#its one of those stories i could write multiple essays on

[kurozu501]

do you ever just remember how one of the most effective things parvis said to get silence to lose faith in saria was essentially "do you really think she would ever choose YOU over everything?" and silence with her low self esteem really didn't believe saria would.

Then in the end saria really did choose them over everything, left her defense director job and her whole life up to that point behind for the sake of silence and ifrit. and silence still doesnt even know. do you ever think about that and lose your mind a little bit.

[kotir-propaganda]

Mossflower has so much going for it, like I’m not even being biased because my blorbo is in it. I will die on the hill of it being Best Redwall Book for several reasons.

-It’s as early Redwall as you can get without actually being Book 1. As such, it avoids a lot of subjects and patterns that would later become repetitive tropes... but it also avoids the Book 1 jankiness of horses and human structures and the implied existence of Portugal. The world as we will come to know it feels more or less fully realized here. The abbey’s not here yet, but its foundation literally is- and we also get our first look at Salamandastron and the extent of Mossflower Wood as a whole.

-It has some of the most solid protagonists around. The legendary hero Martin is here, but he’s at a low point for most of the story and has to work his way up to that legacy! And this is where he does it, this is what future Redwallers remember him for, not the events of Martin the Warrior. Also, Gonff is here? Hello? Maybe the single most charismatic character in the series? Not to mention Dinny, how often does a humble mole actually get to go on a quest in these books?

-This isn’t even getting into how badass all the rest of the woodlanders are, too, but... they absolutely are. This is a small band of rebels that’s been driven from their little houses, they don’t have the luxury of those huge sandstone walls to protect them, but they’re still fighting like hell and outsmarting their enemies to boot. Some of them are seasoned fighters, but some of them are just ordinary families, all banding together to take back their homeland. And they keep it up the whole time! They’re not just waiting around for a guy with a sword to tell them what to do!

-The villains are probably the most nuanced in the whole series. Seriously. There are four whole wildcats here (don’t forget Sandingomm!) and only ONE of them is unquestionably evil. It’s absolutely implied that Verdauga was a fearsome warlord in his day, but if nothing else, he raised ONE kid who turned out to be about as Lawful Good as you can get, and he actually scolds Tsarmina for being mean to her brother!! I wish we could have spent a little more time with Verdauga, honestly, I have so many questions for this man.

-There are a decent handful of morally grey characters here, actually. Chibb spies for the woodlanders, but he’s not the most dependable and is motivated by payment more than sympathy to their cause. Snakefish allies with our questing heroes, but he minces no words in warning them that he’ll just as soon eat them if it comes down to it. Even Argulor is really just out here looking for a bite to eat and can you really blame him, because ashleg is a snack

-Tsarmina herself is irredeemably cruel, but even still there are multiple facets to her. On one hand, she’s scary- big and powerful and ready to rip into anything/anyone with her bare claws. At the same time she can be a clever strategist when she wants to be- poisoning her father and framing her brother, and later manipulating two of her obstacles, Argulor and Bane, into taking each other out. And still yet it can be kind of funny to watch her in action, as she gets humiliated by the resistance on multiple occasions. And maybe there is even a little pathos there, as we see her mind start to slip, and get some glimpse into the deep fear and paranoia that completely overtake her at the end.

-There are just great supporting characters on both sides. Mask is amazing, Fortunata is fantastic. And yeah, Blorbo Supreme Ashleg is here, and I don’t NEED to write a whole essay about him to promote Mossflower as a whole but... having him here is nice! It helps!! May we all follow his example and pursue happier lives for ourselves!!!

-Mossflower laid the foundation for so many events and characters of later books. I mean yeah, it’s a prequel. It’s there to support the first book and by extension, everything that comes after. But so many other great titles in the series have a direct line to Mossflower, from Outcast to Long Patrol to Lord Brocktree and more. Did you enjoy those books? You’re welcome. The threads were already there, just waiting to be expanded upon.

-at one point a wooden leg gets used as a projectile weapon and if you don’t think that’s the best thing ever, I don’t know what else to tell you buddy

[spidermanifested]

been rewatching black sails for the third time (showing a friend) (as one must) and im finally solidifying my thoughts on one of the things i most love about it. which is that, a lot of times a story will have like... you know. Love vs Hate. Good vs Evil, Anger vs Forgiveness. and those themes can have their place, sure, but when it comes to meaningful commentary on the human condition they really tend to wind up falling short

and black sails doesnt have that. instead the main dichotomy that drives its characters to action is Hope vs Fear. and i could write a thirty page essay on this, in fact i have attempted multiple times to provide supporting arguments in this post but i cant start typing and contain it to Not thirty entire pages so you will just have to trust me. on this one.

[lesbianboyfriend]

tell me about this btvs sexual violence thesis…..

okayyy i’ve been talking around this on my blog forever bc i haven’t had the mental capacity to make a coherent post about it but let me try now!!! i have some older posts that touch on some of these ideas too—i’ve linked a couple of them where relevant but honestly i could not find a bunch of them…but they are somewhere in my btvs lb tag. also note: i’m definitely still workshopping these ideas so id love to hear thoughts/rebuttals/expansions/whatever !!! it’s also all right now mostly working off my own thoughts/observations so i definitely want to do some research….i hope to one day write an actual essay about this

basically the summation of the buffyverse sexual violence thesis is that there is a narrative of sexual violence that is haunting the story. it goes pretty much unaddressed by the narrative at large, but it’s the crux of almost everything that happens.

i think there are two very obvious standout moments in btvs that highlight this sexual violence (the theory at large also encompasses angel but as i’m not entirely done watching it yet im gonna focus on buffy here, though i did touch on it briefly in a recent post about cordy’s death) which are the first slayer story and the spike attempted rape scene. going to talk about the first slayer first cause i think it’s kind of the framework for everything but important to note in terms of info that we get we + the characters aren’t aware of the first slayer story until after the rape scene.

imo the story of the first slayer is deeply deeply coded as a story of sexual violence. it’s about a woman being violated by a group of men who literally chain her down and force something into her. already, we’ve seen how being the slayer has isolated and harmed buffy, kendra, faith….its treated as almost a desirable, enviable position of honor (somewhat similar to how being a victim of sexual assault is sometimes painted as meaning the victim was “desirable”) but particularly once given this context, it’s hard to view being chosen as the slayer as anything but an act of violence against these women.

this is important to note because in a sense, it’s the slayer who upholds the moral binary of the buffyverse where good=soul, human and bad=no soul, demon. now this binary pretty much falls apart upon the slightest examination, because the story would not be as interesting if it was that simple. so there are multiple demon or otherwise characters who straddle this moral boundary—INCLUDING the slayer who not only straddles but enforces it. the outlier characters are presented as just that, outliers to this system, not indicators of its flaws. they are only good insofar as their goodness is directed towards maintaining the system. assimilation, not liberation.

