#but its actually so fucking upsetting idk
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im sorry to be so negative like this but i really hope teams use the translator more, the way i saw some teams not even try to speak other languages and just went to english without checking in some members and idk overall helping was very upsetting.
im not gonna name names bc i don't wanna send hate + i only watched part of the vods and maybe they improved overtime, besides i'm hearing this is a general thing on most teams so naming names is overall useless
i'll just say that even as someone who fluently understands english, and could perfectly watch the content, it was so upsetting to see i had to close stream.
i'll just search and skip on some vods tomorrow to avoid having to watch non-english ccs pushed aside, but tbh this shouldn't happen and kind of is against what qsmp is about, i hoped the ccs added would keep that in mind as much as possible while playing, but i see for some teams the excitement overcomes it and they just forgot ab it or smth idk. i get i may be more sensitive than others, but still.
#i dont mean this as hate at all and hopefully it doesn't come off as it#but its actually so fucking upsetting idk#maybe im just sensitive#qpurgatory 2#neg discourse#i just need to say it bc i dont see anyone saying this and honestly i wanna know if someone feels the same#i mean i saw people kinda saying it would be nice but im actually upset yknow lmao#im sure maybe i missed posts saying it but yeah
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my sweet old man who is genuinely too kind for the world he lives in :(
#decadentart#bloodborne#retired hunter djura#he makes me so sick hes actually so fucking sweet when i think about it#Yes i gave her a skirt. whenever i draw the people of old yharnam i slways give tbem little accesories :)#the colors are a bit wonky because i intially drew it Reeaaalllyy Dark also idk i picked out some weird ass colors for the pallete#every time you shoot him off that tower an angel looses its wings#legimitately got upset when i killed him for his set#made sure he didnt fall to his death though. thats called bullying when you knock him off btw#also yeah i hc that the beasts are chill w him . and slso he knows all of their names#first maintagged art on this blog. shudders. i hope the fans dont eat me alive im serious you guys scare me#the halo was necessary btw#so anxious…. SEND IT! RAHHH!!! MY AUTISM BLAST GO!
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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Re-watching wakfu for the first time in years and s1 Yugo was so silly???
dude discovered he could make portals at will and his first thought after actually acknowledging it is "i can do so many cool pranks with this"
#he was just a kid..... guys he was just a kid....#HE WAS SO SILLY#also the fact that after eva told him they used to call amalia princess gobball he just laughs at it ☠️#was he 12? i think he was in s1#why dont they ever celebrate characters bdays tho#thinking over it now there was little to no chill time for these guys#sure there was a good amount of non plot stuff to get to know the characters but like#idk? ummm like in the first ova they gave them some chill time and i wish they had done that more#s4 was an amalgamation of “FUCK NOT AGAIN JFC”#OH ACTUALLY#there was (1) episode with chill time and i loved it#despite having gone thru alot of effort to be like look!!! chibi and grougal!!! theyre bros!!! yugo spent like. 5 minutes of screentime#with them. like actually being their brother.#and like it was kinda funny because imagine like the world sorta blowing up a little and then ur child comes back just to say#'dad im rlly fucking upset. ive been to the house of the gods btw. and i met my mom.'#alibert mustve been so fkn confused hdhdbd#then again. its like. average shit for his son#alibert went from gay dad with his lil guy from a species he does not know of who basically works a farm inn to like#a literal demigod. he def has made some enemies#i remember the most abt yugo bec the hyperfix was strongest on him#current thoughts on the others in the brotherhood:#tristepin: yugos nickname did not translate well into en lmao. also my guy pls stop harrassing women?? he gets an arc ik but like. my guy.#yes specifically s1 them#amalia: i mean. she does in fact act like a spoiled 13 yr old. but like. girl they did u kinda dirty.#eva: they also did you kinda dirty. love that your the only one just sick of everyones logic defying shit.#ruel: yk what. no notes. that is the most realistic old man ive ever seen. hes hilarious#az: this mf gets his ass in trouble every five seconds. u can tell he grew up with yugo. also according to s4 he gets bitches so XD#wu's rewatch notes#thats what im calling this#wakfu
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Okay, I finally read the "justice isn't mercy" chapter, and I just gotta say in the scene with Mikey killing Kitsune, I was SO satisfied by that scream. I know each of them have already had that scream. But this chapter it really shined.
It was an everything scream. A scream of pain, anger, and despair all in one. Mikey was screaming and crying through every horrible memory he would never forget because of what she did.
Even though I know he killed her himself, after that moment, the first thing that came to mind was the scene from the movie.
