#but regarding anger
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#sigh I will delete later#but regarding anger#I keep telling myself not to feel this way#beating myself over the head#because with so many things in life I can cope#but whenever I create something and it kind of#I don’t know how to use the correct words#maybe I just wanted more maybe I thought there could be#but it just never happens for me which is FINE ok but I am#sad tbh and angry at myself for feeling sad#I get almost enough validation these days but with me back at writing#THE ULTIMATE validation machine#even with my love to tell stories#I hoped for just a little bit more but guess I needdd to try harder#nobody’s fault though that’s for sure#I just needed to get this out and once I am less angry at myself I will reread this and cringe#and then delete
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I’ve just read @nyoomerr ’s new fic w plushy bingheeeeee and sick sy w his indecent modern clothing
https://archiveofourown.org/works/53865835
#i love how sys obliviousness to his own jealousy parallels to binghes in regards to his anger manifesting as attention seeking behavior#my art#illustration#svsss#shen qingqiu#art#luo binghe#digital art#digital illustration#shen yuan
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Details in Stan's letter that still haunt me
(how long will I continue thinking about a two page letter that's technically not even that long because Stan's handwriting is fricking large? .....you don't need to worry about that.)
The bro code only shows up in the Lost Journal pages, and to me Stan's message feels like it purposely echoes Ford's "miss you" in the college photo (and for some reason the message doesn't appear in the website version of the photo?) ....or alternatively Stan simply noticed how distressed Ford was about this entire thing and wanted to support him in a way so he can be sappy but without the kids knowing, or both!
Stan's claim about the Oregon lottery contradicts what the Lost Legends website said about Tate McGucket's ability to predict the winning numbers!! ...but also breaking into the Lottery HQ is definitely a very Stan thing to do and it's not the first time small gags have been retconned
Despite spending most of his letter nonchalantly destroying him, the taunt about ripping a dollar bill in half is the only part where Stan is directly responding to Bill. Maybe it's the two of them having similar ways of thinking but it's rather specific considering Bill taunts the reader about it...
And after Bill spends an entire book calling Ford Sixer despite normally using a pretty wide range of nicknames for him, Stan then spends his letter mainly referring to Ford as Sixer, even though post-Weirdmageddon he tends to use a mix of nicknames. And it's not like he'd gotten to see Bill himself for long, let alone see him steal that childhood nickname (that is only used twice in the actual show btw!). Did Ford tell him what happened or...?
With all this and the website's "still on your mind" message, what I'm getting at is my tinfoil hat theory of Stan somehow seeing some of the pages the irl readers saw, even when it should be personalised to the specific reader, and he's been lying about it for some reason. Considering that the book flat out doesn't make an attempt at convincing Soos, I find it a stretch that whatever Bill was telling Stan via the book was an attempt to convince him either.
Wouldn't be the first time Stan's skimmed through a book and lied about what it meant to him.
(...Now I kinda wanna see a story about the family reading their versions of the book and making fun of it while Stan is improvising every single one of his pages and blatantly ignoring Bill's attempts to mock and taunt him)
But also I'm fascinated by the letters that only showed up on the website (aka the Soos+Wendy+McGucket+Pacifica ones). I'm assuming that Mabel had stuck them on after Stan's letter... but they were basically eaten by the book itself because seeing Stan's letter kick-started Bill's breakdown which takes up the rest of the book
#im wearing this tinfoil hat with pride i know something is up!!!!#like three things in one letter??? ...i mean the handwriting is another thing but for another reason that i already mentioned elsewhere#(of course i also love the idea of same coin theory being flat out the reason why stan's perceiving the book differently)#gf meta#stanley pines#stan pines#ford pines#book of bill#bill cipher#also i'm still kinda annoyed that pacifica got a letter over candy and grenda cos like.... she didn't really do anything in w3 lmao#meanwhile grenda literally ripped bill's eye out and the girls were the main ones holding him off!!! give them respect hirsch!!!!#they helped with the unicorn spell!!!! they're an extended part of the group!!!! they saved stan before!! give my girls respect!!!!!!#also some folks are assuming that the 'miss you' message was directed at mcgucket but if it was for him#i feel like it'd be scribbled on the page itself and not be part of college ford notes in the bg (and ford would use a different cipher)#mind you the photo itself is a day after he met mcgucket so there's no reason why ford would direct it at him#they literally just became besties!!!#and this is a ford recently estranged from his brother and is still trying to convince himself he only feels anger towards him#(i saw some saying that ford shared the bro code with mcgucket too and im ??? theres an entire page about him hiding his childhood stuff#i get there's the 'oh disney!!!' easter egg now but ford at that time was pretty touchy about anything regarding stan#(alex saying that if mcgucket had found his stan o war photo ford wouldve lied and#brushed it off as an inspiration to his career in science instead admitting that he's holding onto it cos he misses his twin)#plus he'd show another recent code that wasn't made by literally kids if he really wanted to share one imo#but also j3 is him using them to hide info from mcgucket!!!)#two sides of the same dollar bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom
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Let us scream into the void for our batshit insane jester into the void together-
What do you think about Shadow Milk Cookie who once had a lover during his days as a cookie free from corruption, and when that day comes where he wreaks havoc onto Earthbread, his lover stood against him and lives freely during his imprisonment.
