#but she basically said lol that not real they only got that way bc they are the same as they did before lol

[svt-kiki]

( 🖇️ ) RELATIONSHIPS WITH HYUNG LINE ⌅ .

기키 + 승철　／　KICHEOL

🍒 ── 99% ... old married couple *for real*

everyone can see they love each other

he can be the sea and she’ll be the ship that floating on it

every time he needs to play the 'scary eldest' role, she always felt sorry bc she knew she can’t do it ( she’s too pacifist for that )

kiki is his no.1 listner for whatever his thoughts are

they basically tie the knot already *blinks*

his parents basically adopts her lol

the reason why they have such a strong bond is not only they share the most trainee days with another

but they keep fighting to protect the group and members before and after the debut

seungcheol: *being sulky*

kiki: *judging side eye*

honestly she wasn’t totally sweetheart for him from the beginning ( not in the public eye i mean )

more like teased and pretended like judging him

but after he got into hiatus in 2019 ( it was HER darkest time too ) she just went like “f*ck that, i won’t stop expressing my love for him anymore”

well it’s always appearant that he goes down on her knees like-

not only within the group but recognized as one of the strongest ships among the kpop industry

the ‘knights line’ 1/3 - such a protective of her all the time

기키 + 정한　／　KIHANI

🐰 ── 80% ... devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

kiki in the most of gose : IM WATCHING U YOON JEONGHAN *in mute*

she pretends like she was offended by his cheating in the contents

but she’s the one who always cheers him and giving compliments

“u got this jeonghanna!” “u did so well~ i’m proud of u :)”

she always trust him through the trainee era, support him for both dancing and mentally

she knew he’s kinda type to get nervous often

so she always has his back, says something nice, holds his hands

and is she his soft spot? OBVIOUSLY

he always treats her meals and little gifts like sweets, cosmetics and accessories

she really takes care of his long hair bc if she doesn’t who does

late night walks, hanging out at the park

mostly she’s kinda ‘good girl’ type but when with him, her ‘devil mode’ would be activate ( and seungcheol would cry at the end )

jeonghan: *speaks japanese*

kiki: *proud mom*

personal space [ 404-not-found ]

well he kisses to her cheecks ... and forehead ... and top of the head ... and back of the hand ... ( and list continues )

when he turns low buttery mode, he goes towards her and either leans on her shoulder or rests his head on her lap ( mostly be witnessed in the concerts )

sometimes they are the completely opposite, but the other time share the same energy

기키 + 조슈아　／　KISHUA

🦌 ── 85% ... the mf soulmates

like i said, SOULMATES. that’s it, that’s the tweet

they’re like puzzle pieces ⸺ get along well bc it’s different

he brings out her active energy

she learned the guitar from him

and handles his silent chaotic energy pretty well lol

they always make plans and daydream abt trips they want to go

sometimes josh stans confirm he’s alive through her social media

joshua: *planning something crazy*

kiki, whispering: DON’T ( he’ll do it anyway 🤷🏻 )

cafe dates, drive dates, movie nights

his mom lowkey hopes for kiki to be a daughter-in-law which is never gonna happen lmao

he came up with ‘kit kat’ as her nickname

and yes, the treatment is sweet as the treat ;)

he normally acts like a twin but never forgets the gentle behavior as the gentleman should

especially in the beginning, she prefers not to be treated exceptional cuz she’s the only female member, but his manner and considerate changed it slowly ( and surely in a good way )

he’s kind of the friend who doesn’t say the words such as “oh r u okay” “i’m worried about u” out loud often but always there for her and take her to the night driving when she got stuck

기키 + 준　／　KIJUN

🐱 ── 70% ... the cat and the lion ( aka the owner )

they have the most pure kind of love

he has always been her protector in the airports and clouds

THE VISUAL

she really looking forward to go to shenzhen one day and visit all the places he wants to take them

she’s always so proud abt his acting career and calls him the movie star, now she’s too

and her secret dream is to costar with him one day

he never forgets to escorts her in the award shows and concerts, helping her in stairs, no hesitation to do arm in arm, lends her jacket if he worries she’s revealing too much of her bare skin for gowns ( in his eyes )

many skinships !!

they always share a bite to the other, both LOVE to have tasty foods and willing to let the one try

his little brother always wanna talk to her when he was a kid ( lowkey childhood crush ) then now he’s totally shy about that past and tries to avoide her when jun did the facetime and let the lil bro talk to her just to tease him

he won’t say anything until she went too far and overwork through days, but once he felt okay that’s enough he’ll just kidnapp her to the bedroom and tuck her in bed and like SLEEP

the ‘knights line’ 2/3 - he behaves like a cat playing with dearest owner and sending a nonverbal message to people around them like “ don’t look at her like that she’s OURS ”

기키 + 순영　／　KISOON

🐯 ── 70% ... conqurer of the stage

everybody clear the way, the MAIN DANCERS are coming thru

but they really are THE all rounder, multi talented, just good at everything

they created their own handshake

she’s a secret no.1 supporter of horanghae

but she also LOVES his hamster pelsona, enjoys silently when it popped out randomly

in fact he is the reason that she determinded to be an idol for sure ⸺ she entered to pledis without firm belief about her future profession, but after his entry she was so impressed by his skills despite the gap of dance training experience. moreover, he was so sure about his future, to becoming the idol as his dream, and she just woke up as if she’d been slapped on the cheek like “what the hell i was thinking, of course i’ll be the idol too”

and he always admires her as a dancer and the respective person. he dreamed of not just being an idol, but standing on stage next to her since they met

surprisingly they quarrel most among the ship of kiki and members, but all of them are professional argument as they are in charge of choreographing and stage creation

and they always made up at the end of a day by eating ice pop side by side

he’s the one who encouraged her to do it when the other idol group reached out to her for their choreography production cos he believes in her talent more than anyone just as she does

both have hUGE gap between on and off stage, when they go hard it’s HARD 🔥🔥🔥 but otherwise they can be softest marshmallows

기키 + 원우　／　KINWOO

🐈‍⬛ ── 85% ... the book fairies

he’s nearly worshipping her *ships tea*

it’s not a big secret that she’s his first love ( at first sight )

and after all these years, she’s still the woman of his dreams

yall know wonwoo wasn’t really talkable person at first but more shy and quiet

well same things can say to her

so she understood his silent and calm yet passionate personality

and kiki really stood by his side and just being his comfort space

she listens to him well, even he express his thoughts into words not that much

she always recommends his glasses and he’ll buy her choice without HESITATION lol

they can spend whole time together without chattng, just reading or sleeping alnogside

and it’s so CUTE

he gave the camera to her for the birthday present, and it made her enjoying to take photos more than ever and he loves the influence he made on her

art museum date, hanging out in the night town and ww just keeps taking photo of her

they have a ritual as they go to the night walk when the group is off to the overseas in tours, strolling the town and find the cozy cafes

she can notice whenever he is stressed or gets nervous and so does he, she often pats his back in those situation and it comforts him really well

u can see ww stares her a LOT in behind contents or gose ( he literally gave up to hide his affection at this point )

tries to teach her how to play pc games but fails everytime

기키 + 지훈　／　KIHOON

🍚 ── 55% ... the vocal boss and the dance queen

trust me, they ARE strong. it’s just not as aloud as others

woozi found japanese beatuful at first bc it’s the language she spoke

and kiki loves the words and lyrics he weaves, his korean is like a poet to her

he doesn’t wanna admits outspokenly but it’s hard to say she hasn’t owned the special ( and soft ) place in his heart

even makes him to do slightest physical contacts: pinches her sleeves, fiddles with her hair, plays with her earrings... and the list continues

kiki’s the one takes care him when he starts to get stuck in the studio for the work

takes him to the short walk, late night drives, make him foods and be sure he gets rest

sometimes they just sit together in the universe factory and chats about the song, anime and composing stuffs, eats takeouts and sessions or duets randomly

she joins as a recording direction besides him time to time, esp in the jp songs recording: she’s the lyricist of the jp songs is one of the reasons but also she has the good ears and able to hear the subtle difference like he does

woozi: *points out the differences* others: okay but WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE kiki: ??? wasn’t it obvious...???

well apparently she’s the closest female to him on the planet ( except his family ofc )

he rarely calls her noona but mostly just calls her kiki, there’s no paticular reason it’s just what it is

(    📁    )   :   NAVI   :  MASTER LIST     

( tag list / open ) : @smh-anon

[justanothermemestrider]

Nothing Ever Stays Dead - Part 3

Okay.

Is this part basically that one scene from Arcane with Jinx and the flare? Yes. Yes it is.

Did I listen to Guns for Hire by Woodkid nonstop while I was writing this? Yes. Yes I did.

Am I ashamed? Absolutely not XD

Thank you guys so so much for the support this fic has received so far. I've been having an absolute blast writing it, and that's largely because I know you guys have been enjoying it. So thank you :)

Oh also, you missed part 2, all good, you can read it here

As usual, there is violence, angst and general 40kness under the cut, as well as hella lore inaccuracies both for the sake of the story and bc research is hard (I did try, though lol). Apologies for any spelling and grammar mistakes.

Thanks so much for reading and I sincerely hope you enjoy!

"Down there. You see them?"

Ellicent followed Gadriel's outstretched hand with the optical scope. She adjusted the knob on its top, focusing the lens on where his index finger was pointing.

Her eyes widened. "No way."

"Oh yes, " Gadriel chuckled. "I've been following them all day."

