#but my fears are literally so superficial but they’re still enough that like. i’m probably never gonna do anything about this. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

morganaspendragonss · 4 years ago

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if every breath is sacred

When Carlos wakes up, flames and smoke are filling the room, but TK is nowhere to be seen. He knows the protocols for being in a fire: sit tight, stay low to the ground, wait for help to arrive. But, it’s TK. Protocols have always gone straight out of the window when it comes to TK. So, Carlos—

Well, Carlos does probably the stupidest thing he’s ever done in his life.

He grabs two t-shirts from a drawer, holds one over his mouth and nose, and plunges into the inferno.

ao3 | 2.1k | 2.12 spec

The air in their bedroom is sour with a rage Carlos knows isn’t directed at him, yet he can’t help but feel guilty for it anyway. TK is curled up on his side of the bed, back to Carlos, his arms wrapped tightly around himself and his breaths far too carefully even for him to be asleep.

Carlos wants to call him out on it, but he doesn’t want to make things worse than they already are.

He knows he’s not the one TK’s mad at - they’ve had that conversation already - and Carlos is angry too. Mainly at Owen for being so stupid, but also a little bit at his dad even though he knows he was just doing his job. It’s more that they put him in the impossible situation of having to explain to his boyfriend that his father was arrested than anything else; seeing TK’s face fall at the news felt like one of the worst moments of Carlos’s life.

They’ll have to talk about this eventually - tomorrow, hopefully - but, right now, it’s better to just let TK’s anger run its course.

Which is why Carlos bites his tongue when TK suddenly throws the sheets back and climbs out of bed, leaving the room with only a muttered comment about getting a drink. He sighs, listening to TK’s heavier-than-usual footsteps, relieved when he hears the quiet click of the kettle as opposed to the coffee machine. At least now there’s a chance of TK coming back to bed and getting some sleep, albeit a small one.

Carlos throws his arm over his eyes as the sounds quiet. He’s exhausted and, much as he wants to stay up for TK, he can’t resist the pull of sleep. So he lets himself drift off, praying that things will be easier in the morning.

He wakes to the scent of smoke invading his nostrils, harsh coughs already ripping from his throat even as he blinks the remains of sleep away. Carlos frowns, his brain taking a second to register the dim orange glow under the bedroom door for what it is.

Fire.

His eyes widen and he turns to warn TK -

But, TK’s not there.

The bathroom light isn’t on, either, which means… Which means, he never made it back to bed.

Which means he’s still downstairs.

Carlos jumps out of bed and races to the door, yanking it open, only to come to a sudden halt as flames jump up at him from the stairs. The smoke is thick, but he can see enough to tell that the ground floor has already been overwhelmed by the fire, and that it probably won’t be long until it makes its way up here. His heart is threatening to pound out of his chest with fear and worry, but he forces himself to concentrate, to slip into first responder mode; panicking won’t help TK, nor will it get them out of this mess.

Returning into the bedroom, he snatches his phone from the bedside table and dials, sliding to the floor as more and more smoke invades the room.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“My house, it’s on fire. My boyfriend and I are trapped inside, but I don’t know where he is. He went downstairs to get a drink and I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, there was fire everywhere and he still wasn’t back.”

“Could you give me your address, sir?”

Carlos rattles off his details, suppressing the tickle in his throat for as long as he can before he’s overwhelmed by coughing again. He can hear the dispatcher on the other end saying something, but he can’t make out what.

When the coughs die out, he takes heaving breaths of air, already in short supply. The dispatcher is still talking, so Carlos focuses.

“-ir? Sir, are you there?”

“I’m here,” he gasps eventually, closing his eyes.

“Good, help is on the way. For the time being, is there anywhere you can go to escape from the smoke?”

Carlos shakes his head, before remembering that the action is redundant. “No. There’s nowhere.”

“Alright, just hang tight. Fire and medical should be with you in around six minutes.”

Six minutes.

Too long.

Carlos glances back to the door, his mind going to TK and how long he must have been in the flames and smoke for. A chill goes through him as he realises he doesn’t even know, and he just... He needs to make sure he’s okay.

He may be a cop, and not a firefighter, but Carlos knows the protocols for being in a fire. Sit tight, stay low to the ground, wait for help to arrive. But, it’s TK. Protocols have always gone straight out of the window when it comes to TK. So, Carlos—

Well, Carlos does probably the stupidest thing he’s ever done in his entire life.

He grabs two t-shirts from a drawer, holds one over his mouth and nose, and plunges into the inferno.

Flames lick at his exposed skin and thick, black smoke clogs his lungs, the thin cloth of the t-shirt doing next to nothing to halt its path. His eyes are burning, vision obscured with how much they’re watering, but Carlos pushes on, squinting through the haze to search for any sign of his boyfriend.

Navigating his house is difficult, everything seeming alien in this strange half-light, but he manages, and eventually he stumbles - almost literally - over a crumpled figure against the far wall.

“TK!” he cries, or tries to. It comes out hoarse, and quieter than he intended, so Carlos clears his throat and tries again and again and again until he drops down on his knees next to TK.

“TK,” he says again, shaking his shoulder. TK’s eyes are closed, but they flutter when Carlos shakes him harder. “Come on, baby, open your eyes.”

TK must listen to him, because, slowly, his eyes blink open, widening as he takes in the scene around them. Carlos presses the second t-shirt into his hands and he nods in understanding, raising it to his mouth.

“Help is coming,” Carlos says, mouth close to TK’s ear. “Just a couple more minutes.”

TK nods again and lowers the shirt. He opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn’t get a sound out before a round of coughing comes over him, causing him to fold in on himself. It’s loud enough that TK misses the cracking sound coming from right above his head, the thin trickle of dust raining down on them.

TK misses it, but Carlos doesn’t.

His boyfriend’s name tears out of him, and he just has time to shove TK as hard as he can before the ceiling comes crashing down.

Carlos chokes, suddenly finding it even harder to breathe, as if it wasn’t near impossible before. He’s pinned, the only movement he has left in his right hand. If he strains, he can just about see TK, who’s staring at him with a horrified expression. Carlos attempts a smile, but he’s pretty sure it doesn’t work.

His lungs spasm as he tries and fails to take a breath, his entire body burning with the weight crushing him. His vision is dimming, and he knows it’s likely only seconds before he loses consciousness—and, judging by TK’s slow blinks, the same is true for him.

Carlos prays that whichever station was dispatched gets to them soon, but if this is the end - and he really, really wants it not to be - then he can only think to be grateful that they’re in it together. Carefully, he inches his hand forward, stretching his fingers out until they meet TK’s, and he grips on with all the strength he has left in his body.

“I love you,” he chokes out. He doesn’t know if TK hears him, but he knows that he understands by the way his fingers close around Carlos’s.

TK’s lips move, the roaring flames and the pounding of his own heart making it impossible for Carlos to hear him; still, he knows. It’s a comfort, and he gives TK’s hand one last squeeze before all the energy leaves him and his eyes drift shut.

A flash of blue lights up the room behind Carlos’s closed eyelids, but he doesn’t get a chance to figure out what it means before the darkness swallows him whole.

TK doesn’t know how he got here.

He comes back to awareness slowly, a sudden panic constricting his already tight chest as he stares up at the night sky, his mind trying desperately to work out what’s going on. The last thing he remembers, he was in their front room, surrounded by fire, and Carlos—

Carlos.

TK gasps, his lungs on fire, his back arching and his fingers clawing at what he now realises is a gurney - whether he’s fighting for air or to get to Carlos, he doesn’t know.

Either way, he’s quickly pushed back down and an oxygen mask is pressed against his face.

“TK, I need you to calm down,” a familiar voice - Tommy’s - says.

“Carlos -”

“He’s in good hands, I promise you,” she cuts in, an evasion tactic if TK’s ever heard one. “You’re my priority right now; just focus on breathing for me, alright?”

TK wants to fight, but he still doesn’t have any strength in him, and he’s powerless to do anything as he’s lifted into the ambulance and taken away.

He hates hospitals. After the kidnapping, after Grace and Judd, TK had hopes not to have to enter one again for a while.

He should have known that was just wishful thinking.

This is the worst one, he thinks. He’s not allowed to leave his bed for another day at least, the burns he’d suffered are superficial, but he’d inhaled a lot of smoke and the doctors want to make sure his O2 levels are stable before letting him go.

That would be unbearable enough, but it’s made worse by the fact that he can’t see Carlos. All he’s been told is that Carlos’s injuries were far worse than his own and that he’s been put on a ventilator because his body is too damaged. A horrible guilt wells in TK’s gut at that knowledge - it’s his fault Carlos isn’t awake right now. He knows Carlos saved him when the ceiling came down, and he wishes he hadn’t; he really didn’t need to know what being on the other side of a coma is like.

A quiet knock on the doorframe reaches his ears and he looks up, expecting it to be his dad or one of the team. Instead, he’s surprised to see Carlos’s mom standing there, her eyes red, and a terrifying coldness floods his body.

“Mrs Reyes,” he says, voice trembling. “Is everything okay? Carlos, is he -”

“He’s okay,” she replies, giving him a wobbly smile as she walks towards him. “Or, there’s been no change, which the doctors tell us is a good thing. Gabriel is with him, but I wanted to come and check up on you.”

TK swallows guiltily, wincing slightly at the lingering soreness in his throat. “You didn’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

She arches an eyebrow. “Ah. I see Carlitos didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“I raised four children, TK,” she says, a hint of a real smile on her lips. “I know when someone is lying to me.”

TK flushes and looks down at the bedsheets, picking at them idly. “You’re right. I’m not okay, but I don’t think I will be until he wakes up.”

“You care for him a lot.”

“With all my heart.”

She nods and pats his hand, the simple, yet comforting, touch breaking something in TK. His eyes fill with tears and he lets his head fall back on the pillow as his chest heaves with sobbing. It irritates his throat, but he doesn’t care, not when there’s a greater pain that reaches right down to his very soul.

Mrs Reyes holds him against her without hesitation, not complaining even though his cries must be making a mess of her shirt.

“It’s okay,” she murmurs, stroking his hair in a way that makes TK yearn for a mother he never really had. “Everything will be okay. My Carlitos is a fighter, and I know that he is doing everything he can right now to get back to us. To you.”

TK sniffles, and hangs onto her words with everything he has.

Four days later, Carlos’s eyes open and, for the first time since the fire, TK think he can finally breathe again.

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wantaichi · 4 years ago

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karasuno as guy best friends

all platonic over here, folks.

[reuploading due to tagging problems grr]

SUGAWARA KOUSHI made you swoon the first you met him and no one could blame you - ‘hii i don’t think we’ve met, i’m suga :)’ cue hand shake and soft hand squeeze and pretty eyes staring right into you melting your insides.. he’s just naturally sweet towards everyone and you learn this eventually. loves giving head pats and asking about your day and telling you to ‘take care text me when you get home!’ you‘re always telling him whoever he’d end up with would be the luckiest person on earth and you’d never forgive them if they hurt him. the type of guy best friend who spams your profile pic with comments - ‘wHO IS SHE’, ‘ohhh she glowin!’ - and acts all surprised as if you hadn’t just asked him to choose that photo for you. has a sixth sense for you that’s always so on-point he could tell when you’re faking a smile and would drag you out of the room discreetly saying ‘c’mon lets talk’

DAICHI SAWAMURA acts as the parent/legal guardian throughout your friendship, always reminding you to drink your water and to drop instant noodles from your diet. he has your birthday penciled into his planner and phone calendar, remembers your hyper-specific coffee order from starbucks, and knows all your pet peeves - from slow walkers to being told to ‘chill’ because it invalidates your feelings. the best friend you can trust to do your yearbook write up for you because he knows all your best qualities and remembers all your achievements by heart. doesn’t seem to be aware of his own popularity - his mental age surpasses that of people his age - and couldn’t be bothered with anything concerning romance so you’re always trying to pimp him out set him up with friends and friends of friends who are dying to date him

ASAHI AZUMANE’s always seen as the understated friend in the group just quietly soaking up everyone’s stories in the background but actually has a comedic streak only you and few others know about. it’s easy to miss because he’s too shy to say his jokes out loud so he mumbles them to himself, and they’re so insanely corny - delivered with a straight face - it had you tearing up from laughter the first time you caught him. you love that his brand of funny is free from any kind of attention seeking and feel lucky to be one of the few to witness this side of him. his sense of humor shines best when innocently poking fun at his close friends like doing accurate re-enactments of suga smizing at his reflection or daichi holding his screen 10 inches from his face, or when you’re expressively telling a story and he goes “do that face again” so you do it and he’s like “one more” and idiot you does it again before realizing bitch is trolling you ugh

NISHINOYA YUU is your wild card friend - you never know when he’d show up to things, but when he does, everyone knows. the friend you wished upon a shooting star the way Lilo did and ended up getting a gremlin smh. he’s the spark plug for spontaneous action in your life - would randomly text blast everyone on a weekend to hangout and watch that rooster fight in his neighborhood or go feral at the batting cage downtown, and you’re like wtf...game. deep conversations aren’t really his thing but you’re always so down for anything, to ride along with all the shit he enjoys and listen to his ramblings and it’s that rawness he loves about your friendship. the best friend that has a tendency to go missing in action all of a sudden and no one knows where he is but will randomly hit you up at 10pm to grab ramen with him or those ghetto ass meals ($0.80 rice burgers ftw) on the sidewalk that give you both diarrhea

TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE tried to shoot his shot with you the first you met; now cringes whenever reminded about it because you’re a sausage to him now, as sausage everyone else on the team. the best friend who’s down to hang out literally from morning ‘til dawn, have friends over for a week, go out for late night visits or spontaneous road trips - really anything that serves an excuse to be with the bros (including you). you’d joke about growing sick of each other’s company but deep down you know he’s the one person you could never tire of and run out of fun things to do with. the best friend you could simply be drinking grapefruit shochu with or eating cup noodles and it’d still be one of the most memorable moments with him. the most reliable especially when you’ve gone through a messy break up or when it’s red season - will come over with a whole bag of instant ramen, some takoyaki and some ibuprofen (regardless of the situation)

you and HINATA SHOUYO hit it off within the first hour of meeting each other. you’ve screeched talked about everything there’s to know about the other - volleyball, school life, mutual friends, music taste, siblings, irrational fears and childhood traumas - added each other on facebook, followed each other’s instagram, made plans to watch that game in another school; all within an hour. there’s just something about him that makes it easy for you to open up about anything. the friend that gets you all flustered at the start because he’s so touchy and always poking and hugging you every chance he gets (turns out he’s an accidental flirt). he’s your number one fan and cheerleader and has a way with words that always lifts your spirit, but also definitely the best friend who always gets you sent out of class because your thumb wrestling match or game of tic tac toe got over competitive

KAGEYAMA TOBIO isn’t sure who or what exactly counts as a best friend but he knows which people to trust and which ones trust him back and accept him as he is. yours is a friendship where seeing and talking to each other might happen every few weeks (or even months) but knowing you can count on the other for support and encouragement. there’s never any pressure to be more expressive and he feels comfortable to just be his normal self around you; you’ve probably bonded over mutual interest like volleyball or just sports in general, something that made a lasting impression and led to keeping in touch. you can’t be there in all his games but you make sure to stay updated and send him a ‘congrats!’ or ‘you did your best!’ after matches. you’re sometimes mistaken for his s/o (with how comfortable he is with you), and though neither of you give a shit and even ride along with it sometimes, deep down you’re both thinking: ‘HARD PASS’

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI - timid and innocent, that’s the first impression he gives off to a lot of people. he seems hard to get to know at first but all it takes is a little kindness and authenticity for this boy to warm up to you. deep down he’s hemorrhaging with happiness whenever someone introduces themselves and welcomes him as a friend - he’s never really sure if people like him and he doesn’t like imposing on others. even on a best friend level you’ll learn that there’s so much more layers to him - that he’s loudest when nerding out on things like underdog athletes and comics and art, that he has an eye for aesthetic and beauty and is easily attracted to pretty faces and stylish dressers (but is blind to red flags sighh). he keeps you updated with the trendiest stuff like that milk tea store that just opened or that new release on netflix — always up to date with everything ugh

to TSUKISHIMA KEI, people are either strangers or friends. you could be talking or working together on a daily basis but he’d still consider your friendship superficial; inversely, you could be hanging out only once/twice a week but your conversations would always be interesting or challenging enough for him to keep you around. you’re most likely the louder one or always the one initiating conversations and asking to hang out with him; he’ll call you annoying but secretly appreciates your genuine interest in reaching out to him. you’ll know he acknowledges you as a friend when gives you song recs based on your music taste or asks for your opinion on things - should he get new headphones or that limited edition t-rex figurine? he’ll engage you in debate while studying, in talks about social issues and maybe some existential stuff and you’ll learn that the unforeseeable future led by your generation keeps him up at night

a/n: because my guy best friends started messaging out of nowhere and i’m missing them more than usual.

