#because he does admire his courage and resilience in a way

[rawliverandgoronspice]

anyways, still deeply invested into my read of Ganondorf being an immense bully to children partially because, in a way, he rationalizes that putting children through the grinder is baaaasically kind of helping them to grow up faster, in a throwing you into the river to teach you how to swim kind of way, and if they can't handle the grinder, they were weak and it's on them and they can either suck it up and try harder, or get wrecked and die

and obviously that says absolutely nothing about how his own upbringing may have been handled, right twinrova, nor anything about how he may have buried a profound bitterness about the fact he was never really allowed a childhood of his own, and it's not fair others, especially hylians, get to spend their own carefree.

of course not.

[moonselune]

Okay somewhat angsty thought here, but I hope it's not too bad. What about the companions (at least Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Astarion and Karlach if that's not too many) with a s/o who seems really upbeat and energetic, but is secretly terribly insecure. Like if the topic of their first time ever comes up, Tav suddenly gets nervous and tries to explain that their body looks weird and they look hideous or something like that, because they're really insecure about their looks, especially when unclothed. I'd love to see how they'd react to that and try to help Tav (if you're comfortable of course)

I have a jaw deformity that I need to get surgery for and I'm super underweight so I'm way too skinny, so I'd really appreciate it if you could write something like this. I hope you have a good day ☺️

bless you and just so you know - you are gorgeous no matter how you feel about yourself. I hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy what I have tried to capture xoxo - sorry they are a tad short!

Gale:

Gale had always been captivated by your vibrant energy, how effortlessly you could lighten the mood with your infectious laughter and playful banter. But when the topic of your first intimate moment together surfaced, he noticed a subtle shift in your demeanor—a flicker of uncertainty that belied your usual confident facade.

As you nervously began to voice your insecurities about your body, Gale's heart clenched with empathy. He gently took your hands in his, his touch warm and reassuring. "My dear," he murmured, his voice a soothing melody in the quiet space between you, "there is no such thing as imperfection in my eyes. You are beautiful in ways that go far beyond what meets the eye."

He lifted your chin tenderly, meeting your gaze with unwavering sincerity. "Your spirit, your resilience—they are what make you truly radiant," he continued, his thumb brushing lightly over your cheek. "Your body tells a story of strength and perseverance, and I am honored to witness it."

Gale pulled you into a comforting embrace, holding you close as he whispered words of affirmation and love. "You are cherished, just as you are," he assured you, his embrace a sanctuary from your doubts.

Wyll:

Wyll had always admired your boldness, your readiness to face challenges with a grin and a quip. But when you voiced your insecurities about your appearance during a moment of vulnerability, he was taken aback. His usual confident demeanor softened, replaced by a gentle concern as he observed your discomfort.

"Y/N" Wyll began softly, his voice a steady anchor amidst the storm of your doubts. "Your beauty transcends any perceived flaw." He reached out, his fingers tracing a gentle path along your jawline, his touch warm against your skin.

"You are captivating," he continued, sincerity coloring his words. "Your courage, your laughter, your smile—they make you irresistibly charming." Wyll's gaze held yours with unwavering sincerity, his voice carrying a hint of admiration.

He pulled you into a tender embrace, holding you close as he pressed a kiss to your temple. "I see the strength in you, in your body" he murmured against your skin, "and it is what makes you truly remarkable."

Halsin:

Halsin had always been drawn to your resilience, your unwavering optimism even in the face of adversity. When you opened up about your insecurities regarding your body, he listened attentively, his expression thoughtful and empathetic.

"My heart," Halsin began gently, his voice a soothing balm to your doubts. "Your appearance does not define your worth. To me, you are a testament to beauty in its truest form—inside and out." He reached out, his hand brushing lightly over yours.

"You are more than enough," he assured you, his gaze unwavering with sincerity. "Your spirit shines brighter than any physical attribute." Halsin's voice held a quiet strength, a reassurance that echoed through his touch.

He enveloped you in a comforting embrace, his presence a source of calm amidst your uncertainty. "I see you," he murmured against your ear, "and I admire you deeply, just as you are."

Astarion:

Astarion had always been fascinated by your lively spirit, your quick wit, and the way you effortlessly commanded attention. But when you revealed your insecurities about your body during a moment of vulnerability, he felt a pang of empathy. His usual teasing demeanor softened, replaced by a gentle concern as he observed your discomfort.

"You are not alone in feeling insecure about your appearance, Gods know that. But you are breathtaking." He gently cradled your face in his hands, his touch tender and reassuring.

"Your beauty lies not only in your appearance, but in your strength, your kindness, and your spirit," he continued, sincerity coloring his words. "Those are the qualities that make you truly irresistible." Astarion's gaze held yours with unwavering intensity, his voice carrying a hint of admiration.

He pulled you close, enveloping you in a reassuring embrace. "I see the beauty in you," he murmured against your ear, "and I am here to remind you of it, every day."

Karlach:

Karlach had always admired your fierce determination, your unwavering loyalty, and the way you faced challenges head-on. But when you expressed your insecurities about your appearance during a vulnerable moment, she felt a deep sense of concern.

"You are not defined by how you perceive yourself physically. To me, you are captivating—inside and out." She reached out, her hand resting reassuringly on your shoulder.

"Your courage, your resilience—they are what make you incredibly attractive," she continued, sincerity coloring her words. "I understand your insecurities, but trust me, they don't diminish your beauty."

Karlach pulled you into a supportive embrace, holding you close as she whispered words of affirmation. "You are loved," she assured you, her embrace a testament to her unwavering support. "And I am here to remind you of your strength and beauty, always."

Icl it was hard writing this but I am proud of it and I hope that at least some people draw comfort from it - Seluney xoxox

[ariadnesweb]

Weird to call Akio the show's 'representation of the patriarchy', because while no one would deny that he is the show's main patriarchTM, the show is not subtle at all about it's symbolic patriarchy within the student council, where social and gendered power rests. Within it, the student council dispute for the ideal among the ideal, the ability to polish their swords into eternal bliss alongside the rose bride, the shape of the world transformed into their own personal affirmations and anxieties - they just have to win the rose bride long enough for a miracle.

The student council is formed of imperfect patriarchs: Saionji at one point literally owned the rose bride, but he lost, and his sensitive impulsivity quickly gains him the repudiation of the rest of the student council - Saionji himself remains too stubborn to recognize this; Miki likes the illusion of perfection, and has a strong pulse on the social requirements of princehood, but is completely disinterested in committing to any of its responsibilities, and hasn't resolved his prior commitments to his current family; Touga makes a case for his ownership of Anthy, and lacks the obvious flaws both Miki & Saionji have, but doesn't have courage (resilience?) to return to the Student Council after getting beat by Utena, and his duties as president are soon recovered by his sister, and his authority overshadowed by Akio.

While Juri and Utena could not reasonably be called patriarchs, their relationships with other girls are defined by a coldhearted individualism in which only they, and they alone, are real people. Shiori is Juri's pretty jealous former best friend, and Anthy is Utena's annoying and clingy charge to protect. Beyond that, neither of them really connects with other women, partially due to their interests, partially because they single-mindedly overshadow the girls they surround themselves with, ala Wakaba & Nanami. Their own relationship is terse and hard to communicate. While Juri and Utena are driven by a proud and admirable determination, their isolation makes it easy for their 'love interests' (Ruka & Akio) to overshadow and undermine their place in the student council.

Nanami is a double-edged case - she is both the loudest and punitive with the social and gendered power given to her as 'Touga's Dear Younger Sister', quickly asserting it against women and children, she is also the most vulnerable to having said power used against her, placed as she is to depend on Touga, and alienated from the other girls who would understand her. Not that the other girls are liable to help her - they too have their complexes and insecurities. Though if all the other duelists are direct mirrors to Akio's relationship with Anthy, Nanami is a mirror to Anthy herself, and the idea of stolen power. Nanami is the Rose Bride's shadow counterpart, the Witch Sister who sneaks her place alongside boys who don't quite belong to her.

Of course, to all of these people, Akio is 'the Prince' - he's an adult, he has a car, he knows more than them, he has more experience than them in the matters of sex, he owns the Rose Bride in a way none of them can as her only older blood relative, he's the vice president of Ohtori.

That's not the reason Akio is Miss Utena's prince to banish, though. If we were looking at Akio from a different perspective, we could see he's imperfect too: stuck operating in the shadows, marrying into a higher-class family, isolated alongside Anthy as one of the only (presumed) indian persons in the school, defined by his failures as Prince Dios, and stuck in an incomprehensibly tangled love affair (...the importance of fucking your sister, your fiancee, your fiancee's mom, and anyone your sister could call a friend all at the same time). The thing is, compared to the other members of the student council, who go on about princes-princesses and their shining things, Akio is seemingly approachable as a married man, and as Utena's best girlfriend's brother, who does not talk about those things, and seems to treat Utena with respect.

And isn't that the dream every girl prince has? To find a peer that treats you as an equal? And as a child trying to grow up - someone who can show you what adulthood is like? Someone who could kindly teach you beyond the world you already know? Is it the End of the World? That's surely what a girl trying to become a woman is searching for.

(Except, and this is what Utena struggles to identify, Akio does not treat Utena like a peer, Akio treats nobody like a peer. Only superiors to appease, or children to keep distracted.)

[minato-division01]

Aika's Thoughts on Kumamoto Division

Aoba Yamamura

"Aoba definitely has that intellectual yet edgy vibe going on. I've seen him in those magazines, looking sharp alongside Lola. It's a shame he’s not into women, but hey, to each their own. As for his other side, the 'terrorist' thing, that's where it gets tricky for me. I've felt the pain that kind of violence causes, losing someone close because of a senseless act. It's tough to reconcile that with the person I see in those glossy pages."

"But I get it, you know? The world's not black and white. People have their reasons, their causes, and sometimes they get twisted up. I don't condone what he does, but I can't ignore the part of him that’s trying to make a statement, to change things. It's just… there's gotta be a better way, one that doesn't cost innocent lives. I know that may seem a bit hypocritical of me, considering I'm teaming up with a "mad scientist", but I like to think Nadya takes others' lives into account before she does something heinous (I hope so, anyway)."

"So yeah, Aoba's a bit of a paradox for me. I can admire the guy in the magazine and still wish he’d find a different path to fight his battles."

Kunio "Kurome" Chōten

"I've always had a soft spot for magic shows; they remind me of simpler times with my daughter. It takes a special kind of courage to stand up in front of an audience and perform, to create wonder out of thin air. And hearing about how his family turned their backs on him just because he didn’t fit their mold? That's just cruel. No one should be cast out for being true to themselves, especially not by their own family." Aika looks off to the side. "...I should count myself lucky mine didn't turn their backs on me."

"I respect Kunio for not letting that break him. Instead, he's out there, dazzling crowds, living his own truth. That's the kind of strength and resilience I admire. As for his family and the rest of those Aoyama elites? They're living in a bubble, thinking wealth makes them untouchable. Kunio's got more character in his little finger than they do in their entire lineage. So yeah, Kunio, keep on conjuring your magic, both on the stage and off. The world could use more of your kind of sparkle."

Natsume Kurome

"Natsume and Kunio, now there's a pair that's got style. I've always had a thing for artists; there's something about the way they see the world that’s just… different. It's like they've got this direct line to beauty, you know? And Natsume, with his paintings and drawings, reminds me a bit of my daughter. She's got that same passion, that need to create. It's beautiful."

"Now, the fortune-telling business… I've got my doubts. I've seen too many people get taken in by smooth talkers with a deck of cards. But hey, if Natsume's readings help someone find a bit of comfort or direction, who am I to judge? I just hope he's doing it for the right reasons and not just to line his pockets. As long as he's genuine with his art and his love for Kunio, that's what matters. The rest is just part of the show."

Strange Magic

"This team, they're like a modern-day band of revolutionaries, each with their own flair. I've heard they're working on something big, some 'Phantometals' tech with Nadya. If it's as groundbreaking as it sounds, they could really shake things up. I respect their hustle. We may not be buddies, but there's a mutual understanding there. We're all fighting our own battles, trying to make a difference in this messed-up world. So yeah, Strange Magic, do your thing. I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, hoping we all get to see the change we're fighting for."

[exsanguidus]

“ Has anyone ever told you that they are proud of you? Well, let this be your reminder then.

I am proud of you. I see you. I hear you. And I also understand you as a spawn myself. Cazador does not define you. The tadpole does not define you. Those horrid leetle demons in your head do not define you either. You have been suffering and fighting for decades…believe me, I know it gets tiring.

But you are still here. You are still existing. You are still fighting despite all the shit that life has thrown at you — and that takes guts, sweet swan. You are a valiant, resilient warrior with battle scars for days, whether that be mentally or physically. Each wound tells a story and a reminder that you got through that ailment, you can sure as fuck get through the next. And I think that makes you courageous and admirable.

Fuck physical looks. Sure, da, you are attractive and pretty. But I think your soul, however damaged it is, is the most beautiful fucking piece of art I have ever seen. I want to hold my palms to your chest and feel those beautiful emotions your soul projects. I want to look past your skin and hold your spirit. You as a person, a soul, a spirit, and at your very core, are worthy of love.

I am so fucking proud of you, Astarion. And I do not think I will ever not be — not even past my immortality. “

Astarion's brows knit together tightly as he listened, his head cocked as he remained unblinking. He was reluctant to listen to such flowery words because kind words never existed. Not for him. Not unless it came with the expectation of him getting on his back soon after.

He stood there defensively, nose turned up with a small sneer and a hand propped on his hip while the other waved in the air dismissively. He scoffed, even. Yet the fellow spawn continued - resilient and unyielding.

Astarion kept up his air of aloofness, but that mask was beginning to crack as her words wrapped around him. Perhaps it was because she was a fellow spawn that he was more susceptible. That he wanted even more to hear Bethanne out.

Cazador was his bastard vampiric father who only had words of belittlement and contempt. And praises he had to offer were simply praises of narcissism for himself. I have made thee stronger, as strong as I could mine ungrateful whelp. In a strange sense... Beth's words almost felt motherly. A stark contrast to Cazador.

His rough demeanor melted slowly, evident in the way his body language shifted from haughty and disapproving to something softer. Something... sadder?

His narrowed eyes become their more relaxed rounded version, a sheen of wetness glistening below the crimson irises. He had the look of a lost kitten about him.

He had the look of a wounded child that was finally met with a pat on the head instead of a kick to his back.

❝ I... ❞ his gaze flitted elsewhere as he shifted his weight uncomfortably. How was he to respond to this? ❝ ...Thank you. ❞

He would have to sit there in silence for a moment to process these words. To process the fact that someone was proud of him? And, of all people, another vampire. Vampires were the main threat to other vampires. It was as if their inherent nature to break down and destroy one another.

