#I LOVE inherently lonely characters

[aceattorneyrambles]

One of my favorite character moments (and the thing that immediately made me love him) for Apollo that I think is so intensely important to understanding him goes way back to Case 2 of Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice.

In that case, Trucy stages a “kidnapping” by using Mr. Hat to distract the court, and when Apollo rushes out into the lobby and sees her safe and sound…

He cries.

He’s so overcome with worry and relief that he cries for a girl he barely knows. A girl who, for all intents and purposes, almost cost him the badge he worked so hard to gain. A girl who focused most of the time they did know each other teasing him and not taking him seriously.

And yet, he cries for her anyway. He sobs, even.

It’s a throwaway moment, likely done for comedic effect, but it really hit me, and Trucy’s immediate earnest response telling Apollo not to cry and then him doubling down with protective rage on her behalf hit it home harder, y’know?

Apollo Justice, at his core, cares. Despite his surly attitude a lot of the time, this is nonetheless a defining trait of his. He cares, so much, and so easily, and we see it firsthand right there as he cries for a near stranger.

(And I also think it’s worth noting that the first time we really, truly see Trucy lower her performance mask and cry herself…it’s to Apollo.)

[ardentpoop]

they literally had no clue what a special and one-of-a-kind character they had on their hands

leagues above the rest of this show’s characters in terms of emotional depth

[musical-chick-13]

I bring a real "Doctor x River OTP" vibe that a bunch of the DW fandom doesn't really like.

[narukyuu]

I need a lot more Luffy content, specifically hurt/comfort fics, centered on Luffy. I need it desperately. For science.

[paraphwrites]

i think it's interesting that edwin attracts lonely people.

-the cat king has seemingly never had a real substantial relationship. he lives his lives playing tricks and games, not actual connections

-monty literally only ever spoken to one (1) other person, and that's his fucked up mother familiar mommy situationship that he needs, like, so much therapy to unpack

-simon, maybe the only other gay kid in this boarding school, completely isolated from his peers by virtue of his identity and society and shame

-niko, who has been hiding in her room, avoiding other people for months out of grief and something larger (the inherent unavoidable devastation of growing up alone)

-and, of course, charles. charles, who died alone. charles, one of the only non white kids at that boarding school. charles, who's dad didn't love him and who's mom didn't say anything. charles, who flirts with every girl he meets. charles, who would follow him to the end of the earth but won't ever talk about his feelings because he's brills, mate, aces. charles, who spent his entire life alone and now won't spend a minute of his afterlife alone

i dunno. i think it's interesting. edwin, who we know is lonely, attracts other lonely people.

and, not to overstep my bounds as a silly little person on tumblr, but i think it's interesting that the show has attracted a lot of lonely people, too. and i think there's a lot of reasons for that. the target demographic is teenagers & young adults, a notoriously lonely group. the show features a lot of minority characters, which will attract minority audience members, and often people who are a part of a minority feel lonely and different from the people around them. the show is about friendship and found family, and i think that attracts a lot of lonely people. shit, i'm lonely, and i was drawn to this show. yes, for the incredible music and acting and cinematography, but also because the themes are so fundamentally resonant and raw.

and THAT is why dead boy detectives is an important show. because it is a show for the lonely and the grieving and the lost. AND it is a show for the hopeful and the learning and the coping. it is a show for people who have their shit together, and people with no shit together, and people who don't even know their shit is spilt all over the floor. this show MATTERS because it speaks to the fundamental devastation in human existence AND it finds the beauty to celebrate. it says, yes, loss is horrible and life altering, and you will be okay. yes this will be awful but you will carry on. and that is SO important. do you understand how important that is?? because everyone, everyone goes through loss and change and hardships. everyone. it is a show for lonely people! and we're all fucking lonely, aren't we? isn't part of the human condition just being lonely??

dead boy detectives is a show for people wronged by men. it is a show for people coated in grief. for people who are dealing with their sexuality late in life. for people with fucked up parental relationships. for people who date as a distraction. for people who are doing great and just like a silly little ghost show! for people not doing great but trying their best anyway. most of all, it is a show for lonely people.

just. FUCK! this show MATTERS! this show MEANS SOMETHING to SO many people!! including me!!! it matters to ME!!!! and i will continue yapping about it, even if it's just into the void!!!!!!!!!!!!

[phantom-chirp]

Something I think about a lot with Maruki's perfect reality thing in terms of Akechi is how like, defanged he is for lack of a better term. I know Maruki's actual reasoning for things like that is just that his perfect reality removes a lot of the trauma from people, so they would inherently act differently, but to me it ends up just pushing the idea of "you can't be happy the way that you are"

It's reflected in a lot of the characters honestly, since a lot of their trauma didn't happen or is covered up by the reality none of them are themselves. Aspects of their personality caused by the hardships they faced no longer exist

Sumire is also a big example of this. I could talk a lot about Sumire but in relation to this topic, again her perfect reality being one where she is not herself (literally) and doesn't have any of the past trauma or experiences that made her who Sumire is just pushes that idea even more, not even getting into how it also reinforces her own negative ideas about herself by Maruki doing that

In the perfect reality, Akechi and Sumire are both different people than who they actually are, so it's really not a reality in which they are happy, is it? "You're too broken of a person to ever be happy while being who you are" is the message that gets sent across to me, whether or not Maruki intended that

Sumire is Kasumi now, a happy and determined person who isn't bitter and angry and overwhelmed with grief about the death of her sister, a person who doesn't hate herself and a person who doesn't have those experiences. Someone who now never has the chance to explore who she really is and grow and face her struggles head on, someone who will never get to learn that she is worth more than she grew up believing, replaced by the sister who she always felt was better then her

Akechi is now a cheerful and kind person, a reflection of his Detective Prince act, who is no longer resentful and lonely, no longer traumatized from all the actions he had to take throughout his life and someone who could've found happiness if he just had more time. Someone who had people who accepted the parts of him that would make most view him as unworthy of affection, the less palatable person who longed for someone to want him, as he is, replaced by a version of him that's seen as easier to love

[dreamerdrop]

Garashir just ticks like. Every box in every way, in thousands of different ways, all at once.

The moral ambiguity. The trauma. The angst. The shared sense of humour. The age gap. The constantly switching power dynamics between two people who refuse to be open with anyone, including themselves. The inherent "I know I don't always know you but I trust you and I'll do this for you" that comes with all of that.

The refusal to walk away, the mutual fascination and obsession, the willingness to bend their own sense of self to try and see the other more clearly.

They are both so traumatised and so lonely and have so much difficulty connecting to others, but they form such an immediate easy connection that goes beyond being friends or not friends. They are both so terrified of someone seeing them for exactly who they are because they think that person is grotesque and unlovable, but they're not.

Neither of them is the monster they think they are, and they see that in each other but not in themselves. Even when they aren't together, even when they aren't around, their character arcs are so wrapped up in what they've brought to one another.

Julian becoming darker, letting go of so much idealism out of fear of losing those he loves, and Garak stepping up, slowly becoming a person he thought he could never be, someone who is kind and heroic, even if he'll still do horrible things, he will do them because he's doing it to help someone who needs that help, for the greater good. Garak demonstrating through the person he becomes that Julian was never, never wrong for trusting him, for believing in him, for forgiving him.

Garak becoming someone through the war who validates all the idealism that the war made Julian try to kill off inside himself, that he thankfully never really could.

They're both self-sacrificing to a fault, Julian revels in it, wraps himself in it as a defence from all his self-loathing and pain, and Garak tries so hard to deny it to himself, to pretend he would never put anyone ahead of himself, ahead of Cardassia, but he does, again and again. He is far more selfless than he gives himself credit for, and likewise, Julian deserves far more selfishness than he allows himself to indulge in.

The shared pride and hubris giving way to the broken foundations they were both raised upon, moulded into someone they hated by parents who let them down, by a universe that couldn't see them beyond labels and histories and crimes. So closely guarded with names chosen for themselves, peppering hints of themselves without ever giving enough away to anyone who won't work for it.

But they do work for it, for each other. They see those little hints, they piece them together for each other because it matters, it matters if it's for them.

They're mirror images and opposites and so different and so similar, and they wouldn't be who they are without each other, pulling them along into becoming someone new.

I don't care if they were in love or not, it's such a tiny speck in the giant abstract mess that is their entire relationship. Lovers, friends, family, a spy and his mark, a doctor and his patient, a friendly acquaintance, a distant former comrade, it doesn't matter.

They're just... everything.

[physalian]

“Likable” vs “Compelling” Protagonists

Protagonist does not mean “good guy” it means “the person the story is about”.

Antagonist does not mean “bad guy” it means “person in opposition to the protagonist”.

We know this, yes?

So when I’m talking about “likable” protagonists I do not mean that your MC has to be witty, funny, charming, etc—they have to be compelling.

I didn’t much care for Death Note, I thought Light got away with way too much without consequences for his actions, but he was very much the villain and the protagonist. He was an arrogant narcissist with a god complex and you watched the show not to see him win, but to see how badly he would eventually lose.

This was because, despite my dislike of his story, Light was a compelling character. You don’t necessarily agree with his motivations, but you do understand why he does what he does and why he believes what he does about himself and his world.

In contrast, one of my favorite anime is Code Geass. Lelouch (who is often compared to Light) is *constantly* getting kicked in the ass by his own hubris. He's arrogant as well, but he makes mistakes everywhere and suffers if not immediate comeuppance, then drastic consequences later down the line. Which, to me, made a far more compelling character than someone like Light playing with cheat codes.

Most of the time, “likable” and “compelling” go hand in hand, because your protagonist is the “good guy” that we’re supposed to root for.

So one of the worst mistakes I think you can make is writing a hero who just doesn’t want to be here.

—

I recently read a story where MC needed to win a competition, baseline unsponsored underdog story, and everyone loves an underdog. The problem was the MC’s attitude. Nothing pleased them and in their internal monologue, nothing was good enough and everyone else was the problem. They actually hate competitions and can’t wait for this to be over…even though no one forced them into it with a gun to their head. They hate all their competitors for behavior they themself exhibit. They hate their lone sponsor for being a sleezeball, and yet, chose to enter a voluntary competition, knowing this sponsor’s behavior, and still blaming the sponsor for their problems.

The entire time I was reading all I kept thinking was, “Then go home, bitch!”

This was not a high-stakes competition, and the MC didn’t have dire enough circumstances for the reader to believe this was a "life-or-death, even if it sucks, MC has to win," type situation. Not like Hunger Games. This was all completely voluntary.

So I started wondering if the author meant the MC to be the villain with all these personality flaws, but they’re still the underdog with no wins under their belt to support their level of entitled arrogance and no notable skills that make them inherently better than the competition.

So I was rooting for the MC to lose, and I don’t think I was supposed to. Even if I was, the mixup between “underdog hero” and “catty bitchy villain” was too confusing for too much of the story. MC didn't have to be here, didn't want to be here, so... why was MC here?

—

Some suggestions for compelling motivations for your protagonist boils down to this:

Define as quickly as you can these three things for your protagonist of any walk:

What the protagonist wants

How the protagonist plans to get it

And what’s in their way

Specify the stakes, if not physical, then personal. It doesn’t have to be life-or-death, but if they’re entering a risky situation, whatever it is has to be extremely important to them. Luca doesn’t have as high stakes as, say, Toy Story 3 but the moped race is important to the heroes, thus a compelling motivation.

Make this a journey they actually want to be on. Even if it’s grimdark or horror, if your hero is complaining the entire time and wanting to go home, yet plowing forward anyway because the plot’s dragging them on a leash, your audience will be as invested in the story as that character. If they don’t actually have the commitment to see their quest through, why should the audience care?

Alternatively, make this a journey they cannot afford to walk away from. Whether that be pressure from without or within. Frodo didn’t have to take the One Ring to Mordor. He chose to, because it was, in his mind, the right thing to do. He suffered his entire journey with the Ring and got homesick and depressed and discouraged, but he never called his own journey stupid and dumb. He could have put the Ring down and walked away or given it to somebody else, but he chose to carry on, because that’s who he is.

Even reluctant chosen ones have an ulterior reason for remaining in the story. Your long-lost princess might not want the throne being thrust upon her, but she’s chasing something else that accepting the throne and going along with the plot will give her. Maybe it’s power, respect, vengeance, money, protection, connections. So she’ll tolerate the nonsense so long as it still gets her what she wants and her struggle might be trying to not let herself get corrupted by the allure of politics and “the game”. Or, she's playing along merely to stay alive and actively trying to escape and return to her simpler life.

Popular example: Percy Jackson is a reluctant chosen one throughout his entire story in every book, even Last Olympian where he insists that he's the unknown prophecy child. In The Lightning Thief he doesn’t give a damn about the quest for the Master Bolt, he’s there to get his mom back, and cooperating with the quest will give him the means to achieve his goal, and along the way, finds that he doesn’t quite hate it as much as he thought he would.

—

So. Yeah. In no way, shape, or form does your protagonist have to be “likable”. If someone tells you they aren’t, they probably mean that your protagonist is contradictory, or lacks compelling motivation and drive, and lacks a clear goal or aspiration that will define their story. Or, they lack drive to even participate in the story at all.

Or they simply mean that your charcater, who you intend to be likeable, has a nasty flaw that would turn readers off, but a beta should be able to tell you that one easily. If they can't come up with a solid reason why your charcater is unlikable, it's probably a motivation issue.

The earliest draft of a WIP that shall never see the light of day had my protagonist sent on a glorified space field trip by her parents, and wasn’t happy to be there. This not only made her unlikable, but also uncompelling. She didn’t want to participate in the plot and only did it to hold up her end of the deal, she wasn’t excited about the actual trip nor making friends, and eventually grew into it far too late in the story.

I then changed it to have the trip be her idea, and she ran away from home to chase this dream she had. Doing so gave her much more agency as an MC and gave her an immediate motive and goal so you wanted to see her succeed right from the get go.

Even villain protagonists have a goal, and generally they very much enthusiastically want to be in this story. You don’t have to like them, but you do have to want to root for them, if not for their success, then their eventual downfall in a blaze of glory.

—

Interested in a fantasy novel without a "chosen one" protagonist? Eternal Night of the Northern Sky is up for preorder in ebook, paperback on sale 8/25/24. Subscribe for updates if you'd like~

[burst-of-iridescent]

No, Shipping Zutara Is Not Supporting Amatonormativity (Please Use Some Fucking Braincells For Once)

- a treatise by a severely pissed off aroace zutara shipper

since words don’t mean anything anymore (if they ever did on the esteemed piss-on-the-poor website), let’s start with a definition.

amatonormativity: the set of social assumptions that everyone prospers with a romantic relationship, thereby positioning marriage as a universal goal of adult life. amatonormativity forms the basis of several institutional structures that are built to cater to romantic bonds over all others, also manifesting in social pressure on individuals to find a romantic partner by pushing the false narrative that those who do not experience romance are automatically lonely, unhappy and unfulfilled. it is usually characterized by the prioritization of romantic love over other forms of love, particularly platonic.

the anti-zutara argument based on this is as follows: wanting zutara to happen is amatonormative because it a) devalues zuko and katara’s platonic bond b) pushes the idea that men and women can’t be friends and c) doesn’t align with the themes of the show, as romantic love was never the point of atla.

i would like to take the time today to tell you that this is some fucking bullshit, for the following reasons:

one, this may come as a shock to some of you, but zutara shippers did not invent the concept of romantic love in avatar: the last airbender. you are more than welcome to criticize the pairings of suki/sokka, katara/aang, mai/zuko, yue/sokka, jin/zuko, jet/katara, and even kanna/pakku for perpetuating amatonormativity through their unnecessary romantic subplots. and if you don’t have anything to say about any of those pairings, then here’s a word for you: hypocrite.

zk shippers are not introducing the taint of romantic love into some kind of wholesome platonic utopia where it never existed. when we say zutara should have been canon, it is a statement that ends with the implicit instead of kat.aang and mai.ko tacked on at the back because if we were going to get a romantic relationship anyway, it might as well have been one that was well-developed, narratively impactful, and thematically relevant.

two, saying zutara is amatonormative is fucking rich when the main “romance” of atla is a three season long struggle to get out of the friendzone. aang’s desire to be in a romantic relationship with katara is one of his primary motivations throughout the show, and not once does either he or the narrative ever entertain the thought that just being katara’s friend might be enough. to the contrary, aang’s crush and the potential of its reciprocation is a fundamental part of how the story gets its audience to invest in both his character and the kat.aang relationship. they want you to want him to get the girl, and that’s the driving force of the ship’s development from start to finish.

you can see the influence of this in the way people defend why kat.aang had to happen: “aang would be crushed!” “it would break aang’s heart!” “aang deserves to be happy!” and that in and of itself is more amatonormative than any version of romantic zutara, as if this idea that aang is somehow doomed to a life of misery and loneliness just because he can’t be with the girl he likes isn’t inherently based on the assumption that platonic love can’t be as meaningful and satisfying as romantic love.

three, let’s be so fucking fr: a show written by cishet men in the early 2000s was not “subverting amatonormativity” by not making zutara happen, especially not when they went for the fucking olympic gold of romantic cliches — the hero gets the girl trope — instead. otherwise, why did the entire show end with an uncomfortably long liplock? if romance would’ve devalued zuko and katara’s platonic bond, then what the everloving fuck happened to their friendship in the comics and the legend of korra?

it is blatantly false to say that zutara shippers are the ones devaluing their platonic bond when the creators did it first. they evidently don’t view zutara’s platonic bond as equal to kat.aang’s romantic one, judging by their treatment of both relationships in the comics and LOK and the fact that they talked about kat.aang “winning” the ship war in the first place. because if the two relationships were of equivalent standing, why would there be a winner and a loser at all?

amatonormativity is baked into the DNA of atla, and while some people choose to reject this framework entirely (zk friendship >>> ka romance anyday), it is also not wrong for zk shippers to be annoyed at the treatment zutara received within the context of said framework. since the creators clearly thought a romantic relationship was better than a platonic one, they could at least have picked the couple that actually made sense instead of adding insult to injury by making that romance kat.aang. it is not amatonormative to acknowledge that zutara was not afforded the distinction it should have been in the eyes of those who wrote it, because it’s obvious that the decision to keep zuko and katara’s relationship platonic wasn’t to respect their friendship, but to position them as inferior to kat.aang.

four, detractors of romantic zutara often argue that their platonic relationship is inherently better & i’ve discussed before why that isn’t the case, but i also hate this argument because it’s perpetuating the very thing that aromantic people are trying to get rid of in the first place: the hierarchization of love. it is not the “gotcha!” you think it is to genuinely state that platonic love is better than romantic love, because it’s still buying into the idea that there’s some kind of order to categorizing human relationships. the solution to amatonormativity isn’t changing what form of love gets to be at the top of the list — it’s doing away with the hierarchy entirely.

i ship zuko and katara because canon already gave me their friendship. i already know what their platonic relationship looks like and that gives me more room for imagination in developing their romantic one because it’s a place canon didn’t go.

at the end of the day, friendship and romance are just different avenues of exploring intimacy. neither is inherently more valuable than the other, and neither is inherently more problematic. and if you truly believe in dismantling amatonormative beliefs, you would recognize that making a distinction between the two is only perpetuating the problem, not challenging it.

[shadamyheadcanons]

For me, Shadow and Amy's dynamic is basically two different types of touch starved in a person

((If any of the gifs on this post aren’t loading for you on mobile--like they aren’t for me--you can download them or check the sources listed. As for desktop, they play just fine, but they won’t line up next to each other like they do on mobile. Tumblr is a comedy of errors.))

Yes! Absolutely. I’ve seen tons of fans say Shadow is prickly and would respond badly to hugs, but canon says otherwise. This is a bad reaction:

[Sonic 06]

Whenever I feel like being sad, I wonder if Bad-Future-06 Silver has ever been hugged.

This is a bad reaction:

[Sonic Unleashed, gif source.]

And I shouldn’t have to say this, but...yeah. These are very bad reactions:

[Sonic X]

[Sonic Generations]

Yikes. I feel bad for both of them.

But this?

[Sonic Adventure 2, gif source.]

This is Shadow’s only canonical hug in the games, and aside from jumping slightly from being snuck up on, he seems to like it just fine.

Just look at that smile! He’s happy. He finds it endearing.

It was a hug from a complete stranger meant for someone else, but he still drank it in--and, given that he’d effectively just lost Maria, he really did need it. It’s the combination of Amy’s gentleness AND her speech that changed his mind. After all, if someone as sweet as her sees something in the humans, maybe they’re not so bad.

My buddy who runs @shadowxamyweek recently reblogged a post about this hug, and their tags sum it up perfectly:

[ID: A screenshot of tags on a post. The tags read:

#official art #4kids #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #YEAH 😭 #listen I read nothing that has happened with them in SA2 as shippy - and i ship them #THIS HUG? THR SPEECH ON THE ARK? #those are two lonely kids #those are two left behind kids #those are two kids so desperate for affection #for two vastly different reasons #Amy loves with her whole chest and will never stop doing so- no matter what happens #and Shadow does too- that is key to remember- Shadow loves... so fucking much... that it hurts #you are RIGHT op when you say this is probably the first time someone has been gentle with him in a long long time #he doesn't even run away #in the game- when Amy flees- he takes a step after her- a moment's hesitation- a 'wait' #this kid NEEDED a hug #and i firmly believe part of the reason Shadow listens to Amy in the end is BECAUSE she is the only person who showed him gentleness #softness and kindness and affection #if only for a moment #fjdodhdofjgor THIS is what i mean when i say 'be gentle- be kind' #it MATTERS #it FUCKING MATTERS

End ID]

Shadow doesn’t hate hugs inherently; it’s just that no one hugs him in the first place...

...aside from one person.

Amy’s easily the most affectionate character in the cast. It’s cute at first glance, but there’s a common thread to every instance that puts a damper on it.

She’s always, ALWAYS the initiator.

She puts more into each hug than anyone else does.

She’s always the last to pull away.

The most reciprocated Amy hug I know of in canon is this one:

[IDW Sonic issue #22]

Which is absolutely adorable...but Amy still initiated. Because it’s always her job. Even the characters who like affection don’t need it the way she does...with one exception.

And this tiny detail just killed me. The little, “wait, come back 😟”

It’s the only time I know of when someone has actually stepped after her like this. In a game where everyone left Amy behind, he wanted to follow her. Mister so-called-prickly didn’t want the hug to end.

Because he’s the only one who needs it as much as she does.

He wants to be held as much as she wants to hold someone else, and no one else is warm and sincere enough for it. Compare these instances:

[IDW issue #6]

Sonic thinks Shadow is wrong about something, so he grabs Shadow’s arm to stop him, and Shadow aggressively wrenches it away and leaves.

[Archie Sonic Universe #23]

But when Amy thinks Shadow is wrong about something and grabs his arm to stop him, he gently removes her hand and thinks about what she has to say.

Even when he doesn’t want to be touched, he makes the distinction between “don’t touch me” and “not right now, please.” These are from two different continuities, of course, but I think the point stands. Amy’s special. He’s gentler with her than he is with other people, and that’s consistent across all canons.

Side note: how often does Amy get to feel special like that? I actually really like that Sonic doesn’t place others in a hierarchy of importance, and I wouldn’t change that about him even if I could...

[IDW issue #2]

...but Amy does play favorites. I want her to feel like she’s someone else’s favorite, too. I want her to have someone who puts her first and likes her best. I think Shadow’s more than capable of that. I believe he craves clinginess like hers deep down, even if he hasn’t consciously figured that out yet.

I have an entire tag for these two being affectionate. My favorite is probably this one.

Of course, there may be those who say I’m reading too much into one (1) hug. And you know what? Maybe they’re right! We need a bigger sample size. Sega, make more characters hug Shadow, please. Let Rouge comfort him after he confides in her about something. Have Omega give him an awkward metal embrace because he read on the internet that organic beings like that kind of thing. Make Shadow himself pull Silver into a hug when he’s breaking down crying from the stress of always having to be a hero. Show Tails accidentally grab onto him out of fear when they’re trapped in a lightning storm, and when he gets embarrassed and pulls away, have Shadow hold him for the rest of the storm and admit he’s not fond of bright lights, either.