#karasuno #haikyuu #tsukishima kei #hq!!#haikyuu!!#kageyama tobio #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #sugawara koushi #daichi sawamura #azumane asahi #nishinoya yuu #tanaka ryuunosuke #hinata shouyou #yamaguchi tadashi

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magioftheseas · 3 years ago

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Gundham & Yasuke

Summary: The Forbidden Tanaka’s FTEs in the SDR2 Protagonist Matsuda Yasuke AU. YES.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language and blood/injuries.

Notes: Unsurprisingly, Tanaka was the winner of the poll for which FTEs were to be done next. So his FTEs, quite hilariously, are getting posted on the anniverary date for sdr2′s initial release. That feels pretty...fitting. Writing Tanaka’s dialogue was really hard but I did my best. Despite my best efforts, these two don’t get along the best that they could. Cursed.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

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It went without saying that he didn’t have a normal middle school experience so he didn’t interact with a lot of people who exhibited the so-called eighth-grader syndrome. But he knew that once kids had the cognitive ability to identify their lot in life and long for more, such desires could get...twisted, to say the least.

Just about everyone wants to be fucking special if they’re not too focused on surviving. And most people grew ashamed of the lofty aspirations and special interests they developed in that delicate era. Matsuda understood that much, even if he was considerably detached from it. In some ways, those people were like animals. Strange beasts that acted on impulses and instincts. That still had intelligence but not, like, awareness. When it came to engaging with these types, Matsuda had no choice but to accept them even as he shook his head at their delusions of grandeur.

He understands he’s supposed to do that in theory.

In practice, however...

“Sharp-tongued fool!” Tanaka bellowed. “You draw too near to the barrier of the Ice Kingdom!”

It’s a beautiful day outside. It’s always a beautiful fucking day. Clear, sunny sky. Warm but with a pleasant breeze to keep it from being too sweltering. It’s such a nice day—and Matsuda Yasuke does not want to be here.

Without another word, he turns on his heel.

“Aha!” Tanaka sneered. “To think just the warning prose would be enough to make you turn tail and run. A cowardice I did not expect, but perhaps... I should have.”

While walking away and listening to that guy cackle to himself, all Matsuda had in response was to flip him off.

He proceeded to avoid Tanaka for the rest of the day—and would’ve avoided him for the rest of his life had fate not had something else in store.

It was another beautiful day. The perfect day for a walk. He was thinking by the ranch so that he could admire the chickens as he passed. Unfortunately, he not only came across chickens but also the cow that used to be a chicken he quite liked.

Also Tanaka Gundam.

And their eyes ended up meeting.

There’s no real point in reasoning with someone who exhibits grandiose delusions, he reminded himself. It’s no good to denounce them, but it’s also no good to enable them. It’s a delicate line that I do not want to fucking bother with.

Matsuda does look away, intent on ignoring the other. Despite that resolve, his thoughts don’t shut up.

I didn’t have any peers in middle school for obvious reasons. I never actually spoke to someone my own age who felt this way. I was too busy being fixated on my own goals and lofty aspirations.

A couple of steps forward. It’s fine. If he continued the way he was already going, he can just pass Tanaka. It’d be easy. Simple.

...

Fuck.

He pauses. He turns. Tanaka has already turned away, but as if guided by the third sense of a fucking Evil All-Seeing Eye, he turns back to Matsuda. His brow quirks.

“Has the barrier truly weakened so?”

“I don’t know,” Matsuda replied intelligently. “For some reason, I feel too worn down to go through the effort of pretending you don’t exist.”

Tanaka cackled lowly.

“Such an insolent remark. It seems you do not truly know your place. But that is just as well. Even now, your true name is one that seems out of my grasp.”

“I’m Matsuda Yasuke. Nice to meet you.”

Tanaka clicked his tongue, scowling at Matsuda’s blank expression and his deadpan tone.

“That,” he snarled. “Is merely a brush against the surface. It does not encompass the deepest depths of your rogue soul.”

Alright. So he wants to know what makes me tick. If I had to guess.

“Your true name,” Tanaka requested impatiently. “I have no need for superficial titles.”

“That’s cold,” Matsuda huffed. “The name my mom gave me isn’t superficial.”

...even if it is ironic.

For some reason, Tanaka does perk up. He gives a nod of approval.

“A fair retort,” he concedes. “That maternal bond is its own scarring shackle.”

That admission was the first true crack in the wall between them. Or so Matsuda supposed, and he felt himself slip just a little bit further.

What a headache...

“Anyway,” he went on with a wave of his hand. “It’d be incredibly foolish to give you my true name, right? If telling a demon my name gives them possession of my soul and telling them my birthday gives them control of my life... Then telling someone like you...”

Tanaka nodded again, grinning so widely it was damn near grotesque.

“I see...the sharp-tongued fool is still retaining a sharp mind...”

I shouldn’t have played along even in jest. Fuck.

“What special abilities do you possess?” Tanaka purrs, drawing closer now. “What hidden capabilities have you acquired?”

Tanaka stalks even closer, his eyes are flashing with curiosity and hunger. Probably because this fucking weirdo wouldn’t understand a normal interaction if it bit him in the face.

I still hate that stare. I fucking hate that stare.

“You already know that,” Matsuda snapped, forcing himself to stay relaxed. “Neurology is my talent. You even know my name and birthday because of those damn student files...”

Calm down, calm down. It’s just fucking Tanaka—

Tanaka does halt. His head tilts quizzically.

“Hmph.” With nostrils flaring, Tanaka seemed to duck into his own scarf. “I suppose you are human after all.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Simple.” Tanaka chuckled. “I sensed your apprehension, Matsuda Yasuke. I sensed—and yet, I could tell it was not a chill brought about by the Ice Kingdom.”

Matsuda does flinch at that.

“I shall take my leave for now so that you may re-gather your peace,” Tanaka declared. “Till next time, sharp-tongued fool.”

Tanaka gave him a salute. Matsuda barely had a chance to wave back before Tanaka flipped his scarf and coat so that it would dramatically billow behind him as he made his overly dramatic exit. So fucking extra, and yet—

He left so that I could take the time to calm down.

And how the hell was he supposed to feel about that?

“Even now, I can hear the crackling of the Ice Kingdom’s barrier.” Tanaka was cackling. Another beautiful day. Yet somehow this weirdo was set on shrouding himself in asinine mystery as well as his own dark layers. How the hell was he not burning up?

Tanaka noticed his staring and merely smirked. “What brings you today, Matsuda Yasuke?”

Aah. Even with that pompous fucking tone, it’s an understandable question.

“I don’t like things to be unbalanced,” he said which was a bald-faced lie but sounded persuasive enough. “Since you interrogated me last time, I thought I’d ask you a few questions of my own.”

“Hmph!” Tanaka snorted. “You seek a comprehension that may underlie a deep terror that cannot be contained! Do you not fear for your sanity?”

“No, I’m insane already,” Matsuda said flatly. “I drove myself insane years ago.”

“Is that SO?!” Tanaka boomed, incredulous or admiring, Matsuda wasn’t sure. “Your humanity is one that only hangs by a thread, then?!”

I...can’t disagree with that, huh.

Matsuda shrugged.

“We’re not supposed to be talking about me. Let’s talk about you.”

Tanaka remained guarded but gave a nod.

“Very well. Demi-human or no, I shall not lose to you.”

That’s more like it. You’re much less annoying this way.

“What talents do you have?” he settles on since it’s only fair. “Even if it’s not the full roster, I’d like to know some...special abilities.”

“You shall only get a portion,” Tanaka said, sniffing. “Despite my appearance, I’m an active fiend. Between sorcery and human hunting, I manage my website.”

Matsuda blinked, trying to imagine this guy at a computer. Actually, it was really easy to imagine. There’s no way Tanaka learned to talk like an edgelord on his own.

I bet he spends a lot of time looking up stupid shit like Norse mythology. But, if he has a website, then...

“I have encrypted my research with magic,” Tanaka informed him. “Thus, only those worthy can gain access.”

...if he means through password then I could probably hack in with ease.

“If I had to guess what kind of research it was,” Matsuda mused. “Then—probably something like a pet diary, right?”

There were a series of muffled squeaks from Tanaka’s scarf. Tanaka burst into a boisterous boom of laughter.

“Even with your wits, you would only be able to access the dummy site!” Tanaka grinned victoriously, even though no conflict had taken place. “Your skill level would only open the gates of the Exciting Breeding Journal.”

“...Alright. That’s fine by me.”

You’re literally here because of your talent in animal husbandry.

“Favorite food?” Matsuda asked next. Tanaka stiffened. Growled, even. Because he was pissed off about getting such a lukewarm response? Matsuda didn’t bother inquiring, instead pressing, “Do you have one?”

“The orange melon that bears the face of the devil,” Tanaka huffed, put out. “No other food compares in terms of high nutrients or versatility in cooking methods. More importantly, its seeds are the most effective food source for my Four Dark Devas of Destruction.”

...a pumpkin. He’s talking about a pumpkin, right?

“However! Those seeds must be carefully washed, carefully dried, carefully peeled,” Tanaka rambled on. “And lightly fried.”

“How meticulous,” Matsuda muttered. “But nothing less for...them.”

“Indeed. A difficulty that beguiles pain and pleasure alike matters not in the face of a grand purpose.”

I can agree with that even if I hate how it’s worded.

“There is more when it comes to the caring of beasts,” Tanaka rumbled. “Shall I lead you deeper?”

“Uh.” Matsuda waved his hand. “Next time. Let’s talk more next time.”

Tanaka gave him a truly wicked grin. For once, it actually felt malicious.

“Take as much time you need to prepare yourself, sharp-tongued fool.”

Matsuda made a face but bit his tongue.

Piece of shit.

Tanaka wasn’t out and about today at the ranch. He wasn’t in the diner, either. It went to reason that he was likely in his cottage.

It’s only because I found some pumpkin seeds that I’m even going...

When he knocked on the door, he found it unlocked. Since he wasn’t an animal, he was going to wait for Tanaka to answer the door rather than barge in but...

“Ku—!”

He heard a noise. A sharp, strangled sound that was undeniably made through gritted teeth. Matsuda opened the door immediately.

“Is everything alright?”

And indeed—Tanaka was holding his bloodied hand in a death grip. The hamsters were chirping and chittering, but unaffected. What happened was clear, especially in how Tanaka’s shoulders were hunched.

Thankfully, Matsuda carried around packets of wet wipes. He rummaged through his pocket for one, stepping forward and reaching out.

“Let me...”

“NO!” Tanaka shrieked, and like a startled beast he scrambled away from his hand. He was panting, still gripping his injury with a wide and wild-eyed stare. Seeing Matsuda there did little to calm him down, as he growled, “The blood that flows through my veins bears a fearsome curse. You must step away now to spare yourself their potency.”

Thankfully, Matsuda carried around disposable gloves. He slipped them on, tearing the wet wipe packet open, and made his way closer.

“Come on. We really don’t want that bite to get infected.”

“This is not my first blood sacrifice,” Tanaka snarled, even showing his teeth. Gross. “I have no need for your medical sorcery. And furthermore, that meager covering...!”

“Oh my fucking god, shut the hell up.” Matsuda snatched up his hand, prying the other off as Tanaka shrieked some more. Thankfully, Matsuda was able to pull it away and got to work dabbing and cleaning the wound. Tanaka had completely frozen now, but Matsuda was still fuming.

“Don’t ever fucking call me meager,” he snapped, and thankfully Tanaka had spare clean bandages for him to re-wrap his hand with. “Crude and foolish I’ll take. Meager I won’t.”

Tanaka finally scoffed as Matsuda made sure the bandaging was secure.

“A demi-human like you has such pride.”

Look who’s fucking talking.

“You should not have endangered yourself, however,” Tanaka went on. “I was not telling falsehoods about my poisonous blood. It is only by a thread that you have not already deteriorated. As crude and foolish as you are, I do not desire your demise.”

“I’ve dealt with my fair share of poison, so you’re worrying too much,” Matsuda replied but winced from a sudden headache. As he rubbed removed his gloves to rub his temples, Tanaka stood up.

“You once again face the ramifications for your hubris!” he exclaimed and rushed back to deal with his hamsters. “I grant you relief, and I advise you to take your leave immediately.”

“I’m fucking fine, it’s just a migraine,” Matsuda griped and disposed of the gloves and wipes. “Should you really be handling those hamsters again so soon?”

“They are not mere hamsters!” Tanaka bellowed. “The fangs I have taken are that of the Crimson Steel Elephant, Maga-Z!”

Maga-Z blinked its bright beady eyes at Matsuda.

“For the sake of the Invading Black Dragon, Cham-P,” Tanaka went to coo over the largest hamster which was orange, not black. “A golden demon, one who understands fear all too well... Much attention should be heeded to make sure they do not get overly stressed out... While many devil beasts of this ilk are aggressive and fearfully territorial, the golden variant is the most docile and intelligent. They recognize me as...”

He trails off. It’s as if he’s too moved to speak.

I have heard hamsters had an unnaturally high rate of cannibalism, Matsuda thought. But I suppose like with dog breeds, they come in all sizes...and temperaments...

It was obvious Tanaka knew his shit, being an Ultimate at all. But seeing it firsthand, watching him dote on the beasts with a cottage interior largely dedicated to their cage and tube, the guy definitely loved animals. Like, a lot. Despite his delusions of grandeur, he at least seemed to love animals a healthy, non-obsessive amount.

“They’re living well,” Matsuda commented blandly.

Tanaka scoffed at him.

“For demons that live a mere 1095 days, the luxuries in life mean everything. I would never settle for less.”

“I see...” He scuffed the end of his shoe against the wooden floor. “That’s good.”

Shouldn’t have worn open-toed shoes, but I don’t have any alternatives. Oh, right.

“I got pumpkin seeds.” He tossed the bag and it landed on Tanaka’s lap. The hamsters jumped, and even Tanaka flinched. Matsuda, however, turned on his heel. “Sorry. Bye.”

With that insincere apology, he headed out. He could feel a disproving stare on his back but that didn’t lessen his steps in the slightest.

His favorite chicken-turned-cow was in a good mood today. She was accepting pets and even nipping at his fingers. All he had on him was candy. Not any fruit much less hay although...

“If you plan to feed that creature, you should be wary of apples,” Tanaka rumbled from behind. Where the fuck he came from, Matsuda wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t surprised to be hearing from him. “You can risk over-eating which will cause a bloated stomach for the animal.”

“Ah, thanks for the advice,” Matsuda said sincerely, turning back and frowning when he noticed the other’s own hanging head. “What’s with the long face?”

“I would hope that you do not consider that creature to be your familiar, Matsuda Yasuke,” Tanaka murmured sullenly and solemnly. Like he had come across something truly pitiful to the point of depressing.

Although he seems more focused on the cow itself...

“I don’t have a familiar,” Matsuda huffed.

Tanaka quirks an eyebrow at him. Furrows it, even, as if Matsuda is the one not making sense. How seriously annoying. But rather than inquire further, Tanaka just shakes his head.

“Creatures like that one are born to be slaughtered,” he said, turning on his heel. “What a wretched fate, one that cannot be escaped even with the use of the Evil All-Seeing Eye. If one is to form a bond with such an unfortunate beast, they will invite only calamity.”

“That’s...” Not necessarily true. There is livestock out there allowed to live full lives. But they’re exceptions that prove the rule, I suppose. And the fact that I even thought to use a word like allowed... “Woof.”

Tanaka barked back. “This sentimentality only arose because I have not encountered any new beasts. I shall go searching as to put my mind at ease.”

He walked on, and Matsuda found himself following. Tanaka didn’t seem to mind at all. The opposite, in fact.

“There are many creatures I’ve tamed, sharp-tongued one,” Tanaka went on to say. “The Cerberus. The Phoenix. Even then Midgardian Serpent.”

Looks like I was right on the money about him looking up Norse shit. That’s just another fucking word for Earth, asshole. I’ve read enough shitty fantasy manga to know.

“I saw a toucan one time,” he commented in lieu of verbalizing his thoughts. “And I guess there are the seagulls. Or those mascots.”

“Those uncute fiends cannot be trusted with their speech,” Tanaka hissed. “As for the others... Ah, the ravenous, feathered beasts.” Tanaka nodded sagely with approval at that one. “They are a perilous project as they are quite fearless and impulsive. Even when greater threats arise, they gather like a court waiting to hand down judgment.”

I think...that’s more something that crows do rather than seagulls.