Perhaps that was why Bethanne's words seemed to sink so deeply.

[deathfavor]

I DO think Earl is more inspirational as a leader than he gives himself credit for. More than he even suspects. No, he's not at all like Zoya. Zoya is good at fanning the flames, of inspiring people and giving them courage. She's good at rallying people while Earl does the planning. Zoya is good in the sense that people think she's entirely unstoppable. She gives people hope and dreams for the future. But Earl is a good leader in his own way.

Earl doesn't have the same rallying power and reckless-seeming confidence that Zoya projects across Syndicate, but he IS strong. Its a less sensational inspiration, but it is there. Earl is one of those pillars that you can always count on to lean on. He will always be there. He's the person you know you can turn to no matter what is going on. Sure, he might lecture you and call you an imbecile for doing something stupid - but if you're with Legion, he's there to help. He is the brains of Legion after all. Earl always pushes forward, he instills determination and resilience in people. Even though it would have been easy to give up after he lost his leg, Earl kept pushing on and reaching for heights. It shows that won't keep him down and that you can still be a Threat even if you are hurt. And especially in his survival verse? Yeah he and Zoya were both gone, but at least he's come back and is a centralizing, stabling force for what remains of Legion or bringing people back, inspiring others to join. You can count on Earl.

It's a steadifast confidence that he leads with. He's not loud but he is commanding. As much as I love the teasing from Zoya to Earl about being the whole Legion's dad, there is something in that. He's that figure in people's lives that they can count on if you're on the same side. ( Not true for anyone else, he could be your nightmare but sh - ) He might be harsh but he's there. Earl himself doesn't think much on it frankly. He's not Zoya, he never intends or wants to be, but I do think he misses just how strong of a leader he is OUTSIDE of logistics. Because of course he understands in a functionality stand point he IS the best, he's the Advisor for a reason. He knows what to do, how to do it, he's cautious and keeps Legion safe, and he ALWAYS has information on the enemies. So yes, in functionality, he knows he's doing gret. But how he can resonate with people, the way he can inspire in a different way often goes unnoticed by him.

Earl is glad to be able to help Legion, to be the pillar if people need it. He will be their backbone, their strength. But I also do think it makes it worse in terms of his ability to not shoulder everything. Like Horo says in her interrogation, Earl has always felt that he needs to shoulder everything alone. And the thing is? Earl isn't someone who WANTS to pass the burden off. He's not the one who soldiers on but secretly wants to break down or have someone else take the burdens. He will carry them and he refuses to let them go. Especially without Zoya there who could sometimes take the burdens away from him. Now it's....just him and all of Legion needs his help and guidance. So he takes those burdens and tries to soldier on with everything. It's admirable, but it's also sad.

[twstwonderlandstuff]

And finally- may i request general relationship hcs for jack, deuce and ace?

🐀 anon

🐁-anon, hi!!!

thank the gods for the many, many relationship hcs on tumblr that I can use as templates

Jack Howl

🍒 Jack is there for you all the time- physically and emotionally. He might not be the best at comfort, but he’ll try his damnest. 

🍒 Tired from a long day? Here, he’ll let you cozy up on his chest as you sniffle into him, whining about your day. Emotionally spent? He’ll invite you to spend an hour or two with him in the glasshouse quietly, so you can relieve your thoughts and focus on something else. Physically exhausted? He tried this on his siblings- let him give you a massage. It’s a little clumsy, but he’s definitely trying.

🍒 He’s very romantic! If there’s a day that’s tied to romance that is not Valentine’s day (Cuddle Day, Kiss Day, so on), he’s on it. For example, for Cuddle Day, he’ll wrap his arms around you and cuddle, tail happily wagging (or do the other way around, where YOU spoon HIM instead. I’m sure he’d love that)

🍒 If you’re cold, he’ll wrap his jacket around you, but if you insist on something warmer, he’ll (with a sigh) lend you his tail and smile softly when you play with it. You’re too cute for your own good, you know that?

🍒 If you guys, god forbid, fight, he’ll be the first to apologize, unless there’s 100% proof that its on you. He hates it when you two fight, which is why it rarely (if ever) happens.

🍒 Jack doesn’t get jealous easily, but occasionally when he misses a little too much, expect his toil to coil around you more than usual.

🍒 He finds love in your actions. Your laugh, your decisions, your talks with him- it’s all so beautiful and he’s so glad he’s with you for the long run.

Deuce Spade

🍒 He likes sleeping on your lap. It soothes him because its what Mama Spade used to do with him as a kid, so it’s been ingrained in his head. Top that with an ear cleaning and he’s in heaven. You’re just everywhere on him and it makes him happy.

🍒 He loves it when you wear his clothes. It’s such an honor when he sees you walking around, messing about with Ace and Grim in HIS clothes that when you guys eventually fuck up, he’s not even mad/ disappointed because of this silly grin on his face. 

🍒 Deuce admires you for your courage. To change and to grow… he totally gets how hard it is and finds you incredible.

🍒 He likes your hands! They’re different from his, all beaten and cut up from his middle school days, so seeing yours pleases him in ways he can’t word.

🍒 Deuce likes the stereotypical kisses in movies (another romantic from the first years). Kisses on the cheek on goodbye, ‘welcome home’ kisses, neck kisses, all that stuff. He’s a sucker for them and does not give a shit if the other first years tease him for it.

🍒 Again, a romantic, so he’ll give you flowers- all sorts. He doesn’t remember their meanings, so he comes up with them that are specific to you. For example, sunflowers for your resilience, dandelions for your breeziness, so on and so forth.

Ace Trappola

🍒 He says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it by ruffling your hair (P.S.: he does this all the time). It’s an effective way of messing with you, but there hidden affection behind his actions that’s difficult to see (except with friends).

🍒 Going along with the ‘I love you’, it’s rare for you to get an actual ‘I love you’ from him, since he normally hides it behind jokes, so when you hear it, he’s being raw with his emotions.

🍒 He brought you this room for your first date. I know, I know, you’re like ‘WHAT?’ but listen. I think Ace is pretty entertaining without an agenda, so your first date would be just the two of chatting in his room, occasionally touching and bumping hands as you explore each other (relationship-wise).

🍒 He LOVES PDA. Not only does he get to show YOU off and tell the world you’re a pair, he also gets to annoy other single people (read: the other first years). A true jackass, your honor, but he’s your jackass.

🍒 He’s feisty, so there’s a lot of joking/teasing banter between you two. If a stranger catches you two, they’ll definitely think you’re fighting but no, that’s just your love language.

🍒 He’ll drag you into his pranks to play on his friends and get in trouble together, making you a ‘partner-in-crime’ sort of deal. It brings this rush of adrenaline to him knowing that you don’t mind getting into trouble with him and for him.

[theirmajesty2139]

Reasons the re8 lords would love you

For @salvatore-moreau-is-perfect

Moreau

As Moreau isn’t the easiest on the eyes he admires all kinds of beauty. He doesn’t care about gender or anything like that his admiration of your beauty goes deeper than that. He loves how your eyes shine when you’re really passionate about something and could listen to you talk forever because the lilts of your voice are incredible to him.

Kindness is the most important thing to Sal, he is bullied a lot by his other siblings so he finds your gentleness so comforting he could fall for you on the spot.

My poor boy is touch starved and is always in need of cuddles. He thinks you give the warmest hugs. His favourite way to hold you is with his head on your chest so he can hear your heartbeat.

He gets on like a wildfire with introverted people because he is also one. His idea of fun isn’t a social gathering and he just wants someone to cuddle with and watch a movie in the comfort of his home.

He loves that you’re real with him and don’t speak to him like he’s stupid or a child.

Donna

She loves your compassion for other people and understanding of her problems and coping mechanisms. You don’t mock her for needing Angie and are patient when times are tough for her.

She thinks your imagination is amazing and wants to hear all about your dreams. She loves all kinds of art and if you have an artistic flair she will adore you

She thinks you are a good listener and is ecstatic to find someone who will let her talk for ages about her dolls and their personalities without telling her to be quiet.

She values intelligence and loves her companion to be well read or analytical. Will love you more every time you solve one of her puzzles.

Her love for beauty is more on the typically feminine side. You can’t be too brash or aggressive around her even in jest because it will make her anxious

She really appreciates that you don’t pressure her into anything, especially things concerning her face or clothing. She prefers to stay covered and needs the people around her to respect that.

Heisenberg

Is in love with your resilience. He knows he can be an asshole and is amazed that you stay every time he snaps or pushes you away.

Loves that you’re not a snob or a prude like his sister and have no problem getting your hands dirty and helping in the factory. He doesn’t want a partner who sits around doing nothing, he wants them to enjoy the work he does too.

Playfulness and a thick skin are important to him in the people he chooses to be around. He makes jokes that maybe go too far and if you’re upset by that then he’s not the guy for you. He loves that you respond to his sarcasm with plenty of your own and loves when you talk back to him.

He loves your power and sense of justice. Watching you argue about something you believe in and threaten those who oppose your morals may have him pitching a tent downstairs. He likes defiance and wants a warrior to stand by his side in his battle against Miranda.

A big appetite is important to him. He likes you to have a few extra rolls to squeeze and doesn’t give a flying fuck about manners. He eats like an animal and loves when you join in.

You gotta enjoy weird shit both In and out of the bedroom because he’s a creative type and likes things that other people think are odd. If you’re considered an outsider or a freak by polite society he wants you here right now!

He likes that you smell good because he always smells like oil, metal and sweat.

Lady Dimitrescu

Loves your courage. You aren’t afraid of her when others would be. She intimidates you but you refuse to leave and she loves that

Is impressed by your honesty, liars are her least favourite kind of people.

You have respect for the proper way to do things and she shares this mentality.

You are kind and act as a friend to her daughters, she is so grateful for that.

You are sensitive to her mood changes and take pleasure in keeping her in a god mood, this makes her feel cared for and as the matriarch of the household she doesn’t get that a lot.

You are so small she thinks it’s adorable how you fit perfectly in her lap.

Your loyalty means everything to her and she needs a soft presence to lean on when her world is demanding.

You make her feel sexy, she did not believe that mortals would enjoy the physique of such a tall woman and her brother mocks her for her height so the fact that you are so in awe of her makes her feel good.

You don’t expect her to be more than she is. She’s immortal now but was human once and has stress and insecurities just like the others. She loves that you understand that.

[sxfik]

lets talk about joon hwi's "i'm grateful for her"

disclaimer: as always i might be making a stretch but this was just my interpretation. please ignore any typos or grammar mistakes. also credits to @cathartichaoss on a previous post of mine for bringing this up and it really got my thoughts rolling on this scene!!

okay i know we're making fun of joon hwi's "i owe her" bit but on a real note, i don't think that is meant in a we're just friends way like we're seeing it.

in most romance kdramas, the declarations of love are more explicit and often exaggerated, but what we have to remember with law school is that the drama isn't centered around romance. solhwi is a portrayal of a realistic friends to lovers arc, where their love is gradual and the shift from friends to lovers is blurred together. their relationship is growing in the background of the main plot, which is why we see their relationship develop through smaller moments (getting drunk together and sol revealing her issues with her grades, working side by side to solve a case, sol using joon hwi as a person to bounce ideas off of at the legal clinic) rather than grand gestures (by grand gestures i mean very explicit declarations of love, buying flowers, kissing in a very dramatic moment).

for those who have watched vincenzo and was a chayenzo shipper, you'll see that sol A and joon who's relationship grows very gradually throughout being there for each other, and i think most notably, this show doesn't show a point where "everything changed for the two of them" or one moment where the realized they loved each other (similar to vincenzo and cha-young's relationship). joon hwi has very gradually grown to like her presence and we can see that from their bickering friendship in ep 1 to now where he is on call for her at any time, putting up cctv for her and making hangover soup when one is drunk. much like a realistic friends to lovers, there is no one moment where they fall for each other, they've actually been falling for each other the whole time.

this brings me to the scene where sol B asks "why are you trying so hard to persuade me? why do you care so much about my roomie?" and he replied that he is "grateful for her." As we've seen from the previous episodes and even the events building up to this scene, Sol B isn't a very expressive girl. BUT she still cares about her friends in the study group, seen through her comforting ye-seul in the way she could and her standing up for sol A when her classmate calls her an ex-convict. in the same way sol A shield's her roommate, sol B does the same towards her. i believe that sol B knows that joon hwi is in love with sol A; pretending otherwise is a disservice to her intelligence and keen mind. her asking joon hwi why he's trying so hard is more than just a simple question. what she's asking here is "why are you in love with sol A? what is it about her that you like?" in a protective way. i interpreted it as her asking what his intentions with her roommate is. sol B is looking out for her roommate in her own way and asking why he likes her.

and joon hwi knows this, he understands what she's asking so he gives her an honest answer without his explicit confession. he tells her how grateful he is for her and it flashes to a scene that displays sol A's courage, her resilience, her loyalty, her compassion. she is making a risk because of him, and their study group. and the anger she expresses in assemblyman ko's involvement in the ruination of prosecutor seo, who joon hwi idolized and loved so much, connected with him. he's seeing that she cares so much for him and seeing her so passionate and loyal is the reason why he is grateful to her. you can see the camera shift to his expression during this scene and it looks as if he's truly seeing her for the very first time. this scene is showing the qualities that joon hwi loves the most about sol A, the characteristics that he admires and made him fall for her.

then of course we have the "i owe her. and i don't like owing people." i believe that this is conveying his shock at how much he actually cares for her. i believe before that moment he flashes back to, he assumes it more as a schoolboy crush, rather than him actually being in love with her. he's expressing that how he feels with sol A is new to him and the way he feels for her is different to anything he has felt before (therefore explaining why he says why he doesn't like it/he isn't comfortable with the realization). and sol B goes through with the justice mock trial with the understanding that joon hwi is in love with sol A and understanding that he is the right one for her roommate.

ultimately, solhwi nation, do not be afraid. we will be getting our endgame couple and having a good ending for them. they have so much development throughout the show, and this scene was a confirmation that there is something between them and an official confirmation of his feelings for her.

[kendrixtermina]

Some Thoughts re: the 6's core desire

So it struck me in the light of recent discourse that when we think of 6, we think more of what the individual doesn't want to happen (to be a coward, to have no clue what to do on your own) than what it is that they're seeking.

Like we typically think of 1 as "the one that wants to be moral", 2 as "the one that wants to be liked", 9 as "the one who wants to be connected & at peace" etc. but someohow 6 is the scaredy cat type?

All the types have both desired things and outcomes they want to avoid. & there are effects at work self-fulfilling prophecies, enantiodromia, overcompensation etc through which one can shoot themselves in the foot, but still ultimately, a 6 is a person who wants to avoid being a scaredy cat. (So no wonder they all loathe the descriptions!)

Now part of this may be because 6 is a negative type & hence perceptions of absence, lack & insufficiency would predominate, but, we dont really think of 4 as the "boring insignificant pedandic" type or of 5 as the "deer in the headlights" type (though the latter would have moments where its accurate...)

Then it occurred to me that it may be the switcheroo thing.

Let me elaborate:

One thing that happens with 6s is that inside & outside stuff can get flipped - There are the classic examples of interpreting stuff as signs of cheating because youre jealous or taking other people's words as trash talk when you're feeling insecure, but there is also a reverse of this where a person seeks out in admired figures good traits that they themselves would like to have while maybe not realizing the extent to which they have said good trait themselves.

Cordon has like the sober realistic take on that in his 6 writeup; In Maitri's book she does this thing where she maps each of the types to some supposed aspect of the divine which such a person would wish to experience, embody and in a sense offer to others.

For the 6 its a sense of strength, courage, and grounded solidity and the kind of empowerment that coes from alingment with the truth (personal or universal), a theme that i certainly notice in art or inspirational speeches. It may not exist as an aspect of the divine but perhaps as an "obscure sorrow". While reading the text I was strongly reinded of the 6 athlete/motivational speaker guy that the BHE dudes did a video on & that speech thingy he gave.

It's the counterpoint to... not so much your destructibility & animal nature itself (thats more 5) but what being destructible & an animal might lead you to do. like cracking under pressure 1984 style or, missing some important danger because you're fallible, being blamed & accused...

Interestingly, here too there is a switcheroo - that the type 6 person either wants to be this ideal of strenght & courage themselves, or looks for a person or a belief that they connect with that ideal.

So, do we have the basic desire right even? Is it not as much to be strong & courageous yourself than to find a source of strenght? 'Courageous' is probably the best word, because it could imply both intellectual integrity & fortitude of character.

It's probably a nonsensical question, the split attention between inside & outside is itself the characteristic thing. 6 flipflops between "outside good, inside bad" and its opposite (whereas in 5 and 7 it's strongly fixed in one direction... )

If you have both they reinforce each other, they become part of the same thing, if you think of yourself existing in context.

The line blurs with the 'hyper-logical' 6s solid belief system & put it inside themselves to apply it & thereby become self-reliant.

Like even 6s that aren't tough feel they should be. (however the individual defines strenght - doesn't have to be the traditional macho way - could also be intellectual or moral.)

If you look at 6s on average, there is probably a higher rate of being resilient, disaster proof, sporty, street smart, knowing martial arts, having practical resourcefulness, or smelling bullshit a mile away.

An "authoritarian follower personality" isn't something anyone is born with - contrary to pessimistic 20th century conclusions about human nature, nowdays its believed to be a damage that happens if your parents over-control you as a teenager.

But like, my point is, the basic desire might be to be to be courageous & have inner solidity as it is to find solidity on the outside. Having friends and knowing your shit basically helps you be brave. Having strong allies puts you in a position of strenght.

Because of the switcherroo thing you might feel the others have the strenght you want - or rather, you will be on the lookout for it. Obviously the evil power structures of the world are not all imagined.

i mean, compare it with the other types - their desire can usually be summarized more as some desirable-sounding adjective ("righteous", "loveable", "worthy", "meaningful/deep", "capable/insightful", "free/happy", "autonomous/vital", "peaceful") than an external thing to have.

Why would 6 alone be about "fellating other people", as one poster so succintly put it?

but of course 6 has the split inner/ outer attention & the context focus, so its no surprise that there is an "outside" formulation of what it wants.

Actually all the Compliant types could be consider to have this "external cope" thing going on - 2 wants to feel loveable so to get that others must love them. 1 wants to feel aligned & "right" so they create order the environment.

It's also worth considerin how all the factors are connected.

Eg. 5 would tend to have that particular fear of the whole deer-in-the-headlights, cant-deal-at-all situation cause thats more likely to happen if you gpt a sensitive, easily startled disposition & little access to instinctive snap judgements. Having a clue of wtf is going on prevents that, so it seems attractive.

2 would have a fear of being unloveable cause they'd have an especially strong desire for love & connection, so you'd try to win it by acting all loveable. On the other hand having a strong desire for (and capacity for) love isn't bad! I guess even in the 5 example, introversion comes from having a higher baseline "activity level", so, the "overprocessing everything" might've come first, & that can be useful in some ways too. having a big imagination is fun!

Likewise the 6s ability to keep both the inner & outer world in view, to both observe someone's face & theorize about what it means, is actually an useful strenght. But the flipflopping & re-questioning of everything may leave you not knowing what to do & then starting to freak out about that, which you'd want to avoid. & hence you'd desire this sense of courage to make decisions. But the great mental energy & flexibility might've come first.

Tl; DR: The desire of 6 might be better formulated as to be brave, courageous and strong enough to withstand danger & adversity.

there is probably a bit of a sp bias in here and I anticipate that you guys are gonna want to nitpick & refine the specifics & terminology somewhat - just throwing this out there so ya'll can play with it.

[realcube]

soft haikyuu!! boys with a baddie* s/o  😈

characters:  yamaguchi, hinata, suga, akaashi, nishinoya & tendou

tw// swearing

*(a/n): anon requested a kinda sassy, sarcastic reader and verbatim ‘she is basically a salt bag, but she also has like some sugar’  so i simplified that down to baddie :) so the reader isn’t really a delinquent but they are a bit rough around the edges uffabvrslbv 

Tadashi Yamaguchi

he definitely thinks you’re really cool and he wants to be just like you :O

bc you give off ‘bad bitch who doesn’t care about what other ppl think about them’ energy and what he would give tO HAVE THAT!!

so that’s when he knew he needed to be your friend >:) 

so he was like ‘tsukki, go talk to (y/n) for me >:)’ thinking that was his first step to becoming confident pfft

luckily, god was on his side though bc the teacher rearranged the seats and you and him were sitting next to each other 

hence, he got the opportunity to talk to you without it seeming too forced

you both fell for each other so hard

like he would act tough to try impress you but you preferred his natural softness while you tried to act uncharacteristically docile so you wouldn’t scare him off but he liked you for your boldness 

it was a match made in heaven 💞

he eventually worked up the courage to ask you out one day and y’all have just been falling more ever since

although, that doesn’t mean yamaguchi’s forgotten one of the main reasons he wanted to be with you in the first place

‘please teach me your ways, (y/n)!’ he pleaded, his head resting on your lap so you had to cover his puppy-eyes with your phone

‘no, tadashi. firstly, you’re sweet and gentle- you’re just built like that. secondly, i don’t have any ‘ways’ to teach you!’

yamaguchi continued to pry, ‘then how are you just so effortlessly self-assured?’

‘who told you that, tadashi?’

‘no one.’ yamaguchi poked the back of your hand to get you to move it, ‘but remember that time one of the guys in our class tried to make fun of the size of your head and you told him to shut up?’

you rolled your eyes, setting your phone aside before placing a brief kiss on yamaguchi’s forehead, ‘he said he couldn’t see the board because of my ‘big head’, tadashi; that’s hardly an insult. also, what else could i have possibly said other than that?’

but then you remembered this is yamaguchi you’re talking to; if that was him, he’d probably apologise, move his head aside then cry in the bathroom or sumn.

‘i should be the one asking you why you’re so insecure. i mean, i know everyone is a little bit insecure about something but you just take it to a whole other level.’ you mused, absentmindedly massaging his scalp

yamaguchi frowned, ‘exactly! teach me how to stop being insecure.’

‘no please, no thank you?’ you inquired with a snicker, realising that your habits might of accidentally rubbed off on him

bc just a few weeks ago, he’d be thanking you for breathing the same air as him but now he didn’t even say ‘please’ when asking for a favour 

gasp

‘please teach me how to be resilient, (y/n).’

you chuckled, leaning down to whisper in his ear, ‘okay, since you’re so polite, i’ll tell you my secret - but promise not to tell anybody else!.’

‘i promise.’ yamaguchi replied without hesitation

‘okay, first thing you need to do is go to the depths of hell and find satan hims--’ 

yamaguchi let out a sigh as he realised that you weren’t being serious then playfully flicked your forehead away, ‘rude.’

you beamed, pressing another kiss upon his forehead, ‘i know~’

Shōyō Hinata

let’s not pretend hinata wasn’t shitting his pants when he first heard about you from kageyama

‘they called me a shitty setter the other day.’

but kageyama failed to mention the part where he cut you in line for lunch 🙄 mans had it coming

like hinata genuinely thought that if he came within a 5 foot radius of you, you’d literally come for volleyball career

plus, hinata knew he had a lot of things to be insults on (mostly, his height) so he decided to keep his distance at first 

but when he actually saw you - rather than a vague description that kageyama conjured - he kinda fell head over heels

well, not only bc of your looks - he isn’t that shallow

but the same day, you dropped your purse/wallet on the walk home and ,mhsince hinata was walking behind you, he acted as any good Samaritan would; picked it up then handed it to you 

then you said something along the lines of ‘thanks, shorty.’

not shawty. lord- shorty as in short with a y at the end

and whether you meant that as a dig or not was beyond him - but either way, he fkn adored it 

also it doesn’t matter whether you are taller or shorter than hinata- he is still short-stuff >:)

by some miracle he managed to ask you out successfully and he’s kinda been glued to you ever since

like he wants to spend every second that he’s not at volleyball club/school with you 

and if you tell him he’s being clingy, he’s going to cry-

nonono jk jk

he’d probably be a bit offended but then give you your space

also, you noticed how he was really endeared by the tad mean nicknames you gave him like ‘shorty’, ‘short stuff’ and ‘ginger’

the only ones he didn’t like was ‘boke’ or ‘dumbass’ bc it reminded him too much of kageyama + tsukishima

so you started calling him these things - teasingly - more frequently 

and he loves it ngl

as long as you aren’t truly mean to him, he enjoys being called these things by you for some reason

so, his first mistake was assuming that you’d like being called these joking nicknames just as much as he does

you were helping him with english once and it’s definitely not his strong suit

same, hinata

‘look at that! you spelt all your vocabs correctly, for a change.’ you commented, peering over the desk at the paper sitting in front of him

his eyes widened and his lips curled into a hopeful smile, ‘really?!’

‘no.’ you snickered, pointing to the first word on the list. ‘your word was taxis - you wrote ‘texas’, dumbass.’

hinata let out an exasperated sigh, propping his elbow onto the table to rest his cheek on his palm

then, he had an idea ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

‘alright, stupidface, should i rewrite them?’

you gasped, furrowing your brows at what he just called you 

for a moment, you thought you might’ve misheard him but upon observing his smug expression, you realised that he really did just call you a ‘stupidface’ 

so you burst out laughing 

obviously, hinata was rather shocked at your reaction

‘hey! what’s so funny?’

‘di- di- did you just call me a ‘stupidface’?!’ you panted in-between cackles, clutching your stomach to soothe the butterflies

hinata jutted out his bottom lip and folding his arms over his chest, ‘yeah, what about it?’

‘that is so cute!- do it again!’ you demanded, enthusiastically slamming your fist against the desk

‘IT’S NOT CUTE!’ hinata barked, playfully flicking your forehead 

once you caught your breath, you took hinata’s hands and looked him dead in the eyes, ‘you’re fucking adorable, shōyō.’

the hoarseness of your voice making it sound like somewhat of a threat 

‘you’re adorable-er, (y/n).’

‘i know.’

Kōshi Sugawara 

he admires how strong and independent you are/seem 😍

and the fact you don’t go out of your way to suck-up to ppl 

he kinda wants to be like you in that sense but unlike yamaguchi, he accepts that he’s way too much of a people pleaser for that lol

so he sticks to admiring you from afar

then he musters up the courage to ask you out with some chocolate cupcakes; the same kind that you accidentally got on his blazer on the first day of second year :))

and you say yes (╯▽╰ )

also a big part of your relationship is aggressive positivity ✨😡

like if he makes a joke about looking crusty, you’ll promptly respond, ‘shut up, kōshi - you look so hot.’

or if you berate yourself for getting a poor mark on a test, suga will interrupt with no hesitation, ‘fuck off, (y/n), you’re literally so smart and hard working - you’ll probably get 100% on the next test.’

also when he’s around you he switches between canon and fanon suga rapidly 

one second he’s like ‘aww, are you stressed bc of school? i’ll bake you some cookies, baby--’ then you’ll jokingly make a comment about his post-practise B.O and he’ll literally get so defensive

‘WOW I OFFER YOU SOMETHING NICE AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?! STOP BEING SO MEAN TO ME, COMING FOR MY INSECURITES LIKE THAT  - I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO FOR A SHOWER ANYWAY GEEZ’ ┗|｀O′|┛

ISVBFELIAEA plz he is too much ✋

he just prides himself in smelling like ocean breeze 99% of the time so you really didn’t need to hurt his feelings like that when you caught him lackin c’mon LMAO

‘wait so are we making cookies or not?’ you inquired, stifling a snicker at his little diva moment

‘ofc we are 🥺’  

he’ll probably use red icing on one of the cookies to draw a ‘>:(’ face then hand it to you, saying that he drew you

he’ll also break of bits of his own cookie and feed it to you’re doing something that requires both hands like typing, homework, dishes etc

whether you eat it from his hand happily, decline his offer or bite his fingers off is really up to you 

and over time, he probably picks up on some of your traits too

especially being more straight-forward 

the team will never forget the first time he was chatting about something with the vice principle and ‘sorry, but i don’t remember asking’  fell from his lips 

everyone was shocked :o

tsukishima, tanaka & noya were so impressed tho

and so were you IVBEAOGVRN

‘wow, suga. you wanna be me so bad.’ you gloated, pressing your hand against your chest 

‘GAEIVBSLR leave me alone.’ he growled, toiling over the apology letter he was currently writing to the vice principal

Keiji Akaashi 

he wanted you to be the dark academia to his light academia pfft

it was very much love at first sight btw 

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ soulmates  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

the embodiment of opposites attract

he’d write you a poem/love letter to ask you out lol

‘you’re so sappy and lame, akaashi’ you scoffed in attempt to hide the smile that was tugging at the corners of your lips as your eyes finally parted from the letter to meet his 

he couldn’t help but chuckle, ‘so is that a no?’