[Sonic Boom]

That scene where Shadow and Amy rescue Cream and Cheese from Cryptic Castle? That easily could’ve turned into a cute group hug.

[Shadow the Hedgehog (2005)]

And I have seen some absolutely adorable fanart where he holds Cream’s hand while he and Amy lead her through Cryptic Castle to make sure she doesn’t get lost 🥺

Have Knuckles give him an empathetic bro-pat on the shoulder when he finds out Shadow’s the last one of his race, too.

[Archie Sonic Universe #89]

Have Sonic try to hug him, and then when Shadow inevitably pushes him away and says he doesn’t do hugs, have Amy arrive and latch onto Shadow instead while he tries to stutter out an excuse as to why she’s allowed to and Sonic isn’t.

The most affection Shadow has in recent history is stuff like this...

[Sonic Prime season 2 episode 1]

...where Sonic tries to hug him and Shadow immediately pushes him away, knocks him over, and tries to punch him in the face. Kind of says it all. Amy stands out as the only one with a good track record here.

[IDW issue #36]

Especially when you have him look at her like this when someone else is on the receiving end of that affection.

So in the absence of further evidence, I have no choice but to interpret this in the most Shadamy way possible. Your move, Sega.

[synchodai]

Explaining the appeal of Brokeback Winterfell

Alternative title: The Inherent Homoeroticism of Jacaerys Velaryon and Cregan Stark's Relationship that Has Taken Residence in The Deepest Recesses of My Hyperfixated Brain

Let me establish these characters before everything else.

Jacaerys Velaryon. His deal in the books is ambiguous but it's pretty clear in the show — he knows his claim to the throne is built on a lie, so he overcompensates for this by trying to be the perfect prince. He is dutiful to a fault, severely self-conscious and self-critical, and protective of his mother and brothers. He knows his uncles, his rivals to the throne, with their bigger dragons and silver hair have more claim to Valyrian heritage than he ever will. This all manifests in him striving to become this idealized image of the perfect Targaryen prince that he knows he can never achieve.

Cregan Stark. If Jace is supposed to be the perfect Targaryen prince, Cregan is talked about like the second coming of the old Kings of Winter. He is formidable swordsman and a stern ruler who doesn't hesitate meting harsh punishment. He is the idealized image of a Stark lord — stoic yet fierce in battle, someone who keeps to his oaths and the law.

However, what most characters in the books (and people in the fandom) seem to forget is that Cregan, at least in the dance, is very young — that's why I personally love the fact that HBO made him clean-shaven on the show. He's still a gruff northener, but it emphasizes his youth. He's 21-23 during the time of the dance, and he is ruling over Winterfell as someone who had to depose his uncle when he was a teen.

Mind you, northerners have tighter-knit families compared to most everyone else in Westeros. To quote the books: When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives. Cregan had to make himself a lone wolf in order to assert his lordship over Winterfell — which to a northern lad who already lost his father and younger brother must have been a difficult choice to make. Add to that his childhood friend/wife dying in childbirth and leaving him a single father, Cregan must be a very lonely wolf indeed.

But despite his loneliness, he does not let anyone in — or rather, he believes that he can't afford to because he knows there are people who will take advantage of his youth and his affections. It's shown in the Hour of Wolf that he is unforgiving, guarded, and does not trust anyone. This is understandable given that his uncle who raised him as a boy committed treason against him. But he seems to have a soft spot for those who are fierce and free-spirited and people who appeal to his sense of duty — these give him "acceptable" avenues to put down the northern masculine mask and be less rigid. Both tie back to a yearning for family.

Okay, so you got these two fellows: Prince Perfect Not-so-Valyrian Heir and Lord Stoic Northman Who Is Actually Deeply Lonely. Both of them have molded themselves to fit this mask of ideal masculinity because they believe it is their duty to their families and the only way to protect themselves in the arena of feudal politics.

Now put them together and what do you get? Chemistry. They see themselves in each other which leads to identification which leads to empathy which leads to curiousity which leads to dissection which leads to vulnerability which leads to intimacy. Jace sees the authority and respect Cregan commands and Cregan sees Jace's attachment and support from his immediate family, and they both desire something the other has, not fully realizing that they are forced into situations where they could not have both. It's juicy, it's rife with tension, it's the pact of ice and fire, baby.

Anyway, this is all to say...Sara Snow is a metaphor for the feminine vulnerability and yearning these two shared. That she is both a bastard and beloved sister is a combined manifestation of the two men's most deeply held desire — for Cregan, his yearning for close family who has no political claims that will get between their relationship, and for Jace, his need to be acknowledged and accepted as a bastard child.

They trained and hunted and drank together — things regular young men do, but that the crown prince or Lord of Winterfell wouldn't have much opportunity to when one is studying Valyrian/dragonriding while the latter is making sure his paramountcy doesn't go into famine come winter. It's easy to imagine them bonding over the honor and burdens of their stations, their lost childhoods, their grief over losing loved ones, how their uncles who they grew up with betrayed them — just finding so much in common that it allows them to finally lower that meticulously crafted persona they use as their strength and shield.

And you wonder then, have they found someone who sees not as a fearsome wolf or powerful dragon, but just as...a handsome dude who they love to hang out with? Cause that would be sweet, bro, no homo. (But maybe some homo if you're okay with it.)

And the actors just really play into all of that with how they look at each other. Ugh, beautiful.

(Shameless plug: This is all why I wrote a fic about them.)

[pantherxrogers]

poolside service - jun x fem!reader (smut 18+ only)

🌊 pairing: pool guy!jun x housewife!reader (both are in their late 20s)

🌊 warnings: smut (18t only), infidelity (reader's husband cheats on her. then the reader cheats on him but he totally deserves it 🤭), explicit language, dry humping, fluff (jun is down baaaad. so is the reader low key)

🌊 summary: you and jun have known each other for a while. you're a lonely housewife, and he's the friendly pool guy. you've created a unique, sweet friendship. but, maybe you both want something more?

🌊 a/n: divider by @jilval /i'm still incredibly pissed off about the svt US tour dates. but junhui's inherent sexiness has nothing to do with that. and i love him. so enjoy! :D

my masterlist

This is a work of fiction and is not meant to represent real events or the actual personalities of any K-pop idols mentioned. All characters and situations are purely imaginary. This story is created for entertainment purposes only, and no harm or disrespect is intended toward the idols or their fans. Enjoy!

jun came here to do a job.

he’s well aware of that. but he can’t bring himself to do it. instead, all he can focus on is you.he thinks you’re the sweetest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.

you look like a queen, elegantly lounging on your pool chair. your skin glitters in the sunlight. the skimpy, cherry red bikini makes his swim trunks feel even tighter than before. the strings rest nicely in the slender curve of your waist, teasing him to no end.

feeling like a perv, he forces himself to tear his eyes away from your body. even if it’s the last thing that he wants to do right now. but the huge diamond on your left hand is enough to knock some sense back into him.

you’re married. he knows that. but, if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t really give a fuck.

he’s wanted you for a while now. jun knows your husband doesn't deserve you. the man is never unkind to you, but jun would treat you so much better. maybe he can’t afford this mansion or any of the other luxuries your husband provides. but he would be wholly devoted to you and only you. something that he suspects your husband can’t say for himself.

“jun, i made some lemonade. i’m going to run inside and grab us a couple glasses. 'kay?” your sweet voice pulls him away from his thoughts. all he can do is smile and nod, infatuated by your kind nature and the way you always take care of him.

and maybe he’s also infatuated with the way your perky little ass sways as you skip back into the house.

not much time passes before you come back and stand in front of jun. he nods his thanks, gently taking the glass away from you.

you sip your drink slowly, eyeing jun the whole time. he's a tall guy, and the height difference makes you feel tingly all over. he closes his eyes as he sips. his little moan of appreciation makes your tummy stir.

“it’s really good, thank you,” jun praises, loving the bashful look on your face. he always makes sure to compliment you. it comes naturally to him, especially since he means every word. he knows your husband is too much of a tool to do it, and he’d never let you go about your day feeling unappreciated.

just like every week, the two of you chat for a while. it’s a comfortable routine. jun listens to you ramble about the other housewives in the neighborhood, while he cleans the pool and offers his two cents. everything is fine. until it's not.