He does think about it though, birds judging one another. If he looked up, he’d even see a seagull or two soar overhead. A phrase rose to his mind, unbidden.

When the seagulls cry...

“Hm?” Tanaka paused when he noticed that Matsuda had stopped dead in his tracks. He turned, and whatever expression was on Matsuda’s face—whatever that was had Tanaka clicking his tongue. “What is on your mind?”

“Something stupid,” he grumbled, shaking his head. “Even in peaceful times, I can’t help but worry about how easily things fall apart. Sometimes for something as petty as a broken promise.”

Is it speech alone that gives us the means of betraying one another?

Tanaka did stiffen.

“It sure is fortunate for us that we’ve yet to deal with any storms,” Matsuda went on to say. “In fact, it’s perfect weather every single day. Isn’t that strange? It almost doesn’t feel real, and if it’s not real... Does anything that happens here matter?” He paused again. “Like I said. It’s stupid.”

“Your inane ponderings still have an air of malice,” Tanaka muttered darkly.

Huh.

“Are you saying I’m someone to be on guard around?” He cracked a dry smile. “I’m not that fucking interested in messing with people. I just lack patience.”

Tanaka gave him a look. Wordlessly, he shook his head.

“I think... I will seek solace elsewhere. Do not follow me.”

Matsuda didn’t. Simply watched the other go. It might’ve been one of those annoying situations where the person was saying the exact opposite of what they wanted, but even if he could tell that was the case, he still wouldn’t have followed.

After all.

He lacked patience.

Tanaka seemed especially moody today. Although no matter how sullen his air was, the island sun wouldn’t let up in the slightest. In a way, that was pretty cruel, right? In that much light, it made it difficult to hide. Or something like that.

Wonder what he’s being so fucking temperamental about...

Matsuda makes his way over, waving as he does. He stops, however, when Tanaka regards him coldly.

“Matsuda Yasuke,” he rumbled in a gravelly tone of voice. “The sharp-tongued fool whose practices engage in the constitution of the mind... Would you like to duel?”

Huh?

Matsuda dropped his hand.

“...have you finally fucking gone actually insane?” He sighed. “Don’t answer that. No, I don’t want to duel. And if you push it, I’ll leave. I don’t have time for that bullshit.”

Tanaka’s cold stare became more of a glare.

“I’m afraid I do not have such luxury around you,” Tanaka said sharply. “You grind down my defenses with this continued, unsightly association. Despite wearing the face of a human, you, Matsuda Yasuke are...!”

“I’m just human,” Matsuda replied before he could finish. With an unimpressed shrug, he added. “And if you wanted me to stop bothering you, all you had to fucking do was say so.”

“I allowed these exchanges out of a sense of curiosity, arrogantly unheeding the danger,” Tanaka went on, muttering as he did. “Truly, I have been foolish.”

The sun shone down on him. On a day this bright, there wasn’t anyone to hide. Tanaka ‘Gundam’ looked a bit ill. When Matsuda took a step closer, however, he recoiled. With a sharp hiss, Tanaka held up his hand in warning.

Like an agitated cat.

Matsuda drew back with a sigh.

Someone like this—really is so needlessly fucking difficult. And for what? An inflated sense of importance? Wasn’t getting into Hope’s Peak enough?

...if he complained too much, he’d veer uncomfortably close to hypocrisy.

Hope’s Peak was just another step for me, but I wonder what it was for someone like this? Where the hell would he be if he didn’t get in? Honestly—I doubt it would’ve been all that significant.

“Alright,” he said. “Did you get anything out of our interactions at least?”

Tanaka stared at him, but being a normal fucking person without magical powers, Matsuda was more than capable of staring back, unaffected. For some reason, Tanaka did shy back a little.

“I have keenly observed you,” he said lowly. “Namely how your regard only shifts when directed towards creatures already marked for death. I suspect—you are a creature of calamity. The eye of the storm.”

“So, what,” Matsuda drawled. “Like a demon?”

Tanaka hummed, seemingly considering it. “No... That is not quite right.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, then,” Matsuda huffed, waving his hand dismissively. “But—I think I get what you’re saying. I just think it’s funny coming from you—and that you don’t understand.”

Tanaka’s stare blazed with an offense, and Matsuda paid no heed at all.

“How I regard creatures marked for death...” Matsuda snorted. “I’m a fucking doctor. Obviously, I treat them differently. It’s part of my fucking job.”

Although he’s referring to the cow, isn’t he? Seriously...

“I guess it’s weird,” he admitted. “With how shitty of an attitude I have. But I take my job seriously. If you can’t get something that simple, then your Evil All-Seeing Eye is pretty fucking lacking.”

“You...” Tanaka growled. “You’re truly impertinent. You wield your blade recklessly and foolishly. You and I both know—that it runs deeper than mere duty for you, Matsuda Yasuke.”

...so what if it does?

He supposes he should be impressed that Tanaka isn’t that fucking dense. That the animal freak is, in fact, a little perceptive.

Smiling mirthlessly, Matsuda reached out to pat the flinching other’s shoulder. He gripped him for just a moment.

“That’s all you need to know about me,” he murmured into Tanaka’s ear before pulling back. “I think we’re at enough of an understanding. Thanks for your time.” He gave a salute as he headed on his way. “We don’t need to talk again. We especially don’t need to duel. Have a wonderful fucking day.”

“One day,” Tanaka swore. “You will meet your cruel, disastrous end. That is the decree of the Tanaka Kingdom!” As Matsuda got further away, Tanaka boomed after him. “Mark my words, sharp-tongued FOOL! You are MARKED for des—!”

It was such a headache that Matsuda tuned him out. But as he found himself alone, he did wonder.

Marked for destruction? Or something else? Despite all that time, rather than growing close, that weirdo is now convinced that I’m hopeless. He might be right. Actually, I’d still consider us closer if he can recognize that. I still don’t really care. I don’t.

He walked on, moving forward because he had nowhere else to go.

Decree. What a fucking riot. If I do die, it won’t be because of an idiot like him. But whatever makes him feel better I suppose.

Matsuda shook his head, brushing the whole thing aside except...

If I die... It won’t be until I reach the very fucking pits. I won’t settle for anything less.

#sdr2 #yasuke matsuda #matsuda yasuke #gundham tanaka #gundam tanaka #Magi fics #Protag Matsun

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sunbeams-and-honey · 4 years ago

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i lost my last ask, sorry. please help me understand two of my placements, saturn (11h, cancer) opposition chiron (5h, capricorn) and uranus (7h, pisces) sextile north node (9h, taurus.) they are my strongest aspects, thank you so much for your time :) 🕴

Hi darling! Thanks for the question. Looking at your placements is very weird for me because we have the exact same Chiron placement (mine's also in Capricorn and the 5th house). I also have Saturn in the 11th house and Pisces in Uranus! Very strange indeed.

So first I'm going to go through each placement and how they affect your personality, and then I'll go through the actual aspects.

Your Saturn is in Cancer, which means that you care deeply about the well-being of those closest to you. You put a high value on the personal relationships in your life and you want to develop them as much as you possibly can. When you were younger, you may have had problems to do with the people in your life not caring that much about you, and you suffered a lot because of it. Now, you may be trying to overcompensate for what happened in your youth. This strongly affected you, and whether you're aware of it or not, you may be rather opposed to the idea of getting close to people again. You probably have a deep sense of unease and uncertainty about you.

Your Saturn is in the 11th house, making you a friend who can be depended upon and who will listen to your thoughts and feelings. You don't like having to deal with anyone who you consider to be boring or superficial. You may have many acquaintances but not many close friends, again emphasising the idea that you're wary of getting too close to people. You need to remember that not everyone is out to get you, and it's healthy to be vulnerable sometimes. Any childhood relationships that you still have are likely to be very strong and will stand the test of time if you let them. You may find yourself being drawn to those who know what they want from life and know how to get it. You're very responsible, and you may feel like you have a duty to any groups you are involved in. You're very hard-working, and even though you go to great lengths to make things right, your efforts often go unnoticed. If you want to achieve your goals, then keep working hard and just be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

Your Chiron is in Capricorn, meaning you often suffer for not achieving the success you think you deserve. You probably think rather highly of yourself and of the things you can do, but for whatever reason, you don't seem to get the recognition or rewards. This placement is another indicator that you are hard-working, especially in work-related areas and in any social groups you may be in. You may find yourself sacrificing a lot to get to where you want, only to find that you don't ever get there. It may seem easy to just stop your efforts due to you thinking they're not enough, but I'm asking you to not do this. Have patience. You're also very ambitious when it comes to your career.

Having your Chiron in the 5th house means that you may have issues related to your self-expression. You may have been held back from simply enjoying yourself and from doing the things you want to do. You need to accept that it's okay and actually healthy to do things just because they make you happy. Self-care and self-love is not being selfish. You can afford to take some time to truly appreciate your surroundings. Just enjoying the simple things in life will help you to heal any past trauma. You don't have to be so serious! You may have suffered blows to your self-esteem as a child, perhaps from a parent or a bully. You may feel useless and/or unlovable, but I promise you that this is not true. It's not a crime to put value on yourself because you deserve it. You can use your experiences to support any young people who might be going through a similar thing.

Having your Saturn opposite to your Chiron means that you often felt solely responsible for healing the trauma of your whole family. You may have often taking the brunt of family issues and traumas. You feel like you have a duty to always be the one to help your family, but the whole point of family is that everyone does their bit. It's not your job and your job alone to deal with these things. You may unconsciously feel like you should prioritise and achieve the dreams of your ancestors, rather than your own dreams and goals. You might think that this is what they want for you, but I promise they don't. They want you to enjoy and live your own life. That's the way to make them proud. You might find it difficult to associate family with ideas of love and acceptance, and that's valid. You don't owe your family anything, especially if they haven't helped you in the way you've helped them. You need to remember that allowing yourself to experience and cherish joy is a crucial part of your healing process. You might be feeling as though you have to sacrifice literally everything in order to get work done, when this is not the case at all. Self-respect is a huge issue for you and is something you need to learn in order to truly live your life.

Moving on, we have your Uranus in Pisces. You have an amazing capacity to imagine and to think of ways to achieve your wildest dreams. You are somewhat of a visionary, a master dreamer if you will. You can work with whatever spiritual force you like in order to achieve your goals. You are incredibly intuitive and efficient, and have a great balance of being sensitive and also sensible. You are quite sensitive to getting hurt or being disappointed. This vulnerability doesn't have to be a weakness when you use it to your advantage.

Your Uranus is in the 7th house, which means you can have a somewhat irritating and difficult exterior, even though you're actually very sweet. It just takes you a while to let your guard down and show kindness. This is probably a defence mechanism you developed due to any past issues and/or traumas. You're not a huge fan on things staying the complete same for lengthy periods of time, constantly needing change and variety, especially in relationships. You may also tend to attract eccentric individuals into your life, and you may like to form rather unusual connections with them. You're not a typically traditional person so you may like to experiment with different types of relationships. You don't really like to commit and settle down, so your ideal person(s) would be someone who offers you space and lets you have your freedom for as long as you want it.

Your North Node is in Taurus, meaning you can easily put spirituality into pretty much everything. You need to find a balance between the physical and spiritual realms, as you often go from one extreme to another. You are very powerful and sensual but you have a hard time incorporating the two into the same areas of your life. You may be feeling like you can only be one thing or the other with no compromise or inbetween.

Having your North Node in the 9th house means you are destined for great fortunes. There are unlimited possibilities as to what you can achieve with your life, especially in the areas of travel and politics. You may find yourself often having a bad reputation through no fault of your own. You might not have had a great education but don't let that stop you, especially with all the potential you have. This is another indicator that you should trust in your intuition because it's almost always right. You are destined to achieve great wisdom and you should use this to help others once you get it.

When your Uranus sextiles your North Node, this means that you are, quite frankly, somewhat of a genius. You are a unique individual with a great sense of creativity. You are daring and innovative with a very progressive way of thinking. Your childhood might not have reflected this, but the universe wants you to embrace your individuality once you are free from their views and rules. Your family is likely to change their opinions throughout the course of your life, becoming more progressive like you. You might have a fear of change instilled in you but you need to overcome this, and you are very capable of doing so.

Words Of Advice:

Don't let your inhibitions control your life.

Don't worry too much about what others think about you.

Don't rely too much on appreciation from other people.

Identify where you need to change as a person in order to succeed.

You are allowed to pursue the things you want to go after.

Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!

You need to put yourself first sometimes.

Be wary of the effect you have on others.

You don't need to hide from the ones you hold the closest.

Be generous.

I hope this helped darling and I hope you have a good day! Sending good vibes your way.

#astrology #pisces uranus #uranus in 7th #capricorn chiron #chiron in 5th #saturn in 11th #cancer saturn #north node in 9th #taurus north node #saturn opposite chiron #uranus sextile nort node #theclankingofcrystal #asks

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shinidamachu · 4 years ago

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You know what’s sad? I didn’t care for S*ssRin before Yashahime. I didn’t like it but I didn’t hate it. It’s these recent posts where people try to justify this ship with literal grooming tactics that’s seriously grossing me out. 😬

Hey there!

Yeah, I see where you’re coming from and even though I had a different experience, yours is totally understandable. In fact, many people in the fandom are in the same boat as you.

Personally, I first watched the anime when I was a little kid. Like, really young. I didn’t get to finish it then, probably because the TV channel stopped airing it or something like that. Growing up, the story was still on the back of my mind, but Inuyasha, Kagome and their romance were the only things I could remember. As an adult, I finally decided to rewatch the whole thing, start to finish.

That’s when I took notice of the other key characters, such as $esshomaru and R!n, that my young mind had forgotten. Because she was a child, it never occured to me to interpret their bond as romantic. And because he was her guardian, exerted authority over her from the moment they met and their relationship was strictly platonic during the whole show, I couldn’t help but see them as a Lilo & Stitch family: little and broken, but still good.

However, years and years of fandom had prepared me to the real possibility of $esshomaru/R!n being a ship. My fears were confirmed when I joined Inutumblr. Was I still grossed out? Absolutely. But I couldn’t say I was surprised. As much as it hurts to say, the misogynist trope $esshomaru/R!n is based on is not unusual.

And so I hated this ship since I learned it was a thing. Hated its disgusting implications, hated that it defilled such a pure, familial form of unconditional love, hated how cheap and superficial it is. Hated how it strips R!n out of any agency whatsoever, hated that it downplays $esshomaru’s character development and it makes him out to be an absolute creep.

That’s why I did my level best to avoid interacting with shippers as much as I could. I can make friends with them, if they’re not invested in it enough to put it on my dash. And as much as it still makes me uncomfortable, I can look the other way if I’m reading Inukag fanfiction and these characters are portrayed as a couple, as long as they met when she was an adult and they’re not a huge part of it. It's not of my business what people ship, regardless of how unbelievably inappropriate and problematic I find it to be. They stayed in their lane. I stayed in mine. We lived in peace.

Until the sequel attacked and changed everything like some kind of Fire Nation shit.

You probably didn’t care about $essr!n because you didn’t have to. Inuyasha ended and it was a very definitive ending. We had our interpretation of what the finale represented for $essr!n. Shippers had their totally different idea. But there was no point in discussing it because nothing would change regarding the story. We were given what we were given and that was that.

Or so we thought.

Suddenly Sunrise comes along with a sequel, in which $esshomaru had daughters. This statement brought brand new information that effectively shoots down one of the interpretations above: all Sunrise has to do is reveal the mother.

The thing is: if the “$esshomaru and R!n were family” interpretation is the one Yashah!me debunks, it means Sunrise is going to portray in a good light a relationship in which a grown man met a 8 years old child, protected her, gave her gifts, exerted authority over her, established himself as an adult she could trust after all the trauma she went through... only to impregnate her when she was old enough to bear his children. It also means Rumiko Takahashi allowed them to do so.

From this point on, it was impossible for me not to speak up against it. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. It’s one thing for people to make fanarts and write fanfiction about it. These things can be tagged, filtered, searched for or avoided. Other completely different is the studio that owns Inuyasha turning the ship into official content and addressing it to children.

To make matters worse, some shippers reacted to more that valid criticism by harassing people online and trying to justify why $essr!n is okay when it clearly isn’t. If you’re down with a problematic ship, that’s a you problem. You’re an adult. When you advocate for said ship to be represented in official children media, denying or knowing exactly how harmful it is to the children who are too young to have the same critical skills as you, that’s when I get vocal against it.

And I will be vocal because there are people out there actually believing the absurds some shippers say to try and normalize $essr!n, going as far as comparing it with perfectly acceptable ships or straight up creating their own “facts” to twist canon in their favor. I will be vocal because some of its supporters only ships it because a part of the fandom does it and never really thought about it. I will be vocal because I want this terrible trope to die. It’s more than enough time to kill it, in Inuyasha or any other TV show out there. We know better now. Let’s do better.

