#but idk now i have such beautiful kind friends and im not depressed anymore

[mewhenifreakit]

ti's the season ( of reflection)

[pepprs]

fuckin hate this shit. not to whatever but i want to go home

[sexydreamgirl]

hera I'm sorry for trauma dumping but I feel rlly shitty rn and dont have anyone to rant to, u don't have to answer if u don't want. and I also hope u understand what I'm trying to say :).

I have gotten so much more insecure lately and comparing myself to others, like I see the best version in everyone else especially look wise but not myself, and Im even scared ti have a bf bc I think he is going to leave me for my friend etc. ik that I just have to work on my sc but I feel weird abt it, bc I have this very dumb mindset and jealousy issues that others are literally born beautiful with perfect bodies and I have to MANIFEST for me to have it, it just seems unfair yk?

but the thing is growing up I was considered very pretty and that I had a nice body, like even strangers sometimes would compliment me. but rn that doesn't happen anymore like literally it's the opposite no one thinks I'm pretty anymore and no one has any romantically interest in me and it makes me kind of upset. I feel really guilty but I always compare myself and get jealous of a friend of mine bc she seems to be smart and have the body that guys want and in general she always gets things easier while I feel that I have to work for it. so idk why I'm not considered pretty anymore is it like did I rlly had an glow down or did the beauty standards changed? .. anyway ik that I also can just manifest having it back but I feel that me manifesting it back it like cancels it out kind of ? like I would rather not be in a position that I have to manifest beauty yk?and it's not just with the beauty wise like I feel everything I would get complimented on it kind kind disappeared and I got worse. like I was known for having very clear skin and very white pearly teeth but now I don't and can't say that oh yeah I always had clear skin and it kind of annoys me If u understand what i mean? same goes with talents like I used to be a dancer and good one and would be very athletic but now nothing, and I would speak fluently some languages, especially the ones I speak in my house and now I'm not able to.

I rlly don't know what's wrong with me and why i have become like this, its like I have lost all my personality and have gotten depressed and ppl view me much differently that how i rlly am and used to be like an example I used to be athletic but now they think I'm lazy bc I don't participate in gym class but I find it reasonable but it still annoys me. and i would have guys that have crush on me and now nothing, and I have lost all of my friends and no one likes me and they treat me like shit and i always feel that I'm responsible for it and in just so lost and ikd what to do with my life .

so my question is, except that I would like some advice or anything would be nice , is there a chance that I have accidently manifested all this or did that happen by its own??.. I hope this wasn't too much, thank u for ur time :)

According to the law you manifest the good, the bad and the indifferent. However, there's a difference between conscious manifestation and unconscious manifestation. So even if it wasn't your intention to manifest such unfavorable matters, that doesn't discredit how you can or should feel about the situation.

That said, you're not obligated to continue being a person you don't want to be. You don't have to be trapped in this conception of self if it has you in a terrible headspace, but the change must begin with you. You need to realize that the only person standing in your way of becoming the best version of yourself is you, there is no one to change but self. You are bringing forward excuses about guilt because you have to manifest xyz okay AND? You're no better nor worse than somebody who didn't have to manifest it. There's a reality where you're the total opposite of everything you've just described, there's a reality where it's even better than anything you could've ever imagined. No reality is better than another, so why not start working with the law to your favor? You're manifesting 24/7 anyway. You know you can do something about it, so just go for it. Don't let yourself get consumed by feelings of guilt over what is essentially YOUR birthright. Just go for it and don't give up for anything or anyone, you deserve to live out the life of your dreams.

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[i-am-an-idiot]

i guess its a slow burn? idk but here is a really long sory

Chapter One: I come in crying

I ran into my house crying,

"Why does she hate me? I've tried my best..."

I said to my mom, who came over to see what the noise was.

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you, Leah, lighten up! she just doesn't know how to talk to you!"

yeah right... whenever I try to talk to her she just screams at me.

"how do you know?" I asked, knowing the answer right after I said it

"because that's how your father acted around me when he and I were in high school,"

yeah right, first she told me she met him in college, then work, and now high school? I can't believe her anymore, but I don't want to get yelled at, so may as well go along with this.

"I- really?"

"of course! he would always yell at me about how bad of a person I was! how wrong he was!" mom said with absolute certainty, the screaming part was always the same, I always wondered why mom stayed with him. Then again, I stayed with her.

Chapter two: I give up

“God, Leah, why can't you just leave me the hell alone?” Those are the first words she said to me today. I'm beginning to think she wants me dead by now, but I keep up the act, looking all cherry, keeping the teachers off my back about my depression is hard enough, keeping her off my back? That will be much harder. Two weeks in the school year and she's starting to notice “Hey are you okay?” I wanted to say no! I've been so depressed for 2 years! But all I could say was “im okay! Just got up on the wrong side of the bed today!” thank god she bought it “yeah okay, sure” she doubted me, I could tell, but I could neither say or do anything about it. 2 weeks later We haven't talked since she last asked me, I gave up on trying to be friends with her, let alone be with her. It's hard to do because I've been friends with her since 3rd grade, but I can't deal with this anymore, sometimes she's sweet and kind and for others, she is harsh and judgemental. I see her running up to me, yelling my name “Leah! Leah, I need to talk to you!” I just kept walking, I didn't want to talk to her today.

It's math class now, the teacher sent us home early, some kids had been scattered around the parking lot waiting for the buses. It was raining and I forgot my umbrella. “Hey,” a familiar voice said behind me, “do you want to share an umbrella?” she was right behind me, and I didn’t care, I missed her. Why? I don't know, all she has ever done to me this year is saying goodbye rude, but still… She's beautiful. “Yeah, sure.” It was a silent walk, I don't know why I said yes, but she's not yelling at me, so that’s good… I think she feels bad for me, taking pity. After what felt like hours she finally spoke, “you’ve been acting off lately, are you okay?” Shit- “yeah! I'm fine, why do you ask?” She gave me the ‘i know you’re lying’ glare “Because one day you stopped talking to me, I got worried-” She got worried? Really? I find that hard to believe. “You always say that,” I replied. “Well, this time I mean it” “You say that too.” "well, what do you want me to say!? You always act depressed while I'm trying to be nice but you still won't believe me any time I ask!" She yelled at me, yelled at me. Knew it

"Well I'm sorry I can't be fixed just like that but you think so!" I yelled back, and before she could respond I stopped and kept yelling

"You think you have it bad because your parents are divorced! BUT GUESS WHAT!? My parents are divorced too! And my mom constantly lies, my dad's in jail for something he didn't do and I'm trying to deal with crippling depression on my own. Anyone, I thought I could lean on was absolutely shit! And when I tried to lean on you you started yelling at me anytime I started talking to you. So you have it bad? That's cool. Have fun dealing with that, I'm trying to deal with this kind of shit." She is speechless, I wouldn't blame her either, you timid friend who takes a lot of shit daily and breaks on you. Yeah, kind of scary. Especially when most of the school shooters are quite kids hah. Fun.

After a little while I walk away, she follows behind me quietly.

"I didn't know you felt that way"

I stayed quiet, I didn't want to talk to her about it.

She stopped "I'm sorry, I just thought-"

I turned a corner and left.

I could hear her running after me and screaming my name, I didn't slow down or stop, I just went into the train station and got in just before my train left, I could see her running at me, the doors closed and the train left.

I normally don't take the train, but I just wanted to get away as fast as possible, and the train station was right there.

Chapter 3: “her”

DAMMIT HIMIKO, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO STUPID!? YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER INSTEAD OF PUSHING HER AWAY. NOW SHE HATES YOU AND IT'S YOUR FAULT.