Ellicent lowered the scope to look at him. "The hell are a bunch of topsiders doing all the way down here?"

Gadriel shrugged. "Same reason people go to zoos, maybe?"

Ellicent rolled her eyes. "Har har." Crouching on the edge of the rooftop now, she put her eye to the scope once again. The tourists looked like Mid-hivers: merchants, maybe, other some other kind of artisan-type. No where near as wealthy as those who lived in the spires, but compared to what those in the Underhive had, they might as well have been. There are two groups of them- roughly three in each. They're walking on opposite sides of the street, as if pretending not to know each other. With their real-cotton clothing and long embroidered coats, however, they're more than conspicuous anyway.

"Seriously though," Ellicent said. "What are they doing down here?"

"If I had to guess? They want to hit the marketplace."

"You mean the black marketplace?"

"Guess there are still things topside doesn't have that we do."

"Yeah. It's nothing good, though"

"Who knows, then," Gadriel said. From his tone, Ellicent could tell that he had no interest in discussing the topic any further. She rose to her feet, folding the scope up and handing it back to him. "So. What's the plan?"

"Simple pickpocket, I think. Anything too loud, and we risk alerting the Arbites."

Ellicent nodded. "One group each?"

"Yeah. But we'll stagger it. Make it look random, lest they think we're working together."

"Gotcha."

Gadriel smiled. "One other thing." He stuffed the scope in his trouser pocket, then opened his jacket and reached into the pocket sewn into the lining. From it, he extracted two, metal objects. Ellicent thought they looked a little like pistols. She looked at him sharply. "What are those?"

Reading the expression on her face, Gadriel shook his head. "Don't worry. They're only flare guns."

"Flare guns?"

"Yeah. You know, the things soldiers use to signal each other with? They shoot a big bright light into the-"

"I know what a flare gun is, Gadriel," Ellicent said. "What I don't know is where the hell you got two of them from."

"Same place I got the scope from."

"Which was?"

Gadriel chewed the inside of his cheek- the way he always does when he's thinking. "Do you remember... uh... you remember that Arbites supply drop that landed the other day... "

Ellicent's mouth fell open. "You didn't."

He shrugged. The non chalance of the gesture absolutely infuriated her. "Gadriel!" she hissed.

"I know I know," he said. "And before you say it, yes, if the Ultramarines were to somehow hear about it, they'd never let me join."

Ellicent hadn't been about to say that. Now that she'd heard it, though, she couldn't resist. "If that's the case, maybe I should tell them," she muttered.

Anger flushed Gadriel's face. But after a second or two, it fades into resignation. "Ellie," he said. "Can we please not do this now?"

Ellicent clenched her jaw. On her tongue, a retort waited impatiently to be spoken. But in the end, she swallowed it. As grated as she was feeling, she also empathised with him: she didn't want to do this right now, either.

Gingerly, she reached towards him, plucking one of the flare guns from his hands. She held it up to her face, rotating it in her grip as she examined it "What have you got these for, anyway?" she asked. "If their not good for sticking up the top siders, why do we need them?"

A silent "Thank you" flashed across Gadriel's face. Then, holding up the remaining flare gun, he said. "I thought we could use them as warning signals. You know for when we're not together. If you were to find yourself alone anywhere and you needed me, you just fire it in the air, and I'll come find you. I'll do the same with mine."

Ellicent tested the device's grip in her hand. Felt just like holding a pistol, except lighter. "Are they loaded?"

"Yes. But I wasn't able to get any other shells for them. The only one they've got is the one in the chamber."

Ellicent smirked. "So it's only a one use thing?"

Gadriel's cheeks coloured slightly. "It's better than nothing," he replied.

Ellicent rolled her eyes again. But, nevertheless, she decided to humour him and pocketed the device anyway. "Was there anything else?" she asked him.

Gadriel shook his head. "No."

"Time we earn ourselves dinner, then. I'll hit my topsiders first?"

"As always."

Ellicent gave him a smile. Stepping in close, she wrapped her arms around his neck while he wrapped his around her waist. Craning her neck slightly, she kissed him hard on the lips. "Be careful," she whispered.

"You too," he said.

Without another word, they parted ways; Ellicent scampering down to the street while Gadriel followed from the rooftops.

* * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

That little job had gone off without a hitch. Ellicent had chosen the mid-hiver in the middle of her group: a fat man in a three piece suit and a ridiculously large moustache. She'd pretended to be a beggar, stumbling out of an alleyway and shoulder checking the old man. As he struggled and swore, trying to shove her off him, Ellicent had swiped a purse from the inside of his coat. There'd been an entire handful of gold in there. Between that and what Gadriel had scored from his group, and they'd been fed for two whole weeks.

She hadn't need her flare that day. And for all the days that followed, she hadn't needed it either. But she'd kept it anyway. Even after Gadriel left and never came back. Even after her life became the hell scape that it is now, and the last of her hope had shrivelled and died, she'd kept it. Just in case. Just in case she needed it.

Just in case she needed him.

Just like the day he had given it to her, Ellicent stands on the edge of a rooftop. She doesn't know what sort of building this is: only that it's the tallest she could find in the time she had. Her gauss cannon was heavy on her shoulder- the alien gun was almost as big as her- but she couldn't not leave without it. Even if Gadriel didn't come, Severus almost certainly would. He knows about the flare. When he sees it, he'll know what it means, she's trying to do, and he'll want to kill her for it.

It's not worth it, her mind tries to reason. It wasn't even him. You know it wasn't.

That's the thing, though, she argues. I don't know. That's why I've gotta try.

Just in case.

Ellicent clasps the flare gun in both hands. Rests a finger on the trigger. Slowly, almost cautiously, she raises the device above her head.

If you were to ever find yourself alone... just fire it in the air, and I'll come find you.

Anxiety is a serpent in her gut, wet, heavy and slithering. Her throat is dry as sand and as she clutches the flare gun its metal clatters from how much she's trembling.

Just fire it...

... I'll come find you.

Before she has the chance to have a second thought, Ellicent squeezes the trigger.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The flare shines more brightly than any star or ship light. Its smoke is the colour of blood; its light, that of a bleeding heart. It hurts Ellicent's eyes to stare at it, but she can't being herself to look away. Half an hour, it burns for. Feels longer. Like an eternity. Like another fifty years. Hope and despair war within Ellicent's chest as she watches it. She doesn't know which is winning, they're both so evenly matched.

The smoke is the first to dissipate. Shedding layer upon layer until its colour is no longer discernable. The flare hangs on a little longer, spitting and spluttering like a soul clinging onto life. But, eventually, it too runs out of strength. Ellie watches it tumble from the sky, a shrivelled blackened husk of solid ash. The dark of night returns with a vengeance, and all Ellicent is left with is a hazy, silhouetted view of the city's jagged skyline. Tears prick her eyes. Seems the war in her chest finally has a winner.

"Stupid," she whispers. Dropping her arm, she looks at the empty flare gun. Her lip curls with contempt. With all the strength she has left, she hurls the thing off the rooftop. "Stupid!" she shouts after it. The only reply she receives is deafening, sickening silence.

Ellicent covers her face with her hands. Another self-reprimand is already poised on her lips, but when she opens her mouth to voice, the only thing that comes out is a sob.

Stupid girl, she thinks to herself. What were you thinking?

The plating of her necronian hand is freezing against her face. She presses it so hard into her brow, that she reopens the cut that Severus had given her just hours earlier.

It wasn't him. It was never him.

He's gone.

He left you.

He's never coming back.

So consuming is her anguish, that Ellicent doesn't hear the footsteps coming up behind her. Even if she did, though, she wouldn't have reacted. Only person it can be is Severus- if he's going to kill her, she'd rather his face not be the last thing she ever sees.

Then she hears his voice.

"Ellie?"

Ellicent's heart stops dead in her chest. She drops her hands from her face.

It's not him, her thoughts cry. It's not him. It's not him. It's not-

Ellicent turns around.

She has to look up to see his face. He'd always been a little taller than her, but whatever procedure the Astartes use to turn boys into Angels of Death has swollen his body to almost five times its original size. Dust and grime stain his blue armour. The aquillia on his chest is severed down the middle by the particle beam she'd fired at him earlier that same day. The right side of his head is a mottled mess of angry red skin and silver cybernetic studs.

But, just like his voice, his face is just as she remembers.

"Gadriel," she whispers.

His face is a riot of emotion. Shock, disbelief, sadness, joy, everything else in between.

Gadriel walks up to her with hulking steps, heavy enough to shake the roof. They bring Ellicent back to the night's on the roof of his mother's house; how it too, would rattle and shake under his weight. Dropping to one knee, he sets his hands on her shoulders. The ceramite gauntlets they're encased in are cold and heavy.

His expression, though, is anything but.

"Oh, Ellie."

Before Ellicent can speak, he embraces her. Careful not to bruise her on his armour, crouching low enough that her head can reach his neck.

At first, Ellicent doesn't react. She doesn't know how. Her mind is still playing catch up. Trying to process what's happening, what it means, whether or not it's even...

"Is this real?" Her voice is weak and frayed. It feels like her mouth is full of broken glass. "Are you really here?"

Gadriel draws away and slips his thumb under her chin. As gentle as if she were made of porcelain, he tilts her head up so he can look her in the eye.

"Yes," he says softly. "It's me. Gadriel. I'm here. I'm right here."

Ellicent's heart detonates. A fresh wave of sobs rises up in the back of her throat. The first one escapes as something crosses between a whimper and a cry. She throws her arms around his neck. Buries her face in its crook. Breathes in his scent and feels his skin against hers.

