#but sometimes… a brain wishes
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I know I haven’t touched this blog in some time but I need to get this off of my chest!
I love being a girl, I love being a woman, but sometimes I have this fantasy where I am a nameless, gender less being who has the wackiest fashion and doesn’t care about identifiers. Am not brave enough to come out as nonbinary (at least not yet… Future Self is under a lot of pressure) but I often think about the nicety of being ambiguous and purely just living without any of the gender norms and expectations!!
#my mom has been quipping me time and time again about my future responsibilities for marriage and child birth#i’m not even into guys but she has no idea (i am a lesbian)#just been having problems :(#but really i would like to be she/her for the rest of my life#it wouldn’t be bad and i like being feminine and having that attached to my identity#but sometimes… a brain wishes#wishes it were someone else for pleasure and fun and nothing more#personal#gender discussion#i went halfsies with my online persona by going by she/they but will i ever be brave enough to come out as they/them? that is my fear
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Y'all I wish it was "no thoughts head empty"- instead I'm "many thoughts head full" bitch I am at capacity
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thoughts, repeating.
#art#sketch#digital art#ocd#wish i could clear my brain cache sometimes!#but no instead everything that ever happens to me is a cognitohazard#anything can be my brain's favourite chew toy#there's nothing more to extract from that thought but sure let's run into it like a knife a million times#and it becomes habit that reinforces itself. i will wake up thinking thank god im not having the thought right now! oh! surprise!#i don't wish my memory was worse but i wish it knew how to let go#one beautiful day when im in a place more long term i will find a therapist that can help hopefully#also im doing fine mostly!!!!!!#ive been meaning to draw this for a while just havent had the time and im slowly smoothing it over
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But not green.
You know the song Mr. Jones? Yeah.
#Something something self perception#they love the image of the hero#But he doesn’t feel like a hero#With all the death he feels he’s caused#Can he be loved? Is he even worthy of it?#he feels trapped and disconnected and stuck and he doesn’t feel REAL#Amsjdjjsjsjsjsjjaajaj#Ferally running around my brain help#the line from the song#we all want something beautiful… man I wish I was beautiful#is another I wanted to add to the comic bc it also fits warriors.. maybe I’ll draw it sometime idk#Lu warriors#linked universe#Linked universe warriors#warriors linked universe#linkeduniverse#hryule warriors#Hyrule warriors link#bc this could be taken that way too#THANK MARGIN FOR THIS HER HYRULE WARRIORS LINK FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED MY PERCEPTION OF THIS GUY#my art#linked universe fanart#Comic#A rare sighting of MY HANDS XD#Bc I used them as a reference lol#Also I know I’ve been posting art every day for like the last 2 weeks or smth#I have no patience#when I finish something I want to show the world XDDD#Tw blood#cw blood
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the girl dad of all time
#hello pedro nation#it’s been a minute#….or a year#oops#sorry to have peaced out but i’ve got a few drawings banked up so hopefully that makes up for it#probably no one really noticed anyway lol#but yeah the pedro brain rot is still strong as ever#and i can’t stop wishing we got to see more of joel and sarah#so here’s this which i drew sometime last year#my art#pedro pascal#pedrohub#the last of us#tlou#hbo tlou#joel miller#sarah miller
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I'll say that I have been in some fandom with extremely impressive and dedicated artists but consistently some of my favorite artists are ones who technically make 'unimpressive' art to outright loving posting 'low effort' doodles. I love skilled work thats beautiful, but I also deeply admire a freedom from perfectionism and ambition. Sometimes those are just non-complicated but still clearly skilled works, and sometimes thats loving the wobbly simplicity of crude lines vs. rendered beauty. One of my favorite artists back when I was big into Hollow Knight was a korean artist who could absolutely make some extremely beautiful stuff, but many of the pieces I remember most and loved the most looked like this
Even here I know I mentally worked harder to make this imitation than they did for the OG. I can't draw fast and loose, and I like work that is clearly faster and looser than I can do. I envy people who can do things imperfect and carefree. Sometimes thats still very obviously skilled work, sometimes its very stupid doodles that were blatantly done in 30 seconds in mspaint. I don't think its say, disrespectful to love the doodles more than the rendered stuff said artist makes- but my love for it comes from a place that a lot of people wouldn't guess. That is to say, its hard to tell who, why, or when something you make might click with people- and it doesn't take a masterwork for someone to see something in your art as inspiration.
