#but most importantly she’s so ME

[aronaax]

8166 clef and meri ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

[icaruspendragon]

i hope this isn't too personal of a question (and if it is that's totally cool, i was literally just curious as a fellow aspec person), but i was wondering what some of your thoughts were about being aspec, like it's totally cool if your thoughts were just the post you reblogged!!! that's honestly still putting into words a bit a similar way i figured out i was aspec, but i know you seem to have really interesting takes on things/conclusions you've realized about things a lot of the time and so i was just curious what thoughts were turning around your head about being aspec

I don't mind talking about it at all!

So for me sex is like this perfunctory, borderline tedious thing. I almost want to call it a chore, but that has negative connotations that don't exactly match up with how I feel about it. It's like something on a to do list, or like running an errand.

Think of it this way: For me, having sex is akin to going to the pharmacy. Actually, it's more like being asked to go for someone else. It's not on my list of things I enjoy doing and there are other things I would rather do, but I don't mind going if someone asks me to. But once in a blue moon I do actually want to go because I want candy or a Juneberry Red Bull or some shit like that and Walgreens happens to be nearby.

Media builds up sex to be this incredible and awesome and amazing thing that everyone wants to have, which is at odds with the widely held societal belief that it's uncouth to discuss sex openly with others. So if media says "yes you should want this" and society says "but you shouldn't talk about it with others because it's an incredibly private act" it makes it kinda difficult when you don't feel the way you're "supposed to." And then when you do talk about how you don't feel that way, people say there's something wrong with you or that you haven't found the right person or that maybe you need to change things up in the bedroom or that you need to go to a doctor because it's gotta be a hormonal imbalance or something. The list really does go on and on.

And so many of my expectations surrounding sex were informed by fanfic where I read, in detail, about how good it was supposed to feel. About all the different ways it could feel good.

I wanted it to be like that for me, for it to be as good as I had read and seen and heard others talk about, so I kept on trying. And sometimes I enjoyed it. Not E rated fanfic enjoyed it, but it was nice. Nice in the same way a cup of tea is nice, but nice nonetheless.

But most of the time it was like, clinical? Like I was acutely aware of what was happening, if that makes sense. I was thinking about the mechanics of it, what was going in where. I was thinking about how it was "supposed to feel" versus how it actually felt. I would wonder how much longer it would take because I was getting bored. Sometimes I would think about how rude it would be if I checked my phone. And probably the most upsetting (retrospectively) thing I would think about was if my act of enjoyment was convincing enough. And I didn't ever want to tell a partner that I wasn't enjoying it because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Because I thought it was a me problem. That there was something wrong with me. And there being something wrong with me wasn't fair to whoever I was with. I just needed to grin and bear it, so to speak.

At one point I had a bit of a gay panic where I thought wasn't bisexual and actually a lesbian. The panic was over the confusion, not over the potential lesbianism. Lesbians are awesome. But I learned that while sexual intimacy with women was a bit easier, my feelings (or lack thereof) about sex were still the same. And that meant there was something wrong with me in particular.

I know now that my perspective was warped and my thoughts about myself were both unkind and untrue, but that was a lot to try and reconcile as a 19 year old who already thought she was undesirable. Constantly being called a "late bloomer" and not having your first relationship until you're a sophomore in college sure does a number on your self esteem. Which in turn does a number on your perception of yourself.

Then as I got older, I got more queer friends. And I talked to those queer friends. And they talked about sex differently than my straight friends did. More openly and honestly. With less fanfare. And it was during those discussions that I heard about experiences similar to mine. And it helped me realize I wasn't broken. Well, that and google.

And now I stand before you today, an aspec bisexual able to joke about being horny in theory but not in application. It's nice not feeling broken anymore. But I think it's even nicer now knowing that I was never broken in the first place.

Sometimes sex is nice, but most of the time, it's just going to the pharmacy. And both of those things are okay.

[impbites]

OCtober day 3 - old OC 🍖

eusi is my fantasy life character from like 11-12 years ago! she's a mercenary who loves fighting, money and meat!

she is insufferable ❤️

[dumb-alek]

Say what you want about SNW but I REALLY loved the way in the episode where Pike sees the future where Jim is not the captain of the Enterprise lil glimpses we get of him having just insane professional chemistry with Spock.

Like across realities and in different universes, Kirk sees Spock across the room through a video transmission and calls him impressive. It's like a jolt, bullseye, and laser focus towards eachother before they even meet in person.

They instantly agree and see eachother's point of view. There's SPARKS. I genuinely felt watching this as if they were the only people in the room (and I feel like the camera work in that conference room helped with that - purposely).

Not to mention Jim's full body turn he does when he watches Spock leave, which to me definitely betrayed some kind of interest on Jim's part.

I get being mad at comphet Spock, (though TOS did comphet Spock also so 🤷) and I think if snw went in a slightly different direction with Chapel they could do something interesting and canon-compliant, which is a shame.

But after finishing the 1st season I really do feel the show only gets better (when they lay off the one liners a bit and focus more on the honestly pretty cool episode ideas they have), and it looks like it's done with love, attention to details and understanding, overall, what star trek is. (Which I can't say about some other star trek media cough cough).

But most importantly, at least for the sake of this post and for the sake of the ship that started modern fandom culture, I feel like they understand the gravity of K/S.