It's him. It's really him.

Her sobs return stronger than before; almost enough to knock her off her feet. This time, though, they are not of despair. They are of sheer, unadulterated joy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gadriel does not remember the last time he'd been embraced. He doesn't remember the last time he'd given one, either. Astartes do not partake in such displays of affection. Forearm grips and shoulder clasps were common enough, but anything more than that is just simply not done. Such things are for humans- for families, friends and lovers- and Astartes are not human.

That message has been drilled into Gadriel ever since he had joined the Ultramarines; ever since he was eighteen years old. And yet, when he sees Ellie standing on that rooftop- the tears in her eyes, the blood on her brow, the emotion on her face- he wasn't an Astartes anymore. He was a teenager. A boy. Back in the Underhive, on the roof of his mother's slum, staring up at the stars with the girl he loved curled up in his arms. Like his cheek-chewing habit, these are things that his re-education could not stamp out. It may have quietened them, covered them, forced them into the recesses of his thoughts. But they were always there. And while first seeing Ellie had awoken them, the sight of her flare and the sight of her standing before him now brings them to the very forefront of his mind.

Gadriel holds Ellie as tightly as he can without crushing her against his armour. Her tears are hot against his skin. Her arms, both human and robotic, squeeze his neck so tight it actually hurts. But Gadriel couldn't have been happier. He doesn't think he's ever been happier. Not since the last time he had held her; the last time he had been human.

That's it. That was the last time I was embraced.

It had been her...

Gadriel's eyes start to sting. Before the tears can fall, he buries his face into Ellie's hair. But the feel of it, the smell, the memories they both bring flooding back, only chokes him up more.

"I can't believe you're here," he breathes. "I... I thought you were dead."

A shudder runs through Ellie's body. It's difficult to tell, but Gadriel thinks it might be a laugh. "Yeah," she says meekly. "Yeah, I've thought that a few times myself, too."

The quip takes him completely off guard. Despite himself, he lets out a short choked laugh of his own. "I... Throne, Ellie. I can't even..."

"Things changed when you left," she said. The way her voice breaks across the words wrench Gadriel's hearts like nothing he's ever felt before. "I changed."

Drawing away from her slightly, Gadriel frames her cheek with one, enormous hand. Throne, she looks so small. Small and fragile. Nothing like the tough young woman he remembered. "I know, Ellie," he whispers. "I know. But it's not your fault. You did what you had to to survive. I know you did."

Ellie's arms unfurl from his neck and fall to her side. The leather tunic she wears is sleeveless, giving Gadriel a full, unimpeded view of her necronian left arm. The grafting is expert, but untidy. The edge where it attaches to her clavicle, shoulder and chest is ribbed with scar tissue. As her shoulders tremble in time with her sobs, that tissue stretches and flexes, as if they were wires buried underneath her skin.

"Where have you been, Gadriel?" she asks. "You mother and I, we waited for you. We waited and waited, but you never came back."

Gadriel can't bear to look at her. Dropping his gaze to the ground, he winces as a vice closes around his chest. "I'm so sorry, Ellie. I wanted to come back, I promise I did. But..."

His voice trails off. But what? How could he possibly explain it? That he'd been forced to forget her? That his duty had left no room for him to think about anything other than service? That, as part of his transformation, his heart had not only been duplicated, by reprogrammed to beat for the Imperium instead of her?

No. He couldn't say that. Couldn't say any of it. It's not an excuse. Even though they are the truth, they don't justify what he's done. What's happened to her.

Gadriel's tongue turns to sand in his mouth. Without anything to say, any answer to give her, all he can think to do is pull Ellie into his arms again.

She does not return his embrace, this time. It's the most excruciating thing Gadriel has ever felt.

"Sergeant!"

Gadriel freezes. Under his breath, he mutters a curse.

Ellie wrenches away from him with unnatural strength and speed. Her face twists with fear and her hands reach to grasp the gauss cannon hanging from her shoulder. The weapon is too large for her to hold like a rifle, so instead, she holds it like a heavy bolter; down low and aiming from the hip. She points the weapon past Gadriel's right side, at something to his back. But Gadriel already knows what- who- it is.

"Who's he?" Ellie asks.

Steeling himself, Gadriel turns. Titus stands on the other end of the rooftop with his helmet on and his bolter raised. His face is completely hidden behind his visor's permenant glare, but Gadriel knows that whatever expression he's wearing is even fiercer than that.

Eyes never leaving Titus, Gadriel extends a palm towards Ellie. "It's alright," he says gently. "He's a friend."

"He doesn't look like a friend."

"Sergeant!" Titus' voice booms over his vox speakers. "Step away from her now!"

"Titus," Gadriel pleads. "Listen. We can work this out. "

"There is no working with heretics." The lieutenant takes a step forwards. "Get away from her now! I will not ask you again."

"I knew it," Ellie says. "I knew it was too good to be true."

Gadriel whips around. "Ellie-"

"This is a set up!" She steps away from him, levelling her cannon so both he and Titus are now in her sights. Her fingers touch the trigger, and the gaping maw of the alien gun glows a sickly green. "You're not here for me," she hisses. "You're only here for Severus. You're trying to play me!"

"That's not true." Gadriel's voice is thin and desperate. "I couldn't care less about-"

"Watch what you say, Sergeant," Titus warns.

"Damn you, Titus!" Gadriel shouts, throwing the lieutenant a vicious snarl. "Just let me-"

Ellie's shriek cut both space marines off. "Both of you shut up!"

The look in her eye, Gadriel can only describe as wild. Terror, anger, grief, pain, they're all raging within her expression. Twisting her features so terribly that for a second, Gadriel struggles to recognise her.

But he doesn't give up. He won't.

"Ellie, listen to me," he says, striding up to her. Ellie points her weapon at him, but with his forearm Gadriel shoves it to the side. "I'm here for you," he says. "Only you. I don't care about Severus. If I'd known you were here, I'd have abandoned my mission sooner.`

Ellie stares at him with wide, watering eyes. She breathes hard through her mouth. "I..."

"Fire that thing at me if you want, but I'm not going anywhere." As the next words leave his mouth, Gadriel's breath hitches in his throat. "I will not abandon you again."

He reaches for her again, this time to touch her arm. Ellie flinches from him, glaring like she's anticipating an attack, but not before Gadriel's fingertip brushes her shoulder. Startled, she steps away, the grip on her gauss cannon visibly tightening.

Gadriel swallows a mouthful of tears. "Ellie-"

"Did you hear that?"

He blinks at her. "What?"

Ellie shifts her aim away from Gadriel and points her weapon towards the sky. "That noise," she whispers. "Like humming."

Gadriel pauses to listen. She's right. If the night hadn't been so still, he doubts anyone could have heard it; but just beneath the whisper of the moving air, there is, in fact, the a slight, energetic hum. Stranger still, it's a sound Gadriel recognises. From where he isn't sure, but he can't shake the feeling he's heard such a thing before.

"Gadriel!"

He turns at Titus' voice. The lieutenant's visage is unchanged, but his tone is suddenly laced with alarm. "Get out of there, now!"

It's then that Gadriel's mind finally clicks.

The humming... It's the sound of a cloaking device.

Without a second thought, he leaps for Ellie. Grabbing her around the middle and holding her to his chest, shielding her body with his own. The moment he does, hundreds of sharp, heavy projectiles start raining upon them.

The humming sound ceases as the cloaking field disappears. In its place rise the thunder of a spacecraft and the scream of firing weaponry. Gadriel recognises both; not from experience or even from training, but from the mission brief he and his brothers had received just this morning.

"Severus is a known xenos collaborator. Specifically, he has formed some twisted working relationship with a war band of Dark Eldar..."

The thunder is the engine of a combat skiff. The screaming, the sound of shredder weapons unleashing a hellfire of razor-sharp spikes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And part 3 is done babyyyyyyy

Hope you liked it ^^

Part 4 should be up in a couple of days

Till then, stay safe out there kids

Taglist: @solspina @beckyninja @egrets-not-regrets @wolf-feathers12 @jaghatai-khock @lemon-russ @moodymisty @hatsubara-8chan @nereidof40k @yanagikou @fyxestroll @yurihasurunbara @lylakoi @justfreakynothingelse

[quixtrix]

the significance of blue - a somewhat analysis on the lost temple cult

this analysis is defunct due to wiki retcons! im only keeping this up for archival purposes, please read the updated version here ! the heretic katana skin jus got shown to the general public and the detail that stands out to me the most is the fact that katana's horns are dyed blue. teal blue is the colour motif of the church of the lost eye, and the fact that they go as far as to make members dye their horns for this blue is very interesting! let's get into why I think they do this and more about the church of the true eye :P

for starters, i am an art history nerd, i'm going into uni for an art history related major, and took an art history class. these are my credentials before you tell me im insane (but also i am overanalysing phighting rn so maybe i am insane). pls dont like. kill me for overanalysing actually i jus really like doing this kinda thing lol dont read if you dont wanna hear me yapping

with that being said, in history, blue has been historically associated with wealth and religion. this is due to the fact that blue, specifically cobalt blue, is difficult to mine, and because a deep rich blue such as cobalt blue doesn't have an easy alternative for the colour. the standard of ur for exactly is a symbol of wealth because of the amount of blue that it uses.