#t.extpost#the artist here is unnamed because they are currently privated on twitter#which is pretty common with korean artists who go on fandom hiatus#but since i dont know I'm just using a recreation#anyway I often intentionally post doodles and simple gags because of these artists#its sort of common in chinese and korean artist circles specifically#and i love it! i riff specifically on these a lot!#but its harder for me to do than you might think! and i still cant be as 'carefree' as many of these kinds of doodles are!#Its sometimes I have to force because my brain doesnt like it. but i want to foster that same free stroke quick doodling alongside my#'pretty' stuff. It sounds weird to say im inspired to try and not care and be 'lazier' but its true#i fucking love doodle artists and I wish i was them
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I have been thinking a lot about what makes 40k sooo good and engaging after all these years.
Games Workshop have really managed to create a modern mythology, an amalgamation of fantasy and sci-fi tropes, of pop culture references, of modern day and past politics and sonehow made that into its own very distinct thing.
It somehow feels both very current and timeless at the same time.
People ofthe harp on about “40k is so grimdark, it’s so gritty and realistic”, but I don't think that is its true appeal.
I think it is the whimsy and not the darkness that is the true appeal.
Think about the first thing that makes you drawn to 40k.
Almost every person I ask this question will answer something silly, whimsical or over the top, before even touching the grimdarkness.
We live in a post-GoT age where EVERYTHING fantasy adjacent has to be as gritty and dark and realistic as possible. And people are already so sick of it. (either that or its superpolished marvel/disney:esque family-friendly with no substance behind it at all)
Let fantasy be cool and whimsical again. The world needs more weird and repulsive beauty.
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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plsssss can we talk about bucky getting his revenge and edging gale
gale edging john post | yes we cannnnn !! eta: ykw. i need to just turn this into a proper oneshot since this ended up being over 1k words. new wip created </3
john may be a man of little self control, but after that incident, he decides he can be at least a tiny bit patient so he can catch gale off guard with it when he gets his revenge. because the next few times they're fooling around, gale's expecting a retaliation, john can see it in the way he tenses up and glances at his face before he comes like he's waiting for it, but john never follows through with it. he wants gale to let his guard down, and that he does.
so a week or so later when john's kissing him and feeling him up and asks ever so sweetly if he can tie gale's wrists behind his back, gale doesn't think anything of it. john likes to take control occasionally and gale sometimes likes the feeling of not having to worry about making decisions, getting to let john call the shots, and john always puts extra time and effort into the way he touches gale when he's restrained because he likes to watch his darling blondie squirm.
john has him sit in his lap facing him, letting gale lean against his shoulder to take the pressure off his legs while john works him open on his fingers, already riled up from the pretty gasps gale's making against his neck but reigning himself in because he's gonna need to have some self control for once.
he sweet–talks gale through it, telling him how good he sounds, how well he's doing as he sinks down on his cock, guiding him with hands on his hips so he doesn't unbalance himself without the use of his own hands where they're tied behind his back with a belt. he stays still at first, letting gale ride him slowly, keeping his hands loosely on his waist while praising him and talking him into that foggy needy headspace until gale's thighs are trembling and john takes pity on him (and frankly is so hard he doesn't have the patience to keep his own hips still anymore).
so he runs his hands down from gale's waist to his ass to hold him in place while he rolls his hips up into him, watching the way gale's eyebrows pinch and his pretty lips fall open in a silent oh as john angles himself in a way gale couldn't with his own movements. lets his mouth run as he slowly picks up his pace, all the coos of "so pretty", "you're taking me so well", "you feel so fucking good", loving how reactive gale is to every word and every thrust.