As for the shippers, I’m more than happy to ignore their existence, but it seems they are shooting themselves in the foot with how loud and obnoxious they are getting, especially after the infamous last preview, managing to annoy even the people who were staying out of it, such as yourself, anon. At least that’s what it looks like, here from my little bubble.

I’m sorry this whole thing makes you sad, pal. It makes me sad too. And I know if worse comes to worst, it will be hard for some of us to separate the sequel from the original, especially if you’re a $esshomaru stan, because it will be almost impossible to “escape” the damn thing, but hear me out:

R!n can be the mother of the twins or not. However it goes, you don’t have to consider Yashah!me canon at all. I sure as hell won’t.

#Thanks for passing by #I'm always here if you guys need to talk #Anti Sessrin

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years ago

Text

A WAY TO YAHOO

We had a demo day for investors, we had to rely mostly on examples in books. This kind of thing is out there for anyone to see. When you have actual first class functions or recursion or even keyword parameters. They want to make a lot more money than we did last year and I wish we had. We now think of it, the best local talent will go to the real Silicon Valley, and all you have is statistics, it seems is that much computing will move from the desktop onto remote servers. These techniques are mostly orthogonal to Bill's; an optimal solution might incorporate both. The book would be a real threat. Why bother checking the front page of any specific paper or magazine? It will be worth making i/o. The bumbler will shoot himself in the foot anyway.

Atlanta is just as hosed as Munich. In Common Lisp I have often wanted to iterate through the fields of a struct—to comb out references to a deleted object, for example—you want to be forced to figure out what's actually wrong with him, and sure enough, it won't pay for spammers to send it, and the most productive people are attracted to employers who hold themselves to a higher standard than the law requires. In principle you could avoid it, just as it's hard to engage an audience you have to design what the user needs, not simply what he says he wants. After years of carefully avoiding classic time sinks like TV, games, and Usenet, I still managed to fall prey to distraction, because as well as the low. So the best strategy is to try lots of different things. Irony of ironies, it's the computer Steve Huffman wrote Reddit on. We know because we make people move for Y Combinator, and it is a huge and rapidly growing business. That has worked for the government. In fact, they're lucky by comparison.

One ingredient of its meaning is certainly Ajax, which I took to refer to web-based database as a system to hack: the Lisp Machine. I'm not saying, of course, that elite colleges have two critical qualities that plug right into the way large organizations work. For insiders work turns into a duty, laden with responsibilities and expectations. The most obvious is poverty. Instead of avoiding it as a drawback of senility, many companies embrace it only half-willingly, driven more by fear than hope, and aiming more to protect their turf than to do great things for users. So don't be demoralized by how hard it is to be consciously aware of that. If you work fast, they expect everyone else to. Not all cities send a message. Eminence is like a suit: it impresses the wrong people, and you can't find another? It's kind of strange when you think about it, including even its syntax, and anything you write has, as much as an audience. If I could get people to remember just one quote about programming, it would be a byword for bogusness like Milli Vanilli or Battlefield Earth.

I want in some macros. The startup will now do that themselves. Arguably the people in the middle of the 20th century that convinced some people otherwise. People will pay extra for stability. Investors don't need weeks to make up their minds, lest they lose the deal. They know they want to raise money, and the best research is also good design, and having the same people both design and implement the product. Small things can be done by collaborators.

Painting has been a qualitative change, like the proverbial drunk who looks for his keys under the lamppost, instead of sitting on them, technology will evolve faster. So verbs with initial caps have higher spam probabilities than they would have been on the list 100 years ago though it might have been 2400 years ago. They don't define what evil is, but by studying the intended users and figuring out what those problems are. Maybe the answer is yes. For example, when Leonardo painted the portrait of Ginevra de Benci in the National Gallery, he put a juniper bush behind her head. It's especially good if your application solves some new problem. I'm supposed to finish college and then go work for another company for two years, and then for all their followers to die.

Another view is that a programming language unless it's also the scripting language of a popular system. When it reaches a certain concentration, it kills off the yeast that produced it. So far the complete list of messages I've picked up from cities is: wealth, style, hipness, physical attractiveness, fame, political power, economic power, intelligence, social class, and quality of life. When you use the would-have method with startup founders, and it's always this way. Patent trolls are just parasites. Poverty and economic inequality are not identical. Working on small things, and if this new Lisp will be used to hack. The opinion of expert hackers is not the brand name of the artist. It's so easy to understand what kind of terms should they expect? A rounds aren't going away, I think we're just beginning to realize how distracting the Internet had become, because the main value of that initial version is to be on it or close to those who are. Sometimes it literally is software, like Hacker News and our application system. If you actually want to fix the bad aspects of it—you have to seek out, but something you can't turn off.

Clearly you don't have to be downloaded. Users don't know what all the choices are, and much less on how old you are or how much business experience you have. If they get something wrong, it's usually not realizing they have to make sacrifices to live there. One of the great masters, because copying forces you to look closely at the way a painting is made. In the big angel rounds that increasingly compete with series A rounds is that they're more prestigious. Universities and research labs feel they ought to be the middle course, to notice some tokens but not others. Another example we can take from painting is the way they taught me to in college. Users are a double-edged sword. I/O. And that required very different skills from actually doing the startup. In fact, the language encourages you to be an outsider. The best stories about user needs are about your own.

Powerbooks. Tcl is the scripting language of some existing system. Is there some way to beat this limitation? Technology has decreased the cost of starting a startup molds you into someone who can handle it. Smart investors can see past such superficial flaws. But the cost of typing it. And they, incidentally, are busted. Variation in productivity is always going to produce some baseline growth in economic inequality we've seen since then has been due to bad behavior of various kinds, there has been a qualitative change in the last 10 years.

Thanks to Bob van der Zwaan essay, Trevor Blackwell, Sam Altman, and Geoff Ralston for sparking my interest in this topic.

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blurglesmurfklaine · 5 years ago

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Cornelia Street (9/9)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Final A/N: What’s up y’all, here it is, the ~thrilling~ conclusion to this little fic. (hah, it only took a month for me to crank out this compost huh? lol) Just wanna say I appreciate all your comments and reblogs and support and this has been super fun! Stay safe everyone :)

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Part 9

“Alright,” Kurt says, fluffing his hair dry with his towel as he walks out of the bathroom. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think we should try our luck and venture into the realm of horror movies. I’ve heard Annabelle: Creation is really good but I never—”

His gaze falls on the empty bed and the bottom of his stomach drops out beneath him.

“Blaine?” he calls out cautiously, as if speaking too loudly and breaking the stillness hanging in the air will jinx it all. Like if he stays quiet enough, doesn’t quite let himself believe what he suspects, then Blaine will just walk through those doors.

After a moment frozen, he runs to the kitchen/living room area because Blaine is probably there, lying down underneath the fort they made, or maybe he went back for some of that ice cream, or maybe he’s just looking for another board game but he can’t be gone.

Not when Kurt just found him. Not when they just found each other.

Blaine’s not there, and Kurt scrambles for his phone and god dammit he’s never quite sure where he leaves it, and it’s times like these, when it matters, that he knows he needs to break that bad habit.

He finally finds it, and relief momentarily floods his system. He doesn’t know why the hell Blaine left, but he dials his number, anxious to find out.

Blaine’s almost to the tunnel when his phone starts ringing, connected to his car’s Bluetooth.

“Incoming call from Kurt Hummel,” the automated voice says.

Dread knots up in his stomach, and he’s not sure if he wants to have this conversation, but… he can’t snuff out the last bit of hope telling him that maybe Kurt is calling for a good reason.

With a slow breath, he hits the answer button.

“Hey,” Kurt’s voice immediately says, sounding like he’s trying too hard to keep his voice bright and perky. “Um. Where'd you go?”

“I… took off.”

“Oh,” it sounds almost like a question. “Where… uh, where are you going?”

“I’m going to wait out this quarantine thing with Quinn, over in New Haven. She’s got a house she’s renting until she graduates…”

“Can I ask why?” Kurt asks, and Blaine can tell he’s trying to be gentle, trying to stay calm and not panic.

After a moment of silence, Blaine answers. “I can’t… I can’t do this,” he admits.

Kurt’s voice is tight on the other end. “Can’t do what?”

“I can’t be this invested in someone who’s wishing they were with someone else.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw Adam’s messages to you. I wasn’t going through your phone or anything, but it lit up and they were there and it sucked, okay? I like you, Kurt… I like you too much to be a rebound. Because I know what I feel—what I feel is real.”

“Oh my god, no.” Kurt cries desperately. “Those aren’t—it’s not what it looks like at all. You’re not a rebound, Blaine. God, I’m going to sound so stupid… because… because not even a week ago we hated each other and… you’re going to think I’m crazy.”

The anticipation builds, buzzing just underneath Blaine’s skin. “Try me.”

Kurt swallows. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Blaine feels his heart stop in his chest, like someone just slammed on his breaks. He hears Kurt sob on the other end and he knows—he knows how hard it is for him to admit something like that.

“Christ, three years and I never—never, Blaine—felt as much or as deeply as I did in these past few days with you. And we haven’t even really been doing much of anything, so I know I’m not getting swept up in a grand gesture or something superficial or just the idea of a relationship. I don’t need dinner and a show, or ice skating and hot chocolate, or a night out on the town. I just need you.

“And whatever Adam might think—whatever he said in those messages, means nothing to me. Not compared to you. You can go to Quinn’s if you want, but… but I would really love it if you came back to Cornelia street…”

Blaine doesn’t say anything, he’s busy processing everything Kurt just told him. Each word had silenced every fear he ever had that Kurt wasn’t as invested in this as he was. Now, he was just left with all this emotion, bursting inside him like fireworks but coming out through his eyes as tears because this… this was happening.

“Please, say something, Blaine,” Kurt’s shaking voice pleads.

He’s suddenly reminded, in the midst of all this emotion, that he has to actually respond. “I don’t think you’re crazy,” he says. The first thing that comes to his mind. “I feel the same…”

He hears the smallest of gasps on the other end—a sign of relief, or maybe gratitude.

Then, Blaine says, “I’m turning around.”

He hears a watery laugh on the other end of the line. “You know,” Kurt says. “When this whole quarantine thing is over, we should really go on a proper date.”

Epilogue

“Sam is gonna lose it.”

“I know.”

“He’s going to rub it in my face for years to come.”

“Probably. But it’s been weeks, Blaine! I want people to know we’re together. Particularly that one overly friendly guy on Facebook who has a lighthouse as his profile pic.”

“He’s just a harmless flirt. He’s like that with everybody.”

“Yeah, well I’d appreciate it if he wasn’t like that with the guy I love… What? Why are you looking at me like th—mmph!”

“...”

“… not that I’m complaining, but what , might I ask, brought that on?”

“I love you, too, Kurt.”

“Oh… oh! I… I did say that, didn't I? I hope you know I meant it, too.”

“I do… Why don’t we go log on now?”

“Yeah, let's do that�� and then maybe watch another cheesy Netflix original?”

“That sounds perfect.”

“Sam really is gonna lose his mind.”

Kurt Hummel updated his relationship status

Blaine Anderson updated his relationship status

When Mercedes gets the notifications on her phone, the sound of Sam yelling, “Baaaaaaaaaaabe!!” at the top of his lungs doesn’t exactly come as a surprise.

She does startle, though, when he comes sprinting back into the bedroom and leaps into the bed like an over excited golden retriever, draping his torso over hers.

“Did you see!?”

She can’t help but smile at his excitement. “I saw.”

He presses a quick kiss against her lips. “Are you gonna say it now?”

She rolls her eyes, but a deal is a deal.

“Sam Evans is a Meet-Cute Mastermind.”

#klaine #glee #wow look at me im writing!#kurt hummel #blaine anderson #cornelia street #klaine fanfiction #bye yall

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optimiist · 4 years ago

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𝚒’𝚍 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚢𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 ; that there is APRIL RIGGS , notorious for being ( deceitful ) and ( superficial ) , but there are times when she can be ( charismatic ) and ( strategic ) . i've heard that she could pass as a MEGAN FOX doppelganger , but i don't see it . the ( thirty-five ) year - old cis woman has been in town for ( two weeks / majority of her life ) and they are a ( socialite ) by day and murder suspect by night . they tend to spark images of swarovski crystal champagne flutes raised in the air , a 14 carat diamond ring left on the bedside table , a singed undergrad diploma , a stranger in the mirror , a stadium full of empty applause , the lethal combination of a stepford wife and stifler’s mom . you’ll know when they walk by because they always seem to be blasting feeling good by NINA SIMONE . it truly explains why they're known as THE TROPHY .

to know:

UPDATE: her full bio is here. gives more important insight into the relationship she has/had with her mother.

triggers: neglect, brief mention of statutory rape

i got very ‘poetic’ in the ‘a little further’ portion of the app and described her as a trophy in my first bullet point… so there you have it! you see, no matter what she did, she was always only praised for her appearance. just a trophy!!

she was born (in taunwick) to a very successful politician and her trophy husband. therefore, she spent much of her time alone as her mother was busy campaigning or throwing galas while her father, her mother’s trophy husband, went along for the ride.

there were very few times they spent any ‘quality time’ together – picture what i think was the first scene (one of!) in mommie dearest where joan crawford is turning her daughter’s birthday into a photo op. that was pretty much their definition of quality family time. it could be successfully argued that april’s mother figures all came in the form of nannies.

it could also be successfully argued that, unlike lionel, april is part of the daddy issues™ club. as will be very evident afhdliuwdsjn

probably also part of the mommy issues™ club aflhskd

mother riggs probs would go off about wire hangers but... u kno... not to the mommie dearest point...

what should be taken away rn is that she was literally raised to be shallow fhlakjds

she began an entitlement act rather young - there were only two people who saw through it, one of which will be sent in as a wc and the other… being harley!! bc gotta get april connected to the murders somehow!! gotta give her a reason to stay in taunwick too but!! that’s a problem for a future bullet.

there are those annoying kids who refuse to share their toys and all. and they usually grow out of it. but april… did not. elementary? demon child. junior high? demon preteen. high-school? demon teenager.

now!! on the topic of high-school!! if her age is any indication, she is not part of the class of 2000 - if i have my math right (possibly don’t, i once legit studied for a math exam and wound up still only getting a 34), she was part of the class of 2003. that being said, one year of hers did overlap with everyone else’s - she knew chastity as an acquaintance at best, although she still recognized harley as a friend!! good for her!!

that being said, chastity’s murder….. didn’t have much of an effect on her…. ya it’s v tragic….. but it’s been a week guys :\

her alibi: she was in the woods with someone…….. when pressured to say with who bc animals and trees can’t confirm that…… she was ashamed to say it was someone on the lacrosse team. she usually aimed higher :\

anyway, they all graduated and it was HER TIME TO SHINE!! it was HER TIME to USURP THE THRONE and become THAT BITCH of the school!! probably had .3 real friends, what with the exception of the one wc i plan to send in!! that... was inspired by “jenny” by studio killers… we can’t wait to send it.

did everything she perceived as the it girl stuff, what from joining those cool teams to being crowned her own prom queen to……………. sleeping with teachers. 1) alexa play “daddy issues” by the neighbourhood, 2) fire them.

fun fact tho!! she got into a hella good school. as in the ivy that is columbia. by what was….. partially her own merit…… partially her mother giving a very generous donation. have to make the family look PERFECT!!

she received an art history degree on what was….. partially her own merit…… partially sleeping with professors (see two bullets above.)but... graduation came… and what do you do with an art history degree from an ivy…

you marry rich!!!!!!!

in the perfect parallel that she did not even recognize as a parallel because she’s big dumb, she found a marginally older politician (....it’s gonna be a wc so it’s gonna depend on the player but it’s gonna be 50+ hfdlsjak wld make it older but there j aren’t enough resources!!) and was like *martha (...virginia woolf?) vc* “yes, yes. [he] will do.” *end vc*

in spite of having become marginally more introspective than she was in high-school… she still doesn’t recognize her daddy issues :\

they got married. in spite of it being beautiful and expensive and gaudy, she really didn’t feel anything?? was lowkey GLAD her parents weren’t there (and not in the angsty ‘they never show up to anything anyway :\’ way, in the ‘this is literally wasting everyone’s time’ way). their marriage started and continued as a very unfulfilling one. he, in perfect politician style, began having affairs exactly as she, in perfect april style, began having affairs. while they never directly spoke of them, they knew the other was involved with other people.

why april didn’t divorce him is an excellent question. is it out of a certain selflessness, not wanting to do any damage to his career?? is it out of selfishness, not wanting to lose that sugar daddy?? a little bit of both. probably more the latter tho!!

anyway!! her father finally divorced her mother and she was like “i’m…. gonna say i’m gonna go be a good daughter…. go comfort my mother in this trying time….. but jk i j wanna get away from my husband lmao”

again, barely knows her mother. learned various different languages so she could have fair conversations with the foreign nannies.

but….. he has a reputation to keep up!! and his wife straight-up disappearing and leaving him would be 100x worse than a divorce…. so here he comes!! to save the day!! and his reputation!!

as you can imagine, between her husband figuring out her real motive + her…. barely liking her mother, she would be inclined to return to nyc… but that’s where harley’s murder will come in!! the perfect crime!! literally!!