To see their fragments in the present, whether it's their name or their achievement as one of the cookies who went against a beast... Or to know how they're known as a cookie who loves a beast until their end.
(can I be 🍡 anon?)
Shadow Milk Cookie does not take your betrayal well.
Not agreeing with his philosophies is one thing, but acting out against him— helping those wretched witches seal him away— he won’t forget it. He stews in his rage, replays the moments of your treachery over and over again. He doesn’t blame you, he blames the witches. Those cowardly, despicable, rotten farces of gods. You are incredibly misguided by them, that’s all it is. You just need a little shove in the right direction, and once he escapes, he’ll happily provide that.
While Shadow Milk Cookie does not think you are at fault, he does believe that your actions warrant some sort of punishment. He pours himself over this during his imprisonment; ways to get back at you, make you suffer a little before he feels you’ve earned his forgiveness. Nothing he thinks of ever feels severe enough, there is nothing you could possibly do to mend his broken heart. (Perhaps if you stay by his side; spend the rest of eternity repenting and groveling, proving your loyalty and remorse, never estranging yourself from him again… maybe then, he’ll consider taking pity on you.)
After he breaks free from imprisonment, he’s all smiles and theatrics. Naturally, it’s a deceptive cover. Beneath his conniving grin is a deep-seated resentment. He tears the silver tree asunder with a manic smile and a burning desire for revenge. There are many things he intends to reclaim:
First of all, the other half of his soul jam.
He’ll run circles around that false little hero— as he finds that Pure Vanilla is surprisingly susceptible to corruption. It’s an excellent warm-up after laying dormant for so long, and Shadow Milk Cookie intends on enjoying every second of that thief’s descent into madness.
Then, once that’s out of the way, he’ll come for his silly, misguided, deceitful little lover next.
#Beast of Deceit#Spire of Truth#cookie run kingdom x reader#crk x reader#shadow milk cookie x reader#shadow milk x reader#🍡 anon#He’s a very spiteful person…#When he hears of the legends of a cookie who helped seal the ‘beasts’ he scoffs#To him you are no hero more than you are a lying little worm#Luckily (or unluckily) for you… he’s a good person! And he’ll forgive you if you join his emo band and apologize 3838728293 times a day—#—for the rest of your life.#I need to make it clear that after eons with nothing to do except contemplate his conflicting feelings of—#— of anger/betrayal/grief/love/hatred regarding his (once) lover—#— Shadow Milk comes out of that tree pretty twisted. All those feelings have accumulated into a wretched and horrific obsession—-#— that you will never be able to shake.
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do you ever just remember how one of the most effective things parvis said to get silence to lose faith in saria was essentially "do you really think she would ever choose YOU over everything?" and silence with her low self esteem really didn't believe saria would.
Then in the end saria really did choose them over everything, left her defense director job and her whole life up to that point behind for the sake of silence and ifrit. and silence still doesnt even know. do you ever think about that and lose your mind a little bit.
#turns out my pre lone trail jitters translate to reread the rhine lab manhua and lose my mind over it all over again#its one of those stories i could write multiple essays on#like silence's lack of self love#do you ever notice how in the final scene when she makes her big declaration about curing ifrit joyce and 'the many many infected'#she never mentions curing herself#how she runs into the flames looking for ifrit with no regard for her own safety during the diabolic crisis#even the funny gag moment with joyce is based on silence overworking herself and joyce pushing her to take care of herself#and here where parvis basically says saria would never choose you and silence instantly just accepts that as true#of course saria wouldn't choose her#even her big grudge against saria is anger on behalf of ifrit not for herself#this owl has such a big heart and so much love for everyone but herself#arknights#olivia silence#saria
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also while we're at this jason is far less of an "unreliable" narrator than you always act like he is, you just can't accept the other bats ever fuck up.