on the religion side, or at least in abrahamic religions (i cannot currently remember if hinduism or buddhism treasures blue like that), blue is associated with heaven. obviously because the sky is blue and what not, but also because it represents the spirit of god. this may also be because of the aforementioned difficulty of acquiring blue, but religious figures and buildings use blue a lot, enhancing the association with blue and religion.

this all fits in line with the lost temple, which 1. is a place of wealth 2. the largest religious organisation we've seen in phighting. blue fits them, analysis done and dusted.

wrong. i woulda let this slide if we didn't establish that dying your horns is a way to express oneself in phighting.

look at all the members for me real quick, look at their horns.

yeah i included dollmaker mainly bc it said on the wiki shes in the cult. shes not apart of this analysis tho sorry dollmaker fans.

all various shades of blue! specifically teal and dark blue. whether it be dye or not, it's something noteworthy.

i wanna point out that it's said that medkit and katana both share the same shade of teal. yknow what else that medkit and katana share that's related to the church?

only mention of biological family on med's side btw. also, since he was born with teal horns its smth of note.

and then katana has a brother. this is literally in dialogue.

yknow what's a big thing in the church of the true eye? family. their whole schtick is being a whole big family. honestly, katana might not even have a biological brother if my assumption on how the cult's rankings work.

basically, the highest figure we know in the cult, whether he be the head of it or jus a real high ranking figure, is referred to as 'the father.'

it's not a stretch to assume that the hierarchy within the cult is based off of a family. those who are the lowest are referred to as the acolytes (i assume they are the lowest because the broker refers to them as a whole and not individuals), those who are higher may possibly referred to with more traditional family titles such as 'brother' or 'sister' or even possibly 'mother.' it would make sense given the fact that they're literally big on the family thing. why would you call the whole thing family if you won't do the silly culty thing with the brother and sister thing within the cult do you hate love and joy and fun??? (obviously matches are a different thing entirely, but i feel like outside of the phighters we see, the reputation of being a cult family as opposed to jus some weird ass cult obviously had to come from somewhere. besides, reserving titles such as brother and sister for higher ranking officials would show significance).

i highlight the fact that katana and medkit have the same shade of teal because colour is so significant in the cult. broker, medkit, and katana look to have similar uniforms in terms of build and colour, with katanas being kinda an inverse of broker's. they all seem to work underneath scythe as well, with scythe in a white uniform and more gold, appearing to be more wealthy and have influence in the cult. while she also has teal horns, it's darker than katana and medkit's, and i don't have enough information to gather what that darker shade of teal could really mean.

but regardless, teal horns in the context of the church of the true eye can possibly mean literal familial connection. that's one possibility. we're going through possibilities of the meanings of the colours right now. i say this because medkit would have most likely been fucked if he didn't have the familial connection to the church because from what we've seen, going to another faction is not a real welcome thing to do. and then katana's horns are clearly dyed that specific teal, when he hasn't dyed his horns red at all. he could have had them dyed like broker's darker blue, but they're not.

teal horns could also jus be a cult thing and broker's jus being the lil weirdo he is. but i jus can't let go of the fact that medkit's horns and katana's horns are basically the same colour. it's been bothering me. it's why im here yapping right now. honestly i wish i could also explain why dollmaker or scythe has tealish horns as well, (with the lil bits on both of their horns sticking out!) but i jus don't have enough info on dollmaker.

anyways, since i'm already talking about katana's and medkit's horns, let's talk about that little gold ring on both of their horns.

horn decoration has mostly been seen as, once again, expression, but historically irl jewellery has a lot of significance culturally and religiously. first thing that comes to mind is the stretching of the ear lobes, which is associated with status and religion (think the buddha.) within the world of phighting, we rarely if ever see jewellery on horns outside of the cult. honestly i jus assumed that medkit was cunty but with the large gold piece on heretic katana's horn, it has to have more significance.

also. why are they on the same side. i know that the right side and the left side have meanings within abrahamic religions (eg. muslims not using their left hands to eat or drink because of the devil, 'the right hand of the father' being because the right hand of god is metaphor for his omnipotence) but i don't have enough info for the ring. it could mean that you were accepted as more than an acolyte within the cult, or again, the family tie, but there's jus nothing at the time of writing this that i can figure out. it's a bit frustrating. it could jus mean they're wealthy though

anyways, i think that's all my thoughts on the church of the true eye. i actually have a small idea on who the deity the church worships, but also i feel like that's like theorising who's the in universe jesus christ (because the church unironically can be compared to christianity. i might make another yap sesh on that.) so i didn't go into it in here lol. tell me all ur thoughts nd feelings on this, my askbox is open :P

[mrprettywhenhecries]

Interesting things I've learned about Billy and Max from reading the Runaway Max novel

Thought these would be worth sharing for those who haven't read the book, but like me, crave more Max & Billy backstory/lore.

Billy antis DNI

putting under a cut for spoilers

Billy's dad was a security guard at the bank where Susan Mayfield worked as a teller in San Diego, and that's how they met.

Max's mom has not so great taste in men, so compared to the other losers she dated, Neil seemed way better in comparison, at least at first.

Neil thinks Reagan is "the best thing to happen to America since Eisenhower". Figures.

The first time Max met Billy she thought he was super cool because he had an earring.

Max really hoped Billy would be a good brother to her 😢

Billy's car smells like hairspray and cigarettes. That tracks lol

Max's dad sounds super cool, but I can understand why Susan divorced him. He was into some kinda shady shit.

Billy's never been in a serious relationship. He dated a different girl every week, but seemed pretty disdainful of them all. -- "It was like he hated them, except he still took them up to the Sunset Cliffs to make out." Though honestly, it seems like Billy's just disdainful of everyone.

Once Billy got in trouble with the cops for trespassing at a construction site with his friends and Neil gave him the choice of losing his car for two months or signing up for junior ROTC and Billy willingly gave up his car.

Like Tommy, the main reason Billy hung out with his "friends" in California was because they basically just did whatever he said.

After Tina's Halloween party, Neil went off on Billy when he got home for not picking up Max after trick or treating (plus coming back drunk/high). Max left the room, but could still hear Neil hitting Billy. She tries not to care, but she still does. 🥲

Billy canonically works on his own car 🥵

Once Billy Max a cigarette after she told him smoking was bad for him. Susan caught them and went off on Billy, though he thought it was funny. However when Neil got home, asking what was going on, Susan lied, telling him it was nothing. Max had expected her to rat Billy out, but she didn’t. It was then than she realized that her mom wasn’t afraid of Billy, that she was afraid for him.

The first time Max had seen Neil actually hit Billy was after he’d gotten a speeding ticket. Her mom left the room and Max half expected Neil to stop when he realized that Max was still there, but when he took off his belt to use it, Max yelled at him to stop.

Neil only used her outburst to taunt Billy, saying he was weak and needed a girl to stand up for him.

After it was over, Max asked if Billy was okay, but he turned on her, embarrassed that she’d seen, and told her to get away from him. That’s when Max’s illusion that the two of them were in this together was broken.

When Billy said “You know what happens when I get angry. I break things.” is a reference to him breaking Max’s friend Nate’s arm because Nate had stood up for Max.

Billy had said it was an accident, that he’d been showing the boy a wrestling move that went awry, and the adults believed him.

Afterwards, Max's friends avoided her.

When their parents decided to move to Hawkins, they gave a lot of excuses for why—a new start, to get Billy away from his bad friends, to give Max more room to run around and be active—but it was really because Billy was acting out so much and they didn’t know how else to control him.

When Neil and Susan told Max and Billy they were moving to Hawkins bc the bank gave Neil a transfer, Billy cornered Max later in the laundry room and grabbed her by the arm. He blamed her for the move, thinking she’d told them the real reason behind her friend’s broken arm. She denied it, but Billy didn’t believe her.

The day that Billy saw Max with Lucas at the arcade he backs over her skateboard with his car ‘on accident’ but she knows it was his punishment.

Neil tells them that Billy will have to drive her around from now on, though he’d basically been doing so already.

Max decides to try to run away to her dad again, this time from Indiana, but she needed a lot more money for a bus ticket. She asked her mom for some money to go clothes shopping and her mom believed her. However, after Lucas showed up at the house asking her to come with him, she decides to stay in Hawkins.

Overall, it was a good read, a little hard to read at times during the abuse scenes, but I appreciated the back story and the insight into the characters. I was kinda hoping however that there'd be more info about what happened after Max knocked Billy out with the tranquilizer.

[melverie]

Aaahhh, thank you so much for the tag @king-a-queen!! 💚💚

15 Questions Tag Game

01 - Are you named after anyone?

First name: nope Second name: yep, after my grandma

02 - When was the last time you cried?

About a week ago bc I was laughing too hard Also techinically this morning. My eyes just started tearing up a bit while I was still in bed & staring against the wall. I guess that white wall was just tugging at my heartstrings

03 - Do you have kids?

The only children I have are my OCs <3 My current beloved OCs are Aym, Marchosias (💖💖💖💖💖), and Baal; all for Obey Me

04 - What sports do you play/have you played?

So as a kid, I took MSE (self-defense) classes, I did ballet for a short while, and I played badminton. But now I'm not really doing much sports anymore. I'm occasionally working out in a sad attempt to stay healthy but that's...not working out all that well because I keep forgetting about it lol. That being said, I walk anywhere as long as it's a walkable distance away (to me, that's around 90min max), idc it's the European mindset. Der Fußbus hält überall :)

05 - Do you use sarcasm?

As if I would ever smh what are these accusations

06 - What is the first thing you notice about people?