TL;DR:

a former It Girl™ with daddy issues, mommy issues, and a fear of commitment.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

**open to any gender unless otherwise specified

her husband (m): WILL BE BEING SENT INTO THE MAIN.

that connection based off of “jenny” (f/nb): WILL BE BEING SENT INTO THE MAIN.

various affairs: gotta have those if she’s resigned to a new life… still with her husband :\

‘friends’ from the class of 2002-2005: i think that’s the right range for when she would’ve been THAT BITCH in the high-school?? but ya!! ppl chillin w her for the clout and she was like “this is validating”

enemies from the class of 2002-2005: again, i THINK that’s the right range?? but wow. ppl she didn’t even TRY to be nice to. or ppl who j straight-up hated her. there were plenty of reasons!!

hookups / ‘dates’ from the class of 2002-2005: again with the math?? But ya!! more inclined to ‘date’ those cool folks, but apparently didn’t discriminate with her hookups if her alibi is any clue.

neighbors: up in the hills chillin right next to a very watered down political joan crawford, her trophy husband who yeet’d out of existence, and eventually her very shallow daughter and said shallow daughter’s husband who’s probs closer in age to said very watered down political joan crawford. what could go wrong!!

acquaintances of any sort from the class of 2000: gotta get them skels!!

more to come!!

FURTHER:

for a bit of a better idea:

pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/idkimnewwastaken/april/

playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1416e2ijuY3viSnzi6HjPz?si=sQmXEc5DQlSKbT2t7XZYeQ

musing tag: https://optimiist.tumblr.com/tagged/april-%7C-musings.

mini stats (to be later extended): optimiist.tumblr.com/as (also again with the font) (and notice the irony i have in my url when combining april and lionel!!)

#april !#april | intro.#taun.intro #UPDATE: same things lionel's intro tags say fhalaiedjskn

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instrawberrymoonlight · 4 years ago

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10 Things I Love About You

Every time I watch that scene where they call you a freak I get so angry. I know it’s cliché to say they hate what they don’t understand but I firmly believe it in this case; they only superficially put up with you because you show them a way “out” to all their problems and it’s completely despicable. Self preservation prevails, I guess, at least to them and it’s insufferable and deeply saddening.

Everything about you is brilliant and I’d never truly be able to describe the way I feel about you ever, because language is so restrictive, but at the very least I can mean the things I say. And, I do. In every sense of the word. So, just because I’m a lovesick puppy and I’ve never truly been able to convey a fraction of the feelings I have for you, I’m writing this: 10 Things I Love About You. (Yeah I know it’s a very creative list name, thank you).

One

Your smile, as silly and swoony as it sounds, captivates me. It’s contagious and lights up my world. You’re the star of the show in my universe and I could stare at your dimples and the way your eyes crease up when you smile – when you genuinely smile – forever. It’s a sight to behold and on the rare occasion it slips and I’ve been blessed with the chance of seeing it, it stays with me. It’s almost like my own precious little secret that I get to cherish and recall until the end of my days. (Also sometimes your nose scrunches when you smile and unfortunately I could only talk about 10 things so I couldn’t insert a whole paragraph on how amazing and cute your nose is so I’m putting a short except here – PLEASE LET ME KISS IT PLEASE PLEASE AAAAAAAAAA.

Two

Your eyes. There’s an intensity to them and while their darkness has struck fear in the hearts of many, it has only won mine. They’re a beautiful, unique shade – never to be replicated in another, and are distinctly you. They’re also incredibly emotive, I can always tell when you’re thinking hard about something and I can always tell, even if it’s for a split second, when something has bothered you. They’re just so diaphanous. And that’s not to say you’re easy to read but rather the insight into your soul is through your eyes; there’s also a warmth to them as well. A heat. While your touch can be cold, and I usually identify you by your chilling presence, your eyes capture the fire within; It embodies you. When the flame is fuelled by passion (gasoline for humans) it epitomises your unfettered wildness and your freedom. And when calm, it provides this sense of shelter to the people who love you and consider you family; your eyes reflect that blanket of warmth. That hidden side you only show to those close enough. Both are dazzling and I’m so glad to have met you – and to be able to interact with you.

Three

Your scars. As superficial as it sounds, I find them gorgeous. I want to kiss them softly and treat them so gently. To tell you the truth, and to let you in on a little secret, I get really defensive over them. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m fetishising them in any way but I’d love to see you without your makeup more often. I don’t want this to come across as pushy or anything, I promise this is only if you’re comfortable I would never want to put you in an uncomfortable position. I just want you to know that what I feel for you isn’t shallow and it isn’t based on the symbol you’ve built yourself as. It isn’t because you wear make-up and you hide yourself; my love isn’t conditional. I’ve fallen in love with you, the man beneath the make-up, Alexander Harper, for nothing more than the reason that you’re amazing. Sorry, I’m kinda focusing on this point so much because I feel so strongly about them. I feel as though you’ve been wrongly told, for a good chunk of your life, that they’re horrific for whatever reason. I feel as though you’ve gotten weird looks because of them, or like I mentioned earlier, that you’ve been called a freak. The idea of any of these being the case completely riles me up, it’s so fucked up to think about anyone shaming you for them. Personally, I think they’re a bold portrayal of your personal strength (of which I’ll touch on later – spoilers), and a show of your resilience in an all too often fucked up world. They’re beautiful, and they will never not be. If you aren’t proud of them yet, or if there’s a part of you that’s still somewhat ashamed of them, I will personally tell you anytime I can that they’re beautiful to me and are a representation of hope until you take pride in them. Or at least start to believe it. Even then, I’ll never shut up about it. Battle scars, whether metaphorical or literal, are always valid and are a big fuck you to not only mental illness – mostly the voices that try to destroy you from within – but are also a big fuck you to our abusers. It’s saying in big bold writing “hey fuckers, I survived despite all the shit you’ve thrown my way,” and that’s something we victims don’t get to experience enough.

Four

Your ability to unapologetically be yourself. I think this one’s mostly self explanatory. You have this amazing capability to set aside the social dogma and the fear it instils regarding individuality. You know who you are and what you want and it's inspiring, especially since I personally struggle with identity and navigation. Your confidence in your belief system and in a lot of ways, yourself, is something I also look up to and I hope that one day I can reach a point like that too. You probably already know this and if it isn’t overt enough it’s sure as hell implicit – I look up to you so much. You’re one of my idols and maybe that’s daunting or a lot of pressure but as long as you keep being you I assure you there’s nothing you could ever do to deter me or make me feel differently. I’d also like to quickly touch on how accepting you are of mental illness and of your own! None of that matters to you and it creates such a safe space. You’re so incredibly patient with me. I can only hope I’ve been able to create the same feeling reversed! Lastly, I love all your little idiosyncrasies – the way you speak and move your hands, the way you flick your tongue against your scars (which weirdly enough never triggers my misophonia, you’re like the only exception) the way you pronounce things and draw out words, the way you interrupt yourself with hums and ahs and other butterfly inducing noises. It’s so perfectly you and it joys me to no end.

Five

Your strength. I don’t want to get too specific into trauma because this is meant to be uplifting and I just want to stray away from the prospect of triggering you as best as I can so I’ll try my best to keep it short; though, there are some things I want to say–

Holy fucking shit you are strong. You are so so strong. And that’s probably the most vaguest, cliche thing I’ve said yet but I fucking believe it with all my possum heart. Your childhood and the relentless degradation you endured by a parental figure who was meant to protect you, but instead disgustingly treated you like no child ever should be treated was horrific. What he did to you was unspeakable and the way you feel about my abuser hits the nail on the head regarding how I feel about your father. I’m sure you were the sweetest kid when you were younger and none of what happened was any fault of your own. You deserved to have your needs met and deserved to be treated with such love and compassion. You still do. There wasn’t something wrong with you, you didn’t cause your trauma. I know it’s really hard to believe that when you’ve experienced incredible distress and it can really fuck with your perceptions but I’m here to tell you that none of that is true. To put it in perspective, Arthur, Kali and I have experienced similar thought patterns. We’ve all doubted ourselves and believed at one point or another that we’re just awful and that we deserved it but it’s a lie abusers have ingrained in us. I’m not sure if anyone has told you this properly but I just want you to know this, please. I’m kind of going on a whole tangent here but this is so important. I just want the best for you and I want you to want that too. I want you to take care of yourself more, to be more patient with yourself – at the very least for me. You deserve to break out of this vicious cycle trauma imprints on us all.

Further, going to war is arguably one of the most harrowing things a person can experience. I’m really not going to get in on the details here because it’s pretty self-explanatory too. You’re my hero Alexander, you encompass courage and resilience more than anyone can. Despite everything you’ve been though, in the end you’re still fighting in what you believe is right and fighting against oppression. Your spirit cannot be crushed and it’s really touching. My big dumb borderline heart feels so much for it and for you. I love you so completely.

Six

Your humour. You seem to make the darkest situation into the brightest. You’re so quick witted and it never fails to make me laugh. Your secret love for puns, which I feel like you’ll deny because they’re cheesy but it slips a few times in the film, is the most adorable thing I’ve seen. It’s so so so endearing and I’m giggling to myself as I write this.

Seven

Your voice is angelic and it has the power to give me butterflies. Continuing this thought, I always found it funny that no one can replicate it, at least I personally think; people fall short when they try to mimic you and it’s interesting. There’s just something about you that makes you incredibly unique and even when people try, they can never truly be you. Maybe this sounds like a crazy love ramble but you’re special. It’s why you’ve captured the hearts of so many and it’s why I’ve given you mine in full. Speaking of hearts, this leads me to my next point.

Eight

Your heart – you say you don’t have one though your heart is especially brilliant. I’ve seen it, albeit hidden, it’s big and has sustained despite the things you’ve been through. Apart from Kali and Arthur I’ve never had someone care for me as much as you, I’ve never had anyone treat me so gently and I’ve never had anyone validate my experiences the way you have. Despite experiencing all the bullshit judgement people project onto you (evident within the first few minutes of the film) you remain one of the most understanding, non-judgemental and comforting people I know. I have a feeling like you’d disagree with me about all this or try and block out what I’m saying by replying with “im dangerous” but I’m telling you I’ve never felt safer around anyone more than you – particularly in your arms. As someone who has a serious problem with people touching them and getting close to them physically or relationship-wise, I’m telling you Alexander Harper, that I trust you with my life and I feel wholly protected by you. I know you’d never hurt me, you’re terrified of doing so. I’d let my guard down with you any day, and I don’t do that. I want you to know you’re precious to me, every single side of you; every single part of you. You don’t scare me. I know how hard it is to open up and I’m so so so happy you’ve chosen me and the family to trust in. Just know that you don’t have to hide anymore. You can be yourself. And maybe this is pushing it, maybe this is me overstepping, I hope it isn’t but it’s okay to be the young Alexander you never got to be. It’s okay to let go and enjoy things and to do the things you want to do. To open up, to show people you have these feelings. I just want this to come across as a friendly reminder, like a little caress on the cheek because I can understand it all: the hiding, trying to pretend that you have no emotions at all, trying to pretend that you’re okay, self sabotaging relationships and the personal relationship you have with yourself. You don’t have to do this anymore though my love, you don’t have to go through this alone. I want nothing more than to support you and be with you when you’re going through your worst. I love all parts of you, remember?

Nine

Your playful side and your passions (yes I’m sticking two points into one, it’s not cheating, deal with it raccoon boy). Even if it’s small things like crosswords or rubik's cubes, to sliding down money piles and scribbling on newspapers (or um,,,,, taunting police) you have this sweet proclivity for mischief. It’s so endearing and I swear I fall more in love with you as the seconds go by. I love it when you fixate on something and create elaborate plans, it's riveting to watch them unfold – kind of like finishing a puzzle and watching the pieces come together. It’s so satisfying, and knowing you’re the man behind the plan makes it all the more thrilling; but my favourite thing of all is that it’s an insight into your mind (which I’ll also touch on next). On the flip side, you have this staggering ability to think on the spot under pressure, you always know exactly what to do or what to say. It’s awe-inspiring. You’re perfect.

Ten

Your mind, I love the way it works and ticks. If I could spend hours asking you questions and asking your opinions on things I would. I don’t want this to come across like I want to psychoanalyse you and pick your brain in the worst way like some lab experiment. I’m just so interested in the way you view and perceive the world, even with the most mundane things. I just want to hear you talk. Like I said, I look up to you so much and I enjoy spending time with you. I guess you’re not the only one who likes reactions ha h. I’m hilarious.

And finally, in the memorable words of Frankie Valli—

I love you, baby.

(Yes I know that was cheesy, kill me).

#MMM YES #THIS ENOUGH SUGAR FOR YOU #HFDIUHFSDIUFHSUD #priestess to high priest

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koo1creations · 5 years ago

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Fandom: Scooby-Doo Ship: Percabeth Character: Luka Couffaine : )

This is gonna be short, because I’m not as deep into the Scooby-doo fandom.

Favorite character: Scooby.

Least Favorite character: Daphne.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): None.

Character I find most attractive: Fred.

Character I would marry: None.

Character I would be best friends with: Scooby.

a random thought: Velma’s Scooby’s second favorite, right?

An unpopular opinion: Scooby-doo Mystery Incorporated is a fantastic show. I love it. It’s not a completely unpopular opinion though.

My Canon OTP: None.

My Non-canon OTP: None.

Most Badass Character: Velma.

Most Epic Villain: Uh…none.

Pairing I am not a fan of: VelmaxShaggy.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Fred. Daphne.

Favourite Friendship: Velma and Scoob. It’s just cute and not always there, which makes me want more of their friendship.

Character I most identify with: Velma.

Character I wish I could be: None.

Percabeth (SPOILERS ALERT):

When I started shipping them: Back in 2013 when I was just a kid. I just adored those characters and their relationship helped me become who I am today.

My thoughts: Percy and Annabeth are one of the strongest couples in all of fiction. These are two people that would do anything to help one another. They’ve been through a living hell together, both literally and figuratively. Annabeth is a strong, intelligent young woman who still gets hung up on Percy time and time again. Not because she needs him to make herself feel whole, but because he has always been her best friend and shown her more care in the way she needed it than any one else had before. Yes, Percy is described as very handsome, but it’s clear Annabeth doesn’t really care about how handsome Percy really is, she’s not superficial. Annabeth also is the first to say that she doesn’t really care where Percy comes from, who his father is, or whether her mother hates him or not, Percy is her friend and no one can take that away from them. Annabeth has felt the pain of losing Percy twice in her life and when the second time came around she remained faithful to him and never gave up looking for him, even when her own hope was failing, because she knew Percy would do the same. Losing Percy for good is unimaginable to her, it’s not hard to imagine that she’d fall apart, because he was always there to hold her together, especially more and more as time went on. And let’s be honest, it was awesome that she basically derailed his emotional confession of his feelings for her by being a smug Wisegirl, like: “Oh yeah, I’ve got you now.” and she totally relished making Percy flustered. But I mean, after so long with that Seaweed Brain being so oblivious to her blatantly obvious crush on him she probably felt it was rightful vengeance. Annabeth feels honored to be Percy’s girlfriend in absolutely every way. She feels honored to be so loved by him that he would chose to face literal hell, if staying on the surface meant that he wouldn’t be by her side once again. And I think the most admirable thing is how much Annabeth respects Percy as both a person and her boyfriend. Undeniably Annabeth is in love with her Seaweed Brain and she knows he’s worth everything. Percy is a brave, caring, loyal young man who never pursued Annabeth, despite thinking she was a beautiful princess. Annabeth was first and foremost one of Percy’s best friends. He had every ounce of respect for her. To him she was intelligent and strong and he relied on her with the upmost trust in her, because he knew that she would follow through no matter what. Before he knew himself, never, ever, would he have believed you if you told him that someone as amazing as Annabeth liked him. Percy has always been a little bit self-deprecating. His loyalty would never allow him to abandon anyone however, no matter how stupidly bad he thinks he’ll be at something. Loving truly and wholly his mother as his most precious treasure for a while is what encouraged Percy to push Annabeth to keep and strengthen that relationship with her father. He didn’t want Annabeth to live life thinking she wasn’t loved nor that she’d only ever be good enough if she made a name for herself. It was important to him that she understand there was more than one person (being herself) backing her plays. And he had more faith than anyone, not in who she’d become, but in who she already was. I don’t think Percy realized that he was already in love with her back in The Titan’s Curse, and that’s probably a good thing, because if he had, he would have been crushed all the more by her kidnapping and what became of her. Percy has both literally and figuratively helped Annabeth bare the weight of the world. They both shared that indescribable experience of holding up the sky. Percy could look into Annabeth’s eyes and know she understood him more than anyone else. He knew she could read him like a book, he knew she was a faithful friend, and he knew that losing her would have meant he lost a lot more than a person��try a friendship, a relationship, and mutual understanding unlike anything he had with anyone else. When Percy realized he was in love with her, telling her was the most important thing to do on his birthday, and kissing her underwater was the best gift he would ever receive. But Percy has always felt like a guilty person. He felt guilt in forgetting about her, despite it not being his fault at all. It was such a rush to have her back after all that, he wanted to keep her close to him forever. She was his rock in a lot of ways. His beautiful Wisegirl who charmed the ever-living hell out of him by never giving up on him. Together he knew they were a force to be reckoned with. he let her go one more time because she asked him to let her do something that she needed to do on her own, so he did, he trusted her. But he couldn’t ever let her go it alone again. And all of that led up to why he would never let go of her hand even in the face of ultimate torment, Tartarus, the living hell, where instead…he fell with her. And even after everything was over, he still was trying to get past high-school so he could move into college with her. It is unquestionable that he loves his Wisegirl.