‘-nonono!’ you shook your head rapidly, hastily correcting him, ‘it’s a yes.’

phew 

honestly, he acted all nonchalant on the outside, but akaashi would’ve been devastated if you rejected him

like he constantly tried to remind himself that you would probably say no, i mean he thought you were way out of his league. plus, it didn’t seem as though you were as much of a romantic as him

but fortunately, apart of him stayed hopeful 

now he was cuddled up beside you on a cold winters’ evening, casually drinking is hot cocoa as you both watched a disney movie (❤´艸｀❤)

he’s the type to not even care or retort if you call him stupid or whatever

as long as your context makes it clear that you’re joking 

he’d never call you those names back though ✋

to him, you’re always gonna be ‘love’ or ‘sweetheart’

also, he’s probably equally as sarcastic as you so that’s not an issue 

ngl he probably gets really insecure when you’re hesitant about PDA tho

like he just wants to hold your hand but he doesn’t want to force it upon you and make you uncomfortable 🥺

but also, perhaps you’re too embarrassed by him to kiss him in public 

so please occasionally reassure him that you love him (；′⌒`) that always washes all his worries away 

Yū Nishinoya

it’s literally canon that he likes ppl who show 0 interest in him (kiyoko, tsukki etc)

so it shouldn’t be surprising that he’s all over you after that one time you called him a midget 

to be fair, he had it coming - he stepped on your fkn toe >:(( 

he does everything in his power to impress you and get you to take back what you said 

‘hey, (y/n)!’ he calls out to you in the middle of the bustling lunch hall, ‘could a midget do this?!’ *backflips off the table*

or when he demanded that you come to one of his volleyball games so you could see what he’s capable of and whenever he makes a good receive, he turns to look at you in the stands and winks/ points

or when he actually studies for a test just so he can flaunt his slightly above average grade to you 

‘look, (y/n), i got a 49%!’ he waves a paper in front of your face, which you stare at before lowering your gaze onto your 95%.

but ngl..he really brings out that lil’ bit of sugar in you 

‘well done, noya.’ you choked out feeling your dignity slowly fade in your chest

he’s just so enthusiastic and charming how can you be mean to him 🥺

to his face, at least

as soon as he leaves you beef about him to your friends

‘he is so annoyingly bodacious - audacious! why does he feel the need to show me all of his achievements like i care??? and why does he have to be so cute while doing it???’

‘do you think you maybe have a teeny-tiny crush on him?--’

‘never.’

nishinoya probably asks you out pretty casually like ‘lemme take you bowling this saturday and i can show how good i am at that too!’ he offered with a bright, bold smile

‘sure, whatever.’

‘kay! it’s a date!’

‘wut-’ but before you could question him further, he sped off

nishinoya really likes to fluster and tease you 

you’ll be sitting waiting for him at the park or whatever and he’ll swagger in and shout something like ‘how’s my gorgeous s/o doing today?! i hope you weren’t waiting for me too long!--’

then you’ll have to quickly shush him before everyone with a 7 feet radius is looking at you judgementally 

he also likes to call you the most extra nicknames just to see you blush

‘good morning, my beautiful, divine, radiant god(dess) who i worship every morning of my life!~’ he sung as he waltzed into your classroom to spend lunch with you 

but he only does that bc you are so dismissive of his advances lol

like if you openly adored his kisses and nicknames, he’d probably do them sparingly  

oh and he calls you ‘my hunny bunny’ too - don’t ask why 

Satori Tendō

you gave him your number/snap for a project and he’s one of those ppl that just assumes that y’all are friend now lol

but that wasn’t nessicarily a bad thing bc you thought he was really cool and you were happy that you still got to talk to him even after the project was over 

not that you’d ever admit it tho (╹ڡ╹ )

he’d send you cursed memes at 3AM and you’d reply like ‘mood’  then he’d fall for you 

you’d also have random, deep convos in the middle of the night 

hence he fell for you even harder 

especially bc he basically just shared his whole life story with you 

he’d spill out all his insecurities to you then you’d reply like ‘ok’ then he knew he had to ask you out bc you’re the first person not to have left him on read

so he asked you to meet him in the park and you’d reply ‘no lol  🖕 ‘ 

then he’d just smile at his phone like ‘wow, they’re so in love with me’

he’s just so used to his friends being mean to him jokingly that he can’t even tell if you’re being serious or not

so he goes to the park at the time he put forward, and ofc you’re there even though you said no bc you didn’t want tendō to show up for nothing 🥺

he was ecstatic that you were there and he probably brought you an energy drink or lollipop then asked you out

and ofc you said yes

i mean- you had kinda developed a soft spot for the poor guy 

you’d let him get away with certain things that others couldn’t around you 

for instance, you’d let him borrow your pencils/pens despite usually not allowing others to get ahold of your stuff

but that was just coz like- he’s your trustworthy bf- not some random classmate who had no reason or motive to be kind enough to return your pencils 

also, you’d let him cut in front of you in the lunch line and he did the same for you

oh and please bully anyone who makes fun of him 🙏

[mhevarujta]

Zoya and the Darkling [Rule of Wolves Spoilers]

It’s a pity that fandoms mostly focus on romantic/sexual relationships, because The Darkling and Zoya have one of the most epic dynamics in the Grishaverse. The way they affect each other is so complex.

Zoya did not go to the Little Palace after being tested in the usual manner of Grisha travelling across Ravka to recruit children with powers. She was a young girl, a child really, living with a bitter and broken mother, in a home where her Suli inheritance was not appreciated, in a country that would condemn her both because of the power she let her demonstrated AND because of who she would have been without it. She was basically sold as a child-bride and her mother deluded herself into thinking that her daughter would not be raped by the old man she was marrying so that she’d feel better about herself, not to mention that she poisoned Zoya with her fears and made her afraid of her own heart. At the wedding her power broke loose and her aunt took her to a hard journey to the Little Palace so that Zoya would be tested and have a chance at a better life.

Zoya was taken in and she was separated from her family, but her aunt was ALWAYS in her heart. She started training and she was stronger than most, she was also driven and resilient. She arrived at the Little Palace when she was 8-9. When she was 13, she was the youngest one to be chosen as part of a group that would travel with the Darkling to Tsibeya to find the white tigers of Ilmisk because one of them was supposed to be an amplifier. By that age, Zoya was half in love with him already and she lived for his rare appearances at the school. She was the best, she had fought to be so, and he wanted him to see it. The Grisha were focused on hunting the female tiger, but the amplifier was a male one. He tried to kill the female’s cubs and Zoya gave them the protection of her body, she got scars that she never had tailored and she almost died, and killed the tiger to defend the cubs; not for the sake of power.

It wasn’t HER turn to get the amplifier, but since she killed the tiger only she could claim it. And THIS brilliant scene happens:

Some part of me always feared that he would send me away, banish me forever from the Little Palace. I told him I was sorry.

“But the Darkling saw me clearly even then. ‘Is that really what you wish to say?’ he asked.”

Zoya pushed a dark strand of her hair behind her ear. “So I told him the truth. I put my chin up and said, ‘They can all hang. It was my blood in the snow.’”

Nikolai stifled a laugh and a smile played over Zoya’s lips. It dwindled almost instantly, replaced by a troubled frown. “That pleased him. He told me it was a job well done. And then he said … ‘Beware of power, Zoya. There is no amount of it that can make them love you.’”

The weight of the words settled over Nikolai. Is that what we’re all searching for? Was that what he’d hunted in all those library books? In his restless travels? In his endless pursuit to seize and then keep the throne? “Was it love you wanted, Zoya?”

She shook her head slowly. “I don’t think so. I wanted … strength. Safety. I never wanted to feel helpless again.”

  “Like calls to like” fits the Darkling and Alina, but it also fits Zoya and the Darkling… in fact it fits Zoya and Aleksander even more so. Both were powerful and KNEW it. Both eventually learned to be unapologetic about it and saw it as their safety net. Both were taught that power would give them safety, survival, fulfillment in some ways, but not love. And yet, as much as they denied it and hid their hearts they DID want to be loved more than anything.

Zoya only rises thereafter. She gets her rank, she is one of the most valued Grisha in the Little Palace, she is admired for her strength and beauty, she armors herself with arrogance, and ruthlessness. But she has not friends. Both her and the Darkling are surrounded by people, they are admired, but they don’t have people close to their heart. The Darkling always cared about Baghra as much as he could still manage and Zoya cared only bout Liliyana and Lada (an orphan girl that her aunt had taken in).

The Darkling SAW her. He saw how she tried like no other, he saw her pain, her anger and he considered these to be things that he could use to control her and to push her towards the direction he desired. And despite not being appreciative of her devotion when he had it, he missed it when it was gone.

When Alina got in the picture everything changed for Zoya. Yes, Zoya had feelings for the Darkling and I DO believe that her feelings and vanity would have been hurt to some extent by the intimacy in the way he approached Alina, but the primary problem was Zoya’s sense of injustice. Zoya had tried for YEARS, had trained hard, had sacrificed to be where she is. Alina never asked for any of it, but from Zoya’s perspective Alina would have been an untrained Grisha who got all the status, power and recognition that SHE had fought for without even trying. Until then, Zoya had been praised for wanting power, but when her anger is not convenient anymore, the Darkling punishes her for it and does not have a second thought about her.

And yet she remained loyal as always.

Even more so than rank, the Darkling and Liliyana were Zoya’s safety-net. And in ONE MOMENT, by genociding Novokribirsk, Zoya’s own mentor, the one who gave her safety and who was meant to create a haven for the Grisha, a person who KNEW her and who KNEW that she had family there, showed that he had no care for her, not care for human life and she wiped out the last people that Zoya loved.

He left her broken inside. In Siege and Storm, Zoya was at her lowest. She has to plead to Alina to have a position in the second army and she has to reveal a part of her heart; not just her loss of Liliyana. Her voice BREAKS when she says that the Darkling could have warned her of his plan; her pain at the idea that he did not give a crap about taking EVERYTHING from her is raw and cutting.

But she is not a quitter. She adjusts, she pulls her pieces together fast, she is a warrior and she stays on the right side without a question.

Then the Darkling attacked the very Grisha he was supposedly fighting for and killed half the people that Zoya had EVER KNOWN. And she still keeps fighting.

 Enter Rule of Wolves. There is SUCH DEEP IRONY in this book and the way Zoya and the Darkling’s arcs interconnect is a prime example of Leigh’s amazing writing.

The Darkling had told Zoya that they would change the world and he completely stopped paying attention to her the moment the potential of Alina’s power blinded him to anything else. And yet, when he returns Zoya has gained the kind of power that could eventually rival his own. But he STILL thinks that he should be the one to rule Ravka. He still thinks that he is the best option for the country. And once more, he criminally underestimates Zoya and overestimates himself.

Who else is vengeful and afraid of his own heart, I wonder…

Aleksander considered Zoya weak for the very same things that were his own fatal flaws.

But unlike him, Zoya SAW her flaws. The Darkling shut himself off more and more in order to save himself from pain. Zoya eventually opened up her heart to grief and pain to become the person her country needed and to embrace her power. She opened the door, when the Darkling did not manage to do so. She showed more courage than he did… and he SAW it.

Aleksander hoped to become the savior during the battle, he wished to demonstrate how only HE could save Ravka. But seeing Nikolai and Zoya defending the country is the first time it registers that there are others who are up to the task and who may be better suited than he is.

And he becomes essential in Zoya being accepted as a saint and in her rise to power partly because he wants to gain her favor but also because he finally sees all her potential, all she can achieve, how a Grisha queen of such power might give the Grisha the haven they need, when he clearly can’t.

And what is left for him to do? What does he want? He wants to serve the country he loves in a way that will affirm his sense of self-importance (he wants to offer something that no one else can) and he wants to be loved. So his new objective is to stop the blight.

The blight was created because of his own power. This man who hunted down and ruined the life of a young girl (Alina) in order to force her to be his balance, so that he could freely use his power in a very imbalanced way, finally realizes that HE is responsible for his power and that HE can be the only one to balance it and himself. So there is a new path he sees ahead of him: he can sacrifice himself to stop the blight and in the process Ravka might finally see that he always wanted to protect the country… and it might love him back. He KNOWS that he has committed crimes, he does not seek redemption, but he desired for all he has done to matter. And it can’t matter if he is not at all responsible for its country’s well-being and if everyone hates him. He has lived so many lifetimes without happiness or fulfillment and they would all have been wasted.

But he can’t achieve this by himself. This man who always thought that he could do things alone, and who took away everything Zoya had fought for, NEEDS her allowance for his centuries-long life to gain a scrap of meaning. He needs her allowance to be appreciated and loved.

I can’t be the only one who sees what a beautiful twist of fate this is.

At the same time Zoya herself understands the Darkling. She understands how anger and using power as a coping mechanism can corrupt. Knowing herself and seeing how he turned out are essential in her becoming a good ruler. He is the cautionary tale of what she could but will never allow herself to become.

When he explains his plan, she KNOWS that he’ll be in eternal pain and she has does not mind that his will be his fate. But when she sees the aftermath of his sacrifice and when she feels the kind of pain he’ll be experiencing for eternity, it leaves her shaken. She feels that pain in her own heart and this is not a fate that she wishes even on him. Genya and Alina are very much willing to let him rot but Zoya, who also believed that she could forgive him, feels that she has to.The Darkling has not redeem himself. He is doing penance. But as Genya mentions, there’s a fine line when one has to do the math of how much a person has to pay and of how much pain they have to feel before their punishment stops being just and they become victims instead. Zoya, being afraid of becoming him, knows that learning to show forgiveness is the only way forward, it’s the way for her to keep her heart open and not become the avalanche.

Zoya Nazyalensky has become everything that Aleksander Morozova, the lost boy, wished to be. Poweful, eternal, with friends, with a true partner, holding the best position a Grisha could imagine without forcing her rule and finally giving their people a true chance without comprominsing them. 

The Darkling was hoping that Alina would have been his balance. We are told how she might make him a better man and she might make him a monster.

But at the end of the day it’s Zoya who allows the Darkling to become the closest thing to decent that he can be at this point.

It’s the Darkling’s life that allows Zoya to see the lines that she will not cross and how to not become a monster.

And it’s Zoya’s ability to forgive him and her willingness to save him that becomes the backbone for the next phase of the Grishaverse, whenever Leigh decides to write it.

The way their paths entangle will always be at the core of the story.

_______________________

@myfriendscallmeraba​ I’m tagging you because you asked for it. It’s very encouraging to have someone interested in my ramblings.

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things-Something There

Warnings: Mentions of murder. Canon-typical violence.

Word Count: 2.5k

a/n: i am so beyond sorry that it has taken this long to get another chapter out. this doesn’t follow my post schedule that i had previously given, but hopefully this can be a good place holder till later this week. 