When I pass strangers on the street, I try to look for little moments that bring them joy. That being said, 90% of the time I'm just lost in my own thoughts & have completely tunnel vision, so imagine noticing anything 😭 When I first meet people tho, it's usually the way they look at you, which tbh is a little ironic because I sometimes just cannot look people in the eyes NFDHSKGJHKSDLGS

07 - What's your eye color?

They used to be blue, but now they're more of a greyish green with a few brown spots in them

08 - Scary movies or happy endings?

Okay endings, actually! Where characters don't get the happy ending they were hoping for, and some things are still a little messy, but all in all things are okay and they finally get to breath again. Though I guess that's kind of a happy ending? lol

09 - Any talents?

My newest talent is being able to imitate the cry of an owl. My sister explained it to me earlier & once I got it to work I've been doing it non-stop until I got lightheaded 😭 Worth it tho Other than that, being able to teach myself the basics of a lot of things within a day (one of the upsides of ADHD), as well as abandoning a lot of my projects after a while because I suddenly decided to start a completely different one (one of the downsides of ADHD) I also have a real talent for writing angst. Ask any of my closer mutuals, I keep terrorizing them with my ideas (love you guys 💖) And finally: telling myself that I'll go to sleep early & then it's 5am

10 - Where were you born?

in Germanyyy fun fact: I was born more or less close to a town that has a store called 'Mephisto' lol

11 - What are your hobbies?

being insane, obviously 💚 some of my mutuals can surely attest to that lol No, but in general I enjoy writing & drawing, as well as, uhm. Randomly deciding to take up multiple really time-consuming projects, such as the OM card rec thing I did that I still need to update ahhhh, my Obey Me OC & MC ask game that originally had 200+ questions before I cut it in half out of fear of it being too long, half of my side blogs, and SOOOO many other things. <- or in short, being insane 💚 I also really love cooking & baking! Side note, if anyone wants an easy chocolate lava cake recipe, you just need to ask... 👀 Also lately it's just been romancing Thanatos in Hades because I randomly remembered that I hadn't done that yet

12 - Do you have any pets?

I used to have clownfish and a starfish, but other than that I've never had any myself. I love the dogs I dogsit with all my heart tho, and there is this cat that I sometimes meet on my way to work. She always runs up to me when she sees me and won't stop meowing until I start petting her, and last time she climbed onto my lap (I sat down in the middle of the sidewalk, I did not care lmao), she's literally the sweetest 😭😭 I also ring the doorbell for her whenever it rains so she doesn't have to stay outside lol

13 - How tall are you?

1,68m or 5'6 if I got the conversion correct lol

14 - Favourite subject in school?

Heavily depended on the teacher, but generally art class because we usually got to work on whatever we wanted with and listen to music. Also English in 9th grade, math in 10th and German in 11th because the teachers were great

15 - Dream job?

I've been thinking of translations in general/software localizition for a while now. I just love dissecting all the small differences between languages (D.D.D.s being called 'D3' my beloved), + there are so many invisble choices made when translating. You'll always lose something because every language has its little quirks and a different mindset that can't be translated directly, but you'll also gain something that the original version didn't have. It's an art form in itself, and I really love that <3 The other job that keeps popping into my mind is event mangement. I already get to organize a ton of things for my uni since I'm part of the student council for one of my two majors. It's exhausting, but also really rewarding when you have people come up to you afterwards to tell you how much fun they had!

No pressure tags for a bunch of people, hehe >:) @alpine-forget-me-nots @healersadjust @misc-magic @sweetbrier2908 @reblogs-are-the-love @shootingstarrfish @mjoria @too-much-gacha @layphie @katboykirby @ghostlyyraccoon @lost-in-lamentation @bagofwetmice @glamphantasm @wizardthesai @mellonyheart @arlatthan as well as anyone else that wants to join!

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

Re: the zan post and her projection, i'd love to hear abt that one👀👀👀👀👀q

YEAH IVE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABT THIS

so basically smth that becomes v notable looking through the in character tweets by zan regarding the other dream friends, is shes v competitive n has quite the ego abt herself:she can recognize n acknowledge others skills rly well but her conclusion is either "well im better (angry)" or "well im better (excited to beat them)", this gets taken to a new absurd when introducing adeleine, where she immediately starts talking abt how shes hiding behind her canvas like a child n therefore does not know ~the path of strength~ n can never beat a ~battle-hardened warrior like herself~, n then she proceeds to keep downplaying adeleine even when shes showing new skills n seems excited to fight her after noting ado n ribbon were dancing around like its showing her some kind of lesson.generally she seems to take anything she perceives as weak or cowardly rly personally

so i was thinking like.i feel theres smth to be said regarding her strength fixation? when you take her backstory of having attempted suicide at a young age into account? suicidal ppl often feel helpless n weak, specially when theyre again, v young, so i could def see this all started from her trying to cope w that through just becoming the strongest n most confident, specially when her role in the cult was hyness' choice, so hed likely be giving her a lot of positive attention from succeeding in combat, smth she seems to rly want (from one of her playable screens) bc she absolutely adores him n would consider his opinion n approval like holy words (kanji used in jp straight up implies she idolizes him n generally anything regarding her feelings on him is so extreme in the original text lol)

so her issue w adeleine is just.ados a weak child who hides a lot, which feels like looking at a mirror to her bc thats her spitting image of when she was like that, which zan absolutely despises bc she spent so long "fixing herself" from that n the only way she can rly process this is by projecting n thinking theres smth inherently wrong w adeleine so she keeps bringing it up n up n how much better she is until she.i dont know honestly i doubt shes going anywhere w this beyond trying to make herself feel better by deciding to fight her lol.iirc adeleine has a splash effect w some of her attacks which zan is extremely weak to bc shes literally kept alive by electricity so i doubt ados in any real danger of getting beaten up

which brings me to smth i wanted to bring up bc as always extremely amusing zan has this huge ego shes a super strong warrior when her boss fight is designed to have multiple oversights regarding safe spots or spots where shes vulnerable to attacks n in the jp pause screen its said she uses her speed to "toy" w her foes like shes so sure shes got this shes messing around for her own amusement n she throws a huge fit when she loses n blows up the station w the cults own allies inside n laughs at your face abt it.thats just so funny oh my god.shes not even as good as she claims n shes a violent sore loser abt it

oh n ig this makes her weakly calling to hyness for help when she loses the second fight hit even worse since shes so confident shes so strong but at this state shes resorting to believing hell save her again.thats lovely

tl dr zan partizanne wants to beat up a child bc like most kirby characters she has a weird ego but shes getting mentally ill abt it.idk sorry ado but hyness hasnt complimented her in like a week n shes getting unstable

[deviantartdramahub]

Sighhh so I really do hate to talk about the forums at all, because from what I saw, that place is an absolute shitstorm that's a headache to even begin to describe but...I just wanna reinforce a point I've been making for ages and give further proof of it. Someone may say it's dumb I'm repeating myself like that, but it's just the people I call out are very fucking stupid, and need things endlessly explained to them so they can have hopefully a shred of realization, and even then that's being too optimistic for their intelligence.

Sooo Evie, one of the morons attacking some good people I care about, specifically Club, one of my most best internet friends, and Tri, a person I don't know quite as well, but still a kind and calm person I know I can trust.

So the only reason people like her are attacking these two is bigotry. Purely bigotry. Club is autistic, and Tri is asexual, so asses who've never matured past high school like to target minorities like them to be cOoL aNd EdGy lolll.

I've already provided so much proof for this but...why not add some more, because as I've said, it's very unfortunately necessary when the bad people I have to deal with are completely brain-dead. So the forums, I've looked at the posts about them, and internally groaned at the thought of ever having to cover that shit myself. This will hopefully be the only time I do so. In the forums, I've seen Evie use slurs. Examples include...http://web.archive.org/web/20240516215957/https://www.deviantart.com/forum/community/complaints/2736800

https://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2689626/5031912084 (In EdelgardMoon's thread...also Evie don't think your cringe-ass UWUifying the word gives you a pass lol, we know what you're trying to say.) AND SHE ALSO SAYS THE FUCKING N-SLUR IN EnryoAlpha's THREAD??? (Albeit once again butchered bc I guess this bitch thinks being SOOO QUIRKY AND RANDOM RAWR HEHEHEE XD makes it okay to say horrendous things lmao.)

Anyways Evie, it's clear to me you're a nasty person who doesn't give two shits about other people, you probably vomit at the very thought of giving another human being basic respect. You don't want to call out genuinely horrible people to help and protect others honey, nah, you just want to make up crap excuses for your bigotry, and it shows. I've got you in a corner, and I'm eagerly awaiting your excuses to escape. You're lucky you got that tail between your legs, or that kick in the groin would be real painful!

Anndd also, you may piss and whine about me harassing you or whatever lol, but I'm not gonna hear that shit when you actually do that for real everyday for funsies. Though I know you really are a coward, considering the fact on this very website you contacted me only to block me from saying anything else! XD

Fight the battles you start dear, lmao. You acting the way you do doesn't make you cool or funny, you're just pathetic and it's sad you're a full grown woman spending your life like this.

Anyways bye bye, God these people are getting more and more pathetic and laughable.

Agreed, regardless of her defense she might wish to give. Of note, she flunked school, so the school part may have another meaning.

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[ancanosaur]

Does anyone else remember how weirdly toxic the MK Fandom was around MKx era? Becuase I do.