okay, so, the spike rape scene. what’s notable about this scene is that it is, to my knowledge (?), the only moment of sexual violence that is explicitly named as an act of sexual violence. even in angel, which i feel has more overt moments of sexual violence, it’s not actually usually named as such. but what happens in this scene is explicitly named as a rape attempt. it is by far the most significant moment of sexual violence in btvs. so what exactly is going on with this scene?

now, there’s a lot that could be said and discussed about like, spike as a character, his motivations, etc (currently cooking up some thoughts about this myself), but for the purpose of this analysis i want to look strictly at what role spike is playing narratively in season 6. so, looking at this on a doylist level but NOT to be conflated with me excusing his actions on a watsonian level. anyways if we think about it season six is kind of a rejection of the larger moral order previously presented by btvs…i’ve talked about this vis-à-vis the demon/human evil/good binary and how season 6 really troubles those binaries. a lot of the season is about buffy grappling with these notions that perhaps her moral worldview is not correct—which leads to her spike. she’s previously made allowances for spike in this worldview, so she uses him as a sort of vehicle for exploring alternate theories. unlike the other demons we’ve seen allowances made for, spike is not “good” in the sense that btvs posits goodness for demons. he has done “good” things and he can’t hurt humans, but he is pretty explicitly still doing a lot of evil stuff. so spike gets to exist in the greyest area of any btvs character—his chip troubles the binary of who is and is not good/evil, not to mention who is morally killable under this worldview.

through her relationship with spike, buffy joins him there in that grey area. HER humanity (goodness) is questioned, which is not something that’s previously been up for serious debate. i talked before about how the slayer inherently straddles that binary, but as i said, both the characters and the viewers aren’t aware of that at this point. all of a sudden, there’s a total moral upheaval that creates lots of conflict….and this rejection of the prior moral order and exploration of what lies beyond it is what makes season 6 so compelling.

BUT season 6 isn’t the last season. and as we all know, season 7 kind of sucked!!! and went seriously hard on reifying that good/evil binary. so how did we get that wild shift between seasons? the rape scene.

as we know, “real evil” is only done by demons despite the countless terrible things we’ve seen human characters do. when spike tries to rape buffy, it cements him firmly back into the realm of monstrosity. violence, evil, whatever, they’re all signifiers of a monstrosity that removes the character of their humanity. we see this argument time and time again irl when people argue that people who do bad things are no longer human, thus rejecting the idea that they themselves are also capable of those bad things. this is why it’s so important that this moment is named as rape, as sexual violence, unlike the other instances. with the attempted rape, spike is ousted out of his grey area, back into “evilness”. buffy, as his victim this time, necessarily returns to the opposite side of the binary as him. buffy stops fighting against her role as slayer—she stops questioning the veracity of the system. in fact, she goes on to expand it, violating even more women in the name of “good.” spike realizes he has to conform to this moral order in order to “have” buffy (much to be said about that another time lollll) and regains a soul, the necessary signifier of his “goodness” and willingness to support the system he once troubled so severely. thus, the moral order is restored through an act of sexual violence, highlighting exactly how it predicated on the very sexual violence it claims to abhor.

some loose notes on other working parts of the thesis:

-general historical connection of vampire stories to sexuality (carmilla, dracula, etc)

-vampirism as sexual predation (penetration, vampires picking victims by seducing women at clubs)

-mystical pregnancy (in angel especially: cordelia, cordelia again, darla, cordelia…..) as a violation in and of itself and also a vehicle towards death

-angel and buffy in general. him being attracted to her since she was. 14

-sex with buffy returning angel to evil? not sure exactly how this would fit in yet but. there’s something there

-spike’s entire attitude for women

-xander’s whole deal

-as a matter of fact the way that pretty much every male character is misogynist

-episodes ted and billy (angel) -> presenting violence against women as stemming from an inherent monstrosity (billy somewhat contradicting this? but also reifying it. it’s left unclear tbh)

-darla in angel season 2 as a parallel to buffy in season 6…need to think more on this one as well

-dana….

[stillness-in-green]

Hi, are you still working on the AFO Retcon Essay? You mentioned a few times you are not sure if Horikoshi retconned AFO's original plan or if he always intended for AFO to take over Tomura, but made AFO act somewhat contradictory from the start regardless. Did this ever make you feel like there are too many possibilities in regards to Horikoshi's original intentions to take into account and could therefore make it harder to write the essay?

Hi there, and thanks for your interest! I did actually talk about this a good while back, towards the beginning of the year; you can find that post here. It says pretty much exactly what you did and goes a bit further--that I'm so distrustful of Horikoshi as a writer that I have no idea anymore what might have been retconned and what was his intention from the start, and further, that even if something was his intention from the start, I don't trust him to have laid the groundwork for those intentions with honesty or good faith.

Instead of the AFO Retcon Essay, what I've been poking at instead is some sort of massive retrospective of all the problems with BNHA's endgame. That's going to require a reread on my part, and some decisions about formatting--namely, do I want to do the reread privately, on my end, and then write the Mega Chonky Essay and post it when I'm finished, or do I do it publically, read-along liveblog style, documenting the problems as I go?

At the moment, I'm leaning towards the second. I have some tentative ideas about keeping a running list of (to use a witticism from the Twitter fen) Themes & Such, ideas and ideology the series sets out and how well it lives up to those ideas--or how it fails to. I'd also like to keep track of things like character arcs and foreshadowing, documenting things with an eye to where those arcs go, what the foreshadowing amounts to, whether the series keeps its implicit promises, and so on. I suspect it would wind up looking something like a cross between the heteromorphobia essay and my chapter thoughts posts.

On the other hand, a format that deals with one group of problems at a time could feel more focused, discussing all the evidence at once of any particular topic rather than having to keep many (many) plates spinning across a retrospective of the entire series. I also already have the broad outline for that, since it was my plan last time I was seriously poking at the idea. It would probably still end up being posted in multiple parts; the parts would just cover different groups of characters or aspects of the series per installment, rather than e.g. each installment covering an arc and everything in it.

I suppose there's nothing stopping me from doing first the former and then the latter? I'm planning to reread the whole series anyway, after all.

In any case, I like that kind of installment-based format not least because I'm also in the early stages of getting a Patreon set up aimed at supporting my meatier chunks of fandom writing and potentially giving people some ability to point me at this or that topic. A multi-part analysis of BNHA--something in a similar style as my documentations of heteromorphobia, the problems with the anime's adaptation of My Villain Academia, or even, to reach back to an older fandom, my episode-by-episode write-ups on Human Debris in Gundam IBO!--strikes me as a good way to get that off the ground.

I've got one or two things to finish getting off my plate before then, and I'd want to wait until the last volume of BNHA officially comes out (12/4) just in case of any thirteenth-hour surprises, but keep an eye out! I'm not inclined to paywall my writing, but maybe an early access sort of model? I'm also going to want to find a blogging site that's more aimed at hosting long-form writing than Tumblr is. We'll see!