I took a deep breath after the train left,

"Calm down, you're fine. You can talk to her tomorrow." I sighed, people were looking. I have to go home, well….

I stood there. Not wanting to move. My mom is behind me, wondering why I came down to the train station.

"Himiko? Honey, why are you down here? You know that both me and your dad will pick you up if you need us to, you don't need to take the train."

I know, mom. I'm just saying goodbye to Leah, it was raining so she wanted to take the train."

"Oh, if that were the case then why didn't you tell her that I would take her you know I will, you know how much I love her."

"It's too late, mom, she wanted to get away from me, so I don't think that she would like it anyway"

I left the train station and got I'm mom's car, I guess I'm with her today. Mom tried to strike up a conversation, but I just ignored her. She gave up after a few tries and we drove the rest of the way home in silence.

When we got home I went straight to my room, took my phone out, and plugged it in. I turned on my tv and started playing some random show that I’ve watched so many times that I can quote it without trying. And I pull out my tablet and start sketching out a random anime character, maybe an OC of mine. After about an hour of drawing and sketching, I just give up and look out the window and see that it’s still raining, I laugh a little because I know Leah would probably be kicking around in the rain by now... god I remember playing out in the rain with her just having fun… I wish high school never happened and we can just go back to our childhood and just cherish those moments when no one cared what other people were thinking and all we cared about was when nap time and play time started and what dinner was and what we would get for our birthday and Christmas.

Now? Life is shit. My best friend hates me, and I don't blame her. Hell I think I told her to go fuck herself a few times, I didn't really mean it but it really sounded like I did. "Sweetie? Are you okay?" Mom asked, poking her head through the door. "Leah's mom is at the door if you want to talk to her…" mom hesitated. "Leah's mom is delusional, mom. Has she even told us her name?" HIMIKO! WHY THE HELL DID YOU SAY THAT YOU DUMB FUCK?

"Her name is Abby, Himiko, you know this! And she is Ill. Give her a break, please?" Mom looked tired, I don't blame her, dealing with my sorry ass of a human being all the time, whatever. "Yeah, sorry mom, that was stupid of me to say. Yeah I'll come down to talk to her." Mom smiled, she looked happy, that's the first time I've seen her smile in a long while. "Oh, and Leah is there too, you two are friends right?" Shit. "Yeah, sure I'll be out in a minute mom, I need to change to something else first." She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. I went over into my closet, and stared into it dreading the next interaction.

As I try to distract myself by focusing on the amount of junk in my closet, and knowing how Leah would be fussing about how I need to clean it out soon. I stare into the closet for a minute before picking out a random shirt with an anime character on it and change into it, I throw on a pair of sweatpants and go downstairs into the living room where Abby and Leah are. "I'm so sorry for dropping in on such short notice Delilah, I just wanted to talk to a friend…." The mom's kept talking and walked off into a different room, leaving me and Leah alone. "Hey, koko" shit I forgot to turn off the TV in my room "hi, Leah." Before I get to say anything else she starts walking up the stairs to my room, since she already knows the way I just go into the kitchen to get a snack, and grab one for Leah, know she will complain if I don't get anything for her.

Words 1684 Characters 8469

[sweatytyrantwhispers]

this is going to be a series of little things my friends that i love/make me love them more (part 1):

-rachel did a pressure point thingy for me when i was having period cramps and idk if i worked but she cared enough to do it for me

-rachel also called me by my discord nickname when i was depressed on a call w her and a few other friends which made me laugh

-dina gets really excited when she sees a baby in public and talks about how cute they are (the same thing happens when rachel sees dogs in public)

-alan texts me good morning and good night every day

-dina has the sweetest voice

-dina holds onto you when shes scared and its cute (i.e. during thunderstorms or when shes watching a scary movie)

-meng lets me bother him and drag him outside even tho he doesnt have to go out

-meng likes to use filters on discord call and i love all of them

-andy is passionate about skin care

-andy could make a joke out of anything and laughs at everything

-andy acts judgemental but even so you dont feel like youre being judged and you know he loves u either way

-steph sends me tiktoks occasionally

-steph, dina, alan, cristine, and rachel give me hugs when im sad and never complain

- you can hear rachel or dina humming and singing to themselves sometimes

-rachel makes graphics/photo collages of her friends when its their bday or it’s a holiday with some relation to friendship or gratitude

- steph gives me her clothes when she doesnt want them anymore

- cristine lets me come over to just fuck around even though she doesnt need to

- whenever i go to cristine’s place we, most of the time, end up singing together or some ofther chaotic shit

-cristine makes cute drawings

- cristine and rachel are alaays there for you if you need it and theyre never judgemental about anything you have to say

-dina doesnt know how to comfort you when youre sad but will try her best and tell u she loves you

- (im pretty sure) one time when i was depressed on the bus ride home with my friends they decided to go karaoke a few days later and invited me to make me feel better (this was way before rona)

-i got depressed halfway home with my friends (alan, rachel, dina, meng) and they all tried their best to make me feel happier and tried to get me to open up to them

-rachel gets really excited when someone mentions kdramas, nct, twice, bts, kpop, or makeup (the same thing is true for dina with Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert Pattinson)

-rachel and i can silently walk with each other and it doesnt feel awkward at all

-rachel also gets excited when i buy her boba or her favorite candy

-andy likes to buy baguettes now and im all for it

-steph likes to make video edits of the “vlogs” we take when we hang out

-andy and steph like to recite tiktoks and memes everytime we hang out

- rachel likes dark academia and good literature, specifically quotes or posts about life/beauty

-alan always sends me animal videos and memes everyday

-seth is passionate as hell when it comes to starkid

-seth can also make you laugh and has funny voices

-ruby is a bit nerdy/geeky even though she doesnt show it

-ruby tells me love you every time we see each other even though we havent hung out in some time

-cristine freaks out and gets excited when she sees her “babies” (characters in TV shows that she loves)

-dina has the fashion of a popular girl but the personality of someone who, if youre close to, will be kind to you but insult you at the same time (in a friendly way not actually insult you)

[decent0distraction]

I need to talk about this cause I have no friends and my roommates are mean.

Here's context: https://decent0distraction.tumblr.com/post/615899981117800448/okay-so-im-not-saying-that-i-scrapped-my

Here's some details I just wanna talk about:

- Edward is written as depressed and suicidal, but in the way that he just doesn't want to live, but isn't necessarily trying to die. We cover this in the first two chapters.

- Speaking of the first two chapters, romance doesn't come in for a while. I didn't like how fast everything was in canon; we go from girl sees vampire, vampire obsesses over girl, girl meets vampire, girl and vampire are immediately together.

- The beginning of the story focuses on Edward dealing with thoughts of how he's nothing but a monster and that he sees himself as dead, or should have died. Sad boi hours ™

- And he proceeds to ignore his thirst and pretty much stops hunting altogether. Carlisle doesn't push, but he does try to subtly put Edward in situations where he has to hunt (telling him he needs to go with Jasper after school to avoid any issue/calling him out of school for an hour so he has an excuse/no option but to go)

- Edward's deterioration in health is purely my stupid imagined way a vampire might slowly start to "die" from starvation

- His vision will blur and he'll get dizzy if he moves too fast or pushes himself too far

- He's easily tired

- At one point, he can't read minds without getting headaches

- In the first chapter, instead of hunting like Carlisle intended for him to do, Edward just plans to sit in the woods for an hour and just vibe

- But he hears, never actually sees, a wolf; reads it's mind and it thinks about killing him

- And of course, the iron deficiency equivalent of vampire starvation gets the worse of him and he almost passes out, the 'wolf' disappearing

- The wolf is supposed to hint towards Edward meeting Jacob and the pack, and a later issue, but for now it's just for Edward to suffer and question his sanity

- Edward almost passes out in front of Jasper and our angsty boi goes all big brother on our sad boi

- He literally carries Edward downstairs, catches him a rabbit, and gets him to take it

- Wholesome content = Jasper looking out for Edward and keeping him alive

- In the first chapter, Jasper convinces Edward to go with him when he goes to buy a new motorcycle, which was hand built by our wolf boi

- And in the second chapter, Jasper and Edward walk through the woods to the reservation

- Edward is still weak and as a result clumsy from not eating, so it's a lot of Jasper helping him over roots and stuff and so wholesome ✨

- Edward is cold, cause his vampire defenses are weak af rn, and idk just go with it. Jasper gives him his jacket and it's big on him cause Edward's a bottom in this story (you can NOT change my mind)

- Jasper is low-key pissed about what Edward is doing to himself and they talk about and Jasper kind of yells at our sad boi and Edward realizes he's starving himself because he knows it's slowly killing him

- Jasper and Edward forgive each other and they make it to the reservation

- They meet Jacob, who stares at Edward

- Edward thinks it's because he looks strange; skin hanging off bone and Jasper's jacket pulled around his pale af body

- Yeah, no, sweetie. It's because he thinks you're beautiful and all that poetic shit

- "Here's where (s)he meets prince charming. But (s)he won't discover that it's him till chapter 3." (Maybe)

- I low-key hint that Sam was the wolf in the woods, but I might plot twist that shit. Idk

- (Insert explanation about Edward's body rejecting the rabbit blood here)

- Jasper calls Carlisle, takes our sad boi home

- And I wrote this stupid scene where Carlisle is really cold towards Edward and asks Jasper instead of Edward if he ate that day. He then proceeds to give Edward an IV of nutrients mixed with venom, to start to get Edward healthy again, idk

- I just really wanted a scene where Carlisle goes all doctor on his son and they become his hospital, because so far, Edward has been sort of closed off and cold towards the Cullen family and I felt like I was making them too estranged

- Edward isn't magically not depressed or suicidal anymore, but he does start to try again and this time, he has his family to help him

- Jacob has already shifted in this. So have Leah and Seth

- This means he's all muscle and short hair, and also I have this scene I really like where Edward sees a photo of Jacob with his long hair and he calls him cute and Jacob gets flustered, I'm FINE

- Jacob is told to keep an eye on the Cullens, so he befriends Edward

- But he high key likes the "weird Cullen boy"

- It's cute, ok?

- Edward slowly lets Jacob in, not understanding why Carlisle keeps warning him to stay away from Black and that reservation

- The wolves get restless and dangers arise, Jacob trying to keep Edward away from the war that's been going on between their kinds for centuries

- Edward is kinda naive to that kind of thing, until Jacob transform in front of him and I can't decide if they fight about lies and stuff

That's what I got so far that I can reveal without spoiling too much 😊

Tell me what you guys think???

[sawyersick]

all the questions for that ask game!!! (or as many as you want lol)

holy fuck bee............................. ok get red E its a Lot

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Idk what I would say but I probably wouldn’t be that freaked out... the last person I texted is a good friend/coworker and I trust him

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I uhhh can’t remember who the last person I kissed was because it was years ago but let’s assume it was my ex..... he was a toxic pos who tore me down because he had low self esteem so yeah I don’t really like him

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

I would be upset if it was anything more than weed or the ocassional drink or if it was a full blown addiction and I would be mad if they didn’t tell me on principle...

 Also I would not be very comfortable if they did it around me because I’m a weenie despite hanging out in hardcore punk groups...... also I can’t stomach the smell of cigarettes im sorry

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

nope! 

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober, I don’t drink

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

like..... as a significant other? I guess. I’m pretty bad at telling my feelings to people and I’m kinda clingy when I like someone. idk if I’ve ever *explicitly* messed it up tho

7. What does your last received text say?

“sick” and then the sparkly heart emoji five times 

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

lots and lots and lots.... unfortunately. we were together for a year and a half

9. Where was your last kiss at?

fuck bitch I don’t remember.............. school? my house? his house? the pool??? man the last five months of that relationship were affection-less

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I don’t have one!

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water and sometimes tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

the car and then my bed when I got home

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I mean everything takes effort... I don’t find it hard to do things for people in my relationships but I get frustrated when it isn’t reciprocated and I burn out

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

nah

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

yes....................... many..........................

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

I TRIED to be a good emo and like the rain but tbh I get really reasonally depressive so I prefer the sun 100%

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

nope!

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

hopefully!! I met this real cute punk boy last night

20. Does anyone like you?

HA I doubt it......... I usually come off as the little sister type to most people

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nope! 

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

probably

I suspected that he had internalized homophobia but also he was weirdly transphobic to me so I dropped it and pretended to be a cis girl around him which is weird because I think he liked boys??????????????????

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES this girl from high school who talked about tentacle porn to school admins for no reason and did lots of other weird shit 

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes! I have a whale on my hip and I want to get tiny scissors on my arm soon

25. In the past week have you cried?

yes I watched queer eye and a disney movie lol

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

I follow like 12 samoyeds on instagram but the last dog I saw irl was this ADORABLE black lab who was a service dog and he rested his head on his human’s lap when she sat down in the library and I wanted to cry

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

I have a towel hanging right out side the shower so I grab it, then step out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

hm idk I think so? I definitely kissed a guy who played tennis but he forced it on me so I don’t count it

29. Do you think you’re old?

yes because I hate tiktok

30. Do you like text messaging?

I don’t mind it!! The service at my house sucks tho so I prefer cloud based texting like instagram or facebook messenger

31. What type of day are you having?

A good but slow one! I had a really good night last night so I’m just resting now

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I’d honestly rather get snake bites if I were to get a piercing but in general I’m afraid of facial piercings

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

warm! then I can head down to the lake :)

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

yes! he’s one of my best friends and I talk to him every day and he lives in scotland and I’d like to meet him one day

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship! Flings personally make me feel icky and I’m over that

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’d like to think I’m complicated but I’m a simple man..................... you show me whale, I like

37. What song are you listening to?

any song by Liily, all day every day

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yes! I perpetually feel bad about everything!!!!!!39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

there was! but not anymore because she ghosted me for no reason40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

This person is so cute and kind and creative and nice and sweet and fashionable!!!! and fun to mosh with!!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

half an hour ago ish???42. What is wrong with you right now?

I am constantly depressed and there’s nothing I can do about it exceot keep myself insanely busy but that means there’s no breather for me and also I probably have adhd but can’t afford a therapist43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

FeMaLe dude just say chick

pretty well! I like her favourite band and we talk like once a week at the very least44. Does anyone disgust you?

yes my ex was very nasty and tore people down to his level and also this one person from high school who fucked over my friends 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

depends on who.... eye emoji............. but probably yes I have low standards46. Are you in a good mood right now?

yes!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my parents? but other than that it was thanking Nick from the band Unpopular Opinion for the lovely tabling opportunity last night48. What color shirt are you wearing?

white T shirt with a cat pink sweater with a cat49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yes one of my parents says nasty things when in a bad mood50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yes my former best friend who ghosted me and this girl who keeps flaking on plans with me and also a boy who got mixed up in weird drama with me and his ex that I never wanted to be a part of51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

I’ve never really falen hard for anyone, just periods of obsession. I guess I’m waiting for that one sPeCiAl sOmEoNe

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yes, but I’ll settle for waiting53. Do you like rain?

a little of it!54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

I’d rather they not be a alcholoic because I had a raging drunk coworker who scared the shit out of me once but I guess I’d be okay with the ocasional drink/drunk night as long as they’re safe55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

So many times... I keep my mouth shut because it would never work for one reason or another...... also I’m so SICK of having to make the move all the time I just want to be fawned over I’ve never had anyone do ANYTHING romantic for me 56. Do you like to cuddle?

