defaultfelix

[defaultfelix]

Finished and hung up this painting today; slightly uneven spacing, but, whatever

[defaultfelix]

A graphic design image I made for a friend in 2022, using some of the same techniques from Hollow Crowns, along with symbols/imagery matched with his aesthetic. The full size is large; over 5000 x 5000 pixels... it took quite a while to finish this one, but I have a lot of fun with these sorts of collages.

Some detail shots...

(If you're interested in commissioning something like this, do feel free to reach out.)

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Something from 2019; "Pressed In Blue".

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There's a lot of stuff suggesting that the Strangers are ultimately 'proxies' of the Dimensionarians that they use to "intersect with" lower dimensions but is there an actual purpose to Strangers when it comes to the process of thoughtform consumption that the Dimensionarians engage in? Because it seems like their general 'goal'(in so much as they have one) is simply to push humanity into self-destructive obsession.

Strangers aren't quite proxies; moreso they're sort of like a reflection on the surface of the 3D reality.

The universe of Goodbye Strangers is one of infinitely cascading/collapsing dimensions, with the 3D world as the 'base' area in which interaction takes place, 4+5D as the two time dimensions, and 6+7D as the sensory dimensions. Previously I had characterized 'self' as a dimension (and had recognized only one sensory dimension), but the self's similarity to gravity led me to view it more as a force.

Dimensionarians are higher dimensional beings, but are primarily stable in the 8th, 9th, and 10th dimensions – which are "congruent" to each other, much as the three dimensions of the physical world are "congruent" to one another. So, this is why they can look like 3D entities.

So the probotaxazatonians & company aren't bound by time in 4+5D, since their base of stability is in a higher dimension. This allows them to see the VHZ future at all times, with its unreality that seems heavily connected to the dimensionarians' specific brand of entrancement/mesmerization – and although for those in the 3D world, strangers' appearance seems to predate VHZ, their generation can be seen as somewhat of a ripple/byproduct of the dimensionarians' magnetic pull.

Stranger generation also seems contingent upon the existence of psychics. As strangers are ultimately created by the 'friction' between dimensions, psychics being 'trans-dimensional' seems to draw strangers into a more concrete reality (i.e they can be interacted with in the 3D world).

Hope that clarifies things to some extent - thank you so much for the question!

[defaultfelix]

Added some more colors to this ... I like that it looks like reflections on the surface of a glossy liquid

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worked on this painting some more today; looking forward to adding further colors as well

[defaultfelix]

Something I painted after seeing The Barbie Movie in theaters; it now is hanging next to my bathroom sink. Since showering can generate a lot of steam, I added a layer of gloss to this, which protects it from humidity but makes it even more annoying to photograph than usual.. the image on the left is more accurate color-wise, though the dark parts aren't this dark in real life

[defaultfelix]

Found some old acrylic pieces from around 2018-2019; these were some of my first paintings... they're pretty small, maybe 10" wide? I've learned a lot since, but I'm still happy with them

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North Mural, and the V.H.Z. era

The timeline of Goodbye Strangers isn't strictly linear (or, rather; it's multi-dimensional), which is why the VHZ era has numerous "entry points". So, something I don't think I've mentioned is that within the world of North Mural, Default and Bracey don't escape the Red Hell Engine, and are killed by Argona and Olivia. Default is heavily experimented on by Olivia before his brain is removed (and experimented upon further), and Bracey becomes Argona's general test subject. (It's weird and a little scary to think about this, haha.)

This major jump in technology marks North Mural's entry point to the VHZ era – Default's neural tissue becomes the basis for the kaleido-rooms and other kaleido-technology, for example, whereas Argona's experiments lead to major advancements in stranger extrusion. And, this sort of 'entanglement' (with these diverging alternate pasts) is also why the V.H.Z. era is fundamentally unstable… linking it to the meta-level/cross-dimensional catastrophe of the Flood.

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Digital painting from last night, with some texture added just now... I think something like this would make a cool print

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I've been wondering just how Bracey acquires his 'dolls'.. are they caught in the wild, or delivered to him, or something like that?

The "dolls" are mostly found during urban exploration excursions. The hardest part is finding places to keep a stranger "secured"… Virgo, for example, doesn't want Bracey making drugs and generally being a deviant, hence their rivalry/antagonism to one another. (It's worth noting that when it comes to urban exploration, the presence of the strangers is helpful to indicate that there probably aren't any human beings around… sort of like the canary in the coal mine.)

A note about the word "dolls"… it has a different "weight" to it than other words. The closest comparison might be how Japanese has kanji and kana, with the former possessing a higher level of complexity than the latter; so, the word "doll"/"dolls" is like a kanji compound in a paragraph of hiragana. This extra "dimension" is what allows Default to occupy these strangers' "point of view" - since the level of attachment that Bracey has to his "dolls" gives them a level of (projected) anthropomorphic quality. Though, not all of his named strangers are "dolls"; Wet Velvet is, daydreamnation isn't. It's generally pretty intuitive to figure out which strangers fall into which category....