“i think my husband is cheating on me with her.”

“he’s a fucking dumbass.” jun’s response is quick and surprises both of you. thick silence hangs in the air, and jun feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. he’s never spoken ill of your husband in front of you. 

the sound of your soft sniffles breaks his heart into two. "oh honey, i'm sorry." his arms wrap around you in a second. this is the closest he's ever been to you, and it takes everything in his power to ignore the feeling of your soft body against his own.

"it's okay, i think i've known for a while. but lately, they've been making it more obvious," you sniffle, snuggling further into jun's warmth. as you lay your head against his firm chest, you hear his heart beating rapidly. it's kind of sweet, actually.

it's impossible to ignore the chemistry in the air. when your lazy husband hired a pool guy, you were pleasantly surprised when jun showed up on your doorstep. you've been with your husband since high school, so you don't have much experience with other men. but jun has always made you curious.

"i really did mean what i said. he's an idiot. he's got the perfect woman at home, and he can't even recognize it." the honesty in his voice heals something inside of you. jun's soft, brown eyes gaze into your own, full of admiration. you feel warmth rise to your cheeks, suddenly feeling shy beneath the intensity of his stare.

“thank you, jun.” your voice is no louder than a whisper. but jun hears you anyway. he always does.

there’s another beat of silence. the tension is thick, and you’re suddenly aware of how close he is. the summer sun has done wonders for his skin, gifting him with a beautiful honey color. his body is toned and strong, yet he still manages to look lean.

jun glides a hand up your smooth neck, cradling your cheek. “you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, eyes dropping down to your full pout. he watches the way you nibble on your bottom lip, the sight making him dizzy. the sound of your quiet thanks makes him smirk. you’re such a good girl. he’s done housework for plenty of the rich assholes in the neighborhood, but you’ve always made him feel good about his work.

“you're beautiful, too.” the truth in your tone surprises him. it also makes his heart skip a beat. he can’t wrap his head around the possibility that you may feel even a fraction of what he feels for you. but he could get used to the idea.

when he sees your eyelids flutter, jun’s heart quivers. before he can overthink it, he presses his lips against your own.

the kiss is sweet, spreading butterflies throughout your tummy. you kiss him back with enthusiasm, gliding your hand up his firm chest to wrap your arms around his neck. his strong arms wrap around your waist causing a stir in your tummy.

the kiss continues for a while, the pair of you exploring the other. jun can’t believe this is happening to him and fears that he’s going to wake up any second. he slips his hands down below your waist, cupping your thighs.

you take the hint quickly, lifting up to wrap your legs around his waist. you gasp, suddenly aware of the growing tent pressing right up against your center.

“shit, i’m sorry.” he sounds embarrassed, a deep blush tinting his cheeks. the sight makes you swoon. you’ve always loved jun’s soft, shy nature.

“it’s okay, sweetie. i really don’t mind.” your tone is so soft and reassuring. jun hopes you don’t notice the way it makes him harden even more.

he carries you over to your chaise, sitting down with you straddling his lap. before he continues, there’s something he needs to get out of the way first.

“so, i’ve been dreaming about this-and you-every night for the past year. but i also don’t want to put you in a position where you do something you might regret later. i should’ve asked before kissing you. and i’m really sorry that i didn’t.” his tone is firm, yet gentle. it only makes you want him more.

“you’ve been dreaming about me?” you stare back at him with doe eyes, and he swears he might cum in his pants any second. he lets out a groan, the last of his resolve slowly slipping away. “honey, did you hear anything else i said after that?”

you giggle in response, nodding your head to answer him. “i did. and i really appreciate your concern. but i’ve been wanting this for a looong time.” jun’s hands squeeze your waist, grounding himself in the feel of you. he still can’t believe you’re saying all of this to him.

he’s looking at you like you’ve hung the moon and stars. you’ve never been more certain about anything in your life. you need jun. and if his hard on is any indicator, you’re pretty sure he feels the same.

“so...” you trail a manicured finger down his chest, “do you want to keep going?”

he’s nodding before you can finish your question. his hands grip your waist, pulling you flush against him. he’s on you in an instant, meeting your lips with fervor. your lips are sweet and soft against his own, the subtle hint of lemonade makes his head dizzy. he swears he’s never felt this good in his life.

you grind your hips down against him, involuntarily clenching when he lets out a deep groan. “fuck, baby. you’re gonna make me cum in my pants,” jun huffs out, head lulling back against the chair.

challenge accepted.

you lean forward, pressing soft kisses against the sensitive curve of his neck. jun lets out a quiet moan, bucking his hips into your warmth. your bikini offers no barrier. he can feel the heat of your arousal through his shorts. the sensation drives him mad. he grabs your hips again, suddenly grinding with more purpose.

“oh, jun,” you moan out. he can hear your warm little huffs of pleasure, your mouth near his ear. the way you cling to his body does wonders for his confidence, finally settling into a steady rhythm. “does that feel good, baby? hmm?” he coos, pressing a kiss to your jaw.

“mmm, yes. feels so good,” you hum, matching the rhythm of his hips. you’re grateful for the lush landscaping you insisted on having. the palm trees offer protection from the prying eyes of your neighbors and allow you to fully succumb to the pleasure that jun offers.a thin layer of sweat covers his golden skin. it stems from both the heat of the sun and the intensity between the pair of you.

with every grind of your hips, jun swears he’s going to burst in his shorts. but he finds the strength to control himself. he brings his hands up to your chest, anxiously hovering for a moment. “y-you can touch me, junnie.” the nickname and the feel of your full breasts is almost too much for him. they’re soft and warm in his hands, he can’t help but grope you shamelessly.

the feel of his strong hands makes your clit throb. he rolls your hard nipples between his fingers, causing a warm shiver to run down your spine. you grind down harder against him, needing more and more. you feel yourself nearing the edge, but you never want this to end.

“you’re so beautiful, fuck. everything about you is perfect.”

jun’s praise makes your head dizzy. you know you’ll be coming in seconds, but you need more. “c-can, you untie my bottoms please?” your cheeks burn, but you can’t find it in yourself to regret asking him.

he quickly fumbles with the string, peeling your bottoms away from your wet cunt. the sound he lets out is animalistic, overwhelmed by your pretty pussy. he stares at it for too long, unable to look away. he wills himself not to cum, wanting you to experience as much pleasure as possible. wetting his thumb between his lips, he draws a slow circle on your clit.

"ah, jun. shit!” you mewl, bucking your hips. he's creating the perfect pressure against your clit, sending you tumbling over the edge in no time.

jun studies your face while you orgasm. he swears he’s never seen anything this beautiful in his life. he grips your hips gently, slowly dragging your hips to prolong the pleasure. the euphoria on your face triggers his own orgasm, making a mess of his trunks. he's seeing white behind his eyelids, lost in a haze of pleasure.

both of you ride out your highs, soft puffs of air filling the space between you. you crash into his chest, basking in the glow of an unexpected orgasm. “wow.”

“yeah. i swear i’m dreaming right now, but that was the best orgasm i’ve ever had in my life. i came in my pants like a fucking teenager, though,” he giggles, triggering your own laugh. you cuddle you further into his frame, finding solace in his body.

jun knows he needs to get up eventually and clean both of you up, but he can’t find it in himself to move. the way your body lays against his own feels like everything he’s ever wanted. he likes taking care of you and bringing whatever comfort he has to offer.

you press soft kisses against his chest, breathing in his scent. he smells fresh and clean, with a faint scent of sunscreen underneath. you could get used to this feeling.

lucky for you, jun wants nothing more than just that.

[yaksha-lover]

Malleus Draconia and the Cognitive Dissonance of being a Lonely Prince

A character analysis exploring Malleus’ conflicting views of self

Malleus has two primary characteristics that are significant to his identity: (1) His role as a highly revered, feared, and praised mage & prince and (2) His loneliness and social/emotional isolation.