In the meantime, to give everyone an example of the kinds of things I'm looking at tracking through the story, one of the things that most vexes me about the ending is how it not only fails to resolve its contradictory ideas of saving and heroism, it feels to even recognize those contradictions. Here's a chunk of my notes on that topic from the outline of The Mega Chonky Essay in its current form.

• Nana says saving isn’t just saving someone’s life, but also making sure they’re smiling in the end. But that means that saving their life is the prerequisite. If Eri died smiling, her smiling would not prevent everyone from recognizing her death as a tragedy.         • “Perfect Victory” is defined as both “winning” and “saving” flawlessly—that is, every fight is won, and no one is left unsaved. This is introduced first as an ideal for Deku and Bakugou to strive for, with both of them needing to work on different parts of the equation, and continues to be an aspect of Bakugou’s characterization, as it comes up again in Joint Training. But it doesn’t stay locked to them, as All Might says directly to the American pilots that they can’t be allowed to die because the kids are aiming for a Perfect Victory.         • A pivotal question for Toga and the larger series is, given that Heroes are supposed to save people, how do Heroes justify killing Villains? Do they not think of Villains as people?         With all three of these ideas in place, the challenge becomes how to navigate the endgame to a place where all three concepts are honored/resolved. The ending must demonstrate that Heroes do see Villains as people while also being able to achieve their desired Perfect Victory—they must win against the Villains while also saving them, where “saving” means that the Villains’ lives are saved and they’re smiling in the end.         Or must they? After the first war, the series introduces another concept of how to save people, albeit one that runs directly counter to Nana's definition of a saved person as someone both alive and smiling: Gran Torino says that killing someone can be a way of saving them. He and Nana can’t both be right, so to confront and resolve that discrepancy, the story will have to acknowledge one of them as wrong. (Spoilers: It does not.)         In the end, Toga dies, and Deku kills Shigaraki, and if both of them die smiling, well, you sure as hell can’t say the same for e.g. Gigantomachia or All For One or Dabi or any of the thousands of unhappy Villains who wound up in prison (many of them likely bound for the gallows!), alive but decidedly not smiling. Heck, All Might, in trying to console Deku, moves the goalposts even more by suggesting that all Deku needed to do to get the credit on “saving” Shigaraki was make sure his inner child wasn’t crying anymore. Not only does he not have to live, he doesn’t even have to be smiling! An absence of obvious grief is enough!         Thus, you wind up in this place where you have an unsolvable problem: somewhere along the line, either someone failed or someone was wrong, and the story, in being unwilling to confront that disharmony, winds up undermining other established themes and goals. Did the kids “lose” because they failed to meet the criteria for the Perfect Victory? Was the definition of “saving” wrong? Was Gran Torino wrong or was Nana? Was the definition of Perfect Victory wrong? Was Toga correct in her fear that Heroes don’t see Villains as people?         No matter what the answer is, it runs afoul of some previously established Theme in the story. Even if the idea is that the ending is downbeat and bittersweet because the kids failed (and the story is using All Might’s goalpost-moving to resolve the dissonant definitions of “saving” in Gran Torino’s favor), that still means yet another theme is violated: that of BNHA being a story of how Deku+his classmates become “the greatest Heroes.” After all, the story also defined “greatest Heroes” for us! The greatest Heroes are those who can achieve Perfect Victory.

Whatever form this essay winds up taking, these are the sorts of concepts I want to discuss in terms of how the series sets them up compared to how it winds up following them through.

Thanks for the ask!

[burins]

Hi! I need the director's cut for "get out before the drop" please!

oh MAN. thank you for asking about get out before the drop! the jaydick topdrop fic is one of my favorite things I've written. i've been a little reluctant to talk about my jaydick fics because part of me was worried i was going to get death threats in my inbox and i got enough of that at work. but fuck it! i'm very proud of those fics- I think they're some of my best characterization work.

i wrote the bulk of get out before the drop on my phone at 2 AM after waking up in the middle of the night (like all the best fics: while slightly possessed.) like everything i write it's about bodies, but it's also about identity and boundaries and how your own understanding of those can smash up against someone else's. i say that not because i generally set out to write fics that are capital A About Things, this isn't an episode of degrassi, but it's kind of obvious what themes I had rattling around in the trunk.

continuing the rest of this below the cut (including discussion of consent and sexual assault)

obviously it's also a fic about consent. I said this in a few comments but I think fandom often sticks to one kind of story about consent-- which i absolutely understand. your standard rape recovery fic is a very cathartic story for many, many people! but in real life your partner is not a perfect fuck machine who dispenses sex in exactly the way you want it, in part because they are a human being and not a mind-reader. but also in part because for anyone, but particularly for survivors, it is often difficult to tell the difference between "this is uncomfortable but in a good and healing way" and "oh god i gotta eject." and that's no one's fault! learning to listen to your body again after ignoring its signals for a long time is hard, and it sucks, and sometimes you learn where your boundaries are by whacking right up against them.

that's all general; in particular i wanted to write that kind of story for dick and jason, who are two people who have lost control of their bodies innumerable times and in incredibly dramatic ways. i think that has got to fuck with your head unbelievably! i think dick in particular is extremely used to pushing through physical discomfort to get what he wants to achieve, whether that's a mission objective or a training goal or emotional closeness. he's been doing it since he was a kid on the aerial bars! he started out ignoring his body way before the multiple on-page sexual assaults that DC doesn't want to acknowledge as sexual assaults. and also all of the mind control, of which there is so much that i wrote a whole other fic about it.

jason, on the other hand, I think is someone who tells himself one story: he has very carefully forged his body into exactly what he wants it to be, which is a weapon. and he is determinedly not thinking about the ways in which he has had absolutely no control over his body (his death, his resurrection, the pit-related changes.) the story Jason tells himself is actually quite similar to the one Dick is clinging to, which is another reason I love to write about them.

a side note: I'm of the school that doesn't ascribe to long term pit madness. I think Jason comes out of the pit a little crazy in ways that have everything to do with profound trauma and very little to do with supernatural whammies. he makes his own choices immediately after coming back and they are bad ones. I think taking that agency from him makes the story much less satisfying and much less tragic. and there's plenty of other ways he loses agency! he died!

all of this was rattling around my head while I was writing. but then I had to actually end the fic. which I struggled with! I was worried the ending - where Dick says alright, let's go again, redo - would come off too pat. but I also didn't want to fall into the trap of making dick a weeping damsel. (fandom's general desire to make dick grayson experience misogyny could be an essay in its own right.) and ultimately I'm happy with where I ended it! it is almost certainly a bad idea for them to jump right back into sex after both of them had panic attacks. and what is jaydick but not a bunch of bad ideas that somehow end up working out.

this post is so long. I didn't even get into the identity stuff, but I feel like that is much more on the surface of the fic and I kind of said what I wanted to say in the fic itself. thank you for asking!

director's commentary meme!