.......................yes57. Are you shy?

not normally! I LOVE being social but in relationships yeah because I’m insecure58. Do you get along with girls?

yes? girls who don’t get along with girls are lame...... lift each other up don’t tear yaselves down59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

nope! But I’ll admit I thought about it haha60. What do you carry with you at all times?

chapstick, money, and pepper spray

ya boy don’t mess around61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

depends on the haunted levels, as long as the “ghost” would only watch/appear and not scream or whatever or try to make contact I guess that would be fine? but if It tries to disturb me I’m yeeting mysef the fuck outta here because ya boy needs uninterrupted beauty rest62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yep! I dragged one out for a year and a half when I really should have ended things much sooner than that63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

nope! Been single for around two years now64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

YES HOLY SHIT65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I fired some pieces in my pottery class! my mugs and bowls came out so well

and I met the cutest punk boy last night!!!!!! he’s so cute and very my type and I got to dance with him in the mosh pit!!!!!!!!!! tell me that’s not the cutest punk thing ever

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

19, 18(17???), and 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

I’ve only gotten them done once! It was very enjoyable but I’m a cheapskate so I’d probably rather do them myself68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

leopard print I guess69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

one! A turtle from the Maui Ocean Center. I’d like to add a few more sea-related ones and maybe a totoro I bought at a con a few years back70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

literally who the fuck even are these people71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?   

android 4 lyfe72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

never? my DnD group would get round table or little caesars73. Do you like diet soda?    

I guess? I like it the same as diet soda74. What color are the walls in your room?    

one purple wall and the other three are pastel mint75. Are you 16 or older?    

yeah baybee76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  

nope  77. Do you have a job?   

yep! I’m a windsurfing instructor   78. What are your initials?    

ZSKMTS

but usually I go by SS79. Did you ever have braces?    

nope! I’ve got near-perfect teeth :D80. Are you from the south?    

nope!

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

I talked about meeting my favourite band again!82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

no because he forced himself on me when we were young and I think he remembers and is ashamed and also doesn’t live near me anymore    83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

idk, I’m close but not in different ways with both of them84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I was really good at the tumbling unit in 6th grade85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?   

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? I don’t go to the movies much 86. Do you smoke?    

no the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

I love heels but I LIVE in flip flops bc california88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yes???? damn when was this ask game made89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?  

straight.......... I’m too lazy to curl it  90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  

nope! I’m a weenie  91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

the ocean!!!!!!!! But I guess a pool bc I’m afraid of the flesh eating bacteria in freshwater lakes92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

no but I HAVE made out on some random person’s lawn lmao93. …Had sex in a car?  

no I’m a virgin  94. Are you single or in a relationship?   

single pringle who loves to mingle 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

selling my art and listening to cool bands and dancing with cute punk people!!!96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 

the day after the fourth of July   97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yes! I just got a new phone and the camera is way better than my old one

the low lighting setting is  c r i s p 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  

I made out with this one friend of mine like twice and then I never did it again bc I felt icky  99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no I don’t drink100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

NAH BRO YOU GOTTA UNFRIEND THE FUCK OUTTA THEM NO RAGRETS 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

nope I’m a virgin102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Liily? did you mean Liily???? my favourite Liily song is Wash, Toro, or The Weather103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  

yeah one from the ring I wear every day  and like a shorts tan from summer104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

hell yeah but ONLY if the cowboy boots are bright red or hot pink no exceptions

[hxnjisxng]

Snowdrops || Han Jisung || The Language of the Flowers AU ||

So idk i haven’t written in a really long time but i’m really excited for this so !! This is also my first time ever writing bullet thingie so,, yeah,,, not all of these will be in the bullet format I just felt like trying out smth new !! and to stay true to my ult Han Jisung i will write about him first. In this like,,, kinda cute little series thing. Every theme will kinda just relate to the flower meaning so,,, yeet !! Also, s/o to my one and only bub @chenle who told me to tag her when my first official writing thing happened so here !!!

Genre: Bad Boy!Jisung x Piano Player!Reader au; bulleted scenario  

Warnings: none !!

Word Count: 3.2k 

| Jisung | Minho | Chan | Changbin | Jeongin | Seungmin | Felix | Woojin | Hyunjin |

{picture not mine, credits to owner}

Snowdrop: (noun) A European flower which bears white flowers and blooms in February/early March, it signifies the end of winter and the coming of spring. Represents hope, purity, warmth, and new beginnings. 

Ever since you were little you’ve known you’ve wanted to be a pianist

It all started when you were younger and you went to see an orchestra with your parents

They 100% expected you to fall asleep in the first,,, like,,, five seconds after you came into the theater

What they did not expect is for you to sit there starry eyed staring at the person playing the piano for a whole 3 hours

They were,,, sister shook,,,,

But they didn’t think much of it, you know, like yeah they just like classical music

You know, as one does

But the second y’all got back into the car that was it

You wouldn’t stop talking about how pretty the music sounded

How much you liked the sound of pressing keys and the sound of the pedal lifting or the sound of the mallets and strings inside of the piano

You loved it

It was as though you had just found your one and only true love, y’all know, the yee to your haw

The ying to your yang

The chris to your weed

Sorry back to the point

You just couldn’t explain it, little four year old you just knew the fluttering feeling in your heart was a good one

So your parents signed you up for piano

They said they would find you the best teacher they could, one that could make you great

So that’s what they did

From a week after that concert, you started piano lessons

And you only fell more in love with the piano as time went on

So, after this little bit of context, flash back to reality 

oop there goes gravity oop

there goes rabbit he chokes

Sorry okay eminem is my calling

So it’s the end of winter, it’s been a really cold and bitter winter, but it’s around the end of february and somehow it just HaS noT gotten any warmer

And here we meet our boy jisung

Our chipmunk, our squirrel, our boi yk

But he’s a little bit of a hooligan

A bad boy if you will

You know, the leather jacket, the messy hair, the snarky attitude, the cocky jokes and the cute smile you knOW and he always always ALWAYS has a lollipop

A pink lemonade lollipop to be exact

It’s his favorite flavour

Any who, he’s one of those guys, the type of guy that almost everyone either wants to be him or with him

He’s also a part of a trio of you know bad boys at your school, the other two being his best buds Chan and Changbin

They call themselves 3RACHA

They’re as tight knit as can be, they do everything together

Skip class, hang out, throw parties

You know all that bAd bOY stUfF

He also has a slight reputation to get into fights every so often

Maybe not only so often

Maybe vERY often

But he’s trying his best okay those people just get on his nerves when they poke fun of one of his friends or his music

“I’m just a little misunderstood, okay I didn’t wanna break his nose it just sometimes happens, you know, my hand just kinda lost control of itself and hit him in the nose really really really hard. I swear.”

“Mr. Han, I distinctly remember you telling him to shove a stick up his, excuse my language, ass, and then proceeding to punch him.”