he moves his hands to gale's hips to get a better grip, can tell gale's getting close because he gets noisier, losing his filter and letting out breathy little "fuck"s and "john"s, head rolling back on his shoulders to bare his neck, rocking his hips down to meet john every time he fucks up into him. and then just as he gets the warning of "close", he pulls gale down by his hips to bury himself deep in him and stops moving completely.
the whine of desperation that tears out of gale's throat when he lifts his head has john knocking his skull back against the wall, cock twitching hard enough inside gale that he's sure the blond can feel it. he watches gale's biceps flex when he instinctively tries to get his hands free, feels his hips try to squirm out of his hands to keep moving, but he keeps him pinned firmly down, dizzy at the way he clenches down around him.
a plaintive "john" pulls a groan from him, but he composes himself, lifts his gaze back up to gale's face and lets the corners of his lips quirk up, purrs out a "yeah, sweetheart? something wrong?"
laughs at the way gale cusses him out, a rare sight of his little spitfire with a mouth on him, though the effect is a lot closer to being hissed at by a kitty than actually being convinced to move. john lets him run his mouth, murmurs a "cute" once gale's done, and then promptly hammers his hips up into him just once, swearing under his breath at the way it punches an open–mouthed moan from gale. rocks his hips up into him a few times before going back to a quick and rough pace, the sound of skin on skin getting both of them flushed.
it only takes a minute before gale's hips are twitching into his hands and whispered pleas are falling from his mouth and john thinks he's never had to use as much self restraint in his life as he does when he forces himself to stop moving again, once again yanking gale down against him, holding him still in his lap.
gale really fights it this time, enough so that it's a merciful distraction for john from how close he himself is (trust his idea to backfire as he ends up edging himself along with gale, he thinks) when he has to use proper strength to keep him in place. any blood that might've still been lurking around his brain rushes south the moment he sees gale's eyes getting shiny with frustration, cheeks all pink and lips red and flushed from biting down on them.
"not so fun, is it?" john taunts, but his voice comes out a bit more raspy than he would've liked, evident how much the stop and start is getting to him too. it's probably karma, because he knows he's being more mean than gale was to him, but he can't help it; those blue eyes look so pretty when tears are threatening to spill over when he's desperate and needy like this.
gale wriggles in his lap the best he can, still furiously chasing his orgasm, head finally falling back in frustration before he lifts it again, looking john in the eyes, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and letting it go. he whines quietly and whimpers out the sweetest "please, johnny," almost crying in his impatience, and fuck.
john doesn't mean for his hips to twitch up at that, but they do, hard. gale sobs out a broken sound at the way john's cock hits just where he needs it to in his accidental movement, and gale spills over his stomach completely untouched, just like that. john swears and drives his hips up into him in an attempt to quickly amend his slip up, moaning loud at the wrecked noises that immediately start bubbling up out of gale as he fucks him through his orgasm.
he tips over the edge himself from the desperate sounds the blond starts to make as he crosses the line into overstimulation, feeling gale's hips jerk frantically in his hands, fighting to get away from the incessant rhythm of his cock inside him as john shudders through his own orgasm, fingers digging into gale's sides.
he slows down to a gentle grind of his hips when gale collapses against his chest, face pressed to his neck, shivering at the slow drag inside him and whining pitifully when john eventually pulls out, settling him down on his thighs while he reaches around to undo the belt and free his hands. his heart bursts at the way gale instantly wraps his arms around him, clinging to him as they both catch their breath, john petting his hair and showering him with praise.
he eventually huffs out a laugh, murmuring a "sorry buck. payback's a bitch, but that was an accident, i swear." gale groans against him in complaint, lightly nipping at his shoulder in retaliation, too tired to fight back, but john's sure he'll pay for it eventually.
it's confirmed with the "better watch your back, darling" that he gets when they're both pulling their clothes back on, but to john, that sounds less like a threat and more like a good time, and he shoots gale a crooked grin to let him know as much.