[stylecouncil]

the people need your verdict: were hemingway and fitzgerald lovers?

do I think they were ever physically lovers? I really have no idea/its improbable that it went on too long if it went on at all and what the extent of it would have been, esp considering how weird fitzgerald was about sex to begin with (read sheilah grahams memoir. which I really do think stems from some sort of abuse, esp when you consider certain pretty telling statements about catholicism/the one intense relationship we know he had with a priest as a young man). both were also so publicly defensive about homosexuality (esp fitzgerald, probably out of necessity of being so outwardly feminine, although you see a real complex view/fixation on it in his actual writing) that it would be unlikely real evidence of this would survive whether it happened or not. zelda certainly seemed to think they had an inappropriate relationship in her eyes, but it’s hard to quantify exactly what that means esp when you combine it with the deterioration of her mental state.

the two of them immensely disliked each other, of which there could be multiple explanations for and might simply come down to hemingways misogyny and cold hearted clinging away from “feminine” showing of emotion or what he said it was, the belief fitzgerald was wasting his talent by remaining married to her/trying to get her help/remaining in their whirlwind of a relationship, but tended to look like this 👇 and was frequently very nasty

in terms of their emotional relationship I certainly think it was intense and scott seemed to value hemingway far more than he valued him (the constant references to him in something like the crack up, the tales of showing up to his house drunk in the middle of the night, the talking about him incessantly to mutual friends etc) but that being said hemingway also seemed to be fixated on scott in some sort of one-sided battle, like he was constantly trying to prove himself the better/not “like” scott ie not as feminine and, in his eyes, pathetic as scott. it seems like there was obviously something within scott that scared hemingway to death. this fixation even carries over to his writing (see: the snows of kilimanjaro, im which fitzgerald is essentially made the poster child for the weak man, a man who may as well already be dead, letting women rule his life, published shortly after fitzgerald released the crack up essays and the ensuing fall out/one of my favorite letters from fitzgerald to hemingway). the fact that fitzgerald seemed to genuinely admire women seemed to be a real sore spot between the two, especially where it concerned zelda. either way, in between their disagreements and the eventual dissolution of their relationship, there were obvious signs of real closeness in their letters

and there seems to be real deliberation in the way hemingway writes about fitzgerald in a moveable feast. like he wants to cause harm, but then also keeps pulling back, (there are a few great essays I’ve read that go into what hemingway left in vs took out of a movable feast regarding fitzgerald, I have a few posts on here that reference them) also don’t get me started on the weird probably false and just meant to make fitzgerald look bad, but nevertheless strangely homoerotic scene he writes into the book about fitzgerald showing him his dick. (It’s a whole thing, also fits right into the theme of hemingway’s need to reassure his own masculinity by using fitzgerald as a scapegoat for his own insecurities).

long story short, I think the two both had some complicated feelings for eachother, a lot things related to fitzgerald are particularly sad/telling

I would say that fitzgerald was in love with hemingway but I’m not sure he knew exactly how to process those feelings/would even admit that to himself so it’s hard to actually fully say that was the case. how hemingway felt is even harder to pin down because he was even less likely to admit something like this to himself. its clear that he almost viewed fitzgerald as a woman and simultaneously treated him in the same derogatory style he tended to reserve for women, and seemed to be interchangeably disgusted by him and as equally fixated on him and with as much admiration as fitzgerald had for him (see: his description of fitzgerald in a movable feast I think all of this comes across even in that concise paragraph). so um what am I trying to get at here.

yeah kind of.

[lightshade07]

I was feeling silly so I wrote an entire essay about my current interest in mock trial then realized not every school had it so here's a persuasive essay on why they should!!

    The Real-World Benefits of Mock Trial

Mock Trial would undoubtedly be an extracurricular activity that would benefit your school and its students. By participating in Mock Trial, students have the opportunity to develop a variety of skills including teamwork, analytical thinking, confidence in public speaking, and the ability to think on one's feet. This essay will address the benefits of incorporating at your school. These benefits include the skills addressed above, evidence from my past school of its success, and lastly, the fact that this club would appeal to many students.

Firstly, Mock Trial at your school would help students with both their individuality and teamwork. Mock Trial helps students practice public speaking in a rewarding way because when students “work in the courtroom” they can present their arguments. If they have carefully pieced together their arguments, then it all comes down to confidence. Public speaking is an important skill for most careers and in any role on a mock trial team, whether a witness or a lawyer, this skill is put to use. 

Analytical thinking is also practiced in and out of the courtroom as students look at the case from different angles, and eventually put that thinking into action as they write out scripts. As they use these different angles, they are also able to better see other people’s perspectives. This skill can translate into student relationships as well, as they learn to understand other people’s viewpoints more clearly. 

Mock Trial builds both individuality and teamwork. Students need to put their heads together, communicate, and trust each other as a full team to compete. The bond that forms between the student acting as a lawyer and the student acting as their witness especially shows this. 

As further evidence that Mock Trial would be beneficial to your school , I can also add my own personal account as well as support from the Illinois State Bar Association. The year I served at my school, we practiced roles for both the prosecution and defense.  I was the defendant of the case while we presented The Defense. When we were The Prosecution, I was the prosecutor in charge of the defendant's cross-examination. I can personally attest to the fact that Mock Trial changed me for the better. I became more confident in myself, I was able to communicate with others more effectively, and it brought me closer to my dream of pursuing a career in law enforcement or law. In the end, my team and I became a family fighting for justice, even if it was fictional. 

The connections made with others aren’t temporary and remain even after the conclusion of the case. I’ve heard other students express their gratitude towards the club and how much it helped,  and on a less serious note, the fun they had. There are also multiple supporting accounts from students from Illinois, and the Contra Costa Bar Association. These students have all attested, in one way or another, how Mock Trial has helped them. For example, in 2023, Imani Barnes, after her time in Mock Trial, applied for law school stating ���I gained a higher level of comfort with public speaking which was (and still is) very difficult for me. I also developed better critical thinking skills when having to use evidence to tell a compelling story in a competition, and by modifying and improving the strength of our case as the competition progressed.” 

Though there is likely currently a Debate Club at your school and this could be seen as an overlap, I beg to differ. While the debate team offers some of the skills noted above,  Mock Trial differentiates itself by appealing to more students. For example, for those who participate in theater, playing your persona as a witness is quite similar to playing your character on the stage. It also appeals to students like myself who would like to pursue a career involved with law. It also has the benefit of arguing both sides. In Debate Club, you may have a counterclaim, but in Mock Trial, you are given the opportunity to serve as both the prosecution and defense for the same case. 

In conclusion, I believe Mock Trial would be a beneficial extracurricular activity at your school because it helps students both individually and with teamwork. There is evidence of its success and appeal to a variety of students.

Please ask one of your instructors or myself about mock trial if this interests you. Spread awareness and start your own clubs!!!