*them sitting in a perfectly silent office* “hM sorry it just got really loud in here, pardon???” :))))))

Real footage of Jisung last week after breaking some guy’s nose  

He also loves loves LoVES music

Loves all music

Except for classical and country

He’s always despised classical music, it just seemed so boring

There’s no pounding beat

No lyrics to scream along to

He just found everything about it depressing and irritating and just monotone

Well one day, as he was wandering through the school

You know, as one does when their friends were busy doing who knows what during lunch

He stumbled into the music hall

Now this was an accident

He didn’t really want to be here since the only courses your school offered in terms of music were classical ones

And again

Gross

But for some weird, strange, odd-ball, out of this world, sister shook reason

He felt like he needed to be here

That’s when he heard it

tHE hiLLS aRE aLiVE wiTH

The sound of music

Not the kind of music he liked

It was definitely classical music, so y’all, it’s disgusting

‘I should go, the music is starting to make me depressed already’ he mumbled

But his feet wouldn’t move, his body just kinda froze

It felt like something was just pulling him to that room, to that ugly boring nasty music

And it’s not like he’s never listened to classical before, he had, but this time something was weird about it

He still didn’t like it, it all still sounded the same, nothing interesting

But something for some weiRD REASON was telling him to go to that room

Like something was a little different about the way it was being played

‘Maybe,,,, I should just look for a couple seconds and,,,,,,, tell the person to stop playing that boring stuff,,,, or maybe I could just listen for a bit,,, but like obviously no that’s nasty,,,,’

The door was slightly ajar, so the music was just drifting through the air

Just calling him over

Jisung slowly walked up to the door, and peeped through the window

And there you were

You, reader, in all of your piano classical music glory

Sat there playing your heart out to the world

In that moment when he saw you with your hair slightly drifting over your face

Your eyebrows slightly scrunched up in concentration as your hands ran across the keys

His heart was screaming

Literally just like

dabdikajbksbfkajbDNBDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

He almost forgot about the fact he hated classical music if he could just watch you play it all day

Wait,,, what no,,,,

Gross,,,,, the Han Jisung doesn’t like people that easily,,,,,, nuh-uh thats def not him folks

And he got so scared by that feeling

The one inside of his chest

He was scared of how it made his hands feel tingly and it made him feel like he stood up too fast because his head felt so rushed and light

It felt like he was flying, but also crashing down to earth at the same time

And when I say scared

I mean terrified

This boy is mortified of catching feelings

Definitely not because in the third grade the person he liked stomped all over his heart because they wouldn’t give him a cracker,,,,, no who even thOughT tHaT hAHa

Just the thought of him truly giving his whole heart to someone ?? unacceptable

Like in this economy ?? liking someone ?? unreasonable

So he did the only logical thing

He ran away

Far back to the other side of school

And he was so out of it for the rest of the day, he just couldn’t handle it

He even went back to class next period because he was so out of it

“W-welcome Mr. Han take a seat, it’s a pleasure to have you finally join us.”

“mm-hmm”

He didn’t pay attention all day though, his mind was only occupied by you

Cheesy, I know, but it was

Even when he went to hang out with Chan and Changbin

“Bro,,, where were you during lunch ?? you kinda just disappeared”

“I was uhhh,,,, in the library,,,”

“The library ?? are you good ???”

“Yeah,,,,, im fine it’s cool,,,”

“Dude, you alright you seem a little weird.”

“Yeah,,,,,,,,, im just thinking”

Jisung thInKing ??? unheard of

So, this terrified Chan and Changbin because whenever Jisung thinks it’s never good

But it’s been three days since he saw you

And he’s still thinking about you and he’s kinda emo about it

Because, of course, you occupied his thoughts, the song you were playing stuck in his mind on a loop

This is so cheesy please forgive me

It was so bad that he started hearing it everywhere, it even started placing itself into his music and the lyrics he was writing somehow all revolved around love

He’d sit there for hours writing lyrics until he realized all of it in some way tied back to you

It was bothering him

Like a lot

So now it’s been a whole six days, and trust me he’s been counting and he thought he could take it,,, you know not see you,,,

Until he’s had enough

He needed to go see you again otherwise he felt like his head would explode

And it wasn’t because he liked you or anything,,, he just wanted to see you so he wouldn’t write any more music about you,,,,, because this was just SuPeR gRoSS

So he went to the same hall, the same room, the same time, and there he saw you

Still working on the same part of the piece

It was just as beautiful as the first time he heard it and he honestly was in awe of how your hands moved across the piano as though they were as light as air

Anyone even from a million kilometers away could tell you were frustrated with this part

He wanted to tell you that you didn’t have to worry because it was beautiful

He wanted to just go in there and tell you that your playing is amazing and hold your hands and just comfort you

But he just couldn’t say anything

And he could always say something, he never stopped talking

And his heart was still doing the same flippity flop screaming thing in his chest

Big surprise, i know

But then,,,, he had a genius idea,,,, like spectacular,,,, like nobel prize winning idea,,,

“Maybe if i see them all the time,,,,, my heart will get used to it and it won’t flippity flop anymore :’D,,,,,,”

wow ,,,, genius i know you don’t have to tell him

So instead of saying anything, or ignoring you any longer, he decided

I’m just gonna come here and watch them play every day because as long as I see them and never talk to her,,,, eventually whatever weird heart thing i have will go away !!!!!

So that is exactly what he did

Every single day for the next coming three weeks,,, he would disappear during lunch and go and watch you play

Changbin and Chan were getting suspicious but they never asked,,, so Jisung thought he was so slick you know

So it’s been weeks of him doing this

It’s now around the end of February, and he planned on doing smth for Valentines day,,,

Not,, because he liked you or because it was valentines day, but because he just,,, somehow planned to do it for February 14th

He was really counting on his genius 10000+ IQ plan to work

But, surprise surprise, his plan was failing

It was almost as though he liked you APPRECIATED !! your playing even more after seeing you play :))))))

Just seeing you just so cutely hunched over the piano

It made his heart hurt wiTH APPRECIATION FOR YOUR ARTISTRY NOT L O V E

Haha obviously,,,,,, not love,,,,,, who even said that y’all hear summ ????

And he realized maybe he just ReaLLY REALLY reAllY wanted to be your friend !!

Really really close friend !!

And that’s why he wanted to talk to you !! And hold you !! Like F R I E N D S do !! haha !!

And you know this mentality was really working great, until one Thursday

It was near the beginning of March when it was getting a little warmer and all that green good grass was kinda appearing from under the snow,,, these little white flowers peeking out from under the melting snow and it was just so pretty that day

And all Jisung could think about was how beautiful you would look today outside

Holding his hand

In a totally PLATONIC and FRIENDLY way because he obviously just liked you as a friend

And maybe today he would tell you how much he wanted to be your friend :D

But that lunch you just didn’t show up for half an hour ??

He was confused,,,, like really confused

And also concerned ?? where were you,,, you were always here on time,, he even makes sure to show up 5 minutes after your usual arrival time so he could calmly sit outside of the door without getting caught

But today you weren’t there and he was about to leave and chicken out until he felt a hand on his shoulder

‘AHHHHHHHHHHHHH’

Istg he jumped like fifty feet in the air

“Hey,, you’re that guy who always sits outside when I practice !!! Han Jisung right ?? Sorry I was late I needed to talk to Mr.Park about a science assignment I have that’s due next week,, ”

Jisung.exe has stopped working

First of all,,,

yoU kNeW ?!?!?! and he thought he was so slick

Not only that you knew his nAMe and apologized for being late ??? did you like ??? cARE ABOUT HIM A LITTLE BIT

And he also just,,, kinda loved the way you just said his name

It made him UwU in ways he didn’t understand

In a friENDLY WAY

Oh who was he lying to at this point

Maybe he did like you just a LITTLE more than like a friend would like a friend  

so what,,, sue him,,,, 

He was so caught up in the million and five thoughts that were racing through his mind that he almost forgot to respond, so he managed to choke out the following charming and very expressive line:

“U-uh you know my name ???”