#also the other bats are unreliable narrators *regarding jason*#but if you think jason would get over his INCONVENIENT FEELINGS#(trauma and righteous anger)#if ONLY he knew (prioritised) what the other bats suffered (about something that happened to HIM)#that's soooo not a conversation you're ready to have#talking to the void#my thoughts#jason todd#dc#dc comics#dc thoughts#bat clan#fandom nonsense#bitter lau tag
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SOUTH PARK OMORI AU BECAUSE IM ACTUALLY INSANE
If anyone has any questions about what the actual fuck is supposed to be going on feel free to ask !!!
Hopefully this makes sense to someone out there
(basically stan is sunny, Kyle is somewhat Aubrey, Kenny is somewhat kel and a little hero, Cartman is NOT hero though, butters is basil and shelley is mari. And tolkien is kim now ig.)
#omori spoilers#omori#south park#sp#stan marsh#kyle broflovski#kenny mccormick#eric cartman#butters stotch#shelley marsh#shelly marsh#tolkien black#my art#toki drawz#ok no but im thinking like#kyle moreso has a family like kels and kenny moreos has a family like Aubreys#which i acknowledge#bit it doesnt really matter#both sunny and stan have divorced parents and i would say r not exactly emotionally vulnerable or mature and confronting.#both kyle n aubrey have anger issues and regarding this au both wpuld habe lole a more cheerful or positive attitude when they were younger#and both are trying to find peace in thjs comtext ig. wnd both might have a harder time saying sorry or smth.#but both are pretty honest ? pk sorry my head hrjts i should ne sleeping rn.#kenny and kel though. i feel like theyre both ignored by everyone? like idk kels parents sre implied to not give as mucj attention to him a#tjey do to hero bc kel achieves less and isnt viewed as a priority. and also due to kel neing confused or mayne s nit more dende than otjer#he didnt exactly process jis traums like the otjers which mightbe msde him seem like he didnt care sht the incident ss juch ss eberyone els#and yeah ok sirry im rakbling.#south park au#sp x omori
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just to make sure we are all on the same page in this corner of the internet, i want to be explicitly clear about my stance/feelings on some things:
if i come across "content"/fic in this niche that i absolutely do not like, do not vibe with, am not interested in, that icks me out completely and totally—i scroll past it as quickly as i can and i move on with my day.
in the case that it's "content"/fic that really bothers or triggers me in any way, i make sure that i have blacklisted/blocked certain tags and keywords so that in the future i may not come across those things again.
i also understand that there is a variety of tags used throughout the internet and that websites are not perfect/things slip through the cracks. people are also human, and mistakes are also made.
in the event i am exposed to something that i do not want to see, point blank, i would never and will never believe it is my right to harass and terrorize the person writing said thing/s, and if i witness this kind of behavior being celebrated among the people around me, whoever you are, i will be removing you from my space.
to be perfectly and abundantly clear: i will always be a supporter of dark content, and its right to be written. even if i don't understand it, even if it "disgusts" me, even if i never want to read it.
please understand that i do not say this with hostility, nor do i mean it as a threat or to be confrontational. you should protect the space that you are in; this is me doing that, this is me making sure that you do that, even if it's against me.
#this is my honest and true opinion regarding this topic: if you need to block me for it then i made this post for you#i want you to be aware of my feelings so that—if they don't align with yours—we can protect OURSELVES#AGAIN i do not mean this with any hostility or anger#but i am continuously surprised by the behavior that a large amount of us exhibits time and time again#really and truly and sincerely: don't like ? don't read. block and move on.#quit attacking people. educate yourself. grow up.#HONESTLY with all the love in the world i want that.#i understand that sometimes people don't tag the things they should; that IS their fault and they SHOULD do better#but that does not give you the pass/excuse to be hateful to them. it just doesn't.#if you can't be a decent adult and have a conversation with someone then you need to block them and move on
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**oshi no ko spoilers**
the more I look into it, the more I'm convinced that they understood each other very well. Ai knew exactly what words she could use that'd prove effective for Hikaru and let her achieve her desired results. Hikaru is one of the two people who suggests Ai is a normal girl with fantasies forced on her... That backfired in a really tragic way
#oshi no ko#hikaai#hikaru kamiki#ai hoshino#ai is really clever; I'm sure she knew what she was doing#she didn't mind getting hated if she could “help” him. that's what I think#oshi no ko spoilers#spoilers#the thing is- I don't think hikaru has it in him to try and hurt Ai#there is no sense of anger in his words; he just accepts everything that's been told#those kinds of emotions don't usually lead to destructive actions. I don't think he ever meant to hurt ai#if he did I'm the one who's going to call him out lol#oh and one more thing#this guy laughs/smiles when he's very distressed. it's a consistent habit he's showing. it's there in 153 and 154 too#this is such a fun piece to examine and analyze in terms of the emotion it displays.. I don't do this a whole lot with other works I read#but I keep seeing stuff regarding onk. the emotions are very delicate with this one#doodle#kamiai
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One of my favorite character moments (and the thing that immediately made me love him) for Apollo that I think is so intensely important to understanding him goes way back to Case 2 of Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice.