Like, I believe there was a parallel going on there. So I can just imagine that in that scene, in a moment of clarity, that both Leo and Raph were there with Mikey, conjoining their ninpo, to kill her together. All of them screaming and giving Donnie Vengeance together.
But, he carries the burden himself. At 13...
Which makes it all the more tragic.
And wow, my invision of that scene was so perfect. That entire witchtown part was so clear it might as well have been animated.
it was a parallel yes, mostly in the way that i was trying to invoke the same kind of righteous anger mikey was feeling in that scene, as well as the thing with the cracks in his arms (and THAT i chose because kintsugi metaphor, especially because its already been invoked before in ch7) im sure at the very least that was felt in the ninpo bond, because while mikey's sixth sense for it is way more intense (feeling donnie's ninpo break, noticing the absence first afterwards, feeling chills when leo gets particularly murderous) all of them still have that intuitively,,,
but also mind you, at the same time mikey mentions a little earlier that theyre united so strongly under one goal at that point that they may as well be one person, and considering things like raph and leo mind melding in the moment,,, it would make a lot of sense! :]
im glad my imagery was clear!! im not suuuper proud of some things in that chapter but there's a lot of moments i do like from it, very good animatic-bait. if i had the balls and patience to make one LMFAO maybe some day. mikey standing in front of the shrine is so clear in my head,,, you can tell he KNEW he was cool as fuck. guy with swag
#ask#canary continuity#speaking of that scene with the witches#here's something i keep consistent in almost every fic i make: donnie sees leo as a twin and never acknowledges leo being older#while leo only will when he is very very upset usually on donnie's behalf/when he's being protective of him#there's a moment like that in cvd a moment like that in cu#leo in most cases will only call donnie his little brother when he's REALLY furious about him being hurt#because this subconsciously plays into their dynamic. its unavoidable it influences all of their behavior#but i always think leo THINKS of it more. donnie really only acknowledges it when he's lumping himself in with mikey#as yknow. one of the younger brothers. even then that's more of a solidarity with mikey thing#its smthn i do that explains the actual canon intention with leo being older while also explaining why its never actually brought up#i also think this makes all of miner's eulogy more depressing because oh is leo fucking thinking about it then isnt he :(#idk i think its a neat way to play their dynamic ... leo quietly likes feeling responsible for someone in the way that he feels he is-#-for donnie. while donnie loves leo so much because he just Gets It. truthfully i like donnie caring about the chosen twinship thing Way-#-more although i believe leo was the one who came up with it#leo likes being twins and he also likes when he gets to be an older brother. donnie cant imagine a world where theyre anything BUT-#-twins now#like god yeah of course leo wanted to keep the birthday thing a secret from him with that in mind huh
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thinking about how xanxus's mom named him xanxus cuz it has X for vongola 10th...... girl idk how to tell you this but XX is 20
#it actually wasnt eugenics xanxus just had to wait to be 20th boss#they shoulda froze him again smh#i was radicalized man i feel bad for xanxus#did he kill a bunch of people especially on his own side? yes#its still fucked up that vongola 9th froze him and acted like he was evil tho#'ugh i couldnt stop him' bro his your SON send him to timeout geez nono#this is why you tell your kids theyre adopted so they dont stage coup#nono's only defense against his upset son is to freeze him in ice for 8 years maybe he should have just sat down and talked to him#also i dont like that the rings rejected him just cuz he wasnt a pure vongola like....what if there was no vongola blood left#do they just not get to use the rings????#he shoulda just lost or like tsuna had better intentions idk i dont think it should be that tsuna is genetically better thats just fucked u#anyway love u xanxus xoxo just like ur name#xanxus#khr#hitman reborn#katekyo hitman reborn
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Max when the contraption he built specifically for Jimmy to throw knives at Duncan is used by Jimmy to throw knives at Duncan:
#cw violence#cw implied violence#cw knife#max design pro#mdp max#mdp jimmy#mdp duncan#mdp bully#mdp triflethumb#yes im into max design pro. feel free to block me#it just fascinates me okay#that aside: holy shit i wasnt expecting triflethumb to be canonized. ESPECIALLY NOT LIKE THIS???#and its interesting that “the end of twiddlefinger” is happening at the same time#i guess one of the monkey brothers just gotta be evil lol#i wonder if triflethumb will attack max? and how he will deal with that?#weve still yet to see the full end of the tf saga/who shot max so it might lead more into that#but yeah anyways this channel is fucking insane#and i do think max was kinda stupid in this short#i get that he was upset that jimmy was getting corrupted more than anything but idk man#if u dont want ur brother to become murderous maybe dont encourage him to throw knives at people? just a thought#though... maybe twiddle was actually the one who made jimmy do that? and max only snapped into consciousness after the fact?#i know it was maxs regular sprite but still. idk maybe he just went dormant somehow#quamais rambles
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if theres one thing i fucking hate its when people dont take my anger seriously. like its basically always happened any time i got super mad bc my body has the worst tendency to just press all the emotion buttons blindly any time i feel anything so usually im trying to be serious inbetween crying and trying not to laugh or smile so i cant get proper words out and it sounds clunky and awkward and i seem more like a stupid toddler than i do angry but even with like friends online the rare few times ive actually gotten angry i feel like they just ignore me and kinda laugh it off and i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. sometimes i just want to be mean and angry and snap at everyone around me all the time to make up for everyone always treating me like a fucking baby