,,,,,good one Jisung,,, real smooth,,,,

You let out a light giggle and just kinda looked at him with this really soft expression

“Ofc I knew !!! I heard your foot tapping every single day and you also sat in front of an open door so,,, I kinda saw you the first day,,,”

SORRY NOT ONLY HAS JISUNG.EXE STOPPED WORKING HE JUST CRASHED ??? LIKE EXPLODED

Your hand,,,, was still on his shoulder,,, and you giggled again,,,,, how are you,,, so cute

Little did he know you freaked out the exaCt same way you saw him the first time in the hallways with his eyes closed and head leaning against the lockers

And not only that,,, he was just super pretty,,,

With the winter light perfectly hitting his face

His jacket slightly too big and it loosely drooped over his shoulders

I’m actually ruining myself imagining this wow thanks m e

So when you finally asked around after a couple days one of your friends told you who he was

The Han Jisung

The resident bad boy at your school, who liked to get into fights and allegedly also liked to play around with peoples hearts 

Which didn’t exactly scare you well maybe it did a little bit but we’re not here to expose ourselves

First of all you’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s probably just like any of us ?? people just kinda put him on a pedestal so you felt like you didn’t really need to treat him differently from anyone else

And with every time that he would sit outside of your practice room and listen you felt a little bit of that fear melting away because when he looked so relaxed and so pretty that his face just screamed UwU

But you gotta play it cool reader,,,because you’re slick and all that,,, you know

So you just kinda turn around and head into the music room without saying anything else

Which again gave him shock number 37429387129837 of the day

He was expecting you to do something,,, say something,,,,, but instead,,,,

You just smiled at him, and turned back to into the room, now sitting at the piano bench

He was confused

And mayhaps just the littlest bit disappointed  

He knew that everyone knew him, and that’s usually not the kind of reaction he gets, usually he gets a whole OH mY iT’s HaN jiSuNg scream or an angry disgusted look from people who didn’t like him

But no

Not you

Yet, what could he do

He was going to just,, sit back down in the hallway in his usual spot, or maybe just get up and leave since his cover has been blown and you probably think he’s super creepy

When your voice called out for him inside of the room

“Are you gonna come in or what?”

A small smile spread on his face as he stood up, and he noticed you had already set up a chair for him next to you at the piano

“So,,,, do you like classical music?”

“Um,, not really,, no.”

“Then,, why did you sit outside every day ??” 

You asked confused, your eyebrows slightly furrowing staring at him with intent

And he just found that so cute

So so so cute

So cute that it just made any confidence he had just disappear

“I-I justreallylikethewayyouplayitsoundsnice.”

He just really wanted you to stop looking at him like that it was going to make him actually just explode

You gave a breathy laugh at his cute antics,,, what was there not to like about this boy,,, I mean what a softie

Maybe he wasn’t too bad, ya know

Nothing to be afraid of

“You wanna hear me play one of my favorite songs?”

Jisung nodded his head, his hair lightly flopping on his forehead, kinda covering his eyes

Oh how bad you wanted to brush it out of his eyes and just pinch his cheeks but, alas, it shall not happen

Or will it ;);););;;;))))))))

So you with a light inhale you began playing on of your favorite pieces, it was strong and domineering, with an edge of superiority

If ya wanna check it out it’s actually one of my favorite pieces it’s Rachmaninoff’s Prelude in G Minor, Op. 23, No. 5

As soon as you started, Jisung was already in a trance, the way your hands moved, the sound of your breath hitching every huge chord or octave jump

Damn Jisung was whipped

When you smiled at him after you finished the piece

With your eyes so bright, finally breathing normally again, and just a light pink blush that swept across your face

He felt his heart beat fast again

But this time

Mayhaps he didn’t want to run away

“So, what did you think? Did you like it?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you like classical music maybe a little bit more now ??”

You asked with just the biggest grin on your face

“Hmm,, no i don’t think so,,” Jisung responded with the cheekiest smile known to mankind

“Then,,, I think you’re gonna have to come back here tomorrow so I can change your mind about that” ;)));))))))

WOWOW,, alright reader do y’all ever get tired of being so cute ??

As you continued playing the marvelous thought dawned upon Jisung

So maybe he did like classical music just a little bit more now

And,, maybe his heart beat faster with every second you looked at him

And maybe that feeling is not as bad as a thing as he thought it would be

Maybe it’s actually just the littlest bit nice

Just a little bit

[bts-svt-mx]

OK SO.. This is an explanation of my Rose Bowl BTS concert floor seat experience that has taken me a week and a half to get over

So disclaimer: If you don’t want to read this then please ignore this post and go back to your normal blogging and I’ll put this post under read more to not torture you all with my pent up feelings lol

Alright kids SADDLE UP!

I know I didn’t really talk about my BTS Concert experiences at the Rose Bowl after it happened, so now that I’ve fully recovered let me just scream about a few things. 

SO FIRST, Day 1 I was really far away (like back of the stadium) but Day 2.. bitch i was so cLOSE. I was like two rows away from the back right corner of the extended stage. 

Since not much happened Day 1 imma talk about the Day 2. RIght, so before the concert, it didnt really hit me that bts are like actual humans that would be right in front of me but as soon as they finished Not Today and moved onto Outro: Wings and started moving around the stage and interacting with us, I just flipped my shit. No joke. Like Taehyung made eye contact with me for .2 seconds and it IGNITED A FIRE IN ME.

So let me make a list of 

who was in our corner from most to least:

1. Hobi

2. Jimin

3. Namjoon

4. Jungkook

5. and then Taehyung/Jin/Yoongi were all pretty equal (sadly my ultimate Taehyung wasn’t near us too much, he kinda stuck to the middle of the sides of the stage and not the corners of the stage if that makes sense) BUT with Taehyung, I had two moments with him that made me cry uGH

Let’s break it down by most interactions now:

1. NAMJOONNNNNNNNNNNN- 

So you know how people are like ‘oh he looked at me’ but it could have been like 10 other people right? BUT NO!! THIS ONEEEEE! THIS ONE!!! So like he was over by us A LOT and I was standing in like this kind of open space directly in front of the corner of the stage so like: 

but like no one was directly in front of me but there were people that moved around a lot, but basically there was like this weird opening in front of me. So Namjoon comes over to us a lot and like he’s making a lot of eye contact with me and smiling and smirking and i’m like am I going crazy?? Like im not y/n this isnt real right? and then near the end of the concert, he’s looking in my direction again and my friend right next to me makes the love sign with her fingers (like the boy with luv ending jungkook pose) and NAMJOON LOOKS AT ME THEN AT HER AND THEN DOES THE HAND SIGN BACK TO HER TOOOOOOO and SMILES AT US. ugh girl i died. namjoon is for sure #3 on my bias list now. 

2. Jimin 

So this boy was over by us SO SO much and he would just stand there and stare at us and smile. Like I just got to analyze his face and take in his beauty. and like we made like true eye contact once or twice but I mostly just got to bask in his beauty and study his face so well. it was like looking at an angel. 

3. Taehyung

Even though he didnt come by our section that much (still so sad about that tbh) the times HE DID THOUGH? UGh i’ve never seen such a beautiful man before. it was crazy. it hurt to look at him. ANYWAY so like i think during outro: wings he had this intense stare and he was analyzing the crowd and we made eye contact for a second and it felt like the heavens had opened up and everything was right in the world. i had a panic attack after it. and THEN at the end of the concert, as they were ending Mikrokosmos and they were all saying goodbye and not singing anymore, and the music kinda lowered and no one was really shouting just all being like ‘aww bye’ you know? and taehyung was just about to go back up the catwalk to the main stage and i dont know what comes over me but i yell “TAEHYUNG!!” at the top of my lungs and by the grace of God, the boy WHIPS his head in my direction and smiles and wow idk how he heard me but he did and that’s enough for me. like that’s all i needed.