Now, I'm not deluding myself that they're going to 'get together' within SNW, if it's to keep with the tos timeline even in the slightest. And as much as I enjoy the show, it doesn't seem likely for it to be breaking any new grounds. Besides, at this point in time it would make no sense, considering there's no space for them to be together in TOS until season three at best. Any alternatives would either be either out of character, or simply upsetting (such as an on and off relationship, a breakup, things I don't want to think about 😞)

HOWEVER. They already made a hint Chapel is bisexual, and while they do try to generally keep with TOS canon - they diverge from it only when they think they are the point A from which they can get to point B, which is TOS. I don't always agree with their vision, but I can respect it. So I wouldn't be that surprised (though ecstatic) if they hinted at at least at Kirk being bisexual, here and there.

And in TOS canon Spirk is inescapable. If we ignore the romantic interpretation, which is already pretty hard to ignore, then in their capacity as soulmates - a part of canon that's impossible to ignore. And with as little Jim and Spock as we got so far, I think they understand that.

In SNW keeping Kirk and Spock apart messed up the whole timeline! You could say that Spock dying is what really messed it up, but we can clearly see the episode we've seen in TOS from a different perspective and things went south the moment Chris started to act. Both Kirk and Spock are there - both the same as in the regular timeline, in their respective duties. But they're not together and them not being together is so bad for the universe that Chris has to go back in time to tell himself to die (well not die but suffer from a horrific accident).

And if it doesn't feel extremely monumental, soulmate level shit idk what to tell you

[sidesteppostinghours]

drawing her isnt enough, i need to tattoo her onto my brain

[recurring-polynya]

i want the boots rukia is wearing in this color spread more than anything

[bi-dykes]

anti-catradoras be like:

“omg I KNOW they’re enemies to lovers and they’re not supposed to be fluffy, YES I can handle enemies to lovers, just enemies to lovers who are written better! I swear I do like enemies to lovers just not catradora! Here’s toxic yuri that is chaotic and not fluffy that I DO like!”

This is not at all based off of a post I saw that said Glimmadora is true enemies to lovers written right whereas Catradora just goes to far to be enemies to lovers 🙃

[t8oo]

there is some symbolism iv never considered in that one episod of pt5 where zenigata rescues fujiko before she kills lupin

[merwgue]

The amount of people that use A.I art in this fandom is actually insane. On both the pro and the anti parts. Like wdym the "official" art of rhysand is A.I?? Literally what?? And even tamlin art sometimes,and when you tell a bitch she's like "it's my page" Well you can shove that art right up your ass because you're supporting artist being out of JOBSSSS

Anywho support actual artist like

@thrumugnyr

@copypastus

@ladymidnight-goesforth

@works-of-heart (who was actually accused of using A.I art, this shows how damaging it is)

@dimalry

@ceoofyearning

@jmoonjones

@geniemillies (I just saw their tamlin art?? OH M GEE???)

(Give me more in cmmts bc I genuinely have the memory of a goldfish)

[quietwingsinthesky]

if supernatural was any good, they would have had mary and lucifer sleep together in the apocalypse world. this would have solved zero problems with the show, but it would have created a hundred more interesting ones than they already had.

[diana-daphne]

Okay so I haven’t been able to watch the last to episodes of omitb until today and omg??? Cinema at its finest don’t read the tags if you don’t want spoilers I’m going on a rant

[deus-ex-mona]

pretty minor thing to think about, but i find it interesting how chapter 7 is the first chapter illustration to show chizuutan as chizuru (instead of chuutan)

like, i get it’s a flashback chapter, but we hardly got to see her as chizuru in the previous few chapters thus far… maybe we’ll get to see more of her as her true self after the hiyori fight/make up? only future chapters may tell, i guess…

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[oblako]

finally after 2768 years the long-awaited ressa flashback...... and they're fighting 💔 quimchee why r u like this 💀

[moonilit]

Bunch of teams that i think are fun and been playing with lately just because talking about them making me excited and thats the point of this blog so:

Noelle burgeon team

(Non of these teams are supposed to teach you anything) I like Noelle, i actually like most healers so I really wanted a team of her that felt *to me* fun to play and her burgeon team is pretty fun, she is a healer, driver and shielder she is on 4p exile and a fav claymore, i get her burst before we are done one rotation and its so fun and feel freeing in a way, noelle feels so right for this team, and the burgeon dmg looks amazing lol (tried it once in abyss and got two stars but i play on mobile so idk if someone more pro can actually get all three)

2. Lisa vacuum cleaner

I Like lisa, actually every character i bothered making up teams for i do like so, but i like lisa especially i crowned her lol, its an aggravate team, but the release of Baizhu made her more fun to play, venti is much more fun than C0 kazuha especially in the overworld but if i want an effective dps lisa team it would be c2 kazuha or sucrose depending on who is available atm (with fischl ofc)

4. Keqing&Tignari team

Ngl the entire point of this team is working around no Miko in my account but still wanting to maximize tighnari team dps, And who would have thought these two would fit together :D!!

it works thanks to baizhu mwah mwah, with him both healing and shielding we are killing baby lets gooo quick swapping never been this quick swapping before

Honorable mentions go to Candace and my mistsplitter kaeya because hydro infusion, extra buff, extra dmg, nice blues etc etc i love them please send me suggestions to who else to add

Teams im waiting for hoyo to give me something for: more variations of wanderer teams because im dying here plz give me something new for him i don’t want broken dmg i want functioning funny, also double geo double electro team just because purple and gold look nice together like come on ppl!!? how are we still here-

[calebs-hangout-corner]

Legend of Shadow High I love you so much but you have so many plotholes <3<3<3