Those like handful of blogs that were just getting into beef with random Kano fans and their whole thing was "Kanno is a peice of shit! And so are you for liking this fictional antagonist!!!" I remember a few who put anti-Kano in thier description of their blog and it was just a hobby to shame people for drawing Kano fanart or liking the character in any way. (And a small revival with mk11 since they made him fuzzy for that game lmao)

Weird uncomfortable age gap shipping... That whole thing about that one artist that drew Cassie cage/subzero stuff and a shit ton of people were like "uh, he's friends with her dad and is like 52. So that's kinda weird." But then it also turned into a headcanon argument bc people were like "yeah subzero definitely watched Cassie cage grow up and he was a part of her childhood." Wich is so funny looking back at it bc there was no need for people to theorise anything about the characters relationship any further than what is Canon for it to be weird.

That fucking Sektor fan who just casually wrote headcanons about Sektor being a huge fucking racist for no goddamn reason?????!?!??? The headcanon specifically was about how they ship him and Cyrax and how Sektor calls him slurs and physically, mentally, and sexually abuses him as part of thier romantic relationship????????????? And they even gave examples of the horribly racist things he says to him¿¿¿? And that Cyrax was just okay with it??? And ended the post with like " I love my evil little man 🥰" No trigger warnings on the post either and when they were critiqued for it they were like "it's realistic and it's just my personal headcanons and you don't have to agree. Sektor is my comfort character and this is just how i see him." -type shit. (Deeper lore about said person. I actually interacted with them way before the headcanon thing. They approached me wanting to rp and they were so controlling they were basically just telling me what to do the whole time. super rude and impatient. So they just suckedl lol.)

Art blogs getting wierd asks that requested them to draw the fem characters in what was very obviously kink art but the asker would ask it in a way to trick the artist into making free fetish art for them. I got so many requests back in the day to "could you draw mileena for me :) but with her jaw wired shut? :)" or "could you draw kitana wereing a new pair of flip flops for me? That would make my day." like ????? Vague to the point of its sus but there were alot of minors in the fandom at the time including myself, i was in highschool at the time. but I was raised on deviantart so I could smell a wierd fetish from a mile away. But I did see other young artists fulfill these requests and several of them completely unaware that they were drawing kink art. Kink art is cool. But not when you're tricking minors into drawing it for you for free. (There was this mileena anon that was the most common one and I swear it was the same dude bc it was always something to do with with her getting her jaw wired shut, her getting bracess, or some other hardware being attached to her jaw/teeth.)

Selfshippers/heteroshippers being like "I know Kung Jin is the only Canon gay character in this very cis het and hyper masculine video game franchise- but im gonna ship him with my girl oc :) becuase he isn't real and it's not wierd to just pick the only gay one :) out of a huge line of big muscle men to choose from :) to ship with :) my female girl she/her lady with a vagina self insert :) or ship him with Cassie :) bc they are friends and should date :) I know he likes men :) and erasing that part of him :) erases :) a big part of his character :) and character arc :) but he would look cute :) kissing girls :) bc im :) girl :) and so is Cassie cage :) and my oc :) - is what I remember.

2015/16 really was a time for the fandom.

[evansbby]

Some of my inspirations behind Wicked Games 4🩷🩷 *SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT*

The foreboding winds on the night of the gala

Okay so those who know me know that my favourite book series is flowers in the attic. If you read just an excerpt of this series and observed how Virginia Andrews writes, you’d be able to recognise just how much my writing is inspired by hers. It’s bc sometimes her writing makes me emotional, and I can picture things so vividly. ANYWAYS, one of the big themes in flowers in the attic is how the heroine Cathy kept hearing the loud, wild winds. She was imprisoned in an attic in a mansion up in the mountains, and mountain winds are insanely loud, like roaring level of loud. And she’d always talk about how the winds were trying to warn her about something. So…yeah. That part was very very inspired from flowers in the attic 😅 Like how she described the winds, it just stuck with me.

And it really just builds up the tension of the gala night perfectly and encapsulates the sense of foreboding perfectly too AND WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN how happy I was when so many of you noticed the wind descriptions in your feedback!!! Some of you even called it your favourite part!!! I love that 🥹🥹 Thank you! Also it really goes to show that READING is the best way to get good at writing. I would be nowhere if I hadn’t read all the books that I did in my childhood! I cannot stress it enough: reading really impacts the way you write your own stuff. Anyways, I added a quote from FITA below. I couldn’t find any wind ones (despite the fact that she mentions in ALL FOUR BOOKS the foreboding whistling winds) but yeah, can y’all see how her writing has inspired my writing?? I really think it has.

Steve’s personal problems

A lot of it was inspired by… well… me. BUT JUST HEAR ME OUT. The parts where Steve talks about having too many responsibilities, how all of it just piles up inside his head and it feels like his thoughts are screaming. I get that! Not to such an extreme extent as Steve, but I am someone who panics easily when I have too much on my plate. And it’s like I can physically feel my thoughts racing (it just sounds like me screaming lol) so that’s where I got inspiration for that! Obviously it was exaggerated to fit Steve’s much bigger problems (I’ve never had absentee parents or a younger sibling who I solely worry about all the time nor have I been kicked off the basketball team nor am I an alcoholic). But yeah! That’s how I knew how to write that overwhelmed feeling that he was feeling.

The chapter title “comfortably numb”

Okay so MAJOR SPOILERS for the tv show the sopranos ahead. Basically the song “comfortably numb” plays during a scene where something not so great happens to the character of Christopher. iykyk. And I found the character of Christopher very interesting. He was by all accounts a shitty person. But he was so sensitive, and he was dealing with a lot, and he’d try to escape it by doing drugs, essentially “numbing” himself to the pain. So the title does refer to Steve, who’s problems are piling up so high on his head and he KNOWS he’s fucked everything up for himself, so he just gives up and numbs himself with drugs and alcohol. I’m sure this was pretty self explanatory and didn’t need an explanation but yeah!

Wanda’s drunken tirade 😂

Okay so the part where Wanda only selectively hears what Curtis is saying and latches on to “reader slept with Curtis” and ignoring everything else?? I SAW THIS HAPPEN IN REAL TIME WITH TWO OF MY FRIENDS!!! Basically we were at a party, and we were young af like 16-17. And both my friends were drunk (I’m not friends with either of them anymore but this was in like 2016 bahah) anyways one friend thought the other friend had kissed the guy she liked, the other friend said she didn’t but the first friend was only selectively listening. AND I SWEAR I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN A LOT. Like when someone is so drunk they just selectively listen or just believe what they want to believe. So yeah that’s how I got the inspiration for that. And for a lot of these, I don’t even think what’s inspired me. I write it down and then read it over and I’m like “wait this actually happened to me IRL that must be where I’m getting these ideas from” 😭😂😂😂

Reader’s emerald dress and the gala

Okay this one I didn’t even realise was sooo flowers in the attic inspired until I read it over. So basically Cathy’s mother Corrine wears this gorgeous emerald gown to her family’s Christmas ball. And many years later when Cathy plans revenge on her mother, she remembers this emerald gown from memory and has it remade so she can wear it and confront her mother at the Christmas ball. I remember reading long descriptions of that gown. But tbh I didn’t really remember what that gown looked like or any of the details, just the colour was significant to me. Bc the gala was going to be a night of many confirmations too. The description of reader’s emerald dress all came from my head haha. Like the ruching and the slit etc. I tried to find a dress on Pinterest that matched my vision but none of them lived up to the image I have in my head that’s my own creation LMFAOOO

Andddd my mind is blanking now but if I remember any more inspirations I’ll add them here!!!

[gae-bug]

A slight hyper fixation is forming on the movie coco so here are some things I jotted down while rewatching it last night.

-We first see Dante next to a shop that sells a bunch of alebrijes

-miguel commenting on how cool de la curz’s guitar is And how his fav song is remember me little does he know that that's hectors guitar and the song he wrote for coco, also he knew they were connected in some way

-they keep up with the dimple only on one side thingy

-the talent of this kid for being able to make a functioning guitar from scraps lying around is fucking amazing, even if his shine for de la curz is a stong fire hazzard-

-learnt by just watching and hearing without actually being taught!!!?!?!?! Bro is insanely good

-"I'm gonna play even if it kills me!" The universe took that a Lil to literally lol

-oh Dante, he shall always be my favorite animal character in a movie

-the collective gasp

-at least Miguel's dad showed some sing of 'okay this is a little to far’ when she went to smash the gitaur

-the way he folds the picture the opposite way, so instead of Hector being the one left out its Imelda

-just casually stealing from the dead, smart move tho with the fire work.

-I like that the petals start to flicker

-how did people realize it was missing so fast bro

-"oh hey Miguel.….😨😨😨😨”

-the city in the land of the dead is so pretty but would also be terrifying as someone who is afraid of heights.

-Hector has no eyebrows, he does got some sick move tho

-I love that everybody's afraid of imelda lol

-imaging still having to work a service job in the after life-

-again Dante is my favorite

-Hector has a broken rib

-I also love Hector's confusion, he's like tf u mean that asshole has KIDSS!!!?!?!!?!??!

-Hector’s guitar has a golden tooth just like him!

-Dante being the best count like 15 lol

-would all these dancer s also get in legal trouble for faking unibrows or do they get a pass bc it was a celebrities idea?

-coresction, Hector had SEVERAL broken ribs.

-"what do you know" alot buddy, A LOT.

-bro took his femur, and DIDNT RETURN IT-

-okay, ik I said Hector had no eyebrows and that is true but basically nobody else really does either but it's more noticeable to me on Hector because of him taking off the fake eyebrows.