4. Jungkook

Kookie didn’t really come to us thattttt much, like it was decent but when HE FLEW! it was the closest jungkook was ever going to be to being on top of me and wow.. he didnt fly directly on top of us which turned out to be better because he was in front of us in the air and facing our direction and looking down at us and he made quick eye contact with me and i felt like he was my best friend in that moment. like honestly, watching him the whole concert felt like i was watching my goofball of a best friend act super weird but super hot at the same time up on stage at like a talent show or some shit lmaooooo. It was pretty much exactly what I expected from my bias wrecker and i loved it.

5. J-Hope

Hobi gets an honorable mention because he was over on our side the most out of everyone but we didn’t really have many moments of interaction. like very fleeting glances in my direction but no real like REAL eye contact sadly..

6. Jin 

Ugh my boy Jin.. He’s one of the members that I really love and respect in a different way than the others and I was sad I didn’t get to interact with him besides just staring at his gorgeous face. I wish he came over to us more but he was great nonetheless.

7. Yoongi

My little Yoongles was so cute but he really didn’t come by us that much but when he did he would kind of just glance at us and smile and not make much eye contact but that’s ok he was still prettier and more amazing than i’ll ever be lmao. Still love the kid though.

IN CONCLUSION:

It was such an amazing night, and being there during Namjoon’s speech the second day was like no other feeling I have ever felt. Despite being not right next to them at that point, i could FEEL the love they had for us and the emotions and happiness and pure bliss that they were all feeling, like it was just flowing through the air. It felt like a real and true connection with them and that we were just all sitting in a room talking about how much we loved each other. And then when Jimin started crying and Jungkook was hugging him, like wow that was powerful.. 

Unfortunately, I had such major post concert depression after the concert, worse than I’ve ever had before. Like i felt like i had no purpose anymore in life and i was so stressed with them being in LA for the week after because I was less than an hour from them and I had constant anxiety over it. so it took me a while to get over that and now i finally feel like i can appreciate all that happened and go on with my life with positivity and gratefulness that i was able to be so close to them. So thank you BTS for such a wonderful two nights.

That’s it!! If you read all of this, I’m very impressed and respect you a lot. This was really just for me to look back on an reminisce about my experience being so close to my favorite band so I hope you enjoyed reading this :) 

[thewritingstar]

98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃

*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE. 

don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go. 

smh

i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit

enjoy bitch

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

-Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

-both im a sugar addict

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

-bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

-prob either really quiet or really loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

-I hate soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

-I really like pastel and goth styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

-earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

-Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

-Vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs

12. name of your favorite playlist?

-Shower lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

-lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

-Great Gatsby

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

-apple sauce or on one leg

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

-all black converse

18. ideal weather?

-warm and sunny

19. sleeping position?

-stomach, side, in a ball

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

-Laptop or phone

21. obsession from childhood?

-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food

22. role model?

-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic 

23. strange habits?

-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)

24. favorite crystal?

-answered

25. first song you remember hearing?

-American idiot- Green Day

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

-Eat 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

-Eat

28. five songs to describe you?

-idk Cartoon theme songs lol

29. best way to bond with you?

-make me laugh or talk about disney

30. places that you find sacred?

-Flower gardens

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

-anything with my high heel boots

32. top five favorite vines?

-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27. 

33. most used phrase in your phone?

-YEET, Yall and bitch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song 

35. average time you fall asleep?

-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

-suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

-raspberry ice tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

-dont like lemon in my desserts 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)

41. last person you texted?

-my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

-Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

-HOODIE

44. favorite scent for soap?

-Vanilla or tropical

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

-Superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)

47. favorite type of cheese?

-I fucking hate cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

-Strawberry or Lemon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins

51. current stresses?

-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household

52. favorite font?

-comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

-Still have both of them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

-That people are assholes 

55. favorite fairy tale?

-Disneys Rapunzel 

56. favorite tradition?

- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

-Already answered

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

-A really cool and cute magical one!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina

62. seven characters you relate to?

-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can

64. favorite website from your childhood?

-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall

65. any permanent scars?

-only emotionally 

66. favorite flower(s)?

-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too

67. good luck charms?

-petting my dogs. 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring. 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)

70. left or right handed?

-right

71. least favorite pattern?

-those ugly ones on leggings.

72. worst subject?

-Math or english (haha and i like to write)

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

-when i was young 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

-Any bright flower or ivy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

-coffee, dont like sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops. 

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

-Jewel

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

-Fireflys (arent they the same?)

82. pc or console?

-Console 

83. writing or drawing?

-Both but im better at writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot. 

84. barbie or polly pocket?

-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou

85. fairy tales or mythology?

-oooooooofffff cant decide

86. cookies or cupcakes?

-oooooff i love both but cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs

88. your greatest wish?

-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others. 

90. luckiest mistake?

-hmmm idk being born

91. boxes or bags?

-depends on what im carrying but prob bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

-I love fairy lights

93. nicknames?

-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want

94. favorite season?

-Spring and Summer

95. favorite app on your phone?

-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum 

96. desktop background?

- Its items from super mario and mario kart

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

- Eight

98. favorite historical era?

-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.

hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰

[sarcastic-anxious]

ALL THE ASKS

1. have you ever been in love?

not that i know, i thought that i had a crush once but then it turned out i just wanted to be good friends lol ( my family is very touchy and i just sometimes jus want to hug my friends)

2. what are your favourite colours and why?

Blood red! Slytherin green and silver!

Blood red because its the colour of passion and ofc blood

Slytherin green because it gives off a mysterious and magical vibe

Silver because it is a regal colour and makes everything look younger and magical

3. who was the last person you held hands with?

honestly, i don't know anymore

4. what is your zodiac sign?

aries!

5. how many times have you read your favourite book?

3 or 4 times i guess?

6. what are your favourite films?

pixels! it cheers me up

The Three Musketeers (1993) its something thats always fun to watch

7. what kind of weather do you like?

For me the perfect weather is when a thunderstorm is raging on on a hot summer day, I will just sit in my window with the window open and just relax to the sound of thunder and the beautiful lightning while getting cooled down by the rain

8. do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I prefer sunrises because they mark the beginning of a new day

9. what kind of weather represents who you are as a person?

the kind of weather when a thunderstorm is closeby and you don't know if its gonna come closer or its gonna clear up

10. what’s your favourite animal?

My favourite animal has shifted between a lot of animals but now it’s a snake!

11. what is your favourite song right now?

the other side of paradise by glass animals

or sex metal barbie by in this moment

12. what is your favourite song of all time?

city by Hollywood undead

or bullet i cant choose

13. do you like sunny days or rainy days better?

rainy days for the win

14. have you ever been heartbroken?

yeh,,,,,,

15. what does the perfect kiss feel like?

idk never kissed and dont want to eiter

16. what is your favourite poem?

“I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.”