[queer-coded-camaro-driver]

The #1 Reason Stranger Things Fell Apart, an Essay:

**All things stated below are my personal OPINION and do not have to impact your views if you don't want them to. As an avid D&D player, however, I wanted to write this out for shits n giggles. I was in the mood. This also doesn't address the racism, badly handled character intros, or random B-character deaths.

There is one rule to rule them all in Dungeons & Dragons, a rule so vital to smooth gameplay and story-building that the smartest players know to break it almost certainly means death:

Never split the party.

(There's an entire song about it, that's how deeply engrained in the culture it is).

Once the party has been separated it's not only way easier for your characters to get ambushed/get in trouble/die, it's way harder for all members of the game to keep having the same level of fun! Usually because the wait time between turns and plot development causes players to lose interest or lose track of their last actions.

When it comes to Season 1 of Stranger Things, we have multiple groups of characters building plots together: Nancy, Steve, Jonathan, and the other teens have their drama together. Hopper and the investigation into Hawkins' weird science has its own plot. Will's disappearance and the children hiding El are the main focus - and those groups are almost NEVER narratively separated.

These plots are interwoven to create the greater story and build suspense but the groups within are constantly orbiting around one another to strengthen those connections. Despite my current beef with the Duffers, Season 1 was pretty damn successful in following the Golden Rule of TTRPG.

So when S2 arrives and the process of El's reunification with Mike/the Party gets dragged out further than necessary, all that yummy tension dissipates. Rather than using the established relationships to scaffold new conflicts (Mike/El, Mike/Max(?), Max & Lucas' crush/truce, Dustin's frustration, Will's loneliness, etc.), they broke these load-bearing narratives into smaller "more digestible" chunks.

As S3 and S4 went on, the group fractured even further apart. With this separation came the loss of critical character traits. Mama Byers' beloved velcro-mothering disappears in the face of Hopper's potential survival. Jonathan and Nancy's class disparity falls out of the story despite being one of the more interesting aspects of the "Teen Drama".

Max slips away, Lucas slips away, Dustin and Mike join the Hellfire Club... I know these shifts are meant to represent the way things change in high school but the clique-forming is so fast and drastic by S4 that the Party is unrecognizable.

The Duffers lost serious momentum when they split the party the first time by sending El to Chicago to meet her retconned siblings. But rather than learning from this mistake, they tried doing it a different way over and over until the compiled failures led to... Whatever the fuck is going on right now.

They COULD have done some fascinating stuff with Will and Billy's birthdays marking the dates of the first and final episodes of S4, Vol 1 respectively. They share a name and they were both Flayed. That could have been SUCH a cool coincidence to play with. Yet somehow the fans noticed their timeline mistake before they did, ffs.

They could have done some cool stuff with the Upside Down and Billy and Max getting a heartwarming sibling redemption arc. The 4 OG Party guys could have talked through a legit heart-to-heart about growing up and finding new interests but staying friends, Breakfast Club style.

But no. We got whatever the fuck the Henry Creel stuff was/is/will be. It's not the worst possible writing they could have done, but that element could have been incorporated with so much creativity and class... Yet it got shoehorned between several other developing ideas instead.

And honestly I don't think any of the massively laggy sub-plots with Joyce and Russia and Hopper in jail and Dustin's Mormon girlfriend's stoner sister would have happened if the Duffers had simply followed the rules and never split the party.

[quaranmine]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well. Just wanted to pop in after reading The Incandescence of a Dying Light to tell you it has permanently altered my brain chemistry (/pos) and has definitely worked it’s way up there with some of my favourite fics on ao3.

The attention to detail not only with the characters and how they’re written, how different traumas and experiences shape their actions but also in the setting, history and systems of the job. I definitely learned a few things, not only from the fic but also the mini essays in the authors notes. As someone from Australia, I know bushfires, and while I know the forests are, of course, different, it was nice to see not only the dangers and very real nature of fires being described and how easily they can start, it was also nice to see the understanding of the good fires can do for nature as well. They’re essential to the life cycle of bush land and forests, and I love the way you described it as being both life and death, because it is! It creates room for new and stronger life to grow and I think people forgot that sometimes.

Gosh this fic hit me right in the feels-!! And it had me on the edge of my seat the whole time as well. I knew from the beginning that the ending was gonna be sad but the way Grian was written had me infected with that hope as well the he and Mumbo would make it out together and live happily ever after. I was also thinking the whole time that if Grian and Scar don’t meet each other and comfort each other I would be very upset so the final chapter made me very happy. Friends for life, those two, no matter the distance and no one can convince me otherwise. (Also the way Scar didn’t recognise him at first, because how could he, made me giggle)

Yet another thing that was beautifully written was Mumbo and Grian’s friendship. Those types of platonic relationships are so important to me and reading just how much Grian loved and cared about him, and how much he still loves him both warmed my heart and broken it at the same time. I’ll admit I shed a few tears when Grian finally managed to find him. The way he recognised Mumbo immediately yet refused to say it was him because Mumbo was more than the corpse in front of him broke me. Just rip my whole heart out why don’t you?? Ow??? Gosh they’re so precious to me.

Thank you for writing such a beautiful story. Even without the author’s notes you can tell just how much love, thought, research and passion went into this project. I’m not usually one for longer fics but I’ll definitely be sitting down and rereading this at some point. Possibly multiple some points

<3

AAAAA thank you! I've been meaning to respond to this ask for a few days now, it really made my week :)

The attention to detail not only with the characters and how they’re written, how different traumas and experiences shape their actions but also in the setting, history and systems of the job. Thank you!!! This is one thing that made this story fun to write. I loved trying to meticulously build on every detail and make the story alive in its historical context too. For me one the ways that the original Firewatch game failed was that it didn't get nitty-gritty enough with the details of the job (I mean, we don't even get to use the fire finder once!) I also appreciate you pointing out their different traumas shaping their actions. With Grian every bit of the story is his trauma influencing the plot, or him getting new trauma. But with Scar, it's his past that is influencing his present and how he interacts with Grian.

it was nice to see not only the dangers and very real nature of fires being described and how easily they can start, it was also nice to see the understanding of the good fires can do for nature as well. Yes! thank you! I like it when people from wildfire-prone areas weigh in. Fire is a tricky subject because it is so, so devastating to the communities who experience it or lose their homes....but the answer cannot be to just suppress them altogether. Because of the damage we've done to ecosystems, the climate, and our intrusion on wild lands (WUI), we need careful and watchful management. We can no longer allow wildfires to burn whenever and wherever they want like they did centuries ago. But we also need to study and respect that fire has its place in the ecosystem. A lot of environmental science is finding ways for humans to coexist next to nature with minimal damage to each.

I was also thinking the whole time that if Grian and Scar don’t meet each other and comfort each other I would be very upset I think you a lot of other people, LOL. I toyed with this way back at the beginning since one thing I do like about the original Firewatch game is that Henry and Delilah never meet. But that is a different story to this one, and it makes the most sense in this one for Grian and Scar to meet. I was dead set on that being the final chapter pretty much immediately after considering that.