-the fucking detail on Miguels face, you can see his skin through the face paint as if it was real.

-the foreshadowing from looking at the shot glasses, one dunk, one still full.

-the nuns are also playing remember me before they even said that everybody is playing it

-one of his arm and one of his leg bones are also being held together by what I think is gauze? Idk it's blue it might be ribbon.

-I love hectors excitement when migeul stars playing poco loca, especially considering that it was most likely a song HE wrote about Imelda

-he called Miguel's musical fantasy stupid bc his got him killed.

-skeleton horses have been spotted, plus 10 points(I say as if I'm keeping a point counter lmao)

-him laughing and genuinely having fun with people who actually enjoyed his music

-he looks better as a skeleton low key- (de la cruz)

- yk there's a thing called stairs Miguel…

-the shock on del la curz’s face bc he knows he DID NOT have children, but he sees this as an opportunity to get more famous so he runs with it

- notice how he doesn't mention him leaving his family bc he didn't leave a family

-can't believe this dude has pools in the shape of the gitaur that he murdered his best friend for.

-he murdered his best friend, stole his guitar, stole his songs AND profited off his death by putting in a move and making himself seem like the victim in that situation.

-all Hector cares about is seeing his daughter one last time

-takes his guitar before Hector even hits the ground.

-when Imelda says I give you my blessing the petal lights up but when de la curz says it the petals stays normal

-as soon as de la curz is meant to be seen as the bad guy you see him in green and purple lighting, colors Disney like to use for villains.

-even though he is fading hectors first priority was comforting miguel

-THE DETAIL ON EVEN THE TINIEST OF THINGS BRO

-seeing Hector with skin is weird to me for some reason, maybe it's just because I'm so used to seeing him without it.

-Dante very well has over a hundred points for being the best at this point

-hector holding his hat like a sad wet cat.

-Imelda has earings but no ears-

-"she’s talking about me! I'm the love of your life!?" One of my favorite moments lol

-bro was stupid enough to keep the photo in his pocket.

-"I don't know what I said" "that's what I heard 🤭😏"

-'that's interesting yk why,’ 'why?' 'Because- *runs away*' seriously tho the run he does lmao

-this entire family got moves bro, and are also very good at avoiding the cops.

-I hate this fucking asshole

-YES! PUT HIM ON BLAST!!!!!!

-dont you fucking call him 'old freond' you fucking bitch

-yes boo him off the stage! Throw your tomatoes!!!!

-bell: 2 Ernesto: 0

-you can start to see Miguel's skull through his skin

-her earrings are just pierced through her cheekbones-

-he follows the petals home

-"not all of us" STOPPPPP.

-I'm glad they didn't try to make it seem like he was singing perfectly and instead had it so you can hear the tears in his voice

-it's dirty gauze and duct tape that's holding his bones together btw

- it's been a year and bro has not gotten better clothes.

Edit: ok hector actually did get some slightly better clothes I think but like they are very similar to his old clothes and seem a lot worse compared to the rest of his family’s

[stolitzsings]

💖, 🖋 and 👨‍👩‍👧 for the ask game! (I probably got at least one of the emojis wrong but hopefully they still make sense 😂) - @blitzwhore

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

Can't believe you're gonna make me think of something nice to say about myself 🤣 I've been told I have a very "lyrical" style of writing, and sometimes I'll write a sentence or paragraph that flows really well and just Hits. I love those moments when I feel like I've really nailed it at a word-for-word level.

👨‍👩‍👦 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic?

Most people in my life know I do writing of some sort, but I'm pretty vague with the details lol. I only talk about writing fic with irl friends who also write/read fic (and I don't tell most of them that I write smut, just bc I know it isn't their jam). I told my therapist I write "character studies," because what is smut if not horny character analysis? 🤣

🖋 Post a snippet from a current WIP

Putting this one under the cut!

Ok I was a little nervous about sharing this because it's from a longer AU I've been toying around with, and historically I'm very bad at sticking to longer projects. But regardless of what I do with it I had a lot of fun writing this scene of M&M tormenting Blitz lmao

Blitz could feel his face heating up. “He isn’t— It’s not like—” Fuck, he was losing this one fast. “Okay, so maybe we’re boning or whatever, but it’s just a casual thing, you know? It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” Moxxie raised an eyebrow. It was almost impressive how smug he looked. “Who said anything about dating?” “I think he just did, babe.” Okay, now they were getting on his nerves. He could feel his spines starting to bristle.  “Look. It’s just a convenience thing, ‘kay? He gets to have his bad boy fantasy, and I get a reliable fuck who I know won’t steal my kidneys while I’m asleep.” It wasn’t like Stolas would ever really consider a relationship with someone like him. Disowned or not, he was still a royal. And that was fine! Blitz didn’t want anything complicated, anyway. Fucking was easy. It was comfortable. It was all either of them was looking for.  “If you say so, sir.” Moxxie had somehow dialed the smugness up to eleven.  Blitz rolled his eyes and walked towards the door. “I’m firing both of you. And I’m keeping your shares for today.” He was pretty sure Moxxie started to say something in response, but he was out the door before he heard it.  He let himself stew as he made his way down to the parking lot. “Looking for excuses,” for fuck's sake. They were hired killers! What did they expect? He was going to get injured sometimes. And it only made sense to go see Stolas, who knew more about this shit than any of them did. Besides, a quick fuck sesh was good for you, or something. Boosted your sero-whatever levels. Got your blood pumping. It was basically healthcare, anyway. Talk about a bedside manner, he thought to himself, grinning. He made a mental note to use that one with Stolas later. He'd think it was funny.

“C’mere, B, let me take a look at that scratch for you.” Millie had opened up their first-aid kit and had just finished bandaging a shallow cut on her thigh. Blitz looked down at the wounded arm that she’d gestured to. It wasn’t serious— an annoyance, more than anything. He shrugged. “Eh, that’s okay. I’ll just have my guy take a look at it.” Millie eyed him skeptically, like she was trying to catch him in a lie. “You know, you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with this mysterious “guy” of yours lately.” Moxxie looked up from his paperwork with a conspiratorial smile. “You’ve been seeing him for everything, even minor injuries. Almost like you’re looking for excuses to pay him a visit.” Oh great, the famous M&M tag team. “What? No, I haven’t.” Even he knew he sounded defensive. “Sure looks that way to me.” Millie crossed her arms and perched on the edge of the desk so that she and Moxxie could give him the double stare-down. Cute. “Are you sure that medical attention’s all he’s been giving you?”

Thank you for the ask @blitzwhore! I'm still answering these prompts if y'all are curious 😊

[lets-try-some-writing]

Your CC Warfare fic legit had me stressing out so bad I thought I was feeling a genuinely new emotion, lol. That whole thing was like a really bad car crash: it's terrible what happened, but you can't look away. If Strongarm had just said nothing, she would've avoided putting her foot in her mouth and getting in trouble. With how tense everything was, I see no reason why she would jump in. I understand she was trying to help Sideswipe out of that situation, but she did it in like the complete opposite direction! She should've reared him in, not back him up. She said it herself that they were war veterans. Though, I suppose that's easier said. Strongarm may be intelligible of the war records and Autobot law, but truthfully, plain intelligence pales in the face of wisdom and actual experience. Intelligence says: this war could've easily been won because of xyz. Wisdom and experience say completely otherwise. And I guess that is one of the points Optimus is trying to make: that Strongarm and Sideswipe do not have the wisdom or experience to understand exactly why things played out the way they did. I have the feeling the two simply looked at the war records itself and not any history that came before, especially Optimus' involvement with Megatron's revolution. I don't know if that would make much of a difference for Sideswipe tbh but I think Strongarm would be able to see just a little why Optimus couldn't outright kill Megatron in the beginning like Sideswipe said he should've. Even so, going back to the records itself , it won't contain legitimately every single thing that happened. It probably only recorded decisive battles and notable events. Billions of people were involved, and with that many variables, it would be impossible to say that the war could've been won if only Optimus did something sooner. WHICH BY THE WAY MAKES THIS SO MUCH WORSE. Sideswipe (and by extension Strongarm) is basically saying that Optimus is personally responsible for dragging on an intergalactic war just because he didn't off one guy as if the most wicked bots in the face of existence werent out there making lives worse on purpose under the cover of the war and would help stretch it to continue their sick actions. As if there weren't a hundred other Megatrons ready to continue the war themselves the moment Megatron died. If I could write an essay on every reason why the war dragged on, I'll be writing until I die and never come close to finishing. Even within the small game Optimus planned there are obvious reasons why it wouldn't be a quick or easy victory if they even win: limited number of fighters (no guarantee they'd hit the max min bc rallying people to fight is difficult), no details until they got to Helex (you're not always going to know what your goal is when being sent out to fight), no resources from the state (war is expensive and getting funding is difficult). So imagine that plus way more reasons plus on a planetary scale. The scope is simply unfathomable. Anyways, I think this comment has gone on long enough lol. Excellent work as always and I'm excited but also incredibly nervous to see how this all plays out. Take care!

YOU ARE PICKING UP WHAT I AM LAYING DOWN!!!

This whole fic is one giant show. Optimus wants the idiots under Bee's control to LEARN. You've already picked up the logical reasoning behind the rules he's laid down so far. And let me tell you, its only going to get more complicated. War is a difficult and unpredictable thing. Optimus is going to make that as real as possible in this non-lethal scenario.

Is it overkill? Maybe. But if even those serving under Bumblebee don't have the barest inkling of the truth? It hints at a FAR larger problem. I am going to have so much fun writing this thing. I want to get a few chapters stockpiled and then I will post them on Ao3 and continue there :3

Thank you for enjoying my writing and giving this lovely analysis. This sort of things makes my dad and encourages me to write more.

[edsheerankinnie]

favourite less common mlp ship? also if you want to rant about them please do!!!!

ooh this is a tuff one bc i dont have a FAVORITE favorite per say. but there are a couple i do enjoy!

soarburn: ok so i actually wrote a fic on this! Ik theres absolutely no basis for this in or outside of the show, but part of what makes it so fun is imagining all the interactions they COULD have. I mean, think about it, Braeburn's super extroverted, charming, and hospitable; Soarin's an accomplished athlete, plus hes friendly and simplistic--kind of reminds me of their female counterpart (appledash). Like guys imagine Soarin in his suit and Braeburn ~flirting~ w him.. ouhhh imagine their banter !!

lunajack: ok ive actually seen some rlly good takes that got me on this ship! If i didnt hc Luna as aroace it'd 1000% be one of my top ships of all time. They could have such a good princess x pauper dynamic, a high society royal x simpleton farmer union. Plus like others have said, Applejack is one of the most people ponies ever and has this inherent, idk kindness?? and Luna meanwhile has this huge distance from others because of her years of exile, her particular role as a princess, and all of the walls shes built up from the guilt of nightmare moon. She was one of the first ponies to try and connect to luna in the most welcoming way possible despite her aura that one time she visited ponyville. Hell even luna called her "fair Applejack" at some point😭 like u cannot tell me aj's heart didnt at LEAST skip a beat😭. imagine being a farmgirl just hangin out in a scarecrow fit on nightmare night and the literal goddess of the moon calls you "fair" in return for some of your help, im weakkhjghfhgjfg

sugarmacbra: So actually im (sort of) writing a fic on this. The only reason it exists is bc i recently found out big mac is canonically bi and polyamorous (at least according to his VA), and im a sucker for a good polycule. That added with sugarmac (which i adore) and the fact that King Sombra is literally also bi, i was like, hey, what if we combined these elements, right?? Anyways, im not so much a fan of the dynamic that exists so far as i am of the idea of big mac in the most bisexual polycule ever, but who knows? maybe ill continue the fic and create the most life-changing heart-wrenching three-way pony love story

Cadance x Shining Armor x King Sombra (their ship names suck😭): Speaking of polycules, this one has a lot of potential. Sure, shining Armor is the straightest guy alive, but if we could pretend hes bisexual for a minute, i think him and Sombra in particular could have a LOT of chemistry. Plus given how hes basically smitten w his wife, i love the idea of him being in love w BOTH of them, like, more love for the golden retriever himbo !! Ik its not a super fleshed out especially on cadance's end, but the potential is there. Also, this ship has nothing to do w *that* ao3 fic (and if u dont know what im talking about i promise u dont need to see it. its gross).

somburn: I think we can all agree on braeburn giving massive fruit vibes, plus his overall personality. I was actually really inspired by this one post. I kind of need this to be real now. I love the idea of this evil fuckin guy having a sweet spot for plain ol Braeburn, who in contrast chooses not to see sombra as an evil threat but instead a smexy hot hunk. And to top it off, he "tames" Sombra/Sombra sort of changes for the better to be w him? Honestly its so cute.

anddd thats all i can think of atm lol. this took me way longer than i expected to answer

[spurgie-cousin]

Part of me thinks it’s Jill’s 1980s/90s cosmetology schooling that makes her do this to her daughters (I just looked up 1980s makeup and the thin comma brows definitely show up) because that’s all she knows how to do, but also there’s a small part of me that’s beginning to agree with the snarkers that think she fucks up her daughters’ appearances on purpose because she wants to be the most beautiful one in the house and can’t let her daughters outshine her.

I know that’s a common theory with probably no solid proof, but Jill’s phone is with her all the time, there’s no way she doesn’t see any current makeup and hair trends online. Or even in real life. They travel enough that surely Jill and the girls have seen that very few people are doing their hair and makeup that way anymore? Unless they believe it makes them stand out? But that doesn’t mesh with their alleged beliefs on modesty and being humble.

Jill is a hornet's nest of contradictions tbh, especially in the modesty department. I think Jill would've finished up home/high school in the 90s, if she was born in '78 and got her cosmetology license at at least 18 or 19, that puts her in '96ish at the earliest? which makes her choices even more baffling tbh bc that's closer to Y2K than the mid 80s.

I think, like with her religious beliefs, Jill decides something is true and then that's that, she's incapable of evolving past it for the most part lol. She'll change little things here and there, like the eyebrows I pointed out, but the basics start pretty much the same: dark lipstick, dark bottom eyeliner, big, dyed hair. She probably learned her basics from her mom in the 80s (who also loves her a big 70s/80s hairdo) and then just locked that in for the rest of her life.

Just based on the clothes/makeup/hair Jill has put on herself, I'm not sure if I'm totally in on the theory that she's trying to make her daughters uglier, esp considering the fact that she believes that looking good is second only to motherhood as far as what makes you a good biblical woman (again, hornet's nest of contradiction). I think she wants her daughters to be hot, her idea of hot is just kind of clownish and outdated. I think just like Jill, a lot of the girls just locked in the beauty basics she taught them and threw away the key. For Nurie though I think it's also possible that years of over-plucking really fucked up her brows ability to grow back (I did that shit to myself in the early 2000s too) and she just doesn't know what else to do with them besides trace over what's there.

Also what you said about standing out, I do think that's true for their clothing choices at least. Jill has said herself that when it comes to modesty, she almost over does it to make sure everyone who sees her family knows they're being modest on purpose. Like when we see the girls in otherwise modest dresses that still have a tshirt underneath, or the boys in jeans in 100 degree weather at the beach, that's on purpose according to Jill.

[positivelyadhd]

ik its not ur usual positivity but THANK YOU so much for that post!!! I feel like "gifted kid burnout" really dominates the conversation and thats only one experience of many.

I was diagnosed with adhd in elementary school and was basically like. "the kid with problems" "lost cause" my entire life. one of my teachers even directly told my mom she should be ashamed of me lol. any successes were like-- "see what you just did? imagine how much more you would be capable of if you didn't have adhd." to the point where I don't even feel any sense of accomplishment for graduating college. it's just one more "failure" i avoided in other peoples eyes. (i dont personally think not graduating college is a failure at all btw, that is just Society's Message™)

this part is kinda tangential but from what i've seen a lot (ofc not all) of gifted kid burnout posts are like, if only i would have been diagnosed earlier all of this could be avoided. and maybe that's true - I understand where it's coming from at least, the frustration of feeling that something is wrong but not knowing what or having that "proof" that you're not just "lazy" etc. im not saying this isn't a valid wish or frustration but in my experience... hoooo boy.

personally being diagnosed with ADHD in the early 2000s, didn't meant you got support, it meant you were written off from the start, adults thought you had no future, you were seen as a "problem child" like it wasn't "oh you're not lazy you just have adhd!" it was "you have ADHD so you are built to be lazy and theres nothing you can do about it lol" so it didn't solve much. just created a different type of problem. im very happy to see things look to be changing though!!

I'm curious if other people had a similar experience and thank you so much for adding the 'diagnosed but not supported' part bc that is so real!!!

Absolutely this!!

My experience with diagnosis and lack of support was strange, but basically my primary (ages 4-11) school (I believe) suspected I had adhd/dyslexia and did offer some (very limited) support. But they also always told my parents they didn't think I had a learning difficulty when they asked because I was in extra programmes. I don't really think the support they did give me really helped all that much, and honestly, when I did get my diagnosis (around 12/13?) I'd spent so long thinking there was just something "wrong" with me that I feel like the lack of diagnosis was a lot more negatively impactful than not receiving support would've been.

My secondary school then managed to flip this and despite me getting my diagnosis part way through, nothing really changed either. Being told I had ADHD/Dyslexia changed me and my understanding of myself. I finally felt like things made sense and there was a reason i found things so difficult, it wasn't that there was something "wrong" with me but the system was not built for me. Although my diagnosis was early compared to some people, it felt late to me, and everything that can happen when you're undiagnosed had already set in.

I wished I'd been diagnosed earlier but honestly, I had a similar experience to you, and I don't think it would've done much. And even when I was finally diagnosed, my school also never really acknowledged my diagnosis and wouldn't put any of the accommodations that I needed in place (despite my diagnosis coming with a report which explained everything they should've been doing to support me and how they could've done it) I didn't get any accommodations for my neurodiversity until I was in uni, and I got my diagnosis in 2015 so at least for me, my experience wasn't that different to yours in the early 2000s.

When I tried to fight for the accommodations I should've been given, I was told that I would pass my exams, and so it didn't really matter, they didn't believe going through the hassle of giving me accommodations would help me (although the diagnosis report itself said otherwise.) I always felt similarly to you, I could scrape by but "imagine how much better you'd do without dyslexia/adhd" but I also had this weird "well because you're "gifted" you can get average grades, you don't need support!" message as well?

And yeah, just like you, I didn't really feel as accomplished as I should've done when I finished uni. I'm proud of myself for doing it but I do feel this weird pressure of knowing that if I didn't have adhd/dyslexia or managed it better, I would've done much better.

I apologise for rambling about myself but yeah thank you for this ask! I feel the same way, and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in it as well.

I wish you the best dear anon <3