Life Is An Illusion

© Trisha

Published: July 2015

Surrounded by people yet all alone

Trapped within this solitary zone

A world where chaos and hate overtake

Every bit of happiness that may try to escape

Laughter and smiles never seem to last

Because I am haunted by memories of my past

Running the distance with nowhere to go

These are the days of my life, a Broadway show

Screaming for help, does anyone hear

The demons of death are coming so near

Echoes in my head tormenting me all day long

Breaking the woman who was once very strong

What does serenity mean anyway

Is it the swag in my step or just the words I say

Deep rooted evil no time for a soul mate

Wondering why joy is always a day late

Suicide is the easy answer many times I've tried

Happiness seems to be the tears I have cried

Unable to distinguish what's real from what's fiction

Hope is an illusion, an optimist's prediction

What will it take to get me right

A visit from the devil on a lonely night

Angels prepare to battle and take a stand

To remind me of their holy land

When I want to give up, they push for me to be strong

In my head I hear their harmonious song

A tranquil state I now find myself

Dealing with the hand in which I was dealt

Good vs evil, what does it really mean

Am I dirty when I appear to be clean

Life is an illusion a constant mind trick on me

Who knows what my fate will be

Heaven and hell are both fair game

Will I succumb to peace or fall down in shame

Surrounded by people yet all alone

Trapped within this solitary zone

Source:

https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/life-is-an-illusion

17. who are you most inspired by?

honestly just by the world

18. are you spiritual?

im in the church of satan

19. what is your favourite plant?

My favourite plant is a willow three, elegant , magical and haunted at the same time

20. what is your favourite feeling?

just fine ( id say my manic hours are the most fun but the depression that follows those isnt worth it)

21. what is your favourite word?

eikel (acorn, asshole, the tip of the penis 

22. are you an artist?

yes!

23. what is your favourite flower?

Gladioli

24. are you happy?

ehh im living i guess

25. what are you thinking about right now?

some remus angst that ill probably never write 

26. what emotion do you feel most often?

dull

27. what is your favourite season?

My favourite season is autumn/fall because the weather is finally cooling down and the threes are beautiful / also halloween

28. are you in a relationship?

nope

29. are you an introvert or extrovert?

introvert

30. do you prefer the moon or the stars?

MOON

31. what is your favourite scent?

i dont really have one , just my plushies they smell good 

32. where do you feel most at home?

my room honestly i have lived in som many houses just give me a room with some of my stuff in it and il feel more at home than just sitting in my livingroom with my dad

33. what scares you the most?

honestly myself and life

34. do you believe in soulmates?

nah not really

35. what is your favourite thing about yourself?

my ability to see from a different angle that other people mostly overlook

36. what is the nicest compliment you’ve received?

you’ve grown

37. who is your favourite music artist?

misso

38. what was your first kiss like?

forced wrong and aweful

39. are you a sensitive person?

yeh sometimes

40. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday

41. do you believe that love can last forever?

yeh, but who knows if you found the right one to love?

42. what do you think happens to us when we die?

you disappear but stay behind in the hearts of people that you love

43. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

nope, my dad maybe. but cmon ya dont ask ya kid that youve put trough hell to be your newest childs meter

44. what do you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night?

stuff you don't want to have in your head

45. do you believe in aliens?

well know after area 51

46. what is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

helping me in my darkest days

47. do you find it hard to trust?

very hard lol

48. are you secretive?

oh hunny you don know

49. what colour are your eyes?

blue

50. do you have a nickname?

lucy, jack frost, little bat ( i really liked that one) ghost and a few more that i don't remember

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[mybelovedintrepidheroes]

🌿 freshly cut grass, hay, freshly baked stuff

🌱 drawing, roller skating, any and all languages

🥛 honestly anything, especially sweets

🍯 I like my hair (not necessarily the color I was born with but if I dye it)

🍄 honestly what kicked me into stopping to be super obedient to everything no matter how stupid was the song believer and from that the specific line don't you tell me what you think I'm the and the one at the sail im the Master of my sea

☕ I mean I don't usually drink tea but when I do I drink it without sugar and without milk, kinda like my coffee too!

🐄 @ladyrue (thanks for answering all my questions! 💕) & @thyming (your blog just gives me homey and safe vibes idk how to explain this)

🌳 getting new tattoos and piercings

🍑 I think all colors are beautiful so yeah,,, depends on my mood I guess?

🌻 listening to music for now, we'll see what else happens today! :D

🐓 comfort movie: probably into the spiderverse and the Mitchell's vs the machines.

comfort show: b99, (derogatory) atla& lok (lovingly) and probably spop...

🧵I recently made some memes out of pictures of my friend and I think they turned out great.

🐈 I mean, my parents have some cats (I grew up on a farm and they keep them kind of as a pest control) if that counts as my pets? and pets I really want... buckle up bois this is gonna be a long ride.

so I definitely want some reptiles, (snakes, lizards, maybe a turtle) one or two cats (for myself) one or two jumping spiders, some rats and/or mice, a bird (either a pigeon or a raven) and a dog

🍅 uhm if houseplants count I had this tiny bush of roses for like four years, then it grew too big for a pot so I gave it to my mom so she could plant it somewhere where it would have enough room for the roots...

🍃 honestly I like all plants (almost there might be some I wouldn't like but I haven't found them yet tbh.)

🐝 probably this mobile game called adorable home bc it's most of my dreams come true 🥺

🍞 I like to think I do, but uhm I don't bake that often tbh. if I bake I mostly bake cakes or something along those lines...

🐇 lately I'm in love with the song High Waist To Hell by Cloudy June but I like a lot of different songs from different genres and stuff.

🌲 I prefer the cold. I'm not made for the heat absolutely not.

🧶 in what way? can I crochet or knit? absolutely not.

🐑 I guess my pen collection... and all of my stuffed animals and kinda smaller pillows!

🍓 I do! but I don't wear pink that often...

🥞 honestly idk. I don't really eat breakfast on the regular tbh.

⛰️ I kinda wanna live somewhere near all of these things so like I can go whereever my heart takes me that day.

🧸 I mean, maybe. I'm kinda scared of it bc you can seriously fuck someone up if you're not careful about how you parent and all that...

🕯️hmm there isn't really anything tbh. I can pretty much sleep wearing anything, I can sleep without brushing my teeth (courtesy of depression and maybe add? who knows.)

a few years ago I would've said darkness. bc I couldn't sleep if it wasn't dark. (especially during a full moon it'd be a miracle once I finally fell asleep, no matter how tired I was) now that doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Gentle Cottagecore Emoji Asks

🌿 Herb: What is a scent you find relaxing? 

🌱 Seedling: What is something you want to begin learning? 

🥛 Milk: What is a food you find comforting when you are sad? 

🍯 Honey: What is one thing you like about yourself?

�� Mushroom: What is a quote you find comfort in?

☕ Tea: How do you take your tea?

🐄 Cow: What is one other tumblr blog you really appreciate? 

🌳 Tree: What is one thing in your future you are looking foward towards? 

🍑 Peach: What is a color that makes you smile? 

🌻 Sunflower: What is one thing that brightened your day today? 

🐓 Chicken: What is a comfort movie/show for you?

🧵 Thread: What is a recent creative project that you are proud of? 

🐈 Cat: Do you have any pets? Are there some pets you really want? 

🍅 Tomato: Have you ever gardened, and if so, what is your favorite thing to grow? 

🍃 Leaf: What is a plant you find beautiful? 

🐝 Bee: What is a video game that you find comforting? 

🍞 Bread: Do you know how to bake bread? If so, what is something you’ve baked recently?

🐇 Bunny: What’s a song that you really like? 

🌲  Pine: Do you prefer the cold, or the heat?

🧶 Yarn: Knitting or Crocheting?

🐑 Sheep: What is a comfort item you own? 

🍓 Strawberry: Do you own any pink clothing?

🥞 Pancake: What is your favorite breakfast food? 

⛰️ Mountains: Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest? 

🧸 Teddy Bear: Do you ever want to raise kids someday? 

🕯️ Candle: What is something you can’t go to bed without? 

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.