Also the way Scar didn’t recognise him at first, because how could he, made me giggle this is actually one of my favorite bits in the chapter! friends who have never seen each other!

Yet another thing that was beautifully written was Mumbo and Grian’s friendship. ❤️ it's the soul of the fic

Thank you so much for your review, I'm really glad you liked it. I love it when people compliment the love, thought, research and passion I had for this project because to me that's....well, it's nice when people tell me the technical aspects of the writing is good, but it's wonderful when people just simply love something as much as me. So much effort went into this story and it's because it was something I really cared about. I love that other people can recognize that and I can make them care too. It's very special.

[londonhalcyon]

🧐💖✨

Thanks friend!

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

It varies chapter to chapter, but overall I can’t count the hours I’ve spent researching. Sometimes it’s more historical or technical stuff like places, cultures, fashion, biology, ecology, etc. Sometimes it’s really obscure stuff that most people probably wouldn’t notice. Did I look up what movies were showing in UK theaters in May 1997? Yes, yes I did. Do I occasionally look up old calendars and weather records to get the days of the week and moon phases and sunrise/sunset times and the weather right? Maaaybe. Even if a chapter doesn’t involve that much research per se, I’m still constantly looking up images to reference for descriptions, which can still take a lot of time on its own. I’ve said before that I wrote most of Chapter 33 with images of lake sunsets open in the next tab. Any time I need to describe part of Merula’s place, I always look up images of old manors. Currently, for Chapter 38, I can definitely say my phone is filled with pictures of dresses.

Sooo, TLDR: Yes, I do research a lot.

💖 What made you start writing?

What’s funny is that I used to hate writing. Every school writing assignment was torture and I was convinced I would hate it forever. I was around 11 when it finally clicked that I could make my writing my own. I had an unusually eventful childhood, so I had a lot of material to work with. I started out with creative nonfiction and personal essays, which I occasionally still dabble in (and got published for twice), and I kept a journal up through my teenage years. I got into poetry when I was around 13, though I haven’t written any poems in a few years. In addition to some never-to-be-finished original fiction, I also started writing fanfiction pretty early on (inspired by the anticipation of the release of season 5 of Star Wars the Clone Wars), though I didn’t know that’s what I was doing at the time and I wasn’t involved in any fandoms.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment.

I am continuously awed by and proud of the fact that multiple people have expressed that they’ve been able to connect emotionally to my writing and find things that relate to their own experiences. Whether those are queer experiences or sibling experiences or simply experiences as humans that go through love and grief and friendships—it’s the best thing to have someone point at my writing and say, “Oh, I know that feeling!” Even if it’s just one person making that connection, it’s special. It’s a huge part of what I love about fandom and art and the way they bring people together that might never have gotten the chance to interact otherwise.

[happytapirstudio]

Redwall Reread #0: Intro

My intro to Brian Jacques' Redwall series was actually the animated adaptations that aired on PBS Kids in the early 2000's. I was talking about them with my (much older) next-door neighbor one day and she was like "oh yeah I love those books", and I, a young but avid reader, was like, "Books?"

For those of you who don’t know, Redwall is a children’s fantasy book about mice and other woodland creatures living in an abbey (Redwall Abbey), which they are pressed to defend against invaders (”vermin” like rats, weasels, foxes, etc.)  It’s also the name of the subsequent series of 20+ books that followed, published between 1986 and 2011.

The world of Redwall is complex and charming, and thus still widely read and beloved decades after its original publication.  For me personally, it was one of my favorite series growing up, and consequently had a huge influence on my writing style.  I’ve read all but the last few books, several of them multiple times.  Originally I read them in publication order (the recommended reading order for first-timers, and what I was naturally inclined towards), though I’d grown a little tired of them towards the very end, and stopped reading around 2012-13.  Mr. Jacques was writing these books right up until his death.  In fact, the final installment, The Rogue Crew, was published posthumously.  Truthfully, the stories could at times be a touch formulaic, and my impression ten years ago was that this formula had run its course, at least for me.

That being said, while the stories’ predictability was a common complaint, I think it’s also a testament to the success of the original formula that Mr. Jacques was able to craft so many delightful books by staying true to that original model.  He really did create a beautiful world, beautiful largely I think because it promised readers that goodness and love and peace would always outlast cruelty and misery.  My intent with this reread isn’t necessarily to dissect that Redwall Formula.  Mostly I’m just feeling nostalgic, and I’m using that as an excuse to revisit a rich a wonderful world, and to re-explore Redwall with an adult perspective.

But there will be essays. Oh yes, there will be essays.

I’ve always wanted to read Redwall in its chronological order, to try and piece together the lineages and subtle evolution of Mossflower Wood, so that’s what I’m doing now.  Lord Brocktree is in the bag, with Martin the Warrior soon to follow, so expect to see posts for those two shortly.  I will be writing a general reaction for each book, titled “Redwall Reread no. X”, in addition to more general thoughts and fleshed-out essays; all will be logged under the tag ‘tapir’s redwall reread’.  I’m anticipating this to be a two-year project.  Not that anyone’s counting.

Speaking of “years” though I do want to mention one last thing - sort of bring this full-circle - a couple years ago, it was announced that a Redwall movie adaptation was in the works, courtesy of Netflix.  Mr. Patrick McHale was set as the writer.  Yeah I totally flipped my shit about it.  Yeah we haven’t heard much else since then.  Who knows?  Mayhaps in the time it takes me to reread and review every Redwall book, that project will see the light of day.

But until then...

[checkers-dance]

hi tumblr user checkers-dances. i write to you from my death bed. i fear i may not make it past this winter.

JOKES ASIDE. ive been sick the past few days. its really not that bad but im dramatic and also havent been genuinely sick in years so i have mostly stayed on my bed and done nothing but watch hour long video essays. if im not doing that, im watching mx videos. in any case, because ive been using kpop to Cope, i remembered this one youtube trend where people came up with like a whole idea for a kpop group. in a lot of ways its kind of like making your own superm, but im less interested in that aspect and more on trying to think about the more technical side of it. so because im dying and in need of fun, and also it was just a lot of fun coming up with my idea for an nct alternative, i've been thinking about what i would do if i had to manifest a kpop group out of thin air. here at incest entertainment, what type of music can we offer to the market?

i'm still not super sure of what route i would go but i've established a couple of ideas and once again, im smarter and cooler than any real kpop company.

-we're going with 7 members. i think that's kind of a perfect number, not too much and not too little.

-one thing i know for sure is that i need at least one member with creative inclinations. preferably we would have multiple guys because i think it'd be cheaper than having to always rely on outside producers probably? but also because here at incest entertainment we want our artists to have as much artistic freedom as possible <3 and because i do have a bit of a vision for what i want this group to be, i need to have strong communication with the idols who will be performing the songs, and i think a good way to go about that is having at least one of them who is also involved in the music.