The Purest Things Masterlist

May 2008

Bookend: "It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent." -Madeleine Albright

"There's no way I'm doing that," you rebuttal, "Hotch? Tell them it's a ridiculous idea." He stays silent, but his mouth twitches slightly.

Oh, you son of a-

"Richards is a classic narcissist. The challenge of facing a tough, fearless, and intelligent woman will give him his high. Narcissists are drawn to goal-oriented women, women who are resilient, adaptable, yet decisive. Show him that you are a good listener, but don't praise him."

"Think of him like a wild animal," Spencer adds, "You don't feed zoo animals because they are unpredictable. Remember, narcissists have an extraordinary sense of self, and when you praise his ego, you enable his unstable and feeble mind. He doesn't hear praise; he hears how much better he is than you. If you don't feed the beast, he won't have the stamina to combat your confidence later."

"Once you disarm him, I'll come in and challenge his confidence," Hotch concludes. 

Could you have said that less attractively? That would have been more helpful.

Aaron cheekily smirks as if reading your mind but quickly looks away. You wish you didn't blush so fast-that you had some sense to keep your emotions to yourself. In a second, your cheeks are rosy, and you are convinced that everyone in the room can perceive your feelings as if you wrote them on little notes and passed them around.

You grunt and roll your eyes, "I hate all of you."

Derek snaps his fingers at you, "Lose the jacket."

"All men are pigs," you spit while removing your blazer, leaving you in a fitted tank top and your tight-legged jeans that hug your curves in all of the right places.

Derek wolf whistles at you, and you hurl your jacket at him.  Aaron lets his eyes slide up and down your body, his gaze lasting longer than it should. He swears that as you stride into the interrogation room, your hips swing a bit farther side to side than usual. It is the very action that radiates courage, a mind coupled perfectly with itself and the world around it, concentrated and solemn.

Typically, Hotch would divert the task of adulating a narcissist to Prentiss, but he knows if anyone can take command of someone's attention, it's you. How does he know? Because you captivate him far more often than he cares to admit, defying his very being with every interaction. You are a secret weapon that he wants to keep concealed until you can allow your talents to shine genuinely. Aaron knows that now is your moment. ++++ "What is it that I am being accused of? Fraud? Embezzling?" The sharp-dressed businessman questions; his gaze is straying further below your eyes than you care for.

Pig.

You throw a file down on the medal table, and it slides across, stopping right in front of the man, successfully redirecting his stare somewhere other than your chest.

"Try murder."

His eyes widen, "You're joking. Come on, where are the hidden cameras? I'm ready for you to yell candid camera now! I am Milton Richards, for god's sake!"

"I don't know!" You shrug your shoulders. "Why don't you explain this to me, Mr. Richards. I'm just as confused as you are. What reason could a successful, charming, handsome, wealthy business mogul like yourself possibly have to kill someone?"

"Oh please," Richards scoffs, "This isn't an interrogation. You've already pegged me as guilty."

"I don't agree, but you have the right to feel how you feel."

He purses his lips, leaning as far away from you as physically possible while handcuffed to the table.

"Milton, why did you try to escape a moving vehicle when my team apprehended you?"

"Just felt like it, I guess," he shrugs mockingly.

"So, something just randomly compelled you to flee the custody of a federal agent?"

Richards leers at you. You stand up and walk around the table, leaning down next to him, "I get it. I do. You're a suave, wealthy, and ruthless business tyrant. You have to cover your tracks-do what it takes to survive."

He raises his eyebrow, turning to face you, your faces mere inches from each other. I got you now.

"Trust me. I know probably better than anyone what it takes to maintain a position you fought your entire life for. I'm a woman; I had to claw my way into the F.B.I. Do you think it's easy being surrounded by a team filled with uncontrolled testosterone? Womanhood requires balls; I see you keep your balls in your pants, cool, cool. Mine are on my chest, up top. As you've so duly noticed."

His eyes flicker to the aforementioned area, and you restrain yourself from gagging.

"And you know what, Richards? I use them every day of my life. Because in my line of business, sometimes I have to take the backdoor to get things done. Why do I get the sense that you were the same way before you became Mr. Wolf of Wall Street? How else does a kid who grew up in the projects become a multi-millionaire mogul by 27?"

"We both know what the other is capable of. C'mon, let's show each other a bit of respect here. No games, let's be upfront with each other," you appeal. ++++ Aaron watches as you work the room like it is your stage. You play the part perfectly.  He admires your ability to absorb things and then responded rather than immediately react to douse firey circumstances rather than add to the flames.

Derek finds himself next to Aaron, smugly observing Aaron's visible fascination with you.

"She's fantastic, Hotch," Derek beams with pride. Hotch holds his breath behind pursed lips in an attempt to barricade himself from the feelings of foolish jealousy he feels creeping up.

I know she is. I think I recognize it a little too well.

Aaron knows that Derek will be scrutinizing his reaction to the commendation and refrains from responding.

Of course, Derek reads this lack of a reaction as a response itself. And he finds it strangely amusing. ++++ "Here's what I think happened," you twirl your finger around the manilla file, "I think you were having some money troubles and your top investors caught onto your little games. When you sat down, you volunteered the crimes fraud and embezzlement as reasons you assumed we brought you into custody. You listed them like they are apparent reasons for us to charge you. Those are two areas you are clearly willing to take the fall for and have cause to oblige by."

Opening the file, a photograph is revealed within of a murder victim. Richards shifts uncomfortably in his seat, stifling a cough.

"Do you know this man?"

"N-no," he claims as his eyes flutter from the photo to his hands.

Surprised by his blatant tell, you glance back at the two-way mirror.

Turning back to the suspect with a newfound spark in your eyes, you press harder, "Strike one. Try again."

"Excuse me?"

"The man in the image is Walter Barone, the C.E.O. of Jameson Whitely Associates...your accounting firm. Your company was going bankrupt, Milton. There was nowhere left for you to turn. So, do you want to try that again? This time, answer my questions directly and honestly."

"Walt had a reserve saved for me worth $5 million. Last week when I approached him about dipping into the fund to keep the company afloat, he withheld it. I wouldn't kill him for it, though."

"Well, see, that's the problem here, Milton. When he was found, that little reserve of yours was nowhere to be found. Naturally, you can assume where my mind goes when I try and put two and two together, right?"

"I told you," he says, clearly provoked by your accusation, "I wouldn't...didn't kill him."

"Wasn't it you, in your book, right? Who said, 'It's surprising what a man will do when properly motivated?' I don't know about you, but losing everything you'd ever worked for and having your one saving grace held from you seems like pretty good motivation."

Silence. "Oh, come on, Milton, now is not the time to act so arrogant!"

He slams his fists on the table; you abstain from being startled in an attempt to show him no fear.

Wild animals can smell fear. 

"Arrogant, huh? Why don't you step up and prove me wrong? Prove you're better than me. You despise me for being successful; I despise you for your assumption that you could waltz in here like a tramp and seduce me into giving myself up. What? Too harsh? I'm not sure you and I are even the same species."

Hotch bursts into the room, and you quickly signal for him to stand down. I've got this.

He gives you a prideful wink. I know you do.

Somehow Aaron being in the room gives you that last little push to conclude this grand performance of yours. Slowly, you begin clapping dramatically for his little one-person comedy act. He certainly knows how to play the fool.

"Is that a dare? Challenge accepted. Your entire life, you have suffered from a disease... a fragile ego. You have built these walls of detachment so that you can conveniently solicit status to hide your true, weak self. You lash out because you feel it compensates for your insecurities."  

"The truth is, despite being at the top of the corporate chain, every day you lead the life of a loser. You are willing to destroy people psychically, emotionally, and mentally. And you view that as a cause for celebration. You are the embodiment of a loser and abject failure."

Hotch touches the small of your back; you shiver at the sudden warmth that fills your body in reaction to it. He hands you a piece of paper, one that seals Richards' conviction.

"Milton Richards, you are under arrest for the murder of Walter Barone, Hank Simmons, Frankie Lisbon, and Jillian Ryder."

Hotch motions for you to do the honors.

"By all means, lead the way."

Holding yourself proud and tall, you waltz over to Milton and hoist him out of his chair. Inclining your lips to his ear, you tell him contemptuously, "You lose."   ++++ "Way to go, superstar! You had us all on the edge of our seats," Derek says, wrapping his muscular arms around you. You breathe in his cologne and savor the sensation of being in his arms.

Since the day you met Morgan, you've felt a draw to him. Not in a romantic way, though you proudly admit he is hands-down one of the most gorgeous men to set foot on earth. He gives you the feeling of safety, warmth, and brotherly love. His hugs rejuvenate you after a long day of work, and you see to it that neither of you leaves the office without receiving your signature embraces.

Aaron observes you and Derek's shared embrace from the shelter of his office. Before he can comprehend his movements, his legs carry him to the terrace overlooking the bullpen.

What do you think you're doing, Hotch? Pull yourself together. They’re friends. Just like you and her are.

Dismissing his inner voice of reason, he calls out to you, "Y/L/N. See me in my office."

You grimace at his tone of voice but abide by his request.

Derek chuckles, "Green is not that man's color."

"What?" You turn to him, confused.

"Goodnight, superstar."

"Night, handsome," you blow him a kiss, trying to brush his comment out of your mind.  ++++ "You summoned?"

Aaron's whiskey-colored eyes meet yours. The tempo of your heart quickens like a metronome.

"You did a phenomenal job in there."

"I've learned from the best." You. I've learned from you.

He clears his throat, "Those things you said...a-about the men on this team. Is that how you truly feel?"

Shocked by his willingness to believe such a misleading statement, you gasp and close the distance between the two of you.

You must have some nerve to believe that I would ever view you as anything other than the most upstanding man I've ever met.

"Aaron, what I said in there is further than the truth than I would have liked to have strayed. In fact, it was with you that I finally felt equal as a human being-like someone recognized me for my intellect and self-worth. A woman can't acquire that regardless of how 'equal' this world claims to be."

Aaron finds himself lost in your eyes, absorbing every meaning behind your words.

"It was a freeing feeling having someone I respect so highly show me similar respect."

No. Don't stop talking. Please. Hotch blushes at his inner monologue, incapable of comprehending precisely what kind of influence you hold on him.  

"Anyway," you laugh, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in your face, "Sorry for my little tangent."

"No," Hotch interjects firmly, "Never apologize for expressing your feelings. I assured you last year that I'll always be available as a sounding board for you. That offer still stands."

Your gaze softens as you study him, his intentions, his mannerisms. He notices your pupils dilate, and it commences a chain reaction within his veins. To him, it's not the fact that you radiate beauty on the outside. Sure, you are physically fit and put in the effort to maintain your appearance. Naturally, that would be why someone like Derek Morgan would have you on his radar.

But, Aaron has gradually grown accustomed to the kindness that you seem to reserve just for him. He sees the differences between how you act around the team versus when you step inside his office or are alone in the car with him, even the way your confidence elevates when he walks into the interrogation room.

These differences aren't unique to just you, though. Aaron notices the same changes in himself when he is around you. Never did he expect to go home from work and lie in bed thinking about the way your eyes strayed on his for a moment too long, or how as he completed paperwork at his desk, he'd replay in his mind a cheesy joke you told the team. He knows how you like your coffee from observing you in the break room one too many times.

One cream, two sugars.

Your laughter warms his body from the inside out. When you talk about your favorite comic book with Prentiss and Morgan, the twinkle in your eye never fails to bring a smile to his face. He knows that you hate getting out of the car when it rains because your perfectly straightened hair that you spent god knows how long on will undoubtedly curl.

His changes were less evident on the outside. But, he knew that deep down, there is something there that wasn't there before.

Tag List:

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[princesssarisa]

Character ask: Don Giovanni

Tagged by @ariel-seagull-wings

Favorite thing about them: Despite all the many things to hate about him, you can't deny that the man has charisma. He's seductive, of course, but also exuberant, clever, witty, full of zest for life, resilient and unstoppable until the end, and courageous even in the face of hell. It's no wonder that in the world of the opera he's won over so many women, or that in the real world so many men hero-worship him, despite his appalling actions.

Least favorite thing about them: Just a few minor things. He rapes women, seduces and abandons them, chases after other men's wives and fiancées, bullies and endangers his servant, beats up Masetto, kills the Commendatore... but nothing more than that.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I enjoy good food, drink and parties.

*I crave freedom.

*I don't have much reverence for traditional Christian values. (The actual values Jesus taught, yes, but the church's, no.)

Three things I don’t have in common with them:

*I'm not male.

*I'm nowhere near as... um... amorously experienced as he is.

*I actually respect and empathize with other people.

Favorite line:

His reply when Leporello asks him why he deceives women:

È tutto amore! Chi a una sola è fedele, verso

l'altre è crudele; io che in me sento si esteso

sentimento, vo' bene a tutte quante; le donne

poiché calcolar non sanno, il mio buon natural

chiamano inganno.

"It's all for love! He who is faithful to just one is cruel to the others; I, feeling boundless sentiment within me, love them all; because women don't know how to think, they call my good nature deceit."

(This is completed by Leporello's sarcastic gem of a response:

Non ho veduto mai naturale più vasto, e più benigno!

"I've never seen a more generous, more benevolent nature!")

brOTP: Leporello. Their relationship is a dysfunctional mess, but they'd be incomplete without each other.

OTP: I agree with @ariel-seagull-wings that he loves no one but himself.

Although in Claus Guth's 2008 production that had the Don slowly dying of a gunshot wound and Leporello caring for him throughout, I'll admit I was tempted to ship him with Leporello because of the surprisingly tender moments they shared.

nOTP: Any woman.

Random headcanon: One of his conquests was a Romani woman whom he impregnated, and as a result, he became the great-great-grandfather of Carmen. Both characters live in Seville, after all, and she definitely shares some of his spirit and charisma. (Although she's more honest than he could ever be.)

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if this is opinion is unpopular in general, but it's definitely unpopular with many male stage directors and commentators who have written about the opera. Even with some I respect like the late Sir Peter Hall, who described Don Giovanni as an Enlightenment hero.

He's not a hero. He's not a symbol of the Enlightenment, rebelling against the stodgy, oppressive forces of religion and conventional morality. He's just the opposite of that – he's a member of the ancient regime who uses his power, status and wealth to indulge himself at others' expense. Yes, he proclaims "Long live liberty!" and mingles with nobles and peasants alike, but only so he can exploit and abuse them all equally. And while a part of me does admire his courage as he defies the Stone Guest to the end, just consider what his lack of repentance means! He's not like Carmen asserting her right to love only whom she chooses and not be possessed by any man against her will; he's asserting that he'd rather burn in hell than stop raping and abandoning women! There's no possible way to view him as a good guy.