In that case, Trucy stages a “kidnapping” by using Mr. Hat to distract the court, and when Apollo rushes out into the lobby and sees her safe and sound…
He cries.
He’s so overcome with worry and relief that he cries for a girl he barely knows. A girl who, for all intents and purposes, almost cost him the badge he worked so hard to gain. A girl who focused most of the time they did know each other teasing him and not taking him seriously.
And yet, he cries for her anyway. He sobs, even.
It’s a throwaway moment, likely done for comedic effect, but it really hit me, and Trucy’s immediate earnest response telling Apollo not to cry and then him doubling down with protective rage on her behalf hit it home harder, y’know?
Apollo Justice, at his core, cares. Despite his surly attitude a lot of the time, this is nonetheless a defining trait of his. He cares, so much, and so easily, and we see it firsthand right there as he cries for a near stranger.
(And I also think it’s worth noting that the first time we really, truly see Trucy lower her performance mask and cry herself…it’s to Apollo.)
#apollo justice#trucy wright#ace attorney#rambling hours#actually I can go on and on about these two and their relationship and their characters and how alike and different they are simultaneously#two faves right here frfr#but yeah Apollo crying in case 2 for Trucy made me love him and then he did it AGAIN for Vera at the end of the game#he’s emotional!!!!! he cares!!!!!!! he tries protecting himself with anger and sarcasm but he feels so much it bursts out of him anyway#oh mannnn the way he and Trucy are parallels in certain regards#the way they both latch on to people so quickly and with everything they are#the way both pretend they DONT care in different ways when they very much do#their abandonment issues and inherent abilities do NOT mix well with how much they care for those around them#Apollo gets by through pushing people away or keeping them at arms length#and it’s notable that he only willingly lets people close when those people are hurting (ie clay)#Trucy meanwhile is the opposite in that she brings EVERYONE into her sphere#and in doing so keeps them at the same arms length away that Apollo does#they’re so interesting to think about I love them dearlyyyyy#I LOVE inherently lonely characters#gramarye family stays the most interesting family to me despite basically all of the older members being Awful in some way#and I would even say they’re cursed in some capacity but u didn’t hear that from me lol#also side note but turnabout corner is GOOD actually
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anyways, still deeply invested into my read of Ganondorf being an immense bully to children partially because, in a way, he rationalizes that putting children through the grinder is baaaasically kind of helping them to grow up faster, in a throwing you into the river to teach you how to swim kind of way, and if they can't handle the grinder, they were weak and it's on them and they can either suck it up and try harder, or get wrecked and die
and obviously that says absolutely nothing about how his own upbringing may have been handled, right twinrova, nor anything about how he may have buried a profound bitterness about the fact he was never really allowed a childhood of his own, and it's not fair others, especially hylians, get to spend their own carefree.
of course not.
#thoughts#ganondorf#mostly thinking of the oot one I don't think it would apply to the totk counterpart#even in the best possible case and in the best possible light#twinrova + his inherent role in gerudo society *severely* fucked him up#I think his strange relationship to link is quite interesting in that regard#because he does admire his courage and resilience in a way#but also often mocks it as futility#I wonder how much of himself he sees in young link#thrown into brutal circumstances by larger forces to face impossible odds#and how much he resents that link gets to be a hero facing him --when he never got that grace himself#I think that when we speak of ganondorf's envy it often comes down to “oooo he wants the green lands and Power >:(”#and I don't think that cuts it for me#I think he does possess envy but that it's always semi-connected to that sort of “why not me?” sense of injustice#that hyrule and its legends ignore because. of course.#because acknowledging that ego wound would mean acknowledging the natural order of its world as deeply unjust and arbitrary#and of course the hylian pov can't account for that#I think my general read on ganondorf is: diversity win! you can be both unstable and kinda pathetic AND correct in your anger#and you can go about your legitimate rage in the most buckwild insane inexcusable way possible too!!! wonderful
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im not autistic but i believe in their beliefs (because i share like 80 % of symptoms typical for autistic women with yall)
#overstimulation? check#bursts of anger? check#overwhelmed in social situations and needing a lot of downtime in my safe space? having comfort people? check#seeming ‚weird‘ to other people? check#always feeling like i dont fit in with the girls? check#overly excited over small things? check#sensory issues? check#never knowing when its my turn to talk in conversation? check#people reacting weirdly when i interject in conversations? check#monologueing about my special interests? check#special talent? semi check because i dont think im that good at drawing but i used to get in trouble in school for drawing too much#often say inappropriate/inappropriately frank and honest things unintentionally? check#extremely analytical thinking especially regarding social relationships but unable to make me less weird? check#having been the odd one in my family and school and at work all my life? check#having specific rules how everything has to be done? needing rituals and structure and a controlled environment? check#social anxiety as a result? CHECK#the list goes on…#its the adhd/bpd mix i think#personal
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All fun and games till someone says some bs that Disco Kid isn't gonna let slide.