#scribbles says shit#tw vent#ig#idk why im so worked up about this right now even#just feeling shitty again#and like i know its not even that valid of a reason to be pissed off bc like. i am young and agewise i basically am still just a dumb kid#but god im so fucking sick of people going like ‘oh poor little guy hes so innocent and went through so much and hes so cute when he-#gets upset :)’#i think thats why i get violent sometimes#thats like my only hope of anyone actually listening to me#i dunno dont comment on this one i just need to talk
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14 years old, only like a month into being spider-man, peter takes down a mugger and the guy is cursing peter out and peter just calmly says "i'm fourteen" and watches this dude have a crisis
"no you're not"
"i literally am. did you not hear my voice cracking every two seconds? pretty sure i only started going through puberty last week"
"you're lying"
"believe what you want"
"why would you tell me that if it's true"
"because no one will believe you and i think that's funny. also i want you to know that you just lost to a freshman in high school. even if you don't believe me, you can't prove that i'm lying. this is never going to leave your brain. i won the physical fight and now i'm playing with psychological warfare. and i called the cops. anyways, bye!"
mugger gets arrested and is like "no seriously i swear to god he was in these like red and blue pajamas and had a mask and goggles and he said he was fourteen and psychological warfare and-"
#idk if anyone else will be entertained by this but mcu peter being a little shit means the world to me#i mean lets be clear every single version of peter parker is a little shit#but mcu peter is painted as this innocent little fuckhead by a lot of the mcu fandom which like. sure yeah its fan content have fun with it#but personally peter's sass and attitude and anger problems are some of my favorite aspects of his character#“if you think about it this is really your fault” bro said that to TONY STARK to his FACE#he only backpedaled because tony was visibly upset by those words but dude was fully about to commit to that angle#peter (blaming himself; drowning in guilt): ya actually i did nothing wrong im 16 and its all ur fault so maybe calm the fuck down thanks
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why did agatha tell lilia the truth about her only being able to steal powers if she’s blasted first if her entire plan was to get them to blast her so she could steal their powers??
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#the more i think about these episodes the more it’s just like… why?#all the components were there for a really amazing ending but it’s just not and that’s so annoying#fucking marvel#and i want to make it clear that my issue isn’t about agatha x rio#because so many people are making it just only about that and so many others are dismissing anyone else’s low opinions on the ending cause#they think they’re only upset about that as well#but like no! there were actual issues#some of them Do have to do with agatha x rio but not all or even most of them do#like episode 6 had people complaining because of agatha x rio despite how well-executed/written it was#but that’s not what’s happening this time?? (okay for some people it is but not anywhere near all of them because there were glaring issues#in these last two eps)#like I don’t think a backstory or anything was actually necessary. I think they could have kept the same amount of agatha x rio scenes and#even kept them the same length and still been able to pull off something so much more satisfying instead of what they gave us#I think that about so much of these episodes too#like they could have done so much better with what time they were given and made everything so much more impactful and meaningful but#instead soooo much of it just feels so lackluster and husk-like#like the body’s there but there’s no soul to it#which honestly is par the course for marvel but this show had done such a good job of distancing itself from them and being its own thing#that I really thought it could be more#idk. I’m just disappointed ig#txt
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this but carlo & moretti😔🤨 thats all thank you
#i caaaaaaaaaaaaant find the whole piece bc apparently they deleted this book from the public domain🙄🙄🙄fuckers#but context: john torrio is in the hospital after an attempted murder#1931-32 idk failed murder attempt on moretti real hashtag canon now hashtag in my head#carlo & moretti#m2#also whatever funny thing: this is capone's biography written by one rus author and#they released this book as part of the “lives of wonderful people” series(😭)#and fucked it up badly bc it caused an outcry and the book had to be reissued (tho stalin's biography is in this series like fr tf🙄)#<- and ok i was googling this book & turns out that in the 1st edition contained a shit ton of photos#i took reprinted ver in the library & w like 1 photo in it#fuck now i regret it sm 😔 but it was like the only available choice in the nearest libraries#i mean no this is actually ridiculous to print capone's biography in this series but ehh it's always so good#in terms of illustrative material so its upsetting#also second funny thing: was takin another books in the library today and GOD SEES american history sections are always so fucking funny#“the shameful history of america” ”rotten capitalism” and other such titles#dear god “u wanna fuck me so bad it makes u look stupid” situation. sorry its a n1 red flag to me when history books have such titles#no u dont do it this way. not “our gloriously prosperous country” vs “these disgusting other countries"#funny stuff. top 10 epic fail moments 0 swag 0 respect when this grandpa will finally die
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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I really hate how twt makes it impossible to rly look back at your acct past a certain date. Like when I wanna re-live the glory days of some past fandom on tumblr, I can go back on my archive. On twitter? You're fucked imo.