What makes me happy about them: Percy and Annabeth are loyal to each other. They have the whole world against their relationship and they say “You know what? To hell with them.” To them, loving each other despite their flaws and the baggage they both carry is the important thing, everything else against them was not nearly as incredible a challenge as that. And what’s incredible about them is that they will always rely on each other and they will always be faithful to each other. They know each other inside and out. Somehow Annabeth knew something terrible would happen to Percy in The Last Olympian if someone penetrated the small of his back, so Annabeth took the blow for him. When Annabeth played the dumb blonde, her plan hinged on Percy catching her signal and coming to rescue them. She trusted him to be there. And you know what? He was. In the Kane Chronicles crossover, Percy trusted Annabeth enough, despite Carter and his agreement to keep their meeting silent, to tell her and her alone. And Annabeth knows Percy isn’t stupid like a lot of people seem to think he is because of the way he is. She knew he was intelligent in his own way and although sometimes reckless, he was there for you when it counted. He remembered Annabeth’s name solely when he’d forgotten everything else, which was basically the biggest “Screw you!” to Hera/Juno he could have said. He held onto that above anything else. They know they’re stronger together. They would never betray each other. They rely on each other, they are loyal to each other, they respect each other. And they are best friends as wall as lovers. If there was only one fictional couple in all the world that you couldn’t keep apart, no matter what you said, no matter what you did, it would be Percabeth. They have seen the darkest sides of each other, their worst fears, their worst mistakes, and their worst pains and they still love each other. I could go on, but basically, that is what I love about them.

What makes me sad about them: I guess the only thing that really makes me sad about them is leaving them behind. They were one of the precious pieces of my childhood and are still some of my favorite characters in all the world. But, I am not a fan of Rick’s writing as it is anymore and I have moved on to other things. I still admire those characters and Rick for creating them and making them some of my favorite characters in all the world. But, they’re not the center of his world anymore and I respect that, he can move on if he wants, it’s his world. It’s just hard for me.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: The most annoying thing in fanfics that I freaking despise and loathe with every fiber of my being is any fanfic where Percy or Annabeth betrays the other and pushes them into a life with someone else or to become someone else. Those are the most ridiculous, disrespectful fabrications of their characters and they’re relationship. So I hate Chaos AUs.Let’s make one thing clear: I don’t care if you do this in an AU that isn’t based in the canon in the slightest. If it’s a completely separate universe where maybe things didn’t happen the same way from the beginning or the story is completely different (for example a human high-school AU or something,) characters are allowed be out of character if you so wish, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. They don’t have to like it, they don’t have to read it, but they can’t tell you that characters out of character are the problem, because that is literally the point. Now, I care when it takes place after the same events in the canon or when it’s based off the canon representation of Percy and Annabeth. They would never just simply betray each other, there would have to be more reason than that, things would have to have changed. And no matter how much you freaking want it, there is no way in hell that Percy and Annabeth would just flip their own character around on a dime because of that heartache. Annabeth cheating on Percy or suddenly out of nowhere telling Percy he’s worthless after everything they’ve been through is a complete disrespect to Annabeth’s character. Annabeth would never do that unwarranted. You’d disrespect her intelligence and faithfulness, by making that so. If you want to do that, let Annabeth cheat on Percy because she was tricked or because she was under a spell or better yet, give her and an actual freaking reason to do something so heinous to someone she loves above all else. Or better still, don’t do it at all. Percy would never do that either, for much the same reasons. You completely ignore his loyalty by doing that. You dis-value his character by giving him an “it’s all about me” complex. Just don’t. Percy also wouldn’t just become someone else because Annabeth betrayed him…no that’s dumb. It would take a lot more time than instantly if it even did happen. You forget what Percy has been through if you think that’s what would destroy his character for good. Now, Annabeth might change, but again it would have to be gradual, not instant. It would take time. And she wouldn’t become a completely different person either. Please have more respect for their characters and relationship than that, even if you hate Percabeth. Thank you. And I would like to say I admire anyone who went through the effort to try and make it work. Thank you so much for trying to respect their characters. And if you are a kid, take this as constructive criticism. I realize it can be hard to understand what it means to stay true to a character. I was kid once too and I was also bad at that too, trust me. I have the fanfiction history to prove it. It’s part of the reason I often feel so much more comfortable writing AUs and if that’s the case with you, I’d recommend it.

Things I look for in fanfic: Well basically anything that stays true to their relationship as well as makes an incredible story. I really admire fun, interesting takes on stories. Generally, I look for AUs though, because I don’t usually like stories based in the canon anymore.When I look for AUs, I don’t mind reading stories that change Annabeth and Percy’s characters a little for the story or twist them around. It makes sense in an AU and it’s fun to see.

My wishlist: I wish for them to remain the incredible characters and couple they are and to not be forced to change by society. Percabeth is a good example of a loyal, respectful, and loving relationship…how their story goes may not be the most realistic thing in the world, but their relationship is and I really wish it to remain the way it is forever.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly I wouldn’t have minded it too much if Percy ended up with Rachel. And I don’t have anyone in particular in mind for Annabeth. But for the most part, I can’t really imagine them with anyone else and I don’t want to.

My happily ever after for them: Percy passes his senior year and joins Annabeth in college where they live long fruitful lives and teach their children what it means to truly love someone. Just for them to be like awesome parents, basically.

Luka Couffaine:

How I feel about this character: You’re gonna see a common theme throughout these questions of me describing the characters and their relationships the way I want them to be instead of how they are. That is because I’m frankly disappointed in what Astruc and his associates have done to them and that’s not the way I prefer to see any of them. I strictly see them as how I saw them based on their first appearances and also the season 1 way, I like to call it. Luka is one of my favorite MLB characters, which may seem a little strange. I just like how he’s down to earth and relaxed, but also deeply caring. I also see him as very patient. I think it’s a missed opportunity that he doesn’t write more of his own music. It’s also upsetting that show refuses to give him some spotlight as a character. I like to think of Luka as a patient, caring, and passionate musician. Someone who strives to make people feel better and doesn’t let his feelings get in the way of other important things. A big brother above all else, but not just to precious sister, Juleka. To anyone younger than him. He pushes himself forward as a good example, standing up in the face of adversity, being a strong shoulder to cry on. He’s deeply intelligent, but he isn’t boastful nor is he a talker. He’s a silent type and would prefer to communicate his deepest feelings through music. His flaw is that he can get irritable when he feels people are being treated unfairly and sometimes take things a little too far. Also, his lack of emotional expression in any non-musical way means it’s a struggle to communicate with him or truly understand how he’s feeling. But he is the kindest most upfront, modest person you will ever meet. He likes to laugh with friends. Despite his undeniable talent and capability he doesn’t want to go into a solo music career because he truly believes music is something to be shared and appreciated with those closest to you, not just an audience. You can tell Luka something in confidence because he would never tell anyone else, nor would he have reason to, and he’s so unassuming no one has reason to assume he keeps secrets for other people. He’s a reliable, loyal, strong person. And as Viperion, an impeccable, intelligent hero. Chat Noir and him would most assuredly get along.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Him and Kagami. They have just enough to offer each other in way of insight and relationship. Luka could teach Kagami to slow down and accept that failure is a result of learning as well as to laugh and stop and smell the roses every once in a while. Kagami could teach Luka the importance of focus and self-management as well as how to channel irritation/anger into energy for later (at least the Kagami the show didn’t destroy.) Also him and Marinette, although not nearly as much. If Marinette had been the person I like to see her as they would have been a decent couple. They’re both passionate and hopeless romantics in a way, who care very deeply about people and like to see the best in them. Luka could teach Marinette perseverance and respect. Marinette could teach Luka how to communicate. And it’s cute to imagine Luka and Marinette switching talents for a day to understand each other better, because I can totally see them doing that. Imaging Luka trying to design an outfit with Marinette over his shoulder trying to coach him a little or Marinette trying to learn guitar chords while Luka takes her hands to show her how to.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Honestly I like both his friendships with Marinette and Adrien equally as my favorite non romantic relationships. He’s so supportive and loving to them both. And most importantly he is patient with them, which is definitely what each of them need. He’s so understanding and graceful with them, giving them every reason to feel comforted by his friendship, like they always have somewhere to go to.Now if the relationship with his sister was more explored, I think that would be on this list too. Although I can see his silent, but supportive nature really being a help to Juleka in her anxiety. Luka doesn’t have to say anything to comfort her, just rub her back and smile at her to let her know he’s there for her. Juleka is probably the reason Luka is silent and patient, because she needs a person like that in her life. He’s never forceful or pushy with her, but he’s always looking to include her. Juleka loves her brother whole-heartedly for that and probably often feels like he is the person that most understands her and is undoubtedly her mentor in a lot of ways. He’s more than likely the reason she still pursues a music career despite her anxiety. Her big brother taught her how to be brave and she admires him for that and so much more. Luka admires his little sister for her perseverance and big goals. Luka is probably a bit of a help to Rose when Rose is impatient with Juleka, which Rose probably is once in a while. Luka’s a big help in teaching Rose what Juleka is going through, helping her understand. And if their relationship was shown to be like that in the show then his relationship with his sister would be one of my favorites as well.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Marinette as she is in the show does not deserve him. She doesn’t. Here he is, this completely wonderful, patient, talented guy and she completely ignores his feelings in favor of her own time and time again. Yes, it’s cute and all that she’s flattered by his advances and whatever, but her being flattered does not mean she is in tune with his feelings and she’s certainly not. It’s adorable Luka crushes on her and in a better world where Marinette isn’t a creep who obsesses over Adrien and “knows better than everyone else” and is “perfect in every way”, I think she would deserve Luka. Also Luka needs to stand up for himself once in a while, he’s just a little too chill with how people treat him.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: They actually freaking explored his character and gave him a purpose that wasn’t literally just to be a wedge between Marinette and Adrien. Character development would be nice! And that goes for way more characters than just him in that show.

Favorite friendship for this character: Once again it’s a tie between Marinette and Adrien/Chat Noir. Although I think Adrien/Chat Noir and Luka would get along the best. Adrien can offer so much to Luka in way of encouragement and engaging coversation. Laughter too. Adrien is totally Luka’s ideal best friend.

My crossover ship: I actually don’t have one. Although now that I have this question, I’ll probably be thinking about it more and maybe I’ll have one later.

There you go! Thanks so much for the ask @twin-books! I hope to get more, this if fun. :3

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villanevest · 5 years ago

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"I Can Help You": the Build-Up to & Significance of 2x07's Villaneve Sex[ish] Scene

of COURSE i am going to write about this. before we get started though, i wanted to tell you all that while @villainever is still running, i will be mostly posting from my brand-new primary, @villanevest (this blog). so follow me for the same stupid memes, and check the "villanevest writes" tag if you're interested in more of these essays :D alright. now let's get going. killing eve is an extremely versatile show, and that's absolutely a credit to the writers being willing to follow the characters and their relationships, which allows the narrative to develop in a simultaneously organic and deeply compelling way. the greatest complexity of the series is also its primary draw: the dynamic between villanelle and eve, and its evolution. in this mini-essay, we're going to step through why -- I believe -- the construction of the sex scene as two separate but synchronised encounters is the best choice for killing eve right now, and how they've accelerated towards it since the pilot. from the beginning, villanelle and eve have been all about parallels. the first time we see villanelle in the ice-cream shop, she's spaced-out, bored, a vacant observer. the first time we see eve, she's asleep. these scenes are very deliberately presented to us, one after another: here, we have two women who feel displaced and alienated. neither of them is lonely, not exactly; they have people in their lives. what they lack is real, significant passion, something beyond the routine -- for villanelle, that "routine" is a lot more dramatic, certainly, but nonetheless, they're both numbed out, but until they meet each other, they're not really aware of that.

and then we have that moment in the hospital bathroom. it's not a coincidence that they're standing in front of a mirror, confronted with each other, and themselves. the composition of this visual directly implies that villanelle and eve are not just alike, but inherently complementary. in many ways, eve is a reflection of villanelle, and villanelle is a reflection of eve -- that is, opposite, but also identical. it's not until later that they really understand the importance of this two-second conversation, but it's the first breath of an obsession that will span continents and become literally life and death.

eve and villanelle discover each others' real identities at the same time, in a montage that draws focus again to these similarities between them and their experiences. but this is when their respective trajectories towards each other begin to progress separately and distinctly. the reason for this is that while villanelle is unquestionably the "cat" in this cat-and-mouse equation, at this point, she is also the one being chased, and eve is in pursuit. for most of the first season, villanelle has more information about and power over eve than vice-versa. for eve, who still has niko, she is seduced into the thrill of villanelle through that prescribed pursuit, and for a little while, that's enough for her. but villanelle doesn’t have such a set structure, and -- once she knows eve's name and eve's face -- almost immediately begins seeking out copies.

the first copy she constructs is herself, signing in as "eve polastri" while working in berlin. this is mostly a stunt to get eve's attention -- the first of many (amsterdam, anyone?) -- but it compounds on 1x01's thematic suggestion of their compatibility. the second copy, however, is perhaps the most blatant example of this: the woman from the tour group who sleeps with villanelle in 2x03. villanelle tells her she "loves her [American] accent", and gets her to take her hair down, and then goes on to actually call her eve.

villanelle's interest in superficially recreating eve fades fairly early, after eve gets out of the car to confront villanelle when villanelle is absolutely armed and definitely dangerous, for no apparent reason other than she wants to. villanelle scares her off with a warning shot (even though she could've very easily killed her at this point), but then doubles back the next episode, with the kitchen sequence from 1x05. villanelle says she "just wants to have dinner with [eve]", but i think this evening really exceeds her expectations. prior to this, she was very interested in eve, obviously, but after it, villanelle's infatuation becomes both more significant and more mature, and so does eve's. they've got chemistry when they're together, not just in the tension of being apart. BUT. so, so much of their story is spent apart. season one is a blur of glimpsed profiles and silhouettes, with only the bathroom, the kitchen, and finally villanelle's apartment providing them sites to briefly interact. at the end of 1x08, villanelle tells eve, "i masturbate about you a lot", but eve denies doing the same, which is probably true, in the sense that eve still believes she doesn’t (actively, at least) consider villanelle in a sexual way. then season two picks up, and they're apart again. only they're less apart than they were before. villanelle is right when she assures gabriel that eve stabbed her to "show [her] how much she cares about [her]". while it was barely premediated, and i don't think eve necessarily viewed it as a confession, it absolutely is; a confession of who she really is, and that that person is irrevocably linked to villanelle. in stabbing villanelle, eve puts the first truly irreversible crack in her façade of normality; she can't go back now, not all the way. the show doesn't really linger on this, though, because it's so obvious that eve doesn't WANT to go back. as reticent as i am to quote shakespeare, i will make an exception for this case, and take utterly out of context the line, "these violent delights have violent ends". for eve and villanelle, they need the violent delights and violent ends alike; sex and destruction and obsession and pain are integral to their characters. why? because i think such extreme emotions and acts break through that nothingness, that fugue villanelle talks about in 2x06.

