cover all of em, they’re not really meant to completely cover them but they do make them a lot less visible

He really is doing better now, but ofc Time is always going to worry about him. Time’s been worrying about him since he GOT him and it just got worse when 9 year old Twi cracked his head open hopping off a horse

the most recent fic for the au is about twi having one of his bad days, ft Warriors wriggling his way into Twi’s bed to be both a comfort and a nuisance (he does a lot to help akskdjd):

[karlachismylife]

I have been summoned from the pit of my depression to talk about Nikolai's political views by this post whether you want it or not.

Wholeheartedly admitting that I am fully biased on multiple levels, I am here to say that Nikolai is a firm socialist (bordering on communist but he does not like when any of his western allies call him that cuz 98% of the time they either think "commie" is an insult or think that USSR was a communist country or that every Russian is communist. Or all three. Graves calls him a commie once and never makes that mistake again on account of wanting to keep living his pathetic 'merican life without having to constantly look over his shoulder.)

I am also here to say that had he stayed in Russia to participate in war(s) in Chechnya we would have a full grown ancom here. These conflicts basically shaped Russian political landscape as it is now, and if we (I) think Afghanistan was what lead to Nikolai's disappointment in the cause he wanted to fight for and therefore the change in where his loyalty lies (always with his country, unlike the people he took orders from at the time), then Chechnya would create a much more radicalized version of Nik. His heart is already halfway there, but he didn't get to live directly through the circumstances that shaped that next generation that would fight in street wars all throughout Russia.

He grew up on socialist/communist ideals and sticks with those, and I am sure he took it close to heart when he witnessed their decline. But unlike many, he was able to recognize that it wasn't the ideas' flaws, but of those who carried the slogans while contradicting them in every step.

Nik is a patriot, a convinced, but quiet one - but also unlike many "quiet" patriots, he's not sticking to his "lesser homeland" or is a patriot of some non-existent depoliticized version of Russia. It's not birch trees or blue waves of Volga he's patriotic of, it's the country Russia could (and maybe, just maybe, his youthful idealistic heart still thinks can) be. He knows that a country is its people, not government or symbols.

And he most definitely has a disdain towards the military apparatus AND the police. He grew up on Soviet image of a morally righteous protector-милиционер, and seeing how actually corrupt all these forces probably landed a bitter wound deep at his core. He learnt the way of compromise, but I do think that he doesn't consider his career and choices the best. There's something to be said about how Farah is everything he always strived and sometimes failed to be, so while he obviously is the most loyal to John, he might be ready to go to even greater lengths for her. Farah has a chance to do for her country and people what Nikolai couldn't do for his, and he must admire how strong her moral compass is. She has to make compromises too, their circumstances are different, but he definitely thinks she's more capable at this fight than he is. Farah is his bet on the brighter future.

And finally I am here to say that unlike many, Nikolai has always enjoyed certain western attractions, from music to food to just, let's be honest, much better standards of living, but never deemed it a synonym to freedom. Capitalism could and will never seduce him.

Also he did eat black caviar for breakfast when he was a kid and definitely doesn't think that highly of it.

This is the most self-projection I could ever make on a character and I will gladly die on this hill, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

I don't think Nik and Price see eye to eye on politics all the time. Unfortunately, I think Price is a staunch monarchist and quite centrist - even centre-right - in some of his ideologies. But because he's a northerner he is also bitterly anti-Tory. Nik can't quite work him out.

They do agree on big things though; the hypocrisy of ruling classes, for the many not the few, the importance of and inherent nobility in self-sacrifice for the weak and dispossessed, pro-lgbt, pro-womens rights. You know, the important shit. Which is what makes Price so frustrating to Nik.

Their first big argument happened when Price overheard Nik call the Queen "parasite in chief". Two very stubborn men who are old enough to be fully entrenched in their particular way of thinking clashing horns; big words and raised voices, but no actual fists thrown. Nik is so frustrated that Price can't see the absolute hypocrisy in his position, and Price is frustrated that Nik can't see the importance of national symbols and patriotism, especially for the working class, and could be so disrespectful to something he cares about.

"But I am not disrespecting you, only your monarchy, John."

"My country is me!"

"They are not your country, your people are--!"

Price's loyalty to the crown and country (not just the land itself, but the people in it) is part of who he is. I headcanon he joined the army to run away from his home life, but there's also the inference from canon material and my knowledge of Men Like Him that leads me to believe the whole monarchist thing would be a sticking point between him and Nikolai.

It's not relationship-ending, because Nik also knows that there are two loyalties that surpass Price's loyalty to the flag: loyalty to Nik, and loyalty to the 141.

[chainsawworld]

Imalways so torn up between letting myself feel negative emotions besides anger cause I never do and being like wellllllll... it IS nearly 9 so really none of these are Real emotions so what's the point?

[itsalwaysdark]

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[phagodyke]

tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

[caffeinatedopossum]

When I had that panic attack the other day, my girlfriend really put some things into perspective... I don't know, I think I feel bad because this is the best my life has ever been and I'm still depressed and anxious. It feels like I can't do anything for myself and the things I can do, I don't.

But she said that she would feel the same in my position. That actually, when she was the most depressed, she *was* in my position. She said she'd go crazy from not being able to do anything all the time and for some reason that helped a lot. Like, just to hear that its not wrong to feel like this and that I really am doing everything I can.

It feels so greedy and selfish to look at my life being the best it's ever been and to still ask for more but I guess it's normal.

[6mayhem]

prev post will be my defense if i ever do get cancelled for incest shipping. buddy i think i'm allowed to write all sorts of fucked up sibling shit after the childhood i've had ‼️

[diabeticdelight]

..

[thatdemiboymess]

Both my computers have given up on life and I am so sad and so very bored. Couldn't even do my full Gaia dailies, today. 😞

[sadacon]

Ehhh tag rant, tw for emotional neglect? I think.

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

i did lots of laundry today and i am changing my sheets and i would like a little bit of gentleness from the universe