In Malleus’ concept of identity, these two characteristics are in conflict with each other, despite one somewhat being caused by the other. How can a person reconcile the fact that they are supposedly extraordinarily special, talented, attractive (this is canon in universe btw lol), intelligent, beyond powerful, etc. - essentially a perfect prince - with the fact that they have no friends and barely anyone who cares about them (excluding those he feels are obligated to care)?

Malleus has no strong emotional connection with anyone that is not his family (I include Lilia in this category) or one of his guards (who, in spite of Sebek’s protests, is basically obligated - socially or role wise - to respect and love him). Now, I don’t think any of these relationships is obligatory or disingenuous in any way. Lilia, Silver, and Sebek all genuinely love and care for Malleus. However, I’d argue that isn’t how Malleus sees it (I’ll get into this later).

First, I wanna go into the first characteristic I mentioned, him being revered (+feared) because of his status and capabilities.

Before I even get into him as an individual, let’s look at how Malleus himself perceives the mere status of royalty:

Malleus believes (I suppose because of his personal circumstances) that people who are royalty inherently deserve respect. He even extends this to Leona, who he has a (playfully?) hostile relationship with. I don’t think there’s canon indication that this necessarily means he looks down on people of non-noble birth or anything, but he’s still stuck on this idea that, in certain respects, royalty does deserve better than the average person.

Clearly, this would extend to himself as well. Part of his self-image is kind of decided from birth (in an interesting parallel to Leona who believes that his own status as a second son decides his fate from birth) because he is raised in this environment where he is constantly told that he is better than others, simply because he is a prince.

That said, Malleus takes being royalty and a leader very seriously. I’d argue he believes that because he is ‘better’ than others, he has certain responsibilities and duties that he must complete, as shown above.

Part of this also means that Malleus takes himself very seriously - he isn’t allowed to even try to be normal, because he always has to keep himself in check. Anything he does will reflect poorly upon himself and his family, and this is something Lilia reminds him of.

Here’s where I’ll talk about Malleus’ relationships with the rest of Diasomnia.

Now, Lilia is clearly the person who treats him the most casually and normally. He knows Malleus very well, to the point where he can read his emotions - namely his jealously/bitterness/frustration after being left out of something.

Lilia encourages Malleus the most to try and have normal experiences. He understands Malleus’ loneliness, and wants him to make friends - to seek out more than he could have all alone in his castle. But, Lilia also has times where he acts as more than a mere guardian to Malleus. I can’t find the screenshot, but I remember Lilia reminding Malleus about what behaviour is and is not befitting of an heir, so that aspect of their relationship is still something to take note of. Even Lilia, who understands him better than anyone, still must wish for him to be the best heir and prince (sometimes sacrificing his own wants, although Lilia probably does this the least considering he knows Malleus’ feelings).

It’s no exaggeration to say that Sebek worships Malleus to the highest extent (just look at the portrait of him in his room). The way Sebek talks about him isn’t at all like a friend or even family - Malleus is a god to him. I argue that Sebek’s behaviour specifically (he would cry if he knew this) distances him the most from Malleus emotionally.

This will be explored more later on, but what Malleus wants is to be treated somewhat normally, at least by a few people he can be close with. Sebek does the opposite of this. While the students who are scared of Malleus isolate him because of their fear, Sebek actually accidentally isolates him because of his dedication and worship. Thus, both Sebek and others isolate Malleus through their treatment of him because of his position/status/strength.

Malleus certainly cares for Sebek, but I don’t believe he thinks of him as a genuine friend (and that’s not meant as a way to dismiss the relationship they do have, just that he doesn’t view Sebek as caring about him as a person rather than him as a prince/mage). How can he, when Sebek constantly acts like a fanboy around him?

Now let’s look at Malleus and Silver.

Silver addresses Malleus as either ‘housewarden’ or ‘master.’ Again, to my previous point about Sebek, I think this does point to Silver and Malleus’ relationship not exactly being a friendship. However, I think differently to Sebek, Silver does have more of a personal relationship with Malleus.

He treats Malleus with respect and formality, but he isn’t over the top with it. I’d argue they have a sort of ‘mentor-student’ relationship in a way; not exactly that, but you understand my point. Silver looks up to Malleus as a person, and Malleus is willing to teach Silver about things. I almost want to say they’re a bit like a younger and older sibling, but I think a bit of the closeness/familiarity is lacking (at least for now). The relationship still has a bit of a formality to it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t personal. I won’t spoil for those who haven’t read book 7, but I think their relationship becomes more clear there, iykyk.

I know most of Malleus’ vignettes are played for a joke, but holy shit they make me sad. You can tell that ever since he enrolled, if he wasn’t sharing a class with Lilia, Malleus has basically had to work alone for everything. Even here, Cater is only asking Mal if he wants to join his group so he can use Malleus for Magicam clout. Everyone is so scared of him that he’s never had a partner and he’s even gotten used to it. It might not seem that serious, but honestly - sorry to be crude - this kind of thing does fuck you up, especially while growing up.

Think about how Malleus feels - being the outcast and genuinely having no friends feels humiliating and depressing. It makes you think there’s something wrong with you, and that’s the way I choose to interpret the other aspect of his character. His passive acceptance to social isolation and rejection is a constant among his vignettes - anytime someone brings this up, he’ll say it’s fine and he’s used to it.

Another relationship worth noting is Malleus’ grandmother - his only living blood relative. Something that stood out to me (and I could be reading too much into this) but Malleus really feels surprised that his grandmother would take time to write her only family member a happy birthday letter?

That’s very sad to me, and I think it’s a reflection of both the expectation Malleus feels is placed on them as royals and his feeling that he as an individual (not as a prince) is inherently less important than any royals duties. He seems to think this way about himself too, treating his princely duties as always more important than anything he would want personally. A letter is a small gesture, and Malleus doesn’t even expect that from his grandmother.

I’ll use this to segue to discussing Malleus’ insecurity and social isolation.

Ever since he was a child, Malleus has been isolated from others. Before he was feared and before he was worshiped, Malleus was lonely. That’s clear to anyone. Now, I want to talk about how this loneliness and isolation has affected his self-image.

Examining his personal relationships, how the rest of the school sees him, and his own views on royalty and himself, I think it’s clear Malleus, on one regard, seems at first glance to think highly of himself. He isn’t arrogant or boastful. Rather, he just is very extraordinary in many aspects.

But, that surface level interpretation completely leaves out the other side of him. While he might excel in skills, Malleus fails on all regards in terms of relationships. It’s clear, no matter how much he says he doesn’t care or that he’s accepted it, that it hurts Malleus every time he is excluded from something.

He tries to hide that he’s upset that he missed the orientation ceremony, but Lilia remarks that it’s clear how jealous he is that Sebek got to attend. When Lilia reminds him that there’s always next year, Malleus immediately dismisses the possibility that he will ever be invited. In his birthday vignette, he states that he hates eating entire cakes and becomes upset when Yuu brings up the fact that they aren’t meant to be eaten alone because he knows. He knows just how lonely and isolated he is compared to everyone else and he hates.

Malleus has mostly given up and accepted that he will ever fit in. He is pessimistic, but to say he does not hope isn’t entirely correct. Later in the vignette, although he may be half-joking, Malleus remarks that Leona may have stopped by to invite him to a party - he’s even excited by the prospect. And again, he is let down. Leona even taunts him spot-on for his greatest insecurity (isn’t he just so dreamy?).

Now, while this does offend Malleus to a degree (see their catfight where he basically threatens to declaw Leona), I get the feeling that this kind of interaction with someone who views him as an equal (or at least, isn’t intimidated nor awed by him in the slightest) is probably pretty refreshing for Malleus. In a way, you get the sense that he enjoys that back and forth with him, because this goes back to Mal’s wish to be accepted and have friends to talk with.

Anyway, to return to my main point: Malleus’ deep loneliness and failure to fit in has likely caused some deep rooted feelings of insecurity (Note: I want to make a separate post on this because it’s kind of a lot, but I think this also contributes to his anxious attachment style). Malleus likely feels unwanted, despite all the great things about him that make people like Sebek fanboy over him.

No matter how powerful Malleus becomes, no matter how many people worship him, Malleus will always feel worthless deep down because no one will accept him for who he is.