and so the stab wound -- which villanelle proudly shows off to niko in 2x05 -- becomes something of a pact between them. to eve, it means villanelle affects her strongly enough to push her out of herself (except really, into herself), and to villanelle, it means eve can exist in her world, can challenge and surprise her, can interrupt the boredom with these bright spots of total involvement and utter fascination. and since we’ll be talking about parallels later -- in 2x02, villanelle caressing her wound in the bathtub is juxtaposed with eve tracing the heart carved into the train table. i think a “carved heart” is pretty much the wound is, too. from the pilot, villanelle and eve's relationship is an intricate dance of towards/away, together/apart. over the story, over each direct and indirect crossing of their paths, they become more towards, less away; more together, less apart. after season one, particularly 1x08, they have this permanent and indelible connection. but they're still consistently positioned as unable to reach one another. villanelle calls MI6, but they won't send her through to eve. eve arrives, but misses villanelle, and villanelle watches through the transparent but very real barrier of the car window, literally passing her by. then we have them separated by only a door in 2x03, and so many other instances of close-but-not quite.

it's worth bringing up at this juncture that while the villaneve plotline is happening, villanelle and eve each have their own individual character arcs, so while they keep glancing off each other and being torn apart in practice, they are steadily gravitating to a middle ground mentally and emotionally. i'll come back to this idea. in 2x05, we have yet another mirror/reflection, as the kitchen scene is revisited. having this reunion in the same setting as their first foregrounds how their relationship has changed. eve isn't anxious or fearful or on the back foot. she's the one who brings villanelle to her home, not the other way around, as it was last time. she reaches out to villanelle, she's confident enough to take the pills, and she doesn't hesitate before saying "yes" when villanelle asks if eve will give her everything she wants. the "yes" is easy, because whether eve is quite ready to admit it or not, what villanelle wants is what eve wants.

then villanelle helps eve with the ghost, and going forward, they're able to regularly collaborate, in their own off-beat fashion. so after 2x05, villanelle and eve are more or less settled as fixtures in their respective lives. there's still the dance, but there's no real chase. they've drawn abreast of one another. they've caught up. and this is where we circle back to the idea of copies. like i said, ever since eve has been real to villanelle, copies have been insufficient. but she still can't have eve, not entirely, and not exactly how she wants, so she escalates to proxies. in 2x06, villanelle mouths, "ready?" to eve, right before pushing amber's bodyguard in front of the truck. i'm not trying to imply that villanelle wants to push eve in front of a truck -- but as i said earlier, villanelle and eve intersect at this overlap of violent delights/violent ends. sex and death. she asks her Copy Eve in 2x03 "ready?" in just the same way. villanelle is demonstrating her faith in the depth of their connection in the extremity of her actions. she's proving to eve that they're for-better-or-worse now. she's not afraid that killing someone right in front of eve will drive her away; she knows it'll suck her in.

so what's the significance of the shift from copies to proxies? the copies were for villanelle -- a stand-in so that she could act out her desires. it's much more reflective of the "i / it": if someone looked like eve, then it was almost as if she had the real thing, right? but her affection for eve mutates into something much harder for her to manage, and "it" very quickly becomes "eve", and she can't produce a facsimile that can hold a candle to "me / eve". but the proxies aren't for villanelle, they're for eve. if villanelle's not allowed to touch eve yet, then she's using the proxies to say, "this is how much i care. this is how much i want you." and on a subliminal level at least, if not a conscious one, i think eve interprets it that as such. then, finally, we get to 2x07. we have a repetition of the phone call from 2x02, and just as carolyn played eve the recording of villanelle's MI6 call, villanelle listens to eve's voicemails. in this instance, they haven't missed each other. they're already together. the "9 missed calls, 3 voicemails" are an overture across space, but not across distance. this is about breaching an emotional gap, not a physical one. eve and villanelle are around each other often now, but it takes their being apart again to highlight just how much that proximity has allowed them to evolve.

in the restaurant in rome, we again have the visual of eve reaching out, villanelle catching her hand, and them meeting in the middle. which brings us to The Scene. it follows villanelle's crucial conversation with aaron (which I wrote about here), and that gives her a last little push. note: we have to remember that the bug that eve is listening through is only one way. while this might seem like a let-down, in that villanelle couldn't hear eve, i think it's actually really significant. because it shows how well villanelle knows eve, how much effort she puts into understanding her, and how easily she remembers things about her. in 2x06, eve was interjecting via the comms throughout almost the entirety of the aaron-villanelle-amber dinner conversation. that and the voicemails exemplify eve's involvement and propensity to hover, which is a result of her natural controlling tendencies, and how consumed she is with villanelle. so even though villanelle had no way of knowing that eve was listening, she knew anyway. she was sure with no feedback or guarantee. i love how they set this eve/hugo encounter up during previous episodes. it's something of a checkov's gun situation -- that is, the principle that if you introduce an idea (e.g. hugo's sexual interest in eve), then you need to bring it to fruition. what the writers did so well, though, is that we thought hugo had already served his purpose as a romantic/sexual option -- when he leans in to kiss eve in 2x04 and she doesn't lean away, we have evidence of how little commitment she still has to her marriage. but now he becomes eve's proxy.

so why have eve hookup with hugo, and not villanelle? well, there are a lot of reasons. firstly, eve and villanelle having sex, or even kissing, would be a very significant development for the show, and have massive implications for the narrative. as a result, it would need a lot of build-up. the circumstances would need to be perfect. while eve is no longer shying from her attraction to villanelle, i think a mixture of adrenaline and tension would have to reach terminal velocity (probably by introducing an external stressor, like a fight or escape) for eve to actually step over that line. i don't think that, at this point, it's something she'd do with a perfectly clear head. she's too aware of how precarious the current balance is, and probably (quietly) also too afraid that giving in would mean villanelle's obsession would have closure, and thus die off. the episode just didn't have the minutes to generate that situation, and the plot didn't give an avenue for it.

secondly, it gives the writers a lot more room to play with the respective aftermaths. this way, they get to bring in

1) a fallout of some kind between hugo and eve. hugo's been very laissez-faire all season about sex, about boredom, etc., going on about how he understands why eve took the job at MI6, and her interest in villanelle. but until this point, it's been pretty much all fun and games, all james bond for hugo. and then he's going to have this moment where he realises he and eve AREN'T alike. he's a good-time guy, a bit selfish, and smart enough to need an entertaining career to keep stimulated. eve? it goes SO much further than that for eve. she really is on that sociopathy/psychopathy spectrum, and she needs this to feel awake, to feel anything. in their sex scene, their dynamic flickered into an "i / it" for eve, because hugo as a person didn't really matter at all. he's going to see the exact scope and depth of eve's obsession, and he'll realise she's gone beyond where he can follow. first niko, then hugo -- they're both ferrymen who tag along for a piece of eve's journey, but ultimately stay behind. they give an important reference point for the audience; they act as thresholds we see eve pass -- here, something niko can't condone; now, something hugo won't do.

2) the no-morning-after for villaneve. this doesn't relieve any of the sexual tension, it ratchets it up. like the stab wound, this connects them, but it doesn't resolve anything. the writers now have so many options: maybe a little awkwardness from eve (unlikely), intensifying chemistry (very likely), perhaps denial, or a desperation to get alone and take things to the next level. this didn't close a door, it opened several. they'll be able to draw villaneve out even more, and they'll neatly sidestep both audience expectation and television tradition. it's their game now.

here, hugo also has metaphorical signifiance -- he's the human cost of villaneve. over the course of the show, bodies, careers, and relationships have all imploded to get villaneve even just close enough to touch. villanelle and eve are using hugo directly just as they've indirectly used many others. note: symbolically, as well, villanelle is in eve's head. this feeds into the notion of obsession -- since the pilot, villanelle has consumed eve's thoughts, and now she's actually there. finally, above all, i believe this encounter perfectly fits the current phase of their relationship, and its evolution. it's the culmination of copies and proxies and distance. like i said, that apartness is just as critical to villaneve as the togetherness. they are as made of their negative space as they are of their lines and colours. and here they are: after pretending different people are each other, after being pressed together but stepping away again, after using others as mediums to express themselves, after being chased and caught, lost and found. here they are: together and apart at once.

not only is this thematic, it's romantic, in its own twisted way. fifteen episodes later, they are even sharper reflections of each other than they were when they met. they're in sync even with such little communication, and that stands in contrast to their additional relationships. niko and eve could be in the same room, talking directly, and be less connected. and that's kind of tragic -- that eve went through so much of her life NOT wide awake, that niko spent years with someone who wasn't really WITH him. villanelle and eve are all hot and cold, entirely comprised of extremes, because that's what they NEED to feel alive. villanelle says in 2x06, "like us, you mean". and that's exactly it: fundamentally, villanelle and eve are the same kind, and that's why they are so good together. it's how they stay so good apart.

will these violent delights have violent ends? unquestionably. but those ends will be new beginnings. eve won't go back to sleep. villanelle could never cope with being bored again. they'll push and pull, fight and fuck, get mad and get in deeper, inextricable. they'll keep chasing the delights and weathering the consequences, getting wilder and wilder until something happens that they can't shake off or walk away from. but that's how they are, that's how they're happy, and that's the only way they can be.

i hope all this held together! I had a lot of thoughts and it was hard to compress into one short essay, so I know it seems like a lot of disconnected threads rip. as always, reply/ask/message me with ideas/requests if you have something you want me to talk about! thank you to everyone who has commented nice things on my previous posts; it makes me want to write more and it’s nice to know someone’s reading :D

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mcrmadness · 4 years ago

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I’m at the point where I’m being really annoyed by mornings again. Or more like, that particular time of the time when I wake up because I know most people would say that 2pm is no longer a morning... Anyway, I just get up every morning to do absolutely nothing just to go to sleep eventually again. And now each “morning” is boring af, I get up, brush my teeth and come to my computer, browse Tumblr and don’t know what to do. For weeks I’ve been watching certain types of videos from YT meanwhile playing with nonograms or jigsaw puzzles online because it helps me to concentrate as I don’t like watching videos of people talking, it’s super boring, but that way I can still listen to them without feeling like losing my mind because of being so bored. But now neither nonograms nor jigsaw puzzles feel thay interesting NOR do the videos I’ve been watching. There’s really not much new stuff, just the same topics done by many many people and I can’t watch that for too long before I get bored with the topics too, because I already know enough. I’ve also been going through all videos on so many different channels and either there’s nothing interesting anymore or I literally have watched everything. So now every day after being done with browsing Tumblr, I try to find something to watch from youtube but currently my recommended page keeps offering me the same videos over and over again, the same topics, and also lots of videos I have already watched. I’d love to see something very random that isn’t particularly linked to my watch history but no, all videos like that are something to do with the goddamned crona hashtags and they’re already driving me crazy because I’m so fed up with all this corona stuff. And I have made several posts about this already and how I hate the superficial fake-happiness in all those videos where people try to come up with stuff for people to do so that they’d just stay at home. I’m staying at home 24/7 even without corona, so can’t you just NOT show those recommendations for me??? Oh I wish Youtube had some sort of tag blacklisting system...

But yeah, apart from all that, I’ve been dealing with my existential crisis a lot lately too. Not that it’d have ever went anyway in the first place, but just having these partly existential crisis, partly dissociation/derealization moments that I don’t know if I’m ever going to get rid of. Just been thinking about my fave band (dä) a lot lately and how stressed out they make me all the time. I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I’m not the best with surprises but I’m okay with them, but what REALLY makes (and has always made) me distressed is waiting. Knowing that something is about to happen but you have no idea when and how and possibly what. That is what makes me so distressed. It’s like with ghosts and paranormal things too: I’m not afraid of ghosts and I actually do like them a lot, but I’m afraid of being startled and waiting for something that might come as a surprise to me. (This is why I don’t watch horror films - jumpscares are much worse when I know there will be some.) And I’ve started to hate the weekdays from Monday to Friday because I feel like I can rest only on weekends because maybe those guys won’t do anything during weekends. During other days anything is possible. And now they’re gonna open their webshop on Friday and it’s causing me SO MUCH PRESSURE here. And it’s again not that I’d be worried of what it is, but worried of the fact I am waiting for something now but I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I always need to be in control and ahead of everything, whenever I go to a new place, I need to have a look around the whole thing before I can do anything, and I really wouldn’t like the idea of being dropped right in the middle of action. That just makes me so overwhelmed and I start to panic.

To the existential crisis - I’ve also been wondering about myself and why dä? Imagine if the band was something else but this. And the fact this band is a “once in a lifetime” thing. There’s never been another band like them and never will be. Which is crazy and blows my mind. And this is where I start to dissociate with derealization because I somehow still feel like everything is a movie or a video game. I’m constantly thinking like “oh maybe in my next life I’ll be born earlier so I can become their fan in the 80s” or “maybe in my next life I’ve learnt from my mistakes in this life”. I basically feel like my life is like a video game that I can restart whenever I have played through the story and do different choices then. And some days it hurts so much to be dropped back on ground. But I will just climb up again and escape into my small bubble where things are not like that.

Also this other day I was wondering the age thing again. I’ve been having age crisis at least since I turned 25 because then I was closer to 30 than 20. And I’m turning 29 in less than a month and that had been so terrible thought for so long but now I’m slowly getting used to it. Even tho I still wish I was 19 or something. But at the same time it feels really absurd because I feel like... ten years ago I was 19, and that doesn’t sound that much but I still feel like last year was 2010. And me wishing I was 19 again... well when I was 19, most of my friends were not even teenagers yet. So that means I would not know those people. But then I feel like I’ve been wasting the last 10 years of my life. And if I was smart, I’d realize that I actually have not been wasting those years - I have been working with horses, studying horses, graduated and I’ve grown a pretty good knowledge over what it is to take care of and even train horses. I have got and learnt so much. But still I feel like I should have done that a lot earlier than what I did. But if I did it a lot earlier, then I wouldn’t have had work experience worth over 10 years. Which is why I wish I could have just stopped time for the time I was studying and continue then after I was done. Because I’m literally in the middle of an age crisis because I’m turning 29 but I basically feel like I’m near my end already. It’s like what my friend told me when I was 22 and started having similar thoughts: “You sound like you just discovered what people normally discover only when they turn 50.” Yeah, I’ve literally been having mid-life crisis since I was 22.

For the first time even I experienced some derealization moments was when I was 19 and working at a stable and I was cleaning up the stable and taking out a wheelbarrow full of horse shit. It just suddenly hit me that what I’m doing here, makes absolutely no difference. And I suddenly dived into this horrible state where I felt like nothing I do, matter because nothing will last. Like, why should I create memories if I’m gonna lose them anyway when I die? That really made it so hard to enjoy anything because I was just constantly obsessing with the thought of not having my memories forever and how everything felt so, so damn pointless. I don’t care if people know my name or not, I live for myself anyway so it felt really unfair that I should actually live here and do things and create memories if they are going to be taken away from me eventually just because everyone has to die. And I have always had really bad relationship with death. I remember being probably 7 years old and seeing something on TV about death and cemeteries and it caused me to have one of my earliest anxiety/panic attacks and I was literally sitting on the toilet floor hugging the toilet because the idea of death made me so, so sick. Which is why I then have been avoiding the topic as much as I can and I’ve been blocking those thoughts and stuff and why I love every time death is portrayed as non-permanent in fiction (my all-time favorite is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice). Or when there’s some sort afterlife. Which is why I’ve been obsessed with ghosts and grim reaper and whatnot in my past. It just comforts me so much because I find it so scary to think that everything would just stop existing. I can kinda imagine that... emptiness that happens when nothing is anymore and it just feels so overwhelming and scary that I nearly start to panic from the thought alone. As a kid, I’ve been having panic attacks from the thought of the sun going out, a meteor hitting the earth, or just pretty much anything that would mean almost instant death. I feel like I probably developed derealization also for this type of fears. If the idea of death has made me physically sick at the age of 7, no wonder why my system decided to come up with dissociation to protect my mind. I always feel like when I keep having these deep thoughts, that my brains are on the edge of overheating (figuratively), it just goes so over my head but at the same time I’m understanding it, which then triggers dissociation because it’s too much to deal with.