Song I associate with them:

"La ci darem la mano"

"Fin ch'han dal vino"

"Deh, vieni alla finestra"

Favorite picture of them:

These two paintings by Max Slevogt of Francisco d'Andrade in the role:

Samuel Ramey dressed and posed like the latter painting on the cover of Herbert von Karajan's studio recording:

The legendary Cesare Siepi:

Rodney Gilfry with Liliana Nikiteanu as Zerlina:

lldebrando d'Arcangelo:

Erwin Schrott:

Mariusz Kwiecien:

Dmitri Hvorostovsky (RIP):

[joontier]

The King’s Guard | Chapter 7 

pairings: kim seokjin x reader ; jeon jungkook x reader ; min yoongi x reader

series rating: R(18+) | genre: angst, forbidden love, longing, immense pining 

warnings: none to note 

word count: 6.6k

g/n: HAHGFJFIE FINALLY!!!!!!!! that is all. ((also painfully and regrettably unedited)) thank you. THIS IS THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR ASJDFOAWJEFI SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE? 

The King’s Guard - Masterlist  ||  navi.

The King’s Guard | Chapter 7

“Hoseok.” 

Yoongi keeps his voice low as he attempts to poke the general awake, vigorously, yet with the right amount of caution so as not to wake the naked sleeping court lady in his arms. Chaeyoung, was it? The southern king ponders on wistfully as he pulls the blanket up again to maintain the modesty in the room - if there was any left, that is. 

The young king of the south had already sensed the tension between the pair when they were first acquainted with each other. Yoongi, not a stranger to the wants of the flesh, already knew this was coming. If it only weren’t for the places they hold in the palace, they would have made a great couple. 

Surely though, the two were old enough to know that clothes were still warranted even after what Yoongi could only assume to have been a steamy evening between the two. It wasn’t appropriate to just go sleeping in the nude especially when one could easily barge in at any time of the day, just as Yoongi had done. 

The blonde-haired king continues poking at the general by the ribs, cursing when the latter won’t respond and instead rolls over to the other side, pulling Chaeyoung closer in his arms. 

Good heavens. Why does this have to be so hard? 

For one, he’d already wasted time this morning trying to locate Hoseok, who he reckons no longer enjoys sleeping in his own quarters; finding more comfort in the danger that lies with sleeping in the court ladies’ quarters instead. He makes a mental note to address this to Hoseok later as this was going to be a major headache later on. 

Should this relationship of theirs proceed with its imminent direction, not only the general will be facing the grave consequences of their actions, but the poor court lady will have to take responsibility as well. 

“Hoseok.” The young king of the south nudges him once more, this time stronger than the last. Yoongi hears the general groan in response, and lets himself sit back against the wall in relief. At least this reaction was better than the log he was trying to wake just moments ago. 

That is, until he realizes he spoke too soon. 

Hoseok rolls over and proceeds to lie on his stomach. Yoongi cards his fingers through his temple, jaw clenched as he tries to figure out a more effective way to get the general up on his feet. 

He spots a vessel on top of Chaeyoung’s dresser, and Yoongi smirks as an unorthodox idea of waking up someone pops in his head. Quietly creeping up from the floor, he grabs the clay container by its neck and tilts the vessel, pouring the water onto Hoseok’s bare back. This ought to do the job. Just as expected, the liquid had the southern general scrambling to his feet. 

Squinting his eyes as he looks around, Hoseok comes face to face with his king, eyes trained on him like a tiger waiting on his prey. Hoseok immediately sits up, cowering under the king’s daunting gaze, “M-my king…”

Yoongi promptly gets up, not wanting to bother himself with another look at Hoseok’s naked form. “Get up. Meet me by the stables,” the king orders, sliding the door open, “and next time, please maintain some dignity and remember to put clothes on before sleeping.” 

The general clambers from the court lady’s yo, taking his discarded clothes by the corner of the room as the southern king heads to the stables first. 

“Did she really knock you out that bad that you were harder to wake than a sleeping cow?” 

Even at dawn when the sun hasn’t risen yet, Yoongi sees the general blush under the sky’s soft shade of purple. “If I could say so for myself, she was quite flexible, your Highness…” Hoseok whispers shyly as he chews on his lip. Yoongi’s mouth falls agape at his general’s confession, grimacing at the awful mental images it brought to his mind this early in the morning. 

“General.” Hoseok straightens himself atop his steed, knowing that the king meant business when he calls him by his official title. “You should know that what I had said was a question I needed not answered.” 

“My apologies, my King.” Hoseok says, expression unchanging when he whispers under his breath. “It’s not like I’m the only one who’s getting frisky with the women of the palace.” Yoongi’s eyes narrow as he glares at the general, guiding his horse nearer to Hoseok’s, seemingly taunting the latter to say more. “Ah yes,” the general gets the message and bows, but Yoongi doesn’t miss the small smirk playing on the younger man’s lips, “this is the part where I keep my mouth shut.” 

Bored out of his wits (and disrupted from his very lovely sleep), the general turns to his king, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, jeonha, but where exactly are we headed to at this time of the day?”

“We’re already here.” Hoseok, with his question answered in the most unexpected manner, gives an awkward nod as a reply to the southern king. He studies the place where Yoongi had led him to in this early morning and in recognition, his would seemingly winces at him as he remembers the day they’ve faced death in the eyes, and luckily got away with it.

In subconscious reminiscence, Yoongi flexes his shoulders, a short tinge of pain stings through the breadth of his back. Hoseok, in similar thought, does the same, reaching over to his side to feel the slowly healing wound.

The small clearing was not as ghastly as it had been when they had first arrived at this part of the forest.  The previously horrific scenery was no more; the doltap shrine, formerly made from dead bodies toppled over each other was now replaced by actual rocks and other mementos of the deceased.

Yoongi dismounts from his horse, a small cloud of dust appearing as he lands on the ground. Just like that, he’s taken back to the same night he’d met Seokjin – the same night he and Hoseok had narrowly escaped the hands of death. The southern king closes his eyes, reliving the scene like it was just yesterday.

“Forgive me, jeonha, but why are we here? If I should say so myself, my king, we we’re lucky enough to get away last time…if we stay here any longer, I’m not particularly sure what or who could be waiting for us this time.”

“We have to look for something.”

“Which is?”

“I’m not sure too. Just… I don’t think Seokjin is dead yet.”

Hoseok looks at him, worry painting all over his features. Yoongi had never concerned himself with the capitol, all the more with its king. The southern general couldn’t quite put a finger on it yet, but he is sure that there is a missing piece of the puzzle he has yet to discover. It won’t be long before he does.

Jungkook watches you from the shade of another nearby tree, indulging himself with an apple he picked earlier on the way to the gardens. You’ve just finished teaching five new characters to the class, and as a reward for their exemplary behavior, you decided to treat them with a story – one you’re telling with such animation right now.

He joins the children in laughter when you imitate a creature: an elephant, he reckons, though he’s never seen one in real life. Subsequently, you use your arm as a trunk and even start to make the strangest sounds to mimic the animal. Peels of the sound of amusement resonate throughout the open space. Even the court ladies you’d initially came with join soon afterwards, making their best impressions of different animals.

The sight was most endearing. You’re a natural when it comes to children, Jungkook attests to himself. You were patient, caring, and kind – all the traits of a good mother already inherent in you. It was no question that you child will grow up to be just as wonderful as you are.

Being a widow though? Not so much.

Despite the bountiful radiance brought about by these children, he could still see the sadness in your eyes. Gone are your usually bright orbs, mirth and brilliance swimming freely in your pupils.

It’s only been a week since the news of Seokjin’s passing and the announcement of your pregnancy. You’d maintained your cheeriness but Jungkook fears it all might have been just a façade because your smiles never reached your eyes unlike before.

Jungkook knew you were strong. Even the whole palace would agree on that fact. You were stronger than anyone could ever admit and you were far stronger than you think you were. It was a trait of yours that even only the bravest could only hope to be bestowed with. Your resilience was one of your many characteristics that Jungkook admired so much.

But at the same time, he fears this mask of courage you put on was going to be the same thing that was going to destroy you slowly from the inside.

Jungkook understood where you were coming from. Truly, he did. He’s dealt with enough royals all his life to know that a simple display of weakness could be perceived for something far greater than it is. Royals are groomed and nurtured to perfection from the moment they are born, and in their lifetime, they are only afforded a specific set of standards they had to live by strictly, else they lose the respect of the council and subsequently, their people.

It was madness at the least, to think that royals are supposed to be as stiff as their forefathers now commemorated by figures made of stone or some precious mineral. How strangely ironic.

Crown aside, you are but a human being, a woman, who had just lost her husband, and is now burdened with having to deal with your pregnancy alone. On top of all the responsibilities of a queen, including those of which Seokjin had left you.

Jungkook knew he was a mere soldier in your eyes, but he wanted to help you in the hopes to alleviate the pain you were going through; he wanted you to know that he feels your pain and he knows the suffering of one who has likewise lost a loved one.

He knows you’re constantly pre-occupying yourself with these things, always looking for a distraction to forget your personal sentiments. Jungkook could only imagine what struggles you’re going through right now and how badly he wishes he could hold you in his arms and tell you it’s going to be alright and he’s going to be there for you no matter what.

“Jungkook? Captain?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook scrambles to his feet as he sees you looking down on him as he rested by the bark of the tree. “Jungjeon-mama!”

Chuckling, you remove a stray leaf that stuck itself to his pants. Jungkook’s heart flutters at the small gesture. “Are you alright, captain? I’ve been calling for you but you seem busy staring off into the distance…” He gulps.

“Alright. Will you accompany me to the doltap shrine then?”

“Of course, Mama.”

Just like before, the two of you walk in comfortable silence, although the captain beside you looks more tense than ever. “Jungkook. Are you sure you’re alright? If you’re unwell, I can just go on my own. You can head back to your quarters.”

The captain quickly shakes his head, but when you meet his eyes, there’s a heavy weight in his stare that you wish to mention, but you don’t want to push his boundaries any further, especially when the two of you had been closer than any of you would have imagined.

You look away as you reach the top of the tiny slope, the dock finally in view. Jungkook immediately offers his elbow for your support, and you place a hand on the same with much gratitude.

He steps into the tiny boat first, readying the oars where he can reach them easily for later. Extending a hand out, he beckons you over to the canoe. Due to an unknown factor, you miss the gap between the boat and the dock, tripping slightly as you get inside. “Mama! Our– the baby!” You laugh at your own clumsiness before placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I’m fine! I’m fine… stop acting like I’m a porcelain doll…” you joke, settling yourself on the seat.

“I’m just concerned about your well-being,” Jungkook mumbles, not meeting your eyes as he fixes the oars with a pout on his face. What a big baby. Gently, you put a hand on his knee, urging him to look at you, “I know,” you give him a warm smile, “and I’m very thankful to have you nearby all the time.”

It was the whole truth. Ever since Minho came barging in with your husband’s clothes and until the announcement of your pregnancy with the council, Jungkook has always been there. Since then, you’d opted to stay inside your hanok most of the day, unless you had to come out for your official duties.

He’d always be there, waiting outside your hanok as you’re about to leave for your responsibilities. You’d even suggested having Yunho come with you instead but the stubborn captain insisted, telling you it is his greatest honor to be your personal guard.

The boat pushes forward and you tilt your head back slightly, enjoying the cool, crisp air. “It’s a beautiful day today isn’t it?”. Jungkook smiles this time, “Certainly, wangbi.”

You decide to leave the shrine late in the afternoon as Jungkook wasn’t able to bring a lamp with him. The sky is becoming a lovely purple, and as the captain manages to safely bring you both back across the river, you make your final request of the day from him. “Why don’t we sit here a while longer? Enjoy the sunset perhaps?” You’re already patting the grass beside you, leaving Jungkook no choice.

Jungkook finally gathers up the courage to ask you this time, “How about you, Mama? Are you alright?” Jungkook doesn’t know what kind of response to expect but he hopes that you will be able to recognize the true depth of his sudden inquiry.

You don’t answer at first. It seemed as if you were trying to gather your thoughts before you reply. “I’m alright,” you retort with a smile. There it is again – the ingenuine grin. “Taehyung had just visited me yesterday to recommend meals I could have prepared that will give me and the baby enough nutrition.”

Right, you were also pregnant. He almost forgot that for a moment. That was another reason he couldn’t sleep at night – could he possibly be a fath-

“How I wish my child’s father was still here to witness him or her grow up.”

Oh. Right. Jungkook chokes back a sob.

This was only one of the many times he’d realized he’d been a fool all along, but this realization had been the most painful yet.

Just as if on cue, Jungkook feels something cold hit his cheek from above. There’s a grey cloud reigning over them, like it’s giving a warning signal of the storm that’s about to come.

He turns to you, worry apparent in his features once more. “Mama, we have to go back!” Just then, there’s a downpour of water, evidently drenching you both. He extends his arm out, even offering you a ride back home on his back. You stand up on your own though, but you don’t take his hand, nor did you follow him back to the palace.

“Mama?”

“Let’s stay for a little while longer.”

“But you might catch a cold, mama.”

“Since when was a cold fatal?” The smile on your face is almost devilish and Jungkook finds himself powerless to say no. “Come on!” you urge, clapping excitedly. “When was the last time you played under the rain?”

“When I was a kid?”

“All the more reason to have fun then!”

The last time he purposefully stayed under the rain was with you, and he promised himself that he would never do it again if you weren’t going to be with him.

You were both young and your rendezvous at the southern forest were nothing short of cherished moments. There were days when the downpour was ultimately unavoidable, especially when you’re playing in the middle of the forest. Rain hadn’t stopped you both from meeting nonetheless. There were also days when he just waited at your designated meeting place, only accompanied by the angry clouds while his body shivered from the cold.

When the years had passed by, Jungkook didn’t find anything enjoyable with staying under the rain so he stayed indoors most of the time, unless it was part of his official duties. Besides, everything else seemed to lose its purpose if you weren’t in it.

Life for him was a storm he was waiting to pass, but since he’d met you that day in the forest all muddy, he learned that life was about learning how to dance in the rain. Ironically enough, you were also the sun that brought light to his life, providing him with enough energy to last for centuries.

You feel something by your feet, prompting you to jump into Jungkook’s arms in fright. The captain gets surprised by your actions, causing him to almost lose his footing. Jungkook looks down to see any damage and sees a brown slimy creature camouflaging with the grass, “Mama, it’s just a frog…”

You frown adorably, giving him a hard time with an irresistible pout. How he wishes he could just kiss you right now. “I’m not particularly fond of these creatures…” You gasp when another one croaks, tightening your grip around the captain’s arms. Jungkook’s mouth twitches in silent celebration at your touch. He may or may not have flexed his muscles too on purpose – but that was most likely a primary instinct when the woman of your dreams encourages physical contact, albeit subconsciously.