The kind of insecurity and loneliness that pervades your life for years and follows you around everywhere isn’t something you can just shake off. No matter how much he tries to reassure himself that he is enough, he’ll never quite be able to quiet the voice in his head telling him that he is wanted by nobody and that he deserves nothing, that things are this way because he is not worth loving.

To conclude, how can Malleus reconcile these two sides of himself - the parts that know he is something great (worthy of worship and praise, even) and the parts that tell him he is worth nothing? Both sides are so extreme, people worship him but almost everyone avoids him. I feel that’s something Malleus must struggle with a lot - trying to hold on to the view of himself as a good prince while feeling that slip away when he becomes emotional.

Thanks for reading if you got this far! Let me know if you disagree or think I got anything wrong, this is just my thoughts and my opinions and I’m open to changing them :)

[susansontag]

I’ve always shied away from discussing ikuhara’s usage of incest in utena because it’s quite a sticky topic in shoujo manga and anime but also because those uninitiated with that are likely to assume his using it is somehow perverted and will have a knee-jerk reaction. but I think he’s honestly very clever with it, using it both on a metaphorical level to elicit sympathy for the characters and their romanticised notions of these relationships but also on a literal level to show the dangers and abuse inherent in these kinds of relationships.

nanami is the most obvious example. even though we as an audience may not understand her almost romantic fixation on attracting the attentions of her older brother touga, we can still sympathise with her behaviour on a metaphorical level; she is thirteen, she is lonely, he is her entire world and the world is taking him, and thus her childhood, away from her and she is helpless to stop this. nanami is not perverse, she is trying to secure control over a situation in which she has none. a more common and relatable example is when one feel as though they, their siblings, their parents, etc, revert back to the dynamics they solidified in childhood when they spend time as a family unit. it’s a phenomenon that can be irritating (‘they’re treating me like a child’) but also comforting, familiar, and certain.

yearning to remain in a permanent state of pre-adolescence is something a lot of different characters in utena contend with, albeit in different ways, but hers is so interesting because ikuhara decides she must at one point be met with the reality of what this would mean if taken to its extreme. nanami understands akio is abusing anthy before utena does, and draws strict lines between what those ‘perverse’ siblings are doing and her pure love for touga. yes, she lacks sympathy for anthy outwardly, but her horror at confronting incestuous abuse in a real, unromanticised context, forces her to understand how her innocent outlook can be taken advantage of by people who would mean to do her harm.

and then touga assaults her, and when she rejects him, bewildered, he accuses her: isn’t this what you wanted? of course he can’t understand it’s the absolute opposite of what she wanted to preserve. one could argue here that ikuhara is blaming nanami for her naivety, even punishing her for being so short-sighted. but on the contrary I think he’s desperately seeking our empathy for her here, in showing us that a child’s romanticisation is not an excuse for her victimisation nor her offering consent. and if all we want to focus on is the fantasies of an alienated child, we fail to appropriately condemn abusers from taking advantage of children like nanami.

[dreamingumbrellas]

why tua s1 is a masterpiece and 2-4 give me a migraine

i gotta use my english degree for something so lets talk about it

i’d like to note beforehand, that i’ve only seen about half of season 4. but given everything i’ve heard about it, i’ve decided to avoid watching it for my own mental wellbeing. i really haven’t enjoyed the last three seasons much, mostly i’ve been dredging through because of how much i love season 1. it feels painfully like seasons 1 and seasons 2-4 are for completely different fucking shows–particularly in tone.

i think tua season 1 attracted attention to its unique themes that are lost in the rest of the series. the primary themes are of trauma and dysfunctional family dynamics. it’s a story about seven severely abused siblings learning to cope with their trauma and reconnect as adults. season 1’s tone is somber. it shows us glimpses of the characters’ childhoods, and how it affects them in their adult lives. the characters in season 1 were, most importantly, flawed! they were assholes, because trauma turns people into assholes sometimes! 

you can directly trace back the siblings’ character flaws to the shit reggie put them through. Luther was the golden boy, which put too much responsibility on his shoulders and isolated him from his siblings. As a result, Luther is ultra-loyal to his dead father, in obvious denial of the abuse he endured because he was never able to form an identity for himself outside of reggie and the academy! he is the only one that never moved on. and then reggie turned luther into (for lack of a better term) a giant monkey without his consent, causing him to hate himself and even further alienate himself from the rest of the world. 

diego never left the ‘number 2’ headspace. he fights with luther even into adulthood. despite how much he claims to hate his father, he became a vigilante likely as an effort to finally be good enough for his dad. and lets not forget (unlike the writers) about his stutter–something that formed in childhood and came back as an adult when he was triggered with memories of his childhood. he’s inherently defensive because reginald pit the siblings against one another constantly.

allison is a narcissist–though, when we meet her in season 1, she’s more of a narcissist in recovery. she’s recognized how her childhood affected her and wants to become a better person to make up for the mistakes of her past. what mistakes again? well, she used her powers on her daughter because 1. she was never told no. reggie encouraged the usage of her powers, and the household where she grew up was violent, manipulative, and competitive. she had no sense of real normalcy, so she never learned how to build a happy, healthy family for her daughter. to cope with her trauma, she clung to her fame–this is shown both in adulthood and childhood flashbacks–leading her to become a movie star, and not accept her own faults.

klaus, well, klaus is the most obvious example of trauma. mostly due to reggie forcing his powers on him when he was a young childhood. locking him in a mausoleum for hours on end. he became a drug addict as a result. living on the streets, in and out of rehab, and stealing for money. we see him struggle constantly throughout season 1–through his interactions with ghosts (when its very possible he wouldn’t have developed such a fear of them if it weren’t for reggie), with flashbacks to his childhood and (later) to the vietnam war. his inability to take things seriously and his self-destructive behavior are both coping mechanisms. his siblings don’t trust him because of his lying and kleptomaniac tendencies.

five is a character whose development is utterly abandoned after season 1. he was only thirteen years old when he accidentally travelled in time to the apocalypse, where he remained for 45 years. i remind you of this because the writers won’t. he survived those years for his family! because he felt immeasurable guilt for leaving them! he was so lonely for these years that he developed a romantic attachment to a mannequin (something only referenced for a joke in later seasons). he was in an extremely vulnerable position when he was recruited by the handler (a character who was very creepy in her own right) and he was forced to use his childhood ‘superhero’ skillset to essentially become an assassin, a job he loathed himself for. all so he could have a chance to save his family. five is cocky, sarcastic, and yes, wants to save the world, but we forget that he wanted to save his family first. he was willing to sacrifice the world if it meant saving his siblings. and even once he returns to the present, he experiences ptsd flashbacks to his time in the apocalypse. five is severely traumatized and stuck between childhood and adulthood, has lived for far too long and has done too many terrible things to be a child, but is stuck in a childs body and never got the chance to emotionally mature past the age of 13. this in no way resembles the five we get in later seasons.

in season 1, ben is a tragedy. he is the character that haunts the narrative (literally). his death was the reason the family split up. he experienced an incredibly traumatic childhood, forced to slaughter people against his will. all so that he could die tragically young (we’ll get into his cause of death later). he’s stuck following klaus around for years, unable to interact with anyone else. he watched his brother deteriorate in front of him with no way to help. he’s angry about his death and sometimes takes out his frustrations on klaus. but at the same time, he was ‘the kindest’ of all the siblings. he cares deeply about his family, but can’t do anything about it.

i think it’s easy to forget that the initial focus of the show was viktor. viktor, who was told how unremarkable he was again and again. who was isolated not just from the world but from his own family as well. who was drugged up from an incredibly young age and forced to ignore his emotions. yes, the umbrella academy was abusive. but being isolated from his siblings was just another form of abuse. he grew up to resent his family on a lot of levels, writing his book as a method to vent his frustrations but only ended up in driving his siblings further away. viktor went through a lot of shit in season 1, and resulted in him ending the world. but did his family kill him? no. because that was the point of the entire show. that despite their trauma and how much they might resent one another, the siblings still loved each other more than the rest of the world put together. 