Thank you so much for the question!!

[defaultfelix]

Further progress on this; the dark parts are collaged paper strips... you can probably tell that I really like building up layers of texture

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Worked on this painting today; mostly finishing up some half-finished pieces that I'd set aside for a little while

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A painting I finished yesterday (aside from some minor touch-ups on the black areas).. I think this is the most colors that I've used in a single painting, I'm looking forward to hanging it up

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A short visual essay I put together in 2022 (I think), relating to the X/Y chromosome. This sort of deconstruction of concepts/principles is really enjoyable for me; I hope you enjoy it as well

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Characters, and writing

I've talked before about lifelong struggles with shyness and embarrassment when it comes to talking about my characters. Recently, though, I've been able to work past some of this, and come to terms more with the connection that I have with these fictional characters and their stories.

Something that I've finally admitted to myself more fully, is just how deeply I view Bracey as a "comfort" character, in a way that can feel very vulnerable. I really do feel a sense of warmth and love when I think about him, almost as though he was a real person. This is something I felt a lot of shame towards in the past… both since he's not "real", and because I've received some really hurtful treatment from people who did not like his inclusion in the project. It really, really messed me up that my former collaborator somehow accessed the site when it was under password protection, and wrote such a hateful callout post… after that happened, it really did leave me feeling so unsafe to express myself, and this has taken years to really come to terms with and start to recover from. But, I don't want to keep blaming myself for other people's actions and interpretations, and I don't want to beat myself for something that brings me such comfort.

So, here's some writing I did yesterday; switching between 'prose' and 'essay' sections. Semi-NSFW, but nothing explicit.

Bracey's with one of his "dolls" again, in the plywood-walled backroom he's gated off with corrugated metal over a locked chain link gate. Always the handy-man, he smirks and steps towards the bound-up stranger. "It's just you and me." It squirms against the belts that keep it tied to the drain-rig, and matte-vinyl skin bulges around tight ropes. Its mouth can't open, and its limbs can't move; but none of that matters, when he touches it, and in an instant, it goes limp, head slamming on the bars.

The dissembler runs his hands up its thighs; the flesh ripples when he can't help but give it a little squeeze. It shouldn't tickle, but it tickles – but, it doesn't tickle him. The thing it shakes up is the psychic that's drifted on through and settled right inside the empty space where the stranger's self and feelings aren't.

If Bracey knew, he'd think Default had made them all just for him.

Really, though – they're what's trapping him here.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

He's the 'fantasy ideal' – the partner with the same weird sense of humor, provider of unlimited psychedelics, and a predilection for rough sex. He provides a way to fulfill these cravings in a fantasy world; but, the ideal only exists in a fantasy, and Bracey can't exist in the real world. The drugs he provides are tied to the strangers, and the strangers are tied to the fictional world.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Bracey's been in there for an hour now; draining the raw sludge from the collection bin, and siphoning out the topmost layer of oil. There are four bottles of unfiltered psycholy already sitting on the crooked table he'd dragged in two weeks ago from a curb a few blocks away. He only has two more bottles to fill.

He taps his fingers nervously as he watches the fifth bottle fill, drop-by-drop. The high from the last joint he smoked has started to fade, and, that was his last joint. He knows he needs to stay focused. He's almost done. But all he can think is: He's not supposed to fuck them. He's not supposed to fuck them. He keeps telling himself; it won't make anything go faster. But he's just so fucking bored.

Besides, it's not like Default's here to get him off – and there's no one else around to interrupt him. It'll be fine, he thinks, as he puts the hard metal end of the siphon-hose down on the edge of the table. He has just enough time to get off, if he's quick about it; and after that, everything will go so much smoother. So he unzips his jeans, and reaches into his boxers; black, with clover print.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

It's exciting to think of him being this 'bad boy'. There's a head rush when I think about him doing these weird, pervy things with the strangers. It really wouldn't be enjoyable if they were alive, though. The strangers very specifically are not in possession of an internal experience. I'm not a sadist… and neither is Bracey. He doesn't enjoy causing pain to living things. When he roughs Default up, it's not because he wants to hurt Default. It just feels so fucking good to let go, and not have to worry about anyone but himself.

There's a parallel to the experience of playing a villainous character in a horror role-playing game. The player might occupy a character whose role is that of a serial killer, or a cannibal surgeon. But, that doesn't mean that the character reflects the player's real world motivations. The context of the world gives these characters a safety that isn't present otherwise, since the question isn't "if you could do anything, would you be bad?", but rather, "if you were a bad guy, what would you be like?"

[defaultfelix]

I went to a really killer party Friday night... it was still going when I left on Saturday evening; I painted this when I first got there, though

It was a really positive experience to meet and connect with a new group of people locally.. I can tell that I'm finally pulling out of the deep depression I've been in for the past few years, and I feel like the colors reflect that feeling, to an extent