-so i want the group to have a really strong concept. i think we are in desperate need of more kpop music videos with larger storylines (and those storylines would be even connected to the lyrics of the songs themselves). i'm still not entirely sure what the concept would be but it'd be very story driven and it'd have kind of mystery to it.

-so here's the most important part that i've come up with so far. it's by far the most unrealistic one, but if a group ever did this i think it'd be really fun. so i was thinking about how fun it was to overthink the mx music videos and try to come up with a coherent theory, and because i'm going to be pushing for a narrative i obviously want to give fans stuff to chew on and speculate on. and i was thinking about what would be a good way to do this. and then i fucking realized. let's make a fucking arg. let's throw weird code into the videos that leads to like a secret website where the fans can solve puzzles and figure shit out. i think making that aspect more interactive could be really interesting.

-to connect with the last point, i think a great way to push this would be with the physical albums. part of the appeal of physical albums in kpop is that they come with a lot of other neat things. so the albums can include items that are connected to the story, like idk. documents with info on them that they can decipher for themselves.

ANYWAY, im tired and i don't think im going to elaborate more on this, but i like this basic idea. sadly, incest entertainment isn't real and neither is my imaginary boy band.

HELP, NOT INCEST ENTERTAINMENT....INC-ENT for short. Is 7 rlly the magic number or is it just the number most frequently found in groups u like 🧐🧐🧐? THE OVERTHINKING MX ERA...listen I think this group should at least have a coherent storyline they're going for to avoid another watch/blue flower event 😭😭. Maybe it could be a scifi arg since there already are scifi concepts in kpop, or maybe it's a more historical thing. Personally I think if the company is called incest entertainment there should be incest gimmicks in the group, like them pretending they're all related despite looking nothing alike. Maybe there's even a time travel gimmick in the story so they're all each other's ancestors at diff points in the timeline. Much to think abt (help I said no more watch/blue flower stuff and then immediately went on to spawn this concept 😭)

[ohmybitna]

↳ 8 Shows To Get To Know Me

i was tagged by @sorrowfulliming and @heesulovebot thank you both so much, I had a lot of fun doing this list! ❤️ I tried to choose some shows that have had kind of played a significant role in my life in one way or another, maybe you'll learn a bit more about me through this idk

one tree hill (2003 - 2012) i feel like this one is the most important show if you want to know me. It's half of my personality. I grew up with this show and all of these characters mean the absolute world to me, I relate to them on a deep level and I've rewatched all 9 seasons of this so many times that if you tell me a quote from the show I can tell you who said it and in what context and season (maybe even episode) it was said. It's probably the best teen drama ever made and except for lack of representation (which i can excuse to some extent because it started airing in the early 00s) this is really something everyone can and should watch. Nothing beats the friendships in this show. I'm still searching for the brooke & haley to my peyton tbh

the vampire diaries (2009 - 2017) this show is very special to me because I started learning english more intensely and on my own outside of school because I couldn't wait until they were showing the eps with german dub half a year after they originally aired. I had to wait 4 years until the show made stefan & caroline a couple and no other ship has ever come close to how I felt (and still feel) about them. best friends to lovers will always get me and they did it so well. we do not talk about anything after 7x05, the show ended there for me tyvm. they were by far the best part of the show for me since I dislike a lot of the decisions the show made a lot of the time. but they were the reason I created a tumblr account back in 2015 that I've since forgot the name and password for 😂 it was an account dedicated to making icons for tvd. ugh i miss shows with multiple seasons and 24 eps for each season

blueming (2021) this bl drama is always gonna be important to me since it made me decide to choose film as the thing I want to major in. I got really into independent movies after watching blueming because the cinematography of it astounded me and I wanted to learn more about it and how to create beautiful shots like those in the drama myself. I also rewatch it frequently. siwon is very dear to me.

taxi driver (2021 - 2023) i debated if i should put this or the devil judge/flower of evil/happiness here because i love them all dearly and they're all tied for my fav kdramas of all time but this one was the first kdrama i watched weekly as it aired and I was so obsessed with it and its cases and characters. i love darker themes and case-by-case dramas, it's my favorite genre when it comes to korean shows. kim doki is such a dear character to me and i love the way jehoon plays him. words can't describe how happy i am that it's back on my screen and just as good as it always was. (plus pyo yejin is one of my biggest celebrity crushes i love her sm)

the haunting of hill house (2018) one of the greatest shows ever made and imo the best of its genre. ep 6 of this show especially impressed me so much because it just consists of multiple one-shots. i love mike flanagan, he's my favorite director and if you're into psychological horror i more than recommend watching this and midnight mass because they're both masterpieces. mike has this way of connecting horror and sadness and he does it so so well. I could write essays about his filmmaking and he's my biggest inspiration when it comes to film.

my engineer (2020) this was the first bl I was really invested in, I even bought tickets to the online fanmeeting which i usually never do for anything. these characters and actors really helped me get through the lockdowns in 2020. one of the few bls where they managed to give everyone their fair screen time and made everyone's story enjoyable to watch. also very important part of why i loved watching it was the lack of fanservice they made the actors do and that we got them all in one room reacting to every episode together. it was the best and i wish more shows would do it.

light on me (2021) oh what a show. even though I don't like the ending and I think the last episode had some continuity issues and felt like a second thought in some ways I thorougly enjoyed the ride this drama took me on. the runtime allowed for the show to explore its characters well and made us able to connect with them. i miss that for newer shows a lot. shin daon is and probably will always be my favorite k-bl character, he felt so real and I could see an old version of myself in him. he deserved a lot better and I hope he's off to college living his best life, he deserves it.

one day at a time (2017 - 2020) let me just say that I am NOT a sitcom enjoyer. shows that are targeted to make me laugh usually don't and I get bored early on because I don't get the appeal. nothing against these shows, they just don't speak to me. HOWEVER odaat is a huge exception because I was hooked to the well-balanced use of humor and deep conversations and topics portrayed in this show. plus it also made me laugh!! and sometimes also cry both in the span of 5 minutes. these characters have a special place in my heart. elena halped me a lot in my journey of self-discovery and I loved the way the show portrayed her journey.

bonus: (i know this technically makes it 9 but i didn't know where to put it)

wish you (2021) I'm adding this as well but extra since I only ever watch the movie version of it. it's imo the only kbl that works as a movie. even though not a lot of people love this, it is my most rewatched k-bl (and I think bl in general). I adore Sang Yi, he's a lot like me and watching him be an awkward mess in front of his crush and idol is very cute to watch. the OST for this show is also so good i listen to it all of the time.

i will tag @ghostvalleymasters i hope you haven't done this yet :)

[acorrespondence]

32 and 23 :)

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

Oh this is very difficult because I write fiction pretty much exclusively on my phone! I don’t require a consistent writing space, and pretty much the only constant between my many writing environments is a way to avoid or block out distracting sounds. I’ve written in my bed across 4 different houses and apartments, on couches in the same, on trains and buses and in the passenger- or backseats of cars; on porch swings, tree swings and fire escapes; even in hammocks in the woods. For me, being distracted by things around me is actually a pretty important part of my writing process—or maybe it���s more the ability to use those things to distract myself. I like to be surrounded by interesting things to focus on when my mind wanders or when I need to puzzle something out or take a little brain break.