Jungkook’s jubilation is cut short when more frogs start to appear out of nowhere, causing you to squeeze even tighter, your grip bordering on pain. For some unknown, you’ve managed to latch on his back with your constant avoidance of the tiny, slimy creatures. “Jung!” you shout, now relentlessly slapping his arm; Jungkook huffs - so much for his fantasies. “We have to get out of here Jungkook!!”

The quick-witted captain crouches low enough, telling you to jump on his back. He didn’t need to actually tell you though, because the moment he’d turned around you already had your hands hooked over his shoulders, trying to get him to hurry. Because of all the movements and the noise, the frogs share the same level of alarm as you – one even manages to fasten itself on your shoe. You flail your foot about, subsequently making it fly about a few feet away and thus, making Jungkook burst into laughter.

He remembers the time he’d surprised you with a frog inside a box in front of the whole class, and now you’d managed to get a whole army of frogs chasing you both. It was a living nightmare – for you at least, Jungkook on the contrary though, is positive that he’s having the time of his life watching frogs terrify you.

Just as expected, Jungkook loses his breath from laughter, setting you down gently as you go over the slope. You’re a little bit too hesitant to let go though, that even when Jungkook has turned to face you, you’re still clinging onto his jeogori as if your life depended on it. It’s a relief when he hears you giggle in his chest, assuring him that you were no longer frightened.  

Only silence remained as the laughter dies down. There’s the muted croaking of the frogs in the distance, but other than that, you’re left standing in his arms, quiet as ever. “Is it alright if I hold you like this for a while?”

Your sudden request throws the captain off guard. He’s powerless to say no, not when this is the moment he’d been waiting and imagining for years. “Can we just stay like this for a moment longer, Mama?” His voice almost breaks, pleading at the least.

“Of course, Jungkook.”

It seems like a hug is what you both just need.  

Just as the rain pours over them, Jungkook feels his own tears rolling down hotly against his cheeks, contrasting the cold droplets of rainwater. His heart hurts. He’s crying.

Actually, you both are.

You find Yoongi lounging extremely close by the doors of your hanok two days later.

The proximity of the southern king startles you and as a gust of wind blows by, some of his bright yellowish hair fly straight into your mouth, “Yoongi!” He fumbles as he pushes his hair back over his shoulder. “Apologies my queen.” There are at least two strands left in your face and Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to reach out his hand, taking out the strands with such tenderness, shivering when you feel the cold pads of his fingers against your cheek.

It takes you a moment before you realize what’s happening and you pull away, turning on your heel. “What are you doing here anyways?” you ask, sliding your doors close. You’re meant to wake a lot earlier than you did today and if you don’t hurry, you might just miss your music class with the village kids.

Yoongi hurries after you, trying to keep up with your pace, “I was…um…wondering if I could come to your class today?”

“You?” you think out loud, not sparing him a glance. You don’t put much thought to it with your haste to make it in time, and you tell him he’s free to do whatever he wants. He doesn’t say anything else after that, so you quicken your pace towards the palace gardens.

You reach the reserved spot in no time, with the children already settled in, chatting and playing among themselves. Just as you’d requested the night prior, your gayageum has been assembled just underneath the oak tree.

“Jungjeon-mama, who is that ahjussi behind you?” Turning to see who the child was pertaining to, you come to see Yoongi standing behind you, seemingly offended at how he’d been perceived to be way older than he actually is.

“Ahjussi?!” Yoongi exclaims, face twisted into a grimace, “Who are you calling ahjussi, kid?”

The children are taken aback by the tone of his voice, unaware that he hadn’t taken any offense with the child’s question. The poor boy’s lips quiver in fear. You give the southern king a quick glare before calling the boy over and letting him sit on your lap. While Yoongi approaches the both of you with a softened gaze, the boy nuzzles his head by the crook of your neck, murmuring his fright over the man’s temper.

“Hey little bud,” Yoongi crouches, tapping the boy’s shoulder twice to get the latter to face him. The boy peeks slowly from your neck, eyeing the blonde-haired man warily. “I’m sorry about earlier son. I was just surprised because no one had ever called me that –“

He wasn’t actually going to explain it is he? You clear your throat, interrupting him. Yoongi’s mouth presses into a thin line.

“Right. Say, could you tell me your name?”

“It’s Jinseo.”

“Hello, Jinseo. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Yoongi. Could I make it up to you by playing a song?”

Jinseo paused, head titled slightly to the right as if in deep thought. “It isn’t mine to give you permission. You should ask Mama,” he says smartly, pointing at you. Kids are getting smarter these days.

“Jungjeon-mama?” Yoongi asks with an expectant look. With the other children following suit, you are left with no other choice but to say yes. Reluctantly, you lift yourself up together with Jinseo and taking a spot next to the other children.

“Let me just try to…” Yoongi adjusts himself on the seat, plucking the strings in an uncoordinated manner, “remember…” All of a sudden, he claps like he’d just produced gold from thin air, startling everyone around. “I got it! I got it now, don’t worry.”

You and Jinseo share a look.

If there was any discipline of the arts you could take pride for in yourself, it would have been music. Your father, King Daesin of the south, aside from occasionally practicing medicine, also had the ear for music. He had taught you how to play the gayageum, an instrument you’ve been acquainted with for as long as you could remember. Because of fair years of playing, you could freely boast to anyone that you’re quite exceptional at it, but now with Yoongi and his hands on your beloved instrument... Yoongi was tremendously better at it than you probably ever will be.

A smile creeps onto your face when you realize his acting earlier, pretending to be a beginner with the instrument when he could totally be mistaken for a musical prodigy. What a humble bragger. Yoongi had his eyes closed, pouring his emotion and soul onto the instrument, and even without having to enunciate lyrics to get the message across, it was clear to everyone that the song conveyed sadness in all forms. Each vibration of the string – every sound it made spoke in volumes, moving everyone present in class. By the time he’d finished, all the children were as silent as mice, rigid as statues. This was the first time you’ve seen them all well-behaved.

It also dawns on you that this was the first time any of you were deeply moved by music.

The rest of the class stay silent moments later, all in deep contemplation despite the differences in your ages. From your side, you hear a child sigh to the girl in front of her, “I came to class happy this morning. Now I’m sad.” All of a sudden, Jinseo scrambles out of your lap and rushes to Yoongi, hugging the older man’s side in an awkward manner. Yoongi is caught off guard by the gesture, patting the little boy’s head in a similarly awkward manner.

“Ahjussi,” Jinseo calls once more, maintaining his hold on Yoongi’s waist. The southern king heaves a deep sigh, knowing he’s going to have to deal with that a lot longer than he intended to be. “Why are you sad? You played sad music for us. Now we’re all sad too.” Yoongi is rendered speechless and looks at you with wide eyes, seeking for your help. “Uh...Jinseo, why don’t you ask your Yoongi-hyungnim to play us a happy song then?”

“A happy song!” Sheepishly, Yoongi cheers, clapping his hands in an attempt to get everyone back in high spirits. Thankfully, the children seem to enjoy the idea, so they goad the ahjussi on, wanting to see if he’s just as talented with cheery songs as he is with sorrowful ones.

With a small smile, Yoongi mouths a ‘thank you’ in your direction before placing his hands on the gayageum once more.

“Thank you for saving me a few times earlier during your class,” the southern king says, leaning towards you while he mimics your movements as you wave goodbye to the children. “You haven’t had much experience with children, haven’t you?” you raise a brow at him while a laugh escapes your lips.

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Yoongi replies, chuckling to himself.

“It’s good practice though, what you did earlier. One day, you’re going to be a father as well.”

Yoongi eyes you slowly from the side, checking if you realize the gravity of your words. His eyes lower down to your stomach, imagining if the baby growing inside of it was his own blood. Perhaps it was? Perhaps it wasn’t?

He’d been especially concerned about your well-being since last week when shocking news had been continuously delivered right to your arms. He wanted to approach you badly during those rough days, but you were far too pre-occupied to even spare him a second glance. The young king wonders how much of a difficulty it might be for you, but all he wanted was to show you that he was willing to support you in any way that he can.

Yoongi sees Hoseok approach with the jumeoni he’d personally prepared early in the morning. He sees his brother trail not far behind, studying the silk bag in Hoseok’s hands. The southern king had been nervous since last night, continuously practicing his lines to the point where he’s not sure why he’s doing it in the first place. It’s now or never.

“Jungjeon-mama?”

Yoongi winces inwardly as he hears his own voice wavering. Heavens. Why was he so nervous around you? You turn to him with a warm smile. Ah yes – that’s why.

“May I invite you for a walk?” The southern king asks as he beckons his general over who hands him the silk bag. “And lunch perhaps?”

You pause for a moment, recalling your thoughts if you had anything else planned after your music class with the children. Yoongi tries hard to not show too much excitement when he hears your yes. Extending his arm out, he motions for you to walk with him. He feels Jungkook follow you both, and he leans to your side a little, whispering, “I was wondering if we could perhaps…go alone?”

You look at him, as if studying his facial expressions. Turning around, you tell Jungkook to stay put. The captain’s eyes dart back and forth, giving his own older brother a steely gaze before nodding his head and bowing to you. “Don’t worry captain. I’ll scream loudly if anything bad happens,” you tell him as a reassurance.

“In all seriousness, Mama…” Yoongi says, putting on a stern face, even though you are both experiencing clear difficulty with keeping a straight face after hearing Yoongi’s stories. “…do I seriously look like an ahjussi to you?”  

You place a hand over your mouth, ineffectively hiding your giggles. Yoongi grimaces, clutching his chest to express his hurt over your reaction. “We can’t blame the kids though. And besides, Jinseo had a valid point.” The young king gives you a playful glare.

Yoongi had been expressing his sentiments over the whole ‘ahjussi’ situation earlier, arguing that he didn’t have enough wrinkles on his face to be even considered one. In Jinseo’s earlier defense though, he stated that only old people had white hair, and if he wasn’t old – why would he even have white hair in the first place. To which, of course, an agitated Yoongi replies: “It’s not white. It’s yellow…ish. And it’s bleach! It’s something I discovered during an overseas travel! A lot of people have this kind of hair color…”

“How are you feeling? Is your pregnancy going well?”

“How did you know about my pregnancy?” Yoongi shrugs as he replies, “Walls are never thick enough to hide news like that.” “Oh.” ‘Oh’ is an appropriate reaction, Yoongi reckons, as he’s had the same sort of response when he’d heard of the news.

“Well, for one, our royal physician Taehyung had scheduled regular visits to keep my condition in check. So there’s that. He advises that as long as keep a stress-free environment, my pregnancy will be just fine.”

Using your chopsticks, you fiddle with the mandu he’s made hours prior, deep in thought as you stare into the distance.

Yoongi hopes that the apparent death of your husband isn’t conducive of stress of a stress-free environment. He makes an inward scoff – as if that’s most likely going to happen. If he’s already thorned by occurrences that seem insignificant to those of the capitol’s then he could only imagine the sort of struggle you have to go through, especially when the backbone of your government is composed of vile men who are strongly displeased by the thought of having a woman on the throne.

The young man lies on his back, stretching out his legs to get rid of the tingling on his soles due to their prolonged sitting. With a long exhale, he closes his eyes, letting his thoughts drift along with the steady breeze.

He knows he’s neglecting his duties as the king of the south by prolonging his stay here, but Seokjin’s death won't settle with him nicely. He has to get to the bottom of this. Even if he’s still holding a grudge against Seokjin for taking you away from the south (and had even secretly wished him dead at some point) he could never plunge a sword to another king, much more to the same one who had taken care of the woman he wanted to call his wife.

He hears rustling from your side, and Yoongi opens his eyes a little to check on you. He watches you clean the bowls and reorganize them back onto the bag he’d brought. You slowly start to turn to face him and Yoongi quickly shuts his eyes, solely relying on his other sense to figure out what’s happening.

“Oh? You must’ve fallen asleep huh?” Yoongi hears more rustling around. “Maybe you could still listen to me even during slumber…” You inhale deeply, “You know…Seokjin was always good with children.”

Yes. Of course, speaking of the spirit.

“Jinseo was one of his favorite students. Jinseo was actually really shy and quiet at first – yet for some inexplicable reason, Seokjin had successfully helped him to come out of his shell and the little boy has been brighter since. Seokjin was always so playful yet so gentle at the same time that whenever he’d visit our classes the children would go crazy over him.”

Well, that’s nice to hear, especially when he’d made a particularly bad first impression with the children earlier.

There’s momentary silence. Yoongi hears a sniff – and a shaky exhale afterwards.

“I miss him Yoongi.” Another sniff. “I miss him so much that it hurts every day. Everything reminds me of him.” The sound of your silent crying rings throughout his ears, yet he can't bring himself to get up and wipe them away, fearing it might cause you to stop pouring your heart out.

Mourning was part of healing. You’d feel lighter after crying. At least that’s what he’d learned from having lost his mother too.

At the same time, Yoongi feels his chest constrict at your words. While you pour your fears out to his sleeping form, he struggles with maintaining a stoic face to keep his act up. His empathy is fighting to register in his features, and when he can no longer hold it in, he turns his back to you, swallowing back his emotions that threaten to pour out after years of hiding.

“Jeonha, I can't seem to find any sign of him anywhere.”

Hoseok slowly and carefully gets back up from his crouching position, groaning in relief as he hears his joints cracking as he twists his torso from side to side. Yoongi does the same, shaking his legs one at a time to get rid of the numbness.

It’s been a few hours since they’ve arrived and Yoongi is getting more hopeless with every passing moment. They have searched everywhere for anything – any sign that he’s still alive.

He’d promised you he’d find your husband and bring him back. Even though you hadn’t exactly heard the silent vow of the southern king, he was a man of his word and he’ll be sure to do everything in his capacity to do it.

Yoongi couldn’t even find the reason why he was going to do it or why he should do it in the first place – whether it be for his own peace of mind, for your happiness, or for the future of the country.

He knew they’d left Seokjin that night and the chances that his fellow ruler was still alive was almost slim to none. He knows that trying to look for a clue and actually succeeding was going to be a long shot, especially when it has already been quite some time Yoongi had returned this morning to make sure but after hours of looking, the place was clean and empty, thus pushing down that gut feeling that maybe, just maybe, your husband was still alive.

Else he’d be forced to prolong his stay and resort to more meddling to protect you from harm.