#bruh this was 1.3k i did not mean to get into so much detail#the keep reading button has never been more necessary#i wish i could crank out long drabbles like this for all the asks#but they take sooo long for me to write i am NOT a fast writer lol hence why i post a fic like once a month#but sometimes certain asks just itch my brain some type of way and then boom i've thrown up onto a tumblr post#anyway dacryphilia my beloved <3#in any other scenario john hates to see gale cry. but i think in bed he would have an affinity for making him feel so good that he cries#have i thought about this extensively? perhaps.#i just think that pretty boys with pretty eyes and pink lips deserve to cry during sex sometimes. as a treat#johnslittlespoon asks#johnslittlespoon brainrot#johnslittlespoon spicy#buck x bucky#buckbucky#johnslittlespoon writes
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I hope that Dev and Peri are reunited before we get a Father's Day episode or else I might cry
#my brain likes to put ideas in my head that break me sometimes#fop peri#fop dev#peri fairywinkle cosma#dev dimmadome#the fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop#fop a new wish#ignore my rambling
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Donna is honestly so lucky that she has such a hot and photogenic friend like Kory to take pics of. A photographer and a model, name a better duo.
#i wish my brain wasn't so centered on dick sometimes bc it doesn't allow for me to remember the donna and kory moments as much#like i can remember them--but i can't remember the exact issue or the exact general area they're from#and rn i just want to focus on them#Donna Troy#Koriand'r
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why why why is putting clothes away and keeping my room clean so difficult. it literally feel torturous sometimes. i know i need to try and do difficult things. i was trying to clean and i was like “i wish i could just have two laundry baskets. one for dirty clothes and one for clean.”
and my mom said, “you can’t do that”
so i said “well why not if it would help me keep my room cleaner and work for me”
and she said “well then what’s the point of having a closet and drawers, and your clothes would be all wrinkled, and you’d never be able to find anything.”
she’s right and i’d love to have everything put perfectly away but it’s just so much sometimes
#personal rant#stupid rant#is this relatable#sometimes i wish i wasnt the way that i am#also had a moment where my clothes were making me feel just a little too hot and when that happens#i feel like i need to pull my skin off#this is just another moment to file away in the little do i have autism section of my brain#and then ignore#because self diagnosing feels wrong#and i’ve never had the motivation to go through the work to get diagnosed#and ive survived life well enough up to this point even though some stuff sucks
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Hiya! Just wanted to say that I’m going on an expedition for the rest of this week, so I won’t be able to post until I’m back — but next week after my return, I’m gonna try to make some time to answer asks and such! In the meantime, I hope y’all have a swell rest of your week :D
#I have quite a backlog of asks alskdjf I have not been keeping up with them — I am very sorry about that#I really appreciate all of them they’re always very fun to receive! brain is just not cooperative about forming words sometimes#but yeh! I wish you all well while I am away🚀🚀🚀#senhart rambles#oh man I’ll be getting back just a little bit before new chapter#aaaaaa I’m excited for that alsksjdjf what buck wild things will happen in bsd nextttt :D
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#of all the things i could've been into my brain chose the most niche and obscure#sometimes i wish i was into kpop or something...
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klavier is a project sekai addict capcom told me (truth) and I just KNOWWWW apollo picks at his lips when he's working hard on som shit... aka... afflicting klapollo with mo'isms
#apollo justice#klavier gavin#ace attorney#klapollo#mo art#my art#tw skin picking#?#idk if i need to tag this he's just Locked In...#project sekai#hatsune miku#shes THERE#i think hes playing brain fluid explosion girl#bc#i was playing that when talking to my friends earlier...#and my brother walked in and fed me ice cream#AND I KEPT MY COMBO....#if u know pjsk/rythem games u KNOWWW sometimes its so hard to focus when talking but#i love that song....#YAY !#sorry for rambling ni the tags i love you tumblr#well...#yeah okay its 4 am but#gah#ummmm#i was watching jerma clips while drawing this so apollo becomes a jerma fan...#I WISH I GOT A DOLLHOUSE SHIRT WHEN THEY WERE UP FOR SALE.... forever regret not getting one b4 it went away..#3 YEARS AGO??????#WHAT#it cant be that long right? dollhouse was like... last month.... wym.... almost 3 years........
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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