Near where I grew up, there’s a little public park at the base of a dam. It’s not a park in the traditional sense; there’s no grass, and the area around the river is steeply inclined and thickly forested. Huge rocks jut up from the base of the falls, and continue down along the river, and in the summer when it’s dry, or when the dam hasn’t been running, the water collects in the deepest crevices and leaves most of the bedrock bare. Deep gouges scar the stone, vestiges of the dynamite boring holes they used to level the ground there and give the dam waters somewhere to fall. The river splits around several towering shelves of rock that stand much higher, and on one of those shelves lies a giant felled tree, a good six feet of trunk hanging out over the river, lifted some fifteen or twenty feet above the riverbed. I used to walk out onto the log and sit or lie at the end of it and write. I also liked to climb down and sit on the lower rocks close to the water. I’ve always been drawn to moving water, mostly for sensory reasons—the sound of it, the reflection and refraction of the sunlight as it tumbles over itself and the rocks and roots in its path. Anyway, that’s probably my favorite place I’ve gone to write.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Another hard one! Usually the reason I’m struck by lines in fics and novels and poems is inextricable from the context they’re written in, so isolating them from that context takes away some of their power in my mind. My brain is always trying to make connections—I dislike simplification. So if something specific strikes me in a piece of writing, it’s usually in a specific context or in connection to something else. I’m also not a very inventive or innovative person. Most of my creative output is more focused on synthesis and reframing. I guess what sticks with me more are conceptual threads shared across multiple perspectives, the little things that connect stories and memories and pieces of writing that maybe on the surface don’t seem to share much in common—and often these things end up threaded through my own writing.

One of my favorite poems is “The Hour and What Is Dead.” Here’s the first stanza: “Tonight my brother, in heavy boots, is walking / through bare rooms over my head, / opening and closing doors. / What could he be looking for in an empty house? / What could he possibly need there in heaven? / Does he remember his earth, his birthplace set to torches? / His love for me feels like spilled water / running back to its vessel.” In high school, we read Beloved by Toni Morrison, along with its companion essay, “The Site of Memory.” That essay contains the following quote: “You know, they straightened out the Mississippi River in places, to make room for houses and livable acreage. Occasionally the river floods these places. ‘Floods’ is the word they use, but in fact it is not flooding; it is remembering. Remembering where it used to be. All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was. Writers are like that: remembering where we were, that valley we ran through, what the banks were like, the light that was there and the route back to our original place. It is emotional memory—what the nerves and the skin remember as well as how it appeared.”

These two excerpts and the connection between them caught in my mind, and together led to this piece of narration from one of my current WIPs: “Raylan . . . scoots over. ‘Come on then, get up,’ he says, resigned, and reaches out to steady her as she climbs up on the bed. She scrambles in beside him, Boyd following after. Raylan loses his breath a little, winded, as she burrows her head under his ribs, the place she’s always trying to get to—like spilled water running back to its vessel, though it’s hardly where she came from. Boyd moves nearer, closing her in like a comma between parentheses. They sleep.” This paragraph in my fic is in conversation with both those other excerpts, and mirrors their themes of love/memory/familial relationships. My intention with the story as a whole is to explore inherited trauma, inter-generational relationships, systems and cycles of violence/crime/poverty/abuse, and the idea of Harlan living on in Raylan (and Boyd) and passing to his children through him—how it’s reflected in this child who had never stepped foot there in her life prior to the beginning of this story. It’s just one line, fleeting and fairly inconsequential, but I think something about it brings to mind these themes. Several people remarked on having enjoyed that line in particular, so at least there’s that.

So, whenever a line sticks with me, this is what my brain does with it. I know no one reading the story is going to make these connections, but they both fit in with the themes and ideas I’m constantly preoccupied by, and therefore constantly worrying at in my writing. And I do feel like it helps me to clarify those themes for myself and anchor them in the story, even if the references aren’t recognizable to readers.

(Questions here)

[biologist-with-a-blog]

I don't normally write anything besides essays and articles, but I got really inspired by @derinthescarletpescatarian's short story Original Sin.

So here's a short story of my own:

The Rite

I didn’t know

I knew enough. I knew I was doomed, though it still came as a shock. I knew I committed a heinous act worthy of punishment. And, somehow, I always knew I would eventually be caught and put on trial.

But like I mentioned, when the judge found me guilty, I was still surprised. Perhaps because of the sentence. Perhaps because it was still my greatest fear come true.

The Rite instils fear in enough people for major crime to be almost non-existent these days. They don’t condemn burglars or drug users to the Rite, except in a few rare cases. Only those who committed the worst crimes. Perhaps the only form of major crime that is able to “survive” is a mob. I’m not part of a mob.

I don’t know why I did it. It hardly mattered in that moment (it hardly matters now if you ask me). All that mattered was I was about to experience the Rite.

I knew the stories. I knew that when it was first introduced, rumors quickly spread on the viciousness and relentlessness of this punishment. I knew how every single criminal wakes up from the Rite screaming and crying. I knew that the Rite was 100% effective in preventing convicts from returning to crime. I knew I was scared.

I was told it feels like it lasts millions of years, though mere minutes pass outside the realm of the Rite. I was told you feel worse than you could ever feel outside of that place.

They were wrong.

When I entered the Rite, my heart was beating so loud I thought I would go deaf. I think I would have had a panic attack, were it not for… it.

I wasn’t alone. There was someone, something there besides me. I hadn’t expected that. I had expected utter loneliness. Just me and my punishment. But it was there. And it welcomed me, somehow made me feel comfortable and at ease. I realized this was the buildup before the fall. First I get treated like a king, then my inevitable torture happens. This time, I was wrong.

It was kind and nurturing, asking me about my life and the crime I commited. It asked if I felt regret. I said yes, but somehow it knew I was lying. I admitted that I wasn’t sure.

Then it looked at me.

And I mean, really looked at me. Its eye... or eyes... stared through me. I experienced something unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It felt like hours were passing… Days… Months! It showed me the experiences of others. As if it wired my brain directly to the brains of those who came before me. For the first time in my life I truly understood what it was like to be someone else. Consciousnesses merged together and I was no longer. There was only we. Us.

It was overwhelming. Scary. Harrowing. But at the same time… blissful and wonderful. This was no punishment. This was mercy.

And I regretted.

I awoke screaming and crying for my mother. I was me again. Just me. Being more than one? Part of a whole? Multiple simultaneously? It is unlike anything. It rewrites you, changing you forever. I awoke in my own, singular body but I was someone else.

I am someone else than before.

Because now I know.