They’ve already gone through this area, Yoongi thinks, recognizing the same stump he’d seen earlier. He settles himself on the tree remainder and picks up a fallen leaf. Just then, something glimmers from the ground and the curious king bends over once more, picking it up. It’s a bracelet.

Yoongi scoffs to himself: an even more shocking discovery. It’s not just any bracelet – it’s the kind of bracelet only royals can have. And if that isn’t the most astounding part of it yet, etched in the gold pendant is the emblem of the south.

Besides you, there could only be one other person who’d be wearing the same. If he’s still alive that is.

The man’s wife places a comforting hand on her husband’s shoulder, massaging them gently to ease the tension on his muscles. She’s never seen him his distraught since…since they left their previous home. Eunkyung is unsure how to give her husband the least solace, not when the circumstances only allow them to hope for the best.

For a moment, they stay like that, quiet and observant. In fact, they had been for almost a full moon, just watching the man they had taken into their home. The man had been looking for firewood that early morning, and he’d found this severely wounded man barely alive in the woods.

He’d carried the man on his back and hurried back home, his initial quest and the pains that came with old age completely forgotten. He had closed off one of his rooms reserved for his patients to tend to this not-so-stranger and had let his wife tend to his other patients while he carefully worked this man back to life for weeks.

“Do you think he will still wake?”

The man is unable to answer promptly as he tenderly takes the sick man’s hand in his and says a short prayer to his ancestors, as well as incorporating a lesson he’d learned back when he was still an apprentice – that human touch was an integral part of the art of medicinal healing.

The physician faces his wife and pulls her closer, likewise placing her hand on top of his and letting her join in his silent prayer. His thumb runs over the ring on the man’s finger, remembering a similar one of his own possession quite a few years back.

“He will. That is what I believe and that is what we are also praying for,” the man replies, checking the temperature of the cloth he’d laid on his patient’s forehead. It’s warm when he takes it, and he makes a mental note to cite this observation in his notes.

“Daesin,” Eunkyung calls, touching her husband’s now bare wrists, “your bracelet…where is it?”

The man sighs heavily, deflated as he rests his weight on his calves. “I…I don’t know, really. I must have lost it when I carried him home.”

It was the only thing reminding him of his past, of you, especially. Now it’s gone – but it really doesn’t matter anymore, not when something, or someone else rather had come into his life so easily. His patient was far more important than any bracelet that proved his previous rule over the southern city.

“I really hope he will get better soon.”

“He has to,” Daesin reiterates, hoping they’d eventually come true, “He has to get better because he’s my son-in-law.”

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[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: episode 4

While patrolling at night in civvies, Shen Wei gets caught by Zhao Yunlan and his merry band of misfits. You’d think that he would maybe quickly morph into his black-cloaked persona, because we know that the can just transform into Hei Pao Shi, magical girl style. Instead of summoning that disguise however, he dons his glasses (a very different kind of mask, but a mask nonetheless), and turns around, bracing himself for what’s to come. 

This is going to be fun. 

(Spoilers for the future episodes)

Let’s look at the situation from Zhao Yunlan’s perspective. What does he really know about Shen Wei? The man is polite, but strangely intense. He is undeniably intelligent, both learned and perceptive, but he is also way too knowledgable on the topic of alien-mutant-demihuman/supernatural for a civilian. He also, as far as Zhao Yunlan knows, walked away unscathed from at least three fights, two of which should have definitely been lethal. He could fall off the roof, and not even look disheveled afterwards. After being connected with two cases, he has now been lurking at a different crime scene entirely. And with all that, Shen Wei is also courageous, kind, compassionate, and understanding. He pushes back when Yunlan gets into his space. I don’t think there is a single moment, not even in this, very soft, episode, when Zhao Yunlan does not know that there is more to Shen Wei than meets the eye. He just doesn’t want professor Shen to be the big bad, and thinking he might be one is making chief Zhao worried and confused. 

Back at the SID interrogation room, Shen Wei is preparing to evade enough so that he does not have to lie too much. Thankfully, he is good at this sort of thing.

Part 1. Zhu Hong.

Zhu Hong is the first to interrogate Shen Wei, and her approach is by the book. She is impassive, but not unfriendly. She asks reasonable questions, such as “why were you so far away from your place of work and your abode in the middle of a night?” and “aren’t you a little bit too composed in face of death and spooky things for a professor?” Those are technically right things to ask. It’s exactly what should he asked in this scenario. Shen Wei, being much more of a sly bastard than he was letting on, turns it around completely and instead of answering anything plainly, talks about the Snake Tribe, implying that Zhu Hong must be a disappointment to her people. 

Zhu Hong storms off. Instead of being concerned, this time Zhao Yunlan is... endeared at the power move of cosmic proportions. It’s almost like he enjoys this man’s ability to use people’s weaknesses against them.

Part 2: Chu Shuzhi

Lao Chu approached the problem of Shen Wei by trying to scare him: he brings in his brother/puppet, and pretty much ignores the man. For Shen Wei this is an easy one, which is extremely unfair. He knows Chu Shuzhi and his past, which means does not need to find an opening; he just pounces right away, commenting on how Chu’s puppet seems alive, even trying to grab at it. His willingness to exploit his knowledge of his colleague’s dark past is kind of eerie.

“You confidence and composure remind me of someone I know”, comments Chu Shuzhi. And now, now Shen Wei purses his lips. He thinks, as do the viewers, that he must be speaking of Hei Pao Shi. But then Chu Shuzhi states that that other man is much more worthy than Shen Wei, we are to understand that he is talking is about Zhao Yunlan. Shen Wei stares at the chief through the mirrored glass, noting that whoever that person is, they must be truly righteous. 

Lao Chu very rarely speaks highly of his chief, so it’s nice to see some of that admiration here. If you squint, his comment could even be read as protective: he is neither deaf, nor stupid, and Zhao Yunlan must talk about Shen Wei a lot. 

Part 3: Zhao Yunlan

Zhao Yunlan does not try to intimidate, pressure, or follow any reasonable protocol. Instead, he just asks Shen Wei to be honest with him, and say whether there is a connection between him and the cases. Shen Wei startles at this, his eyes going big and vulnerable, and does, in fact, tell him the truth. Well. Sort of the truth. It’s closer to the truth than it is to a lie. It’s complicated. 

It’s hard to say for sure whether this perfect kicked puppy expression is an act. I, for one, choose to believe that he just sometimes cannot control his face when he’s in the vicinity of the man who will become his Kunlun. 

Zhao Yunlan counts his eyelashes, and lets him go. Just like that. No surveillance, no further questions. Shen Wei is just free to leave. 

The following day marks Guo Changcheng and Chu Shizhu being on the case together for the first time. 

It’s not remarkable, apart from being the first very tiny step from the least likely working duo to the most important people in each other’s lives. They would not get along for a while, however. It will take time for Guo Changcheng to find resilience through his weaknesses, and for Chu Shizhu to start admiring this young man’s ability to throw himself into danger he cannot possible handle. 

As this happens, we get to meet a righteous youth which is Lin Yusen. He lost the girl he likes to the face snatcher, and is prepared to do a lot of stupid things to avenge her. He’s noble, brave, extremely reckless, and a bit of an idiot, all of which are characteristics which should actually make him very suitable for the SID. I believe Zhao Yunlan when he agrees to take the boy on board after graduation. It’s a shame that he needed to die to create a plot device. 

Zhao Yunlan and Lin Yusen run into Shen Wei. Or rather, Shen Wei plants himself right next to SID, in order to calmly ask to tag along. He does not actually have a good reason to do so, I don’t think. It makes more sense to get involved as Hei Pao Shi than as Shen Wei, especially if he wants to keep pretending that he is a normal human. 

What Zhao Yunlan should so is keep the man he arrested the night before very far away from the case. What Zhao Yunlan does do is express vague concern for Shen Wei’s well-being, and then agree for him to join in, because, apparently, when Shen Wei is determined, there is no way to refuse him. Yunlan’s got it really really bad for this man, and it shows. He is rewarded with one of Shen Wei’s little secret smiles. 

Okay, now, can we talk about how they are literally touching as they walk by each other? 

I thought maybe this was a forced perspective thing, but no, they walk perfectly side by side, and so close their arms are rubbing together as they do so. It’s been a very long time since I have walked with anyone closely side by side (2021 feels), but I’m pretty certain you can’t achieve this accidentally. 

They find the victim who is not the victim, and Shen Wei is jumped by the perpetrator who is not the victim’s boyfriend, getting scratched hard enough to draw blood. Unfortunately, by the time Zhao Yunlan shows up, his skin has already repaired itself, leaving Shen Wei to pretend like the blood, crusting over what clearly used to be scratches, is not his. 

You’d think that while spending several decades pretending to be human you would learn to not accidentally heal yourself. 

The perfect “what the hell are you?” face. 

Instead of addressing it, Zhao Yunlan moves to shout his head off at Lin Yusen for getting involved, even though he was not the one who got attacked. I love the double standards at play. Shen Wei, in his mild, compassionate way, references the youth of his own name, reminding him to rely on other people for strength. I am sure this is a literary reference, incomprehensible to a foreign viewer; it sounds insightful and beautiful. 

As with many things, Shen Wei will learn a wrong lesson from this in the end, hyper focusing on his name, rather than remembering that going at it alone can get you killed. Shen Wei’s special power is learning, apart from when he is learning the wrong thing.*

As the two men proceed to interrogate the woman, and Zhao Yunlan figures out that the victim is not the victim via the misogyny: he does not think that a young woman could fend off an attack, or that she would be comfortable strolling around the day after. He makes his conclusions in front of slender Shen Wei, who has been attacked by things and people seemingly stronger than him and shook them off with ease. 

The thing is, Zhao Yunlan is not an idiot, he remembers that Shen Wei should have died on him at least twice, and is staring intently at where blood should definitely be soaking Shen Wei’s jumper. He is not really letting him off the hook for this. But he must see as plainly as we do that they work well together, and he makes a clear, deliberate decision to trust the man either way. He proceeds to discuss the case with Shen Wei, who also concludes that the victim is not the victim.

It’s lovely to see SID squad in action, staking out the perpetrators. Zhu Hong is set up as bait, with Da Qing and Chu Shuzhi having her back, and Lin Jing being their eye in the sky. There is a strange anti-yashou thing happening with the team however, which I find quite hard to understand. Lin Jing is giggling at her applying makeup, Da Qing saying that he is excited to see her pretending to be a lady. Come on now, guys, I know she is probably eating raw meet in her spare time, but she is also a beautiful, elegant young woman. I mean, look at her! 

While the team is staking out the Undergrounder perpetrator, their boss is having a lovely evening stroll through the park with Shen Wei, talking about merits of intimate friendship. We can assume that they spent the rest of the day together.

“Does Wei in your name have a deeper meaning?”

“It does. Someone very important gave me that name.”

I assume Zhao Yunlan hears the same thing in this as every sane person would: “my parents gave this name to me when I was born”, as opposed to “the love of my life who looks like you, sounds like you, acts like you, and has a thing for candy, gave me this name ten thousand years ago”. So, Yunlan starts talking about his family, makes a comment that his mom would have loved Shen Wei. The conversation is quiet and honest. There is some flirting, naturally, but there is no digging and no games; just the two men getting to know each other. 

Zhu Jiu ruins their stroll, and at the same time the face stealer and her boyfriend, Jia Hui, walk around the surveillance, capturing Zhu Hong. The team then does not call their Chief, presumably because they don’t want to disrupt his date. 

Shen Wei’s solution to throwing Zhao Yunlan off his scent is pretending to be hurt once more: this time drawing blood by prickling his finger on one of Lin Yusen’s trap. While it will not work in the long run, Shen Wei breathes a sigh of relief at Yunlan’s overreaction, and agrees to go to A&E with him to get a tetanus shot, as if it’s a thing people do every time they have a minor cut. 

We then meet Wang Xianyang pre-evil, and his pregnant wife pre-dead. Good times.

Guardian’s insistence on making Zhu Hong a damsel in distress is slightly grating. She should not need help to be rescued: she is not a human, and she shown to have a number of powers in this very episode. I almost wish her reliance one Zhao Yunlan could be read as an excuse to be close: I would prefer that to her being side-lined because she happens to be a woman.

If those recaps continue, I will start focusing more on fight sequences when they happen, because one of my jobs is in stage violence. This episode, we only get one fight, however, and it’s only four moves long. It’s more of a capture, really: Chu Shuzhi blocks a left hook and puts Jia Hui’s arm in a lock, then does the same thing on the other side. We are to understand that Jia Hui never stood a chance here. This lock would have looked better and more vicious if the elbow was more bent, putting the hand higher on the back. Also, continuity, what continuity? 

Shen Wei, who probably teleported out of the A&E, goes back to patrol the streets against Zhu Jiu, still in civvies, because being caught once was not enough for him. After a brief stand-off, he fails to capture the baby goth villain, who taunts Shen Wei with his only visible weakness: Zhao Yunlan.

Being distracted thus, Hei Pao Shi does not arrive in time to save Lin Yunsen, who runs in to save the SID team from the face stealer about to take them all out. On top of that, Hei Pao Shi also informs Zhao Yunlan that he’s taking the young man’s body away with the perpetrators, citing the peace treaty violation on his part. Needless to say, Yunlan is actually incredibly angry and upset at this turn of events, even though he probably could have summoned Hei Pao Shi if he wanted to; and must know that the Envoy is just doing his literal job. As he is storming off, Shen Wei stares at his back with naked longing. 

Zhao Yunlan does not know that Shen Wei took Lin Yunsen away to spare his feelings as the young man was forcefully turned into a mixed-energy bomb. This episode is when we discover that being mixing dark and light energies together leads to adverse effects for the carrier, resulting in a spectacular explosion. Shen Wei will use this knowledge in the future in ways I don’t care to remind myself of. That said, I do like is well-structured narratives, with a decent amount of foreshadowing, and elements are set-up in good time, so it’s satisfying - in an abstract, detached, sort of way -  to see that that particular plot device is already present in the story. 

At the end, we are treated to another sneak preview of the past: this time with the naming scene. Shen Wei vouches to keep his promise he once gave Kunlun to bravely march onwards, despite everything, and chooses to step aside. For now. 

(By which I mean while he will temporarily stop inviting himself along to solve cases with Zhao Yunlan, he will still get an apartment across the hall from the other man to better stalk him.)

I would also like to note with a hint of sadness that the first onslaught of dubbing glitches happens this episode. I thought those would not start until later in the show. 

Next up, Episode 5: The Butler Did Not Do It

*I don’t actually remember if his special power being learning is something explicitly stated in the show canon, or if I have just absorbed this through fandom osmosis.