For real just the embodiment of,
"Oh! We're being rude now? Awesome! Cool! My fucking turn"
#Don't really have any hc for Disco Kid in regards to anger :/#I just make the iris color whatever goes with the vibe tbh#character illustration#digital art#wii punch out#punch out#disco kid#cw eyestrain
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the sense that cassie would knock into tony
#not even only regarding Gregory but ellis as well#she'd see this perfectly good friend who cares about tony and has stuck by him for years that tony grew up with#and yeah hes a little flawed but not enough to be dropped or condemned#and shed see how tony blows him off and resents him bc of his own pent up anger and wants to stop hanging out with him#on top of watching tony treat gregory as only a mystery/ggy#(bc this would have to be post book+sb and pre ruin id say)#and shed get mad not only on gregorys behalf but on ellis'#friendship is so important to her and shes grateful to have met Gregory every day#gregory whos flawed like ellis is but tony still wants to take him for granted#both ellis and gregory#shed yell soo much sense into him#and its even more interesting during some sort of plotline where they have to stick together#like ur my only ally and its killing me watching you treat your friends like this but i have to stick with you#doesnt mean i wont scream at you after noticing all this#tony and cassie having different outlooks on a ggy esque plotline#like finding him or solving it or something (but cassies friendship was with the real gregory)#and she watches how as she cares about helping and saving her friend and making sure hes okay#tony is treating it like a detective case and like gregory is just a mystery to solve like hes a goal and not a person#or his FRIEND#cassie would be soo mad#maybe like during ruin or something tony is there#and she doesnt know about the murderous part until she yells at tony about how hes treating finding Gregory#and then he explains it all to her but is like i donnttt think it was him he mighhtt have been possessed#imagining post ruin Tony is the only thing keeping cassie from spiraling#like thyere trapped down there for a bit and he finds a way out but cassie has been being whispered to by the mask and shit#he keeps her from being turned against gregory in this case#using the words she threw in his face about friendship back in hers#not-gregory duo#tony#cassie
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rayla haters + ppl who think callum can do no wrong are really out here like "he's a sweetie pie he's never mad he doesn't hold grudges" and then you show them a single pixel of her and they're like no!! not like that!! like bitch bffr
#rayla haters dni#seriously block me#i dont tolerate that im a theatre kid with anger issues TRY ME#rayla tdp#callum tdp#rayllum#y'all. listen.#they are both messed up.#they both made bad decisions about each other and stuff NOT regarding each other#BUT IT'S WHAT YOU DO ABOUT IT THAT COUNTS AND IF ALL YOU LOOK AT IS THE HURTING YOU NEED TO TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#smh#absolutely SICK of this#giveusthesaga#continuethesaga#at least be consistent in your sexism jesus christ
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shame on yj for skipping over robin jason. the one thing ill never forgive them for 😠😠
I know abt his cameos in s3 and 4 but idk. the audience never saw jason as robin. we dont really know his relationship with the team or w bruce or whatever. also its just been a long fucking time? since his death? it just takes away the emotional impact imo. not to mention the stupid amnesia thing ugh :/
#jason todd#young justice cartoon#young justice show#young justice tv#yj tv#yj show#also hate it when jasons anger as red hood is attributed to the league(altho i dont think that is what yj is doing)#he has extremely valid reasons to be pissed at bruce lol#ALSOALSO#if yj goes the victim blaming route regarding jasons death... 🔪🔪🔪#all of this is IF the show gets renewed btw
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