Man, I just wanna look back at my acct to see the fanart I reblogged when some specific genshin pv came out, but it's basically impossible. It makes me wish I downloaded a lot more art/fanart in general, bcs its so hopeless atp :/
#i mean its always been like this so#but i hate it#bcs twt was honestly the best place to find art imo#like soooooo much top quality fanart and original art#AND NOW ITS JUST LOST TO TIME#yeah it exists out there#but im fucked if i cant remember specifically#and my twt download folder is a graveyard of art i had actually made the step to save#aaaghhh it just makes me upset bcs i rly love my twt account#like i reblogged a lot of good art on there. way more than on here tbh#but yeah. irs rly impossible to look back on#LIKE WHY WOULD THEY MAKE A SOCMED THATS SO IMPOSSIBLE TO NAVIGATE#grrrrr idk it makes me angry#bcs ir feels like every other socmed is almost obsessed with archiving and being able to look back#like archive on here. insta you can go back all the way on someones acct and also archive your own stuff#basically every other socmed has better search functions#and yet the one where i felt like i experienced the best content is just. impossible.#its not even an x thing. its always been like this#and honestly if elon fixed that id prob be willing to go back on twt again 😭😭😭#catie.rambling.txt
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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man i wanted so fucking bad to actually do something for my birthday this year but i work 11-5 on my birthday and 10-4 the next day so i can’t even fucking go out On my actual birthday to celebrate cuz i gotta get up at fucking 8am the next day :/ i just want one damn year where i actually get to have a fun birthday but it’s whatever i guess. it’s finally on a saturday this year too AND we found a metal show we wanted to go to but that fucking 10-4 shift the next day makes it impossible so i guess i’ll go fuck myself just like every other goddamn year
#anyone wanna send me weed money lmao (im kidding i should have weed by next week at least :/)#idk im just like……. tired of every single year being like this#nobody likes you when youre (almost) 23 or wtvr#idk. it’s not a huge deal but it’s just kind of upsetting. spent 18 throwing up and 21 and 22 with a killer migraine. so why would 23 be#anything better or anything else#idk im just like. i have a habit of acting like my feelings and what i want does not matter and im tired of doing that to myself like i’m#tired of just completely shoving myself to the side and making myself feel like shit but its like every time i try and stop doing that shit#it just completely backfired and i end up making someone uncomfortable or pissing someone off so i just like. dont try anymore and im tired#of setting myself up to be disappointed so like if i just dont expect anything out of my birthday theres no way i’ll get disappointed :)#but of course this year i start a new job right before my fucking birthday so i don’t have time to request it off so i get scheduled on my#birthday and the day after so the one. fucking. year. i wanted to actually try and go out it’s just not gonna fucking happen#im just tired of every fucking year being like this
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ok enough kondraki posting. i am once again mentally unwell to a deeply concerning degree but not to enough of a degree that im going to actually get help for it . so thats fun and cool
#i dont know how to describe it . im just apathetic . like for being alive i think#idk. our paranoia's increased tenfold lately for some reason. can barely sleep at night so thats making it worse.#but then the paraoia is the reason we cant sleep so.#its just an endless loop .:-/#honestly it. fucking sucks not being able to ''feel'' emotions. wish i knew what was wrong with me lol#im not mad. im not sad. im not upset. im just apathetic. i dont feel fucking anything and honestly i think thats the worst part of it all#like.#i cant even describe my emotions because i dont have any.#godddddd. god. what ever man#was going to make a joke like ''we should all kill ourselves'' but i feel like considering the tone that would come across more as an -#- actual genuine threat than a joke. sad. anyways#txt
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