everything ive outlined are the elements that make up season 1, and are almost entirely forgotten about later. but by losing the integrity of the characters, they lost the narrative. the point of the umbrella academy was never saving the world–it was about a broken family reconciling with one another despite everything. these points of trauma are taken seriously. it was the complexity of these characters, at least in my opinion, that attracted attention towards them. and sure, we didn’t love every character all the time. remember how much luther was hated in season 1? but it’s because he was realistic. these characters, and the shit they went through, weren’t a joke. and the season ended off in a way that forshadowed these elements being explored more in depth. remember how it ended?

with the seven siblings holding hands as the world exploded around them. and for only a few seconds, we saw them transform back into their child selves.

now, this plot point (whatever it might have been) was instantly cancelled and forgotten about in season 2. but it really makes you think about the season we could have gotten: the characters being forced back into their childhood, having to confront the root of their trauma and essentially, all their problems. they could look back at what happened to them with a mature perspective and worked through it, realizing that they were not each other’s enemies. they could have made up for lost time, helped eachother heal, and ultimately prevent the apocalpyse by being family. you know, something that would have actually wrapped up the narrative nicely.

so, what happened?

the shows original themes of trauma, and repentance, and family were abandoned in favor of humor and spectacle. it seems like the creators misinterpreted what made the first season so successful. sure, the first season had a lot of funny moments and great fight scenes. but it was the emotional depth and complexity that made the show what it was. but worse than that, it continued to spit in the faces of the characters trauma, downplaying it in almost every way possible.

klaus’ relapses were played for comedy. his fear of ghosts was drastically downplayed with the use of cartoonish ghost-buster ass looking ghosts. five’s ptsd was never acknowledged again; his coping mechanism, dolores, became a joke. luther lost all character complexity entirely, instead becoming a himbo (who we love, but, still). viktor rarely brought up the feelings from his childhood, and nobody acknowledged his tell-all book again.

one of the things that infuriated me the most was the incorporation of reginald in later seasons. lets remind ourselves of some things: he purchased seven children, treated them like objects without names, trained them tirelessly and deprived them of a childhood, traumatized them by turning them into murderers, pitted them against one another, and literally tortured them. and that’s only the things we see him do on screen. you cannot convince me for a second that any of the siblings would ever be able to be the same room as that man without having serious flashbacks. I don’t believe for one second that they’d work with him, trust him, or empathize with him in any capacity (except maybe luther) except they do, consistently. even five, who is easily the smartest member of the academy, and extremely protective of his siblings.

and- LEST WE FUCKING DISREGARD- reginald MURDERED ben.

the moment that happened on screen felt like the last shovel of dirt on tua 1’s grave. supposedly all the siblings REMEMBERED this incident in seasons 1-3. and yet they went to their fathers funeral, spoke to him (relatively) civilly, and teamed up with him after seeing for themselves their father shoot their brother in the back of the head for seemingly no reason. not only did they apparently not hold this against their father, but they never mentioned it once in three seasons.

and yes, i know, there is a very simple reason for this. it was obviously made up at the last moment for plot convenience. but the implications for this being retconned in are damning for the characters. by writing this in, the writers decided that the siblings commitment to one another is meaningless. that the foundations upon which this show was created, are fucking meaningless. they threw away not only the individual complexity of each character, but also their relationship as a family.

[paraphwrites]

so obviously the time period a character comes from impacts them. but i adore the analysis of dbda and loneliness so now i want to analyze the characters + their time period + loneliness

edwin. so, edwin is from the 1900s. he was raised with the knowledge that he would join the military, that he would get married. this was an accepted part of life. now, i do not wish to analyze the full scale of edwin's relationship with violence (at least, not here), but i do think it's interesting that edwin goes out of his way not to inflict harm on others. this is potentially because he was raised in such a way where that was the norm, and he always knew he did not fit traditional male standards. he has always preferred knowledge and books to fighting and sport. this would have been incredibly isolating, especially as a young boy in a school for children of military members. additionally, as a queer person, edwin would have been entirely socially isolated from his peers. whether they picked up on it like simon or just thought he was un-manly, the point stands: edwin would not have fit in with his peers and seemingly had no friends when he died. which is very sad. and very lonely.

crystal. crystal's parents neglected her for their work. she lashes out. she lashes out and pushes people away (or in front of traffic). she is volatile and destructive and she is like this because she lives in an age when parents are expected to care for their children, and her parents still actively chose not to. crystal is especially traumatized because even tho she is in upper class which may have a higher rate of willful parental neglect, the expectation is still that parents love their children. moreover crystal is psychic, and that's never really been fun. she'll be completely different from all her peers in a fundamental way which she probably never talks about with any of them! so, like, of course when david, a demon, comes along, she lets him in - she's finally with someone who understands and makes her feel less lonely. someone else who's weird and angry and pretty and supernatural. and then he, too, betrays her. there is also almost certainly a race element, which may further disassociate her from her peers, seeing as the upper class is usually very white.

jenny. so jenny grew up as a lesbian in the 90s. now, i don't know much about washington state, but i do know that they legalized gay marriage in 2012. which means for over half of jenny's life, she was living with the knowledge that she would never get to live the same type of life as her peers; though the white picket fence americana dream may have been less prevalent by the 90s, it still was very ingrained in american society - especially small town society. i wonder if part of jenny's gothic fashion is to distinguish herself from other people - if she cannot have the same lives as them, then no one will make the mistake of assuming she will.

so the night nurse is lonely in a very unique way. she is lonely because she does not have a proper conception of an actual human life. she has no friends or relationships - nor does she want to; she does not know what they are like. and, i think, because she exists so outside of time and removed from society, that it makes her inherently lonely. she is lonely because somehow she was created and somehow someone convinced her that her only purpose in life is to collect lost children and she is satisfied with this but she is also alone. she has no time period to be contextualized in, and that in itself is the context.

niko is lonely because her dad is dead and her mom lives in a different continent. and i think that because she is able to utilize manga and cartoons as a form of escapism, it allows her to fill that void of devastating loneliness a bit more. she lives in a world where if she doesn't want to think she does not have to. she is not obligated to be courageous. however, she also lives in a world where she is able to choose to self-isolate, even if that isn't good for her. so when she is sad she hides away because she can and it's scary and she doesn't want to do it alone but she doesn't want to do it with her mom. i've seen people saying crystal is such a teenage girl but niko? niko wants her mom to comfort her but doesn't want to talk to her mom. niko is horribly lonely and it's only a gay victorian twink who can get her to smile again. niko is lonely because she exists in a world which allows her to be and it takes someone who is not from this time to help her move past this

charles. god, we all know how lonely charles is. biracial, abused by his father, probably bisexual, good with people yet killed via hate crime, morally upstanding. charles is the epitome of loneliness because he grows up in such a particular moment of time. he lives in the 80s. feminism and queer rights have been radically shifting in the past two decades. the 80s have huge amounts conservative pushback from these movements. so, yeah, being gay isn't a crime anymore, but gendered expectations are being reestablished in a new harmful way. so, yeah, charles is growing up in a time of progress, but he's also growing up in a household which will absolutely be anti-progress, and ergo charles is stuck in this dichotomy of he could hypothetically have everything but that would mean losing everything, too. he's lonely because his dad beats him. he's lonely because his mom doesn't say anything. he's lonely because he has a piercing but his dad locked him in his room for three days after it. he's lonely because he attends a boarding school which rich racist pricks. he's lonely because never once in his life has he admitted how the intersection of all his identities puts him in a situation where he is completely alone. and he isn't alone -he's got edwin- but their experiences with loneliness are vastly different.

as i have said a stupid number of times, dead boy detectives is a story about loneliness. and the writers made these characters so damn brilliantly because they all make so much sense in the context they were raised in.

we are all shaped by the context's we're raised in. everyone is raised at a different moment in history in different environments with different families. human experiences are so unique that everyone is inherently lonely. but lonely does not mean alone and lonely does not mean forever. it means when you were fourteen you cried yourself to sleep but now you're twenty and know how to play cricket and your friends come to all of your matches. it means you were raised in a world that was cruel and unforgiving, AND it means that because of that you don't have to be. dead boy detectives teaches us that we're all horribly lonely, and maybe that makes each other a little less lonely

i'll take some of your burden if you'll take some of mine, and whatnot