I also have a medical trauma from when I was 3 years old, which is probably the core for all the dissociation too. It was an open heart surgery which pretty much means being half-dead already as you’re connected to the machines that keep up your breathing and blood circulation while the doctors fix your heart. Because of that, I find the thought it anesthesia highly disturbing. I know people undergo surgeries all the time for whatever reasons but I feel like I could never ever do one again because I’m so afraid of that emptiness becoming permanent. I can’t remember a thing from my surgery nor how I went to sleep or anything like that, but as an adult, I just find that so scary and I’m always really scared whenever I know people who are going to have anesthesia because what if they don’t come back? I know trans people who don’t have other option but to undergo some surgeries and I’m like... I’m nonbinary afab and I’d be happy to donate my own boobs away any minute but I could never ever go to a surgery from my own will. I rather just fantasize of a bodyshape that I don’t have than would actually do something about it because for me that would just not be an option. I sometimes wonder that if I had dysphoria or if I was trans, would I still feel the need for surgeries? Or what if I have dysphoria but I just don’t see it, because I can’t do anything about it so I just escape into my inner world and try not to think about myself? I do have some sort of body dysMORPHIA, tho. But I don’t know if I hate my body or if I just see it wrongly. But whatever the case, I try not to think about it too much, I avoid mirrors and spend most of time in my inner world. Because the outter world is too overwhelming and depressing to deal with and my existential crisis can’t take it.

#mcrmadness' random stuff #personal #tw deep thoughts over death and existence #(no need to worry - just pondering these themes)#existential crisis #derealization #dissociation #long post

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commentaryvorg · 5 years ago

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Who were your favorite and least favorite characters in the previous Danganronpa games, and why?

The biggest problem I personally have with Danganronpa 1 is that I really dislike practically half the cast. This is specifically Byakuya, Toko, Hiro, Celeste, and Hifumi, for being in my opinion either very annoying, terrible people, or a mix of the two, and I don’t find any of them interesting enough to balance that out. That’s not literally half the cast, but it sure feels like it is when they all survive until at least chapter 3 and a lot of the characters I like more die early on.

That includes probably my two favourites from DR1, Mondo and Chihiro, whose strength-related issues happen to be the kind of thing I really enjoy. It took me a while to even realise that they were probably my favourites above other more relevant characters I also like such as Sakura and Kyoko because they’re such relatively small parts of the story. I appreciate that Chihiro at least continues to be relevant thanks to Alter Ego, but Mondo gets horrendously shafted by the narrative. First he gets an unnecessarily disturbing and mood-whiplashy execution when it could instead have been made extremely relevant to his issues about his brother’s death. Then he could have continued to be relevant through Taka, who I also enjoy a lot after Mondo’s death thanks to his incredibly unhealthy way of dealing with it… except he gets gratuitously killed off almost immediately, wasting all the potential he had to slowly learn how to cope with things more healthily and see the world in a less black-and-white way. DR1 taught me that apparently sometimes Danganronpa narratives consider certain characters expendable and just do not care about using them to their fullest potential and telling the best stories possible with them, and I am going out of my way to mention this here because it is/will be somewhat relevant during my commentary of V3, can you guess who I am talking about.

Danganronpa 2, meanwhile, has a cast I mostly really like! In fact, I think I like DR2’s cast better as an overall cast than DRV3’s. V3 has several characters I absolutely adore, but it also has a bunch I’m just kind of indifferent to, while almost everyone in 2 is generally likeable and endearing and at least a little bit interesting in some way. The only characters in 2 I really dislike are Teruteru, for very similar reasons to why I hate Miu except he’s even worse (and also similar in that he is actually kind of an interesting character beneath that but it’s very hard for me to appreciate that through his all-encompassing awfulness), and Hiyoko, for being a horrendous bully. Everyone else is great! And, well, Nagito is Nagito, but much like Kokichi, he balances out being a terrible person by being pretty interesting, so I don’t precisely dislike him either.

I do have a definite favourite among the rest, though, and that’s Kazuichi. I also have a thing for characters who are scared a lot, and Kazuichi delightfully spends his entire killing game completely incapable of dealing with the terror of it and barely even managing to form proper, non-superficial bonds with the others that’d help him through that fear because he’s terrified of being betrayed. He is a massive coward with massive trust issues… which I realise is also a description I use a lot for Kokichi (and I may not have made this clear enough, but I do find Kokichi interesting for those reasons). But, the big difference that makes me find Kazuichi also likeable with these traits is that it’s so clear that he wants to be braver than he is and able to trust people more and hates the fact that he can’t, and that his fear is so barely concealed that you can feel how scared and desperate he is the whole time, especially when you do his FTEs and learn why he has those trust issues. Throughout the entire game I just want to give the poor kid a hug and get him some help, by which I mean after playing V3 that I want him to meet Kaito and inevitably become his sidekick. I have Strong Feelings about this.

Also brief honourable mention to Akane, who I gather is not nearly as popular as she should be, because I find her strength-related issues really fun as well. My fondness for characters with issues relating to strength and weakness definitely contributes towards me liking Kaito so much, even though that’s still only a fraction of the things there are to like about Kaito.

#danganronpa 1 #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa 1 spoilers #danganronpa 2 spoilers #danganronpa v3 #reply #thanks for the ask!#i'm happy you're interested enough in my opinions to be curious about this #Anonymous #i didn't mention UDG because i haven't actually played it (and have no real desire to)

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overanalyzingelswordiswhatido · 5 years ago

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Technology in Elrios

This post came about because I noticed that Eve is capable of inflection and tone and expressing her emotions through her voice in later parts of the game. I know part of that is probably because she’s voiced by a human but not a robot, but I still think it was done on purpose. She was designed to be capable of emotion (eventually) after all.

Biologically speaking, what makes a person capable of different tones and pitches in their voice is the air from the lungs that vibrates the vocal chords. The force of the air behind our speech effects out our voice sounds, whether we’re screaming in fear or rage, there’s a different kind of air flow effecting our vocal chords. That is only possible because of our lungs. It’s why, even when robots we’ve created are capable of varying their speech, they don’t sound like genuine emotion. It’s simply mimicking the sound, without the force behind it.

Because it can be safely assumed that much of Eve’s design is based on human biology, it can also be safely assumed that she is capable of realistically expressing emotion through her voice because there is some sort of lung-like apparatus in her design that interacts with some form of vocal chord.

Those assumptions caused my to leap down a rabbit hole of creating headcanons for the designs of the technology in Elrios. Specifically, I have headcanons for Eve’s design (that can likely be applied to Nasods in general), Dynamo, and Raven’s arm’s design. These are all based on observations I’ve made of what the technology is shown capable of doing, as well as things I’ve noticed about the characters in regards to their technology.

These headcanons also take into consideration the differences I noticed in Nasod technology that is designed by Nasods compared to Nasod technology designed by humans. Nasod designed technology takes into consideration the well-being and autonomy of the individual Nasod, while human designed technology only considers the purpose of the Nasod. Nasods view each other as people while humans view them as tools (and I will be doing an analysis on Adrian that goes more in depth into this at some point).

Eve:

Eve's chest core is like Tony Stark's Arc Reactor in the MCU as far as physical appearance goes. However, it is deep in her body. The most inner part of the inner workings. It holds the most essential systems and processes (like her codes). Her head core holds the less essential ones. If her head core is damage she won't lose the systems that make her who she is and she'll be able to repair it. However, if her chest core is damaged it's much less likely she could repair it completely and that she'll be able to remain… Eve.

She has an emotion circuit, temperature regulation program, coolant circulatory (insulated tubes for temperature efficiency) system, damage monitoring, balance (is a hardware thing called a gyro)/navigation protocol, code storage, conscious/subconscious memory, motor control, logic circuits, language processor, threat recognition, battle codes, excess code storage (subconscious storage she has to actively dig through), time monitoring, data base (for storing information she collects), synthetic digestive system (100% efficiency, no waste products), lung-like apparatus (to absorb nitrogen to convert it into her coolant liquid), vocal chords for speech, sensory receptors, scanning systems (sonar and radar and component analysis), main processor, and probably other things that I'm missing.

Eve sees in x-ray, infrared, color spectrum, and ultraviolet. Not at the same time of course, she has to switch between them. She can also adjust the zoom on her vision.

Eve can hear radio waves, normal sound waves, and has an immense hearing range. Her default range is like a normal human range but she can expand it at will.

Eve's body set up mimics human anatomy to allow her movement. Her muscle fibers are twisted together for increased structural integrity. She also has materials in her body that mimic tendons and ligaments. Her “bones” are solid metal rods.

Eve's hair is a smooth silky synthetic material similar in make up to spider web but it's not sticky.

Eve's skin is a synthetic material. It's extremely smooth. Almost unnaturally so. And it doesn't have the sorta sticky quality that organic skin has.

Eve doesn't have fingerprints at all.

Eve's head core holds all of her sensory receptors, so her “nerves” in the rest of her body are dulled (the farther from her head the more dull her sense of touch is). She isn't capable of feeling pain unless the damage reaches her internal systems (as in her coolant system (because if her coolant system ruptures at all it can completely compromise her entire being) or her chest core) because once her internal systems are damaged her processors receive a bunch of garbage signals she can't actually process and it manifests as either a stinging or a throbbing sensation.

Eve's coolant systems circulates her entire body but is the deepest layer of her inner workings, so while it is liquid nitrogen, the… “vessels” are insulated, and the rest of her body is working and producing heat. So while her skin is cool (or even cold depending), it's not, ya know, liquid nitrogen cold. At the coldest her skin feels like the inside of a refrigerator. Her “lungs” collect nitrogen gas and store it in her body so that should her body be too greatly damaged, or become too hot somehow, the stored nitrogen gas can be turned into extra liquid nitrogen to keep her cool still. She is capable of exhaling, but it's also nitrogen.

Eve had a kill switch (force shut down command) in her code but removed it herself when she found it, since she saw it as unnecessary.

Other Random Nasod Stuff:

Nasods' faces return to a blank neutral expression when they shut down. Their eyes and any core(s) go completely dark as well as losing much of the color they previously had.

All Nasod technology designed by a Nasod has an auto-repair system that repairs superficial damage on it's own. Basically, if a similar wound on a human wouldn't require medical attention, then the auto-repair system can take care of it on a Nasod.

Nasods created ghost codes and programs. Originally, they were used by Nasods in the Nasod War to protect them from humans that could manipulate their codes. It’s why humans had to develop the alterasia plants to turn the Nasods against each other. Ghost programs override present codes to enable extra capabilities that would otherwise be outside the Nasod’s programming. Ghost codes make adjustments to present code to enhance already present abilities. The reason they’re referred to as ‘ghosts’ is because once implemented they cannot be viewed or altered in anyway. Because Nasods are able to be exact in writing their codes they only need to write it once. Blocking it from view kept the humans they fought against from being able to alter any Nasods that were captured to make them fight their own kind. It also served the purpose of keeping the humans from accessing sensitive information stored in the Nasod’s codes.

Add and Dynamo:

Add accessed and utilizes the battle codes that his father created for him. However, unlike proper Nasod battle codes, they are not designed to cease functioning if Add takes too much damage, so when they're active the fight doesn't stop until the enemy(s) is defeated or he's dead. The codes also dull his nerves so that they more closely resemble the sensory input of a Nasod. Though once the battle codes cease functioning the pain comes in full force and, if he's hurt enough, could throw him into shock. However, the various Add paths did adjust it to one degree or another. Mastermind made the greatest adjustments to it, it practically isn't even the same code anymore, so that it fit into the image of himself he was creating. Diabolic Esper re-purposed it so that it could dull the pain of time travel enough that he wasn't incapacitated by it. Lunatic Psyker made the fewest adjustments to it because it fits right in with what he's doing. That being said, he created varying degrees of activation.

Add's mother created an additional program for Dynamo designed to protect Add and keep him safe (hence it prioritizing his safety when it can). However it's a “ghost” program. It isn't accessible for viewing or alteration by anyone (including Add who doesn't really know it's there) now that it's been installed. The program cannot stop the battle codes from functioning but limits their function from manifesting completely, allowing Add to keep his sense of self even when they're active. All of that being said, Masi knows about and utilizes ghost codes and programs of his own. And, since he made the most alterations to the battle codes, thereby interacting with them the most, he has his suspicions. However, he can't get confirmation because he can't look at it.

Eve knows about the ghost program's existence because she noticed the battle codes weren't operating fully while Add was fighting and deduced that because she couldn't tell why that was the case, it had to be a ghost code or program, but she can't access it due to it's ghost status.

When Dynamo is offline, Add's mark and eye are grey. He literally can't overlook small details, to the point where two exact same sandwiches look different because they're positioned differently, or the crumbs around them are different. Also, he can't read or do math because he sees individual letters and digits instead of whole words or numbers. He tends to fall asleep mostly when Dynamo is offline because when it's online he doesn't actually need as much sleep, food, or water (it was a measure he put in place because he didn't know when or how often he would be able to get that stuff and he doesn't like most of it anyway). When it's offline though, he goes backing to having the needs of a normal person so yeah. However, that hyper detail awareness makes repairing and working on Dynamo very easy for him because he can just look it over and see what's up. He develops updates for Dynamo while it's online and only turns it off to implement them once he's certain they're going to work (hence Time Tracer's meltdown when he finds out his calculations are actually wrong).

Add can actually see certain things that Dynamo shows him, like when Dynamo sets a route for him to take, he sees a line on the ground telling him where to go.

Dynamo marks out enemies and allies, can do component analysis, can move as directed and even fly, has it's own data base (which is pretty extensive), has AC, has weapon systems, automatically observes and records battle patterns of enemies when in battle (but has to be told to outside of battle), gives Add reminders of things he wants/needs to do, aids in making calculations, advises on the best course of action based on Add's previous experiences in similar situations, also uses previous experiences to set the safest, most direct, and fastest (in that order unless Add specifies a different priority and even then because of his mother's ghost program safety is always first) routes for him to take to his desired destination, minimizes distractions for Add so that he's better able to focus on whatever he's trying to do (though that doesn't necessarily stop him from getting distracted), automatically moves to block weapons in battle, keeps an eye on everything going on around Add (though whether Add notices Dynamo's notification of what's going on around him depends on the day and the Add), and I might add to the list.

Add's body temperature is higher than an average person's (like it's difficult to tell if he's running a fever or not) when Dynamo is online but when it's offline his temperature is much closer to normal (though still a little high). Either way, there doesn't appear to be any damage done to his body despite it remaining at a higher temp for so long.

While the codes for Dynamo are viewable through Dynamo, there's also a chip in Add's head that stores and allows the codes to interface with Add.

If, somehow, Add were to be disconnected from Dynamo, he wouldn't be able to use his left arm, since when he was running from the slavers they blew it out at the shoulder. While in the library he created and implemented what amounted to a prosthetic shoulder joint for himself and connected it to Dynamo directly. That's also why it's his left arm he uses to control Dynamo non-verbally.

Dynamo can only work within Add's previous experiences and knowledge.

While being based on Nasod technology, Dynamo does not have the liquid nitrogen coolant system of Nasods. Instead it uses air flow to keep itself from overheating.

Every Dynamo has all of the same information and abilities and whatnot so it doesn't matter which specific one is accessed. And each Dynamo has it's own individual core in it's center. It does use El shards as a power source but Add has experimented with other forms of power before. Some can be used and just aren't as efficient while others aren't useable.

Dynamo's inner workings are very minute and mostly based on electrical connections and signals (which also allows it to interface with Add's nervous system).

Add knows when Dynamo has taken damage. It doesn't register as pain but it feels similar to like… pressure? I don't know another way to describe it. If a Dynamo were to be destroyed however that hurts like a bitch. It would feel similar to what Eve would feel getting her core ripped out.

Raven and his Arm:

Raven has a small chip on the back of his neck right over his spinal column that stores nasod battle codes and also allows his nasod arm to interface with his nervous system (so that he can actually use it).

The arm has it's own isolated circulatory coolant system but, unlike Eve's which is very consolidated (allowing her inner workings to remain very cool easily while keeping her outer body from being too cold), his is spread through smaller vessels throughout the arm. That means that it is much more prone to overheating than Eve is because of the nature of smaller vessels. Smaller vessels means less insulation means less temperature efficiency. Also, because the vessels being spread out throughout the arm, should one be pierced, flow of the coolant liquid to that vessel is cut off completely until it's repaired.

The arm was designed to use the electrical signals of specifically placed “nerves” as a power source instead of an El Shard. Basically his brain sends electrical signals to his arm thanks to the chip thing and it uses and stores the electrical impulses of those signals in a small core at his shoulder as it's power source.

Raven does have feeling in the arm but any damage it takes feels more like pins and needles than a traditionally painful sensation.

For the Canon and Alt paths Eve assisted Raven in redesigning and upgrading his Nasod arm. Empress instals a safety protocol into Reckless Fist's arm to ensure he doesn't destroy himself with it since she's long since learned that humans have a habit of coming up with unorthodox and often dangerous ways of using things. Raven is no exception to that but Eve doesn't want him needlessly getting hurt. Meanwhile Nemesis tries to talk Blade Master into letting her instal various hidden weapons into his arm (namely a hidden wrist knife) that he continuously has to say no to. Veteran Commander updated and worked on his own arm.

Raven's arm has the auto-repair system common of all Nasod technology.

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