#but only just barely

[alexandriaellisart]

suburban legends

[getvalentined]

Vincat Nyalentine wonders why his boyfriend is suddenly so small. (Cloud will explain the concept of plushies to he when he gets home.)

[my-deer-friend]

Jeanne du Barry: A review

I watched it, so you don’t have to!

There was a preview screening of Jeanne du Barry that coincided with a presentation on 18th century fashion and hygiene, so I figured that would make for a pleasant Sunday. The lecture by Marta Veil was splendid.

The movie was… not.

I wasn't expecting greatness, really, but I also wasn't expecting it to fail in quite so many ways. Shall we count them?

First, it falls flat as a piece of cinema. The ponderous shots just scream second-year-film-student-auteur. The narration, usually a gimmick, is critical because the directorial vision seems to have been “tell, don’t show”. It’s all glamour with no heart, a faux-profound fashion parade that fails to let its consequential story beats resonate on any emotional or narrative level. Despite being told about the constant danger than Jeanne is in, we never feel it. Despite witnessing her tragedies, we don't empathise.

The lead actor-director gives du Barry none of the wit, charm or depth you would expect of the subject of a biography, and most characters are either outrageous caricatures (the evil, Alice in Wonderlandian step-daughters, complete with heart-shaped perms) or have the nuance and magnetism of an untoasted slice of white bread (the Dauphin, a key side character, shows not a single discernible character trait besides “aloof”).

Second, it fails as a biography. Maïwenn, the woman responsible for this mess, has apparently been trying to bring this story to life for over a decade - and then manages to give us nothing more than the blow-for-blow you can get from the du Barry Wikipedia article - dryness and all.

(It’s also exceedingly clear that Maïwenn got more than a little 'inspired’ by Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, and ironically - given their historical rivalry and the way Coppola's Antoinette was lifted wholesale from her film - the Dauphine outshines du Barry completely here.)

Despite being a biography, the movie devotes very little attention to Jeanne’s coming of age - and almost no time (literally, a 30-second narration) to the 12+ years of her life after Louis’ death, which include such dramatic things as her being betrayed by her servants, tried and executed in the wake of the French Revolution. Very little of her internal world is explored - so we don’t really understand what drives her, and even when she expresses her goals it comes across as insincere.

The bulk of the movie focuses on Jeanne’s time as Louis XV’s lover. That’s understandable, I guess - people want the sexy, sparkly intrigues, not the convent drudgery - but the movie doesn’t do any work to embrace the politics and scandal surrounding her on more than the meanest surface level. I mean - "this is Versailles!" (A line that’s cribbed verbatim from Coppola.) Where are the machinations, the manoeuvres? The only meaningful drama we get is domestic. Louis’ daughters don’t like his mistress. They’re mean to her. And… that’s it.

Most egregiously, the movie makes the unrecoverable error of losing grasp of its own point of view. We ostensibly follow Jeanne for most of the movie, in what is made out to be a limited first-person perspective. But when she’s banished from Versailles, we get to witness the unfolding events without her. After all, the death of Louis XV is surely more interesting than some woman bundled off to a convent (wait— who is this movie about…?) and so we stay with him - and miss the opportunity to follow Jeanne and empathise with her isolation, fear and grief.

If the goal of the movie was to humanise and rehabilitate du Barry, then maybe she shouldn’t have been made so vapid, boring and lacking in agency that her own biography lost interest in her.

Third, it fails as a historical piece. Not entirely - some of the men’s fashions are sumptuous and on point, Marie Antoinette is chef’s-kiss, and Versailles looks splendid on screen - but that makes the rest worse, somehow.

Again, we get Coppola plagiarism, in the form of Louis’ morning dressing routine (with the same comical play on the endless steps and bored attendants), as well as in many of du Barry’s fish-out-of-water moments.

But the movie forgets its own rules and context. For example, we’re told that “no one except the Dauphin is allowed to turn their back on the king” - a rule that’s respected until about midway in the movie, at which point, its plot purpose exhaused, it's forgotten entirely. Jeanne is also surprisingly enlightened about racial equality, showcased in painful scenes with Zamor, her black… servant? slave? Although it’s not really clarified on screen, the former is heavily implied, which would be gross revisionism.

Even Louis is treated with a strange sort of familiarity, left to mill around with his guests in the hall of mirrors or stroll the gardens with his hair undone.

As for the clothing… I can’t bear to deep-dive into the entirety of the mess, but here are a few examples of just how lazy the styling is.

Now, when he’s done up in his finery, Louis XV actually looks grand - and even (what a rarity) has very decent period men’s make-up. But then it’s clowns all the way down. Take this shot.

Just behind him is his daughter, sporting a top-of-the-pops 1980s crimped blowout, and beside her is the Dauphin of France - though you could be mistaken for thinking he’s some fella getting to pose for a romance novel cover in the world's most ill-fitting suit. (I don’t recall this man tying his hair up one single time for the duration of the movie.)

Some of the critique is a little nitpicky, yes - for example, du Barry wears this outfit to be formally presented to the king:

The big hair and ostrich feathers are a decade too early (stop trying to be Marie Antoinette: The Unauthorised Prequel already), the makeup is mid 2000s, and the necklace... the less said about it, the better. But at least an attempt was made!

But this?

And this???

0.5 out of 5 stars. It would have been zero on account of all the plagiarism, but a half-star is given for the cameo of Elizabeth Vigée Le Brun.

[pushing500]

Recruited a pair of impid raiders, a very sad and sorry-for-himself lad named Nehachrach Kaznove (Kaz for short), and a kind of scary lady named Farov Fovnath, or...

Fafo :)

They became best friends in prison, which I thought was cute, but now that they're actually colonists, they have spiralled into a loop of friend-zoning each other and getting upset about it. It's very amusing. Never change, Rimworld.

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[agent-oo-z]

The only “downside” to curating my internet spaces so hard is I got so used to sex and anatomy and gender being entirely separate concepts and now I see smut of a man with a vagina and my brain goes “not anymore!” As if the change in administration a just magically undoes the existence of men with vaginas.

Anyways. I’m not gonna talk about politics here unless I absolutely have to. I’m terrified and vulnerable and trying the best not to make my ancient disorder worse than it already is.

[kactusnz]

oh my god the onion is going OFF

[aparticularbandit]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALL ME PLAIN JUNKO

[paintedcrows]

Gravity Text Post (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

[puppppppppy]

this place is so fruity

[the-breath-in-air]

And its a Pedro Almodóvar film?

I have never been so excited for something in my life.

Strange Way of Life (2023) trailer + Tumblr reactions

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)

im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

anyways good episode

[the-onions-art]

I HOPE TO GOD NO ONE DREW THIS BEFORE I DID

[macabresymphonies]

His inherent bitchiness and autistic swag is coming through even in Javascript, I'm crying

[jay-wasstuff]

The way Mrs Chen and Venom dancing was the last time Mrs Chen ever sees them is...

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh